#i don't think house kept living after wilson died

[meidui]

house loved wilson more than anything and anyone in his entire life, he gave up his medical license and his team and his apartment and everyone he's ever known and everything he's ever owned because the last 5 months of wilson's life meant more to him than the rest of his own

[unplanned-parenthood]

cw lots of mentions/discussion of suicide/death, etc (house md has ruined me. shows made to torture ME in particular)

been marinating this since i saw a poll abt it + a fic i read a couple days ago but re: what will house do once wilson is gone. after watching it play off i had like, no doubt the only possibility was for him to off himself...which does sound very awful but. i don't think it really is? not for house anyway.

the only reason he got off the bus was because of wilson (always thinking abt this. it doesn't hurt here. get off the bus house. but he hates me. you have to get off the bus) he has lived so long in pain, it feels more cruel to ask him to live without wilson. and while i get where the people who say wilson would try to talk him out of it are coming from (obviously wilson is wilson and he will always worry, so like, sooner or later he will start thinking about the after) it makes me wonder, what is on itself more selfish: asking him to continue living with pain, except he doesn't have one of the few things that made things easier—or asking him to die for him, like he has done before?

i would like to remain hopeful that maybe if house kept on living he would maybe get a prosthetic and try to continue doing what he loves with a fake id or something. still grieving, but for wilson now, not his leg. but at the same time that sounds like, a little too hopeful, and i don't think wilson has that kind of faith on house, faith that he would be able to go on without being even More Miserable. so maybe in his head he knows it's the right thing to say, to ask him to "continue living", but i don't think he would be able to actually do it, and neither would he straight up ask house to Die (he already did that, and i think twice might be too much for wilson's conscience, this time it would be 100% guaranteed that house would die) because it's selfish. right? and just how fucked up is it to ask someone to die for you (again, because it really wasn't about amber was it, house didn't do it because of amber, he did it for wilson.)

one of the traits you can stamp on wilson's forehead is that he is the opposite of selfish, you look up selfless and there's a picture of him next to the definition, but he also kinda sucks. he's selfish in the most unexpected of ways, so i think he would probably do nothing. not bring up the topic at all. just let time pass. leave it unsaid. because he's not asking house to die for him, but he's also not stopping him from doing so.

i think house would notice, because of course he would notice, it's a conversation he probably expected to have with wilson as soon as they checked in inside their first motel. a whole sermon and everything. but like! it did not happen, and it will never happen.

it's both selfish and selfless, which i think sums up their relationship a little too well. because it's easy to say it's all about house, but it's also about wilson, and how wilson likes feeling needed, likes enabling him. he surely must have noticed years ago how unhealthy being so codependent is but he didn't stop it, because he likes it! because he has fun with house! they don't know how to exist without the other anymore, so, isn't it only logical they die together? asking house to kill himself when he dies seems cruel, since he would technically be doing it because of wilson, but also—isn't it kinder, in a way, to finally let him stay on the bus?

[martelldoran]

unsolicited tfatws opinions because i have them vol. 1

warning: here be spoilers

starting on the positive because there were things i did like in the episode

things i liked

sam wilson: *exists*

me:

sam's storyline was definitely the strongest of the two in this ep and i liked pretty much everything he did.

the opening aerial fight! was! so! cool! seeing batroc again was a nice nod to tws too and an interesting parallel to steve's lumerian star fight. i loved seeing his quick tactical thing, seeing how he fights, and the way he utilises the wings even in close quarters.

sam speaks arabic!

sam fixes redwing! (validation of a hc of mine that he's good with robotics. maybe that's a widely held fandom one as well? idk)

i instantly found torres to be really endearing and i'm looking forward to seeing more of him throughout the series. the relationship between him and sam has a lot of potential.

the manipulation of the government and general set up for sam's storyline felt strong. good basis for a story and pertinent to the current political landscape.

sam's speech as he handed over the shield was well written and gave me the same kind of vibes as the 'the price of freedom is high' speech. they could be quite nicely paralleled side by side.

sam's family! look, i'm a sucker for domestic moments for our faves so the entire sequence where we got this insight into sam's past, his relationship with his sister, and where he's come from was brilliant. i like sarah a lot and seeing her frustration with her brother for trying to come in and fix things when he's been gone for so long felt really realistic. i felt for her a lot. because you can tell there's so much there bubbling under the surface, a mix of love and resentment and frustration that was palpable as they talked about what to do with their parents' house/boat/business. so, give me all of the sarah wilson moments pls n thnx.

seeing the consequences of the snap (hi, i am refusing to call it the fucking blip. marvel, my god, get better names for shit.) idk how in depth they're really going to go into it all but at least they attempted something here with the scenes at the bank.

bucky's nightmare sequence as the winter soldier. it was such a brilliant reminder about how terrifying tws actually is. he's silent and ominous and THAT MUSIC. his presence is legitimately unsettling from the moment you see him. (but he runs around like a bull in a china shop which does make me 🤔 when i remember he's supposed to be a g h o s t s t o r y. idk. not exactly stealth and shadow work. but that doesn't look cool on screen so 🤷🏻‍♀️)

and on that note, vindication of my 'they sleep on the floor after coming back' headcanon. literally had raymond holt screaming in my head the second i saw bucky wake up on his living room floor. does my heart break for him? yes. was i smug about being right? also yes.

leah seems cool. could she actually be telepathic??? since she hit every single one of bucky's boats while they played battleships? i would like to see it. 😂 there's def more to her character than meets the eye since she's slated to be in all six episodes.

bucky having one (1) old man friend even if the reason behind it was heartbreaking.

so, yeah. these things i genuinely liked.

things i didn't like

the therapy scene. i genuinely hated it. there's a different between a no nonsense therapist and someone being deliberately antagonistic and that definitely erred on the side of the latter imo. she tells him to 'get over it' and mocks him for not reaching out and meeting people. media in general doesn't do a good job of depicting therapy so this is just yet another poor offering into the canon. i'm tired. i want healthy depictions of therapy already. it's supposed to be a supportive environment ffs.

plus she kept calling him james 🤮 genuinely wouldn't be surprised if she turns out to be a bad guy plant. which i think is a cliche at this point? 🤔

bucky's new look. which i know we've seen before now but i've not offered my unsolicited opinion on it. it's just sebastian stan in an ugly leather jacket. it's generic male lead#346. it's broification. someone said they made him look like brock rumlow and now i can't unsee it. 😭 rip to bucky with the good hair. i'd have loved to see him with some curls tbh. or a wave that kind of calls back to his pre-war days. anyway. i digress. character design is 0/10.

would have been nice to see him cut his hair as a marker of him starting a new chapter and coming into his own personhood.

rhodey's disability was just? glossed over? no visible assistive tech at all?

the date. just the fact it was there at all. it was heavy handed and not subtle and we know why they put that in there within the first 10 minutes of bucky's screen time. that's all i'm going to say about it. if you follow me, you know where i stand. we don't need poorly written romance. get it in the bin.

there was no acknowledgement of bucky's relationship with steve. if there was a memorial to be had then bucky should have been there. maybe these will come later but i'm not holding my breath.

is steve dead? i assumed that the party line was that young steve died in the battle and no-one knew about old steve . but did they actually kill steve off-screen? what a kick in the teeth if that's the case. let me just cut open a wound for them to pour the salt straight into, shall i?

things i'm mostly neutral on

john walker. he looks like a cop and his wink at the camera gave me the creeps but i'm interested to see how that pans out. i hope sam beats 50 shades of star spangled shit out of him.

the flag smashers. premise of a world without borders is interesting and a believable concept given what's happened in universe. there's a lot of scope there i think. that said, the name is dumb.

right. i think that covers everything for now. my expectations going in were really low, i won't lie. before the premiere i tried to stay away from the trailers and tv spots and the hype in general so i was pleasantly surprised at how much i enjoyed certain aspects of the show.

in conclusion, some good, some bad, some ugly and i will be cherry picking my favourite nuggets for fic at a later point. also, i'm still a skrull!Steve truther. real steve is chilling with some wakandan goats 😌💖✨

[babylooneytoonz]

Blood Trails (Book 2 of Coffee Stains)

Summary : It's been five years since you gave birth to your and Bucky Barnes' daughter, left her with his father and went on to resume your duties with HYDRA. If plans made by you do not backfire, where will all the drama come from? What happens when HYDRA finds out that the child had never died? And worse, what happens when a brainwashed you is assigned the mission to get your own daughter captured by your HYDRA handler Vasili Dreznov (Will be played by Jensen Ackles in my book) ? What will happen when your fate crosses paths with your once lover once mission once again?

Warnings: Darker theme, Steve Rogers left after passing the shield to Sam Wilson, Bucky and Natasha leave the Avengers towers, will have violence and abusive language, a dark Bucky, sexual assault, Bucky Barnes with short hair

Word Count : 2600 + (Allegedly?)

Masterlist link

The branches hung low with the weight of the snow, although the green was still there under the brilliant white, just hidden away under the coating of it. The air was of course cold; and the view from the massive penthouse suite that belonged to Tony Stark looked like a canvas painting, where the color of pristine white had been strewn all over it.

Five year old Sasha stood against the frosty glass, staring out into the horizon. Behind her, the fireplace had already been lit, yellow embers erupting out of it; and a tall, decorated Christmas tree stood in a corner where Natasha Romanoff sat, her legs curled underneath her, her fingers grasping a mug of hot chocolate, when the child's sweet voice rang out in the living room, "Мама, когда папа вернется домой? Рождество." (Mama, when is daddy coming home? It's Christmas Eve.)

"дорогая, your daddy must be with your uncle Sam, he will come home. Почему ты не ложишься в постель?" (Why don't you get into bed?)

"Нет, пока папа не вернется домой." (No, not until my daddy is home.)

Natasha rolled her eyes, thinking back on how this little girl was just like Y/N, and shot her a quick smile, her ears already having picked up on the sound of the front door unlocking, meaning Bucky was home. She slid out of the comfortable position she was sitting in and stretched her arms into the air, before mumbling something to Sasha, who's eyes brightened when she saw her dad walk in.

Bucky was dressed in a heavy winter coat, his short black hair gelled back perfectly, without a single strand out of place; but hidden underneath the warm cap that he was wearing. Upon seeing his girl run towards him, he bent slightly, when Sasha ran into her father's arms, her tiny little arms clasping around his sturdy neck as he lifted her up and hoisted her against his hip, a rare smile playing against his lips. If anyone could make James Buchanan Barnes smile, it was little Sasha Barnes.

"How have you been, моя любовь?"

"Mama didn't let me go out and play in the snow, I really wanted to go," she brought her palms to her eyes and started rubbing them, when Bucky kissed her on her forehead softly, and she forgot about it.

"Come on now, let's get you to bed, your mama and I have some things to talk about," he kept her against his hip as he started towards her bedroom, and slowly lowered her into her bed. Sasha immediately pulled her toy close to her chest, and Bucky tucked her into the blanket.

Once he was sure that Sasha was comfortable and warm, he switched the lights off and his heavy feet dragged himself out of her room until he found his way to the bedroom he shared with his now partner, Natasha Romanoff.

"You were at her grave again, weren't you?" She asked, as she looked at herself in the vanity, combing her reddish black waves.

"I was angry, I needed to vent out."

"Well, did you vent out? Did she make you feel better?" She stood up, taking off her robe, as she got ready for bed.

Bucky didn't answer her, instead, he took off his coat, and then his shirt, grabbing a sweatpants and a comforter from the closet and locked himself in the bathroom. He looked at his own reflection in the mirror as he stripped. Bucky was on the edge; he always had been, ever since he had lost you. He didn't understand why it had to be him, in the end that was left alone; abandoned. Everyone left him, be it Steve, who left him to be with Peggy, or you, who died yet gave him the best gift of his life. He didn't understand why he couldn't be at peace. First it was Natalia, the woman he loved, and he couldn't have her. But now that he had her, it was at the cost of losing you, and he couldn't bear it at times.

"Ты там в порядке?" (You okay in there?)

Her voice was enough to snap him out of whatever it was that was spurring in his mind.

"Спи, Natalia, сейчас выйду." (Go to sleep Natalia, I'll be right out.)

She didn't say anything else, and neither did Bucky come out for a few minutes. When he finally mustered the courage to step out, he saw that she had her glasses on and she was flipping the pages of a book.

"дорогой, I'm sorry I snapped," she looked up at him when she heard him, and took off her reading glasses, slowly placing them on the side table as Bucky got into bed with her. She got into the space between Bucky's legs, bringing her knees up to her chest as Bucky engulfed her in his arms, "I'm sorry I was so involved with myself, I didn't ask you how your day was." Bucky's words made Natasha give him a weak smile and she sat straighter, staring into her lover's eyes.

"I'm worried about Sasha, Buck, I think we should try to take her out. She is literally cooped up in here all day."

"No."

"Bucky, it will be okay."

"Natalia, you know Sasha isn't like other children, and we've done a pretty good job keeping her hidden from HYDRA so far, I want to keep it this way," he nuzzled his nose against the nape of her neck and she melted into his warm embrace, her eyes fluttering slightly.

"She is only five, Bucky. We are keeping her cooped up in this house like a prison."

Bucky sighed, a soft, punctured sigh as he fell back against the headboard of the bed, his fingers stroking through Natalia's hair, "What if they find her? They haven't tried in five years. Not that the two of us can't handle it, but we don't know how badly they'll be after us if they find out."

"I know, Barnes, but think of her, think of all the normalities in life that she is missing on and besides, isn't this what you and Y/N always wanted for her? For her to grow up in the most normal way?" Bucky grabbed her hand, bringing it up to his lips, as he planted a chaste kiss over her knuckles, "how about we take her to the park tomorrow? The two of us, and her. It'll be fun, дорогой." He finally said.

He smiled down at her, nuzzling his nose once again against her, and finally let her go as she straightened herself and got into bed. Bucky stretched once and lowered himself into bed next to her after switching off the lights.

╞═════𖠁𐂃𖠁═════╡

"Are you bundled up nice and warm?" Natasha placed the mittens on Sasha's hands and made sure that the girl was bundled up in a nice, warm jacket. She nodded with her bright blue eyes, the only thing that she had inherited from her dad, everything else being from her mother.

She took her hand and walked out of her bedroom, finding Bucky by the security alarm of the penthouse suite as he was clicking around on a few buttons that beeped. When he saw that the two were here, he smiled warmly and took his daughter's other hand and the family left their home.

They walked down the densely snowed in street, the little girl skipping in excitement, with a great difficulty off course, her either hands holding Natasha's and Bucky's until they reached the park.

"Can we build a snowman mama?" She looked up at Nat, who only nodded and swiped her palm playfully over her forehead, ruffling the top of her head as the two of them ran off, towards the piles of snow, leaving Bucky standing there, with a smile on his face as he watched them.

"Daddy, I'm gonna hit you."

A fistful of snow came smacking against Bucky's face and he gasped dramatically, leaning forward and swooping some snow into his metal palm.

"You think you're going to get away?" Bucky's voice boomed back, as he threw a fistful of snow towards the girl. The girl, however, was super agile, and fast. She ducked at the right time, and the snowball flew from above her and hit Natasha square in the face. She gasped, her eyes widening as she turned towards the two.

"No, you did not just hit me."

"It was daddy, he hit you."

"Well, she ducked," Bucky chuckled dramatically, but started running after the little girl, squishing the snow underneath his heavy boots. The girl, even with ankle deep snow all around her, was running at a pace faster than most children her age, no doubt the super serum running in her veins.

"Well you can't catch me, you're a slow poke, daddy," she called back, turning her head slightly so she could see where Bucky was. As she was still running, looking back, her footing got caught in the snow and she fell face first into the white, glistening heap. Bucky reached her in time, quickly pulling her out of the snow, her face red slightly as Natasha and Buck tried to warm her face with their palms and all this while, the little girl kept laughing heartily.

A few steps away, shielded well behind a trashcan, the top of which was covered in snow, two men stood, their eyes fixed on the family in front of them. One of them pulled out a cellphone and started recording a video of them. Two minutes later, they lowered their round sort of Scotland yard looking hat over their eyes and twirled around, sliding their hands into the coats as they walked off. The man who had recorded the video footage sent it to someone and then pressing the phone to his left ear, started speaking to the other one on the line in Russian.

"Похоже, она сыграла всех вас, Johanna.. Нет, я отправил вам доказательства. Ребенок Зимнего Солдата жив." (Looks like Johanna played all of you.No, I've sent you the proof. Winter Soldier's child is alive.)

╞═════𖠁𐂃𖠁═════╡

"Johanna, ты хорошо справился." (You did good, Johanna.)

Your handler glanced you neck to toe, scanning your body for any visible injury but you had none, although you were covered in blood. This blood, however, didn't belong to you, but rather belonged to a Romanian woman, a really important woman, who had to be taken out, because she knew a lot of HYDRA secrets.

"Не моя кровь, Vasili." (It's not my blood, Vasili.)

You threw out your arms towards him, looking straight ahead, your eyes fixed on the concrete gray wall in front of your eyes. He looked up at you differently, the blues in his eyes twinkling as he patted on his knees, "Садись, милый." (Sit, my dear.)

Your eyes flicked from his blue ones down to his lap, and slowly, yet like a good, obedient student, you lowered yourself onto his lap. Vasili's intense studying of your face, and then slightly lower than that, until his eyes were travelling all over your body, although your lip quivered once in a while, but you didn't protest.

He eyed the dark marks that adorned the side of your neck, as they disappeared into your body beyond his visibility. He lifted his palm, using his index finger to trail over one of the marks as he spoke, "Johanna, вы знаете, что символизируют эти знаки?" ( Do you know what are these marks symbolic of?)

You bit down on your lip, and tried to think but all you felt was a gruelling pain at the back of your head; it made you shake your head. Vasili smiled crooked, his eyes glinting underneath the bulb that illuminated the room as his hands held you tight against his lap.

"Вы были наказаны за то, что влюбились в свою миссию." (You were punished for falling in love with your mission.)

The more you tried to think on his words, the worse your head revolted against it. It was like they didn't want you to think, or remember this mission Vasili was talking to you about.

"Слушай, дорогая, я должен быть твоим всем, ты должен поклоняться мне, и я всегда буду заботиться о тебе." (Listen darling, I should be your everything, you should worship me and I will always take care of you.)

Vasili's fingers then flew to your tunic, his fingers latched to the buttons on your chest as he started unbuttoning it, one by one. When he reached the third button from the top, there was a clatter outside the metal room, and then a thumping against the door.

"Чего ты хочешь ?" (What do you want?)

He snapped towards the door, his fingers now having moved away from your chest, but he still held you close, his fingers now stroking the side of your hips. A man stepped in, meeting Vasili's blue eyes for a split second and then immediately lowered it, without even placing it on you once.

"Вы должны кое-что увидеть." ( There is something you must see.)

Upon hearing the HYDRA guard's words, your handler turned towards you, as his hand that was on your waist now moved upwards to cup your cheek and pull your mouth dangerously close to his as he smiled evilly.

"Садись в ванну и жди меня там, мой солдат." (Get into the bathtub and wait for me there, my soldier.)

You nodded, and lifted yourself up from his lap, and Vasili stood up, and without addressing you again, he left your cell, and the door slammed shut behind you, leaving you alone with a tiny bed in one corner and a large bathtub in another. Remembering your handler's words, with slow steps, you found yourself at the bathtub, drawing yourself a warm bath.

Meanwhile, Vasili watched the footage on the holographic screen in front of him. Of course, Johanna had lied to them all, the girl in the video only proved it. The resemblance she had to her mother was uncanny. The same hair and face, except the eyes and the ability and speed, no wonder a result of the Winter Soldier's serum running through her veins. She was lovely; and Vasili wanted nothing more to have her here, so he could now experiment on her.

"Johanna ничего не помнит, и так остается. Если кто-то, я имею в виду, кто-то пытается заставить ее вспомнить..." (Johanna remembers nothing and this is how it stays. If anyone, I mean, anyone tries to make her remember..)

His words of warning were enough to instill a deep rooted fear inside all those who were present in that hall. They all nodded and watched the handler leave, an evil smile planted against his face. The footage had brought out a jovial mood in the man; he whistled to himself, a merry little tune as his footsteps rang through the dinghy hallway of the underground base in Hungary until his most favourite soldier's cell was in sight. Two guards stood by her door, and he motioned towards them to unlock the door and let him in.

The minute he stepped in, his eyes were greeted by a beautiful site of her, her clothes strewn all over the floor, her beautiful, naked back glistening underneath the flickering lightbulb overhead.

"Как прекрасно," he strolled towards you, and you craned your neck submissively, so he could brush his fingers against the side of your neck before he got into the bathtub with you. This was almost a routine; every time you came back from a mission. Your glassy, stone like orbs remained fixed on the wall, as Vasili took off his clothes and let them fall against yours, and stepped into the bathtub with you, pulling you against him. He cupped his palm and poured the water over your back, drawing designs on your moist back with it. You sighed, rolling your neck as his hands ran across the line of your shoulders, caressing your back.

"Солдат, у меня для тебя миссия." (Soldier, I have a mission for you.)

Your eyes lifted themselves off the ripples forming on the surface of water, and you turned your neck sideways, although you couldn't see your handler's face, "Куда мне теперь идти?" (Where do I have to go?)

"Америка.. Нью-Йорк." (America.. New York.)

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[rogue-barnes-16]

THE DISAPPEARANCE OF NATASHA ROMANOFF (part I/?)

Summary: after the too convenient disappearance of Natasha Romanoff, the Avengers —a local biker gang— search for help in the most unexpected place in order to get their friend back.

Pairing: biker!Bucky Barnes x reader

Genre: unclassified (biker gang au)

Tags:

The mysterious disappearance of Natasha Romanoff: @shirukitsune

Permanent taglist: @notexactlythatgirl @thisismysecrethappyplace @sofreakinmanyfandoms @pizzarollpatrol @bubblycypress87 @1a-girl-has-no-name1 @loislp @lovenaturefirst @dyanna-corona @2ptonpt @goodnightmode @disneyprincessbuffyannesummers @mannls @cutie1365 @catch22inareddress @mybooradley @sebastianisasnack @butifulsoul125 @unlikelygalaxygiver

Warnings: language

A/N: consider this a sneak peek of a series I'm planning on writing when I finish one of the ongoing ones. The title is long af so I might change it. Also, sorry for the typos but y'all probably know that I'm a mess

Rogue-barnes-16 masterlist

BUCKY'S P. O. V.

A sigh escaped my lips as my leg furiously bounced against the pavement of the parking lot "she ain't gonna help"

"we gotta give it a try" Steve whispered, ogling at the tall skyscraper's entrance, which was illuminated with fancy lanterns that matched the aesthetic of the building itself. "you never know. Plus-"

"I shouldn't have come." I mumbled with a light distress showing up in my voice "the moment she sees me she'll turn around and leave"

"she won't" my bestfriend answered, determined.

"Steve-"

"If we tell her it's not for you-"

"Still-"

The sound of the not so far building's gate opening, was enough to cut me midsentence. And... there she went.

"can't you just cancel it? Tomorrow I-- no Wanda- gosh, he's tiring. Just tell him... yeah" she made her way to her car, unaware of our presence besides it yet, probably due to the poor lighting.

So much money, and yet the wealthy company couldn't improve the goddamn streetlights of its own parking lot.

"Friday? Geez no-- No. Period. Just-" her walking slowed down the moment she saw us. "you know what? Friday it's okay. Goodnight Wan." even before hanging up, she was already glaring at me. "James."

"Y/n" I replied, just because I didn't know what else I could say.

She inhaled before speaking again. "you got some balls." her eyes flashed briefly to Steve. "what the fuck are you two doing here?"

"we need help" I stated, quieter that I would have liked.

She huffed " 'course you do." relocating her bag. "look for help somewhere else." her eyes digged into mines, throwing daggers at me.

And, God, did it hurt. "told you" I grunted in low voice to Steve, already turning around to leave. "She's not helping."

I felt a grip on my arm, stopping me from stalking away. "Y/n, this is not about him"

"I don't give a single fuck." she hissed, walking to her car to open it. "you promised to stay away from me, and you're not doing a good job"

"it's Natasha" Steve blurted out before she could get in the vehicle.

Y/n froze at the mention of her.

"what 'bout her?" she tried to sound careless and cool, but I noticed the switch in her body language.

"she... Disappeared" the blond man spoke, putting emphasis on the last word.

Y/n frowned, her eyes going from me, to Steve, and back to me. "Go to the police"

"you know we can't" this time it was my turn to answer. "You're the only one who can help us, you know that. If you weren't, I wouldn't be here." I stated solemnly. "I keep my promises, you know that."

There was a moment of silence, in which she glared at me with hate in her eyes that masked the pain, I knew, was there. "actually, no, James. I can't recall a single time when you kept your promise, so I don't." and I knew she meant every word. "you got plenty of friends, go look for their help and leave me the fuck alone."

SHUT!

We stood there while she drove away, and I would have been lying if I said I was shocked she left.

I spared a glance at Steve, who was running his fingers through his hair, visibly distressed. "what te fuck do we do now?"

It was only after Steve spoke, that it dawned on me we had no other option to have a chance of getting Natasha back.

"we gotta look for someone else"

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Old folders displayed everywhere, empty boxes of Chinese food that Sam bought covered the coffee table, and we all needed a shower.

"we should call Tony" Clint spoke distractedly.

"No we shouldn't" Steve rushed to reply while he tidied up some of the papers. "he's retired"

"Natasha dissappeared, Stevie" Clint's reminder didn't exactly help the moral of the group.

Steve sighed, pinching his nose before shaking his head. "Pepper would kill me." after looking at us for a second, he kept speaking in a hesitant tone "I'll call him if plan A fails"

"plan A?" I questioned, raising and eyebrow. "Plan A failed when Natasha dissappeared" I stated.

"well, then when plan B-"

"Y/n was plan B" Sam yawned, slowly sitting up in the tiny couch where he had fallen asleep "which would have worked if you had listened to Bucky" Sam yawned again, right before stirring "taking him with you, when we needed Y/n, was like- the stupidest idea you had in a while."

Steve took a deep breath before letting out a comeback that would probably cause a fight. "who else we got?"

"No one." Clint almost growled more than spoke.

Out of everyone, he was the most affected by far. Natasha and Clint had grown up together, and the fact that we barely could trust our close friends to get her back was exhausting as well as frustrating.

"think I'm just gonna take a shower" Barton informed us in a mumble before leaving his seat to walk out of the room.

"there's someone" Rhodey's voice made all of us redirect our eyes to the door connecting my kitchen to my living room. "Danvers"

Sam shook his head no "We have no way of contacting her"

Rhodey sighed, exhausted, throwing himself in the chair Clint had just left. "I can contact Rambeau. She'll know where Danvers is"

"She ain't gonna help" It was my turn to contribute with some bad news, not that new, of which none of them were aware. "she knows 'bout what happened with Y/n."

Silence was the answer I got.

Rhodes scoffed "Good to know, James." I kept my eyes trained in my hands, not wanting to face anyone in the room. "Really good to know about this tiny detail after- what? A year?"

Another scoff and more silence.

"let me go through it again" Sam rubbed his temples with closed eyes. "Nat dissappeared, we probably have a mole, and the two people we could use help for" I felt his eyes on me "they won't help." no one spoke. "we're fucked."

We all drowned in our thoughts for a while.

Clint, at some point, had come back. Someone told him we had run out of options, which made him leave. He didn't come back, and I figured he probably fell asleep in my room.

Sun was rising, and, in need of a break, I got up. I really could use some air.

In no time I was standing on my ramshackle balcony, leaned over the railing with both my forearms supporting me.

Sam, who had probably came after me, exited and, after installing himself besides me, he spoke "it's not your fault"

"cut the bullshit"

"okay, it is"

"No shit Sherlock"

He sighed "but not entirely, so don't beat--"

"If she dies" I whispered, my gaze lost on the horizon "it's on me. Like- it's actually on me"

"she's not gonna die" Sam dismissed me quicker than he would have liked. "She's smart, and she's only been missing for around a day and a half "

"Listen, no one said it out loud but we gotta consider it." I blurted out, turning around to face my friend. "if they took her, they'll interrogate her. Do you really think she'll give in?"

"I didn't say that"

"then you know she can end up in a ditch"

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "don't say any of this shit in front of Clint"

"I'm not stupid"

He let out a sarcastic chuckle, shaking his head. "yeah, of course you're not." Sam tilted his head slightly towards me without looking. "remind me again why Y/n ditched you."

"Fuck off Wilson." my voice was low, full of anger and frustration and sadness; bottled up emotions that I carried with me since Y/n left.

Bottled up emotions that came to torture me for what I did whenever I heard her name.

We saw a car.

Sam was the first one to point it out.

Not the fact that a car was driving towards a single property in the middle nowhere, hidden with the help of the trees in the woods.

No, Sam was pointing out what car it was.

"it's... Her car?" He sounded incredulous, hesitant, and even suspicious, but I couldn't blame him.

"it is." I confirmed.

And, even though I was sure it was her car, I couldn't believe it until, after parking in front of the house, she climbed off.

She made her way to the porch's stairs. "I'll... Go and tell the others." Sam informed me. "Open the door"

I sighed and slowly made my way downstairs and to the front door just in time to hear the knocks.

I grabbed the knob, but before spinning it, I froze.

I froze because I shouldn't be me opening the door, it shouldn't be me the first person she sees, the first person she made contact with. I shouldn't be me welcoming her, even if it was my home, because I didn't deserve-

"Open the fucking door, James."

And I did, though the movement was way too eager for my liking.

But it was too eager because it was Y/n requesting me to do it, as if she wanted to see me.

I had complied and now we were standing in front of one another. My first thought was to step aside, since I thought she would try to walk past me as soon as possible, but she didn't.

She stood there, looking at me.

"Thought you said no" even though it was quiet, almost a mumble, it was definitely not a great sentence to begin a conversation in such a delicate situation.

Surprisingly, her voice sounded way warmer than I was expecting when she replied to my unfortunate comment. "I made up my mind" thankfully, she kept talking, because I had no idea what to answer. "Nat's my friend too. I'll help."