#i don't feel alive
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I keep coming up for air and ending up with water in my lungs
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I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.
I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:
Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)
Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)
Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often
Eat dessert first
Celebrate well, and often
Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)
Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.
Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate
Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)
Walk without having a specific destination or goal
Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.
I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.
#mental health#mental health support#positivity#if anybody has ideas of their own definitely include them!#i just think being stuck with this feeling that you don't have autonomy and that you ultimately aren't an equal person or a person at all..#...in comparison to other people can be a really troubling and dangerous place to be in...#...and that isn't the person's fault for feeling that way. they didn't pluck those thoughts out of thin air...#...like i have felt that exact way all my LIFE because i have been abused for. probably 2/3s of my life...#...only within these past few years have i even FELT alive. frankly it's going to take a while to repair what i have been left with...#...so i know the feeling and i want to help others feel even a LITTLE bit alive. you deserve it...#...you deserve to take in a deep breath before slowly realizing 'oh my gd this is what it feels like to be alive' and SMILE about it#i want that for you even if it is brief. even if it is small. even if it is a whisper. i want you to feel alive#unironically getting rid of the idea of 'guilty pleasures' has made my life SO much better
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sad: falling out of a hyperfixation
tragic: watching your beloved friends and mutuals fall out of the hyperfixation while you're still in it
#oughhhhhhh#this is about the dca fandom but also about every other strong fixation ive had over the years lol#i know it's normal and inevitable esp for less popular works or minor characters with little canon content#and there's nothing wrong with smaller communities of course those rock#but there’s just something special about getting into something at the same time as a lot of other people all at once#and existing in this chaotic fandom space that's just bursting with creativity and passion#i've been in fandom spaces for as long as some of you have been alive and i've only come across that sort of unbridled joy like#a handful of times at best#it's just a heartbreaking feeling to see real lightning in a jar fandoms like that wither away as people drift away#(understandably so!)#anyway don't mind me i'm just having thoughts#musing about fandoms past as well#that i too eventually moved on from but remember fondly even if im not active in anymore#also my music just aint hitting right so im just sitting in silence which makes me more Contemplative(tm)
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Thank GOD for those new promo pics.... I've always said this was the way I picture Aziraphale in modern day if he'd been the demon instead, and now I have the perfect angel!Crowley to match!
#no offense to anyone with other headcanons#but i always find reverse omens to be way too ooc for me#not bc aziraphale is a demon and crowley is an angel that makes total sense#but making crowley an innocent lil bean and aziraphale a scruffy badass just kinda....#idk i feel like you don't have to change their inherent them-ness just bc they're reversed#esp bc the point is that they're so similar in so many ways and what they are doesn't define who they are#ANYWAY all that to say aziraphale would still be stuffy and old-fashioned and prissy and soft#and crowley would still try to be the coolest mfer alive and both succeed and fail bc he's actually a huge lovesick dork#and these pics captures that aesthetic in my head SO perfectly#(also bonus headcanon that instead of getting snake eyes aziraphale's hair darkens along with his wings to symbolize his fall from grace)#good omens#reverse omens#Aziraphale#crowley#ineffable husbands#aziracrow#gomens#angel crowley#demon aziraphale#passengers 2016#rivals 2024#david tennant#michael sheen
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i need help with vet bills (again).
hi. for those of you who remember, earlier this year i asked for donations to help me afford toos' vet bills, who we found out through your help had kidney failure, and again with your help we got her on medication for it. unfortunately it wasn't enough, and we lost her. and then shortly after, dexter began deteriorating, which we put down to his grief of losing toos - she kept him young, he followed her everywhere, he only played because of her, he only ate when she ate, etc. without her he just stopped. and then he started to have seizures and fits daily. we got him blood tests, but he was suffering so badly. we made the decision to put him down. i didn't ask for donations this time, because i was so deeply embarrassed to ask for help again. but we are still recovering financially from that, as well as the parts of toos bills that didn't get covered from donations. my mother hasn't worked for a very long time, she's disabled and very sick, and she receives PIP from the government that only covers her monthly medications that are not covered by the NHS. my father retired early to become her full time carer, and we are living off his pension. i am too disabled to work, but because my mother already receives PIP and i live with them, the government are resistent to giving me any help - so i have zero income, and rely entirely on my parents.
this is jenny. she's a 14 year old cairn terrier, who loves when we garden because she wants to help dig holes. she helped us bury dexter and toos, digging their graves for them with my dads help. she's an angel, and loves people so much she likes to escape under the fence and join other families for awhile. one time she got into someones back garden and asked to come in as they were eating lunch. she really hates flies, and will try to bite them out of the air (she has never succeeded but i believe she will one day). she will rub her face against you until you start stroking her, and will growl and even bark if you stop! we don't have the money to take jenny to the vets, for a checkup or for anything they may want to do. this has been an ongoing issue, but toos and dexter took priority, and it hasn't been a bother to her. she existed as normal for a long time, but that's since changed.
jenny has this lump in her mouth, it is larger than the picture shows, but she is a nightmare to force open her mouth since this got so big, i think it's uncomfortable or painful for her. she can't properly close her lips now, and it has pushed all her front teeth away, misshaping her mouth, and sometimes it bleeds profusely. eating has become difficult for her, she can't eat anything hard, and currently will only eat soft human foods like rice, scrambled egg chopped up so small she doesn't have to chew, and things like soups and gravy. she's lost a lot of weight, and i'm getting frightened. to add onto it, i've found lumps like this across her body. i've done as much research as i can, and i believe it to be an oral tumor, it fits, and it looks right, and it spreading across her body is called 'full staging'. and going by all i've read - they will want to remove them in surgery. according to my research, this will cost anywhere from £585 - £4,740 for just the lump in her mouth. that's not including any checkup/test costs, or the other lumps on her body.
she hasn't been to the vet yet, i don't have any secure goal or bills to share, just my assumptions and beliefs from researching myself online. my parents refuse to take her because we can't afford it. i want to save up money, have it in my bank, and show them that we can help her now, before it gets worse, or it's too late. as i said before, i don't have any income, so the only way i can do this is with help.
here's a link to my paypal.me
the icon is a little mouse, and the @ is rivellon
i struggled so badly posting the first post like this for toos. i felt so guilty and embarrassed and ashamed. but i have no choice again, i want to help jenny. i don't want her to suffer. and selfishly, i can't handle losing another dog so soon. this year has been waking nightmare, and i need your help to stop it getting even worse.
please reblog and share, even if you can't donate.
thank you for reading.
#animal illness#animal sickness#pet illness#pet sickness#vet bills#vet help#i don't really know what to tag this as. i don't remember what i did before#and i don't want to go look for my toos post because it will hurt so bad to see it i think#im on hiatus because i cant deal with this and be here right now. but im gonna queue/schedule this a bit i think#im sorry for asking for help again. but please consider helping jenny. she's so lovely#and she's keeping me alive right now#losing toos and dexter ripped me to shreds and shes the only reason i havent completely broken down#i am absolutely terrified of what will happen if we lose her too#god i feel so fucking guilty. i can't stop fucking crying. i hate this so much#im so sorry guys. please reblog and consider donating even a tiny amount#tiny amounts add up yknow#anyway . i should post this now instead of hiding in the tags
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Some people say cornflowers are unwanted weeds. Could you imagine that? Something so precious being unworthy of love.
based on tubbo's tweet of the casket surrounded by cornflowers cause thats crazy
#tubbo#tubbo fanart#qsmp#qsmp fanart#qsmp fred#frubbo#frubbo nation how we feeling#like I've seen 80% fred is alive 20% he's dead DEAD but might be reincarnated or something#tbh I don't know what to believe#my art
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#maccadam#transformers#Senator Shockwave#monster hunter au#monster hunter au fanart#cockroachdoodles#My head is dead my hands also my social level died but god I attached one song to this au#And now there are scenes with senator#And I will be sitting in the corner looking how it will go#I don't even know if the Orion is alive#And how he reacted on it#And maybe they both did meet Blur before#So maybe he will meet with Shockwave when he is a demon aagin#okay bhhuuuh no more typing for me I feel stupid
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PSS...
Want some ??? 🪺
#deltarune#spamton#spamton g spamton#addison spamton#deltarune spamton#Posting here my old art because got nostalgic#The poses are stiff and low-key boring but still I don't hate the pic entirely#Just kind of old-times-like feeling :)#Spamton fandom are we alive
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mmmmm danny with sensory issues both in and out of his ghost forms, but on the opposite ends of the spectrum. Ghosts can't experience sensations the same way humans can when they're in the mortal realm. They're naturally intangible, and it takes energy to be physical. When they're physical, all touch feels the same barring the texture. They feel no heat, no chill. Sunlight passes through them, and so does wind and rain.
You know when your foot falls asleep/goes completely numb, and you go to touch it with your hand and it causes a strange jumble of sensations? You can feel the skin there, your palm is pressing against an object and there's resistance, pressure, but you can't feel the heat? It's kinda something like that. Like he's feeling everything through a set of gloves.
As a ghost, when it rains, he can feel the raindrops hitting him, and he can feel his hair getting wet, but he can't feel the chill of the water and he can't feel the wetness. His suit is soaked but there's no weight like there should be. During the winter snowflakes don't melt when they land on him, and he can't feel the chill of the snow when he gets buried under it.
Sunlight passes through him, a nice breeze ruffles his hair but there's no relief in the sensation. All pressure, no sensation. It's like a strange form of sensory deprivation. And of course, the internal things. It's even worse when he's intangible, when he's not putting energy into being physical. He doesn't feel real.
As human, things become too much. Especially when he's been a ghost for hours. He can feel the weight of his ribs pressing against his ribs, he becomes hyperaware of the expanding of his lungs when he breathes, the feeling of his heart pulsing in his chest.
He curls his fingers in and out slowly and becomes fascinated by the feeling of the joints moving. He turns and grabs Tucker's hand, and soaks in the warmth of his body heat -- he can't feel it as a ghost. He runs his fingers through his hair, and he can feel the individual strands.
There's a weight when he walks. A small drag when he bends his knee and lifts his leg and takes a step, and when he's been a ghost for too long he stumbles over himself, drags his feet along the floor and stomps when he doesn't mean to because he forgot to weigh his steps. Sometimes when it rains he goes out and sits on the front steps of the house just so he can come back in shivering and soaked through to the bone. Runs his fingers obsessively over the goosebumps up along his arms and legs because he can't get them as a ghost even if he's cold.
Because there are certain things, even when he's in the ghost zone, that are exclusive to the living. The little internal things you don't notice and take for granted. Things like breathing and goosebumps and exhaustion exclusive to running that makes your heart pound against your ribcage and your chest hurt with the need for air. Sore muscles from working out and sweating. Thirst and dry mouths, chapped lips and hands, blinking and dry eye, the feeling of the sun soaking into your skin on a nice summer's day.
As a ghost, Danny faces sensory issues in the form of not enough. When he can't feel the hair behind his ears or the weight in his limbs where there should be muscle, tissue, and bone. He can't feel the sun or the wind, everything is in a permeable state of 'just fine', and its maddening. He can breathe if he wants, but there's no point to it. He has no lungs, he can't feel them expand, and there's no relief behind it. He's going through the motions without any of the reward.
On those days, the idea of going ghost again makes him feel ill. Paranoid. He can't stand the thought. He needs to feel. He needs to feel the soft texture of the rug beneath his feet and the grooves in his knuckles, he needs to feel dirt crumble beneath his fingers and get stuck under his nails, he needs to feel the heat of his sister's hand and the feeling of body warmth passing from her to him. He lays on the carpet room and stretches out, and focuses on the feeling of his heart beating and the weight of his bones and muscles and tissue pinning him to the floor.
As a human, Danny faces sensory issues of too much. When all the things he's starving for suddenly make him sick. He feels trapped in his own skin. His ribs become a cage and breathing becomes a dumbbell that he can't put down. He can feel the hair along his arms and it rashes him. He's too cold, he's too hot. He feels like a ghost puppeteering its own corpse and he needs out.
On those days, Danny dips away when he can and goes ghost, and Sam and Tucker don't see him for the rest of the day. He's gone invisible, intangible, and he does nothing but exist.
Just, him experiencing sensory issues as both ghost and human, but in opposite directions from each other. And the idea that ghosts experience the mortal realm differently, and that there are certain things that are just exclusive sensations for the living that Danny doesn't realize until he's a halfa.
#danny fenton is not the ghost king#danny fenton#danny phantom#dp ghost headcanons#dp headcanons#dpxdc#danny phantom headcanon#<- bc i originally thought of this for the blood blossom au except its generic enough of a headcanon that it also works as a standalone#but also i think dpxdc folks would get a kick out of this#but yeah danny realizing that there's SO much that the living have and experience that ghosts don't even in the infinite realms.#i imagine that when he overshadows someone he can re-experience a handful of those sensations like if he were living and suddenly#he understands really well why there are some ghosts who come thru the portal that almost exclusively overshadow people. Or try to.#The mock feeling of being alive again must be *addicting* to some of them. Because he knows it is for him when being a ghost is too much#not a lot of extra tags today folks i got everything i needed to say out into the post :]
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It's the fact that in this show (where we are getting oral sex, hand jobs, mentions about condoms and PrEP, bare ass, solely transactional sex, and so much more) that Great simply putting his hand on Tyme's in a moment of vulnerability after sharing his childhood story about never getting affection from his parents only money says so much . . .
ABOUT KORN!
Korn's mom died by suicide. When she died, his father moved his mistress and the kid who is a product of their affair into the big house, so if Great said he never got affection, imagine how Korn was treated since he was motherless and found himself sharing space with his dad's sidepiece.
While Great just wants to feel human connection, Korn wants to prove he is worthy of being loved hence why he doesn't rebel like Great and takes on his new duties with gusto and even tried expanding the business already. It's also why he has a sugar baby since the baby shouldn't leave him if he keeps supplying the money, which is what his dad and stepmom taught him.
But Tonkla doesn't want nor necessarily need Korn's money. He wants Korn to trust him (hence the request for condom-less sex), but Korn doesn't trust anyone. He doesn't even tell Great much.
Great actually trusts very easily. He went on that car ride with Title not knowing anything and almost ended up as an accomplice to murder. He told Korn and Tyme that he is seeing visions. He is wanting connection. But Korn . . . not so much.
Even if Korn does want connection, the death of his mother and the way his father handled the aftermath caused Korn to fit in even in places he doesn't want to be.
And to stay with people even if he doesn't want them.
Both boys were shown that money beat everything else even love.
Yet Great is pushing against it.
And Korn embraced it.
#I'd feel bad for Korn#but I'm rooting for Tonkla to kill him#4 minutes#the man has made his decisions#he had choices#and he picked money#each time#rest in peace babe because I don't see you making it out of here alive
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happy birthday to our most beloved will byers :) here're some byler grease concept sketches
#byler#byler fanart#byler grease au#sandy will and danny mike#we've got the angelic pure imagery protagonist#who feels confused and betrayed by the group leader character#(who is like the corniest person alive)#because he is pressured by the norms of american high school to change the way he acts around them#DON'T YOU SEE#and then in the end they both compromise some of that to be happy in love#it's a story of change and LOVE#guys#when i tell you i'm so unwell about this#will byers#will byers fanart#mike wheeler#mike wheeler fanart#stranger things#stranger things 4#my art
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Mine: Refer to me however you want!
Mike: Yeah, for me too. I think I use all pronouns too.
[They high-five and fist-bump each other]
Mine:
[via @barbmine]
#Mine#Barbmine#Mikethelink#Mike#I LOVE THEMMMMMMMMMMM THEY'RE SO FUNNY#Mine funniest person alive fr#also YOOOO LETS GO??????#I didn't know Mike was ok with any pronouns#and Mine too??? that's awesome!#Also for those who don't know: Mine is Mike's wife!#They're both bi#They're so cool I wanna have a silly sweet partnership like this someday *clenches fist and stares off into the sunset*#As per usual: not a native Portuguese speaker so can't translate the full thing#please feel free to hop in with translations and/or corrections!#Though I'm pretty confident about these. Wouldn't post it if I wasn't#I'll be real idk how to translate viado LMAO#It's like. Not what google translate will tell you it means#idk imo I think ''homo'' sounds right but ONCE AGAIN: I'm not a Portuguese speaker#Poor Mine I laughed when she first posted this image ages ago and I replied to her saying it gave me a good laugh and she was like#''WAIT I PROMISE IT DOESN'T MEAN WHAT GOOGLE TRANSLATE SAYS IT MEANS''#it's all good Mine I'm bi too I am not phased lmao#I don't personally use that word but I do not care when other queer folks use it
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can’t talk about it
[ID: Black and white comic of Vash and Wolfwood from Trigun Maximum. The comic starts with the sounds "thud, thud, click". Vash, mid-action of peeling an apple, turns to the sound, noticing who it was that entered, and says, "Oh, Wolfwood, you're back." He resumes back to his apple in the next panel as he speaks, "Where'd you go? You snuck out of bed quickly this morning..." Wolfwood's hand then enters the panel, hovering over Vash's cheek and Vash looks up as Wolfwood asks, "Can I?" Vash responds, "Not going to talk about it?" while using a hand to gently hold Wolfwood's hovering hand and presses a kiss to his inner palm.
Vash then gets up fully, setting down the knife down on the table and the apple onto a plate, He leans into Wolfwood as Wolfwood explains, "Had to meet someone. Nothing interesting to talk about." Vash kisses Wolfwood's left cheek and a hand moves to cup his other cheek while muttering, "You're being vague." Wolfwood says neutrally, "If yer really that curious, keep askin'. We can talk about that instead of doing this." Vash leans back and responds, "Let's talk after, since... You look so tired."
The panel pans to a close up of Wolfwood's downcast eyes, bags heavy underneath his eyes. He doesn't allow Vash to sit in that moment for long though, then saying, "Yer not helping, Spikey. Being all slow with it... I could fall asleep right now." He moves his hand to start unclasping Vash's coat, starting from his collar. Vash with red cheeks, responds briskly, "Oh, shut up. I'm worried about you. I can't be worried?"
The final shot shows Wolfwood's back to the viewer while Vash's softened expression can be seen as he holds gently onto the side of Wolfwood's face and a hand firm on his waist. Wolfwood responds, "I'm fine, seriously," pausing for a moment before continuing, "Is it okay to still..?" Vash responds, "Yeah, it's okay."
The next image is a shot from later that night after the previous comic. Vash and Wolfwood are now in bed, half naked. Wolfwood's buries his face into Vash's chest, his arms wrapped around him, while Vash is petting at his hair. Vash reminds him, "Hey. You said we'd talk about it." Wolfwood pauses for a moment before piping up, "In the morning? I'm sleepy." Vash says, "Okay..."
The next two pages start from the morning after. Wolfwood is already fully awake, pulling on his outer jacket as he says to Vash, whos' still bundled in his blankets, "Breakfast is on the table. Make sure to eat it. I'm going to grab some things in town and then we're leavin'. Got it?" Vash says, "Mh." Wolfwood responds, "Good. See ya in a bit." The dialogue starts to shift into Vash's inner thoughts now, as he gets up and eats toast, thinking, "Wait. Weren't we supposed to... talk about it?" The next shot then shows him fully up, meeting Wolfwood in town. He carries a half worried expression with him while Wolfwood slides on his glasses for him. A quick panel shows Wolfwood's tired expression from the night before and quickly juxtaposes with Wolfwood in front of him who's smiling gently, the shades covering his eye bags. Wolfwood asks him, "Still not awake yet?" Vash pauses, his thoughts stirring, thinking, "Oh. I guess I was getting ahead of myself... thinking you owe me that kind of honesty." He smiles at Wolfwood and responds, "I'm awake!" His thoughts continue, "Maybe one day, you'd trust me enough to share your burdens."
The final image shows Wolfwood pulling at Vash's cheek and Vash complains, "Owwwww why..." Wolfwood quickly says, "You were thinking something stupid, right? It's all over yer face." Vash mutters, "Nooo, I wasn't..." END ID]
#vashwood#trigun#trigun maximum#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#Theyre both thoroughly exhausted tired individuals -- vash having to fight this lonely battle for over a hundred years and getting dragged#back into inevitable situation with knives after a 2 years hiatus of being a gunslinger. they both need so much Rest and comfort in this#department... .SIGHS. BUT I JUST THINK ABOUT WOLFWOOD . AND HOW... LITTLE He has existed on no man's land. how majority of his years being#alive is being used as a weapon and to kill when him at his very core is the most giving and selfless individual ever#badlands rumble inspired me a bit but i do think wolfwood gets dragged into occasional tasks from the eye of michael while on his duty of#guiding vash -- or i think that one chapter where we got to see other members of eom -- there's like a clear division within the eom too#i think.... so i figured similarly to vash but not to the same amount -- there are people that look for wolfwood too. but most of the time#it's probably wolfwood that has to look for someone else and take them out. i feel like it happens ever so occasionally.#evidentially these two don't talk enough canonically but they always know how to express things properly to affirm that they're okay#they have the worst time ever sharing burdens - can't willingly burden the other and has neeever asked for help or reprieve in their#desperate situations... vw is a huge case of right person wrong time syndrome so they just. in the time they get to spend together -- even#if romantically - they don't have enough time to heal to get over that kind of hurdle. They've just never asked for help in all the years#they've been alive -- they don't even know how to and its just aughhhsgskg#and well! they don't even need to ask! because they'll be there for each other anyway at the end of the day -- company and presence alone.#ruporas art
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do you trust her
#dandy's doodles#tpot#the power of two#tpot spoilers#bfdi one#i've been waiting to make this joke since the meetup in june!!#speaking of which - in the humany upload of tpot 11 reactions at the meetup i think i could see myself for a few seconds! crazy#a very fun and insane episode as usual :) i love the team shenanigans and the exitors and whatever one's up to#also i know some people found the noise during the meetup annoying#but i found it so exhilirating doing the theme song and cake at stake with everyone there and screaming at laughing#it made me feel so alive#we all went nuts when one showed up#i'd go into detail about the reactions to the new ii as well but i don't want to spoil until it's officially released!#let's just say... oh my god. oh my god. oh my god. oh my god
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Kingdom Hearts 0.2 Birth by Sleep - A Fragmentary Passage - The World Within
#kingdom hearts 0.2 birth by sleep a fragmentary passage#kh0.2#the world within#dwarf woodlands#realm of darkness#scenery#my gif#this world is interesting because it's so different from the rest#the sky looks like some sort of dome with triangular screens that project a broken glitchy sky#almost as if it takes place in some kind of data simulation#which i don't think is the case but it adds to the feeling of aqua's experiences here not feeling ''real''#i mean this place hardly even resembles what the original world is supposed to look like#like it changed to match aqua's psyche. forcing her to look at her own reflection and confront her own fears; doubts; guilt; and sadness#actually now that i think about it this feels extremely fitting for this world#it's like when snow white was running through the forest and was so afraid that it made the trees around her look alive and dangerous#except aqua has to wander this broken world and face her dark thoughts that take shape by looking exactly like her#she's constantly running in and out of mirrors into rooms that make no logical sense like the endless staircase and the pillar maze#there are ghostly echoes spoken in her own voice that mock her by saying no one can save her and no one wants to. it's chilling#i can't even say for sure if the phantom aquas are actually physically there or if it's all in her head#similar to how she'd see visions of terra and ven#she's such a tragic character
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For so long, I only felt what she wanted me to. Now I have to do it for myself, and I feel like I'm drowning.
#Baldur's Gate 3#bg3edit#Shadowheart#Astarion#Shadowheart Hallowleaf#Astarion Ancunin#Ranger creates#always swore I would never be one of those people who gifs video games and look at me now...#this moment just really touched me#it didn't come up on my first playthrough and I feel like it has an added weight playing as Astarion#we don't know anything about his family but they're presumably still alive and I can't imagine that would be an easy reunion either#(this was also shortly after confronting Cazador and almost going through with the ritual)#anyway I'm not romancing Shadowheart but it's nice to just get really sweet friendship moments#on my first playthrough I was constantly wanting to hug everyone so it's a win every time I can#and her story makes me so sad
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