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radgalniya · 10 months ago

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eternal sunshine review

you already knowwww. another album review.

random thoughts:

so the thing is i didn’t have high hopes for this, bc i hated sweetener and people were saying this was like a part 2. and shitting on positions, my favorite ari album, to compare this one. so i’m like i’m gonna hate this. but i am actually so excited bc i like it. i finally have new music to be obsessed w rather than relistening to the same songs over and over.

also just bc i like the album, don’t mean i’m like a homewrecker stan. she gotta chill.

she should’ve kept the red themed cover like i get the message of the new one but it just doesn’t hit the same.

anyways bc i’m a psycopath, i listened out of order bc that’s the only way i can properly listen idk y.

also i love that there’s no musical features

anyways to the review:

intro(end of the world):

it’s a cute lil intro. my everything vibes. 6/10. probably won’t relisten to this one much. but i love how she’s being so honest on this album bc i’m a nosey ass bitch. love when ppl air out their business. more more!

bye:

modern disco viiibes. upbeat. very dancey. but also lyrically it’s very idk not melancholy but like kind of sadish i like that. 7/10. the song is really not my personal taste but it’s really good still.

don’t wanna break up again:

naur he turned up the tv when he heard her crying throw that man in the trash!!! i like this one. i like the melody and lyrics and the chorus is my favorite part of the song. i wish the production was a little more melodic. it only does it for me during the chorus tbh. but i like this song. 8/10 “but i just can’t refuse” in the chorus sounds like the “im finding ways to stay concentrated on what i gotta do” in die for you by the weeknd.

saturn returns interlude:

idk man some woman talking what do you want me to say. isn’t it weird that this is the only track with capital letters tho?

eternal sunshine:

i really hate trap beats tbh. but ik it’s like ari’s signature now. but ick. it’s a bop tho for sure. but not really my taste. i only really like it bc the lyrics. i just love ppl telling their business y’all i’m not kidding. 7/10

supernatural:

AHHHHHH BITCHCHHHH YESSSS THIS IS WTF i’m TALKIN ABOUT THIS IS POP BITCH YESSS 100000/10 i love the modern 80s pop vibe and the chorus is so perfect w/ the beat. it just rides man i love this song. i’d love this album JUST for this song.

true story:

so 90s love it. very aaliyah beat. i love a good 90s r&b moment so ofc this is an automatic like even if the chorus isn’t that catchy. idk ig i just feel like pop should have catchy melodies and/or an infectious beat. y’know? also she ate w/ the belting at the end. 8/10

the boy is mine:

YASSSSSSS. again we know i love a 90s vibe. the slowdown right before the chorus is insaane. and the choral style harmonies on the “is” of the boy is mine scratches something in my brain as well as the “gotta be a reason why” robotic voice thing. this is so catchy. this is totally a fantasize vibe. so good. 10/10

yes and?:

i dont have it in me to keep defending this song from u vultures. AND i wish she put the mariah carey version on the album too 8/10 and no i will not be explaining myself further y’all are gonna make me cry.

we can’t be friends (wait for your love):

feel i’m getting an 80s vibe again. i like it. i’m loving the upbeat music, sadish vibe lyrics thing going on in this album. i like the vibe of this song a lot. i do wish something in here was more catchy. but i like it. it’s so soft and wistful almost. that’s probably why i’ll relisten. conjure up some interesting maladaptive daydreams w/ this one. 7/10 edit: i watched the video now i like it more. 8/10 lol

i wish i hated you:

it’s very vulnerable. again i’m nosey so i like that. but the song is eh for me. i don’t think this is a song i’d listen to for the music but more for the vibe. 6/10

imperfect for you:

i looooove it. a little weird melodically but i love it. just scratches something in my brain it’s so good. so catchy. 10/10

ordinary things:

it’s good. not one of my favorites but the more i listen, the more i like it. i love the way she pronounces ordinary in here lol. 7/10

okay that’s all really

p.s. i feel like why try from my everything would fit in here idk. this album feels like a perfect combination of all of her others, it’s so weird how that works out. i love it tho. pleasantly surprised!!

#chronicles of niya #music #ariana grande #eternal sunshine #album review

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jentlemahae · 2 years ago

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No bc her haters act so weird around her. And not even just them. A "fan" I followed disliked how pop Midnights was and made a whole post like "What did I expect from a rich straight white woman, she's so artistically corrupt and a sell out, a tool of capitalism". Like ok calm down. But to wish her that horrible fate (I can't even say it) is on another level and if there is rage like that in someone's heart towards a person that basically just puts out music for her fans, I think that that someone should seriously do some introspection, maybe take a break from the internet, something like that. Taylor is flawed, but she's not a dictator or a predator or a murderer. She's just a real complicated person. A real person, which I feel should be underlined. I can't even wrap my head around wishing that upon someone like her.

yes yes !!! at the end of the day even if you dont like her music or her as a person, what has she done towards u to warrant that amount of hate .. all she does is release music and her mvs, it’s not like she’s some horrible criminal or whatever ?? yes she is flawed but that is normal bcs she is just a person, flaws and all ….. imo ppl who have that amount of hate towards are either a) idiots who believe everything they read on sns, or b) idiots who project onto her and hate her to let out their frustrations which…..pls go see a therapist

and i know omg literally no one can be normal about her, not even fans 😶 ive seen ppl on twt being genuinely hateful towards her just bcs they disliked midnights and/or bcs it wasn’t like ehat they imagined ? so many fans are so entitled towards her, it’s crazy

#anonymous #sophie ask

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wickymicky · 3 years ago

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i think its funny when people who i argue with on the internet are like “how are you an anarchist if you listen to kpop...” or whatever lol. like yeah, the kpop industry is shitty and it’s extremely capitalist and exploitative. that’s true of every industry. but music is just music lol, and performers are just performers. do you think pop music and fun dances would stop existing without capitalism? do you think korean people would stop making fun songs? if anything, kpop, and all forms of art, would be so much better without capitalism lol. it would spark a golden age of people making whatever they want because they can, and their livelihoods werent relying on it. people could just be creative for the sake of being creative. have fun for the sake of having fun. it’d be so much more genuine. i dont think it’s a contradiction to listen to music or admire the hard work and talent of performers while also hating how exploited those performers are. i think if you dont hate how exploited they are, you’re a bad fan, and i don’t think you should be a fan of kpop without hating that. idk lol

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misterbitches · 4 years ago

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i wish more than anything he could have had this. i love you man

i really fucking do

my love for nirvana and immense respect for kurt isn't something i ever expected. after being a huge fan of jonghyun too as a musician, a person who had things to say, a human being. the people around him. i fucking hate that kurt is gone and i was like...2. i got into hole when i was like 25 really heavily and refused to listen to nirvana. didnt' care about these white boys. but there's a reason why people love this band and why they loved kurt. i get mad sometimes at his death—selfishness—and then i make jokes to deal and cope. we all do with everything. it's just that and this is from a cis person...but i know so many trans people or people on the gender spectrum who have read his journals see him as someone struggling with gender. and after years of thinking and becoming such a huge fan i think that was honestly the truth. i think at this point we're all pretty sure he was gender queer or struggling with identity.

his aversion for oppression, his stand with the marginalized, not accepting racism, homophobia, transphobia BECAUSE THAT IS THE HEART OF DIY (spurred by my black people cos ofc it is and we do everything) and i wish that he could have beeen better.

to me it seems like his pain with his crohns (or wahtever he had) lead to his intense struggle with drugs because that's pretty common when needing pain management. on top of that, his family's history of MI. on top of that, his life being hounded and not being prepared for it (this i think is the idea of white privilege at work and wasn't naive of him necessarily, but...it's just something he thought wouldnt happen to him. that's whiteness at work as who they were as a diy fucking anti pop anti capital punk band. sonic youth said 'we didnt sell out, we made them buy in') and his rship with courtney. he said without court he might be gay or bi.

i won't read his journals, it's too fucking much for me and i dont feel allowed or maybe i will when i can handle it, but i know reading about them and him and hearing the way he changed his songs and his abhorrence for bravado, for men that talk about women as disposable and sex objects, for not being able to enjoy a punk band, for the whiteness and maleness. krist novoselic was a 6'7 fucking bassist and dave grohl is a sizeable dude with hideous tattoos. back then, no one said a fucking bad thing about them. come as you are.

we know that suicide is a state we get into. when you go to a psych ward you see that it's actually calm and an ebb/flow. it is extremely fucking boring. the thing is we don't know if these feelings last forever. we can't go back and time and history cannot change. it was his decision, like jonghyun's, to end his life. but i know there could have been longer. if they got help. i try not to resent courtney especially not now with people being irresponsible and unearthing the FBI report on him. he killed himself but it was definitely emotionally sparred by her and she should have told people what happened weeks before his death.

but no one failed him per se. his suicide note is full of hope and it kills me to see. he should have been able to be whoever he wanted. been a son, been a daughter, been anything.

whenever i hear the changed lyrics or see him in a dress or hear distress i dont know. i wish we didnt lose him but i also know that no one wants to go back to that time. it wasn't necessarily great but it wasn't all bad. and i wish commodity didn't destroy legacy. i wish we werent's so obsessed with the death and gore instead of the liveliness and hilarity of this band and of kurt. and i wish we could talk about him more and the idea that maybe there's so much going on with it; i have many critiques for things they have done, things kurt has done as well.

i'm talking in circles but i genuinely just get bummed. every day he is still dead. but this dude man......i love him a lot. i'm so glad nirvana gave what they did to the world. getting to know kurt so long after the fact is fucking hard sometimes. it is frustrating. but focusing on the positives too or trying to understand another perspective has given me a lot of insight. and i always try and remember that it wasn't just one thing, that nirvana were a band, it wasn't just him, and he could have been better but it just didn't work out that way. it's not solely about his internal pain and the narrative of a tortured artist is suffocating.

he wanted to be a star, make this insane pop song, and when he got it he didnt realize it became everything he hated. he was already struggling and all this shit hit a point. i have mad respect for them still. dave grohl said billie eilish is the kurt of her gen (about 2 yrs ago) and that drives me up a wall for various reasons. antiblackness and class. fuck that. these dudes were poor as fuck trucking it through washington with other bands and the basis is blacness and black art they were trying to fight and make it and give a shit man. it didnt turn out the way they could handle but they were not PRIMIING themselvs for musical stardom. no artist who cares would do that. but if you get the recognition you want because who doesn't, it comes at a price too.

this is why i critique commodity and capital so intensely. i participate, and i will have to as an artist. i don't have a desire to be poor because i've lived a life that gave me space to see what i want to do. i have class privilege (and a lot of debt) and i am grateful. but it isnt like i dont want peopl eto know. it's just that i know that i can't give in and accept and demand nothing and then decide to hoard it to myself. taht money that goes in funnels out and is not for me to keep. there is no trickling down. dont paly yrself.

artists like kurt and in a sense like MF Doom (rapper who only came out to be seen when he wanted to) or DMX even it's like....man u came out fucking fighting to be heard you know. do your thing. make your shit. be amazing. esp black people. DMX had a fucking face for a camera. hopefully i'm gonna watch belly at my best friend's house on the 28th.

i wish everyone who deserves to stay can stay until their body releases them in the most pleasant way as possible. jessica walter's death made me sad, but she was older and i'm so happy she got to live. same with cicely tyson. at the same time, the young deaths over drugs, suicide, accidents....id on't really get it. why is kissinger alive but these people can't stay? how did this come a somber tale of death instead of just i fucking love kurt cobain lmao

he's def one of those ppl that im like u rock. him, robeson, seberg to an extent. hm who else. wong kar wai, jenkins, joe (thai filmmaker whose name i cant spell.) all those people who are running forward on their own and beating their chest. yea i like that. an award is just another award. what matters is possibility and action.

RATHER BE DEAD THAN COOL

#a thot

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nicomrade · 4 years ago

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hi op here's one of my fav emojis: ✨

some thoughts on your fav stupeflip album?

😭 you have NO idea what uve started im not even sure i have a Fave (i do its the hypnoflip invasion but also i dont) and stup makes me analyze media for hours.... OH an interesting thing about THI is uh ok so ... julien barthélémy plays king ju and pop hip and in stupeflip (2003) we learn that king ju died in a bicycle accident

and in THI pop hip gets shot and dies (and then in stup virus we hear him sing from stup hell, implying he might also get brought back to life) and like of course i love the death theme im obsessed w the death themes and i love undead type characters and having those two characters played by the same guy both be dead is very.... its Interesting.. its Juicy... u know.. its really.... mm.. the parallels thinking about them. AND pop hip's death gets sort of foreshadowed w him jumping in songs hes not invited in and attacked by dogs n shit... sort of reminding u that everyone fucking hates the guy and he either doesnt realize or doesnt care.. OH ALSO pop hip dies partway through but the last song on the album before the interlude + outro is a pop hip song so like maleboss behavior ♥ really stole the show

OH ALSO FROM THI in la menuiserie uve got

which... omg amuro in stupeflip crossover cant believe it amuro detective conan is stup coded i have to stan him now 🙈

le spleen des petits is one of the two childhood trauma stup songs (imo, all of stup is childhood trauma music but le spleen des petits + l'enfant fou especially touch on it) and its got some really graceful writing i wont screenshot it here but i absolutely encourage lookin it up n reading along cause its so.. its so !!!! it sets a mood sooo effectively like calling it poetry is dumb cause its... a song. but u genuinely have really good storytelling and a motif w citrus fruits and thats true of most stup songs i adore their lyric writing but le spleen des petits is especially vivid w it weve got 2 fujiluppy songs in THI w gem lé moch' and le coeur qui cogne but i dont wanna... go on about them they just get an honorable mention for being fujilup instead u know what song i think about way too often... ce petit blouson en daim. this ones about compulsive buying? like the song is basically just pop hip seeing stuff he likes in stores and thinking about the 1 item for weeks convinced itll cure his depression to have it until he buys it and then he moves on to the next thing. and the last verse has him have that thought pattern about a woman instead and it idk. its already so very clearly unhealthy when its about clothes n shit (because the cycle continues, u know the jacket didnt actually cure his depression) so when its turned around to objectifying women its like. he thinks this girl will fix all his problems and we know it wont and its pointless and at this point its straight up off-putting hes literally objectifying her and its just ... wow pop hip u have issues and i hate you im glad u die 5 tracks later... AND its a fujiko song because of course it is ♥

i keep trying to type more but tumblr censors me... honorable mention to apocalypse 894 for being top 3 fave stup songs, sinode pibouin for being explicitly against capitalism/right wingers/the gov and stupeflip vite for being the absolute banger it is.... it has lyrics that hashtag hurt me in it but i wont point them out cause itd be revealing a bit too much about myself

wait nvmd its been so long since ive listened to région est its got me emotional i used to listen to it A LOT for reasons i again wont specify... im so in love w all the stup outros genuinely theyre all REALLY GOOD strange traps (terrora!!'s outro) might be my fave but god région est is immaculate stup outro is a genre in itself i wish there was more of them

IN CONCLUSION: le crayon titi..... the real conclusion is i typed in english about a band that writes in french but theres like crumbs of english lyrics in their songs so u have no excuse and listen to stupeflip now !!!!!!!

#ask #roublardise #it is now... past 11pm i will go to sleep #I GOT MORE asks im so ..... thank u everyone i will answer them either tomorrow or next time i need hashtagged distractions #which might also be tomorrow ^-^

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katsukis-sad-angel · 4 years ago

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"get to know me uncomfortably well" 1-100 minus whatever questions you dont want to answer :D

ahem (original post)

1. What is your middle name? Therese Hildegard (yes i have two)

2. How old are you? 19

3. When is your birthday? May 22

4. What is your zodiac sign? The most introverted Gemini you can find

5. What is your favorite color? Purple

6. What’s your lucky number? 18

7. Do you have any pets? 2 beautiful rabbits named Asphodel and Genisys

8. Where are you from? NE Ohio

9. How tall are you? just about 5′5″

10. What shoe size are you? *sniffle* size 10, but my doc martins are size 11

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? 4

12. What was your last dream about? all i remember is the guy i like holding out his arms to me for a hug, but before i could jump into his arms i woke up :(

13. What talents do you have? I’m a percussionist so I hit things to make pretty sounds and i guess i’m pretty good at writing

14. Are you psychic in any way? no, why?

15. Favorite song? Fiending by Broken Transmitter and Just One Yesterday by Fall Out Boy at the moment

16. Favorite movie? ummmm gotta be big hero 6

17. Who would be your ideal partner? tall, dark, and handsome, a little muscular, not too much tho, at least a little taller than me who gives good hugs

18. Do you want children? yes

19. Do you want a church wedding? yes

20. Are you religious? yes

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? i had a seizure when i was 4. haven’t been there since

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? i mean i’ve broken laws but i’ve never been caught

23. Have you ever met any celebrities? CLIFFORD CHAPIN!!!!! MY LORD AND SAVIOR!!!

24. Baths or showers? both, first a bath to relax and then shower to actually get clean

25. What color socks are you wearing? none

26. Have you ever been famous? would you call 800+ followers famous?

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? absolutely not

28. What type of music do you like? rock, the occasional j-pop, songs with a lot of bass i guess

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? HAH no

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? 2

31. What position do you usually sleep in? i fall asleep staring at the ceiling and wake up on my face

32. How big is your house? large enough for 6 kids, 2 parents, 2 rabbits, and the ghosts of 2 cats and 2 dogs

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? something dad makes or a parfait from school

34. Have you ever fired a gun? nope

35. Have you ever tried archery? yep

36. Favorite clean word? rats

37. Favorite swear word? piss baby

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? in all 19 years of my existence, i have never once pulled an all-nighter. my body will just shut off, it doesn’t matter how much caffeine i drink

39. Do you have any scars? me and my curling iron have a love-hate relationship if you will

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? lmao

41. Are you a good liar? it depends, but usually yes

42. Are you a good judge of character? no. i’m way too trusting and give everyone the benefit of the doubt even when SEVERAL people tell me so and so is a bad person and i usually end up getting hurt because of it aha

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? i can talk like gordon ramsay if requested

44. Do you have a strong accent? i live in ohio. no.

45. What is your favorite accent? gordon ramsay

46. What is your personality type? an introvert who will fight you if provoked

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? something stupidly overpriced from hot topic probably

48. Can you curl your tongue? yes

49. Are you an innie or an outie? innie

50. Left or right handed? right handed

51. Are you scared of spiders? no but if i see one i will smack it with a shoe

52. Favorite food? pork ribs

53. Favorite foreign food? chinese food

54. Are you a clean or messy person? clean

55. Most used phrase? “so... there’s this guy...”

56. Most used word? “rats” as a derogatory term or otherwise

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? 30 minutes max

58. Do you have much of an ego? i try not to

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? bite. i dont want something in my mouth for that long

60. Do you talk to yourself? all the time

61. Do you sing to yourself? yes

62. Are you a good singer? i mean, i’m not necessarily bad

63. Biggest Fear? people that are upset with me and i don’t know why, hospitals, blood and other bodily fluids, dead things

64. Are you a gossip? yes

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? i watch anime, fool

66. Do you like long or short hair? on my men, as long as it’s not super long and nasty we’re good... women? i don’t care

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? yes. i have every animaniacs song memorized so, not to flex, but i can name all 50 states AND their capitals in SONG form

68. Favorite school subject? history

69. Extrovert or Introvert? introvert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? no but it sounds fun

71. What makes you nervous? not knowing where i am, deadlines, a teacher saying “i’m letting you form your own groups for a project this time and no you can’t work by yourself”

72. Are you scared of the dark? yes

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? as nicely as possible

74. Are you ticklish? yes

75. Have you ever started a rumor? nothing major but yes

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? no

77. Have you ever drank underage? my dad let me suck on his empty beer bottle when i was a baby and my grandpa gave me a little champagne on new years when i was 14 so maybe

78. Have you ever done drugs? no

79. Who was your first real crush? his name was mateo and he was perfect in every possible way...

80. How many piercings do you have? 4

81. Can you roll your Rs? yes

82. How fast can you type? pretty dang fast

83. How fast can you run? i can outrun all 3 of my brothers if that’s what you’re asking

84. What color is your hair? chestnut brown

85. What color are your eyes? dark brown

86. What are you allergic to? THOTS jk i’m not allergic to anything

87. Do you keep a journal? yes

88. What do your parents do? my mom is an independent web designer and my dad sells cars for ford

89. Do you like your age? i don’t have an issue with it

90. What makes you angry? stupid people, particularly stupid females, people in general, cuphead

91. Do you like your own name? no. ‘cass’ is just an alias... i wish it wasn’t

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? girls: Cassandra, Adrianne boys: Mateo, Levi, Atilio

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? i don’t have a preference

94. What are your strengths? listening, organization, colorful insult creation, art maybe

95. What are your weaknesses? food

96. How did you get your name? annabella was an option but it was also the name of my dad’s bosses dog, sophia was an option too but mom didn’t like it over my actual name sooo

97. Were your ancestors royalty? nah we were italian farmers that fucked around in syria for awhile

98. What nationalities are you? mostly italian but lets see i’m also irish, syrian, czechoslovakian, and a sprinkle of french

99. Color of your bedspread? cheetah print

100. Color of your room? gray

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littleclover · 4 years ago

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I hate when people are like "e-kids aren't alt" and stuff like that. Just because they are starting to be everywhere when that also happened in the sudden scene/emo boom in the 90s-00s. A lot of them are, and if course in every kind of group there are posers, but most of them generally like alt music. And sad boy rap and grime maybe mainstream and stuff, along with mass production of alt esk fashion, but thats not e-kids fault. Most of them go thrifting, most of them care about the same core values as alt do, and most of them actually listen to alt music genres.

At first it is really easy to blame people like Billie Eilish and other rising artists for "causing people to think they are edgy". But when you actually look at Billie's fans they are full of just plain basic normie girls. (On a tangent, I don't really like her music because it doesn't feel like it has emotions to it even tho her entire brand kinda rides on her emotions, listening to it it just feels really grey, the only thing that makes me interested is the instrumental which her brother does) Billie's stans don't even seem to care about what she has to say, so people like her dont actually have a part in the e-kid up rising.

I think the main place where it happens is tiktok, it seems everyone just has the same exact look down to thoes hella expensive Demonia boots on there. And its not surprising, the scene and emo rise came from sites such as myspace and stickam. The swag culture from the 2010s came from facebook, vine and all the social medias that began popping up at the time. And now we have the e-kids, its just a cycle and there is nothing wrong with it exept for one thing.

Capitalism is the idea of a private market for profits. This system depends on public interest to work. For example if a group of people decided they all wanted orange soda, then there is a market for it, and would then be potentially profitable. Now the market for alt is opened when e-kids began gaining traction. Sites like dollskill and fashionnova are key examples of this, not only are they scams, but they also fool gullible young e-babies into buying from them as they appear top tier. Its not the e-kids fault this is happening, its good to educate them, but harassment towards e-kids for just being them is not the point of alt at all.

Anyways heres a pic of me with hime bangs (theres a bit of hair in my face by accident lul)

#alt #alternative #emocore #scenecore #e girl #e boy #fashion nova #dolls kill #capitalist hell #tiktok #billie eilish #swagger #swagcore #rant #self

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no1trash2003 · 4 years ago

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Identity crisis 🧚‍♀️🧚‍♂️🧚‍♀️🧚‍♂️

It's late at night so its 🧚‍♂️crisis time🧚‍♂️. If you want to skip this is going to be a convoluted gender identity post.

I think before getting into this I should info dump about my history with gender identity as a preteen:

I've always been somewhat uncomfortable with being referred to as a female. Other than a brief few years of hyper femininity as a very young child, I've always rejected the idea of being referred to as feminine in any way. Things I've assosiated with femininity i rejected, regardless of how much I liked them if at all. As a teen I'd later say this was a rejection of femininity as a weakness, as it is commonly portrayed in pop culture. In order to be strong I must reject femininity. This is probably still true to some extent but the fact remains I've always been uncomfortable with femininity and, to this day, prefer tomboy looks.

This also manifested in a strong distaste for being referred to as gendered terms. Of course I was only ever referred to as female. It always has made me incredibly uncomfortable. I used to day dream about calling myself he in my head and imagine how nice life would be had I been born with the superior genitalia (at least it was in my adolescent eyes).

I both longed for and hated a large chest, which I eventually got. And hated. Dont get me wrong I like the look of it somewhat now. But I'd prefer if it was... flat. Maybe I could arrange to rent it out? I'd like the look of them on others I'm sure.

When I reached puberty my nebulous relationship with all things LGBTQ+ began.

Of course, being a teen without acess to the internet I'd only ever heard of lgbt through word of mouth and vuage comments about crossdressers. When sexuality became a prime topic of discussion among my peers I was keen to label myself- and after analysing a common distaste for most people around me with the exception of a small select few, labelled myself a bisexual. While I've doubted this at many points I believe it still holds true today. I got a few odd questions, but I was used to being different due to my learning disability and odd disposition, so I wasnt too put off by a little bullying.

I did, however, finally get internet acess. And this, unfortunately, did not help.

As I got a clearer and clearer image of what a woman was supposed to be, I found myself more and more unable to connect with it. I didnt appritate clothes in the same way as my peers, nor makeup, music or fandom. I only really showed interest in those things to make my friends happy and spend time with them- they enjoyed it and I enjoyed their company. But this did lead to me scouring through multiple gender identity quizzes, coming to the conclusion I had some unresolved attention seeking issues, and suppressing it for the foreseeable future.

Eventually, I gained a political interest. For some reason I couldnt quite understand, I was drawn to the politics of trans identity. Of course at this point I was still firmly in the binary, being a transmed. I was overly interested in the politics of it all, at one point being briefly pulled into some more conservative media. It made me uncomfortable to listen to, and I thought that most things were uncomfortable to listen to so it was probably right.

It was at this point my friend came out as non binary.

I wanted to be supportive. I was their friend, and it was my duty as such to help them figure out themselves. I got some shit off my goth friend for using their preferred pronouns at the time, even when referring to them, as well as their new name rather than their dead name. But overall it went quite well. At the same time, though I hid it, their non binary gender made me somewhat uncomfortable. I think, looking back, that openness and bravery intimidated me. They could admit things to the world that I couldnt even admit to myself.

Later they would come out as a he. I made a gender fluid friend- who was unfortunately a pathological liar, not really helping my binary view of the world. I respected their pronouns whenever they asked me to change them of course, but again I was uncomfortable with their bravery.

At this point I rejected any gender nonconformity I may have shown, and kept myself firmly in the window of a mildly unfeminine women.

And then, I was plunged into leftist ideologies.

This is the point where I decided to go for gender abolishment as something I'd support- through finding creators like contrapoints, and lots of non binary creators who were very eager to explain it all to me in a way that wasnt ripped out of the sour lips of a terf. My interest in politics, the role of gender in society as a concept, its role in capitalism, made me reject it. I still firmly identified myself as a woman, despite the massive discomfort about my female sex characteristics, and being referred to as such.

But I suppose, through accepting others I was forced to analyse myself more closely. Yes, I'd grown attached to many feminine things. Yes, I'd grown attached to many masculine things. Yes, I'd love- AND I MEAN LOVE- to look like a full on boy- to be recognised as such also.

But why would that make me anything less than female? Surely, I could just be a masculine woman. Gender roles after all mean nothing in reality.

And yet, does my love for makeup, and the occasional dress, discount other identities completely? Cisgender men could like all those things for gods sake! And so could masc presenting non binary people, and trans men, and anyone else for that matter! Why would those things have any bearing on my gender identity?

I know I hate how I present at the moment. But unfortunately that's all I know. I'm a coward i guess- I dont know what to do or how to do it. I don't have the bravery to come out and say I'm this or that or anything other then female. I dont have the courage to get more stares in the street than I normally do or explain this to my school. I don't have the balls of steal to let anyone see me as anything other than a cis woman in real life. I dont know what or who I am.

I do know I dont like being referred to as female pronouns. I know I dont identify with femininity in the same way as cisgender women seem to do. I know being called anything feminine makes me cringe. I know I hate my breasts and my hips and my thighs and my vagina. I know I hate not looking masculine. I know I hate my fucking name.

So I dont know what I am. But a lot of things seem to be pointing towards not female.

#idenity #gender questioning #lgbtq #lgbtqa #identity crisis #trans #afab #afab dysphoria

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gayregis · 5 years ago

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im at that stage of fatigue from the day where i’m so tired the fanfiction is writing itself in my mind theough dialogue but i’m too insanely tired to sit down and write it all out and i work a shift in the morning too so i dont even have time ... so ill forget everything come morning

[[MORE]]

psych, ima try to outline it rn

this is after a little sacrifice and also after season of storms and takes place in cidaris (im not clear on if kerack is the capital so season of storms dealt with the proper king of cidaris or if it was just a local kingship but im hcing that cidaris is also a capital city as well as the region/nation).

this is geralt and dandelion going to the grape festival mentioned in a little sacrifice btw

main goal for this is to basically give dandelion more depth and address his identity issues and backstory and just how his character is in general

valdo marx (as far as i am headcanoning in terms of appearance right now) is of course , also a twink and they have similar builds but valdo isnt as skinny as dandelion because he has access to three full meals every day. he has dark brown hair and green eyes, and i might give him the same hair and beard as dandelion from tw3 just to spite cdpr. he used to sport green/purple doublets as an independent artist, but now as the reaident troubadour of cidaris, he’s adopted their emblatic colors (blue and white) and wears a doublet with a sash of these colors. he doesn’t have poofy sleeves, instead he has these ruffs and like... bellbottom sleeves. also this method of embellishing clothes that i learned from a glamour video (it’s @ 4:30ish) called slashing is applicable to his outfits. i think he veers away from tights unlike dandelion, so he wears more breeches than anything. he doesn’t have detailed embroidery like dandelion, but rather patterned/quilted areas with silver and some small pearls added for decoration in these sections as well.

so geralt and valdo have to be placed together somehow in a conversation. basically he wants to #expose dandelion for being a fraud... but he’s not doing it out of Pure Evil, he’s (vaguely) kind of like the lodge of sorceresses in which it’s like, he is only wanting things to be done his way because really he thinks it’s the best way to do things. he’s really a victim of academia, he would be someone that supports the fact that instruments are like $1,000 each.

basically he and dandelion were classmates at oxenfurt and at first hit it off very well and shared notes and thoughts and sexual partners and all was splendid. but they got competitive and valdo HATES that dandelion does NOT come from a family known for music or any kind of art. basically dandelion is a novus homo, but in the world of music, and valdo comes from an established family which has been musically inclined for generations. he feels that ppl like dandelion just wanna go to oxenfurt for shits and giggles and dont take this opportunity seriously because theyre too blinded by their own arrogance to actually learn anything. and he may be right in regards to a lot of other children of wealthy noble families that attend oxenfurt. but dandelion’s case was different and this he does not like to admit. also he hates how dandelion is... inclined to... a life of debauchery... because he feels he perpetuates stereotypes of artists being good for nothing penniless drunkards and lechers, and makes it harder for Real Professionals from Actual Lineage to get a job. also he has a disdain for how dandelion really wanted to travel and admired the “musicians of the world” that never attended some fancy college, and again valdo sees this as him not appreciating the opportunity he was given, because all you ever need to interact with is this little 1 mile by 1 mile square of oxenfurt, and not even the whole city, just the college. also when valdo tells all this to geralt he goes give him a judgemental up and down look like... “julian loves meeting, writing about, and... ahem... fraternizing with... all kinds of ... people.” (he was gonna say “trash,” but geralt has swords and cats eyes, so valdo swallowed that last word). ALSO ALSO valdo thinks dandelion is further destroying the sanctity of academic places like oxenfurt by training good for nothings from other nobody families, like essi daven, who was actually from a noble family but one not too rich because it was kind of distant from the ruling family. and since she threw a fit they let her do her own thing instead of marrying her off.

also valdo is like “julian— ahem, ... ‘dandelion,’ as you know him... i don’t know why he uses that absurd little nickname,” because he just finds the idea of a pseudonym stupid (since hes from a famous musical family of course he wants to highlight his lineage). and again he dislikes how dandelion is Corrupting Others by not only mentoring essi at oxenfurt, but training her in an “unorthodox fashion,” ie they just duet and talk shit about random stuff and he advises her weird things like “get a cool fake name so all the girls have something to scream as you go on stage”

as they interact with each other, valdo and dandelion actually are kind of opposite of dandelion and essi. they dont throw ANY snide remarks and keep it all under wraps with just pleased smiles and then as soon as theyre out of earshot (a long way for bards) theyre like “i am going to take the replacement strings of my lute and choke the lights out of that tone-deaf idiot” ... geralt is like 😳 to see aggression in dandelion and hes a bit intimidated at first but then is like Bro Are you Fucking Okay ????? Because its so unnatural for dandelion to be Actually Upset about something and not be ok within half a day

scene where dandelion is staring at the mirror and geralt is like you have been staring at the mirror for a long time, even by your standards... dandelion is like “i have to change something... geralt, look at me. look at me. (says it again bc geralt didnt look up the first time). if you could change one thing about my face, what would it be?” and geralts obviously like “nothing.” and dandelions like dont be fucking difficult just tell me i need to know i need your opinion and geralt is like that IS my opinion i sincerely like your face the way it is. something something blah blah blah tenderness geralt says smth like dandelion you have a lot of loyal fans okay...... and hes trying to refer to himself but he doesnt wanna say it aloud

i think something about dandelion talking about who he was (basically referring to “julian” in the 3rd person) and just very uncharacteristically self-loathing but them he pops back into his little arrogant self ... basically he covers that everyone Fucking Laughed at him for wanting to sing but he did it and now he’s the best and also, sexy. in this whole scene (same scene as last bullet point) he is also saying that he needs to “prove himself” and geralt is just like What More Can You Do, You Are Literally Famous... but dandelion is just pensive about it

also he says something like “theres two versions of me... julian with a dream who nobody knows, and dandelion who’s famous and loved.” and geralts like “theres three.” “three?” “there’s also dandelion, the one i know, who, it doesn’t matter if he’s famous or what, because i just like him and enjoy his company.” BECAUSE i dont know how not to be blunt and not hit my readers over the head with what i wanted to get across. geralt is a blunt man however so i think its acceptable to do this

basically this fic is “dandelion can have little a OOCness for character development”

tbh its not too ooc (hopefully) bc hes not like downright depressed, hes just pensive, like he is when hes trying to think of a good title or rhymes and nothing is working. nothing is working! hes frustrated!!!

i have nooooo idea how to resolve this conflict ive introduced. i think valdo and dandelion have to sing a duet together and it is like skating on thin ice with sharks underneath . MAYBE valdo gets possessed by,, something? not a demon bc IVE HAD ENOUGH GOETIA AFTER SEASON OF STORMS but you know An Entity, and dandelion is like wow this is an improvement!! and geralts like no it isnt, now i have to exorcise this fucker

also throughout this i think that the king and queen of cidaris (maintaining that kerack isnt the capital and is just another kingship within the nation) looooveveeveveeee dandelion and his presence and are like oh dandelion you are always welcome in our court :) which also totally pisses valdo off because its like dandelion came into his work/home and fucked both of his bosses and is trying to steal their loyalty through Sexual Appeal. which. may ring true. but dandelion does stuff for fun and not for manipulation soooo valdo is a little wrong in thinking dandelion is manipulating them. and this also adds to valdos resentment of dandelion for being so promiscuous and also writing about his love affairs bc he feels it detracts from The Art...

basically this fic is also me telling academia and ppl who feel art should be limited to a certain crowd to go stuff it cause no one cares and creativity and learning is only human of anyone. also an excuse to give dandelion character depth and also an excuse to break how geralt is always the gloomy one and dandelion has to cheer him up, i think though they do have their strong personalities, relationships should ideally go both ways in terms of emotional support so it shows geralt has the capacity to support a dandelion with festering anger and personal identity problems. also a way for geralt to learn a little abt dandelions backstory without learning/spoiling the fact that hes a v*scount and actually noble and wealthy (they just refer to his family as being wealthy enough to pay for oxenfurt which is significant but not astounding)

#thoughts #dandelion #gerlion

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uiruu · 6 years ago

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i realize im a huge pile of contradictions

i hate money and capitalism and yet my brain spends almost all day thinking about pop culture media i like

a lot of the music i listen to and things i am interested in make a lot of people rich. i realize this is a contradiction.

i dont really have a point to make here... just that... i guess its important to realize that this is kind of just how things are in the world right now, and i think that art is worth consuming even if we live in capitalism. getting rid of capitalism would allow a lot of art to flourish even more, so liking it now isn’t a bad thing in my opinion.

but its not the art aspect that is a contradiction, its the marketing and the distribution and the profit and the way that the artists dont see very much of that profit and all these kinds of things

and i know, i know, i know. i know that i’m a leftist and this shit is infuriating. nevertheless, i am interested in this stuff anyway, and i’ve even been getting into some korean groups recently, despite everything i know about the kpop industry. this is a contradiction. and that’s just.... how i am. i dont have to rationalize everything about myself nor can i. nor can anyone. we all have contradictions and double standards and hypocritical opinions. nobody’s perfect, nobody’s got completely amazingly 100% ethical praxis, especially when it comes to the things they enjoy in their downtime. in an ideal world, the things we enjoy wouldnt be tied to these capitalist things we hate, but... in any case, i’m anti-capitalist and i will definitely buy the new pokemon game if and when i can. and i know these things are contradictory... but... that’s life, i guess.

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frankensteindotpdf · 6 years ago

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TGWDLM and Love

Okayyyy so I was supposed to write an assignment on how a romantic movie expresses love and I asked my prof if I could write about tgwdlm instead and he said yes?? Bless him so anyway I made wayyyy too many notes for a 500-600 word assignment lmao so I felt like i might as well post em here… this is a compilation of every time Paul and Emma interact pretty much lol its hella long (im not kidding it’s like 7 pages rip) so under the cut :)

finally done, @isaidsinggoddammit!!

Sidenote: There’s very mixed capitalization as my brain flipped between tumblr mode and assignment mode so excuse that lmao)

Coffee Shop Part 1

Tips well to impress her

Listens to her vent-she already feels comfy enough to rant to him or, alternatively, she’s just a really open person (but shhh she has to trust him to some extent)

Insults others he doesnt know too well but he knows she doesnt like, again to impress

Tries to act indifferent towards everyone else (and tough)

Almost says smth romantic (“Some things are worth it”) but backtracks when she looks confused

In this scene, he tries to act cool but is clearly super nervous. One thing I really like is how he never acts too cool for her, like a lotta people do. He’s genuinely interested in what she has to say and never pretends otherwise, and also never pretends to be interested to get her to like him. I just really love how good he is at listening

Cup of Roasted Coffee/ Cup of Poisoned Coffee

When he panics he goes to Beanies to get a coffee and relax (wake up)

He turns to Emma (subconsciously?) for comfort

Freaks out when she sings (for good reason)

Emma remembers him (��Paul, right?... You’re the guy who doesn’t like musicals”)

Doesnt seem to notice how weird he’s acting

Continues to vent

He pulls her away from the counter to explain what’s going on

Paul finds it important to tell her-she’s the first person he admits it to

Him venting to her like she does to him? Trying to connect in a similar way? Im reading too much into that

He holds her there while explaining, she has to find an excuse to pull away

She thinks he’s crazy-keeps glancing at him during the song (he looks terrified)

Seems concerned for him

He switches between nervously staring at her and anxiously staring into the void (mood)

She turns to him at the “end” of the song and comes near him in the middle

She runs to paul when they start singing

They grab each other

He tells her to run, pushes her forward and shifts so he’s between her and the aliens

This scene is reeeally creepy from Emma’s perspective like oh my gosh can you imagine a man yelling at you (not at you but at your singing but still) and pulling you away from your work and then holding you still when you try to leave??? Anxiety to the max poor babe but also i get paul’s side can you imagine seeing the whole apocalypse beginning and it’s so weird no one would believe you if you tried to tell them? Poor bb. There’s also a lot of things that come up later: the ways he holds emma in this scene is the same way he holds her later one, later it’s to comfort her but this time it’s more to calm himself… he also pulls her to a better spot like he does later on

Trash Bin Scene

He leads her away-he knows the neighbourhood better

Tries learning about her (you like film?) (cmon paul bad timing)

(at trash) hold hands, she grabs his shirt while panicking

He holds her firmly by the shoulders to calm & comfort (parallels Cuppa)

Emma instinctively grabs Paul’s arm when Bill pops out

“Emma stays with us”-stands up to ted even though he looks pretty scared of him

(sidenote-what did ted do to Paul? The poor boy looks straight up terrified the first time he shows up)

Emma looks real confused about “latte hottay” but she never brings it up

“Paul!” when he runs to Charlotte-gestures at Paul near end of song

Paul tends to comfort people by grabbing their shoulders/putting a hand on their back (Emma of course but also Charlotte and Bill- has a looser hold on them than Emma)

Here they’re already starting to react to danger by reaching for each other and it’s v cute also bless paul i just really like how he calms people down he’s so good and pure

Hidgens’ Fortress Part 1

They trust Emma enough to go to Hidgens’ place (not like they had many other options)

Men™ typically trusted for “strong” stuff-Ted and Bill cuff Sam

Paul stands up for Bill-such a protective boy (could also be doing it to look cool for Emma but tbh it doesnt seem like it ill bring this up again later)

Paul listens intently to Emma’s venting

He smiles, nods, asks qs and repeats phrases she says

Its obvious he genuinely cares

Emma’s v comfy with him-they have an easy chem when Paul relaxes

Emma progressively shares deeper shit as she becomes more comfortable around paul

Paul makes jokes to lighten the mood, but not in a disrespectful way

Seems more nervous when bringing topics to himself

She listens just as politely as he does

“Whoa thats like your origin story...so I guess I’m the supervillain” “I dont think of you like that at all, Emma.” Cutest, Softest smiles on both of them my heART “Listen, Paul”-she was about to confess her love dammit charlotte

I’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: Paul is such a good listener. I dont know why i find this so cute but their convos are so perfect like he asks qs so he knows exactly what she’s talking about (“what’s a coatimundi?” “Oh, did she smoke a lot of pot?”) and he repeats back phrases she says which shows that he’s genuinely listening like...so many characters (and people irl, lets be real) just pretend to listen to get what they want but he cares so much about what she has to say i just cant stop talking about it it’s so cute also how he seems so comfortable when she’s talking and then starts showing sign of nervousness again when the convo turns to him? Pure mood

Join Us And Die

Both jump behind chair when Charlotte and Sam show up

Emma clings to Paul’s arm + hides behind him

She steps out “charlotte?”

Paul pulls her back when sam approaches

Paul puts himself between Emma and Sam

Emma puts her back to Paul and grabs his arm

Paul pulls Emma away by her arm (“What’s wrong with her shirt?”)

Emma’s caught up in the gore, Paul is relatively level-headed

He keeps an arm around her

Emma steps away from paul to yell at Sam +Char (“He has a daughter!!”)

Instinctively reaches for Paul when Char gets shot (and later looks back at paul a couple of times when shook at prof hidgens)

Alright they do this whenever aliens show up so imma just talk about it here: this part was in my assignment so 1 lets hope it doesnt get flagged as plagiarism and 2 i could rant about this all day.

Basically Paul fulfills the traditional masculine role as protector and leader. Whenever smth dangerous shows up, he has one hand on her (on her shoulder, arm or the small of her back)-both reassuring them that someone else is there and making it easier for him to move her-which he does lots. He pulls her behind him or pushes her forward (away from the infected), leading her to where he thinks is safest. He always puts himself between her and the aliens, leading her to a safer spot. Emma tends to get distracted (emotional female stereotype) and paul is the one to move them both to safety (strong stoic man stereotype). To be fair, he is a lot bigger than emma and would probs have an easier time in a fight (tho i dont doubt that emma would be v i c i o u s) Emma tend to cling to Paul’s arm when she gets scared (which is really cute)

Hidgens’ Fortress Part 2

Emma adds to Paul’s plan- taps on his arm to move him

Paul steps back in front of her- i always found this weird, he totally blocks her from the conversation like why

She steps back out to roast ted

Paul looks at Emma when Ted @s him-now here’s where I could see him standing up for Bill to impress emma again. It’s not the only reason, but i do think it’s a contributing factor (and probably was before too cuz lets be real, when your crush is around you gotta act tough) of course he wants to protect his bff but he’s super anxious around ted so wanting to look brave for emma gives him that extra push he needs. Alternatively, he looks at Emma as a way to calm himself down before saying smth scary (which is adorable)

Emma wants to help but is called back to help with the lab

This is another thing i find super interesting-wouldnt more people around make it more likely he gets stopped? Did he want an audience (more than just ted) cuz i guess that’s understandable but in that case why didnt he wait a little longer to see if they came back? Idk it just seemed weird to me (also the whole “nooo female cant go out where it’s dangerous” even though it’s more like “oh emma’s the only one i know here can she not leave” wait actually that’s probably it lmao he just didnt wanna be alone with ted ok relatable nvm )

“Hey, Paul?” grabs arms (paul reciprocates) she’s real nervous for him leaving-relates to how much he hates musicals

I find that really cute cuz it’s showing once again how much they listen to each other and idk i just really like that about them

Grabs his face and pulls him close-he pulls her hands down to look her in the eyes to tell her he’ll stay safe

He doesn’t kiss her-super interesting! She pulled him close like that (which coulda been a sign to kiss her) and this was a pretty emotionally charged moment which a kiss would have fit - Paul hates kisses hc?

Not Your Seed + General (technically, just a little note)

Paul holds Emma tight with 2 hands, but keeps 1 hand free when holding others (ie bill and charlotte)

Only tells General about Emma, not Ted or the Prof (tho to be fair, he hates ted and barely knows the prof but it’s interesting how he doesnt even say he has “friends”, just Emma)

America Is Great Again

Paul saves emma and Ted

“Should I take this chair?” asks paul to lead

Emma holds Paul’s arm when they run

She tries to pry “Greg”’s arm off Paul + tries to get Ted to help-not strong enough

“Thank you Emma”-she freed him/killed Greg? I wanna know what happened (i tweeted @ jon, lauren and nick asking, so far jon just liked it we’ll see if anyone answers)

Runs behind Emma + pushes her forward “run, emma, run!”-Emma grabs for Paul, he steps in front

He pulls her through Robert+Corey and turns her around

She pulls him away from the General-paul usually does the pulling to safety

Paul doesnt notice when Emma is grabbed by Ted (lmao i get that he’s a little busy but it still seems odd)

She struggles with 1, 3 are on Paul (not a sexist thing, she’s tiny and also Paul is the main character and the aliens know it plus they gotta do that cool lift thing)

Emma grabs gun + shoots the General, grabbing Paul-”Paul! The helicopter! Cmon!”

Usually Paul does that stuff, but emma takes the protective role more in the 2nd half of this song

Basically we have the classic paul protecting emma stuff but now also the emma protecting paul which is good and fresh and i love...the way she tries to protect paul is different than how he protects her. She yells more frantically, and also is more of trying to lead him whereas paul yells to get her attention and physically moves her himself

Helicopter Scene

He helps her onto the heli, back to his usual protective self

Keeps one hand on the back of her seat the whole time (aww he’s stabilizing himself physically cuz the copter’s shaky and emotionally cuz he’s closer to Emma)

“Emma, seatbelts” he reaches up to help her into her seat-he kicks the gun to save them

“Emma? Emma?” immediate response is to call out to her-that boy was literally awake less than a second before worrying about her i love him

Runs to her when he sees her

“”This is what seatbelts are for” in this scene he seems really like...over it? Idk if anyone else got that he just seemed really intent on destroying the meteor instead of anything to do with Emma… before saving their lives was priority but also spending time with her, here he nods like he’s trying to rush her and does not seem excited to kiss her (again, Paul hates kisses? ok that was a rant that got ahead of my notes but just-) this scene is weird to me like maybe he’s trying to rush to stop the meteor so they can be together after and like not die idk anymore

He reaches out for her, jumping away when she cries out in pain

The rest of the scene he has his hands hovering a few inches away from her, very protective but also very scared of hurting her

Emma comes up with the solution, Paul has to do it cuz she’s hurt (weak gal, strong man, injured person knows secret to survival and tells strong boi how to do it tropes)

“Hey, Paul?” slides over to him-he gingerly supports her back (scared to hurt her)

He shushes her to calm her while talking cuz she’s in pain- ok, maybe its less about “gotta get out of here” and more about “she’s hurt really badly and needs help asap, i gotta destroy that meteor so i can get help” ok that makes sense im dumb lmao

Emma is first to ask out + kiss me? + pulling him in by his tie- breakin stereotype of man making first move

Then the little “..okay..” after she asks him to kiss her...maybe he wanted it to be romantic aww he wanted them to have a real cute first kiss and this wasnt what he had planned (or he just doesn’t like kisses cuz like he looks so uncomfortable there’s gotta be a reason”

He doesnt wanna kiss her cuz of the blood (weak) and is happy to leave-this part is what throws me off most he just like runs on outta there with no hesitation but he loves her?? I dont get it

Dont really need a rant here cuz i did a lotta ranting in the points… excuse my little journey of discovery there lmao I was just confused at first cuz at face value he seems really different, super hell bent on getting out of there whereas in every other scene he pays way more attention to Emma. I suppose it’s because he knows he has to destroy the meteor asap so he can get her help, i just didnt catch that. His motivations seemed very different in this scene to me and i couldnt figure out why

Theory time

Now here’s the fun part-i saw a theory somewhere that Paul can only get infected because he has a true goal now, he really wants to end up with Emma. In What Do You Want, Paul? Mr. Davidson is trying to find out what he wants to use it as motivation to make him more susceptible to the virus/make him sing a song, but since Paul doesn’t want anything clearcut he cant be infected. Now, since Paul wants Emma, he has a goal and smth to fight for but also smth to sing about. The very reason he’ trying to save the world becomes the reason he fails.

HOWEVER. His goal could just as easily be saving the world cuz he literally doesnt bring emma up once? Like i get he’s preoccupied but idk if he’s about to die i feel like he’d at least mention her (unless he’s hoping they think she died and wont go looking for her if he fails) idk their romance is adorable until the scene before this and then these 2 scenes make it feel really off for me

Okay now onto the most fun scene >:) -since there’s so many details i separated them into actions and lyrics

Inevitable (Actions)

“Are you sure there weren’t any other survivors?” :(

“PEIP would like to see it become smth more” because she’s the love interest and they’re supposed to end up together ahhh it’s the alien talking

She grabs his arms to look him in the eyes then pulls him in for a hug (the cutest)

She’s v reluctant to believe it at first “Paul?” She’s still smiling for the first line

Slowly she starts to let herself see what’s happening “Paul, you’re scaring me”

She knows he’s infected but she’s trying her hardest to believe he could be playing a cruel joke

He has power over her physically- holds her where he wants her while they’re dancing

He dances with her at first, gestures to her to move closer, talks to her, moves towards dancing at her instead of with

He blocks her exit, pulls her to where he wants her and ignores her for part

This is where you can really tell he’s different. Paul would never ignore Emma, and he straight up ignores her to sing and dance

He points at her and then goes back to ignoring her

Emma starts sobbing and really trying to run

Emma is dragged to the center of the stage sobbing because she cant do anything

He drops character in credits, waving and smiling to the audience; she doesnt

He’s got physical power over her (strength) but also cuz he’s backed by all the aliens who can move her where she’s supposed to go

Inevitable (lyrics)

“Emma, I’m sorry, you lost.” couldnt kill aliens

“Lost your way” didnt want to join them

“I made it” ‘This is the life that I chose” “I’m still the man you trust” “what if the only choice is you had to sing to survive” “Put words to the lyrics and you’re playing the game now” -maybe he’s faking it (i also heard someone mention the fact that he sings in his natural voice and not the higher one he used for the Alien Brain in Let It Out which is a good catch) (also someone else brought up the fact that he was mostly singing reprises, maybe because he couldnt think up his own tune/entirely original lyrics?)

“It’s inevitable for us”-because she’s the love interest, it’s was inevitable that they’d wind up together

“Show me those jazz hands” He’s trying to convince her to join of her own free will

“or i might be inclined to plant my seed” but is willing to do it by force if she wont

This song is super interesting because of the parallels-he holds her the same way he did in previous songs, pulls and pushes her across the stage like before, but this time it’s turned against her. What was once meant as protection is now being used to force her to join the dance I talked more about this in my assignment but i dont wanna get too close to what i wrote before because it could get flagged for plagiarism and i do not want that so imma reblog this post alter and add my assignment for more info (if yall want anyway)

The lyrics could hint at Paul faking it, and it definitely appears that way (especially with the face he makes at “Im still the man you trust) but i think the part in the middle where he just kind of breaks off to dance really kills that idea for me. Even if he was trying to trick the aliens, he could have kept closer to Emma like he does every other time they’re in danger, and the fact that he straight up ignores her and lets the aliens move her around like that is just not in his character so apologies but i believe our man is gone

Also, regarding the theories that Emma is infected because of the beginning; I could see that happening, but in that case, why didnt she break character at the end? I have absolutely zero idea how/if the intro song fits into the story but idk i feel like she should’ve acted like the rest of them if she really was infected but on the other hand i really like the heartbreaking theory that they’re all infected and Paul just has to keep reliving the story of how he failed again and again for all eternity like ouch? But also? Its great in a painful way??

Um yeah so that’s that for my ranting (my 3 pages of notes became 7 pages with the rants included so sorry about that i just had so much to sayyyy

TLDR: paul and emma are cute thanks for coming to my ted talk

#tgwdlm #the guy who didn't like musicals #starkid #team starkid #analysis #my poor friends have to deal with this 24/7 #i tried to channel it all into this lmao #um yeah i never analyze stuff so im sure smth is off #also im v v dumb so i probably missed obvious things #but yeah #its soooo long im so sorry #also spoilers....obviously??

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lysitheaioandeuropa · 6 years ago

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All of the obscure asks!!!

what’s your favorite way to dress?uh, cozy/casual. I wear a lot of dresses bc I fucking hate real pants. yesterday i stepped a little out of my comfort zone and wore a fitted dress and heels, i felt super ugly and had an anxiety atttack LMAO but overall it was nice afterwards

if you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?i’d be skinny lol

what movie/game/etc. helps you calm down?kingdom hearts (any) and horror movies for fun

what does your room smell like?currently the “flannel” bath & body works scent

do you like to organize?absolutely fucking love it, but like depression

what kind of music would you listen to if you could only choose one?shit this is hard considering i like literally EVERYTHING. but probably reggeaton lmao

what song is your aesthetic?this is also hard? i’m not sure and it definitely depends on the day/my mood

what color do you think goes best with your personality?gray pastels. does that make sense? gray versions of colors are me. I had a bf tell me i only liked dead colors lmao

do you believe in auras?i sure as fuck do i wish i could see them

what do you wish you hated, but actually like?working out and eating healthy lmao

vague about your crush(es)i fucking love her voice

is there someone you have mixed feelings towards?lmfao yeah plenty

talk about an au or story you came up withIN MY AU, DRACO MALFOY DESERVES SO MUCH BETTER OKAY. HE RUNS AWAY TO LIVE WITH HIS MOTHER, THEY LEAVE LUCIUS BEHIND. DRACO IS FUCKING TRAUMATIZED AFTER EVERYTHING LUCIUS PUT HIM THROUGH AND MADE HIM DO, ITS EATS AWAY AT HIM, BUT HE HAS TO WORK THROUGH THE PTSD AND EVERYTHING HE DID WRONG. draco has the worlds greatest redemption arc after zuko. also someone made an au comic where he and harry end up together and it didnt even seem like fanfic it felt so natural. after reading that i feel like my AU needs to have draco reaching out to harry during his redemption arc. like he needs to talk to him he needs someone to turn to. harry at first talks to him in secret bc ron and hermione are assholes still. then he starts inviting him over and making him part of the group and everyone is reluctant at first but they warm up to him. harry and ron are still best friends, but hes so busy dating hermione that draco and harry end up connecting (as friends). ginny probably has issues with it bc she takes it personally (re: chamber of secrets), and maybe that is a driving wedge between them helping lead to their divorce on top of her quidditch playing schedule and harry’s auror job. draco and his wife werent really that great together to begin with anyway. so harry and draco bond over that as well, and well thats we get from my au to the other fanfic i read. i took this and ran lmfao i would love to actually have time to write this out well though. im lowkey talented but havent really had the chance to expand on that. i dont practice my writing or anything enough unfortunately. being an adult be like

do you like makeup?im not good at it, but yes

do you prefer space or the ocean?i doont fuck with either of them bitches. but i am a slut for learning about both. just dont send me there.

if you could pick any planet besides earth, where would you live?jupiter and venus both seem cool, but i would wanna travel to another galaxy

what form of government do you like the most? (capitalism, socialism, etc.)i’m not as informed as i would like to be to make a fully informed decision, but socialism and communism both seem so fucking GREAT in theory but not in practice lmao. fuck capitalism though

what animal would you keep as a pet, if you could?my dog!!!!!!!!! I LOVE SANDRA. also though a fox, or an elephant, AN OTTER. idk i like a lot of animals

what do you think our purpose is in the universe?BITCH!!! I DONT FUCKING KNOW!!! i dont think i have a purpose ultimately and im not sure whats keeping me alive tbh

do you believe in god(s)?i believe in a sort of higher universal power kind of. just not sure

is there a song you can’t handle listening to, even though you like it?anything by russ or j cole lmfao. i hate country. i skip a lot of songs that i cant tolerate tbh so cant give just one lol

what ex do you miss the most, if you have one?im not gonna answer this lmfao. the last two were pretty cool during, not so much after

do you like soft, fluffy blankets or rough/smooth blankets?soft fluffy, but i also love my feather down comforter

what is your favorite thing to learn about?anything! i love learning shit, i end up reading about shit for fun and always “fun facts” up my sleeve

what country’s history do you find the most interesting?dude anything but ours. american history is really not that great ngl, unless we’re talking native american.

what do you think about genderbent ____ (insert someone here)i know this was meant to be asked as an individual question but my thoughts on genderbent anything isnt wild tbh. genderbent twilight is fucking stupid though

what breakup was the hardest, if you had one?WOW LMFAO. all of them felt like i was going to die, and no im not being dramatic. i remember each one feeling like i was literally being torn apart, staying in bed for days and weeks on end and just sinking and sinking so low, emotional, mentally, so on and so forth. i dont deal with breakups well

do you have someone where you can’t decide if you like them romantically or just as a friend?not at all, im pretty sure about who i like and how, most of the time. i do try to keep an open mind though

what do you think about tumblr discourse?i dont lmao

what instrument do you wish you could master?I WANT TO LEARN TO PLAY THE FUCKING HARP

how easy is it for you to be honest?entirely way too easy which is why a lot of people hate me lmao

do you have any strange interests?just about all of them lmao. but i think books, anime, and video games are the main ones

do you have any strange fears?i used to be really scared of the dark but i got over it (recently, lmao). when i was living alone i was irrationally afraid of home invasion lol. im now just scared of like losing my job and shit lol

what food do you binge on when you’re lazy?i dont really have a lot of “binge” food. if im lazy i just snack around, i try to cook and stuff but just depends. im more conscious about binging bc i dont want to feel guilty so if im lazy i might get fast food but something small if that makes sense

when you get angry, how do you show it?OKAY i have actually gotten a lot better at this!!!! i take a few breathes and honestly really sit there and think about it. i try not to lash out or act immediately bc if i do i’ll pop off. so i try to talk through it rationally and assess how i feel before i do anything crazy

do you have any impulsive movements? (twitches, ticks, flapping, etc.)muscle spamsms when i sleep sometimes

what do you listen to music on?everything tbh but mostly my phone

are you left brained or right brained?I would want to say left brained bc im super logical and whatnot, but right brained bc artistic or whatever. maybe i actually use more than 10% unlike everyone else or whatever

earbuds or headphones?earbuds

do you like light blankets or heavy blankets? light

#asks

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lucozdes-blog · 7 years ago

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finally !! here’s the intro guides to my children !! blease....plot with me.

(lee taeyong, he/him, bisexual) HEY, ISN'T THAT [KIM JEONGMIN]? YEAH, THE [TWENTY-THREE] YEAR OLD [CISMALE] FROM [SOUTH KOREA]! YEAH, I HEARD THEY'RE THE [FASHION DESIGN] STUDENT AT THE UNIVERSITY OF AMSTERDAM NOW! LET'S HOPE THEIR STAY HERE IS AN ADVENTUROUS ONE! (dani, twenty, she/her, pst)

jeongmin is a fashionista, from designing original pieces to styling.

his current aesthetic: goth street looks. think seoul fashion week.

he loves nothing more than styling his friends or anyone who asks for help; he works within your budget and closet. he knows how and where to find deals and just overall very resourceful.

he’s all for the environment too, the studio is filled with a variety of recyclable bin from plastic to old garments.

he works as a part time visual for a retail store, it’s only a couple hours three mornings a week when he doesn’t have class, it’s good to have some sort of income. plus they pay him well considering his major and eye for new campaigns.

he’s the guy with a variety of hook up numbers on his phone, never by name but with an emoji and number next to it. he’s a hoe (no jk i love him) and finds validation with the amount of people he sleeps with honestly it’s sad i don’t think he’s ever been in a genuine relationship. it’s just angst n heartbreak so he’d rather just sleep with ppl.

anyways, his goal? design for the met gala and BE IN the met gala to show all those celebrities how it’s TRULY done.

hic current look: taeyong in the chain mv.

(nam joohyuk, he/him, bisexual) HEY, ISN'T THAT [MOON HANJAE]? YEAH, THE [TWENTY-FOUR] YEAR OLD [CISMALE] FROM [SOUTH KOREA]! YEAH, I HEARD THEY'RE THE [PERFORMANCE] STUDENT AT THE UNIVERSITY OF AMSTERDAM NOW! LET'S HOPE THEIR STAY HERE IS AN ADVENTUROUS ONE! (dani, twenty, she/her, pst)

my son whomst i BIRTHED

part of the fuccboi squad...SHOUT OUT..shout out..aahhhh..was popping ooooo

he’s obnoxious and loud and dramatic and YET people love him thank you very much. doesn’t know when to stop honestly someone kick his ass.

he’s been to school everywhere, studying abroad for high school, doing a year in england, a year at julliard and finally amsterdam, i’m just going to say he’s been here for 3 years and he’s going to graduate next semester.

he’s a performance/composition major and the LEAD of the orchestra because he’s just that talented that vivaldi is shaking in his grave. a prodigy if you will because it’s not the only instrument he can play but his favorite.

he comes from a home of socialites back in busan, his family dabbles in the arts. his family also decided his fate: arranged marriage. it’s a secret though, only haebin and haneul know about it.

cue why he’s part of the squad, he went through people so fast, indulging himself in variety knowing that after he graduates he’ll be tied down and he hates the very idea of it. which is why he’s an ass and wont accept that he maybe really likes misun more than a hook-up, also the reason why he’s BEEN OUT OF THE GAME that the lads are noticing lmao

anyways he’s a disaster but he loves his friends so much he just wants to Protecc

(kwon jiyong, he/him, bisexual) HEY, ISN'T THAT [AHN DAEHYUN], THE [TWENTY-FIVE] YEAR OLD [CISMALE] FROM [SOUTH KOREA]? YEAH, I HEARD THEY'RE THE [ENT. BUSINESS] STUDENT AT THE UNIVERSITY OF AMSTERDAM NOW! LET'S HOPE THEIR STAY HERE IS AN ADVENTUROUS ONE! (dani, 20, she/her, pst)

he is the mom friend probably idk he’s always dd when the lads go out and does a run down of who’s where and if they’re ok before calling it a night when they go out

he doesn’t party often, it’s honestly rare for him to go ALL OUT unless he knows he can handle it and he’s with minji who knows about his chronic fatigue syndrome

it’s back and forth, getting rest doesn’t help him at all and so he’s taken up dancing as a hobby again, just one class where he can a good amount of exercise without stressing himself too much when he has too much on his plate

he’s all good now though, it’s part of him but it wasn’t as bad as when he used to be a trainee; daehyun was gonna become an idol if it weren’t for his health issues.

he moved to cali for a while to go to school there and check out an american industry but decided that entertainment business might be better for him, less stressful and he gets to manage and help people who wish to be part of it.

anyways he sounds like a monotone dad when he texts but in person he’s more into conversations, a good time, and he really loves the lads.

he’s also lowkey dating taemin’s sister but no one knows that lol.

(kim minseok, he/him, homosexual) HEY, ISN'T THAT [CHOI JISOO], THE [TWENTY-THREE] YEAR OLD [CISMALE] FROM [THE US]? YEAH, I HEARD THEY'RE THE [PERFORMANCE] STUDENT AT THE UNIVERSITY OF AMSTERDAM NOW! LET'S HOPE THEIR STAY HERE IS AN ADVENTUROUS ONE! (dani, 20, she/her, pst)

BOY, JISOO PROBABLY IS MY ONLY CHAR WITH A WILDT BACKGROUND

he’s from san francisco, ca. comes from a wealthy family, his dad was the ceo and founder of a large company ( dont ask me abt what yet tbh i’m thinking about it ); however the company only became big because they launder money. maybe deal with extortion but you know.

jisoo had it all though, he had the luxuries, he had the city, the parties, everything. only child, he was next in line to take over and actually? he didn’t mind at all if he kept living the way he was, and bonus points? his dad didn’t give a fuck about his sexuality. it was a dream.

until his crazy ass mom destroyed everything. she killed his dad but was found innocent in court because she bought the judge, and the jury? all hired by her. he was in that very courtroom when she was found innocent and before he knew it, he was being dragged out by his dad’s old lawyer and best friend. he needed to get out of there fast.

jisoo is the only one who’s allowed to touch his inheritance, his dad made it very clear that everything was to go to him. his mother still had a joint account and she still has enough to live off until she’s dying from old age but her new boy toy, 10 years younger than her kinda wants the company.

jisoo knows his mom killed his dad, he doesn’t have the evidence but he’s going to bring her down through the law or without the law because she took everything from him and he’s still reeling over it, he still has nightmares of finding his dad’s body.

and also, choi jisoo is an alias. no one knows his real name. (lol not even me, i’ll get back to you on that).

he’s in witness protection right now, undercover as a student from florida. he figured he might as well take some fun classes aka acting, dance, and studio arts. he doesn’t care for it knowing his life is set out but might as well.

(kim namjoon, he/him, bisexual) HEY, ISN'T THAT [ZANDER YU]? YEAH, THE [TWENTY-FOUR] YEAR OLD [CISMALE] FROM [THE US]! YEAH, I HEARD THEY'RE THE [PHOTOGRAPHY] STUDENT AT THE UNIVERSITY OF AMSTERDAM NOW! LET'S HOPE THEIR STAY HERE IS AN ADVENTUROUS ONE! (dani, 20, she/her, pst)

well, well, well if it isn’t the jack kerouac wanna-be. jk. he’s really not a bad person. maybe.

zander is a photographer, never staying in one place too long. he actually just arrived from mexico city and amsterdam is going to be the place he finishes his second degree.

he’s basically that indie boy from all the coming-of-age films, an enigma if you will. simply because they way he presents himself is charming, fun, friendly. he’s the type of guy you get a crush on just because of how attentive he is, how he makes you feel so interesting, how he looks at you and touches you. and he knows it.

he can read people’s emotions, he knows exactly how someone will feel before they feel it simply because of logic and tactic.

he’s incredibly smart, pretentious even but that’s part of the charm. he talks about music, books, movies. his travels. he makes people fall for him because it’s fun, it sends a rush through him knowing someone is willing to do anything for him and then...he’s gone. because he can’t do the same for you, he doesn’t feel anything for anyone. he likes the concept of being with someone, idolizing them and then leaving them and he does it in a way that you can’t really point your finger at him and blame him.

he’s really good at pretending to be someone he’s not tbh. like i want to emphasize that because i want to play him in a way that you really fall for it you know. anyways YEAH.

(josefine frida pettersen, she/her, pansexual) HEY, ISN'T THAT [LEONIE SCHÄFER]? YEAH, THE [TWENTY-ONE] YEAR OLD [CISFEMALE] FROM [GERMANY]! YEAH, I HEARD THEY'RE THE [SOCIOLOGY] STUDENT AT THE UNIVERSITY OF AMSTERDAM NOW! LET'S HOPE THEIR STAY HERE IS AN ADVENTUROUS ONE! (dani, twenty, she/her, pst)

remember what i said abt a drunk josefine fc who ends up ranting abt how toxic capitalism is and why communism isn’t the answer like all those tumblr folk like to say? WELL HERE SHE IS

she’s not a drunk lmao but if she’s at family dinners with the conservative side of her family, she GOES OFF she probably wouldnt go off at parties here unless she bumped into some asshole who wanted to mansplain something to her or whatever

she’s no poli-sci major, she takes a class but it’s only for her to get educated and accumulate more knowledge to back her up in her actual major and just to be prepared for arguments

i hate to say this bc wow cliche ! but....definitely noora vibes akhkjh i’m SORRY

she really enjoys going to the weed cafes though, catch her in there with a book just enjoying her free time

she has an accent !! considering english is her third language and french is secondl german obviously being the first. it’s cute rlly i was watching accent videos akljdhfj

still shes fluent in all three because it’s leonie why not

her aesthetic would probably be better described by donna tartt but i’ll give it a go: cigarettes in her own special metallic case, long coats, boots, very formal/casual, billie holiday records, period drama movies as well as empowering movies, beige/dark browns and black, the smell of coffee beans, aesthetic instagram

anyways uhh idk what else to add tbh if i think of anything i’ll mention it in the hc server on discord aklsjhdk

#tbt for newheros.#asjhdkjh idk what to tag it yet so !

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