#i don't want to feel like this

[omarfor-orchestra]

I've never been more anxious for an exam what the fuck

[aqueenvictorious]

I am having a terrible day. A day made all the worse by there being NO REASON for it.

I mean, there's the overwhelming dread of an urgent and important work project that was supposed to be done by 12/31 and might, if I am very productive, be finished sometime this month of January.

And there's having dropped my pill container and lost the majority of my wellbutrin (not LOST lost; I found them all. But I'm not going to take pills that landed on the floor by a litterbox, obviously.) and so I missed two days before I got more.

And the way my already-untidy room went to utter garbage while I was sick two weeks ago, and I've barely made a dent in cleaning it back up.

And my recent inability to fall asleep before 2am.

And... the last six months in general...

Hmm.

[ley-med]

Back from my week long break, and had a blast of a time, but not feeling too refreshed.

First off, apparently now I have insomnia. And I can't decide if it's a symptom of my mental unwelless, or if I'm feeling like shit because I can't sleep. I want to cry.

It's like, even before my vacation I could feel the desperate need for vacation, and I was so permanently exhausted that it started to scare me, but now that I had a week off, I feel like I rested just enough to realise how burnt out I really was (am)

I am so damn tired from having to dig myself out of this mental pit again and again

And I just want to have a good night's sleep...

[jackieshaunanat]

I am doing bad actually!

[raccoon-queer]

sometimes I think life would be better if I had no emotions

[inkskinned]

it's extremely critical that you see the photo of the perp walk for luigi mangione as being propaganda. i've seen so many people wave it off and instead fawn over his looks. and trust me, i know it ended up being kind of pathetic and weird - but please don't brush it off as a "modelling opportunity" for him. it's a fucking terrifying message the police are sending.

i want to make a few comparisons here, in case you're not from the US or familiar with why the perp walk thing is something to pay attention to. just to set the groundwork for why this is a purposeful, unusual, and cruel act by the nyc police - for why this is not a common occurrence and for why that matters.

the prosecution alleges the show of force is due to the charge of "terrorism." for comparison, in june 2015, tsarnaev was found guilty for the boston marathon bombing, which killed 3 people and injured hundreds. his actions are considered to be an act of domestic terrorism. i have spent the last hour looking through google for pictures of similar to mangione's perp walk - and so far, i have found zero. i also just do not personally remember a moment like that, despite living in boston at the time.

they allege that luigi is a stone-cold killer who carried out a longterm plan, making him particularly dangerous. again for comparison: in nyc, recently cory martin was found guilty of the killing of brandy odom. the murder was planned and premeditated to steal insurance money. and yet no staged perp walk. why didn't her life matter enough for a "show of force"?

but mangione gets paraded by a veritable army of police officers as if he is a rabid animal. for a single citizen who allegedly killed one other single citizen, the "largest perp walk ever" occurs.

so what is the "strong message" that the mayor and the police were trying to send here? the mayor speaks as if mangione is already convicted of terrorism. there is a very thin number of people who feel threatened by the CEO's death. none of us felt like mangione needs to be under massive armed guard.

the message is that you shouldn't resist. they are trying to "make an example" of him - that if you behave badly and kill a single rich person, you'll be treated as if you killed hundreds of people. you will be treated worse than a man who was found guilty of terrorism. you will be considered guilty without trial. the message is that the rich are a protected class, and you cannot touch them without massive punishment. they are trying to prevent a revolution by showing dominance and force against you.

the message is that the police are a puppet of the wealthy and that the law is not equally applied across class disparity. it is "some are more equal than others." it is "one life is more precious than another."

the show of force wasn't for luigi. it was for us. it was a warning. they are trying to remind us who is really in control.

[unsung-idiot]

don't show him modern technology; it won't end well

bonus under the cut:

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

The math just adds up!

[taffywabbit]

they should invent a new type of "staying in bed for 2-3 hours after you wake up repeatedly opening and closing apps on your phone" where it makes you feel awesome and energized and emotionally fulfilled

[woodwyrm-with-moss]

fuck nostalgia

[poppeeta]

(I can't sleep. I'm so tired but I can't sleep)

[uncanny-tranny]

I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.

I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:

Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)

Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)

Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often

Eat dessert first

Celebrate well, and often

Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)

Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.

Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate

Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)

Walk without having a specific destination or goal

Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.

I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.

[refugeed-kim]

YES YES I NEED THIS SIGN IN EVERY SINGLE PARK PLEASE

This is my daily struggle, I had so many arguments with people with off-leash dogs (in a mandatory leash area!!!). Thanks to this behavior I'm struggling with Kim being anxious/aggressive with other females as she often gets involved in unpleased interactions with free females while on leash. And every single time that I ask for the dog to be at least recalled, I'm being called names and insulted of course.

Also 9 out of 10 their dog isn't really that friendly at all.

[papasmistakeria]

Feeling very hurt from my friends admitting they'll never call me by my proper name or gender me correctly and that they will constantly remind me I'm an AFAB and I'll never be a guy but I can't tell them that I'm hurt cause I'm supposed to be the "edgy, dark joke enjoyer trans person who can take whatever transphobic remarks they give"

I feel so fucking shitty

I'm so tired

[what-am-i-doing-in-this-fandom]

Yeah, I don't know about you, Fidds, but I'd fold at this 🙏

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