#i don't even crash later like i'd sometimes do on a usual day

[ravenwolfie97]

im in that strange state of unsleep again

[watercolor-hearts]

The thing about my heart is that it usually feels quite fast* and I'm almost always aware of it (and probably me being aware of it makes it faster so it's a really bad loop).

It's fast when I'm resting, too, so sometimes I try to slow it down but I'm not good at it because if my heart knows I'm aware of what it's doing it wants to perform and it won't slow down – it's one of the difficult parts of being a cardiophile.

But yesterday someone could slow it down and it was so special to me I wanted to write a post about it to keep it here in my tag for difficult times. ❤

So, what happened was that @fredwardart sent me a lot of voice messages about a story idea that came after he sent me a pic of a driver and we started talking about it and he hinted something I wanted to know more about so I asked him to tell me more.

And he did tell me about it a bit later. And those voice messages, guys... Oh my God.

We'd just came back from the mall with my best friend, I climbed on the bed, laid on my stomach in a comfortable position and started listening to the voice messages one by one. I was really tired because in the morning we went to the market and in the afternoon we went to the mall so we walked a lot and it was really hot (close to or maybe even over 40 °C) and it was nice to be able to lie down a bit and listen to a story I knew I'd love because I always love Freddie's stories.

So yeah, I lay there and listened to him talking about endurance racing being difficult and demanding and this certain driver not feeling too well, his heart beating a bit too fast and him not being able to control it like he usually could but still driving and thinking about his partner and trying not to make any big mistakes and just bring the car home to then be able to go home to his partner. He had a crash in the past where his partner basically gave up the race to go and check if he was okay, take his pulse, listen to his breathing, but now he wasn't there because of them racing in different series now, so he didn't want to scare him with an accident because he's already traumatized enough. (I don't want to spoil everything so I won't say more about the story in case one day Freddie would want to write it.)

While listening to Freddie's voice, him talking about heartbeats, breathing, pulse and things like that, I noticed that my heart had slowed down which was a surprising discovery because of what I mentioned in the beginning of the post.

Him talking about the things I (and he) love was so comforting I felt like I started falling asleep. I didn't know anybody would be able to slow down my heart with their voice and the way they talk about certain things but it looks like there's someone who can and it makes our friendship even more special.

There's nobody I've ever let closer to my heart than him and it was one of the best things I've done in my life because I never thought I'd have a friendship like this with anybody. I didn't even know a friendship like this could exist. Every day I feel like it can't become better, it can't become more special but then things like this happen and I'm proved wrong. And it's... It's amazing, really.

Those messages and the effect they brought felt like a birthday gift. The most amazing birthday gift I've ever gotten. (But then it's got topped with the actual birthday gift he sent me. ❤)

I'll never forget this. I wish I could save those voice messages and put them into a single file to be able to listen to it when I need it. ❤

-

(*Since I have a pulse oximeter, I know that it's not as fast as I thought it was, which is reassuring, but it's still a bit faster than most people's. But no need to worry, I have no complaints and as far as I know I'm healthy.)

[an-egghead]

Now that Saint Nicolas Day is being celebrated on the QSMP, I'd like to tell some things about how I usually celebrate it! (By the way i hope this post cuts off I don't know how to do that, someone help)

Saint Nicolas Day is a holiday celebrated mostly in Europe (but I bet other places as well). Frankly, I don't know that much about how other countries celebrate, so I'll be talking mostly about the Netherlands, but I reckon some of it applies to other regions as well.

The holiday is called Sinterklaas in the Netherlands (short for Sint Nicolaas), and we celebrate it on either the 5th or the 6th. The evening of the 5th is called pakjesavond (presents eve) and it's usually when people come together and get gifts for eachother, christmas style.

Sinterklaas is very much alike to Santa Claus, in the sense that children have no idea that their family is buying the presents.

Sinterklaas is a holiday for kids above anything, and it's not uncommon for people to stop celebrating it when all the kids in their family know "het geheim van Sinterklaas" (the secret of Sinterklaas). Kids usually find out around 3rd or 4th grade, sometimes earlier, sometimes later, but everyone knows by the time they reach 7th grade because that's secondary school and also kids are bad at keeping secrets.

By the way, Sinterklaas, Santa Claus, they're basically the same person. We celebrate both a lot of the time.

So, somewhere in november, Sinterklaas and his Pieten (Piet is a common Dutch name, all the Pieten are named Piet. It's a whole thing. They work for/with Sinterklaas and there's some discussion about that but I think they're pals) leave on the boat from Spain with all the presents.

Around this same "het Sinterklaasjournaal" starts (the news but all about Sinterklaas). They make up little stories each year about what happens with Sinterklaas and the Pieten, and elementary schoolers watch this religiously (all you need to know is "Het Sinterklaas journaal, met Dieuwertje Blok"). These things change each season. Sometimes it's useful stuff, like making up special rocks the Pieten can use to open doors to bring presents, as a general explanation as to how they can get in and parents don't contradict each other.

In the past though, they would enter through the chimney, but not many people have chimney's anymore.

Other times it's shit like "We think Sinterklaas and the Pieten have fucking crashed and drowned". They've done this more than once.

Then after like a week or so they arrive in the land. Legit every city picks a day and has an "intocht". I have no idea how to translate this, but it's basically a parade with Sinterklaas and the Pieten. It's just random people though. I played Piet once and it was awesome. I put on Heelys and kids loved it.

During the Intocht kids get stand at the sides with their family and hold open bags. The Pieten put all sorts of sweets in there, but mostly pepernoten en kruidnoten (which are often also called pepernoten. I don't make the rules). You're all missing out by the way, kruidnoten are the absolute best.

After Sinterklaas has arrived in the country, kids get to put one of their shoes at the chimney or another designated place every night, usually with a piece of vegetable in it (commonly a carrot) and then they get a very tiny present in the morning.

The carrot is for Sinterklaas's horse, I'll get to the horse in a bit.

Then the 5th is pakjesavond, and the 6th it's Sinterklaas's birthday, so he and the Pieten go home again. Most people celebrate pakjesavond the 5th nowadays, but in the past it would be celebrated the morning of the 6th. People then said Sinterklaas dropped off all the presents in the night. All the kids used to get the day off from school as well the 6th, but that was a WHILE ago. Now, basically all the festivities are on the 5th, and elementary schools make a fun day out of it.

Then they all leave again and we put the christmas trees up within like 2 days.

SO, about Sinterklaas's horse. It used to be (and in many local places, still is) a white horse named Amerigo, but on the Sinterklaasjournaal they said that horse was retiring. Fine. I guess. Now it's "O Zo Snel" (O So Fast). Yes it's a dumb name, but there's a Sinterklaas-song that says "op zijn paardje, o zo snel" (on his horse, o so fast), so that's where they got it from. THE SONG DID NOT INTEND FOR IT TO BE A NAME I AM FUMING

Anyway, I think that's it. I'm very glad the qsmp is talking about it, really pleasantly surprised. Also if you made it this far I'm honestly impressed. This took me like an hour to type out not even kidding.

[khaire-traveler]

you get enough asks of people with similar questions and i told myself i wouldn’t add to the list, but i’m rly struggling rn.

i’ve been an active hellenistic polytheist for 3 years now, and an apollo worshiper for around 2.

yet, i haven’t really felt a connection to apollo for a year now. anytime i pray to him, it feels hollow.

i know that the advice people typically give is to move on, but i feel like then it’d be a waste. its quite terrible of me to say, but ive spent so much money and time setting up such a dedicated altar just for it to collect dust.

any ideas or advice? no worries if not. have a lovely day my friend :]

Hey, Max, thank you for the ask! I apologize for the delay.

So, I originally wrote a whole ass post that had paragraphs of information, suggestions, and advice, but Tumblr hates me and decided to just crash and not save literally any of it. 🙃 I'm hoping I can give you good information regardless of this setback. Also, please don't feel bad about asking questions; I honestly enjoy it, especially since some information can be hard to come by. All my information is merely advice and suggestions based on my own experience, but I hope it's helpful to you - and maybe even others - regardless.

The first thing I'll do is share some links that could be helpful for you. This one talks a bit about Deity Disconnect™ - something that I feel I can safely say has happened to every pagan and polytheist. Sometimes faith and spirituality come in waves, ebbing in and out as naturally as the ocean, but it doesn't always mean that a deity has left us. If you'd like to try reconnecting with Apollo through bonding activities and the like, this link and that link both lead to posts that mention some ways you can bond with a deity. Although I'm not sure if any of these will be helpful to you, I hope that they are. 🧡

I feel it's also important to mention that many devotees of Apollo find it difficult to connect with him during the winter. For me, I feel the feeling of disconnect begin as early as the middle of Fall and stay as late as the very beginning of Spring. Many attribute this to the myth of Apollo leaving for Hyperborea and leaving his seat in Delphi for Dionysus to temporarily take over. If you've been trying to reconnect during Winter, or even potentially Fall, the disconnect from Apollo may feel even stronger than usual because of this. I would wait to readdress this issue with him until Spring rolls around, personally, just in case this disconnect could be contributing to your problem at all.

Along with all that, I'm inclined to ask whether you've addressed this topic with him directly. Have you been able to communicate with Apollo directly about this and get his thoughts? In my experience, deities will typically let you know if they're stepping away, rather than yoinking away super suddenly and without a given cause (or at the very least, they are more than willing to provide a reason if you ask them); this tends to be especially true when it comes to deities you've been very close with in the past. If you haven't already, I'd highly encourage you to speak with Apollo in a format that allows him to provide a response to your questions, such as divination or meditation.

I do also have to say that sometimes deities leave but return later. It's entirely possible he is simply taking a break or stepping away temporarily. Maybe he feels you need to focus on other deities more at this time or he has simply taught all he can (or all that's relevant) at the moment. He could return full force later on in your life, be it a few days from now or a few years. This is something I'd ask him about specifically in order to clarify his intentions.

Ok, but what if he really is leaving and doing so in a more permanent fashion? Well, in that case, I encourage you to do whatever feels right for you. Take down his altar, or leave it up; it's entirely your choice. Even when deities leave our lives, they never truly leave, and most of the time, if we need a deity's help, we are still welcome to call upon their aid, even if they've "left". It's also possible that he is still ok with you worshipping or venerating him, even if he does choose to step away. There are some deities that I mostly just venerate but don't do much else past that, and that's perfectly ok. Sometimes it just feels nice to acknowledge a deity and show them appreciation, even if you're not particularly close to them. These are all things you need to have a direct conversation with Apollo about, however, as I cannot speak for him or what he is comfortable with.

Although it can feel like a waste of time, energy, and hell even money, please do remember that it is never truly a waste if your relationship to Apollo meant something - and still means something - to you. You put genuine time, love, and care into the altar you created, and regardless of what happens going forward, I'm sure he still appreciates that. It's important to know that when a deity feels the need to step away, it's not because they stop caring for you or the time you've spent together; they simply feel it's in your best interest for them to be more distant for the time being, but regardless, they are still there. They are still present in the world and life around you. Apollo can still be felt in the warmth of the sun on your skin and the rush of excitement you feel when the beat of music reverberates in your chest. He is still near, even if he feels far. He is still there, even if he feels absent. These are not things you're required to focus on or even acknowledge, however, if it makes you uncomfortable or you'd rather terminate your relationship with Apollo. I just figure it may be comforting to hear.

If the following doesn't apply to you at all or you simply disagree with my perspective, please feel free to completely disregard all this; it's heavily based on my own personal experience and beliefs. Do you work with Apollo or worship him? I know it sounds rather silly and somewhat ridiculous to ask, but I have personally noticed a significant change in my deity relationships when I focused more on worship than work. I have noticed that, a lot of times, deity work can end in that deity eventually departing because the things you're working on can eventually be resolved or improved enough that you no longer need them. To me, personally, deity worship often has a more permanent meaning, although that obviously doesn't ring true for everyone. If you were doing deity work with Apollo, it's entirely possible that he feels he's helped you the best he can with whatever you originally reached out about and has decided that you no longer need his assistance or guidance. If that's the case (which it obviously could not be), then you can absolutely ask him if he's comfortable switching your relationship to something that is more long-term worship based rather than short-term "please assist me with this specific thing" based. And since I'm sure someone will mention it, I do want to acknowledge that there is nuance in every type of deity relationship, and you can absolutely have a long-term "deity work" based relationship and a short-term "deity worship" based relationship. There are exceptions to everything, and everything contains nuance and complexity. I don't want to discount either of those things; this is just me sharing something based on my personal understanding, and no one has to take me at face-value.

Anyway, I hope I was able to answer your question and give you some suggestions or advice that helps. Regardless, I hope you're able to figure this situation out and that Apollo can address you more directly about it. I wish you the best on your spiritual journey. Take care, and have a good day/night. 🧡

[eating-the-inedible]

Confession: Buckle up, this may be a long one.

I've had the same fictional character appearing in my dreams from time to time for the past 5 years.

It all started when I saw a piece of fanart back in my days on DeviantArt around...2017-2018. I thought the character looked cool, but didn't check out what the series he was from was. I did, however, come to the conclusion, just by his vibes alone, that I would like him if I got into whatever he was from.

A while later, that image basically forgotten by now, I tuned into a stream where an artist I follow was doing a poster design for something. In the middle of the poster design...it was him again. I remembered the picture I saw on DA and my interest had been sparked again. Turns out he wasn't from an anime, as I had first assumed, but instead, a Japanese video game.

I then found out the games were on Steam and ended up getting the first two. However, this character was from the 2nd game, so I had to wait until I was finished with the first game to really figure out what he was like, and if my initial reaction would end up being true.

During the time it took me to finish the first game, I had found someone who made some meme videos using the character sprites from the series. There were a few I watched with that specific character in it, so I finally saw what he actually looks like in game.

And then, it started.

Not long after I began to have dreams about this guy. He rarely ever spoke to me, mainly just following me and listening to (or putting up with) me rambling to him about who-knows-what.

I eventually got to the 2nd game and found out...I was right about thinking I would like him. Very right. He ended up being my favorite character in the series.

During my first play-through of the game, something weird happened. After talking with him, I had to talk with someone else to progress the plot, however, not long into that conversation with the other character, the game crashed. Then, I got a notification from Steam.

You have 1 new item in your inventory.

I opened Steam to check it out. It was a card. It was a card with that character I like on it. This is the 2nd one I had gotten. I usually don't keep duplicates, but in this case, I wanted to keep it.

Anyway, I still continued to have dreams about him. Most of the dreams, he was silent and never really acknowledged me much. Though, there were a few where he would talk to me some, and there were even some where we were friends. There were also two specific occasions in dreams where he smiled at me, which I remember very fondly.

At some point throughout all this, I ended up getting a crush on him, which I still have to this day. My guess is, it happened sometime after I finished the game, though I don't exactly remember.

So, my confession? I ended up getting into a game series entirely because I saw a guy I thought looked interesting, and I ended up getting a crush in him. I also ended up having him haunt my dreams for 5 years. That should be it, right?

No.

Not too long before, I began to see the number 107 all over the place. It started with an order ticket number at McDonald's as well as a license plate in the parking lot and ended up being a number I'd see a lot on the clock. But it turned into much, much more. In a very weird way.

I began to notice a lot of things I like were connected to 107 in some way. The release date of my favorite anime, the birthday of one of my friends, the amount of pages in a comic I had been following...

There had to be some connection to this guy with that number as well, right?

Well, I began to look around, see if there was anything and...nothing. I didn't find anything...until one day.

I was sitting in my living room, alone, thinking, and a crazy idea popped into my head: Birthday.

So, I opened a calendar picture in MS Paint, circled my birthday and the birthday of this character. I then counted the amount of days inbetween our birthdays (not counting the days themselves).

107 days.

I had found it. And it had driven me MAD. I feel like Charlie from the Pepe Silvia meme. I feel like I have enough material to make a conspiracy about SOMETHING but I don't know WHAT.

And your question, that I bet you've had since the beginning of this ramble, "Who is this character?"

His name is Gundham Tanaka from the murder mystery series Danganronpa. This man single-handedly pulled me into a series I both love and hate as well as kick-off my slow decent into madness over a single number that I can't just call a coincidence anymore after THAT. I love this man, and that is not an understatement. I hope he shows up again in another one of my dreams soon. It's been a while.

I hope you enjoyed this relatively normal ramble that slowly got more and more whack as it went on.

this is absolutely wonderful

i love this

thank you so much for taking the time to send this!

[systemic-dreams]

I made a playlist for Elliot Krangsdt! it's not perfect, but I'm pretty happy with it. I hope you enjoy :)

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/74AkiNXEmX08a5NwEqQedm?si=MXJCo-P7Tj-arIF93s4XKw

I've been listening to this all day. what a jam. it's so different to what i usually listen to. like walking into a room with brightly coloured walls.

"sometimes the only road to take is the darkest" really hits. i think Evan only ever took that road and Elliot is still confused about having other options. like, there's a fork in the road now but the light side is unfamiliar, so he needs to be dragged in and told it's okay, it's not a trick

literally all of momento mori gets it. but it's so upbeat and almost playful in tone. i get an insomnia/insanity vibe. staying up way too long and going a little crazy. or a lot crazy.

hollow moon was very acoustic and folksy. i had to look up the lyrics because i was missing them with all the flourishes but damn. "if I made my bed, did I make the demons in it?" ummm. yes. I think as much as Evan had actual demons, Elliot is creating phantom demons to fill the holes the horrors have left in his psyche. and his decisions absolutely created the demons that plague him now. spot on.

lampshades' "fear makes us really really run around" is 100% Elliot but also Evan. whenever he was afraid or uncomfortable, Brennan would try to move him out of the scene or just leave the space. but the pilot program would follow instead of letting him go alone. which made the exits seem like transitions instead of escapes. Even Evan's exit from the school which the pilots stop in the series, is Evan removing himself from the area because he's afraid of what he will do to do people close to him. Elliot has a different problem, in that, dangerous things are happening to people he cares about and he runs around trying to fix them out of fear they will be hurt or killed.

"i'd give an arm and a leg, just to go, just to be on my own, but i need to stay and fend for myself." definitely an adult Elliot feeling. I think younger Elliot tried to leave the Krangsdts multiple times. just because of past experience with foster families either treating Evan poorly or getting eaten by monsters. and he doesn't remember, but the feeling of being in a house with people in it is not a comfortable one. I think he eventually learned he cant just go AWOL but he still couldnt live in a house with people in it. the excuse he made to himself would be: he needed somewhere to stash his vampire hunting gear and crash when he gets beat up so he doesnt look sus or worry anyone. but its more than that.

cicada days really got me with lines like "it just feels inhuman to lose this much" i mean, fr. I don't think Evan is human or considers himself human. no one can go through that much trauma and come out sane. it's a miracle or some form of magic that keeps a spark of naivety and hope and goodness alive in him. even if he's super broken. there's cynicism in his personality but it's more of a healthy scientific skepticism. it isn't despair. there's a lot of pain that comes from keeping that spark of good alive within incalculable darkness. and you get hit with "now it feels damn inhumane to get all i've dreamt of" which i think is more applicable to the later chapters i havent published. but there is massive guilt there. like, 'it's too good to be true', 'what's the catch?', why? how? waiting for it all to come crashing down because it couldnt all possibly be happening.

also, "cause when you leave you know you take more than your love" i feel hits more with K. because it's unsaid between them. there's not enough time to process feelings. they barely confess and suddenly it's time to part. and you cant say 'i love you' yet. but you want to. but it's just too much and its probably not true. and when Evan leaves, he does take that love with him and also their futures.

moonsickness is so raw with "I'm the worst mistake your god has ever made". it's too bad i don't like penelope scott's voice or tone. she might as well be ordering a pizza over the phone lol. great lyrics though. i would love to hear a cover that does them justice. i think early Elliot does feel like a mistake and that plagues him for a while. my plan was to have the pilot program flip the switch eventually and turn it into "I'm the worst mistake your god has ever made and I'm gonna make it your problem." but i don't know if i'll ever get there. writing hard hurr durr

this was so fun! thank you for sharing! I've never made a playlist for Elliot because in my mind he was always a caricature of every popular emo song i could think of. stuff that K and Cody Walsh would think is cool but in reality would be a nightmare. when i put them in a playlist, it became clear why he is my blorbo lol.

please find attached: my emo son - the playlist

[bronzeagepizzeria]

Get To Know Me

Thank you for the tag, @demdifferentstories-29 !

What is your name? Niyati

For how long have you had this account? since 2018, i think? only started using it during the pandemic though

Favourite food? i have a massive sweet tooth, so anything sweet, really. also pizza

Favourite drink? i don't drink anything interesting xD just water and even then a bitch is severely dehydrated

Do you have any siblings? yes, one older sister

Do you have pets? yessss i've got three cats!!

How old are you? 19

How many languages do you know? i'd say i'm most comfortable in english, but i can speak hindi fluently as well. i understand tamil entirely and sort of understand marathi + a few words of kannada bc i lived in bangalore for 13 years

What's your all-time favourite movie/tv show? fav movie has got to be the godfather part ii. i've watched it a million times. fav show will forever be game of thrones, no matter how badly it crashed and burned. i really imprinted on that shit lol

What are you enjoying to do in your free time? read fic hahaha. or watch movies. recently i haven't managed to watch anything except reels on instagram though, send help

Are you an introvert or an extrovert? mostly an introvert, but i think i'm just bad at small talk. i don't have issues with public speaking or anything, and i can talk about stuff i'm interested in for hours and hours to virtual strangers xD

Your favourite music genres? i don't listen to a lot of english music tbh! i'd say pop? mostly i just listen to film soundtracks and bollywood songs

Your dream place to visit? i used to be fuckin OBSESSED with australia as a child so i hope to still go there? but i'd like to visit all over, really. i haven't travelled much. definitely wanna experience living in the US/UK for a while. i plan to do my post-grad abroad

Something you wish you were better at? not procrastinating. it's a serious problem

How long do you take to respond to texts? immediately lol. sometimes i respond to ao3 comments within minutes, which must freak people out

Do you have any tattoos? If not, would like to? nope. look in theory it's a cool idea but i'm famously indecisive and if i can't even settle on a pfp for more than a month i just know i'm gonna pick a tattoo and end up fucking hating it

What's your sexuality? straight

Do you like reading? If yes what's your favourite book? i don't read much anymore, unfortunately. but i want to get back into it

Have you ever been in love before? ehhh no. i usually just trick myself into liking someone i suspect likes me lol

What's your relationship status? single

Have you ever been heartbroken? nah

Best memory you could think of? this question is super hard for me lol. recently my roommate and i did an hp rewatch and she asked me what memory i would rely on for my patronus and...i literally do not know. like i've had a decently happy life, but nothing stands out, you know? there isn't any one instance i can think of like that

Worst memory you can think of? same thing again. my 2023 has been so fucking bad it's not even sad to me anymore i just find it genuinely funny. but it hasn't been all bad either? i really don't know if i've just repressed my emotions for this year or if i'm over it already lol. maybe it'll come back to bite me in the arse later

Do you have any fears? moths and butterflies (i don't discriminate) i also don't like small birds/plants that are beginning to dry up/balloons losing air. i was a weird kid

Are you a morning or a night person? oh, night definitely. i spent the entirety of last year getting like 2hrs of sleep a night and napping during class

How many pictures do you have on your phone? 5001 + my icloud has not been backed up in 462 days

Who was your favourite childhood crush? first guy i ever liked was shahid kapoor. first guy i actively fantasized about etc has got to be chris evans. the captain america movies were my personality for a long time in middle school lmao

Are you a romantic? hmm i don't think so. i have pretty old-fashioned tastes when it comes to love and romance i guess, but i think i'm more of a cynic

What’s your dream date? showing my s/o movies/shows that i love. honestly that's my love language

What are your hobbies? i draw a little, watch movies, read fic. i used to play professional-level badminton but that hasn't been fun for me in a long time :(

Tagging: if you read all the way and you feel like it, go ahead!

[after-nine-at-the-oasis]

Promo time!!

Hi Grace :))

Ope?

OPE O.O

Dramatic speech?

YO IS THAT THE AMBULANCE BLOWING UP???!!??!?!???

No okay it looks like a different one

A FUNERAL???

Oh okay just a fancy thing

OOGH can we talk about Tommy's HAIR there :OOO ❤️❤️

Ohhh a cancer thing!! But also ? Like both but not quite ?!! lol

Hmm dramatic speech

OPE CRAP THAT EXPLOSION AGAIN

OHH NOOOOO

UH OH UH OH UH OH O.O

THAT'S A LOT OF BLOOD

AND ALSO DEBRIS xd

Who is this guy???

OHHH NOOOO 😳😳😳😳😬😬 NONE OF THIS LOOKS GOOD 😭😭

Y'all I am STRESSED 😭😭😭😳😬 xdd

Can we not get ONE WEEK XD

ONE WEEK of rest lol xD

That's the last of my last thoughts! Now it's time for the. . .

REVIEW

I absolutely LOVED this episode!! It was so good. And the DRAMA y'all!!! The ANSGT!!! Lovely lol xD <333. Seeing Marjan's side interspersed the others looking for her was just mMH! Amazing :DDD. Also I am LOVING these Marjan storylines we're getting!! A slay for real :D. She deserves it and she is serving SO HARD!! I don't usually say serve but it felt appropriate here lol. Anyway yeah it was an amazing, and super emotional 😭😭💔, episode :DDD!! So great 🥰🥰❤️. And so many nice happy moments in the beginning!! Or sweet moments :D. Especially with the rest of the 126 been after they find out she's missing but also on Marjan's side, like with Mouse, even if (though) she was just Marjan hallucinating herself :)). Anyway!! Lovely ❤️❤️❤️❤️.

Now it's time for the individual parts!

Okay so since I'm watching the next episode a few days late, probably sometime this weekend, it's currently the Thursday after the next episode lol. Sh xD. This will most likely be pretty short though because I have a lot going on.

Tommy! We didn't see her much but she was so sweet at the end :)). I'm so sorry for you having to sit through that ballet performance girl xDD. But yeah, she was great at her job I'm sure lol. I love her <33 🥰.

Grace! I love her :)). As soon as Judd said he knew what to do I was like :DD :O Grace!! So that was why she had to work ;)). Like plot wise I mean lol. Anyway, she was great at he job 🥰🥰. And great when we saw her at the end too of course :).

Paul, Judd, and Owen! I'm pairing them up in their groups lol. I love them :'D. They were great this episode, adorable and funny in the beginning XD, and great at finding Marjan later on :)). I'm so glad they did, too <333. And Marjan and Paul at the end ❤️❤️❤️🥰😭. My besties <33.

Mateo, TK, and Carlos! Mateooo 😭😭😭❤️💔. My poor boyy <333. I love him :'((. Also I just have to mention the Tarlos conversation at the beginning - amazing xD. I love them so much lol <3. I'm talking about the bit about firing Owen lol. Anyway, they were all great at their jobs!! They all played a big role in finding her :)).

Marjan! Our lovely girl :'). AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!! She did so good this episode 😭. She slayed so hard :D. Everything she did to escape and fight Grant was just incredible, especially given that she was actually (physically) doing it all alone. Like, dude, she was in a car crash and then she got SHOT o.o! Girl was going through it xd. And I REMEMBER saying last week (not technically by the time I'm actually writing this but shhh) with the promo "maybe that's young Marjan or something?" but I didn't think I'd be RIGHT!!! Not totally, anyway xD. Then I was like, okay so she's not real, but Marjan hadn't seen the car yet, so how is she imagining her (after other people didn't acknowledge her)? And then it WAS MARJAN!!! I also figured the flowers would be a family member using the nickname and I just- aGH!! And I'm so proud of myself for guessing that (and the whole thing in general lol) :DD! Anyway, I feel awful for her - hasn't she had enough traumatic car crashes?? As a kid, in the beginning of season 3, and now?? - but she was amazing this episode :')). Everything with finding out it was her was just 😭😭😭. And even before then, just for Mouse thinking she's a separate character, and then it's extra heartbreaking when you think back on it after finding out it was Marjan :'((. D':, but also :')) because it was just so good xd. Anyway, yeah <3. She did amazing at her job this episode (staying alive xdd). I love her so much ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🥰.

Overall, I really enjoyed this episode! I thought it was super amazing, and I'm glad we got to see all of the 126 (minus Tommy unfortunately) helping find Marjan - that was really great :'). They're my family your honor 😭. I don't mean that literally, just kind of in a "they're my babeys" kinda way xD. Anyway, we got to see everyone, but we still got a good focus on our wonderful girl Marjan <333. She did so well, and I am so glad she's okay 😭😭😭❤️ xd. I'm also lowkey kinda glad Mouse wasn't real, because any more casualties (not that I'm sad about Grant, but I just mean like, other people) from that crash would just be extra heartbreaking :'((. Still, knowing it happened to Marjan is just :'((( 😭💔. But, yeah :'). I loved the episode, I thought it was absolutely amazing. Everyone was go great 🥰. I'm so proud of all of them, especially Marjan <333.

So yeah! I loved this episode, I thought it was great. The next one looks crazy! This has been my review of. . .

9-1-1: Lone Star, Season 4, Episode 9: Road Kill

It was so good! The next episode looks really interesting. I'm excited! I'll be back next week with my review of. . .

9-1-1: Lone Star, Season 4, Episode 10: Sellouts

See you then!

[technicianuprisingau]

Meet the Cast: Kirby

Hello there!

From now on, expect this special section so you can learn more about the characters. We'll be starting with the founding members of Team Starstruck.

Today on the spotlight is Kirby, our main protagonist... and the one who has the most POV later (lol)

--------------------

"Hey, everyone! Sorry for the wait! Is it my turn now?"

Basic Information

Name: Kirby ("I don't have a family name... or do I? I never find one...")

Age: 13 [by the start of Planet Robobot]

Gender: Male

Orientation: Straight

Hometown: Star Hill, Dreamland, Popstar

Species: Puffball

Ability: Technician [pure type]

Job: Star Warrior [in-training], adventurer

Other names: [Leading] Starbound Technician, the Pink Demon ("I'm not too fond of this one, actually..."), Kirb, Strawberry Puff [by Galacta]

Alignment: Neutral Good

The de-facto leader of Team Starstruck, he bears many titles and many friends. The Technological War started by the Nullari wasn't exactly his first rodeo into adventuring considering he got dragged around since his birth and subsequent crashing into Dreamland. Friendly and curious, Kirby's seemingly innocent outlook surprisingly hides a lot of vigor, and his balanced stats as well as a jack-of-all-trades system of his Technician ability absolutely helps to get in and out of fights easier. He can interact with a lot of weapons and items more than the rest, and even make use of it when he finds the chance thanks to his ability now giving him what amounts to technological addiction of sorts.

Detailed Information

Goals/Motivation: "I just want to enjoy life and make friends, but at the same time, I strive to experience everything I can!"

Hobby: "I really like exploring! I don't mind resting around and enjoying life, but you can see me wandering around Dreamland or places I have visited! It gives me joy. Oh, and I like eating too, actually. Also, I don't mind if you give me technological things to fix or to observe, especially blueprints, I love them as well!"

Favorite Food: "Watermelons! I've loved that fruit since I was little! It's really juicy and sweet. People of the Cappy Town loves to send me some once in a while!"

Least Favorite Food: "...I don't usually have one, but I would try avoid eating insects if possible... I don't know. Seems gross to me..."

Favorite Game Type: "I love shooting games! They motivate me to stay on my toes!"

Habits: Sometimes falls asleep on random places when too exhausted, rubs his arm when anxious or stressed, swears ONLY when under pressure

Other Liked Things: "I love my scarf! Mety and Galacta gave this for my 13th birthday. Sets me apart from any other pink puffball in case I find more similar ones. Oh, and my helmet!"

Secret: Has a crush on Ribbon. He keeps sending valentine chocolates every Valentine's Day by sneaking into the post office. Though, this crush is a common secret since everyone can see it anyways.

Relationships

Best Friends: "I have a lot, but you'll see me with Bandana and Robobot from time to time! We're part of Team Starstruck, after all! Without them, I'd never survive that war... hahaha..."

Rivals: "Hm? I used to have one in Dedede, but he's more of my surrogate uncle than anything."

Enemies: "...do I have one? Not... really... Not the type to make enemies unless they get too out of hand, you know?"

Family: "...I don't know. Team Starstruck and my friends here at Dreamland are my found family. Sometimes, I wish I would know something about it, but people say I kinda look like Galacta..."

Crush/Love Interest: "...I have none... I swear! Guys, it's not what you think! I am not in love with Ribbon! We're just friends! Don't look at me like that!"

Skills and Abilities

Overview:

Kirby's main copy ability in this AU is named Technician (exclusive for this AU as well, more explanation regarding this ability will be shown soon), a contact ability that he can get out at any time by activating his Adaptor Chip, albeit his is a prototype. The chip is also binded to Robobot Armor, causing most of his skills to be with them... at first, as later a loophole lets him to access his own modes with a bunch of differences.

Due to his affinity to copy abilities, his ability's specialty is Adapt. This results in his powers circling around Ability Modes, which grants him different weapons and skillsets depending on what ability he is storing. Without any modes, he wields the Virtual Drill - a hardlight drill that he crosses his arms in front of his body to use, albeit he can attach it to any part of his body if he so wishes - by default.

The helmet also gives him the ability to fix broken technological devices by touch.

Without the Technician ability, if he chooses to let it go (since it’s not binded to him), he can use copy abilities and stuff like any pure puffballs do.

Strength: Because of his variety of moveset pools, he becomes the jack-of-all-trades. As long as there's something to scan (mainly attacks and weapons - he CAN scan actual people, but doing so will cause whoever gets scanned to be stunned for a moment), he can change battle styles on the fly. But even without that, while his moves are contact-based, don't be fooled, his range is still quite massive, as he can and will use his erratic movements and 'acrobatics' to reach enemies that at first glance cannot be reached.

Weakness: Kirby has to maintain stamina, as his bounces off it. He has to preserve it well or he'll get tired easily. He is also limited to one mode at a time, and as his normal state counts as a mode, he cannot go back and use his drill at any time unless he discards his current mode. Also, if you're smart enough, you can feasibly counter his moves by either playing into his gimmick or try an advantage, especially on certain modes that are elemental in nature or mostly more support-based.

"I hope we can have good relations moving on!"

[sunny6677]

THE AUDIO LOGS OF ANDREW HUDSON.

SUMMARY: The following are real audio tapes of tapes left by an animator at the forgotten studio Joey Drew Studios. Please ensure that you are ready to listen with these with caution, dear listener. What you may hear may cause you to never want to hear again. What you may picture may make you never want to see again. Please be aware of the consequences you may have if you do not have permission to listen to these tapes. If not permitted, then [REDACTED]. You have been warned.

(This is fiction btw, so no worries-- I know some people with anxiety issues might think this is real so this is just a clarification.)

(BTW, I have updated the tws, so please read incase something might be triggering—)

TW FOR CHAPTER/TAPE: MEDICATION.

TW FOR SERIES: MANIPULATION, TRANSFORMATION, UNHEALTHY MINDSET, OBSESSIONS, CULTS, CULT MENTIONS, MURDER, IMPLIED SEXUAL TRAUMA, OUTBURSTS, DRUGS.

---------------------------

TAPE #11

THE VOICE OF ANDREW HUDSON & WALLY FRANKS.

A FEW DAYS AFTER THE 10TH TAPE, 1933.

---------------------------

W: "Say, what's that ya got there, pal?"

A: "Some medication, why?"

W: "Medication? What'daya need medication for? Ya didn't tell me you was sick!"

A: "...it's, uhh.. not important what I need it for. I just know that if I don't take it, I probably won't be so happy."

W: "Huh, so happy pills.."

A: "Exactly! And what keep me from bein' a real jerk. Not that I can help it though, emotions can get in the way of bein' nice to people sometimes, ya know? I just experience it a little.. harder I guess."

W: "Huh.. guess they can in a place like this, I'd understand if ya felt freaked out with all the gloomy ol' faces 'round here. I mean, hello? Theys supposed to be smiling, these are cartoons these folks are workin' on!"

A: "Yeah, I don't really understand why everyone is always so grumpy down here. I tell ya, there's a lot more reasons to smile than most people down 'ere think! They think even the slightest mistake means the world's gonna crash down and burn or some shit."

W: "Yep, sounds like everyone in this place. Especially Sammy. I lose my keys, and then he starts actin' as if I told him that his family deserved to be thrown into a volcano or somethin'! I have no idea what that guys deal is."

A: "Sammy? The handsome fella?"

W: "Y.. Yes— but I dunno why you'd consider 'em handsome—"

A: "Yeah, I didn't know he was like that. How often do you lose your keys, man?"

W: "Eh.. 5 times a day."

A: "Jesus— sounds like ya need a new key ring! Maybe I can buy ya a new one if ya really don't wanna talk to 'em that much. I think I have enough cash to."

W: "Eh, no need, i think I'll be fine as long as your here."

A: "Awww, thanks, bud! Tell ya what, later today we can go hang out! Might relieve your stress a bit, ya know?"

W: "Yeah, maybe.."

A: "Hmmm.. ya know what, maybe later I'll go ahead and talk to that Sammy guy. See what he's like, get to know 'em, talk to 'em, potentially befriend him—"

W: "Alrighty, no need to get ahead of yourself. But are ya sure? That guy can make ya hurt real bad within only 3 minutes if he's feelin' angry enough."

A: "I can talk to 'em fine, I'm sure he wouldn't do somethin' like that. Beatin' people up in a wo— wait, does he beat you up?"

W: "Wha— no, I meant in your heart. He might aim for ya weak spots without even knowin'. I tell ya, the guys already called me a moron several times already."

A: "Oh, good, good— was about to get real worried there. Hmm.."

W: "What'ay.. what'aya doin?"

A: "Thinkin', why?"

W: "...heh, yeah, that should've been obvious. I just wasn't expectin' ya to make that pose."

A: "Eh, most people don't expect a lot of things out of me. Anyway, I'll go ahead and find ya whenever I'm done with that Sammy guy your talkin' about."

W: "Alrighty. Music Department like usual?"

A: "Yep, cya til then, pal!"

W: "Cya, bud, I'm outta here!"

----------------------------------

NOTES: ANDREW APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN APPARENTLY TAKING MEDICATION AT THIS TIME.

[tradedsymmetry]

I had a BIG day yesterday, and I expected it to be mostly invigorating and refreshing and that I'd get started on school work more or less right away when I got up and after I had breakfast like I usually do, but I'm really struggling and feel like I need more rest. Which sucks because I just don't know if I have the time!! I think I should probably try to push through and figure out some stuff that I can get done while feeling kinda tired, so that I don't lose the time. Because my cousin will finally be here tonight and he was supposed to be here last night so we're going to have one less day of hanging out so it's going to be even harder to get work done while he's here (but at least he also has homework to do, I'm pretty sure). but i just... ugh idk i guess i just hate the part where you have to decide whether doing something while tired will take more or less time overall than taking the time to be rested before doing it? is there an easier way to describe that situation? like the decision to take more short breaks throughout the day and how it seems like that will make the thing take longer, but taking breaks then actually makes you be faster in the non-break times. but not with everything! sometimes there's still not enough time! and i looked at what's due in my world religions class and it's quite a lot and it's due by saturday instead of sunday this week (but also im so confused because it says to reply to other classmates but its not a discussion, it's an assignment where you type into a text box. so i dont know if it's a new kind of assignment that ive just never had before where once i submit it, i'll be able to see other people's submissions? or maybe he's going to have us also post to a discussion forum later? ugh im going to have to write an email about this probably. so im also already tired just thinking about that lol.)

anyway, idk, i just thought I'd feel refreshed today... and yesterday WAS really fun, but when we got to my friend's brother's house I entered Observation Mode and I think the stress that comes with that, being worried that I'm coming off as not interested, or being worried that I'm going to be expected to say something, or being worried that I'm going to WANT to say something and have to struggle to find the words... is just so exhausting. (not to mention the food situation, i didn't want to make it a whole big Thing that I can't have dairy because I was already dinner-crashing last minute so i didnt want them to feel bad so i just used my best judgement but that meant passing on mashed potatoes and brussels sprouts (there was def parmesean) AND strawberry crisp and i wanted to cry lmao) and all of my school work also involves either taking in or typing out words so I'm like... nooo.... no more communicating. please. please just get me a thoughts translator or something, this sucks.

[imthebadguyyy]

Temporary Fix

Pairing - Lewis Hamilton x Reader (fem!F1 driver!reader)

Fandom - F1

Summary - You're the only female F1 driver, and you're damn good at your job. Oh, and you also have a friends with benefits relationship with a certain 7x World Champion.

Warnings - smut, best friends -> lovers, slight exhibitionism

A/N - you have the second merc seat in this, so Valterri isn't here : (( not proof read

Sometimes, you hated yourself for following your passion. Driving a F1 car had been your dream ever since you could remember. The long process from karting to F1 had been a difficult one. When you were seven, you had a go kart track manager that you couldn't race there because you were a girl. That had cemented your will to be the best you could be, and you had done it.

You had made it into a Mercedes F1 seat after spending two years in Williams. It was safe to say that you were one of the best drivers, with killer instinct and an excellent eye for overtakes. The likes of Mika Hakkinen, Niki Lauda, Jacques Villeneuve and others had praised your skills, naming you one of the best talents in the current driver pool.

But the glory, the fame, the praise, sometimes you wished you could just evaporate into thin air. This was one of those times. Press conferences sucked, they really did. Reporters and journalists thought they were entitled to ask you the most sexist of questions, brushing them off by saying it was 'just a simple question'. Sometimes the drivers you were paired up with defended you, like Seb or Pierre or Lewis or even Kimi. Sometimes people didn't want to say anything, or they just laughed it off or answered for you.

This was not one of those times. Charles was supposed to be your partner for the press conference, but he wasn't feeling too great so you were on your own. It had started off fine, with the usual questions like 'how are you feeling about the race?' 'is it gonna be a good weekend for Mercedes?' and then it had gone to 'Do you think you being the only woman here, you should have a special suit?' or 'Are you sure it's a good idea for you to continue another year in F1?' that's what had irked you off.

With a roll of your eyes and a shake of your head, you bit back the cutting response that had sprung to your lips, opting to simply look disapprovingly in silence, speaking more words in the quiet. Eventually, the conference was over, and you made your way out of the hall, deep in thought, so lost in your own world, you didn't notice when a pair of arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you into one of the nearby storage closets.

Your protest of "Hey!-" was cut off by a pair of lips pressing to yours, strong arms wrapping around your torso. "Heard you had a bad day with the press" Lewis mumbled against your lips, brow furrowing when you sighed and let your head drop onto his shoulder. "Yeah they're such fucking jerks" you replied, closing your eyes. "I'm sorry you have to deal with them every time" he continued, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. "Eh, I mean I'd rather not talk about it" you continued, letting your fingers trace a pattern on his chest.

The silence in the room was disturbed by the ringing of Lewis's phone, making you jump softly. "Bono" he answered, looking down at the screen. "Pick it up"

"Hello?"

"Lewis, we're waiting for the meeting? And is Y/N with you?" Bono's voice rang through the tiny closet, as you turned to look at Lewis with wide eyes. Shit, the debrief. "Yeah, I'm coming! Oh, and I'll see if I can find Y/N" he replied, making you suppress a smile. The moment he put the phone down, the both of you burst into giggles, before he leaned down to press another kiss to your lips. "Well, we should go" he said, biting back a smile when you sighed, and cuddled into his shoulder. "Fine"

"But I'll make it up to you tonight baby" he continued, as a shiver ran down your spine. Oh yeah, you two had a friends with benefits situation going on too. No biggie

Except, well, you know you couldn't tell anyone, and you were definitely in love with each other, but I mean, of course it was better to be stupid and just simply refuse to acknowledge those feelings for each other.

♥︎☾☁︎

It had happened, when Lewis won his championship in Turkey. The team had thrown a (socially distant) party, and you had gotten just a little more drunk than you should have, but the champagne was flowing, tequila shots were being taken, beer was being chugged so you just jumped in and had a few more glasses of wine than you should have, and participated in a few rounds of shots.

Before you had known, a pair of hot lips had crashed onto yours, and your arms had tightly held onto a broad pair of shoulders, as the pair of you had stumbled up to your hotel room, crashing backwards onto the bed. Your drunken mind had been sober enough to recognise the 'Still I Rise' tattoo across his back when he tugged his shirt off.

At the same time, Lewis had recognised your face, heart speeding up ever so slightly because holy shit he was making out with you, and he really, really liked you. Before he knew it, your dress was down to your knees, and his shirt was a rumpled mess on the floor, your friendship gone far beyond repair, but only in the best way possible.

The next morning, you had let out a groan when the sunshine had flashed into your eyes, rolling over to find Lewis lying next to you, his arm wrapped around your waist as he slept peacefully. Your heart rate had sped up, and you had shot up, scaring the living day light out of Lewis. He had awoken with a start, confusion present in his brown eyes, before realization had sunk in, and he had shot out of bed, wrapping one of the towels around his lower body.

But before the two of you could get awkward, he had strutted over to you, grabbing your face in his hands before pulling you in for a kiss that made you feel weak and light headed.

And then the both of you came to the conclusion that you two wanted something loose and flexible, something fun with no commitment.

But was it what you wanted?

♥︎☾☁︎

Sometimes debriefs could drag on. And on. And on. Eventually, the engineers left the room, leaving only Toto, Lewis, Bono, Angela, James and yourself in the room. Over the years, it had become like a family for you, and you loved them to absolute bits. The mood in the room had changed, as you all joked around for a while.

Watching from the other side of the room, Lewis couldn't help the smile that etched itself onto his face, when he saw you throw your head back with laughter at something Toto said, inhaling sharply when your neck came into clear view, a sudden urge to mark you up settling in on his body.

It was a thrill, to think of how many times you had come undone on his fingers and his tongue, how many nights you begged for him to fill you up with his cock. It was a thrill to think of all the times he had cried your name out in ecstasy while your tongue worked wonders around him. And yet, here you were, acting as if you two were just best friends, not two people who could barely keep their hands off of each other.

Just two nights ago, he had made you scream his name so loud, the person the next room, who just happened to be Daniel, had not let him hear the end of it. Thankfully, the Aussie hadn't realized it was you in his bed. Two nights ago, he had made you see stars, and after that you had rewarded him with the performance of his life to Nights Like This by Kehlani.

Snapping back to reality when a slight poke was applied to his shoulder, Lewis looked over to see Angela looking at him with a slight smirk on her face. He strongly suspected that the woman definitely had some sort of inkling about the both of you. How ? No idea. But she was a crazy smart woman, and was bound to have figured out that he was seeing someone.

It didn't help that atleast half the people on the grid had at some point teased him, telling him the both of you were made for each other. It was like the universe was pushing the both of you to be together, and he kept pushing it away

"So are we feeling confident going into this weekend?" Toto asked, grabbing his attention from the smirking blonde.

"Yup!" Your cheery answer elicited a smile from everyone in the room. "Yeah I think so" he said, watching as you flashed him a quick smile. "Okay, then, I think we're done for now. Any questions?" Bono asked, scanning a data sheet in front of him. "No, i'm good" you replied, reaching over to grab your phone. "Yeah me too" Lewis said, far too concerned with what was going to happen later that night to pay his full attention to Bono.

"Okay then. We'll see you tomorrow"

And with that they departed. Before Lewis could follow you, a hand grabbed his and he turned to see Angela, Toto and Bono looking at him expectantly. "So whose got you all distracted and flustered?" Angela asked, earning a smirk from Toto. "What? No one" he replied, slapping himself mentally for being all day dreamy during a meeting. "Oh really? I'm willing to bet you didn't hear anything I said during the meet except the last bit" Bono said, smiling when his driver got visibly flustered.

"So do we know her?" Angela continued, watching him closely for any giveaway reactions. "How would you know her if I don't like anyone?" Lewis said, hoping to God it didn't come across as awkward as it sounded.

"Never said you liked anyone. I'm saying you're in love with someone" Angela said, watching as her friend's eyes widened in shock, and he shook his head profusely. "Okay are you on something? I'm just gonna head back to the hotel now" he murmured, confused, and somewhat taken aback by her bluntness.

Ignoring the looks on the others faces, he made his way out to the paddock, trying his hardest to make sense of his feelings. Was a casual relationship with you what he wanted? He wanted so much more than that.

Lewis knew, deep down in his heart, that he wanted to hold your hand in public, and kiss you right on the lips in front of everyone when you shared a podium. He wanted to be able to call you his, to not just spend the night with you, but to spend all his days with you. But you didn't want that.

Or so he thought.

♥︎☾☁︎

Back at the hotel, Lewis busied himself with working out, trying to push all his frustrations out via the workout. He knew that you were going to turn up in the night, and he looked so damn forward to seeing you each night, but god, he hated it when you left in the morning. Every morning when your warm body slipped out from under the sheet, his arms would tighten for a moment, before your giggle would bring him back to reality and he'd hastily draw back, smiling at you. His favourite moment was when he came to your hotel room in Spain. In the morning, he had woken up before you, and before leaving, he had pressed a little kiss to your forehead. The most gorgeous smile had curled onto your lips, and his heart had melted into a little puddle when you rested your cheek on his hand

And then in Monaco, when he had taken you to his apartment, you had woken up before him, and he had woken up to the sight of you bringing a tray of pancakes and fruits, followed by a soft kiss to his cheek.

It was those moments he cherished, but it was those same moments that confused him.

His train of thought was broken when a knock echoed in the room, as he walked over to the door, opening it to find : you

"Hey" you greeted him, walking in and shedding your jacket. "Hey" he replied, reaching for a towel to wipe the sweat off of his body. "Wow um, is this a bad time?" You asked, eyes trailing down his abs, watching as his body glistened in the fading sun light. "No its fine, I just finished my workout. You hungry?" He continued, biting back a smirk when he saw your eyes roaming his body.

"W-what? Yeah, i, um, suppose - yeah" you murmured, mind already far down the gutter.

"For food darling, not for sex" he said, making you blush and let out a small gasp. "Lewis!" You chided, shoving him softly. "You know you were thinking it" he mumbled, pushing you up against the wall. "Yeah I was" you whispered back, yanking him forward by his shoulders, slamming your lips against his.

Lifting you up from the waist, he pressed his body further into yours, one of his hands wandering down to your ass, squeezing harshly, earning a moan from your lips. Taking the opportunity, he pushed his tongue into your mouth, groaning when you let your core grind against him.

Leading you towards the bed, he stopped in confusion when you stopped him, maneuvering him towards the balcony. "Want you to fuck me against the window or in the balcony" you gasped out, earning a moan from him.

"Right where anyone could see us, hmm? Didn't know you were into that baby" he growled, grabbing your earlobe in between his teeth, earning an airy gasp from you, as the wetness threatened to seep down your legs.

"Mmhmm" was all you could muster, your mind so clouded with desperation you couldn't form a single coherent thought. The only thing you were aware of was that only Lewis could make you feel the pleasure you wanted to feel, only he would take you to that little piece of heaven, only he would hold your hand and fuck you into oblivion, and he would still be there to clean you down with a sponge softly.

"If you insist"

Grabbing you roughly, he slammed your body against the massive hotel room window, ripping the mercedes team shirt you were wearing off of your quivering form, letting it drop to the floor, before he hooked his fingers into the material of your jeans, tugging the denim down your legs

With a soft groan, you pulled his nike shorts down his legs, moaning when his cock came into view, the throbbing in between your legs making you whimper, arousal and need growing tenfold in your tummy.

"Please" you whispered, meeting his eyes, so he could see the pure desperation in your eyes. "Please what?" He said, a certain roughness you hadn't heard before creeping into his voice

"Please fuck me" you moaned, gasping when he brought his hand up to your neck, squeezing ever so slightly. "Oh trust me doll, i will. But first, i want to have you dripping wet and ready for me. I want to make you cum on my fingers, so you're wet and ready for my cock. Do you want my fingers princess?" he continued, feeling his arousal grow when you whimpered and whined.

"Words baby girl. Or I'll just leave you here with your pathetic fingers. I bet you can't even reach all those spots inside you that make you scream, when your tiny little fingers try to please yourself. I bet you just feel like sinking into yourself, but the thought of my fingers keeps you awake. Do you do that, sweet girl? Do you pretend your fingers are mine when you're touching yourself, hmm?'

When you didn't answer, he delivered a smack to your ass, groaning when you moaned at the pleasurable sting. "Yes" you whispered abashed.

"Don't be shy baby. Its okay. I know you feel so good when I love on you. I can see it when you scream my name" and with that, his pointer finger began circling your clit, rubbing circles around it before shifting so he was rubbing the sensitive bud directly.

Your moans of ecstasy were music to his ear, a smile gracing his features, as he let his middle finger slip into you, thrusting it in and out of you. Your soft cry of "fuck" cracked when he shoved his pointer into you as well, scissoring them in and out of you

"Oh fucking hell Lew-" "Shh my darling, i didn't say you could talk, did I?" He said, fingers working at an indescribably quick pace, as the knot in your tummy tightened and threatened to loosen. "I'm gonna-" "go ahead baby" he murmured, using his pointer and thumb to pinch your clit roughly, as you came around his fingers with a scream

"Good girl. You wanna put that pretty little mouth to use somewhere else?" he asked, watching as you dropped to your knees eagerly, (just like I would do irl) reaching up to rest your hands on his hips.

"Someone's eager to suck my cock hmm? Be a good girl for me, and don't waste time" he ordered, a shudder running down his body when your nails traced the veins on his cock, and then as they reached downwards, your thumb circling his tip, collecting his pre cum on your finger. Then you shoved your thumb in your mouth, swirling your tongue around it, before sucking softly on your digit, rolling your eyes back. You were snapped back to reality when Lewis roughly yanked your head up, pure arousal clouding his pupils

"You better use your mouth right now, or i swear i will leave you here alone to pleasure yourself" he threatened, moaning when you took his tip into your mouth at once, sucking softly before swirling your tongue upwards.

The feel of your tongue on him made him buck his hips into your mouth, the unexpected movement pushed him quite far back in your mouth, looking up at him, you hollowed out your cheeks, taking more and more of his cock into your mouth, the sounds he was making above you fuelling you. You took him as far back as you could without gagging, as a strangled moan of "Fuck Y/N!"left his lips. He grabbed your hair, tugging upwards, the tingling on your scalp sending shockwaves of pleasure through you. "Fuck baby, you're gonna have to stop now, I really want to fuck you now" he growled out, pulling you up before pushing you towards to balcony railing

Lining up with your entrance, he watched as you let out a shaky breath, eyes falling shut, as you clenched in anticipation.

"Are you sure you want this Y/N?" he asked, eyes searching your face for any sign that he was being too rough, or that you didn't want what was coming next

"Turning your head around to face him, you pulled him in for a passionate kiss. "I've never been more sure baby" was your affirming reply.

Kissing you back with the same fervour, he slowly pushed into you from behind, the both of you groaning in sync when your walls enveloped him. "fuck you feel so good darling. So fucking tight" lewis moaned, making you moan as well as the pleasure coursed through your veins.

Reaching around you, Lewis rubbed your clit while he continued to snap his hips against yours, making your breasts bounce against your chest, your hands gripping the balcony railing for dear life. Thank god it was dark.

He continued to rub and pinch you clit, before swiping his fingers through your wet folds. Then he shoved his fingers into your mouth, prompting you to suck on them

"Be an angel and suck on my fingers for me" he growled, moaning when your mouth eagerly closed around his fingers, sucking them with fervour.

Snapping his hips into you desperately, his hands encircled your waist, pulling you back to meet his thrusts, swishing his fingers around in your mouth. "Fuck baby thats it, i'm gonna cum" he groaned, capturing your earlobe in between his teeth, moaning when you clenched down on him again

"Oh fucking hell-" with a moan, he came into you, pulling his fingers out of your mouth to rub your clit again, sighing with satisfaction when you came around him with a scream of "Lewis!"

Panting, he dragged you back to the bed, both of you collapsing into the covers.

Your chest rising and falling rapidly, you curled up into his chest, letting your head droop onto his shoulder, as his fingers traced his initials onto your hip.

"Well princess, we seem to have a problem here" he said, as you snapped your head up to look at him in confusion.

"I think i'm in love with you"

♡☾☁︎

A/N - part 2? Also feel free to drop a comment, i'd really appreciate it 🤍 thank you so much for reading 🤍

[julietas-rolling-pin]

Any headcannons about how the triplets act when they’re mad at one person or the other? I imagine that while Pepa is quick to get mad, she gets over it pretty quickly, while Julieta tends to hold a longg grudge.

ALRIGHT HEADCANON TIME!! I definitely agree with you. Just gonna elaborate a bit more:

I'd think Pepa would be quick to anger and get annoyed easily, but she usually gets over it quickly. I personally headcanon that since she constantly has to bottle up her emotions and isn't really allowed to get angry she'll try her best to avoid her siblings and just ignore them, running away from the conflict (not wanting to fight with them in fear of accidentally hurting them with lightning). She's good at forcing herself to get over it, ignoring the problem and pretending everything is fine until it escalates into an explosive fight. And when it does, all these pent up emotions are spilling out very easily and I think she might say things in the heat of the moment that she regrets a lot making her feel worse and angry at herself on top of all that as well. But she can't stay mad at her siblings for long, the first time she held a grudge for more than 2 days was when Bruno left.... and I also think she argued with Alma the most and also people who bully or take advantage of her siblings and their gifts. Pepa's the sister who complains about her siblings all the time but as soon as someone else agrees or says something bad about them she'd start a fight ("HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT ABOUT MY SIBLINGS" lightning, punches, lots of broken noses). But she forgives easily, just wanting everything to be alright because she can't deal with negative emotions, never learned how to.

Bruno is probably the least confrontational. I can't see him arguing or fighting much but I do think his bluntness actually stings the most when directed at his siblings and lacking a filter when they're arguing. If they do get into a fight which escalates so bad that even Bruno raises his voice, he doesn't hold back. I can see him blurting out things he saw in his visions that he swore he would keep to himself because it would just hurt them. But now he's hurt and just so angry and it just slips out.. like mentioning all the damage Pepa will cause with another hurricane, everyone's favoritism towards Julieta and how she would never be able to understand the other two but even she's not perfect enough to save everyone and just lots of things he didn't want to burden them with. Those arguments end pretty quickly after that because goddamn that's way to much. On a lighter note, he's probably the one to bicker the most with Pepa, they're just constantly teasing each other and it sometimes can get pretty intense but before it becomes hurtful they stop and apologize to each other, laughing and joking not 5 mins later. They also just love to team up and tease Julieta all the time.

Julieta can hold a long grudge. And when I say long I mean YEARS. She will bring up things that happened when they were 10 and hold it over their heads and will not help them or heal their scrapes from doing something stupid. "Because remember when you two ate all the food I prepared the day before because you broke several bones riding a cart boosted by Pepa's wind and crashing in a tree? And I had to stay awake until 3 am to redo all of it??" All she wants to hear is sorry and she'll forgive you but you better not do it again... In arguments she is usually the mediator and tries to break up a fight as soon as possible. But oh boy if she's the one who's angry? You're in for the scolding of your lifetime, it doesn't matter if she's their sister, they're getting a tongue-lashing that rivals Alma's. Probably even worse because Julieta knows everything. Safe to say no one wants to get into arguments with her. (angry Julieta is fucking scary but also no one wants to see her upset or cry, their hearts couldn't handle it, so they don't fight much with her)

[hanaasbananas]

20 Questions Fanfic Writers Edition

Thanks for the tag @nomolosk and @marvelousmsmol! I finally got around to doing this. It turns out that standing in/walking around a classroom for 7 hours five days a week really tires you out and makes you crash immediately upon coming home. Who knew?

How many works do you have on AO3?

36, though if you count those hundred one shots I did earlier this year but put in one fic, then it's over a hundred lol

What's your total AO3 wordcount?

209,046.

Woah. I've gotta say, when I posted that first fic in 2018 just to see what it was like (and after I saw my friend take the plunge and start posting), I never thought I'd end up here. But then, I never predicted what would happen after I wrote my first ML fic either so...

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Five! I've written the most for Miraculous, but also The Musketeers (one of my absolute favourite set of fics that I still go back to read), That 70s Show, Once Upon a Time, and Avatar: the last Airbender

What are your top five fics by kudos?

Oooh, I've never actually checked this...

100 Ways to say I Love You- 817

it's all a game of chance (they say in wonderland)-788

our eyes speak (but on our lips is silence)- 768

Collect your Courage- 727

I'll never be the thief (to bring in hot scattered hell)- 643

Ok those first three are no surprise, but I didn't realise that 2 ATLA fics had made my top 5, that's pretty cool! I should...probably work on continuing that series. Sometime

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to! I usually respond to comments just to thank people for reading or answer any questions/talk about the fic when they say what their favourite parts were, but sometimes I'll forget to reply and then remember too late and I'm like "well it would just be WEIRD if I replied nOW".

Case in point-all the comments on the final chapter of 100 ways. I got so many comments and such an outpouring of love that it was kind of overwhelming and I thought I'd wait a couple days before replying to all of them at once. And then a month passed. And another. And then it was 4 months later and it was too late. I still go back and read those comments because you readers are TOO KIND but sometimes I wonder if people think i'm rude

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Last week, I'd have said it was a tie between let's get covered in flames and play some games with the smoke, and Phantoms in the Dark. Phantoms has the epilogue which sort of softens the blow, but even though it's a oneshot, Flames was just absolute pain for the last quarter of the story.

And then I decided to go back to Flames and write The End. And that is just SAD. I was honestly crying so much when I wrote it. Like, it took me just over four months to write, not just because of life things keeping me busy but because some scenes were so intense and angsty that I had to take a break from the fic for like, a week at a time after writing them.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

I've written a fair amount of fluffy one shots, but the first fic that comes to mind is actually my first ever ml fic it's all a game of chance (they say in wonderland). Idk, most of the story is pretty angsty, but I feel like the ending makes up for it, with Gabriel arrested, Emilie okay, and Marinette waking up. Honestly one of my favourite parts from the fic is at the end where Emilie sees how happy Adrien is at the hospital when he's about to introduce her to Marinette.

Another one with a good happy ending is and in that moment i became yours. It's honestly pretty crack-y as well towards the end which is why I like it tbh

Do you write crossovers? If yes, what's the craziest thing you've ever written?

I've never written a crossover, but I daydream about them all the time. A lot of my daydream crossovers usually involve doctor who, even though I don't watch it anymore. I think one of my favourite crossover ideas was for a fic where it's one of those five times things for 'five times the Doctor met Zuko' because I mean...how much fun would that be?!

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

No, and I honestly think I would cry if I did. I did once get a weird comment on one of my fics telling me they hated Adriens characterisation in that particular story but they seemed to have interpreted his motivations completely differently to how I intended so I just went "okay cool" and forgot about it

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Nope. That's just not my thing, though I have experimented with writing a little spice, I've never written anything explicit and probably never will.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but it would be cool if someone did.

Have you ever cowritten a fic?

No, but I've talked about writing a series of one shots with @theanxiouscupcake some time. Not sure when though

What's your all time favourite ship?

In Miraculous? Lovesquare all the way. Across all fandoms I'm in, it's Constance/D'Artagnan from The Musketeers and Francis/Mary from Reign. What can I say, I love my historical romance

What's a WIP you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

I try to keep my WIP list short for this exact reason, so I usually only start a new fic after I've finished one on the list. This doesn't always work out

I ABSOLUTELY intend on finishing this, but Forgotten Promises. I have the entire story outlined and know each plot point, at this point it's just a case of WRITING it. I think I also feel a weird sense of pressure to follow up Phantoms, which has held me back as well, but it's also a case of how with Phantoms, I wrote the whole thing before even thinking of posting the first chapter so there were no expectations. That, and I wrote most of it when I was bedridden after falling down the stairs and couldn't really do anything else other than watch netflix and write

What're your writing strengths?

Dialogue, I think.

It took me a long time to feel like I was getting dialogue right, but now it's one of my favourite things to write. If I'm struggling with a scene I'll just write out the dialogue without any tags and I can end up with a whole page of dialogue to work with, it's great.

What're your writing weaknesses?

Oh boy, where do I even start?

Description is a big one. I always have to try really hard at description-both of settings and feelings. Sometimes I'll read a fic with such gorgeous descriptions and just feel like I could never compare lol. Especially when sometimes I find myself overusing the word 'feels/feeling' to describe someones emotions, but when I try to use description it just ends up clunky and awkward.

It's why I'm always scouring my work for overuse of the words 'and' and 'as' because boy oh boy are those crutch words. It's always 'he said, as he did this' or 'and then he did this, and moved and said that' and it drives me NUTS. It's a fun activity to go through my fic and then see how I can get rid of the offending word to make the sentence flow better though, so I can't really complain. Especially since apparently I'm really paranoid about using those words and see them everywhere even if I haven't used them much. Oops.

Another weakness is that I cannot write more than two characters to save my life. I've been practising but that's a big reason for why I don't write many multichapter stories or anything with a complicated plot because I am really bad at characterisation and placing more than two characters in a scene. Something to work on in the future though!

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other language in fic?

I've never done it, but if I did, I would put the speech in italics and then say something like she said in...whatever language, because honestly I wouldn't want to run the risk of using google translate and getting it horrifically wrong. The only time I'd write it out in the language was if it was urdu because I'm fluent

What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

Oh yikes.

First ever published fic was an Alex Rider one I wrote when I was 14. It was a year after the final (at the time-and tbh where I maintain the series ended) book had come out and traumatised me, and then I spent months reading Alex Rider fanfic and decided to write my own. and then posted it on Wattpad. It's actually pretty dark, and includes major character death, so I guess angst really has been my brand for almost a decade lmao.

Read at your own risk

What's your favourite fic you've ever written?

You can't make me CHOOSE!! I CANT

Ok but seriously.

I absolutely adore our eyes speak (but on our lips is silence), and Pink. They're just really fluffy happy pieces.

But another one I really really love and go back to read over and over is my one Musketeers fic/series Going Through the Motions (Technically 6 short fics on ao3 but it was supposed be a one shot I just started posting each section once a week so that I could force myself into finishing the damn thing). It's completely self indulgent because Constance was my favourite character in the show and I just wanted to explore what might have happened if very slight changes were made to canon events to affect the s1 finale.

Its very bittersweet but I have fond memories of working on it during my commute to university, just setting up my tablet on the tiny fold down tables and working on it for an hour every day lol. On ffnet that story has also had the NICEST reviews so it holds a very fond place in my heart and every so often I will go back to it just to read the ending because it just makes me feel all fuzzy inside

Ok I've rambled enough now. Thank you guys for tagging me, and I will now tag @hey-its-laura-again @theladyfae @rosekasa @queer-cosette and anyone else who wants to do it!

[theomengirl]

~ GOM as a father ~

[notes] ~ hello! i' m sorry for not being active for the past two weeks because i was battling writer's block, and since college has started it also got in the way of my writing. the requests are piling up and i'll try to work on them as soon as possible ;;; here's a hc of your fav gom boys while you wait. thank you! ♡

Kuroko

the most normal out of the 6.

he’s really appreciative and compliments his child on something they do.

the type to give a sweet morning call and kisses them as soon as they wake up.

later at night, he would read them books and stay longer before their bedtime just to have a simple talk. “what was your favorite part of today?”

also assures them that he's all-ears if they're bothered by something.

no matter how bad his day went, he would never show it in front of them.

you and Kuroko always stick a note filled with encouraging words on their lunchbox to boost their spirit.

sets a healthy lifestyle to help with their growth because he doesn't want them to take after his low stamina.

he loves to assist when they have an art project and he'd display the artwork at home while giving a pat on the head. "look at this awesome work made by you."

Kise

the moment he officially became a dad, he cried for a whole day.

one night, you felt exhausted and Kise wasn't on the bed the moment you woke up. then you found him at the room next door, snoring on the carpet with scattered diapers while your child was sleeping soundly in their crib.

hangs family pictures all over the house and he puts his child's shots throughout the years. he's also active on social medias to boast about his little family.

he's clingy and would give big hugs and kisses at random times, for no reason at all. often argues about who love whom more.

a little sad when they refuse to accept his affection. "dad, stop it. i'm older now." "doesn't matter, i'd still hug and kiss you every day even if you grow grey hair."

spoils them with toys until there's barely any space to keep them, which gaining him a whack from you. "don't buy toys anymore." but he just couldn't look away and came home with another one.

brags about the magazines which he featured on. "doesn't your dad look handsome here?"

he takes his child to his photoshoot site once in a while and the people there would squeal.

his heart breaks if he sees them getting frustrated or sad. "hey, you have your mom and me. you'll always be our biggest pride so let's figure out together, alright? now should we crash at your favorite restaurant?"

gets excited when they do. he's also good at role plays, sometimes a cop, a prince, a monster, etc.

Midorima

a little awkward and confused as how to act natural when his child pretend to shoot him or he plays a prince.

"mom, can you play with me? dad's terrible." then he'd call Kise to ask for some advice.

often doubts himself whether he's a good father or not, but that thought got washed out after his child came home saying he got an A for his essay; 10 things i love about my father. reading it before he leaves for work has become a routine.

bonds over basketball. he'd teach his child how to shoot threes and encourage them until they get better.

he makes sure they keep lucky items with them every day.

totally lost his cool and was panicking when his child got a fever. you tried to calm him down but he instantly rushed to the hospital, only to return home again because the doctor said it wasn't serious; just a usual fever every kid runs to.

the type to set a curfew.

might push them in term of academics, but not too hard. and he would always praise them no matter how bad the score they get. "it's just a number. i just hope you understand the subject so it'll be an advantage for you in the future, you can always do better, because you're our son/daughter."

lowkey jealous if the Shutoku uncles get close to them and glares at Takao because his child seems to favor him.

Aomine

the troublemakers in the house, especially if he has a son. a carbon copy just in a smaller size.

definitely passes on his basketball legacy and they would lose track of time. you had to call them multiple times over dinner only to get responded with "5 more minutes!" and lasted for another hour.

tells them the importance of teamwork no matter how good they are in basketball. he doesn't want his child to repeat his mistake in the past.

"why are you worried over the exam you just finished, when the scores aren't out yet at that? honey, tell the kiddo what place i was during high school," he said as he laid down on the sofa, watching tv while picking on his nose. "your dad was in last place."

he would give a lesson to whoever tries to pick up on or belittle his child.

try to position himself a friend instead of a parent so they'll not be afraid to open up to him.

calls them with pet names he comes up with or he just go with "oi kiddo"

lots of skinship and he often buries them under his large body or traps their head under his shirt when he's being playful.

"don't grow up too fast. i'll be sad, you know?"

Murasakibara

despite his habit of unhealthy eating, he restricts his child to do the same.

"no more candies." "but dad, you had it more than me. can i, please?" "no. you're still growing, your teeth will rot." "so can i eat as much as you once i grow up?" "still no."

the happiest when the school invites parents for a one-day activity together. the other children hover around him because they find his purple hair amusing.

you were amazed by how much he had matured after having a child compared to before the marriage.

rewards them with snacks and sweets if they achieve something.

loves to give them teddy bear hugs.

Akashi

sets good examples that his child would follow; a man with manners.

pays full attention to their education. at the same time he takes things slowly and is aware that his child isn't a machine that should excel at everything.

"please do tell me if you ever feel like the lesson doesn't suit you. talk to me, okay?"

says "i love you" or "you're the greatest thing ever happened in our life" whenever he gets the chance.

tries his best to spend some time with them despite his busy schedules as he doesn't want to lose track of their growth.

takes them along to his business trips, classical concerts or simply playing basketball with the uncles from Teiko in hopes that his child will learn naturally by watching.

he would never demand them to be perfect like the doctrine he received from his father, because his child's happiness is number 1 priority above anything else.

teaches them leadership skills and how to earn other people's respect without hurting them.

overall, he avoids to repeat his past by being more considerate and affectionate to his own child which he treasured so much.

[devinescribe]

Stay High

Karube Daikichi × Reader

Based off this song

No, because It's a three am sad thought that should have been kept in my head. This is totally not based off of my deepest darkest feeling and fears. Anyways, ignore that. Um... yeah.

Warnings: Episode 3 spoilers, Manga spoilers, weed, smoking, suicide (this went darker than I intended, ok?), and another terrible attempt at angst :)

"Karu! For the last time, we're not getting a freaking parrot!" You scolded. "Aww, why not babe? They're cute," he said, pouting. You smiled kissing him quickly. "... I'll think about it," you said, before heading out. "I think that means we will have a-" "Don't push your luck babe. I'll see you after work."

_______________________________________

"And here is my attempt at trying to be nice. Happy anniversary!" You chirped, sliding a rather large gift his way. It had a draped cover over it, so he couldn't see inside. He looked at you suspiciously, slowly taking it in his hands. You had a camera in your hands, and we're smirking. He didn't trust that smirk. "Why do you have that camera?" He asked, nodding to it. "Just filming. It's a special day babe," you said, hiding your smile. "Can i-" "Don't you dare shake it-" He raised his hands in mock surrender, before slowly lifting the sheet.

You saw the smile that spread across his face. "I said I'd think about it," you said. He stood up, pulling your waist into him. He kissed you softly, making you smile in your head. "I'm guessing this means you like your gift?" You asked, a smirk on your face. "It's a fucking parrot, hell yeah I like it," he said. You laughed, pressing a kiss to his temple.

Tears blurred your vision, falling onto the screen of the camera. Had it really been a year since then?

"Ok, now I get to film you! Welcome to day 1 of our roadtrip, I don't know where we're going, but we'll find out soon enough," Karube said, turning the camera to face him. He then turned it to face you. You were putting your luggage into the trunk of your car, and looked up with a smile, giving the camera a peace sign. The parrot, who you two decided to name Nijiko after much deliberation due to its coloring, squawked on your shoulder. You smiled. "Yes, you'll be going to day care  for a while Nijiko," you spoke to the bird, petting it's beak softly. The bird shivered. "Day care? Nijiko day care?" It squawked, tilting it's head to the side. You nodded. "Yes, smart bird. Nijiko is going to daycare," you praised. "I sometimes wonder if she loves the bird more than me. The answer is yes. Yes she does," Karube said, laughing as you spoke to the bird.

"Update, it's been 4 hours, and we are in the middle of no where. The child(the bird) has been dropped off at day care... well boarding? For the week. The music's pretty good though, and this angel next to me is still here, so we're all good," he said. He was really serious about filming this. "Babe, why are you filming this again?" You asked, reaching to grab his hand on the center console. "Because memories baby girl," he responded, kissing the back of your hand as it was intertwined with his. You laughed, blowing him a kiss, turning your attention back to the road.

"Day 3 of our roadtrip, (Y/N) is deciding on what to wear, but as I've told her, she looks great in everything," he stated. You flipped him off, picking out something to wear finally. "Wowwwww, I can really feel the love," he said sarcastically, holding a hand to his chest dramatically. "Shut up, you know I love you," you said, rolling your eyes. "I know you do. Who wouldn't love me?" he joked. "I don't know babe. Watch it though, 'cause you're mine~!"

"Ok, it's a few hours later, (Y/N) is getting snacks, and I'm super nervous, because of this," he said, talking to camera. He pulled out a small box, showing the ring to the camera. "I've been documenting this whole thing like a maniac, because I didn't want her to be suspicious. But anyways, yeah... I've been thinking about it for a while, seeing as we've been together since high school. I am terrified, in all honesty," he rambled, running a hand through his hair. He put the small box back to where you wouldn't find it, but he wouldn't lose it. He saw you walking back to the car, and smiled. You opened the door, giving him a weird look. "You're filming again?" You questioned. He nodded. "You love the sound of your voice don't you?" You asked with a smile. He laughed, "Not as much as I love yours."

_______________________________________

He placed the camera was on a nearby fence post, facing you two, close enough to see and hear both of you. He started recording, and gave a thumbs up to the camera. You looked out to the water, admiring the hues of blue. The water crashed into the shore, spraying you with water. "You know when we get married, I'm definitely going to take you here again," he said. You kept looking out at the water, not noticing him. "When we get married? You already have this planed?" You laughed. You turned to face him, not seeing him at eye level. You looked down, and your eyes widened. "As I was saying, when we get married-" he started, getting interrupted when you jumped onto him, throwing your arms around his neck. You both fell to the sand, and you two couldn't help but laugh. "Are you serious? Like, really?" You asked, tears in your eyes. "Yeah, I'm serious. (Y/N), you've been with me for what seems like forever. I love you so much, and I want to be yours forever. Just as much as you'll be mine. So... would you do me the honor, and marry me?" He asked. He might have sounded confident, but he was shaking on the inside. The tears in your eyes fell, and you laughed nodding. "Yes, a million times yes," you said. He laughed, letting out a sigh of relief. You hugged him tightly, your head in the crook of his neck. "Forever and ever?" You whispered. "Forever and ever."

You looked down at the ring on your finger, crying even harder. His side of the bed stayed empty, no one would ever be able to sleep there. Not even you. His side of the room stayed untouched. The same way it had been left that morning. Before the accident.

"(Y/N)... I know you're sad, but this isn't healthy for you... just... call me back once you get this," Arisu sighed. "No answer again?" Usagi asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. He shook his head. "She's been with our group as long as I can remember. And she's been... she had been... with Karube even longer. If it's hard on me, I can't believe how hard it must be on her," Arisu explained. Usagi pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I'm sure she's fine. All people cope with things differently. Just give her space."

You were most definitely not fine. The grief that filled you everytime you saw Arisu's name on your phone, when you looked at anything that once belonged to Karube.  For the first time in the past few weeks, you wandered into the kitchen, and saw the binder filled with the ideas you two had for the wedding. You looked away, tears filling your eyes once more. You couldn't escape the sorrow that had filled your life. It seemed like he was everywhere. Even when you turned on the damn TV the news was talking about the incident. The names of the victims would pop up with pictures, and you would quickly turn it off. You grabbed the folder, ripping up all the papers in there, shredding them to bits in a fit of sadness. You dropped to your knees, holding the final piece of paper. You sniffled, wiping your eyes, looking down. It was in Karube's hand writing, and you took a deep breath. Eventually, you would have to read these things. Eventually, you would have to clean up his side of the room. You decided to start off small. By reading whatever this was.

'I may not be good at expressing my feelings, and this is not going to be the first time you've all heard me tell you how wonderful this woman is, and how much I love her. It certainly won't be the last, if I have any say in it. To which I do. If I could go back to the day we met, and you told me I would be marrying her, I would believe it. Because I've loved you from day one (Y/N). And now, I'll have you. Forever and ever.'

- Karube (rough draft, don't let (Y/N) find this)

You whimpered, holding the piece of paper to your chest. This was too much for you. You needed a distraction.

"Eh, just give me the money, no one will ever know," the woman said. You gave her the money, and she passed you a bag. "I promise it gets better dear. And be careful with that," she said sweetly. You nodded, your face so devoid of any emotion, it was hard to tell if you were still alive. Your world felt so numb to any emotion but hurt.

The burn of the smoke in your throat was satisfying. For the first time since his death, you felt something. Your eyes lazily looked up, staring at the ceiling.  The smell of the weed filled up the room and you rolled your eyes. For once the pain was gone. You couldn't think of anything in the moment other than being hungry. The first time in weeks that had happened.

That was your new routine. Wake up, lounge around, look through the videos and pictures of both of you, get high of your mind. It was the only way you'd forget. Was it healthy? No. Did you care? Also no. You started ignoring Arisu's calls, messages, and voice mails. Leaving them unseen, and unheard. He was worried, and Usagi had gotten worried as well, even though she'd only met you once at the hospital. You seemed like a pleasant person, and according to Arisu, you never left someone in the dark that long. You would usually respond quickly if you weren't at work. But, do to the incident, there wasn't work for a few weeks. That made him worry.

When he found out why you weren't answering, he was shocked. Your apartment wasn't exactly a mess. There were a few papers scattered in the kitchen, and uncollected mail, but other than that, your apartment was clean. He was so confused, hearing you giggling and talking to yourself in your room.

He knocked on the door, opening it slowly. "(Y-y/N)?" He asked hesitantly. You looked up, your eyes lazy and red. The smell of weed in your room was strong, the smoke going out of the window. How long had you been doing this? Had it become self destructive? These were questions he asked himself before seeing you doze off to sleep.

"What the hell were you thinking (Y/N)! You can't- you can't destroy your life over it! I- I was so worried! I've already lost two friends, I can't lose you too!" He scolded. It was a few hours later, and your high had passed. "Why do you care?" You snapped, the conversation being boring to you. The hurt you hadn't felt in weeks came back. He was back in your mind, not as your wonderful fiancé, but as the man you had lost. The man who you had to bury in the ground. It was horrible. Your mind hated the images of his body, lifeless and devoid of his usual smile. You hated it. Absolutely despised it.

"Because you're my friend! You've been my friend since high school! I know it hurts (Y/N), believe me I know, but you can't destroy your fucking life and mental health!" He scolded. It was so unfair to you, in your head. That he was saying something like that. "You want to know what's really destroying my mental health?! Not having him anymore! The fact that he's dead, and I can't- I can't-" you couldn't finish your sentence. Arisu felt bad, but this was an intervention. He had to be a bit forceful for you to stop. "Karube wouldn't want you to do this," he said softly. You felt more tears fall. But you didn't know how to deal with this. "How do you know what he wants?! He's dead!" You screamed. "H-hes dead," you whispered, your voice breaking. Arisu hugged you tightly as you cried. "Can I just know why?" He asked. "He's gone, and I have to stay high all the time to keep him off my mind. Gotta stay high... all my life to forget I'm missing him," you whispered. It was true. It was the only way you could feel something other than pain. The smoke made your mind hazy, and your sadness drifted away. But it wasn't healthy. And it would never be. "It gets better (Y/N)... please, just... stay with me for a week. So I can have peace of mind?"

2 years later

You sat on the sand of the beach, the waves crashed onto the rocks nearby, and a breeze blew the salt water into your face. You looked down at the ring on your finger, sighing at the sight of the shiny gem. You smiled sadly, pressing a kiss to it. "Soon my darling... soon we'll be together again. Forever and ever."

Because the high kept him off your mind, you didn't learn how to cope any other way. The only way was to feel any other pain. You had tried to meet other people, but no one was ever as good. You couldn't even talk to other guys without feeling guilt. It felt wrong. It was like whatever you did, you couldn't get over it. At all. In fact, it had gotten worse over the years. Especially on the yearly anniversary of the incident. Reporters would go to your home and ask you questions, seeing as people had asked you while you were in the hospital. How we're you supposed to get over it when you were reminded constantly?

So there was no thoughts in your head as you walked into the water. It was cold, shocking you. If you didn't drown, you'd die of hypothermia. And that was fine with you.

Forever and ever, no?

Ok, ok, ok.... wow, wowowowowow, this was a three am sad thought that did not have to be written, ok, um wow... that was darker than I intended, holy shit-

I promise I'm done with the terrible attempts at angst, and I promise I'm working on the my other oneshots/books. It's just that when I have an idea, I need to write it before I forget.

Remember that people love you, even if you think no one does, I promise you they do. If you really need help, please find it, and if you would like, I'm always glad to talk to people if they need my help.