#i don't have an approximation for sqq sexuality btw whatever the fuck is going on with her is between her and god

[jinlin-at-the-moon]

Hi I'd LOVE to hear ur thoughts on transwoman shen qingqui

oh my god its actually happened. someone gave me an excuse to talk about this. holy shit lets go

the Thing with shen qingqiu is, as many of us know, that if anyone out there holds the crown of sheer denial, it is in fact the superior qing jing peak lord. shen qingqiu has a couple incredibly specific quirks to her internal monologue, and for the purposes of this mini essay (which will likely not go as in-depth as i'd like as i haven't had time to re-read the books recently and also don't have them physically with me right now so an actual essay-may-come this is not), i specifically note a few patterns with her thinking.

THE DENIAL, AS AFOREMENTIONED - we all know about this one. sqq, is, dear god, really good at being absolutely balls deep in denial about both her own feelings and also the feelings of others (especially when it comes to luo binghe, who i will also get into at some point in this).

RELATED, THE MENTAL GYMNASTICS - at surface level, it seems like the denial and the mental gymnastics are one and the same - however, i generally pose that they're not, exactly, but the mental gymnastics are still derivative of the denial; and by that i'm specifically counting 'mental gymnastics' to mean all those instances of thinking one thing that is actually true with her actually really good deduction skills not enough people give her credit for, then IMMEDIATELY following it up with a "haha but surely that cannot be true because i read pidw and i know better than my initial assumptions" (which is, in fact, precisely why people don't give her enough credit for those initial deduction skills. i love this woman's bullshit so much)

THE PROJECTION (wife edition) - in svsss, there are multiple, multiple instances of this one; it's specifically all those moments where sqq thinks about Luo Binghe's Many Wives™ when if you read past the 5 layers of self-bullshitting you immediately realise that she's just straight up talking about herself. she's awful, really.

THE PROJECTION (binghe edition). see i told you i'd get to him. this one is harder to explain without concrete examples actually, which is why i'd love for this to be a comprehensive essay after re-reading the books, but alas it is not. basically, shen qingqiu does this Thing (primarily after the kiss in book 2 happens and onwards, but it does show up earlier in smaller doses iirc) where she projects all of her wants onto binghe - particularly when it comes to sexual/romantic endeavours, but this happens just… in general? again really hard to tell you what exactly i mean without examples, so i gotta source: trust me bro on this even though i don't like doing that, but. trust me bro.

so, that's the foundation, right? where all of these patterns are used in the book is quite obvious - and that is, well… all over the place, really, but what immediately does come to mind is The Queerness - and specifically, its repression by shen qingqiu herself. in the story, The Queerness of it all is primarily taken to mean specifically homosexuality, and the values superimposed on sqq's psyche clashing with her own repressed sexuality and current situation, and also that she very undeniably loves binghe both like a child and a lover. (this is NOT about to turn into one of my freudian musings, but that's mostly because someone has already done that way better than me. shoutout to tshirt's svsss freud essay it's deeply important to all of my svsss beliefs btw it does also touch on the trans woman sqq thing which is fun. anyways.) …actually, no, the milf thing is relevant. we'll get to the milf thing. but back to talking about gay shit, shen qingqiu makes…. a lot. of references. to being a woman. and all of her thought patterns become Relevant while doing it- y'know, those same patterns she already uses for homosexuality, quite famously a queer thing to be, so it's like. The Queerness:

while the denial doesn't quite come into play directly, for obvious this-is-not-canon-and-i'm-just-insane-but-will-nonetheless-make-my-point reasons, it's present all throughout this reading - she's already really, really good at being in denial. it's not just a river in egypt to her, wait does egypt exist in svsss's specific setting actually? like this is a different can of worms but while mdzs does directly take place in china and tgcf is slightly less so but also implied to be in a very fantasy time period but still china i legit can't remember if any of those kinds of geographical references exist in svsss or if pidw was just straight up in the same sphere as The General Fantasy Setting is to western medieval fantasy? i'm getting way off topic here, it's a lifestyle. the mental gymnastics are relevant in that sqq is generally very prone to adjusting reality to her own mindset wherein she's self-assured that the reality she imagines is the true one, as well as her own dissociation from her own wants and needs covered up by But I Cannot Be Thinking That (most relevant example i can think of being her real grief over binghe she refused to acknowledge for fear of acknowledging her own feelings as a whole, while SPECIFICALLY also referring to herself as 'alike to a grieving widow', which is just further fuel for me) and her later projections of her own issues on binghe. that being said, i do think being post-canon will do her a lot of good. babygirl please get your brain out of survival mode and do some introspection. anyway, the projection (both kinds) is where Shen Qingqiu Is A Trans Woman is the most prevalent in its theory, because the projection allows for…. a lot of woman comparison that sqq may make. ESPECIALLY the wife thing. i've never counted how many times sqq either directly or indirectly compares herself to one of Luo Binghe's Many Wives™, and right now the only time that happens that comes to mind is during the dream demon arc - which, by the way, is absolutely full of sqq comparing herself to a woman, and it's also (iirc) the first 'maiden luo' comparison appearance, so it's just, like. the first scene i ask anyone who asks me about this headcanon to read while keeping "but what if she's trans" in mind, really.

speaking of the 'maiden luo' comparisons, that's the only concrete number in this essay i can give you, because i counted it a while ago. shen qingqiu refers to luo binghe as a 'maiden' 11-12 times across the four books. and while you'd THINK most of those would happen pre-abyss, a vast majority actually appear after the kiss in book 2, which is the moment where sqq imo honestly starts (admittedly still through 50 layers of self-bullshitting still) begrudgingly making the shift from the m to the f in milf. this is hilarious for a number of reasons, even transgenderism theory aside, but this post is not about putting transgenderism theory aside, so let's just. look at that. and think about it. really think about it. because maybe, deep down, what shen qingqiu might just really want, is a dedicated lesbian relationship with luo binghe. god bless. jokes (?) aside, the fact that sqq starts doing all the comparison of either herself or binghe to women way more often specifically after she is made to realise the true extent of binghe's feelings for her feels really important here. it's almost like, the second she begins letting up on her queer repression even a little bit, some other feelings escape. curious, isn't it. it's great.

now, am i going to address the perhaps-elephant in the room? as in, you know. the 'as long as she's a real woman' line? actually i am, but specifically because that line made me laugh and then immediately start considering this theory in the first place. i'm not kidding, that's where it started, and then i slowly went insane over time. it really does fit sqq's particular brand of repression, though. like damn girl, they gave you internalised homophobia AND internalised transphobia? how much shit do you have internalised? many shits, probably. god knows what else is there.

oh, and speaking of iconic lines. well. this whole essay, had i the ability to add in direct quotes, absolutely would include Every Single Time Shen Qingqiu Compares Herself To Su Xiyan, You Know, Famously Luo Binghe's Mother. THIS is where i talk about the milf thing, actually, because it's still absolutely INSANE to me that that shit is just, In The Text. like. wow. i both question my own sanity and keep being like it's mind boggling how much the text itself wants to prove me right. anyways, sqq and sxy have extremely deliberate set up parallels between them - in particular with the tlj/lbh parallel added in as well, but also with bingqiu themselves, which. hilarious. and freudian, again. go read the freud essay. sqq is compared to sxy a LOT, she both does it herself and other people do it - which does lead to the infamous 'i wouldn't have aborted you' line, which is just…. the quintessence. of why i love this book so fucking much. and also the milf thing is evidence for my crazed mumblings so whatever. i think you get my point here

(…and since we're talking about other people comparing sqq to a woman, because it's somewhat relevant. this happens. quite significantly. with one other character in particular. like most sqq woman references are mostly either from her own weird twisted mind with the "The Wives™" thing or with the su xiyan thing or the forlorn widow after binghe's nightmare road trip started thing. but there's. one person. who. weirdly consistently does this? and i truly don't know what to think about it but. hey airplane why do you forcefem cucumber-bro in your head so much. there is generally a lot of things wrong with airplane, but the '[peerless cucumber] is alike to a wife married to a disappointing husband' in regards to pidw readership line literally lives in my head rent free all the time forever and everything that's around it is just…. it's bad even with context. what. this isn't an airplane essay but with the knowledge that luo binghe was to some degree airplane's self-insert does make me feel some kind of way in addition. airplane. please. like airplane was trans(masc) in his past life in my head which is also an interpretation essay i wish to write one day but that doesn't make anything better. this whole paragraph is just an unrelated tangent. i'm sorry airplane-bro is my second favourite character and his sqq woman references are Numerous i can't do anything about it)

--anyways, so. this last point i'm going to make is one that is honestly less about the trans thing in general, and moreso a general take i have, so. here goes,

putting the trans in transmigration: i think there is a lot of merit to observing transmigration/isekai-type stories as a sort of allegory for queerness in general. while svsss is, on its level, already an exploration of this, i do wish to on my own terms also give a thought or two i've had about my reading. shen qingqiu is, in my honest opinion, sort of misrepresented in the fandom quite often. it's not even a case of blatant mischaracterisation (even if that also happens sometimes), but rather a case of 'what's in a name'; or rather, what's in an identity. i opened this post by calling shen qingqiu, as we know her, the main character of svsss, "the superior qing jing peak lord" -and while some would see it as a comedic jab to lighten the mood, it's really not such in the long run of this specific meta. becoming the peak lord of qing jing, becoming shen qingqiu, is the best thing that could have happened to peerless cucumber, internet critic, 'pretty-boy wasting his life away', IRL ID 'shen yuan'. see those air quotes thats right bitch this is going to be my hottest take in this essay: shen yuan is her deadname. i am both dead serious AND alive silly.

i actually wrote a post about this on my old account here, and to be quite honest i still stand by that my thoughts there - if you look closely, shen qingqiu never refers to herself as 'shen yuan' post-transmigration. she's fully locked in. she has accepted that courtesy name with grace and immediate acceptance, and in general doesn't… think much? about her old life and name? in fact the only other reference i can think of to the name 'shen yuan' is with the mushroom arc, where the mushroom body's appearance is based on her old body in part - and it's also particularly interesting to note that she doesn't feel one way or another about either of her appearances, which is food for thought no matter which way you take that! point is - shen qingqiu is shen qingqiu. she fucking LOVES being shen qingqiu. she goes from 'wasting away' in her old life to being a good teacher and finding joy in her work, having actual friends besides one weird guy online she had a parasocial hatred for, having a partner who cares for her, and a life she actually likes, and while i do think that angst may come from coming off survival mode and properly processing all those deaths she had, that angst is not going to be about 'impersonation' of any kind - because, well, shen qingqiu is shen qingqiu, and she's happy to be shen qingqiu and stay Shen Qingqiu Specifically forever. am i annoying with the emphasis on purpose, maybe? this goes beyond transgender interpretation thoughts this is just my hot take post right now - people love to give sqq name drama or transmigrator angst that just, in my take, doesn't actually work for her - she is no longer shen yuan, and she is not shen jiu (who, nota bene, she doesn't refer to as "the real sqq" ever), and while she feels momentary regret for getting all in sj's business, it's ultimately but a part of her experience in the world she lives in now; the world she's building a life in, the world which in spite of all of its contrivances she likes living in far more than her old one, the world she's been able to craft her own identity in. and that's really the core of it all, honestly- the point of this meta, i mean, though we got quite far away from it for a second there for the sake of my own grievance, so. sorry. this is a transgenderism essay, i promise. because shifting into a new name and identity without hesitation and finding yourself in a whole new reality you come to love far more than the depressing life you've left behind is, in my opinion, an EXTREMELY trans narrative, and in the end, that's the true point i wish to make-

(-well, that, and ALSO that people should stop a-yuaning her ass because thats her deadname that she hasn't thought about in years, but that's another one of my personal old man yells at mountain type fanon grievance-)

-so, in conclusion. my fun guy trait is dragging people in with memes then making it profound - and that's, hugely, why i adore svsss so much; because it really does the same thing. thank you for enabling my bullshit. if anyone wishes to argue with me about any of this you are Welcome To btw i love debating on the internet. cya around when i actually write a proper essay with quotations on this <3

("by the way, koi," you may ask, "by making shen qingqiu a trans woman, aren't you making bingqiu straight, and doesn't that impact/undermine the whole sexuality realisation sqq already canonically has?" to that i answer, no. sqq is right with all those maiden luo instances. because to me, too, luo binghe is a he/him lesbian*. thank you for coming to my ted talk)