#i don't think he's. you know. still bigoted or feeling better than the other races

[mithranon]

Oh! Okay. Actually. A few things.

To get it out of the way: I don't want to say you were implying the cruelty was true. It's clearly just one possible interpretation or reading you can gather. Sorry if that framing was weird.

I think a part of the Demon allegory, while there is the more obvious, is the inevitability of the crash and burn of trying too hard to chase something you are not, hence that. "Free yourself" seemed helpful to my brain and I got the sense of effort because, fundamentally, Thistle is doing what Mithrun was: Seeking something he cannot possibly obtain. It seems better to tell the truth and get it out of the way to me as well, but Thistle is beyond reason and so hearing that only makes it worse because he can't accept the reality. I do also see it as likely to be a statement that was meant to provoke, however.

thinking about this post again, and what malewifesband points out in the reblogs about Mithrun's violence towards Thistle vs his violence towards the shadow governor

i hadn't made that comparison myself before, but it truly is such a striking difference, and because Thistle is my special little guy i've been mulling over it

i think it's interesting that Mithrun's behavior towards Thistle is not only violent and frightening but outright cruel in a way that he isn't even with Marcille

(which is not to say that he isn't violent, frightening, and shitty to her - the whole bit where he catches her out in a lie and then the canaries sit around shit-talking her mom and the fact that she's a half-elf is very bigoted and unpleasant!)

he scares the absolute shit out of Marcille, but his violence is very single-minded and directed. first, he's trying to get the books off her. then, he's trying to kill her.

with Thistle... it almost feels like Mithrun is toying with him. take a chunk out of his arm so he drops the book. take a chunk out of his thigh when he tries to run and grab it. chokeslam him to the ground and get on top of him and say The Cruelest Possible Shit to him after tormenting him physically like a cat with a bird.

now of course, we can justify. he didn't want to risk killing Thistle outright (although then we get into the questionable territory of "would being sent to the surface kill him anyway?" since he says the dungeon lord has their lifespan extended by the dungeon, and that teleporting Thistle to the surface would confirm if he is or isn't the dungeon lord), or he can't be so precise when he isn't able to touch someone and he's using his magic on them from a distance, especially with his lack of depth perception or whatever, you know

he hurts Thistle, who comes across like someone who's not used to experiencing a lot of physical pain, and then he tells him that the person he's dedicated himself to is dead, there's no point to continuing, and that the most cherished person in his life wished for his death

i do think that Mithrun, on some level, genuinely does want to prevent other people from suffering his fate, whether that means preventing them from becoming the dungeon lord in the first place or convincing them to give it up before they're devoured and left alive but empty. however, i also think (thanks to talking with @schniggles) that on a much deeper, more viscerally subconscious level, he wants to be eaten, and when those two desires come into conflict, the desire to die is stronger and results in what can at best be described as half-assery and at worst is outright self-sabotage

he tells Thistle there's no point to what he's doing and that it's time for him to free himself. charitably, one can imagine that he sees his words as the equivalent of a brisk slap to the face to snap Thistle out of his dungeon lord hysteria. but the thing about Mithrun is that it's not that he doesn't understand social conventions or other people's feelings, he just doesn't care

he didn't suddenly forget the concept of being nice or being cruel, or what it means to hurt someone's feelings. he just doesn't give a shit. it's not important to him. he lacks the desire to even make the effort for appearance's sake.

it's not like he doesn't know that telling the Melinis' elf slave that Delgal is dead, he never said what Thistle says he did and Thistle just misunderstood, and that Delgal wished for Thistle's death is going to fuck Thistle up. he doesn't care about how badly it hurts and he either hopes that the pain will make Thistle stop resisting or that hurting and tormenting Thistle this way will drive him to summon the demon. possibly (probably) both.

i don't really have much of a thesis statement here, just i guess an exploration of my thoughts... Mithrun is deeply cruel to Thistle and it's quite easy to imagine that part of this is because he knows Thistle has no status and no powerful friends, that he feels no need to even pretend to treat Thistle as a person... one could also easily imagine that it's because he's trying to provoke Thistle into summoning the demon, and one could ALSO easily imagine that there's an element of self-loathing to it, that in a sense he's punishing Thistle for his own past

[cassatine]

my conclave review i guess! i was going to gush in chat but then. too many words.

so literally all i knew about it going in was (1) a cardinal vapes in it (2) probably it's about a conclave?? (3) good vibes according to dashboard osmosis. the cinematography was a+, which i always appreciate. i liked that on one level it's a perfect comedy, really fucking funny in a sort of understated way. the beginning kinda reminded me of the death of stalin, what with the inciting event being the guy at the top of the hierarchy dying… somehow excellent comedy setup. at the very beginning, when lawrence & co struggle a bit to take the ring off the pope's corpse and it's all so ritualized, that's when i knew it was going to be Funny.

but beyond the fact that it was funnier than i expected... i liked the layers. most of all i think i liked the earnestness. ralph fiennes mid-crisis of faith, hating his job, trying to be a moral man in a system that is broken?? chef's kiss. the other cardinals of note were also nicely layered, like adeyemi? it would have been so easy to just stop at his being homophobic and treat his having had a kid being revealed as comeuppance but the way he cries and asks lawrence to pray with him… he sucks and it's a good thing he's taken off the race but it also happens for the wrong reason. bellini who's lying to himself and everyone else over not wanting to be the pope when he so clearly does and still letting himself be bought by the promise of a nice post… and yet he is not just an hypocrite. he sees he failed. he apologizes. he is only human. tedesco could have been a one note villain but he's the coolest dude around, and on a fundamental level that's part of what makes him dangerous: he's a reactionary and a bigot but he makes it kinda sexy. you want to like him; he's fun to watch and he has style, something the other cardinals probably wouldn't recognize if it hit them in the face. benitez. well. benitez is jesus. sister agnes was neat, it's a bit sad we don't really get to know her but she's indispensable and i love that for her. like. here's a bunch of dudes with all the decisional power who expect her to just exist in the background doing the menial work and then her printer expertise ends up being vital, and in general lawrence wouldn't have managed as well without her support… noice.

the end feels a bit easy, like lbr benitez being elected pope because he made a nice speech is ludicrous, but also… it works for me?

(1) on some level the film is about the difficulties of trying to be a moral person in a system that does not reward being moral. sure it's about faith and doubt and the limitations of organized religion. it's about catty bitches vying for power in a ritualized way that, on some level, speaks of an institution that ossified, that resists change (and on that note: benitez, obviously-the-best candidate only gets elected because people skirt the isolation rules, because the outside world intrudes. also because he is jesus.) it's stated near the beginning that the pope hadn't lost faith in god but in the church, and through the movie we can see why, all the machinations and the thirst for power and the fallibility of the men within the institution. through lawrence we see how much easier it would be to just… stop trying, to do the convenient thing, the easy thing, rather than the right thing, and to find justifications for that: better not make waves and better not make a scandal, for the sake of electing a blandly liberal pope rather than tedesco. and who would disagree? sure, better a bland liberal than reactionary tedesco. but then comes the ethical quandary: should the goal of avoiding one evil mean closing your eyes to another? should you forsake your sense of right and wrong for the greater good? too often i think we are told to prioritize the greater good, and maybe sometimes we should. but maybe sometimes we shouldn't. maybe sometimes we should hold to our principles. in the end, benitez being elected pope isn't going to miraculously make the catholic church and its agents unproblematic. but it is a win, and it happens because lawrence kept choosing to do (what he believes is) the right thing, the moral thing, even when it's not easy, even when it's inconvenient, even when he's told he's being naive and hurting the greater cause. and i appreciate that message.

(2) as i said: benitez is jesus. the film is a parable… it's a story about how jesus showed up, completedly unexpected, in the middle of the church his disciples built, and because the church is made up of people and people are flawed and faillible and too busy with things like power, they did not notice jesus walking among them. at least not until god (metaphorically) shone a light on him. like yes sure the way benitez ends up the one elected is ludicrous but!! it took an act of god. not the bombs per se. but the tragedy of it intruding into the isolated conclave? the windows exploding, the light coming in, this is what allows the true stakes to become clear again, and for benitez's love thy neighbour speech to take place at all - a speech contrasted with tedesco's own, all the style stripped from him, making it clear he is a man who reaches for hate and not compassion. it's a parable!! it takes a tragedy. it takes an act of god.

[doberbutts]

I just wanted to say thank you for being so candid about your life and your family, not just on this topic but pretty much everything you write. I feel like people underestimate how deep ingrained the anti-mixed-relationship ideas are to this day. My boyfriend isn’t Black, but he is a recent Mexican immigrant and he’s visibly brown, and people have had some Bad takes for sure. It gets old being asked if our relationship suffers for language barriers or cultural differences. A Cuban acquaintance of mine said I was gonna break my bfs heart bc it was a given that a white American would treat dating loosely (what even?), and my Peruvian roommate was shocked to learn my bf was Mexican bc she’d never met a long-lasting interracial couple (I love her but ???). And i don’t look at those two badly, I think there’s a long history to show that white people with partners of color are amply capable of racist and bigoted behavior (to their s.o. or others), and I can see why they’d be surprised. But I find it boggling that not only my white family but my peers of all stripes are surprised that any differences my partner and I have, we solve with clear communication and setting aside assumptions. Idk I’m just skeptical of ppl that lean into the idea that there’s some indelible and unbridgeable difference (linguistically, culturally, racially) that makes mixed relationships doomed.

Oh, for sure. My family was mixed before I even came into the picture, both my parents are more Native than they are anything else but are either white passing or appear "just" black. So we'd already learned how to do this multi-racial family thing and it was still a problem that my folks got together. More on her side than his but I know my dad got some backhanded comments on his choice in bride.

And the thing is? I understand the distrust of white people. I do. I've seen it myself. My mother tried very hard with us but still had a few comments about our appearances that she wishes now she'd never said (mostly about our hair), and now she's trying to do better with my sisters' kids. I've had white friends not get it. I've had white friends tell me to my face that they don't normally like black people but I'm "different". I've had white friends shocked and appalled that I'm just like "those" black people. I've had people I thought were my friends turn incredibly antiblack during a disagreement between us.

But I think there comes a point where approaching every situation with resentment and distrust works against you. I have white friends. I've had white boyfriends. I have white family. And I hold them accountable, and sure I may no longer go out of my way to attract a white man's attention... but I don't reject his advances either if I think he's cute and has a good head on his shoulders. But I'm also realistic, and anyone who isn't some form of blatantly mixed race is going to need to approach the subject of me in regards to their own social group very carefully. I've been enough people's first black friend/relationship/whatever to know how this story goes.

[unfairlawyer]

Things in Harry Potter that are Fucked Up and why you cannot separate the art from the artist.

I love harry potter. probably more than the typical harry potter fan. it's my current hyperfixation, and i know that Harry Potter is a media riddled with harmful bias and stereotypes, and i know that JKR is a terrible, bigoted human. While i still enjoy the harry potter series and it's fandom, you cannot consume it without being cognizant of these things. Separating the art from the artist, in this case, does not benefit anyone but the bigoted, piece of shit author. I like to think that i ethically consume HP (as much as you can ethically consume something so... icky), but i think a lot of people who try and hold on to the childhood nostalgia of reading HP and that wonder they felt by denying and separating the art and the artist are, quite frankly, deluding themselves. Here's an non-exhaustive list of things that i can think off the top of my head that are problematic and signal JKRs intolerance. please feel free to add if you think of one i havent.

The goblins are an antisemitic caricature. ex: the exaggerated noses and their greed when dealing with money

Rita Skeeter is a mockery of non-passing Trans-Women. ex: her 'manly' hands and her 'garish' style

Dean, one of the only black characters in the series, is described as having an absent father.

Continuing on with black characters: white characters in the series, when introduced, are not described by their skin color, but by other adjectives. All black characters we see are explicitly describes as being black, seldom with other descriptors, which centers their blackness to their character and not in a productive way.

Kingsley Shacklebolt, a black character, literally has shackle in his name??

Hermione is black-coded and a lot of fandom likes to interpret her as black, and JKR has said in interviews that it is intentional and that you can read her however. This makes it especially problematic that hermione is mocked and belittled for advocating for house elves, a literal slave race

the house elves themselves are described as liking their slavery. hello??

Werewolves are 'supposed' to be an allegory for AIDS, and by extension, homosexuality. this demonizes the gay community-- especially with Fenrir Greybacks desire to "turn" children by being predatory.

Dumbledore is a manipulator to end all manipulators and his character advocates for the continued abuse of children, even when there are better options available to the abused child. The fact that all other adults bow down to his word is concerning.

Snape...

I don't appreciate the treatment of hagrid, as a half giant, being expelled from hogwarts and stripped of his wand, and then, after being proven innocent from the allegations of opening the chamber, does not get his wand back, and he must continue to work under the supervision of dumbledore to do magic on the low-down and also not be impoverished as he would be outside of hogwarts and independent.

In the movies, Tom the Barman at the leaky is clearly intellectually disabled and this is mirrored in his physicality, and it really does not sit with me in a good way.

cho chang is the worst name ever. it is literally two surnames. JKR did not one ounce of research and selected the most ridiculous name for a chinese-coded character

[judiops]

That's a solid addition-- and a good reminder that even things that seem like solid 'rules' don't actually work 100% of the time. It's more effective to understand why something works (or doesn't) and use it intentionally than to just memorize a checklist of things you should or should not do. Like in this case, the character's age/height/eye color legitimately are the most important thing about them in that moment, and a skilled writer can use that to devastating effect.

Another solid addition via @siphisees' tags, because they make an excellent addition (paragraph breaks mine, because blocks of text are hard to parse) :

#Over-using epithets can be annoying„ but never more off-putting than when the epithet used is just the character's race/ethnicity#It's like... bro I know you're probably like 13 and don't realize the implications of your phrasing#but can we not keep referring to the literal protagonist of your fic as 'the asian?'

#Every time you use an epithet (especially for characters the reader already knows)#you are expected to be identifying their most important/relevant trait in that moment#so when you constantly write about your main characters like#'the asian walked up the stairs„' 'the phillipino assembled her sandwich„' 'the arab smirked„' etc. like...#you're unintentionally communicating to the reader that the character's race is the most#important thing about the character at that moment„ despite race having nothing to do with what's going on?

#And if you do it repeatedly„ it gives the impression that you think the character's race is more important than any of their other traits#which sounds unsettlingly similar to how your bigoted grandpa talks about that group of people he doesn't like rip#(see the third bullet point in the post above lol)

#I feel it's generally well-known that most writers go through an over-using-epithets phase lol„ so#most of your readers will probably understand you're not trying to over-racialize/dehumanize your characters of color#but it's still going to be uncomfortable to read for a lot of people„ even if we know the weird subtext is unintentional

#Plus„ you're missing out on better uses for epithets„ like the examples in op's post!#Like '''I'm not being over-dramatic!'' shouted the theater major.'#(Using the epithet to joke that they're a theater major so of course they're being a bit dramatic)#Or 'Amusing as it was„ the latina's eyes softened as he struggled to roll his Rs.'#(Using the epithet to identify that her being latina is relevant to why she finds his attempt to roll Rs amusing yet sweet)#As in that example„ there are plenty of instances when race/ethnicity works as an epithet! Just make sure to be intentional about it lol#maybe don't replace your character's name with their race just cuz you think you're saying the name too much and cant think of anything else#

(and i promise you„ unless you're using the character's name more than twice per sentence„ you're probably not using it too much lol)

In writing, epithets ("the taller man"/"the blonde"/etc) are inherently dehumanizing, in that they remove a character's name and identity, and instead focus on this other quality.

Which can be an extremely effective device within narration!

They can work very well for characters whose names the narrator doesn't know yet (especially to differentiate between two or more). How specific the epithet is can signal to the reader how important the character is going to be later on, and whether they should dedicate bandwidth to remembering them for later ("the bearded man" is much less likely to show up again than "the man with the angel tattoo")

They can indicate when characters stop being as an individual and instead embody their Role, like a detective choosing to think of their lover simply as The Thief when arresting them, or a royal character being referred to as The Queen when she's acting on behalf of the state

They can reveal the narrator's biases by repeatedly drawing attention to a particular quality that singles them out in the narrator's mind

But these only work if the epithet used is how the narrator primarily identifies that character. Which is why it's so jarring to see a lot of common epithets in intimate moments-- because it conveys that the main character is primarily thinking of their lover/best friend/etc in terms of their height or age or hair color.

[phandombigotryarchive]

Trigger warning:

Discussions of sexual assault, transphobia, transmisogyny, chattel slavery and violent antiblackness.

Good afternoon,

It may come to many people's great happiness in this community that I am no longer interested in muling for a fandom that wants my community dead and excuses our deaths.

I am not here to hold your hand on why you should see Black people as human beings if you are unable to do so.

I'm not here to sit around here to convince you that the Black trauma that you are excusing is of real live human beings. That enslaved Black people were mothers, fathers, cousins, siblings, aunts, nephews, loved ones and by brushing off the pain that they went through, you are dehumanizing literal human beings.

This is a fandom that excuses white supremacy, discrimination of people with facial differences, transmisogyny, orientalism, the objectification of m/m ships (often involving a party of color), ableism, transmisogyny/transphobia, general anti-Blackness, colorism and we can go on for just about forever.

It protects those and their enablers and in addition to this, excuses and normalizes the use of chattel slavery as a fanfiction trope.

Think about this before you consider aligning yourself with the people in this fandom or joining it at all.

Therefore, this archive serves a reminder of what the true nature of the Phantom of Opera fandom holds and no matter how many times you block me, you cannot erase this. It serves as a resource for current marginalized fans and future fans to heed warning of the false respectable aura these bigots parade.

I would like to thank our allies for doing as much as they can for the sake of protecting themselves from this fandom. Don't worry. I saw your posts. I thank you.

To all non-Black people of color that stood by and watch this happen without a care, I'm not surprised that you would have such lack of feeling for Black fans. I would implore you to do better but that would imply that any of you actually had spines.

Anyways. Keep the Black names of actors under Phantom of the Opera out of your mouths and gifsets. I know who you are and that you're seeing this. No, posting pictures of Norm Lewis and Derrick Davis along with others will not solve anti-Blackness in a fandom that excuses chattel slavery.

Non-Blacks cannot accept "apologies" for anti-Blackness and slavery apologists.

Take your performatism somewhere else.

Blackness, being Irani and the beauty of being trans is something to be celebrated. Do not forget this even in such a bigoted, white supremacist fandom.

To all those who are affected by the phandoms bigotry, let me say this. You are not alone.

Now, I will recount these past months events of transphobia and antiblackness. for anyone who was lost within the narrative.

We begin with @transphantomweek. @cefantomeenhabitnoir noticed that i-penna and filthybonnet, both big names in the fandom were perpetrators of transmisogyny. When he called this out, they were instantly shut down, blocked and isolated from the fandom.

@cefantomeenhabitnoir has an entire Google doc dedicated to the harassment they faced and the transmisogyny perpetuated in this fandom and you can find it on his page and in my phandom bigotry callouts tag.

Kept Below is the fic that @cefantomeenhabitnoir is referring to.

See my phandom bigotry callouts tag and @cefantomeenhabitnoir 's transmisogyny/transphobia call out for more details, which is also in that tag.

Now we bring ourselves to our current situation. Madamefaust.

On February 25th, 2021, I called out madamefaust for using the tragic mulatto trope, exploiting the usage of the Dumas Family (real life victims of the Haitian-French slave trade) to racebend Raoul De Chagny as a biracial. Black-French Man in her since deleted fic, "Strange Sweet Sound".

I will explain to you why this is bad.

"Do you even know the implications of naming a Black/White biracial child a bastard and flat out stating that their white side was involved in the slave trade? It means that child’s mother was possibly raped. You are implying that Raoul’s mother was a victim of slavery and sexual trauma. You are playing into the tragic mulatto trope. You are anti-Black."

- Me in my original call-out post (which you can find on my pinned.)

The tragic mulatto trope is trope born from slavery times involving a Black/White biracial child who was the product of rape between a white and enslaved Black party (typically female). They are pitied for their Blackness.

"Lydia Maria Child introduced the literary character that we call the tragic mulatto in two short stories: "The Quadroons" (1842) and "Slavery's Pleasant Homes" (1843). She portrayed this light skinned woman as the offspring of a white slaveholder and his black female slave. This mulatto's life was indeed tragic. She was ignorant of both her mother's race and her own. She believed herself to be white and free. Her heart was pure, her manners impeccable, her language polished, and her face beautiful. Her father died; her "negro blood" discovered, she was remanded to slavery, deserted by her white lover, and died a victim of slavery and white male violence."

After I called this out, many people in the fandom blocked me and began to post very cryptic things regarding cancel culture.

Madamefaust is not exempt from participating in my harassment. Madamefaust is a pharoga writer and a large number of the people harassing me were pharoga shippers. You can find the list of names in @cefantomeenhabitnoir 's bigot call out list.

Even her literal friends and mutuals were posting things regarding the words, "you don't have to care about anything" about a Black woman calling out the literal fetishization of slavery.

Madamefaust did nothing to stop my harassment. Only posting a cryptic post "to stop" while these people still kept indirecting me.

Why didn't you tell them to disengage until the damage was already done? Why didn't you confront them personally and not in some text post? You knew what you were doing. You were watching. This fandom is small.

I hope you feel ashamed and that the shame follows you forever. You were playing with literal Black lives and the deaths of many people who were murdered. Slavery wasn't a fun game. It was endless brutalization and loss of self. Black people's lives were treated as products. Me and many people's ancestors literally had nothing.

Life as an enslaved person was either get raped by the slave master or labor until you die.

And this fandom has the nerve to excuse using that as a fanfic trope?

Now, we move on to @strength-to-try

@strength-to-try dubs themselves an "anti racism" page yet allows antiblack slave trade apologists and their defenders to interact with their posts.

When a Black woman criticizes them (me), they refer to me as a "Black Individual" and flat out state that they aren't going to block out literal

SLAVE TRADE APOLOGISTS, ANTIBLACK PEOPLE AND BLACK FETISHIZERS.

YOU ARE NOT BLACK. I CAN TELL.

You cannot "forgive" or accept apologies antiblackness if you aren't Black.

The entire reason that page exists is because I was calling out ANTIBLACKNESS AND SLAVE TRADE APOLOGISM IN PHANDOM.

FUCK YOU AND FUCK EVERYONE WHO SUPPORTS @strength-to-try and their anti-Blackness, slave trade apologism and willingness to stand with white supremacists all whilst throwing me, a Black woman under a bus.

IF YOU SUPPORT THEM, YOU ARE ANTIBLACK. YOU ARE STANDING IN LINE WITH SOMEONE WHO LETS WHITE SUPREMACIST SLAVE TRADE APOLOGIST ANTIBLACK RACISTS INTERACT WITH THEM.

TAKE IT FROM AN ACTUAL BLACK PERSON (ME!)

FUCKING LISTEN TO BLACK PEOPLE WHEN WE SAY THE SHIT YOU'RE DOING IS RACIST.

The Phantom of the Opera fandom is especially not safe for Black People and Trans Women. It houses, protects and defends WHITE SUPREMACY.

But it is also not safe for darkskinned people, Muslims and Iranis.

It is reeking with people who fetishize the Daroga, a darkskinned Irani Muslim man. They lighten his skin, barely even mention his religion unless they're trying to strip it away or demonize his home country. They write him hyperaggressive and hypersexual towards Erik. They call him a monkey. This is not love. This is racism.

They also hyper-sexualize Irani women and refuse to think critically about why Gaston Leroux describes the Little Sultana, an Irani woman as so blood thirsty and Erik (a white man's) main abuser.

You can find examples in my phandom bigotry callouts tag. Or just read any pharoga fic. It's filled with this prejudiced shit.

Also I encourage you all to stop demonizing Erik's facial difference and to educate yourself on the history of ableism regarding the discrimination of people with facial differences. You can find some of these resources under my ableism tag.

So, in all, go run your money to @cefantomeenhabitnoir for the transphobic trauma you've put him through if you have a single bit of sympathy for them. You know who you are.

I don't expect much from a fandom who condones literal anti-Blackness and slavery apologism. But if any of you do feel remorse, I encourage you to run your money to Black people. Especially darkskinned, disabled and LGBT Black people whenever you see a donation post as reparations.

Silence is violence.

Also, I have put together an artist blacklist of people who supported madamefaust's use of slavery in her fanfic, defended it or flat out refused to stop interacting with said defenders of it.

In addition to this, I have added said artists who have contributed to the racist orientalist sentiment against the Daroga and, of course transphobes/transmisogynist defenders.

You can contact @queerangelic or @cefantomeenhabitnoir for the list to know which in the fandom to avoid.

More than many of you are guilty.

For new Phantom of the Opera fans considering joining the fandom? Read my pinned and check out my phandom bigotry callouts tag.

I suggest that you do not join this hellscape fandom or get out of here while you can.

Avoid this fandom as much as possible.

And Phandom? I'll see you all in hell.

[writer-dreams]

Colors (Draco Malfoy X Reader)

I'll be honest, I've had this one fully written since last week. I've just been very nervous to post it because the ending is so bad 😅. I haven't been sure how to fix it and I've re-written it several times. This fic is definitely rushed but hey, it's a one-shot (and I wanted to try writing something short and sweet for once). This is still part of the Cliche Month Challenge by @wreckofawriter (sorry this was so late). I've finally gained enough courage to post it and I hope you enjoy this messy fic.

Prompt: An AU where you can only see the shades of your soulmate's eyes until you first touch.

House: You choose

Blood Status: You choose

Warnings: Possible swearing

Note: Again, very messy. Not sure I like this one too much. The reader in this story is female / uses female pronouns.

Word Count: 1,694 words

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

3rd Person POV

Y/n opened her eyes to see the world was still the same shade of steel grey. She longed to know what the world truly looked like, to see actual colors other than this grey. When she was younger, she was ecstatic to learn that someone out there was destined to be with her. She used to fantasize about meeting her soulmate, seeing in color and her falling in love. She imagined what her soulmate would look like, what their personality was like, their likes and dislikes.

Now, as she grew older, she began to develop fears. What if they didn't like her? Even if the universe had put them together, there was still a chance they could reject her. What if she didn't like them? She never considered herself to be a picky person, especially when it came to love, but that didn't mean that they couldn't have a horrible personality. All of her friends have already met with their soulmates, and it did seem like they matched each other perfectly. They always talked about how beautiful the world was and how they couldn't wait until she could see the colors too.

She snapped out of her thoughts. Taking a deep breath, she walked off to the courtyard, hoping a good book could distract her from the whole soulmate situation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/n wasn't sure how much time had passed when she finally finished her book. A few hours, at least. She looked around the courtyard, seeing that she was the only one there. She sighed, deciding to go back inside. Y/n looked at the sky, dreaming about the day she could finally see the blue sky her friends talked about. She wondered how beautiful the night sky looked when it was in full color, how pretty a sunset could be. Yet, all she could see was grey. She was almost at the point where she would begin to resent the color. Still, she remained patient, still trying to hold on to the small shred of hope that she would someday meet the one.

On her way in, she bumped into someone rather harshly. The two fell back, Y/n closing her eyes and rubbing her head gently from where it hit the ground. When she opened her eyes, her mind was blown as suddenly, she could see the world in color. Amazed, Y/n slowly took in her surroundings, admiring the green grass and the blue sky. She looked at the bark of the trees, the castle, the white fluffy clouds. Her eyes began to fill with tears as she slowly let it all sink in. She could see, she could finally see! It was all so much more beautiful than she could have ever imagined.

The boy in front of her got up with a groan. In her dazed state, Y/n had almost forgotten about him. She looked back at him to see platinum blonde hair and grey eyes looking back at her. Her face immediately became shocked as she recognized that familiar face, those eyebrows, those thin lips, those sharp cheekbones. Draco Malfoy.

Said boy looked back at her with the same shocked eyes. He glanced quickly around him, an astonished expression on his face. His grey eyes landed back on her, almost in disbelief.

"You're my—" They both whispered.

Y/n couldn't do this. Even when he didn't know they were soulmates, Draco Malfoy was a bigoted twat. How could the universe possibly pair her up with him? Y/n shook her head, before she got up and quickly retreated to her dormitory. She could hear Draco calling after her but she ignored him and simply kept running.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When she arrived, most of her friends were already there, talking amongst each other on their beds. At the sound of the door opening, they all turned their heads and greeted her. Y/n still couldn't believe that she could see in color because of Draco Malfoy. Now, she could see the color or her friend's hairs and their eyes. She turned to a mirror and examined her reflection, playing with her (h/c) hair. She could see that she had (e/c) eyes, which was so surprising, considering that she had only seen a grey version of herself for years.

"Hey, Y/n! I just want you to know that you're beautiful and you better not be saying bad things about yourself to that mirror!" (F/n) said.

"I'm not....I just...."

"You'll find your soulmate eventually, Y/n. Then you can finally see how pretty you are." Another friend reassured.

Y/n smiled back at her, not sure if she should tell her friends that she met them and that it was the worst possible matchup ever. She decided against it, telling herself that the universe had made a mistake. There was no way that Malfoy was her soulmate, she refused to believe it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Almost a week had passed after that incident and Y/n was still avoiding Draco. She could see him trying to reach out to her but she would quickly lose him in the crowded hallways. Everyday, every hour, she was playing a game of avoidance cat and mouse. She had gotten pretty good at it too, swiftly navigating her way through all the students.

Today was just another one of those days. There she was again, quickly walking through the crowds, afraid that she would see Malfoy and have to talk to him. Luckily for her, she managed to make it to class without running into him. She settled into her seat next to her friends, who were quietly gossiping to each other.

"Malfoy's been pretty quiet lately. Hasn't been taunting Potter or anything. He's not even picking on any first years."

"Maybe Dumbledore's finally had enough of his behaviour. Or maybe his father threatened to ground him or something."

Y/n stayed silent, listening in to their conversation. Great, even if she could physically escape Malfoy, he was still there in conversation. It really seemed like the universe was insistent that it was right with this pairing.

"Could you guys stop talking about Malfoy? He's old news anyway. Who cares if he's not bullying anyone for once? Maybe he's actually become a decent person." Y/n snapped.

Her friends looked at each other. "What's gotten you so riled up? You care about him or something?"

"Nothing. I just don't wanna hear about him. Let's just focus on the class, okay?"

Her friends nodded slowly, looking at her suspiciously before they changed the topic of their conversation. Why did she defend him? Everyone, including her, knew that he was a prat and that wasn't changing. Y/n sighed quietly, feeling frustrated. Another thing she had kept to herself was a feeling of longing for the blonde male. He appeared in her dreams like a prince offering to sweep her off her feet. She'd feel drawn to him when she saw him in the hallways, even when she forced herself to stay away from him. Y/n was afraid as to what it could mean, she couldn't accept the truth.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After classes ended, she continued through her usual route back to her dormitory. Unfortunately for her, Draco Malfoy was waiting for her right at the entrance. She quickly turned to try and make a getaway but he grabbed her arm.

"Wait. L/n, can we please talk?"

"What's there to talk about?" Y/n asked coldly, even when her heart fluttered at his touch.

"Just, come with me." Draco began pulling her away as Y/n rolled her eyes and allowed him to drag her.

He took her to an empty hallway, where he finally let her go. Y/n looked at him expectantly, putting her hands on her hips. She knew this was coming, there was no avoiding it, especially when the universe constantly pushed them together. The universe can rot in hell.

"So...we both know that we're.....soulmates. Why do you avoid it?" He sounded hurt, and Y/n's heart ached at the thought of that.

"Because, you're Draco Malfoy. You bully Potter and practically everyone else in this school. All you care about is blood status, the Slytherin house, and impressing your arsehole daddy. You're a spoiled brat who acts like you're entitled to everything, and I refuse to be one of those things just because I'm your 'soulmate'." Y/n growled at him.

He seemed to take everything she said into consideration, which was extremely out of character for him. "I can change, Y/n. I can change for you. In fact, I already have. Haven't you noticed how silent I've been? It's been the talk of the school this entire week." He said, desperately. Y/n wondered why he was so persistent, why did he continuously chase her, even when she actively ran away?

"You feel it too, don't you? A pull to me, like a bond?" Draco asked, watching her carefully. Y/n didn't answer but her silence gave her away. "I feel it too. I see you in my dreams and Merlin, I feel my heart race when I see you. I know you think this is a mistake, but the universe doesn't make mistakes. I love you, Y/n. Just give me a chance to prove it." Draco took her hand softly.

Y/n felt it. Some sort of invisible bond tying her to him. The universe had her in its clutches and it would not let her go. She felt her heart tighten and she sighed. What could it hurt to try? Clearly, the universe wasn't giving up on this and maybe there was a good reason for that. She remembered that feeling of longing for the Slytherin boy and bit her lip.

Damn it all.

She took Draco's face and smashed her lips against his. It felt like everything clicked into place as he held her face and kissed back. His lips fit perfectly against hers and she could feel the world around them stop. It was as if the universe was satisfied with its work and was allowing them to enjoy their moment. She pulled away and opened her eyes, the colors around her seemingly more vibrant than before. Draco looked at her with the widest smile on his face.

"I'll take that as a yes?" He chuckled.

"Don't make me regret it, soulmate." Y/n smiled back.

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Permanent Taglist (if your name is crossed out, I couldn't tag you for some reason):

@my-name-is-jazzy-x

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Thank you so much for reading! This was pretty hard to write (I guess I'm not that good at soulmate AU's yet 😅). I hope it wasn't too horrible to read. Yes, I am still working on requests while I'm writing these things (I promise). Thank you again for reading and I hope you enjoyed. Until next time.

-Jade

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

one: Hi Em. It has recently come to light in social media that Myers-Briggs was racist and wrote racist books, so people started saying we shouldn't use MBTI anymore. While I know it's mostly based on Jungian theory, it still has a bit of her theory into it and I wanted to know your opinion on that matter? I stand by the Black Lives Matter movement and it makes me uncomfortable to keep talking about something made by an antiblack person and I also don't want people I care about to think

two: I support racist people and cancel me/stop talking to me/pick up a fight, but MBTI and Jungian theory have helped me a lot and they make me happy, I genuinely enjoy reading about it and having it in my life. I feel like I'm in a moral compass that will inevitably make me feel bad in some way.

------------------------------

So I’ll talk about my thoughts below re: my personal opinion about this sort of situation. That said ultimately this is your choice and I cannot make it for you. I am going to use the term “you” a lot in like, a general sense, but this is just how I’m talking about it. You yourself can choose whatever you want.

So: I did have to look this up, and the most reliable article I could find was from several years ago on New York Magazine’s the Cut, indicating that Isabel Briggs Myers in particular had written a novel in the 30s that had a very racist plot with overtones of eugenics. She also indicated that a person advocating for equality (circa the 1950s) indicated an undeveloped type.

As for my personal opinions: Briggs Myers was pretty obviously racist, and while arguments of “it was normal for the time” are never great anyway (normal doesn’t mean correct), the timing indicates this was particularly conservative/reactionary. Eugenics was a very popular idea earlier in the 20th century, but was falling out of favor and heavily targeted by progressive activist organizations by the 40s and 50s. That’s not going to be the argument here; it’s racist and you can’t paint it as not racist.

As for how I personally choose to engage with such things:

If you stop engaging with all literature, theories, or ideas created by people who were racist (or bigoted in other ways, or problematic for whatever definition you use for problematic) - or even ‘more racist than usual at the time’ - you will be left with very little to engage with. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be critical. You should. But it does not mean you need to cancel or throw everything out. This personal opinion is heavily influenced by me being Jewish; if I tried to stop reading anything by someone who had engaged in antisemitism, I would pretty much have to throw out anything from before like, 1950, unless it was written by someone who was either Jewish, whose other works were lost such that we know nothing about their opinions, or who was from a place that had little or no Jewish presence.

The concept of canceling really only makes sense for me for people who are ongoing creators. It makes no sense to, for example, cancel Shakespeare, despite The Merchant of Venice being quite antisemitic. He’s dead and we’re not going to change his mind. Nor do I think we should ban access to The Merchant of Venice (I have a general hard line against censorship on the grounds that it will be used against antiracist works as well - and indeed often is). I think a theater group choosing to put on The Merchant of Venice does need to think about how they will present it and what context they will use. But I don’t think they need to attempt to strike it from their repertoire.

The same goes for works by antisemitic and racist creators that are not themselves explicitly bigoted (eg: Roald Dahl was very antisemitic, but I don’t think Matilda, for example, was itself a book with antisemitic themes).

The point where canceling does make sense to me is for a living creator who is still being racist (or bigoted), with the intent being to limit their access and show them that this behavior will result in negative consequences. Ideally people should be anti-racist (or respect women, or accept LGBT people) out of a sense of compassion, but when that fails, shutting them up because they fear losing their movie career is at least better for the world as a whole.

I would note again, in my opinion, that if you already have supported them in the past/own things they created, you do not need to throw those things out. Don’t burn your Harry Potter books because of JKR’s transphobia, but don’t spend money on Harry Potter merchandise.

Now, when it comes to specific theories, it does get a little more complicated because I am sure some motivation for MBTI was coming from a place of eugenicism. I also think nearly all personality and intelligence tests were. The SAT was originally created to prove the superiority of the so-called Nordic Races. We live in a racist society, and the categorization and ranking systems of said society will, unfortunately, often reflect that.

I believe the way to use such tests in the modern day is first, to remove the idea that a certain type is better than others (you can have personal preferences; you don’t have to like all people. This is more the idea that no type is inherently more intelligent or kind or whatever, since MBTI is about cognitive processing and the expression of intelligence or kindness) This includes ideas about which types might be more or less racist. Second, I try to include cultural context in typing people, as a lot of theories about the intelligence of different ethnicities being in some way inferior come from a gross misunderstanding of culture (eg: a more competitive academic environment is seen as a negative thing in some cultures and students will consciously not engage, and this has been incorrectly seen as them being unintelligent, rather than a cultural divide). And finally, I have never given money to the MBTI foundation and don’t intend to nor do I think anyone needs to.

None of this erases the racism Myers and Briggs had, but it does mean that your own use of cognitive theory as they interpreted it is not perpetuating ideas of anyone being inherently superior. I take the things I find beneficial (understanding yourself and others) and leave behind anything else.

[jedifighterpilot2727]

So, I'm curious. What are your spiritual beliefs? (If you don't have any that's totally cool)

So I was raised baptist - my dad and my grandpa are both pastors, and we went to church 3-4 times a week. I grew up in a VERY strict, abusive household, what I watched and listened to was extremely restricted, we had probably 2-3 hours minimum per day that we had to listen to/ participate in religious learning and activities. Looking back it was very much a sort of indoctrination.

I was pretty much the perfect kid for a long time and I was very vocal about religion, very against anything other than christianity, I spoke out against evolution and abortion and anything that didn’t agree with what I’d been taught.

But as I grew older, I saw how my family treated people. They constantly spoke down about other races and religions (even my aunt being a methodist was cause for contention), they hated my cousin when he came out as gay, and anyone who didn’t believe exactly what they did was going to hell.

After some … things (it’s a long story, but basically my parents bigoted views were turned against me), I realized how sexist, bigoted, racist, homophobic and hypocritical my parents were. And all this happened about the time I started going to college and I actually met people outside of our little white washed town and had professors that encouraged me to think for myself and I got to listen to what I wanted to listen to to and watch what I wanted to watch, and for the first time, I got out of the little bubble that my parents had forced me into and I realized that I didn’t agree with anything they had taught me.

I didn’t want to be that person that hated everyone and everything and, I didn’t want my worldview to be limited by a religion that was so exclusive. So I did a lot of soul searching and I tried on a lot of different religions and I did a lot of reading. What I found was that even though religion could be much more inclusive than what I was raised with; who’s to say that the Christianity is the correct religion over Islam (or any other religion)? I mean they both have books and prophets claiming to be the truth, so technically they’re just as valid. From an anthropological standpoint, your geographical location determines a lot about which religion you choose to go with. Are people doomed just because they were born in the wrong country and were only exposed to the wrong religion? It didn’t seem right to me.

And then I realized that a benevolent god didn’t seem right to me. How could a god who loved his people let them suffer so much without even saying a word? (and yes, ive heard all the arguments about why god lets bad things happen to good people; it still doesn’t jive with me.) so my conclusion was that god either doesn’t exist or he’s an asshole (if god were a woman the world would not be like this.) and regardless, I didn’t want to spend my days afraid of and paying homage to a being like that.

tl:dr - I’m an atheist. I find religion to be a power tool (how can women be in charge if the bible says it’s wrong? how can gays live freely if we constantly tell them they’re living in sin? there are countless other examples). I’m very interested in Wicca and Buddhism and I think they have a lot of good thoughts about life and karma and energy and nature, but I don’t practice anything, it’s just more of a spiritual respect. I don’t begrudge anyone their religion - if you’re religious, you have your reasons, and you may practice however you like without harming others. I do, however have a problem with religious control and how especially in America, christianity and not science has so much affect on our laws and policies.

I know this is probably a lot longer than you expected, but my religious journey is one of the defining aspects of my life. I’m not the person I was ten years ago, and it’s taken me a lot of work to get through all of the biases that my parents instilled in me (im still working on it tbh, i hope im always working on being a better person.) There’s also a lot of insecurity and self-confusion (how do you know who you are if someone is constantly telling you who not to be?) in learning to be yourself and I struggle with it a lot - there are always voices in my head telling me what I can’t do or shouldn’t, and though they’re much quieter than in the past, they still pop up occasionally. And those same voices give me knee jerk reactions about people and beliefs and even music (I still sometimes cringe when my husband plays a heavy metal song, because one time when I was eight, we were at the park and there was a heavy metal band practicing and I freaked out and my parents told me it was because the demons from the music were attacking me when really my autistic brain was just overstimulated) So I’m working on it, and I constantly analyze my thoughts and feelings to make sure I stay true to myself.

my tl:dr was tl:dr - I’m an atheist lol

[andromedasummer]

when are you all actually going to take ableism seriously? i mean it. how many fucking times do we have to have this god damn conversation until it gets hammered into your heads that the opposition and oppression we face is serious. i get it, a lot of you think it's funny to watch cringe comps of autistic people having meltdowns. a lot of you like following drama going on with "deluded" disabled tiktokers. if it's funny it's easy to excuse right? theyre cringey so they deserve it. theyre weird so they deserve it.

it's so normal because it's so easy to other us and take advantage of us. exploitation for views for money for sympathy— from parents to teachers to strangers. those of us who cannot speak for ourselves are spoken for by people unlike us and without our best interesgs at heart and those of us who can speak are treated as if we really don't know better and aren't capable of it.

i want to make it clear i no longer a give hit about an f1 driver saying ableist slurs. there will be no closure to that, no one will ever get an actual apology. thats his problem. i made my peace with everything going on with him a long time ago. the only reason i keep up with it is because of my media papers where i am using f1 as an example in my focus on sports journalism.

what IS my problem and the problem of other disabled motorsport fans is when people excuse what he's said because they either 1. don't take ableism seriously (so are likely to commit it towards disabled people because its not 'really' a minority group). or 2. are just straight up openly ableist and want to harm disabled fans.

like i mean it now when i say dont give a shit if you like or dislike this driver. hes a celebrity. i don't care about celebrities, i havent for a good few months now and my god is it refreshing.

i care about being able to enjoy racing while knowing i'm not going to see some half-wit who can't be bothered to learn of their own accord, dropping slurs with the excuse that they're not offensive in english when they're still slurs no matter the language. i am here to watch cars and some funney racing people. not to have people repeat eugenecist rhetoric while i am trying to watch cool overtake.

now that one of his fans is seriously trying to excuse their own use of these slurs and the presence of ableism in their life and their country as a whole; while trying to convince people that there is a hate campaign for their driver going on while comparing death threats to complaints about his bigoted behaviour can people actually recognise this as dangerous to other fans? even within his own fan circle?

if youre a fan of this dude, cool, go for it. it literally doesnt hurt me. just fucking get rid of the people who will PLEASE. because i know there are minority groups who have offered important opinions on this discourse (people of colour, lgbtqa+,disabled etc) as fans of his and they'll hurt those people too.

i seriously feel insane thinking i am the only one seeing this shit. the fan with the openly advertized radfem sideblog when theres a good chunk of his fans who are trans men. this moron who is okay with ableism therefore ableism=okay when ive met and known quite a few disabled fans of his. all the fucking weird anti-feminists hiding in the corners of the fanbase when theres a ton of especially teen women and girls who can be seriously harmed by that crap.

i dont super like that these people like this guy but i also need to put my concern for the wellbeing of people who are within my minority groups and who intersect with it commonly because that mutual support is a lot more important than whether or not so and so likes whatever driver. i'd rather everyone have fan fights about whichever fucking white man of the month drive car good with the knowledge none of us are going to be fucking hatecrimed.

there are necessary conversations to be had about supporting a driver when they continue to act in certain ways or support people of dubious backgrounds. but can we at least as a bottom line look to the people being open freaks over this shit and collectively block and not interact with them. like can the slurs at LEAST be a nono in the fanbase PLEASE

am i insane? what the fuck is happening here? a slur is still a slur no matter the language its in. just because ableism is normalized in a culture doesn't mean its suddenly okay. it just means that ableism is more commonplace and acceptable to people within that culture. disabled people are still harmed by it. refusing to say a slur in english but saying it in your native language still makes you ableist regardless of whether or not you think it's a slur. you do not get to decide that and to tell disabled people to make allowances for when you or people like you use them. i dont give a shit if you as a neurotypical person don't find ableist slurs offensive. using the "it's part of our culture' excuse is an insult to every Dutch person I've met whose learnt what these words mean and have made steps to unlearn these things and do better. you've admitted you're still using them. you're disgusting.

[felassanis]

I agree with A LOT of the points here and my view on the factions has changed since I wrote this so long ago.

What I meant by the Minutmen being too perfect stems from the fact Bethesda did so little for them. What we did get was short and not fleshed out which not only made them boring and feel secondary like you said but what we did get made them feel naive almost, which could have been an interesting concept if BETHESDA DID MORE. But they're just...bland in comparison to the other factions. They're the good guys...and that's it. They're not the good guys with interesting inner politics and conflict they're just the good guys.

Personally, I like moral greyness. Its why I like FNV so much, the other factions allow this. I am a Railroad fan so I did sound like I was bashing on the Brotherhood but believe me I know the Brotherhood isn't inherently evil, they're not black and white I completely agree. What the factions do possess tho:

The Institute does oppress a canonically sentient race, they are control freaks and they spy and kidnap people. But, they are technologically ADVANCED AF and could really bring the world out of its apocalyptic state if they chose to. Its harbouring brilliant minds and that literally created a whole ass new race of people and they are even revitalising old world animals somewhat.

The Brotherhood is a lot more bigoted than a lot of other factions. while that doesn't sum them up and they do kill species that need killing (I'm not debating that killing murderous Super Mutants and ferals is racist of course it isn't they're wholefully right in that regard and they helped Capital Wasteland when they did it and they helped Boston) but the racism towards the undeserving is still prevalent. Not as bad as CW where they murdered non-ferals because they simply didn't care but its still prevalent. And they are murdering Synths so they just kinda traded blindly killing one race for another. You gotta pass a hard speech check to get Maxsom to let one of his soldiers live when they turn out to be a Synth and hes very fucking harsh with Danse. Again, synths are canonically 'alive' in Fallout and the Brotherhood is very eager to kill them. Danse is straight up an arsehole to Hancock and Valentine, either cuz the Brotherhood taught him to act like that or they enabled his already racist tendencies. I believe there is a culture on bashing on other races in the faction especially when Maxson hates everything the nuclear fallout birthed. No faction is pro-ghoul, but brotherhood are the worst offenders. But, they are better equipped to fight the Institute, they offer the player a tone of cool shit, they're militaristic so they're disciplined and they've been featured in every single fallout game so they are quite nostalgic too.

The Railroad is weak, they don't help others only focusing on Synths and I agree that's because they're the only pro synth faction and don't have the agents to spare. And they're so paranoid that they're digging their own graves because they won't let new people in who want to help. But they have cool characters, are the only pro synth faction so they allow you to save the Synths, they kind of give you cool shit just not on BOS level and like BOS theres a bit of tragedy in their story line because they are heavily intertwined with the main story.

Now Minutmen, like you said they aren't pro synth either which would have been morally grey only...its not expanded upon enough to really make me think twice about siding with them.

I agree you get to shape a lot of aspects of the story and your character within the other factions while Preston and his geezers do not. It's just a case of...what's the point in siding with them when they're not really intertwined with the main story until the last minute and don't offer anything. Railroad vs Brotherhood 10x more engaging and thought provoking. Minutmen are a watered down Brotherhood who make you do tedious quests. Its nice thinking what they could have been but they're just not in the actual game.

Minutmen are also essential so theres no real consequence for them. The other three can and will get wiped out, that's hella interesting. So that's probably factoring into them being so fucking boring too.

Basically, they're boring and I agree with you lmao. I like everything you noted down.

the minutemen are unironically the most benevolent and effective faction introduced into the fallout canon and we all just shat on them because their weapons were a bit shit and they made us do things in this essay I will