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hollywoodxwhore · 1 year ago

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Ours | Chapter 18

Colson x Presley (Original Female Character)

Synopsis: Presley and Colson fell in love accidentally, but they were meant to be. Now that all the obstacles have been removed, they're moving in together in LA. Now, they have all the time in the world for Colson to teach Presley all of the things he knows. This fic is the sequel to Mine, which can be found in my masterlist!

Warnings/Content: A little more angst but it's wrapping up I promise, mentions of suicide, mentions of panic attacks, mentions of not eating due to mental health issues, smut (18+), oral sex (f receiving), desperate sex, col coming in his pants, swearing, squirting, fluffy sweet aftercare

This is the final chapter of Ours (excluding the epilogue but it's super short) and I'm so grateful for everyone's love and feedback for this series. If you don't already know, there will be a third part and I'm so excited to write it. I hope you all love it!

Presley

I can’t believe I lost it that badly.

I sleep for hours on Colson’s chest. When I wake up, he’s asleep, too, and I study his face, memorizing his features over and over again. The tightness in my chest is not normal. This is not just depression or anxiety. This is something deeper, and that really scares me.

I wish like hell that it was easy to move past it, but how am I ever supposed to let go of the fact that if I hadn’t left Colson, he would never have put the wheels in motion to kill himself? How can he say it isn’t my fault – how can anyone say that? I know they’d all blame me if Colson had gone through with it. I can see it now – everyone trying to be sensitive at the funeral, but someone would lose it, point their finger at me, and say, “She’s the reason he killed himself!”

God, I don’t want to have another panic attack. I’m already so weak and exhausted from the first one. My entire body hurts, my head throbbing. I haven’t eaten anything today, nor have I had any water, and I feel like almost every physical need anyone could have is plaguing me right now.

But I can’t let go of my husband.

My mouth is so dry that I can barely breathe. My stomach twists with nausea, an ironic reaction to hunger, and my bladder is so full that it hurts. But despite all this, despite knowing my water bottle is right there on the table, that a toilet is right around the corner, I can’t get off of Colson. Jesus. Am I going to piss myself lying here because I’m so attached? Get it together, I say to myself, and even though it makes my blood pressure hike, I extricate myself from Colson’s arms.

After emptying my bladder, I chug down half of my water bottle before taking a breath, and then I drink the rest of it. Colson starts to stir as I drink. He blinks his eyes open and then looks down at himself, eyes widening a little with worry when he doesn’t see me. He snaps his head over and relaxes as soon as he sees me. “Hey,” he rasps sleepily.

“Hey,” I say, voice small.

“Did you get some sleep?” he asks. He looks so endearing and adorable right now, his bleached hair all fluffy from sleep, his long eyelashes shadowing tired eyes.

I nod. “Yeah. I’m starving, though,” I admit.

Guilt crosses Colson’s features for a millisecond. “You haven’t been eating,” he remarks, almost as if he’s just now realizing it himself. With that, he hops off the couch and lifts me into his arms. I can’t help but smile a little, wrapping my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck like a koala bear.

Colson sets me on the countertop and pecks my lips softly before turning to open the fridge. “What sounds good?”

I’m weirdly relaxed, despite what happened earlier. I’m not hiding anything from Colson anymore, and that in and of itself is a relief. “Anything,” I say.

Colson nods. “Got it.”

Colson makes me crispy chicken cutlets, a salad, and garlic mashed potatoes. I’m shocked by how much I’m actually able to eat – two full plates. The food is incredible and I feel so much better after eating. We eat on the floor in the living room with a candle lit, passing a joint back and forth. We talk about everything but the bad shit, and before I know it, Col has me laughing and smiling. For the first time in forever, it finally feels like us again. Our journey is far from over, but what I do know is that I don’t have to do it alone.

The next day, I sleep in. I wake up to the sound of Colson’s voice. He’s on the phone, clearly trying to be quiet, but I know he’s still in our bedroom because he didn’t want to leave me.

“Thank you. Alright, bye,” he says, ending the phone call. He glances over at me and when he sees I’m awake, he comes over and crawls back into bed. “Hi, love,” he murmurs, wrapping around me.

“Hey,” I say, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. “Who was that?”

“My psychiatrist,” he says. “We’re going to go see her today and get you some help, okay?” His voice is gentle and so kind, and even though it's a little scary, I relax.

“You’ll be with me, right?” I ask.

Colson nods, nuzzling into my shoulder. “Of course. I’m not going anywhere.”

We’re quiet for a moment and then I roll over in his arms and look up at him. He wears nothing but a pair of boxer briefs that hug his butt perfectly. I haven’t felt desire since the first day he came home, but all at once, it rushes in so intensely that I feel a little dizzy with it. Using my legs, I pull his thigh between mine. Colson arches a brow but lets me pull him closer.

“Baby?” he questions. He doesn’t need to, though. He knows me well enough to know exactly what I want. His throat bobs as he swallows. “Are you sure?”

I nod, suddenly feeling absolutely desperate for him. “I miss you,” I say quietly. “Just want to be close to you.”

“Don’t do it because you think it’s what I want,” he murmurs, tucking my hair behind my ear. “Just holding you is enough for me.”

Boldly, I slip my hand between our bodies and grip his cock, already hardening in his boxers. I arch a brow, smirking just a little. His words definitely don’t match his body’s reaction. “Well, it’s not enough for me,” I say, and with that, my husband’s eyes darken. I can see the moment when he gives in.

“Then get on your back,” he says. I do as I’m told and Colson instantly disappears beneath the blankets. I let out a shaky breath in anticipation of what’s coming. Colson slips between my thighs, big hands lifting each one over his shoulder at a time. I fell asleep in a big t-shirt of his and no panties, and when he notices, the breath he lets out is so warm it makes me shiver.

I lift the blankets to look down at him and his eyes lock on mine, his pupils so wide the iris is almost invisible. He brings his gaze to my pussy and bites his lip as he studies me. When his thumb lightly brushes over my clit, my hips twitch and Colson chuckles low. “Sensitive,” he murmurs, and then he presses a kiss to the crease between my thigh and my pussy. I hold a whimper in my throat as my legs start to tremble with anticipation. Just having him between my legs has me so aroused that I’m sure I’m already wet.

Colson presses a tender kiss to my clit, sweet and loving, and the gesture makes my breath catch in my throat. His eyelashes flutter as his eyes close, and the next kiss is open-mouthed and wet and hot, as are the ones that follow. Just his kisses can undo me, can make me so wet that it ruins my panties, and when he kisses between my legs, it heightens the experience tenfold. Sparks fly, electricity zinging through my body at the sensations his talented mouth can bring.

When my husband moans with my pussy in his mouth, my spine arches off the bed and my hands fist the sheets, effectively dropping the blanket. I can't see him anymore so I scramble to push the comforter out of the way. The morning sunlight peeks around the curtains, illuminating his white-blonde hair and eyelashes. He is a devil that looks like an angel when he takes care of me and I don’t think I’ll ever get over the way he affects me.

I gasp when Colson’s hands brace beneath my thighs and shove them up, lifting my lower half off the bed. His dark eyes lock on mine as he moves his tongue lower, swiping over everything before returning to my clit. I tense up, a little surprised. We’ve of course had anal, but he’s never had his mouth anywhere near my ass. I never saw the appeal; why do that when I have a much more sensitive clit right there? But it’s so erotic and almost…forbidden and it takes my breath away. Colson repeats his motions, moaning against me before his tongue lands on my clit and twists around it in circles.

“H-holy fuck,” I choke out, shoulders lifting off the bed in response to the pleasure. My stomach is rock hard with tension, so hard that I’m starting to tremble. Colson can’t stop moaning against my pussy and the vibrations are making me see stars. The room heats and my vision starts to flutter around the edges. I’m practically hyperventilating as he has his way with me, showing me just how perfectly he can use his mouth.

Half of me wants to beg him to put his fingers inside me, but I’m curious to see if he can actually get me to come without putting anything inside of me. If he can do it with just his mouth. As his plush lips close around my swollen clit and suck as his tongue continues to work, my stomach starts to knot up, telling me that, yes, my husband can make me come with just his mouth.

“Cols,” I practically wheeze, grabbing a handful of his hair. “Holy shit, baby, ‘mgonna come.” My words slur together; I’m drunk with pleasure as my pussy starts to clench around nothing. My heart races and I let my head fall onto the pillow as tingles creep up my spine and my stomach ties itself in such a tight knot that it almost hurts. And then, the knot explodes in my belly as I let it all go.

My body moves erratically beneath his mouth, even as his hands hold my hips down. I sob at the pleasure, hips twitching upwards as my clit throbs on his tongue. I’m just starting to come down when Colson comes up, slotting himself between my legs. He presses his clothed cock to my aching clit and grinds forward. I look up at his face and notice how tightly his brow is knitted together. His lips are parted as he pants and the way he ruts against me is so familiar that I reach down and grab his ass to help work him towards his own rapture.

“Fuckfuckfuuuuuck,” he chokes out. “Baby–” I watch his face, reveling in his unabashed pleasure as he comes from nothing other than giving me head and a little bit of grinding. It will never not shock me how I, some girl who was a virgin less than a year ago, can get Machine Gun Kelly, a well-known sex god, to come in his pants. And I love every fucking second of it.

Colson relaxes on top of me, our hearts fluttering against each other, and then he lifts his head to kiss me hard, so hard that my pussy already aches for him again. “I’m not done, I promise,” he breathes. “Just couldn’t help it. Your taste, your sounds, fuck.” His words melt into a moan. “Love you so fuckin’ much.”

“Get on your back,” I say, touching his cheek. Colson’s eyes sparkle. He loves when I ride him and I love it just as much, but I’ve got something else in store for him. I’ve been doing my research, or at least I was before everything went to shit. There’s something I’ve been wanting to try forever and now I finally have that chance.

I drop my shirt to the floor and help him out of his boxer briefs, and for a second, I’m tempted to slip my hand into his boxers, to feel what I did to him. Jesus, Colson has made me filthy. I drop the soiled boxers onto the floor and climb over top of him. There’s still cum on his tip and smeared slightly on his belly, and my eyes darken. I can’t help myself, moving down his body to lick up the leftover spend from his skin. Colson shudders and moans and his cock twitches, already hard again.

He reaches for me and I come up, but then I turn around. “Holy fuck,” Colson says when he realizes what I’m doing. I smirk as I crawl over his body and position his cock at my entrance. It’s a little difficult to situate at first; I’m so used to the way he fits perfectly when I’m riding him the other way. Reverse cowgirl is more difficult than it looks but I’ll do it for Col.

With his help, I finally sink down on him, and while it isn’t the most comfortable position for me, I don’t care. Because Colson’s hands have a bruising grip on my hips and he’s already moaning shamelessly behind me. I tip my head back, letting my long hair graze his chest, and he grips onto it, tugging. I moan at the slight roughness and try to move, but it’s tough, until Colson bends his knees, giving me his thighs to use for leverage.

When I start to grind back and forth, Colson curses loudly. “Th-that’s it, baby, h-holy fuck,” he says shakily. “So good, Pres. so fucking – oh shit – perfect.”

I love how powerful I feel, unwinding my man the way I am. “Colson,” I moan as pleasure starts to creep in. I won’t be able to come like this, but that’s okay.

After a few minutes, Colson slows my motions, and I look back at him over my shoulder. He grins at me. “As much as I love this, I want to see your face,” he confesses, and I melt a little as I lift myself off of him and turn around. But instead of letting me ride him, Colson flips our bodies over and settles his weight onto me. With a slow grind of his hips, his cock slides back inside of me until it’s home. His hands slide beneath my ass and squeeze, pulling me closer to him, and with his eyes on mine, he starts fucking me hard.

Pleasure rushes in so fast that I can’t stop the moans bubbling out of me. I can feel myself getting wetter around him as he pounds into me, our skin slapping together. “Colson,” I whimper. “Fuck, baby–”

“Yeah,” Colson grits out, squeezing my ass even harder. “Fuck, I love you. So good to me.” He presses kisses along my collarbone and over my shoulder. My eyes are practically crossed at this point, the pleasure so overwhelming in the best way.

“H-harder,” I manage to choke out, because I know he can go harder. He lets go of my ass and lifts up a little, planting his hands beside my head. He brings his legs up and bends them, sliding them beneath my thighs, and then he starts to fuck me at lightning speed. “Oh god,” I wail, digging my nails into his shoulders as he absolutely pounds into me. I’m going to feel this later and I love every second.

He keeps up his rapid pace but manages to get a hand between us to play with my clit, and that’s what sends me over the edge. A scream rips from my throat as I come so hard that I swear to god I black out for a second. It’s the best orgasm I’ve had in a long time, and Colson always makes me come hard. With that, Colson flips me over, lifts my hips, and slams back inside me. I scream again, squirting all over his cock and thighs, and Colson growls, “Fuck yes.”

I’m practically drooling on the bed at this point, Colson's hands being the only things keeping my hips up. “I’m close,” he manages. “Fuck, Presley, oh my god–” He thrusts four more times, slamming his hips against my ass, and then he seizes up with a gasp as he buries himself as deep as he can possibly go, painting my insides white. His orgasm triggers one more of my own, and that’s it – my legs give out and I splay on the bed helplessly, unashamedly.

Colson stays flush against me for a few moments as we both come down, breathing hard and sweating. “Christ. That was fucking amazing,” he says, voice gravelly as he kisses my shoulder.

“Yes it was,” I croak, my walls still fluttering around him. When he pulls out, I can’t help but whine, and instantly, his cum trickles out of me. I shiver at the feeling and Colson moans, sitting back on his heels to watch it happen. He drags two fingers over my pussy and I hiss in overstimulation.

“Sorry,” he rasps, pulling his hand back. “Shower?”

“Shower,” I say weakly, reaching for him.

In the shower, Colson is pure love and care and safety. He hums while he washes every inch of my body with loving, gentle touches, and I let him. He washes himself quickly and steps out of the shower first, holding up a warm towel for me. He wraps me up in it and hugs me tightly, pressing a long kiss to the top of my head. He takes his time drying me off, too, looking up at me with love in his eyes. I let myself be cared for; we both know I need it right now.

When we’re both dry, Colson scoops me up and carries me back to bed. “Your appointment is in about an hour and a half,” he says. “Will you get dressed while I make you something to eat?”

I hesitate. I’m scared of him leaving the room, leaving me alone. His expression softens and he thumbs my cheek. “Let’s both get dressed and go to the kitchen together,” he says. I nod gratefully. I’m sitting on the bed and he’s standing, but I reach for him. He hugs me, wrapping long arms around my body, and I slide mine around his neck, holding him close. “I love you, Presley,” he murmurs.

“I love you too, Colson,” I mumble against his neck, closing my eyes. After a few moments, I let him go and he smiles softly at me. We both get dressed and head to the kitchen where Colson lifts me onto the countertop and presses a kiss to my nose. I can’t help but giggle and he winks at me as he turns to the fridge for food.

As my husband makes us breakfast, I feel a wave of calmness wash through me. Everything is going to be okay. Colson is going to make sure of that.

Taglist: @triplexdoublex@jaxbreaker@mgklove99xx@jinx-on-mars-19xx@iamnotanearthlingmotherfucker@anonymousme86@whiteleoqueen@feroniakutenpuu@hxllywoodwhxree

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madsnowstorm · 2 years ago

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take me home for christmas | j. seresin | part six

all i want for christmas is you - hush kids

summary : jake wants to take you home to texas for christmas to meet his family.

warnings — series, 18+, fem!reader, established relationship, some angst, family dynamics (both healthy and not), mentions of therapy, no religious aspect to the holiday, dogs named after famous texans, anxiety, no use of y/n, little angsty, but mostly internal

notes — i think i got a few cavities writing this one. it's a sweet one. also, mistletoad is a real thing. there are like two installments left. i don't really want it to end because i love jake and sweet pea so much. (i call her that in my head, since that's what jake's mom calls her.)

series masterlist

“OH, come on!” Your boyfriend yelled at the large television, standing up, hands stretched out. Julie was on one side of him in a similar position and Will was on the other, hand covering his face and head shaking. The Cowboys Christmas Eve game was on and almost all of the Seresin’s eyes were glued to the screen hanging on the wall. You were sitting between Jennifer, who’d arrived earlier that day, and Luke. The three of you were discussing the Army-Navy Game from a few weeks ago. Jake would throw in a random, bitter, comment every so often. The man was not over Navy's loss. You were hoping the Cowboys could pull out a win, just so he could turn his attention towards that instead of the loss.

You could smell the barbeque that Matt (Jennifer’s husband) and Vicki just brought in from the back, so you knew dinner would be soon. June was sitting on the floor in front of you playing with Lily and five year old Oliver, who was Jennifer’s youngest. There were now children running all over and the house felt more like a home. The moment Jennifer and her family arrived a certain peace took over Tom and Vicki that you had not yet experienced. You had a feeling it was because all their children were home and happy.

“Let’s eat!” Vicki called out and you hopped up without a fuss. The Seresin siblings stayed seated, Jackson mumbling something about the game being almost over. You chuckled and got up to head to the kitchen. “Thomas created monsters out of all five of them.”

“Yeah, I can see that!” You thought back over this past football season and how all of your and Jake’s plans revolved around two things; UT and Cowboys games. She was taking some silverware out of a draw and you walked over to help her.

“Can I just say that I am so happy that you are here?” Vicki’s words were as warm as her smile. “You’re like a piece of a puzzle that I have been waiting for…Jake too.” The future was something that you and Jake had discussed before and you both were in it for the long haul. Vicki’s statement added another layer to those plans though. It gave you a sense of relief that you didn’t know you needed.

“It makes me happy to hear you say that.” As screams of all kinds were heard from the living room, she wrapped her arms around your waist and pulled you close like a mother would her daughter. You let your arms drift up to hers, giving her a squeeze. The two of you stayed like that until voices began to come closer.

Jake and Cole were the first people to enter the kitchen. Jake’s frustrated frown disappeared the moment his green eyes landed on you and Vicki. His whole body instantly softened and gaze grew warm. You knew, just from the look on his face, how much he loved you. Even as everyone started helping themselves to food and grumbling about the game, Jake was quiet and only had eyes for you. Eventually you started filling up your plate, making sure to playfully bump his shoulder as you walked by him. You didn’t get too far past him though because he grabbed your hand and pulled you back to him.

“I love you.” He declared as though it was the only statement in the world that could ever be true. Before you could return the sentiment his lips were on yours, no care for the family around you. Your cheeks grew hot, but you returned the kiss just the same.

“EW! Uncle Jake!” One of his nieces cried out. It sounded like Evie, who you met that morning.

“Gross!” Will gagged.

“Honestly Jacob,” June spoke up from the entrance of the dining room that sat off the kitchen, near the back door. Through the doorway you could see Jake’s siblings all smirking at the table. Jackson’s shoulders were shaking with laughter as Sophie stuck her tongue out in disgust. “There are children around.”

“Don’t care.” Was his confident reply. He kept his attention on you, but discreetly lifted his middle finger to scratch his nose. June just laughed. You lifted yourself up on your tiptoes and pressed your lips to his cheekbone before walking around to join his family at the large dining room table.

You sat next to Jenni. Jake joined you a few minutes later, taking the empty spot on your right. As dinner progressed, conversations of all types flowing around the table, his left hand found your thigh. He was talking with Claire, Jackson, and their kids about what Santa may or may not be bringing them. You were in the middle of a discussion with June and Jenni about similar experiences the three of you had at work. June had an almost identical personality to her youngest brother, which you found amusing. As soon as you picked up on that, you knew you would have to invite her out and have the Dagger Squad over, knowing Rooster’s response would be highly entertaining. Eventually, Thomas excused himself from dinner and you looked at Jake, questioning if everything was okay.

“Just wait.” His tone was secretive and caused your concern to morph into curiosity.

When Vicki got up and started to carry things back to the kitchen, you and Jackson moved to help her. Jackson recruited his oldest son to help and while Vicki filled the dishwasher the three of you carried dishes from the dining room to her. June and Jake started taking mugs of all shapes, colors, and sizes out of one of the cabinets while Julie checked on some sort of liquid in a crockpot on the counter. After getting a closer look you realized that the liquid was hot chocolate.

“Momma, where are the marshmallows?” Jake bellowed from deep within the pantry. Vicki turned to respond, but was cut off by a manly yelp. “Hey! What was that for?” You looked over your shoulder, closing the dishwasher door. Jake stepped out of the pantry, rubbing at his arm, a pout on his face. You laughed. June sidestepped her brother, shaking a bag of large marshmallows at him.

“They were right in front of you, moron.” Vicki shook her head and rolled her eyes at the childish antics of her two grown children.

“Cut it out you two.” Her tone was exasperated, but turned so sweet when she set her sights on you. “Sweet pea, will you let the others know that the hot chocolate is ready?” You nodded and did as she asked of you. The kids were quick to heed your words, most of them running to the kitchen. You could hear Luke telling them to slow down.

Once everyone had their mugs full of sweet, creamy, spicy, chocolate everyone gathered around the fireplace. Everyone was spread out over the couch and the floor. Vicki took a spot in one of the recliners, leaving the other one empty. The only person that was missing was Thomas. Before you could ask where he was, you heard heavy footsteps coming down the stairs.

Thomas, dressed in a red Santa suit, stood at the foot of the stairs. There was a large green velvet bag that had some sort of goodies in it. While he didn’t have a beard on his face, the twinkle in his eyes definitely reminded you of the jolly big man. All of the kids seemed to enjoy it, even Will.

“Pawpaw!” Sophie squealed out. Claire took the little girl's drink from her before she ran to Thomas. Oliver and Evie were quick to follow her.

“Now, I think before I pass out these presents there is a story we need to read!” Vicki took out a thin, hardback, children’s book. The edges of the dust jacket were wrinkled with age. There was a beautifully illustrated winter scene and the words “Twas the Night Before Christmas” in a curly script across the top. Thomas sat down and took the book from his wife.

Like dutiful little elves the children followed him, sitting in a semi-circle around the recliner. Julie moved from her spot on the couch to join them, turning Lily around in her lap so she could watch. All eyes were on Thomas as he began to read. His soft twang made the old poem sound melodic and in the middle of the reading you found yourself growing sleepy. Jake noticed and pulled you closer to him; so close you were practically in his lap. He leaned in, pressing his mouth near your ear.

“Now don’t go falin’ asleep darlin’.” You rolled your eyes at him, turning your attention back towards Thomas. The inflections and animation he added as he described the physical characteristics of Santa left you in a state of awe like the children. You even giggled along as he patted his stomach and referenced bowls of jelly.

As the story came to a close, Jake was whispering again. This time though, he wasn’t talking to you. Instead, he was saying the last few words of the book along with his father. No one around seemed to notice and if they did they weren’t bothered by it. Your heart melted. You knew that Jake could be like this. He could put the Hangman persona aside and just be Jake, but it was very rare that you got to see that side of him with others around. The Dagger Squad and some of the other friends you had would think he’d been abducted by aliens. Rooster might even say he’d had some sort of reverse lobotomy. As much as you loved this side of Jake, you knew he was only like this when he felt safe. When there wasn’t an ounce of tension in his body. When there was no need to be the strong and perfect Naval Aviator.

You were pulled away from your thoughts by little giggles. Vicki was helping Thomas pass around gifts to the children. Each of them was being handed a set of pajamas. After all of the grandkids got theirs, the Seresin parents began to pass some out to their children and partners. Each set was different from the other, so no one would be matching. Yours were dark navy and white. The pattern was made up of geometric snowflakes.

“I hate this part.” Jake said softly, looking at everyone holding their pajamas. He looked down at his own pair of pants that were a traditional Christmas plaid.

“No you don’t.” You scoffed in unbelief, lifting your hand to his face. Your thumb ran across his jaw. “You love this. You love every single cheesy, traditional detail for any holiday. Stop lying to yourself.” He just laughed and shook his head.

Everyone split up after that. All the children went to Jackson and Claire’s house to stay the night. You went up to take a shower and Jake told you to come back downstairs when you were finished. You didn’t take too long under the hot water, his request kept you curious. When you were finished you slipped on your new pajamas, admiring both the fit and style, and walked back downstairs.

The sight in the living room took you by surprise. The floor was covered in toys of all shapes and sizes. June, Luke, and Matt were working on putting together some sort of robotic toy, while Thomas and Vicki were looking over some instructions. Thomas sat on the couch with Jenni as they filled stockings. Jackson was wheeling a bike in the front door. Julie and Claire must have stayed at Jackson’s with the kids.

“Well, this is just Santa’s workshop, isn’t it?” You commented with a smile. Jake looked up at you and winked. “What can I do?”

“Help me with this box.” Jake said, standing up, brushing imaginary dirt off his hand. He led you to the corner of the room, pointing at the box in question. Just as both of you bent down to pick it up, Vicki laughed. It didn’t take even a second for the others to start laughing. Jake looked at them in question. June pointed at something above your heads. Looking up there was a stuffed frog, in a Christmas hat, hanging from the light. “Mistletoad.” Jake said, as though he were recalling a long forgotten memory. He then looked at you, a smirk on his face. Dimples were on full display. “Pucker up, darlin’”

“Don’t ever say that again.” You said, leaning towards him. You could hear laughter behind you. He pressed his lips to yours and you sighed happily. You couldn’t remember the last time you felt this happy. When you pulled back you bent back down, lifting up one side of the box. “Come on, Santa. We have work to do.”

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cyanocoraxx · 1 year ago

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short thing abt neo's psychosis

"Don't feel well."

Silver and Mecha both looked up to see their middle sibling signing something. He hadn't signed anything for most of the evening, so to have him speak all of a sudden - especially something like that - was a little odd.

Sign gave the brothers some privacy at the table. The usual suspects were with them at the restaurant - Amy, Tails, Knuckles, but Sonic couldn't make it. Figures. Fashionably late or just rude?

"Explain." Mecha gently offered, moving to sit a little closer.

Neo's optics flicked to the organics at the table for a moment, making sure that they weren't paying too much attention. His body language was noticeably stiff, nervous, and closed off - shoulders hunched to make himself smaller, leaning into the table as if for stability, claws tapping in an uneven rhythm against his armour plating in search of pressure.

Mecha waited patiently, watching with interest as Neo tried to self-soothe in his own ways. When Neo was in a poor mental state, he was often slower to reply - unusual for him, as he was usually so quick-witted and fierce in conversation.

"Episode." Neo eventually signed, chancing another nervous glance to the other beings around him. He was being paranoid and he knew it, he had that insight, but a lack of control over it even so. He worried that they were talking about him between themselves, perhaps telepathically, even if that was illogical for organics to be capable of.

Psychosis was something that Neo still didn't feel ready to speak about around his organic companions. His recovery from his deepest episode was a year or so behind them all now, but the ramifications of what he did during it still stayed with him - and with all of them, too. Even if they would smile and say it was alright if he told them, he knew that, deep down, they would be frightened. Afraid that it could happen again. But nobody was more afraid of that happening than Neo was, and that was something that he felt so many people would never understand. That terror gripped him somewhere deep in his core with claws sharper than his own.

All it took was that single "E" word. Silver and Mecha followed their unspoken routine straight away of making an excuse for them to leave swiftly and smoothly.

"One of the Pawns needs us back home for some security problem-" Silver quickly stepped in, stretching an arm above his head as if tired, "so we gotta go home now. Sorry to leave you guys hanging, maybe next time?"

"Aw, man! And the food isn't even here yet." Knuckles lamented, sitting back in his chair with a disappointed sigh. "Well, later, I guess."

"Oh, okay! Let us know when you get home safe!" Tails offered a smile and a thumbs-up to the robots, knowing that they often had their own private things going on. He didn't hold it against them.

"I know, sorry Knuckles- shit happens. And we will, Tails, thank you." Silver sheepishly apologized as he stood, and with Mecha's assistance, began to walk down the evening-lit street of Station Square with their middle sibling.

"It's okay." Silver murmured softly, holding Neo's hand securely and lovingly. "Let's just get home, you're all good. What happened? Too much going on?"

Neo nodded somberly. His optics darkened, reflecting how he truly felt - and Chaos it was a relief to be able to drop the sociable mask.

"Tell me about it, bro. The guys are nice and all, but they sure do know how to talk… and all the other noise, and being around people who used to hate us, it's just a lot to deal with." Silver agreed, keeping his brother close. "In my mind, it's overstimulating too, you know, being stuck in one place with all that stuff happening- what I mean is, you don't need to be disappointed or upset with yourself for this." Silver continued with a casual tone, trying to keep things normal. He gently released Neo's hand to allow him to sign more freely.

"Thought… remission." Neo explained his disappointment and anxiety with just two words, finding himself unable to speak as eloquently as he had before. The frustration of this brought a squint to his optics, and he looked down to the ground as if to avoid looks of shame - yet nobody was looking at him that way, and his brothers never would.

Mecha conducted a brief scan of Neo's systems and found something of interest. "Brother, you have failed to enter a full sleep mode cycle for one week. This is likely the cause of your relapse. Why have you avoided sleep mode for this amount of time?"

Neo paused, fumbling for words in his CPU that wouldn't come. What he wanted to say was - this was probably just some self-fulfilling prophetic cycle. He didn't sleep because he wanted to stay awake, and then he couldn't sleep because he was in prodrome, and now he couldn't sleep because he was in the active phase. In lieu of using any words, he sent his power status logs to Mecha and stayed quiet. Mecha mused over the data privately.

"Is my favourite one back?" Silver asked, still keeping a casual tone as he spoke.

"Bird? Yes." Neo replied briefly, gesturing with his elbow towards an unseen blue Flicky.

"I love that one. It's nice to you-" Silver replied with a small smile, before sensing he was being watched. His tone quickly changed in defense of his sibling.

The trio got a few looks of... concern? Confusion? Didn't matter either way. Silver was sure to shoot those people judgemental looks right back. He noticed one Mobian reach for their phone whilst watching them, as if to either call the cops or record them, and Silver quickly shut them down by baring his fangs at them. Next step would have been barking, but they quickly scuttled away into the side road. The public response made Neo feel ashamed, and he looked away toward the darker shadows of alleyways.

"Don't mind those idiots, bro. If they take a picture I'll bite 'em." Silver reassured Neo, being sure to bring Neo close to his side. "Wouldn't wanna mess with my bite force. You know I can crunch steel like it's candy. Plus, they don't even know about the nice Flicky that follows you, they're just jealous that they don't have a friend like that."

Meanwhile, Mecha kept a dutiful lookout to be sure that they would be safe on their walk home. She made sure to lead them away from crowded roads while keeping the route familiar. Neo's psychosis was no problem for the brothers, but Neo's immense power was somewhat of an issue - if he mistakenly thought there was an enemy ahead, he may act in self-defense and get into trouble. That was not what the brothers wanted at all, for obvious reasons.

And none of that was Neo's fault. To blame him would be cruel and unjust, and Silver and Mecha were well aware of that. They loved him no matter the situation.

"GUN following." Neo signed, glancing up to the sky with worry. This was another common hallucination of Neo's, and was the reason why the brothers avoided taking him home by flight.

"Oh, that? That's just a regular passenger plane, promise. I wonder where they're going today? Maybe to some tropical island resort?"

"GUN would not chance such a brazen attack, brother. We also made peace with the organization, if you recall." Mecha added gently, leading them around a parked car. "It is far more likely to be, as Silver suggested, a commercial passenger flight bound to some faraway destination. Not any of our concern."

Neo nodded slowly, and continued to follow with the utmost trust in his siblings to lead the way. With Mecha there to protect him, and Silver there to lift his spirits, Neo started to believe he would be okay again as he always was. The imaginary dragon's tail trailing behind him wrapped around them to protect them in turn in a silent, I love you, a silent, thank you.

The phone rang in Neo's room. He hesitated, discerning whether the sound was real or just another lousy hallucination, but he took a chance and picked it up. A familiar voice greeted him on the other end, and he immediately relaxed at the confirmation.

"Bro?"

Neo stayed quiet, instead focusing wholly on understanding the words spoken to him.

"I got a feeling you don't feel so hot. Mental link things."

Neo nodded to himself, forgetting that Sonic couldn't see his affirmation.

"You can't sleep either?"

"Too loud now." Neo finally responded, in the code that only he, Sonic, and his robot siblings could understand.

"I'm sorry, bro. I think it's… kinda my fault?"

Neo gave a quizzical beep - how on Earth did this come back around to Sonic? He moved to sit on his bed, figuring this might be a long conversation.

"I've not been getting my z's for the past week. My mind just won't settle and I'm always busy, you know? But I forgot- and I'm sorry- that we share this thing. We gotta look after ourselves."

Neo swatted an invisible fly from his nose. "Chicken and egg."

Sonic gave a laugh at the strange wording, but knew exactly what Neo meant by the phrase. "I dunno which one of us got like this first. Does it matter?"

"No."

The organic on the end of the phone snickered. "Neither of us seem capable of slowing down, do we?"

"Not for you."

"Touché. Welp, that leads me to the next question- which one of us can get to sleep the fastest?"

"Challenge?"

"Duh. Everything we do together is a challenge, Neo. I'll stay on the phone with you, and no cheating, got it?"

"How would I cheat?!" Neo asked, an exasperated tone becoming clear in his beeps. That was more like him, and the moment of clarity instantly brought him some confidence.

Sonic couldn't help but laugh. "I-I dunno, man- low power mode? If you have that? It's not the same as stand-by or whatever. Don't ask me, Tails is the one who's good with tech."

Neo moved to lie down on his side, holding the phone to his free ear with a roll of his optics. "Shutdown closes all of my programs and clears my RAM but does not shut off my kernel. This is close enough."

Sonic took a moment to appreciate the longer sentence, smiling to himself in the privacy of his own home. "A kernel? Like computer popcorn? Didn't take you for a foodie."

"No. That is Silver's… thing." Neo responded, shuffling a little to get comfortable. "A kernel is the core of an operating system. It has complete control over everything."

"Then let's cook that kernel and get some shut-eye. I'm tired as heck now. Laying down in three, two, one…"

True to his word, Sonic remained on the other end of the phone, and Neo forced himself into shutdown for an eight-hour cycle. Mecha peered into the room and lingered for a moment, watching her sibling rest like he deserved, and felt a sense of peace wash over her. She gave a single nod before turning off the lights. Her brother was a fighter through and through, and to battle with this affliction so young and with so much trauma brought her a deep sense of pride in him.

The snore on the other end of the phone almost got a laugh from Mecha. Almost. Neo curled up close to the phone as if trying to be closer to his organic sibling too, just before all power left his circuits.

"Sleep well, dragons. We shall try again tomorrow, and again the next day if that is what you need. There is power in rest."

#fanfic writers depict psychosis in a way that doesnt make the person a monster challenge #literally why do they have to break all their legs and ragdoll into the sky every time they hallucinate one thing....#fanfiction #mine

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loki--fics · 3 years ago

Text

All For You - Part 2

Loki x Reader

Content Warnings: abuse mentions, violence, strong language

Word Count: 2,294

Loki had only been partially right the night before - you did have a slight headache when you woke, but it wasn't nearly as bad as he had made it seem like it would be. It's nothing a couple of aspirin can't cure, You thought as you rubbed the sleep from your eyes.

"Well look who finally decided to get up." Your head snapped to the side, your fiancé's voice startling you. "Did you have fun?"

You sighed. "What are you on about now?"

"As if you don't know," He scoffed. "Bringing that God back to our room, flirting with him, kissing him."

"For fuck's sake, Ben, he kissed my cheek," You retorted. "I'd had a bit too much to drink so he walked me back to our room."

Ben was visibly seething. "Is he better than me? Is that it? Are you going to leave me for him now?"

"God, what is wrong with you?" You snapped. "I only just met him last night!"

"What's wrong with me?" Ben shouted, grabbing you by the arm and yanking you off the bed. "I'm not the one behaving like some depraved whore! That's all you, Y/N!"

You rolled your eyes. "Oh, yeah, because you eye-fucking Nat last night totally wasn't worse than a kiss on the cheek."

The force behind the resounding crack that followed was enough to knock you to the floor. Your eyes watered as you held a hand to your burning cheek, the sour taste of iron filling your mouth as your head spun trying to process what just happened.

Touching a finger to your lip, it came away bloody, and you looked up at your fiancé in shock. "Did you just hit me?"

Immediately, Ben's face softened as he dropped to his knees in front of you. "Baby, I am so sorry, I- I didn't mean to!" He kissed your forehead and pet your hair. "You know I didn't mean to do that, right? I just… You made me so angry, it wasn't my fault! I- All I could picture was Loki kissing you, and-"

"Ben, stop," You said, too in shock to cry. "Stop it."

"And then you said I was eye-fucking Nat, when you know I wasn't, right baby?" He continued. "You were just being jealous, and maybe you aren't as hot as she is but if I wanted her then I wouldn't be with you, okay? I love you."

You looked at him in disbelief. "Maybe I'm not as hot as she is, Ben?" You asked coldly.

"Baby, come on, don't be like that," He scoffed. "It's okay, I'm not going to go after her, I love you."

Shaking your head, you scooted away. "You love me?"

His eyes welled up with tears. "Don't make me beg, please? I love you, Y/N. I didn't mean it, I promise. You know I wouldn't have done that if you hadn't made me so angry, don't you?"

Your resolve broke at the sight of Ben crying, and you placed a hand to his cheek. "Please don't cry," You said softly.

"Let's just forget this ever happened, okay?" He said. "Don't tell anybody, then they'll think I'm an awful person and they'll try to make you leave me, and you don't want that, do you?"

"No," You sighed. "I know you didn't mean to, Ben. I'm sorry I made you so angry, it won't happen again."

He smiled, kissing you roughly. "I know baby. We're leaving today anyway, so let's just get packed up, and-"

"I'm going to take a shower," You interrupted. "Then I'll help pack, okay?" Ben nodded as you stood, and started to follow you to the bathroom until you turned around. "Alone, please."

His smile faltered, but he nodded. "Okay, I'll just pack it all up myself then, I guess."

"Ben, I'll help when I get out-"

"No, just go enjoy your shower alone," He said harshly before turning around and throwing your things into suitcases. You let out a sigh and walked into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind you.

Walking over to the mirror, you inspected your cheek. There was a very prominent angry red handprint, already starting to bruise, and blood was dripping from your split lip. You felt tears burn behind your eyes as you started the shower, undressing slowly before stepping in. You noticed bruises on your wrist and arm beginning to form as well, and it was like the floodgates had burst open as tears poured from your eyes.

You sat on your knees on the floor of the tub, hunched over as you tried to sob as quietly as possible. You didn't bother with actually washing yourself, you just sat there and cried until you had no tears left and the water went cold.

Turning off the water, you wrapped your body in a towel and grabbed a second one to dry your hair, ignoring the pain in your wrist as you did so. The bruise on your cheek would be easy to hide with makeup, and you could cover the bruises on your arm with long sleeves, but your split lip was another thing entirely.

I'll have to come up with a story to explain that, You thought as you went about your routine. You splashed some cold water on your face, hoping to get rid of the puffiness of your eyes, and then brushed your teeth (and in doing so, reopened the cut on your lip). After it had stopped bleeding, you began layering concealer on your cheek to cover the bruise, trying to take your time before you had to face your fiancé again.

Even with all of your stalling, you were soon finished in the bathroom, and walked back into your room to find Ben sitting on the bed, suitcases unpacked, with a sour look on his face.

"What's the matter?" You asked. "I thought you said you were going to start packing while I was in the shower."

He huffed. "There's a snowstorm moving in, we're not going to be able to leave for at least another few days."

You tried not to show the relief that poured through you at the news. "I'm sorry baby, I know how much you wanted to go home today. This could be a good thing, though-"

"How is it a good thing?" He snapped. "I don't want to have to stay here, with that slimy snake Loki just waiting to get his filthy paws on you."

"You're right, I'm sorry," You replied quickly. "I was just trying to see a silver lining, but I guess there is none."

"Whatever," He grumbled. "We'll just stay in here."

You raised a brow at him. "Baby, if I have a few more days to spend with my brother, then I want to spend them with him, not hiding in my room." You saw him stiffen, and knew he was getting upset so you quickly continued, "Besides, would that not be suspicious, if we stayed holed up in here for days?"

He sighed. "I guess you're right. Just… Stay away from Loki, if I catch that weasel anywhere near you, I'll kill him."

Deciding that now would not be a good time to mention that he, a normal human man, could not kill a magic wielding God, you simply nodded. "Okay, I'll stay away from him. Let's.. Let me get dressed, and we can go eat breakfast, alright?"

He rolled his eyes, but nodded, and you quickly picked out an oversized, cream coloured turtleneck and black fitted jeans, throwing them on after putting on clean knickers.

"Are you ready?" You asked, and he nodded. The two of you walked to the kitchen together, where you were greeted by your brother, who was very obviously nursing a hangover.

"How are you feeling, Tony?" You asked. "You must have one hell of a hangover, because you look like absolute crap."

He chuckled dryly. "I'm surprised you don't, Y/N, what with all that Asgardian wine you drank last night."

You felt Ben stiffen beside you, but you didn't dare look up at him. "It's nothing that a couple of aspirin won't fix," You replied, looking for something to change the subject. "Did Pepper make breakfast? It smells amazing in here."

"Yes she did," Tony said. "She just finished, went all out since you two are here. The whole shebang."

You smiled. "Well, I'm going to go check if she could use a hand setting the table or anything. Ben, you can stay here and catch up with Tony, tell him about your new job."

Giving your fiancé a quick kiss on the cheek, you escaped to the dining room, where you found Pepper laying plates down in front of the seats at the table. "Hey! Do you need a hand?"

"Oh, no, Y/N, you're our guest," She said, smiling warmly. "I'd never ask you to- Your lip! What happened?"

You felt anxiety prick at your chest as you forced a smile. "I'm a pretty rough sleeper, I must have smacked myself. But please, you put so much effort into cooking, it's the least I can do."

You felt a wave of relief crash over you as she accepted your explanation and handed you the rest of the plates. When you had finished putting them out, you helped her carry the food from the kitchen, and Tony wasn't kidding when he said she made the whole shebang - French toast, eggs, sausage, bacon, hash browns, crêpes, and fresh fruits.

"That's everything," Pepper said, setting down two pitchers of orange juice. "Thank you for your help, Y/N."

"Of course," You said, smiling warmly. "Is JARVIS going to let the others know breakfast is ready?"

"Yes," Tony said, walking in with Ben. "But I'm starved, so I'm not going to wait for them."

You and Pepper laughed as the four of you sat down, and you filled your plate with some French toast, fruit, and hash browns as more of the Avengers began to trickle into the dining room.

Everyone chatted amicably amongst each other, giving much deserved compliments to Pepper on her cooking, but you could feel Ben seething next to you. What had Tony said to him that would have made him angry all over again? It couldn't have just been about you drinking that wine, could it?

Whilst you were eating, the cut on your lip reopened once again, and you had to excuse yourself to the kitchen to clean it up. Dabbing a paper towel to your lip, Loki meandered into the kitchen from the hall, eyeing you.

"What happened?" He asked, eyes staring at your split lip and noticing the faint discolouration on your cheek.

"I'm a rough sleeper," You said. "I must have hit myself in the mouth while I was asleep or something."

"Did you hit your cheek as well?" He asked.

You looked away from his intense gaze. "I don't know what you're talking about," You replied quickly.

He was about to reply when Ben walked into the room, his eyes immediately falling on Loki. If looks could kill, Loki would be dust on the floor - but, to be fair, so would Ben.

"What do you want?" Ben snapped. "Here to mack on my fiancé some more are you?"

Loki looked at you, and you looked at Ben. "It wasn't like that, Ben, we'd all had a lot to drink last night."

"Yeah, I know you kissed him first," Ben said, his voice thick with barely-suppressed rage. "Tony told me."

You froze, looking at him in shock. "It was on the cheek!" You hissed. "Ben, please just stop this!"

"What's the problem?" Thor asked, walking into the kitchen.

Ben visibly paled, and his shoulders sagged. "Nothing," He said, obviously defeated. "I was just leaving."

"What happened?" Thor asked after Ben left. "He seemed upset, is he okay?"

"He's fine," Loki said quickly. "I provoked him."

A look of understanding came over Thor's face. "Ah, yes, well that does make sense. You need to stop that, brother."

Loki nodded, and Thor went back in the dining room. Turning back to you, Loki looked at you expectantly.

"I do believe you owe me an explanation," Loki said. "That is twice now that I have witnessed your fiancé speak to you in such a manner."

"I don't know what you're on about," You huffed.

Loki stepped closer to you. "Have you forgotten that I am the God of Lies? You cannot lie to me, I will know."

"Well, you're wrong." You turned away from him. He grabbed your chin and forced you to look at him.

"Your lip is split open, your cheek is bruised, that oaf you call a fiancé speaks to you like you are his property, and twice now I have had to step in to cover for you." His blue eyes bore into yours, and you were at a loss for words.

Taking a deep breath, you exhaled slowly. "I don't know what you want me to say, Loki. You don't know what you're talking about. Ben would never intentionally hurt me, he loves me."

"So he's unintentionally hurt you, then?" Loki asked, catching on to your careful choice of words.

You pulled your chin away from his grasp. "I would appreciate it if you would stop interrogating me and allow me to finish my breakfast," You said. "You're welcome to join."

You plastered a smile on your face as you walked back into the dining room, ignoring the dread seeping into the pit of your stomach. Ben was livid, that much was obvious, but you tried to convince yourself that there was no way he would repeat the events of that morning.

Right?

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unprofessional-bard · 4 years ago

Text

Chapter 12 - The Development, Pt. II

Unprofessional Bard's Masterlist

Losing My Religion Series Masterlist

Previous Chapter • Next Chapter

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female!Reader/OC

Warnings: TW!!! Mentions of depression/anxiety, lack of appetite and suicide; jealousy (the reader is Angry™️); talks of (unwanted) pregnancy and miscarriage (cult activities).

Summary: Who would've thought a dinner and a bouquet of flowers would ever bare bad omens?

Word Count: 5.588

Author's Note: I apologise for the repost! I forgot to do my taglist + the tags didn't work for me so let me try this again. This is a whole chunk of angst and nothing more. I'm sorry about this but it is going to get darker :')

Enjoy!

gif credit: winterswake

"Oof, this wasn't your greatest idea, you know that right?" You sighed anxiously, hands on your hips.

"I've done many things that weren't so great, sweetpea," Joel wiped his wet hands on the cute little apron around his waist after he put the vegetables he had cut into the bowl which was on the counter next to the cutting board: "We both know it, but this totally ain't one of 'em."

He carried another bowl to the dining room where you stood, gave your exposed neck a brief kiss as he passed by. Kiki and Ward were going to arrive anytime now for Joel's infamous dinner plan. When he put the bowl down, he scanned the table with a puzzled expression: "Why are there two more plates?"

You leaned your weight on one leg as you grabbed the edges of the chair, which stood at the head of the table: "I... invited Tommy and Maria over, too–"

Joel's expression made you feel guilty: "(Y/N)."

"What?" You spoke defensively, a nervous expression on your face and tone to your voice. "It was going to be awkward as shit otherwise."

"You don't know that," He growled. "Not when you pull stunts like this."

"I don't care," You emphasised each word, exhaustion present in your stance. "Better safe than sorry, Joel."

He nodded disapprovingly and walked back to the kitchen as you stood there, your head hanging with a sigh. You slowly raised it up, hands on your hips again, then turned your head to the side just enough for him to hear you over the sound of the steamer: "I'm sorry."

"No, you're not," He said when he walked past you, carrying the last piece of dish to the table. His anger wasn't for nothing, you accepted what you did was an ass move.

"You're right." You huffed, which made him look at you. "I'm not sorry for inviting Tommy and Maria over, but I am sorry for upsetting you."

His tense stance eased slowly at your words, then he proceeded to mirror your chair holding pose, huffing quietly: "Well, one of us is gon' have to eat less, I'm more worried about that."

"I'll gladly volunteer, I lost my appetite." You rubbed your eyes, which sported dark circles underneath them– which worried Joel.

He stepped closer to you, reaching for your hip with his dominant hand and began rubbing soothing circles there: "No. You eat. Don't think for a second I didn't notice how you started eatin' less." This whole ordeal was getting to you more than you cared to admit. It had been eight days since your decision to arrange dinner with them, but it clearly didn't escape Joel's notice. You looked down, ashamed, running a hand through your hair nervously: "Hey, look at me," Joel gently took your chin between his fingers and lifted your head up, his nose inches away from yours. The three knocks on your door didn't stop him from saying: "You're worryin' over nothin', sweetheart. It's gonna be alright."

"We'll see," You looked into his eyes with a blank stare, gulping, giving his hand a light squeeze before walking to the door, collecting yourself in the meantime. From the small windows on the door, it wasn't hard to tell the brunette couple had arrived. You took a deep breath as you opened the door with a sincere smile: "Hello there– Come in, welcome."

"Hi!" Kiki grinned and Ward just offered an awkward resemblance of a smile.

After escorting them to the living room, you spoke: "Joel's getting finished in the kitchen, then we can have dinner."

"Joel's cooking?" Kiki gave you an alien look. It wasn't a my goodness what a man I bet he cooks real fine tone, but more a genuinely confused one.

"Uhm, yes?" You lightly flinched but smiled still, equally confused at her question. Giving a brief look at Ward, you noticed how he was staring hard at her and she was pointedly ignoring him. "Don't worry, he actually cooks better than me... haha."

You stared into each other's eyes for five seconds, both of your irises reflecting a pair of question marks at each other, then she let out an odd laugh: "Oh! If you say so... What a beautiful garden you got– Lots of flowers."

"Why, thank you," You smiled a little nervously. "I like taking care of flowers and plants..."

"Oh really? I do– did too, once upon a time..." Kiki did an exaggerated smiley face. "I should bring you some, then!"

"That's very kind of you," You felt yourself soften a little at her words. "Well, how have you both been? Feeling like you two are fitting in? I hope people aren't giving you trouble."

"Oh," Kiki looked at Ward for the first time, who's gaze was focused on you now. "No, I think we started to fit in better–" Ward nodded in agreement, his head turning in her direction: "Gets better every day."

"That's good news," You quietly huffed out a breath of relief, nodding at her words, which was when Joel walked in to greet them, and also when there was another pair of knocks on the door. This time, thank God, it was Tommy and Maria.

The dinner went without a hitch, to say the least. Although it had it's awkward moments, Tommy and Maria always picked it up one way or another. Delicious meals were eaten and wines from your collection with Joel were opened– it was pleasant to a certain degree. You and Joel sat across each other on the other ends of the table, Maria and Tommy sat to your left while Kiki and Ward sat to your right. Kiki was seated by your side, but she mostly had her attention on your husband. She didn't drink, but Ward did, and after his second glass, he seemed to relax more.

When it was time to carry all the plates back to where they came from, Joel and you carried the first party. When you placed them in the sink, and he on the counter, he softly grabbed your hand: "See? Wasn't that bad, was it?"

It sort of was, for you anyway, as much as you tried to calm your nerves with the wine: "Thanks to Tommy and Maria, yeah." Joel sighed through his nose and looked away for a moment: "What?"

"We'll talk about it in the morning." Joel let your hand go, but didn't move away.

"What is there to talk about?" You spoke, frustrated, your arms opening slightly in a gesture. Right then, your eyes moved over his shoulder to the doorway. He turned around to see it was Maria with two of the rect platters in her hands.

"Joel, why don't you go back? (Y/N) and I'll handle it from here." She spoke as she walked over to where you two were, then placed the platters on the counter. He gave you one last look before nodding and walking back inside. As soon as he left, Maria stood very close to you and turned on the water: "You wanna tell me what's going on with you?"

"Not really," You quickly started to wash the plates and she helped with the leftovers.

"(Y/N)," Maria spoke more seriously. "There's obviously something wrong–"

"I didn't say there wasn't, I just don't wanna talk about it right now." You said, turning your head to her a little but not looking her in the eyes. "Please, Maria, I appreciate you and your concern, but–"

"Mind if I help?" Kiki suddenly appeared with more service in her hands, startling you both.

"Not at all," Maria replied in your stead. "I'll leave you two to it, I need to use the bathroom."

You closed your eyes, exhausted, then begged for patience as Kiki replaced Maria's place next to you. She kept a distance, which you also appreciated. After a brief moment of silence, she spoke: "The food was delicious, I'm surprised Joel helped you prepare all of this."

You tried– God knows your tried not to look for a double meaning behind her words, but you failed: "Well, as I said, he cooks better than me."

"No, I mean, he just really helps you around, y'know? Serving, preparing, cleaning..."

You turned to face her, closing the sink, and took a proper look at her: "What's so weird about it? We're partners– Married– There's no helping out, we do it together, as it should be."

"Oh, don't get me wrong," She said after a while, her smile unsettling. "It's just that, I always do the cooking, and preparing, and cleaning. That's what I was taught, while Ward..."

You bit down on your tongue hard as you finally understood what she was getting at, the realisation making you blink once and long, then look away. A silent oh left your lips while you thought about how to respond, forcing a small smile to your lips: "Well... Uh– Why don't you go back, I'll take it from here."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I got this, you're our guest, after all."

She smiled and nodded, heading back. As soon as she turned around you let out a silent, heavy breath, looking a little bewildered and disturbed at the things she had said. You stood still for a few moments, then ultimately decided to wash your face, so you took it up to the bathroom.

When you woke up the next morning, you had a mild headache from the wine, no doubt. Joel was nowhere to be found, which had you worried for a second, then you realised it was near noon. After washing your face, you dragged yourself downstairs and once you made it to the kitchen, you found Tommy, Eugene and Joel sitting quietly at the table.

"Mornin' princess," Eugene grinned at you, a cup in his hand. Joel and Tommy had more serious, even a little worried looks on their faces.

"Hey," You waved at them and dragged your feet to the cupboard where you kept your coffee, only to find you had ran out of the beans.

"How're you feelin'?"

"I'm fine... What kinda question is that?" You chuckled.

The brothers shared a brief look before Tommy slowly got up, walked towards the island counter and leaned against it with his elbows: "Listen, (Y/N), we're all a bit worried about you."

"I'm not!" Eugene said clearly. "I mean, I am, but not in the way they are– What's going on with you and the newcomers?"

You stared at the brothers, hard, then turned to Joel: "Is this the new town gossip, then?"

He huffed, crossed his arms across his chest and leaned back in his seat: "It ain't nothin'. We were talking about last night," He gestured between himself and Tommy. "Eugene overheard, expressed his own worries 'bout them and wanted to talk to you."

You felt so exposed –out in the open– with the spotlight moving onto you once more. Your eyebrows furrowed as Joel held your gaze for a while, the other men too scared to interfere; until Eugene spoke: "Look, (Y/N), I get what worries you, even if these two bimbos will say there's nothing wrong. I'm here to vouch for ya."

"Thanks," You shrugged and nodded. You felt embarrassed at the three pairs of eyes waiting for a response from you– speaking to Eugene alone about what actually worried you would've made you feel much better, but you just told them about the interactions between you and Kiki. The more you spoke, the more frustrated you got, which ironically made you close up more.

"Which reminds me," He said some time after you mentioned her offer to bring you a flower. "Do you have, uh, mugwort in your garden?"

The abrupt change of topic caught you off guard, but you still said yes, I think so and walked out from the back door, the old man tailing you. The sun immediately burned down on your skin, but a gentle breeze lightened the load on your shoulders as it accompanied you to the edge of the garden.

"Look, I don't actually need mugwort," He said when you sat down on your knees. "If you wanna say something to me that you think they won't understand, now's your chance."

You moved on with your digging quietly while he waited, then finally, without looking at him and venom dripping from every word you spoke, you sighed: "Kiki has eyes for Joel."

Eugene coughed loudly at your cold words, a hand on his chest: "Shit, (Y/N)..."

"Everyone, including Joel, seems oblivious to this– I'll probably get accused of petty jealousy if I tell them, but since you've had your fair share of weird run-ins with her, I think you should know."

He remained quiet for awhile as you worked with the plant, then finally huffed: "That's not a jealous face from what I can see, it's the face of a woman who's sensing something's gonna go wrong."

You finally looked up at him, your cold expression turned soft because of his sympathy, then looked back down: "I'm losing sleep over some stupid– bitch– God, I was... I've been trying to convince myself that it's nothing, but–"

"It's not nothing, (Y/N)." Eugene spoke firmly, grabbing your shoulder and giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Something's clearly not right with those two, and you've a right to get worried, 'cause I'm guessing it's not just Joel you're worried about."

You gulped, wiped some sweat off the corner of your brow with your wrist, then nodded.

"Well," He took the plants from your hands. "Thanks for this, and, just know that you're not alone. If you ever wanna talk more about this, you know where to find me. Don't be a stranger."

You did pay Eugene a visit a few days later to talk more about them. You felt more comfortable talking to him alone, and you were talking to him because you didn't want to add more to Joel's tension and strain your relationship again. It also felt good to just talk about the whole thing and have someone who understood you.

You had told him that you had no doubts about Joel's intentions, but about Kiki's and hers alone. He had told you he understood and told you that his door was always open if you needed to talk again, so you went to him a second time in a cool afternoon after Kiki had appeared out of nowhere.

"Flowers! As promised!" She smiled brightly, giving you a tiny bouquet of mixed, yellow flowers.

"Oh, wow," You carefully took the bouquet from her, smiling at the sight and feeling genuinely happy for a moment that she actually did something like this. "Thank you, Kiki."

"Don't mention it," She smiled sincerely and initiated smalltalk, then went about her business. After you closed the door, however, reality came crashing down.

You went to see Eugene then: He had just returned from patrol, so the moment you saw him, you grabbed him and went back to your house. A very old book you owned, The Meanings of Flowers, laid on the dinner table while you sat at the head of the table again, the older man to your right. Beautiful flowers rested above the book, a pair of each: Carnation, hyacinth, marigold, rose and tansy. You already knew the names of the most thanks to your free time activities, so finding them in the book wasn't particularly hard.

"Damn, (Y/N), you're really gettin' into this, aren't you?" Eugene said when you first explained and laid the flowers in front of him as he sat down.

You read through the pages and sat across him. "I think... I have, uh– What if she's asking for help?"

"How do you mean?" He gave you a look, and when you stared at him a while, he slowly got what you were saying. "You... think that too?"

"It's so obvious," You sighed, a sad expression on your face. "It's the only logical explanation for the way she responds to physical touch. There's more to it than what Ward told me about their past."

"You're right," He huffed, troubled. "Alright, let's see what carnation means."

"Each colour represents something different, but yellow..." What you read made you tense up.

"What?"

"Disdain."

You gave each other a look, then you continued to other flowers: "Hyacinth– Yellow hyacinth is... jealousy."

"Do these even grow in Wyoming?" Eugene was as disturbed as you were. You just shrugged, but you were thinking more about how she came to find these in the first place.

"Marigold– Jealousy, despair... Rose, yellow– Jealousy and..." You gasped shortly, eyes widening at the word.

"What, what is it?" Eugene turned the book to himself a little and his eyes widened slightly as well.

Infidelity.

"Maybe... Maybe tansy means something else?" Eugene flipped the pages as you burned a hole through the table, stunned where you sat. "Hostile thoughts, declaring war... Shit."

He stared at you as you slowly raised your head up and gave him a nasty look, whispering angrily: "Who... Who does she think she is?"

"(Y/N), I– I don't," Eugene knew, like yourself, that this could've been just pure coincidence, but all of the flowers representing almost exactly the same things inevitably had him worried and at a loss for words.

"That little bitch–" Your fists flexed into a fist, your brows drawing together, creating deep lines on your forehead.

"Don't freak out," Eugene grabbed your elbow in a calming gesture.

"She wants him–? She wants a war? I'll give her something worse, she'll regret ever setting foot in–"

"What's going on?" In between your heartbeat ringing in your ear and loud, angry words, you didn't hear Joel come in. Your head snapped towards him, eyes wide open and angry, then turned your head away towards Eugene.

"I think it's best if you sit down." The older man said uncomfortably.

He obliged, never looking away from you as he did. He was clearly worried, careful, but also cross; it wasn't hard to tell, and you had hoped he wouldn't see what you were up to, but alas...

"You know who brought me these?" You asked, focused at something outside the window.

"I have an idea." His eyes were burning through the side of your face, the tension crushing everyone in the room.

You chuckled bitterly. "You must think I'm crazy."

"I think no such thing," He growled, offended by your accusation. "You don't sleep well, you don't eat– Your worryin's making me worry!"

"The thing is, Joel," Eugene intervened. "She has a right to worry."

He finally looked at him with an exhausted expression: "What?"

"Each of these flowers have meanings in this book right here," He tapped the book. "And they're not good meanings at all."

"See? This is what worries me," He leaned back, crossing his arms. "You're gonna check everything she does or gives?"

"So you want me to stay oblivious to– to things, while Ward is probably physically absuing his wife?" You snapped, your head turning in Joel's direction to meet his quizzical expression. You got up from your chair, leaning in with your hands on the table: "If she was meaning to send a message to us with these flowers, asking for help, and we ignored it? That'd be on me."

"How could it possibly be on you?" He replied angrily. "How would she know that you'd– decipher this message?"

"I told you that I told her about–"

"Enough!" Eugene growled. "She sent her a message, despite what could be happening in their household." You sighed heavily and turned your head to the side, Joel glancing at Eugene as he continued: "All these flowers have one thing in common, Joel, and it's that they've bad meanings. This one?" He held up the marigold: "Jealousy. This one?" The hyacinth: "Also jealousy. And this?" The rose: "Jealousy... as well as infidelity."

Joel leaned back, an irked look on his face: "Wh– What?"

"Tansy– Hostile thoughts." He coughed into his fist as he put the flower down.

"So don't sit there–" You looked at him again, leaning in with your head: "And tell me that I'm worrying over nothing. Just because you have no clue about what's going on around you, doesn't mean it's not happening." You gulped, the barbed wire around your throat present once more, then picked up the book and closed it: "Thanks, Eugene."

He just nodded with a concerned look on his face and watched you walk upstairs. Joel, stunned in place, didn't say a word as the older man got up, tipped his head at him and left. He sat there for some time, by himself and stared at the beautiful flowers. He hadn't seen you like this since the Axel case– sure, you both had ups and downs but it had never gotten this bad since then. To prevent another fall out, he knew this time he had to be a little more alert for both of your sakes, if your accusations were indeed true.

But you both needed to co-operate if something was going to be done about this.

It was close to a week later when Ward opened up again.

Joel and you were a bit tense, even after when he suggested the next day after the flower incident that you both went to Maria to change your patrol schedules. She had said Joel only had one more patrol left with Kiki, while you still had three to go with Ward, which was okay for you especially after you found out that Joel's last patrol with Kiki was a group sweep which involved you too.

Joel was more than relieved too, thinking maybe change of patrol partners will finally ease the tension between you and him, but it seemed you'd remain upset until that last patrol was over with, which was the day after your current patrol with Ward.

You were taking a different route this time, on horseback and it was in the afternoon, a chill breeze was present which took the burning feel of the slowly setting sun off your shoulders. The trees were offering shield from the sun with their shadows, too.

"I overheard people talking about you and Joel."

"Really?" You rolled your eyes. "What were they saying?"

"Something about... having a child."

You turned your head and gave him a stern look, but it wasn't directed at him, then you sighed, the grip you had on your reigns tightening: "It's none of their business."

"Exactly what I told them."

"What?" You turned to face him again, the whip of your head smoother than before, and your voice was softer– surprised.

"I told them to stop talking about something which wasn't their business," Ward casually explained. "They then told me that I had no business listening to them, so I threatened to break their jaw if they didn't shut up."

"Ward..." You gave him a look of disapproval.

"Kidding," He offered a small smile. "Leave out the threatening bit, but it did cause a little argument. Maria was there though... organising this event that's coming up. She defended you, too."

You hadn't taken him to be the type to stand up for people he didn't exactly know: "Ward I–"

"Sorry though, don't know who they were–"

"Thank you."

He blinked, equally surprised at the smallest smile on your lips: "Oh, well..."

"Not many people would do that, I appreciate it," Your grip loosened and you allowed yourself to relax a little. "People tend to get ahead of themselves sometimes."

"Inconsiderate, that's what they are." He growled, but his face was thoughtful and troubled exactly like when he told you of his background. "It just– Gets on my nerves. This whole... baby talk."

"You and mine both," You huffed. "It's just funny how people who have almost no connections to me and Joel talk about it, when him and I haven't even put it out on the table yet." It was true. Neither of you had even said the word out of its nickname context.

"I just hope they won't force you to have one."

You turned your head to him with slightly wide eyes: "How do you mean?"

He remained quiet for a while, probably debating on whether he should share what he meant or not – if he should listen to his needs and get it off his chest, or add more to the bottle when there was no space left in it. He finally spoke: "Kiki had to lie, so that they wouldn't separate or punish us. I was too... paralysed to speak when she said We want to have children out of nowhere. Said that it was the only reason why we decided to date and get married. We had been together for just five months."

A sick lie to get out of an equally sick situation, which normally would've made you feel sick, but in this fucked up world and having done the equally fucked up shit you did, you couldn't bring yourself to feel nauseous; however, it did make a shiver run down your spine, the situation reminding you of the Seraphites in Seattle when an escapee had arrived in Boston, months after the fall of that QZ. She had told horrifying stories about how her and five other people had barely made it past them: They had witnessed 'religious sacrifice's, and the manslaughter from The WLF hadn't helped their case either... She had committed suicide a month after her arrival in Boston.

"By then we started to regret our decision more, because they were forcing us to– To have a child–"

"Hey, look, you don't have to tell me–"

"We lied–" He continued, feeling though as if he wasn't going to get another chance to open up again. "For a long time, it was maybe we're not lucky enough, or God's not willing. They... They went as far as to consider fucking exorcism, and it was all on Kiki, and her alone."

You thought for a moment he was going to cry, with the way his face scrunched up, but he kept going angrily: "I told them it could be biological, they told me she was cursed... I told them, maybe the problem was me, they insisted it was her... Until they finally needed proof that we were actually– You know–"

"God," You quietly gasped.

"I don't– We tried to break up, to end the madness, but they wouldn't listen. I had never touched Kiki other than kisses and hugs, while we were lying to them about– She was a virgin and so was I–"

He stopped for a brief moment when his horse whinnied, you were getting closer to the tall walls surrounding Jackson, then continued hesitantly: "She– finally got pregnant, after a whole year of deceiving them, but the stress of it got to her, I think. She... she miscarried." He gulped, closing his eyes tightly, an unpleasant look on his face. "You can imagine how it was received around the community– We had to run, you see, so we did."

You had reached the gates by then, it was Joel who was at the watchtower and waved at you as you waited for the doors to open. You waved back with a worried look on your face, which he must've spied through his binoculars. After bringing the horse into the stables and handing back your rifles, you stopped him. It was unusually quiet and empty around the southern gate, which was normally empty anyway: "Listen, I just wanna say–"

Before you knew it, a stuck gasp left him. His back was to you, so at first you thought he saw something, but as soon as you stepped to his side: "Ward," He was crying. "Oh– Hey, it's okay..."

He whimpered until he ran out of breath, covering his face with his hands. You didn't know how to react, internally panicking and carefully studying his body language, while feeling like a dick about it. You slowly and carefully put a hand on his back, and at the touch, he immediately collapsed by your feet. He was weeping now, and too close for comfort. You quickly looked around to see if anyone was there, only to find out not a single soul was in your line of sight, except for the slowly and suddenly approaching figure of your husband.

"Ward, get up," You lightly shook him by the shoulder to get his attention, but this only resulted in him leaning closer to your legs. You raised your head to see Joel had come to a stop a couple of feet away from where you stood: "Get. Up."

"You said– You said–" He struggled with trying not to cry and breathing at the same time.

"I said there is a group session if you needed to talk," You spoke, defeated, feeling Joel's burning gaze on your eyelids. "I'm sorry for what happened. I really am, but you need to get up."

He looked up at you to meet your stern, pitying gaze, then wiped at his tears. He nodded a couple of times and slowly got up, sniffling quietly. Without saying another word –even though he looked like he wanted to– and sparing you another look, he readjusted his backpack and walked away as if nothing happened. You stood there and watched him leave with your hands on your hips, then let out an exhausted sigh. You were just thankful that you weren't murdered for the most part, irked because of his sudden breakdown, but you also felt like shit scolding him as you did.

"You wanna tell me what the hell was that all about?" Joel. And he neither sounded pleased nor amused.

"You think I have an idea?" You gave him a hopeless look. "Man just– Suddenly told me the rest of his story and broke down, I don't–" Joel stood with his arms crossed, within your 6 feet radius, but there was nothing soft about it.

He was expecting an explanation, and an explanation he got: "That, Joel? That's what fucking scares me! I hear the shit they went through and I listen to it, waiting for the time he's going to get to the part where I did something to him or someone he cared for– waiting for the time they're going to shoot me or stab me– or you! And then they get like– like that, or do something nice to us, and suddenly I feel like an asshole because they're not bad people in the end, they just need some fucking help!"

You breathed heavily as your hands remained open at your sides after all the gestures and motions, your chest rising and falling very obviously as small sweat and tear droplets rolled down your face: "And they're seeking help in all the wrong places, from the most unsuitable people. I don't know about you, but I'm not mentally capable of taking their load while I have my own to deal with."

Joel took in a short amount of breath, as if to speak, but immediately closed his mouth. He stared into your eyes for what felt like 30 minutes, searching for something– you weren't quite sure what. He looked angry, upset, worried and heartbroken all in the same time.

Finally, when he couldn't speak, you added: "If anything happened to me, I could live with that." You spoke calmly, nodding curtly: "But if anything happens to you? I'll tear this whole goddamn town apart and make sure they can't find a place to hide from me."

Your fidgeting, unfocused eyes suddenly found Joel's hazel ones; you saw through all the anger, fretting and upset at that moment.

It was such an adoring, lovely gaze– Bit by bit, it drained you of all the hate and other ugly emotions pressing down your shoulders; a great sense of solace overcoming you as his big, warm hand cupped your jaw. He leaned in to steal the softest of kisses from your damaged lips– subconscious biting had seen to that, but Joel's softer ones made up for the loss on your side.

Before he could give you the chance to debate on whether you should hug him or not, he pulled back, his hand on your cheek still: "I won't let anything happen to you– To either of us. I promise you." You stared into each other's eyes for another moment, then he placed a most gentle kiss on your temple: "I made some dinner for you, go and eat for me."

You nodded, eyes lowering to the ground, then slowly walked away. Joel was quick to take notice of your broken stance– slumped shoulders, slowed steps and, ah, there goes the hand through your hair. He knew, then, that he had to put more effort into understanding how you viewed the couple and respecting your feelings. Sure, you were prone to worry and overthink, but so was he. Nothing, as far as he knew and had seen, had gotten to you like this before. Something ought to be wrong for you to beat yourself up over it as you did.

But despite everything –despite him still not seeing the way you saw the couple– you were, of course (and without question), his priority. He trusted you and your judgement, and it had always been so.

He just hoped it wasn't too late to show you that.

116 notes · View notes

blueeyedheizer · 4 years ago

Text

sound of metal - matt

WARNING: might contain some triggering topics (talks of surgery, hearing loss)

A/N: this movie was so beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time I had to write something based on it. (excuse the crappy ending) If you haven't seen sound of metal...go watch it nowww

•••

Matt had been acting strange lately. Wether it was during sound check or while you were performing in front of a crowd, he seemed off and completely out of it everytime you shot a glance his way.

Today wasn't any different and you were starting to grow seriously worried. You and your band were performing in front of your biggest crowd yet; the band was getting more and more recognition and people were quick to spread the word about your small tour. It even got to the point where people would take pictures with you and buy your merch after the show. Quite frankly, everything was going well and it was a dream come true.

But when you looked at Matt, it seemed like he wasn't handling things as well as you did. At first, you thought that it might only be stage fright. You weren't really used to such big venues, and it would've made sense that he feels some kind of discomfort in front of an important audience. Yet he never spoke to any of you about it, and you knew he would've at least told you if that was the case.

So when you looked over your shoulder in the middle of the fourth song and caught sight of him you immediately sensed that once again, something wasn't right. He looked almost terrified, you could tell his breathing was heavy and that it wasn't just because of the drums. You tried to contain your worry and focus on your singing, but you kept a mental note to talk to him after the show. You couldn't just sit there and keep pretending everything was alright when he was clearly hiding something from you.

But before you even had the time to move on from your thoughts Matt suddenly stormed out of the stage, his drumsticks falling to the floor while he pushed a few people on his way out. Your heart pounded hard against your chest as you were hit with a wave of anxiety, then with a small apology to the crowd and a worried glance at your bandmates you followed him.

Within seconds you were bursting through the back doors, running after him.

"Matt! Matthew, what the hell?" you called, running to his side. He was bent down, hands resting on his knees as he panted hard. You placed your hands on his shoulders and he eventually stood up straight before leaning against the fence. "Baby, what's wrong?" you placed your hands on his cheeks, your thumbs stroking his skin as your eyes searched for his.

"I can't hear anything." he admitted, voice cracking.

"What?"

"I can't hear anything."

You just picked at your food, not hungry due to how anxious you felt. You could barely register anything else than the sound of your heartbeat, the sounds of muffled talking, plates and glasses clinking from the restaurant being completely drowned out by your nagging thoughts.

"What are we gonna do?" James eventually spoke up.

"I don't know James. I really don't know." you put your fork down and buried your face in your hands, finally letting a few tears slip. You leg was bouncing repeatedly, heart beating a million miles a minute. After taking a deep breath, you grabbed the pen and paper that were in front of you and wrote something down.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" you slid the paper across the table so that Matt could read it. He sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"I didn't want you to worry about it. It's nothing. It'll come back eventually." he said, but you were far from satisfied with his answer. You squeezed your eyes shut.

"What did the doctor say?" once again, you slid the paper across the table.

"There's a surgery. An implant. It's— it's expensive but I'll get it."

"Y/N, there's no way he'll be able to afford it." James whispered. You glanced at him and nodded, knowing damn well you'd never be able to earn so much money in such a short amount of time. You were just a small band, earning a salary worth of such surgery would take an excessive amount of work and time. Noticing the worried look on everyone's face, Matt broke the silence and grabbed your hand.

"Look— we'll play tomorrow and see how it's like. It'll come back. It's fine baby, my hearing's not completely gone. okay? I can do it." Matt said, and you shook your head.

"No."

"We have a tour booked."

"Matt, it's not safe." you tried to reason with him as more tears welled in your eyes.

"We have a tour booked, Y/N, I'll just deal with it, I can do it!"

"No, Matt. We can't." you removed your hand from his hold.

"It'll come back!"

"For God's sakes Matt, it's not safe!" you finally raised your voice, fist colliding with the table as you flopped back against your seat. Your bandmates flinched and some waitresses and customers turned to you, thinking a fight had broke out. You apologized quietly, not even loud enough for any of them to hear before grabbing the pen.

"We're not finishing the tour. You can barely hear a word we're saying. We're not finishing it." you put the pen down and got up, gathering your things before turning to James and Alex. "I'll call the manager and see what we can do."

And with that, you left the dinner without a word.

Fortunately, your manager was very understanding of the situation and helped you with everything you needed. He got you in contact with a friend of his who ran a small community in which Matt would be able to attend meetings and learn sign language.

You called the man immediately after finishing the call with your manager, wanting to get this done as soon as possible. You were hit with a wave of relief when he told you he would be more than willing to welcome Matt, as long as he complied with the rules that were imposed there. But getting Matt to understand that this wasn't just a small hearing loss and that he needed help was another story.

"I'm not going, Y/N. God, it— it doesn't even bother me that much! I can still play!" he said and you shook your head, lowering it afterwards. You had never seen him so agitated, and no matter how hard he tried to convince you that he was okay, you could see right through him. His hearing loss was in fact bothering him, he just wouldn't admit it. "Baby I know our songs by heart, we could just—"

"Matt, stop. Just stop." you interrupted him. Tears were beginning to form in your eyes and it was getting harder to hold them back. He scoffed, burying his hands in his hair.

"Matt. Please. Just look at me." you placed your index finger under his chin, forcing him to look at you. "The most important thing right now is to preserve the hearing you have left. Okay?" your hand slid to his cheek, wiping a tear before pecking his lips. "I love you so much, baby. And that's why I'm not leaving you the choice. We're cancelling the tour, and you're going to let these people take care of you." you told him, making sure to speak clearly.

-time skip-

Those 6 months spent away from him were hard. The members of the community he was in all lived in one house together with no contact to the outside world - which meant no phones allowed. It was a rule that you had agreed on committing to, but you hadn't anticipated how awfully long these months would actually be. Performing without him was something you couldn't get used to. You had found a new drummer for the time he was gone, but it was different. You were so used to Matt's energy, his way of playing, and the boy was nothing like him. He was really nice and Alex and James seemed to get along well with him, but this band wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for Matt, therefore performing his songs without him felt wrong.

You had no idea what the future was going to look like, wether it was regarding the band or your relationship. You had no idea how Matt was doing. For all you knew he could be at his lowest point and you weren't there for him. Or maybe he was having an amazing time, and you couldn't shut off this nagging voice in the back of your head that kept telling you he might've met someone new.

You were walking home from work, looking forward to leave this long day behind you and get some well deserved rest. You greeted your dad and was about to make your way to your room, but his voice stopped you in your tracks before you could leave.

"Y'a Matt qui t'attends dans ta chambre." (Matt's waiting for you in your room.)

"Quoi?" (What?)

"Il est arrivé y'a une heure ou deux. Je lui ait dit de rester là en attendant que t'arrives." (He arrived about an hour or two ago. I told him to stay there and wait for you.)

You tried to contain your excitement in front of him, but your heart felt like it was about to burst inside your chest.

"Okay, cool. Merci."

With that, you left the kitchen and made your way upstairs hurriedly, heart beating faster with every step you took.

Finally, you opened the door to your room and your eyes immediately caught Matt's figure. He was sitting on your bed, a book in hands as he waited for you. You stayed at the door for a small instant, grinning warmly as he looked up, allowing you to finally make eye contact.

"Hi. Can you hear me?"

Matt set the book down and nodded, then you walked over to him, standing between his legs. You cupped his face and caressed his cheeks with your thumbs, taking in all of him. His hair was a bit longer than the last time you had seen him.

"I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too."

You leaned in and pressed your lips together for the first time in five months, your hands sliding to the back of his head as the kiss deepened. You pulled away after a little less than a minute, catching your breath.

"What are you doing here? How— how did you afford it?" you asked a bit awkwardly, referring to his surgery as you noticed the implants on his ear.

"I had to sell my stuff." he shugged. "Guitars, synth, my car. Anything I could find, really." he chuckled sadly, lowering his head. Your face dropped at his words and a small silence settled in the room before he broke it with the smallest voice. "I'm sorry."

"Hey...there's nothing to apologise for." you said, lifting his chin up to peck his lips once again. He shook his head, refusing to make eye contact with you as tears welled up in his eyes. Then he climbed further up the bed silently, his back now resting against the headboard. You followed, situating yourself next to him.

"I ruined everything. The tour, the band, us." Everything."

"You didn't ruin anything. You couldn't control what happened, Matt. You know that." you tried to comfort him, scratching the back of his head with your fingertips. He scoffed a bit at your answer, still avoiding eye-contact.

"I can't get back to drumming, Y/N. I can never go back to how my life was before."

There was a pause before he finally dared to look at you. His eyes were red from holding back tears, cheeks streaked and flushed, the sight causing your face to visibly soften. You opened your mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Instead you looked down, fidgeting with the ring on your index finger and the room went silent. You knew things would never be the same, but you still took the news like a bullet. A couple more seconds passed and you took a small breath before climbing onto his lap gently.

A bitter, sad smile curved on your lips as you looked at him, hands cupping both sides of his head, gently rubbing your thumbs and occasionally wiping a few tears from his cheeks while you fought with great difficulty to hold yours in. First you kissed his forehead then you rested yours against it, noses brushing.

"I love you." you whispered, closing your eyes as you felt a tear escape and roll down your cheek. "I love you so much."

You pulled away just a bit and signed "I love you" to him in sign language to emphasise your words. He signed it back to you and you wrapped your arms around him, cradling his head against your chest as you mumbled comforting words, your hands rubbing his back and hair soothingly as you cried silently.

#blueeyeddean #matt

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evanbuckley-heartofgold · 4 years ago

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Omg what a BLESSING to see Owen & TK fics. And amazing ones at that. Like, don't get me wrong I adore Tarlos but a healthy father-son relationships are so, so rare. So thank you for that!!!! I'm curious what would be your take on Owen + 9/11 PTSD and TK 👀👀

Oh my gosh thank you so much! This fandom is in desperate need of more Owen and TK content. I have another fic dealing with TK’s PTSD around 9/11 if you’re interested in that you can find it here!

Note: I did a little research on first responders’ PTSD after 9/11 and I tried to be as accurate as possible.

Read on ao3

September 11 is the hardest day of the year for Owen. Every year on the anniversary, he finds that every little thing makes him think of his crew, the crew he couldn’t save.

He remembers the way Donovan used to make a killer breakfast burrito, Jensen was the only one who could beat him at chess, Samuel kept a picture of his family in his turnout coat, Lee used to hum while cleaning the trucks, Davidson was the only one who could make the crew smile after a rough call, and Jones was the closest thing Owen ever had to a brother.

And they’re all gone.

Owen spends the eleventh the same way every year: he wakes up early and goes to church, lighting a candle for every member of his crew that lost their life on ground zero. He then goes to the station and does a little tidying up, just to be around his crew. After that, he doesn’t know what to do with himself. Sometimes he just stares at the wall blankly until TK comes and forces food down his throat. Sometimes he’ll hear a plane flying low and he won’t be able to drag himself out of the memories that flood his brain. And sometimes he takes a sleeping pill and knocks himself out for the rest of the day.

It’s September eleventh for the first time since they moved to Austin. Owen wakes up feeling a thrum of anxiety in his chest. But he ignores it and numbly pulls himself out of bed to get dressed. In the kitchen he finds TK standing over the stove making pancakes. His son looks up at him with a sad smile as he pushes the plate towards him.

“Eat up.”

Owen ruffles his hair, “Thanks, kid.”

As TK starts to eat his own breakfast he asks, “Are you going to church?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” TK asks every year. He’s gone with Owen a few times, but it’s been a few years since.

Owen shakes his head, “You have a shift. I’ll be fine. I’ll stop by the station later to see everyone.”

“You’ll call me if you need anything, right?” TK asks.

“Of course,” Owen says. It’s not true. Owen hates relying on his son, it’s supposed to be the other way around. TK shouldn’t have to take care of him. “You better get going, huh?”

TK checks his watch, “Yeah.” Giving his dad a quick hug, he says, “Love you.”

“Love you too, kid.”

After TK leaves and Owen has finished his breakfast. Owen pulls himself out of the chair and into his car. Austin has no shortage of churches, but Owen is partial to Grace and Judd’s church. He’s not much of a churchgoer, but today is the one day of the year that turns Owen into just as much of a godfearing man as the rest of Texas.

Once inside the church, Owen kneels, and quietly whispers the names of each person as he lights the candle for them. Once he’s done and about to begin prayer, he feels a hand on his shoulder and looks up to see the pastor behind him.

“May I pray with you?” He asks.

Owen nods and the pastor kneels down beside him and begins to lead Owen through the familiar prayer.

“In the lord’s name, amen.”

“Amen,” Owen repeats. “Thank you, father.”

The pastor smiles at him, “Judd told me to expect you today, it’s the least I can do.”

Owen smiles sadly. Of course the cowboy did. As much as Judd pretends, he’s really just a big softie. Owen thanks the pastor once more and heads to the station.

At the station, Mateo is the first to notice him from where he is working on top of the truck. Without saying anything, he jumps off the truck and hugs Owen tightly. Owen smiles and squeezes him back, “Thanks.”

Mateo smiles and steps aside to let Owen walk further in.

“Hey, cap.” Owen looks to where Marjan and Paul are walking down the stairs. “Didn’t expect to see you today,” Marjan remarks.

He shrugs, “I just wanted to check in on you guys.”

“We should be doing that for you,” Paul points out. “Are you doing okay?”

“As good as I can be,” Owen claps Paul on the shoulder with a ghost of a smile.

“We’re here for you, man, anything you need,” Judd promises having walked in from the lounge.

“Thanks, Judd.” Owen smiles at the cowboy and looks around. “Do you know where my kid’s at?” Owen asks.

“Uh, yeah, I think he’s in the kitchen.”

Owen thanks Judd and walks to find TK who, just as Judd said is in the kitchen, grabbing a mug from the cabinet.

“Hey,” Owen alerts TK to his presence. His son turns around and smiles upon seeing his dad.

“How was church?” TK asks as he sets down the mug.

“It was nice, quieter than the ones in New York.” Owen leans back against the counter as his son starts to brew himself a cup of coffee. “Judd told the pastor I would be stopping by, it was nice to have him with me I guess.”

“I can believe that. So what’s next? Are you heading home or...”

TK’s words fade away to background noise as the grinding of the coffee maker becomes louder and louder to Owen. He blinks slowly and suddenly he’s not in Texas anymore.

“Haven’t you already had two cups?” Davidson teases, snatching the cup from Owen’s hands. “And you didn’t make me a single one? That’s cold.”

Owen rolls his eyes and takes the mug back, “You are perfectly capable of making your own cup.”

“Nah, I don’t think he is,” Lee laughs as he cuts up an apple. “I mean he has yet to learn how to properly put away his uniform-”

“That was one time!” Davidson shouts. “Give a guy a break!”

“No,” Owen gestures to Lee, “he’s got a point. I think the probie is sick of cleaning up after you.”

“You’re darn right I am,” Jensen says.

“Okay, okay,” Owen mediates with a smile. “Look-”

“Holy shit!” Jones exclaims from the other room. “Cap! Guys! You gotta see this! A plane just crashed into the World Trade Center!”

Feet pound on concrete. Screams and cries and sirens are all around him.

Owen is frozen, his heart echoes loudly in his ears, his lungs strain for air.

“Dad, you’re safe. We’re in Texas at the station. You’re okay. We’re okay.” Owen distantly realizes that TK is kneeling on the ground in front of him, holding his hands tight. “Can you hear me?” Owen nods and hears TK exhale in relief, “Can you squeeze my hand?” Owen does. “Good, okay, you need to breathe. We’re at the 126. Everyone is safe. I’m right here.”

Owen takes his hand out of TK’s to wrap it around his son’s wrist, feeling the strong pulse there.

“Dad?”

He closes his eyes and takes a long breath. “I’m okay?” Owen tells him. “I’m okay.”

Wordlessly, TK wraps his arms around his dad and hugs him tight. “That was a pretty bad one, huh?”

Owen shakes his head, “I’ve had worse.” Sometimes he watches his crew die over and over, sometimes he’s at their funerals, sometimes he’s telling their families, and sometimes it’s just happy memories. Memories are all he has left of them now.

“Do you want me to take you home?” TK asks, looking over him.

“I’m fine. You have to work.”

“No, he doesn’t.” Owen looks up to see Judd watching him from across the room, the rest of the crew behind him. “I called in replacements, go home, Strand. We’re okay here.”

“Thanks,” TK says and helps his dad to his feet. Owen lets his kid lead him out of the station, Judd squeezes his shoulder as he walks by.

When they’re in the car, Owen turns to his son, “Thank you for that.”

TK smiles at him, “Of course, you’d do it for me.”

#my fic #judd ryder #marjan marwani #mateo chavez #paul strickland #tk str #owen strand #911ls #911 lone star #911 #911 fic #911 lone star fic

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neo-culture-mafia · 5 years ago

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Shattered Glory

It's been a year...a cold and miserable year without them. It was long and honestly felt longer than a year. It was questionably the worst feeling year too. It was dark and stormy even on the sunniest days.

Travelling from France to Spain...touring in Italy to ending up in Germany where you now resided. It was a crazy story on how it all happened. Sleeping on the sidewalk to dozing off in hostiles when you were writhing for the comfort of a bed.

Yet, somehow you always made do with what you got.

Germany was a peculiar place to say the least. It was wholesome yet entertaining. Your favorite pass-time was watching the citizens of Germany walk about their daily life as you tried to figure out their names and backstory. Watching as some walked their pets, held the hands of their lovers, or get thrown out of the cab they had called knowing they had no money to give.

You empathized strongly with the latter. You'd been living day to day on each penny you got, random people taking pity on the girl that sat outside of business not knowing where to go, or so they assumed. Yet, you were just practically unreadable to the common everyday citizen and passerby. You weren't unreadable to the ones who truly knew you; the wish to be becoming more evident.

Travelling for this long you had confronted the notion as truth: You weren't unreadable to those who you called family, but you were self-guarded. For it seemed easier to shut people out than let them inside your bubble where you were vulnerable and able to be 'hurt'. You weren't running for freedom...you were running because you couldn't bare the thought of you being a nuisance in their lives anymore.

...now you were to embarrassed to admit you need them now more than ever...you were too embarrassed to go back... ultimately believing you were just a keeper of time and not truly wanted.

But what you don't realize is that they're still waiting for you.

Your room is often visited where messages and letters become littered around the room. No one wants to admit they miss you to one another, but the tension can be cut with a knife during family dinners. It's almost as if something is missing from their hearts. It just hurts too much for some of them.

Most of them don't look at your seat, rather look down and peer through their peripherals where they imagine you sitting there, feeding some table scraps to the dog under the table and out of sight from the older members even though everyone knew you did it.

Yet, here you sat. Outside of a small cafe in Germany, watching the people go and come as they please.

You sat on an old metal chair that faced the dying side street with an empty cafe table on your right. The sunglasses sat on the bridge of your nose as the firey sun was taking refuge behind the tall building at the end of the street.

The patio was small but it held a comforting sanctuary to those who decided life needed a break. It was now occupied by you and what you presumed to be an older man on the opposite side. You both sat respectively at opposite ends of the patio yet faced each other, the only thing obscuring your vision from him was the local newspaper that you always spotted in the trashcan; covering his face entirely in an almost comical way. You yawned, putting your head back for a moment and basqued in the dying heat of the sun.

It was a special time of day. Where infants were hushed and put to sleep by their mothers while the wild at heart were just being awoken. It was a comforting time for most, a healing time for some.

You stared into the sky, wondering if anyone else was looking into the same spot you were. Maybe you weren't entirely alone.

Maybe- "Dejun was actually right," you heard from the other end of the patio. Your head snapped up at an ungodly speed and you stared at the only other logical source of a voice. The man's head was broadcasted into a beautiful silhouette in the crinkly paper. The rays of sun shot out like a halo, as if this was a sign this person was a gift from God, a savior from above.

"you really are oblivious to your surroundings." And with one swift motion, the paper was in the man's lap. It took a minute for your eyes to adjust to the smirk on the face of the familiar youthful and soft featured boy.

Your shoulders relaxed as you stared at each other.

"What are you doing here, Liu?" You asked quietly, not know what to say and how to say it. He shrugged, looking around the dispersing people of the small town in Germany.

"...eating some pastries...drinking some coffee..." He smiled a little, ripping a piece of his croissant to put into his mouth. Yet, his arm just stayed laying there, the crumbly and savory pastry become smaller from his anxious fingers picking away at it.

His dark and deep eyes kept admiring you and your presence through the dark curly locks of hair that's grown just a little too long. He just played with the part of his pastry to not seem desperate anymore. Clearing his voice, he still seemed like a kicked puppy begging for some relief.

"...wondering why you haven't hugged me yet..." His voice felt like it broke sound barriers even though it was quiet.

Your chest jumped at his statement. You quickly brought yourself down as you scoffed, looking around the streets. You sighed, standing up from the metal seat that felt like you'd been sitting in for hours. Housing your emotions and pain for the short time you visited the spot.

You walked the 10 feet in-between you both and took off your sunglasses. You clinked them down next to his still steaming cup of coffee that sat elegantly on a white coffee saucer. He watched your presence, savoring the way you looked and carried yourself; the weight of fear of you running off if he moved too quickly becoming stronger on his chest.

The newspaper was now long forgotten on the table as you held your arms open. He took the opportunity knowing that any one of the guys would kill to be in his spot right now.

He stood from his own metal chair and latched onto you. You didn't know how much you needed this. Affection. The thirst for family touch had been draining you and the guilt that once started to saturate your heart starting to dissipate.

Your arms latched together, encasing his shoulders in a tight hug.

"I missed you, sugar bean." He softly said and it hit a part of your heart that hurt. It hurt way more than you could explain. "...please don't call me that..." You whispered and he started moving side to side, rocking both of you on the rough waves of both bodies of emotions. "Too bad, sugar bean. You'll always be my sugar bean. And I haven't been able to call you that for...389 days." He admitted guiltily, as if there was a calendar etched into his mind and he had been counting the days to this very moment.

You couldn't help the couple of tears slip from your eyes. "Oh. Don't cry." He said rubbing your back slowly. "If you cry I'll start crying." He reasoned and broke away from the hug, yet you both knew that no one wanted to leave the warmth of family.

He just stared at your eyes for a moment. "My gosh I missed you." He hugged you again but this was more playful, as if you had never left in the first place. Yet, it was more meaningful than the first one. It was like he picked up where you both left off.

"You want some coffee?" He asked looking into the small local cafe where old couples shared their love as if it was their last chance. "Uh. Yeah. Here is like...ten bu-" You said as the fear and anxiety set in a little bit; heart pumping a little faster at the thought of the last of your money going to strengthen your façade. The façade of being stable.

"Don't worry about it," He said bumping your elbow a little, his smile flashing into your vision, "I got drinks this time." He said going into the cafe and straight to the counter.

You uneasily sat in the seat directly across from where Yangyang. The beat of your heart deciding to settle only a little. The anxiety was still strong as you started counting the crumbs on his plate one by one.

...28...29...30...31...32...33...34...35...36....

"Your coffee~" a saucer was set infront of you and you were met with a caramel colored liquid steaming in a flawless ceramic cup.

"And a little surprise..." Yangyang continued and sent a chocolate croissant down next to your coffee. "Croissants are the only good things here." He gossiped quietly and you laughed a little. "Good to know~" You reasoned and took a sip of your coffee.

You already felt full from the company of him alone.

"So..." He sighed, plopping back into the metal chair that decided to scrape the concrete beneath both of you as he sat. "...how's life?" He genuinely asked and took a sip from his own coffee.

You sat up a little bit, and opened your mouth, ready to spill on the great sights you've seen. Yet, once your eyes met his...you couldn't do it. It felt too selfish.

You closed your mouth, and continued to look at his face, trying to find something to say. Your shoulders released as you could only fall back into the chair~~ there was no where else to go.

"...life..." You reasoned and he chuckled. "Y/n. I know you feel guilty." He said, taking a piece of his own croissant and popping it in his mouth. "But...I want to know." He looked at you and you only saw his eyes go from stoic...to soft...and welcoming.

"We all do." He finished with a comoforting smile and you let a breath go that you didn't even know you were holding.

The sky seemed a lot more dim than when you first reunited...it seemed more...real.

You looked down to your lap as he took his glasses from where they hung on his shirt and threw them into his backpack. A small beat-up black bag sat at his foot and you could see the imprint of his handgun in the front pouch...protected...he's okay...

"Well..." You began and he folded his arms onto the table and set his chin down, looking eager for you to uncover what you've been up to; as if they were the biggest secrets in the universe...but to him...it was...

"It started on a cold morning in France..." You smiled, recalling the bitter cold morning of your first day of 'freedom'.

"It was as if the world was mine forever." You smiled, your hand holding your face as you dazed forward. "I saw the Eiffel Tower...I went to Art Museums...I ate food...I felt...free." you spilled and he on-looked happily. "Then as soon as I got bored...I went to Spain..." You said and he smiled, gaining joy from your experiences...or retellings for that matter.

You continued to tell him everything that has happened for the past year. Every new story he would creep closer to falling off the edge of his seat. It was as if he had been scratching for this for the past year. As if he hadn't been living before this serendipity of an encounter.

You talked into the night, your mind becoming more dark as the stories went on. What started off as a tale of freedom turned into a cry for help masked by a fake smile and words that could fool anyone.

"But...now I'm here...and don't know where to go anymore." You confessed, your chest dropping as you heard animals bustle in the distance and the foot traffic become more scarce. The only thing lighting you up was an overhead light of the shoppe.

He sat in the same position for what had been 2 hours now. The time being 21:42.

He sat up, taking a breath and looking at you. He just sat there for a moment, his arms crossing over his chest and his head cocked to the side. It was a silent stare off until he reached into his bag again.

You continued to look at the phone though, giving him the 'privacy' he deserved.

He began clearing his throat haphazardly. He rubbed his eyes as if something got into it. Yet, your peripherals watched on as his bottom lip trembled lightly.

"I...will support you...with anything you decide..." He nodded, and it looked like he was fighting himself on his own words. As if he wanted to swallow his words whole as to not speak these 3 choices into existence.

"Y/n..." He said looking at his phone that now was resting in the middle of the table. He went back to his 'desfensive' position and continued looking at you. "You have 3 choices...and I..." He started saying, but stopped.

"The first choice." He sighed, rubbing his face. The sleepiness setting in. "You go home. Back to Seoul. Back to everyone. Back to how it used to be-" he began but you shook your head, finally losing it. "It will never be the same, yang." You breathed and hid your eyes in your hand. It was silent as he watched you finally break.

Your softness squishing through the cracked hard exterior. You became silent as you kept the sob in your chest. It was the painful silent cry you had mastered of the past 9 months...after the freedom turned into loneliness.

Yet, the cry broke and your body shook as you kept your eyes hidden still. You felt his hand hold onto your arm and you felt a little more comfort.

You needed to get through the next two choices...just two more.

"Okay. Next, please." You asked as you wiped your eyes a little. He tried to sneakily wipe his own too, yet you saw it...you saw a tear roll down his cheek.

"Okay...the second choice. You stay with me for a little while here, and figure yourself out. I'll help you stay on your feet and it would stay confidential...just between me and you. And you can decide on your own if you want to go back or not..." He said and you bit your lip so you wouldn't break even more.

"Or...we walk away right now," he said and you shook your head as if you didn't wanna hear anymore. "...and pretend this never happened." He finished and you had to make a decision. Now...or never.

You sat in complete silence, just looking at each other for a minute.

"Can I see your phone for a minute?" You asked and he nodded, picking his phone up and unlocking it.

You grabbed it and went straight to the group chat between the whole family. No one had talked in months it looked like, but you knew the exact reason why.

You went to the photos section and saw all the funny and sentimental photos you and everyone had taken of eachother. It was bittersweet as you stared at the memories of what used to be.

A tear slid down your cheek as you let a laugh escape your mouth. Group photos were unveiled that you had actually forgot about.

A sweet symphony of memories whirled around your brain one by one; crashing like a million waves at once eventually.

You put the phone back on the table and looked to Yangyang who was already staring at you.

You stayed silent for a moment, looking at the dirty concrete beneath you both. "...we miss you, y/n..." His voice hit like a hundred knives. It was deafening even when he wasn't talking.

"Okay." You said a little too loudly. You jumped in your seat a little, making his figure leap in his own.

"I..." You trailed, the words on the tip of your tongue. "I...made a decision..." You said quietly. He leaned forward, hoping that you both would get on a plane tonight to surprise everyone back home.

"...well..." Yangyang tried to carry on the conversation as you sat still in your seat, not knowing how to cope with all these different emotions at once. This has never happened before and it was frightening.

You looked at Yangyang and said the words that changed the rest of time...

-------------

Final 2 parts coming soon

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lihikainanea · 5 years ago

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hey hun. So I started University recently and I've been stressing myself left and right to stay on top of the material. So thanks to that my mental health is suffering like hell because whenever I don't get my notes done on time when I planned them to be done or when I slack off for a day even though I have things to do I feel horrible with myself. I can imagine that Tiger might have the same problem when she's stressed. What would Bill do to help and calm her down when she has a breakdown?

How come so many of my bubs are having such a stressful time lately? I don’t like this. I suppose it’s the time of year isn’t it, it’s around finals time and I’m pretty sure it’s science, profs go batshit insane too around finals time and the result is all you wonderful smart bbs are suffering for it. I’m sorry, babes. Try and remember that time off to slack is necessary and actually makes you MORE productive after. You’re not a robot, you need breaks often so you can give your brain a step back.

I think both Bill and tiger have this problem, which makes them a mess but that’s my favourite. Bill goes balls to the wall on every gig, and that means spending hours obsessing over his lines, getting frustrated when he can’t get the tone right, getting even more frustrated when he forgets them. Tiger has to keep poking her head into his office, pulling him out to come help her in the kitchen for a few minutes or bring him into the living room while she plays a classic song and loops him in for a slow dance.

Tiger’s on the same extreme though, a total workaholic and when she’s in something, she’s all in--working/studying through the night, not stopping until it’s done. It’s not healthy, she’ll forget to eat, she won’t sleep, she won’t take care of herself. And usually it’s grounds for punishment if he hasn’t stopped it in time, but if he’s around while it’s going down...oh, oh he puts an end to it. And not in a controlling or overbearing way because he knows what it’s like to have a lot of work and to have to find a way to get it done. Tiger’s been through that before. This...this is near mania. This is her spiralling a little too fast and getting a little too worked up and a little too...well, tiger.

He’d enforce mandatory breaks. A lot of them. Every hour he’d come in and get tiger, take her out of her working room. He’d bundle her up in a coat and a scarf and walk with her around the block, or he’d cuddle her. They set rules, like she was allowed to delay one break for the next hour but it meant the time doubled--so he’d get her for 30 minutes, and likely lie on top of her for a nap. Lunch breaks were always taken outside the work room. Sometimes, too, she might break a rule on purpose just for a little punishment, because that helped her feel better, too. Feel more in control.

But if it got too far and she was in the midst of a full breakdown over it--say, even though she was taking breaks and he was making sure she was okay, she just got so overwhelmed with the task that she just broke down--he’d be all over it. She’d probably be immediately picked up, sat down right in his lap. He’d let her get it all out--whether it was crying or ranting or whatever, he’d let her just empty out whatever anxiety she had in her over the whole thing. He wants to help her work through it logically--break it down into smaller steps, make a plan, help her rationalize it all--but right now is not the time for that, while she’s still in the middle of it.

I think he would kinda read her cues, but I HC tiger as very much being a control freak but she’s had a lot of control recently and now when she’s losing her mind the only thing she wants is to completely give up control. She wants him to just...handle things. She wants to be safe and cared for and not have to worry about a single fucking thing anymore, at least for a little while, and Bill knows that. He’s done it for her before. So once she’s calmed down enough, he’ll do the one thing that never fails to ease her mind--he’ll put her on her knees. Make her kneel in front of him and take away every single stress associated with choice and ugly shit like decisions, for the rest of her afternoon and evening. He’ll spend that time softly--but authoritatively--telling her what she’s going to do next and she just...she melts into it.

Once she’s off his lap and kneeling in front of him on the floor, he’ll push his thumb into her mouth and use his hand to cup her chin, tilting it up.

“You’re done working for today, kid,” he’ll tell her, “Go tidy up your desk and meet me in the kitchen once you’re done.”

She doesn’t argue. She’ll just stand--pausing to put her hands on his knees, bend to give him a solid kiss--and then do what he says. When she’s done she meets him in the kitchen as he’s finishing getting lunch ready, and he’ll lift her up onto the counter as he plates it all up. She’ll sit on his lap to eat--she was in her own chair but she kept giving him that pitiful look and staring at his lap, so he pushed his chair back and pulled her over to him. He should have known, should have known she wanted it but wouldn’t ask for it in this state, and he mentally kicked himself. And after lunch it’s nap time, so he tells her to go and get the blanket ready and wait for him on the couch

But y’know, nap time isn’t quite successful. Because they lie down and tiger’s on his chest but she’s getting...fussy. She’s fidgeting, whining a little, nipping at his thumb. And while she absolutely does not want to decide a single thing in this state, her body is just deciding for her and she starts moving her hips against him. Bill just opens his eyes, stays her hips with his hands, kisses her.

“Maybe a nap comes a little bit later, hm?” he prompts, and tiger just looks up at him with those big pleading eyes, “Do you need something from me, kid?”

She nods, whines a little, moves her hips again. His heart explodes.

“Alright, let’s go make sure you get it.”

And as soon as they walk into the bedroom he doesn’t even have to tap her shoulder, she’s already dropping to her knees in front of him. He takes a minute to lean down, take her face in his hands and kiss her deeply because god, she’s just so good for him and she’s finally looking relaxed and not all bug-eyed and panicked the way she’s been for two weeks. He fluffs the pillows on the bed, pulls the covers back, and he goes to scoop her up but she makes a whining noise and he stops. She eyes his belt--doesn’t reach for it--but her eyes flick from the belt up to his and he just inhales sharply. She will be the death of him one day, he’s sure of it. But he strokes her cheek, leans down to kiss her again.

“Good girl,” he murmurs against her lips, because she was telling him--in some form or another--what she needed. He undoes the buckle and she shivers at the sound, then he opens the button and tugs down the zipper. Usually he’d make her do it, but he knows she loves the visual and she’s practically salivating at his feet--and all of this, it’s for her. It’s to make her feel better, make her feel small in that way she loves, so he gives her an eyeful and makes it a show. He pulls his pants and boxers down his legs ever so slowly then reaches forward, tangles one hand in her hair. He steps into her reach and guides her mouth forward and he both feels and hears her sigh of relief when her lips wrap around his tip.

TL;DR: he makes her subby as HELLLLLLLLL when she’s way too caught up in that brain of hers.

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lunarkat87 · 5 years ago

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It's been so long since I posted to this blog. I guess I stopped when I lost touch with my best friend who was like a sister. I've been wishing I could talk to her for guidance for so long, but I had to let her go for myself. She was attempting to push a guy on me when I wasn't ready, and purely so I would have a reason to move back to our hometown. Didn't she remember how bad that place was for me? I was homeless for nearly 4 years, bouncing between places, never secure, just surviving. Every time we talked I could feel my energy depleting, but she was my best friend, so why would I leave her? She was getting married, so naturally she was focused a lot on that, and I was meant to be her maid of honor. And as the MOH, it was my job to stand up for the bride, and to get the bridal party in order. So when I saw how much they kept hurting her, and how she was more sad about her experience as a bride than happy, I stepped up to the plate. Me, the girl terrified of her own shadow on some days. But I did it, and she called me her only friend, and her other bridesmaids did not like it, so they ran to her.... and she called me a bully. It was in that moment that my heart was broken, that she could think I had bullied people into something. She was ultimately my soul mate, we were meant to be in each others lives... and suddenly I was reduced to this one word. And all the pain, all the hurt I had over the years preceding this came pouring out, how she guilt tripped me, how I needed her and she wasn't there, how just because it wasnt what she wanted to do she didn't stick to plans with me. How she blew me off time and again, and how she stopped seeing me and I always had to travel to see her. And it was done. And what broke my heart more was the relief that I felt after I sent her an email. I loved her, so why would I be relieved? But as I write this today, I wish I could talk to her. Because she was and has always only ever been, the person that understood me. Who understood my heart, my mind, my emotions. Who helped me heal from my ex-fiancé that cheated on me. On the days I felt like giving up, and not being able to see through the blinding pain she was there to support me. She sent me quotes, she texted me every day, she made sure I was okay. And she always knew deep down I wasn't, and she was okay with that. She didn't expect or need me to be. And I wish I could have her now, because as I write this that fragile heart that I had finally fixed, has broken and shattered all over again.

You see, I met a guy. It had been 2 years, and I was ready to open myself to the idea of love again, especially because I realized I did not love my ex anymore, nor had I for a long time. I had tried dating in between those years, but it never felt right, or like I was ready. But after spending time on my own and feeling empowered, I downloaded a dating app. But it wasn't long before I began to dislike it, I don't like judging based off of pictures, and only a few words. I was feeling discouraged, maybe I wasn't ready... but then the app pinged for someone they thought I might like. I saw him and thought, wow he is handsome, he has a smile that I could melt from, and.... was that a racoon on his head?? I had to know, and so I hoped he would respond. And there began my downfall, because he did.

We spent an entire week texting, and I found myself eager and smiling at my phone. I was actually excited, and couldn't wait to meet him in person. We even came up with nicknames... he was Cinna-Ron because he asked me if I thought he was as sweet as a cinnamon roll... and he was, but even more so. My heart pounded as I waited to meet at the boba shop where he would pick me up for our date. And when he finally arrived, he was even more amazing in person. And he brought me burgundy colored carnations, it was that moment I knew I'd love those flowers forever. He opened my door for me and was a true gentleman, and when he leaned in to kiss me, I felt the world slow and my heart stop. All I could think was "wow~" we spent the whole night together, talking and kissing and flirting and I was convinced I had never felt more alive. And so began my hope.... that evil, snaring, soul crushing light..... the hope that things would keep going well, and that he felt the same way. To my excitement he did, and it was like I had known him forever. I was so unbelievably happy, and excited, and absolutely terrified. Because deep down I knew he was going to break my heart.... and so I ignored all of my alarms, my instincts. "Run away, he is going to hurt you" "don't let him in, keep him at a distance" "this will only lead to pain" and I could feel my heart shake from fear... like it knew it wouldn't survive another fracture... but I stood my ground, I was going to fight myself and trust for once, because he was nothing like anyone I had ever met before. He made me feel safe, he was why I took so long to come back, because I wanted to give him a real unicumbered chance at loving me, instead of pushing him away. I was happy being alone, I was content with myself and who I was, but I wanted to share it.... so I let him in.

Not long after I began to have health issues, an excruciating pain developed in my abdomen that I never found a real answer for. I hurt my wrist at work, and was in a minor fender bender that hurt my upper back. I was in my last year of Nursing school, and so the stress began to overwhelm me and I started overeating again. Before I knew it I was 30 pounds heavier.... but worst of all the darkness started creeping back in.... here was my depression again.... and crippling anxiety.... it began to be too dark to see any light.... I failed 2 exams in my last semester.... but I still had hope and light because he was there. Reminding me I was smart and I could do it.... and when I opened up about my mental health, I told him I would understand if he didnt want to stay because he didnt sign up for that... and he told me he wasn't going anywhere.... and so I had some hope to hold onto.... because I knew the real Kat was in there still, but the world was piling it on and I was suffocating, and he was patient enough for me to get back to me again. A week later he changed his mind.... he decided he couldn't "reciprocate as strong of feelings" for me as I had for him. A polite way of saying he doesn't love me, and knew he never would. And just like that, hope was gone....

Did I imagine it? The last 8 months? Was I really the only one who fell in love? Did I misread all of his actions as just really strong like and not love? The only reason I was open about my feelings towards him was because I genuinely believed he felt the same, his actions spoke louder than his words, or lack thereof. And I said I would wait for when he was ready to say it back, because I wasn't going anywhere and he made me believe he felt the same.... little did I realize he had one foot out the door from the start of our relationship. He thought the feelings would grow but they never did.... so when he smiled at me and held me close did he feel nothing? Was there not a fire roaring in his chest for me? Did not every fear and care melt away? Did the sound of my voice not send a thrill through his heart? Did he not look at me and feel pure happiness? What happened? What went wrong? What changed? It was me. It had to be me. Why else would he decide this now? He couldnt see the girl he first met anymore, I was a whole new person to him and he did not like what he saw or how he felt with me. And so he decided it wasn't "fair" to me if he kept me because he couldn't "reciprocate as strong of feelings."

Ultimately I don't believe I ever really had a chance with him, because he kept me at a distance emotionally. I realize now he never truly opened himself to me, and when he saw how serious, how real a relationship with me could be. He chose to run instead of opening his heart to being hurt. So you know what, maybe I do deserve better than that. I deserved the person he made me believe be was, he started out all in but I didnt realize he had that foot out the door, especially after I told him those three words. He has an idea of what he thinks love is like and how it's supposed to last, but doesn't realize that love is different each time you find it. He always told me he loves love, so why didnt he want the love in front of him? I think he still holds his heart for the one girl he ever really loved. So he'll never find what he is looking for because each new person he brings into his world, he never really gives a chance to, they'll never fit that mold. How can he expect to love someone, if he doesn't allow himself to? And yet, here I am... still wondering why I was not enough.... it's never enough.... and so I've closed my heart to love permanently. Because I can't stand this pain.... I feel so tricked... and so betrayed... the only quote befitting this is by Bob Marley "The biggest coward of a man is to awaken the love of a woman without the intention of loving her." How do I trust love if it ever comes again? Because what I mistook for love from him, was apparently nothing.... how do I trust actions now? How do I trust myself? And how did I mean absolutely nothing to him? Why am I the only one hurting? How was I so blind? I was foolish to believe someone like him actually loved me... it never crossed my mind that he didn't... he never made me feel otherwise.... I hate this. But what can I do? He'll never regret this decision, that isn't like him. Why would he regret leaving someone he doesn't love? He'll never miss me, for the same reasons. I can't make him love me if he doesn't. I'll be a fleeting thought for him, but for me he'll always be that maybe. I'll always find myself wanting to talk to him, wishing I could be with him. And if he ever does find love, I'll likely envy that girl. Because she must be something truly special to awaken his love... so I'll go back to finding myself. I'll try to finish school amidst this chaos in the world, become a nurse, buy a house with a backyard for my dogs. And be content knowing that I don't want love, I don't want this pain. I reached for too much happiness and light, and so the universe has ripped all of that away from me, reminding me that I don't get that kind of contentment. School hangs in the balance, still unsure if they will be able to continue due to Covid-19. The man I thought loved me is gone, and my love with him. That bright shiny future I thought was waiting this year is gone. So now I'm lost to wander alone. But this time I choose to be, because this pain isn't worth my sanity, or my life. I'm tired of surviving, I want to live.... Goodbye my sweetest of cinnamon rolls... I know you'll never see this... but I hope you know the love I felt was real...

03/19/2020 2220

#love #i love him #heartbreak #painful #bob marley #boyfriend #breakup #loss #goodbye

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queenattheopera · 6 years ago

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Opening Number, Part 5

Prompt: This is the story of the band that skyrocketed beside Queen and how their singer was fated to be with one of them.

Warning: Cussing and implied smut

If you want to catch up with previous parts they’re linked on my Masterlist in my bio

January 1, 1971

If it weren’t for the enticing smell of food I don’t think I would’ve considered leaving my bed. Sitting up I could feel my head pounding. I grimsed and closed my eyes. I refused to move for a few seconds. I could feel the intense pounding in the back of my head, it me a few deep breaths to find some relief but i knew that wasn't going to last. So I tried to redirect my attention to recalling what happened last night.

I took some shots, danced with Fred, and then I made out with someone. I couldn't seem to remember who it was but I remember how their hands felt as they roamed my body. I remember their lips exploring just as much as their hands did. I remember the smell of alcohol in their breath and how intoxicating their scent was. I sighed and opened my eyes. The noise in the kitchen hadn't stopped but I was too nervous to see who was causing it.

Who do i want it to be?

As I pushed myself off my mattress, I was met with nothing but cold air. I pulled the comforter off the bed and wrapped myself with it. As I'm tried taking the first few steps away from the bed frame I began to limp. Sore could barely describe how my legs felt. As I try to move further the blanket gets caught on something, not caring enough to find out I decide to yank it. I heard something fall but it didn't sound broken so I continued to make my way towards the mysterious figure in my home. The closer I got the more anxious I became. I could feel my heart begin to race. As it sped up more and more, it was all I could hear. I was about to turn into the kitchen when they stepped out.

I froze and forced myself to make eye contact with the them.

“...Noah?”

“I was wondering when you would get out of bed.” My stomach dropped. I don't think i slept with him, right? Not that he's not attractive, but he's my best friend. “Are you okay? You left really early last night, I mean I don't think you got any sleep going from the bags under your eyes.” I don't want to look at him because I felt beyond embarrassed but I need to know what happened last night.

“Wait so we didn't..?” He was silent for a few seconds before beginning to laugh, “Wow you must have been fucked up if you really thought that we would ever do anything.I mean no offense-” Before he could finish I punch his shoulder. “Shut up!” I feel my face growing warmer but I was relieved that he wasn’t the open who I had slept with.

“What the hell are you doing here anyway?” He walks towards the dining room but I don't make any move to follow him. “Cmon, at least take a look to see what I did.” Rolling my eyes I begin to make my way over while trying to hide the extremely obvious limp with the comforter. I'm sure he noticed after he snorted but he didn't say anything.

“Ta-da! I made you a birthday breakfast!” Seeing the table setup my eyes begin to water. He had made all my favorite foods and there were even a few gifts in the corner of my room. I looked at him and he had the biggest proudest smile plastered on his face. He was admiring his work but his smile disappeared when he saw that I began to cry.

“What happened? Did I do something wrong? I mean I know it's just me but I remember you told me not to tell anyone else and that you usually celebrate alone. I just thought you would like this.” I laughed at his rambling and wiped the tears away.

“It’s fine Noah, It's actually perfect, I just haven't really had a party or anything since my parents passed away. I- um Thank you..” His demeanor changed, and instead of getting a look of pity, he smiles and gives me a hug. “Why don't you go clean up and get dressed so we could eat and you could open your gifts okay?” I nod and go back to my room.

Walking back towards my room I see a puddle, I guess when the blanket got stuck I had knock over a glass of water resting on my nightstand. Bending down to pick up the glass I find a piece of paper under my bed.

Sorry I couldn't stay love. Let me make it up to you. I’ll pick you up tonight around 9. -hbsdcbaib I reread the paper a few times, then I just stared at the smug as I tried to decipher whose name was written.

I want to scream. I feel nothing but anger towards myself. If I hadn't spilled that water on the note than I would have known exactly who the I slept with last night. Instead my lover is faceless.

There was nothing I could do but wait. I grab some clothes and head towards the bathroom. Before I entered, I let the blanket fall than close the door. I standing in front of the mirror I take in every detail. My eyes look much worse than to what Noah had led me to believe. Then there was my neck and chest. I was covered in bite marks and hickies. When I turned to step into the bath tub I could feel some tenderness in my hips. Looking down I see bruises, resembling someone's hands. When looking at my legs, I’m met with two more hickies.

Ignoring the achiness I take a hot shower. As I'm standing there I think back to last night. I remember the passion and roughness that my counterpart used. When he had me against the wall or when his head was between my legs. He was confident with very move. He worshiped my body. Together we fit like puzzle pieces. I could feel the heat between my legs begin to intensify. I push it away and finish my shower. After I'm dressed I look into the mirror. I know Noah has seen most the marks on my neck but I still had the urge to cover them. I grabbed some makeup and covered most of them. The others were too dark to hide so I grabbed a turtle neck from my closest and changed. Satisfied with eth look I walked back toward the dining room.

“Finally, do you know how hard it was to have all this food but not to be able to eat any of it.” I laugh and sit down across from him. I don't say anything as I grab a fork and stab the food in the plate. None of it ever makes it into my mouth a dn instead just gets moved around. I could feel Noah's concerned gaze on me but neither of say anything. He comes around the table and bends down to my height.

“Did something happen? If something did you don't have to tell me, but just know that I'm here for you. And if it was one of the guys, I swear I'll kill them.” I smile and roll my eyes. “No you won't, you'll have Em do it.” He laughs but he still looks worried. I sighed, i think back to last night. “I was um, um I was almost attacked last night.” I can't bring myself to look up at him, I was embarrassed, blaming myself for what could’ve happen.

“Who?” I look at him and i'm surprised by how intense his gaze his. A few tears slip out, my anxiety and stress had finally taken hold of the wheel. “Don’t worry about it, Im fine, it was nothing. Its what happened after. Roger saved me. Then Brian and John comforted me. Then i slept with someone and I don't even know how. They left a fucking note that I ruined so now I have no idea who it was from. I’m confused and I don't know what to do and my head hurts and -” I couldn't finish my sentence because I began to cry. Well I was actually sobbing. This only increased the pain I was feeling and it made me feel weak and powerless.

Noah holds me and doesn't say anything. He pulls away when I had started to calm down. “Its okay, it's going to be okay. Let's figure this out. You should eat, I'm going to call the gang and Freddie.”

After sitting there for a minute or two began to eat. I don't have much of an appetite but I forced myself to eat and drink a glass of water. When Noah came back he cleaned up and began to hide the gifts. I silently thanked him for still considering how I felt about my birthday. Just as we had finished cleaning up there was a knock at the door. It must have been Fred because everyone else had a key.

I walked towards the order. I was happy when I noticed that i could walk normally despite the ache. When I opened the door the first thing Freddie did was gasp. “Oh you poor thing! Come here love.” Freddie pulled me into a hug. I guess the crying made my makeup run and that's why he gasped. He didn’t say anything. All he did was shush me an rub my back. It was actually really comforting. When I pulled away freddie began to fix my hair. I smiled softly before taking his hand off my hair. I led him inside. “Thanks for coming Freddie, I'm sorry if you were busy, we shouldn't have called.” I didn't want to be another and I wasn't feeling my best. Frankly I didn't have the energy to be my usually bubbly self. “Nonsense darling, I'll always be here for you.” He rubs my shoulder and gives me the biggest smile.

“Alright love, since we dont know whos coming to pick you up, let's get you dolled up.”

“Lets get her comfortable first, Y/n, we know youre probably aren't feeling up to anything right now so here's what we're gonna do. You're going to take some pain medication, take a nap then we'll get you ready okay.” Emily had let herself in and was beginning to take charge. Usually Fred and her would annoy each other but after their silent communication Freddie turned to me and smiled. “She's right love, get some rest.” I looked between the too and nodded. Once I was in my room I began to run last night over and over again. I felt stupid, I got drunk last night for a reason, now I'll have to live with the haunting my actions for the rest of my life.

“Hey y/n, Em told me to give this to you.” Charlie handed me the medicine and sat at the foot of my bed. “I know how you are. I know you're blaming yourself right now but I also know that it's not. You're okay. We're here for you.” I took the pills and nodded. “Thank you.”

In the next few hours while I slept, my house guests cleaned and prepared everything for me. They had set aside an outfit they knew I would like and they spoke about how they would help me feel better.

When I woke up my headache was alleviated and I felt more nervous than ever. I stood up to find an outfit set hanging on my closet door. I put it on and reapplied my make-up. When i walked out of my bedroom I found the gang in my living room playing scrabble.

“Y/n you're up!” I walk to them and Noah gets up and offers me his spot. He then walks away. I turn to the others looking for soe response as to what they're doing.

“It's your turn.” When i look u at them, i realize they are speaking to me. I make a calculated move. Noah comes back with some tea. They don't bring up anything from yesterday and instead play a friendly game of scrabble. Their passive actions put me at ease. I became so focused on the game I forgot about yesterday. It was what Emilly planed. They distracted me, they took my focus away from all the bad and gave me a moment of peace.

Before I knew it, t was 8:50. “Alright y/n, your dates gonna get be here but were going to be in the bedroom. They’ll be here soon. I know you're going to be nervous, but if you ever feel uncomfortable, just know we're here for you.” “Yes darling, and if any of the boys do anything, then ill kick their arses. You know I was pretty good boxer.” I smile and nod. “Thank you, I mean in.” I pull Em and Fred into hug. Charlie and Noah don't hesitate to join. I watch as they walk into the bedroom and close the door. I take deep breaths but I could feel myself getting nervous all over again. I'll admit it's not as bad as before but I was still really anxious. I was spacing in the living room while trying to relax.

I jumped when I heard a knock at the door. I was frozen and I stopped breathing for a second. When they knocked again I let out my the breath I was holding in. I moved cautiously towards the door. I unlocked the door and put my hand on the doorknob. Here goes nothing.

Tag list: @smile-nine @phantom-fangirl-stuff @fantasticchaoticwho @cosmicsskies @triggeredpossum

Let me know if you would like to be added to the tag list

#queen #freddie mercury #roger taylor #john deacon #brian may #bohemian rhapsody #bohemian rhapsody cast #ben hardy #rami malek #joe mazzello #gwilym lee #john deacon x reader #joe mazzello! john deacon x reader #gwilym lee! brian may x reader #brian may x reader #ben hardy! roger taylor x reader #roger taylor x reader #queen x reader #queen fic

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obsessivestar · 6 years ago

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Steamy Love (Tom Hiddleston x Reader) Part 6: ~Look at Me~

Summary: Your big day has finally arrived. You get on that big plane and finally arrive to paradise. Everything's perfect!...sort of.

A/N: Wowie, Star posting 2 chapters in 1 week? Got really excited to write this chapter n' I wanted y'all to freak out with me k thANKS

Warnings: Angst-ish?? anxiety and fluff

Read it on my Wattpad: @/HiddlesStar

Word count: 1'710

Tags: @theoneanna @midnightdragonzero @drakesfiance @kcd15 @ihthr @deviantsendbyreallife

Getting to your flight and the plane ride itself seemed to go by super quickly, especially since you had fallen asleep on the plane. You know you and Tom wouldn't start officially shooting any scenes until next week, so you didn't mind messing up your sleeping schedule. You made sure to bring your anxiety medication, as well as some extra sleeping pills just in case. You know people aren't too big on sleeping pills, and you really aren't either, but you needed something for when worst comes go worst.

For now, though, you landed at the airport and got in a cab to head to Paradise.

Literally. That's the name of the town. Paradise, Pennsylvania.

Got a population of like 1000 people, 2 of those people were going to be you and Tom. You remembered your call with him from last night. You were happy to make him happy.

God, everything was just working out perfectly.

"What do you mean it's not my house?"

Once you had reached the little town, you were stopped by a couple businessmen from entering the house you had rented.

"I paid to rent it for the time I'm going to be filming here! I paid for it literally last week!"

"Well, the payment wasn't confirmed, ma'am.." one of the men spoke, crossing their arms.

"What do you mean it wasn't confirmed!?" You raised your voice, already feeling your hands start to shiver like crazy. "I literally have the paperwork in my luggage that tells me I'm renting this house!"

You heard the sound of a car pull into the neighborhood behind you, but you didn't care to turn around to see who was getting out.

"There's nothing we can do now, ma'am. If you'd like to rent out this house, you'd have to re-apply next month..."

"I-I don't have that time!" You yelled. "How am I supposed to re-apply when I don't have a house to sleep in?!" You started feeling your eyes wanting to water. This was the one thing, the one fucking thing that could go wrong. Everything was perfect until now. It's all suddenly falling apart right in front of your eyes, or at least it feels that way.

They just shrug and return to their own car, driving off rather recklessly.

You let your luggage fall out of your grip as a tear falls down your cheek, feeling a hand touch your shoulder. You flinched and turned around to look at whoever was there to tell them off, but seeing who it was made you instantly silent.

"Are you alright?" Tom asked you in a soft voice. "What happened?.."

You couldn't even answer. You were shaking. Literally shivering, right in front of your co-actor. You looked away in a last attempt to hide your tears. He probably thinks you're just overreacting. You certainly feel like you are.

"(Y/N), you're shaking.." He spoke again, his hands moving down to your hands to hold them. He was right. You were shivering for multiple reasons. Your anxiety had gone through the roof, and you were cold.

You brought your hands up to your face to hide yourself before he could hold them, letting out a defeated whimper.

"Hey...hey.." He spoke in a softer tone reaching for your hands once again despite you resisting. "(Y/N), look at me...look at me.." He finally got to hold both of your hands, feeling his warm palms holding yours. Yours were cold and shaky. Uncontrollably shaky.

You looked up at him, looking into his kind baby blues.

"You're shaking..did you eat before you got on the plane?.." He asked you. Truth is, you hadn't. You didn't have enough time to grab a bite this morning.

You shook your head at him, feeling him hold your hands a little tighter to warm them up.

"Come with me to my place. I'll make you some breakfast and a cup of tea, then you can tell me what happened, alright?.."

You gazed up at him for a moment before giving a silent little nod, seeing a soft smile grow on his face once he got your approval.

Still carrying his own bags, he also carried some of your luggage into his new little home. His home was slightly bigger than the one you were supposed to rent, but it was perfect. You let him set everything down in the living room before bringing you to the kitchen, getting out some pans and a kettle to make you up some food and tea, like he promised.

"So, what exactly happened?" Tom asked as you sat down on one of the kitchen chairs.

"I-I thought I had the house rented and ready to go for this week...b-but they told me it 'wasn't confirmed' or some stupid bullshit.." You muttered, taking a tissue from the table. "And now I have no where to go for the first month.."

The kettle didn't take long to boil, but it gave Tom time to move to the fridge to get some milk after placing a tea bag in a mug.

"...Sounds shitty.." Tom spoke, earning a little sad chuckle from you.

"It's more than shitty." You responded, looking up at him. He fixed up your tea just the way you like it, placing it down on the table for you.

"Well, the last bit doesn't have to be completely true." Tom admitted with a friendly shrug. "You could stay here, for the time being."

"You mean, like...live with you?" You asked, a faint blush on his cheeks. Was he really offering that?

"Yes." He confirmed with a nod. "I promise I'm not too difficult to live with." Tom joked with a friendly little smile, earning a slight smile from you as well.

While you knew you didn't have much of a choice, you had wondered if you would've denied the invitation had you been given another option.

"O-Okay.." You agreed, using a softer tone. "I-If that's okay with you.."

"It's fine by me. Broke my heart seeing you out there in tears.." He admitted, placing a hand on his clothed chest before turning back to focus on the food. You felt your heartbeat for a moment there. He's so sweet..

He was making up a breakfast for you, cooking some eggs and hashbrowns on separate pans. The room was silent as he cooked, though it wasn't an unsettling silence. You could actually slowly feel a strange comforting feeling settle in as he cooked for you. You were tired from the tears, but you felt safe. You felt safe with Tom.

Before you knew it, your breakfast was laid down in front of you. Tom sat across from you with a cup of tea of his own.

"There you are. Eat up.." He spoke, doing that little puppy dog thing with his eyes. You know the one.

You gave a soft smile. "Thank you.." You spoke before finally eating. Though it was a simple breakfast, it was really good, kinda like the ones you'd have at a really good breakfast diner.

"How long did you sleep after our call last night?" Tom asked curiously. It was nice to know he remembered it, too.

"I don't know...like...2 hours, maybe?" You replied with a bit of a frown. "I fell asleep on the plane, but I don't think it helped. I'm still exhausted.."

"Would you like to take a nap after you're done eating?.." Tom asked, his elbow resting on the table, his hand holding his head up. You shook your head. "I don't want to end up staying up all night.."

"Hence why I said 'nap'" Tom pointed at you for a moment with a cute little chuckle, getting up from the chair. "You finish eating, and I'll go set up your room.."

He left the kitchen, leaving you to your food. Were you really going to be living with Tom for a whole month? You can imagine that being some super fan's dream come true. The thought of it made you smile to yourself.

Once you finished eating, you put your empty plate in the sink, turning around when you heard him come back into the kitchen. He could see from even such a distance that you had little bags under your eyes. You're so tired after getting all overwhelmed.

"You really look tired.." Tom gave a friendly little smile, gently placing a hand on your arm to gesture you to wall with him. "Come, your bed is all made up." Every little touch from him felt warm.

"Thank you.." You spoke in a soft tone, walking with him out of the kitchen and down the hall. He opened the bedroom door for you, allowing you to walk in. You weren't sure if it was because of the bed itself or how he made it, but it looked so warm and comfy. Your luggage was now by the empty white dresser. He must've brought that in while you were eating. How kind of him.

"I can help you unpack once you wake up, to make it seem a little bit more like your room.." Tom offered, stepping to you somewhat. You turned around, giving him a warm smile. "Thank you so much for letting me stay here.." You spoke. "You've honestly saved my life.."

Tom gave a soft little smile. "Don't you worry your pretty little head about anything. I'll take care of you while you get all the paperwork sorted out.."

You gave a little sigh of relief, giving one last thank you before he'd turn back to the door, standing on the other side of the door frame.

You never actually asked him what time he was going to wake you, so you walked up to him to talk to him again.

"Tom, actually, when--"

Just as you stopped, he turned around to look at you, your faces becoming suddenly close. Your noses just barely brushed up against one another, his blue eyes looking up into yours before slightly glancing down to your lips. You felt a shaky breath escape, then without a second thought, he closed the gap between you two, closing his eyes as your lips connected.

#tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston x reader #tom hiddleston imagine #fanfiction #fanfics #tom hiddleston x you #steamy love

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rixxy8173571m3w1p3 · 6 years ago

Text

The Little Big Things (1/4)

(@ricksanchezdwc) So like we had done not too long ago, me, @hoodoo12 @porkchop-ao3 @rickstexaschick are doing the same prompt cause we all loved the idea.

__________

Chapter 1: The Phyto Princess

Within the span of time it took for him to pull out his portal gun, and type in the coordinates, you had already imagined about a dozen places, and twice as many scenarios.

Rick made it look so easy; twisting dials, and pressing buttons in order to get from point a, to point whatever, but without the proper coordinates and code input, one could scatter their fragments all across the cosmos, without the hope of joining back together all in one piece; the thought often a source of uncalled for anxiety. True, this wasn't like star trek, with its one episode plots, or backstory to reference when you least expected it, but a valid concern that you had yet to address; you blamed it on your curiosity. Having read the notes of Zeta-7s early portal gun schematics, there was the blemish of fear that arose when you least expected it. Sometimes, it didn't feel like it mattered all that much, especially when you were in one of your moods, but more often than not, you hoped Rick would never mess up; or be two cups of coffee short. Contributing factors to your anxiety included the day to day annoyances, time, or how your hair looked that day, but in another one of his attempts to brighten your spirits, he made plans for a surprise adventure; your assumption being anywhere away from buildings or people.

You knew he was trying his best to keep you happy, but you wondered sometimes what he'd say if you told him he didn't have to. It wasn't his job, but you refrained from telling him, because if it weren't for the fact that you trusted and adored Zeta-7, then you would have refused in favor of staying local more often, especially when you weren't in the mood. Oh, but where was the fun in that? Maybe, it'd help; likely it wouldn't.

Today, there were other things the matter, like the doubt which appeared when you recalled the memories from a false dream, and you were confused about what had been the reality and what had been the dream. With thoughts of the past, also came the remembrance of old regrets; many you thought you had buried under reasoning and change, but you were terribly human. You weren't a genius, and you didn't always think about what you'd say before you said them, so you made mistakes; a lot more than you'd care to admit. Because of this, you had been a source of concern, and added to Zeta-7s stress, and this made you stressed because he already had enough on his plate, and this made you worry for his well being. Waves of dread which would wash over you at the thought of getting lost, or forgetting him, misunderstanding, even while gripping his hand as sure and tight as you could when you stepped through the portal were but impediments to your happiness; the worry you felt for scenarios that hadn't occurred, these too fed the monster of anxiety.

It would be okay, you'd say to yourself. It should've been okay, to step through the portal as you had done so dozens of times before, but then there was your heart beating a mile a minute, begging otherwise. You've watched Zeta-7 do it hundreds of times as well, coming out safe and sound, so you could do this, and would do it. Still, what reason did you have to worry or doubt?

Well, there were places no one came back from; you've heard the stories, you listened to Ricks theories, but again they were stories; cautionary tales that taught lessons. And like now, you fought that lingering fear, the tingling in your limbs, the bloom of tightness in your chest, and made sure you still felt Rick's long, thin, bony fingers laced with yours, holding on for dear life while repeating you're little mantra. On the other side he was still there, and you felt his relief, and with your other hand, you shielded your eyes from the resplendence of the sun, until they could adjust to the scene around you. “Rick,” you gasped, glancing a little at everything; your confidence building as delight overcame your anxiety. “where have you taken me?”

This must have pleased him, cause when he smiled, every wrinkle spoke of his laughter, and his electric blues were brimming with happiness.“W-why don't you look and - and see?”

Curiosity got the better of you as you let go, but reassured by his gentle smiles, you explored what was all around you; his warmth one of the best certainties. All around, the landscape stretched, it curved and there were bends a little ways ahead; you could smell hints of petrichor, and the ground fertile and verdant, with patches of silver grass which whistled when touched. You wondered if they could do more than whistle; laughing because many thoughts of yours had been but a velleity, and you almost moved on, but when the fuzzy blades of grass leaned forward to pat you on the head before returning to their place, you gasped. Were they supposed to do that? Nearby, exposed roots shimmered, and when you approached them, they pulled away from the ground, and bowed in obeisance before returning to their place. You flashed Rick that look that said you were confused, and his mouth hung open in astonishment. Still, he hadn't said a word, and watched on; his hand moving a mile a minute as he took down notes.

Above your heads, were bell like flowers that changed their tune whenever you passed them, and the walkway was littered with mushrooms that made your skin tingle pleasantly when you sat upon them; as unsettling as it was, you were feeling good, as though they absorbed all the negative feelings, and left you with the good ones. Where your feet hung above the ground, an indigo milk cap sprung up so that you could step off. At this point you began to wonder if the forces and plants around you were bending at your will. Considering Rick hadn't warned you yet, or impeded your curiosity in anyway, then he was either waiting for you to ask, or he was studying you; as he usually would. “Rick,” you wondered, as you stepped over the small stones that buzzed like worker bees. “did we shrink, or has the world gotten bigger?”

“Well,” he chuckled, eager to hold on to your hand again. “it’s - it's neither. Everything here is bigger, while w-we remained the same. Neat isn't it?”

Neat was an understatement.

“It is,” You agreed, which made him stand a little taller, and smile a bit brighter. “but I could have sworn we stepped into a Honey I shrunk the kids movie or something. I guess not, but something strange is going on. Haven't you noticed? You probably have, but I just want to check.”

“You're right, I-I-I have, and it makes me wonder what w-would happen if you wanted the flowers to walk? I-I guess that sounds silly.”

“No,” You softened. “it doesn't, but I don't think it works that way. I'm not a god or anything, and I'm pretty sure fairy dust ain't going to cut it, and make these giants move. But if you want me to, I could try.”

The only giants you had ever seen were the western sequoias. You had walked amongst those natural giants, whose respective histories were their own, and you wouldn't question how they came to be; for they existed before you, before Rick. They were the testament of endurance, withstanding centuries of rain, fire, and growth, but here….like many things he showed you was a first. Curious as to what might happen, you thought about the orange star like flowers moving, and bending down to your level. And, because it was your will, they did.“Rick,” you continued, after your initial shock passed. “I'm not imagining things am I? Did…. did that just happen?”

Reading the results from his scanners, and checking the footage from his camera, he exclaimed. “It - it did. It really did!”

“Is that good? I don't know.”

With raised brow, he chuckled to himself, and put away his scanner, and notepad. “Gosh, y-you're just full of - of surprises aren’t you?”

“Honestly, I have no point of comparison. So you're going to have to be upfront with me, and tell me if I'm going to be okay.”

“Y-you're more than o-okay, you're perfect.”

____________

The sun bathed the earth in delicious warmth, the sparkling dew feeding the thirst of the green.

The pleasant sounds of humming, and their songs had become an uplifting melody. Like kisses upon your skin, the wind made you ticklish, and you needed Ricks assistance so that you wouldn't fall over laughing. It seemed you were sensitive to the environment, which made you go through waves of pleasant emotions, but it was exhausting. Hopefully your life force wasn't being absorbed by them.

“Rick, I think I hear music. Can you tell me why? Or is it my imagination?”

“I'll ugh - I'll be able to tell y-you in a jiffy.”

Flipping through his notes, his brow was raised in confusion. “Um, t-t-to be honest, this is the first time I've seen them act this - this way. They seem t-to be imitating a song, possibly from your subconscious. Do y-you recognize it? Does it - it remind you of anything?”

You stopped in your tracks, and took a moment to earnestly listen before you answered. “It reminds me of your ukulele being played on a refreshing afternoon.”

Eyes wide, you knew he was eager to hear more, curiosity coloring his response. “Is th-that so?”

“Yeah. I love hearing you play,” Which was very true. Rick was a wonderful musician, able to play almost any instrument he picked up. Other Ricks were probably just as talented, but unless they were the legendary Steinway, you doubted anyone could play with as much emotion. You continued. “and the happy sounds that are made in between your laughs, and the strumming of strings, and the way you look at me when you play. Goodness, it warms my heart, and makes me love you even more. You…you always have a way of stirring my emotions.”

“Y-you really like it that much?”

“Like it? I adore it, and your guitar playing too. Why, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you practically seduced me with those serenades on the front porch, and those evenings indoors when it was raining. I have no idea what you were thinking about at the time, but hopefully it was of me.”

Sentimental words always made him pliable, and he never really knew how to answer, or what the correct words should be, but he tried, and in his earnestness, he'd lean towards you as though he were about to kiss you, but he'd stop before doing so. As though he were reigning himself, he'd close his eyes, taking a few deep breaths before he'd continue. Pressing a light kiss on your forehead, he softened. “I - I always have you on my mind, though I-I didn't - it wasn't my intention back then to….I didn't know you felt that way. I'm not in the habit t-to seduce anyone or….” He faltered, his cheeks dusted in a lovely blush.

Silly man. One of these days, maybe he'd understand when you were flirting and teasing him, and not misconstrue your delight with accusations. You cupped his cheek, encouraging him to look at you. “You're so sweet. I know you wouldn't do that. But either way, I enjoyed it all the same.”

Leaning into your touch, you saw the beginnings of a smile, but his blush was still going strong. “Gosh, now I'm not s-s-so sure, but I - maybe I - oh, I'm s-sorry.”

“Don't be sorry dear. If I didn't want you to, I would have stopped you at the point when you first asked me over for dinner. I mean, I never really thought you were trying anything either. We were just friends, having a good time, and I fell in love with you. Maybe we should thank that ukulele of yours for all the happy hours we had singing silly little songs.”

“I ugh - I should have brought it with me then, because y-you like it.”

“There's always next time. Though, it's been awhile since you played. You must miss it.”

“I-I do,” he admitted, passing a hand through his hair. “but it's because I've been b-busy. I'm sorry a-about that too. I've been away and w-we haven't had much time to ourselves.”

“Rick it's okay, I understand. You have important stuff to do”

“You - you say that, but it bothers me when I have t-t-to leave you for extended periods at a time. I don't like it, and I-I guess maybe I'm being silly. That's what happens when y-you get old. You either want t-t-to be alone or have company all the time. What am I even saying? I'm going off on a-ag….”

Pressing a finger to his mouth, you quieted him. “You already do a great job in trying to make me happy, and I'm not disappointed.”

“Y-you're not?”

“Of course not. I mean, I can't help but miss you, but you've always been a busy guy. How you manage to make time for me and still have time for your hobbies is beyond me, but that's the thing about you Rick, you're not like most people. And every moment with you is wonderful. The question you should be asking is what have I done for you? What can I do to make you feel better?”

“By p-p-putting up with me.”

Pressing a kiss on his cheek, you giggled. “If you mean by loving you, then I'm on it.”

_____________

After a series of small, quick experiments, Rick had come to realize that these plants listened mostly to you and not so much him. Oh, he had his theories, a few of them making you giggle, but for the most part, this is what he understood.“These plants here, I-I had thought they were empathic, but they must - must be trying to trigger a response. I believe they are fascinated b-by you, because I've already spent many happy hours here on - on this planet, but you haven't.”

Placing your hands on your hips, it was your turn to raise a brow. “Rick, if you put it that way, then it means I'm trending.”

“Gosh, I-I-I suppose. Is that the terminology these days? Does it mean you're popular?”

Zeta-7 really could be adorable when he wasn't trying to be, especially when he wasn't always aware of what was current. “Yes, but what are you really saying?”

“That they must r-really like you,” he smiled, jotting down a few notes, before taking out his scanner, and checking the results. “and if I'm correct, then they prosper off these pleasant emotions of - of yours. How fascinating.”

“Can they hear my thoughts?”

“N-no mi corazón,” he chuckled. “they can feel you. Plants are - are surprising organisms—without brains and central nervous systems, they are still able t-t-to sense the environment that surrounds them. They - they can perceive light, scent, touch, wind, even gravity, and are able t-to respond to sounds, too. These plants here are a-a little different, and can sense your every emotions, reflecting your feelings, which I-I guess means you're currently in a pleasant mood.”

“Of course I am, it's beautiful here, and I'm with you.”

After you had said this, a gust of wind rushed by, which rustled the golden leaves, the force of it almost knocking you over, though Rick was quick to grab you by the waist. “Are y-y-you okay?”

You could hear the bell flowers ring, and quietly you thanked them and the forces at work around you, which seemed to bend and curve at your will; whose comedic timing was cliché to say the least. “I am now. Thank you Rick.”

Scratching the back of his neck, he let go, and made himself busy by scanning the branches and plant debris. “L-l-like you already said it's ugh - feels like a-a land for giants. I know their size is attributed t-t-to the mineral rich soil. And I-I thought it would be nice to spend a-a day here, but you look tired. Not t-to mention the plants behavior.”

“I'm not that tired. But man, it's incredible to be able to will the elements, but I'm sorry Rick, I kind of don't know what I'm doing here or whether I have any control over it. Imagine, that kind of power in the wrong hands could be dangerous. So, I'll try not to cause too much trouble.”

“It's okay, I'm sure y-you won't. I-I do wonder if they can understand what we're saying.”

With a shrug, you replied. “It's worth a try.”

You smiled up at the canopy of leaves, admiring the way the light filtered through the spaces in between. “We appreciate the hospitality, and the lovely music, as well as your stimuli. Oh, and as much as I appreciate you playing matchmaker, you don't have to try so hard. You see, we're already together,” you winked at Zeta-7, who blushed at the gesture. “but secretly, I think Rick's enjoying it. Either way, I hope you'll be kind to us.”

When you had finished, a mushroom ran by, and dropped a gift at your feet before returning to its place. You waited for Ricks approval before peeling back the leaves that were held together by dried vines, revealing a pair of matching bracelets, that seemed to be nothing more then weaved, golden branches. “I think this is for us. See?” you pointed to the inner branch. “This one has your initials.”

Scanning them, Rick found that they were safe, and you two proceeded to try them on, and all at once, you felt warmth wash over you as you glanced at Rick. And when he glanced at you, a vine began to grow and flower, decorating his bracelet in magnificent, lapis blue blooms. “Wow, that's - I've never seen anything like it.”

You haven't either, but that was thing, you always experienced new things when you were with him. Like now, you felt all jittery, and nervous, and when he took your hand to kiss it, your bracelet bloomed, and you just had to pull away, because it felt strange; like a little piece of you was taken away. “Rick, this place is something else. Are you sure it's safe?”

You wanted to be sure, because having him near you all of a sudden was overwhelming, like a dozen butterflies fighting the wind. What was with this place?

“Mhm, I'm sure. I've done extensive research over th-the last couple of weeks t-to make sure we can relax.”

“Really? Nothing toxic or poisonous? No animals or creatures to worry about?”

Taking your hand in his again, you felt a great calm, and the bloomed flowers grew, and vines spread; everywhere they touched, made you feel cozy, and sleepy. So, so sleepy. Perhaps you should say something, but he was happy, and you didn't want that smile to fade, and you allowed him to explain. “Creatures? No, not - not yet. Maybe in a-a couple of years, but not now. This planet is still fairly new, and there's no telling when it - it will be inhabited. For now there's just us, and these w-wonderful plants.”

It was going to be fine you told yourself, and smiling up at him, you replied happily, with a voice soft with affection. “Okay, whatever you say Ricky.”

And like a deep yearning, the vines on his bracelet grew three times their size, and stretched out, just to kiss your face a dozen times; they wanted to delight you. It scared Zeta-7 a bit, but you could only giggle, cause they were just like him; earnest, eager, and sweet.

TBC

#doofus rick #j19z7 #doofus rick x reader #rick sanchez dwc #dwc

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