#i don't know how the need for this has never arisen before

[kahootqueen69]

And what if I designed myself an ugly shirt with Cap on it? What then?

[astradyke]

iidk if they'll hard launch on tour but it's just scary how much they're gonna joke about them fuck

NO LITERALLY

see my thing is i think that the sheer bit potential that has arisen from the FOB/MCR festival happening on October 19th has amplified the need for Dan and Phil to decide if they're going to commit to hard launching before tour or if they're going to do it after. i really can't envision them hard launching during tour because if they kiss on first night we're kind of all going to know immediately that they kissed on first night, even if we keep that air-tight that is absolutely going to get some media on it, yeah? and it'd be a gagworthy moment but since it wouldn't get every single crowd the same way i don't think they'd play it like that. i also think for that reason they won't hard launch on october 19th because that would definitely set a new tone for any shows after the 19th.

i am easily persuaded about hard launching again like depending on the hour i either think it'll happen in two weeks, in a year, or literally never like i am that susceptible to being swayed about it. but i do think it's totally possible that they keep up the energy of them not really hard launching but it being Incredibly Obvious They Are Together and like TOTALLY fuck with us on the tour. which would be catastrophic.

i'm just thinking like about the phan conspiracy bit because what's the angle on that going to be right. also what if they do something and then they laugh afterward and say "THAT was the hard launch" <- I CAN HEAR THIS IN THEIR VOICE and this kills me like. Ugh. hate these men .

very scary world we live in anon. be brave i am in solidarity with you... we'll survive this somehow

[adoringsan]

new world 💌 choi san — 2

Y/n knocks twice on the door of her father's study apprehensively, before sticking her head around the large, oak door to see the King sat at his desk, a glass of whiskey in hand.

"Y/n" the King gleams, "how's my Princess?"

Y/n giggles softly at her father's words. He's called her his Princess for as long as she can remember, and yeah, she is his Princess, literally, but Y/n is very attached to hearing her father saying it. "I'm tired, you?"

Her father takes a sip from his drink, before placing it back down with care onto the coaster. "I'm okay. However, there's something important I need to talk to you about Y/n. Something really important Y/n. It's serious, and I need you to not have a hissy fit over this. I need you to handle this with responsibility."

Y/n stares at her father for a few seconds, eyebrows furrowed in confusion trying to read her father's expression, but to no avail. Asking Y/n to not have a hissy fit is nothing new from her father, it's a phrase he's grown fond of over the years, however, he uses it in times of seriousness, so Y/n knows he's not calling this scenario serious lightly. "Are you having an affair?"

"What?" Y/n's father exclaims with eyes wide, "Have you lost your mind?"

"I mean you said it was serious" Y/n shrugs.

"It is Y/n but I'm not cheating on your mother, you know I love her very much." Your father states matter of factly, before finishing the rest of his drink, his serious eyes landing back on your confused ones. We've been thinking Y/n, you're twenty one now, and you've never had a boyfriend. You've always told us you want to, but that the opportunity has never arisen, nor have we ever been too keen on the idea. After a lot of reflection, me and your mother think you having a boyfriend would be a positive, not a negative. It would be good. Good for you, good for our image." Y/n's father begins, his tone completely serious.

"What? So I can have a boyfriend if I meet someone I find fitting?" Y/n questions, not quite understanding where her father's sudden change of heart on the idea of her dating has come from.

"No Y/n, you have a boyfriend."

Y/n chuckles dryly, "What? No, I don't. Dad you know I never get to meet new people how could i-"

"We've been doing some looking Y/n. We wanted to find you someone who is well known, respected, and well received by the public. We got into contact with the idol Choi San's management. You know him, right Y/n? His managers thought it was a fantastic idea, they said it would boost his popularity as well as his group's career a lot as well and-"

"What?" Y/n spits, seething with anger, "So I'm supposed to date this stranger because it'll make his silly little group more popular? Seriously?"

"Y/n I've already told you, it'll look great in the media for our family. The princess finally having a significant other, they must be starting to think you won't have anyone by your side when you take over reign in the future" the King says, trying to calm his daughter down.

Shock and disbelief are probably the best words to describe Y/n at present. Y/n has been dreaming of the day she's finally allowed to have her own boyfriend her whole life. What he looks like, what his hobbies are, what his favourite movie is, if he prefers dogs or cats. She never in a million years would have expected her own father to force her into a relationship with a complete stranger. She didn't think her father was like that.

"You're finally allowing me to be like everyone else my age, finally giving me a glimpse of reality, allowing me to have the chance to fall in love, but no, you have to go and ruin it by forcing me into a relationship with a fucking stranger!"

"Y/n-"

"No" Y/n coldly cuts off her father, standing up from her chair and approaching the door. "I hope I hate him and trust me, I'm going to do everything in my power to scare that boy away. Who the hell is Choi San? Because he's just signed a death wish."

With that, the study door slams shut loudly, echoing through the entire palace, followed by Y/n running up the stairs, locking her room door, and crying, hard.

Why can't she just be a normal twenty one year old?

_

San is nervous as he enters his manager's office. His manager sounded serious when he told him that they need to have a meeting. He's even more nervous at the fact that none of his members knew anything about the meeting. San knows he didn't do anything bad. San takes life very easily. He always takes care of other people's feelings, doing everything he can to make them happy. He knows he isn't in trouble, but he can't seem to calm his nerves.

"Hey Hwan, what's up? San asks his manager nervously as he takes a seat in front of him.

"Hey San" Hwan smiles, his expression calming San slightly. "There's something I need to talk to you about, it's a lot, but I know you'll do great like always."

San's body relaxes into the chair, a small smile on his face. "Is it a solo project? San asks hopefully.

"Of sorts I suppose" Hwan begins cautiously, "We've spoken about dating before, right?"

"Yeah of course" San shrugs, "No relationships but if I was to have one I'm to tell you immediately so you don't have to find out from the media."

"Exactly. Well, someone very important has been in contact with me San. They suggested something to me, and it would really benefit both your career and the career of Ateez. It would also look good for the other person's career too" Hwan explains, his eyes trying to make sense of San's reaction.

"I'm lost" San admits.

Hwan chuckles lightly at the younger boy's honesty, "I'm sorry San, let me get to the point. The person that was in contact was the King, San. He thinks it would be a great idea if you and Princess Y/n became a couple for the media."

San doesn't know how to react. How is he supposed to react? A Princess. A member of the Royal Family, his girlfriend. His first girlfriend. "I- what? Hwan I'm sure she's a lovely girl but I don't know her. She's literally a member of the Royal Family, a Princess. What if I don't want to?"

"Look San, I know this is a lot" Hwan sighs, "but this is huge San. "It's going to do so much for you, for the group. It's also a King's request San, I don't think it's really something to be argued. Trust me San, it'll be great.

"Can I go home now?" San asks quietly, his mind not quite comprehending the information he was just told.

"Okay," Hwan smiles softly, "get a good night's sleep, you're meeting the Princess for the first time tomorrow."

Seriously? How did San get into this mess?

—

new world masterlist | previous | next

note: the first full writing chapter! pleaseeee let me know what you think in my asks/replies. I also want to note that I’ve used the pronouns she/her for y/n as without choosing a pronoun to use it would have been hard to have my sentences flow, but of course, feel free to read it as whatever pronouns apply to you!

taglist: @scarfac3 @plants-w0rld @asherthehimbo

[thegreenleavesofspring]

When I say it is more effective to pray for someone than bludgeon them over the head with you are wrong what I mean is this:

Almost my entire life - perhaps not during my very early childhood, I don't remember; there was a catastrophe when I was twelve that changed everything - my mother has been in rebellion against God, if not full-on apostasy.

I grew up listening to her rail and scream at God, accuse Him. Listened to her say that she knew better than He did. Accuse Him of creating evil and being a cruel God. Just - all sorts of things. I remember perhaps twice that she ever apologized for anything when I was growing up, and one of those was with a caveat. She simply did not believe she was wrong about anything, ever.

Both of my sisters have told her to her face "You are not a Christian" and cut her off entirely. When I say that I am the only person left in the world who will speak with my mother outside of a business setting, I am not exaggerating in the slightest. (Save, perhaps, with the exception of my eldest son, who likes her visits quite a bit.)

I did not bite my tongue at all as a teenager. Since I have been an adult, most of my relationship with my mother has been biting my tongue. She is one of those people whom one wrong word will set off a chain reaction that there's no coming back from. So I stayed beside her and I bit my tongue and I prayed.

I prayed. I commended her into God's hands and acknowledged her glaringly obvious faults to Him and I prayed, I prayed for her. I pray for her now. Constantly, unceasingly, every minute I am awake, supplication for her, worded or wordless.

Y'all.

Another catastrophe has arisen. Any day now, she will be homeless, carless, old and feeble and struggling just to survive. And yet.

Of late, I stopped biting my tongue as much. I started urging her to pray. I know you don't feel like you can, I know you feel dirty, I know you're still in rebellion and feel abandoned. You need to pray. You need to pray. Just start. However. Just start praying. You need to pray.

She started praying. She spent days praying. She started reading her Bible and her devotionals. She told me she spent hours on the floor praying and sobbing until she felt empty.

She's begun filling up again. She's begun admitting culpabilities that I never thought to hear from her: culpabilities that I had long recognized and thought and disapproved of, but knew it would be worthless to say so. She admits them freely and openly. She has gone from permanent vituperation to peace. She has given up sins she has held close since before I was born.

She told me, today, about the devotional: the passage on the Good Shepherd leaving the 99 and going after the 1. And how, when He returned, He bid all His friends come and rejoice with Him.

Oh, I have been rejoicing. I have been rejoicing over her for these past couple weeks.

She is still terrified, and depressed. What is looming is terrible indeed. Neither of us is at all certain that she will survive until this time next year, but if she does not, I will have no fear: I will see her again, one day. I am certain of it.

So when I say it is better to pray for those who are astray than to belabor them with accusative "You are not a Christian", I mean it.

(And personally I think that someone with an unclear understanding of Jesus but who still acknowledges Him as the Way the Truth and the Life, is probably 'closer' to being a 'real Christian' than someone in full rebellion. But maybe that's just me.)

[thatgirl4815]

Sand & Ep11

I keep remembering this ask I got a while back, and I think it's important now more than ever.

If I was Sand, I personally would not give Boeing the time of day for what he did to me. I would be livid. I would never speak to him again.

But Sand is not me. Sand is more forgiving than is probably healthy for him. Even though it is something I hope he works on for his own benefit, it doesn't change the fact that for the moment, that is who he is. That's his flaw just as much as it his strength.

Caring for people is generally regarded as a positive trait because it is, but there's a such thing as caring too much for people who do not show that same care back to you. That is the position Sand seems to find himself in continuously. I believe Ray does care about Sand, but it took so long for that to be communicated to Sand in the way he deserves. The reason their relationship has lasted is because Sand does not demand that reassurance the way many people would, even though he might want it. Words of affirmation are not at the top of Sand's love language list.

Abandonment

I don't want to prescribe any definitive long-term childhood response to Sand from what little information we have, but given the emphasis on Sand's absent father, I think it's safe to say that Sand faces some abandonment issues. Growing up, he only ever had his mom; of course he was bound to cling to her very tightly. That is where I imagine his caring behavior has stemmed from most. Additionally, having so few people on his life that he could rely on, he learned to be a support system for others and learn not to complain for what he has.

I think Sand is in a position where he objectively understands that he is mistreated. He admits as much to both Ray and Nick. But he can’t break out of this cycle because there’s a deep-seated fear in him. A fear of being alone? A fear of being abandoned? A fear of not being good enough or “special” to anyone?

I have been wrestling with myself over the past day about Sand’s behavior in Ep11. And I’ve realized that a reason why I feel so ambivalent about it—a reason I don’t like to admit—is because it’s related to Boeing, not Ray.

Sand has received the same criticism he’s facing in Ep11 in past episodes: i.e., “He needs to know his worth and tell off Ray for what he’s doing to him.” A very similar situation has now arisen with Boeing. Sand is once again trapped in the cycle. He is nice to Boeing because even after what Boeing does to him, he cannot handle the thought of banishing him from his life for good—not when Boeing is still here and willing to engage with him. Again, we see the conflict between what he knows he should do and what he defaults to.

I empathize with Sand’s plight here, and I understand that it is difficult for him to react to Boeing and Ray. Where my frustrations arise are in the way he reacts to Ray’s reaction.

Ray is insanely passive aggressive at the end of Ep11. Sand has seen this all before; Ray lingers at the bar after being told to go home, he invites Boeing over without really wanting to invite him over, and he invites Sand to get naked in the pool with them. Each time, Boeing eggs him on by agreeing, playing up the guise of “we’re all friends here!” while simultaneously making both pointed and subtle jabs at his previous relationship with Sand (the most obvious being the “we’ve already seen every part of each other” line).

I’m of the belief that Sand is very aware of how Ray feels, especially in that ending shot when he looks between Ray and Boeing. But he does not ever confront Boeing or disengage from the situation. He’s playing into Boeing’s guise, and both he and Ray know it.

In virtually every part of Part 4, we see Sand caught in this same perpetual cycle where he lets people walk all over him. While I empathize with his struggles, as I said, there's a part of me that believes his boyfriend’s discomfort with the situation should supersede that. He committed to Ray, not Boeing, and this situation with Boeing is posing a threat to that.

This is not me saying that Sand needs to scream at Boeing and cuss him out for what he did to him. But I do think Sand needs to acknowledge much more firmly that he is Ray’s boyfriend. Sand can be nice to Boeing and offer him friendship, but he cannot allow Boeing to make advances on him and hang around with them when Boeing so clearly has other intentions. (There’s an argument that maybe Boeing does genuinely want a friendship with Sand, but after the way he talks with Sand and how he handled the TopMew situation, I don’t believe that for a second).

This isn’t easy for Sand, but when Ray is right there, he has to be more direct. Boeing was his past but Ray is his present. Much like how Sand encouraged Ray to go to rehab, I think Ray will encourage Sand to stand up for himself against Boeing.

[nazukisser]

➺✧ ┅ CHAPTER 06 | Stamped with Flowers

SYNOPSIS | “Duke, will you marry me?” You never thought you’d be saying these words until now, when you’ve realized you’ve been reincarnated as the first side character to be killed in a series of tragedies in a novel series called “Trails of Misfortune & Misery”. As a lady forced into an arranged marriage with the greedy son of Duke Drakos who aims to use your power as a sorceress to gain the Emperor’s favor and is eventually is killed as a sacrifice for his schemes, it seems the only one who can truly assist you is the Duke of Suou, Tsukasa Suou.

CHAPTER WARNINGS | tsukasa jumpscare? not scary imo tho, mention of food but not described in detail,

PAIRING| Suou Tsukasa x fem!reader

LINKS| series masterlist | taglist form | prev chapter

The Suou Estate wasn’t far at all, but to everyone’s surprise, Tsukasa fell asleep quite quickly. As soon as Callie shut up about things that the Duke should do, as a man who has never courted a woman before, he fell asleep. Did her talk bore him? He’d probably been educated on that, and however Callie got the audacity to say that, bless her soul. She truly just lived her life. At least it seemed that Tsukasa took no offense to it and actually listened though, but considering the fact that he fell asleep almost right after, maybe he was just trying to be polite. But then again, if he was trying to be polite, why’d he fall asleep so soon after? Perhaps he was just that tired; it was hard to know his circumstances. 

Even so, with so much going on, it was surprisingly peaceful. While it certainly wasn’t quiet, with the horses on their way and the wheels stepping on all sorts of rocks and other things, it was surprisingly easy to relax. Perhaps your standards of transportation had changed to fit the times; cars were the fantasy now. Callie immersed herself in her book, and Tsukasa was fast asleep. The Falcon Princess, was it? It was a bit surprising that Callie would read a fiction novel- or maybe, it wasn’t fiction. It was hard to know if you hadn’t read it before. 

Just like magic, Tsukasa realized he’d been asleep for just about the whole ride as the carriage entered the estate. He rubbed his eyes open, and as soon as he remembered what was going on, the embarrassment was obvious. If it were anyone else, you could see that the situation would be quite awkward; the standard etiquette simply didn’t allow for such negligence of a guest- but something like this was nice, for a change. High society was far too formal all the time. 

Amidst the embarrassment, blush, and apologies from Tsukasa, both you and Callie shared a laugh as the carriage pulled into the main entrance of the mansion. Through the window was a group of workers waving at you; were they excited to see their Duke? Or had maybe rumors of you arisen that made them curious of your arrival? Perhaps it was both; you couldn’t blame them, especially with the Duke’s reputation.

Tsukasa stepped out first, offering his hand for you to use as you stepped down as well. As per proper etiquette, but really not to leave him hanging like that, you took his hand, and Callie simply jumped down without warning- and she landed perfectly too, earning a few stares and seemingly respect, strangely. 

One of the butlers came up to you to greet both the Duke and his guests, but Tsukasa turned him away, “It’s alright, Lapel, I will give them a tour of the mansion and escort them to their rooms. Can you tell Hazen’s team that they don't need to be here?”

“Why? Don’t they have luggage?” 

“This was all they’d brought. The circumstances are… complicated.” 

“Okay! I’ll be off then. And you better be in your study by five, else I’ll have to search the whole mansion for you!” Lapel ran off.

You commented on how close Tsukasa and Lapel seemed. 

“Oh,” Tsukasa chuckled. “We took him in some years ago when his parents passed… I suppose I’ve doted on him quite a bit.” 

You giggled at how cute that was. It seemed so nice that something like this could happen in the Suou estate- in other estates, including yours, that would’ve been next to impossible. The people just didn’t have or showed enough empathy; it was a trend among the nobles these days, to be luxurious and largely untouchable. 

As you walked into the mansion, you were greeted by all kinds of history, artifacts of the previous Suou generations. You couldn’t help but allow Tsukasa to ramble on and on about what was what and the history of the mansion; it was so endearing how he was just so passionate about all of it. If Callie had a camera, she’d totally be taking pictures of everything like it was a museum. 

It was surprisingly late by the time Tsukasa had finished talking and you and Callie had arrived in your rooms. Hers was next to yours, thankfully. It was always hard getting to know the people who were there to help out, and having at least Callie was surprisingly comforting. You didn’t bother to change or pull the covers over you when you flopped onto the bed, and Callie simply left to check out her own room. 

You stared up at the ceiling, “reading” a story which detailed a love between an esteemed noble and an outsider, so different it wouldn’t be far-fetched to assume the origins of another world. A small laugh escaped your lips as you thought about the coincidence; it was too fitting. 

The room was filled with luxury; for a guest bedroom, it sure was fancy. The walls, the furniture, the little decorations- it all went together wonderfully, despite there being so much going on. It looked like a room that someone had lived in for a long time; the style looked so personalized and it didn’t quite match the rest of the house. 

When you awoke, it was the middle of the night. While you were facing away from the window, you could tell the moon shone brightly; it was bright despite there being no lamps or candles lit at this hour. You peeked at the clock, which you could just barely read from where you were. About one, huh. You must’ve slept through dinner. It was hard to move; your body was stiff. It took more effort than you’d like just to get up, but the stretching mission was still accomplished. You turned your head to the other side of the room, to get a better sense of what was going on.

You flinched. If the moon hadn’t shone so bright, you would have woken the entire mansion up with a scream. You were lucky that you recognized him so fast, or else there would’ve been a lot of issues. You froze. What in the hell was Tsukasa doing there? How’d he get through Callie? Wait- Callie was probably asleep. But still, why was he there, sitting up asleep on the other side with his legs down the side of the bed? 

You called out to him, no response. Another call. You poked his shoulder. You gently shook him. Nothing. If he wasn’t going to wake up and explain himself, then you were going to have to do it for him- though on second thought, he was cute when he was asleep. He was so peaceful, so relaxed, even in this (presumably) uncomfortable position, especially when the headboard was quite literally wood. 

Even though you’d stretched, your back still hurt. It was hard to get used to the dresses, and having fallen asleep in something meant to be worn outside was not a good idea. Then, should you wear something more comfortable? Tsukasa was still there, but you didn’t want to wake Callie up. She always got up earlier than you, so there was no telling what she’d do if you interrupted her sleep. Then, it wouldn’t hurt to just change right there, right? Since Tsukasa was still asleep, he wouldn’t know anything, anyways. 

Making as little noise as possible was more difficult than expected. Everything simply made so much noise when it was quiet compared to when things were happening in the day. You hoped you wouldn’t wake him up. You didn’t expect it to take long at all, after all. 

When Tsukasa moved, you looked back at him. One button left to go. If he awoke now, and you were changing, he’d definitely have questions- though you already had some yourself. 

“Mmgh…” he rubbed his eyes open as he realized the pains of having his head against the hard wood for so long. It was a bad time to struggle with the button; at least you’d faced away from him. Once you’d finished with the button, you turned around to face him. If only he’d say something. He’s the one who came in here all on his own, after all.

He stared at you for far too long; it appeared he didn’t have anything to say. Didn’t they teach his noble brain to do good things with words? You had no choice to follow your sigh with the question you hoped he wanted to answer- why he was here at such an hour and without anybody’s permission. Though, technically, this was his house, so he could make the argument that he could go anywhere on his property. It didn’t seem like him to do that, though. 

He looked away. “I just wanted to check up on you.” 

But you were just fine, though.

“I- I should’ve gotten myself to leave. I fell asleep before realizing… I’m sorry. I’ll do anything-”

He didn’t do it on purpose. It was kind of cute, admittedly. 

“I’ll-” he paused before continuing to get up. “take my leave now. Please rest well, my lady. I apologize for the disturbance.” 

He didn’t even let you say goodbye to him. It was a mistake, and he didn’t mean it, and he knew better, so there was really no point or reason to get mad besides the fact that it happened. Maybe Callie would give him an earful if you told her about this, though it might not have any good effect on him. 

There was a knock on the door. At this hour? You opened it. 

“I’m sorry for waking you up…” but he didn’t wake you up, though. You woke up on your own and found him.

“I know you missed dinner, and I’m not a great cook but,” he let out a nervous giggle. “I made something.” 

Well, since you were hungry, it wouldn't be worth refusing a meal at this time. Tsukasa wasn’t the greatest chef in the world- not even close- but it was so easy to see the love and care he put into it that it made a good meal. Perhaps it was extra nice that it wasn’t fancy like all the chefs made everything; it was a little bit like home.

“Again, I truly apologize for earlier’s incident,”  he took your hand and kissed it. “Good night, my lady.” 

You told him you’d meet again in the “morning”, when everyone converged for breakfast, and you went back into your bed. Too much had gone on already.

“Get up, my lady. Did you really sleep that long?” Callie got you a dress to wear for breakfast. Having him lectured again wouldn’t really do any good for Tsukasa, so you decided to keep last night a secret from Callie- although she already doubted you slept the entire time. 

At the Suou Estate, it was just nice. Everyone treated you well. The place was so pretty- clean and gorgeous. Everything seemed to go in order, the way it should be. Perhaps it was nice that the Suou family sat together for breakfast all the time too.

As you entered the dining hall, Tsukasa’s face lit up. A maid pulled out a chair for you, and you thanked her as she pushed it back towards the table after you’d gotten yourself on it. Tsukasa introduced you to his parents, and surprisingly, they were happy with you. You’d thought that with the Suou’s success for so many generations, they might be more careful, but they accepted you incredibly quickly. It was certainly odd, but not a bad thing for you at all. At least you wouldn’t have to deal with unsupportive parents who could make it hard for the duration of the contract- which had yet to be written.

“Oh, dear, do you have dresses?” the former duchess put down her fork. “I heard you weren’t able to bring much with you. I have some spares that may fit, if you’d like them.” 

“Mother! We will be getting the lady dresses of her o-” you cut off Tsukasa’s attempt at convincing everyone to let him take you to the dress shop again. There was no way that it’d be okay to take you to the dress shop with him again. You were not going to let that argument happen again. You’d take up the former duchess’s offer on that. 

The former duchess seemed perfectly happy with that decision, and thus Tsukasa sat defeated at the table. Victory and revenge for the years you lost off your life from the time at the dress shop. Maybe you should take Callie with you and visit Lili yourself- it wouldn’t be too hard to reserve a time if you were the future Duchess of Suou, right? Well, that’d be a thing for later. 

It was almost too good to be true- the Suou Estate and its people were simply so nice. Perhaps it was that the story was you were going to be the future Duchess of Suou, so of course, they had to be on your good side, but their acting skills were top notch if you assumed that they distrusted you. 

“You know what I noticed, my lady?” Callie walked beside you. You turned your attention to her. 

“They like it here. The people like working here. They’re treated nicely, paid well, and they feel like they’re part of a community. It’s really a wonder how everyone loves their jobs so much, even if this is the best house to work at.” 

You looked at Callie. She wasn’t done. She always had some sort of out-of-the-court statement to end any idea off with. 

“Please become Duchess Suou forever and let me live here happily for the rest of my life.” Ah, she caught onto your plans. Well, considering how well she knows you, there was really no point in hiding any of it from her. In fact, you might be able to count on her figuring you out before you could even figure yourself out.

You hurmored her, though both you and she knew that reality was often different than the hopes. 

Tsukasa didn’t swing by for the entire day. Perhaps he was busy- he was the Duke, after all. But maybe he was guilty about last night too. It made sense, and it would be ridiculous to expect him to act like he truly was in love with you. After all, it was a contract relationship, and you made that clear from the start- though, he’d always gone above and beyond, and this change was an odd change of pace.

“My lady, it’s one day without him.” Callie looked at you with the most “are you serious” eyes ever. 

“Oh,” was all you could give her. 

You spent the rest of the day familiarizing yourself with the place; it’d become your home- and in the unlikely event of Mairi’s return, you’d have to know where you could run. Though, it could be anywhere, because there were so many guards that you could simply yell and someone would hear you, quite possibly a good or bad thing depending on what was happening. It was good in the current situation, though, because someone was literally out for your head. Although, that meant a limited amount of privacy…

The next morning, Callie barged in to wake you up. She’d gotten her hands on something interesting from the market, which she visited last night without your knowing. It was a hair clip with a design similar to totoro. The author must’ve liked Totoro for a coincidence like this to happen. 

“It matched with one of the outfits, so I got it for you. I’m so kind, right?” Callie put it on you. You went along with it; of course she was.

When you made your way over to breakfast again, Tsukasa’s parents were as happy to see you as they were yesterday. They loved you a lot, perhaps a little overwhelmingly, but at least you could count on them if there was anything you needed. It was weird, though, how Tsukasa simply sat there. He didn’t try to involve himself in the conversation either, and he acted as if he didn’t even want to be there. 

This guy, who’d made the above and beyond effort to convince everyone he was in love with you, on your seemingly random request, was avoiding you? Out in the open? If he was tired of the act and wanted to drop it, he could’ve just dismissed you already. He could’ve said, “Pack your bags and go home.” or something, but he just couldn’t even acknowledge you. Even his parents asked him what was wrong, and it was simply “nothing”. 

Nonetheless, breakfast ended on a good note, and as you were walking out, Tsukasa had something to say. 

“My lady, is it possible for you to stop by my office?” 

He wanted to meet now? If he was ending your relationship there, then so be it. Perhaps you’d take up Callie’s suggestion of simply running away where no one could find you. You’d have to find a way to pay her, though. 

You agreed to meeting him now, since there really was nothing much else to do other than take walks, read books, and talk to people. 

As he opened the door to his office for the two of you, it became clear that he was nervous. Although, it was hard to understand why he was so nervous. After all, he was the Duke of Suou, and he could have just about anything he wanted. 

“Please have a seat. I will join you in just a moment.” He went over to his desk to fetch a bit of paper, and you took a seat in the sitting area. He was so formal that this was scary. Was this how he was with other people? Well, it really did make sense, given his background and past. It was just strange, such a stark contrast to what he’d shown before. 

“I…” he took a pause. “am aware that our relationship is meant to be contractual. I apologize if I have overstepped your boundaries by engaging in such activity before the terms have been set. However, I’ve written a draft contract, and the terms can be discussed.” You paused. That was what he was worried about? You almost laughed. He’d saved your life, and he was worried about boundaries? Honestly, that was far too sweet of him. 

You agreed to look them over. The basics of the contract were first: he’d protect you and be your fiance, and you’d offer your services as a sorcerer. There were other things like privacy and expected duties of either party, and all of them seemed good. 

After the last clause “With the agreement of both parties, the contents of this contract may be changed.” was a space for both of your signatures. Every time you agreed with a term, he let out a sigh, as if he was afraid of rejection. By the time you reached the end, he’d asked if there was anything you wished to change about the contract, and there weren’t any. Thus, his pen was used to sign both of your signatures, and the envelope containing the contract was stamped. 

The wax was the signature Suou red, the house seal imprinted into it- and beneath it were dried red camellias.

WORD COUNT | 3247 words

NOTES FROM QIAN | hi this series is extremely self indulgent. if you would like to join the taglist, please send an ask, thank you! [ tags in the reblogs ]

[umbracirrus]

WIP Whenever 💛

I was thinking that I would most likely have a WIP out on Sunday because I wasn't mentally in the place to do anything on Wednesday and I'm busy tomorrow... But I've been able to get something pulled together!

My beloved idiots Balgruuf and Elyse are finally talking after their argument! But don't worry, there's some ✨drama✨ too hehe :)

I said that I wasn't gonna post The Perfect Storm WIPs for a while but oops. My hand slipped.

Thanks for the tags @pitiable-arisen and @bostoniangirl21!!

-------

The cold air actually felt nice against Elyse's skin for once as she stepped through the doors onto the balcony, and found herself surprised when she realised that laid out before her was the entirety of the city of Whiterun, almost like a tapestry spread across the ground below. Her feet carried her forward towards the wooden railings, and snow crunched beneath her gloved fingers as she took hold of it and gazed below.

"This is one of the few quiet places in Dragonsreach where people will not disturb me… usually because I do not allow anyone out here," Balgruuf stated from where he remained by the doors. "It is peaceful."

Her eyes fell shut as she exhaled quietly. "I can see why…" She then lowered her head, and released her hold of the railing so that she could turn back to face him. "Balgruuf, I-" Her voice caught as she began to feel tears building up in the corners of her eyes, her hands shaking as she wrapped her arms around herself. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for causing all of this trouble-!"

"What? Elyse, why are you-?" She never noticed that he had closed the distance between them until he had taken hold of the top of her arms, his breathing shaking and voice almost wavering as he spoke. "No… No, none of this is your fault," he whispered, one of his hands moving to wipe away some of the tears falling down her face as she quietly wept. "I overstepped, that has been made abundantly clear to me whilst you were gone. You had every right to get angry at me. Please… don't cry, you did nothing wrong."

Slowly, she moved closer to him, and it didn't take long for her head to be resting against him as his arms wrapped around her. His heart ached for her – after what he had done, and her belief that she had to apologise when he knew that it was he who needed to do so… It would take more than words to compensate. He had hurt her badly. Perhaps things would never return to how they were… but perhaps it was an opportunity to learn from his own idiocy and rebuild their relationship – dare he say friendship? – stronger than before.

"I am the one who should be saying that they are sorry," he whispered, taking a deep breath and a step back. "I know that it will not change anything now, and is long overdue… but may I explain why I did what I did? I am in no way justifying what I did… but I want you to know that none of this – absolutely none – is your fault."

Wiping away some of the tears which were still slowly slipping down her face, she gave him a slight nod. "That… That's why I came here. I wanted to know… wanted to know why you paid off that fine. I left it be because I knew… because��� Ulfric was the one who instigated it. He grabbed my arm! Was I not meant to fight back against somebody who tried to keep me as a prisoner?" Her tone of voice grew louder and more panicked as she spoke, before taking a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm herself down. "I was told that you likely only paid it off to help, but if I wanted to know for sure about why, I needed to talk to you… That it would give me peace of mind."

Balgruuf glanced back towards the doors leading out onto the balcony, and pursed his lips together. "I believe that you had best sit down for what I need to tell you then. We could return indoors, or I can bring some seats outside… it's your choice."

"… I wouldn't mind staying out for a while longer. Maybe if it gets any colder we can go indoors, but for now…"

He nodded at her response, then went over to the doors and quickly slipped inside. She remembered that there had been a long table surrounded by chairs just by the door, so it wouldn't take long for him to return. When he did though, she had to go to hold the door open for him as he pulled the two seats outside.

When they eventually sat down, the wind thankfully remaining little more than a gentle breeze, she couldn't help but notice the conflict across his face as he looked towards the floor with his arms folded over. But he soon began to speak. "In his usual correspondence with me, Ulfric began accusing Whiterun of harbouring a criminal, and he made it clear that he was talking about you," he stated, his fists starting to clench. "He made an ultimatum - pay off the fine, or Whiterun gets attacked."

Her blood ran cold – colder than the snow and ice and wind which surrounded them on that balcony. "B-But I'm not…"

"I know."

[danieyells]

Seeing how Tohma gives the MC the wildest tasks related to Jin just to get a laugh out of it, it reminds me of Dragon Ball Super, where a character named Whis sent Goku and Vegeta to change Beerus' bedsheets it a 10 minute tense situation where they had to do it without waking him up. Do you have any headcanons on other things he might have asked the MC to do?

Lol I feel like Jin gives the PC more wild tasks than Tohma. Jin's the one who's like "clean my room and my clothes because they got a little dirty" and "give me a massage--no, harder than that" to both Tohma and PC. Then again, Tohma also deliberately ignored Jin's messages and left behind paperwork so Jin would make the PC get it, only to take care of it himself and make the whole process moot. . .okay he might give them some silly pointless tasks just to force them to spend time together and entertain himself with the outcomes.

I think Tohma's goal is more to force Jin to get used to the PC and being used to/relying on other people than his own entertainment--he just happens to be entertained in the process. That being said, Jin almost never leaves his room, so Tohma has to find ways to get them in there without being there himself.

Honestly doing what they ask is part of the PC's job(at least, to some extent,) so he rarely even needs excuses when it comes to tending to Jin. Doesn't need to ask anything unusual either. . .or nothing unusual for him to do for Jin anyway. The PC is one of Jin's servants now--and maybe they could even help him after graduation when he's working at the Institute properly. So best to make sure they're familiar with everything that could possibly be asked of them now. It's a lot of menial tasks, especially early on before he can really trust them.

Tohma's busy making something else for Jin or solving some other problem that's arisen, so take Jin's tea/meal to him. The officials at Darkwick are expecting him, so here's Jin's finished laundry. Oh, none of it is folded? Silly him. Their 'King' will be cross if he doesn't see that it's at least done, so you can fold it in his room. Some of it needs to be hung up too anyway. Off they go.

Sometimes he really is busy--Jin isn't his only priority after all, between official Darkwick business and the spy situation and his mysterious health problems--so he just asks the PC to fill in for him for the day once he trusts them enough. Plus Jin sends him on missions--someone has to check on the guy while he's gone.

There's a party in the Frostheim ballroom--Jin even agreed to attend! Tohma has to host however, so do him a favor and help Jin get ready. Oh, they got there and Jin said he never agreed to attend a party. . .what a silly mistake. Well, keep him company while Tohma handles the party, alright?

Oh and god forbid the pc have any interest in classical music. Tohma canonically can't tell which musician is which so if pc knows then that is 100% their problem! If they don't though maybe they'll be able to figure it out better than Tohma can. . .so he'll have them periodically come in and listen to Jin explain which one is which so he can ask them to take care of the music for him instead. Because he can't get these names straight.

Of course after catching a sickly Jin lying with his head in their lap he has a new assortment of tasks for them. The Captain seems lonely, so why don't you stop by? Don't mind too much if he scolds you, if he let you in that means he wanted you there. Will you take care of the flowers on the balcony for me? Jin only begrudgingly allows me to do so, I think you would be more befitting of handling something so precious to him. He seems to respond well to you, so will you go wake him up? He actually has something to do today for once.

Of course it'll be a while before he trusts them for real, so it's a good while before they get any interesting demands I'd say. The most interesting demands come from Jin himself. Tohma's commands are mostly just training and to get them in the door I'd say lmao.

I'M SORRY I CAN'T REALLY COME UP WITH A GOOD ANSWER TO THIS. I FEEL LIKE TOHMA DOESN'T GIVE TOO MANY ABNORMAL COMMANDS. He's about practical instruction--something like 'fold everything and put it in the drawer you have 15 seconds' is unreasonable and if anyone would have unreasonable demands I think it's Jin. Or Taiga. Like "i'm gonna take a nap in my bed, i want you to change my sheets before i wake up" is absolutely a jin command lmao HE WOULDN'T BE SERIOUS ABOUT IT. But i can absolutely see him saying that lol.

[toomuchracket]

Concept: Matty and reader have been friends for a while and have hooked up before but not gone the whole way. She tells him that she's nervous for her first time because she wants it to be with someone who will treat her with respect. A few weeks later her and matty go to a house party (both mildly drunk but consenting) and they end up sleeping together

omg drive like i do matty just popped into my head (but like this would work with any matty era)... but yeah absolutely like you're so close and just so trusting of and at ease with each other in general, and that extends to helping get each other off on some occasions when you're both single and the need has arisen! and you're comfortable talking to matty about sex, naturally - he's never pressured you into it on one of the occasions you've hooked up or really questioned why you haven't properly slept with anyone, but you explain to him anyway that you're just a bit wary of sleeping with someone because you want them to be kind and patient with you during it (maybe some of the guys you've gone on dates with haven't really given off that vibe, despite being decent enough). there's probably an unspoken thing between you and matty where you both KNOW that the two of you sleeping together is the logical solution, but a) you don't want to seem needy and b) matty doesn't want you to think he's coercing you into sex. ANYWAY yeah you're at a party at matty's a few weeks later and the two of you find yourselves outside alone chatting and smoking after a couple of vodka lemonades (i'm imagining that scene from lady bird where she sits next to the pool with kyle but like without a pool lol just them smoking), and because it's matty and he's irresistible and you're just sitting so close you end up kissing. it's quite passionate - the two of you are both quite needy - and as you're grinding on his lap you whisper in his ear like "matty... will you fuck me? want it to be you", and matty's trying so hard not to lose it at how hot that is like "are you absolutely sure?", and you're like "yeah don't want it to be anyone else". and matty kisses your nose and says "alright, let's go upstairs" and leads you to his bedroom; i think he'd be really sweet and put some music on and apologise for not having any candles to make it special for you, which makes you giggle and relaxes you a bit more. once he gets you both undressed, matty would at least finger you to an orgasm (if not fully going down on you) and kiss you to get you ready, before lining himself up between your legs and easing in. and you KNOW he's talking you through it all, praising you, making sure you're ok, speeding up when you give him the go-ahead to do so - and because it's matty and his whole thing is making you feel good, he's got his thumb on your clit and he's kissing your neck and moaning how good you feel into your soft skin. it's probably the most ideal scenario for your first time, actually - you actually cum, and so does matty, who's been repressing the fact that getting you off gets him off too lol. and he's good with the aftercare as well, kissing you and thanking you for trusting him to be the first person to sleep with you, cleaning you up and cuddling you for a while before the two of you venture back into the party for some snacks and refreshments lol (and i don't think he leaves your side for the rest of the night) <3

[howlinchickhowl]

I know nothing about sports, so have a belated check please! au hahaha. It is entirely possible that I am the sole target audience for this fic, but I don't mind at all, it made me happy to write it 😌 @gallavichthings

Fuck the LaX Bros nineteen - sports

The trek from Faber to Annie’s is a lot to deal with after the first morning skate of the academic year. Mickey can barely keep his eyes open, letting Sooty and Sweep jostle him along as he lugs his gear on his back and anticipates the sweet sweet joy of his first coffee of the day. Coach Beale has them sworn to no coffee before practice and it sucks fucking ass but damn if he’s gonna lose his scholarship over a cup of coffee. He’s here for the long game, bound for the show, managed to drag himself kicking and screaming out of the hellhole his father calls home and he’s not gonna fuck it up for himself.

The fucking lacrosse bros are there already, ten deep in line and looking extra fucking douchey in their new team get-up. Mickey’d heard from Pots who’d heard from Whiskey that one of the Chads' fathers had forked up a fuckton of cash for new uniforms over the summer, and it looks like the rumors were true. Rich fucking assholes.

The only one of them Mickey doesn’t hate with a fiery passion is Gallagher, scholarship kid just like him, one of four non-Chads on the team. A little earnest but honestly a decent guy, not his fault he got sent to some fancy northside private school by his uncle-who-was-actually-his-dad and ended up the star of their lacrosse team.

They’re friendly, both Chicago guys and both from pretty shitty homes, they sort of ended up the go-betweens for their respective teams in times of deep tension. It’s a new year though so no tensions have arisen just yet and Mickey hasn’t had a reason to talk to him in these first few days since he’d been back on campus. Not that he’s thought much about it. Or at all. He doesn’t think about Gallagher. He didn’t think at all about him all summer, didn’t wonder if he was back in Chicago for the break, like Mickey, didn’t look up whenever he saw a mop of ginger hair in a crowd or scan every L train he got on just in case he might be there. Hasn’t thought about the guy in months, actually.

It’s while Mickey is continuing to not think about him that Gallagher, Ian himself, actually materializes in front of him, holding out a cup of coffee in Mickey’s direction and dimpling at him sheepishly.

“Hey Shaker,” he says, using Mickey’s hockey nickname, the only derivative of milkshake that Mickey would allow when he arrived for his Frog year and got assigned a hockey name by the upperclassmen. He was the only member of SMH to ever have negotiated his nickname, but hell if he was going to respond to people shouting Milky at him across the fucking pond.

“Gallagher.” He replies. Lacross bros don’t give nicknames. Unlike most of the hockey kids their last names are valuable assets and they like to be known by them.

Gallagher holds the coffee out more purposefully towards Mickey, and Mickey notices that he has another in his other hand. Just shy of suspiciously, Mickey takes the cup. It’s not like Gallagher to fuck with the hockey bros, but you never know what happens over a summer break and Mickey can’t be completely certain that this coffee hasn’t been spat in, or shat in, or poisoned.

“They made mine wrong, first time.” Ian says, by way of an explanation. It’s not much of an explanation, and Mickey’s not sure why he’d be first in line to take it off his hands.

“Didn’t want to give it to one of your teammates?” He cocks his most suspicion conveying eyebrow and brings the coffee up to his face to sniff it. Smells ok. Smells fucking heavenly, actually, Christ he’s salivating.

“Nah.” Ian leans in conspiratorially, “Chad Lewin has told me four times already this morning about how his dad is upgrading his Porsche, and Chad Koeple showed up to the house with a 55inch flatscreen and two PS5s. I don’t know what he needs two for. But those fuckers can afford their own coffee, you know?���

Mickey believes him. And it doesn’t have anything to do with how good he smells, fresh from the shower but still warm with his natural musty smell, and it doesn’t have anything to do with how he winks at Mickey and how he apparently has freckles on his eyelids or how he extends his smile to Sooty and Sweep like they’re all just guys, actually, and not sworn rivals on opposite sides of a great chasm.

It’s just that Mickey gets it. Assholes who flaunt their money and take their wealth for granted don’t deserve free coffee, even from their own teammate. It’s this, really, that convinces Mickey to give in to his innermost desires and take a sip.

“I’ll drink to that.” He tells Gallagher, grinning when he laughs and hiding it in his coffee cup.

“Later boys.” Ian says, raising his now free hand in a little wave to all three of them before sliding past them out the door. Mickey steadfastly does not turn his head to watch him go.

“You know, it’s hard to believe that guy is a Lacrosse bro.” Sooty says, and Sweep murmurs his agreement.

“Fuck the lacrosse bros.” Mickey says, invoking the team mantra in the absence of being able to come up with anything else to say. And his teammates laugh as they move up the line.

Mickey’s coffee is hot and sweet. Exactly how he likes it.

[ffxivaltaholic]

Prompt #18: Hackneyed

#FFxivWrite2024

"A Lady should..." The pale woman barely got the words out before her daughter pushed the tea pot away in frustration, giving a sound of distress that concerned her. "Ame..." The tears started falling from her daughter's face. The Raen girl laid her head on her arms, giving small sobs against the silk of her sleeves. "You always say that... A lady this, a lady that... What if I don't want to be a lady?" This was not the first time such a conflict had arisen during her studies and Sakura was tired of debating it. "Unfortunately that is the role you were born into just as I was, and it is my job to prepare you for that, no matter how overdone my lessons are." The elder Raen's tone softened and she approached her daughter, placing a hand on her shoulder. "The first marriage proposal has arrived. We need to start considering the best situation for you so we are ready for your eighteenth birthday." Those words were devastating to the young woman, barely fifteen years old, who had no say in her own future. "Why does it even matter... The Garleans control everything and I can't even leave the estate. What is the point of these traditions..." In truth, it wasn't even so much the tradition itself, or the repetitive training, it was that she couldn't chose the one she wished to marry. "What if he's mean... Or old..." Concern filled those pale blue eyes and Sakura laughed softly. "Oh My dear sweet child, I would never pick someone like that. A young lord, someone who can protect you and-" "Kaze can protect me!" She chimed in, eyes still puffy from crying. Yet another bout of conversation revolving around the young man who had been her childhood friend. The son of a fisherman and long-time family friend to Lord Kusakari, the pair had grown close from a young age. "Ame... He has no status to lean on, nor property to house you. I know your heart is for him but... We have to ensure you are protected in all aspects." Deep down she wanted what she thought was best for her daughter, assuming that like herself, Ame would come to love the husband they chose for her. It was just as her parents had done as well. "But..." Ame sniffled and wiped her face on the sleeve. "I love him mother... He's my best friend, I know he would protect me." It was painful to see her daughter so distraught, and Sakura felt her own heart break in that moment. Silence permeated the room as mother and daughter sat in a stalemate. Finally Sakura would sigh. "Perhaps... If he was to become a Samurai of notable distinguishment... It would raise his rank enough to be acceptable... But there is still the matter of no property to his name, and you will absolutely not become a fisherman's wife..." The serious tone remaining for a moment before it softened again. "I... Will speak with your father.... He would only have three years to prove himself but... We will see what your father decides..." A defeated sigh. There was no promise anything would come of it, but seeing Ame's face light up at even a potential chance was enough to cause consideration. The Raen man was a good person, Sakura knew this well, as she had been in his life since he was a baby, his mother a care aid to the ailing Lady of the House. Today she was to tired to argue further, the fiery determination of her young daughter enough to fend off a decision for today. Knowing no further progress would be made, she simply waved for a servant to bring some books over. "Do not forget your lessons." An auditable groan would leave the teenager at her words. "Fiiiine...."

[waffleweirdo]

Incomplete Stage Girls (1340 words)

Or: I ramble about Seiran because I love them so much and they don't get enough love.

Typical disclaimers of a bunch of this is just my interpretation and I could very well get some info wrong. I just like Seiran, I'm far from all knowing about them.

Kyoko Yakumo: Suprise, I'm talking about their teacher as well because she is important! A lot of this is from Saikai Eyes which you should definitely read if you haven't... If getting to hear Yakumo and Souda's backstory doesn't convince you, you get the backstory of the character who is canonically the lead in New National's Production of El Dorado in the movie so....... I'm off track already whoops! Anyways to sum things up Yakumo is someone filled with regret over the past. Specifically over her own decision to run away. Her story itself is incomplete. The reason she is the person she is now is because she knows the pain of lingering regrets that being a stage girl can cause. Thus the whole battle with Seisho in Transition with the ultimate goal being to show Seiran that they needed to find their own strength (and also a bit to get back at Souda, but don't worry about that for now). The guiding principle that Yakumo brings to her teachings (as shown in both Transition and Blue Glitter) is to help her students find their own internal strength that will carry them forward as stage girls. Heck the whole curriculum is built around this! The students don't just study either acting or tech, they study both, and seemingly given relatively free reign on working together and what they work on. Suzu, Hisame, and Koharu sort of lead the students, but ultimately it is all of them working together. Plus unlike schools like Siegfeld or Seisho with set plays, the students at Seiran get to pick their own. (I think? At least that's what Transition seems to imply).

Anyways, the core value of Seiran is helping students grow to be self-fulfilled stage girls. Which is really perfect for our main trio because they are not doing great in that department when they first arrive.

We first meet Seiran in Transition. And at first they are defined, not by themselves, but by the Seisho characters they have known. They are literally incomplete narratively as before we learn more about them as individuals in Blue Glitter we learn about them from their pasts with Seisho. Hisame's jealousy and fear of her time in middle school with Nana. Suzu's failure to stand by Mahiru's side, and (most hilariously) Koharu's hope that she can relate to Maya and stop being alone (to which Maya just does not give a shit and completely ignores her,, Koharu I'm so sorry). Which by the way in the manga adaptation there's short vignettes added in that give more info on their pasts and they are excellent, so go read that if you've only seen the play. Notably these connections are all regrets, or weaknesses that they hope the others can fix. Just like their desire to steal Starlight. A solution that is only a substitute for their own deeper struggles. Ultimately throughout the play they begin to move on, but they don't quite fully connect with each other. In the revues they never truly fight together. Only individually at first. And then altogether with Seisho at the end. At this point in time while Seiran is clearly working together they aren't quite truly a team.

Blue Glitter opens with Seiran really going through it. Koharu is struggling to live up to the pressure she feels from being in charge. Hisame feels unable to help, and can't properly take Koharu's burden or break free of her own. Suzu is in a dilemma of being unsure how to bring the three of them to the same page. All of them are struggling to work together and understand each other. But crucially it is due to their care for each other that this conflict has arisen. They definitely aren't fully a team yet, but even while they fight it is out of love.

Each of them holds regrets, fears, and weaknesses. All of those things brought them to Seiran. Brought them together. As we learn throughout the play Koharu was never able to communicate with others well. Combined with her talent at performing she was seen as harsh and unfair even when she didn't intend anything of the sort. She became isolated and saw the stage as a lonely place. Meanwhile Hisame felt that her own fear had driven those close to her away. That she didn't know how she could continue as a stage girl, even if she desperately wanted to reach that place once more. Suzu was unsure with her acting abilities. Able to continue pushing forward with her enthusiasm, but always unable to actually reach the mark. She didn't know if she would ever actually be able to succeed.

But when they found each other, they were able to understand each other, connect with each other, and help each other. While each individually is incomplete, together they are far greater than the sum of their parts.

A common idea in revstar is the loneliness of performing onstage. One must always be able to stand alone, and yet you are never alone as a performer. Each character and in a broader view each school tackles this idea differently. It's not a coincidence that Seiran studies tech as well as performing. In the climax to Blue Glitter the three are literally rejected by the theatre for their failure to perform. Yet they rebuild the stage and stand on it once more. By having someone else who understands them. Who feels the same way that they do. Even if they must stand alone, they can still derive strength from being together.

The auditions and revues in revue starlight are really significant, and tie into so many different things. But for Seiran, whose view of the stage was bleak to be generous before they meet each other. To truly bring themselves back from the abyss (thank you manga chanpter names for the reminder that being unable to perform is literal death for a stage girl) is just so significant. And their brand of connection is just so meaningful and a lot of why I love them so much.

I'm not sure exactly how the translation works, but a key difference can I think be summed up in Seiran's version of the rebirth metaphor (listen this is one of my favorite themes from revstar I love talking about it). Specifically when its used in the anime (specifically by Karen) it is "I am reborn" or "self-remake", but in Blue Anthem it is, "self-reform". Seiran isn't brilliantly reborn from their passion. Instead they meticulously grow. Their weaknesses are guides as they support each other and deliberately work to improve themselves.

Really what I just mean is go listen to Blue Anthem everything I'm trying to say is in there.

I feel like I have barely scratched the surface, but I don't know how much of the rest of it is comprehendible right now, so I should probably shut up soon.

But uhhhhhh Hisame's story in Climax shows the significance of Seiran being together, but also how their bonds continue with them even when they are apart.

I could talk a bunch about how Hisame and Akira connect with each other and about Seiran in Edel Delight (they finally get to be doing good!!), but I'll just say that the AkiHisa Rose Poems was my favorite

I'll probably write another long ramble really soon about Koharu and Sakura, because Sakura is sooooo important, but my thoughts on it ended up getting too long... (it is the parallels between Sakura and Koharu, and Karen and Hikari, its....)

This made me start thinking about how all the schools are slightly different in their themes, and now I want to take a second to just rethink about how each character fits into each school

I can't stop rotating revue starlight in my head... the ideas for keep coming.

So that is a bit of why I love Seiran so much. There's a lot more, but.... yup

[topaz-eyes]

Counterpoint and anecdote: I wouldn't be writing today if if weren't for one reader who left unsolicited constructive criticism on my first fic way back in the day.

Their constructive criticism was valid. I was not a good writer then, and I kinda knew it. I had promise; I could become a good writer. But I still needed to learn a lot about writing then. I skimped on description; I rushed or skipped narrative beats altogether; I knew nothing of pacing, or how to build and hold a moment.

I wanted to become better. They offered to help; they became my beta. At the time, they didn't write themself, but they read widely and they edited too. We worked on pacing, on scene-setting and description and narrative beats. I learned to ground my characters in their worlds. I became more confident and found my voice.

IOW, I got better. And that meant I got more feedback too: more than I would have if I'd continued to struggle on my own. I probably would've given up long before then.

Their constructive criticism lifted me up. They took a chance on someone they didn't know. They didn't have to offer their time (and patience, omg they were so patient) when they could have been doing anything else.

We worked together for a few years until I was catching almost everything myself. They moved on and became a great writer in their own right. And I remain forever grateful that they stopped by and said, you know, this fic is okay, but it can be so much better if you work at it, here's how, if you'll let me help.

I still don't call myself a good writer. I slip up more these days. But I've never forgotten their advice and I try my best to follow it every time I write.

So basically, constructive criticism can be--and should be--part of the community too.

Now, my hugely unpopular opinion:

How many writers talk today about not getting feedback at all?

My first thought whenever I read about a writer talking about a lack of feedback, is whether the issue lies with the fic, or does the issue lie with the reader. If it's with the fic, it might be fixable. But the writer has to become aware of it first. And the current "keep your mouth shut if you can't be positive" culture that has arisen around feedback, does not help the writer become aware.

Look, there's a lot of fic out there competing for attention. That means readers have to evaluate your fic somehow.

I repeat: Readers evaluate your fic whether you realize it or not, for many reasons, simply in order to decide what to read. So, unfortunately that means a lack of feedback is sometimes an evaluation in itself.

the-reading-lemon is right, I'm not required to read anything in any fandom. I don't read a lot of it. A lot of it is not meant for me (fandom, genre, style, pairing, etc) and that's okay. I can usually tell what's meant for me or not, assuming a fanwork is properly tagged.

But keep in mind, if a writer posts in a given fandom and pairing--and I am a fan of that fandom and pairing--then they are writing or creating something that is likely meant for me.

I have to decide whether it's worth my limited time and energy, first to read it, and then to leave feedback for it. I want to leave feedback--if I like the work, I will leave at least a kudos.

Why would a writer not put their best effort into their gift?

Unfortunately, it seems some don't, and some fic is frankly almost unreadable for it: full of SPaG errors, bad formatting, out-of-character portrayals, plot issues, pacing issues, canon mistakes, too many misused epithets (eg constantly using "the taller man", or "the blond man") and so on.

Every writer has a few typos and hiccups in their work, and that's expected because no one's perfect. But when those problems actively interfere with the flow of reading and enjoyment of a fic? That's a big nope for me, and I'm not the only one. I hit that back button, and that writer has lost a reader without ever knowing why. Often that writer has lost the reader permanently.

If a writer can't be bothered to perform even a basic SPaG check before they post, then I can't be bothered to finish it, let alone comment. Except telling readers to "Keep your mouth shut" about not finishing a fic, is not actually helpful advice. It actively discourages constructive feedback that could help a writer pinpoint why they're not getting the positive feedback they think they deserve.

And since readers are now being told to "keep our mouths shut" about anything that's not 100% positive, readers can't tell the writer about a problem that's often fixable. And you know, that does not help a writer in the long run.

If you post in a public space, you automatically open yourself to other people's opinions whether you like it or not. That's how it works, and writers can't control how others react to their work either. If that reaction is crickets, then I think a writer needs to know why. But if a writer is unwilling to accept constructive criticism, they may never know what went wrong, and that is just as demoralizing. Silence cannot lift up a community either.

Nah, fam. It's not about "taking" criticism. It's about the fact that unless a writer asks for it specifically, it's a dick thing to do on a website that is rooted in community.

If a writer wants critique they will ask trusted friends or professional associates (in the relevant field). When a writer shares a fic on AO3 it's not necessarily with the aim of improving their craft (there are better places for that). It's about sharing joy.

Positive comments enhance that feeling of joy and community. Negative comments do not.

Fic isn't a product to be evaluated. If it's not for you, then you can just walk away. 😁

[areeis]

Finally did the Big D fight, so this is more of a spoiler post than general talk.

I like how when you enter the Mountain Temple your pawns become pushy for the first time. They really want you to finish it and their charge along with it. I like that.

The temple area is so pretty and imposing. I know the statues are close to what the DDOnline sphinx looked like, and it would've been cool to see them in 1, too.

No, Spectre. Just thought you had some input here. After yapping at me for ages I thought it was really polite of my Dragon to patiently wait for my decision, as he has to. There are so many instances of the game making sure you understand that there are several cutoff points. I'm thankful for that, but it's also a bit overkill sometimes, like for the wyrm hunt... That whole sequence with the goblins is also really funny, cos you're never once jumping in as you probably would if given the chance.

Never much liked these Crash Bandicoot levels.. Welp, there goes the temple. He's destroying more of it as the fight goes on and even though it's also funny to see him try to get to me I wish there was a way for me to take it all in before he does.

The fight itself was fun. If I had to just compare fights 1 wins it for sure. 2 is understandably underwhelming while 1 is just pure spectacle. And ballistas make an appearance, too! But are actually 100% needed! What luck! Again I like how 1 is more hands-on with the lore, too, and one by one explains the steps after an Arisen successfully kills their Dragon. I also like how that emphasised even more that in 2 you really exploit a loophole by using the Godsbane and therefore spare the other Arisen, too. Love how you return after the fight and just go straight into celebratory campfire sex scene and then head home in the morning. That was SO CAMP I love it! Just completely ignoring the capital and everything! I like all the shit you get after the fight, too, including the enhancements. I barely enhanced anything, yet, so that's a plus. Pity that pawns get NOTHING, though. It makes me want to redo the fight as Mage, just so Spectre can later get an enhanced staff. It's fine for now anyway, I don't think I'm even close to my best gear yet, not for looks and not for stats.

Yea cool moss-and-mold sky now. (That wyvern engaged us but then just flew off :c)

I went right into the Everfall quest and encountered 2 eyes (fun fight) and a hydra (also fun fight) until I stopped one wakestone short to see more of the world first. I was getting too much into the dungeon crawling!

Some charas I could meet after the Big D fight so far and my thoughts on them: I know Eddy would've never been buds with me, but his downfall could've been more graceful imo suck it loser, you could've met the Big D before I did to renew your pact. Steffen is barely holding on and I thought he'd be more resilient after offering his help against the griffin. :/ Maximilian branded me a traitor even though we took a nice trip together AND he should know I'm not that kind of person after the whole trial period, but I guess acab even in dd. Arsmith is the same old optimist and his notice board survived, which is great, he prolly won't have a negative thought in him until his final moments. Madeleine is back so I could finally give her the idol, I hope she can set up shop again somewhere nice. I got a little reminder for her in case she tries to cutesy herself out of paying me back, but I wouldn't mind if she asked me for more money again right after. Selene must find it weird to also still stay in my house that I now share with Valmiro, but maybe not. Just for her own sake I hope she can find a way to not be attached to an Arisen any more. I like Valmiro's ambition to explore while also attracting misfortune left and right. Honestly being chosen by the Big D has to be the greatest misfortune after he was just able to set out to explore, I'm so sorry XD You're still welcome to stay for as long as you like, though. Pablos still takes my side as he always does, great friend. The Fool still hasn't officially changed his name to Dragonforged on his ID yet. I wonder if he's gonna move house now, since it suddenly got a little more dusty and he's not bound to this place by anything any more.

I'm still searching for the others I want to meet. I'm liking the subtle difficulty spike and new enemies, so I'm sure I'll enjoy wandering the world for a while :>

[hrodvitnon]

Gameplay wise how is Dragons Dogma 2 different from the first? Loved the first game but am tentative about the sequel due to some rather mixed reviews

Okay, so you remember how you have to be very careful with training/teaching your Pawn? How you couldn't just spend a fight with a cyclops by picking loot up because then your Pawn will think "oh, I should do that too"? You don't have to worry about that in DD2. I kinda miss that aspect but it's also convenient that you don't have to constantly keep an eye out for that. You can also high five your Pawns after battle! Also, your Main Pawn (or any hired pawn) will offer to lead you to any treasure chests or rift stones they found with another Arisen, so just tap up for "go!" on the D Pad (for controller) and they'll show you the way.

Treasure chests don't seem to reset after a certain period of time, which is a bummer, but you'll still get useful items like curatives, wakestone shards and ferrystones, or a new weapon or piece of armor. Or gems like onyx and jasper, which can be sold for a lot of gold (keep an eye on item descriptions since I think some gems might sell for more in Vermund or Battahl.) Money is still easy to come by, since monsters are just as likely to drop a few hundred gold as they are the usual drops. Speaking of which, item storage caps at 99 per item, so if you have 99 goblin horns in storage and 25 on your person, just sell it to get some extra cash.

Combat feels the same, albeit with guard breaking as an additional thing, and the classes have execution animations; like, if you're a fighter then you can heavy attack a saurian from behind to chop off their tail, then follow it up with another heavy attack to quickly finish it off. Warriors now have a passive skill where if you time button presses for fast attacks right, the consecutive swings will be much faster; you'll get it right when you hear a light "ting!" and a little flash on the weapon. Archers are solely dedicated to archery and can just use the face buttons to attack, and their heavy attacks are kicks which are great for stun locking goblins and wolves to break their guard. But in the early game, BE CAREFUL. Before I reached the capital city, a single hobgoblin could kill me dead before I knew what was happening. Also, for some reason healing is different because you can't just munch on curatives to boost yourself back to max health – once you lose a certain amount of health, that's your new cap until you rest. I don't mind it too much, it makes you consider things more carefully.

Ferrystones and portcrystals aren't the only fast travel anymore! Now you can ride in oxcarts for a small fee, 100 or 200 gold depending on the destination. You can even doze off in the cart to make the trip go faster, but often times the cart will be attacked at least once per journey so it's never a dull moment. Speaking of travel, camping is now a thing! There are campfires all over the map so you're never too far away from a potential spot to rest for the night. Camping kits are reusable and some are heavier than others; the lightest one seems to be an Elite Camping Kit you'll receive as a quest reward at the Border Rest Town and it's only four pounds. Just make sure the place is clear of any beasties before you set up camp! You can small talk with your Pawns or equip skills as needed before taking a rest. Very convenient.

Combining items has been streamlined a LOT. You'll soon have more Salubrious Draught than you'll know what to do with them just by mixing greenwarish with any fruit. Fruit and meat and fish and harspuds can also be mixed together when they're aged, but they're still useful when rotten; mix them with another certain item (or I think each other?) to get lantern oil, iirc.

I've also heard that Arisen's will gift hired Pawns with rotten foods or dried flowers as a warning to their Arisen that their Pawn might be showing symptoms of Dragonsplague, which a VERY BAD THING. Remember the first paragraph in this answer? Don't think you can't ignore certain things about your Pawn. If they act like they have a headache, or are in pain, or they start copping an attitude (not like the straightforward dialogue), or their eyes start glowing red, THEY HAVE DRAGONSPLAGUE. THIS IS VERY BAD AND CAN RESULT IN A SETTLEMENT BEING PERMANENTLY WIPED OFF THE MAP. How do you cure this? I've heard you can just yeet your MP into the nearest body of water for the Brine to take them and then call them back with a rift stone. I'll admit I've done this before when I noticed my MP holding his head, so I got paranoid and yeeted him into the drink. I'm sorry, Kolima, I just don't want you getting the plague and going on a rampage!

And uh... yeah, that's all I can think of. I'm happy with DD2! It may not be as deep as the original in certain gameplay respects, but it feels like playing Dragon's Dogma and that I think is important. Nighttime is still dark as balls, combat is fun, the affinity system still feels a bit jank considering I gave Ulrika a bouquet of flowers and instantly got max affinity with her, and Pawns can now have conversations! It's such Oblivion NPC Energy and I expect nothing less. But whether you choose to buy it is up to you.

[lilyevanstan1325]

🔥 Dangerous Game 🔥

Chapter 5

Amaya POV

I open the door to Bucky's room and stealthily slide to my room.

God please let no one see me.

It would be really hard to explain why I'm half undressed with only one of his t-shirts on.

I quickly open the door and closing it behind me I lean on it.

"Go headed Juliet, I have to have a chat with your Romeo"

I smile thinking about the words Natasha just said to me.

I bite my lip, poor James who knows what she will want from him.

I feel my legs like jellyfish and with my back still leaning against the door I let myself slide to the floor, as soon as my butt touches the floor a grimace of pain crosses my face.

I am sore.

I hadn't had sex for 10 months now and Bucky's size certainly doesn't help.

This night was pure passion but on a different note than our last time which technically was also the first.

There was that urge to be together, a burning need.

And the sweetness.

The sweetness of being together, light kisses full of unspoken words.

And the way he kissed me just before I left his room, even though Nat was there with us.

Although it's all painfully wrong.

I bang my head against the door a couple of times.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" I whisper, looking up at the ceiling.

Last night when I broke into his room I imagined everything except that I would end up with my legs spread under him screaming with pleasure.

My goal was something else, I just wanted to throw up all my hatred on him and make him feel disgusting at least half as bad as I feel.

But then his words made me waver.

"I know it. And you are right to hate me" he had just whispered as if saying it aloud cost him a filthy effort.

"You must hate me, I'm not a good boy Amaya.I never will be.For none, especially you"

I realized that perhaps I was not the only one suffering from the situation that had arisen between us.

"Fuck" I exclaim with a lump in my throat.

This is all so wrong.

He has a girlfriend and I should feel ashamed of what I did, what I did to Sharon.

She has always been so sweet and nice to me how could I have done her such a wrong?

How could I have done such a thing against another woman.

Being betrayed is horrible, leaves you in despair, and I would never want to put any human being in such a situation just for my pleasure...

《Yet you did》 whispers the voice of my conscience.

Damn.

I feel a wave of panic hit me.

I have to work with these people, what the hell jumped into my mind.

If this ever comes out, I will end up breaking the balance of the team.

I would be singled out as the whore of the situation.

I'm not feeling well.

Okay, I just have to breathe.

After all, it doesn't mean that what happened tonight will repeat itself.

Perhaps ours was just the outburst due to the months of tension we lived through.

Maybe he doesn't want this to come out.He will never tell Sharon, he will never make her suffer.

This hurts.

This thought hurts but we are adults and responsible and I will have to be able to face the consequences of my actions even if it means suffering.

I will never claim any rights to Barnes.

I will never put any pressure on him.

And I have to talk to Natasha as soon as possible so that she doesn't give him the torment.

Bucky is free to be with whoever he wants.

I squeeze the edges of his shirt in my hands and bring it to my nose.

The scent of him fills my lungs making my head light.

A unique scent of lemon, orange blossom and honey.

I lose a few more minutes lost in my thoughts, my knees pressed to my chest and my face sunk between them.

I have to get up, Tony needs us.

I can't stay here and linger on my miserable love life.

I get up quickly and go to the bathroom.

In the meantime I think I just want his perfume, sweat and sperm to stay on my body as long as possible.

Disgusting?

Maybe.

But after all I'm not a normal person so...

I take off his shirt, fold it and smell it again.

I don't think I'll ever give it back to him, after all he still has my panties.

One trophy each.

I force myself to go into the shower and wash off myself the night just passed.

While I am intent on drying my hair I hear a slight knock on the door which opens immediately afterwards.

"Amaya where are you?"

"I'm in the bathroom Nat, I'm coming"

My hands are sweating.

How the hell am I to deal with the woman waiting for me over there?

I look at myself in the mirror.

“You can do it Amaya.You can do it.Stay calm and breath”

I repeat to myself in a low voice trying to give me some courage.

With only my underwear on, I leave the bathroom.

Natasha is lying on my bed, her legs dangling over the edge and her hands behind the head.

She turns her face in my direction.

I feel her eyes looking at me carefully.

"You know I'm starting to lose my mind" she tells me vaguely.

"I can't remember the exact moment I told you to spend the night in Barnes's sheets.I'm sure I just advised you to talk to him”

I roll my eyes.

"Please Nat don't put yourself in it too" I tell her angrily as I dive into my large closet to try to retrieve something decent to wear.

"Sorry?"

She raises herself on her elbows.

“Do you think what happened is right?Sharon…”

“Don't give me the torment, please!Do you think I don't know what I did?Do you think I doesn't already feel terribly mortified?"

My voice trembles.

I remain hidden behind the closet doors, I don't want my friend to see me lose my shit.  This is all pathetic.

I'm pathetic and I don't need to see it in her eyes too.

"Are you crying?" her voice seems closer than before.

"No" I reply harshly, running my hand over my face to try to erase the evidence of my lie.

Nat appears behind me, forcing me to turn to her.

We look into each others eyes intensely, green against green.

My gaze is hard, I try to hide the chaos of emotions bubbling inside my heart.

But I fail.

I understand it from her look that softens.

She looks at me as if I were a puppy abandoned in the middle of the road and all soaked in rain.

"Do not look at me like that, I do not want your pity" I say passing her to the side heading towards my bed where I go to lay down the clothes I have chosen.

“It is not pity asshole!And I'm not mad at you for what you did” my friend replies.

"Oh really?"

"Don't push me away Amaya, it doesn't work with me.You don't have to always play the part of the strong woman who doesn't need anyone"

I stiffen at her words but continue to dress as if nothing had happened.

I wear a black t-shirt and a pair of faded jeans ripped at the height of the thighs.

Always remaining silent, I approach the mirror to give myself one last look.

What appears to be a hickey ends at the neckline of my shirt.

Damn Barnes.

I try to lift the shirt a little to at least try to hide it.

“I'm just worried about you.I don't want to see you suffer.It is all here”

I sigh.

I've been mean and Natasha doesn't deserve this.

“Sorry Romanoff.I didn't want to talk to you like that before, I'm just nervous"

"I know" she replies back, then adds "What do you think if after the meeting with the others we take a few hours for us and go for an ice cream together?So maybe we can talk a little bit.Agree?"

"Okay" I sigh.

It is useless to go against Natasha.

In the end she always gets what she wants.

We head together towards the lift, enter and press the button that will take us to the floor we are looking for.

A voice followed by footsteps reaches us.

"Wait!"

A hand in Vibranium slips into the middle of the door just before it closes, the doors open again under the push of that hand.

A gorgeous Bucky makes his entrance.

His hair is still damp and his scent expands all over the space around me, he is wearing black jeans and a thin white t-shirt that he pulls over his massive chest, the military tags placed on it.

I think back to when it was upon me tonight and they swayed sinfully in front of my face.

With each thrust I could hear the rattle.

I find myself swallowing.

I look up and James looks at me biting his lip, his hard blue irises full of lust.

He too is looking back on this night, I'm sure.

The doors close behind him and he positions himself next to me.

Now I find myself in the middle of both of them, on one side there is him and his damn sexy body.

On the other side, there is Nat who seems extremely amused by the whole situation.

I feel Bucky's human fingers caressing mine, a couple of touches to which I shyly respond.

We both keep looking just ahead of us.

His hand grows bolder and tightens around mine.

I immediately turn to Natasha to see if she has noticed but apparently she is too busy massaging with someone with her smartphone.

Probably with Steve.

I relax a bit and squeeze his hand, out of the corner of my eye I see Bucky smiling slyly.

Without ever turning to us Natasha takes a step forward and gently says "Kiss her Barnes, don't be an idiot"

He and I look at each other smiling.

His hand, the one not intertwined with mine, moves over my face to bring a lock of hair behind my ear and then brings it back to my face and with his thumb he rubs my lower lip.

He kisses me.

A long, sweet kiss.

He breaks away from me and loosening the grip of our hands embraces me, his hands behind my back and mine are resting on his chest.

I see him lower his lips towards my ear and whisper to me "Are you ok doll?"

"Yeah, I'm fine" I whisper on his chest.

If until a moment ago I was scared now with these small gestures of him he has lightened my heart.

I shift my gaze to the elevator doors and Natasha is watching us, her arms crossed over her chest.The shadow of a smile on her lips.

"You are really cute together" she says.

Then she turns around, the elevator doors open and she walks out with a sure-footed step.

Bucky and I immediately release the embrace and walk behind the former Russian spy to head to the meeting room where everyone is waiting for us.

He stays a few steps behind.

Shortly before crossing the threshold of the room where we are headed Barnes joins me and in a low tone, so that only I can hear him, he tells me "It will be okay"

I just nod.

"Nice ass by the way” having said that he pinches me on the butt and overtakes me as he enters the meeting room.

I gasp in embarrassment and praying to any existing divinity I go and sit down hoping that no one has noticed.

Barnes is absolutely a reckless idiot.

I observe the space around me.

The room is very large, all the walls are made of glass.

In the center is a long dark mahogany table and what appear to be a dozen office chairs.

In front of the entrance  over the table there is a large monitor.

All the Avengers are already seated, with them there is also Fury.

A huge smile spreads on my face, I approach him and hug him.

I really don't care what anyone in this room thinks.

Nick is my mentor, the closest thing to a family.

He seems equally happy to see me again.

"How are you Snow?"

“Can't complain, food and company aren't bad"

We both laugh.

I detach myself from the director of S.H.I.E.L.D. and I'm looking for a place to sit.

The only empty seat is between Sam and Bucky.

Great.

I take a seat as Sam greets me.

"Good morning dear.Are you all right on your night of passion?Where is your beautiful blonde?"

His question displaces me.

Shit.

I forgot that everyone here saw me come home with Lucas last night.

"Will we see him arrive shortly or has he already left?" continues undaunted Sam.

Bucky next to me stiffens.

The Vibranium hand closes in a fist.

"He went away before dawn, he had work to do"

"Will we see him around soon?"

I turn completely to him.

"Sam, could we not talk about my sex life?"

Sam bursts into a loud laugh but I can't understand why.

It only takes me a few moments to realize that everyone is staring at me.

Shit they heard us.

Everyone, including Fury who is now looking at me with a raised eyebrow.

Natasha seems on the verge of suffocating from the effort to hold back her laughters.

Tony speaks first.

“As much as we are all curious about Amaya's sex life we have a little more compelling matter at the moment.And surely you are wondering what Fury and I do here on Sunday mornings"

Tony pauses to take a sip from his cup of coffee.

With a slight movement I notice that Bucky is pushing a full one towards me, he knows I love coffee and I haven't had a chance to drink it this morning.

I thank him with a smile, a smile that obviously does not escape Stark, he raising an eyebrow.

"Oh...I'm glad you and Manchurian Candidate are trying to get along"

We both roll our eyes.

Steve smiles at his best friend as if to say "I'm glad you're trying"

Oh Steve if you only knew...

Tony starts talking again.

"By the way right now I should be on a sunny beach in Miami with my wonderful fiancee and instead this gentleman here" so saying he points with his thumb Fury right behind him "he calls me before dawn to tell me that the King of Wakanda, His Majesty T'Challa, needs our help”

We observe each other.

I know very well that in Wakanda they prefer to solve their problems by themselves so to contact us the situation must be really serious.

Fury takes a step towards the large monitor that Stark readily accesses.

Mugshots of some of the men appear on the screen.

They are all Wakandians.

"His Highness T’Challa has discovered the huge thefts of Vibranium from his kingdom" informs us the director of S.H.I.E.L.D.

“And from certain sources it would have arrived in America.Let's talk about at least half a ton of Vibranium"

"What the hell do they do with all that Vibranium?" asks Sam.

"Weapons" I reply.

"In America there is one of the most productive black markets of weapons in the world"

"Exactly" Fury seems proud of my deduction, like a parent who sees his little girl ride a bike for the first time.

“But in Wakanda the technologies are much more advanced, why build in America?Moving all that Vibranium can be dangerous, they would risk being arrested much faster"

The reasoning just outlined by Steve makes sense but Tony intervenes immediately.

"Because these Wakandians work for an American.During their interrogation they said nothing that could help.They just said that the American man would soon have the power, then they hit the wall and died"

"Cyanide poisoning" suggests Natasha.

"Mmh mmh" Stark nods.

“Cyanide capsule implanted in the gum.Unfortunately two died.The third they managed to save him, when he is able to speak they will try to interrogate him again"

Natasha still looks thoughtful, she turns to Fury asking him "Do you think what's the Russian government to do?"

“We excluded him.We followed the phone records of these men and they only had contact with America.Obviously all absolutely untraceable”

Fury replies with his hands clasped behind his back.

“Agent Hill observed suspicious movements of some trucks for months.We have reason to believe that they are the same vehicles that transported the stolen Vibranium” he continues.

"Who can ever be behind it?"

Bucky's voice makes me turn to him.

I look at his profile, the square jaw covered with a light hair distracting me from everything else.

I am mesmerized by his lips moving as he continues to speak.

"Any fanatics?"

“He is not a simple fanatic.He is too smart, he knows how to move and how to hide" Tony replies.

"We think it's someone from the inside.Someone in S.H.I.E.L.D. he's betraying us, again!”

Fury says, sighing in frustration.

"You'll see what's new" Nat whispers to Steve, rolling her eyes.

I chuckle at the finding of her.

"What's our next move then?" I ask.

"You, Wilson and Barnes are going to do a survey of the shed where the trucks are hiding" Tony informs me.

My heart skips a beat.

I knew that sooner or later this moment would come.

My first mission.

My first mission with Bucky.

I always thought I could do it great but after tonight things are a little different.

How should I behave?

Sam and I have our own way of joking, one that is sure to piss off Barnes.

“Rogers and Romanoff will split between New York and Washington trying to find out something about the mysterious traitor.I will go to Wakanda to talk to T’Challa and try to talk to their prisoner"

Having said that, Tony gets up from his seat, goes to the door and, addressing us all says "Suit up, we're leaving tonight"

Sam leans towards me.

“Great Snow your first mission with the Avengers.How do you feel?"

"Next to you?Strong!"

Bucky bursts out laughing.

"Oh Amaya Amaya someday you'll regret making fun of me” Sam wags me.

I chuckle.

"Oh yes and when will it happen?"

“When you finally fall in love with me” Sam replies.

But he doesn't even give me time to tell him that he gets up and goes away.

"I hate you, you know?" I yell after him.

As a response, the echo of his laughter.

I turn to look at Bucky and find him staring at me.

"What?" I ask him a little confused.

"Why do you and Sam always have to flirt like this?"

Suddenly I feel overwhelmed with anger.

Who is he to decide who I can and can't flirt with?

Sam was one of the first to be around me.

He helped me settle in.

This is our way of showing how much we care about each other and that we will always watch our backs.

And then he really talks to me like that?

He who as soon as her girlfriend is here will kiss her, hold her close.

They will have sex.

I answer softly between my teeth.

"This is not the time and place Barnes and above all this is none of your business"

He backs away as if I had hit him, almost seems offended by my words.

I see him going to retort when Nat comes up to me.

"Hey bitch are you ready for that ice cream?"

"Sure!C'mon" I reply smiling.

I get up and without looking back I leave the room with my friend.

I really need some fresh air.

Bucky POV

We have been in this old warehouse for about an hour and a half.

It's just past midnight.

We are crouched and hidden behind some large platforms.

Here in front of us there are at least a dozen trucks parked, we just have to try to understand which ones might interest us.

Above all, find out who our men are.

Amaya is now standing up in front of me.

Her wonderful ass swaddled in a suite that leaves little room for imagination.

In tight black leather, a knife tied to her thigh and two guns attached to her waist.

Sexy and lethal.

"Where do you go.Stay down"

I grab her arm and push her down again.

"Hey Barnes take it easy I'm just going for a recon lap"

"I'll go" offers Sam.

She looks at us angrily.

“Do you think I am incapable?I could kill you on the spot and no one would ever find your bodies.Don't forget who I am"

She turns her face abruptly away from our gaze.

The long, red ponytail whips the air around her.

“Amaya nobody here thinks you're stupid.I just said I'm going since you've already done two patrols.It's called collaborating.This is what you do in a team”

Sam stands up and walks away silently into the shadows.

I sigh and slowly approach her.

"Doll?Doll?Are you mad at me?"

I don't get any answers.

Just a stubborn silence.

I grab her by the wrist and pull her towards my chest.

"Come here" I says.

She tugs me lightly but in the end she leans against my chest.

We are both sitting on the hard stone floor, my arm in Vibranium around her shoulders while she plunges her nose into the crook of my neck.

I feel her lips touch him.

I tremble at that sweet touch.

My cock instantly hardens.

"Oh doll I'm so horny right now"

She buried her face in my chest.

I feel her smile on my skin.

"Stop it James"

I could swear I heard a note of lust in the tone of her answer.

I walk away from her to try to see her face but here it is damn dark that I can barely make out the contours of her face.

I grab her by her hips and with frightening ease I seat her astride my lap.

She gasps and scolds me.

“Bucky stop it!Sam could come back any moment"

She tries to push herself away from me but I increase my grip on her hips.

I move one hand behind her back to block her, the other goes up along her stomach.

I feel her holding her breath.

I go up slowly with the fingertips, fingers that they sneak into her cleavage.

I caress her hickey that my mouth left her last night.

She knows what I'm touching.

I hear her giggle.

"You branded me on purpose admit it" her voice is an amused whisper.

"I have no idea what you are talking about" I reply continuing to raise my hand.

Once I get to her neck I gently squeeze, my big fingers in vibranium manage to close themselves around it perfectly as if my hands were necklaces made to measure for her.

I squeeze a little tighter, I feel her kind softly on my neck and she rubs her sweet femininity against the crotch of my pants.

I kiss her hard, my tongue sinks into her mouth mercilessly.

A kiss that leaves us out of breath.

“Please stop.Sam could come back any moment"

I sigh in frustration but I know she's right.

Sam will be back any minute.

I kiss her one last time, gently.

I allow her to get away from me.

She sits down by my side again.

Her hand rises and in the dark she searches for mine, our fingers intertwine.

Let's stay like this for a few more minutes.

"I'm not mad at you James" she whispers.

I exhale heavily.A wave of relief overwhelms me.

“I have it with myself”

“Why doll?You didn't do anything”

She smiles, a laugh devoid of any cheerfulness.

"Do you really think Bucky?"

I think about it for a few seconds trying to understand the meaning of her words.

Then I ask her the question that scares me most.

"Are you regretted?"

I don't need to add anything else, she knows what I'm referring to.

But her answer doesn't come, her hand pushes mine away because Sam just got back.

“Be careful.Two jeeps arrived from the north side of the building.I counted 6 men.And they look armed”

We both nod to Sam.

We get up from our position and very slowly we try to get as close as possible to the trucks.

We walk bent over to try not to be seen.

We stop behind hearing an old brick wall covered with many small cracks, useful for being able to look through.

"Sam in addition to your six I count other 5 men, how do we act?" Amaya asks.

I don't give Sam time to reply.

"There is only one way to find out" I reply softly "Let's get closer"

"Are you fucking crazy?" Amaya looks very nervous.

"I'm going" my only answer.

"Buck!" Sam's voice tries to get my attention but I carry on.

I walk near the stone wall, paying attention to where I put my feet.

At this point the building has no roof so the environment is illuminated by the light of the moon, which shines high and full in the sky.

"But watch him all stealthily, he spends some time in Wakanda and suddenly becomes White Panther"

Amaya laughs softly at Sam's words.

I ignore them.

We stop behind a metal scaffolding.

The men present shake hands after checking the contents of two trucks.

Bingo.

We found what we were looking for.

“Are you seeing?We found the vibranium" I whisper to my companions.

“And it is White Wolf”

I turn to Amaya who is rolling her eyes.

"Barnes I hope for your girlfriend that your ego isn't the only big thing between you"

"Oh don't worry Snow, Sharon is very satisfied right now"

Shit.

I immediately regret my words.

Her grimace of regret hit me like a slap across the face.

I shake my head to free her from all thoughts.

We're on a mission now and getting distracted could be fatal.

"Come on, let's go" I urge them to intervene before they leave.

"Wait Buck could be dangerous, we can't act so lightly"

I look my friend in the eye.

"I have an arm in vibranium I'll take care of spreading them out"

"And I fly, but who cares?"

"Hey you two" Amaya positions herself between the two of us "When you have finished playing who has the longest dick, could we think of a clever plan?May it possibly not foresee our death”

As she says this she stares me straight in my eyes.

Sam sends Redwing on patrol, through his infrared images we can get a more complete picture.

“Besides the 11 men we counted earlier, there are only the two drivers” Sam informs us.

We stay and study them for a moment, then the men go away disappearing into the darkness of that abandoned place.

The two drivers start up, they are about to leave.

"Let's go now or we'll lose them" I exclaim.

Sam and Amaya exchange a knowing look.

"Ok let's go" Sam signals us to continue.

I run ahead of them using my speed due to the super serum.

With a jump I grab the handle of the hatch and forcing the lock inside.

"Guys can you hear me?"

I speak through the earpiece.

"Loud and clear Barnes"

"Copy that Sergeant"

Sam and Amaya answer me.

“It's full of Vibranium in here”

Hundreds of Wakandian metal bars are fixed together and placed on the ground.

There are some wooden crates, I force one to see the inside.

I am terrified of their contents.

"I found some box and you will not like their contents"

"What did you find dude?"

Sam's voice rings concerned in my ear.

"Man these box are full of mechanical components belonging to the Stark technology"

"What?" Amaya looks incredulous.

"What do you mean, Bucky.What are you talking about?" she asks me.

“They look like Arc Reactor, like the one that kept Tony alive in the past.It's a bit out of date technology but equally lethal in the wrong hands and they have hundreds of them” I report.

Suddenly gunshots burst into the silence of the night.

From two large convertible jeeps the same men, who seemed to have left earlier, are now shooting at me.

Two of them stand up and prepare to jump into the truck.

"Buck hold on, Snow and I are right with you!"

Sam's voice comes through the earpiece.

I try to get out of the trailer and using all my strength I climb onto the truck.

The air violently lashes my face, I fight against it to stay balanced.

The driver is slowing down to allow the two bastards to jump safely and pick me up.

I hear a dull thud, immediately followed by another.

Within seconds the two men are in front of me on the roof of the truck.

The fight begins.

The first to attack me is a guy taller than me, a fist of him is as big as my face.

He punches me in the stomach and sends me down, I see his big foot aiming for my face but I roll to the side just in time.

His foot leaves a mark in the metal of the truck.

He is strong, no doubt, but his size slows him down.

His partner is much more agile.

I try to hit him and the first punch hits his face, he staggers but returns to the attack so I decide to throw all the weight of my body at him, trying to unbalance him as much as possible.

But he manages to dodge me and catches up behind me.

He locks me in the grip of his arms.

The giant from before approaches ready to smash my face with his fists.

But this does not happen.

Sam swoops in from the sky, in his arms there is the figure of Amaya.

They both throw themselves on the two criminals.

I manage to free myself from the grip and prepare to face them.

Meanwhile, another jeep joins the previous ones.

The gunshots do not cease.

Bullet discharges bouncing around everywhere.

Sam flies to the gunmen trying to disarm them.

The truck in front of us accelerates its path and gets lost in the night.

"Shit!One is gone” I exclaim.

"Forget Barnes" she replies between grunts due to the effort of the fight.

Fighting side by side we manage to knock those two bastards out of the moving vehicle.

“Bucky is bad here.The more we break down, the more they come.We have to go” Sam warns me in a very alarmed tone.

In the meantime, he managed to send the 3 jeeps off the road making them collide with each other.

A fourth seems to appear out of nowhere.

We have to go.

"Got it, let's go"

Everything happens so fast that I can't even realize it.

Three other men appear in front of us, they jumped from the last vehicle that had come to their rescue.

They are armed.

One of their weapons fires a direct shot at Amaya.

She draws her guns but she will never be able to hope and at the same time dodge the bullet that goes straight to her head, I have to do something.

I don't think twice and stand between her and the bullet with my body.

"James no!" her scream rings heartbreaking in my ears.

Then I feel a burning that tears my chest apart.

It is as if a burning ember had been stuck in my flesh and someone was having fun turning it over and over.

I can't breathe and I collapse on my knees, placing my hands on the surface to be able to support myself.

Amaya advances and heaven in front of me shoots anyone who stands in front of her.

She is lethal.

Precise.

For the first time, I'm looking at the dark side of her.

She is divine.

The three bodies lie lifeless on the ground, she pushes off the truck with one foot.

Sam breaks into the cockpit and forces the driver to stop the vehicle.

I roll to the side and lie down completely, my head spinning.

The sounds around me seem muffled, as if I were underwater.

Breathing is also starting to get difficult.

Amaya kneels next to me.

"Barnes can you hear me?Don't you dare leave me!You understood?"

I hear the anger in her voice.

"Sam immediately calls for help" she commands.

"Help is already on the way"

I turn my head to the other side and see my friend's worried face.

“Don't fear dude you'll make it”

Amaya's hands press on the wound.

I lift my head to look and see only blood.

Lots of blood covering my whole chest.

Her hands are soaked in it.

"Stay down James, don't force yourself" her voice trembles.

I lift a hand to rest it on hers and squeeze them.

She begins to cry.She wipes her eyes by tilting her head to the side of her, using her shoulder as if it were a handkerchief.

I turn to look at Sam who obviously didn't miss the whole scene.

We look into each other's eyes intensely, both aware.

Then I turn my attention back to her.

"Don't be like that Snow, you won't get rid of me that easily"

I cough violently.

I feel my eyes closing.

"I feel so tired" I murmur.

"Do not you dare.Open your eyes James” she commands me.

"Do not you dare!You are not allowed to leave me Sergeant” she adds, her voice which is barely a whisper.

In the distance I hear sirens ringing, blue lights flashing in the distance.

But my eyes close before help can arrive.

Around me there is only silence, the only noise is a continuous and constant beep that I have no idea where it comes from.

I would like to open my eyelids but they feel heavy, as if they were made of steel.

A dull, constant pain radiates from my chest.

If this is death it sucks.

And it hurts.

I try to open my eyes again, I blink a couple of times to get used to the light in the room.

With a hazy gaze I try to focus on the objects around me.

Something near the nose annoys me and with extreme difficulty I raise a hand bringing it to my face.

A gentle but firm squeeze locks my wrist.

"Stay still idiot, it's just an oxygen tube"

I immediately recognize Natasha's voice.

I let my eyes wander until I locate her position.

She is sitting in an armchair right next to me.

Her face looks tired, deep dark circles surround her green eyes.

Green eyes.

Where is she?

Nat crosses her arms across her chest.

"Romanoff won't you give me respite even now that I have been shot?" I croak in a voice that doesn't even sound like mine.

I try to clear my throat, swallow some saliva and find myself wincing in pain.

My friend immediately leans over to a nearby table and takes a glass of water.

“Have a few drops of water.It will do you good, the doctors said so" so she says she gets up, with one hand she helps me to support my head and with the other she brings the glass to my lips.

When the water reaches my parched throat, I feel the relief expand in my throat.

"Thanks" I say addressing the redhead in front of me.

"Where I am?" I ask her.

"How is Amaya?"

Natasha looks uncomfortable.

“You are at New York Presbyterian Hospital.You have been unconscious for almost two days.You lost a lot of blood, they had to give you two transfusions.But you were lucky.The bullet passed near the heart, did not touch any vital organ and fortunately the doctors noticed the exit hole so it was not necessary to operate.In no more than 4/5 days you will be out of here.When we notified Sharon she was on a  flight from London, she will be here shortly"

I sigh.

She is blatantly avoiding answering my question about Amaya.

"I didn't ask about Sharon"

"And you should instead"

Nat's eyes are hostile.

She is mad at me.

"She's your girlfriend after all"

"She won't come right?" I ignore what Natasha just told me.

My friend gets up and goes to the door to be able to close it.

Then she comes back next to me and sits at the foot of my bed.

"No Bucky, she won't come"

I smile bitterly.

The beep from the machinery attached to my chest increases his pace.

"Does that make you laugh Barnes?"

“Yep.Much.I'm here, I took a bullet for her and she won't come”

I keep laughing without glee.

"Why the hell should she be here, huh?Is she your girlfriend?Let her go Barnes"

“What the fuck are you saying Nat!I got fucking shot and you think it's so easy to let her get away from me?"

My hard, angry voice resounds in the room.

“If you really care, you have to do it.She had a nervous breakdown.Sam literally had to tear her from your body.He dragged her away screaming.Now she is in Washington with him, in Sam's old apartment.She refuses to see anyone, even me”

Natasha's voice cracks.

I can feel her pain right from here.

“She said she wanted to leave the Avengers, that this job is not for her.She says that she has to work alone because whoever is next to her eventually dies"

I look at my hands resting on my legs, I see them tremble.

She wants to leave.

She wants to leave me.

Ironic.

We have never really been together and as things stand she has every right to leave me in the lurch as she best believes but I still suffer.

“Tony went to her this morning, he wanted to try to convince her.To get her back to New York” adds Nat wearily.

I do not know what to say.

I don't even know what to think.

"Shit" I sigh.

I rest my head on the pillow and find myself staring at the ceiling.

“I want her Nat.I don't want anyone else.I don't even know how I'm going to deal with the physical closeness to Sharon” I admit.

My gaze is still directed at the ceiling, after a few seconds I bring it back to the Black Widow's face.

“Amaya is all I want”

Natasha watches me.

I know she is studying me, she is trying to understand how sincere I am.

"So...does Sam know anything?" I ask slightly worried.

"I don't think so" the redhead replies in turn.

"He didn't ask questions but he understood that there is something between you two.You deserve you can rest assured, I don't think Sam could ever betray you”

I know.

I can trust Sam.

He is a good guy and a good friend.

We both remain silent.

The door opens so violently that I jump like an idiot, my heart beating wildly in my chest.

On the threshold is a Sharon like I've never seen before.

Her face is distorted, without even a veil of makeup.

Her hair is pulled back into a messy bun.

She is wearing a gray sweatshirt and a black sweatpants, at her feet there are not the inevitable heels but a pair of old sneakers.

As soon as she realizes my condition her eyes fill with tears, she immediately rushes to my side.

“Oh babe” she sniffles.

She looks awkward, she doesn't know where and how to touch me, I can see the fear of hurting me in her eyes.

In the end she opts to place a hand on my forehead, she strokes my hair and then leaves me a light, almost impalpable kiss on my lips.

“I arrived as soon as I could my love.I was so in pain” she sobbed faintly at my side.

Natasha looks at me for another few seconds, then she takes leave.

"I go.Steve will drop by to see you tonight.Bye Sharon”

“Don't go away because of me.If you want you can stay” she replies.

Natasha elegantly refuses.

"Now you are there to take care of him, he is in good hands"

The two women smile.

I feel numb, stunned by everything around me.

Natasha leaves the room.

She turns to me one last time, her gaze tells me not to bullshit.

Impossible.

I'm the King of bad decisions.

To screw everything up is my specialty.

The door closes and I am alone with her.

Sharon sits next to me on the bed and lowers herself to my lips where she leaves a light kiss.

I look at her and I can't feel nothing, her touch irritates me.

It's not her fault but right now that's what I feel.

She talks to me but her words in my mind are just letters nonsense.

The only thing I hear and see is Amaya.

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