#i dont control the baggs

[megalommi]

It always struck me as strange that Baggs came out the way he did, cause my type is baras/bears/big and fat

I've been meaning to draw Bara Baggs for ages but I finally nailed down a body shape I like

[wishing-stones]

Dont imagine baggs during his heat? /////

Somehow I knew this was going to be sent to me eventually LMAO

Don't imagine how he vanishes from all of his usual spots one day, only leaving behind a vague comment about needing some personal time. You try to find him but... all you get met with is a strong, but pleasant aroma of... cleanliness. Sterility. There's a bit of the ozone-y smell you associate with magic to it as well, but mostly...

It smells like he might have gone ham on sanitizing his spaces. At least it smells good.

Don't imagine catching faint flickers of white and magenta around corners for a few days, but he's never there when you round them... but that scent sure is, and it's very nice the stronger it is; almost perfume-like in quality, but... very clean. It makes you a little hazy, but in a pleasant, enjoying-the-scent-of-flowers sort of way rather than any sort of sleepy.

Don't imagine eventually catching sight of him as he's pouring over something, looking restrained, a faint sheen of sweat over his skull and his cheeks, and the spaces between his bones, are illuminated magenta. Don't imagine how he turns to you, how his eyelights are a little fuzzy, but... hungry. And how that scent is so much stronger and more pleasant with him right there. It lures you in. You don't even really register approaching him, but...

...He seems to be warring with himself.

Don't imagine how he explains to you, through gritted teeth, that in his enthusiasm for researching something new, he forgot to track his cycle and get ahead of it with suppressants. It confuses you, the terminology, but he hurriedly explains that monsters have... a sort of reproductive cycle that's more primitive than their society really calls for, and how strong these changes are... and he's exiting the worst of it, but the urge is still there. He didn't want to force anything on you or be around you in a more addled state, but... he's a little clearer now, so it's your choice.

Don't imagine how his face brightens when you eagerly agree, how pleasantly surprised he looks... and affectionate. It seems your unflinching acceptance and love of him has really touched him, more than it usually does.

...And really don't imagine that, while he's more in control of his faculties, he absolutely does not have the patience to go anywhere else, so he sweeps everything off his desk and takes you then and there.

[tehrogueva]

Baggs is an OC owned by @megalosomnia and he's a scientist/doctor like Doc. Except he usually solves his problems with mind control instead of talking like all normal people do.

Docs not really a scientist lol that's just his Name.

Like how Cross Sans is just Cross and doesnt like to be called Sans.

Doc will still let his Papyrus call him sans. But he Prefer to be called Doc by others outside his AUas for if he would get along with someone who uses Mind Control... not sure how well that would go.

I dont see Doc being very friendly towards someone who treats people like that.

im sure there is a story reason for who Baggs is like that but i dont know it cause i just found out about em XD

Edit: so I completely spaced that I follow them and have liked there art before. Lol

I would be interested to see Baggs and Doc interact now

@megalommi

[valdederon]

FLAMES JOURNEY CHAPTER #4 learning the basics and evolving .

during the pervious night in the medical wing taiga took valdederon to his and his wifes quarters and set up a small nest and puts a pile of books next to the nest having heard that valdederon fell asleep in a book while reading it and then lays in his own nest with his wife a milotik who looks as aged as him.

-----THE NEXT DAY----

valdederon wakes up in an unfamilliar room and looks around feeling alone his in born pokemon instincts taking over his mind and emotions tears dribbling down his face untill he begins to sob openly startling the milotik awake and she slithers on over to the crying fennekin and cradles him up quietly singing in a voice soft as silk

kleo-- hey little one its all right hey little one your safe to night the moon is bright the sars like diomonds glittering like snow rest those eyes and look bright evrything will be all right momy has you held up tight.

for an hour she sings slowly calming valdederon blushing bright red and purring

kleo-- whats wrong bud why are you crying.. tell moma whats wrong

valdederon growls at that

valdederon--- no offense but your mot my moma.. and im alone.. stuck in this world in a body that isnt mine … a body that is not my age.. a body that i barely have any controll of.. im alone. weak and i have no family.. not even in the world im from..

kleo--- i call my self moma with evryone sweat pea. and you are not alone. not here we are all like a family here in this guild and what do you mean you have no family.

valdederon--…THATS NONE OF YOUR CONCERNE…. its all in a different world any way so it doesnt matter.. not like i give a dam any way.

he turns his head away from her and sighs flash backs playing in his mind monsters ransacking houses screams filling the air thick with smoke. smell of blood in evrywere humans charging at a creaturre horns on its head skin red rough as stone claws as sharp as razors fading out as he begins a type of breathing exercise almost as if meditating.

after an hour he spots the books and begins to read as kleo sighs heading back into her nest taiga having been awake to hear the out burst

taiga--- thats verry concerning.. hes volitile and powerful even at his young age… he nearly burned down a small clinic shortly after his egg hatched.. he even gave evergreen a sizable burn scar

kleo--- we can break through his shell in time hun.. i think we should teach him about our world as much as we can.. he definatly isnt shy about reading.

taiga sighs--- im still worried….. well…. valdederon… your going to come with me to the daycare… and dont even start with im this old crap because your body is already adjusting to its age physiacly and emotionaly as you can tell. so youl need to learn your basics sooner or later luckily unlike most outworlders you have a chance to aclimate more easily as your a new born still.

valdederon looks at taiga with a light growl. but just sighs after caving into the request and for the next couple years valdederon learns about the world as tought in the daycare avoiding the other young pokemon . eventualy he is moved to an actual school room his body now around 5 years old .

--- FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL---

valdederon walks into the school room on the 8th floor of the guild 4 books in a bag on his back and a bunch of pokemon chuckle seeing the loner fire type walk in as one of the rebelling at the moment bully pokemon pipe up.

neegan--- hey flame brain what you packen in that bag.. oh wait probably your baby supplies ha ha ha i hear your crying your self evry

hes cut off by a powerful ember blast on the wall

valdederon--- shut your trap unless you want to be burned into cinders were you sit. im here to learn not deal with pethetic bullies. and not here to make friends either

he head to the back of the class and takes off his bag bitting the buckle on the side releassing the bagg off his back. and begins to wait for the teacher who happens to be a ninetales named gelda

gelda-- good morning class ….ok. why is the wall burned…oh i see ok moving on im gelda your teacher for this class room youve all met our newst student already.. the fennekin who seems to have targeted neegan… valdederon please avoid attacking other students alright i know youve had abit of a rocky stay here but evryone here is kind.. despite some personality clashes.. and neegan i strongly advice an attitude change lest you want me to contact your mother

neegan a teddiursa whimpers and sinks in his seat

neegan-- p.. please d..dont tell my mom..i..ill behave i swear.

gelda nods and passes out ink wells and papers with a small writting assignment to gauge evryones writting quality. the class falling silent as evryone begins to go to work on the assignment valdederon retracting his claws in and out distracted by thoughts and memories of his previous life. when gelda comes over and bats him in the back of the head with her paw

gelda--- you going to get to work bud.. you seem distracted.

valdederon--- im fine just old memories.

he dips a claw in the ink and begins to write his name about him self and what hes been through while in this strange new world. then heading to the training room after hes finished ending up face to face with a training dewot whos working out some of his own rage, the dewott screaming curses at a training dummy slashing at it with shell blades at full force. when he spots valdederon watching quietly.

beltrand--- what do you want fire type… you want to tease me about beeing week not strong enough to.

valdederon noticing were this is gowing shakes his head

valdederon--- i came here to work out my own problems maybey we could have a sparing match. i dont realy know what happened to you in your past and i wont pry i my self have had a fair share of… happenings in my past i am an out worlder .

beltrand stares shocked but begins to nervously laugh and sit down panting

beltrand-- im sorry i.. i didnt mean to snap.. but sure we can spar abit.. let me just grab some berries and rest up first.

valdederon nods and lays down flat shutting his eyes to rest abit having not had much sleep the previous night and quickly falls asleep. an hour later beltrand wakes valdederon and they take a moment to stretch before going all out sparing for over 5 hours untill vall yelps and stumbles startled by a blueish white glow around him and whimpers feeling his body shift change and moprh after its all finished valdederon had finished evolving into a braixen and he striesgetting up and stumbles onto his face and he growls.

valdederon--- wonderfull.. now i have to re learn hot to walk… for the love of mercy.. ugh..

beltrand--- ha ha ha .well now your definatly much stronger then before.. your a braixen now.. im going to go head into my room im exausted but i had fun sparing

valdederon--- as did i stay safe .

he nods and heads off and valdederon slowly makes his way wobbly up to the guild masters quarters and falls on his face again in his nest with a growl waking up taiga hwo had been taking a nap

[cybernightwanderer]

Off-radar until she had to declare ownership again.

Since the fight the other day, i have been avoiding my mom. My mental health has been getting worse and worse, and yesterday i finally noticed.

I have been sleeping almost 15  hours a day, i wake up so sore and in such pain, my head hurts, my body aches and twitches. My leggs seem out of control. I have no will, and no matter how much i sleep, i still cant get out of my bed. My sleeping schedules have been a mess, it gets changed, i fix it, two days later is back to switched and so on. Im angrier, more distant, less “here”, not even on my own head. Feels like im disapearing. I spend my nights crying, i dont even know why i am crying, i just know it hurts. The days seem longer, every two days seems like one mashed up together, i completly lost track of time. I dont remenber the last time i ate proper food, i have been drinking a glass of milk here and there just to keep hunger at bay. Its my breakfast and my dinner. I cant bring myself to cross paths with her, so i just stay in my room. And luckly she has barely pulled much talk, sometimes she tries to pull a fight but i just ignore and walk away back into my room, other times she plays nice and tries to pull normal conversations, but im just so tired i dont even dare to say anything. I know her too well, and im done fooling myself. If she wants to keep abusing me, then im like just go ahead, but im not gonna forgive and forget and play nice anymore, just do what you want. Yesterday she bursted into my room, telling me to go eat, and i told her i already eaten, she started complaining to a point she started yelling just because i wouldnt even reply to her, or because ive just been drinking milk. She has been insisting day yes and do no for me to eat her food, but im just too scared to, because i know what comes next. I have cans and rice in my room , i just cant make food when shes there, and i cant make food  during the night, so im just stuck with milk. A few days ago she asked me to help her go buy groceries, and i explained to her that my sleeping schedule was messed up so i couldnt really go, but when i get up i would get the things she couldnt carry from the car. She grunted at me and said “ fine ill do it myself then “, later on when i woke up she burst into my room , ordering me to do a bunch of chores and all that. And so i did, i barely said a word, i just did it yet she still found reasons to complain, then i went back into my room. A few days pass, today at 6 am, she enters my room without knocking or permission as usual and asked me to go grocery shopping with her because she couldnt carry everything alone. So i told her, i am almost going to bed, but you can leave the dry things in the car and as soon as i get up , ill get everything, bring what you can carry home or the fresh things and ill get the rest. She looked at me in the eyes and started to show her angry expression. Repeating to me that she needs me to go because she isnt gonna take the car, she will go by foot after her jog and she wont have enough strengh to carry everything she wants to carry. And i told her why doenst she go by car? and leave it in the car for me to bring. She turned her back on me without saying a word, so i went back to my room and i closed the door. I didnt even have time to turn around and she calls me again, i open the door and she insists. “I dont want to go by car, and i cant carry everything so i need you to come with me.” And i explained again that i couldnt because i was really sleepy, and my head really hurt. She started complaining and turned around again, while yelling “ ill do it myself then “. Note : this woman can beat the living shit out of a grown adult, can go jogg for one hour and a half, and carry her own grocery baggs. However sometimes yells at me just to carry ONE BAG that only has vegetables and its the weight of one litter of milk only. All my life she used me as a weight carrying dunkey, my back started to get damaged because of that, a small kidd carrying full baggs of grocery shopping 4 times her weight, while she sat at the tv watching her shit and eating. Today my back is beyond repair, and i can barely carry the weight of my own body without getting horrible strikes of pain  that incapacitate me from even moving for the rest of the day. And honestly the fridge was full of food, the freezer too, i havent been eating, what is she going to restock? Shes just feeding herself. She just needed to buy veggies and fruit, and that honestly is just ONE bag. Fast forward, i fell asleep around 13pm and woke up at 8 pm. As soon as i get of my room with the intentions of “eating breakfast” she turns to me and starts questioning if i eaten and if i was going to eat. I told her i was on my way to. She then says “ im gonna make stew, dont you want to make some rice?” I explain to her “ no , because im gonna eat my breakfast now “ She then replies “ yeah i dont care, your gonna make rice now , you dont wanna eat fine but your gonna make for me then” i just stood there looking at her, she then with a more agressive tone “ go wash your hands and make that rice right now” I went to the bathroom, i was mad asf, humiliated. I was going to the kitchen and she yelled “ go make the rice now “ So i replied to her “ yes boss, yes owner “ She started yelling all ofended “ its your duty to -” to wich i cut her off and told her “ why are you complaining , thats what you are, you treat me like a dog, so you’re my owner apparently “ She started ranting and ranting, and i just told her i was doing what she wanted, she shouldnt even be complaining. Then she started laughing and just going like “ you’re so spoiled, you’re a brat, your there pouting so shamefull “ “ and while you’re at that wash my carpet, you shouldve done it weeks ago “ Note : HER CARPET, HER FOOD. A full grown ass woman, cant do her own things, and im the spoiled and brat... She started to continue to try yelling at me, and i  just yelled until she shut up. And apparently reapeating “ im doing what you ordered me to do , why are you still complaining, you should be happy , im doing your things for you “ She eventually shut up. But as soons as im done with everything, i went back into my room without eating anything, i layed back on my bed, and just layed there, defeated, humiliated, crying. My body is not mine, my will is not mine. She then called her friend to talk trash about me on how spoiled i am right outside my door, how ungratefull i am and what a brat i am, and how she does everything for me. What? letting me stay in a room i pay and have payed every since i got my first job? while my two older brothers never did? letting me stay in a house where i clean what i use? where i buy my own food and things? where i just stay in my roon and barely leave so she doesnt get bothered? WOW so amazing, what a hero. The holy mother.

[carlosalbertoteixeira]

SEU CELULAR PODE ESTAR LHE MATANDO LENTAMENTE Acabo de assistir ao documentário "Resonance" de 2012 sobre — entre outras coisas — os malefícios da radiação eletromagnética sobre a saúde. Leia-se, telefones celulares, em especial. Fiquei muito assustado. Mas como não tenho conhecimento científico para julgar se tudo que é dito no filme é verdadeiro ou não, peço que os mais doutos entre meus amigos e conhecidos deem seu parecer a respeito. Infelizmente ainda não encontrei versão legendada ou dublada em português, mas continuo procurando. RESONANCE: BEINGS OF FREQUENCY - (OFFICIAL) A versão no Vimeo é a oficial e o diretor responde aos comentários: https://vimeo.com/54189727 Tem também no YouTube: https://youtu.be/oS6FGzh3ygw Veja no IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2221616/ Tem uma página do filme no Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/resonancebeingsoffrequency O diretor do filme, James Russell , criou um abaixo-assinado online em prol de advertências mais claras relativas aos riscos à saúde nas embalagens de telefones celulares: https://www.ipetitions.com/petition/clear-health-warnings-on-cell-phone-packaging/ PS: Obrigado ao velho amigo R.D.F. que me deu a dica ontem à noite. = = = Sinopse em português, encontrada em . Ressonância – Seres de Frequência, documentário integral, por James Russell e John Webster Resonance – Beings of Frequency (documentary film) http://youtu.be/5vb9R0x_0NQ Interessante e bem documentado longa metragem sobre a descoberta da frequência-base do planeta Terra (7,83 Hz) e sobre o perigo que se corre ao tentar modificar esta frequência artificialmente. Foi provado como a causa do desaparecimento das abelhas é fruto da exposição das colônias aos campos eletromagnéticos. Da mesma forma, a extinção de espécies de árvores se deve também à ação destrutiva combinada de nano partículas e ondas eletromagnéticas. A descoberta das proteínas criptocrome demonstrou como a vida está indissoluvelmente ligada ao campo natural eletromagnético terrestre. Modificar esse invisível e delicado suporte da própria vida no planeta representa uma ameaça irreversível de incrível alcance: o próprio DNA comunica através de frequência eletromagnética. A metalização da biosfera por meio de rastros químicos, a monstruosa proliferação de antenas para diferentes finalidades militares ou civis, as chamadas mega-instalações de ‘pesquisa’ como o HAARP, a difusão nefasta e forçada de sistemas wi-fi… que papel desempenham nesse âmbito? O documentário revela pela primeira vez os verdadeiros mecanismos pelos quais a tecnologia de telefonia móvel pode causar câncer. E como, cada um de nós reage à maior mudança ambiental jamais ocorrida no planeta. A vida chegou ao planeta Terra há dois bilhões de anos – um planeta com sua própria frequência natural. A vida lentamente evoluiu, circundada por esta frequência e, inevitavelmente, entrou nesta sintonia. Com a chegada da humanidade, atingiu-se uma incrível relação, que a ciência está apenas começando a compreender. A pesquisa está demonstrando que a exposição a esta frequência é parte absolutamente integral a todos nós. Ela controla nossa saúde mental e física, sincroniza nossos ritmos circadianos e ajuda nossos sistemas imunitários e melhora nossa sensação de bem-estar. Não só estamos circundados por frequências naturais, como também estamos preenchidos por elas. Nossas células comunicam através de frequências eletromagnéticas. Nossos cérebros emitem uma corrente constante de frequências e nosso DNA fornece instruções usando ondas de frequência. Sem elas, não poderíamos existir por mais que um segundo. Esse delicado equilíbrio levou bilhões de anos para se aperfeiçoar. Mas nos últimos 25 anos, a harmonia foi alterada, e alterada de forma dramática. A humanidade mergulhou num oceano de frequências artificiais. Elas estão em toda parte, preenchendo o ar e abafando a ressonância natural da terra. A olho nu, parece que o planeta é o mesmo. Mas no nível celular, trata-se da maior mudança que a vida na terra jamais enfrentou, e cujos efeitos estamos apenas começando a ver e a sentir. Via: http://freeskies.over-blog.com/article-7-83-hz-la-frequenza-della-biosfera-114134543.html Para obter o DVD do filme: http://flatfrogfilms.com/resonance-documentary/ Recomendamos também: Eletromagnetismo: os riscos invisíveis para a saúde http://www.antinovaordem.com/2012/01/os-riscos-invisiveis-para-saude.html = = = Descrição do vídeo no YouTube: Published on Feb 5, 2013 Resonance is a sensational journey, which reveals 60 years of scientific research into the harm being caused to life by man made wireless frequencies. Two billion years ago life first arrived on this planet; a planet, which was filled with a natural frequency. As life slowly evolved, it did so surrounded by this frequency. and Inevitably, it began tuning in. By the time mankind arrived on earth an incredible relationship had been struck; a relationship that science is just beginning to comprehend. Research is showing that being exposed to this frequency is absolutely integral to us. It controls our mental and physical health, it synchronises our circadian rhythms, and it aids our immune system and improves our sense of wellbeing. Not only are we surrounded by natural frequencies, our bodies are filled with them too. Our cells communicate using electro magnetic frequencies. Our brain emits a constant stream of frequencies and our DNA delivers instructions, using frequency waves. Without them we couldn't exist for more than a second. This delicate balance has taken billions of years to perfect. But over the last 25 years the harmony has been disturbed. and disturbed dramatically. Mankind has submerged itself in an ocean of artificial frequencies. They are all around us, filling the air and drowning out the earth's natural resonance. To the naked eye the planet appears to be the same. But at a cellular level it is undergoing the biggest change that life on earth has endured; the affects of which we are just starting to see and feel. 'Resonance' sensationally reveals how our reliance on a technology that is proving to be unsafe, could result in us paying the ultimate price... Check out our website at http://www.flatfrogfilms.com = = = Meu dever de casa agora será explorar os vários links fornecidos no comentário de 6 meses atrás de autoria de Sandra Bagg na supracitada versão no YouTube... Here are some other short videos to look at on this topic: https://www.ihealthtube.com/video/almost-everyone-owns-device-you-dont-know-all-its-health-risks https://www.ihealthtube.com/video/you-wont-believe-how-emfs-affect-your-body https://www.ihealthtube.com/video/are-some-electric-frequencies-more-damaging-health-others As well as some sites: (the first link is scary reading, the 2nd is the best, but the others are more readable): http://www.couriermail.com.au/news/special-features/in-depth/something-in-the-air/news-story/97ea4b7df463be7458decf8d7d5554a5 http://www.bioinitiative.org/conclusions/ https://climateviewer.com/emf/ http://emfsafetynetwork.org/secondhand-radiation-can-be-considerable-according-to-a-newly-published-study/ http://www.emfacts.com/2016/07/a-historical-perspective-on-the-catalyst-wi-fried-program-controversy/ http://www.globalhealingcenter.com/natural-health/10-shocking-facts-health-dangers-wifi/ https://books.google.com.au/books?id=ueIjAAAAQBAJ&pg=PT179&lpg=PT179&dq=health+dangers+of+wifi+on+buses&source=bl&ots=-EEYhUzlad&sig=mPpSN3IRihrZ06VbabE94fM5ruc&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwj1l-6O3vrNAhWGHJQKHcGKD-s4FBDoAQggMAE#v=onepage&q=health%20dangers%20of%20wifi%20on%20buses&f=false http://es-uk.info/docs/front-01-ill-health-wifi.pdf http://www.forbes.com/sites/robertszczerba/2015/01/13/study-suggests-wi-fi-exposure-more-dangerous-to-kids-than-previously-thought/#38efe4365fdc http://www.naturalhealth365.com/emf-wifi-wireless-1647.html I think the above demonstrate that there is a lot of incentive to avoid Wi-Fi as much as possible, even second-hand (remember the tobacco industry and 2nd-hand smoke?) Especially if you don't like your DNA being vibrated chronically until it's disrupted! (Remember there is a VICE in Wi-Fi device. And a HOT-spot is so called because the radiation is causing a heating of everything, including your body and brain!) Oh, and there are protests: http://www.odwyerpr.com/story/public/6377/2016-02-22/doctors-schools-libraries-lead-battle-vs-excessive-wi-fi.html /* //

[cybernightwanderer]

A little note on biology, family, time and irony.

Today i woke up to realize my mom went trought my wallet, and who knows what else. The last known time i found out she did this, was one year ago, when she beat the crap out of me, pulled me by my hair and threaten to kick me out for the house without a chance to ask for anyone help or even get my shit. She did all this, because she demanded 100 euros extra to what i was paying her monthly and i said no because i was trying to get enought money to leave. To wich she threatned me again that i can never leave if i dont pay my deth to her. Yada yada, same old same old. She used to do this a lot, she would control my money even tho i always payed what i owed her. Yet she always wanted more, and would always guilt trip me if i even spent that money on myself, and would force me to buy random shit for her. All trought out my life she did this, going trought my things and then demanding and interrogating me using force. She never did these things to my brothers, and they actually never helped at home, not with money , not even taking a trash bagg out. I remenber everytime she even asked my brother to set the table it would turn into a two hour yelling marathon, and then id be the one to do it. This was daily, i couldnt rest from work, i couldnt study for school. And if i said i was busy id get punched, pulled by my hair and so forth. I was always the dog, that did everything she ordered and gave her what she demanded. I would be left with 40 euros on my pocket after a whole month of working just because she forced me to, and i couldnt say a word about it, and even so she would control my money. Few years forward and she still did that, but more violently and sneaky. When i was younger she would just take it and then hit me etc. Or take it while hitting me. Wether it was food, money or even clothes, a jacket , or a scarf. I remenber having a specific outfit for job interviews, and i would let her know in advance that i would have a job interview X day. And i would warn her, dont use this shirt or if u use it put it back before the morning. And every single time, i had an important interview or just job meeting, i would go crazy in the morning crying and go trough all my shit looking for that shirt, because she would use it and not put it back. Then there would be yelling, at 5 in the morning, me asking her where the shirt was and she yelling back she didnt toutch it, or even toutch my stuff. Wich later that day coming home finding that shirt on my bed, and her just brushing the situation  off her shoulder. And then threatning to hit me when i asked her. So eventually i just gave up. I told her, take what u want, use what you want. Growing up, i never had my own clothes, my own things, and the little i had , my brother would steal it. if i had a bag of chips i bought with my own money i saved up my brother would steal it. If i had saved up money my brother would steal it. And when i cried for help i got beat up. “ stop complaining about ur bother “ / “ stop crying he said he didnt “ / “ leave ur brother alone “ etc etc... Around at the age or 18/19 when i had a more permanent job, i started buying my own pants, my own shirt and my own things. I didnt have to wear my brothers clothes anymore. I was free. But not getting stuck into those times right now, because if i star writting eveything i dont think a day would be enough. So...  Like i was saying , today she went trought my wallet and checked my bank balance, etc. And i went to her room and i asked her, “ hey did you go in my room? where you looking for something or do you need something of mine?” And i wasnt even done with that sentance, she got really agressive and said “ i dont need shit from your room, i didnt enter, why??? “ To wich i replied, well my things were moved around and my door blocker was out of place, and i always close it so the door doesnt move. To wich she replied “ well it was the wind “.. Note : the door stopper is heavy and the door was jammed, and even if it was the wind, it wouldnt push the door locker all the way bellow the bed.... Im still shaking...why am i shaking? Its not even anger, its just hopelessness.... Everyday, my life just doesnt change, nothing changes. I feel crazy, i legit feel like im going insane and can only sit and watch myself get worse and worse. Is this what she wants? to send me to a mental hospital or some shit? to lock me up in a room and im not even capable of getting up? Is that her goal?... Is that why she “saved me “ from killing myself? Im more afraid of her having complete control over my body and life than of dying or being arrested... Does that even make sence?

Every now and then i google on how to make a will, and what i need to make a will official. I know its stupid but i mean if i ever die, at least i want the good things that i have , my things, the things i got with my own money to go to someone i love, someone who actually gives a shit about me. I dont know. I know how to kill myself, and i have what i need for it to happend.` I just kinda hoped i could still have a life somehow.. I hoped i could escape this, i hoped maybe in the future if i work hard enough i could be happy someday. I could have my own house and a decent job, that i could have my health back, that i could have myself back. I havent done it, the knowledge of failling and being sent to a mental hospital or being crontrolled by her, scares me, completly terrorizes me... ..... im gonna leave this here, i cant seem to write anything else whitout crying my shit off..