#i dont even have words i just feel so baf

[lesseraive]

im sick as fuck about seunghan what the hell

[86espresso]

there’s holy ground beneath them, and sparks fly when they kiss ✯ jh86

-> insta edit (my first one. be nice ill cry)

-> high school sweetheart!jack <3 bc yes

-> I love him bye

-> other things coming soon dw I didn’t forget 👊

-> under the cut !

liked by jackhughes, alexturcotte, and others

ynzonedout my boy<3 and also cam york’s boy apparently<33

replies . . .

jackhughes baby I can explain 😔

ynzonedout is there something you need to tell me ://

cam.york j, babe, don’t ✋

ynzonedout wtf

jackhughes I was gonna tell u eventually 😔😔😔

alexturcotte have some decorum yorkie that’s a taken man

ynzonedout tell him.

trevorzegras 💻👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

jackhughes oh! that’s

liked by ynzonedout, colecaufield, and others

jackhughes look at her go !!

replies . . .

ynzonedout oKAy but I did so good omfgfoMFG

jackhughes you did amazing bambi ☺️

ynzonedout but I didn’t fall over this time so bambi doesn’t check out ✋✋

jackhughes you fell over taking off your skates. off the ice

ynzonedout DELETE DLETEY

ynzonedout why do you hate me

jackhughes wtf I would stab trev for you

ynzonedout aw ur so <33

trevorzegras EHAT THEVFUCK

liked by spencerknight, colecaufield, and others

ynzonedout you see this when you enter a room. what would you do 🎤

replies . . .

alexturcotte run in the opposite direction FAST

liked by ynzonedout

jackhughes nightmare blunt rotation

colecaufield notice how his sense of humor skyrocketed after he started dating bambi…

ynzonedout oof

jackhughes the heck. ur right 🙄

cam.york ALL at the same TIME 😮‍💨

ynzonedout none of those words are in the bible

jackhughes skshjskwjwaj

liked by ynzonedout, trevorzegras, and others

jackhughes @/ynzonedout lookinf suuper extra fine today I need her mroe than air 😪 LOVE her so baf

replies . . .

ynzonedout jackie, baby, this is your public instagram

trevorzegras accidentally gave him too many edibles thats on me

ynzonedout ofc ur at the scene of the crime

trevorzegras ??!!??/)$ cole was involved

jackhughes bsmbi come iver imy:((((((((((

ynzonedout omw baby just two mins of homework left 🥹

quinnhughes just projectile vomited

ynzonedout lowkey ate down 🎤

colecaufield lookin goood ma’am

alexturcotte stunna

user1 proof that your fav white boy needs a baddie in his life

ynzonedout ur so adorable im jumping ily :)

liked by jackhughes, quinnhughes, and others

ynzonedout happy 18th birthday to my fav princess angel white girl jacklyn <3 despite the growing pressure on you and big things coming up, you never fail to make me feel like the only girl ever. you’re the sweetest and kindest ever, everyone deserves a you. my forever crush, i love you to death. muah 💗

replies . . .

jackhughes im drowning in my own tears.

jackhughes bambi wtf ill end it all i love you so much 🥹🥹🥹 thank you baby

alexturcotte my heart

trevorzegras ill actually cry. who knew you had a heart

ynzonedout im in ur Walls

colecaufield everyone’s crying. The streets exploded. bambi this is too much for all of us

ynzonedout THE STREETS EXPLODDE

ellenhughes aw this is adorable :)

ynzonedout thank you for your contribution to society 🧎‍♀️

liked by ynzonedout and others

jackhughes 1 week before the draft. cant wait !! ✊ replies . . .

ynzonedout im so fucking proud of you the fuck. What the fucking fuck im sobbing

jackhughes language 😔

ynzonedout no im fucking emo rn dont even

ynzonedout WAIT

ynzonedout jack oh myfuckingh god COME OVER RN my columbia letter just came in I can’t open it

jackhughes SHUT UP IM LN MY WAY IM shaking

alexturcotte columbia wth

trevorzegras ayo WHAT

colecaufield DID YOU GET IN

user3 COLUMBIA IS SO CLOSE TO NEW JERSEY AND ITS IN NEW YORK

cam.york everyone start freaking out like right now. bambi and jack will probably live toGETHWR SKSJKSJS

liked by jackhughes, quinnhughes, and others

ynzonedout happy weekend <3 a girl doesn’t deserve less

replies . . .

jackhughes proud doesn’t cut it, angel girl. you deserve all this and more 🩷

ynzonedout jackkk 🥹🥹🥹 you mean everything to me

jackhughes also we r so getting our own place and living together

ynzonedout damn fucking right we ARE

alexturcotte brb crying

trevorzegras you guys 🥹

colecaufield #bambijackforever agenda going strong . who’s dropping acid in my eyes

quinnhughes great achievement!! you’re so smart tf

liked by nicohischier, quinnhughes, and others

ynzonedout I hope you know how proud I am you were created 🩷 @/njdevils if you suck the youth out of him I’ll suck the soul out of you 🔪

replies . . .

njdevils 🫡🫡🫡

jackhughes BABE. we’ll get in trouble

jackhughes honestly couldn’t have done it all without your support. I love you :)

ynzonedout love u more forever :))

a/n: if I made mistakes no I didn’t. feedback appreciated but only the nice kind 🩷

[kusundei]

chat somethitb baf is happening.

no bcuz i had tbaf feeling this mornjng a little. i assumed it was me recovering from what i had said last night and grieving slightly but as the hours pass im slowly getting mire and more scared. i feel. sick.

i just i pdnt know god forbid the shower isnt helping. i think its the hot water its makinf it hard ti breathe but i know i wont have a panic attack no more how hard id wish it jnto existance. god how i wish i cohld have them still but im doomed to recovery even if it makes me more ill. im shaking and the water is boiling but i fesl cold. my throat is closing in on itself and j cant breathjkiuhwe? and i just feel so. so. torn? confused? doomed?

i. just. theres so much going in i think and god let it be the homework looming over me or the threat of the job or just home or eli and kira or god ajax. let jt be any but not all at once i am sick

i just i feel os. so. so. so. ? i cnatn even explain it i feel too mich right now and i cant pinpoint what im feelifn exaclty im jsut i cant

the most horrible bit abo this is that eight now like ysual im thinking about her. shes pipped into my mi today and she wont leave me alone and its been looming ovee me more than usual i just i dont know ehat is happening i feel strange nad insecure and i want to have a panica ttaxk so fuckinf abd but i cant because i hate when it just sticks okto me i feel sick

i genuinely cant im jjst so. fucking. i dokt knowni just i keep thinking about everything for no reason and its freakinf menkht and god forbif i just i .? i??, i want ajax so bad right njow?,? do nkt miscontrue my words i hhst i want to tely on someone and i want to let myself be vulnerable and i want to cry and i want someone to hug me and tlel me everyhtjng will be okay and that im nkt a burden and i can take up space and i can feel my own feeling snad j dont have to leep bearing others and keep doing thigs flr lther people and i want somekne to tell me im not selfish and im not a horrible person and god what the fuc is happenjnf tl me

i jsht god i cannt. the teason jd is looming so badly over me and gkf forbid i thjnk about bella too right now bht j jsut i cant? im taunting by mysrlf. consemning myself. i can commhnicate i am good at thag i can help myself but i juet i dont know what im doinfg. i feel strange and matbe thats what it is from yesterday because i said that and i regret it because i teel like ive just dumped all my feelings out for no reason i let mtself be vulnerable becahse i wasnt thiking straight and now im scared. im scared in the same wag hes scared i dont like change. i dont like jt and im thinking abkut it now and in scared? and jdotn know why??? i want change with you but im also horrified i wont be enlufh and i cant help. god forbid jd mindset rekindles inside of me but i jjst im so scared to be vulnerable. ii want to rely on someone j want to bevulnerabme i want to tell you im not feeljng good right now and i want you to know eberythint about me and i want you to understand but . but. but. theres so much stopping me. you are not mine but i am yours heh webweaving but i jhst i cant chat? ,? i an not your issue. you have your own issues you vocalized them with me and i just feel so. broken.? i dont confess that i feel the same way becahse i will not soeak into the truth that i am also doomed that i am broken and i am lying and i am a horrible person truly at heart and i wanted to help yu and put you first becaushe you mean soso much to me but i am not the good version of you i am the version of yoy that is lying to make themself feel better and victimize themself and hurt. hurt peiple hurt people. i an fuckijng ill andi an talking aboth so many things rifht now i jsut god jd i cant i mjss her but i dont i miss the wway felt with her thag i felt like i could be comfortable and talk to her and be broken but i cant do that with you because im not lile that. i an not rhat gersion of me anymore and god i just icantn fucking im ill and theres sp much . i am thinking ablht all the time god forbid your ex and the others and i am ill and sickened and selfish and horrible. and i didnt eben respond to eli and im horriblr and i keep trying to distract myself but tis nlt working and GOD you keep texting me and i jsht want to talk to you and cry i want to crt so bad i want to tell you that i need you but why do i need you why am i so attached to oyou am i already codependent from this many months? am i broken? am i still sick? i have healed in the least jmpprtant points i jjst i im sp. I cant. injsjt i need to calm down and think i feel so horrible ans so selfish i want someone to hell me but i want to be doomed but i want spmelone and i want thag to be you but im selfis h and im sorry

[mithliya]

I could definitely be wrong, but as an autistic person I honestly read the 'different language' thing as just an expression of how it feels to be autistic, not insulting your English. The way my thoughts connect to each other in my head and come out of my mouth is so different from the way they do for people who aren't autistic, and it really does feel like speaking a whole different language. Trying to get people to understand what I'm saying is very difficult and I do have to apologize and clarify a lot, and honestly, it does get exhausting, because a lot of people will refuse to believe what I actually meant because the words I said didn't translate into that for them the way it did for me and it's hard for them to understand that what obviously means one thing to them obviously means another thing to me.

Not saying macro is in the right here, but I also read you saying the part about things 'leading to the conclusion that' as you stating the conclusion as something that you believed to be true--in hindsight and after your explanation, I realize that was a silly way to read it, but it happens so often that I'm more wary of it. I don't think anyone here is intentionally misinterpreting words; this kind of misunderstanding isn't uncommon for autistic people. It's just a pile of misunderstandings.

I started talking way too much, but my point is, I think that was what the 'different language' thing meant--the child comment was uncalled for, but I don't think it was about your English at all. Again, though, I could be wrong.

Hopefully I worded all of this in a way that 'translates' properly. I'm a little tired so stringing words together is harder than it is normally, so if any of this came off wrong, I'm very sorry. I'm honestly not trying to take sides here, I don't feel like I know enough about the whole situation to make any solid judgments on it, I'm just trying to help clear up the misunderstandings because I'm very familiar with how easy it is for these things to happen. Also, I always enjoy seeing you on my timeline, you seem like a cool person and I don't want you to maybe feel hurt over something that came off wrong. (Though in this context, it really should have been worded differently.) Obviously I don't know how you're actually feeling about it, but, well, insults are hurtful. Sorry for stating the incredibly obvious there, like I said my words are not forming well.

Sorry for the very long ask. Hope you're doing well!

but afaik butch-reid'd is not autistic as well is she? i can understand though bc very often im saying things and it feels like people are somehow reading entirely different (which is what they just did to me, funnily enough) but i wish theyd perhaps avoid such comments with me bc seriously the amount of times this week alone that people have made weird comments to me about my english or language abilities is .. too much. i ignored it bc of that bc i was like what is up with this comment why do peopl keep saying things about my language abilities to me -_-

anyways im mostly frustrated now that even after explaining at least twice that i am simply saying that people reading ur words literally does not mean theyre out to get u and trying to misconstrue u and whatever else, & its ok to simply correct them and move on, theyre now intentionally misconstruing me to call me ableist lol. like im supposed to give everything they say the most generous interpretation ever, but even when im clarifying my words repeatedly i dont deserve the same.. its odd. especially when i dont think im saying anything unreasonable when i say "people arent intentionally misconstruing you by reading ur words as they are literally written, youre simply wording them unclearly & can clarify it and then move on. if it requires knowing u personally and already having positive feelings towards u to understand what ur saying as u intend it then it is simply unclear"

anyways thank u anon and i appreciate hearing ur input <3 im just baffled by how i was trying to politely explain sth to them and i got repeated insults in return

[shutspap]

im a lil drunk and also a lil high and i wanna ramble but odont want anyone to see so AYY old vent blog i havent touched in years

conall messaged me while i was out and my whole body did the lil wash of dread bc i keep getting scared every message will be a “we’re done” message. but he asked if i was ok and i said i was and how was he and i was out and he said he was good and if i was having fun and i said itd be more fun with him there

and he said he hoped i was having a good time and that he’d talk to me later and i said i was sorry if i was too much and he said i was fine and he just had work soon but. am i really fine or was he just saying that and ‘he’ll talk to me’ mean we’re gonna chat or we’re gonna TALK talk

im really in love with him and im sad texting hurts now. cause i dont know what we are or what we’re allowed to be and i just want to tell him i adore him but i csnt.

is him talking to me a good sign? is this bad signs?

i dont know and i think thats cause i never did ever try to work things out with a person when thy wanted to leave max and dino and grace without a fijt. this is my first time in something like this and i m lost

im really tied and my ocds baf and i know i shouldny be talking about max or grace or even dino but fuck yall thats my history and may e i doo need to let go more but thatll alays be a part of ,e

cant get called a murderer or have your sexual boundrsies overlooked or manipulated into being self destructed or string along for ,onthw without winding up with so,e kinda scars. and if im allowed to think of my dad i should be able to think of my other bad relationshops

i m still scared im a bad persom. i dont wanna be a bad person. and i, doing everything to not be one but i just keep hurting people and im scared

and i kinda wanna die but not in a auicide way! in! a i want an advrnture way. deaths an awfully big adventure, and sometime i feel like i have no adventures to have, and dwath seems like more of a hug than an ending. and i cant tell anyone cause theyd think i wanna die when really i wamt something bigger than myself and new oppertunities

and maybe i do beleive in so,ething bigger, i prayed sunday and monday and i didnt mean to but i did

i hust wish i knew someome or thing was listening, that i could just yell into the void and be heard and understood and comforted

i miss being comforted

i dont think i ever knew the meaning of the word til conall wrapped me in his arms while i was crying thst night

i want to be held. i want to be loved. and long distance is really scary and hard amd i just wish he was here and still loved me s he could hold me and id hold him

i want someone to think im worth taki g care of. i wakt someone to want to help me

im so lonely. and its scafy spending time with people, going out and getting hig and talking, and feel alone the whole time. i felt so alone and lost

i wanna feel loved

i wanna feel phsyical affection

i wanna feel anything but this, please,

please

[brightstarsfaded]

//tw probably\\

hey uhhhh not to be the worst but why the fuck can i not even get through the day without wanting to literally die ,, i'm so tired this life and what it has brought me which sounds really dumb and negative (which, speaking of which, contrary to popular belief, you telling me to stay positive or cheer up does not fucking help but thanks for making me feel like an idiot for being a depressed piece of garbage) but i truly feel that way and i'm so darn sick of being angry and feeling constant rage in my chest it's exhausting and i dont want this anymore for myself i'm too tired of being this stressed and sad and angry. i keep gaslighting myself, trying to trick myself into think past situations where i have been hurt are all my fault and i know deep down that's not true and my experiences are valid and it's understandable and okay for me to be upset and still have these things affect me but i tell myself im at fault for everything baf that has happened to me and part of me feels that's true. and i'm so scared all the time because my mind plays these images of all the people i love dying in gruesome ways and it's so fucking scary and these thoughts keep me awake at night and make it hard to function day by day. i dont know what the fuck is going on with my brain but i can deal with it anymore, and all while this is going on i get these urges on the daily to just cut every single person i know off from my life and leave forever with not another word. i dont know what is going on with me or rather what has been going on but ive been so fucked in the head for as long as i can remember but this is the worst ive ever been and one of these days i feel like im just going to fucking off myself on a whim which i guess wouldnt be awful but other times i want nothing more than to live my absolute best life and i just dont understand at all anymore. like i dont want help or anything i just want to have some peace of mind once in a while, but i cant do that because all i feel is stress and rage and overwhelming sadness and despair on top of literally not being able to go through the day or night without being scared for my loved ones. i fucking hate myself and who i have become, i deserve absolutely nothing good and i just wish everything would stop. it's hilariously ironic i'm going to school to be a psychiatrist yet i doubt i will even get past these next three years