#i don't think this is covid again i think I'm getting a sinus infection | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

funnuraba · 6 months ago

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ME/CFS symptoms part 2: The Fatigue

Hey, have you guys noticed how everyone is tired recently? Like, everybody you know is exhausted, and so are you, and so is everyone on the internet and in real life, and nobody's getting better, and sleep and rest don't help?

In addition, are you having new symptoms like tingling hands and feet? Dizziness or lightheadedness? Restless legs? Digestive problems? Slow thinking? Word confusion? Tinnitus or other hearing loss? Vision loss? Stomach problems? Sinus issues? Sleep disturbance or change? Soreness? New, worsening or changing migraines? Heart palpitations? New sensitivity to the weather? Joint pain? New chronic pain spots? Dark patches on your torso? Hair loss? New incontinence at an unusual age without having had children? Do you feel like you have the flu after heavy exertion?

Yeah I was having a lot of that myself. Turns out it was Long Covid, the Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome type, which makes up 50% of all Long Covid cases. I can't sugarcoat this: if you have this, you are fucked to some degree. You have to reduce the amount of energy you use or you'll degenerate further into actual living hell. That means no stimulants, no pushing through it, no exercise at all, period, no I'm not joking, exercise makes you worse with this condition.

And not just physical exertion, but mental exertion. The energy it takes to put things into words, to look at screens or movement on screens, to digest food. All of that is way more than you think. You need to figure out your new limits, because aggressive rest is the only way you stand a chance of staying in the Mild stage. This may mean ending your social life, ending travel, working from home, quitting your job. If you don't do it, you'll wish you had.

Aggressive rest means staying in bed a lot. Doing nothing. At least an hour a day of literally nothing: you lie there with earplugs in and an eye mask on. It's gonna be awful. But I'm not exaggerating: Moderate ME/CFS is hell on earth, and there are two stages after that: Severe and Very Severe. Your body physically can't restore energy in a normal way anymore. If it runs out, you'll get Post Exertional Malaise, and if you get too much of that you "crash".

A crash keeps you from doing anything. You won't be able to process sound or light, you probably won't be able to get out of bed. You may not be able to sit up. You might struggle to breathe. You may get out of the crash in a day, in a week, in months--or never. Every single crash has the potential to become a permanent loss of function. People have lost the ability to digest food and the muscular strength it takes to breathe. There are people who do nothing but lie in the dark all day, unable to tolerate light or sound, being fed through a tube port by a caretaker who has to hurry out of the room because the physical presence of another human being is too painful. And those are the lucky ones who have non-abusive caretakers; almost no doctors or professional carers believe in this disease or are equipped to treat someone who has it. You can be legally tortured in the hospital if you go in for a procedure and the doctors think you're lying about what hurts you.

If it sounds like I'm trying to scare you? Yes. I am. I spent six months toward the lower end of Moderate ME. Hell is real. You will pray for death. You will not be physically able to kill yourself. This is why all those annoying disabled people keep screeching about wearing respirators to prevent Covid spread, because your odds of getting this go up with every infection, vaxxed or not, and many people already have it. They don't know yet. And they're pushing their way past their late chance to mitigate their descent into, I am not exaggerating, hell itself. You will want to fucking die if you get to a certain stage of this condition. ME/CFS patients have a high suicide rate and report a quality of life lower than end-stage cancer and AIDS patients.

So, again, are you tired all the time lately? Do you know someone who is? Look up the symptoms of ME/CFS and be very, very careful. And wear a fucking respirator in public spaces. All the time. No taking it off for selfies or indoor eating. You people are killing yourselves and everyone else for an illusion of normality that is never ever coming back.

#speaking of energy use: it took a lot to write this post!

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typingatlightspeed · 2 years ago

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Ohh could you write some speedingbullet whump and/or hurt/comfort pretty please? alternatively some dom/service sub body worship dynamics between demo and sniper however which way you like it

TF2 Fanfic - Textures

Scout catches the flu and a sinus infection robs him of his senses of smell and taste, leaving him miserable and having trouble willing himself to eat. Sniper helps figure out a workaround to get him eating, at least.

Sappy Hope you enjoy, anon! I couldn't come up withy any good whump so I went hurt/comfort, drawing from some of my own experiences with illnesses over the years (and particularly my bout with COVID last year).

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"You've gotta eat somethin'," Sniper urged, setting a bowl of soup down on the night stand. "If you don't eat you're not gonna have the strength to recover.

"I'm not hungry," Scout mumbled though a stuffy nose, his eyes slowly rolling open, squinting in the low light that filtered through the blinds of his quarters. "Can't taste it anyway with this sinus infection."

"I know, Jer, but—"

"I can't get it down!" Tears pricked at Scout's eyes, and he rolled onto his side to face away from Sniper, shifting on the bed with what little energy he had. "If I can't taste it I can't get myself to swallow it. It's just nothin', no sensation. Everythin's just all snot."

Sniper sighed, sitting on the bed in the space Scout left, utterly frustrated. The younger man had been sick for a week and a half with what Medic was sure was the flu, and once the coughing had given way to a sinus infection, Scout had completely lost the ability to smell or taste anything. He'd claimed it had just tasted like rotten mucus, and he had stopped eating.

It had been a sad thing at first, seeing the usually spry and energetic athlete rendered inert and writhing with muscle aches and fever, coughing up his damned lungs. Ever the dutiful boyfriend, Sniper had done his best to tend to him while minimizing contact, not too keen on getting sick himself. But now that Scout wasn't eating, he cared less about his own safety and more about his boyfriend's.

"If I get you some interestin' textures do you think you'd be able to choke somethin' down? You've got to eat, Jer."

Scout mumbled quietly, his voice more a whimper than actual speech.

"Can't understand you." Sniper tried not to let himself get frustrated. Scout would always get so quiet and pathetic when he felt like shit.

"I can try," Scout repeated, unsure and exhausted. He'd half said it just to get Sniper to stop lecturing him, wishing he'd just let him sleep.

"Alright, that's all I ask is that you try. I'll figure somethin' out and be back. If you can, try to get some of that soup down too. At least drink some broth, yeh?"

"Okay," Scout mumbled, drawing the blanket up around himself. "Thanks, babe."

"You don't gotta thank me; just get better," Sniper sighed, petting Scout's hair fondly before standing. "Love you."

"Love you too."

Closing the door behind him, Sniper sighed and pulled off his hat, running a hand through his hair. Scout was an absolute mess, and he had no idea if he was getting better or not at this point. Medic had told him that progress was not expressly linear, especially with a flu as bad as Scout's, but it still didn't make him worry any less as he progressed from symptom to symptom rather than simply shedding them on his way to convalescence.

The fact that the poor guy just had to suffer through it as the virus ran its course just made it worse. Sniper hated seeing Scout have to go through this, and worse was that the only thing he could do was try to make sure he ate, showered, and made it to the bathroom if he was too weak to get there on his own. Thankfully, that last contingency had only come to pass twice over the past week.

With a shake of his head to rouse himself from his thoughts, Sniper donned his hat again and set off down the hall for the mess to try and scrounge up something with an interesting mouthfeel. Hopefully the novelty of sensation would be enough to get Scout past the inability to taste anything but his own infection.

It was hot. On a good day, the New Mexico badlands were blistering to the native New Englander, but here, curled up in bed with a fever rolling in and out like the tide, the heat came in unbearable waves. The slightest draft, the barest caress of a breeze made him feel like he was freezing and brought on fresh cramps and joint pain. So instead he would sweat, bundled tightly in his blankets on his stiff, unyielding RED-issue bed. Even so he shivered, too cold, too hot simultaneously, and he craved more blankets as though wrapping himself in a cocoon of warmth would somehow solve anything. Maybe he just craved the pressure that it would provide, some comforting weight to envelop him and make him feel safe.

He wished Sniper would come back, curl up with him, wrap his arms around him and tell him he was going to be okay. He craved the familiar embrace of his lover, gangly limbs holding him close, lips pressing kisses onto the crown of his head. He wished dearly for Sniper to envelop him in himself, to make him feel like everything was going to be okay, like he wasn't dying.

Scout didn't think he was dying. He'd died enough times to know how that felt. But here, now, shivering and sweating under his scratchy covers, Scout felt like death regardless.

He'd lost track of time, no idea how much or little had passed, when he heard a soft clack at his door, a single-knuckle knock of courtesy before it was opened and Sniper slipped inside, closing it quietly behind him. The bushman wore a smile writ with trepidation, and held a paper bag in his hand.

"'ope I didn't wake you, love," he soothed, his voice as soft as he could manage in spite of its rough, gravelly tones. Scout didn't mind. He loved the sound of Sniper's voice when it was quiet; he found it almost unbearably sexy. It was really too bad he felt too much like shit to properly appreciate it.

Scout mumbled muzzily, words not quite congealing out of the jumble of syllables he'd wheezed out. He tried again, his eyes cracking open to look up at the gentle, worried face of his lover, "It's okay, I been sleepin' so much."

"That's a good thing," Sniper replied, steadying himself with one hand on the bed as he settled onto the floor next to it, crossing his legs and setting the bag down. "Rest's important for you."

Inching to the edge of the bed, Scout flopped an arm over to pet at Sniper's cheek, his fingers clumsily tracing the line of his jaw fondly. He wanted to give him a hug, a proper squeeze, but could barely keep his arm up enough to do this. "'m so tired 'a sleepin'."

"I know, but you need it."

"I'm lonely," Scout murmured, curling his legs up a little tighter against himself. "But if you sleep with me you're gonna get sick."

Sniper sighed. He hadn't slept in the same bed as Scout in over a week, and he wasn't ashamed to admit he was lonely too. They'd gotten so used to the comfort and safety of sleeping in one another's arms, of just being around one another so constantly, that this time apart—marked by Sniper only visiting for brief periods and trying not to make too much contact—practically felt like one of them was in prison. At this point he'd almost wished he hadn't made the effort not to get sick, so they could at least have been miserable together through most of it.

"I'm sorry," Sniper replied, unsure what else to say. He opened the bag in front of him, withdrawing a few folded Chinese food containers and a styrofoam bowl with a lid. "We gotta get you better sooner then."

"Whassat?"

"Couldn't find anythin' on base to cook that would be good enough. 'Least, nothin' I know 'ow to cook," Sniper chuckled. "So me and Pyro went on a run to town for some Chinese. Pyro says 'e used to get sinus infections all the time when 'e was a teenager. Real sickly kid. Lost 'is sense of taste all the time. 'e said somethin' crunchy-fried'll 'elp with the whole texture-for-flavour substitution thing, and that we 'ad the right idea."

Scout blinked and slowly pulled himself up onto his elbow, realizing for the first time that it was nearly night. Grey light filtered through the blinds, the golden rays of sunset long past, but the blue shadows of night yet to fully overtake the desert. He'd been out for a while. "You went all the way to town for me?"

Sniper smiled. "'course. You gotta eat," he said with a shrug of one shoulder. "If this is what can get you to eat, then it's well worth it, I'd say."

"Mick..." A wobbly smile crawled across Scout's lips, and he felt like the slightest thing would set him off crying. Sniper was so sweet, so kind, so doting, and he could never really figure out how to handle it. Scout had spent his entire life as an afterthought, the last one to get anything, even respect. And here, this man almost twice his age treated him like he was his world. Scout still couldn't really wrap his head around it, and it made his chest flutter. A soft laugh escaped him, and he shook his head to keep his eyes dry. Then he stilled, the shake leaving him dizzy, all of the mucus in his head sloshing and shifting in horrible ways. When he could bring himself to open his eyes again, he looked into Sniper's, and lost himself there for a long moment. "I love you," he fairly whimpered, reaching to pet at his face again.

Sniper caught Scout's hand and brought it to his lips, kissing each fingertip before pressing a final smooch to his palm. "Come on, you sappy wreck," he teased. "Let's get you fed, yeh?" Scout stared a long moment, expectant, until Sniper rejoined, "I love you too, Jer."

That satisfied him, and Scout finally brought himself up to a seated position, folding his legs under himself and tucking his blankets as flat as he could. "So what'd you get me, anyway?"

"Fried pork and cabbage potstickers with ginger sauce, and some fried wontons. Got some sweet and sour sauce to dip those into."

"So it's just all crunchy," Scout mused. He inhaled, hoping against hope that the aroma of hot pork, ginger, fry oil, anything really, would break through the stench of rot and mucus that filled his senses. He suppressed a soft sob at his failure to smell any of it, and tempered his expectations accordingly. Eating without taste was like fucking without pleasure, leaving him wholly unsatisfied and desperate for any of the sensory input he craved. But as he took hold of a wonton and bit into it, he took solace in the crunch and crispiness, textures giving him something to cling to as he dutifully performed the joyless task of eating something to fuel his recovery.

"How is it?" Sniper asked.

Scout sighed through his nose, "I can't taste anything. Still. But at least it feels different."

"That's something then. All I ask is you get something down, so we can get you healthy again."

"I just wanna feel better so you can hold me again. I miss you."

Sniper frowned and stood, walking around to the other side of the bed. He kicked off his boots and set his hat and sunglasses on the footlocker at the end of the bed, and sat behind Scout. He lay down, rolling to face his lover's back, and wrapped an arm around his waist as he ate. He placed a kiss on Scout's side, ignoring the chilly sweat that had collected on him.

"You're gonna get sick," Scout mumbled around a potsticker, ginger sauce running down his chin.

"I'll be fine. And you're not gonna get any better layin' 'ere depressed and lonely on top of not eatin'. If I gotta curl up with you to get your spirits up, so be it."

Scout smiled at that, his free hand coming down to pet through Sniper's hair. "Thanks, Mick."

"'s nothin," Sniper mumbled in reply, snuggling in against his lover. "Can I get one of those potstickers, though?"

#TF2 Fanfic #Team Fortress 2 #TF2 Speeding Bullet #TF2 Sniper #TF2 Scout #Lightspeed Requests

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oneshortdamnfuse · 1 year ago

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I don't understand people who don't have chronic illnesses, because they simply do not care about any acute illness nor do they ever think that it could turn into chronic illness. They think they're immune, and that they will never be immune compromised.

I understand to a degree not wanting to mask indefinitely forever. If you're not chronically ill or immune compromised, you probably don't need to in order to avoid serious illness or death. However. You do need to still protect yourself and others when you or the people around you are sick.

My coworker left sick yesterday. He's back today. Unmasked, because his "sinus infection" had "moved to his chest" so he's not worried about it. I have two more coworkers who are out sick, with one who has a confirmed case of COVID.

This is not about fearmongering. I have had to wear a mask almost all the time in my building because I know COVID is going around, and no one who IS sick is taking the proper measures to protect others from their illness. (i.e. masking) I'm still recovering from a month 1/2 long case of bronchitis. I can't afford to get sick again. I shouldn't have to worry about coworkers coming up to me when I'm not masked (e.g. sitting at my desk alone) while I'm still recovering from an intense flare up.

If you're sick, put the mask back on. I don't know why this is such a difficult concept. You're not immune to chronic illness. Some of you will get worse each time you get sick. Then you'll be one of us begging y'all to put a mask on when you've got an infection.

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catastrothy · 1 year ago

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here is a little chronicle of my sickness journey btw. bc i feel like i need to write this down because its been hilariously awful lol

warning 4 gross stuff, oversharing, and me bitching, unsurprisingly

back in early august i got sick with what i thought was a cold. basic symptoms, fever, achiness, runny nose, etc. things are relatively normal at first, i've gotten sick dozens of times because i'm particularly prone to sinus and ear infections so i brushed it off

And Then The Hives Began.

all over my limbs and very rarely on my torso and neck. even had one on my face. at one point my throat got very itchy and i had a panic attack thinking i would get anaphylaxis for the first time in my life. thankfully i took a shitton of claritin + pepcid + benedryl and it kicked in fast enough that i was okay

i go to the local urgent care. the doctor is amazing and gives a shit and prescribes me some steroids + recommends i keep taking what i've been taking. tells me to follow up with my primary doctor and to come back if things get worse.

Things Continue To Get Worse.

i go to my primary doctor. she is not very helpful. i've been thinking of switching providers anyway because i'm moving and this has kind of solidified this decision because i'm told "well that's weird! just uhh. keep taking your antihistamines and don't go out in public. good luck :)" the only thing is its been a hot minute since i switched providers and i dont really remember what the process is like and i will inevitably get social anxiety about it.

this continues for a while. i'm managing, i feel like shit. but i am managing. now here comes the really gross part. this morning (9/15/23) i am chilling on my computer. i go to scratch my stomach, only to find... there is crust. around my belly button. why is my belly button so crusty? what? it turns out there is discharge of some sort coming from there. why? who knows! it's not too painful but between the fact my fever is now higher than it's ever been (although still a low grade one) and i have this unexplained discharge it throws me into one of the worst panic attacks i've had in a while. all the worst case scenarios (sepsis, my second greatest phobia besides anaphylaxis) are running through my head but i remind myself every time i've thought shit was mega fucked it turned out okay. mira also helps comfort me and im able to collect myself and go to the urgent care (again). also on top of this i have like 3 cold sores and my period going at the same time so i am extra suffering!!!!!!!!!!

the doctor there is again really understanding and wonderful. i love this woman. she tests me for flu, covid, strep, and mono. she says she tests for mono specifically because a lot of other doctors miss it and make patients suffer for no reason. all tests come back negative thankfully (or maybe unthankfully... because we still dont know what the fuck i got). she puts me on like 5 new different meds (antiviral, antibiotic, steroid, nausea meds, and an antifungal to help if i get a yeast infection while on the antibiotic). at this point i am genuinely wishing i could make this lady my primary doctor but alas, 'tis not to be.

i am now given 1 shot each of antibiotic and steroid. one in each butt cheek. my ass hurts so badly. sitting is vaguely uncomfortable.

i am given some gauze and also told to buy dial soap for the belly button infection. i go home and lay on the couch. and thus this is where we are now

also my electric company charged me like $200 for electricity which we do not have atm so thats a cool cherry on top

anyway moral of the story is that my immune system is garbage and i wish it attacked the virus instead of me <3

#text #blegh i wish i was over this already #this has been the most disruptive sickness ive ever had thats for sure

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babs-zone · 2 years ago

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a covid conscious road trip diary

los angeles to portland and back, no viruses allowed | april 2023

by babs ✨

hi yes good to be back n writing here on tumblr dot com, and what better place to start than with a little joy? in this series (a companion guide to my tiktok vlogs) i'm going to share how my partner and i traveled from LA to PDX and back without contracting the novel coronavirus.

click here for the full playlist on tiktok. click here for the above video.

⏤

who this is for:

people still using mitigation against SARS-CoV-2 looking for ways to get out and have a lil adventure without throwing caution to the winds

people who stopped using mitigation and are tired of getting sick

people who stopped using mitigation and want to start again

anyone else that finds it interesting ;)))

who this is not for:

people who don't think SARS-CoV-2 is a big deal and don't care to have an open conversation about why that is

people who want to police others behavior— i understand that we may not always see eye to eye, make exactly the same choices, etc, but there is a way to have those conversations while still acknowledging the reality that i have never knowingly been infected with SARS-CoV-2; while there's no accounting for luck, there's got to be something to what i'm doing

on that note, let's talk about my covid reality so we have a baseline knowledge of where i'm coming from:

29 / have fairly stable lupus and sjogrens syndrome / white (ashkenazi background is the lineage to carry the autoimmune diseases with 3 known cases in my fam) / (F) on medical charts but she/they to y'all tytyty / queer

my most *acutely* debilitating recurrent symptom is head and facial pain, which can be (though isn't always) triggered by mask wearing. i experienced this pain prior to the pandemic, but as time has gone on, i've had multiple episodes of pain directly connected to the pressure of a mask on my nose/sinus area (kind of in the same place as the malar rash), that extends into my eyes, up/over/around my skull, and into the clothes-hanger area of my bag, which can then in turn irritate my ribs (though not always, chronically ill people know how these things can cascade). this pain leaves me with intense sensory sensitivity (so in the dark, quiet, unable to do a lot of things), and can also include vomiting. for this reason, i try to spend as much time outside as possible.

10a-6p day job in communications where i work in person ~twice weekly at minimum (gotta Make Content and photos), as well as freelance photography, so my work is hybrid. in 2021 when i returned to work after i got vaccinated, i was still working the same food service job i'd been at since 2016. i ultimately quit that job in september of 2021 when i wasn't able to take enough time off to safely travel to photograph a wedding i'd committed to (driving takes way longer than flying), but had that not happened, i could've easily continued in that position despite the risk, as i'd structured my freelancing around that service job.

polyamorous and live with 2/3 of my partners (one works hybrid, one in service so all in-person), but we all have our own bedroom (even if we sleep in each others sometimes)

our household is in a pod with our other partners' household, which is three people in two bedrooms, all of whom work from home

my entire pod masks indoors outside of our homes unless the environment is intentionally controlled (prior testing, planning, etc); this has been a basic rule of thumb that has not changed the entire pandemic

a few of us, myself included, have access to tests through our jobs, so my household ~usually~ gets two PCRs and two RATs per week

both households have at least one HEPA filter (though all the filters need changing ngl)

both households have one aranet4 CO2 monitors, which is passed around based on need

we've had two covid positives in the pod: separate incidents, both in 2022, where both individuals were successfully isolated before further spread. blessedly, no longcovid symptoms from either of them.

so going into this trip, we brought

a good plan based on the swiss cheese model (above)

lots of different kinds of masks, as switching up the way pressure hits on my face can mean longer time able to mask

a bunch of covid tests

that's it

we considered taking one of the HEPA filters, but, as mentioned, they need changing and we just didn't have time to do so

likewise, didn't bring the CO2 monitors so others could use

ok, i think that's good background, now on to the fun!

⏤

day 1 - LA to silicon valley

after packing up the car, our first stop was coffee at the palm in burbank (which has online ordering and a walk up window), then we drove drove drove.

next stop was for lunch in bakersfield at vida vegan eatery, which has outdoor seating, but it was covered on three sides with plastic. we could've asked the folks working to lift the plastic, or we could've just taken the chance and eaten outside there regardless, as we would've been the only ones out there, but we chose to eat in the car, because this was a driving day anyhow.

drove drove drove some more thru gilroy, the garlic capital of california, where we masked up to stop at a lil farm stand.

made it to silicon valley, where we stayed at the sunnyvale ramada. we looked at a lot of chain options in the area, and chose this one not because it necessarily had the best reviews, but because it clearly had rooms that opened to the outside as well as the AC unit visible on the window, so the room takes in fresh air.

when we arrive at hotels, we mask up while do the requisite once-over (check for bed bugs, etc). we turn the ventilation up real high, open any windows, and prop the door open. masks stay on til we get all the bags in, when we usually settle in.

on this night, we threw on some nicer clothes and took a rapid test (negiii) before heading out to grab my cousin for dinner. they mask regularly, and also rapid tested negative before we headed over. even so, we keep masks on and windows down when we share the car with anyone outside the pod.

ended up on a nice pedestrian street in mountain view for dinner outdoors at yugen ramen and it was so quiet; we truly had the place to ourselves. finally, topped off the night with a quick pop into the patisserie down the street, maison alyzée. it was close to closing, so mostly empty outside of the unmasked proprietor, but, to be frank, we went into this trip assuming we'd be the only ones masked anywhere.

alright that's all for day one, eleven more to go!

#roadtripdiaries #disabledjoy #wlwcouple #westcoastroadtrip #pdx #portlandoregon #covidconscious #covidcapable #livingwithcovid #covid19 #road trip #covid mitigation #mitigation matters #living with covid #swiss cheese #swiss cheese model

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skinni-girls-eat-books · 10 months ago

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Tuesday, February 20th, 2024! Part 2 (Positive)

6:24pm: 2sday, 02/20/2024 pt 2 lots of 2s

Anyway lol came home, blew the biggest final boss wad out of my nose, took a dump and let me tell you I'm smelling colors now 😂 I've never been so happy to smell my shit. I was really fucking scared that I had covid on some permanent sensory deprivation shit and I was on the verge of losing my mind. This morning I have never blown so much ODDLY colored snot out of my nose all at once before, it was like the weirdest fucking orange color but it's like I want to think it was from the cough drops but I really don't think it was because there was SO MUCH and it permeated all of the snot I just don't know. It was all so thick no wonder I've just been fucking miserable 😅 but I'm the biggest trooper I know I did the most this weekend and I'm SO GLAD I didn't let that mf stop me.

So glad I got my sense of smell and taste back I could actually taste the last Valentine's Day macaron I had left 😂 it must have been a sinus infection, that's so insane. Being sick is horrible I wouldn't wish it on anyone 👀

I have so many things to be grateful for. I am grateful that I don't have to live my life angry and upset forever like some people. I am grateful that I forgive people and have an amazing heart. I love life and I'm just going to keep doing the best I can with what I've got. ❤️ I love my cats every day I'm just going to love them with all my heart, don't be scared something will happen to them (anxiety) just love them everyday and you'll never have any regrets. I even forgive him for everything, calling me a shitty person, threatening my brother, all because he's just mentally ill. I have a feeling he'll be back, I just don't think that was the end. But that's not something I'll concern myself with for now. Just try to be at peace with what's going on right now.

7:52pm: I've literally just been scrolling on my phone enjoying doing nothing to the sound of my clear nasal passages and just enjoying breathing. Got my heated blanket out, just reading reddit stories about trash men and I am so glad I can't relate anymore!! It's not even so visceral anymore, I don't get like physically angry the way I used to reading these anymore. I feel very healed, it takes a lot to trigger me anymore. I think that's my way of knowing that I just will never fall for some crazy shit ever again 😂 I'm not even upset anymore. All that random ranting this morning and now it's like, poof! Goodbye. I knew I've been done in the back of my head, I was just enjoying the attention :) it felt good! You can't blame me for wanting to feel good, it's part of human nature! And it's not like I ever felt true respect for their relationship, it was truly a farce, an act, and I just didn't gaf. Oh how the turn tables, huh? I got mine as far as I'm concerned and I'm well convinced that is a really fucked up man. It's unfortunate, but it's not like I never tried to help him 1000x. I still am shocked how unempathetic I felt towards her even when bad things happen to her, I just don't feel bad for her and I never will, she's a really trashy, vain, disgusting person who does not deserve empathy or sympathy as far as I'm concerned. Lmao I feel like he would really get pissed off whenever I said they were perfect for each other, I think bc he knows exactly what I meant by it. What a joke.

10:39pm: it's ok to wake up from the nap and realize he's really gone :) you'll sleep and wake up again and sleep and wake up and good things will happen :) it's ok to feel the twang. This is a perfect example of how I would never do this to someone I've known for years but it's nothing for him to do it to me. We are not the same and that's good news for me :) I will survive and thrive because I'm actually a good person with a heart. At least I own my mistakes. He's too chicken shit to accept my apology like a fucking adult, he just had to run away again, no explanation. He never learns, never changes, acts like this is something I've done before?? Really thinks this something I'd do on purpose. Idc I know who I am, you would think he would know but he seems too self absorbed once again. How could he not realize how his words affect people, he's cruel. I'm not cruel, you hurt me and I told you I was having PTSD like feelings about you coming here and you always have acted like you're the only mf in the whole goddamn world with mental health issues, I've tiptoed around yours for years and you continued to dismiss mine repeatedly. Yeah I don't trust you mf and it's sad af how hard I tried to, but sad for you, not me.

12:16am: Coward is so the best word to describe him still, he acted cowardly by not even knocking on the door when he came the first night, so weird. Coward by blocking me when so many other exes would've burned his shit. Makes no sense, but nothing he ever did made sense ever. He treats his gf like shit by telling me wack ass things. He's such a bad person lol. I'm not gonna chase after him anymore I already resurrected this friendship back from the email grave once, I guess somehow that meant I was on thin ice with him?? Idc I'm not chasing him anymore. The comfort I find within knowing I would never act like him is all the comfort I need.

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copingmechanism1899 · 1 year ago

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Aug 18, 2023

This summer has been, in a few words, a disaster. Sinus infection to non weight-bearing ankle to a concussion to covid to a show that's not even written yet.

This was my first summer since... 2017 that I haven't had summer school. And I wanted just one summer to relax and actually do something, before my last summer where I intend to get a job (a real one, not like, a little gig). But instead I've spent most of my summer on my computer, prepping for a math test that I'm not even sure I'll be able to take before the school year starts. In 3 weeks.

Less than a month before school and things are already falling apart. Once again, I'm working on my production before we get back, and it's stressful. I've been doing props for the past two year and I've never even assisted on scenic. And yet here I am, making a fake gallery for a fake artist who's part of a fake movement. I don't know what the point of the story even is. (yes I do, censorship or whatever.) But the script isn't done, and yet the design has to be before we go back.

Going back to school is a nightmare that I don't want to face. I'm going to be in a class that looks to be just 2 other people (both of which I'm not sure I get along with, 1 of which I despise), and I've been made to drop out of one of the classes for my minor in order to make room for 3 credits of nothing.

Yesterday (it's currently 12:35a) and today are back to back to back to back meetings and doctor's visits, and there's no time to think in between. I'm moving a million miles a minute, and yet it seems like everyone else is going backwards.

While I try to sort out productions and missing Treasurers and sorting Bigs and Littles, I'm left with emails that have been unanswered for months because people are the worst.

I want to give them the benefit of the doubt, because I know I used to be bad at answering emails, but this is egregious. I understand a few days, or even weeks. But over two months have passed and I haven't heard back. "Maybe they're not checking their emails, it's summer." I emailed them a month before the school year ended. "Maybe they didn't get the email?" I sent 3. "Maybe they're busy?" Too busy? for months? I've done everything in my power to get a response. It hurts. I'm trying to make things better for them, but they're not making it easy. They're not even making it medium. They're making it so difficult.

Difficult to get things done, difficult to not drop out of school completely. I know it's a joke of sorts in my major, to drop out I mean. But between the non-responses from both students and faculty, and the lack of information to get anything done, I don't know if it's worth it.

Life would be so much easier if I didn't have to experience it.

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honeybear-yammy · 2 years ago

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Announcement about Kinktober

Okay so, I'm falling behind on my Kinktober fics, I know. I'm like so sick right now with a sinus infection or something (highkey hoping it's not covid again) and I just don't feel like I have the energy to write anything at the moment so, for the next few days I most likely won't be posting any fics. I do promise that I will get all of my kinktober fics out there but as of right now I don't think I can write them. But, I'll be back to writing fics soon! :)

For the meantime I'll still be on Tumblr relogging and stuff and if I feel up to it I will post some stuff. Feel free to still send me ask tho bc I love to hear from you guys and I love to talk with you guys! <3

Xoxo, Yammy <3

#yammy's rants #sorry :(

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anexperimentallife · 3 years ago

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Well shit. In addition to prednisone jitters and nerve meds withdrawal and the partially numb face and right eye that is numb and won't focus and all the unanswered questions about long covid, I cracked another tooth, and my sinus infection is back.

And we're still no closer to finding out if my eye damage can even be repaired, or if we can get rid of all the facial numbness, because I need to be off of all the meds that could be exacerbating the issues AND done with the sinus infection before it makes sense to see the eye doctor or a neurologist.

And again, all this is taking money from the fund for the SRRV for El. I mean, I HAVE been calling it "El's citizenship/Rob's covid fund" (see my pinned post if you're confused), but a) too much of it is going to medical stuff, and b) it seems to be stalled anyway.

I knew long COVID was a thing, but I had assumed once I got off of the oxygen machine I'd be okay. And like, okay, I don't need an O2 machine anymore, but all this other crap is kicking my ass.

I'm glad it looks like we will PROBABLY get more time to come up with the money, but it's still nerve wracking not knowing for sure what's going to happen.

As long as we can stay together as a family I think we can get through this. @thesurestthing has been wonderful about all this, btw. Total solidarity. And El is amazing as always.

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inkybirdy · 3 years ago

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I’m kinda worried, you talk about being tired a lot in recent posts. Please take care of yourself!

oh dear - I don't mean to worry anybody, but I really appreciate your concern! It's been a rough year but I'm okay, I promise. I'm working on taking better care of myself, even if the last few months have been fighting against me.

(though now that I'm thinking about it, I feel comforted when I find people with similar situations to mine that are open to offering their perspectives, so if you want an update/some frank conversation on lifelong chronic illness I'll put it under the cut)

I was super sick as a little kid (like, NICU ill, with RSV) and my family has a genetic cocktail of nonsense, so I've never been physically sturdy - and I didn't really have a consistent physician or medical care schedule so I ended up blindsided by a lot of things that got a lot worse as an adult because. Well, when you've always been chronically ill to some extent it's difficult to gauge what's normal.

(please keep in mind i'm absolutely an expert regarding medical stuff, and my medical care history has been... a varied patchwork with a lot of different people doing a lot of tests and guesswork.)

According to the doctors I saw when I started going in for regular check-ups in college, I was living with lungs and an immune system that weren't great to begin with and were otherwise kind of a time bomb. Basically, around the time that I moved out to live on my own and go to college, my health got significantly worse.

For instance, at one point one of my (extremely common) upper respiratory infections turned into pneumonia that lasted for over a month. I had to go in for breathing treatments and had to argue with my doctors against hospitalization because of insurance/school/work, etc. By the time I started recovering I was on a regular inhaler for the first time in my life and my reactive airways were more 'reactive' than ever with then-diagnosed asthma. Anything can set them off - changes in temperature, humidity, a cold, stress, exhaustion, dust, aerosols, etc. It's kind of like I'm one of those classic Victorian waifs ready to waste away from Ill Humor (tm), but I've got shit to take care of so I can't afford to lay around on a fainting couch.

Anyway, it kind of evened out to a new 'normal' for me for the last couple of years with minimal progression, until I got super sick again in December of last year. I never tested positive for COVID, but my doctors were pretty sure I had a fun salad of flu, upper respiratory and sinus infections, and pneumonia that lasted until like. February.

The fun part about being chronically ill and having an immune system that is constantly panicking is that it doesn't really like. Recover. Or, it takes a long time to bounce back. I have long-term damage from the pneumonia I had in college, and this was like that x4 - I've come to terms with the fact I'm going to be sickly for a long a time, and so far there isn't a whole lot that can be done about it.

Another doctor told me that when your immune system gets set back like that it can trigger other, 'dormant' conditions too - for example, a new thing that's developed since The Great Fuckening of December 2021 is a hypersensitivity to vitamin deficiencies and thyroid levels, which is a thing in my family but not something I've dealt with. Further, according to my latest doctor, straight-up narcolepsy. (Which like - I dealt with chronic fatigue a lot in college to the point that became a joke, but it was a lot less funny hearing it while sitting on an exam table.) But, because I'm already taking the highest amount of adderall that I possibly can for my weight, which I'm told is a pretty common treatment for it, there isn't a whole lot to be done about it at the moment to improve from where I already am in that respect.

So, altogether that means that at 'default' I'm very tired all the time, and I get sick pretty easily and pretty often. Like, oh-shit-another-bad-cold-every-three-weeks sick, or worse. It doesn't help that I have a pretty demanding job, which takes tolls on even very sturdy and healthy people that get into it. But. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

I've managed to keep it from impacting my ability to do my job too much, but it takes a lot out of me. It impacts my ability to keep in touch with my loved ones, my responsibilities outside of work, my hobbies (I can't even count at this point how many times I've been too sick to run D&D or slept through it, or gotten really behind in my planning because I've been sleeping) etc. I have to be pretty careful about how I budget the energy that I have in a day if I'm trying not to overexert myself - it can be pretty demoralizing.

That all sounds very depressing, and some days are a lot more difficult than others - but it's also not all bad. For example, I was able to pick up writing Crown of Calamity initially while I was super sick, and being able to get into having fun with LoZ again has been great and something I've been able to do without a lot of time pressure.

And, most importantly, I'm an extremely lucky person. My two siblings are absolutely incredible. We have a lot of common ground with our struggles and a lot of understanding for one another, and I'm grateful that we're able to live close enough to one another that we can be there to help when one of us needs it. Not only that - but I have a job, and a place to live, and three annoying cats that I love, and very sweet online pals who check in on me.

So, while things have been difficult with my health stuff and everything outside of it that's been going on, I'm okay - or, I'm going to be. Every day I'm learning a bit more about my new iteration of 'normal' and I'm trying to get into better habits so I don't overwork myself, and I have family that I can ask for help when I need it.

I hope that this wasn't a big depressing dump - Instead, I hope maybe some of you guys can relate to it, maybe take some comfort in the idea that you're not the only one dealing with dumb chronic health stuff that doesn't really have a clear 'fix.'

And, I hope that you guys know how much I appreciate you! Whatever difficulties you're facing in this current iteration of "Oh Goddammit Why Can't We Have A Good Year" - please know that I'm rooting for you, and I care about you, too.

I don't really know how to end this, but - thank you again. Really, truly.

#text #asks #long post #cw chronic illness #tbd? maybe? i don't know #i'm really not used to talking about it honestly ahah #but also i don't wanna worry anybody - it could be better but it could be worse!

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weathergirl8 · 3 years ago

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SICK RANT

Being sick during Covid times is a battle man....

I have been under the weather since September 7th. I spent much of my birthday weekend sick and resting, knowing this was more than just allergies. Long story short I have been tested TWICE for COVID-19 and both times have come back negative. I've been extremely fatigued, congested, sinus headache, dry cough, chest pain no doubt due to coughing, easily short-winded. So, I guess I could understand why they thought Covid, but when a test keeps coming back negative shouldn't you look at other illnesses that STILL exist?

I've had enough after the last two days I have nearly fallen on my ass from sinus pain and dizziness added to the fact that it has hurt to cough and breathe at times. Got back into the doctor this morning and went through the covid precautions again (questions, vitals taken, ect) and demanded an answer. I'm tired of feeling tired and like crap. You don't miss how easy it is to breathe when you can't through your nose and its hurts to breathe through your chest.

Finally the answer is a nasty sinus infection, which I'm no doctor but I've been asking if this was it for the last week with the answer of I don't think so. I've had plenty of sinus infections, bronchitis, and walking pneumonia in my life to know what this feels like. I know I sound cranky and I 1000% am lol. I havent had a decent amount of sleep in over a week and my body aches.

So, here we are finally getting the strongest antibiotic she can give me with the premise that with Harvest coming up that I need to be careful with my exposure to pollutants because it could turn into worse.

*insert massive eye roll*

Sincerely one very snarky sick and annoyed Allie...

#thunderfam #sick rant #annoyed #covid pandemic #covid

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doberbutts · 3 years ago

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Yeah, I used to be allergic to clothes too. Now I'm mostly? Over it? But it might be coming back very slightly considering the I'm allergic to my socks thing. I can wear certain socks and I should probably only wear those. I also have the problem of if I don't wear pants my legs get very very very itchy like they're allergic to air, but I've also been dealing with my back and chest are kinda itchy here and there for one or two weeks now and I'm worried I may be getting allergic to certain fabrics again...I really hope It's not me being allergic to my shirts again. I also had to stop getting vaccines after I reacted really badly as a kid but in a different way, but my allergies have gotten better enough that I think now I can get the really important ones, if I'm careful and spread them out and have somebody to watch me, and I don't get the one I reacted to at all. I think it was a good idea not to when I was little and my allergies were so severe, and it's good that I'm at a point where I might be able to now. I got the covid vaccine and I got a fever of 102 + weird my body is weird symptoms but I was okay. I could tell I was going to react strongly to it too after I got the first one. I'm just lucky I'm at a point where I can do that now when I couldn't really before, and I just have to be selective and careful with what I can get. It's difficult when that's not as clear cut and simple as Just getting a shot and it's a lot more complicated than that if you can even get it.

It sounds like you also have dry skin! What helped me for a while was a steroid cream (rx required) for eczema and a fragrance-free lotion that was mostly just vitamin E, but YMMV. I remember that giving me a huge amount of relief to the constant itching of my childhood.

I'm not really allergic to clothes anymore but I also have taken a lot of control regarding when and where I wear clothes as well as what textures I buy so I have been able to minimize things that way as well. And thankfully I found an easy and affordable laundry solution that doesn't immediately make my entire skin very upset. But for the most part I do solve the problem by just being naked whenever possible and wearing the softest, loosest fitting clothes I can when naked is not an option.

So I was sort of the opposite- I was able to be fully vaccinated without much issue when I was little, but then as I aged I became less and less tolerant of shots. When I got the hepatitis vaccine in high school, I ended up in the ER three weeks later with so much swelling, redness, and pain in my entire arm and that side of my back that I could barely move. It took another three weeks to get back to normal. That was my first warning sign, I think, that something wasn't right. I'd always had a weird reaction to the flu shot, but nothing so severe until that one. Then I got the pneumonia vaccine, and nothing happened... and then later that year I got the flu shot that gave me such bad pneumonia I ended up in the hospital.

We'd been doing these vaccines because during a blood workup we discovered that my white blood cell count was basically zero. Paired with the other symptoms- my stomach rejecting any and all food, my hair was falling out, my fingernails were deteriorating, I was losing weight rapidly, and my skin was beginning to be covered in open sores, this pointed to a major immune system freakout and one that was the closest brush with death I'd ever had. They tested me for HIV, they tested me for cancer, they tested me for lupus, they tested me for TB, they tested me for crohn's, they tested me for C-diff, and eventually we circled around to "you must have some other genetic immune thing that's interacting poorly with MCAS" and started throwing vaccines at me to see if that would get my body to restart my immune system as part of an experimental treatment.

Which unfortunately worked a little too well.

At this time, I did not yet know I'd been flagged as a newborn for likely having CAH, and my mother decidedly did not say anything to my doctors while they were trying to figure out why my body was trying very hard to die simply due to the stress of getting a sinus infection and a stomach bug while in my last semester of my third year of college.

And that puts me in a difficult spot, because when I get sick I get real sick, but also when I get a vaccination I also get real sick, so I'm stuck either way.

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birdofthunder · 3 years ago

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Here's the story of how I was septic with a kidney infection last summer but no hospitals could admit me because they were full to capacity with COVID patients

So it's July 2020, and I had a UTI. I have an autoimmune disease and I get a ton of UTIs, ear infections, sinus infections, all sorts of infections. I know when I have an infection pretty much as soon as one sets in.

I know my UTI symptoms so well, as do my doctors, that in the height of the pandemic they didn't even make me come in to do a urine sample, they just send me the antibiotic prescription. I take the full prescription and finish it out as always, and all is well, until three days later it's back with a fury and I'm throwing up, having diarrhea, my flanks hurt like hell - the works.

Husband takes me to the local Instacare because we don't know what type of infection it is and also my symptoms were terrible. The intake nurse yells at me for not getting a covid test first, even tho none of my symptoms were covid symptoms, and then gets mad at me because it had been a few months since I had my menstrual cycle so "you're most likely pregnant" EVEN THOUGH I have an IUD and I mean if i had gotten pregnant right after my last cycle, I would have been five months in and it was pretty clear that I was not five months pregnant at the time.

I finally see the doctor and he immediately agrees that I'm not pregnant and I don't have covid. He palpates my abdomen and is thinking kidney infection. He takes a blood and urine sample and puts them on the highest priority.

Turns out, I was septic - meaning that the infection was in my bloodstream and I was extremely ill and could easily die if not treated ASAP. Typically, the hospital standard would be to admit me and put me on IV antibiotics and have me under observation for at least 48 hours. The problem was, however, that my local hospital had zero beds available due to being completely filled with COVID patients. Same for ALL of the surrounding hospitals. The closest hospital that might have been able to take me was in another county and a two hour drive away.

So, the Instacare doc opted to give me two big shots of the strongest antibiotics they could give me there in the exam room, and a prescription for the strongest antibiotics you can get at a pharmacy. He also gave my husband very strict instructions that should I get any worse at all, he would need to take me to the ER immediately.

Miraculously, it worked. I was still bedridden and sick for a couple days, but I wasn't dying of an infection - just slowly improving from one.

So even though it worked, and I'm fine and all, I worry about what would have happened if it didn't work, or if it didn't work for someone else because their hospital was at capacity with covid patients.

I also worry what might happen if it happens again, because covid cases keep going up in my state and in surrounding states. People are still dying from this disease.

Getting vaccinated dramatically decreases your risk of being hospitalized should you contract COVID-19. It decreases the chance that you will need the ICU. Meaning, getting vaccinated means that hospital beds will be available for the people who are still getting sick with kidney infections, cancer, severely broken bones, and other illnesses and conditions.

Get vaccinated, and wear a mask.

#covid 19 #coronavirus #corona vaccine

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