#i dont care how bad he is i had to grail him at least once after SIN

[300iqprower]

Hypothetical Rank Ups No. 27&28: Spartacus

Honor of Suffering B+ -> Honor of Rebellion EX

Recovers own HP every turn (5 turns).^ + When attacked, increase own ATK (5 turns) and increase own NP Gauge by 10% (5 turns). [CDR: 9/8/7 -> 8/7/6]

Crying Warmonger A+ -> A++

Deal heavy damage to all enemies that ignores DEF Up. + Apply Ignore DEF to self (3 turns).   <Overcharge>  Greatly restore your HP. + Deals extra damage when your HP is low. Extra damage formula = [multiplier based on Overcharge] x  [1 - (Current HP/Max HP+2000)]

Kicking off some Apoc gang rankups, I’ve got a question. Do you know what oppression is? It’s making a 1 star berserker with universal weakness and among the lowest hp possible focused on HP regen, in a game whose design naturally oppresses soft survival. You know what TRUE Oppression is? Making a Berserker, a class dedicated to offense, have THE LOWEST ATTACK IN THE GAME. So let’s fix both of those by making Spartacus’s Defense Ignore more meaningful and improving his skill so bad they already felt a need to rank it up before even giving him his third skill.

So yeah, no longer suffering in silence, now actively rebelling against his attackers, on hit Spartacus gains a flat 10% NP (Subject to change) as his Noble Phantasm builds up, and gains a scaling attack buff that lasts an independent 5 turns, meaning they can stack to quite a large degree. Putting this alongside the cooldown reduction to only as little as only 1 turn of downtime and the healing itself being increased by another 300HP to a maximum of 1800 per turn at level 10, this could ideally even overcome his inherently terrible stats if the team is specifically built around Spartacus. 

As for his NP, the Ignore defense is now no longer strictly the NP itself. This not only makes his typical challenge quest niche of ignore defense berserker more viable, it mitigates his bad stats that much more because I really truly cannot overstate how godawful his attack is and he deserves for this if not for 3 turns certainly at least 1 for the full length of an NPBB chain. More importantly though, he has what I’ve been asking for ages why he wouldn’t have from the start, since it’s LITERALLY HIS LORE THAT THE HARDER YOU HIT HIM THE HARDER HE HITS BACK..........a question I realized actually has an answer as I worked this out. Spartacus is heal oriented to the point his stim has a built in heal, meaning even if you time his 1hp guts to be the turn of his NP, using his main damage buff in his third skill will immediately make that as much as 2001, which is why the formula has that 2000 added in. This actually doesn’t overdo it at all though since the factor being Max HP means Spartacus was already unfairly hurt by his bad stats from it compared to every other unit with a Low HP Damage Bonus NP. I also did the math, and the increase in damage from his buster stim DOES outweigh the decrease from gaining HP back.

So there we go. 2 different ways to combat Spartacus’s biggest and most egregious issue. The need to fix it and the useless nature of healing at this point is also why i didnt ditch the offensive buffs and reduce cooldown and increase healing further, to give Spartacus at max perpetual healing, even though lore wise that’s a perfect fit. But I think these two fit him as well and synergize well since his affinity means the damage he’s taking that gives him NP and attack will very likely trigger his 1hp guts on all but the most defensive support teams, in turn lining up a low HP NP. Oh, and remember: 

[nenastrology]

Uuuuh SasuNeji 2 or 11 👀

the people want sasuneji i will give them sasuneji but im not sure any of the people wanted it like this

they looked at each other from across the room bitchy goth boy to bitchy goth boy. with nothing else interesting going on at the party neji decided it was time. time to attempt the climb. the climb to the top of stupid bitchy goth boy mountain (sai’s coinage). the official list of all the boys in konoha broken down into categories the least likely to get with neji were those in the impenetrable unconquerable fortress of stupid bitchy goth boys. their hearts already set on the dumb hot jocks the natural order of things. neji had no time for rules or order confining him to stupid made up dating standards he was feeling reckless and like having a little fun so he locked eyes with the stupidest bitchiest goth(iest?) stupid bitchy goth boy. the holy grail of dudes not into neji firmly in the dumb hot jock seeker for life camp heart and brain and everything else tied to one crazy stupid orange idiot. but he can be curious too social conventions are meant to be broken lets not reinvent heterosexuality or anything here no need to make jock and goth the new genders of konohas dating pool. neji was going in.

he walked through the crowd of people to the very corner of the room where sasuke was standing. he looked aloof and out of it maybe he was just tired. the closer he got the more it seemed like sasuke really just could use a good nap or something obviously the drink in his hand wasn’t helping. neji got closer so close he could smell what was in the cup it was orange juice he was a man of taste.

“i see you like orange juice” neji opened with a winner no one could mention the sweet taste of orange juice and not have men falling all over them it was like an aphrodisiac. maybe thats what drew him to sasuke perhaps he was the one who fell for it all. the alluring hint of citrus the real reason for his shift in thoughts.

“yeah its fine” sasuke obviously didnt seem to care all that much that was unacceptable neji had to pull out the big guns he reached deep into his pocket and pulled out a choker. this would make him irresistible he knew that. he snapped the black choker into place and sasuke obviously noticed, he leaned down to whisper something in nejis ear.  

"you are a fake goth" sasuke hissed into nejis ear a shiver ran down his spine he was found out his whole plan a wild failure he could never dismantle konohas goth/jock binary from the inside no he was an outside infiltrator he was a prep. a prep who wears chokers and has weird freaky eyes but deep down he yearned to listen to pop music and get good grades he WOULD wear a sweater vest. and thats what made him so alluring thats what interested sasuke the pure and crazy most forbidden of forbidden loves the goth and the prep a tale as old as 2003.

“actually i have no idea how old the goth subculture is” and neji was telling the truth he really knew absolutely nothing about goths

“i think it started in like 2003 or something” could sasuke be a fake goth also this was intoxicating the lies the betrayals this could be a great upheaval of konohas strict binary dating laws.

“are you not actually goth?”

“tch sometimes people can wear all black and be sad but also have good taste in music neji”

“i have no idea what you are implying you tricky bastard” this was a game of minds now and neji had no chance of backing down he knew he had an edge he knew sasuke cheated on his iq tests he knew where to hit him where it hurt.

“goths like bad music”

“oh how dare you!”

“i just said you weren’t goth”

“oh right you did indeed dont think ill forget this is a game of the minds now sasuke i know you keep your report card framed by your bed i know that to feel any joy in your life you need to read ‘was a delight to have in class’ before you sleep but i also know you penciled it in three years ago because though you are smart no one has ever called you a delight”

they locked eyes once more neji was slightly out of breath he realized this was all a bit rude he got sidetracked from the ultimate goal. how could he ever get with sasuke now if he was this mean to him god he hoped this paid off neji was out of options.

“wanna leave this party is extremely lame”

oh finally an opening it seemed he hadnt completely nuked their chances he had some hope!

“sure”

“ok”

they walked right out the door and straight to a 24 hour convenience store for a jug of orange juice and fresh cool air to clear their heads. this could be fun this could be the start of something great. or they could break up in 2 weeks when sasuke sends a cryptic :( text and blocks nejis number. who knows the possibilities are endless and the night is still young. the faint scent of orange juice will linger on nejis clothes and in his mind. when the bottle they just purchased is dumped directly on his head in some kind of absurd courting gesture. it is appreciated.

i have absolutely no idea why i wrote all of this but now you all get to read this sorry im going a little crazy this is advanced jokes now and its funny only to me