#i don't care that almost all of their shipping material is within the last like five minutes of one episode

[whoopsies-daisies]

i love angelhusk/huskerdust not just because it's cute and because I like their dynamic (ok ok i like that too but who wouldn't) but because of the way they bring out the most dormant parts of each other??? The way that angel quickly realizes he can be casual and feel safe with husk, the way he doesn't feel pressured to perform or be as sexual with him like he does with almost everyone else?? The way that husker smiles more around angel in that one song than to anyone at any other point in the series (other than when he was getting a back message which, ya know, fair enough), the way he can just have fun and mess around, and doesn't have to be drunk to be happy around him??

[cosmicjoke]

the fact that there is still a lot of mistranslated information about levi circulating around probably doesn't help with people trying to erase his personality and its core aspects to fit the narrative they have created about him :') it is not bad to have headcanons about a character or to have a different opinion, but you still have to acknowledge how that character truly is in canon, not erase it and push your personal views onto other people that see differently or prefer the canon, this has always bothered me about fandoms tbh you can enjoy media or a certain character without trying to force your personal headcanon into being seen as canon (or to literally change everything about that character), and then attacking others for not agreeing on another note, i hope you have been doing okay!!<3

First, thanks for asking how I've been! Pretty good, though the last week on this site has been pretty awful, if I'm being honest, lol.

But yeah, everything you said. Nobody ever said you can't have headcanons or imagine whatever character the way you want to. That's what fanfiction and fan art is for, after all. Just don't come into discussions where people are trying to talk about the actual, canon story and inject your personal headcanons into it and present them as some sort of objective fact, because that obscures the ability to have an actually substantive discussion about the material and it causes fights. Even just the fact that these people think there's some argument to be had about what is and isn't canon is ridiculous. It's not a difficult premise to understand. The only thing that's canon is what happens in the actual story, what we see happen in the story, and it's all that ultimately matters when trying to understand the story and the characters therein.

I keep getting called homophobic because I won't say Levi is gay or in love with Erwin, as if my refusal to apply a headcanon to Levi is indicative of my bigotry, lol. I won't say it because it's not part of Levi's character, and so it's irrelevant when discussing his character and understanding who he is. It's literally nonessential. It's got nothing to do with whether I want Levi to be gay or not. Like I said, I'm writing two separate stories where I depict Levi as a gay man, lol, but apparently I'm some raging homophob to these people because I won't acknowledge their headcanon as canon or even possibly canon. I won't because it's not, not because I'm a bigot. It's like these people can't think past their own obsessions. If they paid even the slightest bit of attention to what I say when I talk about Levi within the context of canon, I never talk about his sexuality or any potential love interests he might have. I only talk about what we actually HAVE of Levi in canon. I talk about his canon relationships with other characters, I talk about his motives and essential characteristics and qualities. I talk about his actual words and actions and expressions. All stuff that actually occurs within the story itself and which can be backed up by the story and narrative.

You don't see me coming onto other people's blogs who talk about shipping Levi and Erwin, or Levi and Hange, or Levi and anyone else, and telling them they can't do that, or telling them they're wrong for doing it. I don't care. Say whatever you want, believe whatever you want. But don't come onto my blog and tell me that I'm arrogant or entitled because I won't accept their headcanon as canon. They act like I'm victimizing them because I won't affirm their headcanons on MY blog, lol. It's so stupid. They're so stupid, and so self-centered, it's almost unreal.

[divineangelix]

Known By You

Pairing: Din Dijarin x Reader

Warnings: None

Word count: 2k+

Summary: You have been traveling with the Mandalorian and his child for a long time and throughout that time many feelings went unsaid. After three tiresome days of being away Din returns with the intent of making all his feelings and feverish desires known.

The bright day had fallen into immense darkness as heavy rain fell from the darkened sky — droplets swiveling softly down the windows of the cockpit. As the sounds of rain bouncing off the ship’s medal fills the air you sat comfortably in the pilot seat, your legs tucked under you as the child sat perched in your lap. Small coos left him as he saw the rain drizzle down, putting his small three fingered hands up against the chilled glass to catch them. His innocence and curiosity caused you to chuckle quietly, your eyes glazing over in admiration.

The sun's rays shined dimly from behind the grey, fast moving clouds and from this observation you could assume that it was late in the evening. This would mark the third day that your companion, the Mandalorian, had been gone after a highly desired bounty.

"Looks like it will be just the two of us tonight, little one."

He didn't verbally respond, he only looked up at you with wide eyes, seemingly understanding what you were saying. As if sensing the absence of his father the situation caused his eyes to droop slightly as if he were burdened by the lack of his fathers presence.

While trying to comfort him, and yourself, your soft and reassuring words reverberated off the cockpit's steel walls, "He'll be alright. Din will come back to us — he always does."

Moments passed and soon you realized the child in your arms was slowly but surely falling into the clutches of sleep. With your lips curled into a small smile you stood to your feet with the drowsy child in your arms, "Time for you to rest, ad'ika."

Though the conversations were always one sided you never felt lonely when Din left you and the child on the Razor Crest. The child always seemed to understand what you were saying and seemingly nodded along to contribute to the words that would leave your lips. The child curled further into you, soaking in your body heat as if it were his own. As you made your way down the ladder his small hand gripped tightly onto the material of your shirt, clutching it in his tiny fist. Though the cracks of barely opened eyes his dark orbs watched you intently.

As you walked your mind wondered, coming to the conclusion that you envied the small child whom held tightly onto your shirt. A sigh left your lips as you opened the compartment that harbored the child's small hammock and the Mandalorian's small bed. As you tucked the child into his swinging hammock your eyes fell onto the unmade bed behind him. The blankets were in disarray and a singular pillow was still scrunched up from its last use. Your breaths became uneasy as you were plagued with only one question: what if something bad really did happen to Din?

What would you do then?

Nothing but worries clouded your better judgment as you slowly but surely fell into a panic. Your body tensed as you gazed onto the child and in seeing that he was fast asleep and swaddled in his blankets you back away and pressed the button, watching as he disappeared from sight behind the steel door. If something truly did happen to Din you couldn't stand to be on this ship anymore — not without him. Looking around there were so many memories, happy memories. You couldn't bear to shift through the silent and never ending confines of hyperspace if he wasn't by your side.

You knew what emotions you were feeling within yourself and it scared you more than you were willing to admit. But, in some twisted way, the fear of losing him made this feeling more prominent.

With heavily burdened footsteps you came to the cockpit ladder, pausing your strides as you sighed quietly to yourself. You were tired, not just physically but mentally as well. Your worries did you no good as it only made you fall faster into fatigue and weariness. The comlink in your pocket felt as if it was weighing you down.

There would be no harm in checking in, right?

He only wanted the comlink to be used in an emergency and your worries were no emergency. Making the finale decision to leave well enough alone, you pushed the thought of the comlink from your mind as you continued to climb up the ladder. With a grunt you heaved yourself up into the cockpit and made your way to a compartment and opened it. Once the small compartment was opened it revealed a stash of blankets and such which cause you to smile. Pleased with your findings you managed to reach out with trembling hands to grasp the thin fabric. Though the fabric of the blanket wasn't much, it was something.

Carelessly you made you way to the pilot seat once again, unraveling the blanket and tugging it under your chin to enclose your shivering body. Glancing out the window you continued to watch the rain drizzle down, leaving trails of water cascading down the glass. While entranced by the scene in front of you, your eyes began to flutter closed as you watched the planet become darkened by the shadow of nightfall.

You allowed your tired body to sink deeper into the seat, the seat that your companion would normally sit in. You sat in his chair as you drifted off, your thoughts sailing along the tide of a stream to him. While you pictured him your worries withered away, causing your chest to rise and fall as a content breath blew out from between your parted lips. While your mind painted a mural of him you fell into the veil of slumber and for a moment you were at peace.

The night's shadow slowly drifted on as the bounty hunter walked up the ramp and into the cargo hold of the Razor Crest. There was muddied water sloshing inside his boots, his clothes were soaking wet, and his cape dripped droplets onto the steel flooring. The tanned skin that hid underneath the beskar and underclothes began to regain body heat as he stepped into the familiar warmth of his home. As he stood there he closed his eyes, relishing in the heat that filled the air around him. Short seconds went by before the armored man decided to open his eyes and in doing so he noticed the lack of activity happening around him.

Knowing that the child and you were tucked away and asleep, he decided to take his helmet off. Once he did so he was greeted with air brushing against every inch of his face. In feeling this sensation it caused him to release a content sigh. His body lost its tense stance when he set the helmet under his arm and brought his hands to his eyes, rubbing them gently to rid them of their drowsiness. He needed to get off this planet, he needed to get away from the stormy weather, he needed to see you, and he needed to make sure the kid was alright. His mind was on a constant loop of needs and he wasn't all too happy about the protective instinct that kept hold of him.

He slipped his helmet back over his head; once again concealing his identity from the world and its inhabitants. Once he heard the hiss of his helmet latching securely to his armor he began his walk to the cockpit. When in the cockpit he noticed a small figure curled up in his chair. Under his helmet his eyebrows were knitted together in an almost bewildered expression. While looking you over he felt a tug from within him, something trying to push him towards you.

Though he tried to resist this pull that was luring him to you, he couldn't find the strength to abandon its selfish yearnings.

With cautious steps he made his way to you, his knuckles barely brushing against the outer ridges of your cheekbones. His breathing was uneasy as it projected through his modulator. With carful hands he brushed the stray hairs that fell onto your face. Though no one could see it, under his helmet he smiled softly at you while he studied your face that seemed to contort into a look of contentment during your slumber.

As if your body could feel the heat of his gaze, you began to stir awake. When you allowed your eyes to flutter open you were met with a shadowed outline of a familiar t-shaped visor.

Din

Neither of you made the decision to move or question the close proximity that you had awoken to. Your eyes followed the outer curves of his helmet wondering about the face that lies beneath. You have already seen so much of him underneath all the beskar because you've seen his heart. You see the way he treats the child, how he treats you. You know under all that armor he has a habit of caring too deeply. He's not the heartless and malevolent bounty hunter that so many thought him to be.

He was unknown to them but to you he was known. Maybe that's what drew him to you. Maybe that's what makes him want to show you things that his creed forbids him to reveal.

In your eyes he was a protector, a father to the baby sleeping down in the belly of the razor crest, and he's someone who you have fallen completely and helplessly in love with, "You're back."

He nodded, not allowing words to squeeze out from his tight throat. He felt as if you were intoxicating him with your presence, your compassion burrowing deep within him, making him feel confused and timid at the warm feeling. He was raised to be fearless, to be a warrior. Yet when he's in your presence he fails to remember much when he meets your eyes. You lay siege to him causing all conscious thoughts to dissipate from his mind.

The room was dark when Din decided to reach out to tenderly cup your cheek. As his hand rested on you he could feel your body relaxing under his touch. His breath hitched as he felt your lips leave a quick kiss on his palm, making him feel the heat of your lips through the leather of his gloves.

Before he could force himself to pull away a soft question slipped from your lips, "What do you want from me?"

That question, at the moment, seemed unanswerable but nevertheless the Mandalorian decided to respond, "I don't know."

His voice sounds soft and gentle but when you hear it you could sense some uncertainty lamenting his crackled speech as it came through the modulator. He removed his hand from your cheek and brought his palm to cover your eyes, "Keep your eyes closed." He whispered softly.

Without hesitation you followed his gentle plea, sealing your eyes shut until he directed you to do otherwise. His hand left you completely and you felt nerves bubble up within you, silently begging for his touch to return. You could hear nothing but the the sound of a hiss filling the room and you slowly came to the realization that Din had removed his helmet. Your silent need for his touch was answered as you felt his bare index finger slowly began to trace up your windpipe then ever so slightly he moved to trace your jaw. 

A sharp intake of breath seeped past your lips as you felt the warmth and tenderness of his actions. His hand halted its journey as he soaked in the sight of you, mesmerized by the way his gloveless hand felt against the warmth of your unexplored skin. His thumb was mere inches from feeling your lips and in this moment he knew exactly what he wanted from you. Din Djarin's hand held a slight shake to it as his thumb brushed over the plump of your lips.

"Can I. . is it okay if-."

"Yes."

You now understood what he wanted and you were willing to give him what he desired. Without sight you simply sat, awaiting the feel of him that you knew was to come. His lips, when they met yours, held nothing but love. The kiss started out slow causing your mouths to meld together in a perfect rhythm. You now know exactly how the Mandalorian feels because now, as his lips are on yours, he's showing you everything he failed to express with his words.

[jadelotusflower]

It’s Cold in that Fridge: The Case of Nakari Kelen

Since The Case of Mara Jade has been doing the rounds again, I’ve finally gone back to this post that has been sitting in my drafts for literally years. So let’s honour this absolute badass who deserved better:

Once upon a time, the Star Wars universe was but six films (and a tv series) in the story of the Skywalker family. But beyond George Lucas’ story was an absolute boatload of books, comics, games, and other materials that made up the Expanded Universe. When Disney purchased Lucasfilm and the rights to the Star Wars saga, everything in this universe was decanonised and deemed “Legends” - some aspects of this universe were retained or re-purposed, others sit in Disney’s figurative vault and will likely never see the light of day (and seeing how the ST turned out, maybe that’s for the best).

But this transition between Legends canon and Disney canon was not so simple, because the nature of publishing meant that there were novels approved during the time of Legends canon that would be released in the time of Disney canon. In particular, there had been the planned trilogy “Empire and Rebellion”, set between A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back, with each novel from the perspective of one of The Big Three.  

Razor’s Edge (Leia) and Honor Among Thieves (Han) were released prior to the Great Canon Split of 2014.  But while the Luke-centric novel had been planned, it was not due to be released until well after the Split. So Heir to the Jedi (so called as an homage to the Legends progenitor Heir to the Empire) became one of the first books of the Disney canon.

What does this background have to do with Nakari Kelen?  Perhaps nothing, but I do wonder how the writing process was affected by the shift from Legends to Disney - was the novel a relic of the old EU with any reference the LFL storygroup didn’t like excised during editing, or was it a trendsetter for the new EU, a Sign of Things to Come?  

The most salient point being, of course, that Nakari Kelen - like so many love interests before her - was not allowed to go along her merry way at the conclusion of the novel, but was shoved into the fridge.

If there was one constant of the Legends EU, it was that Luke Skywalker’s love interests couldn’t catch a break. Mara Jade naturally lasted the longest relationship-wise, with almost twenty years of marriage to Luke before some bright spark decided she had to go (as per the aforementioned case study). But before Mara there was Jem, Shira Brie, and Gaeriel Captison (who came close to escaping the curse), and in the Legacy of the Force series they brought back sole survivors Akanah and Callista, only to kill them off for good too (and rather brutally, if I may add).

So perhaps when Kevin Hearne began writing HttJ within the confines of the Legends continuity, he was merely sticking to the status quo, or perhaps once subsumed by Disney they needed to make sure Luke's slate was clean (so to speak).  And I can’t put all the blame on Hearne since I don’t know whether it was his idea, or LFL mandated - but regardless it was a poor decision.

The root cause of fridging, imo, is limited imagination.  How best to cause your male protagonist pain if not kill off someone they love, or at least have strong feelings for? The answer is of course, easily. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

The Luke Skywalker of HttJ is fresh from his victory in ANH, a lieutenant in the Rebellion: young, not dumb, and full of...

Nakari Kalen is an absolute Queen a civilian volunteer and crack-shot sniper who loans her ship Desert Jewel to the Alliance. Luke is immediately attracted to her, they bond over a mutual love of fast ships and leaving behind desert home planets, and engage in the inexpert flirting of two nineteen year olds while also risking their lives several times over.

I want to make it clear: I actually really like this book. It's a breezy read, almost serialised as The Early Adventures of Luke Skywalker, and is ofttimes genuinely funny. And credit where it’s due to Hearne, many of of the supporting roles in the novel are female. Other than Nakari, there's Soonta, the Rodian who gives Luke her uncle’s lightsaber, Sakhet the Kupohan spy, and the Givin cryptographer/math genius Drusil Bephorin. In a genre where male characters are often the default for these kind of roles, it was nice to see, but makes the regressive fridging of Nakari even more egregious.

Luke and Nakari make a good team fighting brain-sucking monsters and Imperials, but more importantly they have fun together - she encourages him to work on his Force skills, and he successfully moves objects with his mind for the first time (leading to Nakari adorably dub him "a little noddle scooter"). It's a very sweet, if brief, relationship, and a respite from the danger of the mission. They spend the night together (leaving the reader to decide exactly what happened behind closed doors), and share a kiss before splitting up to try and escape bounty hunters. No prizes for guessing what happens to Nakari immediately after she received the Skywalker Kiss of Death.

I assume there were two motivating factors for why Hearne and/or LFL couldn't let Nakari live:

1. If she survived, fans would wonder why she doesn't appear in ESB/subsequent material.

I recall this bandied about on forums back at the time of the book's release, and to that I say - so what? Fans are always going to wonder, and try to paper over the gaps in canon, to make up their own headcanons to explain any any perceived inconsistencies. It's certainly no reason to kill someone off.

It is in fact possible for two young people to have a romance that just fizzles, or doesn’t work out for whatever reason - it should not require great maneuvering or explanation. If Nakari doesn’t show up in the next book in the timeline, what about it? The reader is smart enough to assume she and Luke broke up, decided to just remain friends, whatever. But it seems that the only way for a female character to exit stage left is for her to die, which is bullshit.

And actually, there's no reason why she couldn't have shown up again. ESB and RoTJ cover a month and a few days, respectively, of Luke's life - just because there was no mention of Nakari doesn't mean she didn't exist at that time, whether or not she and Luke were an item. She could have made an appearance in a subsequent novel, or Rebels, or the comics - she could have become a recurring character, showing up when the Rebellion needed her, or - heaven forbid - even have her own comic/book/show! Her existence in Star Wars canon didn't need to begin and end with Luke Skywalker, merely to service his plotline and backstory and abandoning the richness of her own.

No, the only reason Nakari had to die was to facilitate this:

It was a blow to the gut, realizing what that sudden absence meant. I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, but I had felt Nakari's life snuffed out through the Force, and into that void where she had shone anger rushed in - anger, and a cold sense of raw power and invincibility...I took a step to join in the hunt but stopped, breathing heavily, unaccountably sweating even though I felt so cold inside and the power of the Force roiled within me... I shook with emotion and power, and none of it felt the way the Force had before...I saw what kind of space it was , a black hole that would always be hungry no matter how much I fed it. I might never feel warm again if I didn't get myself under control.

Luke feels the dark side and is tempted by the boost of power it offers him, but immediately identifies it as dangerous and unnatural. I can understand why Hearne wanted to include this - it is a book of firsts after all: Luke's first solo mission, his first time using telekenisis, and ending with story with his first experience of the dark side makes sense. But it wasn't necessary, which leads to:

2. How to push Luke to touch the dark side without killing someone he has romantic feelings for?

Also, obviously, shite of the bull (or nerf, if you prefer). Even if this brush with the dark side was absolutely necessary for the novel's climax, there's any number of ways it could be achieved. At this point, Luke is fresh from losing important people in his life - Owen and Beru, Ben, and Biggs - lumping another death on top of that a narrative trick for Luke to react not only to losing Nakari, but the others as well. But it's cheap, the first card in the deck, and why not show a bit of imagination? Luke is young and inexperienced enough at this point that any number of things could be the catalyst - the whole book he's struggling with his growing powers, why not try and reach too far in the firefight with the bounty hunters, his anger and frustration with himself in not doing enough trigger the dark side temptation? It would work thematically and doesn't involve a fridging that ultimately has very little payoff.

Because Nakari is killed less than ten pages from the end of the book - afterwards Luke grieves, but ultimately chooses to honour her memory and be grateful for what he learned with her, recommitting to becoming a Jedi. It's all very surface level, and once again a female character's death facilitates a male character's development. Was it so imperative that Luke lost someone he cared about as part of this story? Sure, this was a time of galactic civil war, and it's far from unrealistic that these stories have a high body count, but who to make collateral damage remains an authorial choice, and in this case Nakari Kelen was (a) a female character of color, (b) a love interest of the protagonist - not just of this book, but the entire Original Trilogy.

I don't know to what extent (if any) race had to play in the decision. I'm sure there was a segment of the fandom absolutely livid that Luke Skywalker kissed (and maybe had sex with) a black woman. Was her death LFL hedging its bets, or demonstrative of the general lack of attention/respect they show their characters of colour?

In any case this was a chance to stand out from the old EU and it's fridge full of Luke's dead girlfriends, but instead they chose to introduce and kill off Nakari for the sole purpose of Luke's manpain and character development, and that's gross.

And then there's this:

A grisly yet reliable fact about custom bounty hunter ships is that you can always count on them to have body bags stashed somewhere for the easy transport of their kills. They often have built-in refrigerated storage, too.

NAKARI IS KILLED AND LITERALLY STORED IN THE FUCKING FRIDGE I COULDN'T BELIEVE WHAT I WAS READING.

I really hope this was unintentional on Hearne's part, because yikes. He was halfway there, this book was full of interesting female characters who had agency - Drusil in particular was a delight with her super math and inability to understand human interaction. Nakari was full of life and fun - capable but relatable, showing a different side of the Rebellion and those that suffered under the Empire's rule. Fridging her in her first appearance is considerably more vile, because it reduces her to a footnote of Luke's story, a plot device to Help Him Grow, rather than a springboard to tell more of her own story.

Because Nakari was a compelling character ripe for spinoff potential. I would absolutely have read or watched her continued adventures, juggling missions for her father's Biolabs company and trying to aid the Rebellion, shooting her slug rifle and cracking wise, maybe even finding a way to amplify her mother's song Vader's Many Prosthetic Parts to really stick it to the Empire, or try and free the political prisoners on Kessel.

The old EU was made great by allies and enemies of Our Heroes showing up again to help or hinder them, and/or branching out into their own material. We fell in love with them, and followed their stories even as they diverged from the main saga, eager to read more about their lives.

Nakari Kelen never got that chance. In many ways, she exemplified what Disney Star Wars was to become: an exercise in wasted potential.

[bcxvi]

Episode IX - Lufenian Eidolith

-

"It's beautiful," I said while one of my paws got gently wet when touching the water of the stream we were navigating on. For the last three days, we had been sailing on the shores of Djose, making the least time we could towards the Moonflow.

"You should see it at night," said Hezmush, his sweet voice making my ears go into the position of shyness right away. "It's a gorgeous sight, you and Kimahri surely would love to-" He paused, pretending to care about our recent breakup.

During the time of our detour from Djose towards the Moonflow, Hezmush had been giving away tiny flirting signs, all whenever Kimahri wouldn't notice him of course. Whenever Kimahri isolated, Hez would pass by my side minutes later and drop phrases like "If it weren't for Kimahri, I would already be hitting on you sweetie," or "we should hang out one day, you and I." All of these ending with a wink of some sort, one time he even stuck his tongue out. I was aroused.

As for me... I felt something tingling inside me, yet felt an awkward sensation. As if getting to know him better would be something I shouldn't be making.

Kimahri on the other hand had been quiet, he understood that hearing his voice suddenly made my fur stand on its end. At first, he was confused, I could see in his look that this was, perhaps, not the first time he saw my hairs react in such thrill. His usual smile suddenly turned into a saddened face, I felt terrible too... so ashamed of disliking him without reason, I had no balls to address the issue or talk about it.

"We Should be reaching that shaggy old Salamander friend of mine," interrupted Cid, coming out of Hezmush's cabin while buttoning his trousers up. "He tends to move the camp around, but I'm sure he's around here, we paid him a visit just a week ago."

"I hope he can help," replied Kimahri, "I'm eager to hear what he can find out." He turned at me and looked straight at my eyes while finishing his sentence.

A few minutes pass with the three of us in a quiet mood. We left Barrett at Djose to fix the ship for a while, if he succeeded, he would come to pick us up. Cid missed him, we would constantly stumble with him, shamelessly pulling out his erect cock and stroking to it while seeing some recorded clips and photographs on his portable screen device, it usually was Barret's fat ass being fucked by Cid's large dick. Both enjoyed recording their sessions to enjoy them whenever they would be separate or inviting others to join their adventures during business trips.

Kimahri would simply turn the opposite direction and try to give him privacy, but Hez would stay around while doing stuff and pretend not to care about Cid's moans while peeking on him few feet away.

As for me... well, hearing those passionate masturbations of his made me feel odd. I certainly knew that sex was something sacred, I mean, Cid and Barret's love was genuine, they made it clear for me before we boarded Hez's ship. But they had no shame when having 'fun' while doing what couples in love do.

A few times I peeked at him, some while he started, others while he finished and large shots of cum spurted all over, staining the carpets and leaving his clothes smelling of chlorine.

I knew I had lived those experiences as well, the eating of my ass, my manhood being sucked gently until my semen covered up the place and face of someone...

"Ah! I think we are finally here!" yelled Cid, loosely buttoning his crotch and putting away his pornographic comforter. We all exited the cabin, Cid hastily waving towards a rustic campsite. While Yelling "So vneaht, so vneath!"

So vneaht? Was he speaking another language?

To our surprise, a greyish green-skinned colored man came out of the tent, his face was mostly covered in a tangle of gingery dreadlocks. His body was in the nude except for a graceful fundoshi concealing his genitals, he was mostly covered in fascinating tattoos and marks. His bearded chin gave a wide smile, while his large ape-like arms waved us in almost a rhythmic greeting. "Syo dra kutacc Adnu pa fedr oui," he yelled us back, "E famlusa oui so vneahtc."

"It's the AlBhed tongue," whispered Hezmush to my ears, "don't worry, this is a greeting some adepts of Etro developed through the years, we might not need a translator. Relax."

Hezmush gave me a quick rub on my shoulders, ending with a quick pat at the back. Cid couldn't wait to reach the shore, so he jumped out of the boat, swam, and greeted his friend "Amarant!" he yelled, while both kissed each other so passionately... A flash hit my head while watching them both, suddenly it was me and Kimahri, both nude in the wild, against hard cold stone floors and walls.

My vision is interrupted by no other than Kimahri, who accidentally stumbles and trips down towards me. I catch him in my arms. He is so tiny compared to my overall size. Suddenly I smile at him, his eyes shine and he smiles back.

"Well, well, what have we here?" demands Amarant, while hugging so friendly Hezmush, then Kimahri, and finally me. "You should've told me you wanted an orgy Cid!" All start to laugh but I, probably because I didn't catch the joke.

Cid tries to suppress his wild libido and starts explaining to his friend (who he constantly called Salamander), the reason for our visit. Amarant's tent is like a spiritual shrine, full of charms, bells, and decorations that shine with the few Pyreflies and candle lamps he has dimly lit. Nightfall is nearing us, so he pulls out luxurious cushions and blankets in case we want a sleepover.

"We need to know if you can help us identify his Maladie," finished Cid, while pointing in my direction with a nod. Amarant scratches his chin and wets his lips with his tongue. He asks if the situation is urgent, he probably was about to go to sleep soon. Cid answers in a begging manner that the situation cannot wait.

Annoyed, Amarant looks above us, as if trying to find a sign of distress in any of his charms hanging on the ceiling. He gives a soft 'yes' and proceeds to pull down a large claw hanging on a leather string. He gives a soft kiss to the item and proceeds to put it around my furry neck.

"I know you are not used to being touched by strangers," he says to me in a kind voice, somehow he accurately read my thoughts at the moment, yet I believed my corporal language gave me away, "but my ways are effective. Controversial, I must admit... but effective."

I understand his speech. Probably he would have to engage more intimately with me to understand what is the state of my disease. "I accept your methods," I respond without thought. I DO want to know what is the matter with me.

"Good." Amarant gives his commands, he needs me to lie down in the center of the tent, comfortable and without gears on me. I agree without hesitation. We are all boys after all. Although I blush heavily while my gaze crosses with that of Hezmush and Kimahri. I try to understand that maybe the whole party will stay to watch, but after a few minutes, Amarant asks everyone to leave. Perhaps he needs privacy to summon spirits of some kind.

After my company is out, he unties his fundoshi and starts his rituals. At first, I'm nervous, but slowly I can smell an incense so sweet. It makes me feel calm and slightly dizzy. He chants and prays while rubbing delicious oils in my chest, passing through my belly and then all over my genitals. It feels like an erotic massage to me.

He stops his chants. Then sings a soft prayer into my ears, which makes me go into a state of slumber.

At first, everything is dark, then I feel my body wet, floating on the surface of a pond in the middle of the dark.

"Hello?" I whisper, an echo resonating through the area. Somehow I understand this is my unconscious of some kind.

"Hello, my friend," replies Amarant, he is right next to me, yet his voice is all around.

Defying laws of physics I get up on a solid floor, still wet. "Is that you?" I ask. Out of nowhere, a body materializes next to me, it's Amarant.

He grabs my hand and kisses the back of my paw.

"I will be your guide," he explains, "hold my hand and walk along. If we want to find out what happened, we'll have to go through some veils."

"Some veils?" I ask. Suddenly I feel my crotch getting warm and a visible erection pops up. I try to apologize for it, but Amarant says I must not be ashamed of it, he has one as well, yet I only notice it until he points it out.

"To maintain our connection you must enter my body," he explains, "I will not Lie, you feel amazing."

We both let out a low chuckle. I guess I can't help but enjoy the ride.

We keep walking for a couple of minutes. At first, I'm quiet, but he is humming that tune that made me go into stasis again.

"Sometimes I feel that I know him," I say, more comfortable now that he seems to give me time to open up willingly.

"You do?"

"Yes," I continue, "as if Kimahri and I are close somehow, a hunch I feel all over my body, my chest starts to race and I want to hug him madly...! Yet the idea makes me sick..."

"What happened the night you fell into a coma?"

"I have no idea... they say we were asleep...."

"And?" Amarant and I stand face to face, he holds both my hands and we are now floating in the void, yellow and golden hues surround us.

"Someone came into our room," I continue, somehow speaking suppressed memories. "I felt how a dark presence was approaching me, it penetrated my mind and found its way into my dreams." I was questioning how violated I felt when I realized something new, "he could read me completely, found out I was human within but hideous outside."

"That explains why you feel torn," tells Amarant, "probably this intruder tore a half of you, but was unable to touch your human heart." He hesitates and asks, "did you see the face of this creature?"

"Yes." My reply is solid, yet I hesitate. "But I can't see him... not anymore..." I struggle for a second, suddenly I feel my eyes and mouth open wide, a burst of light coming out of them as if I were in a kind of supernatural trance.

I can see myself, my spirit is exiting this body I did for myself within my mind. Amarant is embracing the lights and turns to hug me from behind. I turn towards his direction and see what's going on, somehow the rays flooding out of my cavities are unfolding into visions. As if I were screening the events of that night. I see how a black shadow is on top of my body, pulling out my fundoshi and arousing my genitals with a cold touch.

Kimahri is next to me, but he doesn't notice the intruder. The vision reforms into particles, shaping the shadow and myself, both kissing. I ejaculate and he eats all of my seed. I try hard to see who he is, but when I'm about to unveil the stuff covering his face I wake up.

"STOP!" I roar. Amarant is surrounding my neck with his ape-like arms, hugging me tightly while my cock pops out of his hole, juices oozing out and wetting between us. I come to my senses and realize I'm out of the trance.

"Amarant is panting and damped in sweat, his dreadlocks tied up on a ponytail. I can see his face completely.

Panting he replies "You... are... a bull... honey."

I find myself sitting down, grabbing him by those tiny hips, and realizing I was probably fucking the guts out of his mind while being in our stupor. I imagined I would be still.

Amarant tries to get up but falls to his knees, I figure he took the ride of his life. And I didn't even enjoy it!

"I apologize," he says, while I assist him to stand up and walk him to a nearby couch full of silk sheets and soft pillows. "You must've been the victim of some powerful magycks... and oh goddesses! You are so in love with Kimahri. I felt every inch of it," he made a pause, reluctant to speak, yet he does, "you are a victim of some powerful dark spell... and I don't think there is an easy way to benefit you, at least not from me."

And if it's not you then who? Who is going to help me? I never felt this way, shattered within and feeling sick of someone who makes me taste special feelings... yet tempted to be into an affair with a man I just met.

Amarant tries to regulate his breath, I bring a glass full of freshwater, which our tired guru sips eagerly. Then give him a minute of silence, I tie down my undergarments and put on my belt. Amarant asks me to stay by the door, he says that coming out of the tent without me would not be beneficial for us.

"Usually I don't have a problem with leaving people I connect with right away," he explains, "but the link we accomplish was so strong... I'm worried you might experience... side effects."

After he rubs out the sweat off his body and ties up a fresh piece of cloth around his pubic area, Amarant grabs me by the arm. He is now limping and needs me to help him walk. "It's been a while since somebody forced me to use a cane to help me walk," he chuckles.

The guys are outside, sitting by the shore. Kimahri is the first to see me, he gets up and approaches. Hezmush wants to come too, but Cid holds his arm and gently asks him to leave us be. I happen to see him rubbing his crotch, implying they might jack off each other while the wait is up.

"Oh boy, we have a problem," Amarant speaks right after Kimahri is within hearing range.

"How did it go?" asks Kimahri. I divert my gaze, ashamedly. If only I could explain that I broke Amaran't ass hole.

"We did well," replied Amarant quickly, winking at me, he sat down at a log that had the shape of his buttocks carved in because of all the time he spent sitting on it. "But the news... not good. Are you sure you want to hear them too?" Kimahri nods, he has decided to help me out no matter what.

"There is no impossible for me to handle," he assures.

Amarant explains the situation, "Lufenian Magyck," he says. "Are you familiar with the term? It's one of the most ancient kinds of powers to ever step foot on our world."

Lufenia was a civilization that was so great yet their fall down was inevitable due to the power they harvested. To conceal the practice of Lufeninan magycks the ancient survivors locked down their greatest sources of power into synthetically refined crystals: the Eidoliths.

"But they are legends," replies Kimahri, "midwife stories to scare children. Even as a kid I was told those tales."

"Oh my child, you would be surprised at how many legends end up being true. Many thought Etro was."

"Well, assuming you are right," continues Kimahri, "how can we break a Lufeninan spell?"

Amarant chuckles in shame and explains there is no way. "Kill the caster if you can," he adds, "the spell is locked with an identity veil, something the Eidolith can grant to the one who curses. If you want the strength to break this affliction, you must find a Goldling Lufeninan Crystal."

Kimahri stays in silence, Amarant knows he said something practically impossible to get. If Lufeninan Crystals were the containers used to seal this antique civilization's magycks... it would be obvious that most of them were hidden who knows where, if not already lost.

"There are many tales," adds Amarant, "yet some of them might or might not be where these tales talk about. I would recommend you reach someone who might be accustomed to the lore of Lufenia. I know little and my understanding is limited."

"Would Yuna know about them?" asks Kimahri.

"Probably," replies Amarant, "she doesn't stop being a summoner. Eidoliths hold the power of creatures that are alike Aeons."

"Then it's decided," I say without thinking, Kimahri looks at me with some kind of relief. I try to turn down my voice, but I realize this was something I said from within my soul, so I make up my mind and finish the sentence: "We are to see Yuna. If she knows something, we could find out where the Eidolith might be hidden."

[thedyingmoon]

🖤 I See My Future Before Me 🖤

~ A V X Reader set in an Alternate Universe wherein you get to listen to cheesy songs of the seventies. 🎶

~ I want to thank everyone who liked and reblogged my V art. This chapter is for you! 🖤

~ And to my friends, @heaven-on-a-landslide , @acieoj , @ehrzeth , @simmy-ships , @lessy86 , @gxthghoulfriend , and @kerlialighieri . 🖤

~ And especially to you, @krazy06 ! 🖤

~ Everything's gonna be just fine. Alright? Let's do this! 🖤

***

XII

***

At last, you were holding onto the discarded mask of a Death Scissor that you've slain as proof that you're worthy to work as Dante's partner. The man just could not be convinced, saying that he worked alone and that he had no plans of hiring an assistant.

But, here you were, determined to the bone to get hired. You really needed Dante. You knew it was very selfish on your part to actually admit it but, you had no other choice.

And so, with a deep breath, you opened the door and,...

... immediately closed it, unable to process what you just saw inside.

You deeply sighed, feeling your confidence leave your body.

Yes, you were very proud of your achievement, and you just couldn't wait to show it to Dante.

But, it seemed that he had different things in mind.

You were about to walk away from the building, not once looking back, when the door suddenly burst open. Out came Dante, who clearly looked both embarrassed and annoyed at the same time. He grabbed your right arm and made you look at him.

"Didn't your mother teach you how to knock?!" he yelled at you, gaining the attention of the people nearby.

You drew back, one eyebrow raised. "Sorry." you sarcastically blurted out. "The sign says you're open for business!" you took your arm off his grasp and rubbed it. "Didn't have the slightest idea that you're open for something else!"

"You - "

"Dante, where are you?! We're not done yet!" came the voice of the woman from within the building, making you cringe.

"I'm sorry for barging in, sir." you went on with your sarcasm, still not able to rinse your eyes off the sight that you witnessed earlier. "I'll just tell Morrison that you were busy and that I covered for you."

"Don't you dare!" warned Dante in a low voice, trying to avoid the prying eyes of his annoying neighbors.

You gave him an evil smirk. An idea just sparked inside your head.

"No, really. It's okay." you pressed on with your act. "I'm sure Morrison would understand."

"Dante!" the woman inside the building playfully whined. The man began sweating nervously.

While it was true that Dante was supposed to be the one who must take on the small Demon - slaying job, it was also true that he declined it, saying that he had better things to do than perform small time requests.

And while it was also true that you volunteered to cover up for him in exchange for your coveted job, it was definitely a lie that Morrison knew anything about your proposition. You just couldn't help but tease the man as revenge for unintentionally stealing what's left of your innocence.

"I must go now." you said to Dante, who couldn't say anything. "I have to talk with Morrison and - "

"Okay, you're hired." Dante announced in a heartbeat, making your eyes widen in surprise.

"Really?" you asked.

"Yes! Yes! You win!" Dante finally surrendered. "You'll be my assistant from now on. On one condition."

"And that is?" you asked him, crossing your arms and fearlessly looking up at him.

"Our relationship would purely be professional. No one would ever belong to anyone. Got it?"

You chuckled at his proposal. "That's it?"

"And you'll wash the dishes, clean the building, answer the phone, pay the - "

"I'm your assistant. Naturally, I'll do those things for you." you cut him off. "Except pay for the bills. You're the boss here, Dante. Not me. And you have the money."

"Yes, yes. Of course." The man nodded in defeat. You smiled and gave him the mask you obtained on your small job.

"Are we good?" Dante asked, still worried about what you might do or say to the Broker.

You winked at him and walked away. "Sure."

***

"My love must be some kind of blind love.

I can't see anyone but you."

You were staring at the Death Scissor mask - like thing that V placed on top of the table for who knows how long, until someone tapped you on the shoulder.

"Hon, we're leaving now." Nico told you, her face looking strangely and uncharacteristically serious.

"Huh?" You mumbled, your head still in the clouds.

"Are the stars out tonight?

I don't know if it's cloudy or bright.

I only have eyes for you, dear."

"Don't worry. We'll be back in a heartbeat." She said as she handed Nero his new breaker. She turned to V, who was sitting on the sofa across you. "We leave her to you, man."

The mysterious one, who changed back to his old clothes of black, leather vest and equally dark pair of cargo pants, nodded, the look on his eyes as serious as ever. "I'll guard her with my life."

Nico nodded, fully trusting V to protect you once more. She turned to Nero and gave him the go signal.

And, with that, they're gone, leaving you alone with V once more.

"The moon may be high,

But I can't see a thing in the sky.

I only have eyes for you.

I don't know if we're in a garden,

Or on a crowded avenue.

You're here and so am I.

Maybe millions of people go by.

And they all disappear from view.

And I only have eyes for you."

The place was really quiet, save for the sound of the radio, which either played an old song from the seventies, or someone else's cheesy request. But, most of the time, some announcer with a sleep - inducing voice would announce the current situation regarding the Demonic infestation, the nationwide evacuation, and, of course, the Dreadnought.

You looked to your right as V went closer towards the passenger's seat to turn up the volume of the radio in curiosity.

"The nationwide evacuation ensues, this time, with the help of the Devil Hunters commissioned by the head of the Fleminger House of Red Grave." The male announcer droned on like an old professor reading an age - old historical text in front of an empty classroom. "With the combined forces of Fleminger's finest warriors and the nation's Military, the Demons, which,..."

V's eyes widened a bit as he heard a soft thud behind him. He turned around and saw you collapsed on the sofa, asleep. He sighed, turned the volume of the radio to the minimum, and went towards you, utterly careful in his steps so as not to wake you up.

All of a sudden, some of the dark markings on his skin vanished as Shadow materialized. She trotted towards you, her lithe body making little to no noise, and sniffed you, seemingly trying to check if you're alright. V noticed this very unprecedented action of his familiar, and was actually not surprised that she approved of you with a curt nod towards him and a subtle squint of her eyes.

"Good girl." V whispered, his voice so low and hoarse that it almost sounded foreign to him.

After much deliberation with his own conflicting thoughts, he took the liberty of taking a seat at the edge of the sofa where you slept and decided to watch you as you dreamed.

In a space of a few moments, he saw you turn, curl your lip, and furrow your eyebrows, which he found really amusing, interesting, and oddly satisfying all at the same time. Your erratic sleeping movements told him that you were, indeed, dreaming, and that your soft voice -

"D - " V heard you mutter. He leaned in closer towards you to hear what you were saying. "D - d - "

D? V thought. Was she dreaming of Dante?

"D - don't,... leave,..." He leaned in a bit closer, if that was even possible, that he was already feeling your warm breath against his face. "S - stay, please. Stay w - with me,...

... V."

His eyes widened, his jaw dropped. V could not quite believe that you just uttered his name! And, what's even more alarming was the fact that his chest almost brushed against yours. His hands were on either side of your head, and your intoxicating scent sent signals down to his very core.

Signals,...

... that were very hard to ignore.

He looked down at your form, which was only covered by the mere coat that he draped over you to protect your modesty, and felt something stirr within his heart.

He knew it was very wrong of him to take advantage of you this way. After all, Nico trusted him to take care of you while she and Nero were away on a little scouting mission outside the mansion.

But, you two were alone. Plus, Griffon was not coming out to make a scene. If he could -

Before his thoughts could further take over his senses to make him totally lose his sanity over you, V pulled away immediately, standing as far away from the sofa, and you, as possible. You deserved his protection, not his lust. How could he call himself a gentleman if he goes like this every time he sets his eyes on you? Or, let alone, inhale your strange, addictive scent?

With a deep, disappointed sigh, he walked away, opening the door of the van and going out to catch some fresh air and calm his senses, leaving Shadow alone with you.

He was about to sit on an abandoned chair near the van to read his book when he felt a pair of sharp eyes directed towards him. He looked up, and there, right outside the smashed window, was the Master of the house, himself. His lips twisted into a strange looking smile as he beckoned for V to come closer.

He turned towards the vehicle. He knew Shadow would protect you should something go wrong once more, and if the situation called for it, he would have no qualms, whatsoever, to summon the golem again.

He looked back towards the vicinity of the smashed window and proceeded there with caution. And when he was finally outside, he found the Master waiting for him at the balcony where he had his very first waltz with you.

"There's no need for caution." The Master began. "The Demons would only come out at night. It's almost dawn."

"And why should I believe you?" V questioned the man.

The Master gave him that strange, twisted smile once more. "Well, let's just say that I know things that most of you don't."

V forcefully tapped his cane against the ground, fighting the urge to summon Griffon, and tipped his head to the side, having no intention to show any sign of fear or weakness.

"You knew for a fact that the Demon originated from the North." V spoke, carefully choosing his words in the face of this very untrustworthy man. "It seems that,... you knew too much,... for your own good."

"Most of the time, I just pray to the gods to bring back the time when I was still a foolish and naïve boy."

V watched with wary eyes how the Master of the house situated himself near the railing, leaning on it and crossing his arms. Despite his bulky figure, the man sure moved with flair.

The Master turned his gaze towards the interior of the wrecked ballroom, directing V's sight.

"Curious thing, this Dreadnought is." The Master quietly said, his words easily hard to miss should one fail to listen carefully. "Rising from the depths of the Underworld, itself, laying waste to everything it laid its eyes upon, then going back to hibernation for a hundred years. Only to wake up once more to wreak havoc in the present."

"What is this Demon?" V questioned, walking closer towards the man and blocking his sight from the vicinity of the van at the same time. "And how do we destroy it?"

"My Lord, are you aware of the tragedy of Fortuna?" Getting no response from V, who only looked at him in suspicion, the Master went on. "A Demon laid waste on a house full of orphans, mutilating them, and sparing no one. Now, despite the assumption that nobody survived that onslaught, my ancestor, my grandmother to be exact, actually lived to tell the tale.

"She moved away from Fortuna, starting a different life here in this city, and forgetting the nightmare that occurred in the past. However, the faces of the helpless orphans haunted her until her last day on this world.

"But, today, it seems that her nightmare has awoken."

"So, it seems." V said in a sarcastic manner that was missed by the Master.

The man smiled and nodded towards the ballroom once more. "I will give you a valuable advice for defeating the Dreadnought." Satisfied that he caught V's attention, he smiled in that twisted way once more and spoke. "You know how some pleasant things send so many different kinds of sensations all throughout the body. I suggest blocking all of them all the same."

The Master of the house left the railing and turned away from V.

"It's best to know what is truth, and what is not."

And with those final words, the man finally left, leaving V with more questions than answers.

***

🖤🖤🖤

[bluephoenixdruidicprincess]

Shadowhunters 3x11, Lost Souls -- Review

It's that time of the year again where I put myself through the torture of enduring this show. Watching this show is like going on an endurance run. You drag your feet when you first start, when you get acclimated to the level of exercise, you think "hey, this isn't too bad" and then by the end, it's just pain...but also a sense of pride that you made it through. That's been my experience with the show, anyway. And it's basically how I felt about Shadowhunters 3x11, Lost Souls.

I would like to preface this review with saying that I am NOT a huge supporter of this show. I do enjoy certain elements of it but I'm not what would be classified as a devoted fan. For me, Shadowhunters is not a good show and I do get very critical of the show in my reviews. Honestly, for me, I watch the show because 1) I'm too curious not to and 2) I find that this show can be so bad its funny and that's how I reap enjoyment out of it. I am not at all invested in this show or its characters anymore. I'm just watching to see what happens. If you're a die hard fan and you lash out at everyone who has a different opinion than you, you might want to skip these...I'm just saying. My reviews may not be for you. If you do decide to be a total troll, well then pay attention to the below disclaimer.

This is going to be an honest review of my thoughts and feelings regarding this episode. If you're the kind of Shadowhunters fan where you only want to hear positive things about the show, this is not the place for you. If you decide to stick around and get offended by what is said, then that's on you. I warned you. Just know that if you send me any rude comments or messages, I will 100% ignore you. I find that's the best way to deal with bullies. I work 14 hour days. Do you really think I want to waste my incredibly valuable free time dealing with derogatory comments? Hell no. This review will consist of my honest opinions. Opinions are never right or wrong. I'm not telling YOU how to think and feel. I'm telling you what I, quirky and socially awkward me, think and feel. So please, lets discuss with dignity and respect. If I'm critical about this show, it's only because I want it to get better. There is, in fact, a difference between hating a show and being critical of it. I do not hate Shadowhunters, I am being critical and analyzing the flaws as I would with any other show. There are positives but there are also negatives. It's great if you want to promote positivity with this show (and I encourage you to do so) but that doesn't mean I'm not going to point out the things that are legitimately wrong with it. Also, keep in mind that despite the fact that I do like the books, me being critical of this show has nothing to do with my fondness for the books. I don't really care if the show deviates from the source material as long as the changes are good, it makes sense, and it doesn't create plot holes within the confines of the world the show has created. My problems with this show are problems I would have with any show or book for that matter. I think it's perfectly reasonable to take issue with a show that has plot holes, shoddy world building, and inconsistent characters. There will be spoilers for the books and movie.

We are at last embarking upon the final episodes of this show and if this episode is what's going to set the tone for the remaining episodes, then I'm glad it's the final episodes because...well, this episode wasn't great and is a perfect example of what I won't miss about Shadowhunters. Bland and cringey dialogue, more characters than it knows what to do with, and too much jumping across plot points. There are individual moments in the episode I enjoyed but overall, this isn't an episode I loved.

The Loss of the Mary Sue

I'm not entirely certain of the timeline in this episode. The episode never specifies on exactly how many days have passed since the 3A finale but I'm going to estimate about a week or so. Everyone believes Clary died in the explosion caused by Lillith attacking Simon.

The episode opens with Jace, Izzy, and Alec chasing after a downworlder and Jace makes some very shoddy decisions in this fight that lets you see just how reckless he's become in the wake of Clary's "death". We then get a montage of everyone missing Clary and the more significant one is Jace, that's the one they spent the most amount of time on. He's basically walking through Clary's room remembering all the times he spent with Clary...so basically three memories. Another classic example of what I've always been talking about when it comes to the adaptation changes. Clary and Jace have barely spent any amount of time together, even less actually dating and I'm supposed to believe that they're each other's one true love...not going to happen because the show didn't develop it at all. There's a moment in the montage where Jace starts looking at Clary's drawings and getting really emotional about it and I felt nothing because Jace has never been shown to take any sort of interest in Clary's artwork before. In fact, if it weren't for that one scene in 3A, I wouldn't even have known that Clary was still drawing. By the show deviating from the books in the way they did, Clace had less development but yet the show still wants to continue the aspect of Clace being hopelessly in love from the books. You can't make a significant change from the source material and then pages down the line expect to pick up exactly where you left off. By making the change, you changed the entire context of the relationship so now the entire story has to change in order to fit that new narrative. Sadly, the Shadowhunters writers have not figured that out yet and continue to make that same mistake...or they're lazy, it could be that, too. Jace eventually gets so depressed that it's implied that he's contemplating suicide but Izzy is able to talk to him and get him to think. And then she just leaves him after making him promise he won’t go through with it. If anyone's wondering, if you catch someone who you believe may be contemplating suicide, do not UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, LEAVE THEM ALONE!!! Particularly in a dark room. Being in a dark enclosed space is not the kind of place that typically sends out positive energy. But I suppose I can cut Izzy a little bit of a break. It's entirely possible the Shadowhunter world doesn't really understand how to help someone who's experiencing suicidal thoughts. They certainly didn’t help out Jace’s mother. Alec also confronts Jace about this in probably the only believable scene in this entire episode. Seriously, I've never been a Jalec shipper but I totally understand why people ship them. Matt and Dom are probably the only actors who actually have any chemistry with each other. But Alec tells Jace he's doing the memory of Clary a disservice and that if Jace were to die, it would destroy him as well. In other words, Jace isn't the only one who's going to be affected by this decision. Jace eventually is called by Luke who for some reason appears to be living in a motel room. I don't know why but whatever. Luke doesn't believe Clary is actually dead and he tries to convince Jace through some really weird conspiracy theory that probably even flat-earthers would find difficult to believe. But hey, if it leads to them finding Clary, I'll go with it. And I understand why Luke is unable to accept even the possibility that Clary might be gone for good. He can't think that about someone who he basically views as his daughter and the last connection he has to Jocelyn. Luke gives the evidence to Jace and tells Jace to at least check it out.

Simon, understandably, is also having a difficult time with all this. And Maia returns to give him emotional support despite leaving for a very particular and totally understandable reason but Simon needs her so of course she comes back for him. It's not like Maia exists for anything else but for Simon's character arc. Both Simon and Izzy kind of passive-aggressively shame Maia about leaving. And I'm particualrly disappointed in Izzy telling Maia about what happened to Simon's family as that's a very deeply personal issue and Simon should've been the one to tell her. It wasn't Izzy's secret to tell. I get that they were trying to use that scene to exposit information to the audience but there were better ways of doing that. Hell, it could've just been Izzy making an off-handed comment about Simon. Maia could've been talking to Izzy about how badly Simon is doing with the Clary situation and Izzy could've been all, "especially with what happened with his family" and Maia could've been shocked and Izzy could've been flabbergasted because she didn't know Maia didn't know. That would've been a much better way for the situation to be handled. But I'm not too pleased with Izzy saying in response to Maia not knowing, "well how could you? you weren't around." Just the insinuation that Maia should stay around and support her man and not go off and get in the right head space to properly heal herself after dealing with the re-emergence of her abuser. But I suppose I shouldn’t expect any different from Izzy seeing as she, herself, also only exists to give support the other characters. I think these passive aggressive intonations of shaming Maia are really horrible and shame on the writer. Maia, Izzy, and Simon decide to work together to find a way to get rid of the Mark of Cain from Simon's forehead. They talk to Raphael who now works at a soup kitchen in Detroit and Raphael tells them the tale of some dude chilling in the sewers of NYC who could possibly be the oldest vampire alive and may have answers to the removal of the Mark of Cain. Maia decides not to help Simon on this as its a bad idea for a werewolf and a vampire to meet and I almost forgot that was a thing, the show so rarely does anything with the vampire vs werewolf dynamic. But of course Maia has to back off to give room for Sizzy. I’m really not a big fan of Sizzy being explored here as everything that made Sizzy fun and interesting in the books has been completely stripped from the show. I’d much prefer Saia on the show. But really, I just want Maia and Izzy to have their own character arc, though that doesn’t revolve around shipping. 

The Malec B-Plot

We have a Malec B-plot that I found just completely unnecessary wherein Iris returns and kidnaps Magnus because she wants to get Madzie back. She falls for the most obvious trap in the world and hopefully we never see Iris again. What it does for Magnus's story works I guess but I just found it to be a really obtrusive subplot that didn’t fit at all with the episode. I'm not sure if it's just the fact that I've been away from the show for a year so I can see the the show a little more clearly now but the Malec chemistry is no longer working for me. Maybe it's just that I've always paid more attention to how alarmingly unequal their relationship is but I'm looking at the body language they're giving off and its not the kind of body language you would expect from lovers. They're so stiff around each other and not relaxed at all.

In fact, there's a line in this episode where Malec has just put Madzie to bed as they're baby-sitting her and Alec kisses Magnus and Magnus tells him to stop because they have a child in the apartment currently. Alec kind of scoffs because it's just a kiss and Magnus is all, "You know how we get." And I'm like, "Do we really, though?" There's plenty of scenes of them talking and I can buy them as friends with that but lovers? I’m having a difficult time actually buying that now. Like I said before, the Jalec scene was way more believable than any Malec scene in this episode.

But Magnus decides he doesn't want to feel helpess ever again so he decides he needs to learn how to fight. Honestly, I was surprised to learn that this is implying he doesn't even seem to really have any basic self-defense capabilities. The way he was swinging the sword earlier in this episode lead to me to believe otherwise. Plus, Harry Shum Jr is a pretty buff dude but I guess maybe Magnus lifts weights and that’s it. Alec decides to help him out on this venture, though.

Siblings Reunited

We find out that Clary is indeed not dead and that Jonathon's back. I'll be real, here. It's kind of hard to feel sad for Jace or Simon or Luke or anyone really regarding the "death" of Clary, considering this entire episode is interspliced with moments of Clary being very much alive. Honestly, I think this episode would've functioned better if it was just about showing everyone going through all the different stages of grief regarding Clary and at the end of the episode when they've hit the acceptance stage, that's when we see Clary wake up in the apartment with Jonathon. But whatever. The show decided not to go that route so we have to make do with what we got. Clary wakes up and looking pretty damn fantastic for someone who's been asleep for days. Not a strand of hair out of place, make-up is flawless, and not a wrinkle to be found on her clothing. In fact, I think they're in even better condition than they were when Clary initially had to put them on. Clary also isn't even the slightest bit groggy, she knows exactly where she's at and everything. Clary does comas well. Jonathon tells Clary that it is indeed him, her big brother and that before Lillith was sent to hell she sent them away to Siberia, apparently. Clary plays nice for a little bit with Jonathon but decides to chance out in the cold of Siberia. It's nice to see that in her state of unconsciousness her muscles didn't atrophy from lack of movement or deteriorate from lack of food. But Clary fails in her escape, Jonathon finds her and brings her back. Clary tries to stab him with a knife but they both find out that what happens to one person will also happen to the other. So yeah, we're full in City of Lost Souls plot here which is ironically the title of this episode. Shadowhunters has never been all that subtle. This new actor for Jonathon is going to take some getting used to. Will Tudor did a phenomenal job with him so its difficult to see this new guy as Jonathon. But it also is difficult to take Clary's anger and hatred of Jonathon seriously when you think about all that Jonathon's really done on the show is kill a shadowhunter Clary had never met before and then injured Max and Max swiftly recovered. Clary is all about painting him as the worst possible being and indeed, in the books, he is but here, while he may be a bad guy who's done really bad things, I don't know if its deserving of that level of hatred. We haven't exactly seen a lot of his horrifying dastardly deeds. Another example of making a change and then thinking you can still keep the same storyline at a later point in the story. I'm certainly not saying I wanted Max to die but story-telling wise, it would make the emotions Clary's feeling here a little more believable. But I'm actually really interested to see where this whole Jonathon and Clary plot goes. In the books, it's Jace that's put in this situation so it'll be interestig to see how the show tackles Clary being in this situation. I'm also wondering, because they seem to be trying to stay away from the incest vibes here, is Jonathon going to gain an unhealthy obsession with Jace instead of Clary? In the books, Clary was who Jonathon was creepily obsessed with. He was equating possession with love and viewed that Clary belonged to him in every way imaginable. So since the roles of Clary and Jace have been reversed here, will Jonathon's obsession now change from Clary to Jace? Probably not but it would've been interesting to see for sure. I mean, if you're going to do a role reversal, you might as well go all the way, right?

The Clave Acting Shady AF

The Clave is being super shady right now. They appear to be doing experiments on the incarcerated downworlders and all I can say is, "do we really need this?" And also, "Why is it being implied that Jia knows about this and is okay with this?" The interesting thing about Jia in the books was the fact that she was the first step in the leadership to help get rid of the more corrupt aspects of the Clave and instigating change. But I suppose it's per the norm for the show to make everyone but the main group a bad guy instead of morally grey. As I've said before, this show has no concept of subtlety. I can only imagine that this is leading into the part in City of Glass the show hasn't done yet wherein the alliance rune is going to be introduced but instead of using it to fight Valentine, they're going to use it to fight Jonathon. That's what these downworlder experiments seem to be leading into as it reminds me a lot of Valentine experimenting in the books. I'm sure there was 0 social commentary intended when writing this into the show, though...but I think its safe to say it's totally social commentary. The show isn't very subtle, once again.

But good news is it looks like Ollie is gone for good so yay! I am side-eying the show, though about that. What was the point of introducing her if you weren't going to do anything with her? I'd say they probably wasted about half of 3A with Ollie unnecessarily. But maybe if this show hadn't been cancelled, Ollie would've played a more significant role? Well anyway, at least some of the fat has been trimmed.

My biggest issue, as always, is the dialogue. The dialogue felt extremely one-note. It was almost like the writer made a flow chart of what they wanted to happen in this episode and was like, "crap! I guess my characters do need to speak, here's some lines to explain what's going on." The dialogue basically existed solely for the purpose of giving exposition but the real kicker is that it was really unnecessary. I could've had this episode on silent (and that might've even have made it an improvement) and I would've understood what was happening perfectly. The dialogue really didn't add anything to the experience, it just made the episode feel more awkward than it already was. And then there continues the trend of Shadowhunters treating their awesome plans as if they’re the most clever plans in the world when in actuality, the plan is beyond obvious and it was super cringey and awkward seeing Izzy being treated as this amazing strategist for making the obvious move. And the episode was already plenty awkward with the constant cutting. It's really difficult to enjoy any particular subplot going on in this show when we only spend maybe 30 seconds to a minute on any particular moment. I kind of wish this show structured their episodes more around themes as opposed to plot. Plot is temporary, plot is always changing but exploring themes through plot gives you more of an appreciation not only for the characters but the story, itself. While I didn't mind sequences in this episode, at the end of the day, it just kind of left me feeling empty. I also think the acting felt a little stilted as well. I wasn't a big fan of any of the performances given in this episode and whereas I've never thought anyone on this show was oscar-worthy for their performances in the past on this show, their performances have always been maybe a C+ to a B. But in this episode, it just didn't feel like any of the actors' hearts were in it. Now granted, that could be a side effect of the script because, as I've mentioned before, the script wasn't great. Or it could've been the directing. There's a lot of reasons for why acting can feel stilted and it very rarely has to do with the actor or actress being bad at acting.

I've made notes about how the dialogue and acting was stilted but those weren't the only things that were. The fight choreography and the blocking felt a little off as well. For starters, the fight choreography did not feel organic. It was strangely reminiscent of season 1 fight choreography. The constant jump cuts so you don't see too much of what's actually happening and just feeling like fight scenes move very slowly. Like the reaction times between sword swing to parry were very slow and it kept on taking me out of the moment. Then you also had moments where Alec and Izzy catch up with Jace in the sewer and everyone's staring at the seelie they're trying to capture for a good 5 seconds before the actual fight continues. And then there's just strange blocking choices where a character walks to a point in the room and then delivers their line but the walk to the new mark wasn’t organic and actually made the line feel more awkward.

I'd probably give this episode a C+. It was passable, with enjoyable moments but ultimately not something I have any desire to return to. There were cute moments (primarily Jalec and Madzie), but overall as an episode, not something to be too terribly impressed with. And yes, there were moments I did like. It’s not my fault the show just had more bad parts I felt compelled to talk about.

[nsomniacsdream]

I work in the materials department of a small hospital system in rural Oregon. This hospital has spent the last 3 years or so promoting patient experience and employee engagement, there is a committee solely for that purpose, so that employees can hear directly from the ceo and other admins. I was placed on this committee in December after it was retooled to be an internal process instead of run by an outside agency. This is all just background info.

I have had a lot of bad jobs, I've worked for really bad bosses, we all have. But today is the first time a job made me feel small. Like I didn't matter, and that the work I did had no value.

It's a running joke in our department that admin forgets about us unless they have a reason to yell at us, but its just a general discontent. Yesterday in our meeting, the ceo of our organization took a moment to recognize the unsung heroes who help us all keep the hospital going, and she listed our dietary department, environmental services, facilities... and that was it. Didn't mention materials. And I kind of rolled with it because THEY DO THAT EVERYTIME. I don't think it even registers to them. So I was kind of whatever. Go in this morning, and my boss was like "wanna see something funny? They sent out the employee list for the valentines day thing they're doing AND WE ARENT EVEN ON IT." This was after the woman who sent it out had sent me a page long email about what the expectations were for the committee members. They were time stamped about ten minutes apart. Which means she forgot I existed within 10 minutes of writing out a whole email to me.

I will be the first to admit that my job is not hard on the level of surgery. Almost anyone can do a competent job of it. But it's hard to be GOOD at it. And I am very good at it. We have a three person team that are all very good at it. And this hospital doesn't realize how blessed they are to have a team like ours because most places don't. And right now, with covid and shipping bottle necks and did you know we are in the middle of a paper and plastic shortage in the US? We are basically making miracles happen. We have not had a supply related shut down at any point. Last month, I drove 8 hours through the mountains in a blizzard to pick something up at another hospital or else our entire surgical department would have had to shut down. I ended up being on the clock for 16 hours that day. I almost slid off a cliff. I didn't even get a thank you.

No one in our admin team knows or cares about what we do. How we have every department full every day, how quickly we deliver supplies when they're ordered. They aren't the ones calling fifteen different companies trying to find someone who still has stock they can send us. They aren't the ones holding this hospital together by trading favors with other materials departments who can only help us out because they know exactly what we are going through. They just complain about how long it takes for things to arrive.

And after the meeting yesterday, I felt like I didn't understand what exactly we were doing in the employee engagement committee so I wrote 2 sentences to the committee chair. "Can I ask a question? What the full responsibilities and duties of a person on this committee?"

She wrote out a whole email about what I'm supposed to be doing and I can't do the meetings remote anymore because she wants me more engaged, she talked to my boss, even scheduled a meeting with her today to talk about how engaged I need to be. And somehow in the middle of all that, she forgot my department even existed. I am so unimportant to these people I can stand in front of them and they won't remember my department exists. I dont matter at all to them. And I've learned my lesson, I won't ask questions anymore.

I love what I do, I've spent over a decade doing it. But I fucking despise the place I work.

[bluephoenixdruidicprincess]

Sooo... I don't know how much sense this is gonna make to you but I always thought that if the show would create it's own storylines and losely based on the books (so that it did not want to same results with the different paths they taken) it could been something more interesting. So what I mean is for example when they killed off Jocelyn they could have "fixed it" with their own, unique storyline. (It might be stupid but it's just one idea and it couldn't solve the damage they made) 1/many?

2/4 By not killing off Jace (since Lilith could easily possess him I mean Alec and Izzy both got possesed by a greater demon and Lilith is the mother of all demons..) so when Clary makes the wish, she makes her mother come back. I don’t know why but I would find that more interesting as a twist that she would be linked to Jonathan and by that time she would understand her son more and maybe even in the end kind of save him? 2/many?

3/4 I mean for me show!Jonathan/Sebastian is more human(Like I almost want to protect him? He did terrible things yes, but nothing really unredeemable?). What did he do really there? He was just a lost boy who was sent to hell to suffer after his whole life was all about suffering. He killed a few shadowhunters, he killed Dot (and no one really cared about her so I guess it’s okay? Did anyone mourn her at all? I don’t think so.) 3/many 

4/4 But I guess this show was never something the writers really cared about. I’m pretty sure all the action, all the plot stuff will only happen around the 18th episode maybe? By that time we will be bored to death with awful filler episodes. When if they wanted to make it different or in their eyes better.. There was a lot of opportunity. And they constantly failed. And who knows maybe the last two episodes will have more action than the whole season 3 before that. // last of many ♥ 

Not to worry. You made plenty of sense. One of the many weaknesses in the show’s writing is the fact that they keep on trying to follow the source material while still trying to tell their own story and I think that contributes a lot to how messy this show’s story is. The fact that they’re trying to follow the source material but also want to make their own story at the same time. They keep on trying to have it both ways and while there are certain stories you can do that with…The Shadowhunters Chronicles is not a good book series to take that approach with. Cassandra Clare’s writing format is heavily based on what I call a “chain reaction” format. Meaning, her stories and the tools she uses within the story (whether it be character, plot or world-building) are extremely close-knit, everything affects everything else, the story devices are all inter-woven together. Everything leads into something else. So it’s not as simple as making a change and then being able to continue on with her source material afterwards because the entire foundation of her story is so closely inter-woven that whatever you change causes a chain reaction of things that also need to change. And the writers for the show have proven that they don’t understand that. TVD failed in a lot of things but I did enjoy how it wasn’t afraid to deviate and still managed to tell their own somewhat cohesive story that had its fair share of memorable characters that made you feel things whether for the good or the worst.

And I also really love your Jocelyn idea. It’s always bugged me that Clary used the wish to bring back Jace, a guy she wasn’t all that close with to begin with and had only known for a month, two months tops. It would’ve made far more sense for it to be Jocelyn. And just imagine all the interesting conversations we could’ve had between Jocelyn and Lillith. The Woman Who Birthed Jonathon vs the Woman Who Raised Jonathon. That would be such a fun clash. And ultimately it all tying into Jocelyn getting to know her son and the resolution could be she and Jonathon riding off into the sunset and raising Jonathon to be the person he was meant to be. There could be a tearful good-bye with Clary in which Clary doesn’t want her mother to go, that the reason she brought Jocelyn back was she still needed her mother and Jocelyn can tell her, “Perhaps you did once, but that’s not the case anymore. The truth is you haven’t needed me for a very long time but your brother does need me and I’m going to give him what I should’ve given him all along. This is my redemption.” 

And you’re absolutely right. While Jonathon has done some pretty bad things, in conjunction with how it relates to the other characters, it’s nothing that’s irredeemable. And I actually forgot that he killed Dot. That’s how forgettable she is. In fact, I don’t even think Clary mourned her and if the pilot episode was anything to go off of, those two were supposed to have been as close as sisters. In season one, Dot blew off the chance to escape Valentine in order to search for and protect Clary and what did Clary do for Dot? Well, she leaves Dot on Valentine’s ship, the next time she sees Dot, she treats Dot as if Dot were the enemy, and when Dot dies, I don’t think a single tear was shed. Are we sure Clary isn’t the villain of this story? Show!Jonathon actually has some really interesting qualities about him that I find quite intriguing that I never really saw in the books so I’m like, “Yes, show, keep on this thread” and then they throw the creepy incest thing our way to further demonize him and I’m just like, “Why???” Like I really loved the moment when Jonathon is telling the story about how he met the original Sebastian Verlac and how touched he was by the beauty inside and out Sebastian exhibited. To think that after years of being trapped in a hell dimension, coming out, and that’s his first interaction in the world? A beautiful boy offering him his jacket? But the show is going hard-core down this incest route because you know, Jonathon is evil, why wouldn’t he be attracted to his sister? I still maintain that it would be far more interesting, since they’re doing this whole role swap with Clary and Jace (in the books, it was Jace with the bond) that instead of Jonathon being obsessed with Clary, he’s actually super obsessed with Jace. If you’re going to do a role swap, you might as well go all the way, right? And considering the physical similarities behind Jace and the real Sebastian, it could track.

This entire season feels like it’s going to be nothing but filler. I watched 3x14 earlier today and I swear I must’ve fast forwarded like half the episode because I was so bored. The show has so much plot they have to get through but they keep on having episodes full of inconsequential moments that in the long run were a complete waste of time. Everything is probably going to be jam packed in the final couple of episodes and character arcs and relationships are all going to be rushed to an ending point that won’t feel organic. It truly is a shame how disappointing this show is because it could’ve been amazing. It truly boggles my mind how they can make a show that has so much plot squeezed in but it takes a million-and-one years for anything to happen.