#i don't have anything meaningful to say really... i'm very happy to have finished all of these

[synthaphone]

And here's all of the converted Centibytes together! I had to chop the big image I had into pieces because otherwise it gets compressed to hell, lol

[mytearsbuckochet]

What's your most hated Bummy scene?? I'll tell you mine. It has to be the kiss in the hospital lobby and buck getting outed because of his soot covered mouth. Never hated a 911 episode more than that. I love Buck. They just made a mockery out of him by that scene.

Where do I even start.. Couldn't agree more about the soot scene, although I'm more angry at the writers about that one than I am at Tommy, given how important it was to Buck that he came out to Eddie and Maddie on his own terms and how much weight he gave those interactions I feel like even though that one was supposed to be a cute little "hehe look this is very Buck coded", it fell short in that I would've liked everyone else at the 118 to find out in a more heartfelt way ya know??

In terms of my least favourite(s), the whole arc with billy boils was a very interesting play by the writers in that it highlighted the differences between Eddie and Tommy in a meaningful way. On one hand, Eddie, who has presumably been with Buck in the hospital the whole time he was being treated for his boils, is used to Buck's hyperfixations and Wiki deep dives, and finds them wholesome and cute. I reblogged a post a little bit ago where Buck told Maddie about how her and Chim always finish each others sentences and that theyre basically already dating, and then contrasted with how Eddie was finishing Buck's sentences in that scene. Buddie fanatic aside (I will admit im obsessed with these two idiots), THIS is the kind of domesticity I've always wanted for Buck's partners, where they acknowledge and love those little moments that he has.

Now lets go ahead and look at Tommy's side of this whole thing: Tommy's reaction to seeing the boils + how he treated and viewed Buck's obsession as exactly that, an obsession + the graveyard scene??? You can break it down into "oh well Buddie have known eachother since s2, Bummy have been together 6 months", but from my perspective the fact that Buck didn't even realise Tommy didn't like women until their 6 month anniversary (???) just goes to show that they don't really know that much about one another. Tommy was completely right in the breakup scene; he was definitely not Buck's last, and the poor guy is definitely in need of some self exploration (#letbuckfuck) before I'd be happy to see Buddie honestly (and thats not even considering the work that needs to be done on Eddie, my guy is going through it rn with Chris). Anyway; I just read this amazing fic by playinginthundestorms (on ao3) and I think the way they described Tommy (slightly Tommy bashing), was overall how I imagine he sees Buck. It never really felt like Tommy was fond of these little things Buck does in the way that Eddie (and the rest of the 118) are, more seeing him as childish or juvenile as the fic described. And it makes sense, tommy is older than Buck. A whole other can of worms and probably the icing on the cake for me was the Abby debacle, the misogyny really showed??? like man you have not changed since Hen my lord. Calling Abby out for running off with some "himbo half her age" was wild considering thats what he is currently doing with Buck? Especially with all the shit she had to go through with her mum at the time? Like what on earth is your excuse Temu? Anyway, to cut a long rant short, I actually have given you like 50 reasons, but i definitely think that Tommy was a well placed plot device and it was obvious from the start. Also, ABC could've chosen ANYONE to be Buck's first experience with a man and they were like yep lets use the racist homophobe from Chim and Hen begins cos why not?! I probably would've had a far less negative opinion of him if he was a fresh character, and I think that's on purpose, I think it would be really interesting if they go down the road of hen and chim sharing their experiences with Tommy now that they've broken up, and that they didn't say anything cos they just wanted Buck to be happy. Definitely after that heartfelt scene with Hen especially, that I didn't get cos of that bloody soot scene.

[lolotr]

fanfic author 20 questions!

I am late to the party, but i was tagged by @shadowquill17, thanks my love <3 <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

51

2. What’s your total AO3 wordcount?

162,166 total words! Not too shabby

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I've written for a bunch of fandoms, but these days it's mostly Dead Boy Detectives. in theory i have other fandoms, but none that i'm so feral for at the moment

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

all of them are DBD which is kind of astonishing to me, this fandom never ceases to amaze 1. after the insects have laid their claim 2. like breathing 3. terms of endearment 4. a certain step towards falling in love 5. you can throw a party full of everyone you know

5. Do you respond to comments?

yes, every single one, no matter how old the fic is! i might be a little slow or miss one every so often, but i really try hard to respond to every one i get. comments mean the absolute world to me, so i want to thank everyone who takes time out of their day to tell me they enjoyed my work <3 <3 i also LOVE when fanfic writers respond to me, so i assume other people do, too

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i am an angst with a happy ending sort of bitch, but probably one of the fics i wrote during the Nothing Much To Do Radio Silence (TM) when we were all losing our minds with no updates. haven't read those in forever, so maybe Something to Do, Someone to Blame? or maybe it isn't cinema that i wrote for Nothing Like the Sun? or maybe Tropes for Keleidotrope?

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

gosh, so many. again, i write mostly happy ending stuff, so it's hard to pick just one. maybe my fourth favorite public building to visit, if i had to pick one that hasn't been mentioned already. though after the insects have laid their claim has a VERY happy and corny ending that i will forever be proud of haha

8. Do you get hate on fics?

no, thank goodness

9. Do you write smut?

yeah! i'm new to it, but it's a lot of fun

10. Do you write crossovers?

not usually, but i'll stick characters from one universe into a similar universe because something resonates (like Heartstopper Squared or The Quest of the Maddening Mace), but i don't usually write characters meeting or anything like that.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of! *fingers crossed*

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

no, but if anyone wants to do so, just make sure to tag me in it and go right ahead!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yeah! i have stuff in progress (that we haven't worked on in a while sorry @courfaeriedust) but i've also definitely written collabs that i've published, i think?

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Charles and Edwin from Dead Boy Detectives have such a special place in my heart, and I really hope this hyperfixation doesn't go anywhere, but in terms of pure longevity? Merlin and Arthur from BBC Merlin. I've been reading that shit for a decade. Special shoutout to Alex and Henry from Red, White, and Royal Blue, and Drew and Harrison from Keleidotrope, because I'm still insane about you all too, don't worry.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

THAT IS QUITTER TALK AND I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT. but to give a kind of cutesie answer, i'm not sure i'll ever be done with the libraryverse. there's so much story there, and i keep having ideas for it, so maybe i'll be able to keep playing in it forever. that would be kind of nice.

16. What are your writing strengths?

why are you making me say nice things about myself. why. overall, i think i'm good at dialogue. i actually wrote a whole manuscript in instant messages because i love writing dialogue so much. i'm pretty good at getting into characters' voices, whether they're my own or someone else's, and i find a lot of joy in writing everything from banter to flirting to meaningful conversations (but some of those are easier than others lol)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

action, descriptions, things that aren't dialogue. i also tend to keep my writing kind of short, so i don't always allow for moments to breathe the way they should.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

woooooof the only other language i speak is hebrew (and not amazingly well) so probably not. if i ever got good enough at another language, maybe? but english is my first and by far my strongest language, so I don't think i'd ever be able to express myself well

19. First fandom you wrote for?

as far as i remember, Lord of the Rings. (no you will never find it.)

20. Favorite fics you’ve written?

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CHOOSE, THEY'RE ALL MY CHILDREN. how about this, you tell ME what your fave stories of mine are, because im tired of linking things. and because i thrive on praise lol

i am too lazy to tag people specifically, so anyone who writes fic is welcome to answer!

[zombeebunnie]

Trembling Essence:💙Script progress + Updates💙

Hello and welcome new followers, long time no see! I was very busy most of this month, but I am back and ready to continue from where I left off on the game! This game development post might be a bit long but I tried to condense everything! :]

"How are things going so far?":

It's going slow and steady! I haven't been able to do too much these past few weeks, however, I wrote a few parts out before I got too busy and couldn't do anything else.

I want to be very careful when it comes to spoilers but, based on your choices, some of these areas will give off immersive cozy/homelike vibes that really express Noah and the player(Y/N)'s view towards each other. In the old 2023 script I was very new to writing so the small semi-hints of romance weren't the entire focus compared to the horror aspect but there's a better balance between both genres now and I'm still aiming for a meaningful slow burn versus it just being all over the place. :] I liked writing them a whole bunch which lead to a lot of these taking place in the mid/end of Day 4+, they just need to be placed in specific areas that call for it. With that being said, it felt really comfy adding key details about Noah and creating meaningful sections in the game. I was even going to draw out some of the unseen script/scenes but I believe the best thing to do is give deeper lore from the [Extended Demo] first. Even though my writing style has improved I still have to fix the multiple pacing issues I wrote last year.

"Playtester's advice":

I wanted to continue working through Noah's backstory but I kept having moments where I'd get sidetracked into wanting to fix up the start of the game again. Eventually, I talked to my play testers about it and they gave me a few encouraging pointers.

To help keep my process at ease, I will fix the beginning of the game when I take breaks from writing up Noah's backstory. :]

I talked about this during early 2024 but the start of the game that leads up to the cabin is still getting reworked. I was able to get some of it fixed for the [Extended Demo] but I wasn't done. Things are still up in the air but, I will say that I have a better view of everything than I did before. :] Another priority that needs fixing are the backgrounds! I've improved a lot on drawing and they need to be optimized. When you first start up the game, you wake up in a holed out tree in the swamp with the choice to leave this area and possibly end up in the forest. I was going for a very immersive form of symbolism that only a few noticed but, I believe I can do a better job about this. Unfortunately I don't have any new backgrounds to show right now but maybe next week I'll have some finished up! :]

"Art process/Noah's sprite sheets":

As far as Noah sprite sheet goes, it's still in sketch mode.

I didn't draw anything since I was gone so I need to do a few warm ups before I get to them. There are some old drawing prompts I wrote down and old sketches that I never got a chance to doodle so hopefully I can get to them at some point with some attached lore. :,]

My Q&A / Ask box has been reset!

Thank you to those who have sent in asks in the past, unfortunately they all disappeared except for 1 while I was gone. I have no idea what happened but I can only guess it just got reset.

If you have any questions about Trembling Essence/Noah feel free to ask or resend them in here please. This makes it easier for me to see and answer accordingly! I would really like to hear from you guys!

This is all I have to share so far, Thank you to everyone for the continued support and patience while I was gone! I was ready to accept the interest for this game to fade out and coming back to see that it didn't happen makes me happy, I really appreciate it. :,]

[steventhusiast]

since i'm a day late i am speedrunning writing day 2 so i don't fall behind HAHA so this is @steddie-week day 2: bittersweet

<- day one

--

steve tapes shut a cardboard box of belongings, and takes a deep breath. he is determined to keep it together until eddie's gone. he has to.

"stevie, be honest with me. should i take the guitar covered in upside down goo with me to college?" eddie asks him from the doorway, holding up said guitar and frowning at it intensely.

steve lets out a little giggle, and smiles fondly at his boyfriend.

"eds, be honest with me. would you be able to let yourself leave it here?" he retorts, and eddie mutters something to himself, then realises steve's words and points at him accusingly.

"don't call her an it!"

and with that eddie is off down the hall and yelling at wayne to leave space in the van for his guitar, and steve lets his smile fall as he's alone with eddie's box of clothes.

he's happy for eddie, he really is. he finally managed to graduate, and got into a music programme at a college an hour and a half away. steve has been so proud of eddie ever since he admitted to him in a hushed whisper at 3am that he had let himself hope this time, had applied to some college courses. and that pride had only grown since eddie got the letter saying he got in.

but with that pride and happiness, he's also feeling sad. he and eddie have only been together for a few months. it took them a bit after the fourth coming of the apocalypse to get their shit together and start dating, but steve can't remember what life looks like without eddie by his side every day.

admittedly, they're a little codependent, but steve's scared. they're not breaking up or anything, and have committed already to a weekend schedule where one week steve drives to see eddie, and the next week eddie drives to see steve, but steve's still feeling things about the whole thing.

he just doesn't want to bring eddie down. he's so happy today, steve's never seen his boyfriend so full of self-pride. he can't be the one to ruin that.

steve hears a gentle knocking sound, and looks up to see eddie giving him a meaningful look. he's leaning against his door frame, all his weight on one foot, so steve figures he's been there for at least ten seconds, watching him look all wistful and pathetic.

"hey! finished taping up this box." he decides to try and ignore the look on eddie's face, but eddie's not having it at all.

he pushes off the doorframe and comes to sit next to steve on the edge of his stripped-bare bed.

"what's with the face, sweetheart?" eddie asks him, voice softer than usual. steve just shakes his head.

"nothing, just.. you know. you're leaving?" he stops talking for a second, lets out a long sigh, and then continues, "i don't know, it suddenly hit me you're not gonna be here a lot of the time."

eddie hums at his words, lets the confession sit there in the silence for a moment, and then shuffles closer to steve and wraps both arms around him, pushing the box of clothes onto the floor.

"now i know my boyfriend didn't just dismiss his very valid feelings as 'nothing', because that would be obscene." eddie murmurs into steve's ear from where he's settled his chin on his shoulder.

"okay, i know it's not nothing. i just don't want to bring the mood down. you're so happy, i can't ruin that."

"you having feelings doesn't ruin my day. if anything, i'm kind of glad you're sad about me leaving. does that make me an asshole?" eddie confesses, and steve gently nudges eddie off his shoulder so he can lean back and look at him in the eyes, confused.

"what do you mean?"

"you being sad means you're gonna miss me. and i sure as hell am gonna miss you, so much. so.. i don't know. it's validating?" eddie tries to explain, and then starts tripping over his words as steve doesn't say anything in response, "not that i want you to be sad! i don't know! feelings are weird and they don't make sense i just know that i'm gonna miss you like hell and-"

steve cuts eddie off with a searing kiss, and then lets their gentle hug continue.

"i'm kinda glad you're gonna miss me, too." he admits, and then they start chuckling to themselves at the slight absurdity of their conversation. they both knew they're going to miss each other, but it was nice to hear it out loud.

"that better not have been my goodbye kiss." eddie says after a few seconds, and steve makes a noise like he's not sure if he should be offended.

"i'm literally driving with you to help you unpack in your dorm."

"i'm just saying! if that was my goodbye kiss i want a refund and a redo because i know you can do better, harrington."

steve lets his forehead fall onto eddie's shoulder as he giggles to himself.

"you're so weird, munson."

"i know." they let the silence sit again for a minute, and then eddie dramatically gets up and puts both his hands on his hips, "right, these boxes aren't gonna walk themselves to the car. let's go, mister jock."

--

-> day three

[endwersed]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by the fabulous @dear-massacre 😘

How many works do you have on ao3?

21 - it would be a lot higher, but I purged all but one of my old Destiel fics back in 2017. They weren't very good, so I can't say I really regret it 🤷‍♀️

What's your total ao3 word count?

319,994

What fandoms do you write for?

Now, just Teen Wolf 🐺

Top five fics by kudos:

Find Your Fire - Reddie (IT)

Clue(less) - Reddie (IT)

Nah, He Didn't - Destiel (Supernatural)

Worst Enemy - Reddie (IT)

as dear as a brother - Sterek (TW)

Do you respond to comments?

Embarrassingly, it's very hit and miss... I want to! I love and cherish every single comment I ever get! But I find the process of replying to comments bizarrely stressful, so sometimes it takes me... a while. And that while might be, like, years. Sorry!!

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I genuinely don't have anything with an angsty ending posted; I need my boys to be happy too badly for that. I guess I could say maybe striking out - just because it's not finished yet, and where it is in the story right now is angsty af!

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All of them have rom-com level happy endings lol. Maybe Clue(less) - it's a childhood friends-to-lovers soulmate AU, so it has all the sap that comes with those particular tropes wrapped up in there.

Do you get hate on fics?

I wouldn't call it hate, per se - but I guess my interpretation of Stiles is a bit harsher/more rough-edged than others I've seen, and some people don't vibe with that, so I get comments telling me they don't like Stiles in my story for XYZ reason.

To be clear - I also don't write Derek as a completely faultless, entirely perfect guy. I also have him do bad (arguably worse, in some fics) things. But for some reason, I don't ever really get the same kind of comments about him!

Do you write smut?

Like, almost exclusively at this point. It's like my brain can't come up with a story unless I'll get a chance to write them fucking nasty in it.

Craziest crossover:

None, they're not really my jam.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

omg yes! years ago! It was this Destiel HS AU I had posted on AO3 (since deleted because it was... not good) and someone posted it onto ff.net and claimed it was theirs. I can't remember if I ever was successful in getting it taken down.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don't think so!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have not.

All time favourite ship?

All time is so hard... I do probably have to say Sterek. I shipped them intensely back in 2012, and I ship them even more intensely now. So - yeah. Probably them.

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Are we talking real WIP that I've actually made a meaningful dent in? Or just ideas I've put down to paper?

Because I have so many ideas, there isn't enough time to actually finish them all lol. But for fics I have actively started, I'm pretty confident I'll manage to muddle through to the end of all of them, even if it takes a little while.

What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue and smut, I think.

I tend to develop a scene around the dialogue - in that, it's the dialogue that will come to me first when I'm planning the outline, and I'll note it down for when I come around to writing the scene. Then it's mostly a case of refining that dialogue and building the scene with descriptions around it.

I also love smut as character study. It's not just about being horny for them. It's about being horny for their introspection, too.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I don't have the imagination to come up with some of the flowery prose I see and love from other people. I wish I did, but that's just not how my brain works unfortunately!

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I only really feel comfortable writing in languages I'm fluent in. For anything else, I think we all know Google Translate can't be trusted, so I just... avoid it.

First fandom you wrote in?

Harry Potter! Wolfstar all the way back on ff.net <3

Favorite fic you've written?

Oh god, this is hard. Let's go with a Teen Wolf fic, because they're the nearest and dearest to my heart right now.

I think I'd say feels so good inside. It was so much fun to write, and I just love loss of virginity fics so damn much.

-

Open tag to anyone who wants a go!

[rollercoasterwords]

genuinely thank you so much for writing thtf. it's my favourite thing to read in the whole world for so many reasons. like other than where it's obviously devastating (in SUCH a good way), idk it just makes me so happy

I think it's the first wip i followed from start to finish and I have to say that part of 2022 was not the greatest but yk, every few days there'd be a new chapter. and it was great.

I fucking love Dorcas talking about "a butterfly in the palm of your hand" it's changed the way I think so much. like you would not expect this from a fanfic lmao but it's pretty much exactly what I needed to hear at the time. living just to live, even if it's complete shit, not caring about what they're leaving behind. ch 42 (i think) where all they're doing is just washing the dishes but it's so special and they're listening to dawn storm is so important to me I love it SO much. fucking amazing.

ngl I don't really think there's anything I don't like. every character feels so right - regulus in particular sticks out to me, like there's such a good balance between him doing pretty bad things because he's not a particularly "good person" but also not being a complete dick. also I would die for marlene mckinnon and the way you write her is just so fucking good. the way she is just so alive to make up for her shorter life is so beautiful to me. I could ramble on for a very long time about everything in this fic but I dont want this to get too long lol

the music you put on the chapters is also really good like I'm pretty sure the first time I read it I didn't listen the music and then I reread it with the music and it was like a whole different experience

yeah i would've sent this earlier (like maybe a year ago) but looks like I put it off for a really long time lol

also - really love where atwmd is going rn I'm so excited for more chapters, i love Sirius Black etc etc

ahh thank u this is so sweet! i love hearing that thtf resonated w people it definitely feels like the fic kinda took on its own life & became a little philosophical journey that i was not entirely expecting lol. i think writing a story where i knew my main characters were going 2 die the whole time really made me contemplate like. ok what do i actually want 2 say abt death, and by way of that what do i wanna say abt life? bc like. as someone who doesn't believe in an afterlife i didn't wanna write a story that says "well it's ok bc they can be happy in the afterlife" <3 bc like. that does not comfort me lol. & i also didn't wanna write a story that was like "it's ok bc there's gonna be a good future 4 others after them," bc i think life means something and matters even outside of futurity. i didn't wanna play into this narrative that u have 2 Do Something 2 make ur life meaningful by making sure u have an impact on the future, etc; i wanted 2 write abt life as meaningful outside of that. & i also specifically wanted 2 write abt life as something beautiful & meaningful even with the bad stuff mixed in, and even if death is abrupt and scary and painful and unwanted. like i purposely made both their deaths pretty brutal bc i personally find the idea of a "bad death" really scary! the idea of dying before ur ready, dying scared or alone or in pain or all three, etc...and i think part of why that's so scary is bc we place this big emphasis, again, on a linear timeline of life, where death is The End, and if The End is bad, then the story's a sad one. but death is just one moment in the sum total of billions of moments throughout your life; why should that bad cancel out all the good? why should a story be sad, just because the last page of it is sad? you can open the book to any page and find happiness, and love, and warmth, etc. & that's what i'm trying 2 say w "a story is not its end."

anyway. this got much longer than expected lol i love 2 ramble abt thtf but! again ty 4 the kind words glad u enjoyed the fic glad u enjoyed the music as well!! i love the playlist 4 that fic <3

[cordycepsfem]

So I haven't been able to watch the triumphant (?; I've heard mixed reviews) final season of "The Umbrella Academy" because I've been enjoying struggling with the dual-firing cannons of bad mental health and medical issues blasted directly at my face, with neither showing signs of letting up.

But I still have time to troll my favorite haunts, and tonight I read a post that very correctly encapsulated my thoughts on why Season Three was such a fuck-up. I've written about it before, but one of the things that irritated me about Season Three was the way everyone patted themselves on the back loving how the transition from Vanya to Viktor was so seamless... when instead what happened was the writerly equivalent of being shot in the face with an ugly, piece-of-trash pistol, and then everyone telling you that you should have known better, that gun's been around since Act One, under a spotlight in a glass case on a velvet pillow, no less! Of course it was going to be shot!

I didn't even do well in playwriting in college and yet I know you don't fire off a gun you haven't established existing. So when "Viktor" says things like "I've never liked looking mirrors" it's like "Girl, when?" Not to mention the incredibly insensitive way "Viktor" says that being in a lesbian relationship was what inspired "him" to transition. Really? You were finally happy in a relationship with a woman but realized in order to be in that relationship you needed to be a man? How homophobic does this gun have to be?

Apparently I'm not alone in this. User "Right Cross" over at the New Zealand Fruit Farms was able to succinctly describe Season Three. I know many of us have mixed feelings about the New Zealand Fruit Farms, but despite their reputation they usually have correct information and occasionally thought-provoking posts.

"Everything that happened in the latter half of Umbrella Academy is a fucking tragedy."

Ellen Page transitioning after the scripts had finished causing a massive re-write and Thomas Page McBee, another trans man, was brought on "ensure that the storyline where Viktor comes out as trans was handled with care and respect." So much was done to make sure that Ellen was respected that anything resembling what Umbrella Academy was ceased to exist. Here's a short example: The family, who is always at each other's throats and are vicious with their insults and actions with one another find out that their sister Vanya, (who they all have a significant distaste for even before she ended the world twice), is now going by Viktor. The family is in a heated discussion when suddenly Vanya mentions she is now Viktor. You would expect that any one of these insensitive siblings would comment negatively on this behavior. Even if they are all secretly identity politics progressives, surely any one of these people would find some mean thing to say. It doesn't need to be transphobic. It could be anything. Anything to show that the characters and the writing are still intact, any type of snide remark that could show that the writers haven't completely assassinated all of their characters. Not one thing. Not only do they all accept her, they praise her. From this point on in the entire series, Viktor the character receives no meaningful pushback or character interaction, despite the amount of screen time he is given. Viktor is never on the back foot. Not in combat or dialogue. Viktor is no longer treated as a character, only as a tool. He becomes completely static. Viktor is always the last one standing, literally, in the final confrontation in Season 3, where he is the only one who has the power to do anything about the situation they're in. Every single scene with Victor is pandering garbage. He even gets asked to be the 'best man' of one of the brother's wedding. Everything about Season 3 is so creatively bankrupt that it is insulting. Viktor is the best man? Not Five? Not Klaus? Most egregious, not Diego? Someone who Luthor has had a rivalry with since the beginning of the series, but we have been able to see them grow to be true brothers and friends? Season 3 is a narcissistic love letter. Attempting to write scripture showcasing that she could live the life of a man with infallible masculinity. Wishing that those who she cares about would accept and praise her choice to transition. That she would be asked to receive one of the highest honors another man can get, being the best man at a wedding from someone who truly cares about you. From being someone who is powerless in their own body and hates themselves to someone who is confident, strong, and always in control. Not only against enemies, but friends and family as well.

[missyourflight]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

ty @veryspecificfantasies and @love-leah for the tags 💕

1. How many works do you have on ao3? 40 counting a couple of anons

2. What's your total ao3 word count? 193,217

3. What fandoms do you write for? just f1 at the minute - i've signed up for yuletide this year (finally a chance to get unbanned lol) so it'll be nice to have a go at something else

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? So let's say, I'll come another day (1d ziam time traveller's wife au), tomorrow on every shore (maxiel below deck sailing yacht au), Somewhere in the heart of Rome (maxiel roman holiday au), let's explore your talent (BTS femmeslash tentacles in space), all creatures wild and tame (maxiel 🦑). 2 tentacle fics in the top 5 is so funny lol... my brand

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? yes i try to! at least for the first while after something's posted. i like the livejournal vibes of a comment thread

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? i'd call them bittersweet endings rather than angsty endings but each part and grassy bits in between and Somewhere in the heart of Rome both end with the couple parting after a brief time together but like, hopefully with the sense that they found something meaningful in each other. and roman holiday kind of gets a happy ending later. kind of

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? tomorrow on every shore is probably the most uncomplicatedly happy in that they basically sail off into the sunset together. i think a lot of my fics end with like, the sense of relief or reconciliation of finding each other again, uniting your fantasy kingdoms, escaping a clone dystopia etc

8. Do you get hate on fics? not anywhere i can see it at least!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? i saw someone say that they think of themselves as writer of erotica rather than romance, and as far as that's a useful distinction re: fanfic i would definitely fall on the Romance side of it (i have read so many romance novels lol).

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? not so much crossovers with like the two sets of characters together. i may have been known to write an AU or two in my time.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? not that i know of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? yes!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? not published, but i had a wild time in like 2011 writing a deeply angsty and horny hal/hotspur boarding school au with a friend

14. What's your all-time favorite ship? maxiel to write, but you don't even want to see the number of pinboard bookmarks i have for merlin/arthur, ~gryles, arthur/eames, frank/gerard, stucky... it's just so many bookmarks. a ship in a smaller fandom that truly fucks me up is childermass/segundus from jonathan strange & mr norrell. bbc hot childermass you have So much to answer for

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? i don't have a lot of wips that i'm working on beyond like notes app until i start properly writing one up... i have like a maxiel omegaverse roleplay thing that i started that i don't think i can pull off the way i want to tragically

16. What are your writing strengths? hm humour? dialogue. concision. nicely turned sentences. longing and/or pining etc

17. What are your writing weaknesses? oh god. i write very slowly and all over the place and i can't sustain a plot or write anything very long. bad at sex scenes. pretty emotionally shallow. no original ideas only aus. thanks i hate it

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? i mostly find it jarring and i don't really do it

19. First fandom you wrote for? merlin 🧙‍♂️ it was an empire records au, obviously

20. Favorite fic you've written? each part and grassy bits in between is the most like nakedly personal. i still enjoy tomorrow on every shore a lot when i reread it. i'm so tender about clone max. i really loved the process of writing magnets, the pull of the moon but now that it's out i feel less good about it lol. it's like embarrassing to say but honestly when you work on something for months and it gets less ~engagement than something very silly you spent a day on it feels, let's say, disheartening. and there are like any number of reasons why something ~hits and something else doesn't - i myself, a hypocrite, have so many open tabs rn of things i loved and still need to comment on - and it makes me feel really small and mean and churlish to tell myself writing is something fun that i do for myself because i enjoy it and then turn around like, i didn't get enough compliments on that one actually (i'm a leo if you didn't know). and i did get some truly lovely comments i will treasure and i did what i wanted to do with that story and i loved writing it and i do think it's a good story even! just like the gap between your hopes and reality sometimes is deeply mortifying. like it's embarrassing that i was excited about it. it feels weirdly exposing even though nobody is ever thinking about you as much as you're thinking about yourself lol

[larkral]

20 questions for fic writers!

Thank you @orange-peony and @wellbelesbian for tagging me in this game! I feel sure that others have tagged me but I have become incapable of reading my activity feed.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

14! This feels both reasonable and correct. (one is a self-meta and one is a round robin fic)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

204,176 this feels correct and unreasonable.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Carry On, In Other Lands, apparently Check Please though I haven't published the thing yet.

Historically I've written for X-men the movie and Battlestar Galactica (BSG). Most of the fics in my profile are for BSG, and all of my X-men fic was on ff.n 🤷

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos

Number 1 is Good at Something by a ridiculous margin. Number 2 is A Dangerous Affinity by a normal margin Numbers 3-5 are fics in a series I wrote for Battlestar Galactica: Proof Positive (third in the series), Proving Grounds (first in the series), and Prove that you can do it better (second in the series), which I posted 8 years ago. So they've had a while to accrue readers.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do... most of the time. Sometimes I get overwhelmed and don't respond for a while. I intend to respond to comments, I don't always do so.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

A BSG fic called Grief. Which is actually about how horrible it feels to realize that your grief has lessened over time.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I suppose this is a deep spoiler, but I think A Dangerous Affinity has the happiest ending of anything I've written. It's happy for the characters (who don't die) as well as for the crossover setting it's based in.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really? The only thing I'd consider borderline "hate" is when someone bookmarked a fic I adore (An Arranged Meeting) with a long comment that included both of these phrases:

"you have to buy some changes in personality depiction" and "the random timeset of the vignettes is hard to follow."

And, listen. If you are reading a deep AU and you can't understand why people who have a meaningful change in their early professionally formative years might end up as different people, I don't know what to say to you. Also, like, I wrote it nonlinearly. That was on purpose! I love nonlinear narratives, I would change nothing.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yeah. Yep. All kinds? My BSG ship was het, I've written some femslash for Carry On, as well as a...um, fair amount of mascslash (is this a thing? I'm going with it), and in my Check Please fic there's an orgy, so. Lots of kinds of smut, though, as others have mentioned, I tend to trade in tender smut above all else.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Yeah, those 200k words up there? 125k of them is a Carry On/Scholomance crossover/fandom fusion. But the characters don't cross over, so... Shrug.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

nope

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope, but I *want to*

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

God, this is a hard question! I cannot. I will not. Pacey/Sage. There. Now you know.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I started writing a story in BSG that was based around the idea that Kara was adopted by Tigh and Ellen, and I wrote some stuff I really really love for it, but I lost the mojo around BSG around the time I was starting on that story.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Figurative language.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I really have to be yanked into the story I'm writing. It's difficult for me to find motivation to write unless the story is dragging me along kicking and screaming, or I've got some kind of external motivation to write. I feel very lucky to have had a lot of

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I think it can be necessary. I did it in ADA, and it was necessary, and I added translations in the title so it showed up on hover and end notes. I think that sometimes it's done when it's not necessary and then it bugs me, but as long as I'm being given adequate context to continue reading on, I'm happy. It's hard to write because inevitably when you're doing it, it's because someone is a native speaker/fluent, but likely you as the writer aren't, so you need to get someone who is to advise, which is not easy to do in fandom. I've been lucky to have friends and connections who can help with those things, but it's not a given.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

whispered Animorphs.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Good at Something. Closely tied with Holsom Timeloop/Friday Prime, which no one but @petedavidsonscock has put their eyes upon, and it's not yet finished, but I love it so much.

I'm tagging @fireinmywoods, @shrekgogurt, @petedavidsonscock, @facewithoutheart, and @cutestkilla if any of you haven't already done this

[mrbexwrites]

Thoughts on Beta Readers

Apologies in advance if this turns into a bit of a ramble; I've had a lot of thoughts in my head, and I needed to somewhere to formulate them into a coherent stream.

I made this writblr page about a year ago after realising that I have written loads of stories, but never really thought about sharing them. I still don't know what I'm ultimately going to do with any of them- I don't think I have the skills/fortitude to go through Trad or Indie pub, nor the stamina and/or headspace for self-pub and trying to be my own hype/marketing person just doesn't appeal to me.

I like the writing part of writing; not so much anything else, as anyone who has seen any of my other posts will attest to! I think in just about every post I've ever published, it's just me grumbling about editing!

Anyway- sorry, I digress (in my defense, I did say that this would be a rambling post, so you only have yourself to blame if you've made it this far into my diatribe!). I've only been brave enough to share snippets of my WIPs through tag games, and everyone who had liked, commented or reblogged something- has given me that little dopamine spike and helped me find some courage to share my work.

I put out a call for beta readers, and some amazing people have taken the time and effort to read something that I've written.

I'm not a confident person, and I really worried that my story was garbage. I think I've stared at the documents so many times, that I could no longer see the woods from the trees. There were bits that I wasn't happy with, but couldn't figure out why. I was worried that I didn't have enough research under my belt to handle sentitive topics. Some sections felt too heavy, or dull. I found my own writing boring, my characters bland, scenes didn't gel, action felt disjointed etc etc.

Basically, I was in a bit of a tailspin, or a slump, a funk...and I didn't know how to dig myself out of the hole that I'd managed to clamber into. Normally, when I finish a WIP, it's done, and I don't do anything with it. It just stays in my docs folder, and backed up to an external hard-drive.

Rather than just continuing to stare at a document for hours, wondering what to do, I found my beta readers, and sent my first draft over to them (hoping that I'd managed to find all typos- lol, that didn't happen. Typos still managed to escape me -_-' )

I've seen several posts on my dash from folk complaining about interaction and the writblr community. My posts don't get a lot of engagement, which is fine (not trying to join a pity party- just stating facts!) but I've found that the interaction that I do have from followers, mutual or random folk has been really meaningful.

I've gone from dreading sharing my work, to being excited to post snippets, and being tagged in games, getting to see what everyone else has been working on. (I appreciate that I'm a bit of a hypocrite, as I'm not very good at engaging with others on this site- I worry about coming across as a complete weirdo creep, and I struggle to find new ways of saying 'omg, I love this, show me more' in the tags! Or to think of asks to send, even though several people diligently send me asks every week! I'm trying to get better, I promise!)

Sorry- rambling again. I just...adklsdfgskhdfh

I'm honestly gobsmacked by the effort that my beta readers put into my WIP, and the kind comments, feedback and suggestions that they've made. I genuinely believed that I would get ' meh, it was okay' in the best scenario that I'd worked out in my head. Their engagement and feedback has been so helpful and I appreciate it so much.

It's helped me identify the sticking points that I was having, why I was unhappy with some scenes, characters etc etc. They have really helped me take that step back, and re-evaluate things, rather than just staring at the screen and feeling like a deer in the headlights. I was so worried/scared about sharing an entire WIP, but it's been worth it.

So, if anyone is in the same boat as me- scared to take the plunge- dip your toe in the water. Share snippets, work up to finding a beta reader or two, get outside input, rather than just sitting and staring trying to work it out on your own.

There are a lot of people out there willing to share their knowledge, and help you get the most out of your story.

Special thank you to @sam-glade and @at-thezenith for taking the time to give me such thorough feedback. I honestly can't thank you enough for your input and comments.

I'm going to stop rambling now, before this gets any more unhinged!

TL;DR- don't be a little writblr gremlin, lurking in the shadows. Engage with the community, and because they're awesome, they'll help you out!

[spaceytingz]

top 3 albums of 2023?

also hiiiii i really like your outfits and your hair. your vibes are so cool 🌌🫣

hi, thank you! and thank you for the ask!

i REALLY have trouble defining my favorite albums every year. Usually it's made easier if one of my favorite artists release, but now it's hard. My favorite of the year though is easy:

Gag Order by Kesha. I always, always ride for Kesha, probably more than I do for anyone else sans Carly Rae Jepsen. It's a very weird album and, historically, I don't do well with those, but this one is really good, probably because I get her. Like, me and Kesha are in it for life. I even love the interludes that have little to no singing in them which is a testament to how well they're done and how well they fit in the album. I have multiple favorites, some include Living In My Head, All I Need Is You (which started hitting EXTRA hard after my cat died), Too Far Gone, and, of course, Happy which feels like a more grounded and grown up version of Spaceship. No skips, amazing, love her forever.

I'd usually put Carly Rae Jepsen's release as my #2 if both have released in the same year and Kesha beat her for the first spot but sadly I'll have to break the tradition this year.

As my #2 I have Diamonds & Dancefloors by Ava Max, I'm personally a big fan of her, both her albums are very fun and dancey, I like her songwriting, I like her vocals, they're not like super meaningful but I like to have fun. No skips although she gets a bit corny on a few tracks (Weapons, Cold As Ice). Love it.

The whole reason I'm having trouble with this...ranking is that these two are the only albums I can say are more or less 10/10, start to finish. Now let's go over the contenders for the #3 spot:

Starfucker by Slayyyter is probably the strongest contender for #3 cause its highs are high, I love the soundscape and the aesthetics, and it really only has... one weak track (Tear Me Open) and like... two meh tracks (Memories Of You and Rhinestone Heart). The rest is either amazing or good.

Then we got the elephant in the room, The Loveliest Time by Carly Rae Jepsen. This is a shining example of an excellent 2/3rds of an album getting DESTROYED by the absolutely horrifying other third. Carly loves to experiment on B-sides, and she usually pulls it off, but the tracks Anything To Be With You, After Last Night (horrible), Stadium Love, Weekend Love and Aeroplanes completely sour the experience for me. See, I actually kinda like Aeroplanes, Weekend Love, and, hell, even Anything To Be With You, which the whole fanbase unanimously loathes, but, frankly, those tracks are very meh for her standards and especially for the standards set by the other tracks on the album which are AMAZING (I play the Shy Boy - Put It To Rest + Kamikaze sequence daily.). It kinda reminds me of Dedicated Side B, which had a lot of killer tracks, and a few... less good ones (This Love Isn't Crazy, Window, Heartbeat, Comeback, NIDHCAA), but frankly, DSB's "worse" tracks are more or less decent. You know it's bad when I've streamed her album from last year more this year

We also got Miley and Lana's albums, both of which have like... five or six good tracks each for me and the rest is unlistenable so I can't put them at #3. We got Paramore's album, which is honestly....... good but their lyricism has really..... taken a plunge towards the toilet, the last two tracks are tragic, the News and Big Man Little Dignity are catchy but corny and..... idk if i'd place it above Starfucker and The Loveliest Time. Rebecca Black's Let Her Burn has a few standouts but the rest of the tracks are just okay and Performer is the worst song of her career. (Doe Eyed is like #4 on my year end chart so far though).

Yeah, I'd give #3 to both STARFUCKER and The Loveliest Time, for old times' sake.

[kakusu-shipping]

1, 2, 4, 11, and 18 for the end of year asks? :0

Aaah thankyou Echo!!! This post might be long, please forgive me!

1. Did you add any F/Os to your list this year? Were they from new media or just a newly discovered love?

Here's every romantic F/O added to the list this year, or at least that I can remember adding this year. Years are long and my sense of time is very warped so it may not be fully accurate.

Most are from new media, or just new parts of media, like the end of the Owl House and the New Pokemon Games. The ones that are new loves from re-visits are Heracross, Smeargle, and Keckleon from Monster Mind, Mario and Luigi from Super Mario, Makarov from Fairy Tail, and Jill from The Wayward Children series.

Though Mario and Luigi are also what I consider my first F/Os, they weren't officially on the list until the movie came out, so I'm counting them in the 2023 yearly wrap.

2. Did you reconsume any of your F/Os’ source media this year? How did you feel about the rewatch/listen/read/etc?

I rewatch Assassination Classroom every year in March and it makes me cry every time. I also replay Hatoful Boyfriend and Holiday Star every December for Kazuaki and Hitori, watch Baka and Test sometime around late Summer most years to ease my seasonal depression, and rewatch Mushishi at least once a year.

Other than that, nothing super meaningful. I rewatched a few LPs of Mario games, replayed through Paper Mario myself, watched Romantic Killer again, Reread Manly Appetites every other month or so, watched The Cat Returns once or twice, played more Pokemon, Restarted Monster Mind (still haven't finished it), and skimmed the Ouran Manga at the library while waiting for them to replace the volume they're missing.

HOWever, this latest reread of Down Among the Sticks and Bones is what got me to finally put Jill on the F/O list, so that feels worth mentioning. I love that book <3

4. Was there anything on your blog that you were particularly proud of this year?

No, not really. My drawings were all very incomplete and sketchy this year with long gaps between them, and my writing really flaked off suddenly, I haven't written more than a paragraph at all this year.

I wouldn't say I'm particularly proud of them, but I did really enjoy making moodboards last month and am kind of waiting for my health to settle so I can get back to them. Making stuff for other self shippers is a lot more fun than writing/drawing for myself atm.

11. Was there new media for any of your F/Os this year? If so, what was your opinion on it?

Yes FNaF Help Wanted 2 came out and gave us New Sun Content and I LOVED IT!!!!! He's such a bitch!!!! A shit!!! A snobby theater kid!!! He's so controlling and harsh I LOVE him <3 So happy to know more about him honestly and that he's not all UwU Caregiver that the fandom made him. I like soft characters, but he's a HORROR character he needs to be a little fucked up!!

18. Did you have a favorite trend in the selfship community from the past year?

I'll be honest, I don't pay much attention to what other people in the selfship community are doing. I follow the tags but if there's like a popular trend thing going around, I miss it every time.

My LEAST favorite right now though is the whole "Stolen from an Anti" thing. I have no qualms about stealing posts it's whatever, but I hate when it's says that in text at the bottom of the post. Just tag it as such so I can filter it please

[mesaprotector]

i'm half dead from whatever ridiculous illness i managed to get this week (praying tonight isn't as bad as last night), but i finished another ending of never7.

visual novels are like beethoven symphonies; they build up forever, launch into a triumphant credits scene that goes on for ten minutes, and then inexplicably, aren't over yet.

if this version of the game weren't so kind as to let me know there are 19 endings, in total, i might well have gone "ah, yes, the classic 'interpret it yourself' ending, much literary, so amaze, wow". i did that with 999 after all.

i guess the most interesting thing i could talk about is that "it was all a dream" endings are almost inevitably disappointing, but in rare cases they can be done in a way that feels earned, and i'm wondering what exactly needs to happen for that to be true.

perhaps the reason why "it was all a dream" feels so bad is, well, in a story, many things happen, and when events happen in reality they mean something. if you comfort a stranger while waiting for the bus late one night you can imagine that they may have changed for the better because of it, even without seeing them again. same with characters in a story; necessarily, not every event is going to factor into the ending, but our immersion within the story's world allows them to seem to mean something. and then if the rug is pulled out at the end, it feels, well, i guess that didn't mean anything at all.

and yet it's not too uncommon to have a game level or a book chapter in an intentional "dream world", which usually are quite nice, because they have a direct effect on our protagonist's thoughts and decisions. like the entire premise of ai: the somnium files.

i think to justify the dream interpretation, a story really needs to show (not explain, but demonstrate) the meaning of every single element, no matter how minor. either there can be some aetheric connection between the real and the imaginary ("as above, so below"), or it needs (before the reveal) to deeply build up the psyche of the dreaming character, to the point that every bit of what they imagined can be seen in a new light the moment the rug is pulled. there's a certain vn that i think does this last bit effectively, though i can't say which because it's necessarily a giant spoiler.

does never7 do this? eh. it makes an attempt, at least; if izumi is correct, at least the first loop is real, and in most routes the first loop is the one with all the meaningful daily-life moments that would suffer most from the reveal. but at the same time, makoto isn't enough of a character (yet?) to make it all worth it. he's not quite a generic protagonist, to be sure, but i'm waiting for a further twist, which is usually not a good sign ¾ of the way through a game.

i guess i'll try for the other izumi "good ending" now. the first time (very influenced by being sick—i don't have the energy for exhausting drama rn lol) i went the route of "don't tell anyone the truth, just protect their happy feelings". so i'd guess the opposite tack would probably lead to something else that might fit my concept of what a story should be a bit better.

[dyandyan0]

trying to be philosophical... and #mindful 09.02.2024

currently packing for the big move tomorrow. i procrastinated all day because i didn't want to start until all the laundry was done, and i got way too into sims again so i've been playing that whenever i have the free time and ended up wasting like half the day. anyways, i had this podcast on in the background while packing and it touched on a lot of things that i had been contemplating lately. i initially clicked on it cos i was like wow serj and dwight from the office. it was just very random and unexpected to see this duo on the front page of my youtube. i didn't even know rainn wilson had a philosophy/interview podcast!! besides the point, i was inspired by both of the ways serj and rainn saw creativity, art, and how they connected that to their views on sprituality and prayer. i don't want to butcher what they said and meant by trying to explain it myself, but they lay it out beautifully in the first 20 minutes of the video.

this topic made me think about how i have been able to take care of myself on a deeper, more spiritual level. i have never been religious. i think i believe in god, but i don't know if it's just because i fear what's to come after death, and the thought of a heaven and god is comforting to me. despite that, i often times have a deep resent towards many organized religions and teachings. it's hard for me to meditate and pray in a way that is meaningful to my soul and healing to my mind when i feel so conflicted about the topic. in the podcast, serj talks about his creative outlets and how they serve as a kind of prayer and meditation for him, and it really made me think.

i think about a more peaceful time in my life, when i was in middle school to early high school. i used to draw every single day. i used to draw on any piece of paper i could find. i was constantly sharing art, looking at art online, making connections through a small artist community, and finding new ways to advance my skills. i would start a project, and wouldn't stop until it was finished. by then the entire day would have gone by. i rarely get these bursts of creativity nowadays, with my last piece being made back earlier this year... and before that i don't even know when. it pains me all the time how abruptly i stopped drawing and painting once i hit high school. i feel all the time as though my ego got the best of me, i wanted to give into things that didn't serve me, petty high school drama, toxic relationships, a feeling that i needed to prove myself to people who didn't care about me at all. of course, i don't blame myself for giving into these things. i was a teenager, and most teenagers do. but i'm sad that i feel like i sacrificed my creative drive, my purpose for a very long time, to this lifestyle that i fell into, and i feel like i never got it back. i try so hard to find passion in art again. i look back at the stacks of filled sketchbooks in my closet that i completed from my early teen years often. i get inspired by them, open a new sketchbook, and struggle to make anything that i am proud of or feel like i'm having fun making.

i'm not completely hopeless though. i started scrapbooking earlier this year. it feels like a form of free therapy when i collect a bunch of new photos, receipts, former letters, tickets, etc. and sit down for hours to display them in the book. i felt serj on a deep level when he talked about painting and how he would start, then finish, and notice that hours had gone by. that's how i felt when i used to draw all the time, and how i feel now when i get the chance to scrapbook new things. i just want to have another outlet for me to express myself that's fun again, that makes me feel happy and good about things.

i don't know if i'm being a bit vague or if what i'm saying resonates with anybody. i just feel like i have felt lost for a very long time because i lost my sense of purpose. i lost my drive, a way for me to meditate and feel like i'm contributing to the universe, even in a small way. i'm trying to be more hopeful that i can go back to a point where i'm proud of myself in this way.

[ratralsis]

I'm still working on my book most nights, is why I don't post on here very often.

It took me about a week to get that "Doctor Worm" story where I wanted it, which meant a hard limit of 1000 words. It meant a lot to me to finally write it. I've felt for years that the song is about someone desperately trying to fake it until he makes it. Someone with crippling low self-esteem, with lines like "I'll leave the front unlocked 'cuz I can't hear the doorbell" suggesting that Doctor Worm is so fucking needy that he's willing to risk his safety for the sake of getting someone to listen to him play the drums at his place.

"Experimental Film" is the exact opposite: it's someone who hasn't even figured out what their film is going to be about, but he's so convinced that it's going to be great that he's insisting that the ending will make your head implode and you're going to be in it.

It was a fun story to write. I have nothing else to say about it.

That's not true. I have a lot more to say about it, but I don't think the story resonated with anybody, so writing more about it here probably won't mean anything.

The three jokes I posted afterward are, to me, absolutely hilarious, because they each suggest an entirely unreal world with rules and logic that are different from ours. One must destroy all apes in the world of the third joke, because apes threaten the supremacy of humanity. That's extremely funny to me. Not destroying apes; the idea that the mere existence of an ape would threaten humanity's grip on our planet, to the point where even simple jokes declare that one must destroy them without mercy and at any cost. That's fucking funny.

It's kind of like… I know a guy who makes music, and it's super meaningful to him, and he embraces disharmony, and I absolutely can't deal with disharmony. I just don't like it! And I think it's great that he does! Do what makes you happy, you know?

I want to think that my jokes are like that. I like them, and I hope it's okay with other people that I waste their time with them, even if they don't think it's as funny as I do to imagine a world where scientists who think that a chicken who crossed the road didn't exist are being hunted down and killed for their heretical beliefs.

My current writing class ends at the end of April, so that's about nine weeks away. I'm frustrated, because I won't actually finish the third draft of the thing by then. I was almost halfway done with it by the end of November, but after a frank conversation with my tutor, I was convinced to scrap it all and start over. The third draft, I mean. I still have the second draft.

It's probably better this way, but it's annoying. It's why I'm spending so much extra time on it now. I'm trying to rebuild what I'd already written and then get past that point.

I'm frustrated. I have a solid grasp of how to write, but not how to write novels, you know? I've written so many essays and reviews and things that I can pretty easily string words together and not repeat myself or make grammatical errors, which puts me ahead of a lot of people. But coming up with plots and characters and themes that resonate with people… I think that the evidence all points to me being just as bad at it as I think I am.

Like… I have this character, and I really like him, because he's this completely evil villain, and he thinks he's a good guy. Tale as old as time, right? But I still like him. There's a chapter in the book where he breaks into a room where this six-year-old girl has snuck off to do some late-night reading, because he's a good and righteous person who has to hunt down the evil bastards who rescued her from a criminal gang and took her to the orphanage where she now lives, and he tells the child, in no uncertain terms, that she's going to help him find those evil bastards, and he's going to kill them, and when he leaves, she's crying, and he thinks, yep, I sure am a good person.

And that's fun! That's a fun story to me! Because you know this dude's bad news, and that makes it okay when he gets killed later! That's what writing's all about! Or something. But will people actually enjoy reading it? I'm not confident!

Well, so it goes. At least a few people liked that photo of my cat I posted earlier this week.