#i don't know if i'll replay the whole thing because it's HUGE but i'm really enjoying it right now

[thebonerpit]

After playing four huge new games in a row recently I wanted to jump back into a game I've already played, and I ended up on Assassin's Creed Valhalla. It kind of made me reflect a bit on how initially I was quite disappointed with this game but now it's really, really grown on me.

I'm a huge fan of the newer AC games but when Valhalla first came out it was a very distant third place in that trilogy. There are still some things that annoy me (being forced into open combat for so many encounters rather than being able to stealth) but I think what threw me off the most at first was coming into it after Odyssey which has SUCH different vibes.

Like, Origins to me is a really fun adventure/mystery story. It has some dark and serious elements but it also has Bayek who can be quick-witted and funny, it has the great Bayek/Aya romance, and it has the creation of the Hidden Ones which is SO cool. And then Odyssey is just pure joy imho. Alexios/Kassandra is a big old goober and they're so silly and I mean I guess it depends on the choices you make but it always makes me feel so fufilled and happy at the end when the family gets back together. It's heroic and light-hearted, has a lot of really goofy side missions, and even the world itself is bright and colourful and full of life.

Then you have Valhalla. Valhalla is DARK. It has this overarching sense of futility and inevitability, like your fate has been written and there's no escape. Eivor is stoic and brusque and violent and quite frankly a little unlikeable. A lot of the victories don't even feel like victories. They're tainted by loveable characters dying, friends betraying you, basically: winning but at what cost? Eivor often feels lost in their own story, being manipulated by people like Basim and Fulke and Alfred. They're also burdened with Odin's memories and end up having to leave everyone they know and love to deal with that.

But it also has these moments of searing beauty that make it into a wonderfully stirring experience, and I think it took me a while to realize that. I missed the joy of Odyssey so much I couldn't appreciate what Valhalla had to offer. I've been listening to the OST a lot and I think it captures that bittersweet vibe perfectly... the main theme alone is so haunting. Most of the England you explore is dirty and muddy and brown but every once in a while you are at the top of a hill and you see a beautiful sunrise light up the gold in the trees and it's breathtaking. That, to me, is what Valhalla excels at.

[archonfurina]

why do you ship neuvifuri? /g this ship is just lost on me because i didn’t read any of their interactions as romantic — i just wanna understand why it’s such a popular ship 😭😭😭

Hii okay so I don't usually like 'defending' my otp but because you seem to genuinely want to know I'll answer. But I'm also curious if you ship anyone in Fontaine because none of them had any romantic interactions. Least of all Neuvillette. But anyway, the following are my own opinions and I can't say if everyone else sees them the same way.

I put off doing Fontaine questline for months, because I had lost interest in Genshin so I missed all fandom reactions etc, I don't know how popular whatever ships are. When I finally played it, I was neutral about things until the final archon quest. When that Focalors cutscene happened with Neuvillette, my eyes kinda opened. I shipped them first before Neuvifuri. His openly shocked/upset/devastated reactions to her were something new, since he hardly emoted before and we hadn't really seen his feelings. And the way he talked about Furina to Focalors, with so much concern and care for her because she's only human with such a huge burden. So then I went on my other account and replayed the whole questline to record it for gifs, because I'd fallen in love with Furina and her story.

They ruled Fontaine together for 400 years. Furina called Neuvillette to serve as the Iudex (though it was Focalors' idea), and Furina taught him to love humanity and open himself up to people. He's like her familiar the way Dvalin is Venti's and Yae Miko is Ei's. Whether it's platonic or romantic, they're each other's most important person and they love and care for each other. In the AQ, Neuvillette becomes increasingly frustrated with Furina because she isn't letting him in and is being secretive. Yet he keeps closing his eyes (literally, in some cases) to Furina's pain, like he's done for hundreds of years.

Neuvillette is enchanted by Furina's performances on stage, and wanted her to return there in Furina's story quest, and said his appreciation of her was always genuine and he wishes she knew that. Even in his voice line about her he says if she were to return to the stage, he would attend the performance and give her his heartfelt applause.

He gave her a special vision, possibly the first vision since he gained his full powers. If you look closer, it has dragon claws on it.

In the AQ, Furina fooling the heavenly principles wouldn't have worked without Neuvillette. He forgave the people of Fontaine and together they prevented the prophecy. Even though it was all Focalor's plan, and Furina did the hardest part, if Furina hadn't made Neuvillette care for the people it wouldn't have worked.

Immediately after the AQ when Furina had to leave Palais Mermonia, he got her a new apartment, and he said he will provide her with food, clothing, travel, whatever she wants. Meanwhile Furina's voice lines say it's been a while since she went to the Palais and that she thinks it's better for the both of them. Ouch. She's even avoiding him in Liyue.

There's insane angst and potential for a tragic ship. Furina lied to him for centuries, and now thinks it's better if they don't meet. She was incredibly lonely yet she couldn't confide in him, her closest friend. She's now mortal as well, whereas Neuvillette is a dragon. So she can actually get hurt, and die.

Plus they're beautiful together. They have matching color schemes, height difference, they have amazing synergy in combat. Their in-game abilities complement each other. Like they were made for each other.

[controversial-blorbo-bracket]

Hey idk if honourable mentions via asks are still a thing (if they are and/or you find this ask to be too long) but godDAMN Alphys Undertale should've been in this I really regret missing the submission period

Okay so Alphys is like, a mess??? Like, I don't know how to explain it all so I think I'll get a previous writing of mine that explains most of the deal with her (the True Lab stuff isn't explained but that is a Whole Mess that would make this 8 paragraph-long ask even longer):

Context: I made a comment mentioning people hating on Undertale characters after appearing to express an enjoyment for a character that I like, someone asked me to rant about it, and I did, making a third of my analysis about Alphys (the rest was about Asgore, who's on the competition, and Toriel, whose hate is fairly minor compared to the others):

"I said it a couple times that Alphys is the least popular character in the game, and it's by a landslide. Why? Well, there are a few reasons, mainly the irredeemable crime of being annoying, because Toby Fox didn't think it through fully and made it so that the Texts in Hotland and the CORE repeated after each death and replay, so you're forced to see the exact same jokes every time you die to literally anything.

That's just the main reason, though, we still have to talk about her manipulation and compulsive lying! She manipulates Frisk through the areas where she's present in a way to act as a Cool Supporting Character, deliberately delays Mettaton's Gender-Affirming Surgery body finalization because she's afraid of losing her only friend, and makes small white lies to Undyne so she can seem cooler to her. These are the main issues, and seem to come from a place of bad mental health and some sort of mental disorder, but a lot of people really dislike her just because of that and then proceed to tell Undyne that Anime is real not to hurt her feelings despite that being a dick move to Alphys because it forces her to say that AGAIN WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.

There's also the apparent incompetence of her actions in the True Lab but honestly those are like 5 cans of worms that I Do Not Want To Get Into, so basically a lot of people misinterpret Catty and Bratty's dialogue in a way that makes it seem like Alphys lied to Asgore to get the job, but that's a completely baseless assumption, and considering how Mettaton works and what was asked of her I don't think it makes much sense.

The issue here is that people are dunking on Alphys's questionable actions when Asgore has done much worse, and then completely missing the point of her character. It's annoying and pretty much omnipresent in the fandom, with a particularly bad case of it being in this video, that calls out the fandom's mistreatment of Asgore and then proceeds to literally call stuff that Alphys didn't do, or was forced to do, out, like lying to get her job (again, not true), or not warning anyone about Flowey (she was being manipulated by him). It's a huge mess that comes from a gameplay annoyance but turned into something way bigger."

Idk if she should qualify due to most of the feelings towards her being fully negative, but eh Mineta did and I'm yet to see someone who genuinely enjoys him :P

Tbh I had no idea Alphys was so controversial or so hated. Though I’ve only played Undertale once so I know I missed stuff

[rubberduckyrye]

So. A couple of things. Nothing insane just, been thinking. And feeling kind of down, about a loss of a fixation, loss of interest, ectect.

I saw a meta analysis of Kokichi posted on my dash, and I read it... and felt nothing. I agreed with some points, disagreed with others, but I didn't feel anything regarding the character or DRv3 as a whole. Not about Kokichi, not about anything. I've just, fully lost interest.

I never even finished playing DRS. I just, lost complete interest in it. I don't even really have any desire to replay V3 to "reignite the spark' so to speak. I just feel kind of... indifferent.

And sometimes, I wonder how long I've truly felt this way. How long I was lying to myself in suggesting I was interested still, or something akin to that.

And it's really sad, to feel nothing over something that used to bring you such comfort or joy. To feel nothing over a game I made some incredible friends with. Like Even for Undertale and NiGHTS I still have mild interest in these games. I could easily pick up Undertale and replay it if I wanted to. Same for NiGHTS.

But for V3... I don't know. I have the physical ability to, but I just don't want to. As if something about it feels just... plain exhausting about it. Like I got burnt out or burned by it and I'm not even sure by what or how. It wasn't working on fanfics or fanart, because the character I made in Kokichi is still a character I feel attached to and love dearly. I'm probably going to draw him up a design at some point, even. My specific interpretation of Kokichi isn't going away, just, evolving into something new.

So, is it just a burnout from how long I was hyperfocused on the game? The huge amount of meta Analysis I did that made me watch the game over and over again? Nothing outrageous that I can remember like, happened to me specifically that burned me, yet I still feel like I was burned. I really can't tell you why.

Still, it's sad to see a hyperfixation go, regardless of the reason. Especially one that lasted for so much longer than most others. It's kind of a scary thing to admit to as well--that I've just, moved on to something new.

And that's kind of life for you, isn't it? Life moves on. New things fade in as old ones fade out.

Maybe one day I'll come back to DRv3 with less of a tired mind, but maybe not. Maybe this is how I always feel about moving on from a past fixation/when I'm in denial about it.

I guess the saddest part is that it leaves a hole in my chest too. It's not like I want this. I want to be interested! I want to find that spark that made me love the series! But it just feels... gone.

Idk. I just feel pretty sad overall tonight so I'm probably over thinking things.

But I'm still sad, never the less. Like watching your friend walk on a train, knowing that it's the last time you'll see them. It feels like parting ways.

I guess this sounds silly but. It's 4 in the morning. So.

[juantheashura]

Hey there! I've finally played chapter 5 of your game and well... It also happens this was my first replay after whatever overhaul happened in the prologue. I guess after all of this, I have a few questions, if you don't mind. I'm sorry, it's a bit of a long ask.

I never really thought of that in my prior replays, but this time around I started wondering if Lat always has a crush on the MC? As in, no matter if she's romanced or not, AND even if the MC is on a romantic path with someone else (since I know she confesses in Japan if that's not the case). I know depending on the author, some prefer to make these things established truths (in which case she'd simply not say anything if she sees the MC likes someone else, basically), and others prefer "conditional truths" that depend on a specific "world state" in any given playthrough. Another one is about the whole Ignis and Seeker thing. I've seen so many asks about how things pan out for Ignis romancing MCs and possible reactions to the break up etc. But I'm curious about the very opposite actually. For a MC who isn't at all interested in Ignis that way, is it possible to actively "support" them? Like, not exactly matchmaking cause that would be overstepping and weird. But being supportive in regards to that relationship or possible related issues, if the opportunity presents itself, as a friend? For either one of them, obviously. I really liked how Ignis tentatively opened up a bit to the MC in the hot springs, and now I'm craving more haha. Also well… I guess that as much as I love Mars, my heart will still go to Forlorn, forever. I guess I'll never let go of the hope of him becoming a possible RO in the far future, no matter if I'm delusional (I'm not trying to pressure you into that! Just coping here haha). But well, the actual question is: will we actually get the opportunity to have the MC crush on him, even if he never gets added as a RO? I guess the question could apply to Seeker too, now that I think of it. My reasoning is that Ignis is literally a RO despite the fact a romance with her will always be cut short as she'll choose someone else. Since such a thing is possible, I'm curious about the possibility of an unrequited crush on one of the guys, basically. And last, a bit of an unrelated question (or well, not really, since it's romance related), but the Other calling some of the members of the teams as its "dregs" in one of the dreams made me wonder… Does that entity care about the MC getting really close to someone else? Be it romantically or a very deep friendship. And if they do, would they be critical of said person being one of the "dregs"? I'm curious cause well, with Mars being my chosen RO… The entity seems "obsessed" with the MC getting stronger and all, and I'm wondering if it would consider the MC getting close to one of them "drags them down". Okay, I'm sorry for the amount of questions! I took a huge break from a lot of things online and now I have to make up for it! Questions aside, I must say I loved chapter 5! It was so tense and amazing, and I was so so proud of Lat for how well she did during it! I love seeing my MC getting stronger, but I also love to see how Lat progresses! She may not be a character I'm interested in in terms of romance, but damn I love her so much! Aaand I feel so bad for Mars because of the shit that went down during the closing scenes of the chapter. Poor guy can't take a break with the super senses... I hope an opportunity will present itself for the MC to bring him some comfort after all of that...

Hello! Sorry it took me so long to answer, I've been... occupied, to say the least, this past month. And don't ever apologize about long asks! Those are my favorites, I love both talking about the cast/setting and that anyone might be so interested in them to dedicate their time to sending them in. :')

1st: Yes, Lat always has a crush on the MC. This is canon. It's not crazy "I've been in love with you forever, MC" tier or anything, but she is pining for them. I had plans for her to act on it if you're romancing Ignis, since, as you can see in her confession scene, she can tell Ignis isn't good for the MC, but it's been... a little tiring trying to get through that convo. That said, if the MC gets involved with anyone else, she's willing to take the loss. The MC's happy, and she does think the rest of the cast would be good for them.

One thing I am considering is adding a poly route for Aki x Lat x MC in Book 2 (or at the end of Book 1), but I haven't decided on it yet. It would be pretty cute though, the three of them are tied very closely together.

2nd: I've always had plans for a non-Ignismancer to have at least some choices to prod Ignis and Seeker about their obvious relationship. You kind of get this already with Chapter 4, as you've mentioned, where you can ask what's going on with them. The biggest point where you'll get to do something like that is Chapter 8, which is about Ignis's birthday party. Seeker organizes it basically on his own, and the MC will definitely be allowed to have thoughts™️ on that!

3rd: I've not worked out the very specifics of the MC and Forlorn's relationship in Book 2 (and beyond) yet, so I can't confirm one way or the other whether I'll have a crush happen. That said, Book 2 is going to have a lot more Forlorn content, and a lot of it will give the MC the chance to be the very obvious support pillar that the PTSD-riddled, half broken man needs. So even if you don't get to smooch (or think about smooching!) him, your relationship will definitely offer a chance to become much deeper, deeper than any he has at this moment.

4th: No, you don't have to worry about Other MC's thoughts on the League's strength tiers to matter in your relationships. As far as they're concerned, "salvation is individual", so Mars's (or Nova, or Aki's, or anyone's) personal strength doesn't matter to them- their only concern is your own. They may do some one snarky one liners once or twice, but if anything, the fact that the MC also has a personal reason to listen to them to get strong is something they're happy about.

Anyway, thanks a lot for all the compliments! I'm very happy to hear you enjoyed Chapter 5- it was honestly one I was very worried about since I have littme experience writing combat. I'm happy you enjoyed Lat's parts (and felt for poor Mars!) as well.

[epicspheal]

Now that you've finished Pokémon Scarlet what are your thoughts on the game? Take your time.

Also I hope you have a lovely new year. =)

Hi there namelessbaron! Happy New Year! I hope you and everyone else reading has a safe and lovely new year as well One last ask for 2022. I'm keeping this spoiler free, but I can definitely elaborate in a more spoilery context in future asks if we want to start talking about specific plot beats because I do have a lot of thoughts on those it just would make this ask way too long and exceed the character limit for asks. Honestly, I liked it. Not my new favorite, I actually still have SwSh as my favorite Switch Pokemon game but it's still good.

I'm not going to go too much into the whole graphics/glitch thing since that has been done to death. I did experience quite a few glitches and they were annoying but didn't make the game unplayable by any means. That being said I do wish TPCi could give more time between games. There is a serious discussion to be had about the crunch Gamefreak is under and how that's not healthy at all. Especially if they want to continue the open-world format. Okay as for the game itself, the highlight was definitely the freedom you had between traversing Paldea and how you tackled the narrative. It makes for endless storytelling potential on the OC/fanfic/fanart side of things but also gives a lot of replay value as you can switch up how you approach things. Having multiple stories with their own conclusion coalescing into one final story at the end was a huge step in the right direction and I'd love to see Gamefreak take that further. I will say though SV falls into the same trap that has plagued the series for generations in that it's not always able to properly balance the stories among the major characters. Nemona's story definitely got the short end of the stick compared to Penny and Arven's and so I was definitely not a fan of the Victory Road story. Don't get me wrong, I don't think every story has to be super heavy and I get where they were likely trying to make the Victory Road story a breather compared to some of the stuff we see in The Path of Legends and Starfall Street, but I think they could've made it more meaningful than what we got. Of the storylines, I think Starfall Street was definitely my favorite as it provided the most challenge gameplay-wise but also I think I just really connected to the characters in that story and I found their struggles extremely relatable. The Path of Legends brought a lot of worldbuilding I enjoyed (and confirmed some of my headcanons as canon) and The Way Home certainly threw some more twists and worldbuilding I was not expecting to see in Pokemon but I enjoyed it nonetheless. The cast of SV was solid overall with mostly likable characters. I really appreciated the ability to get to know most of the characters on a deeper level through side stories something we haven't seen consistently in previous generations. It was something I was really wishing to see in the SwSh DLC and I'm glad at least the Paldean Cast got it. The main characters of Team Star overall are my faves along with Director Clavell, Ryme, Grusha, Salvatore, and Larry. There are definitely characters I think (or I should say hope) get more exposure in the likely DLC such as Geeta, Nemona, Raifort, and Director Clavell. I will say I'm admittedly very torn on how Koraidon/Miraidon were handled in the story. It's like on the one hand I'm glad they're really experimenting with how the box legendaries are being used, but on the other hand, I'm not sure how I feel about them being used mainly as mounts for the majority of the story. The region itself was stunning. I haven't gotten a chance to explore every inch just yet and I'll be more thorough on my Cactusverse run but I definitely enjoyed going through the different biomes and seeing the different cities and spending my money at all of the different restaurants. The new Pokemon introduced were like any region, a mixed bag but I definitely think Scarlet won out with the version exclusives with the sole exception Ceruledge. One of the few true downsides was the character customization. I found it to be a bit of a downgrade compared to previous generations. Mainly because the school uniform really hampers the style potential. The other major downside for me was the removal of set battle mode. I just felt like that was a rather harmless feature that could've always remained an option and removing it removes some level of freedom for the player.

I mean again overall I think it's a very solid entry into the series and a very solid step in the right direction. It's probably my fifth favorite region.

[icharchivist]

I think it speaks to how much you love the original game that you'd be having so many critical thoughts about the "Remake" (no, I will not stop putting it in quotes, thank you)

It's a good thing

You can be critical of media, even if you like it, hell, especially if you like it. You should be

But yeah, maybe all of the different things will pay off in a big way later

I can see why they'd feel the need to forego subtetly, because they assume a lot of players are familiar with the OG, so just retreading the same steps would bore them (because they don't understand what Remake means)

And also Sephiroth popular, better cram him in there

aahh thank you <3 i really appreciate it.

I'm trying to be fair with the "Remake" as i can -- i genuinely don't want to dislike it and it saddens me so much that there's elements i don't get into, but i genuinely want to be fair on what it does right. But that also means i can't really ignore my problems with it either.

I do love the original game a whole lot, and i'm glad it kinda shows -- i just hope i can just approach the remake without letting my bitterness or my nostalgia fully get in the way either.

For now i do like playing the remake, but i really do hate the parts where it goes on the "not remake" parts. But it doesn't stop me from enjoying the scenes themselves at last.

And for all the issues i have with Sephiroth here (and that i find it tragic that new people who only try the remake may not know how much of a slow burn Sephiroth's introduction was), at least he's in character from his AC's persona, so it's still fun to watch. It's just not how Sephiroth behaves in this part of the OG. And it's difficult of like, both enjoying his antics because hell yeah that's the bitch i know, but also, he shouldn't be like that now, yaknow?

They did mention that once they wanted to cut the game in three parts and "really wanted to do justice to the fans of Cloud, Zack, and Sephiroth" (that's something they said in an interview pre-release), and that was a major red flag honestly. I feel like they were so scared with the fact part 1 of the remake wouldn't have had two of the most popular characters of the franchise that they had to find way to shoe them in. While a huge part of the reasons they became fav to start with is the way they haunt the narrative. How sad.

so instead the game does act like you probably knows the basics anyway so we will spoil the big twists here and there so we can focus on new ones. And it's just sad.

and they said only after the remake came out that if people wanted to play the OG they should just replay the OG and it's frustrating. And then they made a gacha mobage supposed to remake all the big moments of the franchise to "give the OG in better graphisms back to the fans <3" as if it's not the worst thing they could have done lmao

But oh well. What's done is done an at this point i'm just repeating the same frustrations as ever.

But i do enjoy the game, i do enjoy playing it. It's just so sad that the biggest problem the game has is really that it feels ashamed to just be a remake so it has to be a metacommentary on the saga instead. Sad as hell to me.

BUT i'll find ways to enjoy it regardless. I love those characters too much not to try at least.

anyway thank you again for the nice message <33

[amothersmagik]

⚠️TW: Loss, TTC After loss, etc⚠️

Excuse me while I whine and vent? I am struggling horribly right now as I come out of a period of numbness (my therapist calls it *"disassociating"* 😅🙃) and I need to get these thoughts out.

"I'm okay.

No really.

I swear I'm okay"

Hiccuping and deep trembling breaths.

"Some days are better than others"

Still true, though right now there is snot and tears pouring down my face.

"I'll be fine. I'm healing"

And I was totally fine that day. Until the sun shone through the trees *just right* and I thought about how bad I wished she were here to see it.

"We haven't given up, it will happen when it's supposed to"

Though right now it feels like never....

"Aw your baby is so adorable! I am so happy for you!"

Still VERY true even though I feel this gut wrenching soul tearing bring me to my knees sharp stabbing ache in my very soul everytime your baby giggles, cries, or breathes.

"I had let it rest at the back of my mind"

Until that advert flashed by my eyes and suddenly the rage and despair overtook me like a hurricane with no warning.

Some days I am okay. Truly. I can talk about it. I can be the advocate I proclaim myself to be and talk about all the hard things. I can smile, and mean it, and talk about *someday*.

I can take the crappy advice and condolences of those who have NEVER been here with a smile that only hints of a grimace rather than the annoyed and pained scowl I've felt on my face before (when faced with the same comments on a different day).

Some days I absolutely look to all the world like a well adjusted, healed, happy Momma who takes joy in that which she HAS instead of despairing over what she has LOST.

And then there are days like today. When I did virtually nothing. It wasn't a Bad day. It was a nothing day. I zoned out. I was numb. I laid around and barely interacted with my loved ones.

And then there are the days like two days ago. When my brain replays every moment from the most recent loss. Compares it to previous losses. I think about what's wrong with me that I can't do the one thing a woman's body was originally designed to do? What have I done that God is punishing me so? What could I have done differently to save her? To save any of them?

I replay that moment when my knees hit the tile and I heard this horrible wailing and it took me a minute to realize it was me. (Later that same evening I was apologizing in semi-numb embarrassment to the nurse because they uncomfortably confirmed what I had belatedly realized - the whole damn hospital heard my pained screams that evening in the ER). I can't get the feeling out of my head - that feeling of WRONG as I walked into that ER and EVERYTHING HURT. And I knew before I was even registered what was happening.

I have bad days SO bad, even I wonder if maybe this is me finally snapping. If I've reached the end of what my soul can handle. I sit and I cry over the wind, because it feels warm and rocking her to sleep in the backyard on a warm summer day would have been perfect. I cry because that butterfly was a beautiful light blue like her eyes would have been. I cry because that baby giggle at the park sounded so much like my son, it could have been one of his siblings, had any of them lived.

I cry because my arms are empty and I really wish they weren't.

And as I sit and cry and can't explain what set me off this time because sometimes I don't even KNOW....

Tiny (but somehow so huge) arms encircle my head. Just my head because thats all they can manage. The sloppy-est kiss lands on my forehead. "I love your heart, Momma. You're okay. You're a good Momma"

The tears fall harder but a smile breaks through.

Days go by and I watch him giggle with his friend and get so dirty I have NO IDEA how he will ever get clean again. So I shake my head and huff a laugh. What else can you do in the face of toddler boys playing outside?

My heart soars and heals a little watching his face light up over whatever bug he just found in the grass.... oh geez, that he bringing over to show me 🤢

I take a deep breath and know I'm going to be okay, even though it hurts so bad....because the love of my son is beautiful.

He asked me a couple days ago why we don't talk about her anymore, the baby in Mommas tummy. I explain that she went to be with the Grandpas and Auntie and the kitties. He says "oh thats sad. I love you mumma" and gives me a forehead kiss (which he most definitely learned from watching Daddy too close lol) and runs back to play in the sand box.

Today he fell asleep sprawled on the couch and my husband held me while we stood in silence and just watched him for a moment. We made quiet comments about how much he has grown. It hurt. Because my angels never will. But it healed. Because he is healthy and beautiful and perfect.

He is so ready to be a big brother. We are so ready for another one. I feel soooo crazy. Flopping back and forth between joyous hope and love, blinding numbness, and agonizing despair. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Then daddy (husband) holds me and reminds me how much he loves me and how we won't give up until I say I'm done.

Things will get better. They will. I know they will. Most days I know this and can cope fine...some days are harder than others. Today is numb. But tomorrow will be better.

*[For context: I lost our baby this past Sunday. She was my 9th pregnancy. Our son is our only shared living child and was my 5th pregnancy.]*

[emma-is-swaggy-and-epic]

Hi guys!!!! I just finished playing danganronpa trigger happy havoc ALL THE WAY TO THE END and i'm REALLY proud of myself so i wanna give my thoughts on the game! (WARNING: spoilers and some brief mentions of suggestive themes)

Now tbh i'm not really one to finish games once i play them for the first time (the only other game i've finished was pokemon sword) so this is REALLY exciting for me!!! I even got out some ice cream to celebrate!!! And let me just tell you this: I. LOVED IT. (The game i mean....though the ice cream was good too lol, it was birthday cake flavored!) I would've loved it SO MUCH MORE if i didn't spoil it for myself YEARS BEFORE i even played the game but that's okay, in my defense this was before i got my nintendo switch AND before the dangan trilogy got PORTED to the switch so i didn't think i was ever gonna play it....also if there wasn't so much problematic stuff in it like ableism and transphobia that would've helped...but anyway! Where do i even begin? This game is just AMAZING!!!!! The characters are really REALLY interesting and cool, the writing is absolutely SUPERB and despite having the game spoiled for me, it still managed to keep me on my toes and i just COULDN'T HELP BUT WONDER WHAT HAPPENED NEXT!!!

When i first started playing the game, my favorite character was hifumi! I sorta felt a bit of a kindred spirit with him since we both write fanfiction and are huge nerds (don't worry though, i've never sexually harrassed anyone!!!) Though as i played through the game a little more, i found that my favorite characters changed to toko, byakuya and celeste. Funnily enough i actually didn't like toko AT ALL at first! She REALLY didn't give me a good first impression; though the more i played, the more i started to warm up to her and i actually kinda realized that i relate a LOT to her....we're both child-like, antisocial brunettes (well....toko has purple hair but it just LOOKS brunette..) with blueish eyes, a passion for writing and a not-so-great relationship with romance/sexuality.....hell, without the DID part and y'know....the sexual harrassment, i'd say toko literally WAS me!!! I AM A TOKO FUKAWA KINNIE AND IT'S CONCERNING EVEN TO MYSELF!!!! That being said, i feel like some of probably know why byakuya and celeste are ALSO my favorites...ngl i never really expected myself to ship them as much as i do, ESPECIALLY considering i got into the ship because i was listening to the song gold digger by kanye west one day and had an epiphany. Though i'll leave my thoughts on the ship for when i make another cringey longpost talking about how much i like it (and when i get around to that, I'LL HAVE SOMETHING OF ACTUAL VALUE TO SAY ABOUT IT AND NOT JUST "THEY'D PROBABLY HAVE HATE SEX AND THAT'S AWESOME" LIKE MY LAST ONE!!! LIKE WTF WAS I THINKING WHEN I WROTE THAT???).

Y'know...usually when i play a game, watch a show or whatever, i never really go into it with critiques and reviews in mind so i usually tend to enjoy my experience and if i don't, i just stop engaging with that thing!! That being said, while i do ABSOLUTELY LOVE danganronpa! I have a couple criticisms, for starters: i've noticed a couple typos in the dialouge, they were VERY few and far between but it was still somewhat noticable and i'm a bit surprised that they were never patched out (hell, idk if it's just my monkey brain being dumb but i'm pretty sure there was even a typo IN THE VOICED DIALOUGE THAT THE VOICE ACTOR STRAIGHT UP JUST READ OUT) not only that but they replayed the voice clip of kyoko saying "mukuro ikusaba, the 16th student lying somewhere within this school, the one they call the ultimate despair, watch out for her" WAY TOO FUCKING MUCH, LIKE B R O WAS IT TOO HARD TO JUST SHORTEN IT OR SOMETHING???? I CAN SEE WHY THIS LINE IS SUCH A MEME IN THIS FANDOM AGHHHHHHH!!!! YOU KNOW IT'S BAD WHEN I CAN LITERALLY WRITE THE WHOLE THING FROM MEMORY OMGGGGG!!! Not only that but they played that one flashback of monokuma saying there were actually 16 students WAY TOO FUCKING MUCH too! Honestly i feel like this game sorta just has a problem with replaying flashbacks too much IN GENERAL!! Also tbh i feel like the final class trial was a bit too drawn out, like i understand that it's the end of the game and they kinda needed junko to explain why she's the bad guy but tbh the whole time i was just kinda thinking "CAN WE JUST KILL THIS BITCH ALREADY AND GET IT OVER WITH?????"

Sooo....yeah, i guess that sorta wraps up my thoughts on danganronpa THH. Ngl i'm gonna miss this game....i know there's school mode but tbh idk if i'll ever get around to playing it, if i ever do i'll probably only get the kyoko ending since i ship naegiri. Tbh i'm kinda nervous about starting up danganronpa 2 now since i've gotten so used to the characters and the storyline from trigger happy havoc that i feel like the sequels are just not gonna be the same....

Sooo.... yeah! I gave this game an 8½/10! Also genocide jill says nonbinary rights (just in time for pride month too!)

Oh yeah, and also SHIP CELESGAMI FOR CLEAR SKIN!!!!!!!!

[urmoonstone]

a fresh start~!

welcome yall!

im so excited to see so many people already showing up! i consider anyone who found me through twitter to be what i call:

~ the real ones ~

you've stuck through thick and thin and i truly appreciate you giving a shit about me that much to follow a little link to a whole ass other place to keep in touch! that really means a ton to me.

seriously, i have been so disenchanted with twitter and general public spaces for.. a while now! for a couple reasons - mostly personal. i don't think i've talked about this much publicly and since we're.. looks left looks right ~ the real ones ~ here... i figure i'll talk about it a bit

a couple things on why i've been so quiet in places lately. i plan to talk a LOT on tumblr so.. get ready LOL

another me & frozen time

thousands of people found me through videos that i don't want to be associated with anymore. i had my twitter account for years but it never surpassed a couple hundred. it was mostly just friends and people i knew from early abridged series days. that all changed when my twitter handle was blasted on videos that literally a million eyeballs have seen. at that time i was coming off of the actual lowest point of my life. i really wasn't ready to be in front of so many people publicly like that, but situations played out a certain way and i took a leap and went for it.

because i was still so mentally rattled, i put on this performer face that was full of energy and ready to be interactive and reactionary so that, well, the hundreds of thousands of new eyeballs on me would like me. i didn't want to let them down. this was a huge opportunity after all and i did have a natural performer presence already. i just kinda, dialed it up a ton because a camera was on. and what do you know, it worked! people liked my stupid shit. they liked my banter with others, and it all worked out. for a while. keeping on that mask takes a lot of energy. i'm not naturally that extroverted. i think so few people are. but, the impression was already set in people's minds. i was "salty" and "annoying" at my worst but a chaotic spaz who injected fun at my best.

people captured this image of me in time that they can constantly replay and it's a version of myself that i despise. a fake hyperbole that's farthest from genuine imaginable. so when people followed through to the thing in those videos, my twitter, they expected that same person, that same version of myself and.. well they would rarely get it. keeping up that "bit" forever wasn't feasible for someone like me. and i frankly can't keep up at something like that. it made me more depressed trying to meet up to certain expectations, and the volume of critical and downright hateful messages really took a toll on me.

not to say that all of them are bad! i've met so many amazing and wonderful people through those videos. i don't regret doing them. but after they're published, what the world does with them is out of my control. and they kind of exploded in a way that i really didn't expect. and so people look for this thing from me, they don't get it, and they move on. but some of them still followed me on twitter, and it kind of inflated that number to a point that stressed me out constantly. i can handle eyes on me, but.. how many of those eyes were on the real me? not a ton. most of them were looking for another me. the one frozen in time in youtube uploads, always making the same jokes. a caricature on display.

and so i tried to be more human.

public venting & the timeskip

on some videos i let slip that yknow, i had depression and anxiety. people heard about this and asked questions. as the numbers grew i started to feel like my voice was more and more legitimate, that i had something to say that people should be listening to. and at the end of the day i wanted to be a voice that could lift people up and encourage others. i wanted to be a teacher, dammit! but really the motivation was always helping people. so i tried to a bit of that on twitter, in, well, maybe not the best way.

i treated twitter like a journal. i was extremely open about my struggles throughout the days. at 2 am i would post about how miserable i was, but how grateful i was to have people in my corner. and sure enough a ton of people would send in a bunch of kind messages my way. they were genuine and encouraging. i had open DMs and broadcast to people: "hey! if you need someone to talk to at 3 in the morning cuz you're goin thru it, i'm here to listen"

and i was!! there were hundreds of people that messaged me and i did my best to listen and to offer advice if i had any. some just sent in their own kind words and that was always sweet. some of them we had a longer back and forth talking through situations and they thanked me afterward. i got a DM the other day from someone who messaged me years ago to say thank you for hearing them out back in 2016. that really made my day.

but it was really difficult keeping up with all of that, and throughout all of this i wasn't in therapy myself. my messages became growingly personal on twitter to where a couple of my friends would approach me and say "you probably shouldn't be so open about this on twitter." and i ignored them!! looking back on it they were right. there were people who thanked me for being so open about it and said that my openness showed them that they weren't alone in what they were dealing with. which is its own comfort. i'm really glad for that. but finding that next step to improving on things is where the action is. and i couldn't be that. i'm not a therapist or a counselor. (honestly i would like to be but... maybe that'll be later in life!)

for a time this would go on though. i would vent on twitter, being way more open than i probably should've been, people would reply in kind, and it would repeat. i knew things couldn't keep going this way, and so i sought the help of a therapist. this was at the start of 2020.

do you know who else needed therapy at the start of 2020?

my mom everyone!!

everyone was stuck inside. so many people realized they had the same problems i did. and now they were online more than ever to post openly about their struggles, to vent on twitter, to add to the chorus of complaints. sometimes it's good to complain. sometimes it's good to vent! but there needs to be something in place to help you figure out where to go from there, and so many people would just circle the drain of depression, never moving forward, commiserating forever.

this, my friends, is ~the timeskip~. a lot of people are upset. the world seems scarier than ever. i won't pretend a lot of it isn't scary! and that venting isn't okay! but it was just.. too much for me. after pursuing therapy and making fundamental changes in myself, i decided that i wouldn't broadcast all my negativity on twitter. i saw what was happening and wanted to be a happy, positive, genuine voice to lift people up. i was already working on my game development project and so i tried to encourage others to pursue their creative endeavors, doing literally anything other than festering on the negatives. because that will only make everything worse!

sometimes depression and anxiety doesn't give you a choice on how to feel, but you have a choice to get on twitter & contribute to the cacophony. i choose not to! and even now i feel like saying something like this is BAD because...

public enemy

i'm not about to say my depression is "cured," but therapy has helped more than ever to get my depression in a manageable spot. i don't feel helpless. i know that i can figure things out. i've made it through worse! but what still creeps its ugly head from time to time is...

anxiety

i'm a perfectionist and always have been. i didn't understand until the past couple of years that anxiety and perfectionism are basically the same thing! scared of failure, imagining the worst possible outcome and becoming paralyzed by indecision. what if you do the wrong thing? what if you say the wrong thing..??

and this fear has kept me from saying.. basically anything online!

i see my almost 30,000 twitter followers and would think "all it takes is to say something wrong for that ONE person and i'm done." Even now i'm sitting here like, "why even bother saying this?" but i'd rather get this out there for ~ the real ones ~ (and i need the writing practice!).

i'm not about to complain about ~ cancel culture ~ but i can't pretend that being someone with that many eyes on me hasn't made me clam up more than ever.

i see other creators with hundreds of thousands of eyes on them who keep their head buried in their creation and their public presence to a minimum. and i envy that. i want to do that more and more. i would rather that my creative works speak for themselves and people can enjoy and interpret the art i make. i know i only have the smallest percentage of publicity as someone like toby fox, but i get why you'd want to stay more anonymous with how mean some people can be online. even typing these words i think "i'm sure someone's gonna be mad about this" and you know what?

fuck em~!

i know that i'm not a bad person. i want to help people. i have only ever wanted to raise people up and encourage them to do their best. and to be the best they can be!

i think a lot of people are scared to be honest about things, and i can see why. but i want to be authentic.

i want to be myself.

i am cringe.

but i am free.

and all of ~ the real ones ~ will be getting nothing less than that! i hope you will be your cringe ass as well.

in conclusion

i'm grateful for the opportunities i've had and things i've been able to do, but i'm ready to make a solid foot forward establishing my identity as who i really am, not as some caricature. i'll still be doing goofy gameplay videos with Grant here and there because we've known each other forever and he's my best friend and i love him! but my main focus is definitely making this card game and video game and other creative things!

thank you so much for stopping by and sticking with me. i know i may not be exactly what you expected when you first followed, or however you found me. maybe i'm exactly what you expected! in which case... oh no... i have to dial the cringometer at least another 10 notches...

i really enjoy writing like this and haven't had an outlet for it in some time. expect to see more like this as well as some gamedev / game design posts from meeeee. i'm excited to see all the artists on here and to post my own cringe ass art stuff soon too!

have a good one. much love to yall.

おやすみ～

[youbloodymadgenius]

Ivarello (Modern!Ivar x reader) Chapter 1

Moodboard by @quantumlocked310

Ivarello’s masterpost here

A/N: This is my entry for @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie 500 Followers Fairy Tale Challenge. It's a retelling of Cinderella. Congrats again, darling 💖

A huge thank you to @mrsalwayswrite, who's a great beta reader and an even greater cheerleader 😂

A massive thank you to @quantumlocked310, @vikingstrash and @serasvictoria. Thank you for agreeing to collaborate and for sharing your talent with me. Your moodboards are beyond amazing 🤩

In this story, Sigurd is alive. Ragnar and Aslaug are dead, but Lagertha didn't kill her. I took a lot of liberties with the show, I hope you won't mind.

Unlike the tale, there will be no magic involved. Not everything will be realistic, however. It's a fayritale, after all!

Let me know if you want to be tagged 😊

Summary: Orphaned five years ago, Ivar and his brothers have been living with Lagertha ever since. Now 16 years old, he wants to attend Harald's traditional Midsummer party, but obstacles stand in his way.

Warnings: description of car crash; orphaned kids; Sigurd being Sigurd; OOC characters.

Words: 1806

Additional note: I'm afraid I'll disappoint some of you. No more newspapers... The articles defined the setting of the story. From now on, it'll be a regular fic.

Hope you enjoy it nevertheless 🙂

🛡⚔️🛡

June 2021

Ivar yawns, rubbing his eyes, when he suddenly hears the front door open. The next moment, Ubbe shouts, "Hey baby bro, we're home!"

Slightly confused, Ivar looks at the time on his computer. Stunned, he blinks repeatedly, shakes his head and checks the time again, now looking at his watch. "Guess I lost track of time," he mumbles as he realizes it's really 5:30 pm. He clears his throat. "I'm coming!"

Yawning once more, he wheels to the kitchen. Hvitserk waves at him with one hand as Ubbe greets him with a grin and Sigurd... Well, Sigurd ignores him, as usual.

"Hello boys!" Lagertha smiles as she also enters the kitchen. "Did you go to the beach this afternoon?" It's a rethorical question, since sand can be seen on the tanned skin of his brothers, shirtless and wearing only swimming shorts.

When she looks down at him, her smile becomes softer. "Ivar, you seem tired. Did you work all day long?"

He nods, glad that for once she called him by his first name and not by one of those stupid nicknames that she likes but that make his skin crawl.

"Yep," he shrugs without smiling back, "I made good progress. The new version of your website is almost done. It could probably be online by the end of the week."

His stepmom flashes him a beaming smile. "Great, thanks!"

The conversation then moves on to the subject that everyone in Kattegat has been talking about for the last few days: the midsummer party thrown by their neighbor Harald Hårfager. Every June, it is Kattegat's not-to-be-missed event, to which every resident hopes to be invited.

Lagertha is invited every year, yet rarely attends; his brothers wouldn't miss it, not in a million years; Ivar never went.

He listens with half an ear as his brothers prattle on about the upcoming party, while taking a seat at the large, wooden kitchen table on which Lagertha has just put cakes and drinks.

"What are you going to wear?"

"Do you think Marit will attend this year?"

"Hopefully the music will be better than last year."

"Can't be as bad! What was the name of that reggae band?"

For a fleeting moment, Ivar entertains the thought of attending as well. Not that he's dying to, but… Sometimes, he feels a little bit like Cinderella in this house.

Don't get him wrong, it's not that bad.

First, his stepmom is not–

Wait, wait, wait, is Lagertha technically his stepmom? He's not sure. After all, she wasn't when his parents were alive, she was just his father's first wife. Anyway, she may be his guardian now, but he sees her as his stepmom and he honestly doesn’t give a shit if it's a little weird.

Where was he? Oh yes, Cinderella.

So obviously, Lagertha is not a wicked, haughty and abusive stepmom like this Lady Tremaine of the fairytale.

Actually, even if it pisses him off to admit it, she's pretty nice, patient and composed. Does he love her? Let's not exaggerate – he doesn't. She may love him though, which is a little bit uncanny, if he's being honest. He was the favorite son of her nemesis. Shouldn't she hate him? He would, if the situation was reversed.

The truth is, when he was younger, he tried, he really tried to hate her, blaming her for everything and anything. When too much pain prevented him from sleeping, he let his imagination run wild. There, bound to his bed of suffering, he could see Lagertha cutting the brakes on his mother's car, causing her crash, causing her death.

Of course, even then, he knew deep down that Lagertha had not killed his mother; that the story he told himself was just the product of his endless nights of insomnia. But what can he say? He needed this. Because blaming Lagertha rather than admitting that his beloved mother was at fault – by being distracted, or by falling asleep, he'll never know – was easier for the heartbroken boy he was.

Anyway... So yes, Lagertha is definitely not an evil stepmother like Cinderella's.

Also, he doesn't sleep on a sorry garret, on a wretched straw bed either.

Actually, he has a very large room on the main floor, with a king-size memory foam bed, a walk-in – well, a wheel-in for his case – closet and his own, huge bathroom, fully equipped for his special needs.

Sure, the bathroom and the dressing room were already there when his parents were alive; however, the memory foam mattress had been Lagertha's idea.

Anyway... So yes, he can't exactly complain about his sleeping conditions, unlike Cinderella.

And obviously, he's not forced into servitude.

Actually, one might think so, but no, he's not. Sure, sometimes he works for his stepmom, like today. But so do his brothers. When she had taken them in, she was a powerful businesswoman, working twelve to fourteen hours a day. Once she had become their guardian, she had rearranged her working time and learned to delegate; but even so, she had often run out of time. Therefore, it had seemed normal to them – yes, even to him – to help her out, each of them according to their skills and abilities.

So, while Hvitserk almost always does the grocery shopping, while Sigurd vacuums and does the laundry, while Ubbe mows the lawn and trim the bushes, he, Ivar, runs her company's website and sometimes even does the accounting. And since he loves computers and numbers, it's not exactly a problem.

Anyway... So yes, he's not a slave in this house. Unlike Cinderella.

So, yes, to sum it up, he can't really complain and he's by far not Cinderella. And he knows it.

But... Yes, there's a but...

Sometimes, he feels trapped, as poor Cinderella must have felt.

Sometimes he feels like a spectator of a life he doesn't belong to.

Sure, he doesn't have to be homeschooled – but gods, he's glad he is. The reasons for him to be continuously bullied by classmates are endless. The simplest ones being: he is a cripple, an orphan, the son of a dead mob boss, the smartest one in the whole damn school, let alone his class. Take your pick. It's no fun, no fun at all. Being home alone is preferable to that alternative.

Therefore, barely leaving the house except for medical appointments, he has no friends. He doesn't do sports either – obviously – and yeah, he lives a lonely life, filled with video games and Netflix series. And he's okay with that. Well, most of the time.

Sure, his brothers, or at least Ubbe and Hvitserk, always try to include him as much as possible. But the truth is that because of his legs, there are many, many things he just can't do.

And the other truth, the less pleasant one, is that he partially did that to himself. He cut himself off from a world that hurt him, yet he still misses this world sometimes. At times, he blames himself. Because his life, honestly, is hardly what you would call a life, is it? Not when you're sixteen.

That's why sometimes, like now, he feels this longing, almost a need, to live. To really, truly, fully live. And that's why, for a brief moment, lulled by the light chitchat of his brothers, he considers attending Harald's midsummer party.

But he knows better. This life is not for him, never has been, never will be.

And so, shaking his head, he chases the thought away and, placing his hands on his push rims, he's about to leave the kitchen while the incessant babbling of his brothers goes on.

"I can't wait."

"Don't tell me! As every year, the most beautiful girls of Kattegat will be there."

"Remember that burger food truck? Best burgers ever!"

"I've heard Y/N would be attending this year."

"There'll be booze and girls! Sounds like Valh–"

Wait. His mind goes blank.

Fuck.

What? Did he hear right?

As he replays his brother's words in his head, it's like there's an earthquake happening inside of him.

Fuck.

He stops breathing. Blinks, then clamps his eyes shut.

Fuck.

When he finally manages to draw air into his lungs, he swallows loudly before asking in a weird, high-pitched voice, his heart pounding in his chest, "What– What did you say, brother?"

Hvitserk turns his head toward him and shrugs. "I just said there'll be boo–"

"No, not you!" Ivar snaps at his brother, pointing his pointer finger at Ubbe. "You, what did you fucking say?" Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Lagertha frowning – 'no curse words in this house, boys'– and even if he barely contains an eye roll, he still mouths a quick 'sorry' at her before rewording his question, impatience coursing through him. "What did you say, dear brother? Who did you say would attend?"

Stunned, Ubbe looks at him with wide eyes. "Y/N? I said Y/N would come. That's what I heard anyway. She's Harald's niece. She was here once, right? Remember her, baby bro, huh?"

But Ivar is no longer listening, the blood draining from his face. Y/N... Y/N... Fuck. Finally. Fucking finally. After so long... He may see you again. Wow.

I'll go! I'll fucking go!

He barely contains the words, suddenly acutely aware of the deafening silence in the room, his brothers shamelessly staring at him.

With her brows furrowed and her lips turned downward in a slight frown, Lagertha takes two steps forwards before crouching down in front of him. "Are you all right, sweetie? You're a little pale."

He barely hears when Sigurd giggles, "A little pale? He's greener than an alien!"

Lagertha shoots Sigurd a dirty look and then gently cups Ivar's cheek. "Do you know her, Ivar? Do you know Y/N?"

Overwhelmed, self-conscious, freaked out, caught off-guard, he doesn't know how to respond. Should he tell the truth? Should he lie? His brothers will mock him, for sure. What is the point of telling the truth? What good would it do? On the other hand, he could really use some advice. Yeah. Sure. Advice from Sigurd. Just the thought of it is enough to make him sick. Fuck, what is he going to do?

Rushed words are out of his mouth before he can even gather his thoughts. "No. No. I don't. I mean, yes, I think I do but–" He's being pathetic and he hates it. So after a sharp intake of breath, he shakes his head and eventually replies in a flat, calm voice, the white lie rolling off his tongue. "I know her, but I thought Ubbe was talking about someone else. Sorry."

With these words, he hastily leaves the room, his eyes riveted on his knees, his heart still drumming in his chest.

Y/N. Fuck.

🛡⚔️🛡

Ivar's taglist: @waiting4inspiration @honestsycrets @lisinfleur @saldelys @gearhead66 @inforapound @readsalot73 @milkkygirls @xbellaxcarolinax @shannygoatgruff @zuxiezendler @hecohansen31 @lonewolf471 @fuckindiva @tgrrose @didiintheblog @peachyboneless @pieces-by-me @funmadnessandbadassvikings @ethereallysimple @destynelseclipsa @cocovikings23 @xceafh @mrsalwayswrite @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie @pomegranates-and-blood @jadelynlace @grimeundglow @quantumlocked310 @alexhandersen-marcoilsoe-fandom

Ivarello's taglist: @not-another-viking-fanfic-blog @hashimily @prepare4trouble @supernaturalvikingwhore @funmadnessandbadassvikings

[viking-raider]

Cover Me in Sunshine - One Shot

Summary: You meet Henry's little brother and his family, making a connection with someone unexpected.

Pairing: Henry Cavill/Reader

Word Count: 1,586

Rating: G - Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Cotton Candy Goodness, Song Fic

Inspiration: P!nk's song with her daughter Willow, Cover Me In Sunshine.

Author's Note: I heard this song last night and muse came up with this. Cred to @firefly-graphics for the divider!

“Charlie, Heather, this is my girlfriend.” Henry grinned as he introduced you to his little brother and his wife.

“It's a pleasure to meet you.” Charlie grinned, throwing out an arm and giving you a hug.

“Sames.” You smiled back and returned his hug. “Hey.” You nodded, as Charlie and Heather introduced you to their kids.

The kids nodded and mumbled their hellos to you, then vanished to various corners of the house, while you, Henry, Charlie and Heather went into the kitchen. Heather pulled out wine glasses and Charlie grabbed a bottle of chilled Stella Rosa wine from the fridge.

“Is mum and pops coming over?” Henry asked, standing at the island, sipping his glass and resting his hand on your lower back.

“Yeah, mum said they'd be here in twenty.” Charlie nodded, taking a deep gulp of his own glass.

“Cool.” Henry nodded back, turning his head, his nose brushing the hair above your ear.

The doorbell rang several minutes later and Henry's parents joined the party of adults. You excused yourself at some point to go to the bathroom and were coming back out, when the sound of a guitar caught your attention. Biting your lip, you looked back towards the laughter and voices of Henry and the others, but decided to follow the sound of the instrument instead, finding Charlie and Heather's oldest daughter, Maddie, in the den, sitting cross legged on the carpet, strumming a guitar.

“Wow, you're pretty good.” You commented, when she paused for a moment “Oh, sorry.” You chuckled, when you startled her. “Where'd you learn to play?” You asked, stepping further into the room and sitting down beside her.

“My dad taught me.” She replied, chewing on her lip as she regarded you shyly.

“My dad taught me how to play too.” You smiled at her, sweetly.

“You know how to play too?” She asked, surprised.

“I do.” You nodded.

Maddie put her guitar down and rushed out of the room, coming back a moment later with another guitar. “You want to play with me?” She asked, excitedly holding the guitar out to you.

You smiled a little bit wider at her. “Sure.” You nodded and took the instrument from her, situating it in your lap. “Do you have any songs you like?” You asked her.

“I do have a song that I wrote?” Maddie admitted, shyly brushing her hair behind her ear.

“Oh yeah?” You grinned, lifting a brow at her. “You want to teach it to me?” You asked, turning to face her.

“You actually want me to teach it to you?” Maddie asked, caught off guard by your request.

“A Hundred percent.” You nodded, positioning your fingers on the guitar strings and patiently waited for her to start giving you instructions.

Maddie's shock instantly melted away into a bright excitement and she started showing you what strings to pluck and play and in no time, the pair of you were playing the song together and falling more and more in sync the more you played it.

“Can I show you something?” Maddie asked after one last play through of the song.

“Of course.” You nodded at her, resting your arms on your guitar.

Maddie set her guitar down and raced out of the room at full speed, you could hear her feet pounding up the stairs to the second floor and Heather yell out from the kitchen for her to slow down, but she didn't, and she came thundering back into the room with you, plopping down on carpet beside you, spreading out a crumpled piece of paper with several lines written in blue ball-point pen, with the title 'Cover Me in Sunshine' scribbled at the top in black sharpie.

“You wrote a song.” You identified it instantly.

“Yeah.” She nodded, vigorously. “I've never shown it to anyone else before though.”

“Have you ever sang it before?” You asked, reading through the lyrics.

“No.” She replied, becoming shy again. “I-..” She bit her lip and sighed. “I don't think I can sing that well.”

“Hm.” You pressed your lips together. “What can I do to help?” You asked, tilting your head at her.

“I know you're a really good singer.” She said, making you blush.

Maddie wasn't wrong, you had made your living as a recording artist, a successful and famous one at that, so it didn't surprise you that Maddie knew that you could sing.

“Could you sing it?” She asked.

“How about this.” You said, licking your lips. “Do you have a pencil?” You asked her.

“Yeah.” She nodded, getting up and crossing the room to grab it and came back, handing it to you.

“I'll sing these parts.” You drew a bracket around a set of lyrics. “We'll duet these together.” You underlined the lyrics you and Maddie would sing together. “And you can sing this last part.” You circled the last set of lyrics for her to sing on her own.

“How's that sound?” You asked, giving her an encouraging look and smile.

“Okay.” Maddie nodded, still shy and apprehensive, but willing to try, since you were.

“Good.” You nodded and the two of you picked up your guitars and started working on it.

“Hey, where did y/n go?” Heather asked, just realizing you hadn't come back from the bathroom.

Everyone stopped, frowning at each other, just then realizing the same. It had almost been an hour since you had excused yourself to go to the bathroom. Henry set his glass down and stepped out of the kitchen and went out to the hallway bathroom, the others following behind him, to make sure you were all right, when they all heard the sound of guitar music and singing coming from the den. They all looked at each other, confused, and followed it, stopping in the doorway of the den, finding you and Maddie sitting on the floor together, grinning and giggling, just having a blast together as you jammed out and played the song together, over and over.

You: I've been dreaming, friendly faces I've got so much time to kill Just imagine people laughing I know some day we will And even if it's far away Get me through another day.

You and Maddie: Cover me in sunshine Shower me with good times Tell me that the world's been spinning since the beginning And everything'll be alright Cover me in sunshine!

Maddie: Cover me in sunshine Shower me with good times Tell me that the world's been spinning since the beginning And everything'll be alright Cover me in sunshine!

You and Maddie were startled after finishing the song by their sudden and involuntary clapping, they were just so caught up in the moment and how amazingly beautiful the song was and how well the two of you played together, they were clapping before they knew it. Both of you blushed and became shy as the group funneled into the room with the two of you.

“That was amazing!” Everyone of them said, crowding around.

“Have you been sitting in here with her the whole time, just playing guitar and singing?” Henry asked, squatting down beside you, while the others clamored over Maddie, a huge smile on his face as his eyes sparkled with love.

“Yeah.” You chuckled, smiling. “I was coming back from the bathroom to join you guys again, when I heard her playing and came to check it out. One thing led to another and she taught me a song she composed, then a song she wrote and, well, you heard that by-product.” You said, motioning between you and Maddie.

“You wrote all that, Maddie?” Charlie asked, surprised by his daughter.

“Yeah.” She nodded, rubbing her arm.

“That's amazing.”

“It is.” You nodded, smiling at her. “She's got a lot of talent.” You complimented her.

You were impressed by Maddie, she had a natural talent.

“You think so?” Maddie asked, coming to life again.

“Completely.” You assured her, honestly.

Henry couldn't keep his eyes off of you, even after you joined him on the couch in the living room with the other adults, grinning like the love crazed man he was. The pair of you had been dating for several months and this was the first actual meeting you had with his family, he was positive you would hit off with his brother, sister-in-law and parents, but the connection you made with his niece had come out of nowhere and he was pleasantly surprised by it. The sound of you playing and singing with Maddie kept replaying over and over in Henry's head and it only elated him more.

“Are you okay?” You asked as you got into the car with him.

“Yeah, I'm great. Why?”

“Because, I'm worried your face is going to get stuck like that.” You chuckled, grinning at him.

“It just might, and I'm all right with that.” Henry replied, resting back in the driver's seat. “I've never had a girlfriend make such a connection with my family before.” He confessed to you, reaching out to rest his hand on your knee, gently squeezing it.

“Guess, I covered you in sunshine then.”

“More than you know.” He smiled, leaning over to kiss you.

[onwriting-hrarby]

on writing, 08-04

Today, I hid half of my works in ao3. It's something I had never planned to do, but I am angry, I am sad and I'm disappointed.

As I was in the verge of tears yesterday at 2 am, I had to tell my boyfriend to already come to bed with me, because I couldn't sleep. My mind was buzzing, I was replaying all that could happen, worried that people that don't even know me would think that I'm not a good person, which I am, I always was, just because they are puritan in literature. Something so small affected me so much (major admiration to all the "big cancelled out"), because I have always struggled with validation.

He told me: When you decided to start writing this, it was because of fun. And now, you're almost crying. Is this the definition of fun? Nobody writes for themselves all the time, so I can understand that you feel that hits and kudos are important, but not over your mental health, not over the hours. You have a wonderful life outside. It's not worth it to be this sad over some people unfollowing you. You're not that. You're not Twitter, and you're more what you write, and you're more the effort that you put in it.

But I was, and I still am, sour: I spend hours every day polishing a fic that I consider it's good for free. I don't get paid. I don't get any status out of it. I do it because I want people to enjoy it.

But when you confront some comments you wouldn't like to see (even more: when you don't understand for literature the same as other people, something so basic) it drains you out. I don't have any desire to write for those people anymore. I don't even know if I want the people to read me. I am working hard. I am not doing it so that people can think that I'm just a number, a username. I am not. I am out of flesh and blood and writing is exposing that flesh and blood. In the exposing, there's so much more than just a username.

Funny is, how the first people to "cancel" and "unfollow" you are the first ones that had hate. Cyclic, I guess.

So, for now, I won't be sharing my old works anymore (something I wanted to do since two weeks ago, when I found one of my older fics in Wattpad being uploaded in a site where people PAY to read it. I wanted to take them down because I don't want to be subjected to plagiarism). As for Rotten Judgement, I'll keep on writing, and depending on how I see everything next week, I'll upload.

Damn, huge respect to all those authors who've faced hate. I can't even deal with it with just one comment and some unfollows. You're all so brave and I admire you quite a lot.

(Thank you for your messages. You've all been very kind. Tumblr is a whole other thing, really.)

[a-moth-to-the-light]

Songs of the Summer, 2022: Late to the Party Awards

[masterpost]

Intro

This is a category I've had in my personal Best Of lists for a while, because I always feel bad that I’m super slow with music--I usually don’t fall in love with songs until long after the buzz around them has passed. The way I see it, songs become truly special by finding us at that specific moment when we need them and finally, fully get them--I think that's what it means to say something "aged well". So this list is dedicated to those songs: those that haven’t made it onto any of my previous lists, were released during the 2021-2022 school year (the time period covered by my last Best Of list), and finally caught my eye this summer. This is my [after]party, and I'll be an obnoxious gg stan if I want to!

1. Alive by Lightsum (May 24, 2022)

Before listening to "Alive", I had managed to ignore Lightsum completely. This, I'll admit, was mostly because of petty annoyance at yet another group debuting with a single (I understand that business things influence this but also... come onnnnnnnnnnnn). So yes, I knew "Vanilla" existed, but I didn't listen to it, and I didn't even know about their second song, "Vivace" (very regrettable, as I would have liked it's WJSN-esque sound on first listen).

But then that tiny but explosive sound bite of "Alive" kept showing up in k-tube videos, and after about two weeks of "YOU MAKE ME FEEL ALIVE" blaring randomly in my brain, I caved in and listened to the whole song. "Alive" is delightfully audacious music, fully embracing both the Itzy and the Gfriend sides of the girl-group spectrum so that even if you don't like it, the song will definitely be stuck in your head. It turns out their whole discography is full of dance music that manages to be both crisp and wild-sounding in a way that doesn't let me ignore it any longer--I was missing out last year, and I'm so glad "Alive" wormed its way into my brain and finally won me over!

2. In My World by Rocket Punch (February 28, 2022)

When I first listened to this album, all my attention was on "Red Balloon". I have a preference for the simplest Rocket Punch tracks, ones like "Lilac" and "Ring Ring (Acoustic Ver.)", but "In My World" got to me eventually. TheBiasList sold it as synth in the tradition of "Take On Me" in a review from back when it was first released, and, though it didn't click with me on first listen, "In My World" built a little nest in a back corner of my mind because of this description, waiting for its moment.

And here I was this summer, craving sweet, high-energy girl-group music after Yena won my heart with her summer album. "In My World" was exactly what I needed, and it hasn't lost its grip on me since. The whole song is decorated with fast-moving, shiny things--melodies and synth riffs and high notes--that make it so, so exciting. It's as glossy as "Bim Bam Bum" (yes, I like that one, please don't murder me), but with a kind of energy their other tracks could only dream of!

3. Good Boy Gone Bad by TXT (May 9, 2022)

I formally apologize for not getting this one at first--I was younger then, and I've learned from my mistakes since. My excuse is that I was distracted by the b-sides (hi, "Trust Fund Baby", you still make me unreasonably sad), but I recognize now that "Good Boy Gone Bad" is probably just the best noise ever??!? All the textures--the whispering, the crunchy syllables, the layers of scream-along shout-singing--combine to create something that makes my heart race like the loudest noise music without feeling overwhelming or desensitizing me by the second chorus. The production knows how to be quiet without slowing the whole song down, and the contrasts in volume (can you tell I just really love the whispering in the prechorus?) push some little happy-button in my brain. I think this is the most I've replayed a song in this style since "God's Menu"!

4. In the Mirror by BOL4 (April 20, 2022)

As a huge BOL4 fan, I was bored out of my mind by this years' album. The day it came out, I sat down to listen to Seoul and just zoned out for a while. I still can't remember what "Seoul" sounds like (my mind just replaces it with RM's track of the same title), and "What Make Us Beautiful", though it did make its way onto a few of my playlists because it sort of fit the mood I was going for, isn't a track I can say I enjoy. So imagine my surprise when I realized I had completely missed "In the Mirror" the first time around (looking back, I'm guessing I just quit the album halfway through and went back to obsessing over Filmlet, the release that got me into BOL4 in the first place).

"In the Mirror" is classic angsty alt-rock, and Jiyoung navigates the transitions between soft, bouncy vocals (think: "Some" and "Hug") in the verses and all-out wails in the choruses excellently. It embraces my favorite parts of the genre by making my heart stop in the moments before the chorus hits, as if I can't help but breathe in deep and prepare to scream along, and by leaving plenty of space for guitar in the postchorus (look, I just really like intense guitar! there's a reason "Blank" is my favorite BOL4 song). I could listen to this one forever--"In the Mirror" manages to fit alongside the best BOL4 fluff (I'll give Jiyoung's performance the credit for that one!) while also coming off as a very genuine exploration of new musical and emotional territory.

5. Super Yuppers! by WJSN Chocome (January 25, 2022)

I thought this one was fun from the first day it came out (that bridge is both hilarious and very satisfying to listen to!), but it didn't find any lasting spot on my playlists during winter & spring. Similar to "Alive", though, YouTube forced me to hear the same sound bite (shuPEO shuPEO geuREOmyo) over and over again, and by the time summer rolled around, the chorus had imprinted itself in my mind and I realized what a triumph of performance this song is. "Super Yuppers!" is no brain only pink dresses music, and each member of Chocome fully embraces the shallow, Mean Girls-esque vocal stylings that entails (NO BUT DID ANYONE ELSE THINK OF "SEXY" FROM THE MUSICAL WHILE LISTENING TO THIS??). "Super Yuppers!" is all aesthetic, and I couldn't appreciate it more.

[reallybadfeeling]

My Obikin Playlist Masterpost

I'm gonna try to explain my reasoning, but you can give each song whatever interpretation you want. Also, use them however you want if any of them inspire you to make something creative.

(PS: Sorry for my ranting on the first song. I'm very passionate about it in particular.) (Tagging @imtryingsstuff because she asked for it. Even though I was already working on this post before she asked. I have way too much free time.)

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❧ Heart + Bones - Roisin O

I've tried to sit down and write this song out Feels like a thousand times But I was always too scare of what I might find But if I keep on blocking this pain out It might be too late To heal my heart somehow Don't wanna open that wound Don't wanna replay that night Don't wanna think about you You are no longer mine Don't wanna write you a love song When I know that love is gone 'Cause if I let myself think of you I might lose my mind It's the heart and bones It's an empty soul The dreams at night that shake me to my core And I can't get up off this floor It's in the bones of me An empty soul in me The dreams at night that shake me to my core I can't get off this floor [...] Don't wanna think about you When you're no longer mine Don't wanna write you a love song When I know this love is gone [...] The dreams at night that shake me to my core I just can't take this hurting anymore [...] Don't wanna think about you You are no longer mine Don't wanna write you a love song When I know this love is gone 'Cause if I let my mind think of you I might lose it all I've tries to sit down and write this song out Feels like a thousand times

A fair warning: each and every break-up song in this playlist is basically me crying at the idea of a very heart broken Obi-Wan post RotS alone on Tatooine. But for this song in particolar I mention the repetitions with the slight differences because in my eyes they are actually HUGE! The more the song goes on, the more Obi-Wan is spiraling! The way it specifically tells that the empty soul is his the second time, like he accepts that despite what Anakin did he still thinks there's a soul there to save, and the idea of not doing so makes his soul feel empty. And the switch from "get up off this floor" to "get off this floor", literally him being so desperate he stops thinking that he wants to get up (and the last time it literally becomes "i just can't take this hurting anymore", because Obi-Wan had to see so many people he loves die, he literally can't take any more breaking of his heart). The first "you are no longer mine" is the realization hitting him, but then it becomes "when you are no longer mine" and that feels like acceptance of that realization (but then later in the song it turns back to "you are no longer mine" like he's so desperate he wants to deny it once again, distance himself from it)! The switch from "that love" from "this love", like the first time he's thinking about how Anakin no longer loves him, but then realizes that no matter how much he still loves Anakin, there is actually nothing he can do about how everything is broken. But most of all the first time it's "if I let myself think of you I might lose my mind", which is Obi-Wan still being rational about things, or at least trying not to let his mind linger on the thought of Anakin; but then at the end it becomes "if I let my mind think of you I might lose it all", because he's already thinking about Anakin and he can't let his mind linger on it, otherwise he would realize how much he lost when he lost Anakin, which is everything. And the ending too, by repeating the start, but now it has a feeling of resignation to it, like at first he was literally scared to let himself linger on his feelings because he knew he would find heart break, but now he's just empty and at the same times he knows he'll feel like that a thousand times more, because he just can't let that hurt go, he can't let his love for Anakin be forgotten. ... I love this song and it shows. I mean, the playlist is literally named after it for a good reason. I swear I'll be less wordy for every other explanation.

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❧ Black Hole - Griff

It seems like things are going really well for you I wish that I could say the same about me too I wish that I could say the same [...] Without a trace You disappeared and took some of me with you, babe Like the way I used to laugh untile my belly ached Well, that's all gone away now And boy, you know I've tried to pray, I've bruised my knees I've tried to bring you back to me I've tried my best to find some kind of peace Don't you see? There's a big black hole where my heart used to be And I've tried my best to fill it up with things I don't need It don't work like that, no, it's not easy To fill this gap that you left in me

So, I see this as a song for an AU, maybe a Modern Au. Something basic like the two of them maybe being neighbors and Obi-Wan maybe being a tutor for Anakin when he was a teen, and Anakin having a huge crush on him. But then Obi-Wan marries and Anakin is heart broken. (Don't worry the idea is also that Obi-Wan gets a divorce and comes back to Anakin, but still, the song fits for the first part of this idea). But feel free to see whatever else you want in it.

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❧ Gone, Gone, Gone - Phillip Phillips

I'll lie, cheat, I'll beg and bride To make you well, to make you well When enemies are at your door I'll carry you away from war [...] Give me reasons to believe That you would do the same for me And I will do it for you, for you Baby, I'm not moving on I'll love you long after you're gone

This is honestly a classic. It would fit with any ship, but that line about lying, cheating, etc... That screams Anakin. Like, literally canon that he would do anything to keep the person he loves with him.

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❧ What You Talking About? - Peter Bjorn and John

You used to be my hero Now you're just another boss [...] Five years as your understudy When I can't understand what you talking about [...] Tell me lies and I will listen Tell the truth and I'll be gone Tell me why I need permission [...] Shining in your shadow How could I sink this low? Our acquaintance has been so-so And I can't understand where my patience's gone

These lyrics just give me very frustrated Anakin as a Padawan trying to navigate his relationship with Obi-Wan. Not very romantic or shippy, but still relevant in my opinion.

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❧ Bruci la città - Irene Grandi

(Let) The city burn down or live in fear (that) within two hours everything will disappear anything else will disappear [...] I can't stop (myself) from screaming That I hold you to my heart To protect you from evil That I wish I could soothe Your pain, your pain [...] (Let) The stars explode (Let) The whole thing explode (Let) Everything other than the two of us die At least for a little bit At least as a mistake [...] I want to get my act together Maybe be better And shield you with my heart From catastrophe and fear

Don't really know why, but this makes me think of a quiet moment in the middle of the Clone Wars, just Anakin and Obi-Wan alone in a tent, hoping to have a moment of peace in each other's arms. (If you want the full lyrics translated let me know, I just picked my favorite parts)

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❧ Atlantis - Seafret

We got here the hard way All those words that we exchange Is it any wonder things get dark? 'Cause it's in my heart, it's in my head I never take back the things I said [...] I can't save us My Atlantis, we fall We've built this town on shaky ground [...] Now all the birds have fled The hurt just leaves me scared Losing everything I've ever known It's all become too much Maybe I'm not built for love If I knew that I could reach you, I would go

SO MUCH OBI-WAN ANGST POST-ROTS! Like, the birds that have fled are the Jedi that survived Order 66, the things impossible to take back a reference to the entire conversation between Anakin and Obi-Wan during their duel... And the one thing that always breaks me: "maybe I'm not built for love", which makes me think about that "infinte sadness" thing that comes from one of the novels. *chef kiss*

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❧ No Time To Die - Billie Eilish

I should have known I'd leave alone Just goes to show That the blood you bleed is just the blood you owe We were a pair [...] You were my life, but like is far away from fair Was I stupid to love you? Was I reckless to help? Was it obvious to everybody else? That I'd fallen for a lie You were never on my side [...] I let it burn You're no longer my concern Faces from my past return Another lesson yet to learn

Don't know about you, but this always makes me think of a lonely and bitter Obi-Wan after RotS. There's also another way of reading this honestly. This could absolutely be Anakin spiraling at the end of RotS, convinced that Padmé doesn't love him anymore; and then Vader facing Luke (the face from the past returning) and realizing the one who always lied to him was Palpatine.

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❧ White Flag - Dido

I know I left too much mess and Destruction to come back again And I caused nothing but trouble I understand if you can't talk to me again And if you live by the rules of "it's over" Then I'm sure that that makes sense But I will go down with this ship And I won't put my hands up and surrender There will be no white flag above my door I'm in love and always will be And when we meet Which I'm sure we will All that was there Will be there still I'll let it pass And hold my tongue And you will think That I've moved on

There's no doubt that this song has been overused. And it is a very classic meme, so sometimes it's hard to take it seriously. But I still love it. And I can't help but relate this to something with Vader trying to redeem himself but failing at that too, and his and Obi-Wan's relationship still being broken as fuck.

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❧ Fight the End - The playground

When it's all falling apart I'll be the one who can hold you Console you When everything's getting dark And you can't find the spark To get through I'll fight for you till the end Whatever's broken I'll mend For you If you think it's all gone Just breathe in and hold on Till the end of time

Once again, just some H/C during the Clone Wars kind vibes, but also good for an apocalypse AU of some kind.

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❧ Hanging On A Lie - Striking Matches

I'm not mentioning a specific part of this song, because the entire thing in my head is just the whole journey of Anakin turning to the Dark Side and then turning back to the Light right before he died. Seriously, up until the first chorus, it's just Anakin talking about what he feels like about Padmé's supposed betrayal. ("Baby you've been up to something / don't you tell me it's not what it looks like" but also "I might have been naive but I'm not blind" and "Don't you know you should know better than this / Than to cover up the truth with your poisonous lips/I'm not falling for it this time"). The second half of the song is Vader facing Luke. ("I'll be the one who got away from you when you / finally figure it out / you won't find me"). And the last part is Vader realizing all the lies Palpatine told him all alon. ("I'm not fallin' for it this time/try and try too little too late" and again the "you should know better than this/than to cover up the truth with you poisonous lips") A bit of a weird interpretation, that's for sure. But look at me making a song about cheating all about Anakin's journey!

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❧ Bloodsport '15 - Raleigh Ritchie

Your love is worth it and for that I will wait And though you hate me when you have a turn I drive you crazy, but you always return [...] Although you love me, sometimes we're mean Things can get ugly, but we're still a team We are an army that breaks from withing but That's why we're stronger and that's how we'll win [...] I've got your back, and though it's stacked against us I've got your hand, it's us against consensus And I will burn the people who hurt you the worst and I will no learn Cause I am too young and too dumb to consider the terms of breaking the law And I'll curse the day that they return With a smile on my face as their heads hit the floor And they're done, now it's curtains, the bloodlust's a clusterfuck, it hurts but it's working And even if you ask me to stop, it's too late because I've already decided their fate It's not a distaste, it's pure hate and it pulsates and it works its way around my brain Anyway, what I'm trying to say is I'll protect you till the day I meet my maker So don't fight me now cause you might need me later Loving you is a bloodsport Fighting in a love war It's not what I'm in love for, I'm yours I don't know if you can help it, maybe I'm just being selfish

Soooo, basically Anakin doing to Obi-Wan what he did to Padmé: loving him so much he thinks he has to turn to the Dark Side to save him. The first part I can almost imagine said by Obi-Wan, actually. Like, he's aware that sometimes Anakin hates their dynamics, but also that they are both in love... Which just ends with total madness.

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❧ Sweet Love of Mine - Joy Williams

I was broken, I was blind Lost in a moment I thought I left behind Then you woke up this dark soul of mine Carrying a light I thought I'd never find When you found me, I was all alone The whole world around me, but nowhere to call home I heard your voice sing like heaven's choir Gathered up my fears and threw them in the fire

I'm well aware this song is about pregnancy and how the singer found herself in the experience of becoming a mother. BUT, hear me out: what about an AU with either one of them being a Sith and the other one is still a Jedi. Instead of fighting each other, the Jedi tries to save the Sith, because they realize that the Sith actually never had a chance to be anything else since they grew up with a Sith as their "parent" and Master. But if we still want to keep the pregnancy element, fuck it! It's perfect for an Omegaverse AU, with Anakin maybe about to fall when he finds out he's pregnant and that is how Obi-Wan and their unborn child save Anakin. (Is this very specific? Yes. Do I care? Nope, and that's why this song made it into the playlist.)

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❧ Senza fare sul serio - Malika Ayane

There's a post on my blog already about why this song makes me think about the Jedi Order in general. I know I should probably keep it in a different playlist. Alas, it's still here. Have a link to my previous post if you are interested on reading a complete translation and the explanation of my reasoning. HERE!

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❧ Conversations in the Dark - John Legend

I will never try to change you, change you I will always want the same you, same you Swear on everything I pray to That I won't break your heart I'll be there when you get lonely, lonely Keep the secrets that you told me, told me And your love is all you owe me And I won't break your heart [...] And we, we got places we both gotta be But there ain't nothing I would rather do Then blow off all my plans for you

It's just such a lovely love song, I couldn't help myself. This seriously gives me sappy Obi-Wan vibes in any way, shape or form.

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❧ If You Ever Leave, I'm Coming With You - The Wombats

You know I'll do Whatever you want me to [...] Take you out of this You reluctant optimist And if you ever leave, I'm coming with you Stuck to the gum that's stuck on your shoe If you ever leave, I'm coming with you [...] Am I losing you in the dark baby? No more breaking stuff No more acting up Filling your head with doubt

A song about the obsessive kind of love that hints of a way too dependent relationship? Something that mentions losing themselves in the dark? Of fucking course I relate this to Anakin and the way he loves people!

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❧ Transplant - Sea Girls

You're breaking all the promises tonight I'm always dancing by myself as the music plays I'm always one step behind, off-beat, out of place Now I'm looking for you, you're looking away [...] Your heart changed Mine stayed the same I don't recognize your voice when you're saying my name Your heart changed And mine beats the same way [...] Wish I could be back in the moment We were shining, we were making mistakes 'Til your heart changed Mine stayed the same

Have I mentioned that I have a lot of RotS feels? Yeah, so, in my head the "dancing" works like an analogy to fighting and the "music" is literally the sound of battle. Which is why this fits perfectly as far as I'm concerned. An even the "always one step behind" part is just Obi-Wan not realizing Anakin was slowly turning to the Dark Side. But it can be related also to how Anakin basically felt like he didn't truly belong with the Jedi.

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❧ Read my Mind - JONES

Can't control my thoughts But I'm trying every day [...] But sometimes I want impossible things When you hear my voice, what does it say? Need a language, we're lost in translation From impossible thoughts and feelings Why don't you know before I know? What I need to say, before I can How come you don't have the answer Before I asked you the question? Wish you could read my mind [...] It's been a long time since we've been together In the same world, just want you to look at me Like I was everything you ever wanted again [...] Just hold me like I'm everything you wanted again

A good song of the two people pining will always make me think of those two dorks. And their feeling are definitely lost in translation even in canon, with Anakin never realizing how much Obi-Wan actually cares for him because of Palpatine's manipulations.

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❧ So Much It Hurts - Niki & The Dove

Oh, I ask you where you've been 'Cause you always come home late nowadays What a fool was I to think we were safe From the thieves in the temple [...] Oh, won't you bring it back? After all that we've been through together Is it now you gonna throw it all away? Oh, a love like ours Tell me, was it worth it? Oh, the thieves in the temple Oh, but you said that For better for worse You would always be there for me Always be there for me Always be there for me like I'll always be there for you Good times and bad times

So this screams Padmé being cheated on. Like, Anakin still married to her, yet he is always sneaking away after they spend time together to be in the Temple with Obi-Wan. Like, Obi-Wan is literally the thief in the Temple that steals Anakin away from her. (Which I'm sure is actually a metaphor for how the couples' marriage is the temple and someone is disrespecting it by taking away the other's lover. But look at me making this literal, 'cause why not!).

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❧ Power & Control - Marina

Give a little, get a lot That's just how you are with love [...] Think you're funny, think you're smart Think you're gonna break my heart Think you're funny, think you're smart Yeah, you may be good looking But you're not a piece of art [...] Power and control I'm gonna make you fall I'm gonna make you fall We give and take a little more 'Cause all my life I've been controlled You can't have peace without a war

Another song for an AU, this time one with both of them being Sith, most likely being enemies too at first. Before they decide to work together against Anakin's Master.

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❧ No Hero - Elisa

Don't you shut your eyes And hide you heart behind a shadow 'Cause you can count on me As long as I can breathe [...] I've fallen from grace Yeah, I'm much less a saint than a sinner Oh, no I ain't no superhuman 'Cause that's just in the movies, I know But I'll carry you throught the night Through the storm Give you love, always love in return I can't jump over buildings I'm no hero But love can do miracles I can't outrun a bullet 'Cause I'm no hero But I would take one for you [...] 'Cause I'm no hero But I'd spill my blood for you If you need me to I'll be there

Another song from an Italian artist, but this one is in English! And I totally see this song for a scenario where one of the two isn't a Jedi or even for a Modern AU. But it can totally work for Canon compliant too because Anakin is the one every calls hero with no fear. It fits then if Obi-Wan tells Anakin that he doesn't feel like a hero, but he would do anything for Anakin.

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SOOOO, this post is getting way to long (like, it was way too long even just with the first song). And I made it to an even 20 songs. I feel like this a nice place to stop for now. Don't worry, these are just the first 20. I have more in my private playlist, but I want to make another post like this when I add them to the public one. Because I can. And that's what I'm gonna do.

[embracedthevoid]

Hej💜 I've become a huge fanfiction lover in the last 10 months since joining the fandom and I'm curious about comments and commenting! I don't write myself but I try to leave comments as a little thank you for getting to enjoy the art. So I decited to send some questions to the ficwriters I follow here. No pressure to answer ofc I'm just curious, I adore you writers 🦋

1. Do you often leave comment or kudos on stories/posts ? Why / why not ?

2. What do comments/feedback mean to you?

3. What are your favorite type of comments to receive ? Long and thoughtful ones? Favorite parts or lines ? Praises ? Asdfghjkl? Guesses or hopes for the future?

4. Do you replay to comments? Why/ why not ?

5. Has there been any negative comments ? How did you deal with that ?

6. Are there comments that are not necessary negative but you just don't enjoy?

7. Do you ever get nervous how people are going to receive something you are writing? How do you deal with that?

8. Has there been a moment when someone interpreted your writing in a totally different way that you intented/ misunderstood you in the comments ? How did that make you feel ?

9. Do you ever go back to your comments ? Do you have a comment that stayed with you ?

10. Is there something you wish us non-writers would know regarding writing or commenting ?

If you are a writer and I didn't ask you, please answer anyway if you feel like doing that! I only follow so many (and also I wanted to ask this anonymously because I'm shy hah). I'm so thankful for all you writers out there, this fandom is full of super talented people 💜

Hej! This is the sweetest most thoughtful thing, thank you for thinking of me to ask. 🥺

I don't always leave comments but I always leave Kudos. I don't read a whole lot of fic these days. So when I do it's usually because I know the author and am screaming at them in their DMs. But I still try to leave a little something something in the comments no matter what.

Comments and feedback mean the world to me. The only way to become a better writer is to hear what people think and/or offer suggestions on what they would have done differently or want to see something expanded on. Whenever I have a beta I usually tell them to be as critical as they want, and that there's never any way I'll get mad because it's how we learn! It's also helped me develop a thicker skin when people aren't as kind toward what I write haha.

I love me a good long and thoughtful comment. I like hearing what lines stood out and what people think of the characters and plot. Or when they try to guess where things are going. First off it's a wonderful way to gauge if you're doing what you're trying with your writing well, be it evoking an emotion or hint toward a plot point. But I will say, comments are also a massive ego boost lol.

I always try to reply to comments because if a person takes the time to acknowledge something I've created, then I think it's only fair that I make sure they don't feel like they're talking into a void. Because I read and re-read every single comment I get on anything I write.

I honestly don't think I've received particularly negative comments, and if I do I usually try to ignore them.

Comments that bother me are ones that ask the author to continue with a different fic rather than comment on the fic they just read. It's happened a couple times on some of my stuff with people asking me to finish An Unfortunate Romance. It honestly makes me not want to return to it. Writing for me is supposed to be fun and having that added pressure makes it a little less fun and more like a chore or like something I 'owe' people. Which it isn't.

I used to get really really nervous, but I think posting love would be burning red (which you can read here... just a sneaky little self-promo for yah) really helped me step out of my comfort zone. Plus I have an awesome group of yr writers I talk to who hype me up, and I love them all dearly for it.

There have definitely been people who interpret my writing a little differently than intended, but for the most part, it doesn't make me upset. When it comes to stories and writing, no matter what the intentions are, I think people are going to take from it what they want and need at the time they read it. Stories help people understand life and emotions better, at least that's what I think. And the thought that people are even paying as close attention to even try to interpret my words in the first place is more than enough for me.

I always go back to my comments. And honestly every single one stays with me. Even the short ones where all they say is 'thanks for the story' or something. Knowing my stuff meant enough to someone to want to leave a comment fills me with so much happiness no matter how long or in-depth it is.

I do wish some readers/non-writers understood what it actually takes to create a story. This is a hobby for a lot of us, and a good chunk of us have adult lives and jobs and I think that it's easy to forget. It's gonna take us a while to update sometimes, and posting schedules might be all over that place. It bothers me when people see this as an author 'no longer caring' or 'abandoning their work' because that's not usually the case. We're all just busy with jobs or school, and because this is a hobby, it's usually the first thing that hits the back burner when real life becomes A Lot.

Thank you so much for asking these! It's so sweet of you to go around and send this to different authors! I can't wait to read the ones you've sent to other people! 💜