#i don't care about debating whether she was justified or not. it's about how SHE justifies it

[ilions-end]

godDAMN clytemnestra's speech at the end of agamemnon

all this time she's been SO restrained and tight like a coil and then immediately after the murder ALL her thoughts and emotions are tumbling out of her. she's been planning this for so long but also she's so full of adrenaline

she keeps reframing her own role and the murder, where it's both an act of human desperate revenge and also a cold godlike consummation of justice and i'm obsessed with how her thoughts flow into each other.

the fact that she watches herself chop up her husband and thinks of it as a holy act. i've been thinking about it all day

[astr-venus]

｡⁠☆ Who Is This Diva✦

｡⁠☆Content: Izuku Midoriya BF headcanons

｡⁠☆Cw: a few uses of she/her, one singular pregnancy mention, no use of y/n, light cursing

✦ Always writing in that damn notebook, there is nothing you can say or do that won't end up there

✦ If you're creeped out by it, he will commit what you said to memory and write it down later

✦ The best gift giver. He notices everything about you. From your face to your body to your brain. All of his gifts are thoughtful

✦ Didn't know how to do his own hair until Mina showed him, however if you know how to do it he'll play dumb

"My hair... ? Y-Yeah, Mina normally helps me with it, b-but I seen you take care of your own so... Do you mind helping me instead ? Not that Mina isn't great, b-but she isn't you... Sorry, is that a weird thing to say ?"

✦ Sometimes YOU are the third wheel when Katsuki's around. Good luck with that.

✦ Nervous forever. Constantly apologizing. Trips over everything when you're around. His face is always bright red. Nervous talker for sure. Heaven forbid you compliment him, he might pass out on the spot

✦ He stays on Uraraka's phone. He needs advice before he does anything, especially if you're a girl. He used to take advice from Kaminari, and then he learned his lesson (⁠ ⁠╹⁠▽⁠╹⁠ ⁠)

"I-It's not sexist to assume she likes flowers just cause she's a girl right ?.... What ?! Of course I know that not all girls like flowers !! .... N-No way I can't just ask her. What if she thinks I'm weird" (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)

✦ Doodles you everywhere. Aizawa is fed up with the scribbled pictures of you in all the corners of his homework. He's debating whether or not he should take point off his papers just to get him to stop. Mic and All Might think it's cute

✦ All this to say he is the sweetest ever. He makes sure to know every single thing about you, it borders on obsession. He follows you around like a lost puppy. His receiving love language is physical touch/quality time, and his giving love language is gift giving and acts of service

✦ Izuku is selfless to a fault, but when it comes to you he can't help but be selfish. No matter how much he gives to you, he feels justified because your love, affection, time, and attention, is the ultimate prize.

☆ PROHERO ☆

✦ Interviewers are tired of hearing about you. Any questions lead right back to what you're doing, something you've said, what you think, what you look like. It doesn't matter as long as it's about you

✦ Puts your needs first which can be really nice, but definitely neglects himself in the process. Like this man has chronic pain in his hands, but will stay up until ungodly hours giving himself carpal tunnel making something that you didn't even ask for just bc he knew you'd like it

✦ If you're not a prohero (hell, even if you are), Izuku is overprotective. His worst fear is you being taken from him in any sense of the word. Losing you isn't something he would ever get over

✦ Rarely ever yells, but when he does he sounds just like Katsuki. It's annoying how much like Katsuki he sounds. Otherwise though, he prefers to concede to whatever you want, the only time serious arguments occur is if it's about something like your safety

"Shouto, I'm gonna throw myself off a cliff... No she's not hurt she's perfectly fine don't even joke about that !!! .... The problem ? Shou she's so mad at me.... Don't look at me like that, I'm serious !"

✦ A sass monster. Rarely ever to your face, most of the time it's just a mutter under his breath that you barely catch but you just know he said something smart.

✦ If your first language isn't Japanese then trust and believe he's learning whatever your native tongue is. He has the cutest accent too. If he's feeling bold he'll use your lessons as an excuse to flirt with you, and after that there's a high chance you won't get anything done

✦ NOT a morning person. Clings to you and the bed like his life depends on it. Moaning and groaning in your ears about how mean you are to him, how could you make him get up for early morning patrol ? Death for 10 thousand years have been cursed upon him.

"Hmm ? I don' care 'bour the alarm. Turn it off... Where you goin' ? Noooo don' go shh i's okay, mhmm it snoozes itself. Jus' lay back down, yeah 'xactly baby.... Hmm ? Late ? Patrol ? OHMYGOD PATROL !!"

✦ Pet name extraordinaire. It takes a while until he finds his favorite, so he spends his time cycling through all types of sweet names. Anything from baby to darling to pookiebear to beautiful. He probably doesn't stray too far into weird names, but he dips his toes in if it feels right.

✦ Won't admit it, but he loves it when you flaunt him to your friends. Makes him feel like a big strong man, especially when you feel up his arms. His face flushes bright red and he tries to wave it off but he stutters so much that his sentence is barely distinguishable, but of course that only makes you want to do it more

✦ When you get married it's honestly been inevitable, especially if you met while in highschool. If it was only up to Izuku you would've been married within the month, but lucky for you he has self restraint. If you both want kids they truly won't be far behind marriage, and if you thought he was obsessive before just imagine if you get pregnant.

First post,, how exciting !! Not sure if I'm sticking with this format, but I think I like it. My blog is almost completely set up and I have a few reblogs so... My askbox is open if you so please (⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠)

Who f/w black Izuku like I do ?? 🗣️🗣️

｡⁠☆Requests open

[saintsenara]

I know you responded with a meme, but if you're able I'd love to hear your thoughts on harry/hermione 👀

fine. i'll scream into a pillow periodically and get through this...

obviously, i don't actually find the concept of harmony sincerely upsetting - people shipping things is never that deep, and because, as i've said before, i subscribe to the principle that any pairing is possible if you just have enough nerve. i've been recommended some harmony fics by people who are fonder of the ship, and while i've not found them immediately compelling, i do appreciate that there are plenty of people who disagree.

but my feelings are basically the same for harmony as they are for dramione: that it's never done interestingly.

harmony is - like all hermione pairings except [broadly] romione - a breeding ground for fanon!hermione, who is perfect and flawless and so clever she can solve millennia-old mysteries in afternoon. i hate this version of the character because i find her boring - it's just standard self-insert stuff, which is fine but not something i have any interest in reading. i similarly dislike the version of harry who appears in these stories, who ends up - like all men in hermione pairings except [broadly] ron - being either this impossibly sophisticated and suave intellectual with the body of a greek god or a doormat who's happy to shut the fuck up forever and do whatever she says.

[i also hate - obviously, since he's my king - the way harmony stories are often even more egregious than dramione ones in writing ron as a cruel and violent misogynist who is ontologically indistinct from your average death eater. and i think it somewhat proves my point that neither of these ships work particularly well that this character assassination has to take place in order to make them plausible...]

and i think the flattening of harry and hermione's personalities within most harmony is the main thing which keeps the ship from being interesting. because - while i certainly don't go in for the common anti-harmony argument that harry actively dislikes hermione - it's undeniable that there is a lot about the two of them which wouldn't be conducive to a harmonious [lol] relationship.

their communication styles - hermione works through problems by debating them, harry prefers not to be challenged - are the obvious one. their ways of expressing affection - hermione shows people she cares about them by nagging them and meddling in their lives, harry very much does not - are another. they have extremely different views about authority, they decompress in different ways [harry is someone who clearly needs to keep physically active to clear his head, hermione is much more of a homebody], and harry's impulsiveness is a poor match for hermione's fondness for planning.

they are also similar in ways which would cause them to butt heads. both have a tendency towards obsessiveness, which they rely in canon on ron pulling them out of. both have a significant capacity for cruelty and extremely black-and-white moral codes - harry has a tendency towards forming judgements on people and situations based on whether they are people he likes or things he benefits from [i.e. how he's appalled by dobby's treatment because his masters are the malfoys, but doesn't give a shit about kreacher's because his abusive master is sirius], while hermione tends to regard any rule-breaking she does as justified even if she'd regard it as outrageous from anyone else [i.e. her fury over harry appearing to use felix felicis to improve's ron's performance at quidditch when she herself confunded cormac mclaggen to get him onto the team...]. both have a tendency towards giving people the silent treatment when they're angry. both are incredibly stubborn...

and so on.

obviously, they also have positive qualities in common too - a shared loyalty, for one - but it always seems to me that the standard move in harmony is for authors to completely ignore these conflicting traits, either really over-egging what makes harry and hermione compatible platonically in the books or just inventing similarities [especially intellectual ones] to justify the pairing. whereas i would much prefer to see just how difficult it would be for harry and hermione to fall and sustain being in love with each other, and i've never seen that done compellingly.

but the conflict i'd love to see explored in harmony fics most of all, but which never seems to be acknowledged by fans of the pairing, is that [despite the fanon slander that ron is the person who behaves poorly towards her] harry is often horrible to hermione and hermione is often scared of harry.

this is at its most profound after ron leaves the horcrux hunt in deathly hallows, but we see several times throughout canon that - if ron isn't there to mediate between them - harry often treats hermione in a way which can be considered downright cruel. if she criticises him in a way he considers unjustifiable, he tends to side with other people against her [ron in prisoner of azkaban over the firebolt; ginny in half-blood prince over snape's textbook]. if she tries to reason with him he often beats her down with the force of his emotions [i.e. when she tries to get him to think about whether his vision of sirius in the department of mysteries might be a trick] or his convictions [i.e. when he lures her into near-death by being certain that nagini is really bathilda bagshot], and she often ends up having to soothe or appease him when he's the one who's screamed at her.

hermione is also scared more generally of harry's experiences - she's by far the least amenable of the trio to talking about voldemort [even though she says his name earlier than ron does] - and mission, which puts up a barrier between them which will be difficult to bring down post-war. i think there's something which could be really interesting there - the most interesting dynamic in hinny, after all, is when harry and ginny's tendency to not actually be honest with each other is explored - but unfortunately at the minute that sort of character work is drowning in a sea of "ron is so stupid and harry and i just love talking about classic literature, come darling, put on your leather trousers and let us solve world hunger; i look like emma watson" nonsense.

dull!

[seraphimumbra]

My Amrit Doobay opinion is that I don't particularly want him to be written differently and I don't think it would necessarily make him a better character. A better person? Sure.

But him being obsessive, thinking he knows best and thus being disrespectful, controlling, creepy and overstepping all of her boundaries is fitting right alongside the rest of his personality.

I don't want him to suck less, I think he makes for a very enjoyable character as he is. One can enjoy gutting him like a fish or leaving him alone to rot in his pathetic misery or maybe even join him in his insanity depending on the mood. Whether or not his actions were forgiven and ignored by the narrative is thus a bit more complex to comment on since it becomes a path issue.

Amala joining him and moving past all of of his actions is not the same as the narrative doing that. This is the same Amala who has justified a lot of mass murders along the way, who has experienced a lot of traumatic events quite recently and we have been outright told by the narrative that she is going a bit insane.

If this person justifies his actions and decides that she wants to spend her life with him, that doesn't translate to the narrative saying that it's the correct or healthy thing to do. It could means that she did it anyway. She wanted to. She didn't care.

I don't think he was a failed morally gray character per say, because I don't think he was meant to be written as that kind of morally gray character in the first place. He was very outright on the wrong side of things about several issues. Characters who only do 'bad' things for the greater good are fine and good but characters can be wrong about what the greater good is, or about how they should go about it.

They can also have their own flaws outside of the trolley problem debate. Not every flaw has to sit nicely in the morally gray box where this was a bad thing done for good reasons. This was a bad thing done for bad reasons actually and the reason is that this person sucks. This same person had a distinct goal when doing that other bad thing though, arguably a good enough goal. Not every action has the same reason. Characters whose motives and actions are nuanced are fun.

So, I find Amrit Doobay to be a fun character to play with, not necessarily just in the scenarios provided to us in the game. What would happen if she got him arrested and took over the Dozen for herself? If she tried to kill him but he survived and now is sitting there analysing what just happened via his delusional lens, his entire worldview crashing right onto his head.

The self victimization that would come with any scenario of Amala not wanting to play along his schemes and instead doing something of her own. He might fancy himself the last do-gooder, the only one who knows what needs to be done, thus making everyone who goes against him not only dumb but dangerously so - a rabid dog that needs to be put down. Would he also admit to himself that it is out of vengeance, it is for fun, or would it just be 'the necessary thing to do'. His loneliness and deranged expectations from Amala to be his divine soulmate - all of these things make the dynamic interesting to explore to me - in several different ways, not necessarily including them actually being together in any shape or form (well, except for the thread).

All in all, yes he sucks and yes he is fun to explore which easily makes him an enjoyable character to me because I want my characters to be interesting more than anything else. It's fiction.

[wildgeese98]

I've seen a lot of takes about Celia's motivations, why she decided to go through with her plan to lure Sam to the Hilltop Center. Obviously it's complex. She's got a hell of a lot of weird stuff going on and personally I think she spent all of season one incredibly scared and conflicted. But I have seen a lot of people be weirdly dismissive of how powerful a motivation not wanting to be separated from your child is. To the point where I've seen some people outright dismiss it, essentially saying her actions were completely unjustified because someone else could raise Jack and he'd be fine. I'm not really interested in debating whether she was justified but I find that to be an wild take.

I've also seen people saying she was more motivated by wanting to hold on to the sense of identity being a mother gave her after her identity was ripped away in the Spiral domain. While there's definitely something to that, I find it more interesting to think about it in conjunction with her mundane desire to be with her baby. The two aren't mutually exclusive. Honestly I kind of bristle at the idea that Celia acting out of "maternal instinct" or whatever is uninteresting or an insufficient explanation for her actions. That the terror at the prospect of losing her child isn't enough to explain why she would choose to doom another person. I don't have children, but "you might never ever seen the person you care most about in the world again" would be enough for me to do some pretty drastic things if I thought they would prevent it.

I don't know, this post is a little more directly pointed at other posts than I usual like to be, but this did get me kind of riled and it's been bouncing around my head for a few days.

I do think Celia's motivations are complex and they aren't just about Jack. She wants to stay with Jack and protect him, she wants to stay in this new life and identity that she built for herself from the ground up, she doesn't want to go back to the eternal torture hell dimension (that's a big one that's also kind of weirdly overlooked I feel). But honestly not wanting to be separated from her child is a big enough thing on it's own for me to understand why she did what she did, and I don't really get why some people are so dismissive of it.

[destinyc1020]

I loved your review of Challengers!!!! I watched the movie 3 times now and although I love the vibes the film gave me, I had big issues with the script and overall's Tashi's arc. I felt that the male characters were more interesting as ppl and their story of a close friendship turned rivalry to ending with both of them not speaking for years was quite compelling. I honestly just thought Tashi was a symbol for them tbh. this is where I blame the writer Justin cause the reason he made Tashi black was because he was inspired by Serena and Naomi Osaka however, this film is very apolitical. Outside of the mention of the alleged racist tennis opponent, her race is never mentioned. Her black father isn't even present in the older Tashi scenes. So what was the point of taking such good care of her white boys' line?

The last point is not going to be a point but a link. It discusses how Zendaya is the next leading lady of the generation. I have some thoughts but I hope you can read it so we can discuss. I do think that one critic has some inflammatory comments on Z that I feel are more personal than biased, but as a dark-skinned black woman, I can understand where that frustration comes from. It is tough because it is a lot and I appreciate if you do want to add any more discourse because I do feel Z sometimes is separated apart because she biracial black woman the bigger issue is Hollywood as an entity but using that white boy line kinda justify it for me.

https://www.vulture.com/article/zendaya-challengers-leading-lady-debate.html

Whew!!! Anon....this was a very deep and interesting read! Thank you for your kind words Anon about my review. Like I said, I'm always 100% honest on here about how I feel lol. 😄

I'll just say this, that overall, people are going to have varying opinions on someone's acting or just a film in general. I look at films and an actor's performance as just something that is subjective.... One person may LOVE a film or an actor's performance, and another person may think the film/acting was just "So-so". It's just like a piece of art. We can all have various different tastes, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that necessarily? Sometimes, our life experiences, exposure, and world view can shape how we view certain films or pieces of art. So, I am not even surprised that one of the critics in this article doesn't really care for Z's acting/films, etc... It's her personal opinion I guess.... 🤷🏾‍♀️

I'm a little iffy as well on Justin's writing tbh.... I remember when leaks of the script/screenplay FIRST came out, people were cringing lol. 😅 I'm glad that the film version wasn't as cringe-worthy as some people felt the film would be. I still would have changed some things about the writing.

But hey, sometimes, you don't need a picture-perfect film with picture-perfect characters. Sometimes, life is complicated, PEOPLE are complicated, and you don't need an ending that's tied neatly into a nice little bow with a "happily ever after" attached.

With that said, I'll comment and provide my reaction to some of the points in the article you just linked:

Whew... Welp...She made some interesting points. I know this will probably ruffle a few feathers here, but she's definitely coming in with some hard-hitting thoughts and feelings.

I've been saying this about Hollywood for years... The fact that monoracial, YOUNG, desirable, darker-skinned black women are basically ignored in Hollywood.... I do agree with her statements on this. I am a huge supporter of Z, and I love that she has the type of power that she has in Hollywood, but I do also feel for my darker-hued sisters as well. 😔

With regards to race.... Don't get me wrong, I don't need films where black people (black women especially) have to address RACE in every single role that is given a black person. Is it just me?? But sometimes, it's just REFRESHING to watch a movie, see a black person onscreen, and NOT have to think about race. 👀 We already have to deal with race and think about it just about every single day, 24/7... That can at times be exhausting. Sometimes, when you watch movies, you just want to ESCAPE...Escape your problems, escape reality, escape real life, or just escape what's on your mind atm, etc... You don't need a constant reminder of societal issues, and views of "blackness" in every single film that features a black person. At least, I don't feel that way.

But I do feel like certain elements and ways that woc (black women in particular) are portrayed onscreen DO play a huge role in how we are viewed in society, how we view ourselves, and how certain stereotypes are continuously perpetuated. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Anyway, I still hate that "white boys" line lol. It just seemed cringe to me, and totally out of nowhere lol. 😅 I'm like, do people even talk like that in REAL life? I doubt it lol.

Hmmm....interesting take.... 🤔

.

I meannnnn....I DO have to agree w/her statement on Timmy and Zendaya in the "Dune" franchise. I sense more platonic/"Friendship" chemistry btwn them, than actual sexual or sensual chemistry tbh. 👀

Whereas, I felt like she and Josh definitely seemed to have tangible sexual chemistry onscreen in "Challengers". Sometimes, you can know someone a little TOO well, that when you act with them in romantic scenes, it's not really believable because you two are like brother and sister vibes irl with each other lol. 🤣 I think that's the case w/Timmy and Zendaya onscreen.

.

While I don't agree with her that black people should ONLY work with mostly other black people onscreen lol, I will say that I agree with her part highlighted above. I've been saying for a while now that I'm really curious to see how Z would fare in a film directed by a black director, surrounded by a primarily black cast. 😊

.

With all of this said, I have to admit, this little part right here made me smile...

I can see it too! The Academy LOOOVES indie films like these. 😊😃

Anyway, great read Anon! 👍🏾 Thanks for sharing! It was good to get dual sides of the coin from their differing opinions.

[the-judicial-assistants-notebook]

*KICKS THE DOOR DOWN* WWWAIT FREYA I HAVE MIXED FEELINGS ON FANDOMS VIEW OF THIS SHIP I NEED TO KNOW UR OPINION. HOMUMIKU???

WKSHJSHJDBJHAHAHAH HIIIII, GRACE!!!! ❤️💕💞💝💗💖💘💓💕💞💖💞💘

Homumiko (HUGE spoilers for DGS after the bingo sheet):

I have been waiting to get into this ship properly, because I have THOUGHTS and I need to be forced to get them out coherently.

Let's get into the basic ship itself. Honestly? No comment. I think hmmk cheats a bit by relying on the literal decades people have spent shipping Holmes and Watson together, and I doubt that they would be half as popular without this history; but, as someone who has never had strong feelings about HolmesWatson either way, I don't have that bias! Even if we're just going off of DGS and looking at how they complement and trust each other, and are obviously more comfortable around one another than most other people, I don't really have a strong opinion on them. I do think they're close, but whether that bond is platonic, romantic, sexual or some mix of the two is just not something I particularly care about. You know who I do care about, though?

Susato-san.

OKAY, SIT DOWN, EVERYONE BECAUSE THE SHIP BINGO PART OF THIS IS OVER, AND NOW WE'RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE PARTS OF HMMK I DO CARE ABOUT AND WHY THAT ACTUALLY HAS VERY LITTLE TO DO WITH THEM AND EVERYTHING TO DO WITH HER.

Let's get this out of the way first. Based on my very modern sensibilities, I take a rather harsh stance on Mikotoba's parenting.

Do I think he loves his daughter? Sure. But which parts of his daughter? Because it's very easy to love a child who is always obedient, elegant and the literal embodiment of idealised Japanese womanhood without knowing or truly even looking at her. I think Susato made it easy for him to love her, because she believed she had to earn it. Her father left when she was born, consumed by grief over her mother's death -- her mother, whom she killed. I know the game tries to justify this by saying it was Jigoku who dragged him away (and I do think him leaving was good for him, because I doubt he would have been a good father even if he'd stayed due to his grief), but the point is that he still left. For six years. And when he returned, he didn't even return because of her (whether she knew that from the moment she met him or not is debatable, but I think, at least on a subconscious level, she knew. And, of course, it's also debatable whether he could have returned sooner because of his commitment as a transfer student, but the Mikotobas are a powerful family, and, if Soseki could return before his period of learning was fully up, I think he would have been able to pull strings to return home if he wanted to).

This falls under speculation, so I understand not agreeing with it, but I don't think Mikotoba ever properly spoke to Susato when she was a child, especially not about what he did in England. I believe that a part of the reason why Susato started reading the Sherlock Holmes stories to begin with was because they featured a doctor in London, like her father had been, and she wanted to feel closer to him through those stories. And it probably worked! Her father probably did start engaging with her more after after she picked them up, because it was an easy way to connect with her. That's why I believe she was so insistent on the existence of John H. Watson, as a doctor, when she met Iris and learnt the truth.

There's this distance between Susato and her father which glimpse in moments in the game, like how he remarks on her lack of composure in court (suggesting that he isn't used to seeing her yamato nadeshiko mask slip), how he less requests her trust and more orders or expects it forthright, and how he seems reluctant to face the parts of her that inconvenience him (like how he asks her to play the koto when he isn't home and how, when faced by her real anger, he looks to Holmes to explain the situation rather than actually attempt to himself).

HOWEVER, in the setting of the game (Meiji-era Japan), I will concede that Mikotoba is a fantastic father. He may not have been very present in her life growing up, but men largely weren't expected to be. Their jobs were to provide for their children, not nurture them. And Mikotoba went well beyond his duty in that regard. Add to that the fact that he had her properly educated, ensured she knew how to defend herself, and allowed her to pursue her studies overseas at a level that was on par with any man, and you can see that he's really quite a great father; which is why I don't think he sees his absence as a flaw or even notices he was absent. Susato, though, does.

Now, Susato is obviously a product of her time, too, so I believe she'd be insulted if anyone was to suggest that her father or childhood was lacking in some way. That being said, I do believe she is aware of the distance between them in a way he is not. I think her affection for him is founded on a sense of duty and filial piety rather than pure love (although, obviously, she does love him), and, as she grew older, she stopped vying for his affection; hence why she's obsessed with the Great Detective more so than anyone else when we meet her. I also think that this distance contributed to her becoming so attached to Kazuma, in spite of the fact that he kept her at arm's length, too; he may not have allowed her very close, but he was always there, and he saw her for who she truly was. When she leaves at the end of the first game, Susato is not so much anxious that her father is ill as she is shaken -- she seems more upset that she's leaving her Baker Street family rather than that her actual father might be dying, and I think that's because she knows how to live without him. This distance between them, I believe, becomes all the more apparent to her when she goes to London and sees the deep bond held between Iris and Holmes.

And, speaking of, you know who else I think is aware of the distance between them and the part he played in creating that distance? The Great Detective himself, Mr. Sherlock Holmes.

See, I think Holmes has always known about Susato. I'm quite sure that, from the moment they met, he knew that Mikotoba was running away from something and that he had left an infant daughter back home. He just didn't care.

We don't know what Holmes was like when he was younger, but I believe he was a lot closer to how he appears in a lot of modern adaptations and how Watson describes him in some of the Sherlock Holmes stories: the 'cold, calculating computer' character. I don't think it's a stretch to think that Holmes viewed marriage and children as mere distractions and interferences to the mind; and Mikotoba was, presumably, his first real friend. He wasn't going to let something pesky like a baby back home detract from his friend's obviously sterling character and brain! After all, it's a lot easier to ignore this nebulous, abstract entity when you simply consider its existence, and thus its abandonment, unimportant. It's a lot easier when you don't know what it's like to be a father yourself. It's a lot easier when you don't know her.

Here's the thing: I believe Holmes's image of and relation to Mikotoba began changing from the time he started raising Iris. Suddenly, that inconsequential baby seemed to bear quite a bit of consequence, actually. But it was still all right to keep dismissing her, because maybe Mikotoba's baby wasn't special the way Iris was. Maybe she was a brat or an idiot, and really not worth much time at all! Maybe she could've lived without him and been perfectly fine, regardless...? As time went on, I believe the excuses he made for Mikotoba's decision all those years ago became increasingly flimsy, but he was still able to hold onto them because The Daughter was still an indistinct figure in his mind. She wasn't quite real.

That is, until he met her.

In the game, Holmes tends to keep a certain width between himself and Susato. He very rarely initiates conversation with her the way he does Ryuunosuke, and from a Doylist (ha) perspective, this is obviously because Ryuunosuke is... the main character. Looking at it from a narrative perspective, though, I think he was afraid of hurting more than he already has and must.

Holmes is a very resolute man. He sticks by his decisions regardless of what anyone else thinks, so I don't think he ever regretted what he did. However, I do think he felt guilty. Certainly, he didn't quite take her father away from her, but he did play a role in keeping him from her for so long. I think there was a part of him that consciously guided Mikotoba away from thinking about Japan while they lived together, because, well... he didn't want him to leave.

There's an interesting layer to the separation that Holmes creates with Susato, because, beyond the distance he maintains between her and himself, he also keeps her identity separate from her father's. Contrary to how he refers to Ryuunosuke by his last name, Holmes only ever calls Susato "Miss Susato" or "my dear (madame)", and never "Miss Mikotoba". I view this is his way of, perhaps subconsciously, dividing from that little girl he once decided did not matter. And it's interesting because, to an extent, he tries to do with her and Kazuma, too.

In the SS Burya case, despite meeting Susato first and seeing how affected she is by Kazuma's "death", Holmes largely ignores her in favour of focusing on Ryuunosuke and his bond with Kazuma. He calls Kazuma Ryuunosuke's "dear companion" and pretty much only interacts with Susato when he has little other choice... until he sees her cry.

See, I believe that when Holmes found out Susato was going to England and was about to be wrapped up in the whole messy affair, he was fully committed to Not Giving a Damn about Her. Sure, he would let her and Kazuma live with him, but by no means was he going to allow himself to grow attached to her because, again, he values his relationship and history with Mikotoba too much for it to get complicated in this way. Susato's relative composure throughout the case helps him hold on to this resolution; however, when he catches that final conversation between her and Ryuunosuke in the cabin, he is finally forced to see and acknowledge the amount of pain she is truly in. It forces him to at last face the fact that he can't avoid or fake aloofness around her any longer, because she is not some nebulous, distant entity he can continue to ignore. She is an actual girl with a fiercely strong spirit, a brilliant mind and real, human emotions. A girl whom he's hurt twice-over now and must continue hurting until all his lies finally come to light.

When he makes that decision to enter the cabin and console her the only way he knows how, he throws away any hope he had of feeling anything but apathy towards her. In truth, he probably didn't have much hope of that to begin with, because at his core, Sherlock Holmes is a good man, and he cares.

He cares for her, too, even though he may have no right to. How could he not, when she loves him so openly, trusts him so readily, saves his life? How could he not, when she comes to him in the middle of the night with a secret she can't tell anyone else because his judgement is the only one she wholly trusts and believes in? How could he not, when she refuses to accept he lied despite the living, breathing evidence he did until he admits it himself? How could he not, when after everything he has done, she still looks at him the way she always has and says that she's proud that her father is the assistant of "the Great Detective"?

How could anyone not? How could Mikotoba not... love her the second he laid eyes on her?

And of course this doesn't shatter his love for Mikotoba -- he has no right to these feelings in the first place: no matter how indignant or guilty he may feel, it doesn't change the fact that he has been lying to and manipulating her the entire time they've known one another. He can't even bring himself to tell her that he's been lying; he has to go through Ryuunosuke instead, because, even after all this time, he still can't face the woman whom he's done nothing but cause pain for from the moment she was born. When he can't even give her that ounce of respect, who is he to judge Mikotoba?

So he doesn't. Till the end of the game, he keeps Susato at a distance and pretends that everything between him and Mikotoba is as it was from the start. But, inside, I think he knows it isn't. Because I think Holmes can see that Mikotoba doesn't feel half as guilty about what they've done as he does, and that he doesn't view the fact that he left Susato 16 years ago as a real problem. And while he doesn't judge Mikotoba for that, I don't think he can look past it anymore. That final investigation and dance of deduction, to me, is less an assurance that they are still the same partners they were before, and more a final farewell to their old, uncomplicated bond -- the one that did exist before they grew to love other people and understand what love truly meant to both of them.

Going back to the ship itself, I think shipping them pre-DGS works perfectly well. They both had a huge impact on each other's life and changed one another for the better; Holmes by drawing Mikotoba out from his grief, and Mikotoba by pulling Holmes from his life of solitude and loneliness. They needed each other, but it is also because of these reasons that I think there was an issue of codependency between them, hence the semi-horrible for each other box I gave them. With Mikotoba, it's clear cut. Holmes helped him run away from his very real issues at home and allowed him to live like he was a bachelor with zero familial obligations again. With Holmes, it gets a bit more foggy, but I believe that Mikotoba basically allowed him to live believing he was the only person Holmes would ever truly connect with and properly befriend. Holmes is obviously his own person and whatnot, but I do think there was a bit of unhealthy attachment there on his end if not both.

During DGS and post-DGS is where their ship gets more complicated for me, because, while Susato is still very much there at the beginning of their relationship, her role in their lives and what they did to her becomes impossible to ignore once she and Holmes actually meet. I don't believe that they can just pick up from where they left off because there is now (imo) a fundamental disagreement in how they view their actions and how it affected her. So, even if they do go back to being lovers or whatever afterwards, I feel that there should be this chasm or weight between them that they simply don't talk about or acknowledge in any way. Because I don't think they'd discuss it. Holmes because it isn't his place, Mikotoba because he sees it as a non-issue (maybe he doesnt even notice this distance), and both because sweeping unpleasantness under the rug is so ingrained into their cultures.

My main issue with the way this ship is often portrayed post-DGS (why they got a 50-50 on the I would erase them from existence box) is that it ignores what happened with Susato. The few times I've seen the concern that she might have an issue with their relationship even brought up in hmmk works is always because they're gay. Which, like!! Fair!!! It's the 1800s, I get it, but!!!! You're ignoring the actual, very big issue for why she might be hurt and that's because DGS ends with her finding out that three of the men she's closest to have been lying and using her for their own means her entire life!!!!!!!! And she just has to take it!!!!!!!

Which brings me to the second most popular interpretation of this ship which doesn't just put Iris and Susato in a box somewhere unseen, and that's the one where all four of them are a peaceful happy family with 0 issues! And this one bothers me because it seems like it's taking what Susato said at the end of the reveal as what she 100% sincerely meant down to her core, rather than something she had to say because (1) it is her duty to honour her father no matter what, and (2) because Iris was there. When she learns the entire truth, I don't think Susato knows what she truly thinks or feels about any of it; but she sees Iris, and she sees this little girl who was abandoned through her circumstances as a baby, named after her mother, and forced to grow up much sooner than she should have been, and she sees a girl who is more her sister than anyone else. So she does what she always has and tucks away her own emotions so she might tend to someone else's. She has been the perfect daughter her whole life; she can be the perfect sister.

Even if you don't subscribe to the, admittedly, harsh view of Mikotoba's parenting that I do, I don't see how you can get away from the fact that they still lied to her for a significant portion of time. Especially from Holmes, whom she trusted and believed in more than anyone else! In the face of his shoddy deductions, she still held onto her unwavering belief that he was a genius and a good man, and then it comes out that he's just been lying to her from the first day he met her. I just can't extract the ship from their treatment of Susato, so when I say that I would erase the ship from existence, it's mainly about these two bits. As with Asoryuu, the primary reason why I don't ship them personally is because I can't do that to her.

And, obviously, it's just shipping and fun and games, and everyone should feel free to ship whoever in whatever way they want bUT IN A SPECIAL WORLD MADE PERFECTLY FOR ME. iris would be perfectly oblivious, and susato would have tossed both holmes and mikotoba into the thames and left them to figure it out. In a world that must still vaguely make sense with the canon of the game, though, then Holmes would have given Mikotoba the boot and taken the kids; because he may be a coward, but at least I can see that he knows he fucked up, and he allows Susato to set the terms of their relationship, just like he does Iris.

Anyway, I'm so sorry for how long, convoluted and only tangentially-related to the ask this is, but thank you so much for it, Grace!!!! I don't think I quite got down what I meant precisely, but it's the closest to coherency I've ever gotten so. Thank you 💖💕💗💓💕💘💕

[fideidefenswhore]

Who is your most hated Seymour? For me, it's John, Thomas, Edward and Jane.

roflmao, tbf, i know intellectually that there's not enough there there to justify hating john seymour, but he does give me bad vibes...whatever happened with catherine fillol was weird and i do get the sense he was involved even if not in the rumored way. and also, when siblings hate each other to such an extent, it's often bcus they were pit against each other by their parents, so i get the sense he was not a good father (there's some debate on whether he died late 1536 or 1535, tbf, but if it was the former it's strange that none of children seemed to mourn his death, that he wasn't mourned at court as the queen's father, etc) . margery doesn't have enough about her known for me to judge; it's sort of weird to me that this stereotype has fallen she and jane had a bad relationship and her favorite child/daughter was elizabeth (this occurs in like...several...novels). we don't have an equivalent positive remark to 'next to mine own mother, no woman alive i know better' (AB, about her own, and to bridget wingfield), nor any records of them often being in each other's company during significant events or eras, but we don't have anything negative either. i get you have to make choices in fiction and 'neutral' is not an interesting one but like...damn.

what's interesting about edward and thomas is that, even before their sister becomes queen, edward is not spoken of well by his contemporaries. very early (iirc, 1535) on, his 'small conscience' is decried, and he becomes such an avaricious figure that cromwell and the king have to interfere in his attempts to manipulate and loophole property laws to his own advantage and the impoverishment of others (and, not usually in his favor, despite him being a royal in-law). thomas, however, seems like he's better liked in the 1530s, although this can maybe be attributed to him being more of a nonentity (a comparative example is some tudor authors insisting GB was 'better liked' than his sister anne-- not true, it seems-- or more often, that their sister mary was...which is probably true, but also probably more indicative of relative lack of power and positions and leverage than 'kinder' personality)...it's not until the 1540s that we get comments of the same genre ("somewhat empty of manner"). thomas thus seems more like a figure of gradual corruption, his arrogance was increased by his nephew becoming king, it seems, and resentment brought out an ugly side of his character (arguably, the same with edward, just earlier on).

it's extremely unpopular to say this on here, but yeah, jane is definitely not a favourite of mine, either. but i don't think my reasons for this are really common...i don't care if she slept with henry before marriage, i don't care if she didn't, i just find her biographers weirdly contradictory in their judgements of her character, the nature of her rise, and her own beliefs. there's also like, this sense of historic illiteracy from some of her defenders...joining a royal household (as far as the most prestigious positions, that is) was not the equivalent of serfdom (as in, they could leave at any time). jane's supporters were courtiers who hated anne, so it's reasonable to assume she did, as well. so, there's this sort of moral hypocrisy about jane as a figure and her advancement and how she came to her position that has always prevented me from warming to her as a figure. 'she hated anne and all she stood for' explains her involvement in her downfall, but not her securing the position in her household in the first place. and by virtue of her close proximity to anne as queen, she also knew that it was nigh impossible that she was actually guilty of the accusations of adultery.

what else...her defenders insist that the oaths of supremacy and succession were anathema to her moral compass, yet she likely did have to have had taken them herself, just as a subject, and if not that then definitely as a member of anne's household. this wouldn't have martyred/imperiled her life, althought it probably would have her career (elizabeth darrell never took these, so i wonder if the penalty for women was different...? barton is often cited as an example but this was not in her indictment. princess mary seems to almost have been a victim of this, but it might've been more that her signing was more important since she was a rallying point for dissenters).

and even if jane never took these, the presence of noblewomen serving anne as queen lent to her greater image of royal legitimacy. she had to have known that, and if she didn't believe her position was legitimate...then why be part of that tapestry? there's not an equivalent to her predecessor to be made here, not when anne left her own predecessor's household and began her own as soon as she came to believe catherine was not legitimately queen or henry's wife. any credulousness towards contemporary report of this time would suggest anne was extremely hostile towards her rival, but there is a difference between declaring that you'd sooner watch your rival hanged before revering them and, well...actually doing that (...effectively, if not literally).

actually, i don't think there's actually much to suggest jane was set against the religious supremacy unless you make some suppositional leaps (the dissolution wasn't so explicitly connected here, her support of mary as princess, even if rather cosmetic, could be seen as support for her decision not to take those oaths herself for nigh on two years...). nor against succession acts as brought by parliament, since the same illegitimized any potential rivals to her future children, and she seemed to make a point in one of her only pieces of writing we have in emphasizing edward's legitimacy (implicitly, at the expense of her stepdaughters).

the narrative fiction i probably dislike about jane the most is this idea that she was so reverent of catherine's memory, it's really fucking weird, honestly... it bothers me because i know it's embellished to increase reader/viewer (the tudors comes to mind) sympathy and somehow for me it does the opposite, lol. there's something about the concept of her trading on the memory of this beloved woman (who, herself, probably didn't even remember jane, there's nothing to suggest any kind of friendship between them) who was exiled, this woman whom jane did not a single thing for (not even abstaining from joining the household of her rival), that just really grosses me out. henry was the one who was her husband, and obviously he was a fucking asshole to and about her, but there's at least something more...direct, in his attempted erasure of her memory. it's always bothered me that it's never acknowledged that the antecedent (which was carried on throughout) to jane's queenship was the erasure of both her predecessors, the illegitimization of both their daughters, both of them being subordinated, and, more or less (mary present for christmas, elizabeth not, but both there during the rebellions) equally expelled from court.

[dallasurr]

i feel so hurt and upset about Simon he needed to heal too

i can't sleep at night sometimes

I know this is so random but i don't care i feel so hurt by the idea of everyone healing but him dead and bound to be forgetten. .. i want him feel good i want to get him out of there.

I've said this before but as much as I'd like to see the series to its planned end, I'm not that unhappy about not getting season 5. It would be really hard for me to see Amelia get a redemption or her exit when she went on the train as a fully mature adult in her 30s, and did wayyyy worse things than Simon did. Although she was mentally unstable at the time she got on the train, it doesn't seem like she had a history of mental illness before Alrick died.

What Simon did to Grace and Hazel was fucked up, I can wrap my head around his justification for killing Tuba and I'm not the person to debate about this bc I straight up didn't like Tuba. She went out of her way to kidnap and scare Grace and Simon, who would have probably found the exit to the car and went on their way the next day without her interference, and I'm of the opinion that she put both herself and Hazel in danger with her little prank. I know we wouldn't have a story without it, and it doesn't justify her death, but literally from their first interaction she showed Simon she can be hostile and dangerous. And while she warmed up to Grace (according to Grace lol I didn't see much friendly interaction between them at all, just Grace enjoying/admiring the way she interacted with Hazel), Simon always got attitude from her, I can't blame him for not warming up to her.

Simon might have been 18 at the time of his season but let's be honest, both he and Grace were very immature and justifiably so. They only had each other and their delusions for years and years before they became guardians themselves. The train has proven itself to be dangerous, and proved how high the stakes are when he died, but people act like he was a fucking monster for doing what he thought he needed to protect himself, grace and hazel from a perceived threat. He could have been a little more tactful with explaining what happened, or lied about it, but like tbh as a neurodivergent person myself who sees Simon as someone who is on the autism spectrum, I REALLY struggle with lying and deceiving people so I can understand why he just blurted out the truth without any thought.

I do think one of the most irredeemable things he did was dehumanize Grace and trap her in her memories, whether or not he knew it could kill her (I assume he didn't bc the Cat as usual didn't explain shit to him) the way he pushed her over and walks away makes me nauseous.

But I certainly don't think he deserved to die for that, and I think the series would have been a lot better if instead of kicking her off the train again (which at this point in the scene felt kind of slapstick i'm ngl), Simon finally broke out of his paranoid and delusional thought patterns and they were able to drag everyone back into the mall car for a heart to heart.

In my head in episodes 9 and 10 he's a lot like Catra in The Portal episodes, but instead of getting 2 more seasons after his fall from grace (lol) to recover and heal and fix his issues, he just got killed instead.

And it sucks because dude was clearly mentally ill and traumatized, and as someone who has mental illness and trauma that can make me act out sometimes too, who also struggles to read the room and understand what people want from me if they don't tell me directly, who ALSO had parents that didn't have my best interests as even a consideration to whatever they could gain from me, it kind of reinforces my anxiety which tells me that I deserve to suffer because of x y z stupid thing I did or said 5, 10, even 20 years ago.

(and before anyone says simon had all the chances to change and grow that grace did, please rewatch the season, he absolutely did not and all of the events that led to grace growing as a person happened when simon wasn't around, yes he was immature in a lot of moments but dude literally did not have a normal adolescence and to expect him to act like a fucking adult all the time after that is ridiculous)

[thegeminisage]

it's star trek update time. SIGH. monday we did voy's "death wish" and ds9's "accession" and last night we did voy's "lifesigns" and "investigations."

death wish (voy):

this episode made me so angry it's UNREAL. star trek has pissed me off before but the only other episode in the entire series that has made me this mad that i can think of is tng's "violations." i am "violations" mad about it

firstly, to get it out of the way, i went back and skimmed the transcript of the episode. JUST SKIMMING, which means this list could be non-exhaustive, i counted six instances of q being sexist towards janeway, four instances of him sexually harassing her, and one instance of him being racist towards chakotay. like, his "dumb brute" remarks to worf in tng were so horrible but at least he kept those to one or two an episode, JESUS. janeway only corrected him one time, which i guess is because she's "above" all that? because that's how being a Tough Woman works?

like, until now, i have had some problems with voyager, but i can't think of a time, outside of kes and neelix's whole deal, that it felt sexist. whereas it was more surprising when tng DIDN'T feel sexist. and all of the sudden, tng's most annoying character shows up, and the sexism is back in full force. i HATE that

secondly, i know the trek guys missed tng, i know everybody else missed tng, but we HAVE to cool it with the tng cameos in voyager. barclay was fine, actually (weirdly enough?), but q and riker is over the top. q being here invalidates the ENTIRE premise of the show, which is already not being fully utilized. they don't treat it like a voyage - talking about time left until they get home in light years/ real time, a number that should be getting smaller, sacrificing speed for larger concerns, weighing the costs of stopping at this planet to get [needed supply] or rescue [hapless alien] against the cost of how many more years on this ship they will have to endure, worrying about what will happen when they run out of torpedoes or food. we get neelix cooking and a few grocery runs and that's it. but they are still AWAY FROM HOME. the journey back is a real and tangible thing that stands in their way. but now q is looking at them, and q could take them right back to earth before i finish typing my next word, and that's not supposed to push our suspension of disbelief? suddenly that 75000 journey, the first last and only great adversary of this premise, doesn't seem real anymore

as far as q politics go: i don't care because they're pretty boring. that being said, even if i DID care, janeway deciding for the q whether or not another q should be allowed to die ABSOLUTELY violates the prime directive. could sisko preside over a court case involving a huge change to bajoran society? no. so why is janeway allowed to do this? once they made bets on the outcome of this trial she should have opted out. if we can let a planet go extinct to uphold the directive we can let one q rot in jail for eternity.

FURTHERMORE, her ruling on the side of quinn in this trial is bullshit. janeway made a decision to trap all her crew in the delta quadrant in the pilot but it was to SAVE LIVES. her morals, which are a little lofty/at odds with her situation sometimes, were very justified here, because people would have died if she had taken the selfish way out. NOBODY'S life was at risk here - except, arguably, the lives of her crew, some of whom have already died during the long trip back home they're making. there's no justification whatsoever for janeway turning down the temptation of a quick trip home, but especially not so easily. WHICH IS, AGAIN, WHY Q EVEN BEING HERE RUINS THE ENTIRE THING. doing this makes janeway either look out of touch or like an asshole. that on top of the constant sexism made me want to commit murder

also, the q lipstick looked awful.

i did like janeway's like...she took the debate very seriously. and at the end even though she ruled for that guy's right to die she was like i like my mortal life and if you tried it you might like it too think hard before you throw it away. i liked that part. unfortunately, the rest was garbage

accession (ds9)

ohhh this one was SO good

firstly, i have wanted to go back to the wormhole since the pilot and NOT for dumb ferengi reasons. mwah

secondly, sisko my best friend sisko my beloved i'm gonna get into it but i love him so much he's the best guy ever

first i gotta talk about kira......im always so shocked when i remember she's religious because she's SO smart and headstrong and her religion often makes her stupid. this episode had some really really good scenes for her, and i really loved the like. stuff that happens between her and sisko when she loves him as a friend and as a commanding officer but also as jesus. religion adds complexity to that relationship, which is fun. but i do kind of wish she had had to grapple just a LITTLE, like ANY at all, with being misled - she really thought this bajoran guy was the emissary which would have made her wrong about sisko, but then she realized he was fake which made her wrong about him. and she was like well it's ""faith"" it doesn't matter if i was """wrong""" and if it doesn't make sense to you sorry atheists. like, okay, sure, but do you not have a religious crisis when you realized that feeling of total faith was fake and that you were successfully lied to? could we get into that, which would have been more interesting than a "checkmate atheists" moment?

speaking of atheism, sisko. he's not a believer of the bajoran religion, and he was sooo happy to step aside when someone else showed up (until that guy started doing awful shit), and then when he goes into the wormhole to ask WHY the wormhole aliens would spit this asshole out hundreds of years later if he's NOT the emissary they're like "oh because of you :)"

they KNEW that he would become disillusioned about the job hundreds of years before he was born so they concocted a perfect reason to give him a vested interest in keeping it - to protect the bajoran people, right? it gave him a chance to get hard evidence with his own eyes how much they really love him and would do for him, making that devotion feel more like an honor than a burden. but more than that, it's a magic trick for a skeptic. a "do you still think it's sleight of hand NOW?" moment. FUN.

anyway, i'm really interested to learn more lore about those guys. you exist here. they made such an impression on me

lifesigns (voy):

CAN WE PLEASE STOP. HAVING STAR TREK EPISODES ABOUT ASSISTED SUICIDE.

this lady like yeah i'd rather die than go back to my own body, my life in that body was intolerable, vs worf's brother being like my life as a dishonored klingon is intolerable, vs the other q being like yeah boredom for eternity is intolerable, kill me. what was IN the fucking water hold on i have to look something up. one second i think okay yeah terri schiavo was in the 90s. that was what was in the water. alright. that was a really fucking depressing wikipedia article i just skimmed through

ANYWAY, my favorite part of this episode was finally getting to see trek's version of mars, which i have wanted to see for a long time now. it was extra cool that it was set against this 50s convertible and the 50s music. i thought that was bomb as hell. absolutely fucking obsessed. the rest of the episode was just okay

firstly, unintentional aroace doctor vibes. like under one hand we can't be doing that to nonhuman characters anymore because of The Stereotypes (i'm not aro but i'm ace so i'm allowed to complain about this) under the other That Dialogue. "romance is not part of my program and i don't want it to adapt right now because i don't like what's happening to me" and all the talk about how utterly indifferent he was to her appearance whether she was holographic or in her real body

also, hi, sorry, she's gonna name him SHMULLUS after her UNCLE? i thought we were trying to be romantic here!

tom paris chakotay confrontation...you know what, i'll get into it next episode. i will say though i was like damn why didn't they offer us any closure on that at all?? i do kind of like that we have arcs in voyager, unlike tng - this, the spy, seska's baby, etc.

the real problem with this episode though is don't vidiians steal organs from people? usually only people who are living? without their consent? did that guy not WEAR that one starfleet officer's face? b'elanna's trauma response in the beginning was sort of played down but she was the ONLY objection i heard. no, it's not this lady's fault she is sick, and she may not have PERSONALLY done any organ stealing, but she knows where they come from. she's complicit. i was shocked that we didn't even get into it

you could have done one of those really good trek ethical debates on this, i think. this isn't what happened, but let's just say when she was a child she got those organs without her consent either. and when she gets older she just gets used to it - or maybe she doesn't, and advocates for willing donors only. if she said she only received organs from willing donors, would the crew believe her? would you? if this is a new stance, and b'elanna has something she needs but refuses to give it up, would this lady be tempted to take it? NOW you've got some meat to this episode - it's particularly good if she does dodgy stuff and the doc still loves her. um unfortunately that's not what we did though

investigations (voy):

FINALLY some good fucking food

firstly, can i just say, poor fucking chakotay. this is like the THIRD time he's been tricked by a spy. we HAVE to stop doing this to him, he's going to get a complex. i do like that it was tuvok who advocated for tricking him though because theyre worsties <3 tuvoks mad he didn't get first officer no matter what he says

secondly, this entire episode should have been from neelix's camera's pov. that would have been soooo fun

neelix and tom paris really are friends now..........incredible that raising a puppet lizard baby can bring men together in this way

the most exciting part of this episode was cathy figuring out about .5 seconds into it that tom was a double agent rooting out the spy and then both of us gaslighting ourselves into going "no way he genuinely left" and then back to "omg he's definitely a spy" like by the time we got to the reveal we were in fits. even tuvok was gaslighting neelix. neelix was like mr vulcan we have a spy and tuvok was like nah. i love when he calls him mr vulcan btw i wish they had more scenes like the bath thing tuvok makes such a good straight man next to neelix

this also makes me feel a huge amount of relief over tom paris in general, and his tentative redemption. i liked when he said he wasn't gonna be annoying anymore and was so disappointed when he went back to doing that. but it was a trick! he tricked me. they literally got me like i'm chakotay

neelix was RUDE to keep putting the doctor off for his news show btw like maybe EYE wanted to learn about the klingon glottis. honestly!! that said, i also didn't think he had it in him to straight up murder a guy either that also really shocked me

also, hi again to seska, who is still pregnant with somebody's baby. still REALLY hoping it's chakotay's!!!

NEXT TIME: just voy's "deadlock," since we are also watching star wars :/

[esther-dot]

I have been reflecting on Jon's past book storyline and trying to reconcile the GoT series with asoiaf. Trying to pull out what is D&D's sad attempt at fanfiction from cannon. One of my conclusions is that Daenerys cannot be Jon's sacrifice for love. All of Jon's most secret hopes and desires are the exact things Daenerys cannot give him. A throne? he doesn't want it. Lust? already had that lesson with Ygritte. Power? It's a burden of responsibility for him not an end. Children? She is barren.

I agree that Jon isn’t power hungry, but to me, the point of him being legitimate or the temptation that Dany might offer isn’t power or a throne, rather, acceptance by society, having the shame he’s burdened all his life eased. For a guy who has been perceived a certain way all of his life, distrusted through no fault of his own, all of his childhood made to feel inferior, viewed as a threat, to then be presented with some form of legitimacy, possibly the why of his birth....well, it can’t erase the pain, but it would lock into all of it and say, “They were wrong about you. You were loved, you were wanted, you were the hope for your house, not a threat to it...” I mean, that is some sweet, sweet poison. Dany had that vision of Rhaegar, imagine her, the last Targaryen, offering that to Jon.

I don’t disagree with you, Jon isn’t gonna flip out and want the throne the way so many others do, but I do think there’s a very real, personal temptation in the idea of being a legitimate Targaryen (we debate this, most don't buy it, I am inclined to think it's a definite possibility for torturing Jon purposes), or simply being accepted by or married to the last of his father’s house. This could be a very short lived temptation, an offer, an inner monologue, rejection, but I think there would be something.

Although, now that I say that, Jon being a Targaryen bastard offers another interesting angle because he’s been tempted to take Winterfell while trueborn Starks live (which would seem related to the negative bastard stereotypes), and he refused. But what if the Targaryen heir is unworthy, what if fighting the trueborn Targ is morally justifiable, necessary, even? That too presents an interesting development of Jon's struggles, and a fun way to write Jon's feelings regarding his Targ family.

I guess I don't think Martin is interested in anything being easy or pat, seems like there has to be something there to torture Jon with? There needs to be an interesting angle to write from, and I don’t particularly care which one, but I do think there will be some element to create inner turmoil for our boy. Not that it changes anything, Jon will assuredly choose the Starks, but imagine reading a Jon chapter post Dany’s arrival or a POV of their meeting. There’s gotta be something interesting for Martin to explore.

As for your point (yes, I got to it, I’m surprised as well! 😂) I never gathered those together that way before, but when you lay it out so clearly, it’s pretty wild. Obviously, I’m not thrilled with Martin’s focus on whether or not a woman can have children, but it’s plot relevant so we end up having discussions about young teens and their fertility which is…unfortunate. But, I buy the idea that we’re meant to see mother of dragons as fundamentally incompatible with mother of children. This is less about kiddos, more about the bigger ideas of war vs peace, how you create or can’t create a future.

It was strange how much emphasis D&D put on Dany having a kid in s7, and I think D&D were beyond foolish to tease Targ restoration so much for the sole purpose of hiding Dark Dany/the ending, but personally, when we think of what Jon wants, the fact that it’s a quiet, domestic life which may be what Dany thinks she wants, but in actuality she has chosen war, will bring war to Westeros...just add it to the list of ways they’re incompatible, anon!

[clarabowmp3]

The problem with some fans is that they think they are in charge of her life and relationships! She is already a grown woman and knows exactly what she is doing, no one needs to tell her to do what she doesn't want to do! Everyone has their own opinion! I found the way some people acted in relation to the relationship she had with Matty so ridiculous, just because of his actions. She clearly made it clear that she doesn't care who talks about them and she loved him and we all knew it! She made a song calling out to her own fans and many don't care about that! I don't like Travis and I'm not going to let her go because of him, especially because she herself will find out that he is not what she thinks he is! She is the kind of person who will only believe when she sees with her own eyes what her boyfriend is doing to her! Besides, she and no one else are perfect, everyone makes mistakes!

Okay I’m sorry but I rlly don’t understand takes like this one. The only people ‘telling her what to do’ (like for eg begging her to break up with matty Healy via social media etc) were the rlly diehard/parasocial swifties. Yes, Miss Americana touched on the pressures she was facing from her family, team, the general public etc but the whole point of the documentary was how she’s overcome them! Esp in today’s day and age, seeing all that she’s done and achieved since then shows just how much autonomy she has, as would be expected of someone in her position.

I don’t know your reasons for finding ppl having an issue with matty Healy ridiculous, because from my perspective it doesn’t seem ridiculous? At least in the case of matty Healy, ones actions/behaviours is a pretty good indicator of their beliefs and personality imo, so it feels justified to “judge” taylor/hold her accountable for choosing to associate with a person like him. To be clear, I am not blaming her for Matty’s faults, he is a despicable person in his own right, but she made the choice to voluntarily associate herself with him, even going so far as to double down in songs like but daddy I love him.

And you’re right that everyone makes mistakes - I’m all for people getting second chances and learning and growing, but even now it feels debatable whether or not taylor has rlly learnt from the mistake that was matty Healy. She didn’t rlly change her tune abt him until he broke her heart, and all her ‘revenge’ songs abt him are her being mad abt him ghosting rather than his many other worse qualities.

As for ‘not letting her go’ just cuz of Travis/matty, I think it all boils down to what would make you let her go, which is different for every fan. For me, it was a multitude of things compounding (the Matty Healy thing, her private jet emissions (even tho there is nuance to it), her excessive variant releases) because these things signalled to me that her personality had changed/I don’t agree with her current traits, values or priorities. It no longer feels the same because every day I find less and less things to admire abt her, if that makes sense.

[arsonistmp3]

ANAKIN. i love you. im so fascinated by whether this is legit anakin force ghost or just ahsoka's imagined version of him (more likely?) and the implications of both... he was like genuinely scary too I LOVED THE FLASHBACKS i thought they were so well done i saw a couple people saying "is anakin even fit to teach ahsoka anything about being a jedi" it is genuinely amazing how hard you missed the point of that. the de-aging wasn't bad at all i think he was too smooth in the last ep but it worked really well in this one. baby ahsoka was so well cast i think that's the most it's ever hit me that like oh there were actual kids commanding in the clone wars. like middle schoolers. rex was a fun cameo i do wish they were better at disguising the volume

on the flip side they have done hera soooo dirty... my disliking her casting was more of a personal thing but there has been no point in this so far where hera has demonstrated that she is in any way a competent leader or worthy of holding the title of general and i think mon mothma and the senate would have been 110% justified in stripping her of her rank. hera has NEVER been the kind of person to drop everything and put others at risk for her own purposes i don't even understand why she was the one pushing for sabine to help ahsoka find ezra in the first place. hera was willing to let her own crew die to serve the needs of the many MULTIPLE TIMES in rebels she is not doing ANY of this to find someone who's been presumed dead for a decade.

kanan mention :3 also jacen is sooo cute i love him

dave filoni voice And this is ahsoka shes a super powerful wise jedi she was anakin's padawan she has two lightsabers and they're WHITE and she's like a samurai and she has eeeeeeeeeeevery force power she can fight really good and sense memories from things and talk to animals and feel force users from really far away and see the future and and and . Did you know that characters are actually MORE interesting when they have one (1) unique thing they are good at and not all of them

can we please not drop the thread about ahsoka being a bad jedi teacher this is important to me. please please don't devalue everything anakin said just because he tried to kill ahsoka at the end Please

mildly annoyed by the use of world between worlds imagery without it actually (?) being the wbw but not enough to care tbh

i do think hayden was really really good in this i am mourning the version of live action anakin&ahsoka i had been imagining for however many years where anakin was just a really annoying force ghost engaging ahsoka in devils advocate philosophical debates 3 times per episode and also fucking with her things because he figured out how to push stuff julian bbcghosts style

EZRA NEXT WEEK LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[kitsunefyuu]

Consider: Yoichi is the one he loved more than anything and nothing could ever truly take his place in his heart.

While Yoichi to him is like someone's beloved pet cat they've had since childhood, the Midoriya's to him are more like someone's pet goldfish they won at a carnival that they neglect occasionally.

Doc could give him anything, but I find it hard to believe he wouldn't have thought to experiment with his own children he conceived with all we know about his plans and the orphanages.

I don't think he would stay away from his family forever, he would loathe to give them fully up, but they might not be his number one priority and something he could ignore for now. They're more like pets he sort of likes. It's a muted affection compared to that overwhelming one he felt with his brother.

Trying to rationalize as to why his own son doesn't care for him when he had 9 years to build a bond with him even with call's. I say 9 due to face smashing thing. Don't really like the altering memory theory either, since we have no evidence and even with it it would seem like a cheap cop out for not developing Izuku's relationship with his dad. He must have not been there often or called if his son doesn't think of him as he almost dies.

His interest in Izuku would be ignited when he discovers he obtained OFA and then his obssession would begin there.

Kinda gay to have your brother be the only one you ever loved in you life. But everyone has their ships and can't say that's bad. I like to toy with that idea sometimes I just prefer him loving his family.

I mean if you like this concept don't let the fact I don't enjoy it bother you. Also, Izuku doesn't care even if dad 'loved' him because the bastard STILL just up and vanishes regardless. This is NOT at all related to whatever AFO feeling, since even if the dad is just a normal guy he NEVER shows up.

Since if is Dad for One can't reveal he is potato's face, and as someone who has been around kids. YES, they will hold resentment and it doesn't matter if it's because of 'work' you might as well have abandoned them. It doesn't matter how good you were prior to your disappearance if never come to any family bonding, meetings, etc for YEARS.

Inko might be mature enough to understand but I'm sure even she would be exhausted. Also contemplating divorce since Ms. Midoriya never shows up not even when son in the hospital.

It hurts to have a parent who cares more about work than your family especially since Izuku is already being bullied and mistreated.

There no need to RATIONALIZE that part since regardless if AFO loves them or not he STILL ends up not being there for them. EVEN IF IT TO NOT REVEAL HE A VILLAIN, it's cruel! Kid likely would refuse any phone call from the man who abandoned them.

Also, we don't have evidence for anything at the moment. So we can debate whatever but there no proof of whether he truly loved his family or didn't.

If want an example of dad fuck off and kid rather pretend they don't exist, but the dads aren't bastards technically just neglectful as heck.

Katekiyo Hitman reborn, the dad basically dead beat. Son will ignore his existence if could.

Full Metal Alchemist, Edward makes it clear Hohenheim can drop dead. As punched him upon first meeting.

Both are dad that just up and disappeared.

Also, I'm neutral about the memory alteration theory since it isn't really NEEDED to justify anything. It just some what ifs since, not recognizing his voice?

AFO voice is likely fucked up after the head bash and if Izuku thinks his dad doesn't give a shit avoids any phone calls anyway. I SOMETIMES DON'T RECOGNIZE PEOPLE's VOICE, it can just happen sometimes if been too long.

[willel]

No because yeah, I mean even Joyce doesn't actually think, by I mean really think, that it is weird. It didn't happen one time. Let's say the first time (kidnapping) was weird and coincidental. But then after that? It happened 3-4 times, so, it is a pattern. I am trying to understand the writing logic bc even Joyce, the brain and the one who is always right, doesn't actually think on this in a real way.

Do they think Will just ends up unlucky everytime or something? How many times it must happen for the characters to actually think, I just wonder because even Mike wasn't like ''wait Will, that is weird as fuck'' when he heard what Will said in S4 at the cabin scene. He was just worried. Are we just waiting for the moment where Vecna will give a long monologue and that is when it will click for the characters? Because that is weird af and kinda ridiculous from a writing POV. Because, even then, it still stands that the characters should have actually thought about this before the eventual villain monologue, you know? Will is the only character (aside from maybe El) who has been connected to that place since S1. And even El herself isn't connected to it in a literal sense, as she cannot feel the dimension or its creatures, she cannot sense them or the place. Will is the only one who can do that, plus, he also has been the only one to be targeted since S1 specifically without getting killed too. So where is the logic???

I guess if Vecna does give a long monologue about how Will was integral to his plans all along, it won't just be for the Stranger Things characters who are surprised.

WE DON'T KNOW ANYTHING YET, but there is a slice of this fandom who are convinced that it must be a coincidence and nothing else. I'm not talking about the nice open minded anons that sometimes discuss/debate with me whether or not it was a coincidence (cause I find that fun and it makes me think), I'm talking about the malicious kind of people and even the general audience who doesn't seem to notice anything... weird about all this.

Maybe Will being a major part of all this is supposed to be a surprise??? Maybe the Duffers aren't expecting the general audience to be connected the Will and Vecna dots??? Maybe they want the characters to be just as oblivious as some of the general audience?

I'll give Joyce a LITTLE slack because she was not with Will in season 3 or 4 and I doubt he told her, "Hey um mom? I still feel Upside Down stuff." As we know, he really dislikes her helicopter tendencies no matter how justified she is. By the time she arrived on the scene, what he was feeling didn't matter. They already had a plan in the mall and when she arrived at the cabin most of the danger was over. Maybe once he tells her everything she'll start putting pieces together? Maybe she'll be like "Um, why didn't anyone tell me this sooner? Hello? This is bad! We need to be careful!"

But still..... it really surprises me that El hasn't really acknowledged it in season 4 either. We just saw how Vecna systematically torments and track his victims through Max. How a psychic connection between them is a dangerous link to have and that it doesn't just go away or go unnoticed. Isn't El like "Oh no, I think Will might be in danger?" Like... she KNOWS he can still feel this stuff because of what he said in season 3. Has she really not connected the dots yet?

El heard Max's "I can still feel him. I'm still.... marked." speech.

If this is on purpose from a writing standpoint, then all the main characters are a little bit too comfortable, too confident, and are NOT suspicious enough or being careful enough. Will (against his will) killed the entire Hawkins facility barely even 2 years ago because they were too slow to realize what was going on.

It's like one of the big answers is staring them in the face but they aren't connecting the dots. But as an audience member, these dots feel like freakin' lasers.

[transfem-rtl]

Day 2 of me Journaling. God I can't wait to see my therapist again.

Today started very rough, as I was given an assignment in ELA to write a personal narrative. This brought back the bad memories of the latter half of 2023 (or all of it I guess) and I've been depressed all day from it.

No new info about the LBP community drama I mentioned the other day; mainly because I haven't cared enough to watch it.

Anyways intermission over. Back to today!

I think this whole Bill Cipher obsession thing is getting to some bad part of me, because I've been thinking about how much I hate my enemies a lot more recently, mainly about how happy I would be if they ever had their downfall. Now, I should clarify; these people I'm talking about are actually awful, and have done things such as doxxing, grooming, justifying incest, ect. So maybe they deserve it? I feel bad, but at the same time they're all awful people, so idk how to feel honestly (for reasons, I will not share their names. Also if one of you is reading this go fuck off and block this account). I remember I used to have angry episodes where I would rant about taking revenge on them or something, and while I don't know much about that part of me, I do know that it is another part of me and not me. Not necessarily an alter I don't think, but sort of another persona. One that comes out when I think a bunch of negative thoughts about those guys.

One which, if I'm not careful, could destroy every relationship I hold dear.

In other news: honestly I'm still sorta debating whether or not I'm asexual, because honestly sexual pleasure (while It would feel good) doesn't seem too worth it. I won't go into the gross bits, but I think you get the idea.

Anyways, I guess I'll end it here for now. I'm gonna talk to my therapist about all of this, so hopefully she can help me through this.

Truth be told; I feel like shit. I regret being so dependent on Č̣&[ř<ŝ, or any of my old "friends" for that matter. Because after everything that's happened, I feel so empty without them. Although unfortunately, I can never go back.

Anyways I'm ending it for real now. Have a good whatever time of day it is for you, reader!