#i don't mind though. here online. maybe to whoever may read it they could see some part of themselves in it

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt. 16)

We've just seen a pretty stressful arc, and on the other end of this post is yet another stressful arc. Upcoming is little break from serious plotlines to focus more on relationship growth and introduce some concepts that may seem minor now but will be pretty important later (though that will especially be the case for Mikan's perspective).

I'm on something of a vacation right now so I don't have a lot of time to format and work on this. The editing might be somewhat limited so if there's more mistakes than usual (not that I ever make mistakes) then I'm very sorry.

Chapter Seventy-One

The next few chapters are a welcome respite from the stresses of two major arcs. We just had to deal with Natsume’s heavy backstory, Mikan’s near-death experience, and a lot of fighting. The next major arc is the Sport Fest, and that gets pretty heavy very early on. So having a short break like this is more than needed so that we can catch our breath and maybe foolishly hope that everything will stay “back to normal”.

We join Natsume, who is again looking wistfully at the little Christmas-wrapped bag. We still aren’t entirely sure what’s in it, reading for the first time, but we can surmise it has something to do with Mikan. But reading for the nth time, we know that it’s his alice stone, and he’s been keeping it with himself since at least New Year’s, but probably earlier as well.

Quick! Put that away, it's embarrassing!

He’s interrupted by Ruka, who is eager to spend time with his friend. They’re both able to laugh and joke with each other, which prompts Ruka to say that he knows Mikan helped Natsume get to the point where he can laugh freely.

It’s interesting, because, even though it should be, Natsume’s DA class life is not necessarily any easier. In fact, it’s harder. He’s going through more now than ever as a way to take all the punishment for the problems with the Hana Hime party. And yet somehow, despite all that, he’s still able to smile. He’s light-hearted. He’s at peace with his life, content simply to stand in the same vicinity as Mikan.

Natsume’s love for her is pure and innocent. All he wants is to keep her safe. Seeing her happy makes him happy. The fact that she considers him a friend is more than enough to keep him smiling. He is not morose that she probably doesn’t feel the same. In fact, in a lot of ways, he’d prefer she doesn’t, because he still can’t give much more than he already is.

So, yes, he can smile, despite his life not being much easier, all because Mikan is in it.

Ruka then points out another fact, that he knows Natsume stayed to protect Mikan.

Natsume confirms it. He says he’ll protect Mikan from anything that stands in her way, no matter what.

In the TokyoPop, he just says something like "no matter what" but here he just goes out and says it (sacrificing my own life...). Natsume's fate was obvious from the start. It was all leading to a specific outcome. It was always going to happen this way. He's just too eager...

This scene is a further example of how that scene from after the Christmas Ball has really changed their friendship. They are more open with each other. They have conversations. They laugh together. They communicate. There are still some topics Natsume won’t touch, but he can be open with Ruka about this.

Ruka says he wants to protect her too, because he also likes Mikan, and because he wants to keep Natsume smiling. After all, Ruka promised that if Natsume wasn’t smiling, he wouldn’t either, and now Natsume is smiling. That’s worth protecting, because it didn’t come easy.

There truly are no hard feelings between them about Mikan. They aren’t turning bitter, or arguing over her. There’s no resentment. They loved each other before they loved Mikan and ultimately they just want the other to be happy. And whoever Mikan chooses to love, if it even ends up being one of them, would be fine, because she’ll be happy too. Moreover, they both seem to be somewhat rooting for the other, and always have been, especially Natsume. He wants Ruka and Mikan to be happy, and because he’s aware that his life will be cut very short, he doesn’t think she will be happy if she chooses him, which would never happen, in his own mind. Why would anyone choose him over Ruka?

Ruka then reminisces on the day they both first met Mikan, where we get a full explanation of why Natsume tried to escape that day: not because of Misaki-sensei’s claims that Natsume was a repeat escapee, but because he was getting bullied and wanted a letter from his dad.

The story ends and they both notice Mikan crying, trying to find Hotaru. She finds Narumi instead, who makes a comment that he knew from the moment he first saw her that she’d save Natsume, and confirms that’s why he made her his partner. Now that Natsume is no longer such a troublemaker, and that he has done his job in helping him, there’s less of a weight on his shoulders. Of course, the wind is raging and she can’t hear him, but Natsume heard.

Who the fuck is Narumi calling a burden?

He’s angry because Narumi is right. He also finally knows who exactly pulled the strings to make them partners, and that he’s in love with her because of Naru’s meddling. So he jumps down from the tree and kicks him, causing Mikan, who was in his arms, to be flung far away.

That gives Natsume enough time to scold Naru for hugging Mikan in the first place, and also for having the audacity to say Natsume’s behavior was a weight on his shoulders. Essentially, stay out of my business, despite the fact that Narumi sticking his nose in Natsume’s business is exactly the reason Natsume is so happy right now.

But even when Natsume storms off and Mikan angrily follows him, and they’re both trailed by Ruka, Narumi can see the truth. He was spot on.

Chapter Seventy-Two

This chapter is a fountain of lore! There’s so much new information and the online scans have kept me ignorant to it for a long time! There’s a lot of text and info, so it might be daunting to have to translate it all and write it out, but the price of saving time is that fans who care will be at a disadvantage.

I wanted to share some of the information that I’d found lacking in the scans just in case anybody wanted to know: the more powerful a user is, the more control they have over a stone’s size, shape, and vividness of color. Thus, Tono, a powerful alice user, can make his alice stone look like an eggplant. You could imagine a powerful user making their stone heart-shaped, or more circular or ovular depending on what they like best. The color of the alice stone reflects the user’s personality and maybe even their alice, not necessarily their favorite color, which is how Ruka’s ends up being a cream/brownish color, and not blue like I’d imagined for years. Koko reads some color meanings from an aura textbook to help sort out what the colors in a stone might signify.

This is all brought on anyway by Mikan being followed by an aquamarine alice stone, which we can tell is probably Sakurano’s. Out of loyalty to Yuka, he has strong wishes of wanting to protect Mikan, hence the stone following her around and being aquamarine, which symbolizes feelings of compassion and care.

Natsume and Ruka are both confused about this stone--it’s neither of theirs, after all--but since Mikan has so many friends who care for her, even amongst the staff and upperclassmen, it honestly could have come from anybody.

Although everyone wants to see Natsume make an alice stone, seeing as he is the most powerful alice user in Class B, Narumi makes it clear that he’s already learned everything there is to know about making stones, and thus can do whatever he wants during the lesson, which is what Natsume had wanted. This is intriguing information, because Narumi says specifically, “There’s nothing more we can teach him,” which begs the question: how does Narumi know? Has Natsume shown the staff his alice stone? It’s unlikely he would’ve asked a teacher for help in creating one, since he doesn’t trust any of them as far as he can throw them. But maybe, in order to get out of doing the lesson, he showed a teacher his alice stone to prove that he doesn’t need to be taught anything.

Tono brings up one last tip before they all begin to make their first alice stones. For once, you’re not using your alice for your own use. Somebody else will be using your stone, so how you feel about the person will come out in the stone, whether it’s good or bad. Wanting to protect or harm somebody, whether you have concern or resentment towards them, it will all show up in the stone, so focusing on certain emotions is tantamount to getting the result you want. These feelings can also influence the color, like everything else.

Red is mentioned as being a color of passion and strong feelings, and although Natsume's alice stones are all red anyway, according to his personality, it's interesting that when he makes a stone just for Mikan, it comes out as such a vibrant red. He is very passionately in love with her and it shows in the color. He also only had to think of her to get such a huge stone, and although that's also due to the fact that he has such a powerful control over his alice, it's also impressive that just thinking of her yielded such results.

It is after this lecture that Mikan is finally made aware of the true meaning behind exchanging alice stones and the romantic significance it can carry. Anna and Nonoko explain that the romantic tradition is what inspires girls to give stones with their chocolates on Valentine’s Day, and that it can also connote a proposal of marriage.

Mikan freaks out now that she knows what she and Ruka essentially promised. Natsume can see that she’s freaking out, but because he saved himself this humiliation by rejecting Mikan’s stone, the only person he’d really be concerned for is Ruka, whose feelings he was initially protecting by not telling Mikan anything that night.

Before anything crazy can really happen, everyone starts the lesson and gets to work making their stones. Although Iinchou and Hotaru are more successful, making stones that can actually be seen and held without a microscope, the rest of Class B isn’t quite as skilled yet. They’re all exhausted from the effort, even if it only gave them pebbles as a result, and all somewhat embarrassed and depressed that they couldn’t make bigger stones.

So Tono suggests they play “Alice Stone in the Dark”, that is, that you find someone in the dark and when the lights come back on, you have to exchange stones. Class B only gets really into this idea at the concept of getting their hands on a useful alice to make the most of the possible combinations.

He has this expression for the whole scene. He's so cute when he's flustered.

Thus the game begins, and even Natsume participates, albeit reluctantly. He’s probably just trying to avoid other people and possibly being forced to exchange stones--because he’s not going to make one on the spot and he doesn’t want to give away the stone that rightfully belongs to Mikan.

It turns out luck is on his side, because someone grabs his hand and when the light comes back on, the person is Mikan! She smiles in relief that she was able to find him, and explains that she wanted to force her stone on him. She keeps blabbing on and he doesn’t say a single word the whole time, just standing there shocked because of all the people in the class, Mikan wanted to give her stone specifically to him.

He's never gonna lose that tiny pebble... this is one of the best things that's ever happened to him.

It’s tiny and practically unusable, but that doesn’t matter to him. This little pebble is enough for him. She wanted to give him her stone, because she cares about him, and that gesture is enough to finally spur Natsume into leaving her his alice stone by her bedroom window. It’s more or less anonymous, but he wants her to know that she is thoroughly loved too, even if she has no idea who loves her this much.

Chapter Seventy-Three

It’s Valentine’s Day, otherwise Hell on Earth for popular Alice Academy boys. The romantic and sweet ingredients for chocolates at a normal school are replaced with potions and chemicals and pranks. The more popular and beloved you are, the worse your experience on Valentine’s Day will be.

Mikan decides to give her chocolates to all her friends, but they make it clear to her that accepting chocolate from anyone less than your true love would be terribly risky and stupid, so even if she does give it to all her friends, they probably wouldn’t eat them.

Maybe I’m wrong, but Natsume, who’s looking through a Sanrio catalog, wouldn’t be all that bothered about being one of many to receive chocolate from her. She specifically selected him to receive her pathetic alice stone, after all, and he’s made peace with the fact that they can never be together.

He does get bothered later, however.

He’s hiding, because it’s Valentine’s Day and he’s incredibly popular. He has an overly passionate fan club and closet admirers from all over campus, so being out in the open is dangerous business. He stays in the vents for a while, and thus he witnesses Mikan giving Ruka some Valentine chocolate, asking him to be the first to accept them. They both escape the classroom, Mikan dropping a little baggy of chocolates as she goes.

Natsume drops down and decides that he will be the first to accept them, actually, and eats them. It’s not anything huge, and Mikan won’t even find out that he ate them until a year later, but for now, he’s just acting on his own. He can be selfish here because nobody else knows about it. It’s just a harmless little thing to make himself feel better, with absolutely no consequences. Besides, he finds the chocolate disgusting, so no harm no foul.

Natsume, she couldn't have asked you first, she didn't even know where you were!

The climax of the chapter happens when all the most popular boys in school: Tsubasa, Tono, Natsume, among others, are all running from a stampede of rabid and sadistic girls. They’re flinging chocolates willy-nilly, desperate to get a catch. One is heading right towards Mikan, so Natsume gets in the way, catching it just in time, right when a girl flings one into his mouth.

Natsume has just consumed a love potion chocolate, selflessly, for Mikan (this chapter is so silly), so of course he’s now infatuated with Tsubasa, who is terrified, because it’s embarrassing and because Natsume will be pissed when the potion wears off.

This is very romantic but very ridiculous. Natsume really does take protecting Mikan quite seriously.

More or less, since the love potion is like a pheromone extract, we can see how Natsume has changed in his reactions to such an alice. In the very first chapter, Natsume passed out entirely from the pheromones. Misaki explained that someone entirely inexperienced in romance would pass out immediately, but Natsume is no longer inexperienced, so there’s way more of an effect.

The chapter isn’t particularly important, especially compared to the alice stone one, but it’s a silly little break from the real drama.

Chapter Seventy-Four

The next two chapters are joint, forming the little “Elementary Graduation” arc. We find out that students are to remain at the academy until they are twenty years old, so Natsume wouldn’t have to just power through another seven years, but nine until he could truly be free, and that’s much harder to accomplish.

Anyway, Mikan has seen the senior graduation and is inspired to do something special for the elementary graduation. She doesn’t just want to sing a lame song, she wants to do a special performance! Thus begins the drama of Sumire bossing everyone around because she’s one of the only kids with any real musical talent in a class full of amateurs.

One such amateur proves to be Natsume, who confidently selects the sax to play. Everyone, so convinced that he is talented at everything, is shocked to see how horribly he plays his instrument. Class B gets more and more enraged with Sumire’s attitude, only in part because the only lackluster performer she won’t call out is Natsume, who plays the worst of all of them.

The class breaks in two, and Sumire decides that she will play solo with two other partners who are musically inclined, leaving everyone in the dust. They cheer up eventually, when Ruka leads the class in an impromptu playing session, where everyone prioritizes fun over sound. Even Natsume joins in with his sax, and he seems to be making progress.

It's not a mandatory project, but he wants to join in anyway. (At some point Ruka comments, "You've gotten quite attached to that sax, haven't you?" which is cute because it shows Natsume doesn't just want to fit in, he's also genuinely interested in that specific instrument. Anyway Natsume as a famous jazz performer--)

Natsume electing to join in is very interesting. He doesn’t have to do this, especially because he’s terrible at the sax. He’s choosing to have fun with everyone and learn something new, even if everyone can see how bad he is to start with. He’s finally allowing himself to make friends, not just with Mikan, but with the whole class. He’s in a different place than in the first few chapters. Sure, he still has a fan club and devoted followers, but instead of viewing them as vessels to pass the time at best and annoyances at worst, he now considers them his friends. He wants to spend time with them and have fun together. And, no it wouldn’t have happened without Mikan’s help, but Natsume had to accept the change. He helped go on a mission to save Iinchou and Hotaru, to help Class B, and ever since he’s been slowly getting more involved in class. His birthday in particular also highlighted that his classmates care genuinely about him, so it’s made him all the more willing to repay the favor.

Chapter Seventy-Five

Mikan wants the two rival factions to make up, specifically Sumire and Koko. Nothing she says is enough to inspire peace and she’s distraught that no progress is being made.

She sees Natsume and Ruka playing with fireworks for no reason. They can tell instantly that she’s still bothered about Permy’s falling out from the rest of the class. Last chapter, Ruka tried to help Mikan by cheering everyone up and starting a little music session. This chapter, Natsume gives her advice. He says all relationships have ups and downs, and Permy is just aggravating the situation because she’s a kid and doesn’t know better. They all care about each other; they just need time to figure it out. And besides, he says, it’s way more Mikan’s style to give them an excuse to make up rather than forcing them to communicate. This cheers Mikan up and she runs off to come up with an idea.

They haven't known each other for a full year even but he still knows her pretty well. How cute!

Ruka teases Natsume for watching her and being a stalker, and we can see that despite what Natsume said about all relationships going through fights every once in a while, Natsume and Ruka won’t be having a fight anytime soon, least of all over Mikan. They accept each other’s feelings and are just happy to be happy and crushing on a girl together.

And Natsume has been paying attention, clearly, because he always keeps his eye on Mikan. Of course, he does this to keep her safe, because she’s being used against him by the DA Class, but also because he loves her. He wants to know everything about her, and see her everyday, so naturally small things about her would click into place for him.

Later, when Mikan figures out how to make everyone make up, Natsume is one of the first people to step up and help Permy. He’s helping Mikan too, because what she wanted more than anything was for everyone to make up, and it will help give the rest of the class the courage to step up too. He loves her, so he’s willing to embarrass himself playing the sax to help her bring everyone together again.

Conclusion

Chapter Seventy-Six has almost no Natsume in it, and his few appearances are pretty unimportant. He doesn’t do or say anything, so I felt comfortable skipping it. Anyway, these little chapters showed just how much Natsume has changed since he met Mikan. He’s now involved with the class, willing to have fun and embarrass himself. He is much more like he was before the academy stole all his vivaciousness. Of course, he’ll never be that kid again. He’ll always be more mature and selfless than he should be, but at least he can smile and laugh with the others for now. In the next essay, we’ll see that happiness evaporate as the academy narrows in on Mikan.

I don't think I'll be able to post on Monday, sadly. I'll try to post next Friday instead to make up for it, and to keep up four-day-a-week posting. I don't want y'all to catch up to where I am quite yet, so I'm going to put in a lot of effort into writing as much as I can whenever I can over these next few weeks. Thanks for reading, beloveds.

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[sanghyukstattoos]

I'm sure of that. Dawon stans, show up here! 🙋🏻‍♀️ About your requests open, this is the best news ever 😍 So, let me think... What about something cute, I don't know well, maybe a cuddle night with a sweet make out session? Or a late night date watching the stars... Something like that. I'm lacking with my ideias these days, so feel free to improve it. And thank you ^.^ 💟 - 🦋

Date night 

Pairing: Lee Sanghyuk I Dawon x Reader 

Genre: Fluff

Words: 2699

Summary: Today, the heart- warming memories of how you two started dating came back to you and while work may not have been the best, it sure felt like the right day for a date with your loving boyfriend, Sanghyuk. 

A/N: Heyyy 🦋, I’m sorry for making you wait once again but here it is! *Presents proudly* I loved your idea and had such an amazing time writing it. Also, I’ve been receiving support on my other fic ‘Warmth’ and I’m really thankful for that so here is another fic that I hope you can enjoy!

Dates weren’t uncommon between the two of you but suddenly reminded of how much you love him, there had to be a date for a date somewhere in the near future. Since you started dating during the summer of last year, tooth- rotting fluff between the two of you made you shy. The kind of shy where you would smile widely but look away and try to force it off your face. You were embarrassed at how he made you feel so you tried to hide it and send subtle signs hoping he would get the hints.

Unfortunately he didn’t because anytime you would flirt, he would do the same under the guise of friendship. Ripples of frustration made its course through you and one day, all your pent up feelings splashed like a bucket of paint hurled across canvas. You didn’t go for the obvious options of screaming, shouting or crying but just kissing him. Pouring all your feelings into one kiss, relief flooded through you and the desire to hug him overcame you but holding back you hoped that at least this time he would be able to return your feelings. That is exactly what he did and ever since then, the both of you have been going strong. 

In the past couple of weeks there had been changes in your work. A change of leadership and office politics not only made the atmosphere tense but working with your team was hard. Back straight and unbiased smiles towards everyone, you made sure to do an excellent job of not getting involved in any drama. The outcome would be greater than getting involved however, it was eating away at you and you could see that the same was happening with your co-workers. The less the issue was treated, the more difficult it became to solve it. 

Break time came and you were about to leave when a buzz caught your attention. It may have been a passing moment’s worth of information travelling through your visual field but you knew it was him. 

Picking it up, you read, ‘’Hey, how is work? Are your co-workers still having that fight 😂😢’’ causing a smile to light up your face. 

Laughing, you texted back, ‘’Hey, work is still the same. Oh yes, they definitely are and this is making everyone antisocial 🤧 Feels great to be here, you know💀 How is your work?’’. 

Collecting your coat and making a headway for the elevator, you exited the building and walked towards the café opposite- not an unusual place to meet up with colleagues from different departments. 

Opening the door, you were greeted with the distinct smell of cinnamon and pecan nuts. Your eyes caught your friends sitting at different tables. They look like a bunch of students gossiping but the difference is that it’s over coffee. You smiled at the thought. They instantly recognised you and waves were exchanged. Making your way to the table and taking a free seat, a senior spoke, 

‘’I heard that there are some plans underway to build a building at the back’’ to which someone else replied, ‘’Is that where all the resources are going? We need more hole punchers though, because someone seems to be stealing all of them.’’ eliciting laughs from those at the table. 

Your phone buzzed back and opening the message, you read, ‘’Oh nooo, is my baby having a hard time? Don’t worry, some things take time so cheer up and hope for the best~~. Also, I’ve been thinking, since you need a break, why don’t we go on a date?’’. 

Your heart skipped a little at the mention of a date and you texted back, ‘’Ah yes, your baby is having a hard time T_T. Is there a small chance if any, for me to scream on the rooftop tonight? Thank you, I’ll be here waiting 🙋‍♀️ A date sounds super refreshing right now and I wouldn’t mind the idea ~^~’’. 

Online now he texted, ‘’Hehe, you’ll get plenty of hugs when you get home. Very funny or did you forget that we don’t have a roof? Obviously you didn’t so do you think our neighbours will call the police, they think we’re are crazy people already..’’

Resisting the urge to laugh, you replied, ‘’I don’t even know who our neighbours are, should I just call it a half day and head home? Time and place for our date?’’. 

‘’That’s cute ;) I’ll pick you up but at what time do you finish today? Also, I don’t remember our neighbours being scary or anything like that 😶. This one’s a bit random but one day, just one day, lets sleep in. The place is a surprise and no, it doesn’t matter how many times you budge me, I won’t tell you 😘 ‘’ came his reply.

Looking back up from the screen and sipping your coffee, you decided that you had a decent amount of time remaining. 

You texted him back with, ‘’I finish at 5:30 today, what about you? I could meet you at home if there is a lot of waiting time. It’s a bit random ahaha, I wouldn’t mind sleeping in and plus we could do it on a Friday so we have a three-day weekend. Because you won’t tell me, I’m super excited now. You may get into trouble if I call you right now but just wait, when we meet I’m going to shake it out of you😊’’. 

You could picture him laughing a little on the other side as he replied, ‘’I finish at 4:15 today so I’ll pick you up and don’t worry, it’s only a little bit of a wait. I love how we are scheduling a perfect time for us to be lazy and you know what? That sounds absolutely amazing to me right now so tell when you want to do that. Also, my lips are sealed 🤐 🤗 ’’. 

Excited for the date, a small smile reached your face as you texted back, ‘’I’d love that too so tomorrow let’s schedule it together. Alright, I guess I can wait for up to 6 hours 😑 I can’t wait to meet you though, see you soon.’’.

‘’Whoever said 6 hours is long? I can already see you frowning at the mention of that 😂 😂 . Anyways, see you soon babe’’ you read and pocketed your phone with the thought of a date lingering at the back of your mind. 

Break ended within the span of a couple of minutes and exiting the café, you made your way back to work. A small sigh escaped your lips thinking about the workload but you straightened your back and walked confidently pursuing the idea of dedicating these hours to doing what you loved the most. Even if it meant dealing with the tension, in hindsight, the office would most likely joke about it after it ended so until that time came, you just had to wait. 

Sitting at your desk, you took in a deep breath preparing yourself for whatever was to come. Powering through the work felt satisfying, if not, at ease because not only did you get most of your work done, it was almost the end of the day and you could finally see your boyfriend- the moment you had been waiting for. 

It had always been like this as the day was fun but the most exciting part was leaving knowing that you had done what you came for. In the elevator, your senior from another department walked in. Recognition flashed across your faces and you greeted one another but subtly, you felt nervous.

 Your co-workers absolutely, and you meant absolutely spent all day dreaming about how fit this man was. You couldn’t have disagreed more, nudging Sanghyuk forward as more fit even though he wouldn’t admit it even if his life depended on it. ‘’You okay?’’ he asked and you looked up, wondering what was happening. Small talk?. Nodding, you asked, ‘’You okay?’’ sealing the awkwardness in one question. After this you highly doubted any more words would be exchanged. 

Nodding, the rest of the ride was in silence and after exiting, the both of you parted ways like a middle parting hairstyle. Reaching for the doors, you kept a lookout for Sanghyuk’s car spotting it almost instantly. Inside, you could see him on his phone so you knocked hoping to scare him just a little bit and scared he was. Laughing as you opened the door, he placed a soft kiss on your lips, whispering a small, ‘’hey’’. Mouthing ‘’hey’’ back, he asked, ‘’Are you ready?’’. In excitement you replied, ‘’I’ve been waiting for this moment all day, so let’s go!’’. He laughed at your enthusiasm and you joined in, feeling content. 

‘‘By the way, you never told me where we’re going!’‘ you spoke suddenly, startling Sanghyuk. Ahahaha, he thinks I’ve forgotten, but forgotten I have not. ‘’Why do I feel like this is the start of you badgering me for information?’‘ he said as he laughed, rubbing his forehead. Nodding, you smiled replying, ‘‘Do we even know each other?’‘ drawing a laugh from him. 

‘‘Thank goodness the place isn’t that far away then’‘ to which you asked, ‘‘How far is it?’‘ knowing that wherever this place is, it was going to be at least half an hour away and that was enough time to break the surprise. ‘‘Forty five minutes’‘ he replied with a pink tint to his cheeks making you squeeze in delight. ‘‘Please tell me you can wait for that long’‘ he stated, making me look out the window and laugh. His eyes widened as you grabbed his hand in yours and you could tell from the look on his face that he was suspicious. 

‘‘You’re always doing something like that you know, like poking me or what not so honestly, I’m scared right now’‘ he said with a rush and almost immediately followed with, ‘‘Babe, I’m driving’‘. Suppressing the urge to tickle him, you wiggled your finger threateningly in the air as if to intimidate.

 Unimpressed and with the flattest look in his eyes, he stated, ‘’Bring it on. I’m just thinking right now, what’s the worst that could happen?’’ but you knew that his weakness was being ticklish, something you would love to voice loudly on speakers. Giggling, you raised it and dashed it as close to his suit jacket as possible, retreating when he smiled at your antics. Using a childish voice he said, ‘‘Cute’‘ dragging the end as far as the wide ocean and this time, it was your turn to be unimpressed. 

‘‘Wow, that’s mature’‘ which led him to give you an offended look. Bringing a hand to your mouth, you laughed to which he replied, ‘‘Coming from you?’‘. ‘‘Excuse me!’‘ you spluttered and the both of you sat there laughing. He shifted the position of your hands onto your lap and on the open road, the trees and the house passed by in a blur. If you looked back, the speed slowed down and everything was much clearer and resting your head on the headrest, you took in the fresh sandalwood scent of the car’s interior while the warm rays of sun ran across the dashboard as the ending of the trail led to his hand on the wheel. The backdrop a blur, your eyes traced the lining of his nose bridge all the way to his jawline, admiring his relaxed face. 

It wasn’t exactly a wonder but in the span of less than forty-five minutes, the sky had begun to darken. A pink and purplish hue descended mixing in with the darkness of the blue night sky. Among the low moon, the stars that littered the sky caught your eyes and this was the first time you had paid attention to the beauty of the sunset speaking gently, ‘’The sky is so pretty today’’. 

Looking up, he sucked in a sharp breath as he took in the stunning sight. ‘’It is’’ he said in agreement. Breaking the comfortable silence that enveloped the two of you, he stated with joy in his voice, ‘’We almost reached by the way’’ peaking your focus on your surroundings. 

‘‘Not a lot of people come here so we should have the place to ourselves’‘ he said, turning left and finding a parking spot. Stepping out, the wind blew calmly like the sea breeze at the beach- welcoming and pleasantly. Coming around the side, he hugged your hand in his own and tenderly tugged you along. 

‘’Where are we?’‘ you asked looking up at him with wide, honest eyes. ‘‘Somewhere where you can relax. A colleague recommended this place so I’m just as new to this place as you are.’‘ he ended with a twinkling laugh. Adorned with tiny, green plants, the pathway wasn’t lit but there was just enough moonlight for the both of you to walk up. From the distance, you realised how much wider the place actually was.

Sculpted, a dark green hedge was accompanied by dome- shaped, glossy bright orange flowers that could be seen even as night approached. It acted as an entrance and replaced all the signs welcoming confused visitors. Leading you towards a bench, the two of you took a seat side-by-side. He left your hand and instead wrapped an arm around your shoulder pulling you to rest your head on his chest. 

‘’Are you cold?’’ he asked and you shook your head disagreeing. ‘’You were right, this place is really relaxing. Thank you for thinking of me and bringing me here’’ you said in appreciation. Moving his right arm to the side of your head, he turned your head so that you were face to face with him. Eyes, a warm shade of dark brown, he connected his lips with yours.

Sweet passion fruit and milk chocolate, the sky blue hydrangeas bloomed; in the distant ambience of the place, a bird took its first flight, soaring. Carefully and softly, your lips moved with the flow of his lips which feel velvety and delicate. Leaning away, the both of you took a breath as he said, ‘’You know those people who you just click with? As in, you become their best friends and they become special to you. So always- I will always think of you.’’.

Your hands moved up to his face and capturing his cheeks, your lips met his. Connecting for the second time, he felt just as sweet as the first, like every kiss you had shared. Endearingly, he managed to daze you each time reminding you of the shiny and sugary glaze on doughnuts, simple and classic. 

Smiling, your hands moved to smooth his hair which really didn’t need any smoothing but you felt the need to press his face in between your hands. Slyly you said, ‘’I think I like you, like a lot’’ to which he chuckled and said, ‘’I like you a lot too so stay with me’’. ‘’I’m not going anywhere, I’m just here to bother you’’ you replied with a giggle and facing you he incredulously asked, ‘’Did you just ruin-?’’.

Laughing while shaking his head, he pressed a kiss to the side of your forehead making your cheeks turn pink. When you returned the kiss, he questioned, ‘’What was that for?’’ and looking at his flushed cheeks, you smiled at the accomplishment. ‘’Just so, for once, you can feel how you make me feel’’ you replied with a bright smile. 

Hand to his chest he acted like his chest was hurting and breathing hoarsely said, ‘’Slow down’’ making you laugh a little. Settling down, your head went back to lean on his chest. Fingers gently pushed your hair out of your face; you moved your arms to envelope his torso, feeling the toned lines. Lying in his embrace, the two of you sat and watched the stars.

 Therapeutic, your relationship was something that you looked forward to everyday because apart from seeing one another, new adventures and exciting thrills came your way. Ultra realistic stills of your time with him were printed and couldn’t be easily forgotten so together, you took baby steps, one day at a time.

[latinalesbi]

you don't know maybe we'll see long-term lesbian couples on tv in the future. people are sick of lesbian shows with crazy, convoluted love polygons (the l word) and getting sick of ones in all-female environments (oitnb, wentworth). we're sick of queerbait couples in ensemble cast scifi or action shows getting killed off. we want stability, permanence.i see sitcoms, dramas with older lesbian protags, even a disney channel or nickelodeon show with 2 moms being made.

Of course I can’t read the future. I can tell you that it’s not likely. Shows with 2 lesbian leads are not terribly popular. And you’d have to have 2 leads to even believe they could last 5 years. Lesbians say they are sick of this and that, yet they don’t watch the fosters. We have some of them believing nonsense about no long term monogamous lesbian couples on tv, um, The Fosters. And queer baits? There are still more swan queen fanatics than fans of Stef and Lena. IF they were sick of it, they quit watching.

I’d love for that future that you paint. Unfortunately, it doesn’t sell.

Anonymous said:                                                                     

Teri seems very open and honest about sex. Then you have Stef who she plays so well being so shy about it. It’s great Stef doesn’t want to talk about it at all. It’s brilliantly done             

Teri’s an amazing actor. Look at how she has butch Stef down. I don’t think it’s all direction, though I’d love to know if she’s gotten tips from anyone. Teri is far from butch but she does the tiniest things to make Stef the character come alive.

 Anonymous said:

What are your thoughts on Sherri Polo fanfic?          

Don’t tweet it to sherri or teri! Um, you know, it’s harmless fun.

Anonymous said:                                                                     

do you think teri & sherri kiss on the lips when together? we saw them kiss at HRC & during one panel but when they're just alone taking selfies they won't share with us (lol) do you think they cuddle & hold each other & still kiss each other? sherri always says teri is her wife & of course we see how close their friendship truly is, but i wonder if they act the same in all aspects on & off camera. wish we could see everything! but i love they have selfies just for them, i love that even more             

Gonna pair these questions together. Yes they kiss on the lips all the time, we’ve seen it. Obviously, they are not making out. I also think we have good proof that they cuddle all the time. We have enough casual, unplanned proof that these things happen off camera. They have something special that they like to keep to just themselves, as Sherri herself has said.

Anonymous said:                                                                     

Oh poor Stef sex is bought up and all she wants to do is hide under the table and hope no one notices. Poor baby            

It’s funny, she can be all like here are condoms, use safe sex, but don’t give her the gory details! I always thought it’s hard for her to be vulnerable and all that sex talk makes her feel too open, it’s too personal. However, Stef 2.0 can talk about her feelings more openly so I’d like to see her be able to talk about this more.

Anonymous said:                                                                     

Stef being like this now makes me wonder what she was like when she first met Lena!  Could she say the word sex? Because she’s yet to even say orgasm             

I think the great thing about early Stef would be that she was completely a lit candle when it came to Lena. I think she was dying for sex so it wouldn’t have been a problem. I think she just didn’t talk about it.

  Anonymous said:                                                                     

I love that Stef is still finding herself even in her forties if the story line is right (which in this show is hard to follow at the best of times) she was twenty nine when she meet Lena and has spend all her thirties with her. I love her character development. I would just like her to throw caution to the wind and start sexy time with her wife, who as well all know is hot as hell. What do you think?             

As a woman in her forties, I can tell you there’s so much to find out about yourself. I love her character development. She’s had the most growth, it’s so well plotted out. It’s taking seasons to see it. To see Stef in the last episode, so confident in herself, she’s never looked better. It’s time for that to translate into the bedroom. If I am right, the show has to go there. It is what they have been writing. This is the path.

Anonymous said:                                                                      Hopefully Lena isn’t gonna yell at Callie next week. I’m sure we won’t be happy that Callie changed her project. I hope to see her angry at Monty or whoever makes Callie take it down. 

Yeah, it might be the new acting VP. We’ll see. I am only into this as far as Lena really finding her voice and getting the job she deserves. She shouldn’t play second fiddle to any of these idiots.          

Anonymous said:                                                                     

Why are they always wear striped shirts on the show ? Mostly Jude

He’s a clown?

Anonymous said:                                                                     

Callie record could ruin her chances of getting into colleges. I hope see Callie angry and upset about it. Worrying if she will ever get to go. I feel like her and Lena could bond over it. Since she’s the one telling Callie to apply. Callie’s doesn’t seem to care for collage and that needs to be the reason.             

The reason Callie does anything, she doesn’t believe she deserves good things like her moms, like a nice boyfriend like AJ.

Anonymous said:                                                                     

My wife & I love your blog. The kitchen scene with Stef & Lena putting up groceries from the last epis, it would have been more organic for them to just kiss very briefly on the lips and go into that nice tight body hug.  We are not ones to really harp on the kissing, but this episode & that scene seemed so weird without a very brief kiss flowing into a comforting hug.  So much so that we beginning to wonder if there is a network mandate about the moms’ kisses.  Know showrunners may not admit it

There could be. There’s no denying that they gay nothing by throwing a network under the bus. That’s why I trust that they are doing everything they can on that front. I do believe that. The last hug was awkward. It’s definitely setting up conflict for Stef and Lena. Would I have liked a kiss? Of course. I just refuse to get worked up when this was an episode that had over 21 minutes of Stef and/or Lena. I just can’t. I definitely understand people’s frustrations. I still get a lot of joy out of an episode like that, character development and such. I could have used some more touching, but really the first few eps, I’ve had a hard time even giffing all the times they’ve touched. I’ve had to not gif some of them, that’s how many we have had. I don’t feel that kissing is the only way to show that these women are in love. We’ve gone through droughts of very little touching, hugging, never mind kissing.

Anonymous said:                                                                      You’ve said many times the show has earned your waiting on a kiss from Stef & Lena.  But we don’t understand why the fandom, which is a small fandom & very frustrated with this, has to wait on something that should be quite natural for a married couple who’s in love as they say Stef & Lena is.  We don’t want/expect full make out every episode, but when scenes naturally call for a kiss (peck on lips/brief kiss) it’s really very ridiculous to say the show is waiting for 1 big episode for kisses.

You’re preaching to the choir. I don’t think they’re doing this to frustrate us though or to seem unfair. I do think that this is story for them for the most part. I also do believe that they want to build up to big moments, for dramatic purpose. Stef and Lena have kissed so much by now that it is hard to build dramatically to big kisses. Other shows do this by breaking couples up or having them cheat (i.e. new relationship kisses). Stef and Lena aren’t breaking up, they’re not gonna cheat, so how do they build up to big moments, this is one way. I don’t have to like it. Someone earlier mentioned a sitcom and that might be the only kind of show where we could get casual kisses all the time. Comedies aren’t building towards big climatic moments so it would just be casual and funny. I’d like that show, I’d watch that show. However, I’d also miss the big dramatic moments. So, I feel like this show has given us both. And we still have a long ways to go. I trust that this isn’t being done maliciously, that’s all I am saying.

Anonymous said:

 [1 of 2] “Bradley was clear on twitter, it’s not censorship or the 8pm hour. It’s a choice they’re making and that we aren’t patient enough.”   One of the most ridiculous things I’ve read about the Fosters.  They write & portray a couple very much in love, some of their scenes obviously & naturally called for a kiss, but the people who watch the show aren’t patient enough?  Really?!!! Not enough time or space to express how arrogant and unreasonably/irrationally ridiculous that is. [1 of 2]              

Anonymous said:                                                                     

[2 of 2] “Bradley was clear on twitter, it’s not censorship or the 8pm hour. It’s a choice they’re making and that we aren’t patient enough.”  The fandom has been very patient & loyal to the Fosters, in spite of many fan’s frustations (storylines, balance between drama/crisis vs triumphs, timeline, etc), we kept watching.  It’s one thing to say be patient to see how a storyline will play out, but to say we aren’t patient enough when a scene naturally calls for a kiss is unfair & unjustifiable.            

Put yourself in Bradley’s shoes. He has been hearing about the kisses this season from episode 1. Yeah, the fandom is impatient. I get it. We don’t have a lot of choices as lesbians. We crave it, it’s important to us. No show is perfect, show me a show where no fan complains? it’s not just us, Brad replied today to a frustrated Brallie fan. In reality the best thing he could do is just not answer any of us but he does. I appreciate it sometimes because while he refuses to reassure others, he reassures us. They are never breaking up, they’ll always be in love and he’s the biggest shipper.  I believe him.

I am telling you, fandom can get pretty mean-spirited. I am not speaking about you, I am talking about the things fans have said to showrunners that I have seen. If I like a show, I don’t really follow online fandom, unless I am shipping lesbians. I break my rule then because there are tons of things I can enjoy in fandom and try to ignore all the other things. However, shows without lesbians, I don’t want spoilers, I don’t want fanwars. I don’t want any of it.

Back to the question at hand, everyone knows, I am not afraid to call anyone out when i feel things are unfair or what have you. There have been times when the lack of kissing has led me to complain. And part of it for me is feeling like the show would be cancelled suddenly and we wouldn’t get their payoff. I am fairly confident at this point that they have the show plotted out through season 5. Whatever is going to happen will happen. I have accepted that. I’ve also been given many gifts, patience has paid off.

Again, I don’t know the reason why they are doing it (to divulge on their part would be to spoil) but I do know with confidence that it is not malicious. Period. No doubt. So, i am not going to angrily demand this and that. It’s not going to happen at this point because for the most part, the dry spells have been plot related. The dry spell right now has been countered with some kick ass affection and kick ass communication. They seem more like a healthy couple than ever. If there’s no payoff or it’s lame, I will complain. I do understand that they try to build towards these great Stef and Lena moments and there are limited ways in which they could do that. I’d love next season to see that plot line where they can’t enough of each other but keep getting interrupted. That would be an amazing build up full of moments all along the way. I would write that in their potential last season. Will they? Who knows.

That’s my opinion, considering where we are. I totally respect yours.