#i don't have time to go more in depth than this right now and map out everything but i have many thoughts

[t-u-i-t-c]

Hello ! Hope you are having a good day !😊

What are your thoughts regarding the 3rd lap of boonboomger? The poster definitely increases the suspense for the upcoming episodes ✨️

I don’t really have enough information to really speculate on anything or have a specific idea of what they’re going to do with the 3rd Lap, but I do have some thoughts regarding Genba so far. 

Rambling under the cut

I really feel the need to preface this by saying that I think the past, memories, and gradual growth are really important within the narrative that BoonBoomger has been painting so far. In episode 24, we’re told that Taiya was gathering colorful people who have gradually brightened him up and allowed him to open up. When he was a child Taiya was the type to not mind games with others, but really found more appeal in working on his own and working on cars, something we know he still enjoys. He also likes music as we can see when he plays guitar and he has multiple guitars safely stored within his home, which you can see in episode 21. This is to say that I feel like this is important for Genba’s character. It is heavily implied in the episode blogs and even a little in the series that Taiya has known Genba longer than Ishiro or Bundorio. Normally these things might not hold significance, but seeing as how memories have held such significance in Taiya’s relationships and with Sakito’s decisions in the 2nd Lap, I don’t think it’s a stretch to think that it’s important for Genba as well.

Being that Genba is like a second member to join the team, though Bundorio is a part of the team he’s not a ranger so we’ll overlook him for the moment, and Taiya’s gradually been gathering his group of colorful people. I find it significant that Genba was an early choice. If we look back, it was pretty clear that while Genba didn’t want to fight Taiya had asked him about fighting prior to giving him his Change Axe. Genba had always been a part of the team, Taiya had already given him a Changer and given him the opportunity, but was letting Genba sit on the idea until the time came where Taiya knew Genba would be more interested in shifting roles. He does state that Genba’s Change Axe was tailor-made for him when he gives it to him and they discuss this having been a discussion they’ve had before in episode 7.

When Genba officially becomes Bun Orange he says that he has a reason for fighting, but when asked about it by Taiya he says that it’s a secret for now. I don’t know if this is relevant for what could occur in the 3rd Lap, but it’s something I think about a lot. 

Genba likes seeing people passionate and serious about but is still discovering what he’s serious about. I feel like he knows the things he likes and enjoys helping people, especially through procurement, but he has difficulty defining himself and focusing solely on himself. He’s creative and imaginative with an interesting sense of humor and will whip out little words of wisdom and even sometimes talks to the audience, though it’s not clear if he’s talking to the audience or if this is just something he does, like when someone just talks to themself. This talking to the audience may also not have any significance though, as it is a common gag. Genba’s just really showing us shreds of himself gradually, but these things aren’t really personal. Genba doesn’t really ever get personal like the others do, which is why it is significant when he does open a bit to Mira about his interest in learning what he can be serious about. I think Taiya and Genba may be alike in this way, though Taiya is more willing to share he has to be provoked a bit to fully open up and has gradually become easier to talk to about personal things although he still holds back. Ever since the defeat of Madrex, Taiya has been able to express more open interest in the others but also be a bit more open about himself. I think his difficulty with this still shows however, as he can’t really talk about things directly without others being direct themselves. This is shown when he can’t really talk to Bundorio about his previous dreams because he asks in a way that’s a bit confusing and out of nowhere from Taiya’s perspective. He’s also still not used to the affection he gets from the others, as he still feels a bit awkward about hugs and things. Even in episode 1 Taiya was said to not give Bundorio’s food many compliments along with Taiya. This is all to say that there’s a sense of Taiya slowly opening up more and more with each person and each person brings more light to his life and contrasts more with him. Mira and Jou hold such significance because they’re outgoing and very affectionate, willing to help without any strings attached and finding the good in people. 

So basically what I’m getting at is that Genba is kind of a mix of the closed-off nature of Taiya and Ishiro and the fun loving nature of Mira and Jou. He creates a balance in a way. I think Sakito joining the team had an affect on this balance though, as Sakito is another more open person but still finding his place. He's different from Genba, and Genba doesn't oppose him working with the team, even admiring his tactics to get paid, but there is a slight shift. Genba has seemed to get gradually more concerned in his expressions lately, as the fight continues to escalate, and in the preview for episode 26 he seems to be concerned/angered.

I think there’s a lot to consider with this but I also don’t know if I should take his ability to get his hands on information into consideration, like I don’t know if he might have information that we’re just not privy to at the moment or not. Also the next episode shows the return of the Toilet Grumer, whose water made people be honest/drop facades and this could be significant.

I do have more thoughts and I am still organizing everyone's information, but I'll keep it at this for now.

[thestarkinternship]

Whenever, Wherever

Bucky Barnes x Female Reader: One Shot (Angst)

Summary: As Bucky's nightmares about his time as The Winter Soldier continue to plague him, there is only one person who can help him through it.

Word Count: 2.5k (No mention of Y/N)

Warnings: mention of graphic violence (we know what happened to Maria and Howard), angsty! Bucky

A/N: This is loosely inspired by the chorus of the song 'Whenever, Wherever'. I don't know, I just thought it made a good writing prompt.

Masterlist

-

“Ready to comply."

James' metal hand flexed around the accelerator of the motorcycle, giving it a tight squeeze. Its shiny edges glinted under the light of the full moon. His body moulded into the supple, leather seat like it was made for him. Still his rigid body refused to relax. The powerful engine revved as the bike shuddered to life beneath him, gearing up to go. Gas gurgled out from the exhaust, cutting through the thick silence of the quiet evening.  One swift kick up on the safety bar and the bike was now fully under his strong control.  Releasing the clutch, he sped off into the distant night.

Weaving through the inner-city traffic was effortless for him, the numbered streets mapped out in his mind. Standstill cars hummed patiently for the lazy traffic lights to turn green, but James didn't have time for that. Cutting through the backstreets of Washington, he quickened his pace. A light breeze swept his mass of dark hair back, exposing the heavy mask tightly secured across the lower half of his face. Each passing block was filled with clueless individuals too wrapped up in their own business to notice the mysterious stranger.  The city was simply a colourful blur to James as he made his way towards the outskirts of town. Skyscrapers and apartment buildings faded into quiet suburban homes. Soon enough, the buzz of the city was long forgotten, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

James' mission was clear: retrieve the new variant of the serum. Leave no witnesses. The orders burned deep into the depths of The Winter Soldier's mind. He could think of little else as he continued on track towards his target.

The glow from the city lights faded until only the bike's headlights remained. Heavy trees hung overhead, closing in on James as they cast out the moonlight. His wheels crunched over the gravel of the barren, country path. Dirt spat out behind the tyres, leaving murky clouds that hovered in the air behind him. It was a foggy view for anyone who might be watching him.

He wasn’t far off now – his target had only a mere half an hour head start. His grip on the accelerator hardened, propelling him further into the night. The motorcycle's rumble grew until it was all James could hear.

And there it was. Just a few hundred yards ahead of him was the unmistakable red burn of a car's rear lights. It couldn't have been going more than 20mph.

Now was his time.

James made a sharp right turn, barrelling himself down into the woodland surroundings. He drove down the steep bank until he was concealed from the view of the main path. The tyres bounced across the rough earth, shaking him in his seat. His thighs squeezed against the warm bike, maintaining his grip. Gently steering around the thick tree trunks ahead of him, he slowly edged the bike forwards across the rugged ground against its will. He was parallel with the target now, but it wasn't enough. James' right knuckles bared white as his desperation to overtake them grew. Glancing down at the speedometer in front of him, his jaw hardened. He could do better than that.

Just a little more.

He didn't let up until he could no longer hear the target car's engine behind him and he was alone again. Veering upwards, the bike strained under James' demanding grasp. As he reached the edge of the treeline, James finally allowed the bike some refuge as he came to a halt. He slid the heavy bike to the pine needle floor with a soft thud. James paced forwards until he got to the road clearing. Concealing himself in the shrubs outlining the road, he froze in a poised crouch.

The Winter Soldier took a deep breath and cleared his mind. He listened out for the low hums of the fast-approaching car. At first, there was nothing but the leaves as they scratched against each other in the breeze. Exhaling, James closed his eyes and allowed his heightened senses to search his surroundings.

A delicate bird song. An owl crooned overhead. The scuttle of a wood mouse, burrowing deep into the ground. And then pounding gravel.

He could just about make out the constant switch between the gas pedal and squeaking brakes as the car grew nearer.  Allowing his eyes to open, he saw long shadows form behind the trees. They stretched tall in all directions, ghostly branches curling their wicked fingers that beckoned the car forwards in his direction. The dim headlights finally broke out into the clearing ahead. James counted the passing seconds as he waited for the target to finally be in his reach.

One. Two. Three.

Springing forwards, James swiped his left arm out at the closest front tyre. A putrid, burning scent filled the air as the titanium arm sliced through the soft rubber. Vibrations rooted through the metal and spread up all the way to his shoulder. Rolling it back, he straightened himself back out. Screeching pierced his ears whilst the car rolled out of control. Tyre marks dug deep into the soft dirt as it lost its grip on the road. His eyes narrowed as the bonnet wrapped its way around a nearby tree. It finally came to a halt. A warbling alarm faded into silence, too destroyed to cry out for help. The dented metal sprang free as smoke erupted into dark clouds above him. It billowed out in the wind, travelling back towards the city James had left behind long ago.

As he approached the wreckage, he finally got a clear view of the two witnesses. A man and a woman. She was slumped back in the passenger seat, sticky blood trickling down her pale face. The seatbelt had imprinted on her fair skin, leaving a deep, maroon mark. Her shoulders were slung back into the leather, struggling to lift with each faltering breath.

The man was a different story. He convulsed as he struggled in the compressed front end of the vehicle. His hands flapped at the seatbelt as it welded itself into the trapped buckle. Rocking back and forth, his feeble attempts at escape were short lived.

Tucked away on the backseat, a shiny briefcase laid unharmed. The Winter Soldier's glare darted back and forth between that and his own reflection the window. His eyes were dark pools, his pupils dilated with greed as he locked onto the prized serum. Hard grooves across his forehead dipped down into furrowed brows. Sweat silently dripped down past his mask and onto the floor.

He watched as his metal arm flexed in the window, before colliding with the reinforced glass.  Tiny shards shattered out in every possible direction. They littered the floor and turned to dust under James' heavy steps. Cracks splintered through the pieces still clinging onto the window frame. With the barrier gone, he was brought face to face with his witnesses.

Howard Stark's pleading eyes flickered between James and his dying wife. His face softened at the sight of this shadowed stranger who just happened to be in the right place at the right time. Someone had come to save them.

"Help... my wife." His deep voice choked.

The Winter Soldier stayed silent, the only noise from the witnesses’ exasperated breaths. Howard dipped his head level to the window to get a better look at his saviour.

The hope in his voice was soon replaced by dread as he finally recognised the man standing before him. "Sergeant Barnes?"

There was no more time for games. James curled his metal fingers into a tight fist. Built up rage flowing through the titanium as he brought his heavy arm down on Howard's face.

Bucky jolted up in the darkness. It engulfed him like an endless void. Robbed of his sight, Bucky had never felt as lost as he did in that second. His heart pounded with each rapid breath, fighting to get out of his bare chest. The heavy exhales filled the quiet room. Around his neck, the wartime dog tags tinkered against each other, leaving a ringing in his ears. The chain rubbed against the back of his neck. The metal links melted into his skin with his body heat, and small beads of sweat slid down the cool metal before dropping onto the surface around him. He grasped out in the darkness, feeling nothing but fistfuls of clammy bedsheets. The cotton material swaddling his body reminded him of where he truly was. He was at home. He was safe. The nightmare was over, but disturbing images still lingered in the stiff, summer air of the hot bedroom. 

As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, Bucky began to make out shadowed shapes in the room surrounding him. He spared a glance at your sleeping body next to him. Wrapped up in the soft sheets, you looked so peaceful letting out faint snores as you slept blissfully unaware of Bucky's late-night turmoil. Leaning down, he planted a soft kiss on your head. Murmuring softly, you rolled over but thankfully didn't stir.

Gripping the mattress with shaky hands, he planted unstable legs on the wooden floor. Bucky inched himself off of the bed as not to disturb you. Pacing across the room to the window, he carefully wedged it open. Bucky clutched onto the window ledge, his fingertips tracing over the soft grooves in the woodwork. He focused on the patterns whilst his harsh breaths struggled to return to their normal rhythm.  A midnight breeze blew into the room, tickling along his hardened jawline until his red face cooled. The streetlamps flooded the bedroom. Distant sirens and soft chatter drifted in from the busy Brooklyn streets down below, bringing Bucky completely back to reality as relief washed over him.  

"Bucky? Are you awake?" Your tiny voice whispered out of nowhere.

He rocked on his heels to face you. Your delicate features were lit up by a sliver of moonlight that streamed in from the open blinds. Even in the low lighting, Bucky could see how your sleepy expression distorted into one of concern from the moment he turned around.

"I'm fine. I was just a little warm. I wanted some fresh air." He sighed.

Bucky steadied his agitated body. The floorboards creaked under the heavy weight of his body and mind as he made his way back towards your bed. He clambered under the sheets, sliding his body next to yours

"Are you okay? You feel flushed," worry settled in your voice as you pressed a small hand against his chest, "your heart's beating like crazy."

Bucky let out a sigh.

"You had another nightmare." You stated, rather than questioning.

"He was back. The Winter Soldier. I was him again." He whispered.

You turned until you were face to face. Reaching out in the darkness, you pulled him in close until his face was buried in the crook of your shoulder. Bucky's arms fell limp in your lap as he just allowed you to hold him.

Your round eyes drooped with sympathy. "You know you don't have to keep anything from me. I'm always going to be here for you, Buck."

Salty tears collected in his tired eyes before silently glided down his face. His body went rigid in an attempt to mask his feelings. Bucky pressed his face harder into your mass of tangles, breathing in the light scent of shampoo. His shoulders jerked with every fallen tear. He always hated it when you saw him like this.

Sitting up in the bed, you cradled Bucky's contorted face in your palms. His bottom lip quivered as he was unable to supress his upset any longer. The tears broke out into continuous stream down his face. You wiped a thumb across the bags under his eyes that had accumulated from too many similar sleepless nights, sweeping away his tears.

"Oh, Bucky," you crooned, wrapping your arms around his shaking body, "talk to me about it."

"It was the night I killed Tony's parents." His voice cracked, muffling against your shoulder.

"What happened?"

"I was trying to get the Super Soldier serum. I was back on my old motorcycle, tracking them down. God, it felt so real. I could feel Howard's skull beneath my hand. It broke under my fist. His head cracked open and there was so much blood. I couldn't get it off of me. It was trapped in the hollows of vibranium in my arm. I swear, I could feel it seeping into my body. I still can." Bucky cried.

Tongue clicking, your kind heart broke for him. Rubbing a hand up and down his back, you allowed him to weep until there were no more tears left for him to cry. Bucky's sobs eventually faded into muffled sniffles.

"That wasn't you," you reassured, "you're not that person anymore."

"I can't escape him. The Winter Soldier - he's always going to be there." Bucky exasperated.

"He took up a big part of your life," you murmured softly, "he won't disappear from you straight away, you know that right? I can't pretend to understand what you went through in those times, but I'm always going to do my best. I'm always here to listen and support you as much as I possibly can."

Bucky's face fell and he confided in his love. "I'm sorry if it seems like I'm pushing you away. You shouldn't have to do this for me, and it makes me feel guilty."

Gently, you tilted his chin up to look into his scared eyes. "Do you remember those vows we made two years ago?"

"For better or for worse." He recalled. Like he could ever forget the happiest day of his life.

"Exactly. For better or for worse. That includes your past as The Winter Soldier. No matter how long ago it happened, these feelings are bound to surface, and we've just got to work through them when they do. It'll take time, but what's time to a 107-year-old super soldier?"

Bucky's dry lips curled up into a small smile for the first time since he'd awoken. You always knew exactly what to say to cheer him up, even in the worst of times.

“I love you." He breathed.

"I love you too," you leant back into the mattress on your side, opening your arms to him, "now, come here."

Bucky obliged, pulling the warm duvet around you both. You hooked an arm under his neck, draping the other over his side in a tight embrace. Your fingertips traced the raised lettering of his silver dog tags whilst you spooned his worn-out body. Running your other hand through the soft peaks of his hair, you uncombed the knots that had gathered with his constant tossing and turning. Bucky lulled in the comfort of your soothing movements, finding peace with the gentle motion. His breathing slowed as he finally succumbed to sleep. This time was much more pleasant than the last. You lazily peppered small kisses along the back of his shoulder and neck, until your lips hovered around his ear.

"Everything's going to be okay. You're going to be okay." You whispered.

"Whenever?" He mumbled.

"Wherever. We're meant to be together." You affirmed. "I'll be there."

"You'll be near?" Bucky begged.

"That's our deal, my dear."

[swannieluv]

.𖥔 ݁ ˖꩜ Wasted youth.

✦⸼࣪⸳ 𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Platonic!Ajax x GN!Reader

✦⸼࣪⸳ 𝐖𝐜: 11k

✦⸼࣪⸳ 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆!!: violence, blood, death.

✦⸼࣪⸳ 𝐀/𝐍: IT'S FINALLY HERE! I hope everyone can enjoy this <3

✦⸼࣪⸳ 𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐩. 𝐛𝐲 Tempo Perdido - Legião Urbana

✦⸼࣪⸳ likes, reblogs and comments are appreciated!! <3

Snezhnaya is not exactly a friendly nation. The cold that seems to run from the veins to the depths of people's innermost being brings with it a certain hostility towards those who don't know the heart of the land. But within Ajax's distorted childhood perception, Snezhnaya was like a gentle mother, protecting its children under icy embrace.

But then, why did such a loving land allow its own child to fall into the deepest depths of the Abyss? Like drowning in freezing water, a child who survived Teyvat's darkest and loneliest place would certainly not come out of it the same as he went in.

"Ajax" was still Ajax, wasn't he? The same child, named after a hero from ancient tales, full of compassion and empathy, now carried with him a gaze that was deader than the fish he caught on ice.

Joining the Fatui wasn't in his plans for the future; being one of them wasn't so bad, although he wasn't expecting much for the future. But what he didn't like was being the youngest in the unit, it was a complete humiliation.

Not that the seniors were a challenge for him, but being constantly underestimated was... infuriating, to say the least. While his strength was admirable — thanks to Skirk, he would thank her someday — Ajax felt constantly bored, with no meaningful challenge ahead of him.

"Redhead!" The call was accompanied by a snowball, which hit him square in the face; his moment of peace was interrupted, though it didn't really matter.

Ajax could only sigh before letting out a soundless laugh, knowing exactly who had hit him: [Name], a recruit not much older than him, maybe a year or so. Being under the same division, it wasn't unusual to bump into them. "Here it comes..."

They weren't exactly friends, more like acquaintances. However, they also kept in touch enough to be just "acquaintances". Never friends, perhaps not at all.

As if he had some kind of radar, [Name] always appeared whenever Ajax had his rare moment of philosophical thought of questionable quality. Usually to disrupt the whole process.

" Damn, looks like you really found me," he laughed, turning to look at them.

"That's the third time I've had to look for you this week," they complained, carefully preparing another snowball to throw at him. "I always get scolded because of you, you know that?"

They weren't exactly wrong. Whenever Ajax wandered off the map, it was [Name] who had to look for him in the frozen woods. Not that they really bothered to do it, but it was tiring going around in circles until they found him.

"Look at it as part of your job."

"Babysitting...?"

"No, looking after your companions."

"... How idiotic."

"How heroic. It's very noble to look after your friends, you know?" Ajax corrected. His eyes returned to scanning the surrounding trees in a relaxed manner.

"Not when said 'friends' get into trouble all the time," they retorted.

"I always come back, it's not like you need to hunt me down like I'm some criminal on the loose." He shook his head briskly, brushing the snow off the top of his hair. However, he was greeted with another sharp shot right to the scalp.

"Look... So, all due respect, but you're not far off being one, you know?" they shyly replied. Not in a rude way, but still a little offensive to whoever it was directed at.

He didn't know whether to laugh or feel offended by what they said. Maybe both? Well, they weren't exactly wrong... Ajax was already considered a marginal project, or at least it seemed that way.

"Why did you do that?"

"What? You have to specify or I won't know,” his smile fell, replaced by a neutral expression. He tried to feign ignorance, but it didn't work very well.

"Don't be cynical. You beat up an older soldier. Aren't you a little ashamed?”

Which soldier were they talking about? It didn't matter to him anyway, as he'd lost count of how many he'd challenged and won — it wasn't a difficult task, they were never a match for him.

All too often they were weak, and [Name] was the worst of them all. That's why Ajax didn't even bother trying when inviting them to a duel, because the result was obvious from the start. The last time they sparred, it was be boring, easy and not worth the effort.

"Should I be? If a soldier almost two meters tall can't beat up a 14—year—old, then that means he's a weakling, doesn't it?" Ajax crossed his arms. "Besides, he called me names before, so we're even."

"Seriously..." they sighed, "Seriously, try not to make such a fuss. The Fifth can get you out of most trouble, only until you do something, let's say, really catastrophic."

"Something catastrophic like...?" he asked curiously, his gaze fixed on them.

"Like... burning down the Zapolyarny palace?"

His jaw dropped in shock, and a touch of offense showed on his cold—pink face. That was the most absurd thing he had heard in recent times. "What?! Why do you think I would do something like that?"

"Because it's you we're talking about, redhead."

"What's with the nickname?"

"I think it's funny, don't you?"

"You know... whatever." Ajax put his hands on his waist, shaking his head slightly. "I'll take that as an excuse to put a nickname on you too."

"So you're going to stop with the ' comrade' thing and come up with something even worse? Really?"

"Maybe so... maybe not. Who knows?"

The boy gave a relaxed smile, patting them on the shoulder before moving on. His heavy footsteps in the snow served as a background noise to the uneasy silence around them.

"I found it."

"Hm? Found what?" Ajax raised an eyebrow in suspicion.

[Name] pulled out a red scarf, so familiar to Ajax, from inside their backpack, carefully tying it around his neck. The fabric was warm, or perhaps it was the feeling of zeal, or also the nostalgia it brought.

Ajax hadn't realized he had left it behind. And when he realized it, the difference between the cold air and the protection of the scarf was remarkable — was he so distracted that he didn't notice?

The boy's gloved hands touched the soft fabric of the scarf, bringing it closer to his face and snuggling into the warmth. "Where did you find it, comrade?"

" Somewhere, it doesn't matter." They put their hands in the pockets, looking around at the landscape around them. "Aren't you afraid of getting lost in the forest?"

Ajax let out a genuine laugh when he heard their question, as if it were something ridiculous. "Getting lost? I know my way around pretty well."

[Name] narrowed their eyes, firmly disbelieving Ajax's words. For them, the scenery remained the same, no matter how far they went — well, they didn't go very far at all.

"What? It's all the same, like... just trees and snow everywhere."

Ajax held back a laugh, as if what they'd said was completely dumb. "You're not from Snezhnaya, right?"

"Is it that obvious?"

"Were you trying to hide it at all?" He couldn't help but laugh at the redness that appeared on [Name]'s face.

They were almost the scarlet color of their vision, which they proudly carried on a chain attached to their jacket. Pyro and Hydro, it was yet another thing that made them so opposite from each other.

"You know what, never mind! Just follow me." They extended a hand towards him, an almost forced offer.

Ajax hesitated, staring at the hand in front of him for a few long seconds before accepting it. He held it with some hesitation, not wanting to apply more force than he should have. He didn't mean to hurt, but he also had moments when he couldn't control his own strength.

They walked together through the snow, their steps in perfect sync. He noticed these small details as he looked down at the ground, thinking over and over again about an endless cycle. Sometimes, he just let that little silence take over his head, alone without direction, lost in the image of his own breath coming in the form of fog.

[Name] mumbled something, Ajax nodded, but forgot all about it soon after. They knew he wasn't paying attention, but didn't care, increasing the strength with which they held his hand.

"You don't like it here? Is that why you keep running away?"

"It's not running away if you come back.”

[Name] genuinely felt like punching Ajax in the face every time he opened his mouth and let out some stupid reason like this, but they would obviously leave it to imagination. The willingness wasn't lacking, but the courage was.

Perhaps if they were stronger, braver, they could say what they really wanted. But they weren't, and that kept them behind a fine line between the two, where Ajax always seemed to be in the front.

Everything in Snezhnaya, absolutely everything, filled them with an internal revolt. The cold that seemed to freeze them inside, the infinitely same path that seemed to lead nowhere, not being taken seriously — but for now, they would do anything to please those on top, especially since they were the ones in control of everything anyway.

"Don't ignore my question, go on. I know you heard me."

As soon as they arrived at the camp, they were greeted by an angry soldier with a large purple eye. That was the man Ajax had hit, and clearly he didn't look happy.

"Look, the bastard's really back," he said sarcastically, snapping his fingers. "Are you going to come at me for no reason like a savage again, like you did earlier?"

"Liar," they retorted, shaking their heads in denial and pointing a finger at the soldier, "you previously morally attacked Ajax, an exemplary boy..."

Ajax nodded, crossing his arms. Exemplary was by far what he was, but he had to agree with those who defended him. What he didn't expect was that they would retract their words soon after.

"...sort of."

"A... gentle boy?" They gave him a sideways glance, as if for confirmation; all he got back was a slight shake of the head.

"sort of..."

There was a lack of good adjectives to describe what he was — what he had become.

It would be less work if they just called him strong, but they didn't. They didn't want to reduce him to something. They didn't seem to want to reduce him to something the soldier in front of them already knew. Or rather, they didn't want to reduce Ajax to a simple strong boy.

They cleared their throats with a smile, grabbing Ajax by the collar, "Give us a second!"

Honestly, he was expecting a beating, not a strategy meeting behind a bush — not that he was going to complain, but at least he was hoping for a fight or something. His clenched fists contained the real desire to punch that soldier right in the face, but unfortunately he couldn't do that.

"'Sort of', really?" Ajax mimicked with a playful tone.

They rolled their eyes, fidgeting. "One of two ways: either I lie by calling you dumb, or I lie by calling you stupid!"

His jaw dropped for a moment. Was Ajax that stupid in their eyes? Not that he was the most self—controlled or straightforward person, but that dumb was an insult. "Oh, but I'm not dumb!"

"Perfect! Then you're stupid!"

The two of them stared at each other for what seemed like hours. Just as they didn't understand him, Ajax didn't understand them one bit.

"Seriously, I'm trying to help you... but then you have to help me help you."

"I think you've got it wrong. I appreciate the attempt, not to be rude... but I don't think I asked you to help me in the first place." He tried to smooth it over somehow, with that annoying little smile of his.

They felt their eyes ticking just hearing him, but soon pulled themselves together and returned the smile with a sarcastic tone intertwined with the words, "Really?”

"Mhm!" Ajax smiled. "Then I'm going for it, you said!"

Ajax ran off, abandoning them behind the bush to do whatever he wanted. Training, fighting, getting into another fight... it was all very unpredictable when it came to someone as peculiar as Ajax.

[Name] stood there, letting out a sigh as he thought about how weird this boy was. But there was no denying that Ajax was truly exceptional at getting out of trouble, and that made them more and more curious about him.

Sometimes, before going to sleep, Ajax would close his eyes and think about the day he'd had. He would ponder how small details were so easily erased — he couldn't remember who accompanied him on the march, or the name of the guy he had hit. But it was okay, it was fine not to remember.

The important thing was to keep going, without wasting time, and to move on. Ajax didn't need anything else, or anyone else, just himself to become very strong.

"Here you go, redhead." He was called by [Name], who threw a pillow right in his face.

" Man, you really like throwing things at me, don't you?" complained, pulling the pillow away from his face, "Have I become a punching bag now?"

"You forgot your pillow. If you wake up with a stiff neck, you'll be complaining in my ear all day tomorrow."

"I don't complain—"

"You think you don't, but you nag like an old man!"

Ajax threw himself backwards, lying on the mattress hugging the pillow close to his face. He muttered irritably to himself something almost inaudible, something that [Name] could only wish weren't curses in their direction.

"Look, I don't know what kind of problem you have," Ajax began, rolling his eyes in frustration, but soon changed his tone to something more playful, "if you want to settle something with me, come fight. Unless you're too much of a chicken not to fight someone younger and stronger than you."

"Whatever" [name] grumbled as they adjusted the flame of the lamp with their vision, "I already know I have zero percent chance against someone like... you."

"Why, comrade? It's not like I'm going to kill anyone in sight or anything like that." He smiled, giving a slight chuckle.

"Yes, of course, and I'm a slime" [name] sarcastically answered.

"Honestly, I don't mean to offend you or anything..." Ajax sat up, running a light hand through his hair to remove it from his face. "But I really wonder how someone so coward got into Fatui. I mean, you're afraid to even hold your own bow."

[Name] listened attentively to his words, but kept their gaze fixed on the lamp in her hands. It was the only source of warmth between them at the moment, and they couldn't let it go out so soon.

"The reason I'm in Fatui..." Their eyes did not leave the flame in hand, carefully observing the orange color that reflected on everything around him. [Name] avoided this question whenever it was asked, because they knew they weren't strong, and didn't force themselves to be, but the truth was too shameful.

"I believe I am indebted to Her Royal Highness the Tsaritsa. I must render my services for her generosity, and also... for this little thing here, which has guaranteed me everything I have now."

They picked it up and swung it around, the vibrant red gemstone seeming to emanate heat in a veritable mirage. Even though the temperature was almost below zero, it still retained its tiny hints of flame.

"Well, I guess that's it. I was born like anyone else, subject to mistakes and defects. But I don't think I'm worthless, after all..." they paused for a single second, letting out a sigh before continuing, "even doormats have their uses."

Ajax's face softened as he listened to them. He was speechless, sincerely mute without an answer to their words. No silly comment came to mind, just nothing. He waited a while in silence before finally asking: "Wow, that was something..."

"I think we've talked enough about me, what about you?" They asked with a little smile, and Ajax relaxed a little.

"About me? Hm... I think I have several stories! Like today when I punched that guy!" he cheered, throwing a fake punch in the air to represent his fight.

[Name] let out a simple laugh, amused by his actions. They thought the boy was a piece of work, silly but very funny; also very intriguing in every respect. At fourteen, joining the Fatui and doing well was something out of this world from everyone else's perspective.

"No, silly! I don't care about that sort of thing." They shook their heads in denial.

Ajax blinked twice, confusion clear on his face. "What...? So what do you want to know, anyway?"

They patted his head lightly, making Ajax turn as red as a tomato. It was unexpected, and he didn't know how to react to it, he wasn't prepared, but it wasn't that bad either. For the first time in a long time, Ajax allowed himself to receive a bit of care.

"Tell me, redhead," they called him by that silly nickname again, getting a funny look from him, "do you miss home at all?"

"Homesick? Hm... I don't know, I don't think so."

"Lying to yourself is always the worst kind of lie, so don't do this."

"If I really miss home..."

Home. Did Ajax really miss home? It was very hard for them to guess what was going through his head when all he did was fight and cause trouble. Although he had his ridiculous faults, there was still a gentle child inside, deep down.

Ajax was about to answer when it finally hit. It was the kind of question that nobody really asked in the Fatui. Everyone usually acted in accordance with their situation, there was no room in the Camp for whining.

The only tears were those that were left on the pillow, turned upside down as soon as the first rays of sun appeared in the morning. Hidden, sealed away from the gaze of others, while everything continued in the shadows.

He remembered perfectly the day he left home, beginning his career as a soldier.

Ajax checked his appearance one last time in the mirror. He didn't mind the state he was in, with a few scars on his hands and small scratches on his face from the mess that had occurred before he was enlisted — but he couldn't look relaxed either, Ajax needed to look presentable for some reason.

He could hear some whispering, not so quiet, of children behind him. He could see their reflections, curious as ever, but pretended not to have noticed, not wanting to end their failed attempt at spying.

When the clock finally struck a certain time, he knew it was time to go. Ajax had been preparing since the day before, when he received the news. It hadn't been easy to accept, but Ajax had no voice after everything he had done.

It was easy to feel the blood on his hands, even though he had washed them over and over again. While his combat skills were fascinating, it was frightening to see how easy it was to seriously hurt someone.

But at the same time, he felt the adrenaline of fighting pulsing through his veins, bringing with it an insatiable desire for battle. He didn't have a strong enemy, he didn't have anyone who could challenge his skills in this little corner of the world he lived in. Being the strongest shouldn't be so boring, at least not for him.

When he stepped out of his room, the first thing he saw were his little siblings. Their faces were full of questions, asking for an answer as to where he was going, why he was leaving and other questions that Ajax wasn't allowed to answer, nor was he in the mood to answer them.

This was what he really dreaded, the farewell.

He hugged each sibling as if it was the last time seeing them, his eyes filled with anguish disguised as emotion and tears that weren't exactly shed. He felt a knot down his throat — how hard it was to try and keep a smile, with such a conflicted feeling in his chest.

Perhaps that was the hardest part, because the younger ones had no idea where their older brother would end up. They didn't know that he was going where no other child should go. The only excuse he could come up with was something about a fantastic toy factory, and they bought it.

He swallowed it all, keeping his typical charisma in a comforting smile. Blindly lying to himself that all that was to come was just a distraction where he could meet stronger people, bigger obstacles and climb them without hesitation.

He ran down the stairs as if it was the last time, and it would be, because long gone was the boy who once smiled here. Hearing the children's voices saying casual goodbyes, as if it were just another ordinary day and that he would be back soon. Touching the banister, sliding along and feeling the texture of the wood, brought a little sadness. It was full of scratches and loose splinters, just the way he would remember it.

Taking a deep breath, he let the smell of wax invade his lungs for one last time. Little did he know, but this would become another moment for nostalgia in just a few days.

He hesitated to leave that warm place, so precious and cozy that it was the only thing capable of bringing a tear to his eyes after leaving the abyss. Not all things in life work out the way we want them to, and he needed to learn that, if only in the harshest way possible.

"Discipline" was what it was supposed to be, a form of punishment for all the trouble he had made. Like a staircase, Ajax climbed step by step in his acts of violence until he reached the irreversible point of his insatiable hunger for battle

But life always takes its toll. And for Ajax, life decided to give, demand and take away almost instantly.

Saying goodbye to his mother, who wrapped a red wool scarf around his neck, Ajax could only keep smiling. If it hadn't been for the hesitation and worry in her eyes, distressed that her young son would end up in a place like the Fatui, everything would have been so much easier.

"My little warrior," she called him, a cheesy nickname that suited the wild boy perfectly. While it was ironic in the past, given that Ajax was a big scaredy—cat, today it was just dumb, "Don't cause too much trouble... please."

The last sentence came in the form of a very faint whisper, which went almost unnoticed by Ajax. A real plea, almost desperate because of the lack of credibility he had at that moment. She didn't believe in him, evident in the exacerbated concern she showed in her mannerisms.

And if to comfort her, then Ajax was willing to put on his best and most convincing cheerful mask. He had always been a boy who loved his family, and that was something that not even the claws of the Abyss could take away from him.

"Yes, Mom."

Ajax did his best not to sound the least bit false when lying to his mother — He was, he couldn't deny that — But at least Ajax did it convincingly until he could gently slip away from her gentle touch.

"I'll take care of myself. Brush my teeth, comb my hair..."

"And eat well," she added, brushing the dirt off his clothes, making him more presentable.

"...And eat well, leave it to me!"

The woman sighed, letting go of the boy. With her watery eyes turned to the side, she shook her head as if to pretend that everything was fine — an attempt to make it clear that everything was all right, that Ajax shouldn't worry. But in the end, it was to comfort herself.

"Go..." she murmured with a sad smile, shaking her face slightly to let the tears go where they shouldn't, "go with your father before you're late, and don't stir up trouble, see? Your poor mother's heart wouldn't be able to handle it."

"I'll do my best, stay super strong and—"

He was interrupted by a small smack on the head from his father; it wasn't painful, not in the slightest... but it hurt for some reason, somewhere deep inside. All he did was look up, shrug and smile as usual.

"Let's go." That was the call Ajax had been waiting for to.

This was a moment of farewell, but he remembered that it wasn't eternal. Someday, he would return home with his chest puffed out and a huge, proud smile on his face — well, that's what he hoped for.

And so, the troublemaker set foot outside his home to become what no one, not even he, expected him to be one day. Looking back at his past, his younger self, fearful and innocent, disappointed but admiring, came to mind.

An icy breeze was the first thing that greeted Ajax when he opened the door and encountered the standard whiteness of the outside scenery. It was sudden, as if to extract any remnants of warmth he felt. People would say it was a good omen coming from the Tsaritsa, a sign of good fortune on his new path.

And it's what Ajax would like to believe.

"Ajax?"

Their voice woke him from his memories, bringing him back to reality. And then suddenly, he was back in that tiny tent, the one he had never left.

"Sorry. I spaced out, didn't I?" He covered his eyes with his forearm, tiredness was starting to set in.

"Just a little bit." [Name] decided to lie down too, covering themselves with their own blanket. Their hands then went to the lamp, offering it to him, "Can you use your vision to put it out?"

"Can't we just... not put out the fire?" Ajax asked weakly.

[Name] blinked twice in surprise, then cracked a smile to tease him. "What's the matter, are you afraid—"

"No, I'm not afraid of the dark..." he cut them off in mid—sentence, turning around so that he wasn't facing them. With his face covered by the pillow, Ajax lowered his voice. "But leave the fire burning, just for now... please."

It was the first time [Name] had seen him so vulnerable, with his guard down. With such a sincere request, they were at a loss for words — even though they really wanted to understand.

"Right..." They hesitated slightly as they released the lamp. "Sweet dreams, Ajax."

Without replying, they sighed. [Name] then put their head on the pillow, looking at him with a certain empathy. But then again, it was none of their business; he would tell them when he felt comfortable.

That night would be a long one, with the two of them lying awake without exchanging a single word.

Sometimes [Name] questioned their own common sense, especially when they followed Ajax's foolish ideas. Normally, the two of them would get into trouble and be forced to do the daily tasks because of it.

But after days of insistence on his part, they had finally agreed to go ice fishing in the middle of the night because it was the only free time the both had. Did they know how to fish? No, and certainly not on ice, but there's a first time for everything.

"Hm... I don't see anyone," Ajax whispered as he looked through a gap in the tent, making sure no one was awake at this hour.

"Hang on, I can't put these on!" [Name] tried to put their boots on, but couldn't make a decent knot. They were already frustrated, tying them any way and untying them when they realized it didn't lead anywhere.

Ajax let out a chuckle, their desperation to put on simple boots was utterly comical, "Let me help you."

"I can do it myself!" [Name] stared at the tangled shoelace with a certain determination, trying to undo what they had tied.

"You said that last week, yet you couldn't do it and we lost the training—"

[Name]'s face heated up in embarrassment. What he said was true, the two of them had missed it, all because they didn't know how to put on the boots offered with the new uniform, and had to clean the weapons as punishment — not that Ajax cared, it seemed he had only focused on admiring the swords and guns rather than cleaning them.

"Shh! That's in the past!" they tried to shut him up.

Ajax shook his head slightly. He knelt down and stared at the blind knot they had tied, taking his hands to the shoelaces to straighten out the mess. "I'll teach you, check it out."

He carefully tied their shoes, making a firm loop. It was just like at home, when he helped his younger siblings put on their boots to play outside. When recalling this, an unconscious smile appeared on Ajax's lips, followed by a giggle.

"Are you laughing at me?" [name] asked, offended.

"No—" Ajax looked up, and then laughed, seeing the funny look they were making. "Yes, I am now!"

[Name] grabbed him by the cheek, hurrying him out of the tent with them. "Stop laughing, they'll wake up and it'll be our doom!"

"All right, all right!" Ajax exclaimed, removing their hand from his sore cheek. "You talk just like my mother when she scolds me..."

[Name] looked at him, smiling before teasing him. "No way, I mean, I pity your mother for having to put up with a son like you."

Ajax's frowned, he really did look offended by what they had said. "I have no idea what you're talking about, I've always been a very well—behaved child!"

"Oh, sure... if you say so, who am I to doubt it?" they agreed sarcastically. There wasn't a shred of confidence in his word.

There were endless minutes of walking and exchanging small insults. Under the moonlight, the two made their way calmly, getting further and further away from the camp. If they were lucky, no one would find out that they had run away.

They would be fishing in a frozen lake, a large mirror that reflected the light of an aurora. It was a breathtaking sight, as if they could touch the sky, and they took a cautious first step onto the it.

"Damn!" They slipped, having only the instinct to hold on to something.

"Whoa! Watch it there, comrade!" Ajax helped them regain their balance, holding them up by the arms. He took slow steps backwards so that [Name] wouldn't slip again.

[Name] smiled a little awkwardly, embarrassed. "Thanks but... This ice won't break with us on it, right?"

Ajax shook his head and firmly tapped his foot on the frozen surface, which remained intact. "It's pretty sturdy, see?"

"I see." [Name] turned their attention upwards and admired the greenish glow again. " Snezhnaya's night sky is a fascinating sight, isn't it? Even though I've seen it several times, I'm always amazed by its beauty..."

Ajax had already seen the real starry sky, the true and uncovered light of the celestial bodies. To refer to this gloomy canvas as a "fascinating sight" is an absurd statement, for it is only an empty imitation of what lies beneath the veil of the Abyss.

"You're really satisfied with anything, huh?" Ajax scoffed, with a hint of a smile on his face, "It's just floating lights, it gets boring after a while."

"Is there anything that doesn't get boring for you?" [Name] watched as Ajax started to cut the ice in a circular pattern, which appeared to be a not too difficult job for him. "Are you sure this works? I mean, it's just ice... I don't know if there's anything alive down there."

Ajax sat, eyes fixed on the hole in front of them. He hugged his knees and remained there, staring at the immensity and waiting for what would happen next. "Don't worry, we'll catch one in... a few minutes, I think."

"In about how many minutes, exactly?"

Ajax looked up thoughtfully. "A few."

"I swear to the archons, if you made us come here for nothing..." [Name] grumbled, watching the boy next to them. The way he insisted on his ideas impressed them, at the same time as it irritates; but seeing that serene face made them let out a little laugh, "Never mind, I'm the idiot one for following you."

[Name] sat down next to him, resting their face in one hand as Ajax and them waited patiently. Those moments of serenity were the complete opposite from the battles that took place everyday.

They had already seen several "comrades" fall, their lives taken while protecting the Fatui's interests. Interests that were unknown and hidden from the vast majority, concealed by individuals whose faces were unknown to many.

The Harbingers themselves were a kind of urban legends who, while everyone knew of their existence, were enigmatic and symbolic figures within the organization.

"What exactly are we fighting for?" [name] asked. There wasn't exactly a reason, because no one ever said the real purpose of the blood shed on the snowy battlefield.

Everyone's admiration and fear of the Harbingers was obvious. But just as they were feared, the kind of people whose presence is everywhere, there were more questions than answers as to their real motivation.

The closest they had seen was the Fifth, Pulcinella. [Name] didn't understand why they had been placed in his division, being a complete fool who couldn't hold a weapon without getting nervous. Even more so when, in the same division, there was Ajax.

A confused expression appeared on Ajax's face when he heard the question. Wasn't the answer obvious? At least, it was logical. "For Her Royal Highness, the Tsaritsa—"

"No, I know that. I'm talking about why we need to fight, the purpose of it all... We have a mission in a few days, and we don't even know what they want from us."

"I fight because I'm strong, isn't that enough?" Ajax seemed genuine in his response, with no hidden ambitions behind the battles he fought against his opponents. At the end of the day, it seemed to be all about the will to get stronger and better.

"No, it's not." [Name]'s gaze was serious, demanding an answer that would satisfy their curiosity. For them, Ajax was an extremely difficult puzzle to solve — a young boy who possessed the strength of a monster. But at the same time, had a heart as pure as gold. "Your name... was inspired by a hero, right? Do you want to be like them, the hero of the story?"

Ajax nodded, giving them a smirk. He remembered the old days, when he wasn't the least bit brave or powerful, just a fearful boy with a sword and a dream. "I think I'd rather be myself. It's much more fun when you do things your own way, don't you agree?"

"Well... it is, it really is." [Name]'s firm gaze softened. "Ajax, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

The boy froze in place. His mouth opened to speak, but the words he wanted to say didn't come out. He had no answer, even if he thought about it — Ajax simply didn't know.

"When I grow up..." he repeated to himself, looking for an answer, any answer. "I honestly don't know... I think I'll end up having to stay in Fatui."

"Idiot..." [name] grumbled, "I'm not saying you can't do what you want, but let's be honest with ourselves for a moment. Who would willingly stay in this hellhole?"

"Me," Ajax answered immediately, without a hint of hesitation in his speech, "If I go back home, I'll only make more trouble. Just the fact that I'm here makes life easier for everyone, and I can improve my skills."

"Of course you'd say that." They shook their heads, completely disapproving of his choice. They got up from where they sat, offering him a glance. "I envy you, you know that?"

"Hm? You..." Ajax looked up and pointed at them, then at himself. "...envy someone like me?"

"How can I not? You're strong, hopeful, stubborn and very proud," [name] listed, raising a finger for each adjective they found to describe him. "How can I not envy someone like you? You're like..."

"Everything I've always dreamed of being like."

They both uttered the same sentence at the same time, their voices becoming a unison sound that gave way to an awkward silence between them. Their eyes seemed to pierce each other, staring into the depths of the souls in search of some understanding.

"Trust me, I know what it's like," Ajax sighed, "to want to be braver, but at the same time to be too afraid of doing so."

Ajax turned his gaze back to the freezing water. Its darkness brought back vague memories of the abyss. The simple act of fishing was enough to push Ajax's mind back to the past, when he listened to his father's stories — maybe, just maybe, he really wanted to be as great as the heroes in them.

Ajax had once been a poor, fearful boy, terrified of the world outside, but with a spirit hungry for adventure. He had only a shortsword and a bag of bread — anyone could say that it was at that moment, before his fall into the confines of Teyvat, that Ajax began his transformation into what he's now.

"It's not a story I tell anyone, but I used to be a real coward," he admitted, letting out a sigh. "If one day you get stronger... like I did, would you duel with me?"

"Of course..." they smiled, making an x with their arms. "Not!"

Ajax's expression fell, replaced by that of an abandoned puppy. "But why?"

[Name] laughed at his face, crossing their arms. "Don't you remember when we first met?"

For them, the events that led to their current situation were clear as day. From before their enlistment, to the first day in the division.

They were born into a humble family, without any kind of comfort or privilege. [Name] grew up hearing all the stories about the archons and their extraordinary feats, about how lucky those who gained visions were. However, they never understood why their family admired such deities when all they received was misery.

Their parents, in a desperate act, borrowed a large amount of money, which they couldn't pay back. Disaster would be the appropriate word to describe what happened when the deadline for repaying these debts passed. As they were unable to pay, the two were killed by the debt collectors.

But [Name] always had somewhat of a way with their words, and that was the weapon they used to survive in a world like this. Somehow, they managed to negotiate their lives, in exchange for serving in the Fatui army instead of paying off an endless quantity of mora.

And shortly afterwards, [Name] were taken to the Cryo nation, landing in the middle of a terrible blizzard. If it hadn't been for the pyro vision they carried in their hands, [Name] wouldn't be alive to tell the tale, having become an ice statue.

And it was in an old and spacious office where [Name] took their first step towards their new reality. Quite nervously, their hands firmly held a document with all the information about their new career, leaving crumpled marks on its edges. [Name] had never thought they'd be offered to properly work, especially when the job was with none other than Fatui.

They were facing a short, stoic Fatui agent with a big nose and glasses. He seemed like a friendly fellow, but [Name] knew better than to trust someone who worked for those who had killed their family.

"What's your name, child?" asked the man in front of them, as he typed on a typewriter.

They had never seen anything like this, a machine that wrote for people? Unthinkable, it seemed magical, even. [Name] was so glued to it that, for a second, they forgot to answer.

"It's... [Name], that's all. I don't have a last name..."

The agent stopped his notes, giving [Name] a skeptical look. It was enough to make them nervous, unconsciously taking a small step backwards, lowering their head.

"Answer me..." The man went back to typing. "You're not from around here, are you?"

"No, sir. I'm from far away..." they sighed, murmuring, "very, very far...."

"Are you sure you'd like to join Fatui? You're still too young, don't you think it's a big responsibility?"

The agent gave them a gentle smile, different from the look he had given them before. It was as if he was truly giving [Name] a choice — but the truth was, if they didn't accept it, they would probably end up in the same shallow grave as their parents.

"Forgive me, sir, but it's not a question of wanting, it's a question of needing," they replied calmly, "someone has to pay these debts, right? Mora doesn't grow on trees."

[Name] wondered if they had said something wrong, since their tone hadn't exactly been friendly, mentally scolding themselves. But to their surprise, instead of getting scolded, [Name] heard a faint but present chuckle coming from the other person.

"You should thank Her Majesty the Tsaritsa for your kindness," he said, handing them the piece of paper he had been typing on, "how many people do you think have had an opportunity like this, to have their debts absolved and a job guaranteed?"

"Absolved?"

"Exactly, absolved. All we need from you, child, is your loyalty. I can see the potential, but it all depends solely on you." He pointed at their vision, hanging from their waist with a faint shine. "Surely, you're lucky enough to possess one of these."

For anyone else, receiving a vision is a blessing. However, being in possession of one is like having an eternal debt to the world. To be chosen is to be special, and to be special enough to receive a vision is to be distinct from the rest.

Sometimes it became a curse. One can no longer live like a normal person, because there will always be something that sets them apart from the rest. All those who are given one struggle in some way — Has there ever been a vision holder who truly lived an entire life peacefully, without any conflict whatsoever? At least in Snezhnaya, it seemed not.

"I... I accept..." Their eyes filled with hope, looking at their own name perfectly typed on the document. There was the real identity of the gentleman in front of them, revealed in a fancy signature, the Fifth of the Fatui Harbingers, Pulcinella.

[Name] signed their names in the blank space, sealing their fate within the organization. From that moment on, they would be part of the Fatui, just one more in the crowd — But if that was what it took to ensure their survival, [Name] would do it without hesitation.

The real issue, however, was on the first day of duty, and it had a name: Ajax.

[Name] had just put on their uniform, which was a little big for their size. But then again, there were none designed for a fifteen-year-old to wear, so they'd have to be content with what they had on hand.

At least the jacket they were given was comfortable, warm enough to block out some of the bitter cold that surrounded them each second. [Name] even looked like a proper person in it, which made them let out a little laugh.

However, it wasn't until they were standing in line in a meaningful formation that [Name] noticed a boy of a similar age to them. Red curls that stood out against the white backdrop, with a red scarf that was too long for his neck — perhaps they weren't completely alone in that place.

[Name] waited patiently until the time came for them to start training, watching him with eagle eyes, following Ajax wherever he went. When they finally mustered up the courage, they approached him and extended a hand towards him.

"Hello, I'm [Name],"

"Hey!" The boy grinned and shook their hands firmly. "I'm Ajax!"

"Well... looks like we're the same age, huh? How about we train together?" they suggested, thinking it was the best option.

"Sure!" Ajax nodded, putting the sword he was holding aside. "That would be, like... an invitation to battle, right?"

Technically, it was, so they just followed the his reasoning and confirmed it. "Mhm!"

"Then get ready!" he announced, preparing to throw a full punch.

[Name] didn't react immediately, surprised at the speed of the boy who had already set up his punch. "W-WAIT—"

Thud.

Complete darkness was how the first and last friendly match between the two ended, with Ajax knocking them out with a single punch. That's how [Name] would learn that fighting Ajax was a trap. However, [Name] wouldn't lie that at least it had been the best sleep they'd had in months — and the worst black eye they'd ever gotten, too.

"Teyvat to [Name]?" They awoke from their thoughts to see Ajax's hand moving in front of their face. He then tapped them on the forehead. "Is anyone there?"

"Oh, sorry, I got distracted. I was just remembering the punch you gave me." They laughed. "Speaking of which, you also punched that guy the other day too... what's with punching people, redhead?"

"I've already apologized!" His face heated up with embarrassment. "And punching is way more practical. You'd be shocked if you knew how strong a punch from me can really be, when I throw one for real!"

"Hm, sure, no doubt about it—"

"I got one!" Ajax exclaimed, trying to pull the line back on the rod with great difficulty. "A little help would be nice, you know!"

[Name] hurried, wrapping their arms around him and pulling back to bring the fish to the surface. But the animal wouldn't cooperate, even with the effort they made take it out of the water.

Ajax took a step back. "That was fast!"

"Fast? We've been waiting for almost an hour—" They slipped on the ice, pulling him and the fish along with them. In the end, Ajax and [Name] both fell flat, like two idiots.

[Name] looked at him, who was holding the fish in his hands while the animal struggled in them. It was a funny sight, which was enough to get a genuine laugh out of them.

"Haha..." they laughed weakly, then raised their tone, "Hahaha!"

Ajax, hearing the sound of their giggles, bursted into laughter. He laughed so hard that small tears formed in his eyes, "Hahaha... What are we laughing at?"

[Name] pointed at him, "At you, you fool!"

"Oh, really?!" Ajax stood up, bringing the fish in his hands near them. "Let's see who gets the last laugh!"

[Name] got up and ran across the ice, running away from him. They slipped and balanced, with an infectious smile on their faces accompanied by the sweet sound of their laughter, while Ajax chased after them with the animal.

It was moments like this that reminded them that they weren't adults, but two true children at heart.

At least once a week, Ajax and [Name] were sent on missions. They weren't often in charge of the more complicated ones, as they were still too young. However, for the first time, the two of them were allowed to take part in a more risky operation.

The two were supposed to stay with the older ones, but [Name] found themselves alone, having gotten separated from the rest by accident. In the middle of such a large forest, they could only hope that a blizzard wouldn't strike right away.

[Name] analyzed their surroundings, trying to retrace the steps that led them to nowhere and return to where the division had planned to reunite. However, they seemed to go round in circles, never reaching their destination.

That's when they noticed a coat lying in the snow. It was brown, very different from the Fatui soldiers' uniform, with a shabby finishing and a gross smell of blood.

Pow.

That's what they heard, a loud, familiar sound that sent shivers down their spines. Looking up, they saw a bullet hole in the tree, well above their heads — by perhaps two centimeters, they would no longer be alive.

"...!" [Name] instinctively looked for the source of the sound, quickly finding it.

Their desperate eyes met another's, which held no pity. Yet another soldier, wounded, carrying a gun and a tremendous amount of hatred — not everyone liked the Fatui, and not everyone had sympathy just because they were a child.

Frightened, [Name] ran desperately, followed by fierce gunfire that almost hit them. [Name] hid behind a tree and drew out their bow, but couldn't hold it properly no matter how much they tried, since it always slipped from their hands.

The enemy was indeed wounded, but armed and apparently experienced. The look in his face had been enough to send shivers down their spine, because when compared to them, who couldn't even use their vision properly, it was like facing a real monster.

"It'll be all right..." they whispered to themselves. "I just need to—"

[Name] heard more gunshots, too close to where they were. Something told them to run, but also to stay, accept the invitation and have a proper fight. If it was to survive, then [Name] would fight, they needed to.

[Name] couldn't hide forever, it wouldn't be right.

"Come on, you bastard!" [name] shouted, their voice echoing through the woods, as they aimed their bows in the direction of the enemy.

They used their vision and set the arrow ablaze, burning their own fingertips in the process. They didn't know how to control the force with which the arrow burned, but they knew it would hurt anyone who was struck.

[Name] clumsily launched the first arrow, dodging a shower of bullets headed their way. They hoped it was enough, that they had been able to send it flying at his face. But instead, the projectile pierced through his shoulder.

"Damn!" the soldier shouted, trying to reload his weapon while wincing in pain, but his ammunition had run out.

He came up and pistol—whipped them, causing [Name] to cry out in pain for a few seconds. The impact was so intense that they dropped their weapon and fell into the snow.

[Name] then felt the real despair of being weak. They could hear their hearts pounding in their ears and their eyes watering from the pain of the blows they received to the head, while blood trickled down their faces.

They grabbed his foot, applying pyro to their hands to make his boot burn along with it. When he fell, it was then that they saw their chance to stay alive handed to them on a platter.

They reached for the bow that lay on the ground next to them, firmly holding it anyway. Nothing mattered, only survival and that was all — they only needed to survive, to live long enough to prove that they were capable.

It didn't take much for one person to kill another, just despair. That feeling of helplessness and genuine dread, which would move mountains if necessary, was all it took to pull the trigger.

They violently hit the enemy in the face with their own bow, as if it were a bat. It was only when the return attacks stopped that they realized what they had done. The body below had an expression of terror, eyes wide as blood dripped onto the white snow, staining its purity with a crimson shade.

"I—I didn't... I did this...?" They stared at their bloodied hands, feeling their heart beating wildly against their chest. That's when, suddenly, an incessant urge to cough overtook them, but only blood came from their mouth.

[Name] looked down and realized that they had been shot in the chest. The bullet had gone through what seemed to be their lung, they didn't know, the adrenaline was hiding the pain for as long as it took. However, the spot hit was clearly a lethal wound.

They took two clumsy steps backwards, shaking their heads in denial. [Name] was too afraid to do anything like that, taking a life itself was too cruel an act for them, but it was done.

However, they didn't want to die as murderers, not really. So, with determination, [Name] decided they wouldn't die there.

They turned around and ran that time like there was no tomorrow, using every drop of adrenaline they still had in their bodies. [Name] couldn't see the sun shining, only the same gray clouds that covered the sky, which seemed to mock the fact that there was no light at the end.

Their only way out was to get to the camp, where there should be healers waiting for the wounded. However, it was difficult for [Name] to distinguish the landscape around them, especially in such a nervous state.

[Name] tripped over their own foot, losing their balance and rolling painfully down the mountain. They watched life pass before their eyes, each moment painful with the intention of just surviving, not living. Then they closed their eyes tightly, already bracing themselves for a more abrupt impact and accepting certain death.

They hit a tree, before rolling one last time to the bottom of the hill. Fortunately, or not, it was low enough for them not to die on impact — they did wish it had been stronger, ending it all quickly.

[Name] felt like a bird, floating in the sky with their eyes closed. They thought they had died because of the serenity felt for a few seconds, only to be crushed by the cruel reality. Their fall had been gently cushioned by the snow, but even with all this effort, they couldn't see the camp — which meant it had all been in vain.

Finally, the pain returned to their body as if it had never left. Breathing was difficult, with each breath being painful in the extreme, as if their organs were punishing them for still being alive.

"N—No," they sobbed through words, hot tears contrasting with the coldness that cruelly coursed through their veins. "I—I hate it... I wanted to die in peace, not like this... Not like this..."

Their trembling hands squeezed the wound in a desperate attempt to stop the bleeding. [Name] didn't know how much time they had left, they didn't want to know either, all left to do was pray to Tsaritsa and beg for a little mercy, for a quick death if possible.

[Name] still hadn't paid their debt to Her Majesty, for the life they had been offered. For the bread to eat every day, for the tent they had over their heads, for letting them breathe, for letting them remain in existence, they had to do their utmost to repay all the favors with whatever they could.

For the gratuitously heavy insults that they had to swallow in silence because they were weak; for the mountains and snowstorms that brought them down along the way; for the disgraceful defective vision of theirs — or rather, they were the defective ones.

"P—Please..." [Name] begged the nothing, while holding their vision close to their chest, "if miracles really do exist…”

How many things had [Name] thrown away, when what they wanted most was to prove to everyone that, even if they were weak, they didn't need to prove anything to anyone? [Name] didn't know, only the bitterness of a wasted time remained in their hearts.

They let their tears fall over the flaming orb, whose glow no longer seemed the same. With one last kiss to the gem, a silent thank you, they began to weep for a life they were about to lose.

There would be no one to mourn their death, to lament the defeat of someone who had never once won. They probably wouldn't even have a funeral, but would just be buried somewhere like an animal. How terrible would it be to be completely forgotten, with no soul to remember their existence?

And Ajax, their only friend... finally acknowledged this fact. Would the boy be desolate? Grieve? Or would he carry on as he always seemed to do?

They regretted not having told him things in life that only they could say. They could only hope for the best, that he wouldn't take the news that badly — but at the same time, there was a small, selfish desire for him to feel their death. Not because [Name] wanted him to suffer, but because that way they would know that they mattered to someone.

[Name] recalled the memories they had made with him, like when they first met, when they went ice fishing a few days ago. The image of how they ran and laughed with him that night, as if they weren't the next ones to die, was fresh.

At last, their body felt light, receiving a moment of tranquillity reserved for the end of endings, when [Name] felt nothing but the slow rhythm of their heartbeats, fighting for a lost cause, as if they didn't have two holes in their chests.

"I was truly... useless until the end, wasn't I...?" [Name] murmured what they knew would be their last words, a vent to themselves and to the world. With the last beat of their hearts and the cessation of their breathing, snowflakes touched the now freezing skin. "I hope I have served you well... Your Majesty..."

They died in silence, without disturbing anyone.

Meanwhile, with the mission over, Ajax found himself extremely bored. Contemplating the pure white snow stained with blood as he returned to camp had already become a habit of his.

He could not care less that his face had a few small scratches on it. Though, he had to admit, that any kind of mission made him tired. But before he could rest, he found a place to rest. So Ajax began to look for them throughout the camp, without any success in his search.

'They must be receiving medical care...' He thought, as he made his way towards the tent where the doctors were staying.

It was a small space that was often crowded with the number of people wounded during missions. Finding any specific person was difficult, even more so when he was being pestered to be treated right away because he was younger.

"Are you sure you don't want to go first?" one of the doctors asked, placing a hand on his bruised face.

"No, I'm fine!" Ajax smiled. "I'm just looking for..."

For some reason, his eyes fixed on a particular corner of the tent. Away from the rest, it was where they put the bodies of those who had perished in combat; but Ajax had never taken much notice of it, so why now?

He approached slowly, in silence. Ajax felt an uncharacteristic nervousness come over him, running through his veins. The chills he felt seemed to swallow him up from the inside out, it had been a long time since Ajax had felt like this, as if something was screaming "don't go there, stay here" and attempting to keep him from discovering the truth, as he approached a particular cloth.

He stopped in front of the covered figure, noticing something sticking out of the cloth. An object, a... vision. But the only ones in the entire division who possessed one were him and... [Name].

Terror was too little to describe what overtook Ajax, who hesitated to lift the cloth covering the individual's face. He wished he wouldn't hear his head and believe that they weren't the dead man in front of him.

With trembling hands, which he tried to stop, Ajax lifted the fabric slightly. And that's when the ground really seemed to crumble beneath him — they were dead, [Name] was truly dead.

Their skin was so pale and cold that it scared him a bit. But what particularly caught Ajax's eye was the sheer amount of blood they had lost, as their face and hair were completely stained a deep crimson red; and no one had bothered to close their eyes, devoid of life and its particular glow. Now, they were just a pit of darkness that matched his own.

"..." Ajax just stared, unable to say anything. Everything was trapped inside, without him being able to express it.

Ajax tried to tell himself that he didn't care, that they weren't really friends, just work colleagues. But the sadness in his heart betrayed the stoicism he tried so hard to maintain.

Ajax closed their eyes gently and kissed [Name]'s forehead gently before covering their face with the cloth again. It was an action that any mother would take on seeing her child dead, but they didn't have one to weep over their death — and if there wasn't one, then Ajax would play his part in showing respect for them.

Ajax may even have changed when he fell into the abyss, becoming a maniac for fighting and confusion. But at the end of the day, he was human just like everyone else.

Two days later, the tent they shared was cold, without the heat of the lamp to warm Ajax up, as it had already gone out with the icy wind coming through the gap in the entrance.

It was [Name] who kept them warm in the middle of the night, using their vision to keep the fire burning. And that was just a bitter reminder that they were no longer there.

The others had taken away everything that was theirs, accommodating what would be the belongings of a new tentmate, who would be arriving in a few days. It was as if they had ceased to exist altogether.

Ajax wouldn't mind being hit in the face with a pillow if they were the ones to hit him, with that smile, with that irritating tone of voice of theirs that Ajax recognized from afar. He wouldn't mind being called "redhead" again, if it was them calling him that.

"Ajax?" The voice that called him from outside was familiar to Ajax. It was the Fifth.

Ajax promptly got to his feet, walking outside the tent and greeting him politely, a treatment he reserved only for The Rooster. "I'm here, sir."

"I heard that one of your companions fell in battle... a shame," the Harbinger said, as he searched for something in his pocket. "Well, here it is..."

The man handed him a gray envelope, a letter. In the corner was written in almost illegible handwriting the names of the sender and recipient, respectively: [Name] and Ajax.

"Thank you, sir," he nodded, holding the envelope tightly in his hands.

"You were both very similar ages, you and..." the Rooster paused, having forgotten their name.

"[Name]." It was the first time Ajax had said their names, having called them "comrade" all the time since they'd met. Honestly, it hurt a little, how difficult it was to utter a simple phoneme.

A few minutes later, Ajax said goodbye to the Harbinger and entered the darkness of the tent again. He left out a deep breath, preparing himself for whatever was written inside that envelope.

Ajax could no longer remember what The Rooster had talked about, only that the exchange of words had been short, like all the others before. He didn't even have the mind to think about it now, he could apologize later if he forgot some important information.

But right now, the only thing that mattered to Ajax was [Name]'s letter. He opened the envelope, trying to be careful not to tear it, but in the end he did. Ajax strained his eyes to read what was written there, in a handwriting as bad as theirs.

Dear Ajax,

Should I start a letter with "dear"? I don't know, honestly, I have never written one. Well, if this letter found you, then that means I must be dead by now. I'm sure you're glad I did, as you'll now have the whole tent to yourself.

I've written this because I know that, in life, I might not be able to say what I think. I believe we're already friends, don't you too? That's how I feel about you, I think you're my only friend, and I've been very happy about that. Thank you, thank you very much, for the joyful and humorous moments you've provided me with in this little end of the world that is Snezhnaya.

I asked you the other day if you felt homesick; you may deny it, but I can understand how you feel, away from everyone you love in a place like this. Know that whatever may happen, I believe that the same people you miss feel the same way you do.

Don't listen to that little voice in your head that whispers "you're nothing but trouble", it's stupid. When I look at you, I don't see a troubled boy, but a boy with the heart of another. That day we were late for training, you could just as well have walked away and let me be punished for being late, but you didn't. We cleaned all the weapons by ourselves. We polished all the weapons alone, for hours, and you never complained. Why was that?

I don't know, but I'd like it to stay that way, so keep going! I'll be cheering you on from wherever I am, because you're the best warrior I've ever had the honor of meeting.

I end this letter with my admiration and gratitude to you; and never forget: we have our own time!

With much care,

[Name].

A single tear fell onto the paper, right below their name, accompanied by others that would soon form a hot waterfall in his eyes. Ajax didn't know how to respond to this, covering his face with the paper, as if he was embarrassed to end up being seen like this

Perhaps it was for the better, a reminder that life really wasn't fair, and that Ajax had strayed from the path he was on. He didn't want to care so much, but at the same time he did.

Ajax wanted someone to comfort him, to tell and reassure him that it was all right, that this sort of thing did happen, but at the same time, it didn't. It was hard, very hard, to face it. It was difficult, very difficult, to face the loneliness that he tried so hard to hide behind brute strength.

Anyone who saw him like that would doubt that he was the same person who ravaged the battlefield with his bloodlust, the boy who seemed like an uncontrollable monster with an indomitable spirit, causing trouble wherever he went.

But for one last time, in the darkness of that tent, he allowed himself to be... Vulnerable.

[drsp00n]

Enough time has passed and everyone's wrote their thought pieces about it so I'm gonna chip in with a little bit of my own.

NMH3 is kind of ass in spite of its limitations, not because of them. The priorities are all over the place.

The gameplay loop becomes incredibly repetitive very quickly. I've seen people try to play word games about the semantics of a hallway of enemies across multiple screens being the exact same as a gauntlet in one room, but at least the fucking environment changes instead of being the exact maybe 8 rooms over the course of 100 possible battles.

There's little in the realm of unlocks. You can play the game start to finish without even touching the chip crafting system or the stats tree. No new moves, death glove chips or weapons. All you really need is to raise your attack to deal with the same enemies with just a larger health pool later in the game. Your kit doesn't change from start to finish.

The open world does fucking nothing for me. You could have made one map with less to explore but more to interact with, instead of five barren and flat maps with nothing to do. I know why this is, but I'll get to that in a bit.

The narrative is significantly weaker than TSA which is a huge shame. I'm imagining that they didn't want the characters to be so wordy in fully voice acted cutscenes like they were in TSA, but I would have loved to see more of the IBM style cutscenes if it meant getting to know more about the characters. Everyone just feels so underwritten so you have to fill in the blanks with your own preconceived notions and the stereotypes they're supposed to convey, something people give NMH2 shit for doing with its characters.

Fu and Damon are NOT compelling characters, one's a brat and the other one is a boring evil CEO archetype. They have zero depth, and for the time that they do give them on screen, all they do is bitch about Travis or everyone around them. Travis doesn't seem even interested in either of them beyond killing them for being annoying. Badman was just fridged to establish Fu as a threat, as if fucking killing every single civilian wasn't enough.

The stuff with Henry could have been interesting if the story had given it any kind of significance or time to breathe. I'm with Travis on that one, I really don't fucking care anymore. There's a giant space alien ship up there dude, that seems a little more important right now than our sad crybaby backstory that will go nowhere because NMH4 is never getting made.

And lastly, I think this game is the most suffocated by all the pop culture references. The premise of the game is a reference, the intro of the game is a reference, many of the bosses, side missions and characters are references, the final boss is a reference. All of this is cool in small bits, but it makes me feel like NMH3 has no real identity of it's own. Which leads me to this conclusion:

Suda should really have doubled down and made something weird and different again. Instead we got a game that is flanderizing No More Heroes itself. People like the open world of 1, boom, open world. People hated the combat of TSA, here's 100 fights. Look, it's the mowing grass minigame. Look, it's Destroyman. Look, it's Henry. Look it's a Marvel reference. Look, it's a Miike reference.

It just feels like the weakest of all the games to me. It tries to do a lot, and what it does is not very good. I don't hate it, I've beaten it a couple of times. I just feel like it wasted a lot of it's potential appealing to the loud majority instead of just being a smaller but better experience, but that's just me.

[bryce-bucher]

.50 Caliber 3D Platformer Post #7

Environment AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAART:

Finally, I've gotten around to making the environment art for the one level that I've got rn. I've been playing the system shock remake, and I really love how that game creates the illusion of grungy detail that reveals itself to be very low-resolution textures up-close. I knew I wanted the game to look like of grungy for a while now, but I didn't know exactly how I would go about achieving it. I toyed with the idea of layering photocopy textures over everything, but I eventually settled on using low resolution textures that are dithered with web colors. I'm quite happy with how it ended up looking. I think it has a source engineish vibe that reveals itself to be more colorful and strange up-close.

The Textures:

The process for making these is a lot simpler and less time consuming that how I usually make textures. This is mostly because I'm relying a lot more on the baked lighting to make things look good in this particular game, so the textures can get away with being less detailed. I'm mostly just grabbing stuff off of websites like textures.com and adjusting the contrast / coloration before shrinking them down and lowering the color depth. Here are some examples of how they look wowee wow:

Lightinggg:

For this game I'm using baked lighting as opposed to vertex based or realtime. I really like how it looks, and it ends up saving me a lot of time. If you don't know how baked lighting works, basically I place lights around a scene in unity, and then I use anything but unity's built in lightbaker that is bad and sucks (I use bakery) to essentially turn the lighting into a texture map that is placed on the mesh. It turns lights into textures basically. It is a lot more performant than real-time lighting, and it usually looks a lot better as well. With this game's particular art style, everything really ends up coming together with the lighting, and it would look pretty trash without it.

Cameo Skinz:

I've always really liked putting cameos in my stuff from artists that I'm friends with and/or take a lot of inspiration from. In this game, I plan to include a lot of unlockable skins for the player character that are characters from games / animations / whatever that I like. So far I've made a couple to breakup my time working on environment art. Check um out:

This one is Peter Shorts from an upcoming game called You Are Peter Shorts. I loved this dude at first sight and it was the first skin I ended up making. He was really fun to make because he has no body or hands, so I ended up making his head/torso one big thing that is attached to the head bone. You are Peter Shorts is made by the talented ondydev who I don't think I've actually asked permission to include this skin yet. If it doesn't end up in the final game pretend I didn't post about it lol. You should check out their previous game Tres-Bashers if you haven't.

This one is Appy from Brawlers World! Brawlers World is one of those creative projects that is so great that it gives me envy. I'm honestly so excited to be able to have this little dude in my game, and I think he ended up fitting into the art style super well. Those are the only two skins I've made so far. I have a lot more planned including Nova from Anodyne 2, Frog from Jamphibian, Knight of Trye from Knight's Try, Orbo from Peeb Adventures & Orbo's Odyssey, and some characters from my own stuff. They aren't a high priority right now because I have to actually make the game first, but I'll probably make a few here and there to curb burnout, and I'll show them off whenever I do. I am v passionate about the cool shit my peers are making, and I hope other people are too.

Conclusion:

idk it's like 8 am and I haven't slept. I've just been workin a lot while listening to the magnus archives. I guess I can turn this conclusion into me talking about the magnus archives. I'm on episode 197 while writing this so im almost done. It is p cool and I like how much it changes tonally overtime. It really feels like a big long journey, and I like media that can do that kinda thing. It is now a series that I will forever associate with the development of this game considering I listened to it all while working on it. It's kinda funny how that happens. Sometimes I'll be in a location in one of my games and it'll make me think about some video essay or w/e that I was watching while making it. Anyway, have a good day every1 pls tyty

[heartilywrites]

hello!! can I request a kuvira x fem!r where reader worked for kuvira but was apart of team avatar like bolin and a prompt "I know that this is not what you want to hear..." thank you!!

،، 𝓐lways Forever ; Kuvira

resume: where you were Kuvira's right hand but... are you really?

content warning: Kuvira x metalbender and fem!reader ; s4 set ; baatar jr jumpscare (i don't like him, sorry-) ; no use of y/n

wc: 3.2k

a/n: HI HELLO 👋🏼 i feel that I'm missing stuff in here, but at the same time i think it's good how it is??? HOPE YOU ENJOY :D

“ Don't make me cry, though I still got love for you and haven't got over you yet.

Hands covered with white gloves moved around the map to corroborate your binnacle.

Northwest, near Zigan Village... wait, didn't the military already helped that village...? No, you would've registered it when—

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “HEY, MISS GEOGRAPHY!” Bolin screamed walking to you, giving you a tiny heart attack. “Watcha doin'?”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Fucking spirits, Bolin...” you said out of breath, turning fully his way. “Do you need something?”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ "The boss wants us all reunited, we are close to the town." your friend let his arm rest on your shoulders. "Should we go reunite with Mako and Asami while we are there?"

A sound of consideration vibrated in your throat while your face made an expression of thinking. “I don't think they can, Bo, Mako is occupied being a detective and Asami has a whole company to run, remember?”

You felt how your friend got discouraged after that, a small sigh left his lips.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Maybe you're right..” he said in a small voice.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “But maybe we can reunite with them after the coronation. Who knows? Korra could be back in the city by now too.” you tried to encourage the lavabender back, poking his side. He smiled.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Oh! I wish! She hasn't answer any of my letters to her, you know? And I wrote to her with dedication.” Bolin ranted making you laugh.

After the avatar left Republic City to heal in the Southern Water Tribe, Bolin had found out Kuvira's plan to save the Earth Kingdom from chaos herself and he decided to walk in the team as he really wanted to have his and his father's nation back to peace. One week later, he came to you talking you into joining too, assuring it would be to have the nation united until the new king took possession of his place.

You did take a couple days to consider his proposal and ended up showing to the train with your stuff, being met with a big hug from your friend and a welcome speech from the leader.

The team was small when you joined, so you had the honor to see Kuvira recruit more people for the good cause... At least that was what she made everyone believe, even you.

You were able to take a good position in Kuvira's circle, you managed the villages reports for her and that made you be close to her. She remembered you from the team's visit to Zaofu where you would be kind to everyone, she taught you some new metalbending moves you didn't know and that was also part of the reason you joined: Kuvira herself.

Having to be almost every single hour of the day by her side gave you the opportunity to meet her in more depth than how it happened back in the metal clan's city and in a blink of an eye, there wasn't a way anyone could see one without the other. Everyone started to notice how important you began to be for the young leader. Unofficially, you were her right hand, but even with such a high rank there were stuff Kuvira kept from you.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Everyone has a room assigned, we'll take the presidential suite.” Kuvira informed, pointing at you and then back at her. “We'll meet outside before the event.”

Baatar looked at you with narrow eyes before walking behind his new roommate Bolin. The metalbender and you made your way to the suite and began to settle; since the presidential suite had two connecting rooms she took the principal one and you the small one.

After leaving your stuff, you walked to her room and sat on the bed while she was getting ready for the coronation.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Are you sure to go on with your plan?” you asked after a small talk took place about the room being pretty, her sharp eyes looked at you from the mirror.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Of course, this new little king they want on the throne is nothing but a buffoon.” she answered, her eyes went back to her reflection. “And the Kingdom needs someone strong and respected to keep it together.”

You sighed and nodded with a little 'I guess' coming out of your mouth. The black haired walked to you, sitting by your side she took one of your hands.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Trust me, this is for the best. The new Empire will be stronger and far better than the previous Earth Kingdom.” her eyes searched for yours and when they met, her gaze softened. “You trust me, don't you?”

A sweet smile began to creep in your face, your head nodded once more. “I do, I trust you blindly.” your free hand reached for her cheek to leave caresses on it.

The door opened without any warning and the engineer walked, freezing after seeing you two close. He cleared his throat making the two sets of eyes turn his way. “All set, we need to go.” and he left.

You looked back at Kuvira with a funny smile, she shook her head. “Let's go, new leader.” A quick kiss on her cheek was left before distancing from the girl and walking to the exit.

At the coronation, everything went like you thought it would: People opposing, people showing support and Wu looking defeated at the border of a tantrum.

Bolin looked at you confused and you shrugged a little bit, like saying he needed to talk to her directly about it and that's what he planned to do after the ceremony.

When you came back to the room after having lunch with some of the soldiers to make time, you saw Suyin leaving the same, she looked at you and shook her head almost with disappointment before continuing her way.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Hey, what happened? I saw Suyin leave.” you asked directly coming in, Kuvira was standing with her arms crossed.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “We are leaving to Zaofu.” she limited to say, going to her room for her stuff.

You knew what was going to happen, she have been thinking about getting Zaofu into the new Empire for quite some time now, it was almost all she spoke about while talking about not letting the king rule.

Near the city, Bolin was called and told to be of company to both her and Bataar in a negotiation reunion with the matriarch of the city and her family, you were requested to stay on camp to keep working and that's what you did.

While looking through some paperwork that you knew got mixed up with Bataar's in his tent, you found blueprints for weapons you've never seen before, notes on the weapons about them being deadly and how each one could help in different areas. Your brow frowned and then, the dots connected.

Trying to look calmed you took your papers and walked back out like nothing. Bolin was also walking out of Kuvira's tent with a pale face, when he spotted you his feet almost ran your direction and took you by the shoulders.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Kuvira is not what we think she is!” he screamed in a whisper, your eyebrows raised, he knew too.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “What? Why–” he pulled you to your tent so you could talk. “What are you talking about, Bolin?”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “She just threatened me,” your eyes widened. “She wants to take the city by force, that's what we have been doing all this time! Taking cities by force and apparently making them work like slaves too!”

You blinked to all of the information. “Holy fuck, so that's why...” your sentence stopped, now you understood why there were documents with censored information being delivered to you instead of the official ones.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Yeah, holy fuck that's why!” he backed up, pulling down his face. “We need to do something, there's no way we'll leave it like this.”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Let me... Let me talk to her, you need to go for Varrick, I know he can help us, he was captured because of the vines I heard.” you said, spaced out on your spot, you looked back at him. “Try to get out of here with him and talk to the team, I know they can help us, Korra will help us.”

The guy nodded before going out like a man on a mission, you stayed to clear your thoughts and try to come with a way to persuade her. After collecting a couple of documents that needed approval, you made your way to her tent, Baatar was there.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “You can leave.” she said to him, the man left with a grimace, you rolled your eyes at him. “Hey, I was about to look for you, want to eat dinner?”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Oh, sure.” you smiled, standing still with your folder, Kuvira raised an eyebrow.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Is... something wrong? Something happened with the reports?” she asked meticulously, almost like fearing any discoveries you had made.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ "No, sorry, I just... I feel tired." you walked to her and handed the folder. "I need your approvals here so I can send these."

The girl nodded and took the paperwork to start the process, you bit your bottom lip before breathing in deep.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ "Listen, I talked to Bolin..." her hand stopped and she froze. "Kuvira, I know you want to have the whole Kingdom united, but taking the city by force is not a good idea."

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ "Sometimes you need to do whatever it takes to make a greater good." her response left a bad mouth taste, she looked back up at you. "I know this is something you don't want to hear, but we need to make them join to our cause so we can move forward as a nation together. I'm doing this for us."

You stood in silence, that was definitely a different Kuvira talking and it scared you a little bit.

It took you that conversation to come up with a plan, you'd stay with her to try and stop everything from the inside and fortunately you weren't alone. Zhu Li had a similar idea with the canyon they were building and so you relied on her, both had meetings from time to time to discuss progress, but it was until the Beifongs were freed and she left with them for her safety that you were all alone. You trusted she would tell everything to the team.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ "Okay, you can look now." your own hands moved from your eyes, confused you looked up to see a giant robot and now both eyes were wide open. "Do you like it? It's to take Republic City back."

Your blood froze in your veins at the view you were having, it was not only the giant robot, it was the fact that you could see a canyon on its right arm. "I thought... I thought we were going to do a big canyon."

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ "That was the first plan, but Baatar came up with this new model and it would be easier to mobilize around the city." you nodded still hypnotized by the weapon.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ "I think this is going to be such a great idea." you said what she wanted to hear, Kuvira smiled satisfied. "What will I do?"

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ "You will be with me on the main control room." your mind was running miles trying to devise a plan to let the team know.

With the luck against you, you found yourself at the control room without being able to warn anyone about anything. Horrified at the sight of the canyon destroying everything in just seconds, you were grieving silently what had been your home for all those years alive.  When the president surrendered the city, you felt your soul fall to your feet, but her instructions to them gave you an idea.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ "I'll go!" you almost screamed at her, she turned your way confused. "With Baatar, Korra is my friend, she trusts me, I know she won't try anything with me there. You'll have the city, the army and the avatar." You nervousness made your hands twitch a little bit, you hid them in your back.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ "Okay," she said after a few seconds of silence, Kuvira walked up to you and cupped your face in her hands.‍ "Be careful, I'll wait for you so we can rule together." She left a kiss close to the corner of your lips.

A soft smile was your response while your eyes scanned her face one last time, trying to burn the image of her in your brain and after that, you left to meet the engineer.

The first half of the journey was quiet, both of you were walking towards his office, but with healthy distance between the two.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ "She likes you, you know?" he spoke out of the blue, catching your attention, you looked up from the floor and back at him for a second.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ "What...?"

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ "Kuvira, she likes you." he continued, you stopped a second in your steps, confused.‍ "We were trying something at the beginning of all of this, but after Bolin got you on the team she had been distant to me and this morning she said we needed to talk after this is over, I know she likes you, I've seen the way she looks at you."

You blinked in awe to what was said, that explained why he always looked at you with some type of resentment, you laughed a little bit to the thought of him hating you for ruinning his 'chance' with the leader.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ "The destiny is such a funny thing." you murmured, it was almost relieving to know that maybe you did had your chance with the metalbender, you wished the situation was different so you could maybe be with her dispite all, but now you had one mission: stop her.

Once at the door, you unlocked it and walked in, as soon as Baatar walked you heard him grumble. In an automatic way, you adopted a defensive position, however when the avatar looked at you, a smile as big appeared on your face.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ "Korra!" you exclaimed walking towards her to embrace a hug, she giggled.‍ "I'm so glad to see you here."

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ "I'm glad to see you too," she said smiling, a couple seconds later, she distanced herself.‍ "Zhu Li told us everything, we're taking Baatar, are you coming with us?"

Without a second thought you nodded and followed the girl out of the airship.

Once at Asami's factory you greeted everyone with joy, feeling like a weight was lifted up your shoulders and when you saw Bolin your eyes watered a little bit.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ "I thought you did die!" you said while hugging him with a little strength, he was giggling with pauses.‍ "I didn't have any way to communicate and then Zhu Li left and I was all alone."

The older woman patted your back with a comprehensive smile, while everything went down you stood at the back with your friend, waiting for a conclusion. When the engineer talked to her, your stomach felt fumbling and it didn't get better listening to her answer him. She asked for you and the man told her that you were with him, they had taken you too.

Seeing how the leader shoot at the factory without considering if any of you two would make it out alive somehow made you feel sad, but there wasn't time for any of that as everyone got to action trying to stop her. Lin had given metal string for you to move around and a quick tutorial on how to use it, it took you a couple of falls for you to have the transportation managed.

The fight was intense, there were times were you thought you would not make it alive in one piece. All your muscles were aching in pain at the overwork with your bending, sweat was dripping off your face, but when everyone got into the suit you took the time to rest a little bit with Asami by your side when you went to look for her after she was ejected from the hummingbird suit. Your arms were around her, giving her comfort in her now grieving time.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ "I hope they can defeat her." she said, resting her head in your shoulder. You looked to the robot's way and saw fire reflecting, a tiny smile appear.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ "I'm sure they will." you said back.‍ "I just wish things were different... I don't recognize Kuvira anymore."

Asami was attentive to you, she gave you a comprehensive gaze.‍ "Things happen for a reason."

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ "I know that, but-" your talk was interrupted by an explosion, Asami and you covered your head with your hands and looked up afterwards.

The giant robot was halved by the vines power, with no time to waste, you ran to the scene. Before you both arrived, another explosion took place, Asami was quick to pull you to a train entrance for cover. When that one settle, your eyes shined with the new spirit portal in the heart of the city.

A small call for Kuvira left your mouth unconsciously, so you joined the rest of the group to look for the avatar while also you looked for the leader. Your mind was going a thousand per second until you saw the southerner walk out of the portal with the metalbender by her side, you sighed.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ "Wait," you called to the Beifongs before they could take her farther.‍ "Can I... talk to her? It will be quick."

Lin and Suyin took just a step back, always vigilant to the leader.‍ "I'm sorry," she started, not allowing you to say anything.‍ "For everything, I'm so sorry for making you go through all of this."

One of your hands look to get one of hers, a melancholic smile was drawn in your face. "You'll do better from now on, I can feel it."

Kuvira let a couple of tears fall from her eyes, you took a step closer to her and your lips met hers in a delicate kiss. The leader was shocked, but tried to reciprocate as fast as she could. You could hear a couple of gasps at your back, but that wasn't your main focus at the moment.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ "I'll wait for you." you told her, trying to sound calm. Kuvira's eyes shined with concern.‍ "Just know, I have always loved you... Always."

She smile a little bit and murmur a little 'I love you too' before she was taken away. Turning around to your friends, they all had a shocked face.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ "So! Korra saved the city!" you tried to sound as happy as possible for your friend, Bolin gave you back up and cheered for the avatar.

The whole team did a group hug as a celebration, knowing you could also need a hug from them, things will get better with time.

[emmanuellececchi]

Evening rambling on...

At the moment, beside writing a few shorts for LOTR, I didn't write much. Not even for my modern romance or for my medieval romance. I had a few ideas I wrote down but since then, nothing.

I need to do some research and it is a daunting task. That and editing the story, changing some things, adding the details I find from my research. Among other things, I need to have a better idea of the geography, of the way my people are clothes, trade, laws, rulers and co.

I have the calendar and, even though I was playing very hard with the idea of the ringed world, each time I want to go for it, I remember that I need to add even more things (animals, plants, weather patterns, etc.) that will be impacted by the shadow of the ring.

But a calendar and a vague idea of how they look like or are clothes is not enough. I want something more in-depth. Why are they in conflict? What is the base? Religion? commerce? control of lands? So many things I need to set. That and also the few madmen and women that are in many history.

I know I can just focus on my main characters but I don't feel comfortable if I don't have the whole worldbuilding set in stone. I need a map, distances, duration of travels, way of travels. Limits, mountains, and ocean. Weather patterns, even on a Earth-Like world, need to be known. Where are we? Southern Europe like? Northern? If I add a mountain what will be the impact and so on.

On one side, I really want to do all that. On the other side, if I begin that, I will not write much, even less than now. I have a few shorts hanging, but not sure if I'll finish them. I have a few fanfics that are waiting desperatly for my attention.

Let's just say that the fire is not really burning bright right now. At least, I love dearly the little I write. But I wish I could do more.

We'll see I guess

[dippable]

old gods and the underworld

i'm watching jacob geller's "fear of depths" video right now, and i've got things to talk about. mainly, the concept of old gods and that which lies beneath.

for caves, i find this portion, in a way, most similar to the "Ted the Caver" story from years upon years ago. this portion of the cave past the hole was untouched by humanity for years and years, until these random kids decided to get in there to see what's past it. and inside it, they find something so old, something so rife with the smell of rotting corpses, something so large and incomprehensible, that it moves a boulder that was huge compared to ted. i think that this is a place where our ways mean nothing- a place that doesn't care if you're alive or not, a place that leads deeper, deeper, deeper, into the earth itself. the drawing on the wall of the cave shows us that there is a place even deeper than ted's current position, a place that gets closer to the underworld, closer to the land of death and loss- and it means a bit more that the entire place smells like dead bodies.

under the water, i don't know many series- but i do know games. one of my favorite games, "Iron Lung" explores the concept of being under the surface with things that are older than you, larger than you, and are definitely not happy to see you in their domain. in the game, we see structures and an unknown glowing light- a light that has the power to teleport us to different parts of the map. we hear (and sometimes see) the blood as it flows past our rinky dink little vessel, we hear things move past us, we use the shoddy camera to see where in this hellish world we are. we see things that are twice our size. we get eaten.

in a less.. red... interpretation of the concept, we have: subnautica. over the waves, you find the ship and a couple islands, sure, but the real important part is under them. under the water, you find voice recordings from your colleagues, your friends, as they die. you hear their last words. you hear how some are relieved, you hear how some are still struggling to accept their fate. if you go deeper, you find skeletons. skeletons of things that can fit your entire body in just their eye sockets. deeper, still, and you find an old god that can only speak to you because your body is being devastated by a disease you caught on this planet. you survive this time.

overall, i find caves and the underwater world a very unexplored frontier in horror. that which is buried, and best stay buried, often ties to the human tendency of hubris and desperation to find, to consume knowledge, to learn, learn, learn, over and over and over until the end of time. it's a never ending cycle where if you left, you'd be going against your biology itself.

[rallamajoop]

Public Service Announcement: You can SUMMON STURM in RE8's Mercenaries mode

It is VERY IMPORTANT you know this, because:

Summoning Sturm is some of the best fun you can have

The game will not tell you about it

I mean that: Sturm's not mentioned in any of Heisenberg's in-game tutorials. If you don't know to look for it, you won't find it on youtube either. At time of writing, googling "Heisenberg" and "summon Sturm" produces all of 6 results, none of which will give you a fraction of the in-depth Sturm-appreciation material he deserves.

This is where I come in.

In brief, Sturm is Heisenberg's Soldat Jet summon (which the game will tell you about) in an alternate mode. Hit the Alt key to switch to him on keyboard, or rotate the left analog stick through 360 degrees on PS or XBOX (I think ‒ more on this to come). Then hit 'fire', and BOOM! But Sturm is so much more than a new skin for an existing attack, because while the Soldat will just charge forward and explode...

...Sturm? Sturm will stick around. He'll charge forward. He'll keep charging until he vanishes off into the distance. And then just when you've forgotten about him...

...a whole new wave of enemies that weren't even on the map when you summoned him will suddenly have an assfull of chainsaw propeller to deal with.

And then he'll explode, doing stupid amounts of damage to anything left, just for good measure.

While the Soldat is functionally just a big grenade with a little more personality, Sturm is like summoning a partner. You can even leap back into the fray yourself while he waddles around cleaning up anything he gets close to (he can't actually damage you, fortunately).

Now, don't get me wrong here: Sturm is dumb. He'll keep going in one direction until he hits a wall, and sometimes, that wall is where he stays until his timer runs out and he vanishes in a puff of explosives.

He's not great with narrow doorways either. Summon him in front of one, and he'll get stuck there like an angry environmental hazard for any fool brave enough to try and shove their way past. While enemy!Sturms can bust through thin walls and gratings, summon!Sturm cannot. If he charges off in the wrong direction, you may never see him again. Look, he's a big, dumb lump with a propeller for a face: it's a wonder he can see where he's going at all.

That said, if I've learned just one thing from my (many) attempts to beat Sturm's boss fight at harder difficulty levels, it's that this bastard can somehow hone in and target you even through a wall. And though summon!Sturm isn't so great with walls, he still has the targeting part down.

You know, mostly.

Past Evils Resident have been sometimes infamous for partner AI so bad it can make you wish you were flying solo. But Sturm? Sturm takes that slightly-shitty AI, and makes it into a feature. You can't expect consistent performance from this guy, but the low expectations mean that, on the rare occasion when he manages to get it just right, you'll find yourself sitting there with a hand on your heart and a tear in your eye, feeling just so proud.

He's not bad for comedic timing either. Like, you'll be sitting there, watching him barrel down a staircase and off to the left, thinking okay, good, just the one Soldat left for me to deal with, and then zoom...

...awww, Sturm! Nice work, buddy! Best boy! :3

Look, I got stuck on Sturm for a while when I played this game on Hardcore ‒ and he shows up as a miniboss in Mercenaries too. I have died under those horrible propeller blades more than a dozen times, and it is not a pretty way to go. I never had the least affection for this guy before I discovered you could summon him in Mercenaries.

Now? Me and Sturm are buds. I do not care that he's an undead abomination with a propeller made of chainsaws for a face. I do not care that he was the last thing poor Ethan saw before it all went dark on numerous occasions. Sturm is like the big, ugly, mildly-brain-damaged rescue mutt you brought home from the pound despite all the warnings about 'possible aggression issues' ‒ the one that gets so excited whenever you throw the ball that he loses track of it, barrels the whole way across the park, and comes back without it ten minutes later, and you'll still tell him what a good boy he is. You don't even care that he's mauled three postmen and smells like something died in your garage: he is the best boy and you love him to bits.

Now, I did mean to go on here with some how-to and advanced strategy stuff, but I think that can wait for another time. This is Sturm Appreciation Hour, and so ends this post.

[oflights]

top 10 books of 2023!!

thank you for tagging me, @elskanellis! i started drafting this right away, ran out of time to post it on 12/31, and am ~circling back now. i read 50 books in 2023, and these are my top 10 faves!

titles, brief #thoughts, etc. under the cut!

Himself, by Jess Kidd

this was so incredible and heart-wrenching and exciting to read. devastatingly beautiful/cheerful dirtbag lad busts into a small irish village to find out what happened to his mother, who was almost certainly murdered, and turns everything upside down. every character is so entertaining and funny and sharp, even the villains. the ending is incredible.

The Winners, by Fredrik Backman

i'd recommend this whole series, even if you don't care about hockey; it's so, so good and emotionally devastating. at its base, the series is about a hockey team in sweden, but really, this series belongs to the character of Benji Ovich, and it's a masterclass in building up a queer hero. it's unflinching in dealing with all that he goes through, and handles a lot of really difficult topics with deftness. the heart of his story, for me, is the question of what happens when you're in love with your best friend who is actually a despicable, evil person, and how can you ever forgive yourself for it?

The Iliad, translated by Emily Wilson

do i have to evangelize this one anymore? it's so fucking good. i've read it about 10 times at this point, i just couldn't bring myself to be finished with it. it's so refreshing and approachable and makes every single character leap off the page. it doesn't pull a single emotional punch (because homer doesn't! and wilson's like "don't look away!")

A Map for the Missing, by Belinda Huijuan Tang

this is one of those books that really comes together as a whole; i didn't know it was going to be a fave until i was finished with it. a chinese immigrant has to go back home to help search for his elderly father, who's gone missing. as he goes, every single thread of his past is tugged on and unravelled and the complexity and depth the narrative achieves is really astounding. the last few pages are an absolute gut-punch.

A Power Unbound, by Freya Marske

purely here for how it redeemed the entire series for me. i'm actually not a big romance person, though i did read more romance than ever this year; i just usually tend to get bored with the same sorts of romance tropes over and over (probably because that's what i read fic to get, not tradpub novels). this one doesn't do anything new or reinvent those tropes or anything, it's just really, really good and engaging and hot. the romance outshines the magic system/plot by far. i'd recommend the series overall, but this one has the best relationship in it AINEC.

Emily Wilde's Encyclopedia of Faeries, by Heather Fawcett

why do i always like middle grade authors who pivot to adult books waaay more than YA authors who do the same? like how are they so much better? that's definitely the case here. this is really fun fairy book (i went through a fairy phase over the summer) and packed a surprising emotional punch and a really lovely romance. i think it helped that the main character have major howl and sophie vibes. i'm excited for the sequel to come out in a few weeks!

Slewfoot, by Brom

god this was absolutely horrifying and brutal and also incredible? i actually can't believe this is here because it lost me through some of the worst of the witch trial torture (it goes really hard on it, as a warning, and i almost stopped there. her poor cat :/ i can almost never handle it when a cat dies) but!! i'm glad i stuck through because of the ending, which is phenomenal and makes every other bit of it worth it. the mythology is terrific and terrifying, too.

Small Things Like These, by Claire Keegan

possibly the best novella i've ever read? it just packs an incredible punch; it doesn't waste a single word, every square inch is a devastating look at the magdalene laundries and it doesn't hold back at all. so, so good.

Half a Soul, by Olivia Atwater

i'm so glad i discovered olivia atwater this year! this was during the Fairy Phase and it was just really fun and engaging. again, big howl and sophie vibes (this is such a high compliment from me) and i really love the second book in this series, too. it's just a really fun world to get lost in, and i'm excited to read more from this author this year.

He Who Drowned the World, by Shelley Parker-Chan

i had some problems with this, and i didn't love it as much as the first book, though i actually think most of those problems could've been solved with a third book and a longer runway. really wish this was a trilogy. that being said, this was still incredible. i loved every single narrative thread, there were zero emotional punches pulled, and i still think about these characters all the time. read this series if you haven't!!

[holedaemon]

Ass Respect 2

Saturday, myself and Ari (@freakpatrol) finished up Mass Effect 2, after less than a week of playing. We played for idk, a little bit.

My friend Dylan put it well: Mass Effect 1 is one of those games you'd see in a "learn to make video games at DeVry University" commercial. It's clunky, inaccessible, and a slog.

Mass Effect 2 is smooth, accessible, and fun. Genuinely one of my favorite games ever.

THE GOOD PART 1: GAME MECHANICS

So far, Mass Effect is iterative. Each game takes the last and builds upon it. I don't know the history of development, but it's clear that Bioware saw the issues in the first game and went "hey, let's make this better." For instance,

The game is more accessible. Menus are easier to navigate and much more comprehensive. Shit makes sense. Things are actually explained to you, you aren't just left to guess how things work, or where you're supposed to go.

Following the theme of iteration, stuff that was lacking in 1, has been improved upon:

In the first game, there was only one minigame that was used for everything. It was basically just frogger; get your little arrow to the center of a circle, avoiding the obstacles that send you back to the start. It got to be annoying after the 1,400th time you did it. In 2, there are two distinct minigames mostly used for hacking/accessing technology and areas. The first is a match-the-symbols game, pretty self explanatory, the second is a code-matching game, where you match blocks of text with what's shown in the legend. They're not perfect but they're SOOOOO much better than what we had before.

Next: the star map. The galaxy is a big, expansive place. Before, you kinda just clicked on a system, went there, scanned a couple of planets for collection quests/resource gathering, then went to whatever planet your mission was at. Now, you actually have to travel to different systems manually. You pilot your ship between systems, using up fuel to do so. I wasn't super keen about it at first, but it grew on me. The overview of the galaxy also shows you your active quests, which is super nice.

In the same vein, the resource gathering is much more in depth. Before you could click on planets and sometimes would have the option to scan them for stuff. It was very shallow. In the sequel, you can scan pretty much every planet; it's a minigame in itself. Right-click and drag along the globe to find pockets of resources, then click to send a probe down to collect them. You can find element zero, palladium, iridium, and platinum. Each can be used for different kinds of research, which is used to upgrade you, your gear, your squadmates, their gear, and the Normandy. It's much more fleshed out and actually pretty fun. To Ari's dismay, I would sit and suck those planets dry looking for shit.

Also extremely important to mention: the side missions. They're SO much better now. Rather than going to some prefab & shooting enemies, each one is actually fleshed out and substantial. THEY ALSO GOT RID OF THE MAKO!!!! NO MORE OF THAT STUPID ASS CAR!!!! NO MORE TRYING TO SHIMMY YOUR WAY UP A MOUNTAIN FOR 20 MINUTES!!! IT'S GREAT!!!!

One minor thing I appreciate is that you don't loot inventories for items anymore. You mostly just pick up credits, resources, and ammo, which is much preferable. The inventories full of crap back in 1 were jarring and really took you out of the game.

That reminds me: ammo. Before, you had infinite ammo, your gun would just heat up with each shot, and if you filled the meter, it would have to cool down. Well, they ditched that in favor of ammo pickups. Enemies drop ammo, or the pickups will just be placed around the map. Apparently this was a controversial change, but I like it a lot more than before, it introduces a new challenge.

Along with ammo are your powers. They really made biotics a viable thing here. They're fun, they're powerful, they can really kick some ass if you use them correctly. I didn't make much use of them, but I appreciate the work that was put into improving them.

Just a few more things. I promise I'm almost done.

Overall, the game felt a lot more difficult. I felt substantially weaker; shit would tear through my shields like they were nothing. Bioware also did away with medi-gel, kinda. You still have it, but it's exclusively for your teammates if they go down. To regain health, you have to take cover. This made it a lot more challenging, I couldn't just spam heal in the middle of a battle, I actually had to strategize and hold positions. I like it.

The last major improvement they made was to the squad AI. It was actually worth a damn now. Squadmates would actually get kills and it was glorious. It didn't leave me feeling like I was totally on my own like before.

Also they got rid of omni-gel, but I don't think anyone cared.

THE GOOD PART 2: THE WORLD

Ohhhhh my god the world. It really hit me just how much better the atmosphere and level design was when we got to Omega. It's in the terminus systems, which are systems that are ungoverned by the citadel and the council. Omega is basically the citadel for crime lords; it's a dirty, slummy neighborhood on an asteroid. If you know me, you know I'm a sucker for settings like that (read: see Dorohedoro), so I LOVED Omega. Anyways: the world. It's so much more alive!!! When you touch down on a new location, everything really hits you all at once. There's people to talk to, places to go, things to see, it was great. The ambience was so much more potent; there's always some conversation going on in the background. The levels themselves were much less linear feeling, you could really explore & go anywhere. It wasn't like the citadel in the first game, which was so annoying to traverse.

The most important part of any world is its characters and Mass Effect 2 did not disappoint. In terms of races, it was mostly the same with a few newcomers: like the Vorcha. They're cool gremlin-looking dudes that slum around Omega & work in merc groups. There's a lot of prejudice towards them unfortunately. They're regarded as dumb vermin by pretty much every other race. People hate them more than they hate Batarians. It sucks cause they're actually pretty cool!

Speaking of Batarians, we got to see them a lot more, too. Unfortunately not in better conditions than the previous game; still mostly depicted as mercs, terrorists, and slavers.

There was also the Drell: anthropomorphic lizard guys. We only saw.... 2? Your squadmate, Thane, and his son. They're apparently near extinction. :( Their home world was destroyed, somehow, and they were taken in by the Hanar. Their relationship with the Hanar was symbiotic, the Drell lived on their planet and in return, as put by Ari, they do anything for the Hanar that "required having bones."

Another cool race we saw ONLY ONE OF, were the Yahg. The only one we saw happened to be the Shadow Broker. He was cool & tough, not much to say about him, but I liked him a lot.

I also wanna briefly touch on the enemies in the game.

The big bads were the Collectors. A race of bug-like aliens that were very elusive. In reality, they're actually Protheans that've been cultivated and genetically modified by the Reapers. Much like the Keepers on the citadel. Cool dudes.

Besides the Collectors, you were blasting mercs, which I loved. There's three distinct groups: the Blood Pack, the Eclipse, and the Blue Suns. Each group comprised of different species, with their own gimmicks.

The Collectors also had some new creatures in their ranks. Among the Husk, there were Scions. Scions are cool, grotesque Husk-like abominations. I like them a lot, but don't get me wrong: they SUCK. I died SO MUCH TO THEM. They have this long-range shockwave attack that's nigh impossible to dodge. Absolute bastards.

As for your teammates, a lot of newcomers, but some friendly faces too. Most notably Garrus. I love Garrus, he's my boy. We fucked. Tali also came back, I'll talk about her more in a bit.

Anyway, among the ranks were:

Miranda - total cunt. The Ashley of Mass Effect 2. Absolutely miserable to be around. I didn't speak to her unless I had to.

Jacob - Polite soldier type. He was cool but I didn't really care about him.

Mordin - MY PROBLEMATIC FAVE. He's a crazy, fast-talking, oldhead Salarian. We found him on Omega working on a cure for a plague that was going around. First and foremost, he's a genius scientist, but he also has combat training & can hold his own. At one point he sang a Salarian sea shanty, and then another time he was like "hey Shepard I saw that you moved your eyes in a funny way, btw I don't wanna fuck." Totally awesome dude. The thing that makes him problematic is he, well, modified the Genophage to be more effective. He quite literally sterilized the Krogan further and committed genocide. As the story progresses, he shows some remorse for his actions. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Mordin.

Thane - the aforementioned Drell that you encounter. He's a master assassin- really cool dude. Very calm & collected; prays to different deities before every kill, I dig it. He's also dying, that sucks. Love my boy Thane.

Samara - an Asari Justicar, which are highly esteemed warriors in their culture. Almost like ninja monks. They pretty much have immunity from any legal repercussions. They live by the code, an ancient set of scriptures that basically tell them to kill anyone that sucks or tries to hurt them. Samara is, as Ari put it, "the most autistic woman in the galaxy." She's awesome, has a really tragic backstory. We killed her daughter.

Jack - Oh Jack. She's a high level biotic that was experimented on as a child by the terrorist group Cerberus. Tortured for most of her early life in a facility you go back to and blow up with her. She's a volatile bottle rocket of anger & angst, ready to explode at a moment's notice, and also the hottest woman in the galaxy. You can't romance her as fem Shepard, which is a fucking TRAVESTY. I love Jack so much.

Zaeed & Kasumi - not even worth talking about.

GRUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - MY BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is your Krogan squadmate for the game. Bred in a tank by the late Dr. Okeer. He's grumpy and ready to kill anything that moves. He was born literally yesterday & I would die for him. For his loyalty mission you take him to TUCHANKA!!!! THE KROGAN HOME WORLD!!! It's a fucking disaster of a planet, it looks like every level from a late aughts military shooter. But guess who you can fucking see there??? WREX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you chose to save him on Virmire, he has since returned home & become the leader of his own clan: the Urdnot. The Urdnot are the dominant clan on Tuchanka and are trying to reunify the planet and its clans. My boy Wrex is delighted to see you. He's really thrived on Tuchanka, becoming a very stoic leader, but very visibly happy.

A lot of the Krogan you encounter on Tuchanka are mean to Grunt because he was tank-born. But not Wrex, the old merc sees right past this & welcomes Grunt to try his might in the rite: the ritual that Krogan perform as they enter adulthood. The rite is basically just a tower defense game, culminating in fighting a Thresher Maw. If you succeed, Grunt is welcomed into clan Urdnot. Grunt still chooses to tag along with you in your mission, as you are his Battlemaster. He really comes to respect you over the course of the game, I love to see it.

Tali'Zorah - It's Tali, baby. She's back. She's finished her Pilgrimage & is working for the Quarian fleet. I specifically wanted to mention her because her loyalty mission is actually really cool. After her recruitment, Tali is called back to the Quarian fleet, having been accused of treason. You see, after her mission on one of the former Quarian colony worlds (where you save and recruit her), she sends deactivated Geth parts back to the fleet for her father to do research on. Due to the research being done, this backfires, the Geth are reactivated, and kill the entire ship, including Tali's father. We learn this during the hearing, and everyone is shocked. As a way to clear her name, Tali & Shepard go to the ship the Geth are on and clear it out. I really like this mission because it adds a lot of depth to the Quarians & their culture. I loved seeing the Flotilla; the architecture of the old, second-hand ships they travel the galaxy with. Meeting more Quarians was a delight too. Easily one of my favorite races in the series; their conflict with the Geth is complicated & tragic, and I'm eager to see how it plays out.

AND FINALLY....

LAST BUT NOT LEAST....

THE MAN OF THE HOUR....

MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE COMPANION...

LEGION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - PERHAPS THE COOLEST COMPANION EVER, BESIDES WREX..... I didn't know of his existence until he was introduced. Ari was very careful not to tell me about him, and I'm thankful for it. I love him so much. Legion is a Geth. A true Geth. One that is not following the Reapers. It turns out, the Geth we've been fighting for the last few years are actually a faction of "heretics" that broke off from the main group. The main group are still peaceful & reclusive. I really, really, really love this twist because it adds so much more depth to the Geth. It gives them reason to be, more than just a fodder enemy for the Reapers. It makes them more complicated. The Geth are vilified across the galaxy & the reason AI have become illegal, but they're really just misunderstood. During Legion's loyalty mission, you are tasked with destroying the heretics. Except you have a choice; you can destroy them, or save them & rewrite the code that's made them submit to the Reapers. It's a morally ambiguous mission- I took the latter route, opting to save them and rewrite them. It feels wrong to do that, but it's better than genocide... Anyway, yeah, Legion: absolute favorite part about Mass Effect 2. Everyone is hesitant to have him aboard the Normandy, but he rocks & I would die for him.

THE BAD

That was a lot, if you've gotten this far, thanks. I have a lot less to say about the game from here on out, as it's a really fun and good experience. But as with anything, there's always some bad.

These aren't even necessarily super bad things, just stuff that irked me. Primarily:

Stability - the game's a lil buggy. There were weird animation errors & at one point I crashed entirely. Ari was also unable to play in windowed mode for some reason, which made watching me stream a pain, since they had to watch on their phone. They're gonna get a second monitor here soon, though. 👁️

UI & Controls - extremely nitpicky, but, a few times, dialogue options and weapons in my wheel would switch around. I don't really know why, but it got me a few times. The bigger thing was the controls on the galaxy map: if you pressed escape, it would kick you out of the map entirely. Very annoying.

The DLC - I'm not really sure what all was DLC, because it was included in the legendary edition of the games. But the DLC characters, Zaeed and Kasumi, were fucking nothing. Just empty husks of characters, lacking all depth & interesting story. I did their missions for completion's sake but they were fucking stupid.

The final boss - SUPER SUPER COOL CONCEPT!!! It's a fucking Reaper shaped like a skeletal human, it was so awesome looking, but the fight itself was underwhelming and lacking. I did it in a single try. Literally I had more trouble getting to it than fighting it. You basically just shot its weak spots until it died.

Weapon mods - they got rid of them!! I thought that was a bummer, I liked the customization they offered in the first game.

All in all...

Mass Effect 2 is a fantastic game. Easily a contender for one of my favorite of all time. The world, the characters, the story, it's all fantastic. It really took the basis the first game left & expanded upon it in such a cool way. We've since started 3, and I'm already thinking "oh this is not nearly as good as 2."

Thanks again to Ari for playing it w/ me. It's nice to actually experience and enjoy games again. Having a partner to go through it with has made it 10 times more enjoyable.

The one last thing I have to say about the game is that I really enjoy how everybody calls you Shepard exclusively. At one point, during a conversation with Liara, I thought to myself, "wait, what's Shepard's first name?" That's when I remembered, I named her Obama. Obama Shepard. Ari laughed at me.

Again, if you read this far, I appreciate it. I'm sure once we've finished 3, I'll have even more to say.

With Love,

Obama Shepard

[chaos--mode]

@freakarus continued from here.

lizzy has spent a lot of time in the woods behind forest hills. like, a lot. eddie has too. they would have thought that, between the two of them, they had the whole fucking place mapped out in their collective minds, some sort of...

mind map.

whatever the fuck.

but now they're just. fucking lost. and eddie's being a dick about it. but like, what's new there, right? and lizzy is tired and maybe a little bit scared, cause it's the depth of night and the woods are creepy as shit, okay, leave them the fuck alone.

❝i told you we should go left,❞ lizzy parrots, whiny and sarcastic tone seeping into the words. she smacks his hand away and turns with him just so that she can shove at the back of his head.

he gets a little ways away as she glares at him, trying to bore a hole right through his stupid head. he whistles after a moment and she rolls her eyes. leans down to grab a pinecone and lob it in his direction, bouncing off his shoulder and skittering off into the dark brush around him.

but she does jog a little to catch up anyway. she doesn't wanna be left alone, okay?!? it's fucking dark and scary in the woods at night. leaves and twigs crunch and crack underfoot, echoing in the darkness surrounding. she grabs at eddie's jacket when she catches up, handful of leather yanked to slow his gait.

❝will you fucking slow down, dickhead.❞ she flicks the side of his head to punctuate the sharp bite of her words. wind whistles through the branches above, eerie and haunting melody of the night. something rustles through the underbrush ahead of them.

she's about to start needling him more, the need to expel some of the fearful energy bubbling up and over in her chest, when light flickers just at the edge of the trees up ahead. she smacks at eddie's chest instead, hand flapping wildly as the excitement of finally fucking getting home surges up her throat.

❝shit, shit, shit!!❞ and lizzy's never been great at restraining themselves, so it keeps spilling over until they're excitedly shaking eddie by the shoulders. ❝holy shit, we made it back!❞

and then they're shoving off him and skipping ahead. they don't make it far, though, because just as they turn to skip forward their ankle catches on a stupid fucking root and they land on their ass with a breathless fuck!—

and it's like that, with eddie just a few steps in front of them, mud and dirt and something warm and wet and squishy covering their legs and halfway up their forearms, that they hear the rustling behind them. louder than before, and definitely not just from the underbrush. lizzy turns to look over their shoulder, and sees it—

a figure looms a dozen or so feet away, silhouetted in the light from the trailer park, stumbling through the brush towards them. something drip, drip, drips from their hands, lax at their sides, thick globs splattering on the muddy ground at the figure's feet. there's a low, growly rumble of a moan echoing from them as they shamble forward.

what the actual fuck??

[fictionandmusic]

Hey, I do wanna start masking again but I'm kind of confused at this point with what mask I should even go with. I keep hearing on and off that we should save N95s for medical professionals unless we're immunocompromised ourselves, as well as hearing that you can't wear an N95 properly if you have a beard, and as a trans person for dysphoria reasons I really really don't want to shave, so I just feel a bit lost about what masks to invest in and wear. Are the disposable masks still fine? I also feel like I've heard a lot of contradictory information about cloth masks, as well. Feel free to answer this publicly or privately, I get the feeling a lot of people are pretty confused on what masks are up to snuff on covid protection

hi!! sorry it took me so long to respond, I literally wrote most of an answer and then Tumblr deleted it somehow when I tried to save to drafts... I will attempt to recreate:

The thing about saving higher quality masks like N95s For medical professionals was I believe only a thing at the very very beginning of the pandemic, because the supply companies making the masks hadn't had time to catch up to the suddenly increased demand. As we stand now in 2024, that is absolutely not a problem anymore and everyone should buy N95's to their heart's content!! they r out there waiting for u <3

To answer the beard thing I'll briefly go into some depth on how masks work exactly (this video provides a visual on this)- The shortest version is that the tightly packed material that a mask is made of protects you from airborne particles by basically making them go through mazes that are so intense and winding that they get tired and then stuck to the material before reaching your airway. But since air particles seek the path of least resistance, they will choose to go through a leak or a gap If they can avoid going through the material of the mask. AKA If there is open space between the fabric of the mask and the skin of your face, most air will be going through that and not your mask. & then the efficacy of your mask is significantly lowered. I think what happens with a beard is that the hair prevents the mask from getting right up against a smooth clean line of skin with which it can properly seal without leaks.

BUT the amount and location of a leak depends on what type of mask you're wearing, how it sits on your face, and what kind of facial hair you have! like a mustache is not going to cause problems 99% of the time, and a closer shaved beard is less of a risk than a large bushy one. a mask with earloop straps (usually a KN95) is typically Looser around the face than a mask with head straps (N95) which also impacts the quality of seal (looser = worse seal). And depending on the shape of your face and the shape of your mask the line where the mask material contacts your chin or neck is going to be different for everyone. If you can find a shape of mask that works with your face shape and pinpoint where it hits your chin you can try to strategically adjust your facial hair to get the best seal!

But at the end of the day I want to impress upon you that any mask is better than no mask!

If all you have right now is a surgical mask that's better than nothing. If all you have is a mask that has some leaks, that's still better than nothing. If your mask is lower quality than a KN95 or N95 (ex. surgical mask or cloth mask) I would recommend doing some shopping around and easing yourself into a higher quality mask so that you can be more protected, but don't let a desire for perfection prevent you from taking any action at all!

(And if you're not financially able to afford masks since they are typically a recurring purchase you have to make, check out mask blocs!!! These are local organizations that hand out FREE masks to their communities, you can use this map to find one near you! And if one near you isn't close enough for you to reach with public transportation or personal transportation, reach out anyways because a lot of the times they will offer to mail masks to you anyways!)

[roguemonsterfucker]

Not to sound insensitive on the tail of that post but. As someone who lives in an apartment and desperately wishes they could have horses, what are your game recs?

Not insensitive at all! 🥰 I'm always happy to talk horse games!

First off, I have a Somewhat Comprehensive List of Horse Games over on one of my side blogs. For just a general, mostly unbiased, list of games, that's a good place to go.

For my personal game recs... Well.

The game I play the most is Horse Isle 3, but I can't easily say I'd recommend it for... reasons.

Issues of management aside, HI3 is the most in-depth horse breeding simulator available to date. You can breed not only for different colors and markings, but due to the robust breeding system, you can breed for all sorts of shapes and sizes. It is very much a "make your own fun" type game, which doesn't appeal to everyone, and it can be stressful if you want to manage breeding projects because time passes whether you play or not and horses can die of old age.

If anyone does wish to join Horse Isle 3, please feel free to contact me so I can help you out. The way it's set up is actively hostile to new players and basically requires established players to help new folks in order for the new folks to make progress in their early days without mindlessly grinding for resources. Oh, also, feel free to use my referral code. 🤐

Aside from HI3, another game I've been playing a lot is Ranch of Rivershine. It's in the "cozy game" genre and it's completely single player (unlike HI3 which is an MMO). While Ranch of Rivershine doesn't have realistic genetics, it does have a wide range of beautiful coat colors and it's own genetics system that even I, someone obsessed with horse genetics, enjoy playing with. It's simple and straightforward, making it much easier to breed for the colors you want than a realistic genetics system would be.

The only other game I play regularly is Rival Stars: Horse Racing. It's very different from the other games as it's based around the sport of horse racing, with cross county and steeplechase being added more recently. There used to only be one breed, the Thoroughbred, but a very recent update added the Selle Francis and Arabian. There are lots of colors and patterns to breed for, but it has a completely nonsensical breeding system that really irritates me lol. But the horses can be quite stunning, which makes up for it... some of the time. 😂 I play on the PC, but there is a mobile version as well. The two are very different in some ways but the basis is the same. However, the mobile game will constantly push microtransactions on you and the PC game is a one time purchase with no transactions afterwards. I highly suggest the PC game, but you can always test the mobile version for free to see if you like it at all before buying the PC version.

Rival Stars is single player, but you can race against friends on PC with multiplayer game modes.

Honorable Mention: Star Stable Online.

I only pop on every once in a while to look at the pretty horses. It's a completely quest based game, and I used to enjoy the quests, but now I really just don't like it much. Aside from quests, it's mainly a game for collecting pretty horses. No breeding, just paying the premium currency to get new horses. It's really good if you just enjoy riding high quality horses around a pretty map (which I do sometimes!), but not good for much else for me. Since it's an MMO, there are a lot of social elements to it that others enjoy, but I'm antisocial so that holds no appeal for me.

So... All that to say...

My #1 recommendation right now is Ranch of Rivershine.

It's a bit grindy (which everyone seems to think is bad, but I like grindy lol), but it's super simple, super cute, and is just a nice and chill time. If the controls were more suited to how my hands work, I'd probably play it as much if not more than HI3.

Ranch of Rivershine also is an early access game that is regularly getting updates! There's a new update coming soon that will add foal training and personalities to the horses.

Please let me know if you have any questions. Or tell me what type of game you're looking for and I can see if I can find one that better suits you!

[autopotion]

There are a number of things in Crimson Shroud I was kind of iffy about that put me off playing it, but now that I am I actually find I'm liking it quite a bit. The writing, art, and music are all very moody in a way that's familiar to me (Yasumi Matsuno + Basiscape, you know how it is lol, plus I think the guy who did the art took notes from Akihiko Yoshida) and while I originally found the tabletop aesthetic to be off-putting (your guys are always represented by little tabletop figurines, and dice that you physically roll with the stylus are a big part of the mechanics) over time it's really really growing on me. I think it's kinda cute ngl.

I feel like this is the type of game I would've been obsessed with if it had come out in the early 2000s and I'd played it then. Really weird, very stylistic, thick with lore for a relatively short game, not very well known, moody tone... Like it brings Summoner to mind, actually, which was a flop of an RPG that came out in the early 2000s that was also openly and heavily inspired by Dungeons & Dragons, but also I have a lot of fond memories of it lol. And that game was also very moody

Also you can totally tell this was intended to be a sequel to Vagrant Story originally, it wears its spiritual predecessor on its sleeve. It really feels like a journey through Lea Monde abstracted through figurines, dice, and dungeon maps. This might be heretical to say... but I'm kinda... enjoying it more than I was Vagrant Story, LMAO. I think for two reasons: 1. turn-based combat is more familiar to me, so I'm adapting to Crimson Shroud's mechanical depth much more quickly, and 2. the major female character in this game, Frea, is actually playable, and is your party's linchpin. Will always be lamenting Callo Merlose's demotion to NPC in vanilla Vagrant Story for game memory reasons u_u

The main dude is also growing on me unfortunately. "Giauque," the stupidest possible version of "Jack." I had my hackles up when he internally referred to Frea as a she-dog early on (shortly after she was revealed to be a member of an oppressed fantasy ethnic group, which like. I don't even want to get into all that shit right now, but it's the other reason I was put off by this game) but over time I think it's clear that was just a very poor way of demonstrating their usual dynamic, which is that he took Frea under his wing and likes her quite a bit, but portrays himself as a gruff, amoral lout, so he prefers to bicker instead of be effusive. The implication is that they're a bit like each other IMO, both too sharp-tongued for their own good

I also know a ton of spoilers so I'm paying lots of attention to Frea in the frame story... We'll have to see how it's handled, but I do like that the main antagonist of this game is a woman. So few games feature a woman as the primary villain, and even if they do, they find ways to blunt her impact (like Ultima in FFT, she's resurrected at the ass end of the story and then Ramza & co. kill her immediately), so I'm curious to see where Crimson Shroud will go with Abigail (an insane name for a villainess in a dark fantasy piece btw)

BASICALLY I think if CS was a fifty-hour game I might find it more exhausting, but since it barely hits twenty if you're taking your time, I'm a lot more invigorated by it. The short runtime works in its favor IMO.

[thegreatyin]

arcturus religious arc?? do say more

arcturus is funny because i haven't actually talked about them and the rest of the MCM cast on this blog very much (in fact i don't think i've even namedropped leus?) but they occupy so much of my brainspace. at least 1/339274th of my singular braincell. and lemme tell you that's more than any one OC frankly ever should

anyway! arcturus is religious. like. in the freak sort of way. in the they're Really Fucking Normal about this sort of way. they're so fucking normal right now. you can trust them. they swear. they are soooooooooooooo normal.

to elaborate further would be getting into MCM (and some hints of APF) lore as a whole, which i will do anyway, but under the cut because i like to pretend to respect my follower's dashboard scrolling time

so. the thing about APF and MCM is that they are two wildly different stories taking place at wildly different times in fantasy world history. but they are taking place in the exact same setting with the exact same shared fantasy world history.

this is the full mimue geographical world map, sans cities, primarily made for APF purposes but also featuring MCM's two (unnamed as of right now) focus continents off to the far left. MCM's story mostly spans the northern part of this duo. unlike what i affectionately refer to as "the APF plot triangle" (or eastern mimue, if you wanna get technical) country names are not synonymous with continent names and this is weirdly way more important to MCM lore than you might think.

this is an extremely rough mockup of a "mimue political map". green designating arboret, gold designating sanctus, blue designating requies... and brown designating medeis, with icy blue designating sulia. grey designates a cluster of various smaller border countries that definitely exist but i haven't worldbuilded them as of yet and don't really plan to go in-depth with them because they're mostly irrelevant to anything ever.

MCM focuses on medeis and sulia. and only these two. another crucial element of MCM is that everyone living there is completely disconnected from the other side of the world. the map makes them seem relatively close to arboret but in actuality it's way more like a mutual undiscovered new world situation. the folks in western mimue have absolutely no idea there's an APF plot happening in the first place, much less a cluster. similarly, everyone in APF is unaware of western mimue's existence and they all consider arboret to be the furthest edge of the known world (with just ocean laying beyond that). christopher columbus hasn't attacked mimue yet is what i'm saying.

however. they do share a world history, and setting, and magic system, and hey wasn't there a whole thing with eastern mimue and an angel blessing the world a thousand years ago that encompassed the entire planet in scope and you can go read about it on Ao3 if you feel like it right now?

y'know. that mildly significant part of mimue history that basically overturned the world forever and inspired a new religion in eastern mimue dedicated to following the angel like it's a god. that mildly important minor detail.

yeah, the MCM crew has no idea about any of that. but they were still affected by it. they just... interpreted it slightly differently.

magic in the world of mimue is an anomaly by mimian standards. something New and Weird and Unnatural. eastern mimue, with the context of the blessing angel as a bringer of peace and forgiveness and prosperity, treats it as something to be valued and admired.

western mimue does not do this. western mimue basically got blasted with magic with zero context of what was going on across the ocean, and everyone is CONFLICTED about it. some believe it's a favor from their gods, others believe it's a curse from those that scorn them, and still others shun anyone with "too much" magical ability in the first place.

by-the-by, completely totally definitely unrelated to that above statement, who are those western mimue gods?

well.

while those in eastern mimue have largely abandoned mimue's old ways and barely anyone has any real recollection of The Before Times, western mimue is desperately clinging to those exact same old beliefs. to its old gods, for lack of a better word.

no, seriously. who were these old gods?

dragons, of course. they're the primary subject of worship in western mimue- and a dying one, at that. in modern-day MCM (and by extension modern-day APF, though it takes place a long while before MCM) most of the median and sulian population haven't seen a real "godlike" dragon in centuries.

but they are still very much around. just. hanging out. being worshipped and served by mortals. fully sapient talking dragons held up as gods. are they actually? that's debatable, but also a debate topic that'll get you a lot of stink-eyes in sulia and some especially devout sectors of medeis.

speaking of.

arcturus! remember when this was an ask about them and not just a mimue theological history lesson? yeah i don't either. but lets discuss them anyway.

a lot of what y'all can know about arcturus (without spoiling MCM too much) can be found in their point-of-view story, wherein they admittedly don't spend a lot of time ruminating on their faith but do namedrop their draconic overlords at the very end all dramatic-like.

they briefly allude to their backstory though! that's something!

to keep an even longer rant about medeis political lore short, arcturus is in a position roughly equivalent to the president. their official in-universe title is Honored Exemplary, but in terms of real-world-analogy it's essentially just being president of the united states.

y'know. if the US was an expansionist empire with technology far surpassing anything else in the world and was also powered by a monster kept in the basement that has to be fed live sacrifices weekly or else the entire thing goes to hell. and also the president and the head of parliament had a weird toxic yuri situationship going on and it's probably inevitably going to end in either murder, a double suicide pact, or both.

so, just the US, really.

the funny thing about arcturus is that they aren't actually native to medeis. parallax is! they aren't. their original home was conquered early-on in their youth, and they've basically grown up surrounded entirely by median society and technology.

and they've adapted like a fish to water. they're like if the country mouse discovered cars exist and became an absolute sicko over it. meanwhile parallax is like if the city mouse just really yearned to be eaten alive by moss (neither of these fucks are normal or honestly entirely sane)

worship of the great big questionably-deity lizards was a BIG part of what little they can remember about their old life. and they're like. REALLY into it. they're the guy who insists you have to pray before every meal and spends an hour daily kneeling in front of their dedicated God Shrine asking for repentance. they latched onto dragonology like a dying man in the desert latches onto a water bottle. they're very very very big on punishing themself for the whole technically-being-a-serial-killer-by-feeding-the-basement-monster thing and they see religion as an outlet for exorcising their own sins. which is really normal behavior, im sure.

and also magic tends to be viewed in a really negative light by Hardcore Traditionalist People™ and they were raised in that environment and as a mutant with zero magical ability to speak of they were basically uplifted as a savior and a favorite of god from day one and they've got an absolutely horrible case of hyperempathy + religious savior complex because of it. so y'know. that's also a mildly important factor. just a tad bit.

TLDR;

arcturus does this. but like. for dragons.