raptorfiles - Tumblr blog

first order of business, not sure why i'm like "i should branch out in my fandoms i write for, i'm not varied enough" when, after excluding sub-fandoms, i've written for 31 of them. that sounds like a lot to me. i guess i just want to do more? like how i'm sitting on 138 works and there's this nagging part of me that's like "why aren't you producing more" like it's hungry for productivity

unrelated to writing but i have this big ear pimple that i keep worrying about and i just need to keep putting warm things on it and it'll be fine but oh my god go away

so there's this part of me that craves attention, probably a big part, but then part of that is like "why don't you just write []" (censoring bc i don't want this to somehow land in any search results? idk, tumblr's a mess, who knows) but like...the population who writes those are teens and i'm definitely not a teen anymore and i don't want to invade that space at all and i'd like to just leave them to their fun! that's no space for grown adults like me! but it's what's in my fandom's tag the most and thus gets the most attention so my attention-seeking part just...craves it idk i have to swat at it

i need to read more but i keep putting it off bc ??? idk. i have my mystery knitting murder novel to read and a flash fiction compilation i've started but i just like......the idea of picking one up sounds like such a commitment i'm not willing to make but i feel like it'd help with my writing if i just. did that. how do ppl just read. i don't even read fanfiction that often. i'm super picky about fanfiction, i'll literally read a paragraph or two and close it if i'm not interested, i have no patience for writing i don't like.

also i know it's like...fruitless to ask strangers for prompts but i keep hoping that i'll get some from ppl who aren't my gf or bestie, y'know? idk. like i'm worried i'd get prompted a ship i don't like and i'd be in the awkward position of "oh no but i don't like this" (i mean that's why i made ship lists, to prevent that, but y'know), but also i miss when i would sometimes get randos prompting me? it used to happen from time to time. mostly when i was doing a5 stuff and yyh stuff. i'm p sure i'm just not in the right fandom for it rn bc i'm 99% sure the tumblr fandom is mostly teens who write [] types of fanfiction.

and y'know what i miss??? when a5 fandom did prompt memes. like the ye olde kink memes but just prompts in general. those were fun. i didn't participate too much but it was fun reading fills and stuff. and i miss doing secret santas, maybe there'll be one for my current fandom this year. idk. i think i just miss doing social fandom activities, and now that i'm back in the swing of writing (for now) i find that easier to jump into things with than drawing bc drawing is harder for me to keep up with, esp since i find coloring hard and i put waaaaaay more pressure on myself to be good and perfect than i do with writing. idk what if i just made a prompt meme. i doubt anyone would participate in it though.

okay but if i did host a prompt meme i'd do it under a pseud probably bc i feel like i'm annoying in the fandom tag, but also maybe i'm a little established? but also maybe i'm just annoying. idk. i'd have to host it on dreamwidth and idk how many of these ppl are willing to get dw accts. and if i did make one i could say "if your prompt is a [] type of prompt then put that in the header" and then ppl would know if they should skip over those or focus in on those or w/e. idk this sounds like a fun idea but i don't see it like...taking off or anything. idk maybe i could make a post on this blog or my fandom side blog to get an interest check going.

the more i think about this prompt meme thing the more attached to the idea i get oh no i'm not ready to get my dreams crushed

okay i'm not as chatty anymore, my friend ended up being awake and we talked a while. the only extra thing is now i'm like "hm what if crossposted on wattpad too" so i guess i'm gonna go check that out??? idk we'll see

having some thinky thoughts bc i woke up before 1am, it's currently almost 2am, and i've been trying to restrain myself from spamming twitter for a long time with my writing thoughts. i'll probs delete this post after a while so yeah

this got real long, so it's going under a cut