#i don't know why they can't seem to get the idea that different body shapes showing the same gene a little differently is a GOOD thing

[here-there-were-dragons]

judging by the "fixes" they've applied to fern and i'm fairly sure also to a few other genes, they likely intend to flatten and generic-ify EVERY gene that does anything interesting with especially the top feathers portion of the wings. :/

[felicjana050896]

A few words about Charlastor

Today I saw this post:

(Sorry, I can't post the link, Twitter doesn't want to work on my computer today :\ )

I will quote it here because it made me think again:

Currently, the closest person to Charlie is Vaggie, while Alastor invades her space, Vaggie and Alastor are opposed to each other, Vaggie wants to run a hotel for Charlie (her whole life is based on Charlie...), while Alastor has his own reasons (more on which later we don't fully know) and the two are portrayed as opposing forces pulling Charlie, Vaggie in one direction and Alastor in the other. Charlie's relationship with Alastor will deepen in future seasons (which the author wrote about, that Alastor and Charlie are the main characters of HH and what we see after the pilot), thus distancing it from Vaggie, which we see already in the first season (and what I wrote posts about ), that Charlie's relationship with Vaggie will surely deteriorate as it goes on, their quarrel over Vaggie's lie was, in my opinion, just the first glitch in their relationship (although not very well written in my opinion anyway), at some point in the story Charlie will had to choose between Vaggie and Alastor (and Niffty):

And considering the other screenshots, they are either forshadowings only to the fact that in future seasons Charlie will be getting closer to Alastor and away from Vaggie, or they may generally herald Alastor's victory over Vaggie, it depends, they are definitely confirmation that the further the seasons, the more Charlostor's content we will have than Chaggie's, the only question is which one will be the endgame?

Alastor stealing Charlie:

Significant bed scene, Vaggie wakes up without Charlie, alone, and Charlie is later in bed with Alastor on a heart-shaped pillow:

Besides, I read about Zoophobia and old sketches of Alastor and Autumn, and in my opinion Autumn reminds me a bit of Charlie... but in order.... First, let's go to Roo or Eve (if you prefer), well, I saw one Tik Tok and I definitely agree with it:

Charlie actually resembles Eve much more than Lilith, it always surprised me that Charlie has more father-like features both in appearance and character, and has none of Lilith's (especially when it comes to her ahem... physical qualities...), but I thought they just made her a typical "daddy's girl" and that's it... but if Eve is Charlie's mother and not Lilith..., we still had Lucifer's comment that he stole from Adam both wives, both Lilith and Eve, and although he married Lilith, he probably slept with Eve..., then the only question arises: why did Lilith decide to raise a child that was not her own?

Roo (Eve):

Charlie:

Lilith:

Lucifer:

Charlie and Eve (Roo) have exactly the same nose, the same lines under their eyes (Charlie in his demonic form has them) and the body sharp is the same, Lucifer by the way does not have a nose (:D), Lilith has a completely different nose, only Eve's nose matches Charlie's....

Moving on, we know that Alastor made a deal with someone, many people speculate that he made it with Lilith, but there are also people who believe that with Roo and I, although I also considered Lilith at the beginning, it was thrown in our faces this 7-year break (that Lilith has not been in Hell for 7 years and Alastor disappeared for 7 years), seems too obvious..., moreover, we know that Lilith had a contract with Adam (end of episode 8), and Adam did not know Alastor, so how could Alastor have an agreement with Lilith and be with her for these 7 years in heaven, if Adam didn't know him at all..., while Roo..., and this is where the issue of Zoophobia begins, i.e. Viv's first idea, where most of the HH characters came from:

In Zoophobia we had the so-called KayCee, i.e. chaos itself and the main antagonist, interestingly KayCee liked apples (a reference to Eve and her picking an apple from the Garden of Eden, the first sin?):

KayCee had white hair, horns, and the original Alastor was in love with her:

So KayCee is nothing other than the prototype of Eve.

Moving on, the original Alastor was also obsessed with Autumn, the character of Zoophobia, a blonde deer:

Autumn is a very helpful and good-hearted character and: ,,Although outwardly he appears mature and rational, in reality he is extremely insecure, suffering from low self-esteem. Autumn continues to seek recognition and thanks from others for a little help from him, showing that he needs the appreciation of others. Autumn is also very sensitive and short-tempered: in the webcomic, when Rusty teases him about the little antlers, Autumn explodes in anger and violently scolds him."

Doesn't this in some way resemble the description of Charlie..., a girl with a good heart, wanting to help everyone, and also sometimes quick-tempered (when, for example, heaven rejects her or when Susan pisses her off :D )

So we have Eve, who used to be KayCee, and Charlie, who has a lot of Autumn in her, and if it turns out that Charlie is actually Eve's daughter, Charlie will be a combination of KayCee and Autumn, considering her appearance and character traits are taken from both, two characters that the original Alastor was crazy about ;)

And finally, some shots of Charlie and Alastor:

And remember about Niffty and KeeKee, they are very important, after all they are in the HH logo :)

KeeKee, a pet belonging to Charlie and Niffty, Alastor's ,,pet" ;)

Sorry for the long post again, but I just can't keep it short :D

Thank you for reading and have a nice day, evening or night :)

[scrubbinn]

Slime HRT Day 1: First Pages

I was told I should write down my experiences in this journal. I'm only really doing this because I was told I didn't have to share my writings with anyone except for emergencies, whatever that means. Today is the first day of my new life, and becoming something not human anymore.

I've seen a lot of social media about species HRT. I think it’s supposed to be “Human Removal Therapy”. There’s a lot of people online bashing it, and I'm sure someone is going to try and ban it eventually, but for right now it's pretty unrestricted. To be honest, I am fascinated by it. Becoming something inhuman seemed so, I don't know, cool I guess, but it felt distant, like it would never happen to me, or I'd be labeled a freak by my friends. It was only until my girlfriend brought it up in a passing conversation that I gained the courage to admit I was curious about it. She said I should go for it. The amount of joy I felt then and there was like a 20 ton weight had just exploded out of my chest, but in a good way! We spent the rest of the night talking about treatments and articles, I never felt so happy except then and there, to be seen like that.

My legs were shaking when I met with that doctor. I was told it was normal to be nervous, but it really felt like I was going to just have a breakdown the entire time we talked. There was a lot of psychological exams and way, WAY too much paperwork that basically said I was sure I would be happy and cool with going through with this process. The doctor was patient at least, though he was rude with how little he tried to hide the boredom of his job. Besides that, there was something about him that just made him feel like this was the last thing he wanted to do, the kind of man who’s a total pushover. We eventually got to the question I was dreading “what was I here for, what am I looking to be?” My voice just suddenly stop working right there. It's so funny how I saw an actual dragon on my way here and somehow my request seemed so much more ridiculous. That stupid doctor kept prying me to just tell him until my frustration surpassed my anxiety, and I was able to blurt out that I wanted to be a slime.

I don't know when or why, but I've always liked the idea of slimes. It's their fluidity I think. Being able to morph myself the way I want whenever I want. I mean, how can I trust I'll be happy with my body shape everyday when I can't even pick a favorite color. I spent so much time writing out my own ideas of how their biology worked, or creating a bunch of slime girls for stories I never finished writing. It took me a while to realize I wanted to be just like them, like how it took me a while to realize I wanted to be a girl too.

I thought I'd get laughed out of his office, I mean I've seen the photos and stories of people on slime HRT but it just felt different, like I was going one step too far, I was probably just super anxious, I felt so relieved when he just showed me a list of slime variants instead of laughing. There were so many different options on the list, slimes made of just gel, sap, wax, and there were so many different colors, but that was the problem, they all felt right, I wanted to be any of them.

It was so selfish to ask, but I needed to know if a slime that could change color was possible, or something that could truly transform into any kind of slime. He asked what I meant, if I was looking into becoming a shapeshifter. I shook my head no and said I wanted something like a chameleon. He took off his glasses and pinched his nose, like the weight of every request he ever had just hit him. We, kind of, argued for a while. Well it was him telling me all the different reasons it wouldn’t work or how some people had set up safe LED strips to become a slime strobe globe of different colors, but for some reason it was the one thing I didn’t want to budge on. The one thing I was certain I wanted was that I wouldn’t be certain about my final choice. I was actually ready to just punch this old man until he suddenly folded to my demands and told me he'd need time to make a new variant for something like that. Something about a membrane and chromatophores I think. He also stated, bluntly, that I still needed to pick the type of slime. Being able to switch from red to blue is one thing but there needs to be a base. 

There were a lot of good options, to the point it took me an hour to go through everything and just think about it. I was probably pushing him a bit too close to his next appointment with how long I was searching through options. It certainly makes me wonder how anyone can just know the answer right away. Eventually I had to settle on one and chose the soap variant. I was told it wasn’t actual soap, but it smelled nice and helped deal with germs. I’m not a germaphobe but I like the idea of smelling nice all the time.

After that, I was told I would be contacted eventually when my medication was ready. The wait could be best be described as brutal. There were a lot of calls I made only for me to be told it wasn’t ready yet. I thought I got scammed, like I went to the wrong place and that quack doctor was just faking everything and I wouldn't ever get to be the real me. The most I got was a message once a month saying the research was going well, if I was lucky. 

It was about a year when I got a call back from him, explaining that my medication was ready. I'll be honest, I thought he wouldn't have ever completed it and just stole $600 out of my bank account for a single appointment. I have it now though, a bottle of gel capsules. They taste awful, like shoving soap into my mouth, which makes sense thinking about it. Apparently I won't need to take my normal hormone medication after a bit. Which is good because it's really expensive to pay for both. I guess that concludes my thoughts on the first day. The doc wants me to keep writing down my physical changes but also that I write down my emotional state as well. I don't really get why that’s so important, but whatever, it’s the least I can do if I finally get to be the slime girl I always wanted to be. I can't wait to see how I turn out.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Next

Thank you for reading through this story. While I’m sure it’s obvious, this is a story inspired by @ayviedoesthings own Dragon HRT as well as @welldrawnfish Fish HRT. I’ve loved these stories ever since they first came out. But I never felt like I had a story of my own to write until I read @sandyca5tle own slime HRT. Please check out all these people’s stories if you haven’t already, and thank you to sandyca5tle for really lighting the fire in me that made me want to try my hand at this sort of thing. I have plans to continue this for a while, not sure how long it’ll be but I want to be able to write a new segment at least one post every one to two weeks. I hope you enjoyed this, and please let me know if you have any advice on how to improve my writing. Thank you so much for reading all this, seriously, it means the world to me. 

[a-998h]

Welcome to Hell

Hello @bloobewy, I hope you enjoy this!

TW: reader does "die" at some point but doesn't stay dead technically Reader also gets stabbed in the hand

Clicking Keep Reading means you've read and understand the trigger warning.

I missed the bus, great, I say with as much sarcasm as possible. It was hot, and my body was already a natural heater, and school is draining. Lucky me, the house isn't to far from the school, so walking is still an option. To make the walk less unbearable, I put on my favorite playlist.

After 10 minutes of walking, I reach a crosswalk. Pushing the button, I wait for the sign to change. Once the sign goes from hand to person, I step onto the crosswalk. Having already checked left and right, I thought I would be fine.

I didn't hear it... and that damn truck didn't see me either. I didn't hear anything, but I felt everything. The music cut off, and my body was in so much pain. Why, why is everything fading? I can hear sirens, and begging, and people. Blood... I see and smell blood. I try to turn my head, but I can't. I can't move at all.

"What's happening?" I mumble.

Soon, my vision goes black and I hear a voice. It's a woman's voice, full of warmth and authority.

"Your time has come child, we cannot wait to meet you," I hear her say.

The voices of the people becomes more muffled, and the pain starts to go away. The darkness takes over my vision until I can't see anything. I don't feel the pain, or roughness of the road. I feel nothing at all, like I'm floating. There is nothing in my view but inky darkness, so... This must be how I die. This isn't an isekai, so I'm not gonna go to a fantasy world, I'm just going to die.

I was so bad, fighting, yelling, and being a jerk to people who want to help me. Now, dad is gonna lost his only when they didn't even make it to adulthood.

"I'm sorry dad... I'm so sorry," I say in my head.

It's not fair, first mom abandoned me and dad and now I'm gonna die. Why couldn't I just make it to adulthood? Whatever, I can't change things now. I just wish I had another chance. I see my tears floating in the inky darkness. I don't know why I'm crying, but it feels well deserved right now. As I cry, my eyes closed and I finally feel at peace.

I hear a whistling near my ears, and the feeling of wind? My eyes shot open and I see myself falling. The sky above me is red, and is that a clock tower with an hourglass in it?

it's clear I'm going to crash into the ground of a city, but I have no idea where the fuck I am. Things are in ruins, and I don't seem to be stopping. I scream in fear as I pulpit towards the ground, I just died and I have no idea where the fuck I am!

"Is that a blimp with a ray gun?" I ask myself as I see steampunk blimp of supervillain proportions blast at the ground.

There is a loud smack sound as I hit the ground, and I'm, surprisingly, not in pain. I look myself over, and something is wrong with my hands. They're stained red, not like gloves or splatter, but it's like an ombre.

"Well that's not normal, and where the fuck am I?" I ask myself.

Standing up I rush towards a shop window, and look at my reflection? It has my hair color and style, skin color, eye color, height, but it has a pair of white wings , my hands have the ombre of red, and there is a pair of jagged horns like a four horned ram on my head. I back away from the window and start walking in a random direction.

No one here looks normal, so look like anthropomorphic animals, full animals, of a mix of human and object. Thees people range in size and shape, like normal, but they clearly don't look normal. Walking past the werid people here, a few give me looks that range from confusion, to fear, to cruel. Trying to ignore seems to be my best hope. As I keep walking, I see a bunch of people who look like different types of sharks. They spot me, and I hear them mumbling, before getting close to me.

They introduce themselves and immediately invade my personal space. They keep talking about an extermination, which confuses and worries me. One wraps his arm around my shoulders and pulls me closer, to him. Scared, I try to get away but they won't let me. Well, I'm probably doomed. Swinging my head around, I mange to hit the two shark guys near me in the face. Using th distraction, I run for my life as I hear them yelling after me.

Looking for a place to hide, I duck into a crowd in front of a shop window. It's showing a pale skinned blond woman in a pale red suit jacket, wearing a bowtie with yellow eyes. Next to her is a second pale skinned blonde woman with a creepy smile, soulless red eyes, and shoulder pads. Creepy smile lady calls suit lady, Charlotte, to which suit lady corrects it to Charlie. As I watch, something Charlie says catches my attention.

"As princess of Hell," I hear Charlie say.

Hell, holy shit I'm in fucking Hell! I can't pull my eyes away from the screen, but I have a hard time paying attention to what Charlie is saying. She keeps singing about something called, the Happy Hotel, and how it'll be a place to rehab sinners. Sounds crazy to me, but I'm not the princess of Hell. As people laugh at her idea, I feel a bit more hopeful.

"Seems like the safest place here," I mutter to myself.

This Happy Hotel seems cool, but I have no idea where it is. I scan the screen looking for an address but I can't find one. Annoyed I do my best to avoid people. Looking up at the red sky, I see the clock tower and a large hill with a building on top. I figured the building on the hill is the Happy Hotel. I hear noises from the TV, but I dont care at this point. I just want a safe place to be, but this is Hell so safe isn't really an option. Walking towards the hill some crazy looking dog frankstein's monster woman grabs me.

"Hand over your wallet!" She demands.

I have no wallet to speak of, so I tell her I can't. I'm so close to a safe haven and now I'm being mugged, this day gets worse by the hour. She keeps demanding my non existent wallet, and I keep telling her I don't fucking have a wallet to give her! She starts foaming at the mouth, and I see her brandish a knife. Backing away, I pray she doesn't do anything. But, they go unanswered as she stabs me in the hand before stomping away.

I walk the rest of the way, my shirt covered in blood as I use my shirt to try and stop the bleeding. Reaching the hotel, the sign says Hazbin Hotel but I could care less what it's called. Knocking on the door, I'm greeted with a grayish-lavender skinned lady wearing a bright red hair bow We stare at each other for a bit.

"Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel, my name is Vaggie and you are?" She asks.

"Y/N, my name is Y/N," I tell her.

I swear I see an unknown emotion flashing across her face. She opens the door wider, and I walk in and sit on the couch.

She looks at my hand and offers to bandage it up. I thank her and she tells me it's not a problem. Once she's done, I hear an excited squeal. Turning towards the noise I see Charlie, minus her jacket, looking at me with a smile. She introduces herself and asks If I'm going to stay at the hotel. I nod and say that was my plan. Her smile grows as she asks me my name and how old I am since I looked young. When I tell her I'm a teenager, her smile drops. She looks at me, then kneels down to hug me. I tell her it's ok, and she seems to get slightly better. Grabbing my uninjured hand she points to the other demons and tells me their names.

"Over there is Angel Dust, he's another guest," she says, pointing to a fluffy spider demon.

Said demon looks at me, waves and tries to flirt. Charlie scolds him and says to not flirt with me as I'm a child. He looks at me and laughs, complimenting me for, "a good fucking joke." I tell him it's not a joke and he asks how a kid ended up in Hell. I say I was hit by a truck, and that seems to satisfy him.

"Oh, and this is our bartender Husk!" Charlie exclaims as she gestures to a cat demon in suspenders and a top hat.

I wave to him and he just gives me and unamused look as he drinks from what's probably a bottle of some kind of alcohol. Charlie then gestures to a short red haired woman in an equally red poodle skirt running after a roach with a comically large sewing needle.

"That's our housekeeper Niffty," Charlie says.

I just watch Niffty try to stab the roach, not wanting to end up stabbed agian because I interrupted the werid housekeeper. I turn my head and see a tall man dressed all in red, he has deer ears and a staff the looks like an old fashioned mircophone. I nervously wave to him, and he walks over. Charlie gestures to him and say he's Alastor, the hotel's facilities manager. He gives off an aura of authority and power that sacred me. He holds his hand out, silently askign for a handshake, I follow the silent order.

"Well, it's a pleasure to meet you, my dear. This run down hotel will surely feel more like home with your youthful energy," Alastor says, his voice sounding like it's coming from a radio.

Charlie looks back at me, still with a warm smile on her face, and grabs my shoulders. She promises me that I'll love it at the hotel, and that I'll get to Heaven in no time. I shrug and nervously say thank you, this makes her smile more, if it's even possible. Holding my hands she looks me straight in the eyes. Something feels deranged about her, but I don't know how to place it. All I know is, I'm stuck in Hell with it's princess and her friends. But, I could be worse off than here.

"You're going to love it here! Welcome to Hell, Y/N!" Charlie joyously says.

[ckret2]

hey ^^ I love your bill goldilocks cipher, and I was wondering why he possesses a female-presenting body. I am a huge fan of your art btw so don’t take this the wrong way, I just would love to know how you designed him!

The short answer: because he's canonically referred to with he/him pronouns.

The long answer: if you meet somebody who, at a first glance, appears to be anatomically female, and everyone refers to this person with he/him pronouns, you don't immediately know what's going on.

Maybe he's a trans man who's comfortable with his body the way it is as long as everyone around him still treats him as a man. Maybe she's a trans woman with really transphobic acquaintances. Maybe he's nonbinary, maybe he's genderfluid, maybe he's a drag queen who's dressed up for an event but not currently in character, maybe he's a he/him lesbian—you don't know, and it likely isn't your business.

There's only one thing you do know: whatever's going on here, it probably ain't cishet. This person has something going on that does not fit the gender binary. All you can say about him is that he's queer.

Bill's gender is triangle. This simply does not fit within humanity's popular ideas about the male-female binary. Whatever his sexual orientation is, it is not restricted to "only females/only males (as humanity defines femaleness/maleness)"—and so he can't possibly be heterosexual in a manner readily recognizable to human beings. Amongst Bill's own species, maybe he was the most cishet guy you've ever met, I haven't decided; but if you stick Bill amongst humans, regardless of how he sees himself, he'll look queer to us.

On top of that: stick Bill in a human body, and there's a disconnect between his self-identity and the shape he's wearing. Strangers will see him as something he's not: human. He feels trapped in a wrong-shaped form amongst people who think this is normal and what he feels he should be is strange—and if he ever explains that psychological weight of feeling wrong-shaped, the humans most likely to go "I think I get it" are the trans folks who know what dysphoria feels like.

I don't think Bill cares what pronouns humans give him; I think he's called "he/him" either because his human victims decided he sounds male-ish, or else because he consciously decided to take advantage of sexism by presenting himself as male to seem more authoritative. And I don't think Bill cares about the anatomy of the human body he's in; he could have been given any variety of genitalia, secondary sex characteristics, hormone balances, body fat distributions, etc., and he would have been equally uncomfortable in any because they're not a triangle. It makes no difference to him.

But it does something to you (you, The Readers In General): it makes you wonder about his relationship with his body.

Because we're speaking English on the Internet in the 21st century, you and I are participating in a culture that sees having both a vagina and he/him pronouns as Not The Default. It makes Bill look genderqueer-in-a-human-way, and that makes it easier to slide readers over to seeing him as genderqueer-in-a-nonhuman-way. It makes you think about queerness, about dysphoria, about nonbinary folks who defy the expected correlations between pronouns and anatomy without changing their bodies to make them "match."

This is the second or third time somebody's asked me why I put Bill in a female-presenting body. If I'd done the opposite, nobody would have ever asked me why I put Bill in a male-presenting body. Because that's "normal." And I want you to ask questions! I want you to think about Bill's self-image, his internal landscape, the gulf between who he is mentally and what he is physically.

Before I ever directly draw attention to queer topics, I can get folks primed to think about them and to understand that his body doesn't accurately represent his identity just by slapping a pair of boobs on him.

So I slapped a pair of boobs on him.

[luveline]

Omg Jade, I’ve been LOVING the asf resurgence ☺️☺️ It hits my heart in all the right ways!!

I was wondering if would please write something showing more of the burrow from asf? Would love to see Molly (alongside Fred ofc!) doting on the reader. Maybe she feels poorly during a gathering? Just an idea - no pressure ofc to respond or to go in this direction. Thank you either way!!! 😊

tysm for ur request!! sorry this took me a whole month ♡ fem!reader, 1.5k

cw mental health issues/ poor eating habits

The popcorn is greasy between your fingers. You look down at a slightly burned kernel without much feeling, giving it a squeeze to listen to the styro-foamy groan as it breaks. 

The crumbs fall down the front of your hoodie. The mess is enough to make you feel something other than tired, blinking to attention while you pick tiny bits from your tummy. 

Fred's hand reaches over to help. "Whoops," he says, flicking them off of the sofa onto the rug. 

"Don't do that," you chastise without any heat, nudging his knee with yours. "Your poor mum will have to clean it up." 

"No she won't." 

"Are you going to hoover before we go?" you ask. 

Fred puts his hand on your thigh for an unapologetic feel. "No. She'd be offended." 

It's hard to describe how something as simple and as normal as Fred's hand on your leg can make you feel. Suddenly, you aren't alone in your head, feeling all sorts of awful. There's someone with you. 

Fred often laments (with sympathy) that you live in the past. He's not wrong. There are things that haunt you without pulling punches, stuff that makes you feel sick even though you can't remember how it all went anymore. It's like your body has caught hold of the way you felt at the time and is now throwing you into the deep end, no warnings. 

George takes the popcorn bowl from your lap, a lazy heist from his positioning on the floor. He, Ron, and Harry play a game of exploding snap that smells like no one's winning by your shoes. 

Bill and Fleur sit on bean bags by the fire, their legs interlocked, and the baby (who isn't a baby anymore, actually, a brand new toddler) waddles around the room in footie pyjamas. Every time you see Victoire, you wonder if she's an easy baby, and if you'd be a good mom. If you're even capable. 

Things tend to twist from there. Capable in any capacity? You're sure there are a hundred different things that Fred wants from you that he will never be able to have. A girlfriend who doesn't shut down when she's worried. A partner who pulls their weight. You let him down pretty much every day though he doesn't say, in your uselessness. You're awful. He deserves better than someone who's clinging to the bad things that happened to her (though you don't want to cling, you can't seem to make yourself stop). 

Fred's hand abandons your thigh. He sits up in his seat on the sofa to wrap his arm behind your neck instead, encouraging your head under his. With the side of his chin pressed to your temple, he doesn't say a word. 

Molly appears from the garden with a handful of fresh lemon balm. "Who wants a cup of tea?" she asks. 

Her eyes flicker straight for you. Fred told you once that Harry used to be her favourite child. It confused you —family is much more than blood, but still, there's so many to choose from and they're all brilliant, so why Harry? 

He was the one who needed the favouritism most, Fred says. Mum has a built-in pain detector. She knows when people need love. 

"We'll have a cup of tea," Fred says, rubbing your shoulder. 

"Obviously," Molly says, though what's obvious about it escapes you. "Anyone else?" 

There's a chorus of requests, most of which you can't keep straight. Molly's brilliant, she doesn't miss a beat. "Lovely," she says with a smile. 

"I'll come help you, mum," George says, using your legs as a brace to get up. 

You kick him without force in the leg. He turns to you, shooting you an adoring, saccharine smile with hands at his chest curved into a heart shape. 

"He's in a mood today," Fred says. 

Your sleeves bunch under his hands with every upward swipe. You sit there for a while feeling off. Something is wrong, some pit sucking you in, but nothing's happened. It's been a while since you felt this suddenly sick —you're better than you were, but you aren't better. 

"It's okay," Fred says, like he can read your mind. His reassurance kisses warm over your cheek. "Do you want to go home?" 

He doesn't seem upset with you. If anything, he's chipper, like he'd love to go home with you. It's a charade for your benefit to erase the guilt that comes with yanking him out of family time, and you don't fall for it. 

Yet you can't make yourself smile. You aren't as good of an actor as he is. "No," you mumble, pulling away from his loving embrace to meet his eyes. 

He inches closer, hand sliding down your arm. 

"I love you," he says very quietly. He's at risk of being heard by three different brothers, each of which might rip him to shreds for being as whipped as he sounds. 

You don't not want to say it back. Sometimes it's hard. Fred isn't telling you for a parroting, anyhow, and he doesn't care when you fail to answer. 

"Let's go help make tea," he says, standing up. You don't want to move, but you'd rather not stay by yourself. You've no choice but to follow him through the living room and into the kitchen. 

"Hi, dearie," Molly says. You realise she's talking to you, not Fred. "You look like you need something to eat. I'll make you something sweet, how does that sound?" 

It sounds like a bad idea. "That sounds great." 

She nudges George off with his tray of tea to stand in front of you. "There's a good girl," she says, squeezing your elbow. "Fred says you're not eating, but you were fine at breakfast. Feeling better?"

"Mum," Fred says, sending you an apologetic look. "Sorry, I don't mean to gossip about you–" 

"No, it's okay. It's nice, it's… a privilege to be worried about," you say, though you wish he wouldn't. 

Molly shakes her head, ginger kinks swishing over her shoulders. "It's not a privilege, lovely. That's just what family does, mm? You worry about Freddie, he worries about you, and I'll worry about both of you." 

"You don't have to worry about us, mum." 

"I know. It's a privilege, though, to be the one worrying," Molly says, offering you a gentle smile. 

"Right," you say. 

"So stop pretending you're okay and have a seat. Freddie, you better go and get her one of your blankets, I think." 

Fred grins and exits the kitchen quickly to avoid giving you time to protest. Ever a people pleaser, you sit down at the table in one of the chairs with a tall back. Molly puts down a cup of tea in front of you, swiftly followed by a plate of biscuits, a toasted, buttered currant scone, and a blueberry muffin sliced down the middle. 

That's what gets you. The muffin cut in half, paper peeled away. Molly has no reason to like you; you make Fred happy, but you know you've made him so, so sad, sometimes. You've weighed him down. You're not the best he could've had, but his family don't care. He doesn't care. He loves you enough to breeze into the kitchen with a throw blanket, wrap it around your shoulders, and nestle a kiss behind your ear. 

You scramble to grab his arms rather than let him stand again. He startles at first, but he recovers, and his arms curl around your front with enthusiasm that can't be faked. 

"I love you," he murmurs. Words slid together like he's tipped them out, impossible to deny. "Try not to wind yourself up, alright? It's a normal day. The only people who matter are you and me, yeah?"

"Yeah," you say through a lump. 

"I'll be just in the living room if you need me," Molly says. 

"Thanks, mum," Fred says, perching his chin atop your head. 

He waits for her to leave and plants a kiss on the highest point of your cheek. When you smile, he tracks them all over. Kiss to your head, your ear, the soft line of your jaw.

"Do you want to talk about something? Or should we think about other things?" he asks. 

It's a strange, coddling way to ask if there's something in particular that's upset you, but it's nice to be coddled. Truthfully, there's nothing concrete that hurts. A little bit of everything. The world is busy and life is hard and people aren't always kind, and you'll always be unbalanced by that. Luckily, Fred's there to hold you up, together, whatever you need. 

"Do you want half of my muffin?" you ask. 

"I'm eyeing up your scone, honestly." 

"You can have it if you want it." 

Fred hugs you tightly. "And deprive you? No way. I'll settle for the muffin if you feed it to me," he says hopefully. 

You twist in your chair, holding a bit of the muffin up for him to eat.

"I love you," you say. In a horror story, a nightmare, your nearly constant thoughts, he scoffs in your face. 

Fred swallows roughly. "I know. S'why you're gonna let me have half the scone, too." 

It's awfully cheesy, but you'd give him much more than a scone. You'd give him anything he asked you to give.

"Greedy," you say. 

"I resent that, ghost."

[cafeeeeeeeeee3]

I WANT TO DRAW CENTAUR HORSE CROSS SO *BAD* BUT I SUCK SO HARD AT DRAWING HORSES

Like, hear me out. This man??? He is HEAVILY associated with the royal guard. There is simply NOT ENOUGH centaur Cross.

I first though Abt making him a Clydesdale, because, y'know, they're MAJESTIC. Beautiful horses. However, I heard that, although you can ride them, they're not exactly the sort of animal ya wanna ride for much(apparently their feet"" get injured often), which, y'know, I can't picture Cross not being. They're apparently "draught" horses??

So, uh, they are more about carrying stuff. Even though the shape language would be amazing for these, because they're very robust, quadrangular, it does not quite fit.

So, uh, I found some stuff. I found stuff about "destrier horses", which were horses trained for battle, and the Wikipedia lists some breeds. There are some listed, but the one I thought coolest would be the Andalusian horse, because not only does he seem to be the one most popularly known for being a battle horse, but it is also known as "Spanish pure breed", which I thought would be nice, because it is a little callback (even if he is not Spanish, following the Sans nationality = creator's nationality thing).

The Wikipedia article also cites its use in diplomacy. I think it's a neat parallel to him being a tool to appease somebody else (after all, he is simply a result of Xgaster trying to create a perfect world for Xchara and Xfrisk).

The problem is,,, I do not know how to draw horses. Much less understand the difference between horse breeds and accentuate them.

But, uh, this is an idea. I've also been thinking about making the dream tale twins into elks because,,, it simply fits their vibe??? It would be hella cool to have apple slices, rotted away (perhaps apple cores?) stuck in his antlers, sprouting into small plants that droop low — bowing, if you will.

I also thought about minotaur Horror(or simply have something along the lines of Cross, but with a taurine body. I do not think the minotaur myth exactly fits with him, but this has never been about that tbh), simply because,,, isn't it fun when the bull is the owner of the slaughterhouse himself???? And, like, I feel like there's such fucking sick metaphors to make with that. Nobody creates carnivore animals to eat in an extensive fashion because the animal would eat more than it's worth, ultimately making for a model that does not sustain itself.

I've kinda thought about dust and Killer, but, like, there's just not enough reason in any of my choices??? I think Ram Dust is really sick, because "yes". I do not have a deep reason for it.

I,,, don't really know what to do for Killer tho, if I were to do something like that. I thought about those deer with fangs, because I think that the way that their outward display of aggression ends up being bad for them kinda mirrors Killer.

I mean, if I remember correctly, he's quite literally taken off his "powerful" eye. It's why he cannot summon gaster blasters like other sanses do, instead being able to only summon a single one.

It isn't exactly about aggression, as much as it seems to be about trill seeking.

I do know this isn't canon, but I see Killer as an absolute adrenaline junkie. Mfer wants to feel good desperately, and he will hurt himself in the process without thinking twice — he will pet the kitties, whether they give him rabies or not (maybe some days he'll understand what the scratches mean and just,,, go away. Others, he will just try to coo and insist that they are really cute).

Anyways.

I also kinda wanted to make Killer a deer because in portuguese, deer is slang for gay and I really needed to fit this joke somewhere.

I have no idea what stuff like Swap and Ink would be too,,, like, Swap might be a moose because they're close enough to elks and they're also hella bulky, and really remind me about maple syrup, but, uh, they're REALLY big. Swap ain't that big. He's a small tank. Which might bring him closer to sheep territory, but I need a sheep that is BULKY, a sheep that can pack a punch,,, but I'm not sure. Since he is usually regarded as looking fairly weak(AND HE IS WEAK AS HELL. Swap has the stats of a normal sans, but none of the benefits,, I think he has TOP NOTCH protective gear so that most hits simply do not cause any damage. He can take the weight. I also think he has a shield, and he absolutely uses that shield as a main weapon — he fights against people whose defense is attack by making his attack his defense) a sheep might work???

Ink makes me think about cows. Because of the splatters, and because cows scream unhingedness to me (miltank flashbacks), while being usually hella strong.

They're not agile, though.

Ink always felt like a monkey to me, as the closest analogy. I mean, think about him,,, just,,, it does not fit here, y'know?

I also think it would be funny.

Anyways, I ramble too much.

[thefirstknife]

So, is there a "prevailing" idea/theory/lore fact on why Osiris and Saint have different memories of things? That he really isn't "our" Saint, or that he and Osiris just remember things differently because even IRL people who were there for the same thing can remember it happening in different ways since memory isn't infallible? Something else? (I don't personally think it changes that Saint is Saint--unless he was pulled from a timeline where he had radically different experiences that would shape him into a wildly different person, he's still himself at his core across all those timelines that would lead to him being the same person.)

From what I've seen, most people just assume that the Conductor is correct and Osiris fucked up or something and we saved the wrong Saint.

Personally, I think it's more complicated than that, especially with today's reveal about the Saint that died. Originally, it was never cleared up if us saving Saint completely overwrote his death. Like, we didn't know if his grave would simply be gone after we saved him. It appears not (or at least that's what Ikora believes; Ikora is convinced we'll find his body there)! Which is really interesting because there's several really complex things involved, most notably the time paradox.

This is really difficult to get across but basically, we can pretend that the original Saint that died is Saint 1 and the one we saved is Saint 2. Saint 1 must've met us because we found the remains of the Perfect Paradox on his body. We took that and crafted the gun and then delivered it to Saint 2 in another timeline who is then saved. But that creates a problem of how does Saint 1 have it; we have to give it to him too. And if we gave it to him, that means the Sundial was created and we're there. This is further complicated by the nature of the Infinite Forest as a simulation engine. The Perfect Paradox is a really big point, as is the whole actual time paradox. I think it significantly complicates the situation to go beyond the simple "oh it's just a Saint from some other timeline and we rescued a wrong one." Obviously, it depends on how detailed they want to go with this story right now.

Even if these are two different Saints, they both must've met us which sets the course for Saint's life and shouldn't really change much about it. The divergence possibly happens in regards to whether or not Osiris creates the Sundial in that timeline (but if he doesn't, then the Saint that dies can't have the Perfect Paradox on him). If Osiris' "real" Saint died and we saved another one, there should not actually be any significant difference with their memories. Their memories should NOT differ. And they didn't, until the yoke.

That means that the yoke is what caused this and if it's caused by the yoke, then we can't really fully believe anything that the Conductor put in Saint's head. So far we've seen them having diverging memories on one thing, but just before that, we saw them in complete agreement on their memories. And Saint never experienced this before with anyone else either. My conclusion is that the Conductor scoured the timelines for other Saints and fed him other memories that may exist, which naturally caused an existential crisis.

This week Saint also seems to be doing better. He exhibited other memories that we know are correct, like where and when he met us and how that all went. He also specifically doubts the Conductor's manipulation by saying that he remembers the smells and sounds of the City normally, so how can he possibly be a fake?

I wonder how they'll go about this. How in-depth they'll dig and if there's an easier explanation that I'm not seeing. I do think that a significant part of the solution will just be convincing Saint that no matter what, he is Saint who lives with Osiris right now and that's it. It doesn't matter which version he is. Saint already had some thoughts like this today in the radio!

If anyone else wants to take a crack at the time shenanigans, feel free to add!

[napolonio]

Do you accept asks? It's okay you can just delete this if you don't. So I've been detaching from ego and at times I feel at peace, then the ego is triggered and I'm back to being anxious. I think I'm expecting this "special" experience to happen like this euphoric feeling, cause I know that I'm not the ego, or whatever it thinks or feels, but I guess I'm expecting the thoughts and feelings to stop completely. And they're still here. Which makes me feel like I'm not detaching correctly lol. Do you mind sharing how you were able to let go of your ego for good? Thanks!

See, I think that many of us will continue to make use of a body, concepts and live in a world of perception, so really, ego will still be there in some shape or form. What you really need to realize is that you are not it.

To understand ego is to understand time. Through life when we operate as a body, we learn concepts, we learn rules, we learn structures, and that's how ego gets shaped. It is used to navigate life. You know that if a car is driving at high speed, you should not cross the street, that's ego. You have learned social qeues so that you can interact with others, that's ego. "If ___ happens I should do ___". It's a literal program. Now, all ego knows is illusory, because it's the past, it no longer exists. You see life through the past, you aren't really in the now, so really what does ego know? How can ego be helpful in the now if it only operates based on something that does not exist?

Say you were betrayed by a friend. What does the ego do? It feels like its sense of identity has been menaced, so it has to defend itself. It internalizes this experience, it keeps the memory and uses it as its favorite accesory. Friends are fake, you're unlucky and everyone betrays you, you need to keep your defenses up. Not only are you giving yourself this identity, but also your friend, perpetuating the whole story thinking that keeping such memory alive in the now, will bring you a different future and keep you safe in the present.

You wouldn't dare forgive your friend. They deserve your cold stare and hatred. What if you thought about forgiving them? Forgiveness not in the conventional way, but in a new meaning. Forgiveness being an act of correction. What forgiveness really is, is the realization that the betrayal was illusory, it was never real, your friend is innocent. Your ego would feel so frightened by the sole idea, it will feel so vulnerable and unprotected. But you can't really stop identification with your own identity, while also keeping alive the menacing stories you have of seeming others. They're not separate from you and how you see them, directly affects you.

As long as you keep alive your labels of this world, its people, the body, you will still continue to need that ego that created this world. It will keep you bound.

The reason why I think mentioning other people is important, is because seeming others is one of the reasons ego exists. Ego sees others as an enemy. You can let them close, but not too much. As long as you keep stories of others, it will have an effect on you. You can't get rid of your own stories and keep others' alive. Because imagine again your betrayer friend, say you think you successfully "let go of your ego" and the friend comes into frame again, you still hold their story, what will happen? What you mentioned in your ask, ego gets triggered, and what does it bring back?? Correct, your identity of being an unlucky person who has fake friends.

This applies for everything you have learned about this world, society, science, objects, history, all of it. None of it is the now. Continuing to see life through those lenses, is to keep the past alive.

So, to conclude ego=past learnings. If you realize all is now, ego becomes useless. If you trust and surrender to your true nature, you can learn to live as God/imagination/consciousness, and cease the contract with the ego.

It's not linear. Personally I'm not a huge fan of trying to rush things, I enjoy patience. Which brings me to my favorite ACIM quote "infinite patience, brings immediate results".

Also, something fun that not everyone on here might be a fan of, challenge yourself to do things you don't usually do because it's soo "out of character". Say you ask for dark coffee every day, now choose the craziest drink in the menu you can think of. Say your bed sheets are always dark colored, buy a bright colored one. Do/say something that makes you cringe. Dress in a way you would never 😈. It's very funny, I do it every day lmao. Challenge your perception of self. If you feel like you can't, start by imagining it. Imagine yourself doing out of character stuff. You'll see you'll naturally stop being the character.

Disclaimer: as I mentioned at the beginning, most likely you will continue to make use of a body, therefore don't put it in situations of danger. It still has to eat (because I've seen some people asking about eating in imagination 🥴), it can't fly, don't cross the street without looking both ways. This work is mental, so don't feel the need to prove something in the "physical", that's very foolish to do, considering that you probably are still attached to the body and your concepts of it and of this world. Meaning it can be endangered if you try to defy those concepts.

[nanabansama]

Be Worried for Mitsuba

I've seen a frankly concerning number of people say they expect Mitsuba to be fine after what happened in Chapter 110, and as someone who isn't fully confident he will survive yet, it bothers me a bit! As such, I wanted to bring up a list of reasons why I think Mitsuba could be in danger, and why people might be in for a rude awakening depending on how things shape out.

First, I wanted to bring up something that I don't think a lot of people know about. It's the official tag line for Volume 20.

This is from the Square-Enix website. It says: 「最初でさいごの夜遊び。」

This translates as "Their first and last Night Out."

I don't know about you guys, but this gets my warning bells ringing. It's obviously talking about Kou and Mitsuba's date at the aquarium. So if that was their first and also last one, then...that doesn't sound very reassuring, does it?

Now, a popular theory I've seen going around is that Mitsuba will turn Kou into his yorishiro. And while I think this is a delightful idea, I don't think it will happen.

While yorishiro can take human form, the two cases we've seen (Sumire and Tsukasa) were dead by the time it happened. We don't know if it's possible for it to happen to someone who is still alive!

I also want to direct your attention to the first Clock Keepers arc, when Kou got aged up to around Teru's age.

If you remember, Nene, unlike Kou, was unable to be aged up by Mirai because she had no lifespan left. This basically confirms that Kou will survive until he's in high school, less his fate is changed.

Note that he has no visible yorishiro seal, too.

Now...it's not like he still can't become one! But how likely is it, really? Do we even know if a yorishiro can age? And do we know if someone can stop being a yorishiro? We haven't found a way to get rid of a yorishiro outside of destroying it yet. Tell me, how cheap would it be for Kou to become Mitsuba's yorishiro while facing zero of the consequences?

Honestly, I feel the whole concept of a yorishiro cop-out is a bit cheap, anyway...not that I want Mitsuba to die, but it feels cheesy for him to overcome this by just realizing how important Kou is to him, doesn't it? Couldn't we have done that in the Aquarium arc instead of having this pointless, drawn-out segue?

It seems that for all Mitsuba has done, it just hasn't been enough, tragic as it is. I do believe Mitsuba has found something important to him, or is at least starting to...but it's all too little, too late.

Anyway, has anyone thought about a way for Mitsuba to get out of this situation besides getting a yorishiro? It's worth mentioning that Natsuhiko implied only a school mystery with a yorishiro could survive contact with his cursed blood, but I can't help wondering if there's another option.

Mitsuba's body has a unique constitution, after all. He's a Frankenstein amalgamation of several different weak supernaturals given an identity by the sense of reason taken from the previous Mitsuba.

He falls apart if he doesn't eat. When this happens, he can restore himself by eating supernaturals. He also craves human flesh, which also might be able to heal him, but that obviously hasn't been tested yet.

So here's my question: Could Mitsuba eat enough supernaturals or humans to cure his body of the cursed blood? Would he...try to? It's not like there aren't plenty around him right now...

And then what happens? Even if he only ate the plantlike supernaturals, those were humans. They could've been saved, as proven by when Teru defeated one and restored her back to her human form in Chapter 104. If he hurt any of them, then what would that mean for Mitsuba? And how would Kou react? Just something to think about...

Changing subjects, I think the fact that the original Mitsuba Sousuke's mother is present is interesting, too. I feel like she's incredibly important to the events happening to Mitsuba right now--she's here for a reason, that's for sure. Whether that's anything that'll change his fate or not is another thing.

And just to be clear, while his concern for the previous Mitsuba Sousuke's mother is pretty cute, I don't think it's enough to create a yorishiro out of. Heck, even if he was the first Mitsuba, I don't think his bond with his mother was strong enough to manifest as a yorishiro. (No shade, of course.)

I did point out in my Chapter 110 Spoilers post that she could just be here to watch her son die again, which is an idea I still kind of like. It's a bit poetic, no? Or maybe she will somehow be able to meet him one last time and get closure. I can't say for sure, but I feel like ignoring Mitsuba's mom in this discussion at all is a dangerous pitfall...

In any case, I hope this convinced some of you to start worrying for Mitsuba's life.

Huh? Which Mitsuba, you ask?

Who knows...

[gremlin-writes-angst]

Scraps to a Tank

Chapter two

2.5 k words

Fandom: Redacted Asmr/Audio

TW/CW: Quinn in other words toxic, controlling, abusive relationship. nothing graphic. This is a Boxing/Fighting Au so there is fighting, i wouldn't consider it graphic, but everyone's different so read with your own discretion. Homelessness. Yelling.

Let me know if I missed a trigger or spelling mistake.

Please comment and reblog, it lets me know people like my stuff and encourages me to write more!!!!!!

Two months later

Honestly, Darlin was expecting this to be easier for them.

But two months had passed and David still wouldn't let them in a real ring.

It was more than frustrating.

Day after day, hour after hour they would fight the same two people.

And that was if David was feeling nice.

Most days it was just punching bags and lifting.

They were itching to do more.

To fight new people.

To fight in a ring.

In front of an audience.

The adrenaline from that was something they craved.

Even when it was staged, and they lost. Hearing the crowd's reaction. Feeling the blood dripping from their face. Feeling the sweat cover their body.

They were an addict.

And David was keeping them sober.

They were using their frustration to attack the punching bag. They weren't planning on stopping anytime soon.

" You don't seem too happy"

Darlin's new friend, sweetheart intersects. Sweetheart watches as they take off their gloves, seemingly done with their practice for the day.

Darlin huffs.

Sweetheart watches for a while. After a minute or two they look around, no one else is in the gym. So they propose an idea

" would you want to spare?"

Darlin stops punching the bag, excitement distracts them, barely stopping the bag before it could swing back.

Darlin takes a few large breaths, catching the lungs up.

Sweetheart starts strapping their gloves back on

" No one's here, you wouldn't get in trouble"

Sweetheart walks away, yelling to account for the distance as they climb into one of the rings

Darlin smirks grabs their water, and takes a large sip before practically skipping to the ring sweetheart resided in.

" I'm not worried about that"

Darlin climbs into the ring. Sweetheart cocks an eyebrow

"Oh, so what are you worried about then?"

Their voice drips with a taunting tone

Darlin bounces on their feet a little

"You. Not sure if you remember the last time we fought."

Sweetheart lets out a short but genuine laugh.

"Oh, I remember. I remember letting you win."

" so you're saying you let me headbutt you"

" yes, in fact, I told you so seconds before you did it"

" I don't recall that."

Darlin was lying, this was just a little friendly shit talk before a fight. To ramp them up, and it was working.

Both fighters were ready. They circled each other while holding eye contact.

They both knew the first swing would come at any moment.

Darlin planned to Strick first, but first, they gave one more small push with their words

" must be the hit you took."

Darlin felt the signals in their brain move to take action, a simple swing to sweetheart's left cheek. But before anything connected, a voice boomed from across the room

" What do you two think you're doing?"

David

Both fighters dropped their hands.

Darlin rolls their eyes as Sweetheart whispers an apology

Darlin doesn't let up though. They were tired of this

" What does it look like we were doing?"

They didn't dare call him any names but they really, really wanted to

" What it looked like was you two were about to fight. When you both know you're not supposed to."

Darlin shaped back

"And why's that? We're both awesome ass fighters, so why can't we have a little sprawl"

David looked to sweetheart. They knew the answer, at least their answer.

"You want to know?"

Darlin rolls their eyes and lets their head fall back in annoyance

"Yes. Are you even listening?"

David began to walk to his office

"Fine. Wash up a meet me in here"

Darlin's eyes lit up, and they immediately headed to his office. That was before David glared them down.

" I said to wash up first"

Darlin took a breath, holding back the anger they felt. They forced a tight smile and walked away and toward the locker room.

In minutes they were sitting in David's office. David sat at his desk. Darlin on the other side. Without saying anything David's turned the computer screen toward Tank

The screen shows a steady shot of two fighters.

Darlin and Asher.

Darlin remembers this fight, there wasn't anything special about the fight.

They just remember because David set up a tripod.

Being filmed didn't change how they fought.

It was a good fight. They lost but they always lost. But the fight still felt amazing.

So why film it?

It was like every other fight they had with Asher.

So why show them it?

David Interrupts their thoughts.

" I want you to pay attention to Asher. See how he fights from this perspective."

Darlin leaned back into the chair, already annoyed with this task

" I've seen Asher fight before."

David sighs

" I know, just- just watch the video"

They do as he says, though they're more focused on how intently David is watching them.

They felt belittled

He didn't trust them.

Not like he should

They really didn't see the point in watching a video when they saw Asher fight, I  person about a hundred times now.

They figured if David was going to watch them so closely they might as well do as their told.

They focus on Asher, their fight is about halfway over at this point. At least that's what the recall. There's no indicator of who's winning yet. Just two fighters, fighting.

Then Asher laughs

He's known for his laugh

He's named after it.

Tank begins to roll their eyes at the obnoxious sound, it was pointless really.

But then they caught something.

Asher's body was practically split in two.

The side closer to Tank was moving one way. Fast, a clear attack.

But the other side was staying back just a little bit.

Darlin watched as they blocked Asher's first attack only to be thrown off and hit, square in the face by Asher's other hand.

Darlin remembers that.

He did that move a lot, but they never caught the pattern until now.

Because from the opponent's view, there is nothing to see.

It is invisible.

Tank is drawn in now.

Asher pulls the same trick over and over till he wins.

Though it is not the same, it is always a different move, a different combination. He has no clear dominant hand. No clear strategy. Not to the opponent at least. The only sign is that laugh.

It's a giveaway

But he still gets away with his sneak attack every time.

David watches as Tank's brain starts to pick at Asher's moves.

He glared door it but he's afraid their missing the big picture.

" Now watch you"

Darlin is actually interested now.

It's like their not even watching themselves because all they can think about is how stupid this fighter has to be, to fall for Asher's trick

David restarts the video

Darlin watches themselves very intensely. And yet they noticed nothing before the video ended

They were perfect. Practically at least. All their throws were strong, their timing was amazing, and their blocks were fast.

So what was wrong?

They looked to David

Hoping he'd help

Reluctantly he questioned

" What difference between the two of you."

"Well, Ashers did that thing."

"No. Not what you did differently. What is the difference between the two of you."

"Well, he is Asher and I'm Tank. We're different people."

David tries to relax, Tank was definitely his most frustrating trainee

" How are you two fighting, that is different?"

"Repeating the same question doesn't help. And we are both trained by you so nothing."

David looks into their eyes, he blinks. He's annoyed.

" Then why did he win? You are both trained by me and both lift the same amount, your strength is equivalent. Why did he win?"

" I.don't.know"

Tank wanted David to answer for them.

David refused to let that happen.

"Watch again. This time watch your chest and face. Ashers too."

Tank held eye contact with David.

David didn't back down either

" you'll watch this video until you figure it out."

Tank sighed before letting their eyes move back to the screen.

Once again the video played. And though they wanted to pay attention to the punching, they did as David said.

They watched their chest, move up and down consistently. They watched how fast they were breathing, how fast their chest reddened and covered in sweat. They looked over at Asher, it was completely different. He was still sweating but his breathing was slow.

They look back at themselves. They pay attention to their face, their eyes were rapid. Focused on Asher's arms.

Ashers were sharp, staying locked onto Tank's full body.

The video ended.

David asked again

" What is different between you and Asher?"

"We breathe differently."

They were proud to find the answer

" So?"

They weren't so proud anymore

"So what? The question was what was different. And now you're asking more."

" yes. I am. So why is the breathing important?"

" How the hell am I supposed to know. You are the teacher, you're supposed to tell me."

David doesn't reply, he waits for them to work it out

" So what if I'm fast, I move fast, so I breathe fast, s9 my eyes move fast."

"Why?"

It became too much too fast. They jumped out of the chair. They pushed past David and left the office

" I don't know David. God do you not understand that."

David followed the stubborn fighter out. He knew they were getting there.

" Fighters fight differently. So why does it matter if I was sweating more or if my eyes were watching his arms? Why was he watching my body? I mean the real question is why wasn't he paying attention to my arms? Why wasn't he fighting as hard as I was? Does he not see me as a real competitor? It's infiltrating. I'm good, maybe not perfect, but I'm a good fighter. It makes me so angry. How am I supposed to focus when I'm this fucking angry?"

They go quiet, fast. Then they mummer the last sentence again.

The realization makes them angrier

Their to fucking angry

“Fuck! It's cause I'm too angry. Right?

David's face confirmed exactly what they thought.

“I need to be angry David! That's all I have, it's all I have. I need it. I need it to be strong, it's how I live!”

David was a teacher

A great one

Because he cares

Even if it wasn't always obvious

But at this moment Tank could see it clearly

David stepped closer wanting to be some comfort

Tank stepped back.

They weren't scared

Not of David

Just what he was trying to do

As much as they wanted to turn around and run away, never returned.

David was right

He always was

And they were in the best position they've ever been in their life.

They were stronger and still learning

They were surrounded by people who wanted that

Who helped them both as a fighter and a person

They were surrounded by friends

They didn't notice when tears started to flood their eyes

They refused to notice the tears

They got quieter

They don't remember the last time they were this vulnerable

Or just vulnerable

“It's how I got away David”

David stayed still

He could understand to an extent

They needed to be heard

He knew any interruptions could make them run.

so he stayed still.

“I can't let the anger go, as soon as I do I'm done. So don't, don't tell me that the problem.”

David let the silence settle

Tank sniffled

When David felt it was safe he spoke

“ You don't have to let it go”

Tank scoffs

“ You don't. How badly do you want this? To be a fighter, a great fighter?”

The energy in the room shifted

“I need it, David”

Tank's voice was almost desperate. David knew they wanted to say more but something stopped them.

“ Then you have to listen to me. Don't let go of your anger, it will be useful. Store it, let it build. Let it build and use it when needed. You don't need to be angry at Milo, Asher, or sweetheart. You need to save that anger for a real fight, when your dignity is on the line when your opponent doesn't see you as a worthy opponent. For now, you store it. While you learn how to fight without it.”

For a minute the tension in the gym was suffocating.

Then Tank laughed and smiled at David

“That's the Best advice you've ever given”

David's lips lifted, just enough for Tank to consider it a smile

“Thanks, my dad said something similar when I was young. So it's mostly his advice.”

“ don't sell yourself short, David.”

“You're one to talk.”

The two stood there with partial grins. The conversation was over, it was clear to both of them yet no one was leaving.

David was expecting Tank to leave, everyone else was gone, and the gym was officially closed

“Do you need something else?”

David asked with his normal amount of annoyance in his voice

“No”

Tank answered

“ then you are free to go”

Tank's face changed to one of realization, though David thought it to be one of exhaustion

Tank finally looked away and made their way toward their bag. Once they grabbed it they headed to the door.

David right behind to lock it after they left.

Tank grabbed the handle and pulled before letting go and spinning around rather quickly.

“ David, I don't want to leave”

David was reaching his limit for the day, he didn't want to play any more games with Tank.

“Too bad, I'm kicking you out, go home.”

David reached around and opened the door for Tank. The cold hit him quickly as he stood outside waiting for Tank.

But they just stood there

“That's the thing, David, I don't have a home.”

Even though they had a strange lightheartedness, almost joking tone to their voice. David was fast to take this confession seriously. He slowly walked back in allowing the door to close

Intimidated and scared, Tank backed further into the building and started to overshare

“Ive been staying here. I don't use anything that's not mine. I just sleep.”

David held down his distaste about Tank staying before asking. He wanted to focus on the fact that they were in need.

“You can continue to stay here, just make sure you clean up before anyone shows up. And for future reference don't ever do shit like that behind my back.”

“ Of course, the first time it was an accident. Still sorry for not asking. I don't really make enough to pay you what I should but I do have some-”

“ no, I don't need your money Tank.”

“But I-”

“You staying here doesn't change how much rent or utilities cost, that is as long as you aren't taking extra showers or anything. So I don't need the money, you just save up while you stay here so that you can get a place.”

“Thanks, David”

“Yeah, no problem. Ive got some paperwork to do in my office. I'll lock up now and say goodbye before I go.”

[ttaibhse]

i need to start up running again i haven't been in ages and i feel shitty about it but i still just don't really want to. especially now it's getting colder lol i like running in cool weather but when it's actually cold not as much. i was getting so bored of it idrk why i guess because i was running out of new routes to do... i hate running along the road and the thought of adding more distance which basically would mean adding more time on the road or just mindless loops of the parks wasn't really motivating lol. and i felt like i stopped making progress. and then i got sick and the pain in my back/hips came back for a while. and to be honest i was/am just disappointed that i wasn't losing any weight at least not perceptibly and obviously i was lying when i said the goal of it wasn't to lose weight lol. like not the only goal i did/do also want to just be a fitter and more active person and not let my bones crumble into dust by middle age whatever but ultimately i want to lose weight and it just wasn't happening. even though i wasn't intentionally eating much more to make up for the extra activity but i probably was doing it without meaning to. like admittedly there were definitely times i would be like oh i can have a bit more i did a big run today. not all the time but enough i guess. i feel like shit i hate being this size & shape i miss being skinny and the more time passes with me not being skinny it gets harder to remember the negatives that came with it. like i look back now and i know i was always cold and exhausted and obsessed with food and my whole life revolved around it like i know all that but i looked so much better -_- my clothes looked nicer. if someone took a photo of me i only had to worry about hating my face not my body as well. or not as much at least lol i always hated it i guess. but omfg my face even looks worse now because its just doughy. i cant stand it. i cant believe how fucked up i look lol

i hate writing posts like this i sound so cookie cutter stereotypical ED girl. it's so so embarrassing i can't stop feeling like this at nearly 28. im 28 in like 10 days and the first time i remember consciously deciding to stop eating to lose weight i was 10 or 11. my mum still seems to have genuinely blocked out the memories of it like any of it even though we talked about it at several different points in time when i was a teenager and i said to her what was going on and she was so angry with me like furious with me. and then again when i was an adult and just said outright because i knew i had put on weight over lockdown and i knew she thought i had just lost control of myself because she said so to my sister

so i said to her like look i was only really thin in uni because i was in like a 1.5k calorie deficit every single day. there were days i would stand up at the end of a lecture and almost black out lol so i said all that maybe 3 or 4 years ago was the last time i brought it up icr but still if the topic of eating disorders or similar comes up she will say things like "i hope youve never felt that way" LMFAO like full sincerity i swear to fucking god i dont understand. but anyway its not a great feeling knowing she thinks im fat because i just dont take care of myself. even though it is true i suppose. and every time i see my granny she comments on my weight. so anyway all that to say that's how i know it's true and it's not just in my head

like i can acknowledge that back in the day when i was something like 55kg and still thought i was huge that was some kind of dysmorphia involved. but not any more and it's just kind of a blow because i had finally started accepting this idea that i wasn't as big as i thought and now i am it's like i don't know like going backwards. like a nightmare come true or something it's literally all the bad thoughts i would have about myself are true now. i am that fat or even worse because i think i've been deluding myself i think i'm actually now bigger than i think i am. and i am lazy and eat badly and it still feels like my options are total lack of control or the tightest rein possible. theres no good middle ground i dont know how people find a middle ground. how do you eat normally lol. ive only ever been thin when i was barely eating + walking miles and miles every day AND on testosterone. i tried to do eating normally and now im so huge and i dont know what to do like logically i know there are people out there who have got it right so why cant i get it right

[bots-and-cons]

Heya Only! Here's my rq for now! (For Bee, Op, and whoever else you wanna add)

Bots find a young Cybertronian (somewhat younger than Bee,) whose family was killed in the war, who decided to become neutral or a 'Rouge' because of it. They've been alone and in survival mode for so long that they don't know how to act when meeting other Cybertronians, Autobots or not. So they freak out and try to run, but can't bc They're hurt.

Remember to drink water, get something to eat, and your writing is amazing<3

Maybe I’ll eventually do a part 2 to this where the reader wakes up at the autobot base stuff like that. Also thank you, and I hope you remember to eat something and stay hydrated too :D

~Bumblebee~

•Honestly, Bee has not met anyone younger than himself in a long time, because he has been with the team for so long, and he hasn’t met many other cybertronians in general during that time

•You’d crash landed on earth some time ago with a limited energon supply, so you were a bit lost on what to do when you started to run out

•You happened upon an energon mine while traveling around, but of course it was infested with decepticons, who were mining the stuff

•When you got desperate enough, you tried to steal some, but that didn’t end particularly well for you

•You managed to get away but you were hurt and scared and you had no idea what to do next

•A few days later, Bee stumbled upon you while he was scouting around the mine for a mission

•You were in really bad shape and scared out of your mind

•When you saw him approaching you, you assumed he was a decepticon due to the close proximity to the mine where you’d seen them

•You got up, hobbled a few steps and fell down

•You kept trying to crawl away from him, because you were so terrified

•Bee was a bit confused as to why you were so scared of him, but he soon realized you considered him a hostile entity that was out to hurt you

•Bee kept his distance while trying to calm you down and he showed you his autobot insignia

•This didn’t seem to make you any less scared, which also confused him, didn’t you know the autobots were the good guys?

•Eventually you were feeling so weak you couldn’t even crawl away anymore, you just laid on the ground in a fetal position, hoping that if he killed you, it would be quick

•At some point you passed out from the panic and your injuries and Bee called the base to get some help for you

~Optimus Prime~

•Optimus wasn’t particularly thrilled when he found you quivering in a cave in the middle of nowhere

•You looked terrified and there was this odd look in your eyes, like you were sure he was going to hurt you

•Optimus didn’t want to make you feel boxed in, so he sat near the cave entrance so you could see him, but also so you could see outside and leave if you wanted to

•Little did he know, you were barely functional at this point, your body feeling so heavy and in so much pain you didn’t even want to move

•You saw his autobot badge, but that didn’t suddenly make you trust him, it just meant he was just as responsible for the war as the decepticons

•Optimus tried to ask you your name, but you didn’t want to answer him, what good would it do? You were probably going to end up dead anyway

•He just talked to you for a while, he could see you were listening, since you were following him with your optics and you seemed to react very subtly to some of the things he said

•The only thing that seemed to really catch your attention was when he said he was a Prime

•That was the only thing you commented on; “You were supposed to protect us”

•Optimus of course knew he had lost the trust of many after Cybertron fell, but to hear it coming from someone so young, was so different and it made him go quiet for a while

•You eventually started fading in and out of consciousness, and when your optics finally closed, for a moment Optimus thought you had died from your injuries

•This didn’t end up being the case though and he brought you to the base, where Ratchet started patching you up

[scrubbinn]

_____ HRT: 15 months: “Human”

“Hey Mayday. How's my girlfriend doing today?... I hope you can hear me in there. I'm recording another tape for you in case you forget everything again. I just got back from the doctor, they ran some tests, still couldn't figure out what's up with my knee. I think maybe I'm just cursed, with this broken human body. I guess you don't have to deal with that now huh? Lucky.”

“It just sucks, you know? Not a single medical doctor in Canada can tell me what's wrong and then when suddenly, magic exists, it gets regulated so you can't use it for medicine! Ugh. Rules are dumb, why do we even have them. Also sucks that I have to walk here every time I miss you. Which is a lot. Why does everything have to be so shit?”

“Speaking of shit, you should have heard me go off on that doc when you first started… cocooning? I’m blanking on the word. But I just went off on that man, It felt so good just to throw everything back in that pompous jerk's face! He had it coming, you have no idea how long I've been waiting to go off on a medical professional. He does have his uses, I suppose. You weirdly seem to like him, and at least he can put in enough effort to care about your physical health. But you should have seen how he reacted to you, he makes me so, so, so, AAAAARG! Sorry, you don't like yelling right?”

“You know, when I heard about you passing out nearly half a year ago, I thought, this is it, I'm going to lose her forever. I guess I did, when she decided to forget me. That's not fair, I just, I can't help still being mad about it. After everything we went through, and everything you went through with our friends and family. This really meant more than all of those memories put together? God you're such a dummy. I wish I could understand you.”

“Getting to meet you all over again, I didn't hate it like I thought I would. No matter the memories, it really was still you. Just, a little different. Sorry I kept pushing you to remember something… Maybe it was wrong of me. But every time I saw your face, your eyes looked back like they were trying to remember anything. It made me kind of happy, like I was important enough that some small part of you didn’t want to let go of me. I thought we were making progress. But if we have to do it again when you come out. I might actually start to hate it.”

“...Hey, you are happy right? This is what you wanted, yeah? You know I'm ok with you not being human. When you told me you were thinking about this, I supported it. Though, I'm still having trouble getting used to it. I don't really know how to feel now that you're like this. I just, I want what makes you happy, and I know you want the same for me. It's just been difficult right now. To keep smiling. I… I went to that sushi place we were going to go to. They had really good unagi. I ate so much I could barely afford the bill, haha. I know if I go there again without you, it's just going to taste like nothing. If you're not there with me, what's the point? This moment. The world has color again, I can taste things again when I'm in this room, and it hurts so much because you're not here. I'm sorry I… I'm trying not to cry in front of you hun. I'm sorry.”

* * *

“You don't mind if I stay here tonight do you hun? I don't really feel like walking back home right now. When I’m with you I- um, hello?”

“Oh didn’t realize anyone else was here? You’re Abigail right?”

“And your May’s mom right?” Are you here to see her?”

“Yes, I haven’t actually checked in since I heard the news. Is that. Her?”

“Pretty sure yeah. Unless there’s another girlfriend shaped cocoon that I missed. D- Do you need a tissue?”

“No, I’ll be fine, thank you… Pardon, but would you be able to answer a question? I don’t really understand this whole therian thing. I’m still a little shocked when Mich- Mayday said she was doing this sort of thing in the first place. I’m fine with it, I support her. But, did she need to do this?”

“Huh, what do you mean?”

“Well I mean, did she need to change? Isn’t it just safer to hide? She’s doing such a brave thing but there are so many people that might hurt her. It's my job to worry about her, and I know this city is better and all with this sort of thing, but what if she gets attacked when she visits, what am I supposed to tell my sister if she asks what Mayday is up to. My family doesn't even know her name is Mayday now.”

“...Oh. Oh, this is weird seeing it from an outsider perspective.”

“I'm sorry? What do you mean?”

“It's that you don't get it, I mean I forgot it until now, but you don't understand. It would have been more dangerous if she didn't do this. She's in pain, her gender, Her body, her species. They don't match her brain. It's not like it's a choice either. She's hurting. Her staying human, she might have made worse choices. Ugh, I'm sorry hun. I should have realized how much this means to you, I'll be here, for real this time. I'll be here for y…

Oh my god, it's tearing. G-g-go! Get a doctor!”

“What? Oh! Uh, right!”

“Hun! Can you hear me? It's me! Follow my voice!”

“A…b…i…

Mimic HRT: 15 months: “no longer”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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Mention list: @a-shramp, @calliecwrites, @be702, @respectfulevil, @hyacinthdoll1315, @aster-is-confused, @bloodandbrandywine

[punsmaster69]

6/DEC/20XX

i'm throwing bones today.

big ol' pile of the things.

why?

because it's the lowest-effort option i could think of to dwindle that overflow stuff today.

"Ow."

"...?"

looking over at frisk, i couldn't immediately tell what they did, so i chalked it up to a cut or something.

"Ouch."

i heard a clatter, but missed whatever it was that fell.

frisk held their hands suspiciously behind their back.

"...you good, kid?"

"Yep. Just keep going."

barely a minute passed before i heard another exclamation of pain.

"Ow."

...their sweater, which was suddenly very odd-shaped, seemed to be the source of the pain sounds.

"..why?"

"Why what?"

"bones??"

"No idea what you're talking about."

(innocent smile.)

de-summoning some attacks, frisk's sweater returned to a normal shape.

"Aww..."

"Whyyy?"

"that's what i should be askin' you, kiddo."

"I want bones."

"you do have bones."

"My body-bones don't count."

"alright. fair enough."

"doesn't my bro give you bones all the time?"

"Yeah."

"then you do have bones."

"Not YOUR bones."

"same bones."

"Not the same!"

"Yours look different!!"

"how so?"

"Papyruses bone attacks are all sharp, and angular, like he is."

"Yours are all round, and soft."

"...Looking. Not feeling."

flicked a tiny bone at their forehead.

they caught it in their hands, and made an 'aww' sound.

"really?"

"Tinyyyy..."

"that is a bone."

"can't be cute."

"It's little, and therefore cute."

"And it's not even doing damage."

"how much did the other ones do?"

"Two damage. Three, when I dropped one on myself."

didn't expect anything else.

"Can I have a non-ouch one?"

"..sure, why not. i'll throw you a bone."

"want me to gift wrap that for you?"

"Wait, give me another one."

"ok."

"Make it hurt a little."

"..why?"

"I wanna give one to Flowey."

"ok."

"while you're at it, might as well give you one-"

"For Mom?"

"Yeah, yeah."

"When's your next date, anyway?"

"OW."

"deserved."

"I'm gonna tell her you're throwing bones at my face."

"you got what was coming to you."

"She's gonna ground you."

"not if i ground you first."

"Don't-"

"i don't even have that authority, kid."

they faced me, before giving me an earnest look and placing a hand on my shoulder.

"You can if you want to."

"you want me to ground you?"

"No- I meant, you can have that authority."

"bit weird to want more authority figures in your life."

"You're chill."

"I know you won't do anything, anyway."

"fair enough."

"Besides, if even Papyrus decided I was grounded, I would listen to him too."

"he wouldn't either."

"......."

"No, he wouldn't..."

"You get the idea though."

——

"Could you just summon a really giant one?"

"what you're seeing is what i've got."

"Give it a shot, you have to be able to!"

trying produced a slightly longer attack, not much different in size otherwise.

"Isn't there an easier way? This is taking ages!"

"this 𝘪𝘴 the easier way."

"How do you know when it's enough?"

"probably good enough when my head doesn't hurt anymore."

"Does your eye still hurt?"

"unfortunately. 's more of a dull pain than anything, which is good."

"Still having trouble seeing?"

"out the one."

"Think it'll be permanent?"

"probably not."

"Are you gonna have to get glasses if it is?"

"maybe."

"and...think that's it, kiddo."

"doesn't feel like my skull is splitting into pieces like before."

"Woo!"

"Now we can do literally anything else!"

"you didn't have to sit here through all this, y'know."

"Wanted to hang out with you today."

"even at the cost of your entertainment?"

"It wasn't really that bad. I'm just dramatic."

"Besides, it's not everyday I get to watch a skeleton make a bone pile."

"...I should jump into them like leaves."

"should not."

"you'll break all your bones 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 bones."

before they could consider it any further, i un-summoned the bone mound.

"tori'll ground 𝘮𝘦 if i let you do that, kid."

"c'mon."

"let's go inside before it gets colder."

——

bones must be comfier than you'd figure, being twice now that they've fallen asleep on one of us skeletons.

to be fair though...

frisk could probably fall asleep just about anywhere, if they tried hard enough.

[bunny-j3st3r]

Wanted to write some Haycinth headcanons because he's been evolving lately.

Haycinth uses He/Him or They/them but mostly answers to He/him

He's a BIG dude, he stands at about 6"4 and is fat, built like a bodybuilder.

He learned to cook his own food being a big guy he needs to eat certain kinds of food and a lot to keep his bulk. He never really knew how to cook before meeting Rose but learned over time.

He was found by Rose in an underground fighting arena where he had been muzzled and made to fight, when not fighting he was locked in a cage practically and fed basic meals.

He's taken a lot of beatings over the years so does not remember much of his past, he isn't sure he even has a family.

He has a thing for sheep folk but thinks its just a hunger thing not realizing he literally just has a weird fetish.

He neither hates nor likes Rose but is loyal to her

He likes Daisy and the two have something going on but dosn't talk about it, it's nothing romantic but he does like her attention and seems to get in a good mood when she's mentioned.

He normally gets a few days off per month and likes visiting street food markets and trying different foods that he never really got to taste when locked up, he's also hoping the smells or tastes will trigger something in his memory.

He comes off as a scary big dude but he has a weakness for small baby animals, he will never tell ANYONE in the gang about it though because he'd never live it down.

He dislikes the idea of killing, he isn't sure why considering he's practically a cannibal and if given the chance will eat someone without hesitation.

He has said if he were ever to kill his first kill is going to be Rose, Rose is very much aware of this but is also aware he NEEDS her because he's just lost without her.

He often vaugely teases the other gang members by threatning to eat or maim them, the only ones that seem unaffected by these are Daisy, Rose, Zinnia and Gladiolus.

He's technically 'banned' from the bar because he dislikes to drink but was caught mixing coffee with energy drink after not sleeping for three days as well as stealing coffee that wasn't his.

He still goes to the bar though because he knows Zinnia won't touch him when he's 'working' and just like :) at them the entire time, smug ass.

His relationship with Gladiolus is odd at best, he dosn't consider him a friend but likes annoying him, plus with him being a Ram he keeps finding himself drawn to him.

He wears a shock collar for the safety of himself and others around him, it can only be removed by Rose and the only time it's ever removed is if Rose wants him to do a job.

The voltage in the collar isn't a small shock either, it's been messed around with by Crocus who basically made it into a weapon specfically aginst Haycinth, it's enough of a voltage shock to knock out a Rhino.

Haycinth is just an alt version of my own sona so has kept some of my sonas traits which includes immortality and shape shifting, he rarely uses the shifting form though because he thought he could at first to get the collar off but it seems to just fit around whatever size he goes.

He can't shift into anything smaller than a rat, anything smaller could do damage to his body.

He says he's Aroace but it's mostly to stop people asking about his private life, he's to dedicated to Rose to really pay much attention to having relationships.

He does get blood lust though, when his adrenline is heightened and he smells blood he's like a shark in water and will rip and tear at the source until he tastes it in his mouth.

Haycinth is used for myself to explore darker topics I don't really do often with my own sona.