#i don't remember my fate meta tags. i don't. i'm sorry

[lordelmelloi2]

Waver’s Got PTSD: The Post

(this is the aforementioned Waver PTSD talk i was babbling mindlessly abt and put in my drafts earlier) 

i just want to like thank morii for showing how Waver actually has like legitimate emotional reactions whenever the HGW is brought up because like. there’s several traumatic events that he personally witnessed during that war and he like. canonically has triggers and whatnot... like we’ve been saying Waver Velvet Has PTSD From the Fourth Holy Grail War for fucking years but the fact is also that his triggers are wide and his comfort is literally in the fact that he survived by virtue of Iskandar being there. that’s the only reason he’s still alive. if his servant wasn’t Iskandar, Gilgamesh could and may have killed him like he killed his servant. hell if waver even like, ... wavered (lol) in that moment he would have been killed but because he gave gilgamesh such a - honestly sort of arbitrary?- argument as to why he won’t fight etc. this pleased gilgamesh enough to spare his life. after that he broke down in messy sloppy wailing and tears on the bridge. 

there’s a lot of things in the grail war that constitute traumatic events for him, starting with like...

Kayneth’s death threats/verbal abuse

Hearing Kayneth’s voice alone threatening to murder him is enough to cause him to tremble in fear

and as an addendum, finding out that kayneth was brutally murdered is another traumatic sequence - this is one of those things that isn’t acutely traumatizing, but is one of the passing thoughts that, in the LN, is described as an “empty hole” of emotion. A sense of numbness, since Kayneth was the only connection he had to anyone in the 4th HGW, both being from the Clock Tower

He may not have seen the dead body himself, but it’s shown in Case Files that he’s aware of the brutal way that Kayneth was murdered, which likely added onto the numbness that he felt finding out that his teacher was murdered in cold blood, in a way far from noble.

the sewer scenes. the entirety of the fact that the sewer existed. like idk about you but you can’t walk away from seeing children brutally twisted into inhuman shapes and not have trauma from it. 

i’m just gonna really quick mention that the anime actually does go into this a little bit, showing some of his emotional depth by featuring him Crying and Throwing up and Crying and Crying and Throwing up which, if you’re not a jackass, are all completely legitimate acute traumatic event reactions Especially if you’re IN A SEWER with HUNDREDS OF DEAD ROTTING CHILDREN whose bodies have been MUTILIATED AND TWISTED INTO INHUMAN WAYS

the fate zero manga is literally drawn by a child porno artist as i’m aware and. The unfortunate truth is that they really went all in on this scene and any other scene focusing on Ryuunosuke’s atrocities against mankind. So when you have that as a fucking reference as to what kind of inhumane acts were being done... you kind of ... understand. Like I’m not going to lie I refuse to post it on my own because that content has the potential to traumatize or trigger somebody pretty badly if they aren’t fully mentally prepared... 

also i’d like to just quickly remind you all that some of those children were still alive and were being kept alive for the sake of the torture ryuunosuke put them through 

more over that they had to kill all of those children regardless of them being still alive too, which is a painful decision to make and not one that Waver even made - Iskandar did that

plus then almost being killed by Assassin in the sewer, add that as his... first Near Death Experience at this point. the second one is, 

ALMOST BEING KILLED BY SABER!!!

THIS IS EXTREMELY!!! HIGHLY!!! OVERLOOKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I MEAN EXTREMELY HIGHLY OVERLOOKED

First off his first battle where he’s partially in control is with Iskandar at the reigns in a reckless race versus Saber (who doesn’t know that they didn’t kidnap Irisviel & kill Maiya, and who is literally out for blood in that moment) 

Second of all like I said. Saber was out for blood. Maiya is dead and Irisviel is kidnapped. Aside from her having an emotional connection to Irisviel, Irisviel is also the grail, and she has a strong sense of duty to protect it, meaning if their idea of Waver & Iskandar kidnapping her and killing Maiya is right she has absolutely no qualms with killing them both to go and rescue Irisviel

and that definitely shows when she full on Excaliburs both of them, destroying the Gordius Wheel and leaving them unable to fight back after that blow, almost killing them

This is heavily downplayed for comedic effect in the anime but in the manga, Waver recalls seeing “the abyss of death” in the blast from Excalibur - he really thought he was going to die. That’s a traumatic event folks

Not to mention years later - aside from personal reasons like Gray not being able to choose her face - it’s extremely likely that Saber being around is a trigger for him because of one of his strong war memories being almost dying by her hand without knowing the reason she was even attacking. I.e. - aside from Gray’s identity tragedy, Waver has a legitimate reason to not want to be reminded of Saber’s face all the time

Gilgamesh killing Iskandar

this is a big one. This is shown in the manga itself as a traumatic memory - the Reality Marble, their trump card, their only hope of defeating Gilgamesh, being completely destroyed like it was nothing, completely ruining their chances of ascertaining a victory against their strongest opponent. 

But moreover the emotional heartfelt conversation between his father-mentor figure and himself before watching that figure get impaled by the same “sword” that destroyed the dream of Iskandar, crystallized - on a meta level that’s horrifying to think about, but recognizing that meta level and being physically present to witness it gives that an extra layer of hopelessness. 

Losing that important father-mentor figure is an extra layer of emotional trauma that has to be processed as well. Anyone who’s ever lost an important person in their life can understand this. 

Almost being killed by Gilgamesh 

i feel like i probably shouldn’t even have to get into this one. 

like one of the most common elements of trauma is that it’s a life-threatening situation. Like that’s one of the most basic causes you can think of. Almost being killed

If seeing a picture of Gilgamesh in the context of a current HGW causes him to have all of his memories of him killing Iskandar flash through his head, his heart stop and start, his breath quicken, his sweat go cold, et cetera, et cetera... you can pretty safely assume that Gilgamesh alone is a trigger, much like Saber is a trigger as well. 

He visibly panics, his panic is elaborated upon in the light novel, he then hurriedly tells Flat to never encounter "That servant” (Gilgamesh) and asks Jack the Ripper to protect Flat when he gets on the phone with him. 

So like. If you needed proof that Waver has PTSD from the 4th Holy Grail War, here it is! I don’t think I missed anything. He had multiple NDEs, faced harassment/death threats from Kayneth, encountered an entire sewer full of sexually abused and mutilated children, learned his awful teacher was brutally killed alongside his fiancee, lost his father-mentor figure to a scary powerful servant and then was dangerously close to dying by that servant’s hands as well... I think he’s well-surpassed the criteria for PTSD. honestly that whole experience would make it severe PTSD, idk how he fucking survived all that; if the chain smoking habit is anything to go off of, he definitely needs it on an emotional level... 

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

(Vol. XXII)

It was a love story from the very beginning.

Worry about you

(6x15/6x17/6x19)

Hi my friends! Today I want to talk with seriousness about one of the most hilarious episodes from season 6. And because it was written by Ben Edlund, there's juicy Destiel elements there. I will talk too about episode 18 and 19, near to the end, because I will take some points from those too.

I want to give thanks to my friend @agusvedder , she made the gifs for this meta! Love ya girl!

Ok, let's start this volume...

Balthazar calling Cas as Cassie

When 6x15 "The French Mistake" starts, Balthazar appears in Bobby's house, moving fast as Cas did in 6x03, appearing and dissapearing the whole time looking for things to use in a spell... In the middle of that loud scene, this dialogue is developed...

BALTHAZAR: Raphael is after us all. You see, he's consolidated his strength. And now he's on the move.

SAM: And where's Cas?

BALTHAZAR: Oh, Cassie? He is deep, deep underground. So, good old Raffy put out a hit list on every last Samaritan who helped our dear Cas – Including both of you. And so much more importantly, me. See, he wants to draw Cas out in the open.

First of all I want to say, each episode written by Edlund, shows us DEAN AND CAS ARE IN LOVE, each one of them. The man knew what he was doing writing their relationship as romantic. So, I would say... This wasn't the exception... Why Balthazar would name Cas as Cassie (Dean's first love?) Balthazar doesn't know that, but we do, the spectators.

Dean exaggeratedly eye fucking Misha/Cas

One of the most hilarious scenes was this one here ...

Dean playing to be Jensen playing to be Dean, and the eye fucking. Delightful, just because Dean knows Cas and him do that thing the whole time. So, he plays his role, but because Dean is an awful actor, that's the result.

Pretty interesting Dean is aware of it... Just saying.

Dean starts to worry about Cas

By the end of the episode, Raphael find the boys and Balthazar, but Cas makes his apparition. But why on Earth the camera just took Dean's facial reaction to what Cas was saying and doing?

That's fear and concern in Dean's face... He is maybe seeing things are not good... And he's worry because CAS doesn't tell him the whole thing...

CASTIEL It was Balthazar's plan. I would have done the same thing.

Castiel is in soldier mode these words made Dean be a little mad at him...

DEAN That's not comforting, Cas.

He would expect something different from his friend, like maybe, some kind of protection, and not be used as bait. So here Dean is feeling a little disappointed.

CASTIEL When will I be able to make you understand? If I lose against Raphael, we all lose. Everything.

Edlund is pointing one of the excuses for Castiel taking this kind of decisions and positions. Castiel needs desperately to win against Raphael, and he's willing to everything to fulfill that mission. Even lie to the Winchesters and work with Crowley.

DEAN Yeah, Cas. We know the stakes. That's about all you've told us!

CASTIEL I'm sorry about all this. I'll explain when I can.

Cas would love to count with them and not lie them, but he's at war.

DEAN Friggin' angels.

Edlund's Dean quote each time an angel surprisingly vanish in front of him 🤣

Jealous!Dean attacks again

In episode 6x17 "My heart will go on"

When Fate is attempting to kill Dean and Sam

In that abbandoned restaurante, i noticed something interesting. Remember I mention the colored codification started in this season? Well... We have another Destiel Coded Colored foreshadow. The burner knobs were colored in BLUE and RED, representing Dean and Cas, but toxic, angry Dean. And the whole place exploded... So... What a big and huge foreshadow for the settlement of the bid Destiel fight and break up in the following episodes, isn't?

But we're here to talk about Jealous! Dean, because we love it.

When Cas saves the boys from that explosion, this was part of the talk...

DEAN So we've pissed fate off personally.

CASTIEL If I know her – and I do – she won't stop until you're dead.

DEAN  Awesome. So what do we do?

CASTIEL Kill her.

SAM Kill fate?

CASTIEL Do you have another suggestion?

SAM No, I'm – I just mean, uh...Can you even do that?

CASTIEL Balthazar has a weapon that will work against her.

DEAN Of course he does. Yeah. Boy, that guy's just got it covered, doesn't he?You need new friends, Cas.

Do you notice the shade of jealousy here?? And then...

The dialogue between Fate and Cas showed us again how desperately was Castiel to win the war. And Balthazar was working for him. We see more about how CAS is getting into the dark side for the biggest purpose.

But even so, they showed us too, he's worry about Sam and Dean safety.

By the end of the episode, we had another dialogue between Castiel and the boys...

And Cas lies to Dean...

And then Dean makes a bad joke, and Cas dissapears again.

DEAN I'll tell you one thing about Cas, he does not appreciate the finer things.

Dean says this because isn't the first time he makes a joke and Cas vanishes. But I wonder if is related to Castiel feeling a little bit offended, and you'll know what I mean in the next point...

Dean mocking CAS, just because he enjoys it

In episode 6x19 "Mommy Dearest" we can see how since this scene happened...

So, Cas feel offended, and Sammy pointed that to Dean. Dean gets a little surprised, but...I'm sure this was very enjoyable for him, because then he'll mock him again.

Also... I want to mark here something... If Cas was able to dissapeard by flying here, I'm sure he may do it. Because... I recall that scene in the car in season 5 (last episode) when Dean mocked him about not having sense of humor, he vanished then. And the we had the Kate Winslet's breast joke, and now this one... So...

We had this one here...

Again mentioning babies, because he knows Cas got mad about that, and he repeats the action. He's enjoying it, for sure.

But we will have a sweet Innocent comment, I just wanted to share...

The thing here is the sexual innuendos in this episode, firs the famous "Cas get out of my ass!" And now this one here, so funny the double meaning... And Dean's gay panic face 🤣🤣🤣😏.

Castiel is worried about Dean

This episode showed us too, Cas in his soldier mode, can see things the boys can't. Like those little kids in that police station.

Castiel and Dean fought because CAS wasn't agreed with them in driving those kids to their home.

CAS: Dean, Dean. Millions of lives are at stakes here, not just two. Stay focused.

Castiel in soldier mode, trying to make Dean to understand the danger in his decision, but it was late, because Sam and Dean saw in those kids themselves.

DEAN: Are you kidding?

CAS: There's a greater purpose here.

Castiel's excuse to do the things he's doing.

DEAN: You know what, I-I'm getting a little sick and tired of the greater purposes, okay? I think what I'd like to do now is save a couple of kids. If you don't mind. We'll catch up. Okay guys, let's go. C'mon. (Dean walks out. Joe, Ryan and Sam follow.)

Cas and Dean are in different pages, Cas is cold minded, first killing Lenore as it was nothing, then torturing the sheriff, and now... Because he's feeling worry about Sam and Dean...

But we know he already fix this sending Crowley.

Another thing is, when Eve attacks Dean, the only one calling his name in despair was CAS...

But when he had to heal him, he took his time, studying Eve's dead body on the ground... He was worried there... Because it supposed that monster should be alive to find Purgatory...

But then Sam reminded him Dean was hurt. So he approached him, and the way he heals him caught my attention, he out his hand on Dean's shoulder... As if he wanted to say something... But he didn't. He just healed him. Maybe with a shade of relief Dean was ok...

Just an addition...NUMBER 25

Ok, the number 25 was mentioned a couple of times in this episode. It was the age of the patient that died and the address in which Eve was.

So... What does this number means? It represents the Argonaut in the arcana. The Argonaut is a Greek hero (it could be Cas) but it also represents in numerology the number 7 that means the inner war to choose the right path and the impulsiveness as a dangerous way to make the wrong decisions... It sound familiar, isn't?

To Conclude

Dean was worried about Castiel because he saw how dangerous was Raphael.

Castiel is between his soldier duty and the love he has for the Winchesters. As we will see in the following metas, he's worried about their safety.

Dean enjoys mocking CAS, that's not news...

Jealous!Dean is delightful too...

Castiel lying to their friends for the biggest purpose, as his excuse. And his impulsiveness and desperation to win a war.

I hope you like this meta, I see you in the next Chronicle. 😘💞

Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @koshisekisen @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @angelneedshunter @trickster-archangel @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @mishka-the-angel-of-saturday @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @xsghn @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant

If you want to be tagged, please let me know.

If you want to read the previous season 6 metas, here the links...

Vol. XV, XVI, XVII, XVIII, XIX, XX, XXI

Buenos Aires, July 31st 2019 9:14 PM

[verobatto]

"Everything means something": The past, the present and the future

Ouroboros, the episode full of clues for speculations

Hello again my friends, this is the second part of my metas, you can read the first one here.

This will be a meta about symbolism and visual narrative. And I will try to share with you some clues I could see that maybe lead us to interesting and fun specs.

I hope you can enjoy this. Let's start.

Cannibalism and "eating things"

This is such a symbolic topic. Being Noah a monster that ate human flesh, is so symbolic that it hurts.

First of all, this was foreshadowing the end of the episode. Dean saying at the beginning of the episode: Who let that some eats you? Is very meaningful quote, NOBODY WOULD LET SOMEONE ELSE EATS YOU, but what if you can't see that is being eaten??? Dean carrying with Michael inside, trying to keep him locked, is a kind of risk, he won't let Michael eats him.

Then we have the place where Dean, Cas and Jack were to visit. The name was... "EL SABROSO" it means THE TASTEFUL.

Pic credit to my dear friend @agusvedder

Who is the tasteful here? Aww... My little perverted minded friends... Isn't Castiel for Dean.. please focus... But... Now that you mention it... 😏💕🤣🤣

It will be Michael, as we saw by the end, and Jack saying: "Eat others is to be a monster." My sweet nougat boy... He will eat the tasteful grace of Michael.

Another "thing" eaten were EYES. This Gorgon ate eyes to see fate/future. But also, you know what they say, "The eyes are the reflection from the soul", then, this demi God could see true desires. He ate eyes to see. And this is a very, very interesting point here, because the demi God was the one who can see, a BISEXUAL MONSTER, and Michael was who let blind TFW, but mostly, Dean.

Very important was the fable about the black snake and the eggs, related with Jack and his fulfillment of his fate by killing and eaten Michael's grace, so the danger here is the lesson of the fable again, who is Jack? Is he the snake or the chicken? And before Michael died, he flew over Jack as a circle, like the snake that bites his own tail.

Another mention of danger was Roweena mentioning the magic inside Jack as a parasite, you know this organisms live feeding from the host, so could be perfectly related to Dean too, with Michael inside his head, also Michael himself said it I'M THE COMMANDER OF THE HOST.

Colors: DESTIEL AND TFW

Before we start to talk about it, you should read why I'm talking about colors here.. well each color represents a TFW member Because his meaning, isn't the first time writers use this visual narrative, you can check out my color meta from Mint Condition here, in which I explained the meaning of each color and why represents a specific member of TFW.

DESTIEL color coded

Let's start with the color of neon lights from the motel...

Green and Blue! Then, that memorable moment where Castiel was kissed by the bisexual monster, watch the colors from the picture behind Cas.

Mhm... Blue and green again.

And now I want to remind you this pic from "Optimism" written by Jockey too.. watch the walls behind the word AMORE (Love), and this was an observation from my dearest friend @weirddorkylittlediana

This color is a mix between blue and green, is the darker color on the wall draws... Now... Watch the walls from the motel from last episode...

Pic credit @agusvedder

Is the mix between blue and green in the darker color, also a kind of snake skin too.

I already talked about the red mug and the green mug in my first meta, here I just wanted to point two chairs seen in a frame, a red one and a blue one...

You can see it in the first pic a put in this meta or in the following point...

TFW color coded and squares.

In the place where was the Destiel date we had this chairs

Here 👆 yellow chair with a blue one (Sam/Jack and Castiel) and red with blue (Dean and CAS, but... Toxic! Dean...) And the squares representing four points, the four members of TFW 2.0.

We can see squares also in this frame.

Behind Sammy.

About snakes and desert

This was certainly, an episode where "Everything means something" as Roweena said, and using Snakes and Desert sceneries, had a propose.

Desert symbolism

Yes... Desert sands!

The desert has a lot of meanings, the most important is the representation of TEST, Jesus and the Hebrews were 40 day on the desert, and they suffered temptations by Satan and they were tested. It is also a place for retirement and meditation, to searching himself, self knowledge. Is so accurate with Jack and Dean's journeys this season.

Snake symbolism

And here we have much more meanings!

You can see a desert with a snake behind Castiel, and the Mexican man's house decorated as a desert, with sand colors on the walls, and even there was a cactus. And the draws on the carpet again reminding us the snake skin.

But what it means? As I put in my pre meta thoughts here, the snake means knowledge, the soul that gestates itself in a new skin. Eternity, immortality, TIME AND CYCLES. LIGHT AND SPIRITUAL SUN.

With all this symbolic interpretations, I want you to pay attention to the following...

Jack kept the snake from Noah (also Noah was 40 days on the Arc when God made rain on Earth inundating it and renewing it, the new beginning), but yeah, he kept the snake, bc it represents knowledge, and Jack wanted to know about that fable Noah had told him, the snake and the chicken.

But by the end of the episode, when he faces Michael, we had this cycling between three scenes:

MICHAEL TORTURING TFW IN FRONT OF JACK

1)The first one (and it reminded me Zachariah torturing Dean and Sam in 5x01) Michael drowning TFW.

2)Michael made blind TFW

3)Michael gave TFW a huge pain

MICHAEL SELF REVELATION

Michael naming himself as...

1)The commandant of the host

2)The cleaner of the worlds

3)Whom won't be defeated by a child

JACK SELF REVELATION

1) "I'm the son of Lucifer"

2)"I'm a hunter"

3)"I'm a Winchester"

How we related this, the first points: drowning/commandant of the host/Lucifer is talking about possesion, naming Lucifer, we could be talking about past or future. Or both, this is Ouroboros...

The second points: blindness/cleaner of the worlds/hunter, is talking about present, Michael thought he could defeat Dean, but the truth is he was blind, the real cleaners of the world are the hunters, as Jack, killing monster, like Michael. But also and because we had that bisexual monster playing around eating eyes to see, is talking about Dean's blindness and necessity of self acceptance as a bisexual who loves a man.

Third points: pain/defeated/Winchester, and I can make a little of spec here, but maybe in the last point of this meta... But... This has to do with FUTURE and with the talk Castiel had with Jack about surviving and losing the Winchester brothers... PAIN WILL MAKE YOU REMEMBER THEM. Sad but true.

And now... Time for a little spec...

"Fate is cruel and bored"

This are just specs I thought with some evidence on the pocket, so let's play this game with Yockey's clues!

Lovers separation

I keep this spec since 14x06 and now I would say, is still strong... And not just that, I could figure out another scene from 14x11 that I couldn't understand till now... Here...

Pics credit @weirddorkylittlediana

Here we have Noah seeing DEAN ALONE without Castiel... How is that? Because he couldn't see angels?? Yeah perhaps, but it has a more revealing meaning... That wasn't the immediate future... That was FATE. DEAN WILL BE ALONE. And why I say this? Because in 14x11 the twin opened the door and we, the audience, just saw Dean, Sam was there, but we just saw Dean. Conclusion??? Is a foreshadow for the end of this season??? Are all gonna die but Dean? Or maybe Dean will be trapped in some another dimension? Kidnapped by AUKaia?? IDK... Or maybe as my friend @emblue-sparks says... Dean could die.

Jack becoming a new cosmic creature

Like one of the snake meanings, Jack could be the soul that gestates itself, and because this episode could be readed as a parallel of THE FUTURE 12x19, he could fullfil his fate by bringing Paradise to Earth. Let's see... Bc maybe he is soulless now, and could become a real danger.

The return of Lucifer

I know, I know... But the first points I marked up here... From the self revelation scene... Gives me bad vibes... And also I'm still doubting that thing that woke up when Nick was praying could be The Empty, I mean... I had compared the Empty waking up in season 13 with this Terminator thing and... They don't look the same... Sorry and red eyes? The empty doesn't have colors in his eyes... So... Idk..m I don't like this spec sorry.

Still waiting for the talk and the moves (holding hands)

I'm still waiting here for this, because the talk they had it wasn't a complete one, Toxic!Dean came to sabotage the plan, so... Let's wait... And the holding hands!!! Yesssss.

To conclude

Visual narrative in Dabb's era plays an important role for subtext.

This episode was talking about SEE AND DON'T WANT TO SEE, about Bisexuality and fears.

It also takes about self knowledge and self revelation, Jack as a mirror of Dean, who has to give those self Revelations steps, and get out from his prison.

The fable of the black snake with the wise lesson is a bittersweet flavor beacuse now we just don't know who Jack is. The chicken or the snake.

I hope you like it! This one was large... I see you in my DESTIEL meta.

Tagging @metafest @michyribeiro @magnificent-winged-beast @gneisscastiel @agusvedder @emblue-sparks @mrsaquaman187 @weirddorkylittlediana @whyjm @evvvissticante @lykanyouko @koshisekisen @a-bit-of-influence @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @thatwitchydestielfan @legendary-destiel @savannadarkbaby @casualpandabeliever @castiellover20

Buenos Aires March 9th 2019 3:50 AM