#i don't know why it's apparently so rare to have no male options

[poolboyservice]

PICREWS HAVE OPTIONS FOR MEDIUM AND LONG HAIR LENGTH THAT ISNT INHERENTLY FEMININE CHALLENGE (IMPOSSIBLE!!!)

[wolven91]

A New Mattress

It was odd to have money. George was used to fighting for every penny then figuring out how to stretch that penny as far as it would go.

There was an old joke from George's home that two of his countrymen were fighting over a penny one day and the pair of them invented copper wire as a result. The shrewd business sense and unwillingness to pay over the odds or for something unneeded flooded through the veins of everyone that came from his area.

Granted, nowadays he didn't know how many of his countrymen yet lived. He suspected it was more than himself, he wasn't the only one rescued from his hometown, but he'd been shuffled and lost track of where they were.

Still, now that George was shockingly well paid for a job that wasn't particularly taxing or highly skilled, his bank account was looking healthier than it ever was before.

"Tell me again, why I have to get a new mattress? Mine *is* new. It's literally brand new, they 'printed' it for me when I bought my furniture." The human male asked.

"Because it's not about having a basic mattress, an Atlas one is important."

"Why?"

"Health reasons."

George blinked up at the tall, muscular adonis that was staring down at him, despite him being well over six feet tall.

The taurian woman who he was speaking with was originally one of the first of the aliens to talk to him like a normal person. Brellin was a hulk of a woman, with a set of horns atop her head that could gore someone quite viciously if she wanted to hurt them. Granted, Brellin was more of a lover than a fighter. They'd been talking about moving in together for the last four months, but she was adamant that she would never stay the night unless they got a specific mattress.

One that wasn't exactly the cheapest option. 

"So, your back hurts orrr...?" George probed. If it was that she had a bad back, he wouldn't mind getting the mattress, he had the money, he just abhorred wasting money. She had the body of a body builder, so it wouldn't be a surprise if she had hurt her back by over doing it in the gym.

"Let's say 'yeah' and drop it? I told you from the beginning. I need one of those if I'm staying over." One of her hands came over and caught his chin between a finger and thumb as she stepped forward and lifted his head gently, but without letting him have control.

"I don't mind just coming over for fun, but that's my rule. Get the mattress and we can have fun all night..." She promised, seemingly getting into the role of the seducer. It fine change now that the taurian knew the human was putty in her hands.

That evening, a new Atlas mattress was delivered and placed onto the oversized bed frame of George's home. He dutifully fit the sheets, having a mild fight with them, but ultimately winning.

As he waited for Brellin, he clambered up onto the bed and lay on it.

It didn't feel any different, besides the grooves cut into the mattress itself. It was made from an odd material and the grooves deliberately cut into the material gave the appearance of a diced mango still attached to the rind.

It didn't matter to him for long though, as his front door rang as Brellin arrived.

Several hours later, Brellin was storing up a storm and George could barely feel his legs but couldn't help the contented grin on his face. The taurians were apparently a race of incredible stamina and the fact that sex for them was a rare event, they were beyond the term 'eager'.

It took some mental gymnastics to get over the size difference. An eight-foot-tall body builder that wanted to use her tongue on every inch of him was certainly a change of pace, but George could make that sacrifice to keep her happy.

Still, her warm, finely furred body was incredible, and he wished to never have to stop her pressing it against him.

Unfortunately, he got his wish.

Unbeknownst to him, Brellin, was a hugger.

Completely asleep, satisfied as she was, the giant minotaur rolled over, the mattress barely shaking despite her huge size, and her arms reached out to find her lover. George woke immediately from his dozing when the power clawed hands grabbed his shoulder and bodily dragged him into her body as if he were no more than a pillow.

A heavy body fell atop him, and the air was forced from his lungs, it coming out in a whoosh of air.

Then she was still again, perfectly asleep and dead to the world.

George, however, was pressed firmly in the centre of her chest, her full body weight pressing down on him, crushing him. He couldn't get air, couldn't lift her, couldn't breathe!!

The only movement he could even do, was turn his head, thanks to the deforming nature of the mattress he was being pressed into.

Air!

Sweet, cool air weaved its way between the grooves of the mattress beneath him and the entrapped man sucked it in greedily.

After a few, the man reevaluated his situation.

He was currently trapped beneath his lover. She was beyond strong, far too heavy to move, and it looked as though she was going to be staying still for the foreseeable future. The mattress beneath him had deformed enough that he wasn't being crushed and allowed oxygen to reach him despite what should have been a crushing weight.

Thank god Brellin told him to get this thing before they had actually fallen asleep together...

After a few minutes, the human came to the conclusion that this wasn't the *worst* situation in the world. His view, limited as it was, was incredible. His world for the time being was limited to just Brellin and he could feel her almost covering every square inch of him.

He was 'stuck' here until at least morning, so the young man settled in, enjoyed what he could and rapidly fell asleep listening to the massive heartbeat and steady lungs of his lover.

[conversationswiththemoon]

Hey Bioware, what the heck

VEILGUARD CHARACTER SPOILERS!!! . .

. Does nobody at Bioware know how people age? Never met a woman anyone in their 40's/50's?! I'm seriously baffled. We've got Old Granny Wynne, white-haired and bewrinkled, moaning about her advanced years at the ripe old age of... 49? And it's not just women. Let's not forget the travesty that was Teagan Guerrin during Tresspasser. Now in Veilguard, we've got Dorian "I use at least five products in my nightly regimen" Pavus having aged unusually hard for his age and character type. Plus we have a romanceable companion of an older persuasion. Male, of course. If you can smooch an older companion, he will be, without fail, male. Then there's the flip side. We've also got Morrigan and Isabela, both whom were introduced 20+ game years ago. They are canonically now in the same age range Wynne was in during DAO. And yet, miraculously, they've sported no signs of aging at all since the very moment we laid eyes on them. Nary a wrinkle, gray hair, or bodily 'flaw' in sight. Unlike Wynne, who was not a romance option, Morrigan & Isabela have to still look fuckable, which apparently means they don't get to visibly age. I mean yeah, I think they're sexy. But there's zero need to keep them perma-young. Middle aged women are sexy as fuck too. (See: Vivienne de Fer, also not romanceable.) But we rarely ever get to see an accurately depicted lady in her sexual prime, much less romance her! The only one I can think of off the top of my head is Cassandra, who turns 40 around the time of Tresspasser. And that's frustrating. So, again, Bioware. What the heck?! I know a bunch of you ARE middle-aged, so what gives? Why are 40somethings in your games either perky and nubile OR wizened and crawling inexorably towards the grave? Plz advise.

[giulliadella]

So I've seen a lot of discussion among Gravity falls fans about Bill being possibly adopted, since he is yellow and his parents were blue and red. I think that this idea is kind of silly and I'll give you four reasons why it might be like that! Three of them are pure biology and fourth one is a little fucked up.

SPOILERS FOR THE BOOK OF BILL!

Reason 1: Yellow is a recessive trait.

We (unfortunately) don't know much about Bill's species, but since he has a mom and a dad, this means that they reproduce sexually. They receive one half of their genes (or their equivalents) from mom and the other from the dad. This is where recessive traits come into play: these are the traits that you won't exhibit, unless you have both copies, one from mom and one from dad. The opposite of them, the dominant traits, will show on you even if you have just one copy. In humans, O blood type is recessive, while A and B are dominant. So if you have gene A from one parent and gene O from another, you will be A blood type, since O shows only if you have two O genes.

In Bill's case, colors blue and red are dominant and yellow is recessive. So let's say that his mom was blue and had By genetics. His dad was red and he had Ry genetics. In gametes, these genes divide so his mom could pass on either her dominant blue gene, or recessive yellow and his dad could also pass his dominant red gene or yellow. So their child could have been:

BR = purple? (this is the equivalent of AB blood type)

By = blue

Ry = red or

yy = yellow - that's Bill :)

Reason 2: Sexual dimorphism

You probably know what is sexual dimorphism: that's just a sciency way to say that males and females look different. The traits that differ can be subtle, like size, or very apparent like beautiful tails of male peacocks.

In Euclidians, there could be association of sex and color. Males could be red, females could be blue, but maybe there were more options.

If this were true, then Bill is not male or female, he could be intersex, OR he could be male and one of his parents is intersex.

Reason 3: It's a part of his mutation

Bill was born with a very rare mutation that allowed him to look up. This basically means that he had to be inverted which makes me wonder how tf did he even survive. When kids are born with such serious mutations, they usually don't suffer from just one condition. In his case, his weird color could have been a result of that mutation interfering with his ability to produce pigments correctly.

Reason 4: THIS ONE IS FUCKED UP

Bill changes color depending on his emotional state. When he's angry he turns red for example. If he can do that, then it's fair to say that the rest of his species probably could too. Now, we don't know really if his parents were truly red and blue, we just know that that's how Bill draws them.

So... they may have been yellow, just like him, but changed their colors due to overwhelming emotions. Like when they were DYING. If this was the case, then Bill is actually drawing the faces of his parents in their last moments. That's the last thing that he's seen when he destroyed his dimension. That's the thing that bothers him the most. It would make sense.

So anyways, I hope you liked my analysis of this! If you have any more ideas, share them and thank you for reading :)

[sneezemonster15]

Simple but also polemic question, at least for the stupid fans of coursand antis.

Where does this "they are brothers" thing comes from? How do they come to that conclusion? They very well know they are not brothers, but still they use this poor argument.

Greetings!

Hey.

Hehe, I have thought about this. Honestly, I think Naruto the story fucks people up a bit. The fans at least, who are actively part of the fandom. I am aware that films also have crazy fandoms but I have never had such a problem communicating with any other community ever. It's like Naruto does something irreversible to a lot of fans. A whole lot of casual fans also see that Naruto and Sasuke aren't really brothers, they call it homolust apparently. But a lot of die hard fans, including anti SNS, who perhaps saw Naruto as kids are so loyal to their original perception of it, naturally largely uncritical, that they simply don't want to let go of it due to their emotional attachment to it.

There can be no other reason that they are this insistent upon thinking they are brothers when the characters themselves are saying the opposite. This delusion and denial is rooted in a very deep belief that the show is about what they think of it, what gives them comfort, and so they would resist anything that threatens that belief. It's emotional. I have been told a lot of them are grown ups as well. And if the reasons weren't emotional, they wouldn't have stuck to their opinions this religiously despite clear evidence to the opposite in canon for this long. Naruto fandom is so divided, most people can't even seem to agree on the most basic points. Selective reading is one thing, but whenever they are reminded of facts, they pretend to not hear you. When given facts as arguments, they always gloss over it. One person who commented on my post argued that they were reincarnations of Ashura and Indra, so they were brothers. It's only their chakra, upon hearing which they said, it doesn't matter. They are brothers, end of discussion. I am a fujoshi.

This is quite visibly irrational behaviour, emotions rarely are rational. It's not that hard to believe since we are also extremely emotional about our understanding of this story. The difference is whether you see everything through shipping lenses or you see it for the story itself.

Some guys who happen to be friends, are dudebros in their understanding of Naruto. They think they are like brothers too but they don't think much about it, because they don't see the romantic element of it at all. They see things in terms of battles and intrigue and male camaraderie, which is typical. Very heteronormative. Also, they watched it as kids and have obviously retained the same understanding.

The other reason surely is lack of exposure to gay media. Our media is saturated with het media, especially the mainstream media. Cookie cutter romances, easy, no brainer, one dimensional characters. People expect certain tropes in heteronormative romances. And so they are unconsciously geared to look for and expect them when they consume media. Given the target audience of this genre, who certainly isn't very experienced at critical thinking, they find it easy to ignore or completely miss out on registering nuances that don't fit in their category of romantic tropes. Being a gay love story, which itself is an anomaly in this genre, creates a catch 22 situation and emotionally young audience typically goes for the easier, more comfortable option, something that fits in their ambit of understanding and doesn't threaten their established heteronormative belief systems. And even if they aren't able to see the finer nuances of this story, which are many, they aren't able to see more blatant tropes/ moments/instances either, which they would easily see in a het couple. It's comfortable, it doesn't upset their preconceived notions.. Which is why they will take the smallest and most platonic of het moments (and het baits) featuring Sasuke and Naruto to claim that SS, and NH (and NrSk too, even if they didn't end up together) are totally legit and developed justifiably right from the start to their natural and healthy conclusion, while easily ignoring all the many many big giant red flags, like an ostrich that burrows it's head underground at the smallest threat.

People do worse to keep sticking to the comfortable cocoons and echo chambers in their lives. Britain still won't take responsibility for plundering and dividing several third world countries, this is only a fandom. Such microcosms are present everywhere in the world. Logic and reasoning doesn't work everywhere. Rethinking and reevaluating deeply rooted prejudices which essentially require diverse ways of looking at things can't happen in toxic echo chambers.

This echo chamber can be seen in various different factions of SNS fandom as well. Emotional dishonesty is not only limited to anti fandoms. A lot of SNSers are either Naruto haters or Sasuke haters. Sasuke haters are pro Konoha to the point they completely vindicate Konoha, glorify Will of Fire as if it's some fully fledged, well rounded philosophy. Or Naruto haters who think Sasuke would have been better off without Naruto, or that Naruto is selfish to have forced him to stay in Konoha when he obviously didn't. Some of them would completely demonise Uchiha clan, calling them mentally ill, thinking them naturally given to evil and disregard all their traumatic past and discrimination. Or religiously venerate leaders who obviously lie very comfortably in extremely morally gray areas, by putting them on high pedestals.

This fandom and its subsets are so quick to attest blame and give myopic value judgments to characters, that writer's clear intent is conveniently forgotten when it clearly doesn't suit their purposes. Naruto and Sasuke are the two main characters, and they are flawed. Like every other character in this story. Kishi puts a lot of effort in establishing all the significant characters, their reasons and motivations, and he is quite realistic about writing them a certain way. But I see a lot of fans choose to ignore what feels inconvenient to them.

Thirdly, this story isn't really suited to shounen. It's too nuanced for it's target audience and I can say confidently that if I had seen it as a fifteen year old, I wouldn't have gotten many of its nuances either.

It does bother me a lot that they are thought of in brotherly terms, but I also understand that Kishi wrote them as more than your typical lovers. They are lovers that mean everything to each other. They are each others' lovers, friends, brothers, family, comrades, in terms of emotion and attachment. I understand what Kishi meant by - more brothers than blood brothers.

Even though what a problematic way of putting it Kishi, lol.

Their relationship doesn't fit in a convenient cookie cutter category or box. Ultimately, emotionally, they became everything to each other, at the root of it. Both of them were ready to throw everything away for each other at one point or another, guided by their emotions for each other and at one of time or another, all their other goals took a definite backseat.

If they don't have each other, life isn't worth living no matter what they end up achieving, even though they are two era defining heroes in their world.

One could say they are soulmates, but that gives their bond a deterministic meaning. When they both actually worked at their emotions. They both lost a lot to get to a better reading of their world. It was a result of understanding each other, not preordained by some oracle but being courageous and eventually, to be able to just talk to each other, be vulnerable with each other. It took a lot for them to get there.

I would say they are in a league of their own.

I think Naruto fandom will always have such extreme factions, it will always breed emotional dishonesty and it will be difficult to change their minds about it unless they dared to be emotionally courageous.

Naruto was designed mindfully to make audience relate to the characters, Kishimoto's narrative is essentially guided by the emotional core of his characters, which he has admitted in his interviews, it's how he builds his story. Which is the reason why there are so many female Hinata and Sakura stans, they are able to relate to them in more ways than one.

I know that interacting with antis brings out the bad side of fans, including me sometimes, and sometimes, I regret it. But I am also here for my emotional attachment to Naruto and my conviction in this story keeps me here. So I can't be completely rational either, and I accept that.

It's hard to argue armed with facts and reason when the source of fans' convictions about Naruto are to do with emotions.

And yet, we can try. What else is there to do?

That said, I have been fortunately able to find fans in here that I agree with largely and often interact with. And so there is a certain sense of community I guess, since as long as you talk reason, there's still a chance to be heard. A lot of fans here are also for the same reasons as me, the story. So it's not so bad I guess.

[tidyturnip]

I know I'm like typing into the void but it's time for a talk about medical ethics, where it comes from in the US, and some edge cases, because due to Recent SItuations people have started considering ideas like "maybe we should refuse medical care to people who don't get the vaccine".

Modern Western medical ethics started to emerge in its current form in the 1700s and 1800s, which was still a time when white male doctors were very much setting the pace and tone of the rules. People were selling murder victim bodies to medical colleges on the down low, you could only get the medical treatment your social class allowed you access to and what you could pay for. It was a little wild west. Largely it was left to each practitioner to know what was best for their patients, with or without their informed consent depending on the circumstance. Malpractice lawsuits were rare.

By the 1900s, a basic framework of four core values was drawn together to represent the big rat king clusterfuck of these competing interests and socioeconomic bullshit. They are:

Autonomy - the patient has a right to consent to, or refuse, a treatment suggested by a practitioner, and increasingly that means as informed consent as possible

Beneficence - the practitioner must make decisions oriented towards the best interest of the patient first

Non-maleficence - don’t hurt your patient, or if you must, weigh the good being done by an intervention vs the harm it causes. For instance, CPR breaks ribs! it also keeps you alive. Breaking ribs is a harm, but it’s generally considered worth it, and you must register a special bit of paper indicating that you’d like to invoke your right to autonomy (#1 on the list here) to refuse that specific intervention.

Justice - what to do with scarce medical resources such as person-hours and transplant tissues and plasma and the linearity of time.

Generally, the resulting system is one in which if you walk into an ER with a medical need that can be treated there, they must treat you regardless of your likelihood of being able to pay the bill. They must give an uninsured pauper the same treatment options as a billionaire. The care they give must be tailored to your best interests, and must be explained to you so that you can 1) understand what your best interests are and 2) consent to the treatments (for a while, you didn’t need to understand in order to consent, but that was problematic so they try not to do that anymore). And when you come into competition with other patients for the limited time resources of the ER staff, they will use an explicitly written down and objectively verifiable set of policies about how that works (triage!).

Now, we are in a weird part of life right now where there’s a fucking plague and there’s a vaccine and some people just. Don’t want it. And that is their inalienable right! I have a right to not have a measles vaccine if I so prefer, but it means I’m going to have a hard time finding a college that will admit me without that record. Just because there are other, outside-of-the-hospital consequences for my choice, doesn’t mean I don’t have the right to make that choice (and make it wrong, let me be clear, it is wrong to refuse the vaccine for anything other than life threatening medical reasons). This is why vaccine mandates are fine - it’s not infringing on your right to make bad decisions, it’s just taking away that nice cushy job you had teaching daycare where you could have spread it to 20 families in a week. You are free to make that decision and live with the consequences.

Buuuut, now some dude apparently got his number drawn in the heart transplant lottery, and both wings of the media are frothing about whether it’s okay to “refuse medical care” to people who are unvaccinated. This is ridiculous. First, it’s ridiculous because this man has said that he would “rather die” than get the vaccine, and so it seems everyone is in agreement about what’s going to happen, making it a non-issue regarding his particular case. So let’s talk about the broader case.

Organ transplants are a scarce medical resource. Refer to item 4 on that list of principles - Justice. Scarce medical resources, especially lifesaving ones, are not handed out first come first serve, nor to the highest bidder. They are handed out using written, committee-decided, objectively verifiable criteria. That means, something like “he’s a nice person” is not included - it’s not objectively verifiable. Same for “we divert extra organs to white people, but not on paper” - you have to document how you’re doing it so that it’s a matter of semi-public record and can be challenged or debated.

These criteria tend to be things like, are you willing and able to take anti-rejection drugs for your whole life? It would be a waste to give a heart to someone for the month it would take for their immune system to yeet it straight out of their thoracic cavity because they refuse their drugs. “What if I can’t afford the drugs?” yeah that used to be a huge sticking point, and still is some places, but it is not on its own considered a disqualifying factor because of the great deal of help available for recipients (because good people all over this situation see that problem and go, yeah fuck that, and have arranged funds and discounts and support systems). It means however that in our horrible society that doesn’t sufficiently support people with psychiatric disorders that affect their ability to fill and take meds for their whole life, some people who perhaps could live with a new kidney, can’t get one because they’re too mentally ill, and that’s shitty and (I believe) a violation of their rights on behalf of our entire mental health care system. It’s institutional ableism and it blows and I’m getting off topic.

ANYWAY, yeah that guy’s not getting a new heart, but it is NOT an invitation for us to now sneakily consider just not letting unvaccinated people go to the doctor. That’s fucked. They’re (mostly) terrible people, deluded and selfish and petty and hateful, but they’re people and people deserve the level of medical care that they are able to access within the bounds of safety to everyone else around them. If that means we run covid wards for years until they all fuck off and die in their sleep, then I guess that’s how it’s gotta be.

There’s a few reasons why it has to be that way. One is the basic human rights argument, which I’ve already outlined. But another is that health care workers before the pandemic were already treating irresponsible jerks in clinics and hospitals all over the world. We have been training them to set aside their personal dislike in order to do their job well - the famous black medical staff trying to save the KKK member, for instance.

When practitioners violate the basic tenets of equal access to beneficence and non-malignity and patient autonomy, by say refusing to fill hormone prescriptions for trans people, it erodes the trustworthiness of the profession, and it violates the personal morals of the rest of the practitioners around them (causing them personal psychological harm, btw, look up “moral injury), who got into the field because THEY WANT TO HELP PEOPLE. If we turn around to people who have careers in a very difficult profession, and who justify the personal cost through these principles, to then turn around and say “yeah but fuck THAT guy for making bad decisions”, then it leads to a dark place where it’s okay for a nurse to abuse patients for being illegal immigrants, or for a doctor to omit a treatment option for a trans person because he thinks they don’t deserve an expensive treatment. And yeah, we’re still a little in those dark times, I know trans people who have gotten substandard treatment, and immigrants who have been hurt by those in power, or fat people who have been ignored and not had their treatment options explained to them, and it goes on. So I refuse, on every single principle, the assertion that because it’s a public health crisis, we get to just suspend some of the things that make us not monsters. We must. Find. Another. Way.

Plus, and this is just my own feeling and not necessarily a real moral argument, but I think that the politicization of vaccines has been the work of evil people in places of power, and I’m frankly disgusted to let THEIR framing of this situation determine whether Timmy can get a leg cast because his parents are antivaxxers. And I’m not even getting into the edge cases of people who literally can’t be sure if it’s safe for them due to rare medical conditions. If you decry the argument that “only people with pre-existing conditions die from covid” then you can’t turn around and apply that same logic and say “well only people with pre-existing conditions get side effects from the vaccine”.

[kingfisherfae]

Gender and the Divine

I often wonder if the concept of divine masculine and divine feminine is jut a mistranslation based on limited language options. Or maybe it's the other way around, maybe masculine and feminine as gender concepts are the mistranslation.

I don't know if people learned about the divine roles and decided to base the gender binary on it, or if the binary was already in place when people started learning about the divine and decided to use gendered language for it. Maybe it was a bit of both, the gradual accumulation of either, or something else entirely. I don't know and I would love to say that I don't care, my aim is to get there though. Either way, there's something there that makes me uncomfortable.

Gender makes me uncomfortable. I don't really see the point of it. I grew up as a girl, being taught as a girl, and treated as a girl. I was assigned the traits that apparently go alongside the divine feminine and denied many of the divine masculine. It's not that nicely clear cut, things rarely are, but in general that's what happened.

Subsequently, the divine masculine and feminine also makes me uncomfortable. It's too intertwined with the gender binary for my liking, or at the very least my experience of it which is entirely what I'm working with here. I'm hoping that as I learn more my discomfort will ease, that as I unlearn what I was taught in the toxicity and my eventual rejection of the feminine, that the divine will become more understood.

I have to love, I have to nurture, I have to forgive. That's what I grew up being told. If I get hurt then I have to forgive, doesn't matter if I'm ready or not because I have to. There's many other traits and many other similar examples, showing understanding, gentleness, compassion, receptivity, creativity, the list goes on. And they're all wonderful things. Until they're forced, or prioritised over wellbeing, or manipulated.

It could be argued that if something has to be forced then it's not genuine, forced forgiveness is not actual forgiveness. I don't think that matters here, though. When the label is the same there's no way to know what the difference is. If your experience with forgiving people is through coercion and filled with resentment then being told about how forgiveness is a part of the divine feminine is probably going to lead to some gross feelings and bad connotations.

It's essentially being told the divine feminine is resentment, but that's contradictory and a huge part of why I struggle with these concepts. I didn't know that my expression of those traits was not healthy, but I did know they had landed me in so much trouble, that a lot of my pain and suffering was directly related to what I believed to be traits associated with the divine feminine. So I shunned it.

I used to think I wasn't like other girls, not that I was better than them, just that I hated what I was being told I had to be and wanted to distance myself from that. Eventually I learnt how common that phase is, how unifying it was and I realised that I was exactly like the other girls. My trauma was their trauma. My experiences were their experiences. One and the same.

I've grown up a bit since then, I'm not a girl anymore. Not in age, nor in gender. I'm seeking out the divine feminine, I want to be the divine feminine, but I don't want to be female. I don't want to be male either, I don't really want anything to do with gender.

Maybe it's a trauma response, a phase I'll grow out of once I've healed. It's equally likely it's happening because I am healing and is healthy personal growth. I'll change as I connect and balance to the divine masculine and feminine, that's a natural progression and one I look forward to. I want to be healthy and healing and divine and I'm curious where that'll take me and where gender will fit into it all. I guess I'll find out in a few years.

[herofics]

Gosh your villain twist on Katsuki and Izuku were soo good!! I don't think I've seen you do a Shouto one before, so I'll love to request that? (He could be a villain because he growed up seeing his dad carry the image of a 'hero', so he decided he didn't like heroes and here he is now, but idk lol im bad at this) anyways, thanks!! Your writing is really good

Yes, the backstory is on point. I thought the same thing too. And thanks fo the compliment. All the villain stuff is under the tag: villain au

You worked at Endeavour’s hero agency. You honestly hated the guy, but it was hero work like everything else. You were going to start your own agency some day, but the time for that wasn’t now. You were just leaving work, when you were stopped at the door. The hero who stopped you, told you that the boss wanted to talk with you. You had a bad feeling about the whole situation, but you couldn’t refuse. No matter how much of an asshole the guy was, he was still your boss. So you took the elevator to the most upper floor, and knocked at his office door. You were told to come in, so you did.

“You wanted to see me?”, you asked politely.

“Yes, I’ll get straight to the point. Bring me my son.”

“Huh?!”

“Don’t play dumb, I know you two are seeing each other. One of my employees has been following you for a while now.”, he growled.

“This employee of yours must be mistaken. I know of your son, but I have never even met him.”, you said calmly.

“Cut the bullshit.”, he growled.

You were surprised with his change of tone, and didn’t really know if you should continue the conversation.

“Am I free to leave? Or do you want to discuss something else?”, you asked.

Endeavour got up and walked up to you. The huge male was towering over you. You were nervous and for a good reason. Endeavour grabbed you by the arm, and you could feel the heat in your arm. There was smoke rising under his palm, and you could smell the clothes burning.

“Bring. Me. My. Son.”, he grunted.

“As I said, I don’t know what-Shit!”, you yelped.

Endeavour removed his hand from your arm, leaving behind a handprint. He was mad, well he was always mad, but now even more so then usual. He just grunted and told you to leave. You did as you were told.

“Damn bastard.”, you muttered to yourself.

When you left the room, Endeavour was left alone. He was annoyed, annoyed that you would lie straight to his face and even more annoyed that you wouldn’t bring his useless son to him. Shouto was supposed to become the greatest hero, his greatest achivement, but no. That idiot had went and become a villain. Such a waste of a good quirk. Endeavour needed his son to come to his senses and pursue the path to becoming the number one hero. No matter what he had to do, he would make his son the top hero.

You left work and headed to your apartment. When you got there, you decided to bandage up your arm. The burn wasn’t that bad, but you didn’t want it to get infected. You were so concentrated on your arm, you didn’t realize Todoroki was behind you, before he spoke.

“What happened?”, he asked.

“Oh god Shouto” you yelped, “it was nothing, just your father being an ass.”

He walked up to you and took a look at your arm.

“Does it hurt?”, he whispered.

“Nah…”

“Be honest with me.”

“A bit, but it’s not as bad as it looks.”

“Do you know why he did it?”

“We need to talk about that. Let’s go to the kitchen, I need something to drink.”, you sighted.

You sat down to the opposite sides of the table. Todoroki looked anxious, he had a bad feeling.

“Your dad knows. About us I mean.”, you said as you sipped your drink.

“How?”

“Apparently someone has been following me.”

“Any idea who?”

“Nope. And what really ticks me off, is the fact he thought I would just hand you over to him.”, you huffed.

“I know you would never do that, but we need to do something about this. Do you think you should find a new agency?”

“No, as long as I work at your father’s agency, I can get information about him.”

“I hate seeing you hurt. No information is worth that.”, he said quietly.

“But I don’t want to see you hurt either. That’s why I’m trying to make sure your father doesn’t do anything to hurt anyone.”

“But if you get hurt it’s not worth it.”

“For me it is. If knowing what your father is doing makes you feel even a bit better, it’s worth it.”, you smiled gently.

He took your hand to his and looked at you in the eye. You could see he was very serious.

“Promise me you won’t get hurt. If someone hurts you. I’ll hunt them down and teach them a lesson, no matter who they are.”

“I know you would, and I appreciate that, but I don’t want you to expose yourself to danger either. Even though I’m well aware you can take care of yourself just fine.”, you smirked.

You chatted for a while more, but Todoroki had to go. He said he had some business to take care of. He left you alone for the evening, but he promised to be back in a few hours, before midnight. He gave you a last kiss before leaving and headed out of the door.

You decided to relax a bit. You took a shower and made yourself some tea. You opened your book and sat down beside the kitchen table, but your alone time didn’t last for long. Your kitchen window was shattered and three people, dressed in army’s combat gear and masks hopped in.You jumped up and took a defensive position. You had no idea what their quirks were, or if they even had them. Consealed weapons were also an option so you needed to stay alert. They had also broken the lamp, so the room was pretty dark. You couldn’t use your quirk since there was no light to create blades from, these people clearly knew what they were doing, and who they were up against.

The trio made the first move. They came at you from front and both sides. You dodged the first one, and got a good kick to the second ones stomach. The third however, slashed your arm with something. It didn’t feel like a knife or a blade, more like a claw. The wound was shallow, and it didn’t affect your ability to fight. The trio backed of a bit, which gave you the chance to turn on the light above the sink. You created two blades for yourself from the light.

“We gonna do this or what?”, you growled.

The trio dashed at you again, they didn’t seem to be as in sync as they were before. The first one managed to get a punch to your jaw, but you smashed the hilt of your blade to his head. He stumbled back and fell to the ground. One done, two to go. The two who were left, didn’t seem to care for their comrade at all. They just kept coming at you, again and again.

When you finally managed to knock the last one down, you weren’t in a very good shape yourself. Your nose was bleeding and so were the slashes on you arm and thigh. You were covered in bruises and small cuts, but that didn’t really bother you. What bothered you, was the three people lying unconcious on your floor. You decided to check their faces.

The first one you knocked out, got his mask ripped of first.

“Damn.”, you yelped.

You regocnized the guy. He worked at the same hero agancy as you and was one of Endeavour’s favorites. Not because he was super strong, but because he would do anything, no questions asked. The second one revealed herself as your other coworker. The third one too. Then it clicked. Endeavour was behind this. Since he hadn’t gotten what he wanted, he had used his lapdogs to get information for him. You were honestly amazed you were able to take all three of them down. They weren’t trying to kill you, they probably just wanted to tie you down and ask you a few questions. You sat down and breathed heavily.

“Can’t I just have one calm night? Is that really too much to ask for?”, you muttered.

When Todoroki got to your place, it was a mess. Three uncouncious people on the floor, and you bleeding and muttering something to yourself. He hurried to you.

“What happened?”

“Those three happened, and here is the fun part. They all work for your father, just like me.”

“That bastard must have set this up.”

“Yeah, I figured.”, you sighted.

You knew Todoroki was furious. He might not seem like, but there was rage burning in his eyes.

“Let’s bandage you up. After that I’ll go pay my father a visit.”, he said.

Todoroki bandaged your arm and thigh in silence. How dare his father do this? If he wanted him, why come after you? Did his father want to hurt him, because if that was his objective he had been successful. Todoroki hated to see you hurt, and he didn’t like the fact you didn’t mind it if it was for him. Of course Todoroki knew your hero work came with unavoidable risks, but the fact you had been hurt because his bastard of a father wanted him back, made his blood boil.

You knew Todoroki well enough to know what he was thinking. He was blaming himself for what had happened. That you getting hurt was his fault, since the trio wanted him or even information about him. You knew he would go see his father and return his lapdogs to him, if the hadn’t left by themselves. Todoroki probably didn’t know you knew that everytime you got hurt, Todoroki would hunt down the asshole. You didn’t know what he did to them, but you rarely saw the same villain twice. He had threathened to do it before, but you knew it was more than a threath.

“I don’t want to leave you alone, but I have to go see my father.”

“I know Shouto. Just be safe okay. I’ll be fine on my own.”

You gave him a kiss and when you got out of the bathroom, the three people from your floor were gone. They had probably regained conciousness, and escaped. You watched as Todoroki walked out. You knew his father wouldn’t kill him, but you also knew Endeavour didn’t mind violence. You were worried.

When Todoroki reached his father’s hero agency, he noticed the lights were on in his office floor. His father was waiting for him. Todoroki wasted no time. He went to his father right away. He basically busted down the office door. There was steam coming off of him, his quirk had activated because of intense emotions. Endeavour was looking out the window and didn’t even turn around when the door opened.

“Shouto, you came. I thought that girl might be some use after all. Apprently she was able to take all three of them down.”, Endeavour laughed.

“She was and you stay away from her.”, Todoroki growled.

“I’ll leave her alone when you decide to drop this foolish act as a villain. You are meant to be the top hero and not some criminal running around the streets and having a fling with some pathetic girl.”

“I’ll never become a hero, not like you. Not someone who thinks he has the privilege to torture his family because of his own desires. As a villain, I can do what I need to and protect the one I love. She is nowhere close to pathetic and she is not a fling. If you or your guys ever come near her, I’ll kill you.”

“Are you trying to threathen me? You are weak, just like your mother and that pathetic bitch you are with.”

Todoroki lost his temper. His father calling you a bitch and calling his mother weak, was the trigger. Todoroki’s ice was trapping Endeavour against the window.

“If you ever, come near (Name) again, I swear to god, you will not walk out of it unharmed.”, he growled.

“Foolish boy. Do you really think I’ll be intimidated by a weak, lonely villain?”

Todoroki walked towards the door, and just before he stepped to the hallway, he looked at his father one last time.

“Not that this is relevant, but who said I was alone?”

Endeavour was left there, encased in ice, to think about his son’s warning. He started to melt the ice, but to his surprise, it was rather slow. Clearly his son had managed to get more powerful. If being a villain was what it took, it was worth it, but someday Endeavour would make his son the top hero. No matter the cost.

When Todoroki got back to your place, he found you curled up on your bed. You were asleep. He laid down and wrapped himself around you.

“Shouto?”, you whispered.

“I’m fine, just keep sleeping, you’ve had a rough day.”

“Yeah, yeah”, you yawned.

Todoroki watched as you closed your eyes and your breathing got calmer again. He would make sure you were safe, no matter what.

[lilacflamesss]

In response to the whole ''The reason Ayato gets away with things is because he's a dude'' --- To be fair, Touka gets away with smacking the fuck outta Kaneki as well and she's a woman. Imagine if Kaneki was the one hitting her. I don't think it has much to do with misogyny. (Don't get me wrong, Touka is still my favorite character, and Touken is my only ship. I don't think she's abusive). He barely has any 'screen' time and hasn't realy did anything too controversial recently.

Firstly, I’m just going to highlight that I’m talking about fandom reactions here so none of this is actually my own opinions of their actions. Their mistakes are still wrong, yet both of them have done honorable things. But it’s funny when you see how a significant portion of the fandom reacts to it. 

Touka doesn’t get away with smacking Kaneki, lmao. She gets hated on a lot for it, a lot more than any other male character has gotten even though they’ve done worse things. I mean I’ve seen people saying Mutsuki is healthier for Kaneki than Touka is-- Mustuki who stabbed the shit out of the clone he thought was Haise was just so close to raping him. 

Ayato beating the shit out of Touka is wrong, but it’s easy to see people nowadays sympathising with him because he was trying to protect her. But you rarely see fans sympathising with Touka for hitting Kaneki on the bridge, even though in her own way she was trying to knock some sense into him, stop him from doing what he was doing and as a whole, protect him. I mean I was being very general and not really narrowing it down. But people are quick to forgive Ayato for being an asshole in the past but they still dig up on shit Touka has done in the past to continue hating on her-- I know because I’ve personally seen stupid comments I get sent to my inbox. When Touka’s being protective of Kaneki, she’s obsessive and clingy but when Ayato is being protective of Hinami, he’s caring and sweet. When Ayato took a step back to gave Hinami more time to reunite with Touka and Yomo, he’s sweet for thinking about Hinami, but when Touka took a step back from interfering with Haise when she thought he was living happily, she apparently doesn’t care about Kaneki enough. 

I mean, I’m not trying to hate on Ayato-- he’s still my favorite character. But he and Touka have done very similar things yet people tend to interpret their actions differently. Of course, I don’t mean everyone but a huge portion of the fandom does and I have to be honest, it all stems from people placing unnecessarily high expectations on female characters.  

Ayato hasn’t done anything too controversial but he, like Touka, has mellowed down a lot and hasn’t fought much lately. But while Ayato’s passivity is character development, Touka’s passivity is her degradation as a character. I’ve seen so many posts complaining about how Touka is worthless now because she hasn’t fought much and opts for a more peaceful option-- Touka isn’t Touka when she’s not being badass. But when Ayato doesn’t fight and does something else instead, he’s the better Kirishima because he’s growing out of his violence and anger. 

The reason why I brought up misogyny is simply because it is. People can come up with whatever reasons they want to tear Touka down but 90% of these things are applicable to most of the cast as well. Everyone in TG is incredibly flawed. But the male characters are always put up high on the pedestal, especially Kaneki, so the criticisms on them are lesser and calmer. 

The issue about Kaneki hitting her is a whole different question entirely, which has to take into considerations the norms in Japan and the whole idea of violence in Touka’s life. But to be honest, I know what the fandom is like. Touka’s fans wouldn’t like it, obviously. But our beloved fandom is highly capable of looking past any kind of violence on Kaneki’s part. They think he’s cool and awesome for slowly torturing a young, troubled teenager, what makes you think they’ll have an issue with him hitting someone, who in their eyes, is a ‘strong and badass’ woman who should be able to take care of herself? This is a hypothetical situation and of course, people would deny it if your present this argument to them, but frankly speaking if you see how the fandom treats her, it’s easy to guess. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[existentialstatesofmind]

Opening Up

Clare: stared at him for a long moment in disbelief. She understand why he hid the friendship before Makayla’s death and how it might seem easier at first to keep up the lie. His brothers just assumed he was still mourning their dad. Trying correct them would hurt. However, secrets festered until they destroyed everything. Family secrets were the worst of all. “I know they’re immature but do you really think they’re going to poke fun about your best friend’s death? Kota, if you never tell them won’t it eventually ruin your relationship with them? And Dom is your twin. He knows there’s more to the story. No one will ever hear it from me. I only feel like I have to encourage you tell them someday when you’re ready because I care about you.” Clare made a sympathetic face when Kota said it was a mystery. “Maybe one day it’ll turn up.” She said softly. Her eyebrows shot up when Kota said he was already in college. “Jesus, Dakota. I’ve heard of kids who are homeschooled getting so far ahead that they end up taking dual-enrollment courses at thirteen but it is really rare. What lead to your mom’s suggestion? Did you take an IQ test?” Clare’s tone of voice made it clear she was very impressed and more surprised than skeptical. She’d taken one in elementary school. Her parents never told her the results, they just made it clear she was ‘special’ and had different expectations than Darcy. They groomed Clare to attend an ivy league school. “I can’t imagine what it was like to be treated as an equal by adults and older kids. My sister got so mad when I corrected her papers or work sheets. She would never admit she took my advice. She stopped making the same mistakes though. I did work from her school books for fun and she hated that too.” Clare gave Kota a long searching look. “Are you going to keep going to Degrassi? Wouldn’t you rather go to college full time? Simpson usually doesn’t let anyone graduate more than a year early but technically everyone in the gifted program could graduate at that point, and you’re way ahead of the rest of us. My parents want me to have a really strong college application so I never thought they’d let me apply early. Or leave home before I turn 18. I dream about it anyway. They want me to go to law school. I could do it. Not my passion so I won’t. Katie is thinking about my pitch for the paper, by the way.” Clare hadn’t wasted any time. She watched more of the DVD with a big smile on her face as Kota shared some of the things he’d studied with Makayla while they were at the beach. “Yeah, you can tell she was interested since she didn’t pour a bucket of sand on your head.” She giggled softly. “Do you still believe in the String of Fate?” Clare asked her voice taking on a more serious tone. She liked to read the different theories of soulmates. She didn’t rule any of them out. She had a harder time with certain aspects of Greek mythology. Or anything else that clashed with her religious beliefs about the world’s formation. Clare moved closer to Kota on the couch and gently kissed him. “Two is plenty. I know it’s not easy for anyone.” Makayla’s family wasn’t paying much attention to the DVD probably for that reason. “You can tell me anything else Makayla would share.”

Kota: bit his lip upon hearing Clare's words. "Yes, they'd use it against me. I had gotten mad at Ash at one point and told him about my first kiss to make him jealous, now if I were to tell him she died a few hours later if we ever got into a heated argument he'd subconsciously yell it out and the same goes for all of them. Apparently I'm the only male in the house that can remain level headed during an argument,but that's mainly because as I listen to them I also try to quickly figure out a way to get them to shut up. My brothers and I only fight over stupid things because when I do something they don't like they talk to me or tell me in a heated argument and I would know to hide it from them. Not telling them won't ruin anything, if they do pester I'll tell them something like I took machanics and engineering and failed." he explained knowingly. He listened to Clare as she spoke and asked questions. "I did take the IQ test when I was twelve and got a perfect score, that lead to my mom's suggestion." He understood why her parents wouldn't let her apply early and didn't blame them. "I am going to continue going to Degrassi and going to college full time isn't something I want to do. I had that option when I was 8 and tried it out for a weekend. I didn't know what I wanted to major in and I favor more than one subject so it was hard determining a major which you need to know to go into being a full time student since they need to place you in classes. They did tell me that since I was 8 I could spend the next ten years of my life getting degrees in various majors and while that seemed pleasing, I thought of not being able to spend recess with Makayla, not having more than one friend my age, not having a winter vacation due to the homework load, the possibility of not getting a girlfriend until I'd meet someone my age in college, and graduating college with a degree meant I couldn't go back. I didn't want to miss out on anything so I decided that I'd take my time growing up, attend prom, meet kids my own age, and have a childhood. I did talk to Simpson before I started Degrassi because he thought it would be a mistake to accept me when I'd just be too far ahead of everyone, I explained the same thing to him that I did to you just now and he agreed to accept me as long as I would tell him when I'm getting bored of attending and wanted to graduate. He told me I could graduate whenever I wanted to due to the circumstances, he didn't and still doesn't want me to feel like I'm holding myself back. With leaving home early, it's the same in every country I've been to, you need to get emancipated and the only way allowed is if your parents are moving outside of the city and documents have to be filled out, but even the emancipation documents in Japan and they expunged. In Japan, you'll meet more people our age living away from home than you will here due to their high emancipation rate, although that isn't always the case, some kids in our school are orphans and there are various instances where you are able to live on your own before 18. As well as one other case, but that other case is rare. I only know of one instance in where that other case is valid and you'll know too, in due time." he informed, though it could wait since they are going to Japan, Clare will be able to see it firsthand. "About the paper, I think it's a great idea, when we get there I can have you talk to Yamamishi-san and have him teach you about the Curtural Festival that way you stay busy when I'm in Kendo Club, my friend Momo said she can pick up Emi from day care so that's all planned." he smiled happy that Katie accepted her idea. "Yes, I still believe in the Red String of Fate theory along with a few others." he smiled and nodded. "I really don't know what Makayla would share." he shrugged and smiled at her. "Is there anything you want to know?" he asked and watched Jill stumble into the room and immediately ran to catch her before she fell. He put a hand on her head and sighed. "She's running a fever." he informed Clare and got medicine for Jill and tried to give it to her only for it to spill from the corners of her mouth. "She's just like her sister." he chuckled before putting the dosage in his mouth and giving it to her orally, then getting a war, cloth to put on her head. "Makayla got over excited once and didn't sleep when she came to school the next day she fainted and had a high fever, I had to give her medicine orally too." he stated honestly and drank some soda to wash the taste of medicine from his mouth.