#i dont get paid that much that i can just not care about the cost of food???

[trickstarbrave]

Yesterday you were talking about not having enough money and now you're talking about going to Italy? You seem to have enough money for fancy imported olive oil. Maybe you should figure out you're not poor just bad with money. Stop going on european vacations, no offense.

i went to italy 10 years ago while i was in university because i had a grant and scholarship to pay for most of it (i have to cover my own food and bus fair typically). i have not been to europe or outside the country since. not due to a lack of trying mind you i just never got approved for archaeology digs i failed my physical bc i am disabled.

i am still broke. i don't buy fancy imported olive oil, i buy graza usually. i begged my MIL for olive oil bc she asked if my wife and i wanted anything from her trip. my in laws have money, i dont rly lol.

my in laws do help out but not rly with groceries, they're focused on other shit like helping my wife with medical bills and schooling. which i know makes us very privileged given my wife doesn't really have any student loans to pay off.

but i cannot stress this enough: go touch grass. i promise you you cannot understand the state of my finances from tumblr posts and if i was taking european vacations all the time you would see photos of them all over my tumblr i dont know how to shut up. sorry i asked my MIL to pick me up a 20 dollar tin of olive oil, that doesn't mean it wasnt a pain in my dick to spend 150 dollars on groceries this week.

[stellardeer]

i have to come to terms with the fact that I am actually well off for someone in this country now, like.. idk it's weird

i'm still living the exact same lifestyle that i was before, so for the most part it feels almost like nothing has changed, like maybe im spending a little bit more money on food and buying the "good" toilet paper, but all that does is allow me to actually have savings in my bank account

i still stand with the working class and impoverished people of this country, and I am very much still in the boat of "one [very] bad day from homelessness" so i am not taking this for granted whatsoever

i've just been watching some of those youtube channels where they interview random people all over the country and just like.. kinda show what their life is like and it's definitely putting mine in perspective

very very grateful for the opportunities i have had and very proud of myself for forcing myself to stay in college (even tho it took almost 10 years to finish and left me with a mountain of debt) and just like.. idk, i feel like i could be doing more to help people out, i can't wait til im out of debt ;o;

[thepictoblr]

TETO KASANE AI SYNTH V Q&A FOR PEOPLE WHO DONT KNOW WHAT ANY OF THIS MEANS

People are talking about the insane Teto News and I feel like as the resident vocal synthesis dork i wanna clarify some things with her new voicebank so. Here we go:

Q: Is she a VOCALOID now?

A: no, although this will be her first premium, professional voicebank, it is not on the VOCALOID engine. Teto will be on Synthesizer V and will feature as an AI voicebank

Q: What is an AI voicebank? Is it techbro stuff?

A: not at all, AI voicebanks are voicebanks that are not only recorded with samples given by a voice provider, but are trained on the provider's singing as data to help the voicebank have a more natural sounding synthesis, and this allows it to tune itself too. Voice providers are paid for this work and give consent for it to be used, it isn't built on stolen work or time.

Q: Will her previous UTAU banks dissapear? Do we HAVE to pay for Teto now?

A: No, although in the case of some previous VOCALOID banks voice providers of UTAU banks were asked to delete distribution of their UTAU banks as they were now voicing a premium bank, this seems to be a thing of the past and also only an issue that would occur for VOCALOID voicebanks and their providers, Synthesizer V has a few banks that were previously UTAU banks that are still in distribution, so it is likely Teto's previous voicebanks will remain too.

Q: How much would Teto SynthV cost?

A: around $80, which is standard for most third party character voices for the engine. If you wish to get her just digitally however, I recommend getting her through DLsite as there are frequent discounts and coupons there. I preordered teto for £51 after my coupon discount there (note; this site also sells adult doujin, be careful where you tread)

Q: Do I need Synthesizer V to use her SynthV bank?

A: yes. Specifically you would need Synthesizer V Pro, which is a paid version of the programme. This comes to about $151 from the Dreamtonics website, and you can get any one of the currently avalible dreamtonics own voicebanks as a bundle with it.

(Edit, old answer kept for transparency) you CAN use the standard, non pro version of synthV, you will just be unable to use any of the AI functuonality of her voicebank, alongside other limitations.

Q: why do you care so much about answering these hypothetical questions

A: cause the alternative is having to see misinformation spread about one of the things i am extremely autistic about.

Anyway feel free to drop me any questions if u have any.

[vorenado-m]

happy disability pride month! please consider helping me take back my life as a disabled person!

the TL;DR is that for the last 3 months i have had an absolutely soul-sucking miserable minimum wage retail job that, due to the way scheduling works (and the app being broken as fuck) has prevented me from having access to literally any of the life-saving mental health/medical care i need as a disabled person.

my disability is best managed through a combination of medication, therapy, and casework-- not a single one of which i have had since march! :) contextually, up until i got this job, i took three daily medications and had casework once a week and therapy once or sometimes twice a week. these services are offered at an affordable cost to me through a local organization that is threatening to close my case due to lack of participation.

ill make another, more detailed post later with some of the services i can offer for money (i draw! i code! i write!) but until then here is a code you can scan if you have a few dollars to spare:

there are more details beneath the cut (idk about you guys but im kinda nosy so i wrote some more stuff in case anyone else is also nosy) but thats the gist of it. you can also always ask for details. i dont have a therapist right now so it might feel good to say things.

my plan is as follows: i would like to take the month of july more or less "off" from work to get my affairs in order, starting with scheduling appointments for therapy and casework and getting back on my meds. i am actively looking for a job, but i would like the ability to be somewhat picky instead of applying everywhere i think might have me for the sake of having money coming in to pay rent.

for the last two years i have made less than $800/mo and i can survive on roughly $600-$650 a month. my july rent ($550) is paid and my august rent (at least $500) is most likely also squared away, through a combination of some cash i was hoarding, a previous donation, my last expected paychecks from my current job, and my brother generously offering to cover whatever is left over. the extra $100ish is for roughly a months supply of the food that is part of my daily routine that i get cranky without (i have tea every morning, for instance.)

i have a fantastic roommate who is not struggling as much financially who will do everything in her power to make sure i have access to staple foods (rice, eggs, etc) so i really just need to buy the things only i consume (kimchi, milk, etc.) there is a food bank i go to, so i am not worried about food, but i can only go to it once per month. we have a barter system where i trade her the things i dont want from the food bank and she buys me things i will eat; alternatively, i sometimes give her things i get from the food bank (eg meat) that she turns into meals for both of us.

i live independently/"alone" with roommates and do not have support from my family pretty much at all. they have never been particularly useful for emotional support and have openly denied me financial support since i was a teenager. moving in with them/getting help from them/talking to them is not an option.

i have emailed my caseworker at the mental health organization i work with as well as my caseworker with the disability vocational program i work with to help me find a new job that is "back of house" and requires less customer interaction. i did this over the weekend, so i expect to hear back from them sometime this week. in the meantime, i am searching for jobs on my own in places like indeed, jobhat, careerbuilder, etc. as well as checking company websites of places like chain grocery stores to see what is available in my area.

my job pool is a bit limited due to the fact that i cannot drive (due to both my disability and the medication im supposed to be taking for it) but i am very well-versed at taking the bus, which is free. getting to and from work is not a concern for me; it is being able to do the job without being driven to the edge of a mental breakdown that is the problem.

the disability vocational program is my ticket out of poverty! last month i had a follow-up evaluation (i had to call out of work for it, but frankly i was at the end of my rope then too) where they approved my career goals as a web developer and we are in the process of deciding what my next steps are! the program will likely (depending on what route i take) help pay for vocational training, too, but i obviously have to pay rent while in training. which i think i can do if i have a job that doesnt make me want to die.

i have some other things that make my life a bit harder (im mixed race, i am nonbinary + gay, etc) but i would say those things dont really impact my ability to get a job as much as the disability does LOL which is why i did not feature them prominently in this post. like, the reason i cant get a job isnt because people dont want to hire me because i have blue hair and pronouns, its because im obviously disabled.

if you have any other questions, no matter how intrusive you think they might be, feel free to send a DM or an ask, and i will try to answer.

[smuttysabina]

COMMISSION: A Discourse on Disgust

(Male Reader x Jaime, 1000 words) Harsh Femdom, verbal humiliation, pegging, anal, fisting, cumplay, some peeing

"I wasn't expecting much out of you, loser, but this fucking pathetic!" an exasperated Jaime lets your cum-covered cock flop messily back down onto your chest, "I've only been pegging you for like, a minute, and you've already cum, like what the fuck? Like, should I even keep going, you paid me for an hour and its been less than 5 fucking minutes and you've busted. You know, I dont actually care what you want, I'm just going to keep fucking you anyways to teach you not to waste a girls time. Yeah, maybe you can learn some stamina, because I bet you can't even stick this worthless thing in to a girl without busting in like ten seconds. Stop fucking whining! You deserve this! Taste your failure!" Enraged with disappointment, Jaime messily scoops up your load and shoves it into your mouth, spastically plowing you with her strapon all the while. And it had all started out so well...

You had saved enough to meet with Jaime, in private; after all, she is more than happy to fuck her fans during meets or on the streets. But to be with her alone, comes with a cost; with her rapacious appetites, she wants to be compensated for time she could have spent getting gangbanged. So after hawking up the required amount, Jaime was vaguely pleased to discover that you wanted her to dominate you, its a method she is well versed in, and one she enjoys immensely. So off went your clothes, up went your legs, and in went in her strap-on, without much in the way of polite introductions. And now a rather unhappy Jaime is teaching you exactly why you should be careful about what you ask for. She is going to get an hours' enjoyment out of you, whether you like it or not.

Snarling with vicious glee, Jaime continues to fuck your vulnerable ass with gusto, slamming into your prostate mercilessly. Your cock gradually begins to harden once more due to her attentions, until it is flopping uselessly against your stomach once more. Jaime slaps it in disgust, cruelly batting it from side to side as she verbally abuses you, "Well, at least you managed to get it up again, you fucking two-pump chump! Honestly, it would have been better if it stayed small and floppy, because then it wouldn't PISS ME OFF!" Jaime brutally spanks your throbbing manhood, unsparingly punishing it, "I thought that I would get a nice fuck in this afternoon, but instead I just get to abuse you. I was even going to ride you, but I wont even bother, your fucking cock doesn't deserve to go inside a girl's pussy. Oh, you're enjoying this aren't you, you dirty little pervert! I bet you just love getting violated by a hot girl; well unluckily for you I'm not a fucking sadist like Jodi, so I really don't give a shit about what you enjoy."

With that, Jaime suddenly pulls out, leaving your bruised asshole gaping and sputtering foully. She clambers atop your still shuddering body, squatting down above your cock contemptuously. With a depraved giggle, Jaime pisses all over your twitching dick, humiliating it with a golden shower of smelly urine. Sneering with derision she stand back up and daintily steps on your slick manhood; grinding her heel against your balls as she shows her scorn. Rolling her eyes at your piteous moans, she yells at you to stop complaining; rubbing her now dripping foot all over your face, forcing you to savor the flavor of her bladder as well as your semen. Jaime makes a great production about pondering what to do next, thoughtfully holding her chin as she pretends to think about what to do next. Then with a burst of frantic energy she is pulling you over, forcing your face into the covers while hauling your ass into the air. Her tiny palm spanking you in a wicked mockery of your manhood, while a soggy foot keeps you pinned.

By the time she is finished, you are mewling pitifully into the sheets, your cheeks bruised and throbbing painfully; but Jaime isnt finished with you yet. She purrs in delight as she forcefully rubs her hands along your exposed taint, relishing in her her work up until this point; yet still unsatisfied that you learned your lesson. Her lithe fingers quest into your already well-used ass, followed soon after by her knuckles until her whole hand is buried in your whorish asshole. Ignoring your groans, Jaime proceeds to fist you, punching your guts repeatedly as you writhe around her arm. She still has more than enough attention to spare for your mockery of a cock though, her spare hand kneading and squeezing it mercilessly as she urges you to cum. "Awww look at how fucking pathetic your dick is! It's all hard and bulging but it doesn't have a warm hole to enjoy... if only it wasn't attached to a worthless pervert like you! Mmm look at you squirm, you just love getting your ass destroyed, don't you? We could have been having some nice, wholesome sex, but no; you wanted to get fucking abused! How about it this, if your useless balls don't drain themselves into your sheets within... five minutes, I'll mount it. That got your attention! I can see your sack fucking twitching already, are you going to cum just from thinking about sticking your filthy dick in me? Do it! Doitdoitdoitdoitdoit!"

Jaime jackhammers your innards with cheerful brutality, grunting with effort as her other hand ruthlessly jerks you off. She squeals in delight as your seeds voids itself onto the bed, she knew you wouldn't be able to last! Scooping up your leavings, she abruptly yanks her hand out of your now gaping ass, only to dump your own seed within you. She playfully slaps your sore balls, "Later pervert! Maybe next time I'll actually get to enjoy myself, its no fun not getting fucked. Call Jodi instead okay!"

[aidenwaites]

The thing about filmmaking is i dont really.. have a desire to pursue it as an actual career, at least not anymore. Filmmaking is what I do in my spare time. I'm never going to get significantly paid for it, and I'm going to spend a lot of my own money on the gas it costs to get to set and the lunch I buy while I'm there- if I'm not contributing to a meal fund alongside the whole crew. The movies I write might not ever get made, because they'd require crowdfunding or finding an investor, and i dont... have the online platform or presence that kind of thing requires. I don't really care to.

And I've made my peace with that!! Just the chance at all to make any kind of movie is enough for me. And that's the mentality I've seen shared by pretty much all of the filmmakers that I've crossed paths with. We do it because we love it. But there is something that just kind of.. sucks, about the fact that we can get so discredited by an industry that just wants profit. And that so many people get *used* by an industry that just wants profit, because those companies absolutely take advantage of the fact that this is a "dream" job and there are people they can work to death in exchange for pennies.

[mr-magoriums-im-sorry-emporium]

yo hi your shawn spencer having aspd take is awesome, been looking for a 'popular' character that displays aspd better than dexter. if you ever wanna give more elaboration / possibly infodumping i will be in the audience standing and clapping

u sly dog u got my monolouging.... AIGHT HERE GOES!!

so i forgottt if i said so in the og post but i think henry ALSO has aspd and thats where shawn got it from, but to elaborate: i think that's why henry became a cop

FIRST OFF: wrt cops, i am operating on TV SHOW LOGIC, not real life logic. tv show cops and irl cops are VASTLY different in the kinds of morals each set has. rl cops are deeply unethical but in the world henry spencer inhabits, this is largely not the case. since he's In There and not Out Here, i go with the show's portrayal of cops and their morals and values, instead of real life's. everything i say about cops from here on is about the show's cops, aight? aight lets go

SO the thing about having aspd and knowing on some level that you have it and somethings Different about you is that at some point you HAVE to learn How To Live In A Society Without Immidiatley Getting Ostracized. a common tactic for this is to somehow aquire a set of morals and then just Do That. it's what i personally did, and a lot of those morals came feom whatever community i was in. i liked being here, they had some set of morals, and i just adopted those and treated it as truth. over the years this process has become a lot more refined but generally my morals align with the community i find myself in- namely, queer leftists. so a LOT of my moral beliefs come with interacting with queer leftists at length (because, since i was queer, and thus interacted w a lot of leftists) and going "yeah, that makes sense, this is now a moral standard for me"

so tldnr you need to find a community with some moral tenants that you generally agree with and also like, which sounds like a no brainer but its like. a bit different yk? for me PERSONALLY there really isnt much of an internal set of checks and balances that make me agree w my morals under all costs and i can like. turn it off if i need to

but back to the spencers: being a cop is really good for this. the moral set is easy- you're a cop. you care a lot about The Law. ergo your morals are just... the laws are good and breaking tbem is bad. short and simple and to the point

additionally, being a cop means you get to engage in risk taking behavior and get PAID for it! people dont think youre a crazy reckless thrill seeker, they think you're a HERO! and who needs remorse when you're dealing with criminals? you dont NEED to feel bad about power tripping or intimidating them, its totally fine. its fine. its fine

also relationship issues- henry's divorced, that's not uncommon for pwaspd in relationships. sometimes its poorly managed and/or they wont change and even if theyre stable enough not to be dangerous or abusive, it could be an unpleasant experience for a lot of different reasons- arguments being a massive problem when they happen (the remorse thing- good luck actually getting an apology outta them), worry over the risky behavior being met with flippiance, general lack of emotional vunerability. stuff like that

all this btw is based off my real relationship struggles between me and my fiance who does NOT have aspd (we r like... total opposites its so funny. top 10 funniest matchups of all time)

back to shawn. he is a lot like his father in many ways but the main reason i thought he had aspd is just... he treats EVERYTHING with flippiance and sarcasm. even when hes locking in and being serious, there's still an underlying feeling that he's Just Having Fun With This, no matter the situation. which, this isnt like an official criterion or whatever, but like... i know a LOT of guys with aspd. most of them talk like this. there's always a sense of emotional detachment from most things, because there is one, because they have aspd. i jokingly call this the "sociopath lilt" because theres also that sort of, up-and-down inflection (that shawn has!) that comes with it. its so funny it just makes other pwaspd instantly clockable to me. get thin sliced loser

but once i started thinking about it, more things add up... he's CALLED OUT on his risk taking behavior and flippiance towards serious subject matter IN THE SHOW! he's had a ton of jobs and while i can't prove why he kept leaving them, aspd and having a job... don't mix well. i keep getting fired because i keep beefing w my manager, and i can see the same thing happening to shawn, or maybe he broke a rule one too many times, or got caught in a restricted area, or broke something thru carelessness

and it IS played for comedy but he very often tends to not respect the wishes and autonomy of the people he interacts with, ESPECIALLY gus. he cares naught for anything gus has going on with his job and wether or not he'll get in trouble if he leaves early or does whatever scheme shawn cooked up, and generally sort of treats him not very kindly a lot- which isnt to say their friendship is BAD, its just a pattern of behavior yk?

thats all i can think of off the top of my head rn, but yeah imo shawn is a very realistic take on a guy with aspd whos just like. a regular guy with a mental illness thats to some degree managed, some degree not. very "adhd kid went thru some shit and developed aspd" coded (theres a link; if you abuse a kid with adhd theres a HUGE chance theyll develop conduct disorder and later aspd) (also i guess "some shit" for shawn was the divorce and also being raised by a guy with aspd and being influenced by how he thought a lot)

he's not like, dangerous or abusive or anything, he just has his quirks that can cause problems for him or give the people close to him grief, but its kind of like... an affectionate sort of grief, yk?he just reminds me of myself in a lot of ways. and i like that even in a hc theres SOME character out there that isnt like, a serial killer. imagine having a mental illness and all the characters with it are evil. like yeah theyre cool characters but can i have SOMETHING else for once PLEASE

also lassie has npd send tweet

[thedisablednaturalist]

My parents found out about the present I bought myself for my birthday. I worked my max hours to afford it. I had it shipped to my bfs house so they wouldn't see it. Apparently I missed a receipt that was hidden in the box. Idk how they got it anyway cause I put the box out with the trash/recycling. My mom was being so cruel about it and how I keep buying myself "lavish" gifts (most stuff I buy for fun is like $10-$50 max). I always plan my purchases and have never missed a credit card payment. Most of my money goes towards doctors visits, medication, car maintenance and gas, accessibility items/ergonomic stuff, cat food and litter, and hygiene. Recently I stopped most of my subscriptions save for a cheap minecraft server. The bulk of my pay goes into savings which have really grown since I got my raise. I also give my parents $400 in rent each month. I'm trying to save up for a recliner to replace my bed but I don't want to use the money I've already put away.

Like ok, maybe I'm not mr.frugal. maybe i sometimes buy more expensive things because they're more convenient (like already cut vegetables/fruit or preprepared meals) but like my hands fucking hurt and sometimes I don't have the spoons to feed myself. Maybe I fall prey to impulse purchases once in a while. Im learning and I'm trying to learn how to budget bc now I have to also pay for insurance until I can get on medicaid.

My mom acts like I don't care. She sees amazon packages come for me and think theyre all toys or expensive skincare or junk when its actually body wipes for when I cant shower/so i dont come back from the field to the office all stinky. Its a trash can I can keep on my bedshelf so I dont throw trash onto the floor instead. Its knee braces because my knees fucking suck. Once in a while Ill see something on sale that ive been wanting for a while and will grab it. And the most expensive skincare I use is $20 for a jar that lasts me 3 months. I have to keep my skin clear or ill pick and have scabs and blood all over my face again. I spend money on drag because it MAKES me money. Last time I got paid $100 from the venue and $50 in tips. One time I got paid $300 from the venue (i dont remember how much in tips).

Im trying my best. Im working with 3 government agencies rn to get a job and get health coverage. Im working my ass off at my job when i probably shouldnt be working (my mom laughed when I mentioned this). I'm constantly doing things to earn me money or to make life a bit less painful. Even streaming is a desperate attempt to make a career/side gig out of something I enjoy and doesn't make me flare up. I only watch shows when im with my bf or when im doing chores or working. I rarely play video games. When I flare I lay in bed and scroll Tumblr or play a mindless dress up game where I only have to move my thumb. I cry almost everyday. I cry on the way to work. I cry holding my cat in so much pain i cant move.

The only big frivilous purchases I've made is the present and a new graphics card (I haven't replaced my old one in a decade). The present cost $230 and the graphics card cost $800. Both of these I saved for. I might buy a nice skirt once in a while but thats pretty much it. I also spread out big purchases over time when I can.

Am I spoiled? Maybe. Maybe my parents are right and I'm a lazy spoiled kid who just makes excuses. But my pain is real, constant, and severe.

I have friends who's birthday presents consist of trips to fucking italy or the bahamas. Who complain when their parents drag them on yet another international vacation. Some are amazing people who are grateful and work their asses off. And some of them are a bit entitled. My mom said most 26 year olds are living on their own with jobs and I fucking laughed. The only 26 year olds with their own apartments especially in my area either have 5 roommates in a 2 bedroom shithole, got lucky and have a high paying tech job, their parents pulled strings to get them hired, or their parents are paying partly or fully for their apartment.

And when i tried to find an apartment? She discouraged me and told me id never be able to afford one (correct) but now im suddenly able to when it suits her argument? Ive been heavily job hunting for over a year and got ONE interview who ghosted me after two interviews. I make $2k MAX. Rent in my area is $1700-2500 for a freaking studio. The $1700 one doesn't let you see the apartment and gets snapped up immediately. And these are all apartments within a 2 hour radius. All the "affordable housing" is for people 55 and older.

Like I literally have no options. I can't move until I get a job in that area. I can't leave the country cause Im disabled and also thats fucking expensive. My bf makes less than me and even combined we couldn't afford a place.

Literally, I've never been suicidal before. Ive never struggled with that due to my fear of death. But all of this? Ive recently had suicidal thoughts and its fucking scary. Thoughts that killing myself would make it easier for everyone else. That it would be easier to just end it, that life will always be a living hell and i should just give up. And thats fucking scary! I shouldn't have those thoughts! But that's how bad it is.

I try to do what my therapist told me. I try to set boundaries. But setting a boundary means not eating dinner bc I leave when my parents yell at me. I try to think positively and ignore the pain. I probably walk an average of 1-2 miles a day. I try and try and try and it hurts so much. They can't be proud of me? For even big victories? Guilting me about graduation cause I took too long. Keeping a job for more than a year (its not a REAL job cause its hourly and doesnt have benefits).

Like what's the point? I've been fighting and fighting and most of the world wants to see me dead and gone anyway. I'm trying to work in a field that doesn't even consider people like me. If I cant work Ill just bring my boyfriend and my family down. Every step forward I manage to take I get dragged back 10.

Im so tired and ashamed and stressed and my fucking body hurts worse now because of the stress and i just dont want to wake up tomorrow.

[terraliensvent]

https://www.tumblr.com/terraliensvent/765230213861916672/idk-who-coded-the-snugzi-site-but-its-so-much

Zingaro (Kea’s BF) coded the Snugzi site.

Honestly, it’s pretty, but it IS just barebones lore keeper, I’m sorry. There’s nothing extra or even particularly fun on the website, it’s lore keeper but with some pretty artwork and a different font. Other Lore keepers have bosses, weapons, mounts, etc, and that’s what makes them so unique and interesting, but Snugzis is genuinely just bare bones.

That being said, it seems like Snugzis IS getting preferential treatment to Terras. Nothing on the terrasite has really changed coding wise, so we can’t even be sure where he’s at in terms of progress. Getting it to how snugzis is shouldn’t cost fucking $600, especially considering the most ambitious thing Snugzis is doing right now is the fucking CRAFTING.

post related

yeah, i figured it would have been him

and if snugzi is pretty empty extension-wise then ill say thats pretty shit. you cant uphold a site on aesthetic alone.

i just took a glance around it and it seems they dont even have crafting? at least not on the site right now. most species with a lorekeeper above a basic “we just threw this together” level have crafting

like compare it to symprites or even celestial seas, they both have a pretty site yeah but they also have functionality, symps has pets, crafting, a damn spinner wheel, celestial seas has crafting, bosses, lore pages, etc

terra staff have said that the coder is gonna be paid to move the site to v3 and add extensions, but any competent user in the lorekeeper discord can do that at a WAY lower price (that is still a fair payment for the coder) and unless the terra staff wanna add fucking claymores and companions (a really big extension pack that adds pets, weapons, and exp) then its really not that hard

tychos head is so far up his own ass that he doesnt wanna see the truth that kea and her bf are scamming the fuck out of him, but he doesnt care because he REFUSES to ever hire someone he isnt butt buddies with

and youre right about snugzi getting preferential treatment, i have evidence where both tycho and decaf say that kea has been checked out of terras since she STARTED working on snugzi, but wouldnt leave for whatever reason (money, obviously)

[apollos-boyfriend]

im writing an au that is supposed to include everyone in the dsmp. but i am a humble enjoyer and dont know about lots of characters, purpled included. can i get a guidebook to writing cpurpled? any tropes to avoid, motivations you see people getting wrong, etc?

okay so. purpled is Interesting bc there's a lot of depth to his character in the sense that he himself is not self-aware of his own actions/wants, making for there being three purpleds: the purpled that he shows to others, the purpled he feels he is, and the true purpled he himself isn't even fully aware of. and depending on how deep you wanna explore into his character, that third one likely won't even come into play, because that is more of an instance of a character study/purpled-centric piece, but i'll go over it anyways, just in case! splitting this into parts below the cut to make categorizing things a bit easier :]

first, the basics:

purpled has a very. unique way of talking. in serious moments, he's calm, collected, and intimidating, and will act like you'd expect a broody teenaged mercenary to. most of the time, though, his speech pattern is the world's most ungodly mixture of teenage boy and starving victorian orphan.

in fight or flight, he chooses fight 100% of the time, even if that fight is not immediate.

purpled only cares about a handful of things: self-preservation, his image, and money. this doesn't necessarily mean he won't do "good" things, just that his motives are less about saving people and more about advancing his own agenda. during the red banquet, for example, he only saved the attendants because he was paid to. eret called him a hero for it, but it was nothing more than a matter of who paid more. his morals are extremely skewed,

but he's not inherently malicious. he's indifferent. his actions are logical, not emotional, so despite harming others for his own gain, he typically holds no ill-will towards them. for example, the wiki cites that he and bad have a negative relationship for betraying the eggpire during the banquet, but in reality, purpled really doesn't see bad in anything but a neutral way. there are very few people he holds either positive or negative emotions towards, as his default state is indifferent, but willing to go along with the other person's emotions if they pay enough.

the only people he does feel a semblance of strong emotions towards are: hannah, boomer, ponk, tubbo, jack, and quackity. he has positive personal relationships with hannah, boomer, ponk, and tubbo, seeing them as genuine friends. additionally, ponk, tubbo, and jack are fellow businessmen, which he very much admires. quackity, of course, is the one person on the list he has overtly negative feelings towards, something that possibly extended towards slime after the ln finale, as well. he has an Odd relationship with tommy in the sense that they're somewhat rivals, but not in the usual fandom sense where "oh they secretly care about each other because they're sworn rivals". purpled would sell tommy to satan for a single cornchip and not even blink. there's also dogchamp, his dog, which is i think the one True attachment he's ever had on the server.

business is very important to him! purpled only really cares to talk to people who he sees on a similar intellectual level as him, and business is the closest way to his heart, as seen with his relationship with ponk.

anyone he doesn't see on his level is "lesser". this is specifically highlighted with his viewpoint on slime, as he sees slime as nothing but a child who can't fend for himself and has to rely on quackity for everything. this viewpoint is, obviously, extremely untrue, because purpled is an unreliable narrator in every sense of the word.

he's very smart and extremely capable. if he sets his mind to something, he Will accomplish it through any means necessary, even at the cost of others.

he is also. just sillie. at least around those he trusts or is pretending to allow to get close to him (like fundy in ln). he pulls stupid pranks for stupid prizes. he's just a boy that really loves his dog. he's the server's strongest warrior yet he runs screaming from boomer because they threatened to child-leash him. do not be afraid to make him a freak (because trust me he Is one)

some deeper stuff! all of these things are unspoken, and things he himself is not aware of. a dive into his subconscious thoughts, if you will. if you're writing something deeper with him, these are things i recommend alluding towards/highlighting, but in a sense that only the audience is aware of. they're not things that should be Explicitly Stated, at least not by him/his pov. purpled has little to no true self-awareness, and when he does have moments of introspection, he Still manages to fuck that up, which i'll be getting into

purpled does not really feel any negative emotions other than rage and spite. or, more accurately, he doesn't let himself feel anything other than rage or spite. when lamenting about his loneliness on the server, he immediately spins it into a revenge plot, believing it'll be solved as soon as he gets his just desserts. he does feel and process positive emotions, it's just negative ones he pushes aside for the sake of anger.

this is because, inherently, purpled does not believe he is in the wrong. ever. everything is always the fault of others, which is why he results to anger, because that's what happens when he pushes blame onto other people. he doesn't ever accept that his actions can be detrimental to himself, and that his issues are always the fault of others. for example, he believes that the reason his legacy on the server was "ruined" was because of quackity's intervention. while quackity's destruction of his ufo certainly didn't help, purpled's core issue was himself. his own self-isolation is what started the downfall of his legacy, and his continued isolation is what sealed its fate.

his inability to process his true emotions/wants makes him very prone to self-sabotage, although he believes the path he chooses is the right one. due to quackity's intervention, he believes that he wants a legacy to have power and to be remembered. when he laid out his issues, however, his biggest hang-up was that "if he asked people on the server to name three things about him, none of them could". deep down, what he wanted was a sense of connection, of building a legacy through the bonds formed with others, but he was unable to realize that.

he's so fucking stupid. all of this is me trying to say he's a fucking idiot. he has the emotional capacity of a pet rock with angry eyebrows drawn onto it. he's hypocritical and not even aware of it. i don't think he has the emotional ability to know what hypocrisy is.

the most important thing, though, is to not woobify him into the "manipulated minors" trope. purpled was not manipulated, and although his age plays into the tragedy of his character on a meta-level, it has no true importance to his actions/story. and although i gush about him a lot, and there are reasons to why he acts the way he does, he is not a good person. i can explain why he does what he does all i want, but at his core he is flawed and antagonistic. that's what makes him so good!! he is not a good person, he knows he's not a good person, and unless he's purposefully playing that role in order to deceive someone, he doesn't pretend to be one, and is up-front with others about that fact.

[mspeevee]

so my cat isabelle stopped eating and was throwing up s i took her to the vet today and 270$ later she needs to have her molars removed and a 600$ ultrasound soon for whatever is inside her gut and it made me realise i really can't afford these two cats at the same time. after my sister gave me them both whens he kicked me out she promised to pay for half of their things and she hasn't paid anything to them since i moved 2 years ago and i just can't afford them both...

and i feel so fucking bad picking between them but i have to give up delilah because she's higher needs and i just can't take care of her like she deserves. and im trying so hard not to think about how she'll feel being given up to the pound again and never seeing me again but it's so she can have a better life and im just praying she does get a better home.

idek how much the surgery (or more if isabelle needs more) will cost but i just i dont know

my sister says she can't pay for them at all cuz she's getting dental on monday done and idk how to feel asking her to find proof of ownership for delilah so i can just ... dump her off at the humane society.

[kelocitta]

Any tips for leaving Artificer's starting area,,,, I went both ways and been killed by Scav gangs like a dozen times... I'm trying so hard to be braver and it's backfiring

Okay so artificers campaign is rough if your not used to dealing with scavengers- you have to be ready to engage a fight because scavenger squads do not leave you alone (this is where the bombs come in, the cost of making an explosive is paid back when you actually kill with them) the way most predators will when you start running away. (More under cut)

1) You want to head to the right starting off. The starting gate is rough but its really to prep you for scavenger fights along with getting you used to the second mechanic of Artificer (if you havent noticed, there's always a dead scavenger in one spot because its communicating significance. The left has a toll and while you can get through those, thats a big choke point to immediately deal with.) Also if you've made it to the shelter to the right, you go up from that. You've probably already noticed it but I have bad eyesight and it was hard for me to see so thats where you wanna head. 2) bombs are great for groups while spears are good for picking off individuals. When an explosive spear blows up, you lose the spear but gain rubble that can be used for a bomb. Scavengers who have their own bombs are now SUPER GREAT because you can't be killed by explosions (only stunned. Explosive spears are still spears) and they can set off large blasts in their own group. Just be aware that in an explosion scavengers to the sides will likely only be stunned, not killed, so even if the entire group blows up be ready for at least one to potentially get back up. 3) try and get yourself to vantage points where possible. Pipes and corners are good, because scavengers arent armored you can pick them off as long as you can hit them, and the biggest issue is being overwhelmed by numbers. You can also make spears in pipes without leaving them if theres chaos on screen, in prep. 4) slug senses is great for noticing off-screen scav gangs and keeping track of the individuals in the room. This can help you avoid getting sniped. Also listen for clacking noises, theres a certain sound that scavengers walking around make. Throwing a bomb offscreen if you think there are scavs coming towards you can be surprisingly rewarding. Threat visual pulse is also probably very usefully for immediately detecting that scavs are in the area. 5) if your trying to flee or dodge, try going up rather than to the sides. Artificer's bomb jumping means you can get into the air or on high ledges that are much harder for scavengers to access or target spears at faster than they can climb to them. Just be aware you can only use this safely about three times before Artificer starts overheating (will stun themselves next blast) so dont hit it too rapidly. 6) holding down will change the blast from a booster to a small AOE stun. Its a short period, but it can buy you time. I don't think it can parry spear throws, but it can stop grabs or bites. 7) If your good at dodging, Scavs can easily end up disarmed by throwing everything they have at you. Scavs that dont have any items can not hurt you and are easy prey, so tracking how many "shots" a scavenger has before its only option is run can be helpful. Just make sure that theres no other spears on the ground for them. When there is only one, you can also try getting in close with the bomb jump and stealing the weapons from them directly (and then immediately using it on them) 8) Predators of scavs are your friends now. Thats free wasted spears and focus off you (if your careful) Artificer having 24/7 bomb access means a lot of predators are super killable (because they're not designed to survive the relatively rare bombs) even big ones like vultures or centipedes. Scavengers are strong because they aren't alone, but many threats are only one or two "targets" and can be taken out in one bomb spear or regular bomb. 9) I found "Scavenger kill squad leniency" to be a very helpful toggle for Artificer. I played most of the campaign without it, but eventually got tired of having multiple deaths directly outside the shelters. It doesn't make things easy, but having that extra bit of time to make progress or get to a vantage point made things way more interesting for me! All it does is give you a small window to prevent most scavenger attacks at the cycle start or entering a region- helpful if your getting overwhelmed too quickly to feel fun. And finally... DEATH IS FREE! In a normal campaign deaths lower your karma but Artificer has no karma to lose! They're already at a big fat karma one! So remember that everything is just about being as stubborn as possible and you only lose progress to the next shelter on death rather than karma progress for the gates. So its just about putting your head to the wall and going for it rather than surviving everything.

Hope that helps!! Artificer is a rough start but as soon as things open up they become insanely fun because of the platforming options. The starting zone is really a sort of trial by fire and dumps you in the deep end so that you know exactly what your up against.

[s1ll13rg00s3]

I absolutely get what you are saying and I was talking to a gyn about this irl only yesterday. Like yes, patriarchy is bad but having patriarchy control your decision making through "well if patriarchy tends to say yes I must say no" doesn't maximise women's autonomy. I think it's good to be aware of the patriarchal pressures, learn more so you can do a more true cost/benefit analysis for yourself, then make your own decision.

I don't think acting as a walking talking billboard for your political opinions through how you present yourself is an effective means of social change & this twisting of "the personal is political" is really unfortunate. I hope that the gyns doing that aren't aware of the author's views and that misrepresenting the intended meaning is an honest mistake.

I 100% agree, I think that a lot of ppl on here only get so far as cultural femininity = tool of the patriarchy and patriarchy = bad so femininity = bad. Which as short hand kind of works, but I think it misses the big picture.

With regard to femininity in general, I think one thing libfems are (half) right about is that a lot of feminine things are seen as demeaning because they are associated with women. While sometimes certain inherently demeaning roles are "assigned" to women via feminity (such as being a sexual object) i dont think that means that everything feminine has an inherent quality of being demeaning, lesser, or damaging. I mean like for example, we have evidence of this with how careers and sports and fields of study that are female dominated and therefore associated with women are seen as lesser, command less respect, and don't pay as well. Like it's directly observable that when women were dominating compsci it paid like being a secretary, whereas now it is incredibly lucrative and very well respected.

But since we're taking about aesthetics specifically, lets talk about body hair again, why is a man who trims or shaves his chest/back hair not really worthy of comment (maybe some people might think its vain, and therefore not masculine... hm), but if he shaves his legs... it's a flat out joke?

If you look at the expectations of femininty physically everything expected of women is a deviation from the "natural" - removal of body hair, a body that needs to be maintained through careful diet and exercise, smooth/long/neatly coifed hair, makeup to cover blemishes, blemishless/unwrinkled skin that requires a routine to maintain, etc.

Secondly, the exaggerate existing sexual dimorphism in humans. Men are typically harrier than women, their hair is coarser, they are typically larger, they usually have thinner lips and smaller eyes and lower brows, smaller chests and hips and wider waists, etc.

Men are allowed to be natural, they are allowed to not alter themselves and it is a neutral decision and the masculine has to be separate from the feminine as much as possible to help maintain the separation between the sexes which makes it easy to "other" women. So, in order to do that, women must be pushed into making obligatory alterations of their body to more clearly define the social classes of men/women.

It also serves as a vessel to deliver shame to women by constantly communicating to us that our bodies are shameful and need to be changed. "Not only is your body weaker than men's and more easily exploited, but the one thing it's good for (ornamental value/sexual gratification) can't even be accomplished naturally, to fulfill your "purpose" you need to constantly change yourself or you are without value." While Men are allowed to just be.

When a man shaves his legs its funny and worthy of mockery because shaving your legs is feminine, not because there's anything more inherently degrading about removing leg hair vs removing chest hair.

That's why there's also a "right" way to decorate yourself - really, if you do actual creative makeup (or even just "beauty" makeup but badly) you get told that you look like a clown a lot or if you dress up in the "wrong" way you'll get ridiculed also. One example is lolita fashion, which is hyper feminine but was still invented as an inversion of what is expected of Japanese women (a mature, subdued, sexy look). I mean... they're are butch women who spend quite a lot of effort on their appearance (suits are not very comfortable, a good one is expensive and needs to be tailored. Plus you have colognes and grooming products for short hair (similar to what men use)), but they don't get rewarded for it societally because they are still stepping out of line with what is expected of their class. It's just a delivery system for shame and assimilation into the "woman" social class.

That's also why the goals of feminine grooming change over time, if they were just the "most degrading" option wouldn't they be stagnant and never overlap with what men have done at any point? But instead, we see bodytypes and facial features go on and out of style, we see constantly evolving fashion trends, and what sort of roles women are "allowed" to take in society. The specifics aren't that important, it is the grooming into shame, which is then used to keep women compliant and subservient.

Really, on a basic level, it's not a big deal to shave your legs. You're probably not going to get an infection from a cut and you're probably not wasting *that* much time. Wearing heels occasionally isn't going to ruin your joints (men used to wear heels too at times and they were fine) the truly important part about compulsory grooming is the above, at least in my opinion.

And... thats why I think its counter productive to weaponize that same shame to make women chase after a new moving target which is just "the opposite of what men want" or the current ever evolving patriarchal standard. Have you really helped her deconstruct anything and deprogram herself or will she just bend in a different direction when someone else is shaming her more than you are? Besides that... living as inversion of something is still letting it define your life. Exhausting.

[virginmiri99]

Watcher situation: I'm a BuzzFeed unsolved enjoyer and never really got into watcher as a preface

Honestly to me it was just really disappointing. I see why they thought it would work but to me, and to a lot of people, it just looks like they're selling out. Going from free YouTube to paid content isn't easy, but generally with the upgrade there usually is massive changes to the content. The fact that watcher evidently won't have that...it definitely makes it come across as a sellout.

There is a big difference between putting watcher on a streaming platform Vs watcher being taken up by netflix for example. It's the production quality, amount of episodes filmed, what type of content is made and an increase in content that is generally associated with things like that getting put on streaming services. Whereas going private and not changing much at all really shows that it's about the money.

I can't say for certain whether this is motivated by money because honestly I don't care enough to. Regardless of whether it is or not, this announcement was a complete disaster and goes against everything that the watcher channel has establishes for itself. Additionally, a lot of people are revealing they don't care about production quality, they care about Ryan and Shane's friendship on screen, and a lot of people are saying that's what they misunderstand.

Honestly my prediction on where this is going is that they're going to recant this decision and attempt to recoup their losses, but a lot of people will probably actively choose not to return due to the fact that they've shown where their loyalties lie. Especially because I'm 90% certain if they'd just set up a patreon they'd get at least 25% of their audience paying instead of everyone actively turning against them. At any rate, this situation will definitely effect their overall ability to be funded in future by fans, and leave a bad taste in their mouth.

I don't really have predictions for if it goes ahead because we've seen it all before.

minor correction: they already have a patreon set up and it seems like theyre moving to basically do patreon full time. But, other than that I see your point via production quality. It is motivated by money--in their video Ryan talks about how expensive ghost files is, which is disappointing because it doesn't need to cost $100k. i can be $5 and a dream so long as youre creating something with soul. SO much has gotten popular with no production value bc really what people care about is soul... i agree.

Id like for them to see that they dont need high production for gain popularity--but realistically theyre going to go ahead with their plan. at best theyll do it for a few months to a year, maybe make back some profit, and see that the light over what people really want and return as a smaller company. At worst, they stay there forever and slowly lose more and more fans as the months wane on, losing more and more money.

But I'm not a financial adviser so idk what im talking about really

[little-leggies]

I have a lot of thoughts on this, and I don't know who will see this or how it will be received by the people pissed off about this decision, but here goes.

I see a lot of valid points being made about streaming services and affordability, especially in the hell-scape society that is America. I've also seen a lot of validity from folks in other countries who can no longer access this content, and a lot of hurt about that. They likely knew that this would alienate some (or many) of their fans when they made this decision, and I think that its reasonable to be frustrated about formerly free content being put behind a paywall. That's all valid. But there's a lot of things that are concerning coming from people who are just reacting rather than taking a step outside themselves to consider why they did this move- other than "they're greedy."

I keep seeing people compare Shane and Ryan to Elongated Muskrat or Barf Jesos in the comments on Youtube/Tumblr, and this speaks to a MUCH LARGER issue that comes up a lot on the internet, and that's paying artists and creators what they deserve to be paid. So many people have such a fucking grievance with paying creatives for their work. It seems that people think that, because the Watcher crew isn't going to just break even with the income they will get from this decision, they're somehow greedy bastards who hate their fans, and that's frankly just not true. I don't know how much the people at watcher pocket from their content, but I can almost guarantee that its not enough to even be a FRACTION of what any billionaire has. Is it maybe a couple hundred thousand a year? yeah. But I honestly think, given the time, energy, and creative thought power that has gone into their work, they deserve it! How would it be fair if they would just break even on business costs? They have bills, families, emergencies, and hell, just LIVES that they want to be able to live outside of being content-producing machines for you to engage with for free. It is really sad seeing people behave this way, and I think that it would be a fair assessment to say that Shane, Ryan, and Steven (plus the other folks over at Watcher) are feeling really betrayed by a lot of their fanbase, similar to how many fans feel betrayed by this decision. Is it fair to be sad and upset that there's a paywall? sure. But the Watcher crew wanting to do more, create, and have freedom to do so isn't something that makes them terrible people.

And for the fact that they have an LA office? Yes, it could be possible for them to relocate to a lower-cost area. But you know that relocation costs money, right? And besides that, the most lucrative place for creatives to be IS Los Angeles because of the proximity to other creatives, and opportunity for collabs. I'm not saying this means they have to stay there, but when you consider the reasons, it makes a lot of sense. And in addition to all that, it can be really hard to understand the nuance of business operations and say "we dont care about production value!" when that is frankly not true. All I saw in the comments of Buzzfeed unsolved was how people were pissed when the Ovulus wasn't being used, or how they didn't go to enough locations to hunt ghosts, and all I saw in the comments of Ghost Files was how cool everything looked, and how proud everyone was of them for building the set that they did and investing in new tools! Do you know how much time and money it took to do that? Maybe their dynamic is what drew you in, but production value means more than using an expensive camera or having more staff to edit. And speaking of that, I saw people saying there's so many "useless" employees at watcher, and I think that is so insulting. The editors and designers and directors take so much time and care into these shows that you claim to enjoy, and now you're saying their work is useless? Come on now. I know it can be frustrating as a poor student or someone who is disabled with no income to look at their lives and be envious, and think that this is some greed-scheme to get more money. But I promise you that not every creative looking to build their business and make more content is out to get you.

I've also seen people saying that this feels like a breakup, or that the Watcher folks owe them free content because it got them through a hard time, and this also speaks to a larger issue of over-exaggerating the relationship that is had with content creators. Shane and Ryan aren't your friends. They're not your boyfriends, they're not your family- hell, they're not even acquaintances. They are STRANGERS making silly videos on the internet for you to enjoy. They don't owe you free content just because you have a vision in your head of dating one of them. That's a super fucked up way to interact with creators, and frankly it's probably good you're leaving this fandom if you feel that way, because it's damaging to your own mind, and to people who create who keep getting the message that your work is only worth something if people like it.

I think it's bold of them to do what they're doing under the monopoly that Youtube has over short-form media. Youtube is notorious for treating its creators like shit, and demonetizing left and right over the tiniest little slip up, while allowing others to make flat out disgusting media, spread misinformation, and hurt other people. I've seen flat out porn on Youtube before, but a creator gets demonetized because they said a swear? Not to mention the type of shit thats filtered (or more accurately, NOT filtered) through the algorithms that end of being dangerous or just brain-rot level content marketed toward children. Being chained to ad revenue is a horrible way to exist as a creator online. Some of these companies (lookin' at you, Noom and Betterhelp) data-mine, are scams, or are just straight up terrible, but they're the companies willing to give scraps to Youtubers to promote their content, even if they don't believe in the product/service. I think divesting from that shows that Shane, Steven, and Ryan have upheld their integrity, not lost it like I see so many others saying.

If you don't want to support their project, or just cant afford it, it's not like they're saying you have to. They confirmed all their old content will remain on youtube to watch, and they will be uploading the first episode of each season still, for free, on Youtube, and they will be shifting from Patreon to this website. But in order to escape the beast, they need the funds, and I think that there are still many Watcher fans willing and able to support them in that. And hell, you can even gift others subscriptions on their site, AND they're offering 30% for the first year until May 30th. I think they considered the fans in this decision just based off that fact alone. Sure the video they uploaded is cheesy, and it would have been nice if they would have gotten feedback from the fans before making this decision- especially because international and poor fans are hit the hardest and could have provided alternative ideas, but I would not believe for a second that even thinking about this transition would have resulted in an uproar from people who just react to things instead of stepping outside themselves for a second to think about them.

Anyways. Idk if anyone at Watcher took the time to read this, but there are those of us who support your decision to make this move, and even applaud it because you're not feeding into the Youtube Machine. As an avid watcher since Unsolved, I'd be happy to continue to support the content you make, and I hope that the feedback hasn't been too overwhelmingly disheartening. I look forward to walking forward with yall on this, because FUCK Youtube, and FUCK the feedback that is telling y'all you're terrible for making this decision.

We’re Leaving YouTube

[plaguery]

i want to just get a steady job first so im going to keep applying to average retail/customer service stuff since thats what my experience is in but once i do get that job and i can worry less about making my rent and stuff i think i want to look into union trades. depending on what i choose i might have to get certifications first and those cost money but a lot of them do pay you to learn as an apprentice. i was thinking about going for welding before but i dont know if theyre one of the paid apprenticeship ones or not. once i do more research though i might pick something else. welding seemed cool to learn as a trade that i could even apply to art as well. basically i need to find a good career that wont require me to go back to college because i really dont think i can make it in college. as much as i love the lectures/seminars and learning, the workload was massive for me. despite how good i am at these, im still a slow reader and writer. when i was in college i was trying so hard to study and get all my coursework done and, not even procrastinating, i STILL was staying up until the early morning hours every day trying to get things done in time. and thats not even touching on how much the environment bothered me. it would have been different if i wasnt reliant on merit scholarships at the time and could risk lower grades or hits to my gpa. but now i dont even know how i would pay for it because i refuse to take out loans with my fear of debt.

so a trade that pays me to learn hands on, on the job would be kind of perfect. it would be at the expense of... probably a major part of my identity while also satisfying a smaller, but still significant other part. but i need to be able to make the money i need to take care of myself and live the way i want to outside of work so i think that sacrifice might have to be made.

idk it just sucks that a more dominant part of me wants a path that would either require college and likely still suffer financially with it or just trudge through retail/customer service forever, barely scraping by to support my desire to learn and create. and the other part of me is like "hey i got this!! give me a rough trade and i can keep us afloat so we can live the life we want!!" like why cant i just nun larp and do religious studies and creative writing with a focus in poetry like i wanted to forever and make enough money doing that... or why cant i be a mysterious librarian/archivist or even an enchanting mortician without selling my soul to the demon of academic grading and degrees... but NOOOO the part of me that wanted to be a mechanic when they grew up is winning the career game!!!!!!