#i don't feel very articulate today but you are sharing views that i think are common

[imagitory]

Okay -- so my visual aids for this post are very limited since Disney+ will not let me properly screenshot this and there are no good quality versions of this on Youtube anymore...but I need to talk about Disney's The Little Mermaid TV series for a second. Specifically, one episode very near and dear to my heart called Metal Fish, which features a human explorer going down in a fish-shaped submarine to the bottom of the ocean, getting stuck, and being found by Ariel and her friends.

Now honestly, watching the episode again, there's a lot I don't love about it. Sebastian's whole subplot with the crab scouts is really kind of annoying, and I skip every bit of it. But I love the character of Archimedes (even if he never appeared in the show again! Boo!), and -- more importantly to today -- there's this wonderful moment right toward the beginning of the third act of the episode where Ariel and our human explorer lay eyes on each other for the first time, and there's just this electric connection.

Something that bypasses words -- this sense of wonder, enchantment -- almost enlightenment. And is it surprising? No! Ariel is the spitting image of what the human explorer had in his mind, when he was dreamily sketching out what a mermaid could look like, back on land.

And of course, at the end of the episode, what else should the explorer end up being named, but Hans Christian Andersen? And what else would he do, after being rescued by a mermaid, but use it as inspiration for one of his most famous fairy tales?

Okay, yeah, admittedly Hans Christian Andersen was a much sadder and more dysfunctional brown-haired human being IRL (just watch this video for a nice deep-dive about this disaster gay/bi/honestly-maybe-even-romantic-ace)...not to mention he wasn't even half this dashing nor close to being vocally similar to the great Mark Hamill...but one thing I absolutely love about this episode, and the aspect I personally respond to most, is the choice the series' creators made to have their interpretation of Hans Christian Andersen and Ariel have a very striking visual similarity, as well as similar personalities.

Many theorize that the original little mermaid was a self-insert character for HCA, with his fairy tale being a fantastical lament about the one-sided love he felt for the son of his most significant patron, Edvard Collin, who -- like the mermaid's prince in the original -- fell in love with and chose to wed another. There's even preserved correspondence by HCA where he writes of his feelings for Edvard being "those of a woman." And although this is more likely about HCA struggling to express romantic feelings that felt out of place in the very religious, heteronormative world he was a part of than about HCA himself identifying as transgender, I still think it was such a sweet little gesture for this episode to highlight Ariel and HCA seeing themselves in each other.

And this is where I wish SO MUCH I had some good quality video so I could truly share this piece of the episode with all of you -- because the moment where Ariel and Hans see each other for the first time gives me such life.

When Hans first sees Ariel, he's lost for breath, and he sounds and looks almost bereft when she disappears from view. When Ariel first makes eye contact with Hans, she clutches her face and hair, almost as if seeing herself clearly for the first time. And the whole time, they're looking at each other not fully face-to-face, but through glass and water -- almost a reflection of each other. Because...they are.

I'm sorry, I fail to articulate how utterly beautiful this is. No love story could ever capture the emotion this short scene instills in me. A platonic connection so powerful that it transforms you and how you see yourself forever. Meeting another person and, in doing so, truly knowing yourself for the first time.

However much I might praise The Little Mermaid TV series primarily for its music, there are also moments like this that remind me how wonderful Disney's adaptation of Andersen's story really is.

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

I would love to hear your thoughts on how louis engages with masculinity.

anon 2: Not the same anon, but would you like to talk about how Louis engages with masculinity? I am quite interested to hear your thoughts on it.

******

Thanks anons - that's a really interesting question that I've really enjoyed thinking about.

I've been mulling over what a useful framework for understanding msaculinity is - particularly from a point of view of how an individual might engage with it and there are two points that I want to make. The first is that I think masculinity is something more than what would currently be understood as gender presentation - masculinity is also about power. So to understand how someone engages with masculinity also involves looking at how they interact with other people and heterosexuality as an institution. The second, obvious but worth articulating point, is that every part of masculinity is culturally specific - and not in an abstract sense, but about a particular time and place and relating to the wider power relationships of that place.

By starting with how Louis self-presents and interacts with cultural signifiers that are associated with gender - we can see that the starting point is the working-class, northern English culture he grew up with. A lot of fandom discussion don't really seem to understand that relationship - and see everything which is a signifier of not liking posh things as being about gender - as if working class women don't exist. (This is a side note so I won't go fully into it - but one of the things I hate about shallow discussions of masculinity - is that they'll often equate masculinity with being working-class in a way that seems designed to erase the dangers of men with power).

I'm not going to talk specifically about fashion today, because I've talked about it before. But as he largely engages in fashion that is part of working-class culture - there is an interesting ambiguity around gender and fashion. Nobody would ever look at Louis and say 'that's feminine' or 'those are women's clothes. (Even though I think there have been a couple of times when the fashion ID suggested that they were). But if a woman or non-binary person was wearing them, people wouldn't necessarily say 'those are men's clothes'. It all comes back to men and masculinity being treated as normal - but the dynamics of streetwear are quite different from clothes that trace their history to more formal menswear traditions.

It is very obvious that as well as focusing on working-class gender performance - he also largely avoids engaging with cultural signifiers associated with feminity. My assumption here is that Louis almost certainly likes the things he says he likes and dislikes the things he says he dislikes - but he's also not sharing everything. We've no way of knowing what he engages with and doesn't share (and I think it's really important to assume that there's lots he doesn't share with us. I think it's as annoying to assume that what we see is all there is, as it is to assume that what Louis is hiding conforms to a very narrow image a particular fan has of him). But I think it's also reasonable to respond to what he presents - and he presents himself as largely not engaging with cultural signifiers associated with femininity. That's one of the things that fans are responding to. Part of my problem with responding to it is that I've had a lot of terrible takes in my inbox and it's hard not to feel like I'm somewhat responding to them. So I might just leave it there. I'll just say that I think the way to analyse this is focusing the way that seeing an absence of femininity is core to masculinity - and not demanding that an individual performs femininity for your amusement.

There is an interesting exception to this, which is slightly bigger than signifiers - and that's emotions. Louis presents himself as someone who is very in touch with his emotions and willing to be vulnerable (this is where there are some interesting cross-overs into power). I think that's interesting about him as a person, but I also think how he does it is really telling. When he talks about it, he often makes it a characteristic of men like him (saying things like - in Yorkshire we wear our hearts on his sleeve). He's not presenting himself as separate and different from other men, but instead suggesting that being in touch with emotions is fully compatible with his understanding of masculinity (I don't know how widely recognised this would be - I think it's interesting either way).

This provides quite a nice segue into power - one of the things I reacted to most strongly recently (although there's tough competition) as a description of Louis as macho - to me that suggests an aggressive and combative understanding of power and masculinity. That's not what we see Louis do - when we see him interact it isn't with a sense of hierarchy, but much more attempting to build common bonds. So much of the way Louis interacts with people appears to have elements of siblings to it. With fans, or people who he has status around - he's the big brother. But it's not just that - you see a wider attempt to make those sorts of relationships when he interacts with other people. (I'd probably have to rewatch X-factor to comment on how he interacts with people with more power and status). It's worth noting that this is really compatible with working-class northern masculinity. It's not separate from the rest, but part of it.

The relationships we mostly see Louis have are fraternal relationships - he does mostly seem to interact with men. I've talked about this in terms of discrimination and I'll continue to do so. But I think it's also worth understanding as part of his engagement with masculinity. It is part of the wider cultural context - one of the things that I really noticed when I moved to the UK is that socialising was much more gender segregated than I was used to. But mostly interacting with men is a way of engaging with masculinity.

There's an interesting flipside of this, which is that Louis doesn't seem that interested in representing women or femininity in his music (particularly not in his solo career).

That last point is connected with his (lack of) engagement with heterosexuality. I've made it clear that I don't think that Louis is very good at performing heterosexuality. And I do think that feeds into all of this - it's part of why the siblings dynamic is so strong with fans and how these different elements fit together.

I'd be really interested in other people's thoughts about all this - because there is a lot of sort of odd handwringing about Louis and masculinity - and not a lot of discription of what's going on.

[enneagram-reblogs]

Countertype Series: Type Four.

From NineTypesCo by Steph Barron Hall.

Meet Jake! (@jakefentonaz) In this interview, he shares what it's like to be a Self-Preservation Four.

Defining the Self-Pres Four subtype:

Self-Preservation (SP) Fours tend to be less expressive of their emotions than other Fours, and can even seem stoic, even though internally they have a lot of the same emotionality that other 4s experience. These 4s are commonly misunderstood because they have a bright, happy disposition. They often hold incredibly high standards for themselves and work painstakingly to reach them, even to the point that they might burn themselves out because they believe they deserve to suffer in some sense (and that they don't deserve a break).

Did you ever mistype?

"Yes. I thought I was a 3. I have a strong 3 wing, but I have never felt like I could be truly successful & authentic at the same time. I intuitively knew that authenticity/honesty was the most important thing to me but couldn't find the words to articulate what I felt. I would read the qualities of a 3 and 4, and I identified partially with both. I decided I was a 3 because 4s are sad, depressed, and sensitive. That's obviously a very misinformed view, but that's why I thought I was a 3.

"Then I read Beatrice Chestnut's explanation of the subtypes, particularly the self-preservation 4, & the Enneagram finally clicked. It went from sorta being accurate to describing me almost to a T. Finally I had words for what I felt/knew!!"

How would you describe the SP4 subtype? What is it like for you to move through life as a Self-Pres 4?

"I feel like a walking paradox. Some days I am able to throw caution to the wind (the recklessness of the SP-4), but most days I am wondering why everyone is wasting time, wading around the shallow end when we could add more value to life by diving into the deep end.

"Sometimes the shallow end is good. I have learned that my conversations with people don't have to turn into quasi-group-therapy sessions, and it's fine to just talk about the weather or The Lakers.

"But I love people & I'm so curious about them & their lives. I want to cultivate deep relationships. I also think I have this compulsion to help others, even when they aren't asking for it."

"Who's actually going to help you walk through that difficult circumstance, navigate that loss or offer a space for you to actually be your authentic self?

"I love all these things about the 4, but I'm also jealous of those that can just move through life talking about the weather. I want to talk about the weather, I see the value, but it's hard for me."

What is the biggest challenge you face in your life related to your subtype?

"Definitely being told: 'You're a 4 so you're always in your feelings.' From a young age I felt like my feelings couldn't be trusted. (What kind of 10 year old thinks this way??)

"I knew that I shouldn't always trust how I was feeling, but those feelings shouldn't be disqualified either. So I have a tendency to move against them in an effort to process them. They come in really heavy like waves.

There are days where I wake up so depressed I don't want to get out of bed. Those are the days I force myself to get up and drink extra caffeine before the gym. Those days are few and far between, but they do happen.

It honestly pisses me off that I can feel things so strongly because it can throw me off course for the day or week. I've got shit to do, and since I'm feeling sad about whatever, it's pissing me off that I'm even dealing with these emotions. It's really annoying! I wish I just didn't feel so much 🙃 It's like my 3 is frustrated with my 4."

What do you think is the biggest difference between yourself and other Type Fours?

"Definitely how aggressive/proactive I can be. I was talking with another 4 today, and she was describing how difficult it is to have conflict with her husband or the mental gymnastics she has to perform to get herself to do something difficult. I really don't operate like that at all.

"Conflict doesn't bother me at all—I'm glad to start it or engage in it if it's the right thing. I have no problem working aggressively toward a goal or being a little self-interested when it comes to accomplishments or accolades. It adds to my paradoxical nature I guess.

"I can play the stupid schmooze-wine-and-dine BS that's required in a sales role, and I'm good at it. But I also sorta hate myself for it. That's when my 4 is frustrated at my 3."

Is there anything else you'd like people to know about your subtype?

"Think of the internal world of an SP-4 as an orchestra. Every instrument represents an emotion, likely connected to an experience in the past.

"The SP-4 is the conductor. This conductor can turn up or down the volume on certain instruments or section of instruments. The entire orchestra plays representing the full spectrum of emotions living inside the conductor.

"But the conductor changes the volume on a certain instrument to elevate n emotion that must be processed. This is the SP-4. The orchestra is always playing.

"A lot of people experience one emotion at a time. They might feel happy or sad or angry. Maybe a few emotions at once given the right circumstances. But the 4? The entire orchestra plays always, the full spectrum of emotions always being felt. I think this is what made me a great pastor when I was in the ministry. I could authentically celebrate with that family that just had their baby & then an hour later hurt with the husband that lost his wife to cancer.

"It's a wonderful thing to be able to access those emotions but it's also exhausting to manage them all the time. As long as I hear the orchestra play, I'll leverage that in service to others."

[taylortruther]

hi I need to vent

I know this fandom stuff should not be like a serious issue in my life but I feel like I'm a bad person for not vibing with gaylor stuff on here

I'm bi and I think taylor's a bit gay too but I'm not interested in any ship and I don't like coming out theories and such because as someone who's closeted I think it's not fair to treat someone's queerness and how they publicly engage with as gossip or something scandalous cause like being queer is normal and coming out should not be a requisite for making queer art and engaging with queer stuff online

I know it might be different for celebrities but they're people who exist in the world with real emotions and stuff like not everything is pr etc

Also like there's like so much self righteousness like I think I'm probably jealous that people are so sure about what happened in a stranger's life and this goes for the entire fandom tbh but like Gaylor theories are very plausible in theory but I still don't believe most of them cause I can't bring myself to be like oh she lied about this or did this to cover that atleast I'm not able to bring myself to believe that every time and I think that makes me a cupcake?

I feel like I'm being homophobic for not being convinced that this celebrity went out with this other celebrity which is stupid but I also think maybe...I am cause everyone else seems to enjoy it and if I don't there's something wrong with me and then people who disagree with popular theories do get called that it just kinda re-enforces that but like I don't want to be you know a terrible person but also none of this bears any weight on my real life so like I should just stop engaging with the fandom

Anyways thanks if you read this all the way through, sorry I think you deserved something better to scroll through in your lunch break:)

hey anon - long story short: you're not a cupcake or a dummy just because you think gaylor theories aren't plausible. yes, most gaylor theories are possible... but are they believable? imo, not really. you're not wrong for thinking that.

you aren't the first person to tell me it feels like you're being 'gaslit' when you're told, very confidently, by multiple people, that taylor is bi/gay and you're an idiot/stupid/homophobic for disagreeing (and i know you didn't use the term!! just paraphrasing based on other asks i've gotten.) i don't believe the theories either, at least not the way they are presented here, even though i do think taylor's a lil fruity, and i feel like i sometimes have to jump through hoops with my wording in order to explain that i'm not a homophobe. so let's preface this post by agreeing that there is nothing inherently wrong with wondering if taylor is queer - there isn't! because being queer isn't wrong! i partake in some fun speculation at times. but if you agree with those things above, let's carry on.

here are my beliefs when it comes to navigating "possible theories" in the taylor fandom:

1) you are not obligated to prove what taylor has explicitly told us! she's the only one with any authority over her life and relationships. her word SHOULD carry way more weight than what any fan or media outlet says.

2) you don't have to "question everything." you don't have to "keep an open mind" about what MIGHT have possibly happened between taylor and another person. it's okay to just... assume taylor shared the truth. it's okay to just take things at face value. you're not dumb, or lesser, for doing that. as i've said before, it's taylor swift, not big government. you don't have to be a skeptic about everything!

3) become comfortable with not knowing everything. and be okay with not applying significant meaning to all of taylor's actions. taylor shares a lot with her fanbase but we know only a fraction of her actual life. and what a lot of these theories come down to is filling in the blanks with very limited and curated information.

for example: gaylor theories often hinge on things like instagram captions changing. instagram captions can change for a number of reasons, most of which are probably utterly boring. like SEO/social engagement. and just because someone said "this instagram caption has 13 letters, and taylor's favorite number is 13" or "this person went back 13 months to tag taylor in her photo" doesn't mean taylor is boinking that person.

4) remember that many blogs do not claim to be an authority. they may say things with confidence, but only because starting every post with a disclaimer isn't very fun. so keep that in mind, too.

also, here are two other posts that shared similar sentiments as you, in case you want to feel less alone:

https://kaylortruther.tumblr.com/post/627539470911143936/i-dont-know-if-im-gonna-articulate-this-well

https://kaylortruther.tumblr.com/post/639963654346997760/i-just-wanted-to-thank-you-for-that-post-you-made

[the-pale-goddess]

Breakfast at Tiffany’s - Ethan Ramsey x MC (Tiffany Addams)

Tiffany surprises Ethan with a fancy breakfast.

It’s all cute until it turns to filth. Then it’s fluff again. Aaaaand back to slutty. A three-course, self-indulgent breakfast, if I may convey.

Rating/Category: Explicit / smut with a side of fluff

Warnings: p*rn with no plot, language

Author’s note: Coming back to my OH2 more or less canon fic business!

Here’s the smutty part of the little band aid I promised for all the harm I’ve done to you with Home With You AU. I just wanted to give you something sweet before we proceed with the emotional rollercoaster in Chapter 3...Well, I did my best, but my filthy mind would never allow me to write some pure and innocent fluff 😅 Hope it’s not too slutty for you lol You’ve been warned!

Please, forgive me the title - I just saw the opportunity and I took it lol

____

Ethan opened his eyes with a sinking feeling this Thursday would be out of the new ordinary. His bed was cold and empty. There was no cascade of black hair unwittingly waking him up with a gentle tickle on his skin, no tender caress begging him to stay in the sheets a tad longer.

Another surprise awaited when an overfamiliar appetizing smell hit his nostrils, forcing him to rush out of bed in order to investigate the unexpected scene.

The missing piece of Ethan's morning routine was dancing her way through the kitchen, wreaking sweet havoc with a pile of dirty dishes and different ingredients scattered all over the kitchen island, just to cook a tower of flawlessly fluffy pancakes – now proudly placed on display near the oven. They looked perfect, but not as perfect as Tiffany in the weak morning light; her dark wavy hair falling down on bare shoulders, in contrast to the lacy white lingerie set that flaunted all her curves. She was swinging to the tune she whistled to herself, oblivious of the lurking admirer.

„I don't think I'll ever get used to this view.” Ethan's voice got her spinning around in a flutter to face him. He was leaning against the fridge, an adoring smile playing on his lips as his eyes were roaming over her silhouette. She flushed furiously under the intensity of his gaze, trying to hide the sudden clumsiness of her movements with a sheepish beam.

„Your girlfriend cooking breakfast for you in nothing but her underwear?”

He eyed her intently, biting his bottom lip before he answered with a poker face. „My kitchen in disarray.”

Tiffany shook her head incredulously, as she strained the freshly made raspberry sauce through a sieve. „Trust me, it'll be worth it. And don't worry, I'll clean everything up later, Doctor Terminator.”

„It already is.” He pulled her body close to his, causing her back to collide with his chest. „I can't believe you're still using that nickname.”

„You have to admit it's catchy.”

„Mhm. Do you need any help?” His arm draped over her shoulder, hugging her tight.

„Sure. There's a dozen of pancakes waiting for you. Hope you're ready for a sweet death topped with whipped cream and a home-made raspberry sauce.”

„I didn't plan on falling into a food coma, but you had me at pancakes. Meaning yes, I'm ready.” The powerful combination of Ethan's soft lips and his scratchy chin glued to the sensitive skin on her neck, peppering her with featherlike kisses.

„Someone's clingy today.” She gave him a loud peck on his forearm.

„I'm starving, Tiffany.” A husky whisper rolled in her ear, the words followed by a gentle bite that sent a red-hot shiver down her spine. She chuckled to herself.

„Good! I was genuinely scared that you'd hate the idea because of your love-hate relationship with pancakes. The sauce will need a few minutes to cool down a bit, and then – Oh!” Tiffany stopped dead in her tracks when the hard evidence of Ethan's hunger pangs pressed against her butt. She dropped her jaw in surprise, slightly amused by the realization she didn't get the hint quite right – it was a different kind of appetite. She spun round to face him, the wicked smile suggested she was more than eager to play along.

„On second thought, I suppose we can have a taste of what will be served today.” Never breaking the gaze, she dipped her finger in the whipped cream and offered it to Ethan. He licked it clean, keenly watching Tiffany's face turn crimson red.

„Not bad for a mixture of fat and sugar. Though it's far from what I expected to be on the menu.” Tiffany raised her brows, fake offended, her expression elicited a hearty chuckle from Ethan.

„Well, aren't you a picky eater, Doctor Ramsey? Luckily, I came prepared.” Her finger dived into the bowl with raspberry sauce. „Try some of this.”

„Mmm, delicious.” He gushed, his tongue slithering around her finger. „But yet again...That's not what I crave the most.”

”I wonder what would that be...” She bit her lip seductively as she reached for Ethan's hand. He swallowed loud and moved a bit closer just when she slipped his thumb into her mouth. The provocative movement had his imagination run wild. „Aren't you gonna tell me?”

„Tiffany, I...” Ethan failed to articulate his thought, too absorbed in sinful visions almost melting his brain.

„Tell me what do you crave, Ethan.” She demanded and he suddenly felt even weaker. His thumb got trapped in her mouth again, her other hand massaging his inner thigh through the material of his pants.

„You.” His voice dripped with wild need.

„How do you want me?” Tiffany released the thumb with a heady pop, holding his stare the entire time.

„I want to...”

„Do you want to come in my mouth?” She used his finger to brush her bottom lip, then grazed it with her teeth mere seconds later.

„Fuck...Yes, please.” He muttered, pressing his forehead together with hers.

Smiling magnetically from ear to ear, Tiffany crashed into Ethan, kissing him hungrily with their tongues twisted together. The prelude wouldn't last long, and in a flash she moved down his body – already hot and shivering with primal need. Her lips glided over every inch of his skin, placing open-mouthed kisses along the way. Just when she was low enough, she flipped her hair and dropped on her knees, pulling his pants down with her.

Ethan could swear that the very sight of her mischievous smile dancing around his throbbing cock was enough to make him come. He shuddered in tense anticipation as he watched her tease him with graceful strokes of her tongue wandering around his abdomen.

„Could you...” A tantalizing base-to-tip lick shut him up on the spot and took his breath away. She followed the same path with a soft touch of her lips, quietly humming with relish. His hips bucked involuntarily, overpowered by the tender sensation, begging for more.

The unspoken request was yet to be fulfilled – her slim fingers began stroking him at the base, while her mouth covered the sensitive tip. He groaned in response, his body temperature rising to a dangerously high level. His hand instinctively tugged at her hair, tying any defiant locks in his handy grip.

When Tiffany slid his whole length into her luscious mouth, the divine warmth took away the last bit of control he had, and made him gasping for air. Fighting back the tears was a feeble effort with his huge member hitting her throat, but she rose to the challenge, gagging violently before she adjusted to a safe and steady rhythm.

Ethan marvelled at the view of her watery emerald eyes gazing into his blues as she sucked him like her life depended on it, her precise tongue and skillful hand working him up to a blissful fever. The overwhelming feeling of pleasure had him moan ecstatically, bringing him on the verge of madness. Encouraged by the guttural sounds reserved only for her, she quickened the pace, bobbing her head up and down. His muscles reacted in an instant, tensing even harder, demanding an immediate release. A few moments later, he reached his high and spilled inside her mouth; the obscene groan of his climax ringing in her ears like a favorite song. She took the load with a triumphant smirk, swallowing every drop.

„This is grossly unfair.” He leaned on the nearest countertop awestruck, satiated and out of breath, struggling to keep himself standing.

„What is?” She got up, climbing up his body, and bit down on his shoulder blade.

„The power you have over me.”

Tiffany grinned, pressing her cheek to his broad back as she wrapped her arms around his chest. „But you did like the first course of your breakfast, didn't you?”

„I haven't eaten anything yet.” Ethan turned around, falling into her embrace with a pointed look.

„All right, I'll fill you up with these pancakes now.” Chuckling softly, Tiffany took a step back, seemingly ready to start the day, but Ethan kept her in place by holding her wrist. A gleam of lust reappeared in his eyes as he was slowly regaining his energy.

„Pancakes can wait a little longer. Let me eat you out.”

Before she managed to form a sentence, Ethan's fingers skimmed through her back and unclasped her bra, tossing it to the ground. His greedy hands began exploring her body, tracing her curves, only to slide his fingers behind her panties and pull them off, so they would share the fate of the bra.

„You know that I've never really understood the purpose of art, but looking at this absolute masterpiece right in front of me?” Tiffany raised her brows in surprise, returning his worshipful gaze. „I think I might modify my stance.”

„Wait, is that an actual compliment, or you're quoting some lines from the poetry book you'll soon be releasing?” They both snorted with laughter that quickly died when their lips fused in the hastiest, sloppiest kiss.

„I'll let you win this one, you deserve it.”

„Oh, what a lucky day!” She chirped in sarcastic tone. Ethan shook his head and lunged for her neck, sucking at her skin.

When his lips abruptly broke away from her, she yelped in protest, but little did she know what Ethan had in store for her. The burning desire in his eyes instantly set her body ablaze. He turned her around, brushing her messy hair away from her back, and began kissing her along the spine, inch by inch, moving excruciatingly slow. His beard rough against her silky flesh, scratching her pleasantly. She closed her eyes, relishing the delight of Ethan's touch. Suddenly, a piercing smack flew across her butt.

She jumped, flabbergasted, as her blood boiled with excitement. „Ethan Jonah Ramsey!”

„You liked that, didn't you?” He let out a supremely confident laugh and spanked her again.

„I plead the Fifth.” She giggled, biting her lip. His hands squeezed her bum and lifted her up. A moment later she lay flat on the kitchen island, legs spread wide and waiting.

Ethan wasted no time – his lips continued the journey across Tiffany's aching body, nuzzling her hips, kissing her thighs, licking her belly, sucking on her breasts. They were everywhere, except where she needed him most. He noticed how hopelessly she tried to catch his attention with the suggestive movement of her hips, but he decided to torture her for his own enjoyment, savoring the exquisite scent and taste of this very special meal.

Her impatience eventually rubbed off on him. At last, he nestled comfortably between her legs, and sunk his tongue directly into her soaked folds. She didn't even make an effort to tone her moans down and Ethan was quite grateful for that. His tongue worked its magic, lashing at her clit, knowing exactly where to suck to bring her over the edge. Her hips rolled to the rhythm of Ethan's licking, begging for more friction. He immediately read the sign, inviting his fingers to join the fun. He rubbed her expertly, all the while licking her swollen clit. She was so close, already sweaty and shivering, with hands on both sides of the countertop, her knuckles white from all the force she had to use to keep herself from falling down.

When Ethan kept his pace up, she knew he was going for the last bite. In the blink of an eye, she arched her back, coming hard as the outpouring of bliss washed over her. She fought for her breath, lying still with her eyes closed and mouth open.

„Don't get too comfortable there, Rookie, I'm not done with you.” She could feel him smirking against her skin when his lips moved down her trembling leg.

„Is it because last night I fell asleep during your precious documentary and we missed our daily dose of inappropriate snuggles?” Tiffany cracked up and Ethan soon followed.

„Yes and no.” He leaned his chin on her knee, meeting her gaze. „I know how much you hate both cooking and waking up early. This is the least I could do to make this morning more tolerable for you.”

„Keep spoiling me like that and I will literally melt.” A beam of unfiltered happiness spread over her face, her eyes filled with utmost adoration. „Besides, just to clarify: I hate cooking, but I enjoy doing it for you.”

An intimate silence washed over them as they stared at each other, basking in the glorious feeling of these small gestures of affection. Ethan shook his head in wonder, his mind racing. He wanted to tell her. He was certain she knew that already, probably even long before he had realized the nature of his feelings...And yet, his words failed him, offering a blank space instead of a proper way to name the drums echoing in his heart at the very thought of Tiffany. He quickly gathered himself, stood straight and cleared his throat.

„Enough chit-chat, we're on a very tight schedule. Stand up.” With a little help from Ethan, Tiffany jumped off the countertop and hooked her arms around his neck.

„Oh, I'll show you tight, sir.” She avowed with a devilish grin.

„God, you're impossible.” Ethan heaved a long sigh in response, right before their lips melted into a deep, fervent kiss.

Cutting to the chase, Tiffany turned her back to Ethan, colliding with his body. Without any hesitation, he entered her with a hefty push, filling her up in a way she'd never experienced before. She was perfectly accustomed to his size, but the standing position was brand new to them. She didn't expect that a slightly different angle could leave an all-consuming, almost agonizing feeling of fullness before he even began pounding her. A series of vehement whimpers escaped her mouth without her permission. Her chest heaved as she struggled to control her breathing. If it wasn't for his firm grip, her legs would surely give up.

Ethan immediately noticed the unconcealable shift in her demeanor. He cupped her cheek, slowly pulling out of her.

„Baby, is everything all right?” He whispered, his voice full of concern. „Do you want me to stop?”

She instinctively grabbed his hand and locked her body on him in a desperate cry, every word a torture. „I want you inside.”

He nodded, relieved, pulling her as close as it was humanly possible. Her head lolled back, resting comfortably on Ethan so they could still glance at one another. They exchanged a blithe smile, reflecting the dizzying sensation of each other's presence. His lips brushed her forehead in a sweet kiss just as he began moving inside of her.

He started off slow, pulling in and out as gently as he could, keeping her steady in his protective arms. Her previous remark proved to be right – she was insanely tight and dripping wet, her scent and unrestrained moans only adding to his arousal. He knew he wouldn't last long.

„Harder, please.” She whimpered, tightening her clutch on his arms. He willingly complied, deepening his thrusts, setting a merciless pace. The sound of slapping flesh punctuated by their heavy breathing and pleasure vocalized in the most indecent way.

Everything was Ethan – he invaded all her senses, emptying her mind, leaving nothing but his name. Tiffany could feel the thunder in his heart pounding on her back; his hands were mindlessly roaming over her curves as she remained trapped in his strong embrace. His fingers snuck to her clit, rubbing her with expert precision while his cock kept on ravishing her. She was mere seconds away from another orgasm, unable to communicate in any form other than shameless moaning.

Ethan was right behind her, chasing the finish line. His deafening groans got more desperate, thrusts slower and rigid, his fingers pleasuring her frantically, until they both cried out in unison – their bodies twisted in overwhelming ecstasy.

Tiffany toppled over the countertop, breathless – her blazing flesh took comfort in the cold of the marble, with fingers skimming blindly across its surface in a desperate attempt at keeping herself steady. She had no time to recover, as Ethan's body clutched at her tight, his burning skin clamping around hers. His ragged breath hovered over her ear, just as his hand dived into the damp mess of her hair, pulling her locks aside to gently suck on her neck.

„Oh, God...We should...” She panted with her eyes closed, tilting her head to give him more access.

„Mhm.” He hummed with approval, tracing scratchy kisses across her shoulder. „I know.”

Instead of acting on the incoherent thought, he turned her around, crashing into her lips without any warning. They kissed slowly for a long minute before Tiffany retreated, gazing into the endless ocean of his eyes. A cheeky smirk flew across her face.

„You called me baby.”

Ethan stared at her perplexed, his brows frowned. „No, erm...I didn't?”

„You totally just did.” Tiffany's laughter filled the room, the sound shook him to the core, along with the realization the pet name might have accidentally slipped through.

„No, you probably misheard that.” He stuttered an evasive reply, that earned a well-deserved scoff.

„Don't try to deny that you called me baby for the first time, and it happened – let me stress that – during sex.”

„Stop it. Let's not make a big deal out of this. We still need to get to work.” Ethan countered, hoping that the final argument was meaningful enough to end the cross-examination.

„That's a very convenient excuse, Mr I'll Casually Avoid Any Uncomfortable Topic. You're right, though. We should hurry up with the proper breakfast. But let's take a quick shower first.”

„Together?” He cocked his brows, sceptical about the idea.

„Yeah, why not?” Her index finger twirled around his nipple.

„We're already running out of time, we can't afford the further delay.”

„I thought you like a challenge, baby.” She pressed a wet kiss on his chest and broke the embrace. Ethan watched her walk off towards the bathroom with a tantalizing sway of her hips. He took a sharp breath, his eyes followed her every move, scanning her naked form up and down. When she reached the bathroom door, she shot him a sultry wink and disappeared behind the door. He shook his head, transfixed and defeated, muttering to himself.

„We're going to be late then.”

___

Sorry if there are any typos or mistakes, this B is too tired to double-check lol

___

Taglist: I’ll post it separately in a reblog because [tumblr] is being a brat

[hangonimevolving]

The Iron String.

“Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string.”

--Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self Reliance

Here we are. It's August. Five months plus since the start of the U.S. pandemic, lockdowns, and general disruption to society. Over 5.26 million confirmed cases in the United States alone to date, and 167,000 deaths. Our world around us has changed.

Much of the last two months of summer for me were spent in an agonizing holding pattern concerning the almighty School Question. What would happen in the fall? Would schools be reopening? If so, how would that look - would we just act like life is normal, or would there be modifications to help prevent transmission of the virus? If so, what on earth modifications are even possible for young children that are reasonable, and to which little kids can even feasibly adhere given their ages and needs? If it proves too difficult to reopen schools, what would be the plan? Would there be some sort of virtual learning program, and how would it differ from the shifts that happened this past spring, with teachers scrambling to educate themselves on distance-learning technologies and teleconferencing utilities in order to teach a room full of kindergartners on Zoom? Surely, with several months to ponder the possibilities and plan for vairous contingencies, schools would be more prepared with better, more structured and thought-out plans for fall, than what they had in the spring... right?

Er, wrong. WRONG. The short version of how this situation ended, at least in our geographic area, is that the public school system (and my own kids' small, family-owned private school) made the decision to reopen to face-to-face teaching by the middle of July. Late in the game, both also hastily threw together a virtual option for students - but the virtual option was tantamount to a continuation of the fly-by-night Zoom teaching that had been put into effect at the very start of the lockdown.

I for one was entirely disappointed and disgusted with this. With SO much time to plan, this is really the best that could be done?! Bruh, NAW. I wasn't having it.

So blah blah blah, hem, haw, blah. Research, research, research. Reading, millions of review websites, forums, blogs, legal defense funds, Department of Education website, nonprofits, clubs and associations and collectives.... a phone call with an old friend from high school with over 10+ years experience, and a series of long and informative text message exchanges with two other friends, one a veteran with over 15+ years with three now-adult children, another a mom about my age of children about my kids' ages, facing this situation just like me and working through options just like me...... and, after all this, I knew exactly what I would be doing. What WE would be doing, in our family.

By June 13, it was official, and it was all systems go.

Ladies and gentlemen.... I am officially a homeschooling mom. Like, a LEGIT homeschooling mom. As in, I am doing a 100% parent-led homeschooling curriculum plan, FULL-time, with my two children.

I won't lie. In a million, bajillion, baskillion years, I don't think I ever intended to find myself in this place. I'll also say with honesty, that I have admired from afar the rare few homeschooling families that I somewhat know, and the flexibility and creativity with which they approach academics and learning in general.

I have also been increasingly dissatisfied and frustrated with the academic progress of my own children... Dr. Spouse and I have had long discussions where we've tried to speculate on the things that we haven't been satisfied about in our kids' schooling. The list has been long. But even as we were able to identify specific shortcomings in our children's particular educational environment, I've felt a rising sensation of control-freakism and bootstrapism in my chest, that has whispered to my conscience: "if you feel something is wrong here, don't sit around waiting for someone else to fix it. And, when you articulate your concerns in a constructive, non-threatening, but clear way, and people have smiled and nodded and claimed they'd follow up on those items, but in the end, they havent taken those concerns seriously - then it is time to man the f&* up and TAKE CARE OF THAT SHIT yourself. Because YOU are the only one you can trust. YOU are the only one who can do it right, in your own view. So either do it, or stop feeling dissatisfied about it."

So here it is. Our original plan, prior to the pandemic, was to switch the kids to the local (A-rated) public elementary school for this coming year. We had hoped that a change in environment, teachers, and the accountability of being a reputed school in the public school system, would mean more organization and oversight, and that hopefully this would translate into better academic progress in our kids.... but the pandemic changed all our plans, and besides, I don't know if more "in theory..." type things ever really translate to palpable, effective change at the individual level (at least not for me anyway, I never have such luck).

Rather than seeing this weird, surreal circumstance has having forced me into the homeschooling decision (which, maybe it sort of did) - - for reasons I can't explain, I dove headlong into it, with great excitement and hope. I can't really figure out how I have been as enthusiastic or jazzed about it as I have been - - but lookie, I'm jazzed! Seriously. From the moment we made the decision to do it, I felt like a 1,000-lb. weight was lifted from my chest. No more feeling anxious or on the edge of my seat about decisions that are being made outside of my control. In this matter - I stopped waiting for other poeple, and I TOOK CONTROL. For my own kids, anyway.

I'll write a detailed post at a later time about some of the particulars of the homeschooling plan that I am using, the research I did, the materials I ended up purchasing, the knowledge and insight I required while in the preparations phase, and other stuff. But, for now - I've droned on long enough. I'm gonna share some pictures now.

To bring it back to the start of this post - - with this homeschooling plan, I have found my iron string. I literally felt this resounding, reverberating sense of CONFIDENCE the moment that I decided to do this, and effectively brought Dr. Spouse on board. NEVER, in my life, have I felt so right about a decision. I feel a tremendous inner harmony about it - like I've come home to myself, if that's not too weird to say.

Sooo.... here are pictures of Week 1 of our great homeschooling adventure.

Obligatory "First Day of School" picture....

Our newly-tweaked home office - - now serving as our homeschooling classroom!

Particularly proud of our new training clock, our large-format calendar, and the "today's date/weather" board that I made with vinyl die-cuts from my Cricut, some chalkboard-surface Contact paper, and some rainbow sparkly duct tape :)

Spanish class: kids use a fun new app for two class sessions a week

Dey working on simple addition/subtraction with Teddy Bear Counters

Dey slaying his worksheets in Handwriting class - we're doing both print letters and cursive

Vev learning to tell time, and to recognize and convey the time in both analog and digital notation

After reading several history textbook chapters on the origins, diets, nomadic lifestyles, housing practices, and modes of dress among prehistoric humankind - we did a "History in action" lesson where the kids were given 10 minutes to construct a shelter out of a "mammoth skin" (blanket), "two tree branches" (pool noodles), and several large "rocks" (throw pillows). They didn't need the full 10 minutes :)

Vev enjoying one of his first chapter books - an "I Can Read" reader during a Language Arts learning block

After a week reading science textbook chapters about the earth's atmosphere, we conducted science experiments to better understand the properties of air! The boys had a "paper race" using construction paper and pieces of cardboard as fans, to race two paper structures across a finish line. They discussed their expectations and each articulated a hypothesis about which paper would travel faster, prior to conducting the experiment; afterwards, we determined whether our "guesses" (hypothesis) were accepted or rejected :)

This is just a smattering. There's been so much, and in only four days. I can't believe how much we are able to learn and cover in our homeschooling time. And the crazy thing is, we are able to do Phonics and Grammar, Reading, History, Read-aloud time, Math, Spanish, Handwriting, and Science in only about 3 hours per day. We integrate things like art, movement, current events, and practical life skills into pretty much everything we do, but on occasion we are even able to do a discrete, planned-out period of time for these topics too.

The iron string is taut, and secured in its proper place. We are ready for it to guide us through this school year.

[c-is-for-circinate]

Wow I can't help but see the line "nobody but the three of them belongs here, not really, not Mitsuru’s dad or Ikutski or the new kids they’ve taken on as green apprentices, not anyone." and think that it is going to be an absolute fucking catastrophe having that sort of additional barricade between the kids in persona 3. Not that I don't think they can't be together and have their relationship, but it sounds like it ends so poorly, and I can't really articulate why.

Oh yes.

(Except for the things it actually fixes.)

And here is why: because P3 is in its very core a game about isolation.  You’ve got this bunch of kids just barely managing to grab onto each other, like clinging to the edge of a rooftop--holding on with all their strength but just the very tips of their fingers.  Putting another barrier between people onto that--no, it’s not going to be good.

Except that Mitsuru Kirijo, queen of self-control and taking everything upon herself, has just spent two years living not just with Akihiko (king of single-minded determination and hyperfocus) but also Shinjiro, who makes her breakfast and calls her on her shit because he’s one of the only people in the world not afraid of her.  And if Shinji’s paying attention to Mitsuru’s moods and needs and forcing his way under her skin, suddenly Akihiko is, too--because when it’s the two of them alone, Akihiko can sink into his own crap and respect Mitsuru enough to leave her to hers, but now there’s a third player in the game and all the rules change.  Now there are two people who know about Miki and the way Akihiko goes tight around fire, two people giving Shinjiro a reason to keep control, two people who know everything Mitsuru does about her family and don’t blame her.

So now we don’t have three isolated people mostly living in their own worlds.  We have three people living in a shared world, completely isolated from everybody else.

(Literally isolated.  Nobody else enters this dorm except the Saturday morning maid.  Nobody else in the whole world, it seems like, is awake during their hour, when they can roam the streets like royalty or gods, weapons in hand, and kiss each other in full view of the whole world and nobody at all.)

So it means that all three of them do actually have the life skills of opening up and relying on other people that they lack in canon!  Which is good, sort of.

It also means that the Lovers Arcana full moon shadow almost kills them all.

It means that Thanatos doesn’t even show up until the second night they bring the second-years to Tartarus, when the Reaper corners the three kouhai apprentices (and Thanatos is powerful but all it can do is buy them an escape.)

It means the three senpai gritting their teeth over these new second-years, these new interlopers in their home, guess we can’t fuck on the couch any more, guess we can’t be ourselves here any more, and they go upstairs and lock themselves in the command room where the second years Are Not Allowed To Go because you are apprentices and you act by our command.

And it means that when Yukari doesn’t trust Mitsuru, she doesn’t trust any of them.  When Yukari doesn’t trust Mitsuru, she pulls Junpei and Minato and Fuuka along with her.

So a lot of things break.  But then on the other hand, when Yukari is feeling scared and suspicious and alone, she’s not doing it by herself in her dorm room.  She’s doing it in Minato’s dorm room, sitting on the bed next to Fuuka while Junpei leans his chin against the back of the desk chair, sitting backwards, and Minato stands or leans against the wall in his own room because somehow it always pans out that way and he doesn’t mind.  It’s not Yukari on her own feeling rebellious, it’s all four of the kouhai together.  And they’re the ones with the Wild Card on their side.

(”Dude, what happened in there?” Junpei asks the night after the full moon they spent on Shirakawa Boulevard, Yukari and Junpei standing awkwardly around Fuuka on a seedy street corner while Minato was graciously allowed to accompany their senpai and fill out the party.  Minato’s the senpai’s favorite, because he doesn’t talk back and has so much power, even though the senpai are still so much stronger.  They haven’t tapped a quarter of his power yet--he gains and loses skills faster than Mitsuru can learn them to order him in battle.  And after last night...maybe they’re not so much stronger after all.

He shrugs, though.  “We were Charmed,” he says, and Fuuka frowns.

“You and Mitsuru-senpai broke out of it so much faster than the others, though,” she says.  “I couldn’t even get through to them until you found them.”

“Were they...” Yukari starts, and then bites her lip.  There’s questions they don’t quite ask, even though she’s awake enough to hear footsteps down the hall towards Mitsuru’s bedroom sometimes in the middle of the night, even though she sort of knows.

Minato just shrugs again.  He doesn’t really get mad or hold grudges, he doesn’t really tell secrets.  It doesn’t really matter that Mitsuru had glanced at him naked out of the shower, and slapped him instantly.  It matters that she’d had to nearly break down a door and thrown a Bufula at the entwined bodies on the hotel bed to snap Akihiko and Shinjiro back into their own heads, but only because she’d been that much lower on power, Akihiko and Shinjiro that little bit injured when they’d started the fight against the full moon shadow.  Thank god.

“None of my business,” says Minato.  He still hurts pretty much everywhere.  He needs to go to bed early tonight.  A hot soak in the bath didn’t cut it today.

“But you had to fight that Shadow almost entirely on your own!” Fuuka bursts out.  She’s been upset all day and holding it in, but she says things in here, with them, that she won’t say in front of the senpai.  Knows better than to say in front of the senpai.  “Mitsuru-senpai and Shinjiro-senpai and Akihiko-senpai were Charmed for almost that entire fight.  Every single time it cast, it hit them again!  I’ve never seen ailment susceptibility that high!”

“They’re not invincible,” Yukari says.  “They want us to think they are, but they’re not.”

Minato doesn’t hold grudges, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t take sides.

“The next section of Tartarus is open,” he says.  Elizabeth said so this morning.  If they wait another two days, the senpai will take them--will scour the floors themselves, one by one, and then let the three second-years fight their way in behind once Fuuka knows everything’s strength and weakness.  They’ll take on the huge guardian shadows together with one lucky second-year allowed to join the party for backup or support, like Minato did last night.  It’ll take a couple of days.  The senpai are even more exhausted from yesterday than he is.

“Wait, you want to go first?” Junpei asks.  “Without them?”

Minato shrugs again.  Fuuka looks scared, Yukari determined.

"They’re never going to risk letting us get as strong as they are if we give them a choice,” Yukari says.  “I say we do it.  No more letting them dictate how we fight.”)