#i don't want people to see me ever unless it's staged i can't go back to school my resume sucks cause I've only been in ONE JOB

[cowardlycowboys]

can't express your desire to not be alive without your mom going surely there must be something to live for

[weaselle]

RECOVERY

I spent a lot of my life depressed without admitting it to myself and then i spent a year so depressed i could hardly make myself do the bare minimum to keep my body alive, and now it's about 3 years since i got up from that lowest point and while i am still struggling with myself things are objectively a lot better.

and i just want to put a couple things i've learned, both to remind myself of how far i've come, and in case any of what i've experienced helps anyone else.

You can't run from the darkness

When you're super depressed it's easy to focus on how much you don't want to be depressed. When everything is darkness you tend to wish you could escape that darkness.

but you can't. The darkness is all around you. You can't run away from it without running deeper into it.

instead, follow the light.

don't think of it as escaping depression, think of it as seeking joy. Don't run away from the darkness, walk toward any lights you can see.

At first it will be very small things. The taste of a food. The way your favorite color looks. A smell you like. For me one of the first things i could find to remind me of joy was the way a warm shower feels.

I would just stand in the shower and lean into the tiny, tiny joy of that feeling. I would describe it to myself, how it felt good, what about it felt good. It didn't cure me, it didn't make me less depressed, but it was a little point of joy to focus on, to breathe into like a tiny candle flame in my darkness.

I would memorize that feeling, so that later, when i felt like nothing ever brought me joy anymore, i could think, no, that's your depression lying to you, you felt joy, however small, right there in the shower just yesterday. And, maybe there is more somewhere else.

Even today, it's been a hard week, i'm feeling a lot of hopeless and helpless feelings clamoring away at me, but... i have spicy soup. And spicy soup is a NEW joy. I found spicy soup joy as i was following any little light i could out of the deepest part of my depression.

I never put hot sauce in soup before then. But today i am drinking the broth of a very spicy soup and as much as everything else is complicated and difficult and scary and dark, there is a bright mote of joy in this sip of spicy soup. And in the next one. And the next. I enjoy it, i love it, all the more that it is new, and if i had given up four years ago, i never would have known this small joy, this new favorite tiny thing.

Who knows what other little joys i may find?

If you have come to a place in life where you have lost the knowledge of how to feel joy, it is important to remember that feeling joy is like anything else in life. The more you practice, the better you get, the more of it you can do at higher levels.

And there are only so many minutes in the day. The more of them you spend acknowledging what feels good, the less of them will be left for feeling bad.

you can't escape the darkness by fleeing from it, but you can find the light by moving toward it.

Chop Wood Fetch Water

Another thing i learned was a truth about the exercise advice you always hear.

For where i am in my recovery now, common exercise has very little impact. I don't really get the endorphins people talk about, and i don't tend to feel better about myself after i work out unless i already feel pretty okay about myself to begin with. i don't mean to say there is no point in me exercising, but, i walk about ten miles a day holding onto 8 energetic dogs and i do a fair amount of lifting and bending and stuff for my job, and it's fine but it's not, like, doing a whole lot for me at this point in my recovery (tho i do think more recreational exercise will come back into play a stage or two on in my healing process)

HOWEVER

There was a year there where i was only getting out of bed to go to the bathroom. When i was only able to force myself to eat just enough each day to stay alive because i'd made a promise to myself, and that promise was almost all i had left.

and the right kind of exercise is what pulled me out of that.

the RIGHT kind.

See, someone close to me needed help with a physical job. That was an important part and why this method is known historically as some variation of Chop Wood Carry Water -- it's intensely physical, which is important, but also, it helps the people around you. These days our personal communities tend to not need wood copped and water carried the same way. But you can get the same effect helping someone move all their furniture, doing all the yard work for your friends and/or family, volunteering for a charity that builds housing for homeless people, SOMEthing physically taxing that helps people.

In my case, my aging father needed help re-shingling the roof. So i promised i'd help.

So i got up every morning because he was expecting me. And i climbed the ladder because he would see me if i didn't. And i lifted and carried and hammered and worked hard. It took a week of six to eight hour days.

Right away, the fact that it was helping someone else made it not matter so much that it didn't feel like it was helping me at first. I couldn't deny that i was doing something good, that my existence had positive meaning, however small.

But very soon, it changed something fundamental in my state of depression. You can't do physical labor in the sun 7 hours a day without drinking a bunch of water. Without working up an appetite. Without getting very tired at the end of the day.

See, i had been struggling to make myself drink enough water, i was fighting to make myself eat even one small meal's worth of food each day, and i couldn't get a good night's sleep to save my life. And these things all made my depression much much worse. You think you get sad or angry from skipping a meal, consider being chronically undernourished. You think your mental state is worse after pulling an all nighter, think about what never getting a good night's sleep does.

But a couple days into this job with my father, and suddenly i was hydrated, i was eating full meals, and i was sleeping soundly at night.

THAT is what pulled me out of that deepest part of my depression.

So in a way, it was exercise that saved me. But not how people often say "have you tried exercising?" More like pushing myself physically to the point that my body demanded the things that previously i couldn't get it to want for itself.

Instead of forcing myself to eat i was craving food. Instead of staying up to all hours and then tossing and turning, i was physically exhausted and slept early and hard. (and, weirdly, being physically exhausted was somehow a relief from being emotionally/mentally exhausted)

Lastly

Healing often isn't noticeable while you're doing it

"healing is a process" is something you hear a lot, but i think it's more helpful to say something like

"Healing is like growing your hair out from short to long. You can look in the mirror every day and not notice it happening. And even when you can tell for sure it's longer than it was, you still can't really do anything with it, and it may seem pointless. But then one day you can tie it back in a ponytail and you realize how much it's grown and how many options are open to you now and you're really glad you stuck with it"

Now excuse me while i go meditate on the joys of my remaining spicy soup.

[entiqua]

I love your artstyle!! Do you have any tips for drawing?

thank you so much! i'm really happy you like it!!💗 as for tips, what i would say would change drastically depending on what kind you're looking for, but some very general ones:

draw what you love and want to see most, regardless of whether anyone else wants to see it. if you don't enjoy what you're drawing it'll never come out as good or genuine as something your whole heart and soul is in. i mean you'd think this would be a no-brainer but sometimes i've had to sit back and ask myself 'if no one was ever going to see this except me, would i actually spend time drawing this?' and i was surprised by the answer

that said, it is also completely valid if your motivation for drawing is to draw for other people! there have been plenty of times where i was too artblocked to draw my own ideas but was still able to draw commissions or gifts and enjoyed it simply because making other people happy with my art makes me happy.

don't get too caught up in having a consistent art style. in my experience this 1000% hinders you

having your sense of anatomy degrade over time without you noticing because you keep drawing the same types of characters is a very real thing! if this is a concern to you be sure to draw a variety

follow a billion artists that you like the art of and you will have endless inspiration injected directly into your brain every time you open social media

my favourite practical tip for those who draw at a desk: keep a small mirror next to you at all times. absolute game changer for quickly referencing hands

if you're drawing digitally, make the canvas huge! in my experience this lets you draw messier/faster and you can't tell at all when you zoom out. if you tend to get stuck spending unnecessary amounts of time micromanaging pixels (me💀) keep it zoomed out while drawing

related to the above point, messy drawings can have far more expressiveness in them than neat and polished drawings. nowadays i never do lineart and go straight from 'barebones stickman pose' to 'varying-levels-of-coherent sketch' and use that as my lineart. sweet freedom from the sketch-looks-better-than-the-lineart phenomenon

if your goal is to improve, then you really do have to scrutinize your art, figure out what you're not satisfied with, and commit the time to focusing on it. 'practice makes perfect' kinda rubs me the wrong way because of how much i've seen it interpreted as 'just draw everyday and you'll magically improve' but genuinely it won't get you very far if you don't actively think hard about what you're trying to improve and take the steps to do it. is this a hot take idk. also hand in hand with this, not every artist is trying to improve and you shouldn't feel bad for this! maybe you just wanna make a little headshot doodle of your fave blorbo and that's your only drawing goal ever. awesome. maybe you know your art has flaws but it's passable enough to convey what you want and you're perfectly satisfied with that. (this is the stage i'm usually at). also awesome!

don't hesitate to draw something because you think it's out of your skill level. the worst that can happen if you draw it is that it comes out terribly but you learned something and can always redraw it better in the future. the worst that WILL happen if you don't draw it is that you'll never draw it. and then it will sit in the back of your brain haunting you for years. it's not like i'm speaking from experience or anything aha

look up 'hand stretches for artists' and do them if you draw a lot unless you wish to summon the wrath of the carpal tunnel demons

of course, these may not necessarily work for you, and most importantly(!) these are coming from the perspective of someone who is primarily a hobbyist. some of this won't be practical for people who need to build an audience, maintain a consistent style for work, etc. these are just things that have personally helped me over many years of drawing :)

[glubsurleseuil]

Don't be scared - Chapter 1

This is the first chapter - Next

A Pennywise X F!Reader fanfic 'cause I need to get these ideas out of my head before they eat me up. I'll post this thing on AO3 when I'm not so lazy to create an account. If I go ahead with it, it'll be NSFW, sexually disturbing, gory, violent, reader is an autistic drepressed suicidal girl… In short, skip it if you're a sensitive soul. For the rest of you, enjoy (I hope).

(Note: It was translated by Deepl, English is not my mother tongue, so I apologise for any mistakes. If you want to correct me, don't hesitate!)

(Note 2: The image is by @fandomscreenshots but you should already know that because what she does is amazing)

You've always lived in Derry, Maine. Well, actually you were born in Derry, went to school in Derry and, like any good citizen, you now work in Derry. You don't like it, you never have, and you know that no matter what you do, you'll never like it.

Firstly, because no matter how hard you try since childhood, you just can't seem to make any friends. Worse, people seem to have agreed to shut you out and hate you. At best, they ignore you, at worst… well, let's just say there are certain people you've learned to avoid at all costs, so you don't have to spend the evening licking your wounds…

Secondly, because there's something unhealthy about the general atmosphere of this town, as if it were being devoured by a cancer that affected not only the surrounding greenery, but also the buildings and even the people. A cancer that could be called suffering, melancholy or despair. And although no one knows where these feelings come from, everyone seems to accept them as an inevitable burden.

Tonight, like most evenings, you're working at the Canal Rouge, a rather quiet bar where people can drink and listen to local artists perform on a small stage. You're a waitress, and it's not the most pleasant of jobs, especially when you're a woman. Fortunately, your boss is a woman too, and she's very strict about the respect customers show her staff, so things could be a lot worse.

But tonight, you're in a particularly bad mood. Fatigue has always been a difficult thing for you to deal with, and lately your nights have been… tormented. You've been having a dream, always the same with little difference, on and off for over a week. It's a hazy, dark, incoherent dream that's hard to remember. What you remember most is anguish, fear… and an unbearable feeling of being watched by something dangerous, making you feel like prey waiting to be devoured. When your therapist asked you to describe this dream, even with random words, you said 'fear', 'red' and… 'clown'. You laughed after saying that last word, a nervous, uncontrolled laugh, like a continuation of the one you always hear in this dream before waking up.

But tonight, the worst is yet to come, because you have to serve Jenny's gang as consumers, young people your own age who, like you, are stuck in Derry and like to pass the time by annoying other people. Especially you, since you met them in kindergarten. You know you won't be able to get home safely tonight…

And your fears are confirmed as you finish your shift. As you emerge into the alley to which the service door leads, you see them laughing at the end of it, looking in your direction. This is the way home. You quickly think of another option, but you know that even if you take a longer route, they'll be able to corner you sooner or later, and that's what they'll do. Unless… you go through the forest…

You don't hesitate, knowing that your pursuers won't follow. Their parents have given them the same instructions as you: never go into the forest at night. Ever. Your father had made it clear that he meant business by emphasizing his order with the back of his hand. But tonight, you're a grown-up, and between your dead father's old superstitions and Jenny and her gang's guaranteed beating, the choice was quickly made.

You head into the forest, at first more worried about your pursuers who, as expected, quickly abandon their target. Then you decide to turn on the torch on your phone, as it quickly becomes very dark between the tightly packed trees in the middle of the night. You recognize the path you're on and follow it to the ancient oak tree where you used to climb as a child to escape the bullies. But even this place, reassuring by day, gives off a menacing aura by night…

All is quiet, too quiet for a forest where animals should be going about their nocturnal lives. You get the impression that a kind of fog is floating around, light but unnatural, and as you look at the thick branches of the oak tree, you get a strange feeling… Like a memory from another life… Like a dream…

Suddenly, there's a sound. A sound you know well, having heard it every night for over a week. A laugh. A clown's laugh… You turn in all directions, shining your phone in every nook and cranny around the oak. And just as you realize that there's nothing there, that maybe it's your imagination playing tricks on you, the laughter starts up again. You jump back against the tree, light pointed ahead, anticipating the appearance of someone, something… The laughter becomes more distinct, closer… But it's not coming from in front of you, nor from the sides… It comes… from above?

With a quick gesture, you point the light towards the branches of the oak tree and there, hidden in the shadows of the leaves, you see it: a clown. No, THE clown. The one who has haunted your dreams, distressed your nights, devoured your sanity. This present moment has repeated itself endlessly in your nightmare and now it's all happening for real, clear as day and just as terrifying.

With a muffled scream, you drop your phone, the lamp face down and your legs buckling beneath you. The little light that escapes from beneath your phone only faintly illuminates the bottom of the tree, but you know IT's there.

And it's not long before he leaps down from the tree. You can only make out a silhouette in the darkness, and as you hear him coming closer, you try to remember the end of the dream. It's all a blur, and all that comes back is a vague memory of a hunt in which you are the prey… Back on the grassy ground, you pull yourself back as best you can with your hands, never taking your eyes off the presence. Is this how you're going to die?

He moves slowly closer, slipping into the shadows. You can make out that he's leaning forward, then addressing you in a childlike voice.

"Hiya Y/N! I'm Pennywise, the dancing clown!"

He suddenly picks up your phone from the floor, pulling it up slowly, light downwards, gradually revealing his appearance as he continues.

"I've been looking forward to meeting you, you know? Don't be scared, I'm not going to kill you…"

As he utters these words, light finally shines on his face, reflected in his abnormally large and sharp teeth, piercing yellow eyes focused on you, and horror fills you.

"… yet."

The instinct to survive gives you new energy. You leap to your feet and flee the way you came, briefly illuminated by your phone in the clown's hands. You run at full speed, ignoring the noises behind you that make you think he's chasing you. If you've got a chance of getting away, you're going to take it. In fact, the forest exit isn't far off. One last push! You close your eyes and accelerate again… when hands often clutch your collar, brutally stopping your momentum.

"There you are, you bastard!"

"I told you she'd come back! She's such a pussy!"

"No way out now, you bitch!"

Jenny and her gang… It was Tim, the big muscular guy who caught you. They were waiting for you just outside the forest…

"Why are you running so fast? Are you afraid of the big bad wolf?"

They burst out laughing, but the sound reaches you distorted. The adrenalin from your run is wearing off too slowly and you can still hear your heart pounding in your eardrums. You struggle on, your brain unable to make sense of what has just happened. Suddenly, you hear a foul noise. A kind of hoarse, inhuman growl, coming out of the depths of the woods like an echo to their pitiful mocking laughter. You feel Tim's hands trembling with uncontrollable fear on your collar and watch their faces disintegrate before your eyes. Tim lets go and they all flee in a single scream of terror, leaving you behind.

You turn around, your body still tired from your frantic run, and you quickly understand what made them flee: golden eyes, shining menacingly in the darkness, perched on a huge, muscular, fur-covered figure, its multiple sharp teeth accentuating the evil growl rolling down its throat. A werewolf.

You barely have time to realize that it's the clown from earlier before he disappears between the trees with a hoot that sends shivers down your spine. Just as you regain your strength to flee, something falls near you. You examine it carefully: it's your phone, and as you turn the screen towards you, you see a message written in a torn red font:

DON'T BE SCARED

You don't wait any longer and run towards town without looking back.

[meredith-harper81]

I’ve Always Loved You💔

She Moved On

Chapter 1:

Paring : Chris Evans x Lana Parker

Word Count: 2k

Chris Pov

I had already gotten messages from my family and friends wishing me all the best and saying they couldn't wait to see me super soon.

I look up from my phone, and the black SUV arrives. I open the door and get in.

"Ready to go, Chris?" Megan asks me as she hands me a Bud Light seltzer.

"Ready as I will ever be," I smile, opening the can and taking a sip to cool my nerves. I am so nervous and excited about tonight. It would be my last premiere for awhile, and nobody knows just yet.

"Okay, so nobody knows the news except for me and your agency, so when the media ask about your next project, just try to project them away from asking more questions, or I will try my best to drift the question away," Megan tells me, and all I do is nod.

The driver pulls out of the driveway, and we are on our way to the Dolby Theater.

After a twenty-minute drive, we pull in, and I can hear people shouting. I get out of the SUV and wave to some people, and Megan directs me along to the carpet to take some photos and answer some questions about the movie.

I'm waiting in line and can't help but notice Ryan and Ana both have their families with them tonight. Ana brought her boyfriend Paul, and Ryan is here with his kids and wife, and I feel a little jealous of them and their loved ones tonight.

Normally I would bring my brother or family to events like these, but everyone is busy living their lives.

...

I take some pictures, greet some fans, and answer some questions about the movie and some even about what I'm wearing tonight, and then we get pulled into a group photo with the rest of the cast. I look around me, and everybody just looks so happy and content, but the dagger in my heart is bleeding out bit by bit every day. I just wish she was here to support me like she always did.

After we got introduced on stage, I am sitting by the bar, and for some reason, I can't get her out of my head tonight...

'Lana Parker'

The only love of my life.

We were once engaged in 2019 and even supposed to get married, but I ended things with her on a bad note, half of which I don't even remember.

I just remember walking out. It was one of my biggest mistakes, and I still regret it to this day.

It had to do with my career. We were supposed to get married, and I was going to quit acting, but—I can't remember—I lashed out at her and woke up the next morning and left her.

I sold my house and moved to LA, and most of my belongings were placed in a storage unit with the help of Ma and Tara. I stayed down here during the lockdown and just worked for three years.

My family was really mad and didn't talk to me for a few months, but eventually we made up when Shanna got married. Now that Scott is engaged... I'm thinking about going back to Boston and trying again with her unless she's moved on or found someone else.

I was deep in my thoughts when Ana came up with her boyfriend, Paul.

"Chris I want you to meet Paul," Ana says.

I get out of my seat and pull my hand forward to greet him.

"Oh yeah, man, how are you? I say I'm pulling him into a hug.

"Good, good. Huge fan," he says and pulls back.

"Thanks. Nice. So let's get a picture. I say, breaking the awkward tension. He nods, and Ana takes the photo.

"And I guess Paul is on to his next victim," Ana jokes as she orders an old-fashioned.

I smile and finish my beer.

"So rumors say Chris Evans is retiring soon? Is that right? She asks me, taking some of the beer nuts I have in front of me.

My head is hung low, and all I do is nod.

"That's great, Chris. So are you planning on settling down with Lana soon?"

I look up at her, and she immediately has a look of regret on her face.

"I'm so sorry I didn't mean to; it just slipped out since you guys were last together," she says.

"It's okay. Umm, I'm not sure. I need to get to Boston first," I say, looking at the time, which reads 6:45 p.m. I get up and tell Ana to have a good night.

I decided not to go to the after-party and just head back home to Dodger Stadium and finish packing.

Once the car service arrived at the gate, I gave him some cash and walked inside, where I was greeted by Dodger. I know he is probably hungry, and with all the moving boxes and things, I can't find anything.

"Yeah, Bubba, hold on," I say, finding the bag behind some random moving box near the living room. I scoop a few cups and place them in his dog bowl.

Meanwhile, I head to the bedroom, change out of this suit, and take a much-needed shower to wash all the stress of tonight off.

After my shower, I warm up some leftovers from last night and sit down to eat when a whiny Dodger comes by with his puppy eyes.

Which either means he did something bad or wants me to grab his favorite dog toy, which he probably tossed somewhere.

I get up and start looking under the sofa, and I'm about to give up when I find the darn lizard's tail hidden under the curtain.

I walk over and lift the curtain, pick up the stuffed animal, throw it across the room, and step on something cold.

I pick it up, and it's a gold infinity necklace. I open the clasp, put it around my neck alongside my Christopher necklace, and go back to eating dinner.

I remember Lana losing this necklace when I brought her here for a week, and she loved this necklace in an Instagram ad. I bought it for her and surprised her, and the look on her face when she lost it was devastating.

I wonder if she's doing well or has moved on. I haven't had the time to keep a tab on her, but I miss her so much.

I pull out my wallet and put my hand over the picture I have of us laughing, taken at Ma's house one Christmas. She is sitting on my lap, laughing at something I said.

I take out the engagement ring I remember taking off of her and throwing it.

I regret that day so much. I was so drunk, I don't even remember it. Ma was the one who found the ring and gave it to me at Shanna's wedding, and since then I've kept it in my wallet.

.....

I was leaving LA for good and leaving my house to my pal Jimmy to look after and move into.

After dinner, I take all my boxes with my personal belongings and place them in my room. I will deal with them later in life if ever needed. I call Ma, letting her know I will be home by early lunch, and she answers very coldly and tells me it's okay.

And after tonight, I'm ready to settle down and start a family of my own.

I mean, I'm forty-one, for crying out loud. These swimmers are even more likely to drown if I don't plant them somewhere.

I started up at the ceiling, daydreaming about how my life would have been if I didn't leave Boston; maybe I would've had a family of my own... I turn off the lamp and Dodger layers next to me, and I give him some cuddles and try to get some good shut-eye.

...

I've just landed in Boston, and before I left LA, I met up with Megan. She told me to just give her a call, and she can have statements sent and ready for the press. She gave me a hug, wished me all the best, and hoped I got the family I'd longed for.

I grab Dodger's leash and have him sit in the car as I load my things in the back. I run over to the other side, and the Uber takes off for Ma's home.

When the driver drops me off, Dodger runs off to the front door while I am slowly wheeling in my two suitcases.

I walk over to the front door and ring the bell and knock, but nothing happens.

I look under the mat and see the spare key. I use it and let Dodger in, and he starts to sniff around and bark, plants himself on the sofa, and goes to sleep. I walk further into the house.

"Ma?" I walk over and see a note on the table with a key.

The note said my room for a while is in the basement, and this is the key for the basement, and lunch is in the oven, and Ma is out with a friend.

Since when does Ma go out on a Friday afternoon? I shrug it off, and I wheel my things down to the basement.

I head downstairs, walk into one of the guest bedrooms, and decide to take a shower. After my shower, I head back upstairs and notice Ma is still not home. I heat up some food, eat it, and decide to take Dodger on a walk to his favorite park, which we used to go to all the time.

I pull on some running shoes and take his leash, and we take off. I text Tara, letting her know I need to find a new place, and we decide to meet up for dinner at Ma's tonight.

I've known Tara since I was in middle school; she has been one of my all-time best friends, but she and Lana never got along. I sort of remember Tara always bringing something up about Lana being selfish or using me for her money.

Recently, Tara got a divorce, and I wasn't there. I feel like a shy friend, so I also need to make up for that. Ma is inviting all my siblings for dinner tonight, and I called Tara and invited her as well.

...

I arrive at the park, and as I let Dodger off his leash, I notice it isn't busy for a Friday afternoon. Which I find a little strange.

I walk over to one of the beaches and take a seat, watching Dodger jump around, waggling his tail. I had a huge smile on my face. I really missed this place, and by the looks of it, so did Dodger.

After I let Dodger run around in the dog park, I called him over, and just as I put on his leash, he took off, catching me off guard. He starts to run in the other direction, running at full speed.

"Dodger! Bubba Stop! I yell after him, trying to catch up, but he is not stopping; in fact, he is running faster now.

What has gotten into him?

Dodger keeps running off across the dog park to the larger area of what looks like a children's park.

As I catch my breath, I hear a little baby crying, and Dodger is running faster.

I catch up to Dodger, and when I look up, I see him lying on top of a little girl as she giggles and Dodger licks her face.

The little girl is cooing to Dodger in some sort of baby nonsense...

I find it weird that Dodger only plants himself on humans he knows, and he is fully playing around with this baby he's never met.

"Dodger, you don't do that," I say, and I grab his leash, pulling him a little back off of her. I get a good look at this girl; she is wearing overalls, has pigtails, and has bright blue eyes.

I look at her jeans, and they are a little ripped, and she has a cut. I'm guessing she tripped on the tree root. I look around us, but I don't see anyone near us. I wonder where she came from and where her parents are.

"Swilly Doggy," I hear the little girl say as she is underneath Dodger and still giggling. I smile and move Dodger a little off of her.

"Hi, my name is Chris, and this is Dodger," I say, smiling and getting on her level.

"My nawe is Awia," she babbles as she pets Dodger as he starts to lick her tiny finger.

"Well, nice to meet you, Awia. Where is your mama? I say it, and then I hear it.

"Mawa," she says as her head turns, looking around.

"ARIA! ARIA, HONEY, WHERE ARE YOU? I hear a voice coming closer.

Just as I was turning, Dodger got up and ran across the grass, and I pulled him by his leash this time.

"Oh, my God, Aria. Here you are." I hear a voice coming closer. The voice... Lana's voice.

It's like the wind is sucking the wind out of me. It can't be, and then I see her standing far across the sidewalk. Her hair is in a ponytail, and she's wearing jeans with a black long-sleeved shirt. She's more beautiful than I can remember. Dodger gets up and runs toward Lana, almost taking her down.

Lana makes eye contact with me and wastes no time running up to the little girl and grabbing her, pulling her to her chest as she lets out a deep breath and kisses her head.

"Aria doesn't scare me like that. You were supposed to stay with Steven," she says.

"Ouchie, mawa," Aria says, pointing to her leg.

"Mawa, look dodgy doggy, Aria says as she gets distracted from what she was saying. Lana holds her close, kissing her chubby cheeks.

Just as I was about to say something, another man walked up to them.

I look over, and I don't see Lana wearing a ring or even this man.

"Oh my god, Aria," he says as he reaches and rubs her back, and Aria clings to her mother.

"Thank you; have a good day, Mr.," she says, leaving me and Dodger both baffled.

'Mister?' Did she really call me Mister?

"LANA!" I yell after her and I see her walk faster.

I see Lana walking away as Aria is babbling some more baby talk and waving to us, and Dodger is barking and nudging my leg to follow.

I am just frozen. Lana moved on and now has a baby. Maybe she's even married. I couldn't even get a word in, and she just walked away like nothing had happened. She didn't even acknowledge me or Dodger, and she just walked away. Did she not recognize me? I'm utterly shocked, as Dodger is whining.

...

I walk home with so many questions in my mind. I open the front door and take my shoes off, and Dodger runs into the kitchen, and I can smell Ma making something. I follow Dodger, and I walk in and see Ma in the kitchen cleaning up.

"Hey Ma," I say, walking over and hugging her.

"Welcome back home; how are you? She asks

"I just saw Lana in the park with her daughter," I say, and Ma's face changes all of a sudden.

Yeah, she had a baby two years ago after you left," Ma says while she rubs my back.

"I'm so sorry, Christopher," Ma says as she rubs my back.

"Are you ever going to tell me what happened between the two of you? Ma says, and I just look at her, and she frowns.

"You should get ready for dinner; everyone is coming soon. I nod and walk downstairs to get ready for tonight.

[b-lightwalker]

FNaF Movie Ramble

Long story short, I really like the movie, I really like Mike, Vanessa, and Abby, and I want them to be happy.

There be spoilers beyond this point.

I love the little found family that started forming between Vanessa with Mike and Abby. I know it hasn't gone anywhere yet, but we all know the signs. Please, Mr. Cawthon, let Vanessa take on an older sister/mother figure role like Mike.

I love how Mike has a roundabout way of talking when he's being emotional. He doesn't just say, "I love you," or, "Thank you," to Abby and Vanessa respectively, he rambles and goes on whole tangents about why he feels that way and it works. It works so good. And I am also talking about game Mike.

I love how William was handled. I was surprised he didn't get a lot of screen time, but it works. William is a behind-the-scenes guy. It's not until he comes on stage, front and center, that you realize what he's been doing this whole time. And the scenes he is in, he kinda steals the show. I didn't expect William to have an outburst near the end when the animatronics started turning on him, but of course he would. In his eyes, he made them better than they were ever going to be alive, and not even seconds ago, they considered him a friend. And the sheer confidence of this man to put the Spring Bonnie head back on while actively being spring locked is insane. (Anyone else think William may have forced Vanessa to learn how to treat wounds for whenever he had issues with the spring lock suit?)

William giving a young Vanessa the toys from his victims makes me wonder if game William did the same. Of course, when game William started killing, his kids were long since dead, but still. Imagine, Michael going into his siblings' rooms that aren't touched unless they're being cleaned, and he starts seeing these toys that don't belong to Elizabeth and Evan, but they look like toys they'd like. At first, Michael ignores it, thinking he just didn't notice it at first, even though he knows. He knows everything that's supposed to be in that room and he knows those toys aren't supposed to be there. Eventually, he asks William and he just says he bought them 'cause they reminded him of Ev and Liz. It doesn't 100% work for Mike, but it works enough, so he leaves it alone. After all, people celebrate a passed loved one's birthday, so why wouldn't they get gifts too? Even if they just stay in their old rooms. Then one day, Michael randomly gets a gift from William. I can't think of anything better, so let's just say a cassette tape for his Walkman. It's a tape that Michael would actually listen to, and it's relatively new, so Michael's confused why it's just the tape and no case, but since a gift means a good day, he doesn't question it. At least, not out loud anyway.

I wonder what happened to Aunt Jane. I know she was most likely killed by Golden Freddy, but there's a chance Mike brought her to the hospital and neither him or Abby are visiting 'cause neither of them like her. Imagine your niece and nephew visiting the hospital almost every day, but to see someone who is borderline a stranger to them and not you. I'm absolutely "making" a game counterpart to Aunt Jane, though. She's William's younger sister and she's almost as vile and manipulative. Just not keen on murder. Directly, anyway. Though in the games, she wouldn't have a trigger to want to get rid of someone like she does in the movie, but if she did have one, she'd be willing to kill. Maybe she could talk William into it. She still smells like cigarettes and is the reason the Afton kids hate the smell.

I initially thought Garrett was Abby's imaginary friend, but--save for the fact that it was essentially deconfirmed--it wouldn't make sense for Garrett to haunt his sister and not his brother who he would've known was kind of losing his mind from the trauma of his kidnapping. In any case, I'm currently going with the theory that Garrett is the Puppet and the one behind the "Come find me." message at the end of the credits. We'll see.

Since FNaF 2 is a prequel, I wonder if the FNaF 2 movie will also be a prequel. And if so, will Jeremiah be our protag? I know he was probably just a reference to Jeremy Fitzgerald and nothing more, but if he's not, then game Jeremiah and game Mike are work buddies. And if he is movie Jeremy Fitzgerald, I wonder if he wanted the dream theory book Mike has because he also had weird dreams while working at Freddy's. Maybe. Maybe not.

Tutorial Lady/VHS Lady/Kim and Phone Guy are totally married and their kids are Phone Dude and Tape Girl.

I know Mike being an Afton is basically impossible now, but if another twist is Mike and Vanessa are twins or related in some way, and Mike was given up while Vanessa was kept, I'd be 110% down. Then it'd be found family in the most literal sense. It doesn't 100% work, sure, but it'd be neat. (Imagine recognizing the son you gave up 'cause you recognized his last name 'cause you killed his brother.)

In any case, I really love this movie, and I want Mike, Vanessa, and Abby to be happy. Family dynamic, please, Mr. Cawthon.

[skibasyndrome]

Get to Know Me Tag :)

thank you so much to @lollygirlpops, @themarsbar & @hergrandplan for tagging me in this <3<3<3

do you make your bed?

nope, not unless I'm feeling veeeery motivated (which hasn't happened in a while)

what's your favourite number?

Hmmm, I don't really have one I think, but I do really like 2 and 4 and 8. Those just "feel" right, you know?

what is your job?

I’m a university student :) Aaaaaand since Monday I'm working part-time as a (and I hope this is the correct English translation) teaching and research assistant

if you could go back to school, would you?

Hmm, if we're talking about school-school, no I don't think so. I used to say that, but I think with having experienced uni now I wouldn't like to be put back into that rigid system. If we're talking about uni though: I never ever eeeever wanna leave, so I guess that's a yes, haha

can you parallel park?

I can't even drive to begin with, whoops

a job you had that would surprise people?

Hmmm, I don't think I've had too many unusual jobs. I used to work in hospitality every summer and then one summer I had a reeeeally cool job where I worked as a stage technician but since I'm kinda doing stuff with theater now in uni as well maybe that's not so surprising?

do you think aliens are real?

I think the universe is too big for us to be the only life form out there, but I don't think aliens are out here trying to abduct people or something like that

can you drive a manual car?

Again 😅 No driving for me (and I never even tried once)

what's your guilty pleasure?

Honestly I ~technically~ don't think that you should feel guilty about anything that brings you joy if it's not harming anyone buuuuuut, in the sense that I need to be very careful not to neglect all other parts of my life over it: maybe fic writing 😅

tattoos?

Yes! I have a very tiny one that I got myself for my recent birthday :)

it's the tiny heart that Simon drew on Wille's hand <3

favorite color?

I don't think I have one! But because I have pavlov-ed myself into always thinking of yr when I see it I've been loving purple a lot recently

favorite type of music?

My taste in music is aaaaall over the place tbh. I wanna say something like indie or alternative rock or something like that? But I just listen to anything that feels kinda catchy and/or is lyrically strong

do you like puzzles?

Meh, I'm never in the mood to do them tbh

any phobias?

Not severely, but I generally don't do all too well in tightly packed crowds when I don't have my escape plan ready. Oh and certain social situations that could lead to me being judged for being inept. I always like to say that my biggest fear is being an embarrassment and while that sounds ridiculous it's also very, very true

favorite childhood sport?

I never really did much of anything sports-wise, but I used to love swimming before I discovered that swimming means Being Perceived (TM) and then I started hating it lmao

do you talk to yourself?

definitely inside my head, but occasionally also out loud when I'm alone. especially when I need to get a grip and follow a plan I made

what movies do you adore?

I generally don't watch a lot of movies, but I enjoyed Hereditary enough to watch it twice with my friends

coffee or tea?

I like both, but I loooove coffeeeeeeeee

first thing you wanted to be growing up?

the first "thing" I wanted to be was probably a mermaid lmao. job-wise I think I cycled through eeeeverything, but I think some of the early ideas were painter or author or zookeeper

Onward tagging: I kinda lost track of who did this and who didn't, but I'm just gonna go ahead and (no pressure) tag @toffeelemon, @mintycurry, @pagegirlintraining, @irenes-diary, @royalwilmon, @goldenwilmon & anyone who feels like doing it :)

[lunawings]

So. Guess where I was tonight.

Oh man what a DISASTER.

Well the show was probably fine but listen. OK LISTEN.

For the past two Miku Expo shows at least, they announced the day before that they were unable to do merch in a tent outside from 2 like they did at other venues, and would be doing it inside from 6.

Except like. Only VIP get in at 6. Everyone else gets in at 7. That means, if you're not VIP, the best you could hope for is to get in right at 7, an hour late, and you would have to line up hours earlier just for that chance. And if you didn't line up hours early, you're just SOL because the show starts at 8.

So, longtime followers of this blog will know that the merch line is a big part of any idol concert to me. But, somewhat regretting my experience in the merch line at Koushien, and learning of the situation above, I decided not to deal with it. Heck, I even made plans beforehand to keep myself from lining up.

I lined up anyway. Only a little early though, because my brain kept nagging and NAGGING ME. You always do merch Luna. Always. You'll regret it. YOU'LL REGRET IT.

So as soon as we got in though, everyone rushed to the lobby to find... the merch was behind us and down the stairs. And the crowd was already basically too thick to go back. WELP.

But it turns out, I did not regret it. Because I learned penlights sold out BEFORE THEY OPENED THE DOORS FOR GENERAL ADMISSION ANYWAY.

That was the one thing I really wanted the most. And I had no chance of getting it, even if I lined up hours earlier as originally planned. So. Actually. I did not regret it.

Except.

THIS WAS SUCH BS.

Merch should not be VIP only in my opinion!! I mean they ALREADY get a special gift bag as it is!?

AND ANOTHER THING

Most people at Japanese idol concerts use two penlights, right? Well, even for the people who could buy one at the venue, it was limited to one per person. And they sold out so quickly online. So, actually being at this show with two official penlights would be nearly impossible unless you had some from previous shows. Which would be fine EXCEPT

THEY TECHNICALLY REQUIRE YOU TO USE ONLY OFFICIAL PENLIGHTS

This was written on the website and announced before the show.

Like

HOW???????

I said screw it and used the generic ones I had programmed for Kinpri cheering. (Miku green was my Taiga green sorryyyy.) I didn't get kicked out or anything but OHHHHHH that made me mad.

I WOULD HAVE USED OFFICIAL ONES

IF YOU HAD LET ME!!?!!?!!

So yeah. The show. I only had two major complaints about the show.

Honestly, I don't know that much Vocaloid music. It's just that like, I only have so many chances to go to Japanese idol concerts nowadays and I'll be damned if I'll miss any of them. So I can't comment on the setlist, but other people seemed to enjoy it.

I was in the orchestra pit which I wanted so I could be in the action. Except.

I just found myself thinking like...... if you really HAVE to use a TV instead of a hologram. Then like. Why not raise it. Just a liiiittle bit. So the shorter people in the orchestra pit can see???

I mean, it didn't really look to me like the characters were really on stage. They tried their best to hide it, but it was obviously a TV. So what's the difference!? Why not put it where everyone can see lol....

My other complaint, and I am surprised I didn't hear anyone else complaining about this... it was super short. Like less than two hours!? One of the shortest concerts I've ever been to. I was kinda pissed looking at the time afterward because I was already committed to staying overnight when I could have made the last bus. Ugh.

But despite all that, I did have fun. Aside from the merch disaster, it felt like a typical Japanese idol concert and I enjoyed bopping along with the music, cheering, screaming, having a good time with Miku.

Miku miku ooo eee ooo.

[pielove123clan]

Verdell/Marrigold 15

Milly/Boss 13

Millicent/Fleshy 27

Answers are under the cut. It's really half assed and nothings been hashed out. I hope you enjoy reading anyways. I need new ocs. I need better ocs and I need to actually write I feel. I'm just apprehensive about things and getting overly emotional is scary, that includes writing. And if I let my emtions cloud my judgment, it isn't a good story. But again, that's what rough drafts are for. Creativity and writing, at least the best peices in my eyes, are supposed to be expressions of emotions and have a meaning. Fluff without a message, unrisky content, it's utter rubbish. Not to say they don't have their place either and sometimes its nice to turn the brain off, I personally am at risk and WILL AND HAVE overdone it. Over and over, this vapid comfort and fluff, but I struggle to get past that. It's utterly mediocre in my eyes and I need to go higher, do better, but that requires a breakthrough in my own personality, my habits, a lifestyle change and most importantly, effort. There are so many images that I want to show everyone but can I do it respectfully and with the due diligence? Its scary to suffer, its not nice, but a friend told me "everything you've ever wanted is on the other side of fear". I like that way of seeing things.

Can I really say I want something if I can't suffer a temporary pain enough for it? All I can really do right now is speak but I need action to back those words. I don't trust myself but we'll see whatever happens or comes up.

Thank you anyways for sending me the ask!

15 -Do they trust each other, why or why not?

I think they have a sense of trust between each other but also their secrets from each other, Marigold with her magic shovel and Verdell with his double life being a vigilante. They have not known each other for long but they think the other is pretty nice and upstanding person going to the same university. This isn't 'cannon' but ive held on to the idea of these two being housemates. Marigold is lieing because she doesn't want to get arrested or something because the shovel she has is probably illegal and she doesn't know Verdell that much. Letting him stay was done out out kindness and maybe pitty. Tthe house is emptier with her mother being in the hospital and her father going missing. Verdell is nice enough anyways ( he means well but his eagerness is a tad bit unnerving. was this a bad idea?)

I forgot what crack stuff I typed about vigilantes in this world, its legal as long as your identity is secret and the government will neither help nor interfere unless they become a problem for them? It can vary from state or teritory, whatever community regulations they want. Outwardly, the government won't govern these vigilantes until they become a probem to them. People have powers in this reality, it needs to be registered with their ID by law and it's only requried to be shared with medical professionals and I guess the police departments if requested. This also makes it easy, if you become a threat to the government, they can identify who has the ability or power in that area then they send maybe a special unit. Also, it's illegal to not register if you have an ability.

That being said, powers and abilities are treated like the "don't say gay" law where its 'don't ask, don't tell'. The unspoken rule of this society, most abilities aren't accepted by the and if you use them in person, the community will shun and dislike you. You might even get a misdemenor for causing a disturbance. The exception is if your able to market yourself, be seen as entertaining, talented and contributing to society, but those are only reserved to those who can stand out. Having an alternate idenity, stage name, moniker, those things are the safest.

Verdell is a vigilante and he's keeping his identity secret for the whole, "if my enemies know my secret, they can hurt me and the people I care about!" and he hasn't known Marigold for long. There's weird dents in the walls and some furniture seems hastily duct taped back together, the front door had to be repaired for some reason, but he was lucky enough to be allowed to stay somewhere nice with a roof over his head. Plus, Marigold was nice enough to even let a stranger or aquantince stay in a nice home. Verdell will do anything he can to repay that kindness back. ( Ask me again about this next time because I might re-write things. My brain is feeling murky but now I realize some contradictions and plot holes. Trying to juggle so many traits with him. Verdell doesn't want to be a giant burden so he'll make himself useful and help out in the house and the garden when he can! )

13. Do they have any distain/contempt for each other? How do they show it?

Milly has a lot of distain being tricked into a contract but she has to do it or else she may get blackmailed or go to jail. Organ trafficing and illegal surgeries on individuals is her job now, until she pays every cent of her tuition back through labor. Her hair is grey from this stress, they messed with her body, but outwardly showing contempt or hatred can't be done or it'll jeopardize her future. This is what she gets for wanting to avoid taking out a loan and going into student debt. Ontop of this, she needs to study and do the legitimate work for medical school. She's the black market organizations bitch and she feels utterly helpless. She can't say or do anything.

( that being said, I heard there was a program where the government will pay for your medical schooling if you work x amount of years in a hospital? i didn't know about it at the time of Milly's creation)

Her boss doesn't care, Milly's just another poor sap who's momentarily there for empolyment. She should be greatful their organization is paying for her education, making her dreams come true and setting her for life, all she needs is to play her part as a good little surgeon. They are doing a service letting these ungreatful undergrat brats fufill their clases, it ain't a bad deal having them receive some work experince. They survive their service and get the hell out of there. Milly is undeserving of whatever ability she got out of her surgery, its a waste. They're contemplating transplanting the organ out of her after she's done her service. If that kills her or disables her after the organ adapted to her body for long enough, tough luck. Doesn't matter.

Milly's just a tiny cog in the machine, why would they care? They don't, not even a subject in their mind, just a tiny blip.

27. How far would they go for each other? Would they risk their own lives for each other?

Unflinching for both of them, they would die for each other and risk their lives for each other. Fleshy has anger and violence issues due to where she used to come from and how she was created but shes like 7-8 (age kind of pending but Fleshy is a young child.) Milicent is trying to teach her out of wanting to 'punish' anything that does what she doesn't like.

Its a whole thing because Milicent's a person made up of multiple centipedes who evolved over the course of millions of years, starting back in the carboniferous period of the Earth. There are people after Fleshy so Milicent wouldn't hessitate to poison and consume them. It is self defence. Nothing will harm her adopted child over her dead body.

[nozomijoestar]

Another thing that you touched on at the end there was Asuka's protectiveness of Lili, I really want to see more of that. I feel like there is this vulnerability to Lili that we haven't really seen much of but of the brief glimpses we have seen have Asuka suddenly concerned about her, even in SFxT when she and Cammy exchanged blows and sent Lili down, in fact is that the only time we ever here Asuka say Lili's name, as opposed to idiot or ojousama?

I had to go back and check this but LOL YES IT IS. It makes sense for them because it's only been about a year in their time by now but that's crazy. Since it hasn't happened in canon yet the moment she does call Lili by her name there will be the end of an era.

EDIT 2/9/2024: I just realized... in canon they've never introduced themselves to each other... on camera anyway- HOWEVER, I think they would still know each other's names because of fighting each other in Iron Fist Five, so Asuka should know Lili's name but is choosing not to use it since the ring announcer would've had to call them to the stage in 5 lol, otherwise Lili wouldn't know Asuka's name in 6 either

She also often addresses her with Anta or a very casual form of saying You that's rude in itself depending on who you ask. Some Japanese say never use Anta or Anata unless it's with your lover or specific situations because you should be respectful calling people by their name or title, others use it more regularly or don't care. I've seen it discussed both ways. In this context I think it started out rude given Lili's annoying behavior but over time it gets spoken with more softness or only when Asuka is shocked by something Lili's done or said. Examples include Shaheen's ending or in story mode when Asuka is bewildered as to how Lili found a pic of the Kazama family registry.

If we're getting the sense of closeness we're getting from them now and Asuka is even stepping up to saying Ojou-sama, then I can't understate how important saying Lili's name next would be. It's finally recognizing Lili as a proper person to Asuka worthy of saying back her name, which is something Lili at the very least does for Asuka already. Even if Lili isn't entirely understanding in other areas.

When we get that name drop it would signal an open acknowledgement of the end of any need Asuka feels to be rude and standoffish back towards Lili, even more so than her expression in the 8 ending.

This exchange gave me something I didn't know I needed

EXACTLY THOUGH LILI ONLY PRETENDS TO LOOK IN CONTROL TOO, she was sensitive when Sebastian calls her out in the TT2 ending, she was trying to not be concerned when Kaz said everyone who fails to win in the 8th tournament will have their homes burned, she says crowds and speeches make her nervous in her 8 ending, she puts on a front of superiority around Azucena but Azucena doesn't buy into it which actually visibly frustrates Lili until the alpaca gets her to finally smile and be warm, she worries about her father enough to also act on his behalf during 5 & 6 and praises herself with relief thinking she fixed his problems in her 5 ending, she explicitly said she's useless without Asuka there (presumably to help and protect her) in SF X T, theres many hints across canon and non canon where Lili consistently lets the facade slip or digs harder into it when called out. And she's done it so well people have reduced her to YASS QUEEN MOTHERRR UNTOUCHABLEEE GIRLBOSS!! when that's her act. Specifically it's her act when she wants to look strong hiding her fear or lack of ability.

Asuka cares about Lili's safety, otherwise she wouldn't fight together with not against her multiple times nor would she have praised Shaheen for protecting Lili when Asuka couldn't. They also wouldn't have given her that characterization in SF X T if they didn't think it was fitting. She very much cares even though Lili would annoy her, and that says a lot more about Asuka than anything else or anyone saying she doesn't. Just the fact that they did skip the explanation and gave us the end point of Asuka being friendly and working with Lili not against her, as a writing choice I think it's clear the intent is building on the fact that Asuka would care and has always cared.

[black-arcana]

NEW YEARS DAY's ASH COSTELLO Defends Using Backing Tracks During Live Shows: 'Every Band Does It'

NEW YEARS DAY singer Ash Costello has weighed in on bands who rely on pre-recorded tracks during their live performances.

In recent years, more and more artists have been given a pass for relying on pre-recorded tracks, drum triggers and other assorted technology that makes concerts more synthetic but also more consistent. For better or worse, pre-recorded tracks are becoming increasingly common for touring artists of all levels and genres and they're not just used in pop music — many rock artists utilize playback tracks to varying degrees.

Speaking to Scott Penfold of Loaded Radio, Ash was asked for her opinion on bands who use pre-recorded tracks during live performances. She responded (as transcribed by BLABBERMOUTH.NET): "Every band does it. We do it. Every band does it. Maybe not METALLICA. Anyone that's watching this, every band you love, 'cause I've pretty much toured with every band at this point, whether it's a festival or a tour, has three or four or five laptops on the side of the stage."

She went on to defend the practice of using backing tracks, saying: "It is not cheating. It's just some music is impossible [to reproduce live], unless you have a 20-piece orchestra or a synthesizer — it's just not realistic. So I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with that."

KISS frontman Paul Stanley, who had been struggling to hit the high notes in many of the band's classic songs for a number of years, was accused of singing to a backing tape on KISS's recently completed "End Of The Road" tour.

Back in 2015, KISS bassist/vocalist Gene Simmons slammed bands who used backing tapes for not being honest enough to include that fact on their concert tickets.

"I have a problem when you charge $100 to see a live show and the artist uses backing tracks," Simmons said. "It's like the ingredients in food. If the first ingredient on the label is sugar, that's at least honest. It should be on every ticket — you're paying $100, 30 to 50 percent of the show is [on] backing tracks and they'll sing sometimes, sometimes they'll lip sync. At least be honest. It's not about backing tracks, it's about dishonesty.

"There's nobody with a synthesizer on our stage, there's no samples on the drums, there's nothing," Gene continued. "There's very few bands who do that now — AC/DC, METALLICA, us. I can't even say that about U2 or THE [ROLLING] STONES. There's very few bands who don't use [backing] tracks."

In March 2023, KISS's longtime manager Doc McGhee defended Stanley's vocal performance on "End Of The Road", explaining that the "Star Child" "fully sings to every song" at every concert. He explained: It's enhanced. It's just part of the process to make sure that everybody hears the songs the way they should be sang to begin with. Nobody wants to hear people do stuff that's not real, that's not what they came to hear."

When McGhee was asked to clarify if he was "actually saying there are backing tracks that [Paul is] singing to," Doc said: "He'll sing to tracks. It's all part of a process. Because everybody wants to hear everybody sing. But he fully sings to every song."

In March 2020, SHINEDOWN guitarist Zach Myers said that "90 percent" of rock artists use at least some pre-recorded tracks during their live performances. He told Rock Feed: "It bothers me that it bothers people. I'm, like, 'Why does this bother you?' It's the way it is. People have been doing this since the '80s. And we want the sound to be the best it can be. Could we go up there, just the four of us, and put on the best rock show ever? Of course. But that's not how we wanna do it."

Former SKID ROW singer Sebastian Bach has previously said that he is "one of the last people" who are still not using pre-recorded tracks at their live shows. "I don't know how much longer I can say to you that I don't use tapes onstage, because I don't, and I never have," he told Consequence Of Sound. "And I still don't. When I have opening bands, and they're using tapes, and then I come out and I don't use tapes… sometimes, it makes me feel stupid, because I'm like, 'What am I doing, when all these kids half my age can come onstage and do all of my moves, but they don't have to warm up for an hour before the show, or weeks, before the first show?' Sometimes, I'm like, 'Why do I even bother, if the public is so used to this other way?' It's becoming very rare to come see a good band that's actually a real band — that's not miming or doing silly moves while a tape is running. It just becomes more rare as the years go on."

In 2019, IRON MAIDEN guitarist Adrian Smith said that he doesn't "agree" with certain rock artists relying on pre-recorded tracks during their live performances. "I tell you what, I see it with a lot of younger bands, and I don't think it's a good thing at all," he told the New York Post. "I mean, the music is getting too technical now. You have computerized recording systems, which we use, but I think we use them more for convenience than because we need to. We've toured with a couple bands that use tapes — it's not real. You're supposed to play live; it should be live. I don't agree with using tapes … I think it's a real shame."

One musician who has been open about his band's use of taped vocals during live performances is MÖTLEY CRÜE bassist Nikki Sixx, who said: "We've used technology since '87." He added the group employed "sequencers, sub tones, background vox tracks, plus background singers and us. [MÖTLEY CRÜE also taped] stuff we can't tour with, like cello parts in ballads, etc.... We love it and don't hide it. It's a great tool to fill out the sound."

In a 2014 interview, MÖTLEY CRÜE guitarist Mick Mars admitted that he wasn't comfortable with the fact that his band used pre-recorded backing vocals in its live shows, claiming that he preferred to watch groups whose performances are delivered entirely live. "I don't like it," he said. "I think a band like ours… I have to say '60s bands were my favorite — '60s and '70s bands — because they were real, like, three-piece bands or four-piece bands, and they just got up there and kicked it up. Made a mistake? So what? Sounded a little bit empty here or there? So what? It's the bigness and the rawness and the people that developed and wrote the songs and made them and presented them. To me, that's what I really like. I mean, I could put on a MÖTLEY CD and play with it all day long. I don't wanna do that."

Photo credit: Matt Akana

[ceeroosa]

i hate to be this guy

but i will, cuz i'm seeing it a lot a lot a lot lately:

i am begging people who have poor self-esteem and are extremely sensitive to external judgements (like, say, losing your absolute shit cuz someone made a mildly shitty comment in their public bookmark of your fic)

to work on that.

no, i'm not saying it was cool for them to say something mean about you in a public space where you could see it. i'm saying it's an extremely normal thing that you can't control, and you will be happier if you figure out how to focus on handling those things over trying to control other people

sure, make the PSA's reminding people that ficwriters have feelings too and demand that people stop making negative comments in public bookmarks because you're not wrong - it is a mean thing to do.

but it is also normal.

people talk about you. sometimes it's where you can see or hear it, and often it is "behind your back."

you cannot shame, demand, plead or tantrum your way out of the fact that people talk.

people talk about everything, and often in unfavourable terms. i have known people in my life who have torn themselves apart emotionally, have created such an obscene amount of stress in their lives, over the things people have or may be saying about them to other people.

"it's WRONG" they said

"let them be wrong" I said

because at some point you have to accept the way people can be. people can be cruel as much as they can be kind. they can be smart and thoughtful and insensitive and daft.

you, my little lovely darling, cannot control that and every attempt you make to try (and yes, I'm sorry, but the aforementioned PSA's absolutely count as an attempt to control)

the more stress and pain - disappointment, shame, righteousness, violation because i set a boundary why did they do the thing i asked them not to do why doesn't anyone ever respect me - you bring on yourself.

i don't want you to hurt yourself, i don't want you to suffer more than you have to. (unless you wanted to, i guess.) i don't want the things you enjoy and feel passion for to be tainted and ruined by other people.

i wasn't born thinking this way. i also went through stages (still do! often! recently!) of being frustrated that people can just go about life doing things wrong and being cruel and being stupid and i've experienced the way just thinking in that way increases my internal distress, it increases feelings of hopelessness and powerlessness, of feeling like things happen to me instead of being an active participant in life.

the following skills have helped me greatly in managing these feelings:

radical acceptance: practicing accepting the unacceptable, letting it happen without fighting or bargaining or resisting, relinquishing all illusions of control over this, that, or the other thing while recognizing that the only thing we do have control over in this life is how we respond - and carefully choosing how to respond after allowing the reaction to pass.

distress tolerance: radical acceptance can be under the umbrella of distress tolerance, but this is basically anything that helps ease the sensations of a distressing experience; things that are comforting and soothing, distraction, and, yes, even avoidance can be a useful tactic in the right situation.

self-assurance: this one's pretty tough. you don't have to love yourself necessarily, but you do have to respect yourself because there will be moments in your life where it feels like nobody respects you and if you can't even retreat into the sureness of your Self...well, it's gonna be hard. humans are social creatures and reliance on others is not weakness, it is nature. however, we've constructed a society that does not serve us and hyper-individualism leaves people alone. regardless of whether or not it is fair or OK, we have to accept that possibility - and figure out how to be our own champions so when those moments happen, we can survive it by saying:

"I know who I am. I know that I am (a good writer, a kind person, capable, sexy, whatever). I do not need anyone to validate my identity as (a good writer, sexy, kind, etc) because I know that my actions align with my values as (a good writer, a kind person, a capable person). Even if someone else's idea of what is (a good writer, a kind person, sexy) does not align with mine, and they invalidate my identity based on their values, I still know who I am because of my values and actions."

or something of that nature.

AND I AM NOT SAYING THAT YOU DO NOT NEED EXTERNAL VALIDATION OR THAT YOU SHOULDN'T SEEK IT OUT! OR THAT YOU CAN ONLY RELY ON OR TRUST YOURSELF or anything else annoying and lone-wolf-y like that.

you deserve engagement - comments, likes, reblogs, general squee-ing over your work, being told that you are lovely and sexy and powerful - we all do!

give and receive as much validation as you can. pay it forward. but in those inevitable moments of lowness, of radio silence, of questioning if you really are who you think you are:

it pays to have your own back, to be able to focus on the steadiness of your feet and who you are rather than what other people have done, are doing, or refuse to do.

[world-of-horrors-au]

I've been stalling on this but... I have someone I want to introduce y'all to. I don't have art for him unfortunately but I hope that's not an issue

General Jester

I made this guy originally for a slasher inspired story but I'm not sure I'm ever gonna write that for a number of reasons and I hate seeing him go to waste so...

General Jester is a clown wearing an 1800s era war uniform, except it's all white and bloodstained to hell and back. He has paper white skin, pointed ears, short red hair under his military cap, and a removable red clown nose. He can float but prefers walking around unless he's trying to sneak up on someone. Personality wise, he's a dramatic bastard. All the world is a stage and he's dragging everyone into the show, whether they like it or not. Very animated in movement and attitude, he has fun killing people and messing with them in equal amounts. He loves nicknames and gives them out like cotton candy. He takes his role as a clown - or whatever else he's doing - seriously, which is funny since kids can't see him. He has a surprising knack for mechanical anything, and you can find him building death traps in his spare time. He never finishes them though, he gets distracted or bored.

Also that nose of his can be used to kill people. Just a lil fun fact for you~

General Jester is free to use if you want, just credit me (I'm Coffee!) if you do.

[high-pot-in-noose]

Okay, after braving the wilds of Threads, I was compelled to try out a couple of other social media apps/sites as well.

I will go ahead and say that, while Threads does indeed need a lot more work, and it does indeed keep track of far more of your information than a site should period . . . the facts remain that this stage is literally just its beta, and Ol' Zuck would have already been tracking that information on you through FB and IG. TBH, if you were already using IG, there's no real reason not to use Threads outside of if you just don't want to.

That scare of 'you can't delete Threads without deleting IG!' is not technically incorrect, but it leaves out the fact that Threads isn't actually an independent app at this stage (if it'll ever be) but an off-shoot of IG. Wanting to delete your Threads account without removing your IG would be like trying to remove your basement without taking apart your house.

Also, the gist of the claim that you can't delete ignores that you can deactivate -- it's effectively the same as deleting, but it leaves you the option to come back, and prevents people from being able to snatch your handle.

Also ALSO, you can very much uninstall the physical app from your device, it's just your account will remain yours no matter what.

I don't personally recommend Threads yet since the search function is basic, tags aren't a thing yet, you can't see the posts you've like, there's no explore page or DM function, and they're still working out glitches, but those are things the staff has reported that they're actively working to address. TBH, as far as a straight bird app clone goes, it's already better than, say, Spoutible.

Now, Spoutible is purporting to be trying to be the next Twitter, but after testing out the site and app, I'd say it's more like if Twitter and Facebook had a child, but it turned out the child was actually adopted and just happened to share a number of traits with its parent sites. Spoutible is not under Muskrat's X Corp umbrella nor Zuck's Meta umbrella; they're their own thing.

Their functionality isn't great, but they technically have everything a person would want from a social media app. My main gripes are that I can't change my location to say anything but the United States (I can't select anything but the US despite there being a dropdown list), things that should scroll DON'T scroll unless you finesse it in a very non-intuitive way, and the site itself just feels rather bland. Clean, but bland.

Also, it apparently isn't available for iOS yet? This last part isn't a gripe, just a statement of bemusement. With the type of posts I see on this site, you would think it would be filled with iOS users -- these people just give off that vibe. Do with that information what you will.

The one that really surprised me, though, was Cohost. Let me say this out of the gate -- it's in beta. It's unashamedly in beta, and they have what they're working on right on the side of their main page/your dashboard at all times, but . . . it's in beta the same way that AO3 is in beta.

Cohost is known for trying to be a Twitter alternative even though they loudly reject that claim, but it actually has more in common with Tumblr. The profile page is like Twitter, but the dashboard does posts and reblogs in exactly the same manner as Tumblr, their tagging and liking function is the same, the feed is exclusively chronological, you can save post drafts, and they filter content through a blacklist as well.

Color palletes are part of their paid features at the moment, but considering it has no ads and promises to remain that way, AND the only restriction against 18+ content is that it must be tagged and marked appropriately, that's a small compensation. They're still rolling out features like asks, and DMs aren't a thing yet, but I'm actually really hopeful for this one. It gives me the same energy as when AO3 was first becoming a thing.

It's also primarily filled with furries at the moment, but that's just a matter of fact and something to be taken as a pro or con depending on the individual.

With Cohost and Pillowfort marching steadily forward in their development, I actually feel really good about Tumblrina's being able to find a new and suitable home if Tumblr ever makes itself completely uninhabitable. Really the only downsides to moving over to these two sites right away is that there are still a number of features left that Tumblr does better or has that they don't, and that there's no telling exactly when these sites will be at the state that their staff teams consider officially out of beta.

[artzychic27]

Mirrorverse Crossover- Nino

Fairy GodBro's wings flinched a bit as the fox-human hybrid circled around him with a predatory look in his eyes. He's not one for judging, but... He's pretty sure this guy is going to pounce on him at any moment, so if he's going to do anything, he should just get it over with! On instinct, he starts reaching for his wand, but settles down when the fox finally takes the seat across from him

"Relax, buddy," Honest Nino says coolly with a chuckle. He flips the chair around, and at first Fairy GodBro wants to roll his eyes, but then remembers that his counterpart has a tail, and the chairs here don't exactly accommodate for that. Mind you, he's brought that up several times with a few teachers regarding his wings, but it all comes back to Mme. Bustier and M. Damocles saying they can't afford to accommodate every student... Yet, this school can afford King-size beds for everyone's dorm room. "I just like to know who I'm doing business with, is all. I mean, it's not every day you get to meet a fairy who can turn melons into carriages for maids, right?”

"It was a pumpkin," the fairy corrects through clenched teeth, knowing he got that wrong on purpose. "And we're just here to talk. So... What is it exactly that you do where you come from?"

Honest Nino gave a shrug of his shoulders and grinned, showing off his sharpened pearly whites. "Well, I consider myself a businessman and a bit of a manager of sorts. Mostly for stage actors, though. Ever heard of The Little Wooden Boy?"

Fairy GodBro blinks. "Excuse me?" He needs to make sure he didn’t mishear.

"Yeah, not to brag, but..." Honest Nino makes a show of pretending to stretch and leans back in his seat. "I'm the one who got him on the big stage. Had a big musical number and everything. Ever heard of, I've Got No Strings? It was a hit, and lemme tell you. That puppet girl you got sitting outside? Could make a killing off’a her.”

The fairy's wings flared out in anger. Memories of comforting Sabrinocchio during those sleepless nights began to resurface. Those pompous royals would always goad the ginger into singing that accursed song, poking and prodding at her wooden skin with whatever they had until she relented.

Taking a sharp inhale, he stands, not once slouching as he usually would and stares the hybrid dead in the eye. “Dude… I don’t care what sort of backwards universe your crawled out of… But here?” In a burst of blue sparkles, his wand appears in his hand. While he could have just fished it out of his pocket, it wouldn’t be as intimidating. “Most of us don’t find it humane to use people- People. Not puppets. In such a way. So if it’s alright with you, you should leave. Now.”

Honest Nino feels a sudden chill in the air, but tries to play it off. “H-hey, I was just joshin’, man. Lighten up, will ya?”

“No… I don’t think I will.”

🧚🏾‍♂️🦊

“‘Brina, hey, look at me,” Aurore gently coaxes while rubbing circles on the girl’s wrists. It helped to remind her that her strings were gone. “You’re not going back to that man. You’re not going to put on any shows or sing any songs unless you want to. Okay?”

Those who weren’t helping Sabrina calm down from her panic attack were busy watching the events unfold through one of the bubbles… Namely, the villains.

Nathaniel of Hearts loudly shushed them. “QUIET!" He turns his attention back to the glittery bubble. "That fairy of yours is about to go off on him!" His pupils shrink as manic laughter escapes through his lips, startling the alternate version of himself.

Yzalya scowls and narrows her eyes at the lousy hero version of her boyfriend. To think, him in... Pastels. "I'll have his wings hanging over my fireplace if he even dares," she threatens, right as the bubble suddenly pops in the villains' faces. "What the hell?!" Ismael lets out a growl of pain when some of the soap got in his eyes.

A few of the hero students look to see what has their counterparts so riled up, and have their answer when they see that the bubble Nino left for them to watch the interactions had disappeared. They're supposed to be indestructible and only pop when Nino calls them off, so the question on the hero kids' mind was, why did Nino call it off? And it didn't take too long for Tianalya to figure it out when Honest Nino's words about Sabrina played in her head.

"Oh, boy," she winces and tugs on her shirt collar. Yzalya suddenly seizes her by the shoulders. "Hey! Personal space!"

"What is that fairy doing to my boyfriend?!" She demands. "Tell me, or I'll see to it you do not have a Prince to reverse the spell!" From her purse, she pulls out a vial with a green fluid, making Tianalya gulp. "Well?!"

"Uh..."

Suddenly, the door opens, revealing Fairy GodBro with a look of innocence across his face. Being the masters of deceit, the villain kids know that smile is hiding something dark.

Adrien took the bold step forward. "Nino?"

"Yeah, dude?"

"... Where's the other you?"

"Hm?" The fairy quirks an eyebrow before his face morphed into one of realization. "Oh! Him. Well, he had to bibbidi bobbidi bounce, but said that he should be back around midnight. So..." He clicks his tongue. "Don't worry about it." The room falls deathly silent, sans the crackling of Mirehades' flame hair. "Who's next?"

"..."

"I like him," Nathaniel of Hearts beams.

(And the lesson is: Don't mess with Nino's godfamily)

@msweebyness & @imsparky2002

[teamluxx]

gasp wait wait wait!!!! the crygi!!! the crygi cairo!!!

TAKE ME OR LEAVE ME - RENT

Every single day I walk down the street

I hear people say 'baby, so sweet'

Ever since puberty, everybody stares at me

Boys, girls, I can't help it, baby

So be kind and don't lose your mind

Just remember that I'm your baby

“I don’t get why you’re so upset! I can’t control that, Crys. If I could, I would,” Gigi practically yelled as she slammed the door behind her.

Crystal had stormed out of the party her and Gigi were in. She absolutely could not take any more of it.

“Why am I upset?” Crystal asked, turning on her heels to face Gigi. “I’m upset because my girlfriend is entertaining the people who are flirting with her. I’m upset because every time someone talks to you, there’s never a mention of me.”

“Crystal, are you joking? Everyone knows we’re together! If people want to flirt with me, I can’t stop them!”

A tiger in a cage can never see the sun

This diva needs her stage, baby, let's have fun

You are the one I choose, folks would kill to fill your shoes

You love the limelight too now, baby

So be mine and don't waste my time

Crying "Oh, honey bear, are you still my, my, my, baby?

Take me for what I am

Who I was meant to be

And if you give a damn

Take me, baby, or leave me

“I chose you, Crystal. People are mad about that. But if you can’t handle that, then maybe this isn’t worth my time.”

Crystal’s face dropped, tears nearly forming in her eyes. “Geeg, what the hell are you talking about.”

“I’m talking about how you’re so insecure all the time! People would kill to be you. And you’re complaining because one person looked at me a way you didn’t like? It’s ridiculous! You can’t just pick what parts of me you don’t like and get rid of them! This is my job, this is my life. If that’s a problem, then I’m a problem.”

No way can I be what I'm not

But, hey, don't you want your girl hot?

Don't fight, don't lose you head

'Cause every night, who's in your bed?

Who?

Who's in your bed?

Kiss, Pookie

“I’m not going to change myself for you. I am who I am, and I love who I am. But hey, you wanted to date a model, right?”

Crystal stared blankly at Gigi. She didn’t know what had gotten into her.

“I didn’t know that it would be like this.”

“None of that matters, Crys,” Gigi responded, walking towards Crystal. “Because at the end of the night, who goes home with you?”

Gigi was now standing next to her, wrapping her arms around Crystal.

“Let’s just forget all of this. Lets not fight anymore.”

It won't work

I look before I leap

I love margins and discipline

I make lists in my sleep, baby

What's my sin?

Never quit, I follow through

I hate mess, but I love you

What to do with my impromptu, baby

So be wise 'cause this girl satisfies

You got a prize, so don't compromise

You're one lucky baby

“Uh uh,” Crystal responded, taking Gigi’s arms off of her. “That little game you’re trying to play with me is not going to work. I am way smarter than that.” “Nobody said you weren’t,” Gigi responds, which receives a glare from Crystal. “I know that I’m better than this. You are lucky to have someone like me. Someone that cares about you. Someone that takes care of you. Someone that actually sees you for more than just your pretty face. I love you so fucking much, Gigi, but I hate when you act like this. You’re trying to throw away everything we have.”

Take me for what I am

A control freak

Who I was meant to be

A snob, yet over-attentive

And if you give a damn

A lovable droll geek

Take me, baby, or leave me

And anal retentive!

“If you want me to accept you for who you are, then you have to accept me for who I am,” Crystal said, crossing her arms as she stared up at Gigi, brows furrowed.

“For who you are? What, someone who wants to control me? Someone who’s stuck up and thinks shes better than me? Absolutely not. That’s not fair to me.”

That's it

The straw that breaks my back

I quit

Unless you take it back

Women, what is it about them?

Can't live

With them or without them

“Gigi, what is wrong with you? You know that’s not true and you know I don’t do that. I have done absolutely nothing but care for you and love you since the moment we met.”

“It’s not true? How many times have you not acted like what I do is somehow lower than what you do? How many times have you not tried to tell me not to go somewhere because someone you didn’t like was there?”

“You know what? Fine,” Crystal said, beginning to walk away from Gigi. “If you want to do this, then that’s what we’re gonna do.”

Take me for what I am

Who I was meant to be (Who I was meant to be)

And if you give a damn (And if you give a damn, you better)

Take me baby (Oh, take me, baby)

Or leave me (Take me or leave me)

Take me, baby

Or leave me

Guess I'm leaving

I'm gone

“Fine!” Gigi yelled, turning to speak to Crystal as she backed away from her. “Good luck finding someone better than me! Have fun losing the best you ever had.”