#i don't feel awkward asking about this bc I'm p sure I've talked about all of these at various points here

[arctic-hands]

The subject came up today and I can't decide so I'm throwing it out there because I don't give a fuck and also having survived all of this kinda makes me sound like a badass

[drinkingbitterboy]

Hellooooo,

I recently boarded the milex train and have absorbed farrrr too much knowledge and love for them in about a year but one thing that I’m a bit confused about ( and this may be completely wrong, I’ve just seen it posted about/hinted at several times and can’t seem to work it out ) is why people seem to associate bald Alex with him having bad mental health/when he was at a bad point in his life?? And a few references to the show he did with miles at this time but how things seemed off?

Seeing as 80% of my intake comes from your blog I thought you’d be the right person to ask xD

Seriously tho, I love love your blog <3333

hi. first of all i am SO SORRY for the delay on answering i was going to reply and then i forgot!!!

so. the biggest part is of course that we know something happened after eycte with both miles and alex, indicated by everything from interviews talking about writer's block, the actual tbhc and cdg albums, them suddenly not hanging out constantly, etc.

and then you throw in the breakup with taylor. somewhere louise shows up, too. and i don't know the exact timing (though i'm p sure people have put it together) but because of how...acrimonious that breakup was and how questionable the lousie entrance was and how miles still doesn't like her... it's basically a perfect emotional storm.

people always associate the drastic head shaving with mental health desasters (see: britney) and that paired with him visibly losing weight and honestly acting a bit different on stage and out in public (there's some rough pics with louise and her friends....) it just feels even worse. and so.

regarding the show you're talking about: alex showed up to miles' solo gig at la cigale for standing next to me. imo it's not the complete disaster that it could be and that it somehow is made out to be. however if you're watching this performance, say, right after marathoning a bunch of tlsp gigs, it's awkward as hell. i don't particularly want to go into some analysis of body language bc i'm sure that's out here already, but that's really the gist of it.

does that all make sense? i've never been the most knowledgeable about all the drama and this is all as far as i recall. i hope this was at least a little helpful!

i am btw incredibly flattered by choosing my humble blog for like 80% of your milex intake. i hope that it's been an alright ride? and welcome aboard the kane train <3

[ghoulangerlee]

a long rambly post about my very complicated feelings with sex under a read more I need to vent a bit

I think I'm old enough now to admit that sex has always been something confusing for me?? Like! I dunno. For a long time I thought I was ace but I'm not, I just have a lot of self shame that makes it hard for me to see myself as someone desirable

it took me a while to like be comfortable taking my clothes off in front of my own damn husband? I'm p sure I slept in a bra for a bit when I first moved in, too.

I thought for a while I was trans bc I had very complicated feelings about my own genitalia. I didn't like my boobs bc I could see weird men looking at them and sexualizing me when I was a teen bc I've had a big chest since I was 15.

I started writing smut bc it became a way for me to idk put myself into the shoes of a character and explore idk what I thought an ideal sexual encounter would be like.

I practically perfected how to get myself off when I was younger because I always felt like, if I have sex with anyone they're gonna focus on their own pleasure just because they're gonna figure out that penetration alone doesn't get me off and that I need something more than that. So because it's too hard to make me come, the person is just gonna focus on themselves.

Not that it mattered bc I didn't actually do anything with anyone else until I was in my late 20s, just bc I've always been awkward, strange, not sexually appealing or attractive enough for people. Fat. A lot of other very negative things.

It's hard for me to talk about this stuff out loud bc something about being inappropriately touched in the 4th grade by a classmate and having a teacher laugh in your face when you tell her...it just hurts you in a way I guess. And then the subsequent teasing it brought on by the kid who did it... It became shameful. Idk. ("See even she doesn't believe it happened because you're so ugly" lmao) And transitioned later on into me being too ashamed to talk about my wants and needs and fears out loud.

I have thankfully gotten over my complicated feelings about my bits, and I don't mind my boobs so much anymore because I'm good at wearing clothes that are slightly too big. Or unflattering. Like I would love to be one of those people who wear flattering clothes but I am simply too self conscious for it. There's like two wolves fighting in me, one wants to be hot and the other wants to be hidden lmao.

And it's like so funny that me, having written all sorts of smut over these years, have all these complicated feelings, and be unable to tell my husband exactly what I want and how I want it.

I guess that's why fiction exists lmao so I can live vicariously through characters who can say what they want and how they want it without feeling an ounce of shame.

Meanwhile if I even think about wanting to ask for something I freeze up and talk myself out of it before I can even get the words out.

Like I dunno, I was hoping 30 would bring me some sort of revelation on how to stop second guessing my needs and ask for things, but it really hasn't.

I dunno, I just felt like I needed to get this off my chest haha. But like it sucks 99% of the time because the bc shot I'm on always makes me so horny after I get it initially and I am left to suffer bc of a box I've put myself into.

[kinksvt]

→ pairing: reader x wonwoo

♕ summary: you and wonwoo had been friends for a while but after some unknown tension that changes.

✱ genre/warnings: friends to lovers!au, dirty talk, degradation, rough fucking, daddy kink, the whole deal, plus a liiiittle bit of fluff at the end bc im a sucker for wonwoo

✱ word count: 3.2k+

1 / 2 / 3

you threw the blanket that was already with the room off of you and put on your shorts, making your way to the door. you turned the knob slowly, thinking every move you made was the loudest thing on earth. slipping past the opening in the door you made, fear of it squeaking loudly, you walked stealthily across the hall towards the stairs to head into the kitchen. you didn't know what the hell to eat or what to do. you just needed to occupy yourself and take your mind off of things.

"couldn't sleep either?" a deep voice spoke from behind you suddenly. your heart jumped and you spun quickly around to see who the person was.

“oh,” you cleared your throat, “hey wonwoo.” the air felt awkward between you two, tension so strong that it could cut a knife.

"hey cutie, what's up?" wonwoo made his way to the cupboard, looking for a snack. you blushed at the nickname as you faced away from him, opening the fridge that was behind you.

"nothing, i was just, uhm, hungry." a mess could only be used to describe you in this somewhat uncomfortable situation with wonwoo.

he looked back at you, seeing you grab the carton of milk that sat inside the fridge. "hey, do you remember when we were younger.." wonwoo trailed off, leaning against the island that sat in the kitchen. you placed the milk on the counter top, stopping everything you were doing. you still didn't look at wonwoo, but your attention was on him. “we used to," he chuckled softly, "sleep with each other?"

your eyes widened, the moments erupting in your mind clear as day. you two would innocently sleep in each other's beds during your many sleepovers. there were times when wonwoo would move closer to you during the nights when you were scared because the rain beat at your window. but of course, all good things come to an end eventually and when you two both sprouted during high school, you both decided it was best to stop without having it to be mentioned. it just seemed right to the both of you. "yes..i do. why are you bringing it up?"

wonwoo had made his way over and set his hand on your shoulder, startling you. "because. ever since the first night you slept in my bed, i couldn't sleep easily without you in it."

it was like you were in some sort of trance and someone else had taken over your body. you turned around to face wonwoo, his warm hand feeling like it was burning your skin. "really?" you looked into his eyes, his own staring into yours.

"yes, really. i always think back to when you slept with me. i always think about the feeling of my arms around you, protecting you. i feel like i constantly have to protect you to make sure you don't get hurt." when you were about to respond, he added, "i don't want anyone else taking you away from me."

that had sent a shiver down your spine and a rush of heat to your core. "w-what do you mean by that?" you both knew what it meant.

"it means," wonwoo began walking towards you, making you walk back until you hit the other counter, "that i like you, y/n. a lot."

you gulped and followed his eyes that were on your lips. you subconciously licked them, mentally screaming at him to just kiss you already. and as if he had read your mind, he finally leaned in and kissed you. a feeling of butterflies had erupted in his stomach, and yours. he had waited so long to finally be able to kiss you. he had only dreamed of how it felt to have your lips on his own. he pulled away to look at you, your eyes already open and wide. your lips parted to speak but he cut you off, "can i kiss you again?"

you merely nodded and he returned to you. he took the hand he once had rested on your shoulder and placed it on your hip, lightly rubbing the exposed skin. his other placed on the back of your head, deepening the kiss. you were incredibly wet and wonwoo began to slowly become hard. his dreams only had escalted after you two had kissed. he was hoping that his many dreams about you would become a reality at last. "fuck," wonwoo said breathlessly against your lips, "you don't know how many times i've wanted and thought about kissing you.."

"y-you've thought about kissing me?"

"god yes." his fingers brushed against your arm softly, trailing up and down. "you drive me crazy, y/n."

"i-i do?" you thought your knees were going to buckle, you felt so weak.

"you haven't noticed? fuck, i've liked you for as long as i can remember, princess." wonwoo let out a chuckle, "you can't tell me that you don't feel something for me either."

"i do, feel something for you wonwoo." he smirked in response but quickly wiped it off. "come with me." he whispered. grabbing your wrist, wonwoo pulled you away and headed upstairs. his grip didn't loosen, he turned the hall into the room he was staying in, nudging you in and locking the door behind you both. wonwoo suddenly switched on a light that, to your luck, was dim and not extremely bright.

you swallowed dryly, feeling intimidated by how wonwoo stared at you. like a predator getting ready to pounce on its prey. "uhm, w-wonwoo-" he raised a hand to silence you, walking closer and closer to you. the back of your knees hit the bed, making you tumble backwards slightly. wonwoo got on top of you and wrapped his hand lightly around your throat. the sensation and the feeling went straight down to where you wanted him the most.

“you know princess.." his hand released your neck, his fingers moving—making an invisible trail down your body, "i'm not happy with what you did earlier." it suddenly clicked in your mind as his fingers slipped the strings of your tank top off your shoulder, pulling your shirt over your head. "did you do it on purpose, baby?"

you whined, feeling small and little under everything wonwoo was doing to you. "no, i-i didn't mean to. i was just-"

"don't lie to daddy, princess." wonwoo's hand cupped your clad breast. "you wanted me to look at you, right? you wanted me to be jealous of jeonghan, didn't you?"

"no, wonwoo, i-"

"what was that, baby?" he slowly dragged his entire hand down your body until he reached the band of your shorts, right above the area he knew he had been affecting you the most.

"wonwoo, p-please," you needed him to touch you already. you were pretty sure your panties were soaked and your clit had already developed its own heartbeat.

"that's not my name, princess." he raised himself back up to your face and kissed your neck roughly. you let out a moan as he began sucking harshly on your neck. his other hand held the other side of your face. "yeah, that's right baby. moan louder. let everyone in this goddamn house know who you belong to." wonwoo was going to make sure that, not only jeonghan, but everyone know who was making you feel good. "who's doing this to you, baby? who's making you so wet?"

"you, wonwoo."

"uh-uh, that's not my name." he smoothed his tongue against your collarbone, also leaving light purple hickeys there. "it's daddy to you, baby."

with a desperate whine, you moaned, "d-daddy, please touch me. i need you so badly."

wonwoo pulled away from your collarbone, looking into your eyes, his own clouded with lust. "such a naughty girl, begging for daddy. can't you wait a little longer, baby?"

you shook your head and wonwoo tsked as he moved down your body to the material that covered your lower half. his fingers touched your skin and pinched the band of your shorts, taking them off painfully slow. you sighed when you were met with the cool air. you didn't wear anything fancy or sexy, considering the fact that you weren't expecting jeon wonwoo to see them. "how cute.." wonwoo brushed his fingers against the baby pink striped underwear you wore, making you shudder quietly. "so innocent, baby. god you're so fucking cute."

you shyed away, moving your legs away from wonwoo. you became easily self conscious, despise from always being looked at carefree and confident. wonwoo grabbed your legs, spreading them open. he let out a groan, "my pretty girl, you're so wet." his long fingers suddenly came into contact with the dark pink spot. "can i?" he asked as his digits hooked on your underwear.

"yes," you breathed out. and with that, wonwoo slid your underwear down your thighs. he let out a moan, "fuck," he sighed out.

"could you remove something? i-i don't like how i'm the only one naked.."

he laughed slightly as he quickly stripped himself, leaving his boxers on. "now baby, what else do you want?"

"touch me." you couldn’t wait any longer. if you did, you think you’d burst.

"anything for my girl.." he smirked and lowered his head between your legs. wonwoo was so close to you, you could feel his breath against your heat. "you're so wet, babe. i bet i could slide my cock right in there." he suddenly placed a sloppy kiss onto your clit, sending a jolt of pleasure through your body.

you moaned, "more daddy, please i'm begging you." and with that, wonwoo attached his mouth to your pussy, his tongue sticking out slightly.

you moaned again, louder as his tongue quickly glided all across your folds. your hands fisted wonwoo's hair, making him groan, sending vibrations up your body. he flatted his tongue against you, making your body arch. you let out a whine as you clenched your thighs around his head, he took his left hand and rested it on your lower stomach. he brought his right hand to you and entered his digit inside you, causing a pornographic sound to leave your throat. he looked at you and began moving his finger, "that's right baby, wake all the guys up. let them know what i'm doing to you, my beautiful princess."

he suddenly inserted another finger into you, making you gasp. his mouth came into contact with your clit and he sucked harshly on it. his fingers going in and out of you and curling desperately, trying to find your sweet spot. his other hand reached up and grabbed your boob, lightly pinching your hard, pink nub. your senses became overwhelmed. with wonwoo's skillful fingers and relentless tongue on your pussy and pleasure on your boob, you already felt your orgasm approaching faster than you thought it would. "don't cum until i say so," he said, almost knowing your body already. you clenched around him as his tongue continued to lick and suck at your clit. his fingers went as far as you allowed and he curled them again and you squealed loudly.

"daddy, r-right there," your body felt as if it was on fire. euphoria ran through every vein in your body, a ball of pleasure quickly building up in your lower stomach.

"cum for me, angel." you let out a long moan followed with a squeal you didn't know you were capable of making. as you came, your hips stuttered, as if the world was slowly stopping.

"you look so hot when you cum, baby." he pressed one last kiss to your heat, making you jolt with pleasure.

"daddy, i-i need your cock."

"yeah, baby? you need daddy's cock? what a dirty slut you are, so impatient after i had given you what you wanted." he slapped your thigh, making you yelp. you felt your juices run and drip onto the sheets. wonwoo got off of the bed, "on your knees," he pointed at the floor in front of him. you did as he said with no hesitation. you got up from the bed and kneeled in front of him, already knowing what was going to happen. "here's what princess is going to do for daddy." he bent down ever so slightly and grabbed your chin to make you look up at him. "princess is going to be good for daddy, and suck his cock. right, baby?"

"yes, daddy." you swallowed dryly, you've never been this turned on and vulnerable in your life.

"that's my girl.." he then pulled his boxers down in one motion, his cock springing out and slapping against his lower abdomen. you audibly gasped at his size and girth, squeezing your thighs together. his cock stood tall, the tip a crimson color and you could just barely see a few shiny drops of precum beginning to leak out. the veins protruded out from his base just enough for you to see it in the dim light. "like what you see, princess?" he smirked, hearing your gasp and noticing your stare.

"you're so big.." you were breathless, only thinking about the spots he would be able to hit with ease inside of you, filling you up.

"don't flatter me baby, come closer." you thought wonwoo looked stunning in daylight, smiling but he looked even more stunning, sweat coating his body and making his hair stick to his forehead. you took a mental remembrance to this sight as you scooted closer to wonwoo and his awaiting present. "open." he instructed, his mouth falling open in desire.

you did as he told, your tongue sticking out slightly. wonwoo could devour you whole right there at that sight, again. as soon as his tip touched your mouth, he let out a sigh. his cock filled your cavern and you began sucking gently, earning satisfactory moans from wonwoo. you bobbed your head up and down on his dick, your tongue swirling against his red tip. “shit baby, just like that.” wonwoo’s fingers gathered your hair in a ponytail, “can you take all of me, princess?”

you looked up at him and hummed in response. wonwoo carefully slid himself deeper in your mouth, hitting the back of your throat—you gagged slightly.

“you gotta relax babygirl, unless you wanna make it difficult on yourself.” he said, gulping as the pleasure took over him. you did as he said and relaxed, deepthroating wonwoo, earning another moan from him. “yes baby, fuck. keep sucking my cock like that..” wonwoo breathed heavily, now beginning to guide your head up and down on himself. you hollowed your cheeks as he moved your mouth to his liking. while you sucked wonwoo, you felt your wetness gathering down south again, your clit pulsating with need.

wonwoo looked down at you as best as he could, fighting back the urge to throw his head in ecstasy. he already felt his orgasm approaching, seeing you on the floor for him—your mouth wet on his dick. all of those late nights trying to be quiet while fucking his fist thinking about you came rushing into his head. he yanked your hair—resulting in a moan from your throat—pushing you off of him, a trail of saliva falling from your mouth. “fuck, i was gonna cum. god, i knew that pretty mouth could do wonders.” wonwoo smirked as he helped you up, your knees getting slight carpet burn and legs half numb. he motioned for you to lay on the bed as he got out something from his short’s pocket. “can’t ever be too safe,” he took out a condom and quickly rolled it on as he looked at you. you giggled as you waited for him, “hurry up, daddy.” you said playfully.

“uh uh, princess,” he fixed the condom onto his hard length as he came closer to you. “you have to be patient.” he leaned down to kiss you then to whisper in your ear, “or you won’t cum again.”

you swallowed as you nodded and looked down between your legs.

wonwoo fixated himself between you, pumping himself a bit. you whined when you felt him rub his cock on your folds, “fuck,” he groaned. “i can’t wait to ruin you, babygirl.” wonwoo slid himself in you, making you moan loudly.

“w-wonwoo, oh my god,” he stretched you out slightly, filling you up just as good as you had hoped—even better. “p-please wonwoo, fuck me.”

he waited a few moments to let you adjust, “my pleasure.” hips suddenly snapped, making you yell out. “wonwoo!”

he leaned down and you wrapped your arms around his neck as he began thrusting into you quickly. “fuck, y-you’re so tight.” wonwoo didn’t hold back. his cock enveloped in you, gliding against your warm walls drove him crazy. he buried his face into your neck, breathing warmly against your already burning skin. you moaned loudly and raked your nails down his back, making wonwoo moan in unison with you. “d-do that again, oh my- fuck, fuck you feel so good y/n,” his relentless hips rocked against yours, switching between fast and hard. he felt his orgasm returning but he was keen on making you cum first. wonwoo let his hand wander down your body until he found your clit, grazing over it softly when he earned a high pitched whine from you.

“i-i’m close,” you managed to tell him.

“good.” wonwoo rubbed your bundle of nerves, making you squeal with every thrust he gave into you. “you like that, baby?”

you only nodded, feeling your second orgasm building up like a coil.

“yeah?” he asked, beginning to rub you harder as his hips began to slow down a bit. “you like it when i play with your clit while i fuck you, princess? huh?” he held back a moan, “such a dirty little slut for me, whining, not caring that we may wake the others up.”

“w-wonwoo-“

“scream my name, princess. who do you belong to?” wonwoo rubbed you fast and harsh, in time with his dick slamming into you.

it was all too much and your orgasm crashed over you, making you scream wonwoo’s name—like he wanted. you clenched rhythmically around wonwoo, causing him to cum into the condom with a loud groan. his hips stuttered as he threw his head back, lips formed an O shape. he pulled out of you, breathless and collapsed beside you.

the two of you laid in seungcheol’s guest bedroom, tired and content.

“how loud do you think we were?” wonwoo asked, facing you. his post-sex aura made your heart ache.

he was perfect—scratch that.

he is perfect.

and he thought the same about you.

“considering that i don’t think i’ll be able to walk for a while—pretty loud.” you smiled, thanking the low lights for hiding the blush that began to rise on your cheeks.

“so what does this make us now?” he turned on his side, his fingers brushing a piece of hair that fell onto your face.

“i was hoping that we could, be more than friends?” you said but sounded more like a question filled with the hopes of it not being rejected.

“i was hoping so too.”

a/n: i finished writing this at 3:30 am so i apologize if theres any mistakes im ljterally half asleep ♡

[raptorfiles]

first order of business, not sure why i'm like "i should branch out in my fandoms i write for, i'm not varied enough" when, after excluding sub-fandoms, i've written for 31 of them. that sounds like a lot to me. i guess i just want to do more? like how i'm sitting on 138 works and there's this nagging part of me that's like "why aren't you producing more" like it's hungry for productivity

unrelated to writing but i have this big ear pimple that i keep worrying about and i just need to keep putting warm things on it and it'll be fine but oh my god go away

so there's this part of me that craves attention, probably a big part, but then part of that is like "why don't you just write []" (censoring bc i don't want this to somehow land in any search results? idk, tumblr's a mess, who knows) but like...the population who writes those are teens and i'm definitely not a teen anymore and i don't want to invade that space at all and i'd like to just leave them to their fun! that's no space for grown adults like me! but it's what's in my fandom's tag the most and thus gets the most attention so my attention-seeking part just...craves it idk i have to swat at it

i need to read more but i keep putting it off bc ??? idk. i have my mystery knitting murder novel to read and a flash fiction compilation i've started but i just like......the idea of picking one up sounds like such a commitment i'm not willing to make but i feel like it'd help with my writing if i just. did that. how do ppl just read. i don't even read fanfiction that often. i'm super picky about fanfiction, i'll literally read a paragraph or two and close it if i'm not interested, i have no patience for writing i don't like.

also i know it's like...fruitless to ask strangers for prompts but i keep hoping that i'll get some from ppl who aren't my gf or bestie, y'know? idk. like i'm worried i'd get prompted a ship i don't like and i'd be in the awkward position of "oh no but i don't like this" (i mean that's why i made ship lists, to prevent that, but y'know), but also i miss when i would sometimes get randos prompting me? it used to happen from time to time. mostly when i was doing a5 stuff and yyh stuff. i'm p sure i'm just not in the right fandom for it rn bc i'm 99% sure the tumblr fandom is mostly teens who write [] types of fanfiction.

and y'know what i miss??? when a5 fandom did prompt memes. like the ye olde kink memes but just prompts in general. those were fun. i didn't participate too much but it was fun reading fills and stuff. and i miss doing secret santas, maybe there'll be one for my current fandom this year. idk. i think i just miss doing social fandom activities, and now that i'm back in the swing of writing (for now) i find that easier to jump into things with than drawing bc drawing is harder for me to keep up with, esp since i find coloring hard and i put waaaaaay more pressure on myself to be good and perfect than i do with writing. idk what if i just made a prompt meme. i doubt anyone would participate in it though.

okay but if i did host a prompt meme i'd do it under a pseud probably bc i feel like i'm annoying in the fandom tag, but also maybe i'm a little established? but also maybe i'm just annoying. idk. i'd have to host it on dreamwidth and idk how many of these ppl are willing to get dw accts. and if i did make one i could say "if your prompt is a [] type of prompt then put that in the header" and then ppl would know if they should skip over those or focus in on those or w/e. idk this sounds like a fun idea but i don't see it like...taking off or anything. idk maybe i could make a post on this blog or my fandom side blog to get an interest check going.

the more i think about this prompt meme thing the more attached to the idea i get oh no i'm not ready to get my dreams crushed

okay i'm not as chatty anymore, my friend ended up being awake and we talked a while. the only extra thing is now i'm like "hm what if crossposted on wattpad too" so i guess i'm gonna go check that out??? idk we'll see

having some thinky thoughts bc i woke up before 1am, it's currently almost 2am, and i've been trying to restrain myself from spamming twitter for a long time with my writing thoughts. i'll probs delete this post after a while so yeah

this got real long, so it's going under a cut

first order of business, not sure why i'm like "i should branch out in my fandoms i write for, i'm not varied enough" when, after excluding sub-fandoms, i've written for 31 of them. that sounds like a lot to me. i guess i just want to do more? like how i'm sitting on 138 works and there's this nagging part of me that's like "why aren't you producing more" like it's hungry for productivity

unrelated to writing but i have this big ear pimple that i keep worrying about and i just need to keep putting warm things on it and it'll be fine but oh my god go away

so there's this part of me that craves attention, probably a big part, but then part of that is like "why don't you just write []" (censoring bc i don't want this to somehow land in any search results? idk, tumblr's a mess, who knows) but like...the population who writes those are teens and i'm definitely not a teen anymore and i don't want to invade that space at all and i'd like to just leave them to their fun! that's no space for grown adults like me! but it's what's in my fandom's tag the most and thus gets the most attention so my attention-seeking part just...craves it idk i have to swat at it

i need to read more but i keep putting it off bc ??? idk. i have my mystery knitting murder novel to read and a flash fiction compilation i've started but i just like......the idea of picking one up sounds like such a commitment i'm not willing to make but i feel like it'd help with my writing if i just. did that. how do ppl just read. i don't even read fanfiction that often. i'm super picky about fanfiction, i'll literally read a paragraph or two and close it if i'm not interested, i have no patience for writing i don't like.

also i know it's like...fruitless to ask strangers for prompts but i keep hoping that i'll get some from ppl who aren't my gf or bestie, y'know? idk. like i'm worried i'd get prompted a ship i don't like and i'd be in the awkward position of "oh no but i don't like this" (i mean that's why i made ship lists, to prevent that, but y'know), but also i miss when i would sometimes get randos prompting me? it used to happen from time to time. mostly when i was doing a5 stuff and yyh stuff. i'm p sure i'm just not in the right fandom for it rn bc i'm 99% sure the tumblr fandom is mostly teens who write [] types of fanfiction.

and y'know what i miss??? when a5 fandom did prompt memes. like the ye olde kink memes but just prompts in general. those were fun. i didn't participate too much but it was fun reading fills and stuff. and i miss doing secret santas, maybe there'll be one for my current fandom this year. idk. i think i just miss doing social fandom activities, and now that i'm back in the swing of writing (for now) i find that easier to jump into things with than drawing bc drawing is harder for me to keep up with, esp since i find coloring hard and i put waaaaaay more pressure on myself to be good and perfect than i do with writing. idk what if i just made a prompt meme. i doubt anyone would participate in it though.

okay but if i did host a prompt meme i'd do it under a pseud probably bc i feel like i'm annoying in the fandom tag, but also maybe i'm a little established? but also maybe i'm just annoying. idk. i'd have to host it on dreamwidth and idk how many of these ppl are willing to get dw accts. and if i did make one i could say "if your prompt is a [] type of prompt then put that in the header" and then ppl would know if they should skip over those or focus in on those or w/e. idk this sounds like a fun idea but i don't see it like...taking off or anything. idk maybe i could make a post on this blog or my fandom side blog to get an interest check going.

the more i think about this prompt meme thing the more attached to the idea i get oh no i'm not ready to get my dreams crushed

okay i'm not as chatty anymore, my friend ended up being awake and we talked a while. the only extra thing is now i'm like "hm what if crossposted on wattpad too" so i guess i'm gonna go check that out??? idk we'll see

[scythe-of-house-aurkus]

Some assorted thoughts playing through the S2 spotlight episodes so far! Mostly about The Dragon's Reach: Part 1. I will probably have another for Part 2. This got kinda long, so under the cut it goes.

In the Cavern of the Shining Lights, there are some dead Priory asura wrangled by Mordrem vines? I don't remember that being mentioned in dialogue or text, but I thought it was a neat little detail. I'm guessing there may've been a failed Priory expedition to explore at some point.

Is it just me or is Braham shorter in S2 than he is in current story?? I know he's pretty young at this point (late teens/early twenties?), but I think our boy grew a couple inches since we've known him. I say this bc Falx is on the shorter side for a charr, and I'm p sure he's much taller than her in IBS vs the S2 stories.

Also Taimi's so small. Oh god. Absolutely tiny. I know she does grow up and is very much an adult by later story developments, but at the time of meeting her, the commander and co are very much toting around an actual honest to god child into these situations. I will never not get over that. These are Taimi protection hours.

Back to Braham - the attempted bonding with Eir. The backing us up about focusing on Mordremoth in the moment rather than Jormag. All that juicy ground laid for Braham's character development later. It's very good. Til the S3 fallout, Braham really is our bro. (Also we clearly want to stay out of this terribly awkward family reunion.)

Ah, and then poor Rox. Rytlock, stop projecting your terrible upbringing onto this cat. He's one to talk about disobeying orders. She feels she has to live up to his expectations and fears his disappointment. Says she's too soft. Too sentimental. Gee, I wonder where that comes from. That probably didn't help with her dissatisfaction in the Legions one bit.

On that note, I still want more details on what it means to be a 'free agent.' We know Rox is one and doesn't have to adhere to much of standard Legion hierarchy at this point, but gimme the deets. That gives a lot of potential wiggle room for character ideas.

And then there's the disaster man of the hour chasing after his self-worth in the form of a flaming stabby thing. We all know how that went. (Shout out to him being a nerd researching Ascalonian history. Who woulda thought he had a bit of scholarliness in him).

That did give me more Rytlock thoughts though, and I ended up digging around in his Requiem story for the part where Bangar sends him off on the tour of the Legions:

“You will not become a gladium,” Ruinbringer said. “You’re being promoted.”

I was confused, but told him I was honored. That was a mistake, too.

Ruinbringer showed me a heavy parchment, folded, sealed with wax. “You’ll be going on a little tour of the legions,” he continued. “Maybe your—motivational presence will deliver them the same victories you’ve brought us.”

Just execute me. The other legions? They don’t fight like Blood. Iron cowers behind their machines. Ash skulks around in the shadows. But there was no reasoning with him. Ruinbringer enjoyed the thought of me being miserable more than he enjoyed winning.

All my victories, all the blood I’d spilled in my legion’s name—in that moment, it meant nothing.

I never thought I’d feel that impotent again.

There's something beautiful about the fact that Bangar's punishment for Rytlock in a way sowed the seeds for his own downfall later. If he hadn't sent Rytlock off, he never would've been exposed to other races and cultures. Never would've gotten 'soft.'

One more Rytlock thing, why am I like this. Anyhow on the commander asking how he got Sohothin:

Rytlock: A couple hundred years ago, Sohothin was wielded by Rurik, son of King Adelbern. He was killed by a Stone Summit dwarf. It came into my care several years ago.

PC: How did you get it?

Rytlock: Irrelevant. Point is that its partner, Magdaer, is the sword Adelbern used to curse the Ascalonians. I've long suspected that Sohothin is the blade that can break the curse.

Irrelevant indeed. He just ditched his gf for it and left her in a high stakes covert mission, it's fine. Not important.

Back to S2, will we ever see a resolution to the Foefire situation? I certainly hope so. No way they could've stuffed it into IBS, but that would've been the closest to a time for it (so far at least). Hopefully we circle round back to it. Theoretically the Foefire ghosts should be stronger with all that extra magic in the air. (I also need this for Falx Lore. What does all that mean when one is playing host to a gaggle of ghosts? I sense potential EoD character development).

Do you think a charr commander has a Bad Time coming back to Barradin's crypt? Fighting the exact same possessed statue? It's only where nearly their entire warband died, no biggie.