#i dont doubt that this happened i just havent been able to find any more info on it

[keepthemacramesecret]

Wait "The Strand" backed an official Sherlock Holmes fan fic contest?

Sort of! George Newnes (founder of the strand) also ran a paper called Tit-Bits which was not a full magazine but instead ran short single-column light reading, and at some point during the hiatus they ran a contest to publish a short fan-written holmes story. allegedly.

(from the 'Cambridge Companion to Sherlock Holmes' introduction)

theres only a few issues of tit-bits accessible online at all as far as i can find and those are through newspapers.com (payed subscription) so i havent had a chance to dig into it any further than the one or two little mentions it got in the cambridge holmes companion 😔 but im obsessed with it and if i ever find out more i will absolutely make a little post abt it

[ender-cloud]

That new TGS update made me physically ill holy shit! Spoilers under cut

I feel like we all knew that this would happen but I wasn’t actually ready for it, Like god Lanyon you truly were screwed over

THIS MADE ME LIKE AGAHBAGWGAVEVS!!!

Also after this the “I wanted to be the person you needed me to be” makes me just feel so agshabaggas JEKYLLLL!!! It broke my heart and im still not ok.

Even after jekyll admitted it was him Lanyon still wanted to find an excuse how it couldn’t be at first and it’s just like, Lanyon! You can’t be doing this to me man!

Also, just, Jekyll saying that Hyde was a mistake is a punch to the gut, because i get how he can think that but Hyde is still like a part of Jekyll he separated from himself! Does he think that part of himself was a mistake? Or does he think that ever separating Hyde from him was a mistake? Because these two things can have very different meanings.

If he thinks that part of himself was a mistake: he hates a part of himself that he cant control which is something a lot of people experience but its still not ideal, But its also Fucked up, Because Hyde has become his own person and Jekyll is acting like he Dosent exist, like Hyde can’t hear all of this

But on the other hand if he thinks it was a mistake separating Hyde from himself might mean that he can see that maybe it would be better if he still had that part with him and this shows his growth from who he used to be. Finally realizing that it still makes him, him, again something some people need to overcome in real life.

Though it is most likely the first option but i can only hope its the second

I know that Lanyon’s reaction is probably the most important but I really want to see Jaspers and Rachels reactions too because we havent even gotten a glimpse of them in the background and it’s just heightening my curiosity, because Rachel was close to both of them so she’s the one im most interested in after Lanyon.

ANYWAY! BACK TO THE PAIN!!!

Im going to be honest i think Lanyon is valid for this because yes it has been 2 years and He and Jekyll have been friends for long enough to where you would have this trust base relationship.

Also they just got together romantically which would fuck up Lanyons mind even more. Like way to go Jekyll breaking the foundation of trust in a relationship in your first day of being in one. I can see how he might feel like his feelings are being played with, Hyde would avoid him, and ive been mentioning this so often but like if someone you thought was your friend and they had an Alter ego that avoided you wouldnt you be hurt?

I feel like im shitting on Jekyll a lot, and I don’t mean to because I like Jekyll!! Dont get me wrong!!! But you have to admit that it is his fault, he’s not always the victim, its the people around him who’s being affected by his actions. It was Jekyll’s choice to continue to drink the potion, it was Jekyll’s choice not to tell Lanyon, there was no outside force making him do this.

And you can’t say that Hyde was making him continue to drink the potion because for 1; i doubt that in the beginning Hyde would be able to bother him that much only starting out, im sure it was another thing that developed over time with the potions use and 2; as we saw Jekyll could’ve thrown away those potions on his own terms at any time, he didn’t have to make more.

I just wanted to make this known because i feel like it needs to, do i like Jekyll? Yes. Do i feel bad for him? Yes. Do i think he’s the victim in the situation? No, because of the reasons above. But really, I don’t hate Jekyll, and its not like its always his fault, no, but in this situation it was his actions that lead to this.

I got really sidetracked so heres some of the other images i saved because this is getting really long.

Them both crying Makes this so much worse like, these two almost never show their emotions around people, and now in front of everyone they are about to breakdown, it just makes my chest tight, God dammit Sage this Chapter was painful

[wispp]

hey so an exam of mine is in two days and I havent much prepared for it im dependent on pulling an all nighter before each exam but that wont help too much right so im mostly dependent on manifesting that the exam goes really well,i get asked questions that i know in the exam and then i receive atleast above 80% ( havent even studied for more than 60%) so i know that it is possible to manifest everything and I had fell into a really good place w my manifestation and also had started trusting my ability . But today i remembered that in my last exam i also did sats and thought i would get good grades or whatever but somehow it didnt happen i got okayish grades but not the ones i wanted i got full in some subjects but did really bad in others. So now ive started to doubt myself and thinking that I did the same last time and it didnt happen so why would it happen this time and all😭 even though just yesterday i manifested this one thing i wanted instantly now im starting to doubt myself i dont know what to do Plus on top of all this my grandfather is a dementia patient and has not been able to eat talk or get up do anything for about 4 years and was bedridden we have kept at home nurses for him and everything is done for him . But from two days his oxygen level has beennm really low and we took him to the hospital today and they are saying that he doesnt have very high chances. I dont know what to do im affirming constantly that hes absolutely fine and healthy and he will come home and all but idk

i really hope your grandpa is ok 🫶

from what i’m getting from all this is that the moment you try manifesting for something you immediately look for results in the 3d. i know how hard it is to want to see results immediately and then lose hope whenever it doesn’t appear. it’s a big struggle!

but whenever LOA people say to ignore the 3d and live in the 4d; they’re telling the truth. why look for confirmation of something that you know you already have? i’ve been doing that with my math class grades (i have dyscalculia) and i’ve been getting above 80%’s and im proud of myself! (i still need to practice living in the 4d for other things however)

i understand the panic you must be feeling for your grandpa, and that’s why you keep checking for results. my advice to you is to continue affirming and don’t give the 3d any power. as i’ve stated in my previous ask about subliminals, perhaps look up a subliminal specifically for motivation or for living in the 4d while you robotically affirm.

however you need to think logically, if your previous manifestations have worked before, isn’t it logical for them to continue working? the reason why you think they aren’t is because you’re doubting yourself. (it’s ok to have doubts but don’t give them power over you!)

everyone prefers to do things differently so it’s best if you find the rhythm that suits you best. i hope things get better for you.

sending love! ε(´｡•᎑•`)っ 💕

[1eoness]

i loved hearing abt ur perspective on that matter 😭😭😭 not good with words but one thing i will say is most dead dove fics i see are from fandoms who preach abt problematic characters, its so rare to actually find any of them, like, this is just an example but everyone knows how famous hp is and ive read probably hundreds of fics (from ao3, which is kinda surprising since EVERYTHING is there, right?) and ive only ever come across one dead dove fic, which, again, i was startled bc i didnt even know what it meant so i think with warnings or none, it wont stop anyone from reading it. i guess i cant say anything abt how sa victims say its their own way to cope and it might be wrong to say this but i just think if a bad thing happened to me, why would i glorify it? and why would i ever want to influence people and make them think its normal and that they should want it too? its honestly just sad, especially, like u mentioned, when they say "a fictional character has no feelings" but theyre making leon an object of their sick fantasies, it sucks when all we get from them is "just block", followed by getting mocked, its just sad to see bc i feel like, how fucked up do you have to be to treat others like that? sure, maybe they have mental illnesses, but its like, theyre using it to justify their wrongdoings instead of actually trying to get better

anw... i dont know u much and i havent kept up with ur fics and stuff but i got to say i have a lot of respect for u and am looking forward to more of your works! or if not, i wanna say i admire u as a person 🫡

tw: mentions of dead dove, PTSD, mental stress disorders, trauma regarding SA. i understand! and thank you but you really don't have to praise me for saying this <3

i won't go on a whole ramble trying to deeply psychoanalyze these kinds of writers but to (attempt) to sum it up shortly: PTSD, and a lot of other kinds of stress disorders tend to corrupt you throughout your growth; it forces you into a kind of regression and when you're unable to get help for multiple kinds of reasons, you tend to turn to the internet because well, it's just a click away. when you feel like your only strength is your writing you will tend to "weaponize" it (but not really per se), then the result becomes... that.

it's i guess, what people commonly testify it as, "trying to regain control". which i don't doubt for one moment, i genuinely do think that people who write this kind of "fiction" are victims who desire a taste of control again. they wanna be able to twist their perceptions and perceive their trauma differently because they've been enslaved by it mentally. perspective matters here: what an expressed fantasy is to the viewer, may actually be a vent from the writer. [i cannot stress this enough. but if you're going to publicize this kind of stuff, you are still bound to public morality. so please stop ignoring the fact that dead dove content that pampers the concept of sexual assault is genuinely harmful. no one should ever write that in a way that perceives sexual assault as "desirable" and "a want".] otherwise, any kind of writer who glorifies and makes market-focused art out of sexual assault are sick and they know who they are, they just don't want to take accountability for it. i always think there's a better choice to be made.

[tiredestsleepiestgirl]

vent.

my partner and i r long distance. when we were getting to know each other online neither one of us wanted to be in any relationship ever but were doing like casual non monogamy irl.

we met in person and he got real weird about me talking about ppl id been regularly hooking up with and after i got back home and we made our relatinship official we also agreed to be basically monogamous. the exception being i wanted to be able to makeout with ppl drunk just 4 funsies, and even this had a lotta strings attached bc he was uncomfortable with it, i laid out that it could only be in public spaces and thered b no handsy stuff.

i wasnt a huge fan of the idea of being monogamous but i was willing to do it 4 him. i also said at the same time that i wouldnt mind if he did want to screw around a bit but he said he doubted thatd happen. cut to a like six months later and he's out clubbing and asks if im alright for him to go home with someone. i say yes thats fine and he goes home with a couple. later i say ive changed my mind and imbalance actually does make me uncomfortable and i dont want it to happen again and he says he's been thinking that he actually would be alright with me sleeping with other people while we're long distance.

now during the last six months since ive been back home we've been calling for multiple hours almost daily, first couple of months it was daily and then when i started working more itd be whenever i wasnt working so at least four days a week and on days i was working we'd still try to get in a short call. and i knew he'd get angsty when he couldnt talk to me over the weekend or if i was busy so id try not to make plans in the evenings too often. and ive been sick for like the last month so havent been able to spend time with ppl in real life. and he's been out more and more with this couple he's befriended.

and im happy for him bc he has trouble maintaining stable friendships and is often so lonely. and i was always the one that felt overwhelmed by calling so often when id had a long day at work or whatever. but now i feel. jarringly alone. and also like the only reason im allowed to sleep around now is bc he's find someone he wants to fuck and the second that changes itll b back to monogamy.

i care for him so much i want to hold him and protect him and i want him to be able to find friendship and community but god it sucks that im just stuck here in bed or at working just waiting for when he'll be able to give me attention again. im happy he's making friends and spending time with them i really want that for him. everything he's doing is stuff i want for him.

but also im out here working 5-7 shifts a week. to help pay for his visit in august. and our future visa costs. and waiting on him. and when would i even find time to sleep around. sunday night i was lying in bed after working my least favourite shift on the week on three hours of sleep and my chest rattling from my stupid chest infection and i knew he was out with his new friends so i didnt bother him.

monday another shift but he was barely replying to my messages all day even whenni said i was worried and didnt know if he was okay and then find out the next day that ofc he slept over on sunday night and spent monday with them. weve talked about that and he said hell tell me when he has plans but even that makes me feel so desperate and needy that's not my usual vibe. im just. ugh.

anyway he's just asked if he can spend the day hanging out with them today, my freeest day to talk of the week. and im a cool girl. i said im so glad ur having such a good time. im so glad u have friends and r working out (theyre going climbing), i hope ull be back in the evening for me? yesyes probably maybe? probably i will have him back with me tonight. coolcoolcoolcool. im gonna be working the next three days str8. the weekends r so busy for me. 4 shifts in 3 days baby. ill miss u ill miss u.

[kaz11283]

46. “I’m in love…shit” with Loki. If you are still wanting requests. No pressure your stuff is amazing!

46) I'm In Love....Shit

I think I'm in Love

Summary: you and Loki spend some time together, later while talking to Thor in their mothers garden Loki comes to realize that he is absolutly in love with you.

Announcement: I havent been very with it these past few days and I feel like I have been slacking in a way. I have been so busy that by the time I finally get home and I am able to relax a pass out because I am so tired. I am trying to get better at this though and I am trykng ro work out a schedule for Fire and Ice maybe set a day of the week for that and just do requests durimg the rest of the week. I love you all and thank you so much for the love that you guys give me!!! 💚💚💚💚

~~~~~

"Darling! It was absolutly hilarious." Loki laughted looking down at you.

"It was not and you know that very well Loki!" You said reaching up pulling a twig from your hair. You and Loki had decided to go out and ride since it was a pretty spring day and there was nothing else to do.

"Come here and let me help you." He pulled you to a stop so that he could help pull leaves and twigs from your hair. "You should have held on tighter." He smiled pulling the last of it from yojr hair.

"You should mot have slapped her tonmake her run off, Mr. Mischief." You said playfully smacking him on the arm.

"Watch yourself my dove." He warned stalking over to you.

"Oh what are you going to do about it Mr. Trickster?" You laughed pulling up you dress so you could take a few steps back. "This whole prowling thing doesnt intimidate me like it does your other fair maidens." You laughed loudly. He stopped and stared at you.

"My Lady y/n for you to think there are other besides you I would rather spend my time with." He placed a hand on his heart. "Why, you are absolutly right." He took off after you while you squealed with delight and ran away.

You ran from him up one of the paths that lead between the orchard and the castle walls. There were hidding spots all through there were the two of you use to hid when you were younger, the tall bushes being the perfect hidding spot to keep out of view from him. As you two chased and played you didnt realize there were two others observing.

Thor and Frigga warches from the balcony of her quarters as the sounds of screaming and laughing rose to them.

"How long do you think it will take for them to realize how in love they truly are?" Thor turned to his mother.

"Son, they have been doing this same song and dance now since before they were teenagers. Sometimes it takes a while for somethingblike that to become obvious." She answered leaning onto the rail.

"It is very obvious to others." Thor was happy that Loki had you but he knew that his brother wanted more he could tell by the way his eyes would light up when you were around.

"Though it is obvious to us it may not be as obvious to them. They are simply best friends that spend every hour of every day together." She sighed. She had taken you in and had let you start training with the other ladies working on how to be a princess.

"I dont understand allmother why I should start these. I am not fit to be a princess." You stated after your first class.

"But one day you will be. You may even rule over the kingdom." She said with a knowing smile.

"Thor, call for your brother please, it is time to start preparing for the banquet tonight." She placed her hand on his shoulder and gave a final look down to the garden where you and Loki where laughing loudly after he had caught you.

"Yes mother." Thor walked off.

"Loki! Mother wanted to let you know its time to start gettkng ready for tonight." Thor yelled through the garden trying to find the two of you.

"Ah, Lady Y/N, will You be joining the festivities tonight?" Thor bowed to you.

"Yes, I do hope you save a dance for me, will you Thor?" I asked smiling up at the blonde prince.

"As long as Loki doesn't stab me for it, I would love nothing more Lady Y/n." He took your hand and kissed the top of it.

"I shall see you both later." You curtsied and walked away.

"Brother," Thor smiled placing a hand on his brothers shoulder. "Does my eyes deceive me or could you possibly have a crush on Lady y/n?"

Loki moaned looking at Thor. "For the thousandth time, I do not have a crush on her. She is my best friend, someone I can talk to. Vent to when everything in the castle is just to much."

"Then I guess it would not bother you to bad to know that Fandral has asked if she would be attending tonight." This caused Loki to stumble slightly. "Said that if she wasnt escourted by anyone he could possibly have a chance to 'get to know her tonight'."

"Y/n wouldnt give that oaf the time of day much less attend anything with him. She has more class than that i dare say." Loki rolled his eyes.

"Well he hasnt asked her yet. Saod he figured he would wait till tonight and just meet her there. Said he couldnt wait to see just how pretty she looked." Thor gave Loki a sode ways glance and smirked.

"She can do so much better than him. She has better taste in book, though I doubt that he can even read," he tutted, "more grace, she is a wonderful listener, and he cant even dance that well." Loki stopped in front of his chamber doors.

"Loki, is that jealousy that i am sensing from you?" Thor raised an eye brow.

"By Norns, no Thor. It is not. I simply worry that she will be stuck with him the rest of the night and not be able to get away from him." He opened his door and walked inside his room. His heart was pounding, he did feel jealous. He was jealous that the time he would normally be spending with you would be spent with someone else. The only smart thing for him to do was to get ready and meet you.at your quarters so that he could escort you there and keep Fandral away from you. Of course time wouldnt work in his favor that night.

When you had arrived at your chambers you noticed a box with a note on top of it with Thors messy handwriting.

Lady y/n, I decided to take the liberty and pick out a simple dress for you for tonight. Though I realize that you must already have one but when I had seen this one I knew that i had to get it for you. I know the one you chose must be just as beautiful as you are i would greatfully appreciate it if youncould wear this one.

You rolled your eyes at thw thought of Thor picking out a dress for you, red and gold, he is by no means quarting you butnhe would do that type of thing just to get under Loki s skin.

When you opened the box the first thing you noticed was a beautiful golden chain that you assumed would go around your head, with an emerald that would sit lightly between your eyes. You removed more of the paper and noticed the dark green hues from the dress, when you pulled it from the box you noticed that the skirt hit midthight and the sleeves had cuts in them the material hanging from your shoulders to the ground. Next to the box was yet another note feom Thor.

Just go with it and lets see how you like it, the matching shoes are shoved under your bed. Dont worry thank me later by dancing with me.

You could see his face in your mind, picture him winking at you. You would surly kill him for this, or at least step on his feet.

After you finished pulling your hair half up and half down with a few braids falling from the side and finished your makeup you took a deep breath and stepped out of the door. You didnt understand why you were nervous but you were, its wasnt like you had never wore green before but this time it was different, this time there was nothing but green. It looked as if you were trying to say something.

You had always liked Loki, you has been friends since you were kids. Loki was your best friend, he was kind, caring, giving, compassionate in things that he truly cared about. You could talk to him about anything and he would listen, what you loved more than anything isnthat when he was with you all of his guards were down, you were the only one that got to see that side of him. You knew in your head though that he would see it as a compliment from his best friend as he sanced the night away with numerous other girls vying for his attention.

"You look....lovely?" Fendrel glanced at you as you walked into the dinning hall. "Might I be lucky to have a dance before you are snagged away by one of the princes?"

"Of course you may." You smiled holding your hand out to him. "You have always been a good lead Fandrel."

He took you spinning you onto the dance floor were some couples parted to make room for the two of you. He placed his hand on your lower back and pulled you closer to him. "You are quite a beautiful woman Lady Y/n, any man is lucky to be able to spin you around the floor." You blushed looking away from him, as you scaned the room you noticed Thor and Loki quietly talking to themselves. Loki looked handsome in his royal outfit, black and gold elegantly intertwining woth each other causing the emerald green to pop and to being ojt his eyes.

"Honestly brother, if she had planned on coming with him why did she have to wear my color? She knows by now what that stated." Loki rolled his eyes looking back to you and Fandral twirling around the dance floor.

"Maybe she didnt think much about it. You do realize that it is simply a color? There are many others here wearing it also." Thor said grabbing two glasses of wine and handing one to Loki.

"You truly are an idiot if you that she just so happened to pick out something like that, that just so happened to be my color. She wanted to make a statement." He handed his glass back to Thor and walked down the few steps leading to where you were dancing not noticing the small smile on Thors face.

"You know you are just as mischievous as your brother." Frigga came to stand beside him causing him to jump.

"Mother, I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Of course you dont son, just be careful, you could possibly be playong with fire on this one. Once they find out it was you setting this all up there no telling what they might do." Thors face dropped at the thought of the two of you teaming up aginst him.

~~~~~~~

ANNOUNCEMENT: OK Annon, I havent put the "I think I'm in love" prompt in this one because in all honesty this one I got carried away on and it was getting so long! I am making a part 2 and will add the link in once I am finished with it, i may actually have time today or tonight to start on it. Thank you so so much for the request and I love that it actually took me away and I didnt even realize how much I had wrote until I looked at it this morning! Keep an eye out for part 2 coming soon!!!

TAG LIST:

@kgirardin

@sophlubbwriting

@supbeeches

@high-functioning-lokipath

@drbaureid

[negandarylsatisfaction]

[SUMMARY: PRE APOCALYPSE. Negan is your Sex Ed professor.]

Smut

Negan and Brielle.

 Health class was your absolute favorite and only you and your bestfriend Jane knew why. You had the biggest crush on your professor. He was tall, handsome,charming and although he was a teacher he had a rebel look to him that you liked. Being over 18 and attracted to your professor you liked to have innocent fun with it. Everyday you would come in with flirty outfits, either show some legs or cleavage. Jane told you one day while you were up in front of the class giving a speech that she caught him leaning back on his chair looking at your ass. Never had you actually caught him yourself but it did excite you.

Today you came into class in a lavender v neck and tight jeans. He waited by the door as each of you entered, giving you a quick wink as you passed him with Jane.

"Morning Brielle."

"Good Morning, Professor Negan." You smiled as your friend nudged you before you got to your seats. With your pen between your lips you couldnt take your eyes off Negan as he spoke. He wore dark jeans and a black button shirt unbuttoned at the top showing a light patch of his chest hair. Distracted with your day dreams of your professor you werent paying attention to anything he said and got caught off guard when he called on you.

"Brielle, what is the scientific explanation of what causes men to wake up with an erection?" You blanked out, not having any answer to what he asked as well as being stunned by the question.

"Um...I-" you froze, the whole class staring at you as if you were stupid.

"I'll see you after class, Brielle." You sunk in your seat in embarrassment as you heard a few laughs come from students around you. Waiting for him to dismiss the class you sighed knowing you made yourself look like a fool today. Jane gave you a pity look as everyone left the class and you walked up to your professor's desk.

"You asked me to stay Professor Negan?"

"Brielle," he grinned as he leaned back on his chair.

"You look like you were having some trouble with today's lesson, theres an exam next week on all we've talked about this week. I want to be sure you're ok."

"Oh um-yes...I don't know what happened today. I was caught off guard I guess." He chuckled as he scratched his beard.

"I figured that, I would think you know what makes a man wake up with morning wood." His words caught you off guard making you raise a brow to him. Having a conversation with a man so attractive of this topic was intimidating.

"I'm sure your boyfriend has told you about it."

"Um..I don't have a boyfriend." You laughed nervously as he leaned forward in his chair putting his hands together with an intrigued look.

"Well that's hard to believe."

"Why would that be hard to believe?" You asked confused not exactly catching his point. He laughed thinking your naive response was cute.

"Well excuse my french Brielle but shit, you're a damn attractive fucking woman. I dont know how one of these men in my class havent made you theirs yet." You let out a shocking nervous giggle quickly covering your lips. The sound made him chuckle, he knew he made you nervous. You couldnt believe what he was actually saying, you couldnt wait to tell Jane.

"Well-" he cleared his throat as he stood up, the man so much taller than you, you looked up at him.

"Sit down, let's go over today's lesson." He motioned to his chair as you quietly moved past him and sat down. He leaned over you turning the pages in his book, you couldnt stop staring at his beard, his lips, his neck...the smell of his cologne so close to you. He began to speak and once again you blanked out just staring at him, how could a man be this good looking?

"Do you understand what I'm saying, Brielle?" He asked looking over at you making you quickly nod.

"See, when a man gets excited-" he leaned in closer to you, the sound of his voice very close to your ear.

"It sends messages that causes a blood flow which causes an erection to occur."

"So when a man is sleeping and gets aroused it's cause hes dreaming of something that made him excited?" You asked innocently.

"Sometimes." Negan responded.

"It can be a natural thing that occurs because the man is so relaxed or sometimes it can be a dream. It happens very often to every man. Especially when a man has an attractive woman on his mind.” The tone in his voice made your skin hot. Obviously you knew everything he was explaining and he was sure you did too, you could tell. Without looking at him you could feel his face close to yours. Leaning over your shoulder Negan could see a perfect view of your cleavage. He could tell you were nervous, your chest rising up with each deep breath. Suddenly you turned to him and caught him looking down your shirt. Negan quickly looked up, a smirk as if he knew he had been caught appeared on his face. “That necklace...is nice.” Negan used it as an excuse to look back down at your breasts. Your heart began to beat faster, you knew what he was doing. Without expecting it he gently picked up your silver necklace, his fingers gently brushing over your cleavage. “Oh yeah....that’s very nice.” He whispered seductively as he slid his thumb over the charm. He looked up and locked eyes with yours, you could see the attraction in his eyes. Your nerves making you lick you lips before being interrupted by a knock on the door. Negan quickly let go of your necklace, the two of you jumped to see another professor standing by the door.

“Sorry to bother, I had some paper work to give you. Until what time will you be here?” The man asked Negan as he quickly stood up straight. Nervously you picked up your books and grabbed your bag.

“I gotta get going-I’ll see you tomorrow, Professor Negan. Thanks for the....extra tutoring.” You sounded confused not being sure what to call it. Before he could respond you quickly left walking past the other professor at the door. Your nerves getting the best of you, you ran...you felt like an idiot. You knew you weren’t just imagining things, your professor was actually checking you out and throwing indirect comments. Quickly you called Jane and told her everything that happened.

“Why the hell did you leave? Maybe he was going to make a move.” She laughed making you sigh.

“I don’t know...I just got nervous. He’s so attractive and he was so close. I don’t know, maybe it was just me anyways.”

“Yeah, I doubt that. I guess we’ll see tomorrow.”

The next day you decided to where a more appealing outfit. Perfect for the weather with the sun coming out you put a soft blue spring dress. As soon as you walked in you noticed Negans eyes quickly look you up and down before greeting you with a smile. Jane once again nudged you as he was making it more obvious that he checked you out. The two of you sat down as Negan announced he would be returning everyone’s exams from the week before. As you received your paper you gasped at the big red F circled on the paper with a side note that read to meet him after class.

“There you go, another excuse to see him....alone.” Jane teased you as you shook your head.

“Seriously I need this credit. I’m screwed if I fail this class.” You responded as you were genuinely concerned with your grades, you couldn’t afford to fail this class.

As the class went on Negan had you all take a quick quiz. He stood in front of class watching everyone quietly working on their paper when he realized you quickly finished. Not taking his eyes off you, he watched as you stood up and walked over to him.

“I finished, I think it’s all good?” You whispered standing beside him as you handed him the paper. He looked down at the paper as you innocently leaned over beside him looking on at your work. Negan felt you press your chest against his arm, not being able to help himself he took a peek with the corner of his eye before clearing his throat.

“Well is it good?” You looked up at him making him turn to you, but all he could see was the curve of your breast’s spilling out of your dress.

“Very good.” He whispered making you smile before you walked back to your seat. You had no idea how aroused you had just made him, he sat behind the desk to hide any evidence of it.

Waiting for the class to be over and for everyone to leave you quickly marched up to the desk with your graded exam in hand.

“Professor, I need to find a way to fix this. I really can’t fail this class. Is there a way I can make this up?” Negan sat writing something on a paper before he slowly stood up and walked towards the door and closed it shut.

He walked back to you looking down at you mysteriously before he finally spoke.

“You’re a smart girl, Brielle. Were you paying attention in class today?”

“Yes. Of course.”

“Alright then tell me, what was today’s topic?”

You felt your cheeks turn red at the thought of mentioning it alone with him.

“The female orgasm.” You responded making him smile.

“Exactly.”

“Well...I know about all of that already.”

“Do you?” He raised a brow as he moved closer to you.

“Brielle, you ever had a boyfriend?”

“Yes. One.” You responded with a puzzled expression.

“Did he know how to....get you going?” As attractive as you found Negan you got nervous at the direction of the conversation.

“Maybe this shouldn’t be spoken about, Professor.” You responded hesitantly, you were honestly afraid of someone over hearing the conversation.

“Who’s gonna tell?” He winked at you making your heart jump, you couldn’t deny it the rush of speaking about certain things with him did make you excited.

“Now, did this boyfriend of yours get the job done?”

Your slow response made him smirk, he could tell you weren’t too experienced. Truth was you only had sex with that one boyfriend you had but, you didn’t remember much of the experience. You hadn’t reached orgasm with him.

“This is why a woman should test the waters out on herself first so she knows what makes her body reach climax.” You looked away making Negan tilt his head as if he had just realized something with your response.

“Oh. Say it ain’t so.” He responded with raised brows making you look up at him confused.

“What?” Negan chuckled before he took another step closer to you.

“You’ve never felt an orgasm at all before, have you?” Your lips parted at his upfront shocking question.

“I mean-“

“Well that’s interesting.” Negan stared down at you for a moment, his tongue slowly gliding over his bottom lip.

“Do you wanna know what it feels like?”

“Um, Professor I..um I don’t know how to answer that.” You laughed nervously. You could feel the tingly sensation between your legs at the excitement of what he asked you. The look in his eyes as he looked down at your soft pink plump lips.

“You’re gorgeous, Brielle....you know that?”Your eyes lit up, his voice deep and rough. Negan had always thought you were beautiful from the first moment you walked into his class. Never had he been so attracted to a student of his, he knew it wasn’t right but he couldn’t help himself. Negan could see through your innocence, he could tell you were attracted to him too, your innocence only aroused him more.

“A gorgeous woman like you should know what it feels like to cry out in pleasure.” His words left you speechless, how you could you respond to this?

“You should know what that feeling is, Brielle.”

“How..?” You whispered as you suddenly felt his fingers lightly brush over your thigh as he looked into your eyes. He could see the shock look in your eyes from his soft touch.

“I can show you better than I can tell you.” His finger very slowly brushed over the side of your thigh before reaching the sensitive inner side.

You could see it in his face, how badly he wanted to take you in that moment. Negan looked behind him to the door before he turned to you with a smirk, you already knew what was on his mind.

“You...you want to show me?” You whispered in a shaky breath.

“I’m just giving you a private lesson, sweetheart. No one has to know.” He suddenly picked you up and sat you on his desk making you gasp.

“Professor-“

“Shh..” You felt his fingers press against your panties softy before he began to move them slowly teasing your clit. He pushed your dress up higher as you leaned back on your hands on the desk. Your pink lace panties in full view as he pushed them to the side. You remained still watching as he touched you.

“Oh that’s a pretty pussy.” He slid down your slit with his thumb, before spreading you open and teasing you some more.

“See I’m gonna start off slow with you, doll.” He whispered as you looked at him still in shock with what he started doing. He noticed you softly biting down on your bottom lip, he knew he was staring to make you feel good. You closed your eyes and began to grind your hips slowly as the feeling got better and better.

“That’s it...” Negan unexpectedly stuck his finger inside you making your hips jump before he moved slowly in and out. You moaned softly as he fingered you, pulling his finger out wetter each time.

“Well look at that, looks like you’re ready for me, but I’m not done yet.” Negan this time went back in with two fingers while playing with your clit with his other hand. Your eyes rolled back at the sensation he was making you feel. Never had a man taken his time with you like this making sure you were feeling pleasure. Both of his hands began to move faster as you moaned, doing your best not to do so loudly. He knew you were on the verge of having your first orgasm.

“Oh my god...” you began to pant as he watched you intensely before changing the positioning of his fingers inside you making him hit your g spot. You screamed feeling something you had never felt before wanting to explode within you.

“Professor...professor-“ you gasped helplessly as the pleasure was so intense it almost frightened you.

“Cum for me, Brielle. Relax and let it go.” He whispered hoarsely when your legs tensed up and suddenly began to shake. Negan smiled as you threw your head back and moaned loudly completely forgetting you were in a classroom.

“Atta girl..keep cumming..” he whispered as you panted, whimpering as he slowed down.

Negan pulled his fingers out and sucked the juices off as you sat there with trembling legs.

“Oh look at you.” He chuckled with a smirk, he could tell you had never felt the feeling before. It turned him on knowing he was the first man to make you feel that. Your legs open facing him, you looked down at his crotch area and noticed the very obvious bulge.

“Now look what you did.” Negan chuckled as he quickly unbuckled his pants and revealed his thick cock. You couldn’t believe what was happening but you didn’t want to stop it. He sat back on the chair and looked at you with an excited smile.

“Come get on your professors lap, let’s get you that A.” You bit down on your bottom lip and smiled before doing as he asked. Your back facing him Negan pushed your dress up as you adjusted yourself leaning back on him, you slowly lowered yourself letting his cock enter you. You gasped leaning your hand on his arm not expecting him to have felt so big inside you. You jumped back up before he took hold of your hips and easily guided you down.

“Easy...like that, sweetheart.” Negan grunted at the first feel of him fully inside you. You began to slowly move up and down on him as he held your dress up, he was bigger than your ex and you hesitated with moving fast. Negan squeezed your hips trying to bring you down harder, he wanted more but he could tell you were afraid. He wanted to take over.

“Don’t be afraid, doll.” You began to move harder on him making him moan. He sounded sexier than you ever imagined he would.

“Turn around.” Negan spoke roughly. You did as he asked and straddled him and felt him slide in easily, face to face with him you couldn’t believe you were having sex in a classroom with your professor.

“Someone can come in..” you whispered as he adjusted himself beneath you.

“Don’t worry about that.” Negan slouched in the chair and began to pump upward into you making you gasp. He moved how he wanted to knowing it would make you feel good. You moaned holding onto him as he quickly pulled the top part of your dress down, revealing your breasts.

“Holy shit-“ he whispered looking straight at them, they were much bigger than he expected them to be and he loved it. He wrapped his arms around your waist pulling you closer to him, your breasts close to his face as he began to thrust upward vigorously. He panted roughly as you moaned.

“Oh my god- wait!” You screamed as you held onto him.

“No, take it” he bit down on his lip as he began to feel you pulsate around him. Negan stood up carrying you with him and sat you down on his desk. Moving full force he knocked down his cup of pens on the table as he watched your expression while you orgasmed with him in you.

“Yeah...good girl.” He whispered as you moaned. He looked down and noticed his cock drenched in your cum. The look in your eyes he hadn’t seen in a woman in long time, then again he hadn’t been with a woman so inexperienced since he was younger. The thought of him showing you how good this felt pleased him. Negan pulled out and came right on top of your pussy. You watched as intensity filled his eyes as cum shot out of him onto you. He jerked himself off letting out every drop. The sight of you innocently laying back on his desk, legs spread and his cum all over you was one he never thought he would actually see.

“Jesus fucking Christ..” he whispered looking down at you before quickly turning away. He couldn’t believe temptation took over him, never had he slept with one of his students. Still out of breath, you both cleaned yourselves up as Negan turned back to you.

“Professor?”

“This...” he pointed towards you and him slightly getting distracted as you fixed your breasts in your dress.

“This stays between us, sweetheart.”

“Yes, Professor.” You agreed before he got closer to you, still out of breath.

“Think of me tonight when you touch yourself.” Your eyes widened at his assumption, but he knew with how good he made you feel today that you would want to discover how to make yourself feel that way.

“Oh I know exactly what you’re going to do.” He chuckled at your shocked expression looking down at you.

“Now think of me. There’s so many more things I could do to you. I know I’m suppose to keep my hands to myself, darling but I don’t think I can.” His voice deepened more than it already was as he spoke.

“I won’t tell if you don’t.” You responded softly when suddenly your phone rang. Negan looked over at your phone and saw Janes name on it before raising a brow to you.

“No one.” He warned and truth be told you didn’t want to tell Jane, you didn’t want to tell anyone of your dirty little secret.

[bridgyrose]

Here is the continuation from this post under the cut. Enjoy

Ruby walked through the main doorway of Atlas Academy and followed the directions she was given, gently being guided by one of the programs that was offered to each student to navigate the school. She hated this feeling of being alone. No friends, no family… nothing she could count as familiar. She felt a tap on her right shoulder, hearing a voice and turned to it. 

A woman with tan skin and brown hair smiled at her. “Ruby Rose, right?” 

Ruby nodded slowly. “Y-yeah, that’s me.” 

“My name is Ilia Amitola and I’m going to be your guide while you’re here.” 

“My… guide?”

Ilia nodded. “Yes, your guide. Atlas Academy wants all of our students to feel at home and while this place will be unfamiliar to you for a while, I’ll act as your guide to help get you accustomed here.”

Ruby sighed but accepted what was going to happen. “Alright. Having a guide shouldn't be too bad.”

“That’s the spirit! Now, we should get you over to the cafeteria for orientation. A quick rundown on what to expect while at Atlas and what precautions we have taken to make sure everyone will be safe.” 

Ruby was about to argue until Ilia took her hand and started pulling her off to the cafeteria, nearly making her drop her cane. “W-wait! Ilia! Slow down!” 

Ilia stopped for a moment and hesitated, trying to keep her skin from changing colors. “S-sorry about that.”

“It’s fine. Just… a bit of warning before pulling me around like that please.” 

“I’ll make sure to keep that in mind.” Ilia gently pulled Ruby along, making sure to keep her comfortable. “Still nervous about Atlas, right?” 

Ruby nodded. “That easy to tell?”

“Everyone has those kinds of nerves when they first come around. We… don't exactly have the best reputation here. But Headmaster Ironwood is doing his best to make sure that everyone can adjust. And to start, he’s started compensating guides for giving their time to help the Veiled make their way around.”

“Is that what they call us here? The Veiled?” 

“You are blind, right? Still havent found your soulmate?” 

Ruby went silent. 

Ilia sighed. “We call you the Veiled since you’ve been affected by all of this. And honestly, I think you are all the lucky ones.” 

Ruby rolled her eyes. “RIght. Lucky.” 

“You at least have a soulmate.”

That made Ruby stop for a moment, turning to Ilia. “You… dont?”

Ilia shook her head. “I dont. I’ve always been able to see. So, I’ve been guiding people around, helping others find theirs and doing what I can to make things a bit easier on others. That includes helping out around here, making sure the new students are able to work their way around.”

Ruby started to feel a bit more relaxed from what Ilia had said. Everything seemed like it was going to be a bit better. Or at least she thought so, until she started feeling herself getting bumped by the other students as everyone was shuffled into the crowded cafeteria. Her vision slowly started coming to for a moment after a white haired girl bumped into her and slowly went away as more students started coming into the cafeteria. 

Ilia started pulling Ruby to a more secluded spot once she noticed the younger girl starting to get a bit uncomfortable. “This should be a bit better for you.”

Ruby nodded a bit, seeing Ilia’s face for a moment before she couldnt see again. She started to feel a bit more comfortable with her, smiling a bit. “I… I think my soulmate is nearby.” 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Weiss practically screamed into her pillow. “This isnt right! There’s no way I have a second soulmate!” 

Penny looked over to Weiss from her text book. “A… second soulmate?”

“My vision cleared up while I was helping some of the new students into the cafeteria. I… I’m not sure who it was, but I bumped into a few people and one of them cleared my vision up. It reminded me of when we first met. But no one has two soulmates. Just one.” 

“Maybe it was a fluke?” Penny slowly made her way to Weiss and hugged her. “You know I wont think of you any different, right? Maybe we can find this other soulmate of yours. Get to know them and… figure things out.” 

“You’re really okay with that?”

Penny nodded and sat down next to Weiss. “I want you to be happy. And I know you love me. And maybe, if you can be happy with two people, we can work things out.”

Weiss chuckled a bit. “What did I do to deserve you?”

“Well, we’re soulmates. Of course we deserve each other.” 

Weiss smiled and kissed her girlfriend. “So, how exactly are we going to do this? With all the new students, we can’t exactly go around person to person until we find the right one.” 

“Why dont we see if we can get ahold of any of the footage and see who you bumped into and track them from there? I doubt you bumped into everyone and it would narrow things down.” 

“I’ll talk to the headmaster and see what we can do about that.” Weiss relaxed and leaned against Penny. “And you sure you wont be jealous if I end up wanting to try something with this other person?”

“I might be a little jealous, but I’ll keep myself in check.” 

Weiss nodded. “And I’ll make sure I dont do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. I want us both to be happy with this situation.” 

Penny smiled a bit. “Then we do what they call “experimenting.” With you dating me and someone else and me just dating you.”

“I never said dating would happen. Well… not yet. I want to get to know this person first. And then see what happens.” 

“We should get back to studying.” 

Weiss nodded and got up to grab her textbooks. “Right. Cant let this get in the way of classes.”

[kiwisfics]

Varian x Reader - Cassandra’s Revenge

Request: @technolilly - Hi! I'm currently dying cause I'm in love with Varian and I need some angst, have you seen Cassandra's revenge? If so *SPOILER AFTER THIS MARK DONT READ IF YOU HAVENT SEEN IT* How about she uses reader as a motive for Varian to tell her the incantation instead? And she hurts reader until Varian says it? Then angsty confession with Cassandra mocking it?

A/N: For clarification, I actually love Cass; she's a great character, villain or not; but I'm an avid whumper, so I may have taken this prompt and uh... Ran.

All the whump aside, there’s a happy ending. (The ending is also a little rushed, sorry)

I cut this off sooner than I was going to, but I figured if anything, I’d make a part two with recovering fluff (and maybe some nightmare angst)

Warnings: ooc Cass, torture, violence, blood, threats, broken bones, drugging, humiliation (minor, but the ask mentioned Cass mocking a confession and I took liberties), guys this is really dark you gave me permission to pretty much torture reader and torture is my writing forte

---

The tip of one of the multitude of black rocks dug into the soft skin of your neck, one wrong move away from digging in and causing pain, or something far worse. 

"Let her go, Cassandra!" There was raw fear in his voice- he couldn't lose you; and his voice broke as he said her name. 

Varian looked a smidge worse for wear. His right eye was bruising over and a shallow cut marred his left cheek, but it could've been worse. You were almost grateful she'd turned to you as a bartering chip, rather than hurting him until he caved. 

(He wouldn't, for the record. Not for his own sake. He was holding onto the trust Rapunzel had given him with an iron grip and no amount of pain would shake that, you were certain. He'd be well and truly too far gone before any part of that incantation left his lips for his own sake. Maybe Cassandra knew that; that would explain why she'd turned her attention onto you.)

If you were in any position to fight back, you were certain you would've wiped her smug grin right off of her face, or at least tried to. But you weren't in that position, and the panic in Varian's tone was making your own panic more profound—he knew her, you'd never met this woman, and if Varian was worried, then what did that mean for you?

You swallowed, which was more than enough for the rock to break skin, leaving a thin trial of blood to drip down your skin and pool against your collarbone. 

Varian dared to take a step in your direction, but a wall of rocks exploded from the ground inches in front of him and, what honestly seemed to perturb him more, Cassandra placed a hand below your chin. The rock against your flesh receded enough for her to force your head forward. Your eyes met Varian's and you forced yourself to hide the fear in your expression. 

"I'd stay back if her safety's your priority," Varian's jaw clenched, you could see it from across the room, along with the way he chewed on the inside of his cheek, weighing his options, "I'll let her go, once I have that incantation." 

"Don't give her-!"

"Quiet!" The rock's proximity to your neck returned, and your mouth snapped shut as Cassandra's grip tightened painfully, "What do you say, Varian? I'd say that's more than a fair trade."

He rose his hands, not that he could be perceived as any kind of threat with his bag tossed into a far corner of the room. Without his alchemy, all he had was his words, and you doubted she had any intention of listening to them, "Cass, just let her go, she doesn't have anything to do with this!"

He rounded the rocks as he spoke, chancing another step forward before he stopped of his own volition before Cassandra could block him once again.

"She didn't have anything to do with this, until she became important to you." Cassandra turned your head to the side, eyeing your face before she laughed, "Where'd you even meet her? Did she fall into your lab?"

Honestly, not far from what had actually happened, but now was far from the time for recalling your meeting. 

"Just think about what you're doing. This isn't the road you want to go down, I know." He took yet another step, and rocks emerged from the ground again. 

This time, the rocks weren't the jagged weapons that you'd grown used to seeing, they resembled hands, "You know?" The hands wrapped around both his wrists and then melted back into the ground, bringing Varian to his knees. "No, Varian, you lost your nerve, I won't."

You knew enough about Varian's past. His guilt was palpable the moment he was reminded of what he'd done and he did his best to make up for everything he'd been responsible for. You didn't fault him for seeing himself in Cassandra, even if you were in the middle of this. To be fair, even if he did make a run for his bag, there was no guarantee anything in it would be more than an inconvenience to her with her control over the rocks.

"I want that incantation, Varian." She released your jaw, leaving burning fingerprints in her wake that would undoubtedly turn to bruises before a new day broke. 

She moved toward Varian, and for a moment you were sure that he was going to get the worst of this experience. But she crouched down in front of him, making a show of turning her arm to a weapon, "Do you really want to know what I'll do to her to get it?"

His eyes snapped in between you and Cassandra, and you gave a resolute shake of your head, steeling your expression to avoid giving him any more of a reason to tell her the incantation. Both you and Varian were holding out on the hope that Rapunzel would be here soon, and that this could all turn into fuel for future nightmares, until then, he just needed to keep that incantation to himself. 

You bit back any cry of pain that attempted to escape you, biting into your cheeks hard enough to draw blood and, as you clenched your eyes tightly, the taste of blood flooded your mouth. 

For now though, Cassandra stood, and you braced yourself for what was to come.

The rock against your neck suddenly shot forward, cutting deep into the side of your neck - anything vital was missed, but that was certainly the point; you couldn't be a bartering chip if you were dead, could you?

"Cassandra, Wait!" Varian struggled against his confines as she approached, doing nothing but rubbing his wrists raw. He wasn't getting loose, even he knew that. 

"One last chance, Varian," the blade on her arm pressed against your cheek in a grisly promise, as the weapon against your neck receded completely, "what's the incantation?"

"Don't do this! Don't hurt her!" 

The blinding pain that ignited on your face made clear that she hadn't appreciated that answer. 

You cried out, your hands - trapped against your sides by her rocks - pulling against their own confines in a desperate attempt to still your bleeding as well as defend yourself as a blow against your stomach made you keel over. 

"Cassandra, stop!" Varian's voice dropped an octave or two, making clear that his previous worry was turning to anger, "Let her go!" 

She snickered and the rocks holding you steady crawled higher, reaching just below your chest before they tightened around your midsection, resulting in an audible snap seconds before you started to scream. 

You could hear Varian screaming something, but your ears were ringing in response to the pain in your torso. The radiating burning in your ribs was enough to distract you from the fact that she'd grabbed your face again, maneuvering it so Varian could see the way your eyes glossed over from agony. 

Your breaths came out in shallow gasps and the pain didn't stop, but, eventually, the far away look in your eyes faded as you returned to the moment. 

God, where was Rapunzel?

Cassandra released your face once again, and her attention turned to Varian's discarded bag, not that either of you noticed. 

"You're going to be okay, (Name)," he was crying, and, all your pain aside, that made you hate her more than anything, "you're going to be okay!" 

You were sure that you were crying yourself, but you could hardly focus on anything other than the pain. You wished that the cuts were deep enough to knock you out, at this point. It would be much easier to deal with unconsciousness than to deal with the pain. 

Through the pain, you were still able to meet his eyes and hiss out, "Don't tell her."

She returned, a vial in her hand. 

You eyed the vial cautiously, but her grip on it kept the label hidden. You had no idea what Varian deemed necessary to carry in his bag, and, faced with finding out, you decided that you'd much rather remain ignorant. 

"I'm sure there will be plenty left to get me that incantation," she lifted the vial between two fingers, revealing the label: truth serum. You were going to yell at Varian for this later, no doubt, both for deciding to start labeling his vials now, and for carrying that around, "but first," she grabbed your jaw, and forced your mouth open. 

You briefly wondered what she got out of this; why she didn't just give the serum to Varian and get this over with, but you recognized the opportunity the instant the glass rested against your lips. 

If she was going to prioritize tormenting you over getting the incantation that she so desired, then, by all means, you'd use that to your advantage. 

Before she could see it coming, you forced your head forward and grabbed the vial between your teeth, tilting your head back and swallowing the entirity of the bottle. 

Cassandra growled, snatching the bottle back—you let go soon enough to avoid chipping any teeth—but she was a second too late, and you couldn't help flashing a grin, even through the pain you were in, "Whoops."

Rage flashed in her expression, but it melted back into self-satisfaction in a moment, "You shouldn't have done that." 

The threat of pain didn't miss you, but you remained unperturbed. Well, as unperturbed as you could be with the pain that coursed through your body with every shallow breath you took. 

She paced in front of you, and you could tell that, despite the facade, she was growing uncertain, "What's the incantation?"

You started to laugh, but you were immediately interrupted by a blinding pain, "I don't know." 

She knew that, but she had to ask. She rolled her eyes, "Aren't you proud of yourself? Well, (Name)," you didn't like hearing your name came from her mouth, particularly when you knew she'd only learned it from Varian's panicked yelling, "wouldn't you rather Varian be the one in your position? He's the one that got you into this mess after all." 

"No," the answer came without a thought, as it would have without the truth serum. You cocked a brow, maybe she expected the answer to be yes, and that it would hurt Varian, but you would rather take this pain ten-times over, rather than have to watch Varian be hurt. 

He probably felt the same, which, honestly, made you feel guilty, even if you couldn't do anything about your current predicament. 

Even if Cassandra had expected your answer to be yes, her expression perked up, "Really? And why would that be?"

Oh, crap.  

You bit back your answer, well aware that it wasn't something that you wanted to admit, but you had downed an entire vial of truth serum, "Because-because I," you bit down on the insides of your cheeks, but there was no stopping your answer, "Because I love him." 

Varian's gritted teeth and furrowed brow instantly relaxed in an expression of surprise at your answer, his mouth dropping open, and brows raising, 

If you hadn't been in such an awful situation, you would have admired how adorable he looked in the moment, but Cassandra's laugh shattered the moment, and he returned to anger. 

"Awe, isn't that cute!" She had the gall to pinch your cheek, and you jerked your head away without thinking, resulting in a massive spike of pain in your ribs. "She loves you, Varian!"

The sickly sweet tone lead into more pain as she intentionally pressed her thumb into the deep cut on your cheek. 

She opened her mouth, likely to continue mocking you, but a familiar voice interrupted before she could. 

"Cass!" Instantly Cassandra's face fell and she swung around. 

Rapunzel's appearance earned a sigh of relief from you, and the rocks pinning you in place receded into the ground as the two fought. 

You hit the ground, hard, causing the pain in your ribs to grow exponentially worse. You curled into a ball and pressed your arms against your torso, careful not to apply too much pressure.

"(Name)!" Varian's restraints must have broken as well, because you looked up soon enough to see him hit his knees from a run and slide the last few inches to your side, "(Name), are you alright?" 

You groaned before the truth serum forced a answer from your lips, "No. I think something's broken."

"Right, yeah, stupid question," his hand rested against your cheek softly, cautiously, as if he'd hurt you. Even with the cut burning, you tilted your face into his hand, "I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry. If it wasn't for me, this never- never would've happened." His voice cracked as he spoke, and you quickly forced yourself to sit up.

"Hey, hey," you rested your own hands against his cheeks, "this wasn't your fault, you didn't do this." You winced as you shifted onto your knees, "I'll be fine, Var." 

Your assurances didn't stop the quiet sobs that began to rock his body, and tears filled your own eyes in response, "If you hadn't met me, then-" 

"Varian, I'd rather go through this pain a hundred times over than to have never met you." 

He wiped his eyes with his sleeve and gave you a shaky, tear-filled smile, "I love you too." 

For half a second, you were sure your expression matched the one he had made when you'd admitted your feelings, but your shock melted into a grin, "Good, you not feeling the same would've been the worst part of this whole experience."

[bnhaficsforthesoul]

You are too good to us you know that? My request (for whenever you get to it 0 rush) is more of the Deadpool quirk S/o to where the reason they didnt tell anyone, along with doubting anyone beliveing them, is that they have some really tramatic memories of being killed sevral times at a young age or being a human experiment or something else really bad, so they were scared that if they said anything it would happen again. Them telling Dabi & Tomura why. Love how you write hurt/comfort. ❤🧡💛💚💙

Thank youuu 💜💜

Warning: abuse

Dabi

Your parents were doctors, and thinking that your special quirk was a great way to make some money, they completely exploited it

Barely treated you as their kid, except when it was necessary

“Of course we love you, but we’re doing this to benefit society. Don’t you want to help everyone? Be a good kid and listen to us, we’re your parents, you can trust us.”

They would experiment various poisons or chemicals and test it on you, seeing how long they would take to kill you or how much was needed

And then what could counteract those to see if they could heal you

Would perform various surgeries on you to see how they affected your body

Then they would use this ‘research’ and give it to the medical community - making a name for themselves in how great it was that they were doing so much work to help society

They had no care for what happened to you, you died countless times due to their experiments

You managed to run away when you were like 14, stealing enough of their money to get by for a little while until you figured out how to survive in the world

What you deemed the worst was that they pretended like they loved you the whole time- that gave you serious trust issues, how could anyone mean it when they say they love you? Theyll probably just use you again

So when you met Dabi, of course you never told him

Even though you know you love him, and you want to believe that he means it when he says he loves you, youre not sure

And youre scared that hell decide to exploit your quirk himself, maybe tell someone who would give him a lot of money so they can have you

But of course you ended up ‘dying’ around him, and you gave him the quick excuse of ‘oh people dont believe me haha’ since you didn’t wanna tell him the truth and he seemed to believe it

However, weeks later, you noticed how nothing changed

He hasnt treated you any differently and you havent randomly been kidnapped or something, so he must not have done anything with the knowledge of your quirk

And once you realized that - you immediately broke down because, you actually started to believe for the first time that he truly loves and cares about you - you can trust Dabi and youre unbelievably happy about that

Like you run to find him and just throw yourself into your arms

Hes so confused, youre crying but smiling and he just has no idea whats going on

But then you pull him back into your room and hes like ‘whats up?’

And you finally tell him all about your past - he just sits there shocked, shocked and angry

Doesnt say much the entire time, he just holds your hands tightly as you speak and tears keep flowing down your face

Once your done, he pulls you into a tight hug, starting to cry himself

“Listen to me, I wont let that happen ever again. You’re safe with me. I promise.”

He really doesnt know how to react - hes just pissed and sad

He probably wants to go find your parents and kill them, but for right now you just want to be with him and hes fine with that

Hell hold you all night and just tell you how thankful he is for you and how much he loves you - its going to be a rare, open moment with him

He never talks about what he actually feels, but he knows that you really need to hear it so hell talk about it all night

Shigaraki

You grew up in a family that didn’t want you

It was just your mom, she was an alcoholic and had no money - and she absolutely hated you

She wasnt even aware of what your quirk was, one day she got upset and hit you over the head with a wine bottle really hard, and you died

Only to come back later

Honestly that just made her more angry, shed constantly hit you and whatnot with no care to if you died

And since you technically couldnt die, she wouldnt even feed you for months at a time

Your entire childhood was spent suffering, but you didn’t know what to do if you left

She told you how youre a freak and no one would want you, so you stayed 

However, she died when you were 12 due to her alcoholism and overall not being able to take care of herself

And you were alone

You became a petty criminal - stealing what you needed to survive and just trying to get by without suffering too much

Besides, at least you had food sometimes now

When you were 19, you heard of this League of Villains - and decided you might as well join, you didn’t care what they were about, it was a place where you could try and find a purpose for yourself

And then you met Tomura - he liked you pretty quick since you weren’t there for Stain, even though you weren’t really there for him in the beginning either

You didn’t think bothering him with your past was important, besides - this is a group of villains. And even though he’s never hurt you and you wanted to trust him, he could literally kill you with a touch, and hes gotten pretty close to killing other members

So you didn’t see why he wouldnt be against killing you if he knew you wouldnt die, you knew he cared about you so he wouldnt kill you, but you werent sure what he would do if given the chance

But then he found out about your quirk when you died, and he didn’t do anything - even though he was kinda mad at you afterwards

You felt bad just saying you thought he wouldnt believe you since obviously he didnt think it was a good enough answer to hide it from him for so long

So one day he was playing video games and you were sitting next to him, and you randomly started talking about it

“When I said I didn’t tell you because I thought you wouldn’t believe me- it wasn’t exactly the truth.”

And hes like ya i kinda guessed, but he expects you to continue explaining exactly why

And honestly its gonna be rough, cause he has troubles with how much you trust him, so hes kinda hurt that you thought he would hurt you

But he tries to understand that you felt you could trust no one, and that it wasn’t just him

“That bitch is lucky shes already dead…”

Hes not all to great at comforting, but he is glad that you told him

“Do you trust me now?”

As long as you promise that you trust that he wont hurt you now, then hell let it go. He wont say anything really, but hell kinda change the subject to a lighter one

“I’m bored of this game… grab that controller and play something with me.”

[mithranqueersmusings]

The Night Before XII

Chapter: 12/15

Rating: U

Summary: Ringo hangs around after the club closes and meets a stranger.

Tags: Smut, Slow Burn

Pairing: George Harrison/Ringo Starr (Background McLennon)

AO3 link here / Fic masterlist here

The following day was spent rather unproductively, Ringo hardly moved from his bed and refused to get dressed into anything decent. Paul and John had left early, they could easily tell when Ringo wanted to left alone, but they ensured that at least one of them would be available should Ringo need anything at all. Last night hardly felt tangible, but the grogginess of Ringo's mind and the overhanging sadness made it difficult to forget. He wasn't entirely sure what he felt so bummed out about: was it merely the pain he felt to see George with another man? Or was it the sheer humiliation Ringo had experienced, having to expose his feelings to George in such an unappealing way? Perhaps it was a mixture of both, but he was determined to only let it sully this single day for tomorrow held endless possibilities and he truly believed that the date with George would still go fairly well, even with all this tension now risen to the surface.

Sometimes it was nice to have days like this, comfortably lounging around in pyjamas with no real objectives in mind. Ringo channelled out any lasting aggression he was harbouring by blasting music on his speakers, just about loud enough to stop himself from thinking. He had more than several comfort films to watch, many of which starred his favourite actor Peter Sellers, to make the time fly by without much thought. Throughout the day he conversed sparsely with John and Paul, neither of them addressing the actual events of last night but their concerned tones were enough of an allusion.

He treated himself to some pizza for dinner, settling down in front of his television and letting the hours pass. These days of nothingness were necessary, especially with the amount of excitement he'd been unwillingly plagued with this past week. Part of him debated not even bothering to get into bed, just to gradually pass into unconsciousness on his sofa, but the mature section of his mind - one which was often ignored - convinced him to tuck himself into the covers and let sleep wash over him.

Ringo gladly slept well into the afternoon, the only thing getting him out of bed was his growling stomach. Reaching for his phone he swiped away a variety of meaningless notifications then paused when he noticed a text from George. His mixed feelings were considerably less tangled than they had been previously, but there was still a hint of dread in his stomach when he thought about him.

Look outside your door.

It was sent a couple of hours ago, Ringo worried he'd missed whatever surprise had been waiting for him. He didn't appreciate the cryptic tone, nonetheless he padded over to the front of his flat and cautiously opened the door. Sitting before him was a vase sporting a diverse bouquet of flowers, Ringo wasn't even sure he could name half of them. He looked at it for a while, registering how to fit this in with his torn attitude towards George, and noticed a small card perked upon one of the leaves; he picked it up and inspected it closely.

First of many treats I have planned for tonight. I hope your hangover isn't too bad and you aren't regretting giving me another chance.

Ringo found himself smiling, he must have looked rather odd standing in nothing but his boxers and socks clutching onto this card for longer than he needed to. The thought of one of his neighbours seeing him in this precarious situation spurred him to take the vase inside and shut the door behind him, he inhaled the fresh smell deeply as he brought them into the kitchen to find an adequate placement. He couldn't deny how beautiful they looked, as much as his pessimism wanted to convince him that this was merely a disingenuous ploy. It was difficult to hold onto the resentment, Ringo found himself leaning more towards the attitude that it was merely an extremely unfortunate situation and that George had never intended on hurting him. What use was there in holding onto the past?

Drinking his morning cup of tea, Ringo stared at the flowers before he realised he should probably respond to George's text.

sorry i only just woke up the flowers are gorgeous thank you so much

You're welcome It's the least I can do really There's plenty more where that came from

flowers or surprises??

Both Just you wait

havent got much a choice have i?

I can pick up you around 7 Does that work for you?

it sure does

Ringo debated whether to send another text, he really wanted to clear the air completely but wondered whether it would be better to do it in person. The last thing he wanted was for the whole night to feel like George was having to make it up to him, rather than it being an enjoyable night for the both of them. He understood George's guilt completely, but it would no doubt make him feel rather ridiculous with the forced nature of it all. If only things could just go back to normal, was that too much to ask? He let out a sigh, drafting out a message and staring at it for a while.

i dont want this to come across as harsh or ungrateful or anything but could we leave out any conversation about last night?? i just want to have a good time and not think about that stupid stuff

Impulsively, Ringo sent it without much further thought. He knew it wasn't the most coherent or effective way of getting across his jumbled thought process but the last thing he needed was even more stress seeping into today.

Last night? What happened last night? I was at home didn't step outside for a second

you're right how silly of me must have you confused for someone else

Ringo felt relief washing over him, a grin spreading across his face as he continued to stare at the message from George. Perhaps tonight wouldn't be as stressful as he'd originally anticipated, he'd almost forgotten how at ease George was able to make him feel.

Now arrived the age old dilemma: what on Earth was he meant to wear? He probably should've asked how upscale the place was that George had picked out for them, he didn't want to risk dressing up too much and looking like a fool. Not that Ringo had a great array of formal clothes to choose from, he wasn't one to frequent snobbish establishments if he could help it. He emptied out almost his entire wardrobe, tossing clothes behind him into barely distinguishable piles like he was starring in a teen movie. It took far longer than necessary to narrow down his choices, eventually settling on a navy jumper and some dark trousers. Looking at himself in the mirror he realised there was no way this outfit reflected the amount of time he'd spent choosing it, but the last thing Ringo was about to do was spend more time agonising over something that no doubt didn't matter much at all.

His stomach started rumbling while he waited for George to arrive, he only hoped the food would be appealing. Ringo had a reputation for being a picky eater, not that he could necessarily help it with his endless list of allergies. He found himself worrying that wherever they went Ringo wouldn't be able to eat anything and it would spiral the entire date into disaster. Exactly where this paranoia came from he didn't know, he only hoped it would disappear as soon as he laid eyes on George.

When the long-awaited text finally arrived, Ringo grabbed his jacket and hurried down the stairs. If he didn't eat soon he felt like he was going to pass out, he knew that wasn't truly the case but he couldn't deny that it felt that way. George beamed at him through the glass window, Ringo reciprocated the grin without it feeling even the slightest bit forced. Everything felt normal, thank goodness.

"Don't you look dashing?" George spoke first, a playful tone in his voice.

"Why thank you." Ringo stepped out of the building "I wasn't quite sure what to wear, if I'm being honest."

George was sporting a dark green turtleneck, on top of which he wore a black chequered blazer with trousers to match. It was the most dressed up Ringo had ever seen him, and it was a pleasant sight to say the least.

"Well you look great." George reassured him "Now, I'm absolutely starving so let's get a move on."

They slid into George's car, Ringo felt a little strange to not be the one doing the driving. As they began pulling out onto the main road, Ringo felt his phone buzz in his pocket. Trying to be polite, he decided to ignore it, it was likely only Paul or John wishing him good luck on his date. Neither of them spoke much as they drove, they'd have plenty of time to talk once they got to the restaurant. George hummed to himself rather quietly, Ringo wasn't sure he was even aware he was doing it. After several minutes, George's hand gradually moved away from the steering wheel and onto Ringo's thigh; he never turned to look at him, his eyes fixed firmly on the road ahead. Experimentally he began rubbing his thumb on the fabric of Ringo's trousers, it was a sweet gesture that Ringo appreciated. Ringo gathered the courage to press it one step further, sliding his own hand underneath and interlocking their fingers together. Once again George didn't turn, but a small smile spread on his face. Ringo wasn't sure this was exactly the safest way to drive, but it helped relax his nerves a little.

Not too much time had passed before they'd arrived at their destination, a rather small building with a cosy looking interior. George turned the ignition off but neither of them made any further movements, sat firmly in their seats with their hands still clasped together. The muffled sound of the bustling city outside the car overpowered any potential awkward silence, Ringo was afraid to move lest he ruined the moment.

"You ready to go inside?" George asked, his voice far quieter than necessary, finally turning to face Ringo.

Ringo nodded, hopefully managing to hide his disappointment as George's hand slipped away. They both stepped outside of the car and made their way towards the restaurant, it was pretty packed but fortunately George had booked a table for the both of them. Anxiety began to creep into Ringo's mind as they were guided to their seats, he hadn't been on a proper date like this for so long, he felt like he'd forgotten how to make regular conversation. Yet sitting down across from George made all those worries disappear, all he needed was the smallest amount of eye contact and he felt safe once again.

"You like wine?" George asked, perusing the drinks menu.

"I can't lie, I'm not a fan." Ringo didn't want to risk sounding rude.

"How about a cocktail or something? Just don't look at the prices." George chuckled "Whatever you want, my treat."

"I'd love a Sex on the Beach, if you're offering." Ringo said rather sheepishly.

"Last time I checked Liverpool didn't have any beaches." George feigned a quizzical expression "I think I'll have one too."

The drinks didn't take too long to arrive, Ringo felt relieved to get some alcohol in his body to help him relax. Although he was determined to not get too drunk tonight, it was about time he experienced George's company sober. The atmosphere of the restaurant was nice, rather homely, far less intimidating than the grand vision Ringo had conjured during one of his bouts of paranoia.

Everything just felt right, there was nowhere else he'd rather be or anyone else he'd rather be with. The gleam in George's eyes and the faint smile always barely hidden on his lips let Ringo know that he was feeling the exact same way.

[lostinbl]

I dont know if the prompts are still open but if so there's something I havent been able to stop thinking about since why r u ep2 and it's fighter finding out about that guy that was bothering tutor at work and going absolutely feral on his ass and taking care of tutor like I just really need some protective!fighter in my life

Protective fighter?? hell yea! Bless you for this ask! (on mobile the text is fucked up and idk how to fix it ;-;)

——-

Tutor looks at the clock. It’s almost the end of his shift. P’Kae left half an hour ago to do something and Tutor promised to look over the place in his absence. The evening has been quiet with only one customer after P’Kae. The bell next to the door rings as it opens. Tutor pulls a wide smile to his face and turns around.

“Welcom-” Tutor freezes on the spot. It’s his father’s creditor. Or, well, his son. He’s back on his monthly visit, several days too early like he always is.

“Yo! Give me the money”, P’Toe says as he enters. His name is not really

Toe, that’s just what Tutor has named him since he doesn’t actually

know his real name. That and the fact that the man looks like a big toe.

He’s stubby, kinda weirdly shaped and has little hair. So, P’Toe.

“P’, the date is not due until a week later, I don’t have the money yet”, Tutor explains patiently the same way he always does.

“I don’t care! I’m here to collect the money now!” the man yells. Tutor

starts to worry. P’Kae is always there whenever this person shows up and

he always has his back. Tutor is not sure he can chase the man away on

his own. Toe doesn’t seem to know where Tutor lives and only gets a hold

of him when he’s working.

“I told you P’, I don’t have the money yet. Give me a few more days? If not

a week then five days? Five days and I’ll get the money”, Tutor tries

to negotiate. P’Toe grabs Tutor’s arm with his clammy hand and squeezes.

Tutor yelps in pain as he follows his arms towards the ground.

“P’ please, I’ll have the money in a few days, I don’t have it yet”,

Tutor pleads as he tries to escape. At last, he’s able to yank his arm

out of the man’s hold and immediately he takes several steps back.

“P’! I told you I don’t have the money yet”, Tutor raises his voice in

annoyance. He knows he has to pay, of course he does but he would rather

pay to the creditor himself, not his son. If Tutor could just pay every

month the day he’s supposed to his life would be so much easier.

Instead, whenever P’Toe needs money and his father refuses to give him

any, he comes to harass Tutor for the money he most definitely does not

yet have. P’Kae is usually the one who ends up paying and Tutor then

pays him back when the date is due but Tutor wishes it didn’t go like

that.

“I’ll just take the money then!” P’Toe yells and marches

towards the cash register. Tutor’s eyes widen and he jumps forward,

grabbing a hold of the man’s arm.

“P’!! You can’t, that’s not your money!” Tutor yells at the man in astonishment. Luckily right then, the door opens.

“What do you think you’re doing?” P’Kae announces loudly as he enters his shop. He catches on quickly.

“You touch that money and I’ll report you to the police. That money has

no relation to you or Tutor and therefore the moment you touch it,

you’re stealing”, P’Kae usually high pitched voice drops several octaves

as he threatens the man in front of him. Toe stops on the spot, glaring

at Kae.

“Now, get the fuck out of my shop. You will get your

money when the money is due, not a day earlier”, P’Kae’s voice is cold

as he stares at the other man. P’Toe looks at Kae and juts his chin out.

They both know it’s a fight he would lose. The younger man turns around

to look at Tutor.

“This is not over!” he threatens with a glare and finally exits. Tutor sighs in relief.

“I’m sorry P’Kae!” Tutor apologises but Kae just waves his hand. It’s

not the first time this has happened and he doubts it will be the last.

-

“Bye!

Have a good night!” Tutor says to P’Kae as he exits the shop. He

stretches his arms a little, rolls his head and starts walking home. He

doesn’t get far though. Tutor makes his way onto the main street and

past two buildings when a familiar face appears in front of him. P’Toe.

He must be really desperate for money. Tutor opens his mouth to once

again remind the man that he does not have any, when he feels a fist

against his stomach. The air escapes Tutor’s lungs and he falls to his

knees, eyes wide and gasping for air.

“You useless little shit! You’re really not helpful!” P’Toe curses as he hits Tutor again.

“Money! That’s all you’re good for and you don’t even have that!” P’Toe

keeps mocking as he kicks the man on the ground. A sharp wave of pain

travels through Tutor’s side and his eyes get blurry with tears of pain.

“P’ stop”, Tutor tries to plead as he receives another kick to his

stomach. P’Toe curses a little more and kicks Tutor again. Tutor closes

his eyes as he makes himself into a ball, putting his head between his

arms to protect it.

“Hey!” someone bellows and he hears a grunt. Tutor raises his eyes to see Toe doubled over, his face in his hands as something red oozes between his fingers. Tutor turns his eyes. P’Fight.

Fighter’s eyes are burning with rage and he’s shaking. He hurries over to Tutor.

“Can you stand?” Fighter asks and puts his arms under Tutor’s to help him up. A sharp pain travels through Tutor’s side and he yelps in pain.

Fighter lets out a long angry list of curse words as he helps Tutor to lean against a wall.

“Shit”, Tutor curses as well. If it were any other situation, Tutor would scold himself for swearing but right now he thinks it’s appropriate enough. Tutor turns his eyes up to see something alarming.

Fighter reads his expression and moves just in time to dodge P’Toe’s fist. Fighter lifts his fists up and takes a wide stance a few meters in front of Tutor. Toe sees the protective stance and cackles.

“Now who the fuck are you?!” P’Toe doesn’t wait for an answer as he charges forward. Fighter sees it coming and sidesteps him with ease. He attacks the second P’Toe flies past him.

“And-” Fighter kicks Toe’s legs sending him stumbling “who the fuck are you-” he kicks the man’s kneecap and his legs give out “-to touch him?” with another kick Toe falls to the ground, stomach first. He recovers surprisingly quick and dodges Fighter’s next kick. Toe gets up to his feet. The lower half of his face is red with the blood still dripping from his nose and his shirt is fucked up. Tutor desperately hopes his nose is broken. With an angry yell the man charges forward again.

Fighter knows it to be an easy fight. Even though the other man weighs more than he does, he doesn’t seem to have all that much experience in fighting. As long as he doesn’t have to deal with his weight it’ll be an easy win.

Once again Fighter jumps out of reach. He hits the man’s face and he wails in pain. Another kick to his leg and he’s done.

Toe backs away with tears in his eyes. Fighter follows him. Tutor decides it’s his time to get involved. He reaches out and grabs a hold of Fighter’s arm, halting him. Tutor tries his best to ignore the pain the movement causes him but he still grimaces.

“P’Fight!” he calls out receiving no reaction.

“You touch him again and I swear to god I will kill you”, Fighter growls at the man backing away.

“P’Fight! I’m okay”, Tutor tries again. Toe looks at Fighter with fear in his eyes. He takes another step back, turns around and runs.

“I will kill you!! You hear me!?” Fighter bellows after the man, his body still shaking with anger. His bloodied knuckles are still in tight fists as every fibre in his body is tensed, ready for action.

“P’Fight! Stop. That’s enough”, Tutor calls out again. This time he gets through. Fighter turns around to face Tutor, his hands immediately finding his face.

“Did he touch you here? Was your face hit? Or anywhere else? Is your stomach the only place that got hurt?” Fighter hurries as he checks over Tutor.

“Yes, I’m fine. P’Fight!” Tutor calls him again, finally getting Fighter to meet his eyes.

“I’m fine”, Tutor repeats, willing Fighter to understand. Fighter lets out a sigh of relief and backs away. He ruffles his hair in frustration. He should’ve been here. He was on his way to Tutor’s for, well, tutoring, and decided to stop by his workplace to see if they could walk together. After seeing the shop closed he continued walking only to see Tutor getting beaten up. He should’ve left a little earlier. Two minutes, that’s all it would’ve taken for Tutor to be safe. Screw you Fighter! Fighter curses at himself. “I swear if he ever touches you again-”

“He won’t”, Tutor interrupts. He knows it’s a lie because he’s fairly certain P’Toe will be back again next month. Fighter shakes his head.

“Let’s go”, he mumbles and throws one of Tutor’s arms over his shoulder despite his protest.

-

“Take it off”, Fighter orders as he sits down to the bed. Tutor rolls his eyes.

“I said I’ll do it myself”, he argues back defiantly meeting Fighter’s eyes. Fighter raises his eyebrow.

“Are you gonna take it off or am I?” Fighter challenges. Tutor stays still, still not dropping his gaze. With a shrug, Fighter takes hold of the hem of his shirt and pulls up.

“I said I would-” Tutor’s fight gets interrupted by the hiss of pain escaping his lips. Tutor closes his eyes as his side throbs.

“That’s why I told you to take it off”, Fighter mumbles and retreats.

Tutor glares at him but finally does what he’s asked. As the shirt reveals the skin underneath, Fighter grimaces.

“That looks nasty”, he comments at the growing cluster of bruises on Tutor’s side. Tutor snorts at the remark. Fighter puts a little medical gel on top of the bruises and Tutor hisses at the contact. Reflexively his hands wrap around Fighter’s. Fighter ignores the pair of hands clinging to his forearm and finishes applying the medicine.

“Done”, he mumbles and closes the tube. Slowly Tutor lets go.

“Thank you”, he mumbles back. Tutor lifts his eyes and meets Fighter’s. It feels as though everything slows down a little.

He didn’t realise how close they are sitting until now. Their knees are touching. Tutor would only have to lean in a little, just a little and he would be able to kiss him. He kind of wants to. Just a small kiss.

Tutor’s eyes wander down to Fighter’s lips. Fighter notices the stare and unconsciously licks them. Tutor leans a bit forward, his eyes switching from Fighter’s eyes to his lips. They’re so close now, their noses already touching. Just when Tutor feels like he’s losing his confidence Fighter moves. He removes the distance between the two of them and presses his lips against Tutor’s. Tutor lets his eyes close as he kisses Fighter back. The kiss is soft unlike the one Fighter instigated last time. Tutor much prefers this to that. A short while later they pull apart to breathe. Their eyes remain closed as they lean their foreheads together. Slowly Fighter pulls away and opens his eyes. Tutor copies him.

“I should go now”, Fighter says, his voice rough. Tutor clears his throat and leans properly back.

“Yes”, he answers, his voice not quite there yet either. Fighter nods seemingly deep in thought and gets up, hurrying for the door. Tutor looks after him.

Suddenly Fighter’s need to kiss him back then doesn’t seem all that weird anymore.

(also this was supposed to be longer and soo much better but I accidentally deleted half of it and was too annoyed at myself to try and write it exactly like I did the first time smh I never learn do I :))) )

[figuringouthowtobehere]

please dont reblog this

i dont have many ppl to talk to. so here i am, screaming into the void that is my tumblr again.

im mostly posting this because im alone. im really really fucking alone. and im hoping i might, idfk, make a solid, trustable connection from tumblr??? idfk. im alone in the world.

please dont reblog this

cw family issues, su*cidality, abandonment, abuse, childhood abuse, trauma, being alone in the world

i have no one to go to. my entire life since i was a baby all ive ever been able to do is survive at the skin of my teeth. and here i am, 20, breathing, trying so fucking hard to live and, idk if im succeeding. im doing my film shit which is cool but. im alone. im on my own. im alone in the world. i never had parents. like, obviously i had parents, but they were never parents, dyou know what i mean? like the people who genetically made me were around but they were abusing me or just being awful or refusing to listen to me about what i needed from them, from their parenthood. 

i had a conversation with my mom yesterday (after two days of not being able to get a hold of her and really really needing to) and i was basically just like ‘why cant you be my mom’ and she was like ‘i am your mom’ and i was like ‘well, yeah, but youre not--you cant--you dont mother me. and you dont mother me in the ways i need you to.’ and she was like ‘what does that look like to you?’ and i said ‘someone who i can turn to, always, someone who has my back no matter what, someone who respects me and what i need and who listens to me and trusts my experience and, yeah, someone who i can turn to always’ and she said ‘i mean i can talk with you on the phone, i can tell you what i think you should do, i can try to give you advice from my experience, but as far as someone having your back 24/7 always, i cant do that’ and we ended up talking about how im an adult now - and she was talking about it in the sense of ‘youre a grown man now, you dont need your mom like that anymore’ - and im like ‘ya, i am basically a grown man but i still need my mom. i still need parents.’ and i think im gonna end up cutting contact with her again because its too hard to simultaneously grieve her not being the mom i need and also talk to her. if im not talking to her then i can deal with the idea that i dont have a mother, that i dont have parents and i probably never will.

ive never really had people. i never really had friends when i was a child and i dont really have friends now. maybe its cause im trans, maybe its cause im autistic, maybe its cause im mixed, i dont know, but generally people in the world dont like me or it takes them a long time to not hate me. it doesnt matter why right now the point is i never had people (like, a support system) and i dont now. 

so yeah im pretty seriously thinking about killing myself (or, trying to anyway). i dont wanna die but ive spent my whole life trying to just. be a person. and find contentment. and everything in my life ends up going awful or causing me a lot of trouble at some point or another. ive come to expect it. whenever anything happens in my life im just like ‘when will this go wrong. how long will it take this time.’ and im alone. im just fucking on my own. and i know theres lots of people who are and have been more alone than i am/have been and i admire these people so fucking much like GO YOU!! YOUFUCKING DID IT!!! HELL YEAH! im so proud of u. for real, i have so much respect for all yall reading this who have made it through shit and made it through being alone in the world. you fucking got this. youre doing it. good fucking job!!!!! ✨ but then. idk ig it doesnt take away from this being incredibly fucking difficult for me. pretty much everything in my life was fucked from birth to age 18 and now over half of everything in my life is fucked. which is better, for sure, but its still. ive never had a chance. idk it just seems to me like it doesnt matter. i can try and try and do all the therapies and take all the psych meds a psychiatrist might give me and i can meditate all the time. it just seems like im Doomed. (WOW i sound dumb and childish) like ik logically this is probably incorrect, that im not actually just.. doomed but thats how it feels. whenever a good thing happens im just waiting for it to collapse on me. and usually it does in way or another. generally not because of anything ive done or havent done, it just ends up being shit.

and then. ive never had anyone. i dont have anyone. im alone in the world. like its not that im ignoring people i do have or choosing to omit them from my mind right now. i have a singular friend in the place where i live; my other two friends both live in the states. i live with someone who was a support for me until like last ... july or so, i think, who now makes me feel like shit (they arent being malicious its just a bunch of issues in our relationship. theres more on that in stuff ive posted before, if you feel like digging through my posts for a while go ahead and youll find more on that) and i have like 5% (out of 100%) trust for them. i have a therapist who i see once a week and ik shes invested in me, but thats her job. and i cant just call her whenever i want. i have several people for film stuff but theyre either just casual pals and then colleagues or just colleagues. i know a lot of people, who dont really show any investment in me as a person or their relationship with me and who i dont really click well with. and thats it. 

and im so. im so in love with Film. all of it. (not The Film Industry obviously.) im so fucking in love with it. the only real concrete reason that i wont end up killing myself in the next like month or two is because Film. and i just. need. people. i need parents. or something. fuck.

i think part of this is probably the long-term ramifications of ongoing childhood sexual, physical, and psychological abuse and never really having good, consistent support cause id be surprised if that didnt fuck with my brain (and, yk, untreated severe childhood brain damage from tbis beginning at less than a year old). but it doesnt really matter does it. ive been through the shit time and again and its not like anyone has appeared and been like ‘hello, i see you never had parents, this is who i am, would you like to get to know each other for a while and maybe i could be your mom?’ cause thats literally what i need. i need parents. like i know theres a thing of ‘if you didnt have parents then you cant undo that damage’ but like idk. if someone has a bunch of unhealed broken bones that got broken years ago that are now causing them a lot of pain you wouldnt just be like ‘sorry, i see youre in trouble from this shit, but because it happened years ago theres nothing we can do’ cause there is??? i forget how i was gonna say this before but like. i didnt have parents. with the ‘parents’ i had its a scientific anomaly i lived past age three. i refuse to believe that having Good Parents and a Good Support System now would do nothing for me. cause it would. 

im also facing impending homelessness due to a) welfare/disability programs not giving you enough to live off and b) not having a roommate/not having support systems/not having people. so that doesnt help.

i dont know how to do this. im on my own. im doing all i can. ive reached out to everyone i feel like i could reach out to and. im on my own.

help. i guess. idk what that means but im, once again, at an incredibly fucking AWFUL point in my life and i need help. i doubt anyone will be able to but. if youre able to then. idk. do something. ik that i sound desperate and pitiful and i literally dont care at all because i literally am desperate for support and i literally am at - ANOTHER - extremely low point in my life and its pitiful. im cringing at myself actually posting this because its like ‘you think youre actually find what you need via a tumblr post? where are you? cause thats not real life dude’ but i dont fucking have people to talk to (as you have already understood 🙃) and im tired and tired and tired and tired.

if you took the time to read this i thank you and i hope ur day is going vvv well

please dont reblog this!!

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

Im going to explain my personality so you can confirm or deny if im an infp 5w6. Firstly I do relate to 5s fear of being useless and incapable. I dont go out of my way to help anyone, but if someone wants me to help them, I will try to do what I can or give them advice. If im not able to help them I say something obvious/vague so it still looks like I know what im talking about. I really hate looking stupid or feeling inferior to anyone. I also hate feeling powerless.[1/8]

I feel so pathetic when I cant do anything to influence something in certain situations. I relate to 7s fear too. I hate feeling any type of negative emotion and I just want to enjoy myself and have fun. I care very much about satisfying my own desires just so I can feel better and not feel like im forcing anything on myself or doing anything unwillingly. I also hate feeling like someone is controlling me or has any power over me. I love having freedom to do whatever I feel like doing.[2/8]              

Restrictions make me angry. Im an observant person and im not great at talking to people or forming any type of relationships with anyone. Its hard for me to find people I can get along with. Im opinionated and I love sharing my perspective on things with everyone to see what they think. I enjoy making people not able to counter my points. It usually means I have evolved my way of thinking or the person wasnt very smart. Im surprisingly good at manipulating people without even realizing it.[3/8]            

           Im extremely suspicious of people so it takes me years to trust anyone. Ive been considered selfish by many people but I think its because theres no way I can possibly understand anyone besides myself. Isnt it pointless and rude to make assumptions about someone? And I would rather not risk being wrong. I am great at predicting what someone will do. With people im close with or have a good understanding of them, I know exactly what they will say and what their next actions will be.[4/8]            

           Im usually never wrong about this. I am confident in myself and I am aware of my limits. I am not afraid to confront someone if I feel like I need to to feel satisfied. I am mainly concerned about how something will benefit me or how I feel rather than how others feel. I can easily come up with a bunch of ideas or solutions in most situations. When I think of solutions I have no problem considering everything detail to find a perfect solution or offer multiple if there is nothing ideal.[5/8]            

           Im a quiet person. I am very competitive when I care about something. Winning is always important to me. I am very pessimistic because I hate disappointing myself. Id rather be surprised than disappointed. I like when things are less organized because of how interesting things can get. If I say something, Im obviously confident in the trueness of it so when someone says I am wrong I get confused/offended and panic until I can convince them I was actually right.[6/8]            

           If im wrong about something I start to question what is actually true and doubt ability to be correct. I am prideful so I hate having to accept being wrong. I seem uncaring to a lot of people but sometimes I do actually care, im just not very expressive of those feelings. I am very defensive of myself. If someone even touches me I am instantly ready to attack whoever it was, I usually dont, I prepare just in case. You never know what can happen.[7/8]        

           I can be very dramatic/panic if I feel completely hopeless which isnt very often but often enough to mention. To avoid overthinking, im impulsive when I make decisions or do something. Thinking just wastes time in some situations. I am considerate of people I care about. Im not afraid of negative things happening because they havent happened yet so why would I be worrying about it. This is a lot so I'm going to end it here. Hopefully I included all of the relevant information about myself.[8/8]            

------------------

Hi,

You sound like neither an INFP nor a 5 and I think you’re an ExTP 7. There is also a decent amount of contradiction in here, which may be situational but might be a sign that you need some more time to get a better understanding of your own personality (as many people do - if you’re in your teens or have low/no Fi, this is very normal).

To start off, you mention that you relate to 7 as well, and you provide considerably more evidence in favor of that - avoiding negative emotion, indulging in your desires, impulsivity, and so forth. 5 is really not indulgent nor avoidant of negative emotions, and 5s as a rule aren’t particularly good with people or manipulation either as they will almost always rather withdraw from the situation. 7′s core fear is to be trapped or deprived and unable to do what they want, and that sounds by far the most accurate. My guess is 7w8 here, and possibly with an 8 fix as well.

There is really nothing that looks like high Fi in this, to be honest. Ti is the function that tends to be motivated and excited by making other people unable to counter their points. High Ti users tend to enjoy arguments for arguments sake (vs. for a specific goal) and Ti-Fe users tend to be more interested in getting everyone’s perspective than Fi-Te users. Fi-doms are also typically not very good at manipulation; when unhealthy they tend to get invested in authenticity and thinking everyone else is fake but they don’t really need the approval of others in the same way, so there’s not that same motivation to manipulate in the first place. On a more positive note, Ti users do like problem-solving and tend to take pride in that ability.

You mentioned you’re a quiet person, but so much of this question is about interacting with other people, being somewhat confrontational, and being impulsive. Overall I think there is very prominent extroverted perceiving and better Fe than Si displayed here - the overall style seems very extroverted to me.

I could go with either Se or Ne as a lot of this was general extroverted perceiving; both can be pretty good at predicting things since Se tends to pick up on many tiny details (ESxPs are among the best at reading people) and Ne tends to think of so many possibilities that the right one is often among them; both often can come up with multiple solutions, and so on. There’s nothing that specifically points to one or the other here for me (and they can be hard to tell apart) so I’d consider your spatial awareness/reasoning and your thought processes in terms of abstract/concrete.

[macklives]

homestuck recap

i hated this so fucking much bc my 2 am bitch-ass didnt want to read a recap thats probably longer than any slowburn out there

anyways here it is

also, uhhH sorry im using this as a end of session discussion bc that shit gets explained in her as well. and im not writing up more recaps of a recap so this is where im done for the day. (by done for the day i mean last nights session, im still doing a liveblog soon. i just wrote this yesterday)

also that this is long

you dont have to read it, theres nothing of importance

ive been coping with humor to get me through it

neato.

have fun with what i suffered through:

why was “beta” the only thing unhighlighted?

like did i miss a page???

OH its the beta version of HS thats why

damn its like 5 pages and thats it

mmh

well youll all be happy to know im clicking every single one of these links again bc i like looking back like ahh i remember that. good times. also in case i forgot some shit existed.

do you think andrew had fun writing this? or was he like “fuck”

thats a lot of fucking package talk. good thing im not confused as of now and remember it pretty clearly. of else, this early on in the recap, id be screwed.

god remember when i did an analysis on each item and what it did

i feel as if i have the technology engrained inside my head right now

cruxite, alchemeter, all that jazz

flashbacks are starting up already

yeah, that was the good part in homestuck where i knew 100% that i probably would continue on this liveblog in its entirety, ngl

that one explosion scene. bc it kept me going.

OH W A IT SHIT

i just realized how the intermission spades probably fucking foreshadowed the whole jack revolts thing and gains the ring, which was also technically JOHNS fault considering he slashed up the doll in the first place

my god, i guess thats the only good aspect of the recap. looking back at things and realizing the missing pieces.

oh that makes sense for the whole “this prototyping had no effect on the enemies, since he was already in the medium” i didnt actually think about that

little did rose know where that would get her right now

oh yeah

there’s still the whole entire lab terminal thing and how mom basically knows the place exists. i guess we’re still venturing onto that and itll come up later when we find out how mom knows SO MUCH about the game.

still think shes some weird spy or secret agent

i kinda love her ngl

anyways, theres literally no reason for skaia to produce a cloning machine. so technically, they only sent the meteors in, right? so who put the cloning machine in if not mom?

oh yeah that impact was nerve wrecking asf

and still at this point in the comic i called dave fuckboy red

huh, how times change

i hated reading that whole paragraph ngl, the frustration just kicked me in the boobs again

yeah nobody else got tornadoes, huh?

OH that makes also much more sense

bc she did prototyped them before she entered the medium.

i gotcha

man one of my favorite edits i made, rose hitting that meteor with a bat

are you

telling me

the exiles structures they arrived on were in the form of the items the kids used to enter the medium?

THE EGG

THAT EXPLAINS “EGG”

of course it was 413 years ago. that was never explained. simply vague “many years in the future....” but i expected no less from this

man serenity is the most wholesome character in hs no doubt

damn thought andy here was really gonna spoil us jade’s planet

okay cool, im glad i now have the layout to the whole “their stations went to the coordinates of the home button” shindig

man i honestly dont know what else to say besides “yeah cool recap” when i already pretty much know what went down? ofc im looking into each link and shit and adding in things when i see fit, but otherwise its just me going “ah good times” yknow

the whole meteor thing kinda makes sense now?

we’re still missing a few pieces of info but we’re getting there, folks

oh yeah that reveal

god jade and dave have it in the shits for parents huh

bro isnt the best and jade has a fucking dog

who lowkey

is doing better than bro

who knew a fucking dog is a better guardian than bro lmfao

dreambot = terminator. im telling you.

sorry im still on that idea and it will never leave unless i have the actual proof in front of me that its not going to become a thing. meaning, ive finished hs and theres still no terminator dreambot or either andrew himself gives me a canon letter with “the robot is not arnold, mackenzie, pls just let it be”

why is the entire game session highlighted

i swear to god if this is like to a second recap or smth of the whole game session i may fucking CRY

okay thank god its just a design of the skaia layout

which is honestly cool

idk why its blurry tho but i can at least see the layout now. which is honestly how i pictured it anyways.

yeah, john did make a huge impact in his friends’ life and i find that so fucking touching

yep. got that. everything loops around. cool.

especially when the trolls come in. god we havent even gotten to that recap portion yet, we havent even gotten to the INTERMISSION

pls can this be the halfway point to the recap

AT LEAST

so they were exiled after the whole jack: ascend thing, right? considering theyre way in the future. man no fucking wonder.

speaking of jack

man that whole dad and jack interaction was gold, ngl

OH THAT EXPLAINS THE RING THEN

and wow, andrew’s really giving us the best female content huh. andrew is the true god of equality and diversity.

also hey, i didnt realize that wow. so PM tricked the queen in showing the parking ticket to be able to take the present from jack. she’s a smart cookie, that one..

she and PM basically snitched on jack and it was the best thing that has happened to me so far

oh yeah okay

but why did AR panic over bec? bc thats something we havent learned yet, right?

anyways

exile town, the only town which should exist. facts. i dont make the rules.

noice

i love PM being queen. like.. thats canon now. shes an actual queen.

yeah that was a fun game and the consorts were cute

fuck yeah the dick head

hate them even more now that i know john was killed because of them

anyways, i wonder what dick move dave’s denizen did? maybe thats why its filled with lava bc the denizen was like “fuck it. make the land red. kill them all”

UH WHAT

WHAT

OH MY GOD HOW DID I JUST FORGET NANNAS LETTER LIKE THAT LMFAO

THEIR TITLES WERE THERE THE WHOLE TIME!

so i still dont know what they mean but i can gather it has something to do with the game giving them abilities. considering dave is the “knight of time” and he can go back in time. whack.

which means john can either control someones breathing or simply wind. and rose is... like that one girl in the winx club who does the sun shit. bc whenever i think of light powers, i think of stella.

and jade is space. witch of space.

nice

i have no idea what that means ngl

okay finally

we’re at the trolls

maybe this recap will end soon

i remember when i thought they were internet bullies

yesss

someone asked if i basically knew the trolls were on a different veil than the kids, so not presently with them, and i know lol. i was making a joke before btw. jsyk. dont think im incompetent to forget these things when sometimes i choose to forget it so i can add in a joke

it be like that, i annoy many

then again, pls dont assume im trying to say im not incompetent bc im also a fucking dumbass and DO forget shit and i have no excuse

imagine being so bored on the meteor, your last resort is speaking to aliens

ngl me if i was ever trapped on a meteor and could potentially do that

nah ik its bc its their only hope at helping with their session or whatever tf CG said to john. but there was BOUND to be a conference meeting between them like “okay guys. humans. that needs to be sorted out” and you just hear CG screaming in the background

i cant wait to meet them honestly bc im growing on all 4 of the ones we’ve seen already. and on top of that, i know what they look like and i know theyre not THAT bad, just a little on the crayy zee side sometimes

but theyre trying

OH MY GOD

I GET IT

FUCK

DOES THAT MEAN THE INTERMISSION IS *APART* OF THE MAIN FUCKING STORY??

AND SPADES IS WV FOR THE TROLLS

GOD D A M N

wow

i didnt expect that. but maybe the signs were there and i was just willingly choosing to ignore it or smth bc “haha couldnt be, right”

flashbacks to how i thought the trolls were humans

anyways, i guess he got his revenge on the kids version of “snowman” ie the black queen. but really

he did not have to do that. he could have cut off the finger and fled. but he decided “nah, lets implode her” so the loml is dead and all i got was a catchy song

i knew they were different types of “bullies” but now i just have to replace bullies with uhh

trolling strategies

anyways, this is cute. i love how they’ve come to be friends through mutual frustration. good part in the comic.

i wonder why it explodes

more importantly

....

terminator time?

this was my favourite sequences of dialogues in the whole entirety of homestuck. that is to say the back and forth thing that the kids went through to become a sort of wingman for the other.

absolutely gold.

all except AT’s rap.

GC was the only smart one with the linear shit

anyways fuck he still has to kill the denizen now but apparently its hard to beat for a sleeping dick head so

that will be fun for the future

john will probably need to kill A LOT of imps to get there

yeah rose is a badass bc she slayed that thing with needles of all things

OH and the white queen was the cursive

damn did AR ever do the whole guide process to a kid yet? maybe he will with dave, idk

oHHH

i fucking SEE

thats why he said DNA

to use it and replace all the life forms in the ocean

fucking neat wow

man that sounded sarcastic but im genuinely impressed bc all i got was bullshit as i read jaspersprites log

so thats the secret. it was “meow” bc that somehow translates to the genetic code she needs then. and that code apparently took fucking years to write as well. sick. whack. oh man.

derse is very pretty, ngl

and wow shit

“dave had already been awake in his tower all along without realizing it” how tf does someone just

do that, awake in both places at once

i didnt even fucking realize that fact as i read that pesterlog wow

ah yes, around the time things got confusing

okay so the capsule makes sense bc at first i didnt know it was a fucking time capsule so i got confused as to how it just apparated the game lmfao

the more you know i guess *twinkle*

i find that a neat concept tho

like the whole whatever you prototype affects the imps and shit

yeah so that whole “he had no advice” basically impacted his future

no shit dave wanted to reset things bc he probably thought he caused some sort of bad butterfly effect and killed his best friend

fuck calsprite thats all im gonna say

i read that first sentence and i think i got an aneurysm

and then everything else just made me sad again

i mean good thing he fucking did amirite?

we got pain at first but now we got cool shit like idk

fucking DAVESPRITE

damn idk how that works

will rose have like two minds now? or will this be some steven universe fusion shit?

“and understood their meaning” course well i fucking didnt so could you pls elaborate, rose?

okay but then what the fuck did he use that was inside the fucking box

bc i thought he used his knife?

im only every going to refer him as that now, thank you andrew

alright okay..

god that was a lot

i dont know what will happen once i click on those links but i am going to see that for myself bc i refuse to add ANYTHING ELSE

[quokkalatte]

I havent posted on here for awhile but I wanted to talk ab something that's been on my mind recently and I've been dwelling on it a lot lately. And it comes to supporting a friend, when they tell you they have a crush on someone.

When your friend approaches you, whether it be through text, face time, or face to face, and they tell you that they have a crush on someone, you want to be supportive right? You want to tell them "ooo ask them out then!" Or something along those lines. And if they get nervous about it, and are scared that their crush will reject them, do not say "what's the worst that could happen? Theyll reject you?"

Becuase yes. Rejection IS a worst case scenario. It might not seem big. Your crush not liking you back, so you pick yourself up and move on. Or at least that's how some people would view it. But the thing is, if you dont know a person's history when it comes to romantic interest, saying something like that can be damaging.

As I've grown up, and developed crushes on people, and when I would confide in friends, that's normally how the conversation would go. They get giddy and excited, and tell me I should ask them out. And that was okay, but over time, it wasnt. Because every. Single. Time. I would get rejected. My first crush on a boy was in elementary school. And ever since two months ago, every time I told a boy I liked them, they would reject me, often in a cruel manner.

When a freind of mine would say "the worst they can do is reject you" I would get this feeling in my stomach, and I would always think "exactly. That's the exact WORST thing that could happen. Becuase rejection hurts, and it affects others differently.

There are those who can just pick themselves up and move on. No harm no foul. But for people like me, those experiences stick to you and morph you.

Hitting Middle school, the rejection got worse. I had three small crushes in the span of three years. And every single one had found out. When I told them, they looked at me funny, and would leave to their group of freinds. And they would tease me. And laugh at me becuase I was different. I wasnt the skinny pretty little girls like the others in my class. And it was around that time I'd realised that. After the first two, there was a third. This experience is probably where alot of my issues resolved. And it was only 6th grade.

I didnt even tell him that I'd liked him, a classmate found out and told him during recess. We were waiting in line to go back inside for class, and the school I went to we had uniforms. Mine always fir tightly becuase I was bigger than most of the girls in my class. I remember I was wearing my favorite blue jacket and the khaki pants we were required to wear. When the classmate ran over to the boy I'd liked, he'd pointed at me and told him. The boy turned and looked at me, and got the most disgusted look on his face, and shouted "EW!" Before walking away. I proceeded to get upset. The classmate approached me, and in a pitting manner told me he didnt think that my crush would react that way. The girls I were freinds with said horrid things about the boy I'd liked, but the only thing that I could think of was the look of disgust on his face at the simple thought that I'd had a crush on him.

And it stuck with me. It still does. Containing through high school I became more reserved when it came to the guys I liked. I never told my friends who my crushes were, and when they outed me about it, that's all they wanted for me to do was to tell him. Tell him becuase what's the worst that could happen? He could reject me?? Yes. Becuase in my mind, I was ugly. I was undeserved of every having a boyfriend. And I was convinced I would never have one. I would look in the mirror and loath what I saw. I hated how I looked becuase all I could see were what they saw. I wore hoodies all the time even in hot weather so that I could cover my arms. I didnt want any of me showing. I wouldnt wear shorts becuase I hated how big my legs were. I held so much self loathing for myself, I wouldnt look in a mirror for longer than I had to.

That had gone on for years. I've hated myself for years becuase of judgment. Because I feared what people thought of me. It didnt just extend to what I thought the boys thought, but everyone thought. I hated attention being attracted to me, and my social anxiety got worse. Anything that brought attention to me would make my heart pound and my palms sweaty and my head buzzing with a hundred thoughts that made it so difficult to function.

It was only recently in the past couple years I've been able to accept myself. And I'm still very far off. And it might sound dumb or cliche, but the only reason that sparked this, was kpop. My friend introduced me to BTS, and I got invested in them. I loved them. I loved these 7 boys, who radiated such happiness and positivity. Their concept of loving yourself for who you are, and that the closest to you would do the same, those words meant alot to me. They helped me when I was anxious. Their music was, and still is, so soothing to me.

In my Senior year of high school I was taking my health elective, and we were learning about the BMI and to test what ours was. I refuse to share what my results were, but they werent healthy. As the teacher droned on about the topic, I sat in the back of the class quietly crying and trying to get myself to stop but I couldnt, and I felt a panic attack coming on, and I was scared that I would bring attention to myself, so I needed to distract myself from it, and I plugged my earbuds in and pulled up a BTS video. It was just a 2 minute video of Jimin laughing, and that was enough. I calmed down enough to collect myself, and I stopped crying.

Two years later I'm still not perfect. I still have a very toxic mentality of myself, and I can accept that I might need help, more than what KPOP groups can give me. They did give me the tiniest of nudges to help me, and I am very grateful.

I've told you what you shouldnt say to someone when they tell you that they have a crush on someone, so here's what you COULD say.

Your friend is worried, that their crush might reject them. You can offer your support.

"I'm here for you. I hope it works out, and I'm sure it will. And if not, I'll be here to help you"

"I understand you're scared, I see why you are. You dont have to tell them unless you're ready. I'm in your corner if you need me"

Motivate your friend in a good way. Dont pressure them into it, becuase it can make them anxious and stressed because they feel like they HAVE to tell their crush, and it makes it worse on them. Encourage your freind to get to know their crush. Tiny things, speaking to them. And if their scared about that, reassurance will help them. Offering advice and tips on what they could say and do will help them.

This is my last personal story to pair with this. I developed a crush on a guy. We met through a mutual freind, one who happens to be a very good friend of mine. I got his snapchat, and since then we've talked every day since. I didnt realise that I'd had feeling for him until a month into just chatting, and I started to wonder if he felt the same. The select few people i told all told me that it was possible, and they believed that all the signs he gave me were pointing towards yes, he did like me. I was still unsure, so very unsure.

My best friend is who helped me the most. I told him about a week after I found out my crush on this boy, and he was immediately supportive. He never once said to me "worst case scenario he rejects you". He told me o should talk to him more, get to know this boy and see what happened. My feelings became stronger every passing day. This boy made me so happy, and he was unlike any of my past crushes. I was so used to the guys I liked wanted nothing to do with me, or if they actually DID, it wasnt becuase of me, but because they wanted nudes. The few experiences I'd had with guys before this boy were awful. I had been talking to a guy but all he cared about was sex and nothing else and ignored me for a month, and then proceeded to ask for nudes becuase he was horny. It was very damaging for my mental state, and I was in a rough place. Id cried to my best freind, begging for him to tell me what was wrong with me. Why boys didnt reciprocate my feelings, and when they showed even the slightest of interest it was because they were horny. I felt like I would never find anyone ever.

I was scared, after developing feeling on this boy. I told my freind the same stories I've shared here. How I was terrified of being rejected. Becuase I'd gotten to know this boy and felt more for him than what freinds normally would. My best friend was so supportive, he stood by me when I would get anxious and when I would tell him my fears and doubts.

It took me 3 weeks to gett the courage to tell this boy that I liked him. The day I told him my nerves were shot, my palms were slick, but I did it. I confessed to this boy that I liked him. Funny enough, it was through a meme. It said that "I might have a big fat crush on you but I'm scared to say anything" my nerves were on fire my body was numb. It might sound like an exaggeration but this was how I was feeling. I was texting all three of my supportive freinds at once. My best freind was the first to know, he was with me through the entire time I talked to my crush. My crush had asked why I was scared to tell him, and I'd told him that I didn't want to make him uncomfortable becusse we'd grown close in the time we were talking. He reassured me that I couldnt make him uncomfortable. I'd asked how he felt about me. At this point my heart was in my throat. I watched the icon that showed he was typing and I was ready, I was ready for him to reject me, like all the boys had done before.

But he told me he felt the same. He didnt reject me. He was worried becuase we live so far apart from each other, and we werent sure how long distance would do for us, and how Covid19 would take into play. But I'd said I was up to try if he was, and he was too.

That was two months ago as of writing this. But if it wasnt for my best friend being so supportive of me, I dont think I could ever have told my boyfriend that I liked him. Even now, the concept is foreign to me. My trauma is still apparent becuase I cannot fathom how someone as amazing as him likes me back, after years of getting rejected and my mental health being damaged by the countless teasing. The first time he called me beautiful, I broke down and cried, because it felt too good to be true.

I'm sharing this, I'm sharing my experiences becuase i wanted to help people know how they could help a friend who might share similar experiences with me, get through the fear of rejection. Telling someone their worst case scenario doesnt help ease their worries. But offering your support, and reassuring them that it would be okay and that you will be there for them will.

Rejection is a part of life, and its something you cannot really control. But if the right words can help you get over your fear of it, then it does help ease the pain.

I'm not saying that all my past friends who told me rejection was my worst case scenario were trying to be malicious, they just wanted me to be happy and were excited for me. I understand that.

And if you ever were that friend who said that, it doesnt make you a bad friend. You were trying to help in your own way. But this may help for future interactions, or at least I hope it will.

You dont always know the experiences that your freinds go through, but being there and supporting them through their fears will help them, and give then confidence.

My best freind has supported me through so much, and it was him who helped me overcome one of my biggest fears.

I hope you found this extremely long PSA to be helpful and I hope I explained myself the best I could. If something is unclear to you please tell me I want to help everyone I can, because I beleive you all deserve to be happy.

And no of course you dont need a partner to be happy. You can be strong and independent in your own way and find your happiness there.