#i don't really enjoy smoking but i fucking love the smell of tobacco

[costis]

Putting a cigarette in an incense holder and meditating with it

[tieronecrush]

part of me, apart from me

rating: E (18+ only, MDNI)

word count: 14k....its a whole thing okay?

summary:

kindly requested from a lovely anon "You and Javi had one kid together when you were very young, maybe you broke up due to his work schedule. You reunite at their college graduation 👀"

javier & you had daughter right after he graduated college, you with a couple years left yourself. when she was 15, he got the call to head to colombia, deciding with you to pursue his career and leave the two of you in the safety of laredo. seven years later, your daughter is graduating from college and javier is back home for good after cali, forcing himself to face what he finds are his failures, and hold out hope that you still feel the same as he does.

warnings (SPOILERS): BIG self doubt, self deprecation, heavy guilt, separated relationship, co-parenting, javier being in unrequited love, chucho being a king and a great grandfather & father, strained familial relationships on mother's side, discussions of death/violence/drugs, smoking, alcohol use, mentions of food/eating, use of spanish, javi has total DAD moments, he is a DILF ofc, dirty talk, oral sex (f & m (briefly) receiving), unprotected sex, unplanned pregnancy, becomes established relationship, etc.

a/n: i don't think the anon who requested this realized what it would do to my brain, but i have created a whole universe for this fic. i am in love with their little family and they will live forever in my head and heart. a huge thank you to my bestie el @northernbluess for screaming about javi, this fic, giving me the title for this, and beta-reading this long ass fic for me. love you friend!!!! hope you all enjoy, and that you love them as much as i do!

The engine of Javier’s truck cuts as he turns the ignition, the loud rumble of its mechanics quieting to reveal the sounds of birds chirping. For Texas in May, it’s a pretty mild day, sunlight shining bright against the blue sky. There’s a handful of wispy clouds above him as he opens the door and steps down from the cab, shutting it with a metallic click. He rolls his shoulders and swings his arms to loosen up, the sweat at the nape of his neck is from his nerves more than the temperature.

It’s been two years since he has seen his daughter, Liliana, in person. He’d come back from Colombia after everything that went down with the Cali cartel and the government only a mere 48 hours ago. He’s exhausted, but he made the drive from Laredo to College Station to see his princesa, the light of his life for the last twenty-two years, graduate from college. Specifically, his alma mater, Texas A&M University.

He has been counting down the days until he was back for this occasion, after repeatedly reminding everyone in the embassy that he would be out of the country. It just so happens that he doesn’t need to return to Colombia as he had originally planned.

A deep inhale and slow exhale attempt to calm the jitters that are trembling his fingers.

Fuck, he really wants a cigarette.

But Lili would kill him if he showed up smelling like burnt tobacco when he had promised a week ago he was on the Nicorette thing.

Instead, he shakes his head to himself and hooks his sunglasses in the open chest of his light blue short-sleeve button-up. Out of habit, he reaches to his lower back to feel for his pistol, his touch brushing denim.

Another inhale, slow exhale.

He can do this.

It’s you and his daughter. Two people that he loves. Two people he’s been working for.

Maybe that’s why he’s so fucking nervous.

How can you welcome him back every time he makes a visit? How can his daughter be excited to talk to him every week from across the equator? He’s been gone for years. Most of her teenage life, and nearly all of her college career. He’s only been back once since she moved to university. Once.

What a fucking asshole.

Certainly not a good father.

His boots tick against the pavement of the front path up to the dingy, weather-worn two-story house. He remembers getting photographs of Liliana in front of this house a couple of years ago, sent from you and stuffed in an envelope along with photos retelling her entire summer. That one of her standing proudly in front of this house hung on his fridge until he packed it up two days ago.

Every day he looked at it, he wished nothing more than to have been like one of her friends’ dads that helped with moving in and fixing up the house, maybe slipping her a hundred dollar bill to spend on groceries or alcohol on his way out to the car after saying goodbye.

Instead, he was stuck in Colombia under the thumb of the U.S. government and sleazy CIA agents that were controlling him like a puppet.

He’s here now, though. And he’s trying so hard to get over the tightness in his chest, to clear the lump in his throat, and to dry his sweaty palms when he gets up the creaky wooden steps and up to the front door. His middle finger presses the doorbell aggressively, taking a step back and shaking out his shoulders again.

Gaze focused on his shoes, he looked up as he heard the door unlock. A wide, genuine grin breaks out on his face when he sees Liliana in the threshold, that same smile copied and pasted onto hers, even down to the dimple on his right cheek.

“Tata (Dad)! You’re here!” she exclaims, jumping out of the door and hooking her arms around his neck. He laughs as he catches her, one arm wrapping around her waist and his other hand reaching up to hold the back of her head. He pets her long, brunette hair, squeezing her in a tight hug against his chest.

“Oh, Lili Pad. Missed you so much, mija.” He kisses the side of her head before loosening his hold on her, taking in the sight of his daughter after seeing her only through photographs for years.

“Tata, I’m graduating college tomorrow. Not little Lili Pad anymore.”

Her eye roll gives Javier’s attitude a run for its money.

Damn, she really got a lot from his gene pool.

The same deep brown eyes with hints of amber, softened and round give away their every emotion. The same mouth that finds a perfect pout, combined with those eyes he was always pushed over when she was younger. Anything she wanted, he would give to her. Even now.

She has your nose, though. Your ears. Your feminine facial structure. Your charming, warm personality.

“You’re always gonna be Lili Pad, amorcita. Always gonna be my babygirl,” he presses another kiss to her temple, unraveling her from him, “But you have grown into such a beautiful woman, Lili. You remind me of your mamá when she was your age.”

“There’s that Peña charm.”

He looks over his daughter’s shoulder and sees you leaning against the banister, arms crossed over your chest with a smirk playing at your lips. His heart rate increases to double speed, his now dry hands clamming up again as he drinks you in from head to toe.

Years away and he is still so fucking in love with you.

Another reason to curse his time in Colombia.

It was a mutual decision, to split up before he left. There was no timeline for how long he would be gone or when he could come back that first time he went down there.

And there was no way in hell he was putting the two most important people in his life in the middle of what was basically a fucking warzone.

So, that was that. Co-parents, and close friends.

And an agonizing ache every time he saw you since he left.

He grins right back at you, Lili waving him inside after her. Crossing the entryway to you, he opens his arms with a quirk of his brows.

Your smirk reaches its full stretch, shifting into a gracious smile as you drop your arms and step into his, snaking your hands around to his back. He holds you tightly, a shorter embrace than the one with Liliana but long enough for your signature scent to pull him back to being a young, dumb college student who was madly in love. A chaste kiss is pressed to your cheek before he pulls away.

“I’m pretty sure she gets that from you, amor. I don’t recall a time when you weren’t able to get what you wanted — everyone you meet thinks you’re a delight.”

“See? More charm. Laying it on a little thick, Jav,” you tease, hitting your fist against his bicep gently.

He glances at your arm when you lower it back to your side, catching the glint of the bracelet with Liliana’s initials in gold charms that is always on your wrist. He gave it to you after she was born, once she was taken home from the hospital and the two of you were standing over her crib watching her sleep. Ever since then, he’s never seen you without it.

“Alright, alright. Enough of the weird, complimentary back-and-forth you guys do. Do you wanna see the place before I move out, viejo?” Lili cuts in and Javi’s eyes leave your wrist to look at her with a smile.

“Ay, no soy viejo, princesa (Ay, I am not old, princess). Now lead the way and no more making fun of me,” he nods for her to walk ahead of him, taking a few steps and glancing back at you, “You not coming on the tour, amor?”

You shake your head and give Liliana a look that says ‘Care to explain?’. Being on the receiving end of that look many times, he knows it a bit too well coming from you.

“Mom is being amazing and helpful and wonderful like Mom always is and is packing my closet for me.” Lili cringes as she admits it to her father, Javier shaking his head and letting out a long exhale.

“Liliana, you have known you’re moving for months and you’ve waited until the day before graduation to pack? Dios, somos demasiado parecidos (God, we are too much alike),” he nods for her to continue walking as you laugh behind him, the sound traveling as you walk upstairs and bringing a faint smile to his lips as he follows his daughter.

He hovers around Lili’s room as you pace from her closet to the cases laid out on the floor, organizing everything and folding as you walk back and forth. Your daughter is downstairs, tasked with packing up her items from the kitchen and the living room. Javi’s been given the whole tour, now dropped off to “catch up with Mom”, as Lili put it.

Across the surfaces and walls, he spies the little gifts he’s sent her over his years away: all of the birthday cards he’s hand-picked and written letters in stacked in a box on her desk, the mola depicting lilies framed and hanging on her wall, the brightly colored Wayuu mochila that he’d bought from one of the open air markets in Bogotá hanging off of the door knob to her closet.

There’s a sharp pain in his chest when he sees the small picture frames sitting on her nightstand. He sits on the edge of her bed and picks them up one by one to study them. The first is a photo of you and Lili, smiling from ear to ear. He recognizes the photo as one he took on his visit before last, the one he made before Lili went to college. The pair of you are standing in the middle of an overgrown field on the Peña ranch, sun setting in the background. Lili insisted on watching the sunset all together on Javi’s last night at home, and he snuck the camera out with the three of you.

He has a copy of the photo right next to his bed, too.

Setting the frame down delicately, he picks up the next one, this one of Lili and him alone. It’s from years ago, the wide smile on Lili’s face showing off her missing front tooth. Javi grins back at his little girl in the photo, his eyes combing over to the younger version of him, way back when he was a sheriff in Laredo. It must have been during the holidays — there’s a shiny plastic red gift bow on his chest and Lili is wearing a knit sweater with a snowman on it.

Where did all the time go?

The last photograph grows the lump in his throat and the ache in between his ribs. It’s a photo of the three of you, one from his most recent visit a couple of years ago. Dressed up for a Dean’s Award ceremony that Liliana was nominated for. She looks like the spitting image of you, and you are absolutely glowing with pride for her. You two are so beautiful. He looks exhausted, anxiety in his eyes that never seems to have left since his first year in the DEA. It was around the time when he thought he was going to be able to stay, to be around for Lili and for you. He told you what happened in Colombia that got him sent home; you understood, of course, you understood why he did it all. And he admitted it all with the faintest smile on his face, the thought of getting to settle was appealing more and more to him.

And then he got the call.

He battled with the decision.

He talked to you about it.

You said, “We’re always gonna be here, Jav. You need to go. What’s a few more years?”

Everything. A few more years was everything.

He missed so much.

“You okay, Jav?”

He looks up from the photo in his hands, eyes focusing back on the room instead of a million miles ahead. You are kneeling next to one of the suitcases, carefully placing some of your daughter’s clothes in neatly. Those eyes you’re giving him turn his brain to mush, all of the escalating thoughts dripping away.

“Yeah, yeah, all good. Reminiscing,” he nods to himself as he turns the photo for you to see before setting it back down, pulling a grin onto his face, “Do you remember when the three of us would all go out to dinner or meet up with my tíos and tías when Lili was a baby? And they would always ask us when we were getting married?”

A gentle laugh comes from you as you think back, knowing how many times you got asked the same question over and over again.

“Yes, I definitely remember that. I also remember you getting so annoyed one day that you just—”

“Lied and said that we got married at the courthouse?”

“Yes! I got such an onslaught of questions after you said that. That news, which wasn’t even news, spread like wildfire throughout your family.”

“Well, at least it got people off our backs, esposa,” he winks, grin lifting to one side to meld into a smirk.

You roll your eyes dramatically, the wide smile peeling your lips apart making Javi’s heart race faster.

“You want some help, amor? Feel like an imbécil not doing anything,” he slaps his hands on his knees as he stands from Lili’s bed, taking the handful of steps that separate you. One knee is bent to bring him down to the ground, huffing out a sigh as he gets fully onto his knees.

“Sure you’re gonna be able to get up from the floor, viejo?” You raise an eyebrow at him as you continue to put rolled clothes into the luggage. Javier rolls his eyes, shaking his head.

“I think I can handle getting up from the ground, bromista. Been jumping off of roofs and trekking through fucking jungles for seven years.” He doesn’t wait for your response, grabbing one of the unfolded shirts from next to you and attempting to fold it as neatly as you’ve done with the rest of them.

“Alright, alright. I believe you. How about I roll, you organize what I hand you into the suitcase? Sounds good?” You hold a hand out for the shirt in his hand, a small laugh as he resigns his attempt and passes the fabric over.

“Sí, jefa (Yes, boss),” a soft grin pulls one side of his mouth up, deepening the dimple on his right cheek. You look at him with your own tender smile when you hand him a rolled pair of jeans to put away, reaching your hand up to poke the little crevice in his cheek like you always do — like you always did.

The two of you work quietly for a few minutes, falling into a rhythm. Liliana makes noise from downstairs, cabinets open and closing, sounds of bubble wrap being ripped echoing throughout the house.

“How’re you doin’, Jav?”

The question strikes him, slumping his shoulders and training his gaze on the shirt in his hands as he rubs his index and thumb over the softened cotton.

It’s a simple enough question; he expected you to ask when you first saw him. In a greeting, he thought it would be easy to brush it off, tell you ‘Estoy bien’ or that he was happy to be home.

But right now, packing up his daughter’s clothes to move her out of college and back into your home — the day before his little girl’s graduation — it feels too difficult to lie.

Sitting alone here with you, the mother of his daughter, the beauty that gave him his greatest gift, the woman — the strong, commanding, warm, gentle woman that he is still so incredibly in love with — is drawing the truth out of him before he can fully catch up with what he’s admitting.

“Feeling like a real pendejo. I missed so much. Too much, amor. I’m sorry.”

“Jav. You are here now. You always show up when she needs her Tata. Even if it’s not physically, you show up for her every day. No more of that talk this weekend, do you hear me? You’re here. That’s it. Not missing anything.”

How do you always know what to say to him?

How did he ever walk away from you?

Javier nods his head, pressing his lips into a tight line as his fingers twitch for nicotine. He would kill for that slow drag of smoke filling his lungs, relaxing his racing mind and heart with a break that lasts as long as the burning paper and tobacco.

Instead, he stands on his knees, grabbing the plastic pack out of his pocket and popping out a chiclet of gum, tossing it into his mouth, and chewing furiously. The look on your face is observational, a twitch of your lips into the faintest grin calms him nearly as much as a cigarette would.

He sits back on his haunches, one of his hands reaching to touch you, faltering when your head turns down to fold the item of clothing in your hands.

“Te quiero, esposa,” his hand grazes his fingertips along the denim covering his thighs, twitching to move the hair curtaining your face, “Thank you.”

“No need to thank me, Jav,” your head shakes back and forth subtly, eyes lifting from your lap and softening as you smile at him, “Love you, too.”

“Jesús Cristo, Liliana, you have a lot of shit. I went to college with a suitcase and a duffle bag — and left four years later with just the duffle bag,” Javier shakes his head as he carries the last piece of luggage downstairs to the living room where the rest of her packed belongings are accumulating to pack up in your three cars the day after her graduation.

“God, Jav, you sound like my father. ‘I walked twelve miles to school with rocks in my backpack and in a foot of snow’,” you drop your voice to mock him, laughing with your daughter as she walks in from the kitchen and stands next to you, “Getting to be an old man, Peña.”

“Mamá is right, Tata. You’re the youngest dad out of all my friends and you sound the oldest right now,” Lili says through a wide smile, and you laugh with her now, sending Javier a brightly teasing grin.

He grumbles and rolls his eyes, waving a hand at both of you dismissively.

“Yeah, yeah. Enough from you two bromistas. Y’know, I didn’t miss you two ganging up on me — it was one thing through the phone, but in person is just too much.”

Your tongue clicks and you walk over to him, pinching his cheek as you pass by him, “Aw, Jav, it’s all love. You’re just easy to rile up, makes it fun.”

You wink at him with your back to Liliana, slipping out of the room to grab more of her boxes from the kitchen. At your touch and the minuscule flirtation, his heart rate thumps louder in his ears. His eyes follow you out of the room, snapping back when Liliana asks him a question. He shakes himself out of the trance, looking over to his daughter and stepping over to where she’s stood in front of an open box.

“Qué pasa, mija? (What’s up, my daughter?)” Javier reaches an arm up and wraps it around her shoulders, holding her against his side as he presses a kiss to her head. His eyes drop to what’s held in front of her, a chill running down his spine when he sees a photo of Escobar across the front page of the newspaper, the headline reading ‘ESCOBAR KILLED IN MEDELLÍN’.

“Do you want this copy, Tata? I kept two of them, but I think the other one is already packed away and I don’t know if I need both anymore really. Kept one to show my professors all about you,” Lili turns her head and looks up at him.

Javier shakes his head, a tight smile facing his daughter before he drops his arm from her shoulders.

“No, no thanks, mija. No need to keep the other one either. I wasn’t even there for that, amorcita. I think I was actually about to come over to Mamá’s house to see you when I got the call,” he tasks his antsy hands with sealing a cardboard box with packing tape, “May as well toss them out. Or send them to Mr. Murphy if you want them to be kept safe.”

“I don’t want to get rid of the other one. I want to keep it. Even if you weren’t there for it, you still did so much work to get to that point, Tata. I mean, you doing all of that in Colombia is what made me want to do criminal psychology,” she carefully slips the newspaper into one of the open boxes, closing it up and holding her hand out for the tape roll.

“Mi princesa, you—“

“I know, Tata. I promise I am not going to be running on rooftops or caught in the middle of shootouts with the DEA. No fighting cartels, viejo. I just want to work with profiling and behind-the-scenes stuff.” She takes the tape, closing up the box completely as Javier’s heart cinches in his chest.

He is so incredibly proud of his Lili Pad, but he can’t deny how angry he got when Liliana chose her major finally — of course, it had to be criminology. She explained she was drawn to it because of his work, but assured that she is not interested in doing the same thing he has done for years. Behind the scenes, possibly going into forensic psychology or helping to profile criminals. Office jobs, for the most part. But he couldn’t shake that anger inside for months; never been angry with his daughter, and he knew she was as headstrong as him and would achieve what she wanted. He was angry with himself, for even planting any sort of seed, even unknowingly, for Lili to get into this type of work. He knows that eventually her end of the promise might not be kept — he knows her, how easily excitable she can get with new opportunities. She’ll likely end up climbing ranks or even getting into some agency like the FBI or something.

The thought of her out there, in a tac vest or with a weapon, makes bile burn his esophagus.

“Alright, I think we’re done here for today. Better go check into the hotel and we can get ready quick, then we can swing by and pick you up for dinner, Lili.” Your voice pulls him out of his spiral, stare focusing back into the room and glancing over at you in the doorway from the kitchen.

“Sí, jefa. Sounds like a plan,” he pats the pockets of his jeans and feels for his truck keys, “You gonna be ready if we come in an hour, princesa?”

Lili rolls her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest and popping her hip out, a stance all too familiar to Javier.

“Sí, Tata. Besides, I’m not the one you should be asking that to. Mom is always the one who takes longer to get ready.”

Javier laughs when you walk over to your daughter, pinching her side playfully. He shakes his head and gives Liliana a knowing look.

“Mija, I have known that fact about your mamá for longer than you’ve been alive. I’m guessing it will be an hour and a half until we’re back, but wanted to make sure you were actually ready. An hour to you women is at least an hour and fifteen to the rest of the world.”

Javier smiles with a loud laugh as both you and Lili approach him and swat his arms, pinching his sides without causing any pain whatsoever. There were protests on either side of him, his daughter and her mother annoyed with the judgments on their time management but all three of them knew he was right.

“Alright, alright, I apologize…” he surrenders from the assault with his hands up, taking deep breaths as he recovers from his laughter before continuing with a smirk, “But we all know I’m right!”

Javier makes a quick exit out of the room and through the front door before any other hits or pinches can be given to him, hearing the stifled laughter from you and Lili from inside the house.

“Yeah, you better run, Jav!” you call out as you gather your purse and fish out your car keys, saying a quick goodbye to Lili and following his path out of the house, “Now I’m gonna be ready in an hour just to prove you wrong.”

“That would only make me overjoyed. Maybe we could make our reservation in time then,” he waves goodbye to Liliana before turning to continue down the front path of her house, to his truck parked in front of your small SUV.

“You wanna follow me over there?” he asks as he unlocks the driver’s side door, watching you open yours and nod to him.

“Yeah, sounds good to me. Don’t be driving like a bat out of hell, though, Javier.”

“Hey, I can’t make any promises. Used to driving all around Colombian cities, it’s a lot different on those roads,” he jokes before making sure you get into your car, hopping into the truck, and listening to the engine turn over before he leads you both over to your accommodations for the rest of the weekend.

“You have got to be kidding me.”

“I’m so sorry, Mr. Peña. We would normally be absolutely willing to find a solution for you, but we’re fully booked for the graduation weekend. We only have one room for you.” The front desk receptionist looks terrified of Javier at this moment, his glare that he has perfected, normally reserved for serious criminals or dirty agents, is aimed directly at the young college student working here.

When the two of you were trying to check in, they had been informed that the reservation Javier had made for the two of you, two standard rooms, had been double booked, resulting in the parties involved only getting delegated one room each. 

His jaw notched to the side, hands gripping the edge of the front counter with his arms wide and head dipping down in annoyance. He picks it up, addressing the hotel employee again.

“I made a reservation months ago. I called from fucking Colombia — I paid about forty dollars wasting twenty minutes on the phone with whoever was working that day just to get this booked—”

“Jav,” your hand finds his chest as his eyes find yours, the rapid heartbeat thumping in his chest definitely not slowing down at what was supposed to be your soothing touch, “It’s fine. We can survive with one room for two nights. It’s either taking this or sleeping on the floor at Lili’s.”

Holding your gaze, he can see the words unsaid in the look you’re giving him.

Shut up and take the room key.

And there’s no way he is continuing to argue with the kid in front of him as he squirms under your own stern stare. With a grumble, he straightens up, your hand leaving his chest and cool, conditioned air chilling the spot that was covered in your warmth. The rest of the check-in process is painless, with Javier paying for the stay and taking the room keys. He turns around to face you, handing you one of the access cards and nodding toward the elevators.

“Let me take that, amor.” He leans down and grabs both duffles from the floor, one his and one yours, following your lead over to the elevators. The two of you stand and wait for the doors to open, the familiar ding alerting them to which one will be taking them up to their floor. When the doors slide apart, a large group of people started to spill out into the lobby. You step back to avoid a collision with a man not watching where he is walking, and Javier’s hand immediately finds your lower back to steady you. It lingers as the rush of people clears out — he makes no move to take it away until he guides you into the small square space, dropping his touch to press the button for your floor.

Once the two of you make it into the room, he sets your bags down on the desk and dresser, walking over to the thermostat to turn it down for you without a second thought.

“You remember,” you observe with a grin, rifling through your bag to find your toiletries and a change of clothes for dinner.

“Course I do, always had to have the air blasting in our apartment or the house. You never could sleep without a massive blanket and your toes under my legs. Never did understand your need to be freezing, always,” he chuckles at the memories of every night with you, until the separation when he was assigned to Bogotá.

“I dunno why either, just was always the most comfortable. Felt cozier, plus it always gave an excuse to cuddle.” Your giggle sends a tingle from his ears down the back of his neck and across his shoulders, a shudder easily blamed on the intense fans of the air-con.

“Go ahead and take the first shower, esposa. I’ll wait so that you can have more time to get ready and all that,” Javier crosses the room, saddling up next to you to rummage through his own weekender bag. In his periphery, he can see you flash a smile as you gather your things in one arm, using the free hand to brush across his shoulder blades when you walk behind him.

“Very kind, Jav. I’ll be quick, I promise.”

You stand in the doorway of the bathroom and he picks his head up, turning it to look at you. Head to toe, he scans you quickly before settling on your face, shaking his head.

“Take your time, amor. We both know I can be ready in ten minutes if I need to be,” he sends you a wink and half a smirk appears when you laugh, shutting the door behind you.

He hears the water run, kicking off his boots and sitting at the edge of the bed with an extensive sigh. Rubbing his eyes of exhaustion, he’s still for a moment. Shoulders drop, limbs feeling heavy as the day catches up with him. Moving, packing, even fighting with himself has drained him over the course of the day.

He loved spending time with his Liliana again, seeing her eager to walk the stage tomorrow and collect her diploma. And being around you again, drudging up all of the feelings and desires and words that he has tamped down for the last seven years. But it all comes with reminders of how absent he was, thousands of miles away, how undeserving he is of being welcomed back into the arms of you two, how his daughter was so proud, idolized him so much that she chose to study a major that puts her in the same field of work. He deserves distance from her, a cold shoulder from you — aloofness of some sort for the choice he made.

At least that’s what he’s told himself over and over for nearly the last decade. No matter how much you or Lili continually proved those thoughts wrong, they always came back.

He glances at his watch before standing and moving toward the bag again, hearing the water shut off and moving to grab his toiletries. Taking out the leather Dopp kit jostles something else in the bag loose, flinging it out onto the floor. Bending down with a sigh to retrieve it, he’s faced with the metal badge emblazoned with the DEA seal and ‘USA’ carved into it. It must have been in the bag from his plane ride earlier this week, and it serves as a blatant reminder of what he needs to talk to you about on this trip. What he needs to tell Liliana, too.

The badge gets thrown back into the bag and he walks toward the open bathroom door, stopping short within the threshold. You’re standing at the counter, products splayed around you to do your makeup. Even after living with you for 15 years, he barely has a clue what any of it does besides lipstick and mascara. He’d spent many mornings and evenings listening to you explaining your routine, but never quite getting down all the product names. There’s a pang in his chest, felt deep in the bones of his rib cage; the sight gives him major deja vu, nostalgia wavering over him. Even his subconscious longs for a time when you were his.

A humorous smile reflects back at him with your eyes glued to his in the mirror. Your fingers tap a rogue-colored product across your cheeks, giving you a bit of a brighter, subtly flushed look.

“Sorry, Jav, promise I’ll be out of here in like five minutes. I am trying to be quick.”

“Cálmate, amor. No hay prisa.There’s no rush, really…” he clears his throat, setting his toiletry bag down on an open space at the counter. He leans one hip against it, body facing you and studying the motions of painting your face while his mind works up the courage to bring up the pressing conversation.

“I, um, I actually have to tell you something.” His eyes cast down to the side, the grout of the tiles suddenly interested him.

“What is, Jav? You can tell me anything, you know that.” The compact in your hand is forgotten, clicked closed, and set down next to you as you mirror his stance. One hip against the counter, facing him.

“I know. I know. There’s just—It’s kind of a big thing and I wanted to tell you as soon as it all happened but I didn’t know how things would exactly shake out…”

“Javier. Take a breath,” you instruct him, hand against his chest with purposeful pressure, taking a deep inhale along with him and letting it out slowly. You don’t remove your hand, and he’s grateful for the gesture.

“I retired from the DEA two days ago. The morning before I left to come home. So, uh, I’m back at the ranch with Pop and I’ll be here now.” A mess of emotion comes out of his voice — fear, anxiety, relief, disappointment. Painfully, he drags his eyes up to your face, seeing your eyes wide with surprise and your brows relaxing from shooting up at the news. It’s an unreadable, unfamiliar expression; he watches as it all morphs behind your eyes before sympathy washes over every feature of yours, tender tone speaking up in the tiny bathroom.

“What happened?”

Everything was spilling out after that — information that was surely spreading across the US over the last 48 hours, not that he paid any attention to the news right now. Ambassador Crosby told him that he had won, that the Cali Godfathers would be locked up, at least for the foreseeable future. How dirty he felt when Crosby said the words, “You played the system like a goddamn fiddle…” The ledger proving the Colombian president’s campaign donations from the Cali cartel in exchange for immunity, the knowledge that the US government allowed all of it to occur, how he had spoken about it all to the reporter from El Tiempo.

“Javier, Jav, oh—I’m so proud of you.” The air is knocked him his lungs when the sound of those words reaches his ears, the next second being wrapped up in your tight embrace. It takes a moment to register your hug before he relaxes his weight against you, tension melting as you speak to him right next to his ear, “You told the truth. You helped every single Colombian citizen know what their government was doing to them. Just, holy shit, Javi. That’s fucking badass. I’m so, so proud of you, honey.”

Kindness, understanding, and comfort ooze around him and break down the stoicism that he’s been masked with for the last two days, tears welling in his eyes and spilling a few over that he quickly wipes away.

How can you always seem to find endless compassion for him? He’s just told you he quit his job with no real backup plan and all you said was how proud of him you are.

You’re a really good friend.

A great friend, actually.

Fuck, he is so in love with you still it hurts.

“Thank you…I don’t deserve your pride though, I did so many bad things,” his voice is hoarse on the last word, tightening his arms around you to quell his emotion.

“None of that, Jav. You uncovered a whole fucking…political scandal. Told people what their governments were doing. That’s honest; it’s ethical and respectable. You did the right thing, Jav.”

The last few words grow the lump in his throat, a slow nod against the side of your head. His lips brush your ear, confiding as if it is something he hasn’t said many times before, “Te quiero, amor.”

The smile is evident in your voice despite the fact that the hug keeps your face from his sight, and the saccharine sweetness of your voice sends his heart racing again, “Love you too, honey.”

At dinner, once there’d been a few drinks and some food served, Javier told Liliana the news he broke to you in your hotel bathroom. Albeit, it was an abridged version, details of his mistakes and pains of guilt left out for his precious daughter’s sake. She was eager to get out into the world and make a difference, and he had all the faith that she could, unlike him. He didn’t want his story to taint her view of what she was going to be able to achieve with her sheer determination.

He had that at one point. Probably lost it sometime in the last few years, slowly and then all at once when those tapes were found.

Liliana was understanding of her father resigning, chalking it up to his years down there catching up with him and teasing him for being an old man now. He took it gracefully, laughing along with the two of you and riffing on his own, with self-effacing jokes. As the conversation wrapped up, questions from Lili were answered by him — he was home, for good, living with Chucho and helping run the ranch. He would absolutely be around to help her get ready for her first day at work and help her move into her new apartment in San Antonio. And yes, he would be delighted to come over for dinner once or twice a week to spend some time with her, and you. Liliana had formulated the idea herself, earning a nod of approval from you and a warm invitation seconded.

After he accepted, Liliana changed the subject to rant about whoever the university had chosen for the commencement speech and how random of a choice it was. He listened intently, always hanging on every word from his Lili Pad, but he couldn’t help but be distracted by your hand coming to the place on his thigh closest to his knee, resting there for a moment before giving him a supportive squeeze. Nothing was spoken about the gesture, no looks were exchanged when your hand stayed there until the food came.

Sitting in the booth, observing and listening to his girls bounce back and forth in conversation, he finds the first moment of resounding comfort that he’s felt in seven years.

The last conversation he had with Spencer just days ago after the recent trial in D.C. rings in his mind, the two men standing at the displayed photos of Special Agents from the DEA.

He had asked Javier, “What else is a guy like you gonna do?”

At the time, Javier wasn’t too sure.

But now, with two of his favorite smiles beaming, one identical to his own, and the chorus of laughter that soundtracks his life, and his heart racing, the heart that bleeds for his family sitting here with him, he knows what he’s gonna do.

Be a father.

Be a partner.

Be a friend, a son, a lover, a teacher, a student, a listener, a provider, a protector.

Be everything he hasn’t been for nearly a decade.

He is going to be there for you two. No matter what.

The two of you are back in the hotel room, Liliana dropped off safely at her home and promptly reminded of the schedule for tomorrow. Javier threw her a, “Don’t be too hungover,” that you rolled your eyes at, the faintest of smiles on your face, knowing exactly how Javier was at his own graduation. You, unknowingly pregnant with Lili at the time, were feeling sick and extremely nervous to be seeing his parents the next day, so there was no drinking for you that night. The next morning you were rubbing his back as he threw up before dragging him into the shower and then dressing him like a doll.

He remembers the only thing he was thinking that morning was how much he loved you, how much he was going to miss you after moving home to Laredo to become a sheriff while you were finishing school the next year.

Life seemed so simple back then; only had to worry about visiting his girlfriend at the weekends, showing up for work on time, and taking care of his parents.

A few weeks later, you told him you were pregnant.

God, how fast was time moving? He feels like that was merely last year.

“Bathroom’s all yours, Jav.”

He looks up from his duffel to see you walking out in your pajamas, a smirk crossing his face at the faded Texas A&M shirt he recognized from his own closet from years before. With a nod to you, he unbuttons his shirt halfway before talking to you over his shoulder.

“I can take the floor, amor. You take the bed.”

A loud laugh from behind turns him around, and you look at him like he’s got about four heads.

“Javier Luis, you’re not going to be able to get up in the morning if you sleep on the floor, viejo. If it’s weird for you to sleep in the bed with me, I’ll be the one to take the floor.”

“No, you’re not. And it’s not weird for me, I just didn’t know if you would be comfortable with it.”

“Don’t know if you forgot, but we have slept in the same bed together before, Jav. It’s kind of how we have a daughter, you dork,” you snort and climb onto the plush mattress, slipping under the duvet and leaning up against the pillows.

“Hey, I was trying to be a gentleman, no need for the name-calling.”

“You are always a gentleman, hon, no need to try. Plus I have to call you names, who else will keep you humble?”

“Our daughter. That’s who. I think she’s worse than you with the jokes,” he laughs.

Your smile widens, laughing along with him and shrugging, “I wonder where she gets that from.”

A wink is sent his way, stirring his stomach before he clears his throat and nods to the bathroom, “Gonna get ready for bed, you all done in there?”

“Yeah, yeah. Go for it,” you wave toward the bathroom, grabbing your book from the nightstand.

Javier makes quick work of brushing his teeth and the rest of his night routine, avoiding his tired reflection before shutting the lights out and going back into the bedroom. Book still in your hand, he stands in his jeans again, rubbing the back of his neck. Without looking up you pat the spot next to you.

“I know you sleep in your boxers, just get in the damn bed.”

Ever since you became a mom, your power of reading his mind has gotten way too good.

Well, maybe it isn’t perfect cause if you could read his mind, you probably wouldn’t have suggested sharing a bed again with the amount of time he spends thinking about you.

“Sometimes it makes me mad how often you know what I’m going to say,” he grumbles and shucks off his jeans leaving them at the side of the bed and climbing under the covers. He stays comfortably at the side of the bed, sighing deeply as he closes his eyes. 

“Comes with experience.”

“Why can’t I do it for you then?” He opens his eyes and turns onto his side to look at you, “I’ve known you just as long as you’ve known me.”

The book in your hands is closed, and laid in your lap, looking down at Javier and shrugging, “You have your own way of it. I might know what you’re going to say, but you always anticipate everyone’s needs and you’re always one step ahead of me. I mean, you always see like four steps ahead. You saved Lili many broken bones at the playground growing up and you always used to be able to cheer me up and fix whatever was making me sad or angry before I really even knew what it was myself.”

A grin slowly pulls the corners of your lips apart, one of your hands reaching over to tap the top of his head. 

“Well, I quickly learned the signs of your hangriness. That was most often the reason you were upset,” he chuckles, one side of his mouth ticking up as he relaxes further into the bed.

Comfortable silence falls over the two of you as you read your book for a few more minutes, Javier lying next to you and trying, half-assed, to fall asleep. He really was just sneaking glances at you every time he adjusted positions, admiring the concentrated look on your face, engrossed in the story.

At one point, the book was shut for the night and set on the nightstand, the lamp clicked off and you relaxed back into bed. You turned on your side to face him, voice whisper quiet, “You asleep, Jav?”

He hums lowly, vibrations absorbed by the mattress before his eyes peel open and adjust to the darkness.

“Not yet. Qué pasa, amor?”

“Did you quit smoking?”

“Uh, I guess so, yeah. Why are you asking that now?”

“Just curious. I didn’t see you dip outside to smoke at all today and you got a non-smoking room, too. Very un-Javier.”

“Oh, is that all I am to you, esposa? A smoker?” He has a lilt of teasing in his voice, raising his eyebrows as you laugh faintly.

“Shut up, I didn’t say that.” There’s a gentle shove to his shoulder before your hands are back by you, tucked under your chin as you curl up again.

“I was going to congratulate you on quitting, but now I’m not sure if I want to, meanie.”

“You’re the one randomly questioning me about my habits! Meanie.”

“I am not a meanie, I had no bad intentions!”

“Sure, and what would you have said if I told you I didn’t quit?”

Javier gives you a satisfied smirk when you’re silent, shaking his head to himself.

“Knew it,” he rolls onto his back, hand resting on his stomach and turning his head to the side, “I quit ‘cause Lili called me before I came home and asked me to. She’s asked for a while, but I kept putting it off with the stress of work and everything. Thought now’s the time after I resigned.”

In the darkness, he suddenly feels your hand on his bicep closest to you, rubbing up and down slowly.

“You’re a good dad, Jav. The best. Glad you’re the one I got to have a kid with.”

If he says anything now, it will come out incoherent from the lump sitting in his throat. Instead, he hums in response, nothing else spoken until you’ve fallen asleep.

“I’m glad it was me, too.”

It is hot as fuck.

He’s trying so hard not to sweat his ass off while in the cattle of people funneling into the arena at this moment, attempting to keep his light beige button-up dry. He was going to wear his normal uniform of jeans and a short-sleeved shirt when he heard the weather report on the TV this morning, but your face when you saw him pull out navy slacks and his long-sleeved shirt that he packed, was too excitable and adorable to not wear anything else — “We’ll be matching! Our pictures will be so cute with Lili in her white dress.” Standing in your floral, mid-length navy dress, who was he to deny you those coordinated photos? 

Things had been much more…familiar since last night and this morning. It was the back and forth that was effortless, the fall into a perfectly choreographed routine — him anticipating your moves and you knowing what he was thinking before he could even ask a question. The close quarters of the shared room suddenly felt much too large to Javier; he was desperate for too small of space so he could stay close to you, but with 15 years of experience living together, and even longer dating, you moved too in sync with each other to collide.

He was close to you this morning, though, waking up at the sound of the alarm clock next to his side of the bed; his arm moved to shut it off, coasting along your hip and thigh before reaching behind him to stop the noise. A grumble from you pulled him back, positioning himself again on his side and adjusting the arm that ended up underneath your head, his chest enveloping your back when his other arm slung around your waist. If he closed his eyes, he could swear it was any other morning from before Colombia, stretching all the way back to his bed in his shitty college apartment that you tolerated spending nights in.

There isn’t a thing in this world he wouldn’t give to be able to have this wake up every day from now on.

He knows he needs to talk to you, to tell you all that he is feeling, but he can’t bring himself to do it now. Not before his daughter’s college graduation when the two of you are getting along like old friends. The peace shouldn’t be disrupted by you potentially rejecting him.

Which has brought him standing behind you in the crowd of parents and families, a hand on your lower back to keep a tab on you as everyone filters in through the doors. He keeps his eyes scanning out of habit, searching for a danger that surely isn’t there, while you chat away with Chucho walking directly next to you.

His attention is elsewhere, anxiety creeping into his bones at the masses gathering here, impossible to keep tabs on everyone. The three most important people to him are in this building, and he has no means to protect them if something happened—

No. Enough. This isn’t Colombia. There are no sicarios here.

It’s supposed to be an enjoyable day.

The thoughts circle in his mind as a mantra while the three of you find seats, Javier tailing with you in the middle of him and his father. You sit at the end of one row, holding the same order when you finally take your seats.

Smoothing your skirt, Javier watches as you turn to Chucho, giving him an update about something that was recently repaired in the house.

“Wait, you had to get a new water heater? Why didn’t you tell me you needed one?” he interjects with an edge, brow furrowing as he grills you.

“Jav, it was fine, Pops helped me call around for quotes and we found a good deal. It was solved in like two days. It didn’t seem like it was something I needed to make a long-distance phone call for,” you sigh defeatedly, leaning back and looking down at your nails, fidgeting with your fingers at his harshness.

Javier rolls his eyes, grumbling under his breath, “I should have known. Could’ve helped with it…Eres tan terca. Nunca pides ayuda, incluso si la necesitas. Terca. (You are so stubborn. You never ask for help, even if you need it. Stubborn.)”

Chucho stretches an arm behind your back, hitting his shoulders to sit up and addressing him with a stern tone.

“Mijo, no te pongas tan quisquilloso. Ella no quería preocuparte todo el camino allí abajo. Disculpas. (Son, don't be so oversensitive. She didn't want to worry you all the way down there. Apologize.)”

His jaw ticks to the side, sitting up straight, and shaking his head. With a sigh, he turns to you, leaning closer to speak without his father overhearing.

“I’m sorry, amor. I didn’t mean to be rude; I get frustrated not being around to help you with stuff like that. Shouldn’t have taken it out on you like that. ‘M glad Pop was there to help if I couldn’t.”

Your hand rests on his thigh, patting lovingly as you respond at the same level as him, “Next time, I’ll call you first, Jav. And then you can be the one to call Chucho for actual help.”

A smirk grows at your jest, and he falls back into his seat with a scoff.

“God, you are ruthless. Always with the jokes, esposa. Don’t know if I should be sticking around if it’ll be like this,” he chuckles, stretching an arm behind you and resting it on the back of your chair. 

“Yeah, yeah. We both know you’re gonna be around a lot more now.” His head snaps to the side to see you looking ahead with the faintest of smiles, biting back a much wider one as you lean back into his arm.

After a processional to Pomp and Circumstance, all three of you waving madly to Liliana when she spotted you in the crowd, the ceremony proceeds with little fanfare. Speeches are made, congratulations extended to all of the students from various faculty members and the special guest speaker. When it finally came time for conferring of degrees, Javier awaits the long line of A though O names. The three of you stand, watching the handful of students ahead of Lili cross the stage.

The dean of her college stands at the microphone, saying with a rehearsed smile, “Liliana Raquel Peña, Summa Cum Laude.”

At the announcement of her name and honors, the three of you erupt in cheers for the young woman crossing the stage. Javier whistles with his fingers, holding out the sound as long as he can before clapping his hands together wildly. Once Lili is descending the stairs and back to her seat, you all wave to her again as she beams up at you and shows off her diploma folder.

The moment he’s seated again, he turns his head to the side, seeing your faint tears streaking your face. On instinct, he reaches for your hand before he can second guess it and laces your fingers together with a gentle squeeze. A pitiful laugh slips out from you when you look back at him, a blubbering smile parting your lips.

Javier leans closer to you, centimeters from your ear to confide, “I think you did an amazing job raising our girl, amor. Thank you.”

In the back room of a local restaurant, the Peña extended family mills about, filling the room with sound from the music over the speakers and everyone chatting and catching up with each other — especially congratulating the guest of honor.

Aunts and uncles and cousins that were available have all flocked together to celebrate Liliana, and despite the overwhelming urge to Irish exit this party because of the constant comments and questions about Colombia, Javier is staying until you’re ready to leave. Which undoubtedly will be until the end of your reservation.

He sits at one of the tables pushed to the side of the room, sleeves rolled up to expose his forearms and crossing his limbs over his chest as he reclines in the wooden chair. Buttons of his shirt have been undone post-photos with the grad, the air conditioning cooling his sun-baked skin. His fingers can still feel the phantom of your linen dress, his hand affixed to your lower back in all of the photos taken.

Easily, with a quick scan of the room, he finds you talking to his mamá’s sister, Tia Rose. You’re smiling brightly, the crinkles at your eyes showing off your joy as his aunt surely is congratulating you or complimenting you on how you raised your daughter.

He really meant what he said at the ceremony. There is no way he could have done what you managed if you were the one to have left for work. You were a fucking hero to him, not himself. He’s been hearing it over and over every time he returns home — “You’re a hero, Javier.”

It’s complete bullshit.

His results were rigged, the system played him as much as he supposedly played it.

When he thinks about being a hero, he doesn’t think about anything close to what he’s done. He thinks about sacrifice, compassion, strength — you have it all. You’ve saved him from himself time and time again, and you’ve done it all while being a working mom and dealing with your partner, your co-parent, being thousands of miles away for years.

“Ay, mijo, estás tu cabeza en las nubes otra vez? (Son, is your head in the clouds again?)” Javier looks up to his right at the sound of his father’s voice, standing to offer him help into the chair next to him but waved off with a grumble from Chucho.

“Is it that easy to tell, Pop?” he asks, a half-hearted smile on his face as he retakes his seat.

“Eh, to me, yes. Probably to your girls, too, but I think anyone else would think you’re doing your sulky, pendejo act.”

“Pendejo act? Don’t think it’s an act at this point, Pop. Been feeling like one more and more.”

“Sí, y por qué es eso? (Yeah, and why is that?)”

“Estoy ausente (I’m absent.)”

“Dios, Javier…” his father sighs and shakes his head, turning his head to look at his son, “You are not absent. Quit telling yourself that, or you really are going to be. You’re home now, so be home.”

“It is a blessing to have Liliana at home for this summer, spend as much time as you can with her…And you know how I feel about mi nuera (my daughter-in-law).”

Javier sighs, leaning forward to rest his forearms on his knees and find you in the crowd again. As if you can sense his eyes on you, you turn toward him and give him a tender smile that quells his near constant nervous energy.

God, it’s unfair how beautiful you are.

And how kind, and forgiving, too.

This conversation is making him want a cigarette. Really bad.

Instead, he pulls the plastic packet out of his pocket, popping out another chiclet of gum and tossing it in his mouth.

He prepares for a lecture from his father; Chucho seems to know a lot more about you these days than Javier. Every week since he left for Colombia, you’ve gone over to Chucho’s house for dinner at least once. With Liliana away at school, you still went. It filled Javier’s heart with a syrupy, oozing warmth whenever he thought about the relationship you have with his father. How you 're always going to be family, a daughter to him, after your parents cut you off those twenty-something years ago.

“She’s still coming over every week, y’know. Didn’t seem to be doing too great until about two weeks ago. Came over after she received a phone call. Was all excited and basically bouncing off the walls. I asked her why, and she said she got some exciting news. You know what it was?”

“Qué?”

“You coming home. I think you called to confirm your flights with her, and she was just so excited, mijo. Cooked your favorite for dinner that night—“

“Pollo asado?”

“Sí, con mole.”

“Mierda, estoy celoso. (Shit, I’m jealous.)”

Chucho laughs from his belly, shaking a bit in the seat as he reaches up and adjusts his cowboy hat.

“It was delicious, as always,” Javier hums in acknowledgement before his father continues, “But I’m not telling you all of that just to tell you what I had for dinner. I’m telling you cause I need you to get your head out of your ass and talk to her. Anyone with eyes can see how in love with her you still are. I wanted you to know that there’s something there for her, too. Hazla mi nuera de verdad. (Make her my daughter-in-law for real.)”

“I’ll talk to her, Pop. Don’t need a wingman, so please don’t say anything to her. Please.”

Chucho stands and shrugs, nonchalantly closing with, “If you don’t do it soon, I’m taking matters into my own hands and telling her myself how lovesick you are. I will not make any promise I cannot keep, so you better keep that one if you don’t want me involved, mijo.”

Javier stays put as his father filters into the party-goers, shaking his head as he smiles to himself.

Maybe he does still have a chance.

The end of the night was fairly uneventful, everyone saying their goodbyes and final congratulations to Liliana. You insisted on helping to set the room up as you had all found it, correcting the tables and chairs back to their usual positions. When you were about to start taking dishes back to the kitchen, Lili rolled her eyes and walked out to the front of the restaurant while Javi grabbed you by your hips from behind and physically directed you out of the room.

“Jav, I feel bad, we made a mess! Let me help!”

“Esposa, you are wonderful and so sweet, I’m sure they appreciate your help. But this is a restaurant, cariño, and you don’t get paid to work here so I don’t think they’re gonna want to be liable for you,” he slides his hands up and down a few inches of your sides, dragging the fabric of your dress up and letting it fall back when he takes his hands off of your sides, placing one on your back.

Javier helps you into the cab of his truck, you taking the middle of the bench and Lili following into the passenger side to be able to get out easier. He drives over to Lili’s house, dropping her off with both of you giving massive hugs and final congrats for the day.

It was a quiet car ride to the hotel, but you ended up back in the middle seat closest to Javier, leaning your head on his shoulder.

Walking into the building, he bit the inside of his cheek as he brushed your hand with his, no recoil from his touch giving him the confidence to take your hand completely in his. Fingers intertwined as you both got in the elevator, tender, unspoken words in your eyes.

Now, Javier sits at the edge of the bed, a short plastic cup in his hand filled with half a mini bottle of champagne. There’s a matching cup in your hand, standing in front of him as he looks up at you with worshiping eyes.

“Cheers, Jav. Good on us for getting our kid through college,” you say with a smile, the sound of plastic crinkling in your hands following your little toast. Each of you takes a sip of the drink, Javier leaning around you to set his down on the desk. His hands move to hover at your waist, your permission granted with a small step to stand between his opened legs.

Javier’s calloused palms catch on your dress again, inching the fabric up as his tongue pokes out to wet his lips. He looks up at you while you return the stare down at him, your free hand finding the curls at the nape of his neck.

“Thank you, amor. For taking on so much more responsibility and shouldering the weight of raising Lili Pad in her teens, and getting her into a great school, and supporting her throughout these last four years when I couldn’t—

“Jav, it was both of us.”

“No, please let me give you the credit you deserve, esposa. You did it all without ever being angry with me, and you always supported me, too. And every time I’ve come back for a visit, you make it seem like I never left with how welcome you make me feel.”

“You’re always a part of our family, Jav. Always.”

He nods, feeling his chest tighten at your words, gripping you tighter as if you’re going to slip away, as if he’ll wake up and this whole trip will have been a dream, as if he will be stuck in Colombia, or forced to go back to the DEA and work in Mexico.

“Thank you, really, thank you for always making me feel a part of it all from so far away. All the photos, all the letters, the birthday cards, and care packages…You are a great mother, and an even better woman. So much better as a person than I ever could be, and I am so lucky that you chose me to have a kid with. Lili is incredible because she’s part of you. Thank you, amor, you have given me a life I don’t think I deserve.”

His head drops, tugging you closer to rest his forehead against your stomach. Silence blankets the room, your fingers running through his hair soothingly. After a moment, you take his chin between your index and thumb, turning his head up to look at you again.

Javier wants so badly to be able to read your mind right in that second, the look in your eyes puzzling him. As he opens his mouth to say something, anything, to fill the air, you’re folding forward and catching his lips in a kiss. It’s light, too faint for his needs, and you’re pulling away much too quickly. His spine elongates, chasing your mouth before you can get too far and locking you in a breathless exchange.

His hands paw at your sides, a desperate attempt being made to pull you as close as possible while also running his hands along your curves. In the surprise of it all, getting lost in his lips, you drop the cup in your hand. Champagne splashes onto your feet, ignored as Javier lifts your mid-length dress to your hips, climbing back on the bed and pulling you over him without breaking your kiss.

Your knees cage his thighs in, settling on his lap as he slots his lips around your bottom one, tracing along it with his tongue. Parting with a gasp, your mouth opens to let him in, melding your tongues together. A whimper escapes from you when he tugs you further onto his lap, feeling his bulge in his slacks press against your core.

Javier pulls away from your lips, dragging his nose along your cheek and leaving a trail of wet, open mouth kisses along your jaw. At the spot on your neck close to your ear, he sucks a mark, smirking against your skin when your back arches and squeezes your chest against his.

“Fuck, Jav…” you sigh, fingers tangling into his hair.

He hums against your skin, pulling away and kissing under your chin.

“You’re so beautiful, amor. I missed you so fucking much. Thought about you all the time.”

“Yeah? What did you think about?” Your voice is  shaky when Javi drops his hands to your hips, starting to drag them back and forth against his cock straining against his zipper. 

“Mm, thought about how good you smell all the time, how sweet you taste…how much I miss having you in my bed every night. Being able to have you when I need you,” a groan slips from his mouth at your moan, moving your hips faster the more he talks, “I thought about how fucking stupid I was to leave someone like you behind. Mi vida, la luz de mi vida (My life, the light of my life)…felt like I left half of my soul when I went away.”

From above, you lean down to catch him in a passionate kiss, breathy exhales and muffled moans exchanged while your fingers work as the buttons on his shirt. Javier leans forward, shrugging off the materials before his arms are around you again, snaking around your back to grip your ass.

“Jav, I missed you so much. Never felt the same, there was always something missing…I always needed you. I always need you.”

“Mi amor, lo siento (My love, I’m sorry). I’m here now. Never leaving again.” His hands roam to your sides, finding the zipper of your dress on his left and pulling it down. He bunches the skirt of it in his hands and slowly takes it off over your head; he’s faced with you sitting in his lap, no bra and only panties on.

As if magnetic, his hands fly right back to your sides, skimming up until his thumbs lay under your breasts, fingers splayed along your rib cage.

“You’re so beautiful, mi amor, so fucking beautiful. Can I make you feel good, baby?”

“Please, Jav, need you so bad.”

“Oh, baby, mi esposa, I’ve got you. Get on your back, cariño.”

Javier watches as you move off of him and fall back onto the bed, the plush duvet sinking underneath you and pillowing out at your sides.

An angel in the clouds.

No more time is wasted as he tugs you to the edge of the bed, kneeling on the floor and booting your legs over his shoulder to open you up.

“Wait, Jav, here.” You twist to the side and stretch to reach for one of the pillows, giving it to him with a thoughtful smile.

“For your knees, viejo. Not a twenty year old athlete anymore, hon.”

Javier rolls his eyes and moves to kneel on the pillow, already feeling better in his joints from the cushion. He wraps his arms around your thighs and nips close to your panties, rolling out a groan.

“Sometimes, I hate when you’re right.”

“That’s ‘cause you always have to be right, Peña. It’s always been th—“ you trail off into a moan when his fingers prod through your wetness, one hand hooking your underwear to the side.

“I don’t always have to be right, esposa. You know you’re the boss out of the two of us,” he winks before he tugs your panties off of your legs, settling back between your legs.

You nod, sitting up and leaning your weight on one arm to look down at him.

“Mhm, glad y’know your place still, Jav,” you tease as your other hand pushes his hair away from his forehead, a smirk mirrored onto his face, “Make me come, mi esposo.”

You can see his eyes darken, breaths shallowing. Feather light kisses scatter across your inner thighs until he reaches your core, pursing his lips and blowing cool air against your wetness.

“Fuck, cariño, guess you did really miss me. So fucking wet. All for me?”

“Javi,” you whine, scooting your hips closer to him, “Please, need you.”

“I know, baby, I know. I can see how much you need me.” He licks one long stripe from your tightest hole to your clit, groaning at the taste of you. “You want me to play with your sweet pussy, mi amor? Make you feel so good?”

“Please, please, Jav.”

He soothes you with circles on your lower stomach, nodding as he lays his head on your thigh, “Don’t worry, baby, I’ve got you.”

Before you can beg out a response, his lips are attached to your clit, sucking hard before laying his tongue flat against it, moving slow circles around.

His muscle memory guides him to fall into the pattern that he memorized to get you off with his mouth and fingers, pushing one of his thick fingers inside of your cunt knuckle deep and stroking against that same spot he knows drives you wild.

Your back arches off the bed, pressing your clit into his tongue harder. He slurps up your wetness, sighing at your familiar taste that he missed so much. Another finger is added, the rhythm of their thrusts building up faster and faster. Right at the edge, your fingers tangled in his hair tugging hard, he switches positions, tongue plunging inside of you and fingers rubbing quick circles into your clit. Before you can even register, you're coming around his mouth, flooding his tongue and his lips.

“Javi, oh my god, fuck me…”

He leads you through the orgasm, pulling away with a boyish smirk.

“That’s kind of the plan, hermosa. Gonna fuck you.”

You roll your eyes, beckoning him to stand up. Sitting up fully, you strip him of his slacks and boxers, briefly taking him in your mouth before he’s pulling you off of him and pushing you further up the bed. Climbing over you, a heady kiss is shared as he settles between your legs. In the moment, you easily get him onto his back, moving to straddle him as he looks up at you breathless. Large hands hold tightly to your thighs, jaw dropping as you grab his hard cock and easily slip him inside of you, sinking down until he’s full hilt.

“Fucking Christ, amor. Take my cock so well, show me what you can do.”

Your hips find a slow, aching rhythm that makes you both breathless. As you continue to grind yourself around him, you lean forward and press yourself against his torso, skin sticking to skin.

“Jav—Javier, you are such a good man. I never doubted how much you loved me. How much you do love me,” you breathe out, hips faltering for a moment before you recover.

 “You were always there for us, and I’m so proud of you for going after what you wanted. Making the world a better place…” you move your hips slowly as you ride him, leaning down to press your foreheads together, stuttering but managing to get the words out for him, “You are a great man and an even better father. I couldn’t have chosen a better partner. I love you.”

Javier whimpers and stutters out a moan when you move your hips faster, your hand on his chin keeping his forehead against you. He squeezes his eyes shut for a moment before opening them, facing you and him whispering back, “Te amo, te amo, te amo. I love you so much, mi esposa. Mi amor. Te amo siempre.”

The sound that leaves you at that moment, hearing his proclamations of love, flips a switch inside of him. The primal need to make you his again, completely. His arm around your hips grips you tighter, feet planted on the mattress behind you. He uses the leverage to meet your rhythm with his own thrusts, sweet sounds slipping from your lips egging him on.

Your nails dig into his shoulders and he looks up at you in awe as you arch your back, head falling to the side as your face scrunches up in pleasure.

“Oh, fuck yes, yeah. Right there, ohmygod, papí…”

“Fuck, that’s right, baby,” he says in a drawn out exhale, hammering his hips up into you, “Say it again, mi amor. Say it again.”

“Papí—Feels so good, papí.”

“Yeah? Haven’t heard that one in a while, baby. Love it coming from you, say it again. Please, baby. Por favor.”

“Papí, papí, papí…Harder, please, want it harder.”

“Anything for you, mi amor. I’ll give you anything you want. Fuck this pussy however you want it, whenever you want me.”

One of your hands drops from his shoulder to the mattress, bracing yourself from his unrelenting pace. You’re a whining mess, opening your eyes and looking down at him under you, sweaty and glistening with his wild hair and mustache shiny from your come. Javier rumbles a loud moan of your name, on the verge of a growl when he feels you clench around his cock. 

“Come for me, mi esposa. Let me feel you…” he pulls you flush against him as he fucks up into you, lips brushing your ear as he whispers, “Te amo, mi esposa, te amo. I love you. Love you so much.”

“Pa—Papí, fuck! Oh my god, Javi!” Your head rolls back as you come around him, bounces faltering as you slip against his chest like jelly.

“Fuck, baby, gonna fill you up. You want me inside you all night, mi amor? Want me to make you full of me again?” His lips brush against your ear, whimper and nod in response.

“Yes, yes please, papí. Want you inside.”

“Fuck yes, mi amor. One more time for me, say it one more time.”

“Come inside me…please come for me, papí.”

A moan stutters in his throat as he buries himself fully in you, twitching with each rope he spends. Grip tightening around you, he stays inside of you as he kisses you deeply, pulling away to brush your hair away from your face.

“You have no idea how long I have been wanting to do that again, mi esposa. Te amo, hermosa. I love you.”

“I love you too, Jav. Missed you,” your head lays on his chest, sigh warming his sweaty skin, “Will you be around when we’re home or—“

“Mi amor, you’re gonna have a hard time keeping me away from you and Lili now. I wanna spend every moment I can with you both. My girls.”

It’s a Sunday evening at the Peña ranch, a few weeks after Lili’s graduation. You and her have come over to Chucho’s house for dinner, Javier already there from working the day with his father. He’s mostly over at yours in the evenings, coming over to spend time with Lili, and you, staying for dinner, having movie nights, grilling out. He’s been basking in the slow life, the life of a father that he’s been so desperately craving. It’s been an itch like he has for a cigarette, finally taking an inhale and his nerves melting away as he adjusted to a balance with you two.

Tonight, however, Chucho insisted that you and he keep your weekly get-togethers, despite Javi being home for good now, and the four of you have had dinner around the cozy dining table off of the kitchen. Javier is gathering the dinner plates, Liliana standing to help him clean up.

“Anyone want any dessert? What d’ya have here, Pop?” he looks between his father and you, awaiting an answer.

Before Chucho can say anything, you sit up with a quiet gasp, “Oh, do you have any mangoes, Chuch? I really would love some mango with Tajín. Or some strawberries with honey. Or both.”

You grin up at Javier and he laughs, nodding his head.

“I’ll see what I can do, amor.”

“Y’know, mija, my Lucia always had mangoes around the house when she was pregnant with Javi. She would slice them up and put so much Chamoy and Tajín, you could barely see that it was a mango underneath it all.”

“That honestly sounds perfect right now, I bet Lucia made some kickass mangonadas, too,” you laugh softly, looking up behind you as Javi squeezes your shoulder lovingly.

“Oh, she definitely did. Whole family begged her to make them every time we all got together,” Chucho belly laughs fondly at the memories, nodding to himself, “We thought for the longest time that we were going to have a girl. All Lucia craved were sweets or fruits, and there’s some old wives tale, una fábula, that if your cravings are sweet, it is a girl, and if they’re savory, it’s a boy.”

“Huh, how funny. Guess thinking back, I did crave a lot of chocolate ice cream with Lili.”

“Oh god, I remember being kicked in the middle of the night and having to go to the town over cause they had a 24-hour gas station just to get you some Ben & Jerry’s,” Javier laughs, kissing the top of your head as you shrug.

“And now look, you’ve got the sweetest daughter to ever exist. All thanks to me,” you grin, sending Javi a wink as he finishes gathering the dishes from the table.

He sees his father smiling to himself as Chucho leans back in his chair, Javier retreating to the kitchen to find something for dessert for you while Lili washes up and the two of you at the table strike up some conversation.

Later that week, you gave Javi a call and asked him to come over after he was done on the ranch. He agreed immediately, of course, and couldn’t fight the buzzing excitement he felt to see you again. It took him back to those days before Lili, before the two of you were ever really anything, you calling and asking him over to your dorm room or your apartment. He felt like a giddy teenager again.

He showered quickly and changed before heading over to yours, parking in the driveway of your small three bed house he had bought for you all. At the door, he knocked before using his key to get inside, calling out to you.

“Amor? Lili Pad? Anybody home?”

The pad of footsteps on the tile floors catch his attention, a smile stretching across his face as you come around the corner into the entryway. He kicks off his boots before meeting you in the middle, arms wrapping around you and holding you tightly to his chest. He sighs an exhale, relaxing around your warmth.

“Long day, Jav?”

“You have no idea, mi amor. Had to chase a fucking bull that got loose in the pastures when we were trying to corral all of ‘em. My ass is hurting from having to ride the horse so much.”

You laugh into his chest, pressing a kiss to his shirt before leaning back to look at his face, “Oh your poor butt. You wanna sit on the couch then?”

He hums in confirmation, kissing the top of your head before you lead him into the living room and let him flop down on the sofa.

“Where’s Lili Pad?”

“Oh, um, she’s out with friends tonight. Thought it could be just us…” You join him, sitting with a couple of feet between you two. He can see how tense you are, sitting up straight, fiddling with your fingers, placing a pillow in your lap. Extending an arm out, he holds his hand palm up for you to take.

“I’m more than okay with just us, cariño. What’s going on with you? You seem anxious. Everything at work okay? Everything okay with Lili?” He rubs his thumb across your knuckles after you take his hand, brows knitting with concern.

“Yeah, yeah. Everything is great with Lili. And work is, well, work. No complaints…” your eyes stay trained on your hands together, swallowing before you speak up again, “I actually think it would be easier to show you.”

He feels even more concerned and confused as you stand up, disappearing out of the room for a moment before coming back with a hand behind your back. You don’t sit again, opting to stand in front of him; you bring your hand forward, passing the object to him.

It takes him a minute to register what it is, the last time he saw one this up close being about twenty something years ago.

A pregnancy test.

A positive pregnancy test.

Positive.

“Think we could do as good a second time around?”

You’re pregnant.

He’s going to be a dad again?

He’s going to be a dad again, with you?

He’s going to be a dad again. He gets to have another child with you.

His heart is beating out of his chest, mouth dropped open with no words coming out.

A shake of his head knocks him out of the shock, setting the test to the side and looking up at you with welling eyes.

“I get to be a papá again? With you, mi amor?”

A beaming smile widens on your face, your hands finding the sides of his head as you nod down at him.

“Yeah, honey, you’re going to be a dad, again. Lili’s gonna have a little brother or sister. Much, much younger,” you say with a chuckle.

Javier laughs a little breathless, eyes flickering between your face and your stomach that is eye level with him.

“Oh my god, oh my god, mi amor—Te amo, te amo siempre,” His hand finds her tummy, roaming around in circles, attempting to feel the familiar bump or any side of his baby growing inside there. Soft kisses litter your torso as he pulls you closer, resting his forehead against your ribs.

“I love you too, Jav,” you push back his hair and he stares up at you in wonder, pulling you gently to sit in his lap, “Do you…I mean, I want you to come home. Maybe we can actually get married this time. Have the family life with Lili and the little baby. I know we used to just joke about our fake city hall marriage, but I’ve always wanted that with you, Jav.”

A soft, tender kiss is shared, the two of you holding onto each other. One of Javier’s hands rests on your stomach, his heart already completely overflowing with love for the person growing inside of you. It’s quiet for a moment, both of you sitting with each other in silence. With another kiss, Javi hugs you, your head resting on his shoulder as he whispers in your ear.

“Graciás, mi amor. Thank you — for never giving up on our family. On me. Thank you for giving me everything I could have ever dreamed of. I can’t wait to have another baby with you, they’re gonna be as perfect as you, and Lili. My girls. Te amo, mi esposa, te amo siempre.”

javi's photo board in colombia <3

tagging mutuals that might be interested??

@northernbluess @swiftispunk @johnwatsn @cannolighost @joelsversion @cupofjoel @darkroastjoel @atinylittlepain @beskarandblasters @wannab-urs @jksprincess10 @bearsbeetsbeskar @smokeinherperfume @thetriumphantpanda @atticrissfinch @perotovar @mrsquill @javiscigarette @yazsos @deathwife @pr0ximamidnight @undrthelights @lunapascal @ladamedusoif @haylzcyon

[ilyxxnsm]

True Love 01

| is true love supposed to hurt like this?

warning: domestic violence, toxicity. don't judge. smut. reader's body type briefly mentioned. reader's ethnicity's not mentioned, but she's light skinned to white. mental health mentioned (medication, depression, anxiety, ADHD, etc). implied self harm (skin pinching, nail biting, scratching, hair pulling). of course physical abuse (hair pulling, slapping, pinching, punching, he breaks bones be fr, hickeys and bite marks??). drug dealer yoongi. everything against reader. reader's 17, yoongi's 23. this is fucked up, like really fucked up.

| my life by your side was fucked, and now my soul is full of cysts, every time I see my dark circles, I curse the day you put it inside me...

You're laying naked on your bed, feeling the sting of the slaps on your cheek, the bruises his grip left on your body and the hickeys he gave to your neck, you feel happy, despite the pain, cause he's back. He's sitting on the edge of the bed, smoking a cigarette while he reads an article about his favorite rapper, he's not even looking at you.

"Yoongi..."

Reaching to hold his hand gently you call him, like you always do, in contrast with his his rough and possesive grip. You can feel his long, slender calloused fingers and you just want to feel them inside you, but you don't wanna sound greedy, cause you know that'll inflate his ego. But he can read you from head to toe, he knows what you want, how you want it and he's so proud of himself for having you like this, do submissive and ready for him.

"What is it, baby?" He murmurs, leaning closer to you. You can smell the strong scent of tobacco on his breath and feel the heat emanating from him. You're too shy to say it, but he feels in a nice mood today so he's not gonna make you beg. He presses the tip of his cigarette against your thigh, rubbing it until it stops burning and leaving a painful burn mark on you thigh. He lets out a chuckle as you flinch slightly from the burn on your thigh. There he could go, holding you, showing you he loves you, but he don't do nice shit. He told you, his version of loving you was making you his and "You good, baby?" It hurt like hell, but you can't complain cause that'll only feed his need of makin you suffer, so you swallow your sobs and bite your pouty lips, lips he loves to see tremble and bleed.

He watches as your pupils dilate with desire and pain, he knows you're trying to put on a brave face, but he don't care. He just wants to do whatever it takes to make you break down. His hands grips your thighs harder, leaving bruises behind. He takes another drag of his cigarette and puts it out on the ashtray before putting his hand on your cheek, tracing your smooth skin with his calloused thumb, just to raise his hand and land a hard slap across your face.

He sneers at the sound of your whimper, enjoying the sight of marks staining your face, the reddish mark blending with your pale skin making it a sight to behold. Your hands go to your reddening cheek as tears brimming your eyes. He doesn't care for the tears, they're just a bonus as he watch them fall down your face, staining your cheeks with wet mascara tracks, making you look so pretty and vulnerable, just how he loves it. He leans down, pressing his lips on yours, taking your breath away, tasting the salt from your tears and the sweetness of your lip balm. His hands move up to your wrists and he holds them above your head, immobilizing you as he deepens the kiss. You feel so utterly in love with him, like he could ask you to jump off the highest building and you would without a second thought. You love him so much, and nothing he does could ever change that.

He chuckles before biting your lower lip, tugging at it. His free hand wraps around your neck, squeezing tightly and making you gasp for air. It hurts, and you know it's gonna leave a big bruise on your throat, but you don't complain. He chuckles darkly at your muffled protest, feeling you squirm under him, the feeling makes him harder, and that ticks him off more, his arousal making him do stupid, stupid shit. He watches you, his dark eyes devouring you completely, the bruises around your neck, the purple marks he left on your thighs, your red cheeks, your swollen abused lips, your still sore pussy after such rough fucking, his work of art. You look like you've been through hell, and it honestly looks good on you. His grip tightens a little, but just enough to make you shut up without knocking you out.

He grins darkly as he watches you, his other hand now trailing down your chest, his middle finger tracing your bruised and bleeding pussy lips, he smirks before pushing it into you a little, just enough to remind you of the rough fucking you had earlier, as he watches the small mix of pain and delight on your reddened face, your eyes a bit unfocused as he chokes harder. He laughs darkly before slowly easing his finger in and out of your abused pussy, he can feel your body responding to him, your warm little pussy trying to grip onto his one and only finger. Your walls contract slightly around him, not sure if you are trying to fucking push him out or trap him in there. You let tiny choked whimpers, your body pressing against the mattress as your hands hold on to the bedsheets.

He grins before slowly adding two fingers, making you gasp loudly as he easily stretches you open with his thick and long fingers, your swollen pussy struggles to accommodate him, leaving a tiny trail of blood on his fingers, blood he drew a few hours later from fucking you raw without preparation. His grip on your neck is not as tight as before, since he's too focused on your pussy. It hurts, but since it's him, you don't complain and take it gratefully. He starts to slowly thrust his fingers in and out of your pussy, your tiny abused hole gushing pre-cum, such a sight to see. His fingers curl up, trying to scrape against that little button inside you and make you scream for him, yet again. He lets go of your throat, smirking as he watches you gasp for air, and now his whole attention goes to your sweet cunt, two fingers buried inside you and one rubbing your clit.

He watches with a little amazements as your belly starts to bulge, a sign of your womb contracting around his fingers, welcoming him and suck his fingers inside you, his breath hitches, while he feels himself hardening even more by the beautiful sight in front of him, you twitching and whimpering in a torturing pleasure. You sob in ecstacy, covering your mouth with your trembling fingers as you feel your orgasm building up.

He stops his torturous motions, and takes his hand out of you, his fingers glistening with your wetness, he brings it up to his face, smelling your scent deeply on his fingers before he licks them clean with pleasure, you taste so sweet, he could eat you out every day and never get tired. He watched you whimper in frustration after your interrupted orgasm, but he's going to give you something even better.

He lets a wicked smirk free, he slowly unbuttons his jeans and then take it down with his boxers, he has a hard now, his large cock intimidating as it throbs for you, flushed and ready. He chuckles again as he watches you keep yourself busy by rubbing yourself on his hardening bulge, he watches with pure lust in his eyes. He moves himself and laid on the bed, his hands beside his body as he smirks at you. "Go ahead, baby, ride me."

He felt the heat coming from your pussy as you sit on his thighs, slowly sliding down, feeling him stretching out your insides. His cock twitches inside you, he gritted his teeth in restraint as he watches you start moving up and down, holding in the painful whimpers threading to escape from the wide stretching. You always struggle to take him inside since he's like 10-11 inches, sometimes he's nice and let's you ride him to go to your own pace, sometimes he fucks you dry and raw, tearing your walls and not giving a fuck.

He let's you go on with your own pace, watching you fuck him and play yourself, he grabs your tits and twists your nipples, he sees the sweet pain in your eyes as you get ready to cum soon. A groan escapes his lips, he can feel himself about to cum inside you. He loves dominating you, fucking you so bad and making you cry, and that's exactly what he's gonna do when this first "vanilla" round is over.

He feels your pussy clenching his thick cock, squeezing him, he lets himself go as he thrusts his hips up and releases inside your tight pussy, groaning and feeling your tight walls milking him dry. Catching his breath, Yoongi slaps your cheek gently, pulling you to look at him. He smirks at the wet and hot look on your face as you cum on his cock, your juices flowing out of your pussy like a river as you sob in delight, so fucking cute.

He smirks, pulling out of you and watching your pussy gush, loving the sight of seeing you so fucked out on his bed. "Fucking little needy bitch." He uses his semi-limp dick to continue smearing his cum and juices around in and out of your needy pussy and rubbing it on your swollen clit. He grabs his boxers and stuffs them into your mouth in some kind of improvised gag before turning you around onto your stomach, pressing your head against the mattress with his hand.

He's not done with you, not by a long shot. The fact that you're such a easy and willing slut really turns him on, he doesn't even know why he broke up with you if he can have this every night. He's pretty sure he's never going to be able to be satisfied enough by just fucking you once and he wants to hear you scream, so he spits in your asshole, spreading it around with his fingers before aligning his cock with your tight hole.

He growls at the feeling, the tightness of your ass makes him choke up. He wants to fuck you so bad that he sees stars for a moment. "How does it fucking feel, huh? Pretty fucking good?" He doesn't even wait for an answer, he grabs onto your hair and pins your hands behind your back as he roughly fucks your ass, the wet slaps of his hips against you the only real noise in the room aside from your moans from his boxer-gag.

He's gone insane. He knows he's insane. But he cannot stop his actions, he wants to fuck you so hard that you forget your own name. He sees how your body reacts to him, the goosebumps on your skin, the painful muffled moans. The rougher he gets, the more you react, and it's absolutely maddening to him. He leans down and whispers harshly in your ear, "You like that, doll? You want me to fuck you harder? Hmm?" He coos, smacking your ass once but hard.

The sounds you make, the cute as fuck and god-damn sensual fucking moans that come from you even with the boxer-gag, it literally drives the man insane, wanting to fuck you in every way and every hole. He groans as he starts to thrust even faster, his pace relentless and unforgiving. He can feel the pressure building up in his balls, the tension that makes him almost dizzy. "Fuck..." He groans, it feels so fucking good.

He bites his lower lip as he feels himself getting closer to the edge. He wants to drag it out, make you cum over and over again before he allows himself that sweet release but it's so hard to hold back when he can feel just how much your body loves what he's doing to you. He hears your begging, he sees your trembling whole body almost pleading for that cum, that release. He sees the desperation on your drooling face, the flushed cheeks, the teary eyes.

Yoongi pulls back, his thrusts becoming even rougher as he smacks your ass again in that hard, very fucking satisfying motion which only a sadistic asshole like him would be able to pull off without a care in a world. He gives into it. Fuck. He can't hold back anymore and he doesn't want to. With one hard, deep thrust he pushes himself over the edge, grunting deeply as every muscle in his body clenches and tightens with each pulse of his cock inside your bowels. The feeling of his hot cum makes you come too, your ass clenching tightly around his cock. You choke out a few weak whimpers against the gag, tears streaming down your face as you cum so hard you almost faint.

He smirks, panting softly, looking down at the sight of his cum leaking out of your asshole and running down your thighs. He watches you with a dark possessive gleam in his eyes, his body still pressed up against yours. He knows he's hurt you, but it feels to good to stop, he likes to see you in pain, and he knows you like it too. He spreads your asscheeks, admiring your swollen red puckered hole gushing out his cum and your legs trembling like jelly.

He can see strands of cum running down your thighs and pussy lips and it's such a sight to see. He leans down to press a kiss against your tender asscheek, you smells like sex and baby powder, a dangerous combo, you always smell so good. He takes his boxers out for your mouth and you can finally breath correctly, saliva dripping out of your mouth as you take a few seconds to regain consciousness, you feel dazed, like this was a nightmare, a very good and exciting nightmare.

He gives you a cruel smile, enjoying seeing you that vulnerable, looking so fragile like a broken doll. He lays next to you and pulls you into his arms, his hands kneading your ass tightly as your body rests against his and your head against his chest, hearing his heart beat going steadier every minute. You love him so much, despite his rough sex, his aggressive manners, his cold demeanor and his unknown feelings for you, you feel the most pure innocent love for him, uninterested and puppy love.

He puts his hand in your hair, threading his fingers through your soft strands. He leans down to press a light kiss against your lips, so gentle and sweet that it sends shivers down your spine. He whispers in your ear. "Can't even make me cum right but I still fuck you because I want you to remember who you belong to" He whispers, he knows it's not true, he stopped cheating on you cause no girl could please him like you do, but he loves to say this type of stuff so you allow him to go further and further every time, eager to please him and be the best for him.

His arms wrap tighter around your waist, pulling you closer. He runs his thumb over your lips, forcing them to part before slipping it into your mouth, letting it slide against your tongue. "You're such a pretty doll," He whispers, pressing a single peck to your lips, making you whimper for more. He kisses your neck and nibbles on its delicate skin, working his way down, leaving a line of hickeys on your neck and chest for everyone to see.

He wants to fuck you again, he wants to fuck you so bad you scream and beg him to stop, so bad you bleed and pass out. But you're already so spent and tired, he's not a monster either, do he decides to stop, for tonight, at least. He ruffles your hair and presses a kiss against your temple. "Sleep" He says as he stands up to put his clothes back on, lighting a cigarette and standing near the window to smoke.

You wrap yourself in the bedsheets, feeling your body aching. Your cunt and ass are still sore, so you shift uncomfortably and press your thugs together trying to ease the pain, you can still feel his cum inside you, probably you'll be dripping it until tomorrow. But you feel happy, you feel loved, you feel fine cause he's back. He's everything you need, no matter what he does or how much he hurts you, you could never hate him.

The next day, you wake up feeling happy. Yoongi is sleeping peacefully next to you, snoring with his arm thrown over his eyes, still like a mummy. You smile and get off bed carefully, trying to not wake him up as you walk towards the bathroom to clean yourself. As you look into the mirror, you can see the bruises and hickeys he left all over your body. You have a large bruise on your throat from where he choked you last night and one on the back of both of your thighs and on your ass from the harsh pounding.

You take a deep breath and move your hair back away from your neck, tracing the bruises on your skin with your fingers. You let out a sigh, touching them gently before turning around and looking down at the bruises on the back of your thighs. You can't go to school like this, so you'll have to wait until they disappear. You take a quick shower, watching as his cum drips out of your sore cunt and asshole. You finish cleaning yourself up and look back into the mirror. Yoongi's cum is no longer staining your thighs, but the bruises he left behind are still evident of the force he had behind the previous night. It made you smile happily, if only just a little. You walk out of the bathroom wearing only one of his shirts that looks huge on you and a pair of panties, your stomach is empty, but that's just normal after he rearranged your insides last night.

You go to the small kitchen of your apartment to make yourself a coffee, your mind still replaying last night's events. You pour some coffee into a cup and add some milk and vanilla, stirring it softly before taking a sip. Just as you're doing so, feeling your throat ache as you swallow, you feel a rough spank against your ass, the stinging pain making you flinch and almost drop your coffee. You turn around inmediatly, watching Yoongi chuckling to himself in amusement.

"Morning" He grabs your waist and pulls you closer, rubbing his morning wood against your stomach. You giggle shyly, trying to push him away as he kisses your neck hungrily. "Yoongi..." You chuckle, gasping as his hands squeeze your ass cheeks harshly, his rough touch making you feel butterflies in your belly. Sometimes you feel like there's something wrong with you, maybe you're a masochist who likes pain, but you don't like pain, you just like his abuse.

He smirks at your response and grabs your thighs, lifting you up quickly and placing you on the counter top. You blush furiously as he smirks and takes his pants off, showing his rock hard cock that's already leaking pre cum, it looks so pretty and swollen, you just want to make him cum inside you and feel good. He pushes your panties aside and thrusts into you without any preparation, you're not wet yet, so you wince in pain as his cock stretches and tears your walls.

He doesn't care about your reaction, he starts to fuck you hard, grunting and moaning on every thrust. You cry in pain, tears falling down your cheeks as his thrusts hit your womb, making you bleed and bruise a little. He doesn't care, he never cares. "Fuck" He lets out a breathless chuckle, it's cute how even when you're hurting, you don't tell him to stop or push him again, such willing and easy slut with such a delicious cunt.

He starts to speed up, slamming his dick inside your pussy raw and hard, causing you to bleed more. His rough hands grab at your soft flesh, leaving bruises and red marks on your thighs for days after. He grabs your face, making you look at him in the eyes as he keeps fucking you, brutally and without mercy. His cold eyes make you shiver a little, but you don't dare to look away, he would scold you if you did. "Oh my fucking God..." He growls as he feels your tiny ass hands grip his forearms, your cute lips pouting and drooling.

He leans down to kiss you, his rough tongue fucking your mouth while he fucks your cunt. One of his hands reaches for your throat, gripping it lightly at first and then more strongly as he chokes you a little. Your tears fall on him, the saltiness mixing with his own sweat. He loves to hear you scream and moan, it shows how much you crave him to touch you, to fuck you. He loves taking what he wants, and right now it's your wet tight cunt.

He pulls out of you with a loud growl, his cum dripping from your cunt and onto the counter. He smacks your ass brutally, causing you to whimper and cry even more, but he knows how much you love it, how good it makes you feel. "Get on your knees." He commands you and you obey inmediatly, he chuckles while wiping his dick on your face, watching you as you close your eyes and open your mouth to catch every single drop.

He grins at you, wiping a stray tear from your cheek with a rough finger. "I love it when you cry, it's just so fucking hot." He says as he pushes your head down onto his cock again, forcing you to suck him dry of your own spit. You choke and gag, but you don't pull away or try to push him, you just take it. He grabs your hair in a pony tail to handle your head better, rocking your head back and forth, feeling your throat squeeze his tip and your cute lips suck him.

He moans loudly as you deep throat him, your spit dripping from his dick and onto the floor. He's close to coming but he wants to enjoy it for a bit more, teasing your mouth with shallow thrusts. You look so fucking pretty, tears falling of your shiny innocent eyes, flushed cheeks, swollen lips around his shaft and hollowed cheeks. He grabs his phone and takes some pics, just to have something to jerk off to later, he has thousands of pics of you, he didn't even ask you if you were ok with it but you didn't say no either.

He groans as he comes inside your mouth, holding your head tightly and shoving his cock deep in your mouth so you can't spit it out. He watches you as you swallow it all, cum dripping from the corner of your mouth. He throws your hair back gently before giving you a little slap on the cheek with his semi-hard cock, his other hand he takes to his phone to record you while he pumps the last drops on your lips and cheeks.

He gives you a satisfied smile as he watches the mess he made on your face. He takes off his wet cock out of your mouth, pushing it against your face, rubbing it all over, enjoying seeing you like this a little more than he should. He grabs your chin and wipes off the remaining cum from your face with his thumb, before sticking it in your mouth for you to suck clean. You do it happily, breathing heavily and looking up at him with such adoration and submission.

He's the love of your life, you've said it before and you stand behind it. Nothing he does could change that.

Nothing.

[i-literally-cant-with-this]

Another Kat HC of Hanma ::: He gets hard really easy so stimulating him will be a piece of cake.

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A/N ::: Thank you, Kat.

C/W ::: MDNI under the cut, please.

WC ::: 2k (+/-)

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"What're you doing, princess? What ... are ... you ... up ... to?" Hanma leaned forward a little from where the two of you sat on the couch to try and see your face. You were smooshed up against his side, under his left arm. Neither of you are really paying attention to the movie that was on. He patted your shoulder with his hand, "Asked you a question, you little delinquent. The fuck you think you're doin' down there?" He exhaled smoke through his laugh.

"I'm not doing anything. Just rubbing my hand on your leg and enjoying your company, Shuji. Is that a crime? And I'm not the delinquent in this partnership. You are. Don't project your shortcomings onto me, you ass."

"That's not my leg that y'rubbin there, princess. You know damn well what you're rubbin' on." He smirked and shifted so he was facing you. "Care to tell me why you're being so … whatever this is, tonight?"

“I just thought that's what you wanted. I saw the bulge in your pants before you came and sat down next to me. This is your doing.” You sat up and scooted away from him.

“Where you rumplin’ off to? I didn't say you could go anywhere, baby doll.”

You giggled and leaned back into his side, resting your head on his chest. You were getting tired of the movie anyway. Might as well put your attention on Hanma.

He took another long drag of his cigarette and looked down at you. You felt his eyes on you, but you pretended to keep your focus on the movie. He let out a soft sigh and ran his fingers through your hair.

"I love you, you know that, right?" Hanma's voice was barely above a whisper.

"Of course, Shuji. I love you too." You reached up and caressed his cheek. He nuzzled into your touch and you couldn't help but smile.

"I'm gonna get hard again if you keep doing that, you know?" His breath tickled your neck as he leaned over to whisper in your ear.

You moved your hand from his cheek to his thigh and gently squeezed it. "Why don't you give me something to work with, then?" You saw his cock twitch through his baggy khakis and you smirked.

Hanma chuckled and pressed his lips to your ear, "I don't know if I have anything to offer you, sweetheart. But if you wanna get me off, I'm sure you can find a way."

You lifted yourself up and straddled his lap, causing him to grunt in surprise. "I'm sure I can figure something out, my big strong boy."

Hanma snuffed out his cigarette in the ashtray beside him and turned his attention back to you. He bit his lip as he watched you move your hand up his thigh and brush it against his erection.

"Boy ... BOY? I don't know about that, princess. But I like that you think I'm strong."

You wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him softly. Hanma smiled into the kiss and ran his hands up and down your back. "I know you are, baby. You're the strongest boy I ever did meet."

He chuckled and grabbed your hips, lifting you up and laying you down on the couch. He leaned over you and kissed your neck, his tongue grazing your skin as he moved down to your collarbone.

You moaned and tangled your fingers in his hair. He moved back up and kissed you deeply, his tongue slipping into your mouth. You could taste the tobacco and nicotine on his lips and tongue, but it wasn't enough to stop you from kissing him back. In a sick way, you'd become addicted to his taste. As foul as it was, you associated it with kissing him and sometimes, if you're in the right kind of mood and you smell cigarettes out and about, it'll give you that initial rush of arousal. It's not the same for you, but it's good for him.

Hanma pulled away and started unbuttoning your shirt, his long, thin fingers deftly moving from one button to the next. "You want me to fuck you, baby? Huh? You want me to make you feel good? You know I will. I'll do anything for you, princess."

You moaned and arched your back, pushing your chest up into his touch as he slipped your shirt off and tossed it to the floor. He sat up and quickly removed his own shirt before leaning back over you.

"You're my baby girl, you know that?" He pressed his lips to your forehead and you felt your stomach flip. "So perfect. So sweet." He trailed kisses down your neck and to your chest, his breath hot on your skin. "You want me to make you cum, baby? Hmm? Want me to fill you up with my cock and make you scream my name?" He pressed his erection against your core and you whimpered.

"Yes, Shu, god, please fuck me. Make me feel good. Pleasepleaseplease." You wrapped your legs around his waist and bucked your hips up into his. He smirked and slowly thrust against you. "Please, Shuji."

Hanma chuckled and pulled away from you, causing you to whine. He unbuttoned his pants and pulled them down, his erection springing free and slapping against his abdomen.

"I will never get tired of seeing that." You giggled as you said that under your breath. More for yourself than him, but he still heard you.

He winked at you and knelt down in front of the couch. "Come sit here, baby." He motioned for you to sit on the edge of the couch. You did as he asked and he grinned.

"Good girl. Now spread those pretty legs for me. Let me see you." He grabbed your thighs and gently pushed them apart, exposing your already dripping wet core. He licked his lips and leaned forward, pressing his tongue against your clit.

You gasped and grabbed his hair, pulling him closer. "Hohmygod, Shuji, don't stop. Don't stop. Please, baby." You could feel him smile against you as he lapped at you.

Hanma slipped his finger into your core and curled it upward. You cried out and bucked your hips against his face. He kept sucking and licking your clit, his finger working in and out of you at a steady pace.

You felt yourself getting close and you tugged on his hair. "Shu ... I'm gonna cum. I'm gonna cum, baby, please. Please."

Hanma pulled away and smiled up at you, his lips and chin glistening with your arousal.

"W-wh- the hell, Hanma. Why'd you stop? You playin' some kinda game today? Fuck man." You pouted your best pout at him and began moving your hand over to your needy cunt. "Guess I'll have to take care of this myself. Woe is me. Woe ... is ... me." Your fingers worked your clit with the most precise accuracy. Like you were a computer that had received a set of perfect instructions.

The look on Hanma's face was that of betrayal. "What're y'doin'? Tryna hurt my feelings, princess? Goddamn it, y/n." He swatted your hand away and moved back in between your legs, his tongue instantly finding its way back to your clit.

You moaned and arched your back, pushing yourself against his face. "That's better. This pussy might be attached to you. But so long as you're my girl, this is my pretty little toy. Got it?" He asked, sounding more agitated than you thought he would. Which made you incredibly happy. You couldn't resist fucking with him. You rarely could. But today was not one of those days.

You nodded and tangled your fingers in his hair again. "Yes, Shuji. All yours. This pussy is all yours. Please make her cum." You bucked your hips up into his mouth and he groaned.

His finger slipped back into your core and you felt yourself getting close again. "Shu ... I'm gonna cum. Y-you - cum for me, too, baby."

Hanma pulled away again and stood up. He grabbed your arms and pulled you off the couch, turning you around and bending you over the armrest. He rubbed his cock against your entrance, teasing you.

"You want me, baby? Hmm?" His words were strained as he pressed the head of his cock against your opening, slipping just that in, you felt the intrusive pop of his dick warming your insides.

"Yes, Shuji ... fuck." You wiggled your ass against his groin and he grunted, pushing himself deeper into you. "Fuck me, baby. Please, Shu." You were begging for it, but it didn't seem to be enough for him.

"You want me to fuck you, princess? You sure?" He chuckled and grabbed your hips, pushing himself in until his cock was buried deep inside you. "You sure you can handle it? You sure you can handle allll this meat I'm feedin' you? You better open wide, slut. You're gonna dine well tonight."

You cried out as he began to thrust in and out of you, his cock filling you up so completely that you thought you might burst. "Shuji! Fuck!" You felt tears welling up in your eyes and you knew that this was going to be the best orgasm of your life.

"That's it, princess. Take all of my cock." He pulled nearly all of the way out and then thrust back in. He had always managed to brush against every single area of your insides that drove you to see stars. You could feel your walls pulsating around him as he moved in and out of you.

Hanma picked up the pace, his hips slamming against your ass as he fucked you. You moaned and gripped the armrest, your knuckles turning white as you held on for dear life.

He grabbed a fistful of your hair and pulled you back, arching your spine and causing your tits to bounce with each thrust. "That's it, baby. You take my dick so well. Such a good little slut. So tight. So wet. Goddamn." His words were a mess, but it was music to your ears.

"Shu ... I'm gonna cum. I'm gonna cum. Pleeease let me cum." Your voice was breathless, but you managed to get the words out.

Hanma leaned forward, nibbled on your ear and growled, "Cum for me, baby. Cum all over my dick."

You moaned and felt yourself coming undone. Your legs shook and you felt your pussy clench around his cock as you came. He grunted and you felt him still inside of you, his cum filling you up.

Hanma pulled out and you collapsed onto the couch, your legs unable to support you anymore. He chuckled and flopped down next to you, pulling you close to his chest.

"Fuck, that was good. You're so good, baby." He kissed your forehead and you smiled.

"Mmm, you're not so bad yourself, Shu. I love you."

He laughed and squeezed you tighter. "Love you, princess."

The two of you sat there, basking in the afterglow of your lovemaking, until you finally decided it was time to get cleaned up.

"Shu, I'm gonna go hop in the shower. Wanna come with?" You stood up and looked down at him. He smirked and nodded.

"You know I do, baby." He grabbed your hand and followed you into the bathroom, the two of you taking turns washing each other off and exchanging soft kisses under the warm spray of water.

You knew that Hanma was always horny and you didn't mind that one bit. After all, he made you feel so good, you couldn't complain.

Too much.

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@kazutora-kurokawa @darkstarlight82 @southside-otaku @viburnt @katshimizuu

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[haitaniapologist]

A RAINY NIGHT !

or when you managed to make akashi takeomi speechless three times.

pairings — akashi takeomi x female!reader.

genre — fluff.

warnings — an unhealthy obsession with using dashes instead of commas, sentences with strange structures and grammatical errors because english isn't my first language, mentions of gang life, overprotective mother, talks of period, mentions of blood, forming a family, death of a character, general akashi and sano family trauma, mentions of cigarrates and smoking.

word counting — 3k.

song — style, taylor swfit.

notes — tagging @softbajis my fellow omi simp <3 i hope i can make your day better with this, hal my dear !! also this is really self-indulgent because i love this man and this family too much. this is supposed to be a modern au but the black dragons and toman still exists and haru (who is probably a toman founder bc i guess i fucked up the ages a bit lol) have his scars, so i don't know anymore. regarding the ages, senju is 12, haru is 13, omi is 23 and you are between 21-23 too. enjoy !! reblogs, likes and comments are very appreacited <3

shinichiro was right for once in his life: takeomi was for sure the rain bringer.

you didn't care, actually. it was better to say to your parents that you were dating the rain bringer than the god of war, but you were sure they knew your boyfriend's past as the vice president of the black dragons. it wasn't easy to deduce that takeomi used to do dangerous things as a teenager — the scar on the right side of his face told everything your overprotective mother needed to know. and, well, shinichiro’s grandfather probably told her all she needed to know about akashi takeomi too.

but he managed to earn the trust of your parents, and you never understood how. maybe it was the fact that, despite being a gang member growing up, he still took care of his younger siblings as if he was their father or that his favourite brand of cigarettes was the same your uncle used to smoke. you never had enough courage to ask your mom if she stopped complaining about everything your boyfriend did because he reminded her of her own brother, who died a few years before you met takeomi through your mutual friend, sano shinichiro. it was still a painful memory for your mother but, if that meant that she wouldn't complain about you going to the akashis's home — even though you were a grown adult and didn’t need to ask permission to go where you wanted — you were okay with letting things as they were.

but dating the rain bringer wasn't easy, and you were sure you had earned a place in heaven by doing so.

you couldn't plan an outside date without checking the weather at least three times, and even if you did it, you would always come back home drenched in water and with your cute outfit and makeup ruined.

takeomi would always apologize with that charming smile of his adorning his face, promising to make up for you somehow. and he always did, in ways that would leave anyone who heard with red cheeks. in the first months of your relationship you would always be upset by the ruined dates — you wanted to experience everything of the romance books you read as a teenager, being it cute picnics in a field of flowers, or a beach day in a private beach — but now, you were used to just stay at his home or going to a restaurant.

and that's how you found yourself, draped in your boyfriend's strong arms, the smell of tobacco still prominent in his clothes from the cigarette he smoked not long ago, trying to concentrate in the movie in front of you.

you actually tried to plan a cute date, after hearing some ideas from emma, shinichiro's younger sister, but takeomi said it was better if you two stayed at home. senju wasn't feeling well, and he couldn't help but worry about his little sister. she wasn't a kid that got sick too often, so when she told him she was feeling something strange in her tummy, he knew he needed to stay at her side. takeomi wasn't an expert when it came to diseases and needed to call shinichiro for help — god needed to have mercy on him if he called his grandmother — because he didn't know what he should give to her to alleviate what she was feeling. he would be of better help if senju was beaten up, but he would die before he allowed that to happen.

but you didn't care to stay with him at their home. you knew he tried to take care of his younger siblings the best he could, and you always tried to help him. you grew too fond of takeomi's siblings, and treated them as your own too. to trying to take haruchiyo off his shell and helping senju with homework, you tried to ease the responsibilities that were entrusted to your boyfriend since his mother died.

you couldn't even imagine what those three went through. you had your own family problems too, but your parents were always at your side, giving you the opportunity to live every phase of your life without the burden of needing to care for other people. takeomi, on the other hand, needed to grow up and mature too fast to take care of haruchiyo and senju, as their father was more worried to make money than giving love and affection to his three kids.

it was a similar situation with the sanos, and you could understand how your boyfriend and shinichiro bonded up.

“what are you thinking about, pretty girl?” your thoughts were interrupted by the hoarse voice of takeomi, who was looking down at you with an amused face.

“how could you tell i was thinking about something?” you inquired curiously, as you thought he was more invested in the film than you were. it had been his choice, after all.

you felt takeomi's chest vibrate as he chuckled, pressing a quick kiss to your hair. “you always bite your lip when you are in deep thought, babe.”

you hummed, nuzzling your face on his chest, your arms around his middle — the film long forgotten.

“so, are you going to share what's on your pretty mind with me?” your boyfriend pressed, leaning into you.

“just thinking about you.” you answered, inhaling his scent. you found it amazing how he managed to smell like home. maybe it was the mixture between tobacco and his cologne, but it always made you feel safe and relaxed, but at the same time, as if you could conquer the world only because you had him at your side. “about how amazing you are, omi, and you don't even realize this.”

with wide eyes and mouth slightly agape, takeomi found himself speechless with your words. he was expecting you to think about anything that could worry you — your finals coming up, the essay you needed to write for your international geopolitics class, if your best friend actually texted her ex like she told you she would — but not about him.

it made him feel a warm and fuzzy feeling he couldn't pinpoint what it was.

“i'm not… amazing. i have a lot of flaws, you know.” he murmured, quite sheepish, thinking about his biggest regret: how he managed to taint his relationship with his younger brother by doing to him what he always criticized his father and grandma did to himself.

“everyone has flaws, omi. but you sacrificed a lot of moments of your youth to take care of your siblings, and i don't think everyone would be willing to do that.” you tried to reason with him, changing your position and straddling his lap, trying to have a better look at his face. "and at sixteen, you were co-ruling the kanto region with your friends! do you know what i was doing at the time you were doing that?" receiving a non-verbal negative answer from him, you continue. “i was worried if i was going to be able to marry squall leonhart from final fantasy eight!”

that earned another chuckle from your boyfriend. “oh, so you’re saying to me that you always had a crush on men with facial scars? does that mean that i’m just your type?” he teased you, his hands squeezing your hips.

“don’t change the subject, omi!” you snapped back, feigning irritation. you couldn’t deny his scar actually reminded you of your fictional teenager crush, but that was something you would take you to the grave. “you are amazing, baby. and i mean it with every fibre of my heart.” you cupped his face, your left thumb caressing the part of his scar near his lips.

takeomi only noticed he was blushing because of the contrast of your hands — which were too cold — and his warm face.

what he would do without you? you were an angel in disguise, and he was sure of it. not because you managed to help him have a better relationship with his younger siblings or coming into terms that he wasn’t responsible for his mom’s death, or his father’s money addiction, or because you made him to think about his health and himself before working himself to death to give his siblings what he didn’t had at their age — but because you made him feel loved and special, and not just someone else inside a train. you made him see the wonders' life had to offer, to see that haruchiyo and senju were happy with what they had, and they weren’t growing up to be as pathetic as he felt himself to be sometimes. you made him realize that it is okay to ask for help, or to cry, or to just scream angrily at all the adults who were supposed to protect and love him, instead of giving two toddlers for a kid to take care of.

you looked curiously at your boyfriend, afraid that you might have something that could have possibly triggered him. but the emotions dancing in his eyes were enough to tell you that he needed to hear the words that left your lips.

“y/n.” takeomi called you with such love and tenderness in his voice that made your insides melt, and your cheeks burn, your heart beating loudly inside your chest. you leaned in before he could tease you, as he always liked before your kisses, pressing a kiss — that you hoped could pour all the feelings you couldn’t describe in words you felt for him — to his lips.

however, before he could deepen the kiss, you two were interrupted by a scream, that scared the both of you.

“senju?” takeomi called his sister desperately while you get out of his lap, helping him to his feet so you two could see what happened to the youngest akashi, who was supposed to be asleep because of the stomach medicine takeomi gave her after dinner.

even haruchiyo poked his head out of his room, the two diamond-shaped scars on his lips down in a frown.

entering the younger girl’s room, and seeing the small blood stain on her sheets, you didn’t need to think twice to know what happened. “take-nii, y/n-nee.” she whimpered, small tears pooling the corner of her green eyes. “i think my butt is hurt!” she admitted embarrassed, throwing a pillow at haruchiyo.

“it isn’t your butt, ‘ju.” you took the lead of the situation, giving your boyfriend — who was almost freaking out by the sight of blood in his sister’s bed — a reassuring smile, opening your arms for senju to nuzzle in them.

“if it isn’t my butt, what is it?” she asked, her voice muffled by your shirt. “my belly is hurting, y/n-nee.” you patted her head affectionately, a few strands of her light hair between your fingers. you never expected to pass through this moment before having kids, but that was one of the perks of dating a guy who is ten years older than his siblings.

takeomi was looking at his two favourite girls with nothing but affection reflecting in his eyes.

“you got your first period, senju.” you explained, putting your hands on her shoulders, so you could look at her face.

“her first what?” before you could explain any further, you were interrupted by haru’s voice, looking confused at the two of you. takeomi chuckled, passing an arm over his brother shoulders and walking away from senju’s room to give you two privacy.

“we should go to the convenience store to buy some things, haru. we’ll stop having peace in our home now.”

you rolled your eyes at takeomi’s words, taking senju with you to the bathroom. you told her to wait for you there, and you went to pick the spare pads you took anywhere with you. even thought you took the pills and tracked your period with an app, you had some embarrassing stories about menstruating in school, and you hoped senju could learn with your mistakes. you found her where you left her, and, taking a deep breath, you tried to mimic what your mother told you when you first got your period.

senju listened to what you had to say as if she was learning a new subject at school as you explained how menstruation worked and how to use pads — as well as some tips and how she would crave chocolate —, and you made sure that she understood that women weren’t weaker than men just because they bled every month — instead, it made them even more powerful. the admiration towards you in her eyes almost made you cry, and you finished your chat with a bear hug and kisses all over her face, and went to prepared a bath for her.

you were in the kitchen when the boys arrived after putting the stained sheets to wash, and you smiled fondly at how they were able to maintain a civil conversation. you were proud of both them — takeomi and sanzu had still a long path to walk, but you knew how the older akashi was proud of the youngest, even if he was worried about haru being in a gang, just like he was when he was about the same age. takeomi greeted you with a kiss, which earned a sneer from haruchiyo, who went to his room after wishing a good night for you. you smiled and melted in your boyfriend’s arms again.

“senju grew up too fast. i wish mom was here to see how big her baby is.” he commented wistfully while you two put the groceries in the shelves. it wasn’t long ago that senju was still a little girl who needed his help to tie her hair in a bun, only for him to notice that she wanted to match his own hairstyle.

you hummed, agreeing with him. “if you’re feeling like that with your sister, i can’t even imagine how emotional you’ll be when we have children.” you teased, elbowing his abdomen playfully. the thought of forming a family with him had crossed your mind more times than you would’ve courage to admit, but you didn’t know what he would think about that. he already needed to take the father role to his siblings, and maybe he wouldn’t want to have children — since he felt like he failed haruchiyo.

you expected him to reply something, but for the second time that night, takeomi was speechless by something you said.

“you wanted to have kids? with—” he asked, pointing at himself. “—me?”

“well, yes?” you answered sheepishly, rubbing the back of your neck and looking at the box of pads in your hands. “i know we never talked about marriage and having children together, but if there is someone that i want to experience these things with, it’s you, takeomi.”

you two never talked about that, but takeomi for sure had thought about it. the thought of not having you in his life scared him a lot — he would be nothing without your presence — and he knew the next steps of your relationship were those two. he embraced you from behind, his hands resting in your belly, rubbing circles on it, while nuzzling his face in the junction between your neck and shoulder, pressing a kiss there. “you are the only one i want to experience such things with too, y/n.”

you let a breath you didn’t know you were holding, smiling. before you could say anything, senju ran down the stairs, looking at you and her brother suspiciously. “i want the cramps medicine you told me about, y/n-nee.”

you nodded, watching takeomi embrace his sister as if she was fine china, while looking for the advil you told your boyfriend to buy.

“you belly is still hurting, senju?”

“yes! but not like when the blood came out of me.” she answered, thanking you for giving her the small pill. “good night, take-nii.” she kissed her brother’s cheek, and then yours. “good night, y/n-nee.”

you and your boyfriend watched as she went to her room, and you yawned.

“is my pretty baby tired?” takeomi asked, smiling at how cutely you nodded. “so let’s go to sleep, doll. tomorrow is a new day and i’m sure these two will have a lot of energy when they wake up.”

you let him guide you, the tiredness of the day finally making itself present in your body. after changing to one of your boyfriend’s old t-shirt and getting comfortable on his bed with his arms around your form, you were ready to welcome sleep before takeomi called your name.

“yes, my love?”

“thank you for today.” he started, giving your forehead a kiss. “you’re the only feminine presence senju have in her life, and i couldn’t be more grateful for being here with us. i don’t know what i would do if i was alone with her today.”

you chuckled, nuzzling your back into his sturdy chest. “you would probably call me.”

“yeah, probably. or shin, but i don’t think he could be of any help.”

takeomi noticed that you didn’t answer, and deeming that you were sleeping, he sighed. he finally realized, watching as how good you took care of senju, what that warm and fuzzy feeling he felt towards you was. he loved you.

it was a scaring feeling.

he never thought he would be able to love someone as he loved you. takeomi had a few girlfriends before you, especially when he was still a member of the black dragons, but what he felt for them couldn’t compare to what he felt for you. if you asked, he would set the world aflame just to see a smile gracing your lips. he could never belong to anyone else now, not after he tasted how it was being loved by you. it was an addicted feeling, and he just hoped that you felt the same. but seeing how you looked at him — as if he was your everything — he knew you loved him as much as he did with you.

“i love you, y/n.” he murmured against the skin of your cheek, pressing a chaste kiss there.

“i love you too, omi.”

for the third time that night, akashi takeomi found himself speechless because of you.

[sammy-gvf]

We get along (for the most part)

Chapter 2 

OC X Lee Bodecker

———————————-

Warnings- a little angst and cursing. 

Plot- The local rebel badass girl and Lee Bodecker have had run ins, lets see how it goes, shall we?

Word count : 2,705

MINORS DNI! THIS STORY WILL EVENTUALLY GET 18+. PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS. I DO NOT FEEL LIKE GETTING IN TROUBLE FOR YOU BEING STUPID. THANKS. 

 CHAPTER ONE IS PINNED ON MY PROFILE!

Sunday morning.

Slowly, I woke from my slumber hoping that I slept through church. Unfortunately, the sound of footsteps coming towards my door tells me differently. Knocking at the door, I hear a quiet voice come through the crack of my door.

“Maggy, are you up? Mamas goin have a fit if you aint up for church.” 

That's my brother John, he is always there to wake me up on sundays. He enjoys going to church. I’m not really into it, i usually try to go back to sleep but my parents barely ever let me sleep through church, small town equals gossip. No matter what you do, someone is always talking about you. Sat the wrong way? Gossiped about. Sneezed during church? Gossiped about. Literally anything you do is talked about among the town residents. I was the talk of the town when I was in high school, everyone knew I was sneakin around with Arvin. No one  liked it obviously, bein called every name in the book. I didn't care clearly, it didn't bother me or Arvin. 

I groan and slowly get out of bed, stretching and looking out of my window. It's a beautiful sunny day in Knockemstiff, I never thought I would ever describe this run down town like that, it's quite beautiful here though. Open fields for miles, I could see why no one would want to leave. I mean in old age, you could just do anything with your land and live off it. 

Getting up, I feel my feet hit the cold wood floor of my room. Everyday, I hope I don't get a splinter from the floor so I wear slippers throughout the house. I head to the bathroom to look at myself in the mirror. My hair is disheveled and almost out of the bun that I had it in the night before, my eyebrows are out of place and the bags underneath my eyes are prominent. I sigh and splash some cold water on my warm face. I grab my toothbrush and go for it, spitting out the toothpaste and flashing my teeth in the mirror to make sure I didn't miss a spot. 

I heard my parents and brother moving around pretty quickly so I looked at the clock near my bed. It's 9:30 am, church starts in about 20 minutes and it takes 10 to get there. Quickly, I put my hair in a low bun, slapped on some powder and a plain lip color, a rose color to compliment my fair skin. Hopping around, I grab a plain flowy blue dress that goes up to about the middle of my thigh and a pair of white keds, quick and simple. 

I step out of my room and grab my clutch so I have something to hold while in church, I usually can't keep my hands still. I shut the door behind me and head out to the living room to see everyone quickly eating some toast off their plates in the kitchen, I hop over and steal a piece of toast and bacon off Johns plate and then we are out the door. 

Hopping in my dads truck, the ride there is quiet. We don't talk much in my family, only at dinner once and a while and sometimes when my father drinks. Which is only when he is done work on Fridays. I make sure I'm out of the house on fridays, he never stops talking when he is drinking. My parents and I have never been that close really, kind of an unspoken family thing. Mother stays quiet and does her motherly duties as us women are expected to do once we pop out a few puppies. I refuse to be like that. 

The ride to church is scenic,open fields for miles and so many animals to look at. I enjoy the breeze coming through my hair but I just wish it was from me driving my car out somewhere I have never been. Like maybe California, it's probably beautiful. I have never been to a beach, as a matter of fact I've never been out of Knockemstiff before. I envy everyone who leaves this place and never comes back. As soon as I can get out of here, I will. I swear on everything I love. 

The car stops and I get out, my feet hitting the dirt road below me. My keds are gonna need a cleaning after this. Stepping around the car, I separate from my family and hop around the back of the church to smoke a quick cig before I go through the church doors to act like I'm holy for 2 hours. 

Stepping to the left side of the church, I put my clutch on a bush and grabbed a cigarette from the pack stuffed in my bag. Quickly I light it and suck on it as quickly as I possibly can to just get a moment to myself. Looking out into the distance, I always forget that the cemetery is this close to the church. Graves for as far as the eyes can see. That distracted me to the point where I forgot how quick I was smoking and ended up inhaling too much smoke at one time, leading me to cough quite loud. I throw the cigarette on the floor below my foot and crush it quickly. 

I hear an oh so familiar voice in the distance as I finish my coughing fit. 

“ Ms. Lane, what a pleasure to see you on this fine sunday.” He says, walking towards me with his fingers hooked around the belt loops of his pants.

Same uniform everyday, never fails.

“Say, what are you doin here behind the church all by your lonesome? “ Lee says as he stands next to me, I can smell the tobacco and mint on him the same as I did last night. I look over at Lee with an exhausted look on my face from the coughing fit I just had.

Lee looks down at the ground and a grin forms on his face, sneaky bastard never misses a beat. 

“Ms.Lane-” Lee begins to say and I stop him

“Please, for the love of christ call me Maggy. I am not 16 anymore, Lee.” You say as you start to walk past him. He grabs your arm and stops you. 

“Maggy Lane, just know I know about your little reputation.” Lee says as he still has you by the arm, kind of digging his nails into your soft skin as you try to pull away a bit.

“As a matter of fact, I was there when you began your little shenanigans. Be careful of how you talk to your sheriff, little lady.” You look at him in disgust as he tries to intimidate you. 

“ Also, I told you those cigarettes was bad news, you're lucky I don't stop on over and talk to your pop about your little habit.” Lee says with a smirk on his face. You finally wiggle out of his grip, your arm dropping to your side with crescent shaped marks on your arm. You rub the spots where Lee's fingers were just digging into your upper arm.

Looking up at him, he tips his hat at you and starts to walk away. You spit on the ground near his feet and he turns around on his feet, quick. 

“ I hope you know you're a prick, Bodecker.” You spit out at him. 

Immediately, you are backed up against the wood boards of the church, both of Lee's arms on either side of your head. Your heart is racing and your breath is hitching. You're frozen. 

“Listen to me, you little bitch.” Lee inches closer to your face, your noses almost touching. You turn your head to the side hoping that he won't really notice but he grabs your face and holds it so you are looking him directly in the eyes.

“Your little mouth will get you in trouble, especially with me.” Your breath hitches as he gets closer. Your heart could explode. You were terrified. 

“ Lee, church is starting. We better get in there before we miss anything” A voice in the distance yells. 

 Instantly, Lee lets you go and strides back to the unknown voice. 

You stand there with a shocked look on your face, as if you had just seen the devil up close. You were frozen in your current position but as soon as people started going in the building you sank to your feet and sat there for a minute breathing heavily. You fixed yourself up and stood outside the door of the old church, taking a deep breath before going in and finding your seat next to your family. 

 Church dragged on and on, I felt like I was going to fall asleep. A screaming preacher, so many people in such a small space. Half way through, I got up to go to the bathroom and caught Lee staring at me and he gave me a small smirk. Creep.

Stepping into the bathroom, I look at my face in the mirror. It's still slightly red from where Lee had his disgusting hand around my chin. I pushed on the spot and it felt like it was going to bruise. 

“ Fuck” I whispered to myself as I turned my head side to side to look at the red around my lips and on my chin. This is for sure going to bruise. 

I splash some water on my face to refresh myself and then I step out of the bathroom to bump into something in front of me. 

“Shit, I am so sorry” You say as you back up into the oak door and look at the person in front of you. 

“ Oh, no worries hun.” the woman in front of you says. 

You look at her quickly as you step aside, sticking out your hand and you say “I don't think I have met you before, I’m Maggy Lane.” 

She sticks out her hand and shakes yours firmly, she is a very pretty woman with short brown curly hair. 

Thin and very well put together, can't be more than 25 years old. 

“ It’s very nice to meet you sweetheart, I’m Ruth Har- I mean Bodecker.” She says smiling as she pulls her hand back from the handshake and puts it back on her clutch bag. 

“You the sheriff's wife?” you say as you cock your head to the side questioningly. 

“Yes, I am.” she smiles, “ We've been married now for about a year, a very fine man he is.” She says as she steps aside to talk to you for a minute before she steps into the bathroom.

You were shocked, Lee actually was married? He was such an asshole, you didn't think anyone would want him. As you had said the previous night, you would tell his wife if he had called you another pet name but she looks so sweet. He doesn't deserve her. You had just said that assumin he even had a woman at home. 

“ Thats nice, say you ain't from around here, are ya?” You say in a little southern drawl, she aint from these parts. You can tell by the way she says certain words. 

“ No darlin, i'm from Tennessee.” she smiled “Met Lee out there while I was workin in a bar.” she blushed a bit.

“ Huh, well look at that.” you say as you cross your arms and lean against the doorframe of the bathroom. “ Lee does get out of town then.”

She chuckles and you look at the time, church is going to be over soon.

“ Well, it was very nice meeting you, Mrs.Bodecker.” You say as you turn your back and start walking towards the stairs to go back to the chapel area. 

“ You too, darlin.” She says waving at you. 

“ See you around” You say as you head back up the stairs. 

---------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 2 already? I’m crankin shit out lol 

Hope yous like it so far! Dont forget to leave opinons/replys and as always dont forget to like/reblog!

tag list : @ladyfallonavenger

@please-buckme

@youcancallmeishita

@unsentlettersandmore

@angelicbabydolll

@local-spacegirl

@do-not-pray-for-me

@not-another-fangirl

@nerdy-depressed

@buckysdolls

[poormeowmeowcollector]

Oh My God They Were Roommates! Just Roommates

Warnings: mentions of nightmares, smoking, breakdowns and lactose intolerance.

Characters: aro!Bucky ace!Loki (also genderfuid)

Summary: After the end of the Avengers, some kept fighting and some retired. Bucky was too tired to keep going, and he wanted the normal life. But he didn't expect the God of Mischief asking for the same thing

Notes: I made the Bingo! This was so tough to write but I really love the results!

Read On AO3

The Avengers are now in the past, after the Big Battle with Thanos. Some have gone offworld, some keep fighting and some just stop and try to leave a normal life. They are too tired to keep fighting. And Bucky is one of them.

After the battle, and after Steve handed his legacy over Sam, Bucky promised himself a normal and calm life. Sam respected it and asked for no help, even if things go bad. He pays a visit once a week and stays in touch.

Bucky now works in a small coffeeshop, and rents a small apartment. It's simple and cozy, he likes it. And he likes his simple life with his friendly co-workers and nice customers and he even gets laid if he's lucky enough. He falls in love with this kind of life.

One day, on a rainy night of November, he hears a knock on the door. He doesn't bother fetching his metal hand as he crosses the room and opens it.

And he finds Loki outside, wet and shivering. He never liked rain, says that water can compromise his cold resistance.

"Come in, you must be freezing," Bucky opens the door and moves aside. Loki nods and smiles, kicking his boots out after his feet meet the carpet.

And Loki never mentions Asgard. They didn't mention it as much before Ragnarok, but now they act as if it never existed. And suddenly, they make traditional soups.

"Th-thank you…" Loki smiles.

"Don't mention it. Take that thing on, will ya? Settle near the radiator, over the couch, I'll make you something warm to drink, okay?" Bucky replies, pointing at the soaking wet coat Loki's wearing. He makes a small nod and does as he was told, watching Bucky as he fetches his hand and heads to the kitchen. He knows that he shouldn't give him tea or coffee, it's quite late and Loki's an insomniac, so he settles down with chocolate. Well, he has a big sweet tooth, why not enjoy a nice warm cup of chocolate?

He goes back to the couch, smiling just a bit when he sees Loki covered with the blanket like a burrito. Loki takes the cup, holding it to warm up his hands before he takes a long sip.

"Th-thank you, it's q-q-quite g-good," He smiles, his shivering chin making his stutter appear.

"Again, don't mention it. What brought you here?" Bucky relaxes on the other side of the couch, his eyes on Loki. Last time he remembers, Loki was fighting.

"I couldn't move past Tony… it, it went bad, even when I was fighting. All nightmares and flashbacks and I… I think it's killing me. I wanna get out of this, retire. It's just too much, I can't take it anymore," He admits, his voice trembling again but not because of the cold. Bucky reaches out to his hand, a tight grip on it with his fleshed limp. And Loki leaves a small smile.

"And, I thought if you could use a roommate…" He finishes his answer.

"To be honest, it does get a bit boring without some idiots yelling at toasters," Bucky smiles.

"Bread should not be flying!" Loki spits, and Bucky laughs at it. But Loki also lets his lips twist upwards.

"You can stay for how long you want. But we will have to get a bigger apartment, this one has only one bedroom," Bucky answers.

"Let me rest for tonight and it will have a second bedroom tomorrow," Loki eyes the former soldier. He almost forgets about his magic. "But I can settle down on the couch tonight, it's comfy," He smiles. Bucky smiles too, he really doesn't feel like abandoning the apartment, he worked so hard to make it the way it is.

And they start to catch up with each other, while they have the energy to stay up. But they both grow tired and end up muttering goodnight and going to sleep.

For Bucky, it was a normal Saturday sleep, when he knows his alarm clock won't wake him up. But Loki hadn't slept with such peacefulness since Tony died.

~~~

"WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU PUT MY HAIRBRUSH?" Bucky yells from the bathroom.

"WHY THE FUCK WOULD I TAKE YOUR HAIRBRUSH? I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU BRUSH THIS SHIT UNTIL NOW!" Loki yells back from the kitchen.

"LISTEN HERE, YOU LITTLE SHIT. IF YOU EVER DISRESPECT MY HAIR LIKE THA- Nevermind, I found it," Bucky mutters the last few words. And Loki hears him perfectly. Because they are 7 feet apart. They didn't need to yell at each other.

"Good for you. Now stop blaming me whenever you lose something," Loki answers, waiting for the soldier to appear on their viewing field. And he did. But they now sigh and pay more attention to the food they're cooking.

"Alright, I'm sorry," Bucky hums, Loki making only a throaty sound as an answer. "What're you making? It smells nice," He asks, moving towards the kitchen to peek at the pot.

"It's a traditional stew on Asgard, you'll see," Loki smiles, but actually means "no peeking until I'm done".

Usually, Bucky was the one doing the cooking. Loki is a better cook, they use a lot of seasoning and know which one goes where, but they don't like it as much. In fact, Bucky can swear they only cook when stressed, as if they try to distract themselves with the smell of whatever they throw into the food.

And they basically talk through the night, with interruptions when Loki is rushing to the bathroom and returning like they had to give birth over there. At least until they both grow tired and fall asleep, right beside to each other. For the first time in days, no screaming and waking up in the middle of the night occurs.

Bucky sighs, trying to find something else to focus on. Something other than Loki's odd behaviour the last days, with the ongoing silence and numbness. Other than the sudden Æsir cooking. Other than the smoking they pretend it doesn't happen, like Bucky doesn't recognize the smell of tobacco in them. Something other than the screaming he hears in the middle of the night and knows that he can't help because Loki tends to lean towards the fight response and Bucky cannot fight back without hurting them.

And he knows where those things lead to. It's not the first time that Loki started going south after Tony. And the previous one was ugly, by all means. What if this one turns out to be ugly too?

"What are you thinking of?" Loki asks, their voice carefully soft. Bucky tries to appear calm, it's not worth worrying Loki too.

"Nothing special…" He shrugs, avoiding eye contact. But he hears Loki sighing and moving the pot before they walk on the couch and sit beside him.

"Is that why you are so worried? Come on, speak it up. Weren't you saying that we should talk about what is bothering us?" They are still soft, like Bucky's the elephant in the room. They were always like this, prefer to soothe others than speak about their issues.

"I'm just worried…" Bucky admits. This will not end pretty…

"Do you want to say what is worrying you?" Loki sits closer, big green eyes staring at him. The dark circles that start creeping around them making them brighter.

"Nah, it's not worth it…" Bucky regrets it and stares elsewhere, gazing at the asexual and aromatic flags hanging on the doors of the two bedrooms. And Loki makes a small tutting sound.

"You can just say you don't feel like talking, lies weren't needed," They argue.

"Says the god of them," Bucky thinks out loud. He shouldn't have said that.

The room gets cold, something Bucky knows is happening because Loki loses some control of their Frostbite when overwhelmed. They stand up and go back to the kitchen, speaking only to inform him that the dinner is ready with a dead voice.

Bucky follows them with hesitance, waiting for them to fill a bowl with the brownish stew before he serves himself and settles on the chair opposite to them.

The stew is nice. The taste of meat is strong and the seasoning makes it kind of sweet. Not exactly Bucky's taste, but he doesn't mind it. Loki plays with the pieces of meat inside it, his right hand holding his head.

"It's nice," He mutters, hoping he can make a small smile appear.

"It's shit," Loki argues, letting the spoon fall on the bowl as they stare at it with disgust. And then, they cover their face with their hands, their rapid breathing echoing.

"Hey, it's just some stew," Bucky tries to soothe them down but they stand up and pace to their room, the door slammed behind them. Bucky wants to follow, walk in and hug them tight and soothe them down. But it's wiser to give them some space.

He tries to finish his own meal, but his appetite is long gone. So, he empties the bowls back in the pot and washes the dishes, trying to think of what to do. He can already feel the apartment going colder and colder, and it's never a good thing.

Maybe if he finds something to cheer up Loki? They like sweets, maybe a cake. Thank God there's a candy store down the road, it will be maybe ten minutes on foot.

Loki doesn't react when Bucky opens the door and leaves, they probably don't even care. Bucky's lucky enough to find a dark chocolate cake, their favourite flavor, and it's cheap enough to buy it. And Loki is still locked in the room when he returns with the dessert.

"Hey, can you please let me in. Just wanna check on ya, you know," Bucky knocks the door. The handle twists and the door opens after a blanket of frost covers it. But, Loki's magic is like a green light that acts like smoke…

Loki is sitting on the corner of the bed, the room around them covered with a thin layer of ice. They have dropped every illusion, even the Æsir one. They do it plenty of times in an attempt to get used to it, or when they can't control the seiðr. They smile just so, fags showing, as they light out a smoke on an ashtray.

"Will you stand there?" They ask, voice dead. There are no tears in their ruby eyes, not trembling from the crying. They just look numb.

Bucky nods and sits on the other side of the bed, placing the box in front of him and a fork above it. "I thought you would like some cake…" He hums, inspecting Loki as they glance at the box.

"Thank you," They try to smile but their face disagrees. They take the box to their lap and open it, frost appearing on the paper that touches him and the fork.

"So, do you feel like speaking?" Bucky asks. They hate showing it, but they love talking and it actually helps them a lot.

"It's just some homesickness. Don't worry, it will pass…" They shrug one shoulder and take a bite of the cake. Their lips twist upwards, a good sign, and they place the box between them and Bucky, a second fork appearing in their hand.

"Oh, thank you," Bucky smiles and takes it, not minding the freezing cold of Bucky's skin. "So, it's about Asgard or the Avengers," He asks.

"Kind of both, somehow… and, it's also the nightmares, as usual. But they're manageable," They lie. After years with them, Bucky knows when they lie. And, most important, he knows when to demand the truth and when not.

"Well, if you feel like it will help, you can come over for snuggles and emotional support." He suggests. Loki smiles and nods, staying silent as they focus on the cake. Can you blame them? They haven't eaten properly for days. But Bucky does give them a look when he realises how fast they devoured the dessert.

"Wait, did you ask for lactose free?" They ask, after making the box vanish. And Bucky forgot to ask.

"Shouldn't you also ask before you eat the whole thing?" He also asks, his worry about how much Loki's small intestine shall suffer tonight growing.

"So, we are both idiots," Loki comes to a conclusion, finding Bucky agreeing.

"Basically, yes… and, I think I should suffer with you tonight, right?" He asks.

"Definitely, just lay near the wall, you don't want to be between me and the toilet," They respond, freeing the space of the bed they meant. Bucky got his metal hand out, he doesn't like sleeping with it on, and lay where he was instructed to, Loki laying beside him.

[superkatesi]

What Happens in Suffolk Stays in Suffolk

Title: What happens in Suffolk stays in Suffolk // Ed Sheeran Fanfiction, mature content

Authors: @famousconfessions and @superkatesi

Rating: NC-17

Author’s Note: Another chapter of our story with @famousconfessions . Warning: lots of smut and teasing. Enjoy it and leave your feedback.❤️

I actually hated long car rides... but not today. Because for once I wasn't alone. Ed sat right next to me, driving, singing, talking to me and just keeping me entertained on the almost 3 hour- long car ride to his hometown Suffolk. Still, I'd rather stayed on this sofa with him, cuddling and maybe going in for round two, but that had to wait. Of course, he wouldn't miss his dad’s birthday party and I definitely understood that. I loved his family as much as mine so I knew how important parties like these were to him. Plus, we got to catch up on the drive to his parents house. He told me everything about his tour, I told him what happened at home and at my job while he was gone. But right now it was quiet, well, except for Ed humming along the song on the radio and I just watched him. I still couldn't believe that he was back... I was definitely the luckiest girl in the whole world. “Whattt?”, he suddenly asked, looking at me and smiling. “Nothing! Am I not allowed to look at you? I mean, I need to make use of the fact that you're here because that's not all too often”, I teased, sticking my tongue out. “When did you become so cheeky? Looks like you need a good spanking, huh?”, he looked at me for a second before putting his eyes back on the road and I swallowed hard. I knew he was joking but fuck... what a thought. It made me want to jump on him again but, well... bad timing. Probably, I should not think about something like that because we'd spend the weekend at his parents house and we should keep our hands off each other...

We stopped by a nice little coffeeshop in the middle of nowhere. We needed to stretch our legs and get some caffeine after an hour and a half of our trip. “Do you want me to grab something for you, love?”, Ed asked me, while putting on in his dark blue cap and fixing his round glasses. “Maybe a muffin? Honestly, I’m not very hungry”, I answered checking my email. “A muffin?”, I heard a boyish grin in his voice : “You are my little muffin”, he exclaimed and kissed my nose. Ed got off the car and went coffee-hunting. I looked at him while he was going away...: “This man drives me crazy. No matter what...His love is a huge cotton candy cloud and I want to spend my life lying on it ”. I looked in the mirror: “Damn, my dark circles are getting bigger and bigger”. On the one hand, I was hoping to get my beauty sleep at Ed’s parents house, on the other one, I was dying to spend my night teasing this boy’s body and savor our moments. “Get out of the car, kitten. I’ve got something yummy for you”. I didn’t have another option but to leave the car. I saw him holding a bag containing a giant chocolate muffin. I felt like a child back then. Ed was sipping on coffee and I noticed him lighting a cigarette. Though he gave up smoking, when he’s in Suffolk, he dives into the memories of his childhood and teen years, his ups and downs. And a cigarette or two isn’t an exception while staying here. He was staring at the sky, he looked like the happiest human being on Earth. I came up to him and gave him the biggest squeeze in the world. “I love you, Teddy”, I murmured. He smelled like coffee with cinnamon, fresh pastry, tobacco and there was something incredibly attracting about this smell. “I love you too”, he answered, without looking at me but I felt a warm smile in his voice. “It’s time to go. We don’t want to be late and skip all the cocktails, do we?”, he winked at me and headed to the car. “To be honest, I'd rather go back home right now and-”... “Don't say it”, he cut me off, still smiling and I couldn't help but smile back at him. He knew exactly what I wanted to say and now I knew that he felt the exact same way. I wasn't the only one who would've rather stayed on the sofa... or in the bed. Or the shower. Or the bathtub. Or the kitchen table. Anywhere. It didn't matter. But this screamed for some teasing, even if I would torture myself with it. It was just so much fun. I shrugged my shoulders, tried to look as innocent as I possibly could, before I got back in the car. We had another 1 1/2 hours in front of us and I was kinda glad about that, because that meant another 1 1/2 hours of having Ed all to myself. I knew I had to share him with his family once we'd arrive and that was fine, but... at the same time I didn't want to share him. This boy drove me crazy and being away from him had made it even worse.

“By the way... will Ellie be there?”, Ellie was his great cousin, I think, and I didn't like her at all, because all she did was trying to get her hands on him and I was having none of that. I was fine sharing him with his parents, but not with that bod. “Huh? Don't know, love, why?”, god he was so oblivious. Maybe it was because he didn't consider himself attractive, so most of the time he didn't notice when someone was flirting with him, but I saw her intentions from the moment I've met her. “Nevermind”, maybe she wasn't even invited and wouldn't be a problem. At least, I hoped so.

The rest of the drive was uneventful, we just talked some more and it was getting harder and harder not to touch him. When we finally pulled up on the driveway of his parents house I couldn't help but pull him in for a passionate kiss, as soon as he parked the car. In an instant, I felt his hands on my thigh and the other one on my neck, pulling me closer to him. Fuck, this kiss made me feel things and got my body to go crazy again, but then he let go of me. He licked his lips, smiling, before saying: “We should really get in, baby girl. Think about the cocktails”, he winked at me and I was once again shaking my head at his teasing self. Right now I didn't care about fucking cocktails at all, but we needed to be responsible adults. I sighed, taking a deep breath, before getting out of the car... and a second later the family reunion began.

We entered the house in which Ed’s grown up. There was definitely something nostalgic about it. His parents are the sweetest and the most supportive people in the world. His mum was making last preparations in the kitchen, dad was talking to Matt, but the majority of the guests were already in the garden. “Hey mate, I was hoping that you got lost somewhere, so I can get all the beer”, Matt giggled and pulled Ed in for a hug. “Not this time, mug”, Ed chuckled and pinched Matt’s arm slightly. We talked altogether for a while but it was the moment to go, everybody was dying to get this party started . It was the coziest dinner in the world. We spent that evening talking, drinking, dancing and singing. When it got dark Ed turned on the garden lights and it seemed as if we were surrounded by hundreds of fireflies. Everybody was so chill and talkative. After finishing my wild dance to “Happy” by Pharrell with one of his aunties, I got another cocktail and jumped on Ed’s lap. “Are you having fun, babe?”, he smiled and wrapped his hands around my waist. Instead of answering I started wiggling my hips along the beat of a new song. “Someone is getting naughty tonight, huh?”, he whispered in my ear. At that moment I felt his hands travelling from my waist to my hips and thighs. All the guests were so engrossed into the celebration that no one paid attention to our little game. My hips kept making these delicious movements that couldn’t left him indifferent. I started feeling his growing interest through his denim and the fabric of my summer floral dress. “Want to run away with you, love”, he kept murmuring. But I had a plan, I took something from the pocket of my dress and hid it in the chest pocket of his plaid. He looked at me puzzled but without uttering a single word I jumped from his lap and went straight forward to the greenhouse. I few seconds later I heard his steps following me. “Smart boy, he got the signal and probably found my panties in his pocket”, I thought to myself.

“I've been gone for to long, haven't I?”, I heard his voice and biting my lip I turned around to face him. I couldn't hide the cheeky smile that spread across my face but that was gone the second I saw him standing there. He looked serious, but I saw that glow in his eyes that told me he wasn't angry or anything... but he was definitely into playing along to that game I've started. My panties were in his hand, hanging from his fingers and now he couldn't help but smile. “I think you've lost something... but I guess you don't want them back, do you, love?”, his raspy voice gave me goosebumps and it made me want to rip his clothes off right now. But instead, I shook my head and watched as he shoved the fabric in the back pocket of his jeans. “Good! So, are you gonna be a good girl, now?”, he asked, taking a few steps towards me. He now stood right in front of me, I could feel the warmth of his body, my back squeezed into the work bench behind me... but he didn't touch me and that really drove me crazy. I just stood there, looking into his deep blue eyes, taking steady breaths... when he suddenly grabbed me and turned me around. I gasped, because I didn't expect that to happen which turned into a loud moan, when I felt him press into me. There was way too much fabric between us but it was enough to make me want more. My hands grabbed the work bench for support, as he moved against me, his hands finding their way under my dress, up my thighs and finally between my legs. For a second I thought I'd drop to my knees, because they sure felt like jelly. I was weak, he was my fucking kryptonite. “Ohh, Teddy”, was all I could get out, leaning into him. My heart was pounding in my chest, my body felt like it was electrified as his fingers found my soft spot. It just felt so good that I completely lost myself in the sensation when he suddenly stopped. He pressed a kiss to my cheek, whispered: “Later, babe” into my ear and stepped away. My gaze met his, he winked at me and then left the greenhouse. He did NOT just do that.

He left me standing there with my aching body. That second, when he touched the right button .... I wanted him to put these amazing fingers deep inside of me and fuck me to death. I wanted to scream and see fireworks in front of my eyes. But there I was, standing all alone. That’s not fucking right. I was going to make him beg for mercy. I went back to the dance floor. Ed was bouncing to his favorite songs and rapping along. What a look...Teddy was all sweaty with chest hair peaking through his flannel, his curls plastered to his forehead. I wanted to ride him so badly, I wanted to inhale his boyish smell and give him the most passionate kiss on Earth. I felt like my juices were running down my thighs cause I was still with no panties and craving for more. I started dancing and with every movement I got closer to him, my eyes met his and I gave him the most sensual look I was able to. “Hi, Teddy”, I can recognize that voice from thousands.. it was his cousin — Ellie. I didn’t like her much and it was mutual. She put her filthy arms around his neck and started moving her body along. What the fuck was going on?? I couldn’t stand it and went for another drink. It was intolerable for me to watch someone putting their hands on my man. I was ready to burn this town. But I had something more interesting in mind.

Who the fuck did she think she was? She knew that we were together but she didn’t seem to respect that at all. I didn’t have anything against other girls talking to him. Not at all. But I couldn’t stand it when they were all over him, touching him, thinking they could really get anywhere. I trusted Ed completely, but I didn’t trust these girls, especially not Ellie. Ed and I have been together for three years and she didn’t give up until now.

I bit my lip, chugging down another shot of Tequila and watching how her hands were trailing down his chest, her hips moving against his and I felt a tight knot in my stomach. She made me furious. And why the fuck didn’t he push her away? Why did he let her do that? I was fucking jealous and maybe that’s exactly what he wanted... or maybe he was just too drunk to realize what she was doing to him.

I grabbed another drink from the table, a glass of vodka-red bull, and made my way to the dance floor. It was still full, Suffolk people knew how to party, so I used the situation and pretended to be pushed when I got to Ellie and Ed. I dumped my drink all over Ellies shirt and started acting as if I was really sorry. “Ellie! Oh my god, I’m sooo sorry. Someone pushed me. Oh that gorgeous shirt is probably ruined now”, I cooed, pushing her away from him. “You should probably try to wash up and keep your hands off my man”, I wasn’t that friendly anymore now.

I’m an independent woman. I respected other girls but this time was completely different. And Ed, where was he looking at? He was ready to let this girl kiss him or whatever... I didn’t understand it! There were several waves of anger...I couldn’t stand it anymore and I decided to leave. I grabbed one of Ed’s cigarettes and one more shot of tequila. I went infront of the greenhouse where a couple of minutes ago we were ready to eat each other. I’m weak, I burst into tears. If he behaved like this in front of me, what was going on during the tour, after his gigs, when there were thousands of girls ready to do everything he wanted. Am I selfish? Am I possessive? Tear drops were rolling down my cheeks, I hated smoking but I wanted to harm myself.. I’m so pathetic... It was the end. I didn’t want to start a fight with Ellie or Ed. I was ready to leave. “I’m sorry”, he was standing there with his head down. I didn’t answer. I’ve turned away. “I couldn’t live like this. That’s enough, Ed. I’m done.”, I was devastated but trying to stay calm. “Darling, it was just a moment. Nothing like this has ever happened before. Do you want me to leave you? One word and I’ll do it without any hesitation”. I heard his voice trembling. I looked at him...it was dark but I swear, I saw tears in his eyes, his face was distorted with pain. “Yeah, just fuck off!”, I hissed at him but to be honest... I didn’t really mean it. Yes, I was mad at him but I didn’t want him to leave, especially since I could see that he cared about what happened. Maybe I overreacted. Maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe it was the fact that I still missed him, even though he was here. God, I was so fucking childish. But I was so in love. “Okay...No! No, you know what? God, I just hate that fucking skank! And it just... I can't stand seeing her all over you like that. I'm not trying to be the annoying, jealous girlfriend here, really... but it was too much”, I said, wiping a tear from my cheek, as I looked at him. I felt bad seeing him like that, I hated to see him unhappy or sad and I was kinda surprised that this right here hit him like that. “I'm sorry. I didn't think. I... I promise it's not like that on tour. I'm hardly ever partying and even if I am, you know, I'm with my mates and there's just one thing on my mind. You. I swear!”, I believed him. I really did, but the images of him with Ellie didn't want to leave me. “I'm stupid and drunk and I know I don't deserve you. I mean... look at me...” Wait... what? I suddenly felt like a piece of shit for making a scene like that. Of course, he should've made clear that Ellie crossed a line, but he was drunk and I knew he didn't do that to hurt me. Not intentionally. “Stop! God, I'm an idiot", I sighed and walked up to him, taking his face in my hands. My thumbs brushed his cheeks and for a moment I just looked into his eyes. “Don't ever say that again, okay? It's not true. You're beautiful, inside and out... I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.”

I felt like a moron at that moment...but his tears...It was impossible to resist his lips. It was the purest pleasure. I bit his upper lip and tasted his tongue. I felt his regret on my lips. I know that he’s not like this, he’s my one and only. I’m ready to catch a grenade for him, I’m ready to do anything in the world for him. This sweet, indulging kiss lasted forever. Suddenly, I felt his hand grabbing one of my ass cheeks shyly. I moaned a bit encouraging him to go for it. All of the worries were gone. My fingers were playing with his scruff and his delicious curls. One sec and I’m up in the air wrapping my legs around his torso. His fingers were kneading my flesh and I was ready to dissolve in him. “Wait, love”, he said impatiently, : “We need to hide somewhere”, his voice sounded so raspy and sexy. He put me on the ground and we went to a bench in the darkest corner of the garden. I heard my heart beating and there was a feeling of excitement and sin. Suddenly, I found myself sitting on him. Somehow he managed to lower his jeans and started stroking his sweet cock. “Come on, love. We don’t want to be exposed , do we?”, he smirked and licked his pinkish lips. “I couldn't care less... let them see us, I don't care. Maybe Ellie will come to watch, so she can finally understand that you belong to me”, I mumbled, with a cheeky grin on my lips. As long as his parents wouldn't see what we were about to do here, I was totally okay with it. I watched him for a second, jerking himself off and fuck, that sight was extremely hot. It was mesmerizing seeing him touching himself, the way he grabbed his cock, the way he closed his eyes and sighed with pleasure. But then I stopped him because I was dying to make him feel good now. Maybe I wanted to make it up to him that I flipped out earlier... and I just needed to touch him. I replaced my hand with his, trailing my fingertips and nails down his length, before I kissed his lips. My thumb flicked over his shaft as I heard him moan into our passionate kiss. There just wasn't anything better than to make him feel this way... My lips soon found their way to his neck and I started to unbutton his plaid, my lips following my fingers, down his torso and I stopped right before his twitching cock. Hmm... it's been way too long since the last time I got a taste of that. I kissed my way around it, until I finally twirled my tongue around the top. He took a sharp breath and I felt him tense up, but that didn't stop me. I looked up at him as I licked his delicious length from the bottom all the way to the top, before taking him in completely, eagerly sucking his cock. I was starving. I needed to feel his plush head with a drop of precum and his shaft with intertwined veins in my mouth. I missed it.. I missed his deep moans, his tensed muscles and his hands in my hair. I was bobbing my head up and down, there was no way back. I heard music and people singing along but I heard Ed’s throaty groaning, as well. I put my fingers round this magic tool and started tugging it while kissing the most sensitive part of his body. “I’m close..ahhh..love..”, his words echoed in my ears. Honestly, I’d like to let this boy release and feel his body twitching but... I didn’t forget about him teasing me with his fingers. So I stopped, gave him the most fuckable look, fixed my dress and went to the house. Dear God, I hope, you forgive my mean soul. Later on, I was going to take this man to heaven but right now he deserved a lesson. Amen. I turned and beckoned him. It was time to finish this party and to finish my ginger boy off.

I felt kinda bad to play with him like that but he had it coming. He knew I would get my revenge when he left me in that fucking greenhouse... I looked back again, seeing him get up as I walked into the house. It was quiet, everyone was partying outside and I took my time climbing up the stairs, looking at the photos on the wall. There were a lot of family photos, Ed's parents, his brother, him as a kid and as a teen, the whole family together, the two brothers... there were also a few pictures of him on stage or holding different awards. I couldn't help but smile and feel proud of my boy, he was so talented and although he was so successful he was still a normal guy. Well... he was a fucking tease, but I could handle that.

I ended up in his room, which made me smile because the walls were still painted in a bright orange and the scribblings were also still there. It seemed like his parents didn't want to erase those memories and it was kinda cute. "Cute" was also the right word to describe the tiny bed, but hey, I loved to cuddle up to my boyfriend, so, sleeping in there shouldn't be a problem. If we would sleep at all... “There you are”, I heard a deep voice behind me and a second later I felt his presence behind me. I could feel his warm breath on my skin and it made me shiver. But I wasn't going to cave in just now and let him take the lead again. I still wasn't done. “Can we end this fucking game now?”, he sounded so impatient and I loved it. I chuckled, turned around to him and pushed him to the bed, where he laid down. He had his jeans back on and I could tell that it probably must've been painful for him... you could see that bulge from a mile away. “Why? I like playing with you. It's fun, innit?”, I shrugged my shoulders, before climbing on top of him, instantly starting to grind against him, because even I could barely take this anymore. I just wanted him to fuck me senseless.

“Fuck, no, it's not”, he hissed as he put his hands on my thighs, pulling up my dress and moving against me. “I can't take it anymore, love. I wanted to fuck you again since we got in my car. And then you started this thing and... for fucks sake”, he stopped his movements, grabbed me and all of a sudden we were standing again, in the same position as earlier in the greenhouse. He didn't even take the time to take off my dress or his clothes, I just heard him nestling on his belt and a second later I felt him inside of me. I gasped for air and a loud moan escaped my lips, as I held onto the bedsheets. This was pretty unexpected, but oh so good. “I’m going to get you off this time, love.. You’re gonna come so hard on this thirsty cock...”, he said in-between his heavy breathes. “I knew that you’d love this lil game.. you.. Sheeran”, I articulated while trying to keep our eye contact. “I bet, you still have my panties in your pocket, huh?”, I smirked at him and at that moment I felt his rock-hard cock hitting my most desperate wall. I couldn’t talk anymore, my speech turned into one deep moan. “They are, love, they are... ahhhh...”, he moaned when I tightened my pussy around him. “Teddy, I want you to come inside of me, want it to run down my thighs... want to feel you releasing in this wet girl”, I was bitting on his shoulder in order not to scream and I knew that these words would drive him wild. I was literally in the air, only his hands and his pleasure tool held me at the moment. I was about to crumble into thousands of pieces when I felt him stopped moving and just stood like this inside of me. I started contracting my walls and this pleasure of him stretching me out and not making a single move made me twisting as if I was on fire. “That’s my girl....Let your puss feel it...contract and relax... contract and relax...”, he kept giving me instructions while kissing my jaw line. I obeyed and began following his words. There was something incredibly hot about it. I knew that I wouldn’t last long. My muscles started tightening without any effort and I felt it coming. It was like a tsunami, there was just a black hole of sheer pleasure, I even heard myself moaning, bouncing and trembling on his throbbing flesh. Somewhere faraway, on the other side of this fuck road I heard his moan: “I can’t hold anymore, kitten...Gonna explode...deep... in this tight puss...”. His twitching cock brought me to another level of heaven-like pleasure and I melted in his arms.

I was glad he held me, because otherwise I'd probably dropped to the floor. My knees were made of jelly once again, especially when I heard his deep growl, that told me he was right there... at the same tame I felt his hot seed inside of me. It made me moan once again and my eyes fell shut, my head dropped to his shoulder, as he made a few last, deep, lazy thrusts. I flinched because it was so intense and I had the feeling that I was more sensitive because of all the teasing that had happened before. “You're amazing, love”, his voice was so quiet and soft and full of love that I feared my heart would explode any second. I couldn't be mad at him for long and today proofed that again. I just smiled at him, as he made me lie down on the bed. A second later he was beside me, pulling me in for a hug. My back was pressed to his chest and I could feel his heart race. He placed a few kisses on my neck and my shoulder and suddenly his hands were between my legs again, his fingers rubbing small, slow circles around my clit. I quivered again and started whimpering because it was almost more than I could take. “I hope no one heard us... otherwise it's gonna be quite awkward at the breakfast table tomorrow”, he mumbled, not stopping the movement of his fingers. “I bet, you could still keep going, huh?”, I was already panting again, moving against his hand to get some more friction. “I guess that's a yes”. “I... I don't trust... you anymore”, I managed to get out, because after all of this today I wouldn't have been surprised if he would've stopped any second again to leave me high and dry. But right now I didn’t see any danger of him leaving me. So I arched my back and spread my legs wider in order he could reach all of the folds and enjoy this messy view. “Love, you look so beautiful right now”, he whispered underneath his breath. I smiled while pushing my pelvis to meet his fingers again. This man knows how to act. These little circles turned into pressing my push button and sliding two fingers deep down inside. He took his time, he enjoyed himself. His fingers are well trained and he knows how play with my overheated body. I was watching him...his lips parted, his eyes fixed on the fingers going all the way down. I felt my lower belly clenching: “Teddy, I want it faster and... can you add another finger?”, I murmured. “Of course, baby girl”, he cooed. Now I was sure that he wouldn’t leave me here all by myself. He started increasing his pace and kissing my thighs. Right now I was on the edge and just couldn’t but keep moaning and ride this wave. “I get you, love...Want you to come so bad”, he said softly. I fell to pieces all over his fingers, I was lying senseless on his old bed. He licked his fingers with a look full of satisfaction and pride: “You’re my sweet girl. I love you ”. “I love you, Teddy”, I answered rubbing my eyes and yawning. It was a long day full of adventures.