#i don't even really watch this show anymore

[heart4caitlin]

fic idea i’ve been thinking abt for a while: paige fic inspired by casual by chappell roan since she a player or whateva 🤯🤯 angsty maybe but like she better come to her senses and lock in

CAUSAL / paige bueckers

warnings : light angst , paige being dumb

pair : paige bueckers x fem!reader

wc : 758

The first time you had met Paige wasn’t at some party or social event—It was on the court. Sort of. You weren’t an athlete but worked as a videographer for the athletics department. One of your first assignments was filming their preseason promo footage for their team. Making sure to get shots of them walking out on the court and shooting some free throws.

It was during one of the shoots that she had walked in late, her blonde hair pulled back in a messy bun. She glanced over at you briefly, sending a polite smile your way before setting her stuff down and going onto the court.

As you were crouched by the baseline adjusting your camera, you heard her voice.

"Hey, you're new, right?"

You looked up, a bit startled to see her standing in front of you with a basketball in her hands, her smiling that made your stomach flip and you stood up.

"Um, yeah! First week on the job, very exciting." You managed out, trying to not be nervous.

"Well, welcome to the team then. I'm Paige." She said, extending her hand for you to shake.

"I'm Y/n! Nice to meet you, Paige."

And just like that, she was back on the court with everyone else, sparing a glance and a smirk your way a few times.

Over the next few weeks you saw Paige regularly. If it was just practice or during media days, she always went up to you and said hi, making a few jokes that would leave you flustered.

It wasn't too long before your interactions started becoming more personal. She'd linger after practice just to speak to you, asking about your favorite movies, asking about your editing skills. She'd help you with your camera supplies, making it impossible to not fall for her.

One evening after you got home, Paige had texted you.

Paige: Hey, are you free?

You: yeah, what's up?

Paige: wanna come over?

A smile was brought to your face as you grabbed your keys and bag, heading out the door.

When you got to her apartment, she opened the door in sweatpants and a white tank top, her hair a bit damp like she just got out of the shower.

The night started off slow, the both of you sitting on the couch just talking and watching a show. Eventually it turned into her asking about your editing again, being very interested in it. Somewhere between watching a movie, Paige had leaned in and kissed you-soft, warm, and tentative, like she wasn't sure if you'd pull away from her.

You didn't.

Her hand came up to cup your cheek, her thumb brushing against your skin as her lips moved against yours. When she finally pulled back, her eyes searched for yours. "Is this okay?"

"Yeah, it's more than okay." You nodded, your cheeks warm as her heart pounding in your chest. She smirked before leaning back in again, this time slower and deeper, one hand creeping to the back of your neck, keeping you close to her as the other slides up your thigh.

The movie was forgotten in the background, all you could focus on was Paige. Her soft lips on yours, her hand resting between your thighs.

You knew she didn't want anything, it was obvious. But the breaking point came a few months later after one of her games, seeing her all up on another girl messing with you, your stomach was churning in you. You told yourself it didn't matter, Paige had already made it clear what she wanted but you still couldn't push past it.

"I need to talk to you." You said, cutting to the chance once the two of you met afterwards.

"Yeah, what's up?" She smiled over you , stepping closer.

"I really don't think I can do this anymore, Paige. I-I know you made it clear what you wanted but I just can't. I want more than just a cause relationship, ya know?"

"Oh.. You know I don't want anything more. I'm not changing that." She looked away for a brief second, her jaw tightening.

"I know, and I'm not asking you to change. I'm just done though, I can't keep hurting myself for you." You said softly before turning to leave, your chest aching as your eyes well with tears. You can hear her behind you, taking a few steps as she watches you walk away.

She watches the one person she's ever wanted walk away, because she can't bring herself to speak up. 

a/n : I KNOWWW you said have her come to her senses but….

tags : @mrsarnold

[aplaceforhumancorpses]

🍵༘PANCAKES🥯⊹ ࣪ ˖

„⤵ MILD ANGST and fluff! „⤵ 2 / (?) PARTS „⤵ JASON TODD X READER Jason is getting settled in his new home, after showing up at your door last night. Jason is a dead man walking, but he still needs you. Read PT 1 here! AFFECTION ROTS Reblogs much appreciated

The two of you eventually found the couch. You sat next to him, putting a throw pillow's distance between the two of you. Much to his disappointment. Jason was more clingy then he had ever been before. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. A few hours passed. You had both fallen asleep sometime after midnight. That morning he explained everything as best as he could to you, his death at the hands of the joker, the crowbar, the ressurection. Despite the granted confusion you followed as best you could. He told you everything. Everything that happened from the moment he died. He really missed you, despite the two of you being dumb in love teeangers. He still saw a future with you, and you were wary to admit you weren't sure you saw the same. He was diffrerent. Bigger, taller, stronger. And somehow more alive, than anything before. “I'm sorry." You managed to say. You felt like such a coward. You couldn't handle touching him, or holding his hand.

“I can't blame you. It'll take some time." He said sadly. You could see in his eyes that he was blaming himself. "You're doing great… I really am proud of you. Just wish we could've done all this… together, y'know?" he said the last part quietly, almost a whisper. You looked down, unable to hold eye contact.

"Things are a little bit different now. You know that right? I can't change my past. Even though I'd like to." You spoke slowly. "You know, it's gonna take some time. I don't regret our relationship. Never have."

”You're serious, huh?" he raised an eyebrow. It was nearly commical. You were devestating him with every word you spoke. "I wanted us to do this forever, you know? Like… forever. You've always been on my mind.. guess I should've known things weren't gonna stay the same. You're not fifteen anymore.." he mumbled.

He had a faraway look in his eye. You wondered how much of this story he had clearly made up inside his mind depended on you reciprocating his tender feelings. But you knew this was his way of trying to comfort you, despite his broken soul. He would give you time… "Do you remember our first date?" He suddenly asked. He smiled shyly, looking down at his lap. The image came unbidden to your mind, vivid and perfect. You remembered how much effort he put into planning. He was more thorough then any man. He was attentive, and a good listener. So why were you hesitant..? Maybe it was his dependency. “Um. Yes I remember- Um.. do you want breakfast?.." You said weakly, standing up and turning towards the kitchen, leaving him to his own thoughts. "I can make us something quick…" You heard him sigh in disappointment. When you finally turned around again, his elbows were on his knees. He was curled into himself. You knew he was trying to be strong. But it was hard to admire his strengths when he looked so pitiful.. It broke your heart. "I'm making pancakes.. Do you want some? They're grainy but- edible." You offered hesitantly.

“Yeah.. sounds good.” His voice cracked. He didn’t have a good relationship with food. After the truama of his death and even before that with the joker, he hadn’t been hungry at all. He never wanted food.. and when he did it threw it up promptly. Food always felt unsafe to him. And that included food cooked by you.. which seemed ironic, because he would have worshipped the ground beneath you if you asked him to.

He wondered if he watched the whole process of cooking from start to finish if he would feel better about it. He could trick his brain into understanding he was safe.

“God you’re so gorgeous..” He sighed. “I’m tired of falling for you all over again… s’not fair. Why can’t I have you?” You paused, setting the pan on the stove as it heated up. Melting the butter into a bubbly golden liquid. There was no denying he had changed a lot. He went from 4”6 to an even 6 foot. You could see the stretch marks that painted his hips whenever he lifted his arms up. Despite your ‘disinterest’ in him romantically, you would still take small peeks and glances whenever his shirt rode up, revealing some of the new muscle he had gained.

His sudden growth wasn’t unwelcome, it was just shocking that he had grown that much within the span of a few years. Especially considering he had always been smaller than you.

But you had accepted his advances with only halfhearted interest. Even if he was a handsome behemoth of a man today. But it was hard to deny the fact that when he looked at you like he did now, you felt a lingering warmth.

He hadn’t lost his charm. He still knew how to make you blush and smile. But maybe you were too afraid of losing what you shared with him.. again..

As you began making the pancake mix he kept his gaze trained on you and the food. He was obviously enthralled with it.. “I like strawberries.” He smiled softly, watching you work through the recipe. He’d always loved watching you cook. It reminded him of home.. it was vaguely reminiscent of Alfred. Even if he hated the Waynes he still missed having a family. “They remind me of you.” He continued. “Those soft, shiny pinkish red ones…” You nodded along to his words. He was always so sentimental.. “They smell like spring.” He added, smiling slightly. You felt yourself relax at his words. He could be sweet sometimes, despite the fact he was now, 10x his size, strength, and power. He was probably better at a lot of things now, you didn’t want to know what he would do to any of the failed relationships you had in your contacts still... But it was clear he still had that innocent side that you once loved. Jason was like weathered plastic in the garden, his old self was fading, but the spots where the sunlight hadn’t burned away the old Jason todd were still as vibrant and tender as ever. He seemed happier than usual too. His cheeks had begun to lighten up again, his skin seemed to glow from just having seen you again.

The food was ready, and you brought him over to the table. “I’m not an amazing cook, but I hope it’s okay….” You handed him the fork. He was silent for a while, staring at the plate in front of him.

“I uh.. I’m usually not so good with food but this does look really good I promise. It feels like I constantly have the flu. My mind is all fucking broken.."

"You deserve a break." You said, sitting opposite of him across the table. Your fingers intertwined tightly with your own beneath the table, under the table. You tried to suppress your nerves. He needed comfort and support now, you couldn't give him more. "You're here.. With me.. That's something." You said, trying to encourage him.

“I still want you. So bad..” He mumbled. His fork clinked against his plate as he set it down gently. You took a deep breath. You didn’t know what to say. You weren’t ready to talk about your problem with the matter of your relationship. You just wanted him to eat, and try to get better..

“Jason-“ You warned.

“Do you still love me?” He interrupted. He was trying to sound calm, but he was clearly agitated. The question threw you off guard. He looked at you with wide, desperate eyes. “Answer honestly. I need to know.” You hesitated.

“Yes.” You answered truthfully, not able to hide the hurt on your face.

“You don’t even want to touch me…” he muttered dejectedly.

“You died- I was at your funeral.. I don’t understand how your here right now..” you said firmly. “I’m just… confused, ok? I thought I understood everything..” You were trembling. You knew he saw, he understood. You didn’t know how to deal with the guilt gnawing at your stomach.. You hated seeing him this upset. “I miss you..” he whispered, staring at you with pleading eyes.

You lowered your gaze and shook your head. “I’m sorry- you.. Do you have a place to stay?..”

“Are you kicking me out?..”

“Well no- but I feel bad for making you sleep on the couch.” You explained. “You’ve done nothing wrong.. I’m sorry… do you want to stay?”

He remained silent and slowly ate the food placed in front of him. His lips forming into a thin line. He looked exhausted. But he was eating the meal you had made, albeit reluctantly and very slowly. It took him about 20 minutes, as he finished every bite without looking up or saying a word.

“Yeah. I want to stay here for a bit.” He replied after he finished chewing. You nodded, relieved. He pushed back the chair and stood up. He looked exhausted.

“I’ll get you some blankets.” You said quietly, walking back to your room to bring some out to him. While searching your closet, you heard soft footsteps behind you. Your body froze for a split second. Just Jason.. Just Jason…. Then you relaxed. You pulled out two fluffy blankets. You walked back towards him, throwing them over his shoulders. He let out a content sigh at the warmth. “It smells like you…” he mused. He looked so at peace. Like you had injected life into him for the first time since he got here.

He grabbed one pillow from your bed and squeezed it. He closed his eyes, feeling the soft material against his skin. You couldn’t help but smile softly. He looked at you like you hung the moon in the sky. A sense of wonder and relief washing over his features. He turned to the doorway, making his way to the living room.

The television flickered dimly on your TV stand. Your DVD’s stacked high, mostly disney and other classics. “I love you so much..” he murmured, looking around your home.

“I…” You paused. “Know.. you do..” you trailed off, not knowing how else to respond. It felt weird hearing those words come from him. You spent nights hoping to hear those exact words just.. one more time. Hearing them now..

“Where were you?” You asked, trying to distract yourself from the overwhelming guilt weighing down your chest.

“Oh y’know…” He shrugged. “Just…” he laughed awkwardly before sitting down on the couch. “Just running around doing shit. Nothing serious.” He admitted. “But I was able to find you eventually. I actually used to sit in the parking lot and stare at your apartment door, waiting for you to open it..” he looked embarrassed to admit that, scratching the side of his jaw. You chuckled lightly at that image. “You should have seen it, though! I sat there until my legs went numb and then I finally decided to walk away because I felt kinda creepy sitting there watching like that..” He grinned, remembering how pathetic and childish it sounded. “But, I had to see you last night. I had to talk to you... See how you were...” He said, sadly. “God…I’m really messed up.” He sighed, dropping his gaze onto the floor. You frowned as you noticed his mood swing.

“I missed you too-… I’m glad you’re back, and I’m sorry I’m being so cold.” You apologised.

He gave you an understanding glance, “you can be pretty difficult to read these days.. I just.. I hope you can understand my intentions. I still want you.”

“Night Jay.” You stood up, attempting to run away from the topic. “I have class in the morning. I gotta get some sleep. I have a presentation coming up.” You walked towards the bedroom, but stopped. You didn’t want to leave him alone yet. What happened wasn’t fair. “I’ll be back around 12 or so.. tomorrow.”

“Goodnight baby.” He sighed, laying down on the couch. You smiled at his nickname.

He stayed sleeping in his makeshift bed the whole evening, until 4 am or so when he slipped out from the blankets and into your room. He was just getting up to check on you, but eventually it became him… getting a closer look.. getting in bed. and passing out next to you. These blankets were big enough to cover him completely, no cold feet. There was barely any distance between you.

“Night..” he said softly, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of your head. He laid down facing away from you, but in his mind he was holding you close, his arms wrapped tightly around you. ...

[et6rnalsunshine]

࣪˖ ִ⭑ ࣪ avoidance (chris sturniolo)

⭑ soph's note. second post hi. idk how i feel about this, ive never written something like this so hopefully it's not that bad.... also, thank you for almost 70 followers already and the likes on my last blurb, appreciate the love so much ♡

"is this what we do now? have sex, and not speak about it?" you ask, the question hanging heavy in the air as you look over to chris, who pauses his actions on his phone. he stays silent, not responding, but you knew he had heard you. you look away from him, sighing quietly as you glance around the slight darkness of the bedroom. you were tired of opening yourself up to chris, just for him to push you away.

"what?" he responds after a moment, looking over to you, but he knew what you meant.

you scoff slightly, looking over to him and sitting up slightly on the bed, "you know what i mean, chris." you had tried to talk to him. over and over, but it was like a wall had been built between you. one that felt impossible to break down.

"what 'd you do that for?" he murmurs, still staring blankly at his phone. you furrow your brows at his stupid question, opening your mouth to speak before he interrupts you. "make things into a big deal, i mean. why do you want to keep complicating things?" he looks over to you, setting his phone down.

"do what? i don't want to complicate things," you correct him, slight frustration bubbling up. "i just wanna talk, chris. can't we just talk, for once? you don't get to push me away like this. it isn't fair."

things were complicated, sure, they always were with chris. in the beginning, it felt like everything was falling into place. his words were sweet, wrapped in promises, ones that lingered even after he said them. for a while, those words felt like enough. even if there was no label on your relationship, it was enough. but then, slowly, something began to shift. it's like he realized how close he was getting to you, and immediately started pushing you away emotionally. the way his gaze would linger on you, but never quite meet your eyes. he was always there, always close, but never really there. not anymore.

every time you showed him the parts of yourself that you kept hidden from everyone else, he would pull back a little more, retreating into himself. you had began to wonder if maybe, you were the problem. if your presence was too much, too heavy for him. but it wasn't. you weren't the problem.

the silence stretched between you after you spoke. the air felt thick as he sighed at your words. no, it wasn't fair. but that didn't matter to him, did it? you could feel it—his avoidance. it was a feeling you had grown familiar to when it came to chris.

"seriously, chris. i'm tired of acting like everything's fine." you speak again, needing him to talk to you, to at least give it some acknowledgement. you look over to him, silently begging him to open up, to say anything. instead, he looks down at his hands, his expression unreadable.

his words full of affection, promises that were never quite fulfilled, had turned into nothing more than distant echoes. you had been vulnerable with him, you had opened yourself up in ways you hadn’t with anyone else, and yet, it was like he was too afraid to let you see him as he really was. you wanted to be there for him. you wanted to show him that you cared, that your care for him was beyond lust. that you weren't going anywhere. but he wasn't letting you in. and you realized, maybe he wasn't going to. maybe he couldn't—no. maybe he didn't want to.

and so, you sat there, both of you in that dimly lit bedroom. two people who had once been so close, but now felt like strangers. you hear chris let out a heavy sigh, meeting your eyes for a moment before getting up from the bed.

"where are you going?" you ask, disappointed as you once again had no answer to the questions lingering in your mind. you watch, a frown plastered on your face as he grabs his car keys and phone from the bedside table.

"are we seriously talking about this again?" he huffs to himself, running a hand through his hair before answering your question, "i just need to clear my head. ill be back," he mumbles before leaving you there, the bedroom door left open as you hear his footsteps retreating and eventually the faint hum of his car driving away.

you were left with nothing but your thoughts, the quiet hum of the ac, and the weight of something that never quite blossomed. 

© et6rnalsunshine

[respectthepetty]

Hello @respectthepetty 👋

I realy looove your colour analysis you put for every show, but specialy for this one.

You keep bringing up questions like why Kant doesn't show his true colours and why he is wearing different colours every episode.

So it got me thinking and I re-watched the show from the start. And I think Kant is "wearing" blue colour because it is Babe's colour. Frome the very first episode, we see Babe wearing blue. So I think why Kant is wearing so many colours and especially blue because he "lost" his true colours while he was raising his brother, like he "lost" himself.

What are your thoughts? 🤔

I hope my mumbling makes any sense.

Also, thank you so much for your work, and it is always fun to read your colour analysis.💙

~ Anna.

By "colour analysis" you mean my fixation on Fadel with some mild commentary about colors each week?

If so, I also love writing them, so I'm glad you are enjoying them! I truly didn't believe a Director Jojo and Cinematographer Rath show would give me colors in the first place, so I was only really showing up to watch JoongDunk, and the colors are just an added bonus!

But that is also the problem because I wasn't expecting color-coded boys in love, then Joong said he believed it was color coded, and then the show said it was color coded, and now I'm stuck in this loop of trying to figure out how Kant is colored blue instead of going with my instinct that he is green (or yellow). It's like his car which keeps changing colors.

And as much as @slayerkitty wants me to recognize bi-colored characters, I'm not there yet. Instead, I'm working to an answer that doesn't align with what I'm seeing, so now I'm at a loss for words.

So let's test out your Babe is blue theory (and Kant lost his green/yellow color)!

Don't worry! I can focus on two things at once like how I write about Fadel being attractive AND colors! Right? Right!

I need to breathe first though because to go on this journey, I must face my sworn enemy — school uniforms.

Okay. I'm ready! Babe wore blue in the first episode. He also has a blue backpack. Note that green and yellow are on the couch and pillows, while Kant wears yellow socks.

Also note, Kant also has yellow shoes in the green lit bowling alley scene.

Kant's studio is also green (and yellow).

And so is his room.

But I'm supposed to be focusing on the blue (and not the green creeping out of the corner).

But it's just soooooo loud!

Okay! Refocusing! Babe is reading a blue covered version of Othello while wearing a dark blue and . . . OH GIVE ME A BREAK! Is that yellow?!

Babe is wearing a dark blue and yellow striped shirt with green shorts while eating in his green kitchen with his brother who is in blue.

I GIVE UP!

I can't keep fighting myself anymore! Babe can be the Blue Boy (even though I think Style is becoming a loyal and stable Blue Boy as he falls in love with Fadel).

Because I think Kant, in his heart, is either yellow or green. OR BOTH! Ya hear that @slayerkitty. I acknowledged the possibility of bi-colorness.

THE BOWLING BALLS ARE THEIR COLORS FOR GOODNESS' SAKE!

And now I have to wait two weeks before I can see Style in blue, Fadel in black, Bison in red, AND KANT IN GREEN AND YELLOW!

Thank goodness Fadel is beautiful because I am stressed about this show!

*clings to Style in pink knowing he loves Fadel and will do anything for his Black Brooder while KANT STAYS ON HIS COLOR BULLSHIT*

I have not been this upset at a man for color games since these two pendejos.

Kant with his color nonsense is my enemy until further notice.

Is that . . . it is . . . yellow on Bison's collar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[propertyofwhitney67]

😭😭😭 One of my favorite comfort dating story-sim game series was cancelled, and I cannot stop bawling my eyes out. Can I get a comfort post? 😭😭😭 How would the LIs react to a PC who can’t stop crying for days after their favorite series has been cancelled or has ended? 😭😭

I'm so sorry friend, that sucks ass

Whitney basically tells you to get over it. You have him, so you don't need some stupid game. Offers a fuck though, to get your mind off things ya know.He's really not good at this kinda stuff, emotions are hard for him.

Kylar is both glad you're not playing the game anymore but also worried about how upset you are. He comforts you the best he can.

Robin 100% understands how you're feeling, he'd also be so upset if his game got cancelled. He is doing his best to comfort you by making you hot chocolate, cuddling, and maybe even playing other games where he "secretly" lets you win just about every time.

P!Sydney immediately begins to comfort you. He went through the same thing with a book series, so he knows your pain. He is honestly the best at comforting you.

C!Sydney is basically the same as his pure contour part but offers some other ways to make you feel better too

Alex doesn't understand but knows you feel awful and need comfort, so therefore he is going to comfort you. Time for a break from work on the farm, let's just chill and watch comfort shows and movies. He is also going to offer to drink with you bc he's Alex

Avery doesn't want to deal with this and will leave. Maybe he gives you his idea of a gift to try and comfort you, it's way too expensive and not something you want. It's the thought that counts, right?

Eden also doesn't completely understand but he doesn't like seeing you upset like this. He does his best to comfort you in his own way, reading to you, cuddling, trying to cheer you up by going to the lake together, etc.

[deqdlyowl]

I actually have some old doodles TPtR au related... This one portrays an event from the second chapter.

I have a few more things, but they're kinda spoilers and I'm not really into spoiling... Though one of them is just a spoiler of one interesting detail I want to add (the event my sketch shows most likely won't appear in the fic), while the other one is a WHOLE AHH SPOILER of the shit happening in, maybe like 10+ chapter, I'm still not sure how big I want to make the fic, ahaha.

Also rambling and venting out my feelings under the cut because I forgot to take my meds yesterday. You don't have to read but I would be happy if you do.

.

Every time I start something I like, it begins to feel like a small obligation after some time, no matter how I feel about the thing I create. I love my fic and I really want to finish it, because it's also a huge emotional boost for me when I understand that I passed my word count goal in the chapter and I finally can write down my 24/7 daydreaming about CotL (even if not all of them, I often think about selfship, sorry, ahaha),AND I have a nice feedback. BUT. My ability is to abandon things. I have many unfinished drawings, unfinished crafts, like, a crocheted Spycrab or a full-sized HHH tf2 weapon, even though I really want to finish it all, but since I took a really long break, I just abandoned it all. That's usually the reason why I don't make comics. (The only comic I've ever made is that one silly meme about bees). And a month ago I started writing TPtR.

I'm scared of this happening to my fic, that's why I force myself to write if I'm not doing so for more than two days. Somehow it boosts my motivation, but at the same time, the thought of having to force myself to do something, even if I love it, makes me anxious. Why am I not doing anything if I love it? Perhaps it's just my depression with AuDHD kicking in, and sometimes I forget to take my ADs (I don't have ADHD meds yet) that makes me suddenly apathetic about everything. And then anxiety. And then I get sad when I can't come up with words.

Today I was describing the thing I have no experience in. I made tonnes of research, watched many videos of how people do it, tried to find words, but it looks... Meh. And I'm sad. And when I'm sad about something I do, I abandon it. BUT I WON'T. I will force myself to not, because I still want to write! I try to reassure myself that it looks shitty because it's still a draft and written in my native language. However, if looking at my current word count, the chapter won't be short, and it makes me happy. I'm sad and happy. I'm confused about my feelings about what I do!! I can just abandon doing ANYTHING and be lazy for years as it happened in middle school! But I have to force myself. To do anything at all. I already bed rot when I'm not studying, and if I'm studying at home, I still do it in bed. I'm losing weight (I'm severely underweight), my dogs feel bad (they're almost 12), it's my final year in school so I also study hard for my finals, my dreams say weird things (I believe in dream-telling or whatever, and I kinda can decipher them) and it all devours me from inside. But I can't give myself a rest. Or. I'll. Abandon. The thing. I love!

I'm repeating, but my head repeats everything most of the time as well, it's either loud and messy (adhd) or quiet and agonizing (autism), my ADs make my body parts twitch, I don't think that I need my therapist anymore, because it feels like there's no different between me before and me after talking to her.

I love my friends though. Their cheerful reaction to my fic or sketch updates is something that also boosts my motivation of doing something. I love art because of the feeling of creating something, but after finishing, I get the desire to see someone's reaction to what I did.

That's all, I think. I mean, not all, but I don't want to repeat again and again, my memory is getting worse as well, I feel like I kin Shamura ahahahha. I want to take an MRI. What if I have a tumor.

[violetsastrocytes]

unhinged regulus (my fave)

hey hello i thought i'd quickly talk about regulus in my lotss fic... i feel like people are gonna have problems with him—so here's some musings/ramblings etc!

so i really enjoy the idea of exploring human nature, and to me this means a flawed character. in lotss regulus is not a good person. there's good in him, sure, but on the whole he's morally corrupt and has a detrimental fuck-it-we-ball attitude. he relishes in destruction and indulges in his volatility. like he persuaded sirius to literally bind them together with a potentially fatal and 100% illegal spell at ten fucking years old, because he was like whelp. i'm gonna miss you when you go to highschool. and he's manipulative as shit, because sirius was like oh yeah, horcruxes, solid plan, and then does it.

regulus joins the army, yes to protect sirius, yes so sirius doesn't have to, but he would've joined anyway. he LOVES the power it gives him. he finds murdering fun. genuinely fun. he likes to tease his victims, he likes to draw their death out, he thinks it's hilarious when they cry and beg. and sure, okay, these are unambiuously bad people, veela traffickers etc, reg doesn't feel this way when he's on the battlefield and it's basically soldiers just like him. but still, it does take a certain character to not only carry out, but relish in murder.

i took a lot of inspiration for his and General Riddle's relationship from Silko and Jinx (from Arcane). i thought that dynamic was the best ever, like here are two hurt, damaged, chaotic and morally deranged people. they enable each other, they care for each other (genuinely). i'm obsessed with Arcane so think about it way too much, but Silko's last words to Jinx "you're perfect" make me wanna scream. because to him she is. that's what a daughter is to a father—a true father. flawed and tainted and morally ugly, blood all over her hands—but she is still his daughter, he forgives her, he loves her. despite, because of, regardless.

anyway my whole point with this ramble—i feel like lots of marauders fics ive read ultimately try and either validate, justify or redeem a character's unjust actions or corrupt nature. that's totally valid obviously, but that's not what i've done in lotss. regulus never regrets his behaviour, even when it ends up costing him someone he really, really loves. even then he continues to do it, he continues to enjoy it. he never has any big revelation and goes fuck. i messed up.

and general riddle—we've seen him manipulate, coerce and trap nagini. so we're against him. but then we see him from regulus' pov—who admires and trusts him—and he seems like a nice guy. so then we're like okay, is he a dick or is he nice? but isn't everyone both sides of that coin?

i really tried to show that while, on the whole, he's an upstanding leader, fighting for good causes (and is non-discriminative: there's a vast and inclusive representation of genders and races in the death eater army, something which is notably absent from the ministry-affiliated order and bmaf) even then riddle's hungry for more power. he wants to experiment and test the limits of his magic. my whole moral of the story thing with lotss is that power corrupts. there is NO GOOD SIDE. i'll say it again: no one wins in war.

like that line in hotd, where alicent says wtf are we even fighting for anymore? and rhaenyra is like lol idk. i was reading about the vietnam war recently: america and australia sent all those men in, then realised they were being fucking decimated and were like, oh fuck, and pulled them out again. thousands dead. literally for fucking what. anyway, all that to say: i'm not trying to use a character (regulus) who is generally well-liked by the fandom in order to try and justify or advocate for violence. his behaviour is just me experimenting with another way trauma can play out, like don't forget the circumstances of his birth, or the fact that he had to watch sirius being abused. sirius' magic was tested by orion to the point where he almost died multiple times. it effected sirius one way, it effected regulus another.

anyway! it's a story loves, not meant to be serious xo as i said before, take it all with a pinch of salt. and if you happen to watch arcane, tell me so we can try about it together!

[reluctantbylerblog]

call me crazy and controversial but I don't think nancy did anything wrong, nor is she fundamentally a bad person for what happened to barb in s1, and I absolutely do not think she needs to be redeemed. the end of her character arc should always be about reaching a point of self-compassion and forgiveness—specifically by healing enough to allow herself to move past her guilt and belief that she caused barbs death by letting herself become close to others and form intimate friendships. especially with robin (who imo she was cagey with in s4 because of her trauma around barb)

[shannonsketches]

The way I will simply never recover from this page:

Vegeta's Panic and then IMMEDIATE affection for his new baby

Vegeta being excited to have a daughter

Goku assuming his wife Magic'd their children out of herself

Supreme Kai being embarrassed for Goku

Beerus getting wasted

Bulma saying she will raw dog her husband frequently and expeditiously with her whole chest, in front of god and everybody

Whis being like 'i gotchu babe 💅 but i gotta borrow ur man first or there'll be no more boning for anybody lol'

[tizzymcwizzy]

so i finally watched the ml movie in a language i understand with good visual and audio quality. its still bad.

i may write an essay.

[panncakes]

there's a lot to be said about the tragedy of the loss of low-budget campy fantasy shows in western media bc unless they're like high-budget, overly-produced and stripped of any filler they get cancelled after one season of 8 episodes but truly one of the biggest defense in favor of them and why we need them is the malec wedding kiss in shadowhunters

[shirogane-oushirou]

no promises anymoooooreeeee i'll appear online when i appear online 😭 every time i say "ooh i think life is almost done being overwhelming!" it. becomes even more overwhelming in the dumbest ways. all i can manage rn when i'm not stressing myself into a shut-down state is staring at the wall while listening to youtube essays + mindlessly crocheting.

i might queue up ppls art and fics w/o commentary in the tags... i want other ppl to see what all of my cool friends have made, but i genuinely can't think right now with this monstrous brain fog. i'm really sorry, just. yeah. maybe i'll think of some way to make it up later!!! once the dust has settled!!!! but until then i wuv u and miss u. smiles.

[venting in tags including familial manipulation and ableism. i. didn't mean to write all of that, thiss was originally going to be a main blog post but. aaaaaAAAAAA!!!!!

also no need for replies or anything, i'd turn them off for just the one post if i could kjsndkn, i just needed to get things out and go eep jsjndsfdn ok bye bye bye bye!!!!]

[charlesemersonwinchesteriii]

Rosaria Champagne, “Law of the (Nameless) Father: Mary Shelley’s Mathilda and the Incest Taboo” // Star Trek: Deep Space 9, 2x22 “The Wire”

[repurposedmeatlocker]

I never watched Family Guy and never really plan to, but I can't lie guys. Clips of those cutaway gags kind of get me.

[shrimpmandan]

HEY GUYSSSS HB SPOILERS IF YOU CARE ABOUT THAT. im mad

I didn't watch the full episode but I DID watch a clip of Blitzo and Stolas's argument in HB and. jesus christ

On the one hand, the vocal performance and animation? Phenomenal. Blitzo has every fucking right to be PISSED at Stolas. Stolas is emotionally manipulative and abusive. It was CATHARTIC.

Until the end.

Where they fully and wholly expected us to side with and feel bad for Stolas. Stolas, who pulled out the most emotionally manipulative shit he could think of: "I can't believe you think that lowly of me" while whimpering crocodile tears over Blitzo calling out things he ACTUALLY DID.

If this was a scene genuinely meant to showcase an emotionally abusive asshat, WELL FUCKING DONE. But we KNOW Stolitz is endgame. We KNOW we're expected to feel bad for Stolas here. It fucking worked. People are saying how bad they feel for their "poor baby" and dismissing Blitzo's pain because ohh no, he made the owl sad! The writers expect us to feel bad for Stolas ALWAYS. And I just fucking don't. He's an abusive piece of shit who doesn't think about how he hurts the people around him. That wouldn't be so bad if the narrative wasn't so obviously biased in his favor. Fuck this fucking show lmao

[californianedgeworth]

the amount of people who point out Steven as some kind of money hungry villain manipulating Shane and Ryan in the whole Watcher debacle is so annoying. clearly they just liked Shane and Ryan a lot better and want to take culpability away from them. but all 3 of them made this decision, as far as we know they're all equally accountable. stop making conspiracies based off people's lives you don't know so you can continue to justify your parasocial relationship jfc