#i don't fucking UNDERSTAND why my digestive system is DOING THIS

[killbaned]

oh my fucking god i want to get comfortable and play some fucking games not continually have to go back to the fucking bathroom i'm so fucking SICK of this!!!!

[vickytaa]

Those Blue Eyes"

Part 2.

(part 1)

"Can you move idiot?" Matt said.

I felt his blue eyes on me.

how could he be such a bastard? He didn't even bother to say hi.

As I walked away from the department, I felt my mind burning. How could he be so rude? Did I do something?.

3:00 pm

I was trying to do some homework when I heard my phone buzzing. It must be Nick.

Nick

heyy girll, do you have any plans for today??

Y/n

hii, nop. I was doing hw, but I wouldn't mind taking a break :)

Nick

Alright, wanna come here to start the science project??

Y/n

on my way.

I was so excited, I dressed up with a white T-shirt and grey pants.

I walked downstairs and grabbed my keys.

While going to Nick's house, I was looking at every building. It was all too different from home. My vision started to get blurred. I missed home. Family. Friends. I haven't been a full week yet, and I already missed home.

When I arrived, I asked myself if I really wanted to be there. Before I could think of an answer, the door opened, and there he was, standing right in front of the door. "Nickkk!" he smiled and stepped away, inviting me to come into the house.

As soon as I passed the door, I could feel his presence, his eyes on me. I felt like I was in another dimension. Why? I don't even like him.

I turn so I can see him sitting on the couch next to Chris. He smiled, and I thought I might pass out. He is such a dickhead but that doesn't stop him from being so fucking pretty.

We sat on the dining table and we all started to take out our books.

"So, here it's says, 'To start, choose a human body system'." Chris says

"I think we should do Digestive sistem, we all know about it and it's the easiest one." I suggested, and they all agreed except Matt. He was quiet, so I looked at him to ask again, and his blue eyes were staring at me. Our eyes met. I know I wasn't the only one who felt the tension in the air. Why in school was he so different? Is he the same person?

"Uh, yeah, sure" He says, as a little smile formed on his face.

We started to search images and information about it.

As we were getting tired, I heard Chirs say, "we should play Mario Kart."

"Suree, I love this game," I said, excited to play, a bit nostalgic because it was my brother and I 's favorite video game.

While playing you could see how good I was. I was killing them. And there faces where priceless.

And when it finished I was so happy, laughing at them, but not in a bad way. They were laughing too, but more because Chris was shocked, he has always been the best and you debated him like nothing.

Soon the sun came down and I knew I had to be early at home so I grabbed my things, and I looked at them, smiling, they looked like they were having a great time, me too, so I thank them and made my way out.

☆

When I arrived I saw Jess sitting on the couch while looking at her phone.

"I told you it would be easy for you," She whines. I giggle. "So, tell me about it"

"They are triplets, Nick, Chris and Matt.

Nick is so sweet and funny, but Chris is the funniest and weirdest." I laughed."And Matt.. he is so handsome, but I don't really understand him, I know it's the first day I met him, but in school, he is a person, and out of it is another completely different."

"Don't worry, girl, they are men. Nobody understand them." And we both laughed.

When bedtime arrived, I laid down, closed my eyes, and there he was, again.

Those Blue Eyes he got, his brown hair, and the way he could undress you just by looking at you was unique.

And my memory of him staring at me and then smiling was all over my thoughts. I couldn't take it out of my mind.

But then I remembered, tomorrow was my first volleyball practice here. I'm so nervous. What if I don't get with any of my teammates? would they be better than me?

My mind was killing me slowly.

☆

Matt's Pov

When I first saw her enter the class that day, I was shocked. How is she so beautiful? But damn, she looks stunning.

When the teacher said the project was with groups of four, I looked at Chris and Nick, and they asked if we should ask her to be with us. It was her first day, so I thought she might have no friends yet.

"Hii, my name is Y/n." I tried to look everywhere, avoiding her. I knew that if I looked at she, I might be an hour staring at her.

Later that day, I was walking towards the PE department, and suddenly, I saw her. She can't know that I like her, even if I just met her, and didn't know her last name or her favorite food. "Can you move idiot?" I said. Wow, now she thinks I hate her. Why did I say that? She is not Chris or Nick to talk to her like that.

☆

Nick said Y/n was coming, so I tried to look as good as I could.

When I saw her pass by the door, my heart started to go faster and faster, but when she looked at me, I pretended that I didn't care, although I had been waiting for this moment all day.

We sat at the diner table, and we started to take out our books.

I couldn't take my eyes off her. I tried, but just couldn't.

"So, here says 'To start, choose a human body system'. " Chris said. "I think we should do Digestive sistem, we all know about it and it's the easiest one." Y/n suggested. I wasn't paying attention to her words because of his beauty. Then, she looked at me like she was going to ask me again. Our eyes met. It was such a beautiful moment. Wait, we are talking, and my brothers are looking at me. "Uh, yeah, sure." I knew she could feel the tension between us.

Then, when we were playing Mario Kars, I was actually shocked. How is she so good at this? She is breaking our three asses. When the race finished, I saw Chris's face and started laughing so much that my stomach hurt. Such a good time.

Then, I watched her leave, a bit sad because it's been a long time since I hadn't laughed that hard.

As I fell asleep, all I could think of was that 5 seconds when our eyes met. Y/n couldn't leave my mind. Why? I barely know her.

☆☆☆

_______________________________________

Omgg I'm so excited for what is coming nexttt. :))

hope you liked it.

Remember that my first language is not English, if I have any mistake let me know :)

Final part

Tag list: @amelia-sturniolo3

[qiutls]

TNGDH 007

[ You can use "Summon" once per day, starting at 00:00 AM. ]

[ The current duration of "Summon" is 30 minutes. ]

[ The location of "Summon" is currently not specified, so it is automatically carried out at the closest location. ]

[ Good Luck!  (ෆ`꒳´ෆ) ]

For a moment my vision darkened then it returned quickly.

I had a slight headache, but fortunately it only lasted for a short time... The problem was, that was the only thing to be fortunate about.

As expected, "Summon" was a skill to become a human being. And according to the system, once a day there is a 30 minute time-limit.

But that doesn't matter.

There was a different problem.

"....."

I looked down at my body in disbelief.

"Fuck..."

There's nothing.

There's no clothes.

Right now, I'm actually naked.

Crazy. This is really crazy. God, how could you do this...

[ ๑‘͡o_‘͡o๑;; ]

At that exact moment, without being able to digest my circumstances, I felt a presence.

Creak―.

Has the sound of opening a bathroom door ever felt this scary. I stiffened, then thought of everything a human could do in 30 seconds.

And there was only one conclusion.

Let's run away.

If I get caught here, it's over. I don't want to die as an unidentified pervert who broke into the Grand Duke's study without underwear on.

I won't just be branded as a suspicious person, I'll be branded as a suspicious pervert! Right now, I'm more unhappy than I was in my previous life. It's a shame to live a life this miserable. I'd rather be a hamster.

... Clothes! Where can I find some clothes!

I rushed out of the study after reaching a black shirt that was placed on the chair. I didn't even think about taking the pants. In the first place, I don't think those pants would fit because they were large.

... More than that, how could you not give me a single piece of clothing!

"Guard!"

After only a short amount of time, Kyle's shouts could be heard from inside the study. I ran as fast as I could, the bottom part of the shirt fluttering like a dress. It was the first time in my life that I had run so hard.

"Cough. Wheeze."

I caught my breath and glued myself to the wall at the corner of the hallway.

If my life was going to be life this, you could just have made me transmigrate into a cheetah or a chameleon! You made me ride the wheel so badly, was it a rehearsal for this?

I was reprimanding the system in a rage when guards came from the opposite corridor. When I turned my head to slightly, I saw Kyle leaving the room.

"It's gone."

His voice was so cold that it felt dreary. It seemed like if you asked him what was gone, he'd separate your head and body then continue to say, "your life is gone."

Kyle roared as the soldiers scurried in front of him

"Cashew Nut is gone."

Is that more important than the intruders just a while ago?

"Your Highness, by Cashew Nut... do you mean that rat... Eup-"

"Your Highness, did you see the demonic beast leave the room?"

"No, but the door was half-opened when I came out. I don't know how it opened but..."

I kept listening to Kyle's voice as if I was possessed, even though I knew I had to run away.

But even if I run away now, I think I'll get caught by him who has superhuman senses. I think it's best to stick to the wall for now.

"It wasn't there, it disappeared."

"First, I'll have everyone close the doors and windows of the castle and look for the hamster. It shouldn't have gone too far, My Lord, for it is small in size."

"Call the magicians of the division at the top of the tower."

"... What? The guests, Your Highness?"

"Although it's a child, it's still a demonic beast. We need to ask if they have mana stones to look for its traces."

Kyle gritted his teeth and said.

"Tell them to name a price. No, tell them you'll pay them twice the amount of what they asked for."

"I understand Your Highness, by the way..."

I saw one of the knight who joined late take off his coat and pass it forward.

"Why are you not dressed?"

... I'm sorry. I'll give the Grand Duke a new shirt. I really need this one, it's freezing cold and I can't walk around naked.

[ ↓ᏊꈍꈊꈍᏊ↓ ]

What? What do you want me to do? You want to try wearing pants in that situation and let's see if you'll get caught or not. Okay? Well? Is this your first time seeing this kind of fashion?

I ran away carefully in the opposite direction as the soldiers, ignoring the pestering system.

Still, it feels good to be human again.

As I climbed the stairs barefoot, my feet turned numb from the cold and my hands and ears started to tingle.

How on earth do people live in this cold castle.

Is this really a place where people live? I huffed and slipped through the cleaning tools and waited for a while.

"Windows! Close the windows first!"

"No matter how unintelligent that beast is, will he really fall over the window?"

"Hey, is this your first time on the job? If something happens to that beast, we all die."

That's right, even though as the hamster in question I won't throw myself off the window, it's still a good decision to close them. This is the reality of human life, you won't know where, when and what's going to happen. Just like me right now.

"Let's find it later, just close all the doors and windows first. If you don't there's a possibility that it might leave the castle."

"All right, I'll ask the guests for their understanding."

"Sen! Where the hell did that brat go? That kid is the fastest among us servants."

"Maybe they're resting again in a room that's not being used."

"Ugh!"

People trudged past my hiding place. It was fortunate they didn't try to look amongst the brooms and mop because of the urgency of the situation.

By the way... What do I do now?

I wore a shirt, but I didn't have any plans aside from escaping.

[ "Summon" will conclude in 20 minutes. ]

Does that mean I'll turn back into a hamster?

[ You can specify a location within a 10m radius when using "Summon". ]

That's not the problem right now! The whole castle is being turned upside down. Can I just go out as a hamster, "Ta-da, I actually was home the whole time." I can't do it, it's too suspicious.

I pressed down on my throbbing temples and sighed deeply. I should be happy that I finally became human since I've been looking forward to this since the beginning, but right now I can't do anything but worry.

"By any chance, was I a twisted breadstick in my past life..."

Even though my fate is twisted and miserable, can it be really this twisted?

By the way, isn't the duration of being human too short? I can't believe it's only 30 minutes. You're basically telling me I have to live as a hamster forever for 23 hours and 30 minutes a day.

[ If you raise the miracle value, the duration for "Summon" becomes longer! ]

What the hell.

Whatever, once I turn into a hamster, I'll go somewhere that's easy to see. If I'm lucky, someone will be able to notice me and take me back, if not then I can just go back on my own.

It's not because I want to return as a pet hamster, but because it's already hard to survive going back and forth from hamster to human with the current miracle value, let alone change the fate of this novel.

No matter how much I know the plot, or how much the system helps me, once I get kicked by boots of misfortune, my life would end.

[ "Summon" will end soon. ]

I just finally became human again, but 30 minutes passed by without being able to enjoy it. I feel so sad.

Come to think of it, in the original work there was also a festival in the north. Wasn't this the time when Serena, the heroine who was currently an orphan, met Belial, the second prince?

During this period, there was also an accident that happened between Kyle and Belial that made their relationship worse to the point of no repair. What was it again...

― Eek! [ Time flies so fast ]

Half an hour already passed while I was thinking.

Blue light engulfed my body... No, that's not right. What am i saying right now? I'm originally human, not a hamster. basically, he says blue light engulfed his body and he turned back to what he is originally, but it was hard to translate without it sounding off & redundant.

Ehem. Let's do it again.

Blue light engulfed my body and I returned to being a hamster, I bit the black shirt and struggled to drag it with me. If I'm going to turn into human at least once in the future, I can probably wear it then...

Is it possible that this is expensive?

I'm sorry, it's only one shirt. It should be cheaper compared to the fancy ornaments in my three story house right?

"The demonic beast is gone? I thought they were putting it in a cage to raise it?"

"Well, I was told it escaped, I don't know the details, orders were just passed down. That's what happened."

"What about the magicians?"

"They said they couldn't find it and that they couldn't feel the flow of magic at all."

"... Does that make sense?"

That's right, this hamster probably changed to a normal hamster since I transmigrated into it, instead of it being possessed by magic, so you really wouldn't be able to feel the mana.

I felt a little sorry for them who probably got excited for no reason, but don't worry too much, if the Grand Duke's mood doesn't become worse, he'll probably still give the money.

"You said it was the same size as a little mouse, didn't you? Then I don't think it could've gotten too far. I think it would've went somewhere dark and quiet... I'll look around here. Why don't you check the other side? Also, check if any windows and doors were not closed properly."

After cramming the clothes into the corner of the storage room, I was winding myself between things then I felt someone approaching.

I have no idea who this person might be, but I'll just show myself so they can take me to Kyle without any detours.

I raised my head at the servant who found me.

But why do they look familiar.

Eh.

Soft brown hair and clear green eyes. Her constellation-like freckles were scattered on her nose and cheeks. With glasses covering half her face, I could tell instinctively.

This person is...

[ Serena ]

That's right, the heroine of the original novel, Serena, it was the very face I saw in the system window.

... This is how we're meeting?

I looked at her with mixed feelings. Why would someone who was supposed to meet Belial in the capital, be here in the north?

Ah!

After thinking for so long, I finally realized what's wrong, didn't I transmigrate which made Serena be unable to transmigrate.

So this person, is a different Serena from the original?

It seems like the story has been changed, right now her name isn't even Serena, as it's a name reserved only for empresses.

"Sen! Did you find it?"

A maid's voice rang behind her back. I stood still for a moment then gently crept up to the palm of her hand which was stretched out.

All right. I choose you.

Your fate has changed because of me so there should at least be some compensation.

novel ⠀✿⠀ next

[icarusredwings]

Early mornings with Retired Time Lords ❤️💙ft. Shadow the cat stuffy and KITT-E (or KIT-TEC)

"Darling, can I have my leg back?"

"Huh?"

"Sigh... I thought I told you not to stay up too late?"

"... What?"

I passed out and woke up to this being done.

I like how 14 is just 14 with braids and a robot companion and sax is bassically an oc at this point with how many head canons I've slapped onto this man (Though im sure they are definitely NOT hot takes)

For 14: <3

-Was up til 4 am. Hypocrite.

-Wears braids to bed

-Steals Shaun's fluffy robe

-striped spongebob socks

-Holding KITT-E

-Bassically has a mullet at this point

For Sax: ✨️

-Pointy ears

-Roots are showing

-Babygirl

-Sharp ass teeth

-Doesn't know where the fuck he is

-Doesn't wash off his eyeliner

-Not his hoodie (NASA hoodie is 14s)

-Worst Prime Minister

-Holding Shadow the stuffy (made by Rosie)

-Heart briefs

-Bros got arthritis so sometimes he wears a knee brace. He's holding 14 for balance and comfort.

-Teletubbie socks

-#Girlboss (Pore mask, Facial avocado mask and bonnet)

(You can tell who I favor)

And KITT-E!! (Technically its KIT-TEC but KITT-E sounds better and I dont think doc wants anything to with any "TEC" s after the Suketh nonsense.

KITT-E aka:

Kilohertz

Intercepting

Telepathic

Transmitter

Electronic- Companion!

Used to be a stuffy made by Rosie until he ripped it up and made the TARDIS a smaller physical host in order to control and mess with.

KITT-E doesn't need food, water, litter, shots, doesn't get cold, can infact overheat/freeze though. All she needs is loved (and charged sometimes) The TARDIS is connected to her like bluetooth. Her ears have recording speakers that speak directly to the TARDIS and the large ball at the end of her tail is a lightweight circulation battery. (She's also magnetic). Her whiskers are how the TARDIS tells her what to do, and her big camera eyes are how she can see.

KITT-E is NOT water proof (yet, hes working on it) and can meow, purr, hiss, growl, and if she wants too, since she's bassically just a transmitter box, The TARDIS can send telepathic information to the doctor by KITT-E (imagine a hot spot shifting Wifi from one spot to another)

KITT-E technecally is just a host, so if the TARDIS gets too upset or broken, KITT-E will simply collapse. Syliva thinks she's creepy because "It's like a ghost possessing a toy"

So far KITT-E has pawed at doors, meowed for attention, followed 14 around, meowed to be let outside, has been scolded for hissing at the Master several times (she still remembers what he did to her), and sometimes you can see her staring at the bugs in the garden.

The more information the TARDIS gets, the more the cat can do. She also likes to curl up with Sylvia, checks on Rose, follows Shaun around curiously, paws at Donna for attention, and "naps" with Wilf. Which is bassically when she purrs, so he's happy with the vibration and sound setting and goes into battery saver mode. Wilf thinks that KITT-E is absolutely the most impressive thing ever and constantly praises the Doctor for making such gagets. Wilf doesn't call her KITT-E though and will call her TARDIS.

"Here kitty.. TARDIS do you want some of my fish?"

"She can't eat dad."

"Oh. Right. Poor TARDIS. No fish for her huh? Why not?"

"Because.. She dosnt have a stomach? Or a digestive system? She doesn't even have a throat to swallow. Theres just wires and gears dad."

"Oh thats so clever. You're so clever boy."

"Really? Heh.. well...it wasnt that hard."

"Oh I mean it. Shes brilliant. TARDIS do you want to come nap with me?"

"Meow?"

Wilf just bends down to look her in the eyes like,

"A nap. With me? Would you like that?"

"Heheh, you don't have to talk slowly, dad she can understand you (oh my hearts)"

[deeptrashwitch]

Task Force 267

A team composed only by spec ops Marines (Raiders), created after the first gulf war for light infantry interventions and sabotage missions. It has, always, six members and the command officer, no register of secondary teams. Its motto is "never doubt, do the mission", that reflects exactly how the TF works.

Last mission known: Operation Firewall

Current status: Desauthorized

Stationary base: Camp Lejeune, NC

Former command officers: [...] Cpt. William "Artemis" McAllister (2000-2005), Cpt. Oliver "Deepwater" Reyes (2005-2010) and Cpt. Alicia "Guardian" Marchant (2010-2016)

Note (??): Artemis has been taken care of, Guardian is more difficult

CIA contact link: [Redacted]

Actual members: Lt. Richard "Blade" Porter (2016) (deceased), Sergeant Leo "Tiger" Jameson (2016) (deceased), Sergeant Kate "Hope" Petrova (2016) (deceased), Corporal Sean "Marble" Walker (2016) (deceased), Private Arthur "Lotus" Greenhill (2016) (deceased) and Private Jason "Runner" King (2016) (deceased)

Note (??): What a shame. They were as stubborn as their Captain

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Richard "Blade" Porter

First words: "Private Porter, ready for service!"

Last words: "I'm sorry Guardian, but I can't do this anymore. It's my turn to protect the team"

Cause of death: Silt throat.

Leo "Tiger" Jameson

First words: "Pleasure to meet you, sir. I'm Private Jameson"

Last words: "Please, no more...just no more"

Cause of death: Bullet wound

Kate "Hope" Petrova

First words: "Private Petrova at your orders, Captain! I'm ready for the mission!"

Last words: "CAPTAIN! PLEASE MAKE THEM STOP! I BEG YOU!"

Cause of death: Chemical burns inside the digestive system

Sean "Marble" Walker

First words: "Good morning Captain, we are ready to go"

Last words: "It hurts so much, but I'm so tired..."

Cause of death: Blood loss

Arthur "Lotus" Greenhill

First words: "Captain, it's a pleasure"

Last words: "Forgive me, I never...sorry. I'm sorry"

Cause of death: Bullet wound

Jason "Runner" King

First words: "Hi Captain! I hope we can work well together"

Last words: "Mom...I wanna go home. I wanna see my mom. Please Captain, can we go?"

Cause of death: Bullet wound

Alicia "Guardian" Marchant

First words: "I'm Sergeant Marchant, welcome to your new life, Privates"

Last words: "Kill me already. You took everything from me. Fucking end with this..."

Cause of death: Unconfirmed

Note (??): Unfortunately we lost comms with Orisha to be sure of the cause of death

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Archive 0834173: Last Meteor (June 20th, 2016). Seventh interrogation. 10 minutes. [Corrupted audio]

▶️ ------------------------- 0:00/10:08

"Won't you talk? You know the price"

"...I'll never w[static]"

"It's a shame. The spec ops soldiers are well valued as mercenaries"

"Fuck off"

*horrified screams (2min)* *sobs*

"Where is the team assigned to Lebanon?"

"K-kiss my ass"

"As rabid as a dog even wounded, huh? Then maybe [static]"

"DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH THEM!"

"Wow, I might have found your weakness, Guardian. Bring the other one!"

"NO! WAIT! DON'T DO ANYTHING TO THEM! PLEASE!"

[Static] [Static] [Click] [End of record]

Note (??): Interesting...apparently Guardian is this loyal to her people. This is something I need to see later

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Luke felt nausea when he stopped reading and hearing, throwing to the side the earphones while feeling a chill down his spine. He wondered why Wraith gave him that archive, it didn't have anything to do with their mission on Madagascar. As well, hearing that voice he knows so well, it was terryfing.

He walked out of his office with the archive, going to Alicia's office. For a second he doubted before knocking and entering, looking at the Captain and their Coordinator.

"I don't understand why are you giving me this, but if it's a joke...never do it again" he hissed while giving the archive back to Wraith

"A recorder?" Alicia muttered while taking the earphones

"Wait Captain!"

Then the woman pressed play and for a second nothing happened, but then she got pale and her face filled of fear. She practically ripped off the earphones, throwing them with the recorder to the floor. It shattered and she stumbled back, almost falling. Luke was quick to hold her, surprised to feel her shake out of fear and to watch her eyes filled of tears.

"Why he has this?" she whispered towards Wraith, now filled with anger "why do you gave it to him?"

"I didn't" the agent said with surprise "this archive was presumed lost"

"What?"

"I'll explain you later, I promise, but I need to investigate all this. Mostly who is Orisha"

"Carabalí, he was Orisha. That's how he referred to himself"

"Then I'll look who gave this to Lieutenant Michaelis and who was the last one to edit this archive. We'll talk later"

Like that, Wraith left the office and Luke let go Alicia, who just looked at the void for a second. The red-haired was worried for her, and tried to take her back, swallowing his own questions. But then Alicia sighed and blinked before sit down in front of her desk, feeling suddenly weak.

"Do you need water, Alicia?" he asked, sitting by her side

"No...no, I'm fine" she said while nodding "you may have questions, do just one and I'll answer"

"...Why they put you as dead?"

"I don't know, but probably they thought that I was dead once I stopped moving"

"Stopped moving...?"

Alicia didn't answer, but Luke could see how her eyes lost any shine they had, and how she tensed as a wire. That was enough answer. It was better not to ask.

"If it makes feel any better, I'll be by your side if you have to face that past again..."

"Thanks boy" she whispered with a bitter smile "but you don't need to see what would I become if I ever face my past"

[lyraeon]

The wildest thing about being so dehydrated I had to be hospitalized for it last week is that in the days leading up to it I was the most depressed I'd been in years. it was like my meds were doing literally nothing. Even with as bad as the last few years have been at moments, it was legitimately the most miserable and hopeless I've been in ages.

I was so dehydrated my body couldn't figure out how to sweat or digest anymore. I had low potassium, magnesium, and iron from it too since I had essentially not eaten in a week.

Why do I share this?

1. Because unfortunately this means that sometimes yes, getting some fucking hydration and metals in your system can help. Like, we all know this on some level, but since some people like to talk up hydration as the be-all end-all only thing you need to magically cure your depression, it's easy to dismiss it in the opposite direction. I have now seen firsthand the difference in morale that a quart of hydration can make, so I am telling you, the worst that can come of you having a glass of juice or water or gatorade just in case it helps is that you'll have to pee, so it's probably worth at least trying while you are trying to get out of a depression moment.

2. From now on any time some jackass tries to tell me depression isn't real and I can just willpower my way out of it, I'm gonna tell them to go dehydrate for a fucking week and get back to me. Because you do not understand why you feel so miserable at that point. You are days past thirsty. You can't swallow because you're not making enough saliva. Your temperature fluctuates wildly and constantly because your blood pressure is a joke and you can't sweat anymore. You are miserable and you are hopeless and you don't want anything except to stop being miserable. And I fucking dare them to go through that for even a couple days and still say that depressed people just aren't trying.

[bleuberries-and-video-games]

The problem with Christianity being evangelized to like half the planet, on top of like the already compounding issues that contributes to, is the fact that religiously speaking, no one knows what Christianity is, nobody knows the actual traditions and details to stories and ideas, they just know the general Mythos and stories, and they don't know their meanings, which fucks over everyone else's ability to digest it, further adding to bullshit. Like the reason why evangelicals can so easily rile people up is because no one actually knows half the meanings of any of the different fucking religious precepts and concepts, religious Scholars are not taken seriously, and those that are taken seriously should not be Scholars and should not be considered scholarly, and basically anyone can make any claim for any reason about any length of the biblical texts, and be considered right so long as it oppresses people and hurts people in the "right ways."

Like nothing makes me want to put a gun in my mouth more than hearing an both an ex Evangelical and an Evangelical talk about angels in the same way. Angels are not all Wheels within Wheels with eyes in them, that's one type of angel tied to one part of the abrahamic faiths. Biblically accurate angels can literally be any number of things. Moreover, a lot of the Traditions tied to Christmas are tied to Pagan traditions, but not all of them were stolen or co-opted, a lot of them are the byproduct of syncretism, meaning that they synchronized with each other and were utilized in a transformative manner to evolve over time. Yes, there was some oppressive behaviors and actions, this cannot be ignored in Christian history, but I cannot stress enough half the shit you hear about Germanic Pagan Traditions are conveyed through the lens of christianity, and that is why they seem so uniquely primed to match with white supremacy. When you erase all of the things that made them unique, diverse, and culturally distinct, and only interpret them through an oppressor's lens long after the death of or the deliberate suppression of their beliefs, you kind of get an obscured lens that doesn't understand it.

I say this as a Christian, I say this as someone who very much likes Christianity and the tenants and precepts it has, of benevolence, Goodwill to man, and the liberation of all, quite a number of you don't know what Christianity is, those that do either leave because of the hypocrisy of the people in power, or weaponize it against other people who don't know. The fact that the tenants of my belief system are used to hurt people quite literally runs against what Jesus taught, and the more we propagate bullshit information, the more we allow people to fucking lie, the more this happens, on top of the already fucked up shit, the more it can be weaponized by bad faith actors to do bad things to good people.

it doesnt have to be this way

[kaibaswifey-old]

I think the reason this job makes me so god damn miserable even though it's relatively easy is because I have too much time to think freely. I'm not moving around and thinking "what's next that I have to do" I'm just sitting there mindlessly droning the words I hear so all I can think about it how much I hate doing this and how much I hate the ppl I have to caption for.

the first hour of this shift passed by quickly because I had a lot on twitter to catch up with but since I'm caught up and I have nothing else to do but my job now I'm just lkdhfioeghoeg I don't want to do this.

I'm thinking of getting a different job now but god. I don't know. getting a new job is stressful too. Plus there's my digestion issues.

this call I'm on right now is so fucking annoying this dumb bitch won't just read her captions and is making the other person repeat themselves over and over like what the fuck am i doing this for?? I swear only 1% of our customers actually fucking read the captions, if that.

also work started this stupid ass rating system for our captions. customers can rate the captioning which sucks ass because they're gonna rate them poor even if I'm doing the best I can if I can't fucking understand the person myself. And sometimes a call is captioned by more than one captioner. I've gotten calls handed off to me where the previous captioner obviously didn't get a flying fuck bc the captions are terrible (no punctuation or separating paragraphs etc.) Why do I have to get punished for that? They don't think these things through and they don't care.

ugh I just got an email from my supervisor that he was monitoring this call where this woman was so fucking mumbly and stringing her words together and I couldn't fucking understand her half the time, but apparently he could understand her even tho he admitted she was mumbly. god damn. "have a good rest of your day." shut the fuck up. I hate this fucking job.

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

Fun fact: I have some kind of auto-immune thing that fucks with my digestive system. We don't know exactly what it is, so it's been hard to treat and manage, but our best guess is that it has been lifelong, exacerbated by stress and resource scarcity, and by any insult to my digestive system whether physical (e.g. injury or infection) or biochemical (medications that can harm the liver, exposure to allergens/toxins/etc)

At this point I have:

- nearly died of malnutrition (diagnosed via blood test) twice

- had my gallbladder removed due to the presence of stones and massive infection

- been diagnosed with liver cirrhosis that is just on the edge of remaining functional

- been diagnosed with dry mucus membranes that make infections more frequent and harmful

- been diagnosed with OVER FIFTEEN DIFFERENT INTESTINAL INFECTIONS via gut biome culture testing including multiple treatment resistent strains that most likely originated in a hospital environment

- not dipped below 270lbs (41BMI) since I was in high school

As my doctor describes it, the experience of consistent access to caloric value without the ability to process complete nutrients from it (whether because there aren't enough present to be processed, or because there's something medically wrong) keeps your body in a constant state of nutrition-seeking/nutrition-storing, while also exceeding the base energy requirements my body is enforcing (when your body thinks it's starving it will often adjust how it functions in order to reduce how much energy gets spent day to day so that more energy can be stored for the feared future instability/resource restriction). So my body is inclined to build a healthy fat reserve for a feared future of resource instability and has plenty of food energy to do so, but continues to lack adequate nutrition in order to release the restriction response or to run a healthy body.

I'm sure this is wildly simplified for patient accessibility, I'm by no means a medical doctor. But my understanding of why this can matter is that this process extends the length of time in which one can survive resource instability, making it genuinely adaptive and an effective survival strategy!

But eventually, every human body will hit its wall. As far as it is capable of sustaining itself on a nutritional deficit before it just...can't anymore. Our organs have been overworking for too long or our maintenance functions have been intermittent/on hold for too long due to starvation restriction, or our body has canabalized itself beyond functionality, or WHATEVER. But the body needs to be able to leave that resource restriction to survive and heal.

Many of us never will.

I know that my housing is stable now. My medical care and mental health care are supported now. But I still struggle to eat in ways that allow my body enough nutrition. My organs continue to slowly fail. I *do not know how to fix this* but because it is as advanced as it is, doctors can't ignore it or put it off for long anymore (and believe me they try, I always have to force the testing that will actually confirm the issue).

I don't know how much of my remaining symptoms are resource instability, and how much are continued medical needs. It's hard to tell. But I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Unfortunately, I think it's MANY of our realities, and I think because so few of us have access to spaces or people or knowledge would help us seek effective care, a lot of us deal with intense shame around how our bodies are being harmed. Embodied trauma, particularly chronic and systemic embodied trauma, can be so violating and dehumanizing, and I'm really not sure enough of us are able to escape or heal the effects of that.

I don't know what that person was interviewing for but I hope they got it, because bullseye.

[tielt]

There's been a swift increase of people talking about karma and sometimes dharma. I'm a foreigner to it, but I've studied it enough to inform some basics about it and I feel the need to because unfortunately I have made some influence to use it incorrectly.

Karma is all things that happen. Every experience and incidence. Calling someone a karmic makes no sense because we are all constantly causing it regardless of how detached or how removed. It's often said good or bad, but most advanced practices see both positive and negative karma as bondage to Samsara and the goal to cultivate detachment from all forms of it. Many types of monks believe garlic and onions are not vegetarian because it causes intense pleasure and they avoid this.

I lean more toward the Hindu practices and that makes sense because I'm pagan. I try to cultivate living deliciously and for others to experience what they enjoy and to not feel guilty or negatively about things which are good for parties involved. The Gita, the main Hindu text is much about the responsibilities of your interactions and I like the warrior spirit of making choices that are not always free from violence when necessary or when just. There are some hardcore Buddhists who are also not people you would want to fuck with, Vai was one of these, I'm much more into walkaway but I throw down more than Buddhists tend to.

Dharma is not as I've heard it called 'good karma.' Dharma is the prefrontal lobe of spiritual practice. The 'how' and 'why' of how you relate to your spiritual practice. A master and an initiate of the same practice have different dharma. It is what places you in the context. As a layman/artist/mystic my dharma is with creation and destruction of harmonic entropy from and back into chaos. I like to study what puts me in and out of flow states or try to understand why patterns form almost automatically. I can't speak on other peoples dharma because I don't know it, you get to define your purpose.

If I had Sangha I would probably be studying Shaktism more, these days I consider myself a pet of a young incarnate I imagine like Falin and Thistle relate. I'm currently struggling with the scale of it all and it's difficult to not fall victim to some type of spiritual bypassing to digest it. I keep ending up as an externality and not the correct advisor to others in how to exist in their context. I suffer from systemic enforcement of who is allowed success and wise people probably do not see my advice as pertinent. I just wanted to clarify the general terminology.

[nsfwhiphop]

Incoming Text for @zoesaldana and @rosariodawson : Do you know why I write to you every day?

Hey Zoe & Rosario!

Do you want to know why I write to you every day? Because I know you both have health issues, and I don't want to cause stress in you. If I ignore you, you might lose your appetite and then lose sleep, becoming insomniacs. So I decided to write to you every day to help you deal with my abandonment.

Zoe Saldana's health information is here:

Zoe Saldana has publicly shared that she has been diagnosed with Hashimoto's thyroiditis, an autoimmune disorder in which the immune system attacks the thyroid gland. This condition can lead to hypothyroidism, where the thyroid does not produce enough hormones, affecting metabolism, energy levels, and overall health. Symptoms can include fatigue, weight gain, hair loss, and muscle weakness. Saldana has mentioned managing her condition through a healthy diet and lifestyle choices.

Rosario Dawson's health information is here:

Rosario Dawson has shared that she has celiac disease, an autoimmune disorder where the ingestion of gluten leads to damage in the small intestine. People with celiac disease must follow a strict gluten-free diet to manage symptoms and prevent complications. Symptoms can include digestive issues, anemia, fatigue, and other health problems. Dawson has spoken about adjusting her diet and lifestyle to cope with the condition and maintain her health.

This is why I'm very kind to you both. I don't want to break your hearts and then have you become depressed because of me. Get it?

I'm very lenient and tolerant with you because I understand you are dealing with a lot of pressure. I love you and I care about you.

I hope you forgive me for insulting you sometimes. I have to insult you; it serves a purpose. A lot of international criminals read my page, and it confuses them. When they read my blog and find these insults, they get so confused they don't know who is who, and they don't know what the fuck is going on.

This is how I make sure they will never harm you. You are innocent women.

The end of this conversation.

I hope you will never get sad because of something I say. I'm never mean to you. I'm always kind with Zoe and Rosario. I'm a gentleman.

Your virtual friend and sometimes imaginary lover,

Angelo.

[tcock-of-the-walk]

I was supposed to schedule a CT scan within 24 hours of it being ordered. On a Friday.

I tried to get the prerequisite bloodwork done for my scan and the lab can't find the order for that.

I tried to call the hospital I'm getting the scan done at to schedule and they can't find me. I was told my physical copy would suffice. We drove 20 minutes to the hospital. The physical copy did not suffice.

I tried calling my insurance because the only thing I could think of was that my Urgent Fucking Order had gotten stuck in Prior-Auth Hell.

They don't even have it.

The doctors office says they sent it.

Okay, but where the actual fuck did it go????

I can't eat until I get this done! I'm on clear liquids only until at least Tuesday! I doubt they'll get me in that fast, considering the EEG for a seizure I had in January isn't until August! (I will literally be allowed to drive again before they are able to scan my brain to make sure it didn't go fucky for some reason other than adjusting my meds.)

I don't understand how this shit happens. What's worse is that I know it probably never actually got sent. My doctor's office is part of a chain here that is kind of notorious for being shit at sending orders or referrals. I don't know why. They always say they've sent it. I can call them and ask them to send it 3-4 Times before it actually finally goes where it needs to. I don't know if they just have a crappy computer system or if they somehow forget or just don't want to or what but it's been a known problem with them. I just thought maybe something this fucking urgent would matter enough to make sure it sent. Especially after the hospital itself fucking requested it from them. I am currently stuck basically starving because I suddenly can't digest anything (instead of just most things) correctly and we don't know why.

(Tangent below the cut because I started thinking about how much I hate doctors and lost track of my main thought.)

I'm so tired of doctors. I just want this test done so they can tell me what I already fucking know so maybe I can get treated for it after having been in and out of the hospital and being truant from school because of it because even though I was going to the doctor nothing was being diagnosed so obviously that meant I just said I didn't want to and my mom just said "lol ok". I literally felt like I was fucking dying and had no idea what was happening to me everyday since I was 8. How do you send a kid to school like that?

Like, I'm glad I'm finally getting the diagnosis I need for my conditions now, but it should not have taken this long. It should not have taken 13 years of pain and suffering and as many doctors and hospitals as it did to reach the diagnoses I am receiving. If I had been able to receive them at a younger age I might have been able to get some fucking help. I could've been on disability already and not had to fight this probably losing battle with the government. But no diagnoses means no "consistent treatment" for the conditions they wouldn't tell me I had, which you need if you want a layer to even look at your case because the court is so stringent about it. At no point did anyone think "Maybe we should take the kid out of school/accommodate them long enough to figure out what's wrong so maybe their family can afford to take care of them so whatever is wrong doesn't get worse". It's fucking incredible to me that anyone can see that happening and not understand that, yeah, maybe something is going on with this kid that can't make a full week of school and is constantly in pain and vomiting.

[boyakishan]

Don't mind me ranting here, but my theory on why we don't know how humans work is a mixture of things:

Number one: do you understand how many fucking things the human body can decompress, strip down and reuse?

Because I've skimmed a paper talking about a few different kinds of varying carbohydrates in just the wheat species group (family?). And like. I just remember a lot of words which translate to "sugar" and attributes to a long chain of different attributes.

So like. Firstly, the range of fucking food break downs and all that, is so much information to mention and then like. Not talk about.

Second: do you understand how fucking stupid the system we do understand on how humans break down food?

Because here's what I've managed to understand.

You've got your natural bodily breakdown, which it can digest certain foods from certain things better (see Asian spice tolerance difference between European spice tolerance for an easy example). And like. There's also resistances against certain foods, allergies against foods and that confusing headache.

And I've not even gotten into the actual breakdown differences and I've got a paragraph.

Third part: the moral thingy.

Let's say we could organise people onto vague groups for scientific purposes. The kind of studies required would both be highly expensive and depending on how they're run, highly unethical.

Lock a bunch of people into a diet for the rest of his life and or record everything they eat and with information from the prior two points. We could keep running these experiments for years and still not get any conclusive results.

So like. Idk. Rant over.

Why are agriculture classes the first time I've learned extremely basic info about nutrition and how digestion works. Why isn't this stuff in health textbooks or any easily accessible resource about healthy eating.

[sleepingchurch]

I'm fucking fat and bloated from eating so much food. And I dont sleep so I my digestive system is fucked. So I'm spending everyday in crippling pain from holding in everything at work, because i try for 20 minutes every morning snd cant go, and by the time I get home, I've tightened my core so much for so long, nothing comes out.

I don't sleep for more than 2 hours at a time. I try so so so hard to get good sleep. To get enough sleep. I'm going to bed at fucking 930 how am I getting less than 4 hours total when that should set me up for 8 solid hours.

I work fucking everyday, still don't have enough money for literally anything. And now, they've been trying to send me home early by an hour. And they've tried to do it twice just this week. That's $26. That's 2 packs of cigarettes or half a tank of gas or dinner and lunch or cat food and toiletries. Like $26 is absolutely necessary considering what i get normally isn't enough.

My mental health is only getting worse. I cry every morning when I wake up from being exhausted from trying to sleep. My meds aren't doing shit at this point. I'm over eating and still unsatisfied because I'm not eating food I want. I'm eating whatever there to eat. And everything I wake up at night I've gotten into the habit to go eat fucking sugar.

I'm falling apart. And I'm bot ready for work at all and I have to go so fast now but none of my chores are done because I have so little energy to do them so my laundry is all in my hamper that I have to now dig through to find some clothes and my body hurts from needing to shit.

I can't keep losing my hours to being late. I used to have a schedule. A morning routine and I stuck with it and I could go to work and it not hurt and now, with g around, I can't function.

The mental illness is really mentally illnessing right now. I don't want to detach from them and I don't want to be angry at them but I am. I'm pissed they get to eat and sleep normally that they get to stay home. I know they're unemployed and it's freaking them out but like I want to stay home too.

I dont know. If I were actually on time I'd be leaving in 10 minutes to get to work 10 minutes early. But I'm still on the fucking toilet. Trying.

And why am I having such a hard time shifting when all I do is fucking eat? I mean I don't fucking understand.

This is too much. My life is too much and I don't want it anymore. There aren't good parts. There's escaping the really bad and the really bad. And no matter what it's exhausting.

I want to be done.

[sachisei]

10 Compliments I Would Give Myself

I love my taste in books, movies, anime, etc. I won't fucking trade it for anything else. What I enjoy reading and watching shows a lot about who I am. And it's usually garnered on what I also value in life. So even if it's cringey or basic for others, I love stories about relationships, community, creativity, and self development.

I take pride on writing my poems to not make them very easy to read or digest. I understand that poems don't have to be read to be deciphered. While I do want to convey my own emotions into my poems, I also want the readers to make their own conclusions when they read what I wrote. I don't necessarily have to write for myself. I want to also write for other people to gauge. I normally write poems that way, unless I had a really rough day and decided to write about that shitty feeling then it becomes more apparent that it's my perspective. Anyway, I don't think it's ridiculous to write poems that way. In fact, I think it's beautiful to have a bit of "hmmms" when you read a poem, you know. Make those brain cogs working.

I'm smart. I can be lazy and distracted and clumsy and uninformed, but I really am smart. I know my way out of my own problems most of the time. I complain about shit cause it's annoying.

I am self-sufficient. This is related to number 3. I rarely ask help from others because I try my damn hardest to find a way to make shit work for me. At the very least I would ask people what they think about stuff, but I still ultimately decide for myself. That's pretty girlboss of me, not even gonna downplay myself on that.

I am very caring towards friends. At this point I dont really know if it shows in the manner I speak with friends, but I intensely pay attention to their moods, health, and circumstances. Friends, to me, is not as simple as connections or people I vibe with or people I can rely on. Friends are people I've sworn myself to protect and support at all cost. That's why I'm selective and careful of who I consider as friend. I can't afford time and energy to do that for anybody.

I like to call myself a fast learner, although it's usually hit or miss. But on a good day, I am. I will also research on my own to do shit better than what is expected. My bosses should give me a raise, but then I also don't want attention. Sigh. What a pain.

I am quite confident these days. I feel proud of that. I can only thank my past self for hanging in there. You know what…

I am proud of the progress I made every year. I don't fundamentally change that much, but my tone does. I feel a lot calmer than years ago. And I learned many things that will stick by me as early as in my twenties. Damn, I was more resilient that I thought I could be. Or maybe I'm just a pushover.

I can accept criticism of output and performance fairly well. In fact I seek out negative feedback more than positive ones. I'm kinda weird like that when it comes to stuff I work on. Idk. I like that about me though.

Although I'm ambitious, I'm not arrogant about my status nor do I overestimate my capabilities. I hate hierarchies, but a system is necessary to avert disorder. And I'm glad that I haven't once succumbed to feeling smug about any of my accomplishments. It's good to feel happy about it, but not to rub it off on anybody's face. Like come on, dude.

[happy-and-gay-tortoise]

hey sorry to basically be on 'anon' bc i really can't send asks from my main account lol but ANYWAY i'm sorry it looks like someone made u feel like shit about posting in the crust tag but i wanted to mediate if thats ok. im sorry someone made u feel you couldnt post in there but at the same time i get it, if ur not reaaaally into crust then it's weird to establish yourself within such a politically vocal and tight knit community.

i know if you go to them with open hands about how into crust u are they would welcome you and give you recs and support you, you just have to show u are into crust. there are a lot of people that come into crust punk without knowing what it is except for 'fashion', and crust punks are actively trying to remove 'fashion' punks from crust, so it doesn't become corporatised like punk rock did.

so i think with ur jacket not having any crust and your outfit of the day posts being non-crust music and your playlist not having crust on it until i assume someone said some horrible shit i think that becomes a point where the fear is realised as 'oh my god, here's another fashion-only prson who doesn't know/doesn't want to know what this is' and it puts this very tight-knit community on edge

that didn't give any one the right to be horrible about it tho like there are better way to do these things but crust is a negative-type community that is very violent? maybe? in various ways. full of people with big problems with a real hatred of the world. which is where that reaction came from. i honestly wouldn't take it to heart too hard and i know ur only a kid so that'll be very hard. but if u ever want to get more into crust i promise ask people for recs and they will help you and be so kind.

it's just worth remembering, sub cultures don't like to be stepped on bc the world is hellbent on making it digestible and corporate for the masses so you gotta come at it honestly. ok anyway sorry for pseudo anon again and have a nice day

(The pseudo anon is ok dw)

I appreciate this ask a lot! Funny thing is I'm mostly just not rlly labeling myself as crust anymore bc I'm not the biggest fan of the music in general and I don't wanna use the tags that are not accurate to me! I respect the crust community a lot and yall are always welcome here, I'm just more personally into what a lot of my asks have called "easier to listen to punk" I love the noise not music movement and I do listen to some death metal n stuff, but ska and ska punk are more my cup of tea yk!

The crust community is also, as you said, very full of (most of the time justified) violence and hatred, and as someone that is like an eco-anarcist, optimist punk, and just trying to consume as much positive content/ neutral content as possible it tends to not be my vibe! I totally understand why yall have the community tho as someone who is that kind of angry a lot if the time, yall are the people that make change, and when it is needed I join you, but at least rn, I won't be engaging with that (also due to personal circumstances)!

Also I understand how it gave that impression, I want to make it clear I understand that crust punk was/is a movement centered around the music, the heavy emphasis on politics, and the anger towards the systems that push us down. "Crust pants/jackets" are just things to show that! I very clearly do not fit one of those criterias tho and that's ok! I don't have to use the label crust punk to still be someone who is a valid member of the punk subculture! Plus, yall don't need to know what exact labels I use anyway lol. You are a community that has been fucked with and torn apart for years, and it's not my place to call myself a part of that community when, frankly, I'm not! Again, I am in full support of the crust punk movement and stand by your sides, any crust punk that comes onto this page is fully welcomed with open arms! <3