#i don’t want to see brittany on my dash all the time

[an-ivy-covered-summer]

the lord gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers is just about me having to see brittany mahomes hanging out with my personal best friend taylor every week.

[wheresmynaya]

Hate to Date Ch.8 | Brittana

A/N - These next two chapters are probably some of the more difficult ones I've written so far for this story so be gentle LOL. Also, I've noticed readers saying in their reviews lately that these weekly updates are like waiting for a new episode of a fav tv show and I love that. One of the things I miss about Glee or whatever show I’m obsessed with is having something to look forward to each week so I'm really happy this story offers you all that kind of comfort! Hopefully I can keep it up 💙

Before you read on, consider treating your local fav fic writer with a coffee through Ko-Fi!

Available on ff.net (x) ao3 (x) & under the cut!

When Saturday rolls around, Santana putters around the apartment attempting to busy herself with meaningless tasks – anything that’ll keep her from anxiously watching the clock. She lounges in her sweatpants and a tank top all day, switching from vegging out on the couch to catching up on some coursework, but it gets harder for her to resist the urge to check the time the later it gets.

No matter what she does, no matter the many distractions she tries piling on – she can’t help but cave.

She can’t help but think about Brittany.  

When Puck gets home a little later from hanging out with a couple guys from his team, he finds Santana close to falling asleep on the couch. He takes in the lazy clothes she wears, the messy hair, the sea of snacks that surrounds her and lifts a brow.

“What’s this?”

“What’s it look like?” Santana snarks.

“It looks like you’ve just gone through a rough break up.”

Santana shoots him a look, “I’m clearly having a lazy day.”

He glances from her to the tv screen and back to her again, “Is that what you call it?”

“Yeah,” Santana replies and averts her eyes as she tugs on her blanket. “You can either join or scram.”

Puck rolls his eyes and reaches for the remote. When the screen shuts off, Santana lets out a huff but Puck only crosses his arms.

“What the hell?” She snaps. “I was watching that!”

“So?” Puck challenges.

“So turn it back on.”

“Or what?”

“Or I’ll kick your ass.”

Puck barks out a laugh, “I’d like to see you try. Go ahead.”

Santana doesn’t move, “I don’t have the energy for this.”

“You’re so damn frustrating,” Puck shakes his head.

The comment makes Santana falter a little; it makes her think about Brittany again, it makes her think about how she let her down, it makes her think about how it made her feel to watch the blonde run away.

But Brittany isn’t here, it’s Puck and Santana knows he doesn’t scare off too easily.

“Just leave me alone,” Santana grumbles.

Of course, Puck doesn’t.

“Are you seriously not going tonight?”

Santana clenches her jaw as the anxious feeling returns. It didn’t take much but she’s wavering and she knows it. Puck probably knows it too or else he wouldn’t be here pressing her buttons still.

“I told you I can’t go,” She tells him defiantly. “I’d only ruin her night. She doesn’t need that, no one does. It’s better if I stay here.”

“Bullshit,” Puck disputes. “You don’t know that.”

Santana stays quiet, she can feel her foundation cracking.

“I do know that,” She says. “You saw how pissed she was when she left. I’d just make things worse if I go.”

Puck sighs tiredly, “Why do you always do that?”

“What?”

“That,” Puck tries to explain. “It’s just like high school – you’re taking yourself out of the game before you even play it.”

That strikes a nerve with Santana, “That’s not what happened and you know it. This is so much different.”

“You gave up then,” Puck tells her. “And you’re giving up now. Why? I don’t know. This should be way easier for you. There’s no scholarship on the line or this big scary secret you need to help hide. You’re not even in love with the girl this time but here you are sitting on the damn bench.”

Santana shrinks back. She doesn’t want to talk about the past, she doesn’t want it mixing in with her present so she deflects, “Can you stop with the ridiculous sports metaphors?”

“No. Now get your ass up,” Puck huffs as he pulls off the blanket Santana covers herself with.

“Goddamn it, Puckerman! Cut the shit!”

“You first, Lopez!”

This time, Santana rises to her feet. She faces Puck head on and glares. Her fists are tight and her chest aches with rage and something else, something she’s tried so many times to push away.

“You know what you have to do,” Puck says. “Stop with the excuses and just go do it already. Quit being a little punk about it.”

“I’m not being a punk,” Santana grumbles.

Puck laughs as he waves his hand at her mess, “All this because Britt finally called you out on your shit? Come on, you’re better than that.”

Santana tenses her jaw again but Puck only softens as he puts his heavy hands on her shoulders, going into total pep talk mode. Santana tries to squirm away, but Puck steadies her like always.

No one would ever expect that this guy, the one with a ratty mohawk, could be the voice of reason for Santana but he’s never failed her before. Just like her, he doesn’t back down. He sticks by her even when she’s being a stubborn dumbass and if anyone needs someone in their life like that it’s Santana.

“I know you,” He says solemnly. “Going to this thing tonight is a piece of cake, all you have to do is quit selling yourself short and go.”

Santana’s shoulders drop even further as Puck continues.

“Prove yourself wrong and kill it,” He says. “You owe it to yourself and you owe it to Brittany.”

There’s an uneasiness still but Santana can’t lie and say Puck’s words didn’t ignite something within her. It goes without saying that his words have had an impact. She bats off his hands and glances at the time, frowning when she sees how late it has gotten.

“I don’t think I can make it in time,” Santana says. “I can’t get ready in forty minutes. My hair alone takes at least an hour.”

“Well what’s that saying?” Puck questions. “Better late than never?”

Santana sighs through a small smile, “I mean, I do like to make an entrance.”

Puck smirks, “Then you better get going.”

\\

Santana’s used to walking into parties like she owns the place, but she finds herself struggling as she approaches the entrance of the Brainiacs’ Ball. She stares up at the prominent steps flanked by solid columns and has never felt so small in all her life. She’s way out of her comfort zone, but she takes the first step anyway.

Slowly, she puts one foot in front of the other. She can feel the low thrum of the bass from the music inside before she can actually hear it. At least that’s something she’s a little more familiar with and with that in mind, she continues her journey.

Maybe Puck was right? This is a piece of cake!

When she reaches the top and looks back, she finds Puck still waiting at the bottom of the stairs watching on like a proud soccer mom. He catcalls at her loudly and it causes the last of the guests making their way inside to stare.

Santana scrunches her face and waves him away, not wanting to be embarrassed by how he sticks out like a sore thumb in his ripped jeans and jersey. He gets the message though and gives her one last round of thumbs up before heading off.

Though she tries to play it off like she can’t stand his dorkiness, she’s thankful for that little bit of extra support and finds enough courage to walk into the building with her head held high.

She might not feel like she owns the place right now, but that’ll change by the end of the night!

\\

Santana knew it was a black tie affair, but she really didn’t expect such extravagance.

There’s a great crystal chandelier hanging from above casting iridescent shadows across the lobby, spotless marbled floors speckled with flecks of gold, the ruby red carpet leading the way into the grand hall where guests dressed to kill mingle with champagne flutes in their hands.

All that’s missing are the annoying paparazzi and the blinding flashes from their cameras and she’d feel like she was at some gaudy Hollywood party.

It’s like she just walked into one of the parties Maribel’s firm throws for holidays and she so wasn’t expecting that. Although she’s been to many of those, she still feels a little out of place as she makes her way through the double doors.

“Good evening,” The doorman greets politely before extending a gloved had to the party. “Welcome to the Brainiacs’ Ball.”

Santana smiles in return and heads in. She tries to keep an eye out for Brittany all while trying to wrap her head around the fact that all of this is in celebration of a handful of academic decathlon clubs.

Who the hell knew they got down like this? Even their DJ has great music playing! Santana’s so surprised, almost distractingly so but then she spots a familiar someone in the crowd.

Brittany

There’s a sudden sense of relief but it’s soon replaced with a frown as Santana finds that the girl isn’t alone. She’s with some tall guy; Santana can’t really see that far to tell who it is or if she knows him. All she knows is that Brittany is standing with him and she’s laughing.

He’s making her laugh.

Santana’s frown deepens before she squints her eyes, trying to get a better look at the guy. Like the others here, he’s dressed to the nines in a dashing suit with his black hair slicked back.

Okay, whatever – he can clean up well. Santana can too! But the important question is, what’s he doing with Brittany?

She ducks behind a vase of flowers, peering through the gaps in the leaves so Brittany doesn’t spot her. She only briefly thinks about how ridiculous she must look before other guests unknowingly happen to block her view.

Frustrated, she tries ducking and dodging them but even in her stilettos she’s just too short. She’ll need to get closer if she wants to see what this guy’s deal is, but as she makes her way over she can’t help but think: did Brittany really replace her?

Surely not, that would definitely raise suspicion. She wouldn’t do that.

Would she?

Suddenly, a waiter dressed formally in a suit and tie steps in Santana’s path. There’s a silver tray full of champagne flutes atop his hand and he looks to Santana expectantly.

“Champagne?”

Santana takes one last look at Brittany and that guy and goes for a glass.

“Yeah, sure.” She takes one and downs it in two gulps.

The waiter raises his brows in awe and quickly goes to turn away, but Santana stops him.

“Hold up,” She says and puts down her empty glass in favor of taking two more. She smiles sweetly at him in thanks before getting her game face on. She finds herself thinking about what Puck said before and starts to fill with confidence – no more sitting on the sidelines for her!

Santana saunters over to Brittany with determination in her eyes.

It’s go time.

\\

“There you are!” Santana greets cheerfully as she reaches Brittany with a champagne flute in each hand. “I’ve been looking all over for you.”

Brittany stops mid-sentence, her face pale as if she’s just seen a ghost.

“You’re here.”

“Of course I am. I wouldn’t miss it,” Santana replies as she hands her the spare flute before pressing a chaste kiss to her cheek. She looks up at pretty blue eyes and adds, “I know how important this night is for you.”

Brittany blinks, it’s like she can’t believe what she’s hearing. Santana thinks she’s off to a good start so far – naturally – and sizes up the guy Brittany was talking to before she came over.

“And who are you?” She asks with a slight bite to her tone as she wraps her arm around Brittany’s waist.

He falters as he looks back and forth between her and Brittany, “I’m Mike.”

Santana lifts her brow challengingly, but Brittany steps in to add.

“He’s a friend of mine.”

Santana continues to stare at the guy, “Friend.”

“Yeah,” Brittany glances at her with slight confusion but it quickly disappears as she slips into character too. “I was just telling him you weren’t feeling too good and that you probably wouldn’t make it tonight.”

“Right,” Santana replies. Her smile turns devilish, “Well I appreciate the concern but I’m all better now, Mike.”

He looks a little nervous but nods, “That’s good to hear.”

“Mhmm,” Santana brings her glass to her lips. She maintains eye contact with him while she threads her fingers with Brittany’s and sips her champagne slowly.  

“Well Britt, I’m gonna go,” He says hesitantly to Brittany before jutting a thumb over his shoulder. “I want to make sure we grab a good seat. I’ll see you over at the table.”

“Okay cool,” Brittany smiles. “See you there.”

“It was nice finally meeting you, Santana,” Mike says kindly to the brunette before disappearing into the crowd.

Santana watches him go as she takes another sip. This Mike character really changed up his tune once Santana was around – all nice and polite. He wasn’t fooling her though! Trying to steal her fake girlfriend, not today!

“He’s gone,” Brittany says gruffly. “You can let go of my hand now.”

“Oh sorry,” Santana pulls away and glances in the direction Mike went. “So he’s attractive…what’s he doing at a place like this?”

Brittany doesn’t even smile, “You know not everyone with a brain looks like Steve Urkel.”

Santana doesn’t notice Brittany’s dismissive tone as she looks around. She’s still mind blown by the atmosphere and the people and everything.

“Clearly,” She replies. “I mean, did you see that man’s jawline? I’m a lesbian, but I can still admire a good looking – “

“What are you doing here, Santana?”

Brittany’s curt tone pulls Santana right back to the other day where they sat together at her tiny dining table and she watched as Brittany grew more and more disappointed in her. There’s a hardness to her, an annoyance, that doesn’t go unnoticed. It makes Santana shrink back, that confidence before taking a big hit, but she stands her ground – even if Brittany makes her feel shaken.

“I’m here to be your arm candy,” Santana says in return – attempting to make this exchange lighthearted.

Brittany’s not having it though as she says bitterly, “I don’t need it.”

“Sure you do.”

“No,” Brittany admonishes. “I don’t so you can leave now.”

Santana slips up out of frustration, “Are you really going to make this difficult for me?”

That sets Brittany off once again, the bitterness intensifying.

“Seriously? You did not just ask me that. After everything you said the other night, after the way you just put your foot down and refused to budge? You want to talk to me about being difficult?” Brittany lets out a dry laugh, “You’ve got some nerve.”

Santana cringes as she takes a subtle look around to make sure no one notices them arguing, but no one pays them any mind. It’s a relief, but it doesn’t offer Santana much comfort with the way Brittany’s still glaring at her.

She was a little prepared for the backlash, she just wasn’t sure how bad Brittany’s words would sting. She isn’t used to the harshness in Brittany’s tone and she kind of hates that she’s the reason for it.

Still, she pushes forward. She’s determined to fix this, no matter how hard Brittany fights her.

“Okay,” Santana’s voice is meek. “So that was a poor choice of words... ”

“You think?” Brittany replies, her tone thick with sarcasm.

Santana’s instincts have her wanting to retreat. She has clearly messed up big time and everything in her is telling her to just listen to Brittany and leave – yet her feet don’t move.

Maybe she’s hardheaded, maybe she’s too damn stubborn for her own good; whatever it is, she continues to stand her ground.

“I’m here now,” Santana says earnestly. “That has to count for something?”

Brittany shakes her head, “It doesn’t.”

Santana lets out a laugh out of aggravation. Who knew the girl could be just as stubborn as her? Talk about grudges, no wonder no one ever gets on Brittany’s bad side! It’s damn near impossible to get off of it! But Santana’s made proving she can be there for Brittany her new mission so she’s not going anywhere just yet.

“What do you want me to do?” Santana asks dejectedly. “Get on my hands and knees? Beg for your forgiveness?”

“Save your breath,” Brittany replies briskly as she sets down her glass. “I don’t want to be here with someone that would rather be elsewhere and I’m tired of trying to force you to care.”

That one surprisingly hurts a little more than Santana expected, but it doesn’t top the feeling that quickly follows as she watches Brittany begin to turn her back on her.

“Brittany,” Santana finds herself calling out. When the blonde doesn’t stop, Santana calls out to her again. “Britt – “

“No,” Brittany pauses as she looks over her shoulder at Santana. “You were right. You’d just ruin my night. Go home, Santana.”

It’s another blow to the chest as the blonde turns to walk away again. Only this time, Santana kicks into gear. She’s got something to prove and she’s not leaving until she does! She quickly sets down her glass too and reaches out, catching Brittany by the wrist before she gets too far.

“Can you just wait?” Santana pleads.

“What?” Brittany snaps back.

Santana softens as she tucks her tail between her legs, “I’m sorry.”

Brittany looks a little taken aback by the relaxing of her tensed jaw, but it only last for a moment as she looks down at Santana’s hand still around her wrist.

“Okay, great,” Brittany says sarcastically. “Now let me go.”

Brittany doesn’t wait for Santana to loosen her grip and instead shakes Santana off of her. The brunette doesn’t try reaching for her again, but she does take a step closer.

“Hold on,” Santana urges again. “I’m not finished.”

Brittany pauses, taking a wary look back her. Santana can see that she’s wearing her down, but who knows how long it’ll last. There’s no reason for Brittany to give her another chance after having so many, so she has to make this count.

“I thought about what you said,” Santana tells her. “Like I really, really thought about it and I think you might be right.”

Brittany remains looking indifferent and that makes Santana nervous, but she continues on.

“You’re right about this being one sided. You’re right about you putting in most of the work and doing things that benefit me,” Santana says. “You’re right about it all – minus one thing.”

Brittany quirks her brow, “What’s that?”

“I’m not selfish.”

“No?” Brittany scoffs. “Then you must not know the meaning of the word because your past actions would say otherwise.”

Santana sighs, “Yeah, I know but I guess that’s why I’m here…to prove that you’re wrong.”

Brittany softens in the slightest as she listens.

“I haven’t been fair to you,” Santana explains. “You always go above and beyond. I mean, you climbed through a window for me and you’re learning Spanish to get on Abuela’s good side! Like what the hell? Who does that?” Santana pauses when she realizes she’s veering from her point.

“I know I’m still not on your level when it comes to doing the most,” She continues. “But I figured it’s only fair that I do something that I normally wouldn’t just to show you that all you do isn’t for nothing. By coming here tonight, I’m trying to return the favor. This is my metaphorical window and I want to climb through it for you.”

Santana pauses when she realizes how lame she sounds, but maybe this huge fuck up calls for a little lameness. Maybe a lot; whatever works at this point!

Brittany watches Santana for a moment as if she’s trying to decide whether or not Santana’s words have any weight to them. It isn’t the first time she’s said she’d do better, so it’s no surprise Brittany isn’t as quick to accept her apology.

“I don’t really know if I believe you,” She finally says. Her tone has lost most of its bite but Santana knows she’s not in the clear just yet.

“That’s fine,” Santana replies. She stands a little taller, puffs out her chest and says, “I’ll just have to spend all night trying to convince you. You want a perfect fake girlfriend? Well Britt-Britt, you’ve got one.”

There’s the slightest hint of a smile that graces Brittany’s lips and it makes the dimming beacon of hope in Santana begin to shine a little brighter.

“That is,” Santana adds. “If you want me to. I know this night is important for you. I can go if that’s what you really want.”

She bats her eyelashes for the extra touch – because if after all of that Brittany still makes her leave…well that would just be embarrassing. Surprisingly though, it makes Brittany’s smile grow. Santana can tell she’s fighting to keep it small, fighting to keep from giving in, and she takes that as a personal victory.

“You can stay,” Brittany says after making Santana wait a little longer.

Santana beams, “Okay gre – ”

“For now.”

“Okay,” Santana’s grin softens. “I can handle that.”

“I don’t want to fight with you here,” Brittany tells her firmly. “I only want to have a good time and if you try to mess that up then you’re out of here.”

“I’ll be on my best behavior,” Santana replies.

Brittany holds out her pinky, “Promise?”

Santana eyes her skeptically, “Are you trying to make me pinky promise? What are we twelve?”

“It’s a yes or no question,” Brittany replies flatly – still holding out her pinky.

“Promise,” Santana sighs and curls her pinky around Brittany’s.

Satisfied, Brittany nods and pulls away. While Santana chuckles, she looks over to the direction Mike left.

“So I guess you can go ahead and tell Hot Stuff over there that he doesn’t need to be coming around here anymore too.”

That pulls a genuine laugh out of Brittany who can’t help but smirk at Santana’s comment.

“Shocking; you’re the jealous type.”

Santana lifts her brow, “I’m not. I’m just saying – his assistance as interim date is no longer required if I’m here.”

“I said you can stay for now. I can change my mind at any time.”

Santana’s shoulders droop as she’s once again put back in her place. Brittany notices and smirks.

“He has a date already,” Brittany continues. “His girlfriend. You know her. Tina?”

Santana’s jaw drops a little, “No shit, really?”

“Yeah, they’ve been together for awhile now.”

“Wow, I had no idea. Well good,” Santana lifts her chin. “He can carry his fine ass on over to her and stay there then.”

“You’re really hung up on how people can be both smart and hot,” Brittany points out with a laugh. “Like you and I aren’t also examples of that being a thing.”

“Hold up,” Santana starts to smirk. “Did you just say I’m hot?”

Brittany rolls her eyes, “I mean, you do look nice.”

Santana frowns, “Just nice?”

Brittany eyes her up and down slowly before shrugging, “Yeah, nice. I’m actually surprised you didn’t wear one of your stripper dresses. Guess you won’t be making it rain tonight.”

Santana lets out a laugh. She’s glad Brittany’s back to bantering with her instead of the heavy intensity from before. Maybe they’re not completely back on good terms, but at least it’s better than what it was.

“We’ll see. Those moves are for later,” Santana winks jokingly before giving her compliments. “You clean up pretty good too. I like what you’ve done with your hair. It’s cute.”

Brittany gets a little bashful as she fluffs her softly tussled hair, “Thanks.”

Santana only nods, “Now where’s this elusive open bar I’ve heard so much about? I needs me something other than champagne.”

“Ah, so that’s the real reason you’re here,” Brittany quips.

Santana feels like Brittany’s testing her although her tone remains playful.

“Yeah, but I’m mostly here for you,” Santana replies super sweetly. “I mean, how can I say no to an open bar? I am a broke college student after all.”

Brittany chuckles, “I see your priorities are straight.”

“It’s the only straight thing about me,” Santana jokes before hooking her arm with Brittany’s.

\\

After getting their drinks, the couple roam around the room arm in arm. It’s mostly to keep up appearances; a way to make up for Santana arriving late and to show that Brittany really isn’t here all alone.

She’s surprised by how many come up to greet them – well, greet Brittany. Santana guesses the blonde really is a big deal here after all and everyone happily chats away with her. Who can blame them though? Brittany’s probably the friendliest person Santana knows.

They bump into Mike and Tina again near the giant owl ice sculpture while they make their rounds – because yeah, of course this party has one of those – but the conversation is kept brief with Tina trying to get in as many interviews with everyone before dinner.

Mike tags along after her with a proud smile on his face as he offers to hold her drink and for a second Santana kind of feels a little guilty about having her claws out when they first met. He seems kind, happy to be alongside Tina and Santana finds herself wondering if people get that vibe when she’s with Brittany.

While Santana and Brittany linger by the ice sculpture, Santana notices a small group of people that look a lot like the guys from Brittany’s team. At least the one in the center of it all is for sure. They stick out to her because they’re probably some of the lasts who haven’t come to greet Brittany which seems odd considering she’s their teammate.

Wouldn’t they have been the first to see her? Maybe Santana missed that part since she arrived late, then again judging by how they seemed to shun her at the match they probably haven’t come to say hi on purpose.

Santana quietly watches them though as Brittany chats with another guest about robotics or whatever nerdy talk that goes completely over Santana’s head. She notices how they all gravitate to the one guy in the center and it’s like they hang on his every word. They laugh when he does, they nod when he nods – they’re puppets and he’s the puppet master.

Santana doesn’t realize she’s pulling a face until Brittany bumps her with her elbow.

“Quit it,” Brittany chastises. “People can see you.”

“My bad,” Santana fixes her face and gestures over to the group. “He’s on your team, right? The one in the dusty grandpa sweater.”

Brittany glances in the direction and nods.

Santana wrinkles her nose, “He seems like a tool.”

“He’s not,” Brittany’s quick to defend before softening. “Not really.”

Santana doesn’t looked convinced so Brittany adds.

“He’s a pretty big deal to this community. People say he has one of the most gifted minds in our generation.”

Santana picks up on Brittany’s tone, but she can’t tell whether it’s envy or something entirely different. She knows one thing is for sure though.

“People say that about you too,” Santana tells her honestly. “The whole gifted mind thing.”

Brittany shakes her head and looks to the ground, “No they don’t.”

Her dismissiveness confuses Santana. She’s never not seen Brittany confident in how intelligent she actually is. If there’s one thing Santana knows the blonde is sure about, it’s her smarts. They argue about it all the time! That’s the very foundation of their rivalry, but apparently here that’s not the case.

“Word about his work has travelled all the way to MIT,” Brittany adds. “It’s so impressive.”

“And yet, he never went there. You did,” Santana reminds her as she continues to stare down the guy. She glances to Brittany again skeptically, “Or is he a transfer too?”

“He’s not. But I’m sure he would’ve gotten in easy. His work is…it’s legendary.”

Santana watches Brittany, trying to figure her out. It sounds a lot like admiration rather than envy, but why? How great can this guy possibly be if he has Brittany doubting herself?

“I didn’t know you were such a fan,” Santana comments.

“I just admire him is all,” Brittany says, confirming Santana’s thoughts.

Santana still doesn’t get it though and frowns around the word, “Admire…”

The both of them watch the man chat with the others silently for two very different reasons. The longer Santana stares, the more she kind of wants to punch him. He just has a very punchable face she supposes, especially when he laughs louder than anyone else in the room.

The sound makes Santana grit her teeth while it has the opposite effect on Brittany.

“He’s kind of cute too,” The blonde admits.

“Cute?” Santana raises both brows and laughs. “We looking at the same guy?”

Brittany shrugs, “He’s cute in that boy next door kind of way.”

“Seriously?” Santana snickers. “That Mike guy was kind of cute. Him? He ain’t it.”

Brittany suddenly hardens, “Well it doesn’t matter what you think. Does it?”

Santana’s taken aback.

“It’s not always about looks,” Brittany further chastises. “There’s more to people than that.”

Santana keeps quiet and nods, not wanting to piss Brittany off again. Afterall, her presence is completely dependent on whether or not Brittany wants her around. She can revoke the privilege at any second and Santana would hate to be kicked to the curb because she once again can’t keep her opinions to herself.

“What’d you say his name was again?” She asks a moment later.

“Artie.”

Suddenly something clicks. She remembers the conversation she had with Brittany’s parents at Brittany’s last match and the comment about someone named Artie.

“So that’s who your parents were talking about,” Santana hums.

“Wait what?” Brittany whirls on her. “I’ve mentioned him like twice. What’d they say?”

Santana shrugs, “They said dating me is an upgrade.”

Brittany gives her a look and slumps, “They didn’t say that.”

“No, but it’s true.”

“They clearly don’t know you well enough.”

Santana cringes, “Hey, I’m trying. At least I’m not a tool like that guy.”

“Debatable.”

“Rude.”

They settle into silence again. Santana goes from scanning the crowd to glancing Brittany’s way. She notices how the blonde continues to gravitate towards Artie too, just like one of his puppets. Santana finds it so odd and the curiosity begins to get the better of her.

“So what’s your deal with him?” She asks. “He an ex I need to worry about?”

“No. It’s nothing like that,” Brittany replies.

Santana doesn’t believe that for a second though.

“I sense a story.”

“There isn’t one,” Brittany says with a shrug. “We were friends and now, I don’t know what we are. Things got weird after I was asked to join the robotics team and he wasn’t. We used to study all the time together, but after that happened he kind of kept me at a distance.”

Santana struggles to mask the disdain she has for this guy. He really is a tool if that’s how he acts. But she fights the urge to speak on it, sensing Brittany still has some kind of connection with him.

“Do you like him or something?” Santana wonders.

Brittany shrugs again, “It’s complicated. We’ve got history I guess.”

Santana nods; she can oddly relate to that.

“You know, he was the first friend I made here?” Brittany smiles at the memory. “I was so freaking nervous – you know, new campus and all. I spent extra time trying to get my bearings the day before but I still ended up getting lost on my first day. Artie was the one who took the time to show me around.”

Santana quirks a brow at that, but notices Brittany’s melancholy even more.

“Don’t tell Tina that,” Santana tries to joke. “We’ll have some conflicting stories.”

When Brittany barely gives her a smile, Santana tries again.

“I thought Puck was the one who showed you around?” Santana asks. “That’s how you guys became friends?”

“He was, but Artie was the first.”

“Huh,” Santana glances at the guy and laughs. “He must not have done a very good job then if you still ended up getting lost.”

This time there’s a small that graces Brittany’s lips, but it’s not nearly as big and bright as Santana’s used to. She’ll just have to try harder.

“He also introduced me to the Brainiacs,” Brittany tells her. “It was pretty cool of him. When I was at MIT, it was hard to get into any clubs. Everyone was kind of cliquey, so it was nice to see that things were different here. Everyone on the team was super accepting at first.”

“At first?” Santana questions.

“Yeah,” Brittany starts to frown. “When I first joined, the team was mostly girls and they were really great – super smart and so lovely – but they graduated last year. Now the dynamic’s changed a lot because of all the new people who seem to worship Artie. That’s probably part of the reason for his ego boost.”

Santana turns up her nose at that, but Brittany’s quick to return to the positives.

“But when it’s just us, he’s not so bad. He really looked out for me when I first came to Columbia. He introduced me to the Brainiacs and recommended me for the tutoring gig,” Brittany tells her. “We used to work together all the time until I got into this fake relationship with you.”

“Sorry not sorry,” Santana quips, but Brittany doesn’t really laugh at that. So Santana softens, a little intrigued by Brittany’s past, “So after all that time spent together, nothing ever happened between you two?”

“No,” Brittany replies. “I don’t think it ever would anyway.”

“Because you’re taken or…”

Brittany sighs at the joke, “Like I said, things got weird after I joined the robotics team. It was like the first time I did something for myself without his help or recommendation and I guess it rubbed him the wrong way?”

“You’re friends, aren’t you?” Santana questions. “Why would he feel some type of way about you branching out?”

“I don’t know,” Brittany shrugs. “Maybe I’m looking too much into things? Maybe he really doesn’t feel the same way about me.”

Santana shakes her head and stares at Artie again, “Well it looks like on top of being a tool, he’s an idiot too.”

Then almost as if he was summoned, Artie looks their way.

Santana finds herself straightening up, trying to stand taller, trying to seem more intimidating, but it doesn’t look like it deters the guy as he begins his journey over.

\\

“Brittany,” Artie greets with a nod. “Hi.”

Brittany smiles, “Hey Artie.”

He then looks to Santana and gives her a curious look full of judgement. It has Santana clenching her teeth, trying her hardest to maintain character when all she wants to do is roll the guy into the giant owl ice sculpture.

“Who’s this?” He asks Brittany as if Santana can’t hear.

Santana breaks slightly and scoffs, “You know how I am.”

Artie raises his brow and looks expectantly to Brittany.

“This is my girlfriend, Santana,” Brittany introduces. “I’ve mentioned her to you before.”

“Right,” Artie looks to Santana again. “I thought you weren’t going to come.”

Santana stares back challengingly, “I bet your hear that a lot.”

Artie sits back in his chair with this smug look on his face, “Funny. She’s funny.”

“It’s one of my many top notch qualities,” Santana fires back before looking to Brittany. Her arm goes around her waist, “Ain’t that right, babe?”

It takes a moment for Brittany to play along, but then she’s smiling and melting into Santana’s side, “Yeah. Totally.”

Artie only eyes the two though, out of suspicion or jealousy – Santana’s unsure. She’s hoping for the latter, because it seems like no one’s ever put him in his place before. Santana’s just the girl for the job!

“So do you think the team is going to get the top spot, Artie?” Brittany asks, trying to keep things light. “It was a lot of close matches this year, I hope our percentage is enough to pull us through.”

Artie shakes his head, almost like he’s disappointed. “I don’t know. Several of those matches shouldn’t have been that close. You really should’ve spent more time studying.”

Santana’s brows rise, but she remains quiet – looking to Brittany to see her reaction. To her surprise, the blonde looks just as remorseful.

“Yeah, you’re right. I think I was having an off day.”

“I think you had a lot of those,” Artie quips. “Too busy with the robotics team maybe?”

Santana scoffs, “Is he joking?”

But Brittany doesn’t say anything so Santana keeps quiet too.

“Some competitors take a little while to warm up,” Artie continues. “You just aren’t a seasoned contender like I am. You know I hold the record for fastest buzz in during my rookie season?”

“I know.”

“No one’s come close to beating it,” Artie flaunts. “We might’ve made state if you didn’t botch the science round during the last match. Maybe I should’ve taken the turn instead.”

Brittany nods and Santana can tell she’s trying to take his criticism constructively – only problem is that it’s not constructive at all. It’s completely condescending and uncalled for.

“Hold up, no,” Santana finds herself interrupting which seems to surprise the pair. “Brittany killed it during the finals or whatever you call it. She was buzzing in when no one else on your little team was. Not even you knew those answers, so what I think you need to be doing is thanking her.”

“For what?” Artie challenges.

“For carrying the team obviously. No way you would’ve gotten far if it wasn’t for her.”

Brittany looks a little shocked by the way Santana stands up for her, but Santana barely notices – too busy willing Artie to step out of line again.

And he does, with an arrogant laugh, he brushes Santana off.

“But the time it took her to buzz in is what we lose points for,” Artie explains. “I wouldn’t expect you to understand how academic decathlons work. They’re not like your cheerleading competitions, we actually have to use our brains.”

“Artie,” Brittany chastises but he’s unfazed.

Meanwhile Santana’s eyes are wide with surprise. The nerve, the audacity – it’s unbelievable!

“I’m sorry,” Santana starts to lean forward, getting down on his level. “Are you jealous that you can’t possibly possess both brains and brawn?”

Artie shifts in his chair and tries to evade Santana’s eye, but she’s so close now that he can’t avoid her.

“Or do you feel threatened by it?” Santana presses. “Threatened because this cheerleader’s GPA is something you’ve only dreamt of having and I didn’t have to waste away in a musty old library to get it? Tell me, Wheels, who was it again that was on track to be valedictorian until Brittany came along because I don’t remember seeing your name anywhere on the list.”

Artie’s face goes a little red that time; out of embarrassment or anger, Santana doesn’t care. All she cares about is making sure that he knows he isn’t shit and there’s no way he’ll talk to Brittany like that while she’s around.

There’s only one person in the world that can pick on Brittany and that’s her.

“The keyword is was,” He retorts.

“The keyword is you’re a prick,” Santana bites back just as fiercely.

“Okay,” Brittany cuts in. She gives Santana a little tug until she can curl an arm around her waist, “I think that’s enough of that.”

Artie continues to look shaken, but he does his best to mask it. Trying to be as macho as he can while in that turtleneck sweater he must’ve stolen from his grandfather’s closet. Safe to say it doesn’t fool Santana one bit.

“Well, I can see why you like her, Britt,” Artie comments with a glance in Santana’s direction. “She’s fiery.”

“She’s also this close to going all Lima He– “

“Santana,” Brittany scolds again.

There’s a pleading look in her eye that has Santana softening. She remembers what Brittany said earlier about tonight being fun and not wanting to fight, so Santana let’s Brittany pull her back. She settles, but it feels like it’s only the calm before the storm.

Artie notices too and puts on a smug grin, “Come to think of it, I have heard your name floating around on campus. Santana Lopez; the girl can’t be tied down to save her life.”

“Well Brittany’s changed that,” Santana quips. “Hasn’t she?”

“Hmm,” Artie nods but the stare he gives her is almost analytical. “It’s not really a pairing I would’ve pictured considering your history.” He then looks to Brittany and frowns, “I’m pretty sure you once told me that she couldn’t possibly have any redeeming qualities.”

Santana tries looking unfazed, but she can’t lie and say that comment didn’t sting. One look at Brittany and she can sense the guilt, but she keeps it hidden from Artie. Santana can’t hold it against Brittany though if she did say something like that about her, there’s been many times she’s complained about the blonde to Puck too.

But that was before they got to know each other, that was before they had to work together to emulate this perfect couple.

“Looks like I was wrong about that,” Brittany replies behind a smile that’s directed at Santana. She squeezes a little at the brunette’s waist, “Who would’ve known, opposites really do attract?”

Santana chuckles, remembering saying something similar during a conversation with Tina months ago.

“It sure took me by surprise,” Santana adds before glancing to Artie. “Guess I have some pretty redeeming qualities after all.”

Artie hums again with this contemplative look on his face, but he doesn’t rock the boat any further. He just nods and says, “Well this was fun. I guess I’ll leave you two to enjoy the Ball.”

Santana sneers at him while Brittany bids him goodbye.

“Oh. By the way Britt,” Artie pauses and glances back. “You look really great.”

Santana raises a brow at the compliment.

She wouldn’t have thought anything of it, but there’s the slightest little smirk on his dumb face as he says it and it has Santana feeling hot. Even if Brittany isn’t her actual girlfriend, what the hell? Who compliments another person’s date right in front of them? It seems as though Artie knows exactly what he’s doing, but given her promise to Brittany she’ll bite her tongue – for now.

While Brittany ducks her head in thanks, Santana stays quiet – waiting until Artie is out of sight before she can finally let down her guard and say what’s really on her mind.  

[amazonworrier]

Since you’re such a great writer, what are some of your favorite fics? Would love a list :)

Wow, I read the ‘since you’re such a great writer’ line and immediately assumed this was snarky anon hate haha, but thank you! What a lovely compliment.

I’ll probably get real anon hate for saying this, but I actually really struggle with how a lot of Brittana fics portray Brittany so a lot of the favourite fics that spring to mind don’t involve Brittana, even though that’s what I tend to write... Generally speaking, I just find that people overlook her autonomy as an individual character and write everything soooo much from Santana’s side of the story that Britt ends up feeling like a bit of a mouthpiece for whatever lesson Santana is meant to be learning. Or she just comes across as too dumb, or whatever. If the writing is decent, I’ll read those fics all the way through once anyway (because I’m a sucker for Brittana) but then I usually forget about them after that. 

The ones I always go back to are the ones that absolutely nail the characterisation/relationship dynamics we get in the show, then take it to new or interesting places. Sometimes that’s Brittana, sometimes it’s not. Often, it’s Pezberry or Quinntana. I just ship Santana Lopez with happiness, I guess... 

Top 5 (Glee):

1. Got You Stuck on My Body (Like a Tattoo) by random_flores - Quinntana. 

Seriously, I read this thing more often than I read anything else, fic or otherwise. It’s set slightly after the Quinntana slap then loosely follows s4 canon, all told from Quinn’s perspective. Chaotic Pezberry/Kurcheltana friendship, cute little OCs to keep Quinn company, somehow manages to respect Brittana while making you root for Quinntana. I live in hope it’ll either be updated or we’ll get a sequel from Santana’s POV but alas, it’s several years old now... 

2. I Don’t Want to Jump In (Unless this Music’s Thumping) by random_flores - Pezberry 

Pezberry future fic where Santana is a famous actress/DJ and she runs into Rachel after a few years of them not talking to each other. Rachel is a broadway star trying to make it big elsewhere, and she’s in an unhappy showmance with a man-child alcoholic. Pezberry excellence, a side of Faberry/Quinntana friendship, Kurt is an all-round legend, 100% respects canon Brittana up until Britt’s move to MIT, and Brittana are still close friends. I simply love everything about this fic. I want to go and re-read it right now, actually.

3. By The Light of the Moon by thefooliam - Brittana

They’re friends but nobody knows they’re friends! It’s a Grey’s Anatomy-esque AU and by thefooliam who wrote one of my favourite fics ever (Clexa) so obviously it’s gonna be good. Britt is a neo-natal surgeon (I think?) and Santana is the cranky paediatric surgeon who works the night shift with her all the time. Nails the characters, super cute, a little bit angsty, a dash of smut. What more could you want? 

4. Nothing Stays the Same til The World Ends Series by random_flores - Pezberry.

Is it obvious who my favourite Glee fic author is? Everything they write is magnificent, and I want to be like them when I grow up. This is a two part series. Apocalyptic Pezberry AU. Set roughly from season 2-ish onwards I think. Santana and Rachel get stuck trying to survive together after everyone else dies, and there are zombies (kinda). It’s just beautiful. End of story. I re-read it every time I want to hurt myself a little bit.

5. baby you don’t gotta fight (I’ll be here til the end of time) by therestisconfetti - Brittana. 

Remember how I said I didn’t like fics that ignore Brittany’s characterisation/POV? This does the exact opposite, and it does it really well. It’s basically all the moments Britt stood up for Santana that we didn’t see in canon, but probably should’ve. Also, as a side note this author does a heap of great missing-scene-esque Brittana fics, and I appreciate them all. So I’ve linked this one, but highly recommend reading the rest too. They make me feel things.

Bonus - one per ship, for equality: 

seen you skip that cautious lip by ratherembarrassing - Pezberry. 

Pezberry roommates drabble. It’s just cute/a little smutty. It’s kind of how I imagine canon Pezberry would’ve hooked up if that’d been a thing Glee was ever brave enough to actually do. 

I’m just saying by Eggandcheese - Quinntana.

Angsty as hell. Missing Quinntana friendship moments throughout canon, then some additional stuff post them sleeping together after Schue’s not-wedding. 

Rhythms by The Fooliam - Brittana.

Probably an obvious one because it’s a Brittana classic. Honestly, I’d re-read it purely for the body-shots scene alone. The rest of it is good too, but man, those body-shots...

[project-pnf-404]

Checkpoint and important updates 2!!: Electric boogaloo!!

Heyo guys!! Long time no talk. So, I’ve got some cool update stuff to show you guys. I’ve been doing a lot of blog “housekeeping” since the end of the last event. (don’t worry it hopefully won’t be boring update stuff lmao as it includes some new supplementary content). So, first and foremost, thanks to the inspiration from @koppais-smallest-nerd I’d like to let you guys know that I am now adding screen reader access to all future posts!!! This one included. At the bottom of each post under the, “read more”, image descriptions for all images will be added! Screen reader accessibility will also be added to all previous asks on the blog. However, getting through all of them will take a tiny bit. As, of this update, the first 4 asks have had image descriptions added. As well as all the supplementary content in between where applicable.

I’d also like to show you guys some supplementary content for the blog. Between these dashed lines are in character day 1 log entries written by the rest of the crew. 

———————————————

———————————————

I originally wasn’t sure if I wanted to put these extra day 1 logs on the main blog or not. But, I’ve decided that all supplementary content that may be story related will remain on the main blog for the foreseeable future, while BTS content will end up on PNF-404-Plus.

That being said since the end of the 1st event and my time away from the blog a lot has been going on when it comes to the blog.

For one the entire desktop version of the blog has had a large overhaul. A new theme has been added to the main page.

But, not only that but new side pages with supplementary content have been added!! This includes an event list, a bio page for the crew members of the S.S Drake, a Piklopedia page for the new Piklopedia, and a music page to top it all off!!

The Event List will show each new event as they are added! You can click on the current known events to go directly to all posts tagged with that event tag. Speaking of which all Event 01 posts have now had their tags updated with the Event 01 tag making it much easier to navigate.

The new Crew Members page has bios for all the members currently on the mission or known in the story so far! These Bios are pretty in line with cannon with some fanon, and light headcanon added  in for good measure. I recommend taking a look as it does have some interesting info in there. Also quick note: all of these bios are written as if it is prior to the beginning of the blog.

Then there’s the Piklopedia!! Here you can read each of their findings as they explore PNF-404! Currently the findings will be on each area they explore (not each creature they find) as they haven’t found any new creatures yet. There is also a map of places they’ve discovered and more!

Lastly, a new music page has been added. On this page, I’ve created event-inspired music playlists. Some of the songs have been mentioned in the past. But, here you can listen to them all in one place and see which songs are for which part of the events. As well there’s a secret songs playlist. This playlist has nothing to do with the blog directly but is filled with music given to me by people I’ve met from this community while I’ve been here!! Currently, there are 5 songs there, however, there will be more added in the future! What makes it secret is that you won’t know who gave me the song XD. (well unless you’re the one who gave me the song lmao) who knows if you’ve ever shared music with me before you may find your song there!! (There is also one song I’m sharing with you guys in there too so have fun figuring that out lmao. )

As well the table of contents has been once again updated with a lot of this new stuff as well as some other new information!! As for mobile users as of now, all of this is on separate Tumblr pages. However, in the near future, I will be uploading much of this stuff , such as the Piklopedia entries and Crew Bio’s, as individual posts! However, in the meantime, if you feel like you can always check out these pages on your phone browser instead if you’re a mobile-exclusive user. (Though some pages don’t look as good on phone)

Welp, I think that’s it as far as updates go!! I should be back with brand new ask posts soon (likely within the next week or so!) so keep a look out!! I’ll see ya guys again soon and thanks for reading!!!

{{ Screen reader image description is under “read more”}}

In the first image,  Alph’s Day 1 Log entry is shown. His log says, “To think I thought the first day would go well. Then again I didn’t think I would get sucked out of the ship either so maybe I should stop being so surprised. At the very least Louie and I were able to find our way back despite some obstacles and I was able to fix the ship in time. Though if it weren’t for Chunks we would have never found the pikmin we did. That little guy sure saved the day. 

However, Then there's what happened to Brittany… To see her in a situation like that... I can’t even bear to think about it. Tomorrow I will be checking over the entirety of the Drake to make sure a crash like that doesn't happen again. I can't help but think that the crash was due to me overlooking something during maintenance... However, The only thing I can do now is to make sure something like this never happens again for all our sake, especially Brittanys’. “ It is then sighed by Alph

In the second Image Charlies Day 1 Log entry can be read it says, “I should have been on top of things. As this crew’s captain, everything that went wrong was under my watch and things should have gone much smoother. That being said I am very glad that all of my crew have made it out alive. Though I am still worried about Brittany. If only I was able to keep her safe…

 But, at this point, we all must press forward. We have a task to complete and after seeing how devastated some areas are, we must get to the bottom of what’s wrong with PNF-404. Nothing will get in my way, not with my steely fists that is!!” It is then signed by  Charlie

In the third image Louies’ day 1 log entry can be seen it says, 

“

Going back to the pikmin planet wasn’t at the top of my list of things I thought I’d be doing anytime soon. Yet somehow I find myself back here and stranded again…. At least I wasn’t fully alone this time…

Alph and I eventually found a pikmin that we later named Chunks. He sure acts differently in comparison to any other Pikmin I’ve seen before. But, even still, if it weren’t for Chunks, we wouldn’t have been able to help Brittany or find any other pikmin for that matter. So, we should thank him for that.” It is then signed by Louie

In the fourth image the updated version of the Project: PNF-404 Tumblr is shown. It now has a bright cyan futuristic aesthetic to it. In the fifth image a picture of the new events page, listing all the past and future events planned so far is shown. It has 1 known event Titled Event 01. The other 3 are titled Event unknown. In the sixth image, the new crew members’ character page is shown. A picture of Olimar is shown along with a description of his traits and a biography. It reads as follows, 

CAPTAIN OLIMAR

AGE 38

ALIAS(ES)Olimar

SPECIES Hocotatian

GENDER Male

TITLE(S) Employee of Hocotate Freight, Xenobiologist

AFFILIATION Hocotate Freight, Planet Hocotate Government

Fatherly, well-meaning, and resourceful, for an almost 40 year old Hocotatian he has a lot of bravery and guts. Olimar first and foremost loves his family and cares deeply for others around him. A Hardworking employee of Hocotate Freight and family man, Olimar tends to try and stay level-headed while looking out for others.

Having been one of the first to visit the Pikmin planet Olimar has extensive knowledge of the planet's life. Lucky for him he just so happens to have gone to college for xenobiology. Many of his findings can be found within his many log entries known as the Piklopedia.

But, for as much as Olimar tends to be on top of things, his trips to the pikmin planet have had him face many dangers and life-threatening events. Though these issues are not something he brings up…

In the seventh image, The new Piklopidea page is shown, In one section it displays a map of PNF-404 with 2 marked locations. The first of which is highlighted in blue is named the “Silent Stream” the second, is highlighted in orange, Its title is “Glacial Gardens”. To the right of that is a description introduction for the Piklopedia. It says” To help ensure the progress and success of this mission all crew members must write down their findings in this log. Overview: 

CAPTAIN Olimar: Writes In-depth biological analysis of fauna and how the ecosystem affects said fauna.

LOUIE: Writes about Recipes and ingredients that can be found in each area. ALPH: Looks at the area with the eyes of an engineer. He uses this insight to discuss the benefits and flaws of what he’s analyzing. BRITTANY: Uses her botanist skills to look into the flora of the area along with talking about the aesthetics of things and adding in her own general opinions.

CAPTAIN CHARLIE: Writes about combat strategy and how one can use the environment in an area for a tactical advantage.

To the left is a map showing the current locations discovered by the crew. The one highlighted in orange has yet to be explored.

The final image shows the new music page! 6 playlists can be selected on the left each having 5 songs. To the right is an image of the event 01 cover art. With (from left to right), Brittnay, Charlie, Olimar, Louie, and Alph all looking up with a distressed expression on their faces. 

END ID

[writeblrfantasy]

excerpt from iwitby: jam and toast

i am forever impressed with how garbage tumblr makes images, so please click for better quality. i'm hesitant to make the font bigger or fewer words per screenshot because that would make these long excerpts even longer on your dash, but if you would like that, please let me know

transcript and taglist under the cut

When I come back to reality, I exclaim, “Wait. You’re sitting on the island?”

He freezes, bread halfway to his mouth. “Why not?”

“You seem too proper for it.”

He shrugs. ‘No one’s here to tell us no. Like you said, nothing matters in the House of Gerwyn.”

Nothing matters. That almost certainly means he doesn’t care about what we’ve been doing—it’s either to please the House, or he’s just bored. Everything matters to me, but who cares? It’s all the same. I’ll get my heart broken either way, even though I’ll never tell him everything. That will stay locked in me forever.

I smile, helpless in bliss for the moment.

“My sister loved exactly this kind of jam,” Cassius says through a full mouth. I freeze.

“You—you have a sister?”

“Yes. You didn’t know that?”

I suck in a breath. “No.” I’m scared of seeming too interested once again to ask questions, though my head is full of them. Her name? What was she like? How did you survive leaving her, because I didn’t survive leaving mine.

“I miss her,” he says idly, oblivious to the effect he’s having on me.

My eyes shut against a wave of grief. Victoria does not cross my mind often—I don’t allow her to—for exactly this reason. Her face, bright and optimistic, is there behind my eyelids, her dark eyes full of hope. The warmth of her grubby little hand in mine is a ghost I long for.

“Sarpedon?”

I open my eyes to dark reality again, pierced by a golden mask and red hair. “Yeah?”

“You looked…” He shakes his head, but I don’t let him get away with it this time.

“No. What were you going to say?”

I know he’s staring at me, I know he is, searching my eyes for answers. I try to close them off, make things harder for him.

“You looked sad.”

Such a simple phrase, like something a child would say.

“Why?” he asks.

“My sister—she and I got separated when we were kids.” My voice is tight, my words clipped. The room is dark, but I feel like the spotlight of heaven is shining on me, exposing me. I’ve never told anyone this story. I never thought Cassius Pyrrha would be the first to know.

“Her name?”

“Vic—Victoria.” I stare at my fingers, unable to face him, even masked. I wish I had a mask.

“Sebastian and Victoria.” Another shudder goes through me as he says my name. Names do not have power like flame and darkness do, but there’s something indescribable about hearing mine pass his lips. “Where were your parents?”

“Dead. We’d just left their bodies behind. We were trying to get to the mainland when we, um. When we got separated.”

“Let me guess. You sought revenge on the person who took her from you and got a taste for blood?”

Blissful wonder is quickly replaced by red hot anger. After everything we’ve done, I’d hoped he might see me differently, but apparently not. His voice cuts like a ruthless knife, like the knife I didn’t use. “I don’t want to hurt people who don’t deserve it. I want to hurt the people who do. I get no joy out of harming innocents. Let’s clear that up right now.”

He’s quiet. I finally face him to demand an explanation, but the way he’s ducking his head, clearly deep in thought, makes me pause.

“Why do you harm anyone?” he asks, repeating his question from earlier. “What happened to you to make you this way? If your sister was taken from you, why don’t you want to help others who’ve lost their families?”

I take a deep breath. We are at the crux of the issue that divides us. “You can help as many people who are screwed by the system as you want, but as long as it still exists, people will never stop getting screwed. Nothing more, nothing less than that.”

I stand and cross my arms, waiting for his reaction. What am I hoping for, approval? I don’t need anyone’s approval, much less Cassius Pyrrha’s. We’ve been fighting for years over how much he disapproves of me.

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs, “that you had to go through that.”

“Don’t patronize me,” I snap, my hands itching for something to grab onto, something to fiddle with. I hate this feeling. It makes me want to run and hide and never come out where another’s eyes can see me. Vulnerability.

IWITBY taglist (lmk to be added/removed) @magic-is-something-we-create @ashen-crest @inherentlywritten @justthehopeleft @a-forgotten-dusk @tangled-brambles-in-a-wild-wood @aelenko @47crayons @cielhelm @mel-writes-with-her-dragons @brittany-diamond @indecentpause @myhusbandsasemni @bronwennjames

[shining-red-diamond]

Shallow Waters (Part 1)

Words: 2.5k

Pairing: Hendery x Brittany (OC)

Rating: PG-15

Genre: fluff, some angst

Warnings: mentions of abandonment, illness, and 

A/N: Banner credits to @dearyongs

Summary: When Brittany met a merman named Hendery, little did she know her life was going to change. Not only do they fall in love, learn about each other’s worlds, and create a life for themselves; but there’s also a mystery surrounding Hendery that could potentially put both of their lives in danger.

-

Sipping on her strawberry lemonade, Brittany was zoned into her book. The summer sun brightened up the beach in her backyard, a gentle breeze kept the weather cool, and she was relaxed on her lounge chair on her porch. Brittany hummed a tune as she read, a habit she had ever since she was young. In her mind, it was offered as background music whenever she read one of her books.

Little did she know that her voice had caught the attention of a certain inhabitant of the ocean. Hendery had seen her and wanted to talk to Brittany since she moved to an isolated area in the Florida Keys about six months earlier. Multiple humans had come and gone to where he roamed, but something about Brittany reeled him as if she were a magnet for him. He was a little on the shy side, but he had finally worked up the courage to talk to her. Explaining that he was a merman would be difficult, but he hoped she would understand.

As soon as she had walked inside of her house with the empty glass in her hand, Hendery took advantage of her distraction to sneak onto her porch. He was intending on standing there to wait for her until he noticed the book she was reading. The cover had gold lettering centered at the top, and an elaborate picture of a human boy in round glasses trying to catch a small, spherical object while riding some sort of flying object was printed under the lettering. Hendery couldn’t read human writing, but from the cover he could tell it was an adventurous story. He quickly flipped through pages, but there were mostly words. Only a few pictures showed up on certain pages.

As soon as Brittany returned outside, she immediately jumped at the sight of a strange, young man with jet black hair standing on her porch and flipping through her book. The shock caused her to nearly drop her drink.

“Who are you?” she asked him, keeping a distance in her startled state. “What do you want?”

Hendery tried to speak, but he didn’t know how to speak human either. He’d picked up a few words here and there, but all he could do was make little squeals and dolphin sounds and use his body to explain what he was thinking. The only thing he could get out was his name.

“H-Hendery,” he introduced himself as he pointed at himself.

“Is that your name?” Brittany asked, and he nodded. “I’m Brittany.”

“Brittany,” Hendery repeated with a smile.

She noticed the book in his hands. “Oh, do you like Harry Potter? I’m rereading the series.”

“Can’t read.”

“Oh…” she paused before changing the subject. “May I ask where you came from?”

Hendery pointed to the ocean, but Brittany just chuckled. “Very funny.”

He used his body language to insist that he was from the ocean, and by the look of sincerity on his face Brittany could tell that he wasn’t joking.

“Oh, are you a sailor?” she raised an eyebrow. Hendery shook his head.

He then took the book out of her hands, set it on one of the lounge chairs and had her follow him to the beach.

“Dude, where are we going?”

Once her toes were touching the edge of the shoreline, Hendery stripped his shirt and shorts off before instructing her, “Wait.” Before she could say anything, he was dashing to the water before Olympic-style diving into the ocean. An iridescent glow where Hendery dove nearly blinded Brittany for a second before he dolphin-jumped out of the water again. A flash of purple where his legs should be had sparkled in the sunlight.

Brittany couldn’t believe what she was seeing.

A merman? A real merman?

She shut her eyes and pinched herself to make sure she wasn’t dreaming. When she opened them, Hendery was sitting there on the beach, staring at her with confusion on his face.

Brittany could see his tail much clearer now. It was scaly, and each one was a beautiful purple and gold monochrome that also turned black in some angles. They faded into skin where the bases of his hips were.

“There’s no way this is real right now,” Brittany chuckled. “I must have hit my head. I’m dreaming.”

Hendery shook his head, and whispered, “Real.”

If she had already pinched herself once, she did it again but without this man knowing.

When she accepted that she wasn’t dreaming, she knelt down and asked, “May I touch them?”

Hendery had never been touched by a human much less any female creature. He hesitated a little, but he obliged. Taking her hand, he set to where he figured his shins would be.

“Gentle,” he begged.

“I will,” she promised.

Her fingertips carefully stroked his tail up and down, and the scales were smooth as a marble slab table with the exception of the gaps lining each one.

“Mermaids are real,” she whispered to herself.

“Yes,” Hendery replied.

Brittany faced him and promised, “I’ll keep it a secret if you want me to.”

“Please.”

“Okay. Can you turn human again? I can get you a towel to dry off with and something to eat if you’re hungry.”

Hendery nodded.

“I’ll be right back,” she said before rushing back into her house.

Lying there on his side, he watched as her slender legs carried her when she ran. Every inch of her was sketched into his brain: her flaming red hair, her eyes the color of the sea, and an hourglass figure like a mermaid’s. Hender was an observer, and as much as he watched her from afar some days, Brittany seemed like a kind person just from her actions. If she really was the most beautiful woman in the world to him, then it was definitely coming from her heart.

Brittany soon returned with a towel and his clothes that were abandoned on the beach, and he sat up a bit straighter. She helped him scoot away from the water to dry off properly. Hendery pat himself down, as he had done many times before with any absorbent cloth, and within a few seconds his tail split in a vertical line so delicately as clay being sliced in half with an invisible knife. His tail and scales melted into legs and feet, but Brittany quickly handed him his clothes before she saw too much.

“Thanks,” he smiled as she turned away to give him privacy as he dressed himself.

After Hendery was fully clothed, Brittany turned back around and asked him, “Would you like to come inside?”

“Inside?” he repeated.

“The house. I’m getting hungry, so I want to eat something for lunch.”

“Food?” Hendery’s eyes lit up as he smiled, showing off his sharp teeth.

Brittany nodded. She had heard of some merfolk having such sharp teeth, but her new friend’s teeth were like sharks. They nearly startled her as it was such a shock for her to see.

She breathed deeply to calm down. “What do you like?” she asked him as she guided him to her back porch.

“Fish.”

“Well, you’re in luck,” she smiled as she opened the door. “I’ve got plenty.”

Brittany’s house was the most beautiful thing Hendery had never seen in his life. It was all so clean and tidy with most of the furniture having a soft navy fabric on some of the human furniture. It was his first time inside of a human house, so he took in everything his eyes could see.

In the kitchen, there was a wooden table with six chairs, and a large kitchen island stood right in the center (he had seen human billboard ads kitchen ware of some place called “Home Depot”). Two metallic doors were built into one wall, and a sink was placed beneath a window. The cabinets were also a beautiful wooden, and Hendery was impressed at how clean Brittany kept it.

“Pretty,” he mumbled as he sat at the table.

“All I have is salmon,” Brittany interrupted his thoughts. “How do you like them? I just learned how to debone and prepare them.” She set out a wooden board on the island and placed three raw salmon fish on it.

Hendery looked at the fish for a few seconds before picking one up with his bare hands and chomping down on its head with his sharp teeth. He ripped the head off in the process, a few fish scales sprinkling onto the counter.

“That answers that question,” giggled Brittany. “Raw it is.”

As he ate, Brittany fixed herself a BLT sandwich and a glass of the remaining pink lemonade. She tore off a couple paper towels for her new friend and herself. Hendery raised an eyebrow in confusion.

“To clean off your hands and mouth,” she explained as she gave a small demonstration, and he nodded before continuing his lunch.

Brittany observed the way he was chowing down on the raw fish. It was as if he hadn’t eaten in a long time, and seeing how loosely the unbuttoned shirt hung on his body she could almost make out a couple of ribs poking out from his sides.

“Thanks,” Hendery said as he wiped his hands and mouth with the paper towel.

“You’re welcome,” she smiled. “Don’t worry about the scales. I’ll clean it up.”

Hendery nods. His eyes then casually wander around her house.

“It’s not much, but I like it.”

“Pretty,” the merman repeated himself from earlier, now poking at the faucet. He jumped when water automatically showered out.

Brittany chuckled as she tossed her empty plate into the sink. “You haven’t seen much of what humans do, have you?”

Hendery shook his head. “Little.”

“A little.” Brittany thought for a moment. She knew he couldn’t form full sentences, but she knew he was smart. Hendery was curious, and from the way he observed everything Brittany could tell he wanted to learn. A light bulb went off in her head.

“How about this?” she said. “I work in the mornings, but every afternoon you can come by and I’ll teach you how to read and talk.”

“Talk? Read?” Hendery’s eyes were lighting up. No human had ever offered to teach him to speak a language before. Sure, he understood hundreds of languages, but for whatever reason he lacked the ability to try to form a proper sentence. All he spoke to his friends were by different voice patterns and ocean soundwaves.

“Everything,” Brittany promised. “Just come knock on my back door and we’ll begin.”

Hendery nodded. Taking her hand in his, he pressed a gentle kiss to it. “Tomorrow?” he begged.

“Tomorrow.”

-

It was a Friday afternoon when Hendery began his reading and writing lessons with Brittany. She was an excellent teacher as her college degree was in elementary education, but she stuck with tutoring young children who needed phonics and spelling help in school. Hendery was no different from them in terms of learning the different phonics, vowels, and consonants. The first lesson was just the basics of the alphabet and what sound each one made. Flashcards with pictures and the letter, such as “M” for milk, were easy for Hendery to follow. The lessons did get harder with each lesson every day for about a month and a half, but Brittany taught him that practice and application are key in having the lessons stick in his brain. Of course, he got frustrated whenever he couldn’t get a syllable or pronounciation correct, but Brittany pushed him to do his best. Before long, Hendery was forming proper sentences to get his thoughts across to her.

“Okay, so as a final test,” Brittany concluded after their final lesson one Tuesday afternoon, “tell me about an adventure you’ve had in the ocean.”

“What story does Brittany want to hear?” Hendery asked. He had grown a habit of speaking in third person. Brittany had taught him first and third person point-of-view, but he liked speaking in third. She didn’t mind it a bit.

“Did you meet any other mermaids or mermen?”

Hendery shook his head as his smile dropped. “Hendery was abandoned when he was small.”

“What happened?” Brittany wasn’t expecting his answer to be so grim.

“He was too small and weak. His stomach couldn’t hold down anything his father gave him. Only fish.”

“Oh…” Her fingernails tapped on the table in a rhythm. “So, they just left you behind?”

He nodded again, but a grin came back to his face. “Hendery became friends with the sirens. They took him in, fed him, taught him to swim, hunt, and to communicate through sound.”

“Sirens?” Brittany repeated. “How many mythical creatures are out there that are real?”

“The Kraken is not real. The only octopus and squids that exist are only slightly taller than a human man.”

Brittany was now curious. She had only grown up hearing fairy tales about the mythological beings of the deep blue, but she always brushed them off as nothing more than stories. Now, that Hendery had entered into her life, she wanted to know which ones existed and which were hoaxes.

“Tell me more,” she begged as she pushed the notes for the lesson aside. “I want to know everything.”

“Is Brittany sure?” he teased. “There’s a lot of dangerous ones that could be harmful.”

“That’s what makes it exciting, and I know the perfect spot for us to talk.”

“Where?”

“Come with me,” she motioned with her finger, and Hendery followed her out the back door.

“But Hendery and Brittany have relaxed here already,” he whined.

Brittany giggled and took his hand. “Not here, silly. We have to walk and swim a little ways.”

Hendery got excited and held on to her hand tighter as she pulled him along. It was about a three minute walk before they came close to a pier stretching out in the ocean. The pier was nothing fancy, just a place where fishermen could come relax and catch a meal. Most of the time, it was empty mainly because it was a more isolated area. However, the two jumped into the water (Brittany had stripped her clothes off in the house, revealing a royal blue halter top bikini) and quietly swam underneath the bridge to avoid being noticed by two fishermen throwing their lines at the end of the pier.

Once they were far enough, the two of them crawled out of the water and onto the beach area. They decided to just naturally dry off in the sunshine, but it was a little chilly as the breeze kissed their skin.

“Hendery and the sun will keep you warm,” the merman offered, seemingly unbothered by the cool winds. Brittany just nodded in compliance and allowed him to wrap his arms around her waist as they sat down.

Leaning back against his chest, she immediately felt the warmth he gave off. Not only was the warmth nice and comfortable, but being held by her new friend likes this made her feel good inside. She could feel her cheeks turn as red as a firetruck, but she couldn’t help it. She wanted him to hold her forever, if he could. Hendery was discovering some new feelings for himself in that moment, and he knew deep down that he wanted to stay with his friend for as long as he lived.

“What does Brittany want to know?” Hendery asked, his voice cracking in shyness.

-

Tagging: @fantasywayv​ @ezralia-writes​ @queen-of-himbos​ @daybreakx​ @the32ndbeat​ @mafia-nct​ @philosopher-of-fandoms​ @neocitybyday​​  @dreamystuffers​ @jaekissd​ Let me know it you wanna be tagged or removed

[lady-divine-writes]

A Change in the Weather AU (inspired by Cacophonylights's A Change in the Weather) - Chapter 30

Read on AO3.

(Author’s note - the above cover gives hint about this chapter, and chapter 31 :D)

Kurt appreciates drama.

He appreciates it to a degree rivaled only by his dad’s love of NASCAR and Finn’s obsession with grilled cheese sandwiches.

It might even be said, by a select few, that he possesses a flair for the dramatic.

Kurt isn’t, however, a fan of the fact that drama seems to follow him wherever he goes, comes courtesy of big ticket items, and hangs over his head like a sword held aloft by a single thread of red rope licorice.

That he doesn’t appreciate.

The drama Kurt does enjoy happens to be genre-specific, goes hand-in-hand with sweeping, over-the-top, romantic gestures, and maybe a dance number or two.

Like the situation he’s currently in, preparing to perch atop a magnificent red roan mare. Kurt has never been up close and personal with a horse before. The first thing he notices is they’re so much taller - and wider - in real life than they seem on screen. He also didn’t know he’d have to be introduced to his horse before he could mount it (though when you use a word like mount, the need for an introduction makes sense).

Their groom teaches Kurt how to brush his mare’s mane (which he is determined to braid somewhere along the way, get it out of her eyes). Then he earns her favor by feeding her sugar cubes. She plucks them one by one from his outstretched palm, and Kurt falls instantly in love.

If his future as a Broadway phenom ever hits the skids, equestrian sports are beginning to look like an acceptable replacement.

But there is a problem.

Everything about potentially riding this horse terrifies him.

Sebastian rented the horses from a stable nearby, one the Smythe family frequents whenever they’re in town. The horses don’t belong to the Smythes, but according to the man who saddled them, they might as well, as Sebastian’s family reserves the exact same beasts every summer.

Sebastian mounts his own mare with the skill of an accomplished equestrian because of course he does. Kurt, on the other hand, requires the assistance of two bubbly blond stable hands (who remind him enough of Brittany and Sam that he has to do a double take) and a large wooden block. Sebastian watches the calamity go down from his own saddle with intense interest and a twinkle in his eye. Between trying to maintain balance and not roll his ankle, Kurt spots Sebastian sporting his signature smirk and braces for the taunts guaranteed to come, which he plans to volley with comebacks he’s already preparing in his head. But when Kurt finally finds his seat, Sebastian gives him a smile that appears to have nothing devious hiding behind it.

“All set?” he asks.

“Yeah,” Kurt manages, panting from the exertion of pulling himself up and throwing a leg over, doing both so enthusiastically he nearly propelled himself clear over the other side of his horse. “All set.”

“Everyone’s first time goes like that,” Sebastian reassures him with a dismissive wave and only a sliver of innuendo.

“Even Julian’s?” Kurt asks bitterly, his ego stinging. He imagines the older Smythe boy launching himself onto a stallion’s muscular back from the ground using only the saddle horn to boost him up, then galloping off into the sunset, leaving the rest of his family in the dust.

But Sebastian dashes that image with a nod. “Yup. Julian excels at a great many things. But for some reason, horseback riding isn’t one of them.”

“A-ha. Somehow I don’t believe you.”

“I’ve got no reason to lie, babe. And besides - I have videos.” Sebastian bounces his eyebrows, apparently relishing the fact. “Lots of them.”

Kurt’s left eyebrow bobs up. “So you gather blackmail material on your brother, too?”

“I don’t see why you’d assume he’d be immune.” Sebastian’s horse, itching to get on the trail, shifts her weight underneath him. He strokes her neck, shushing her to keep her still. It’s such an endearing gesture, so unlike the Sebastian Kurt once despised … but so much like the Sebastian he’s grown to love. “It’s tit for tat, really. Lord knows he’s got tons of stuff on me. I’ve got stuff on Liv, too, but I’m smarter than to use it.”

“Why’s that?”

Sebastian barks out a laugh that, underneath the surface, is laced with genuine fear. “Are you kidding? She’d murder me in my sleep!”

“Then why have it?”

“As leverage against Julian.”

“And that works how exactly?”

“If I let something I have on Livvie slip but I can convince her that Julian is responsible …” Sebastian sucks a breath in through his teeth, his eyes going distant, like he’s imagining the outcome of such an act, the gruesome devastation that would ensue. “But I’d only do that as a last resort. Julian would have to do something particularly heinous for me to go that far.”

Kurt shakes his head disapprovingly. Poor Olivia. Kurt wonders if she knows that she’s Sebastian’s nuclear option. Sebastian and Julian must be rubbing off on Kurt more than he knows because he also wonders how much that information might be worth. “Oh what a twisted life you lead. You are truly a criminal mastermind.”

“You know it,” Sebastian says, throwing Kurt a wink. He clicks his tongue and leads his horse away, Kurt’s mare following behind as if she knew that was the plan all along.

Sebastian takes them to a rise overlooking the beach, the trail to get there narrower than Kurt likes. He’s sure his horse knows what she’s doing. This isn’t her first time walking this trail, after all. But again, Kurt’s mare is a big animal, and she lists from side to side. This trail, flush up against the cliff side, is one Kurt would think twice about taking on foot before calling it quits, doing an about face, and going off in search of the nearest coffee shop. Since there are no seat belts, the only thing keeping him from sliding off and falling to his death is the strength of his thighs.

Kurt thought his thighs were strong. Only now does he see that cutting the 30 Minute Buns and Thighs video he used to do religiously from his cardio rotation was a huge mistake.

Fear for his life aside, the view from the overlook is spectacular, but the height vomit inducing. Kurt leans forward, barely budging in his saddle to peek over the edge, and his stomach lurches up into his throat.

He has to trust his horse. She wouldn’t go running off this cliff for no reason. She wouldn’t do anything to hurt herself. But what about him? Would she buck him off? What motivation would she have to do so? Horses, like dogs, can sense the good in people, can’t they? Not just the shallow good like, “I put a dollar in a Salvation Army bucket once,” but the deep down, selfless good. Kurt isn’t a bad person, but he can be a bit inconsiderate at times, especially with wait staff.

If this horse decides to judge him, his inability to stop snapping at waiters will be the hill he ends up dying on, he just knows it.

The path takes his mare nauseatingly close to the edge for a brief second, and Kurt bites his tongue to keep from screaming.

“Whoa, Nellie,” he says in a wobbly voice, pulling up beside Sebastian’s mare, stopped on a ledge wide enough to accommodate both animals … and the two of them should Kurt decide to crawl off his horse, lay flat on his stomach, and hug the ground.

Sebastian, watching Kurt’s silent crisis run its course, points out, “You do know your horse’s name is Desiree, right?”

“I do. And by the way, I have questions about that. But whoa, Desiree doesn’t have the same ring to it.”

Sebastian shrugs. “You’re not wrong.”

“So,” Kurt starts, swallowing half a dozen times to stop his voice from shaking, “does your exceptional riding proclivity qualify you as a ‘horse boy’ then?”

Sebastian chuckles. “No. No, Livvie is the horse person in our family. Always has been”

“That’s right,” Kurt says, wrapping the reins around his hand for security so tightly he’s afraid his fingers might turn purple. “She got the pony.”

“Mm-hmm. Pony, private riding lessons, the whole bit. The trails around the beach are perfect for horseback riding. So when we’d come out here, my dad and mom would take her, and Julian and I were forced to tag along. To teach us important life lessons, they said. I think they just didn’t want to leave us alone, afraid of the trouble we’d get into unsupervised. Needless to say, Molly here and I have a special relationship.”

Kurt eyes Sebastian coyly through lowered lashes. “Should I be jealous?”

Sebastian eyes him back, wearing a way-too-suggestive smile considering the subject matter. “Tremendously.”

“I’ve always wanted to learn to ride a horse,” Kurt admits. “I think a lot of kids do.”

“Did you picture yourself as Liz Taylor in National Velvet? Or Robert Redford in The Electric Horseman?”

“More like Viggo Mortensen in Hidalgo.”

Sebastian gives that some thought before commenting, green eyes aimed at the sky, peering at strings of clouds overhead. “I can see that. I think you’d look rather distinguished in a Stetson Diamante.”

“I’ve always thought so,” Kurt says, pulling himself up in his stirrups, a proud expression on his face.

Sebastian’s eyes, tracing the clouds, find the ocean, stare off into the sunset as the tide rolls up the sand. “Julian teased her endlessly for it.”

“Julian did?” Kurt asks with a dubious tilt of his head.

“Yup. Just Jules. I didn’t.”

“Why not?” It sounds like an odd question after Kurt asks it, grilling his boyfriend to find out why he didn’t cut down his older sister over one of her favorite hobbies.

“I envied her her love of riding,” Sebastian replies without turning to look Kurt’s way, the way Kurt had expected. “You know, when kids ask their parents for a pony, it’s usually because they think it’s going to be fun and exciting, make them look cool, turn them into a superhero or something. Not her. She loved riding for the sake of riding and for no other reason. She loved horses simply because she wanted to take care of a horse, even before she ever sat on one … or so my parents tell me.” He looks at the reins pooled in his hands, the horse’s mane beneath them chocolate brown, close to the shade of his own hair. Sebastian sniffs … or Kurt thinks he does. He only sees the subtle movement, doesn’t hear from where he and his horse are standing. “I don’t think I’ve ever loved anything that way.”

Kurt nudges his horse closer, feeling too far away with the few feet of space between them. “Not even your car?”

“Oh, well, cut me to the quick, I guess.” Sebastian throws his head back and laughs. This time Kurt definitely hears him sniffle, sees him wipe a tear from his cheek with the back of his hand. But there must only be the one because when he turns to look at Kurt, his cheeks are dry. “No, Olivia is special. When you take riding lessons, the first thing your instructor tells you is that riding is less about getting on a horse’s back and flying down the straightaway and more about taking care of something other than yourself. You put your horse first at all times. Its comfort is paramount.” Sebastian looks back at the ocean, clears a catch from his throat. “To ride a horse is to put your trust in someone else, and have someone else trust you back. Whatever you do, you do to bring out the best in the animal you choose to ride. If you hate horses, you’re going to be a lousy horse person. Olivia doesn’t see things the way they are,” he says after a pause. “She sees things the way they could be. People, too. Always finding the best in everyone. She’s not a cynic like me and my brother. She inherited the lion’s share of my parents’ optimism and goodwill. She didn’t leave any for the rest of us. And she knows what she wants, has since she was little. She launches into life with both feet. So does Julian, though, in his case, he doesn’t always land on them.”

“What about you?”

A hint of the cynicism Sebastian mentioned comes to rest in the corners of his mouth, pushing it into a half-grin. “I’m not quite as brave as they are.”

“I think you are.”

“Reckless isn’t the same as brave, babe.”

“I think it depends on how you look at it, on how you define reckless. But you have so many opportunities available to you. And a built in safety net. You can afford to be reckless.”

Sebastian chews his lower lip, seems to contemplate his next words carefully. “Because I have money, right?”

“Right,” Kurt answers quickly, then suddenly feels like he’s taken a wrong turn down a one-way street.

“Money doesn’t help when you don’t have a path.”

“Yes it does!” Kurt says, wondering why it is that Sebastian doesn’t see his wealth as a boon when it’s as clear as day to Kurt. Enjoy all the things his wealth can buy him. Sebastian had repeated that sentiment last night when they were talking about Kurt going to NYADA, and taking that $10,000 check so he could get there. Which proves that wealth can definitely buy a future. A good one, even if Sebastian might be on the fence about which way to go. “It can help you build your own path. It can build you a dozen paths!”

“But where would they lead?” It’s a rhetorical question, but one that sounds like he’s pleading with Kurt to give him an answer. Not in general terms, but a specific destination. “If I don’t know which direction I want to go, what good does a path do me?”

“It gets you started going somewhere! Anywhere!”

“And what’s wrong with staying where you are when you don’t know where to go?” Sebastian asks, his voice so thick under the weight of his emotions, it cracks. This isn’t just a friendly discussion they’re having anymore, Kurt realizes. This is something else. Something Kurt doesn’t fully understand. “Isn’t that what they teach you in wilderness survival? Stay where you are until someone finds you? Hug a tree and shit?”

That remark strikes Kurt as so absurd considering the context of their conversation, he almost bursts out laughing. “Do I look like I would know the answer to a wilderness survival question?” But then that context becomes clearer, and Sebastian’s remark even more absurd. Wait … is he thinking about … staying in Ohio!?!?

“Do you think money solves everything, Kurt? Do you think those rich people on the Titanic could buy their way off that sinking ship?”

“They kinda did,” Kurt says sheepishly, face scrunching apologetically knowing that’s not the answer Sebastian wants to hear. “They were the only ones allowed on the lifeboats, so …

“Yeah. Right. Okay,” Sebastian says, each word clipped within an inch of its life. He turns away in frustration, focusing on the sunset as if he has to watch every last minute of it or suffer dire consequences.

“But you’re not on a sinking ship,” Kurt continues, watching his step with every word. “You can literally choose any direction and go. You wouldn’t have to know what’s there or even have a reason why. Just pack a bag and start walking.”

“You make it sound so simple,” Sebastian mutters grimly, followed by something else Kurt doesn’t catch, although he does hear the words know what you want to do.

“It sounds to me like you’re making excuses,” Kurt counters but not unkindly, “and I don’t know what for. To tell you the truth, I feel like I’ve entered an argument already in progress.”

Sebastian bristles, his back going rigid. Kurt holds his breath, unsure what he’s about to do. Would he turn his horse around and leave without a word, abandon Kurt there on the top of this rise in the dark?

No. Kurt is confident he wouldn’t. Sebastian isn’t that person. Not anymore. He wouldn’t do that.

Besides, Kurt’s mare would simply follow his. He’s really in no danger unless Sebastian comes up to him and shoves him off his horse.

Kurt isn’t convinced his thighs would protect him.

Kurt’s words seem to take the steam out of Sebastian. When he turns around to face Kurt, he looks tired. Worn down. “I’m sorry. Kurt. I’m not trying to start a fight. And don’t think I don’t understand where you’re coming from. I do. I really do. Maybe not from first hand experience but I get it. And you’re absolutely right. When you don’t have money, when you have to worry about where your next meal is coming from or how you’re going to pay your rent, it sucks. Money greases so many wheels, can take you to so many places. I’m fortunate. So fucking fortunate. But there’s something to be said about having an identity that doesn’t revolve around money.”

“I don’t … I don’t think I understand.” Kurt says it, but then he realizes that’s not entirely true. On some level, he does. For a good portion of his high school career, he had to contend with being known as the one out-and-proud gay kid. To most people, it was his sole descriptor. But there’s so much more to him.

Just like there’s so much about Sebastian’s situation that Kurt doesn’t understand.

“No matter where I am, if I’ve been there longer than a week and you ask someone about me, ask them to describe who I am, they’ll tell you I’m some rich douche. That’s it. That’s what I am. That’s who I was at Dalton. It doesn’t matter that I was a straight A student, 5.0 GPA, on the lacrosse team, that I was a Warbler, or any of that. I’m an asshole and I have money. That’s it. That’s my identity. But not you,” Sebastian says, his voice becoming hard and soft at the same time. “You’re Kurt Hummel. You’re a trail blazer. You’re compassionate and brave and talented ...”

“Who told you that?” Kurt interjects, squashing uncomfortable laughter with disbelief.

“Blaine for one,” Sebastian admits, though from his expression, he would rather pry up his fingernails than say that name. “The Warblers, your friends at that public school you went to, your teacher Will Schuester, your father, your stepmother, Finn and Puck. You do your own thing no matter what other people say. And even if they knock you down, you stick up for them. You ran for student body president on a platform of stopping bullying. I would never do that!”

“You don’t want to stop bullying?” Kurt asks, appalled enough to overlook the fact that Sebastian knows any of that. But when Sebastian shoots him a You have got to be kidding me! look, Kurt is immediately confronted with the reality of who he’s talking to. Sebastian was a bully! He blackmailed and schemed. He photoshopped vulgar pictures of Kurt’s stepbrother, and tried to steal his boyfriend. He’s only recently redeemed himself for any of that. There are people who would still consider him a bully - Kurt’s friends, people he loves - who haven’t had the opportunity Kurt has to get to know him.

But it’s also an unfair question. From what Kurt has learned, Sebastian wasn’t always that way. The person he was while he was at Dalton - that person was created, and by someone other than himself.

“I would never run for student body president in the first place!” Sebastian yells. “I don’t care about other people’s problems! I can’t be bothered! If I went to your school God forbid and people bullied me, I wouldn’t want to help them! I’d want to watch the place burn to the ground!”

“That … that’s not true!”

Sebastian leans towards him threateningly. But not threatening to hurt him. Threatening to make him see the truth. “Isn��t it!?”

“I …” Kurt puts a hand to his head and closes his eyes. Sebastian’s words pound in his brain. They connect a bunch of dots, but they also leave other sections of the overall picture blank. “I’m sorry, I … I don’t know what’s going on. We’ve gone from horses to your sister to student body president to arson and I … I think … I may have missed the point somewhere.”

“The point I’ve been trying to make,” Sebastian says slowly, bringing his mare closer to Kurt’s, “and very badly is that money is a wonderful thing to have. But it shouldn’t be your identity. You need to be something more. Money will never make you a whole person if you can’t be one without it.”

Kurt nods, relieved to have it summed up so nicely before either one of them accidentally says something they’ll both regret. With his own deadline of NYADA looming, Kurt forgot that Sebastian said he hasn’t chosen a college yet. What if that’s not the entire story?

What if he doesn’t know what he wants to do with the rest of his life? And what if that scares him?

“Okay,” Kurt says, accepting Sebastian’s hand when it finds his. “I … I think I get it. That makes sense.”

“I’m glad. Because believe it or don’t, I didn’t bring you up here to start an argument. I just wanted to watch the sun set. Show you one of my favorite thinking spots. To be honest …” Sebastian shakes his head “… I don’t know where half of that came from.”

Kurt gives Sebastian’s hand a comforting squeeze. He hopes that Sebastian might be willing to bring this subject up again at the beach house when they’re both a little more level-headed, better equipped to handle it. “Where would you say you fall on that spectrum? Between being whole and being not?”

“I’d have to say I’m extensively ventilated …” Sebastian brings Kurt’s hand to his mouth for a kiss, disarming smile locked back in place. “But on the mend.”

Kurt watches Sebastian run his thumb over his knuckles, hesitant to give his hand back, even with the darkness settling in around them. “You know,” Kurt says, “this picture you’re painting of who you are … if I wasn’t here, seeing it for myself, I don’t think I would ever believe any of this about you.”

Sebastian frowns, looks like he’s about to rush to his own defense, but he stops. “I guess I didn’t really give you the chance to find out for yourself.”

“Why isn’t this the foot you put forward all the time?”

“Because … I don’t like being vulnerable with people.”

“You don’t have to be vulnerable. But nice would be …” Kurt searches his head for the perfect word, but only comes up with “… nice. You know what they say - more flies with honey and all that.”

Sebastian sputters. “There you go again with those archaic expressions! Who on earth wants to be surrounded by flies? Being this version of me is too much work for too little pay off most of the time. For what I usually want, my methods get me results quicker.”

“So … what does that say about me?” Kurt asks. “You and I have been at this for months. And it’s not as if I rolled over for you the first chance I got.”

Sebastian tugs Kurt’s hand, brings him close enough to give him the whisper of a kiss against his cheek. “That says you’re worth the effort.”

***

It’s been well over a week since the Smythes descended on the beach house, and as much fun as it is having them there, Kurt is steadily becoming paranoid. He wouldn’t have had Olivia not made that remark about keeping an eye out for her mother. Now he’s convinced that every look Charlotte tosses his way holds significance.

A silent warning.

That she knows about him and Sebastian, and that the two of them are royally screwed - Sebastian more so than he, of course. Only she’s too nice to shred him to pieces in front of the family, so she’s waiting to do it in private.

He won’t know for certain until she corners him and they talk.

So he does the mature thing.

He avoids being alone with her at all costs.

He doesn’t hide behind curtains or vault over furniture when he sees her approach. He simply makes certain he’s never by himself for longer than a few minutes. That amounts to trips to the bathroom and any time he needs to change clothes, which (and he’s not proud of this) he’s done twice as an excuse not to talk to her. With Sebastian’s new found need to be with Kurt every conceivable second, that takes care of every time else. Still, in the confines of the beach house, Kurt knows it’s impossible to dodge Charlotte forever. He just hopes he can figure out what he’s going to say when the time comes, how he’s going to defend his and Sebastian’s actions.

How he’s going to make being a boyfriend-for-hire in order to deceive her in specific sound not so bad.

Sitting on Sebastian’s lap on the porch swing, Kurt’s favorite place in the house to be hands down, he’s finding it difficult to relax. Even though she’s nowhere where she can see them, Kurt feels her eyes on him. Several times he pops his head up and scans the beach to see if she’s walking along the shore, but no. She’s not there.

This is all in his head. He knows it. He’s building it up to something bigger than it needs to be. But if he doesn’t deal with things soon, he’s going to give himself a nervous condition.

“Hey, babe. I have to run to the bathroom,” Sebastian says, sliding his hands underneath Kurt’s rear and relocating him to the far side of the swing.

“O-okay,” Kurt says, a knot starting in his stomach, like a stop watch zeroing out before a tie-breaker race. “Don’t take too long.”

“Yeah, alright. I … won’t,” Sebastian says, giving Kurt an odd look before heading towards the door to his room. Kurt watches him go, crossing every finger on both hands and his toes in his socks, praying Sebastian returns before Charlotte discovers he’s alone and swoops in. Kurt doesn’t see her, hasn’t seen her for most of the day actually. He’d be hard pressed to say whether or not she’s even there.

Kurt and Sebastian ate dinner on the porch, intend on sleeping out there, too, in the tent still set up in the far corner. Did he see her before dinner? Or did Greg take her out to eat? They’d been discussing an Italian place not too far from the beach. They could be there, enjoying a romantic evening alone, with not a single thought to the deceptive practices of her son and his boyfriend. Or did she go shopping with Olivia? Olivia mentioned wanting to hit Yankee Candle for apple pie scented wax melts after stumbling across one of Kurt and Sebastian’s vanilla scented votives. That’s a possibility.

Unfortunately, there’s only one way for him to inconspicuously check. He’d have to go inside and take a peek for himself. If he texts Olivia, he runs the risk of her coming out to ask him what’s up with her mother in tow.

Kurt gets so wrapped up in thinking about where Charlotte could be that he misses her sweeping through the door right as Sebastian leaves, stopping her son to give him a kiss on the cheek.

“Hey, Kurt!” she says brightly, striding across the porch toward him, wrapped in the coziest looking, camel-colored, cashmere duster. He’s been looking for one just like it - not super chunky the way knitted dusters tend to be. This one looks soft, and clingy in all the right places. And that color - super complementary. Once she’s done verbally disemboweling him, he’ll have to ask her where she got it. “I was hoping I’d get you alone! You and my son seem to be locked together at the hip lately! I’d need a crowbar to separate you two!”

“That seems to be the consensus,” Kurt says, banishing the image of sweet matriarch Charlotte Smythe wielding a crowbar. He shouldn’t be this nervous around her. She’s never given him reason to be. She treats him like he’s part of the family. Besides, Sebastian and Julian both agree that Olivia is the scary one. Not their mother.

Then again, where do they think Olivia gets it from?

“That’s not a bad thing. I remember being your age, locked at the hip with my boyfriend,” she reveals, a speck of wickedness coloring her smile. “But as much as I adore my son, I was hoping I could talk to you - one on one.”

Kurt’s stomach flip-flops the way it did during his NYADA audition. The only difference is, at his audition, he had a pair of gold pants to give him strength. He loves borrowing Sebastian’s Ralph Lauren lounge pants, but it’s not the same. “Absolutely. What’s on your mind?”

“Well, I feel like you may be avoiding me … just a little,” she says, bringing a hand up, putting her thumb and forefinger together for emphasis.

“Oh, uh … no. No I haven’t. Not … consciously,” he fibs, but she stares him down. Even if she doesn’t know about him and Sebastian pretending to be boyfriends, she knows that Kurt has been lying about something. Charlotte is an intelligent woman. Kurt is not about to disrespect her. “I’m sorry if it seems that way. That wasn’t my intention.”

She stays silent a moment longer, scrutinizing him the same way Carole does him and Finn when her motherly instincts tell her not to trust them. And Carole’s instincts are pretty much consistently on the nose. But Charlotte may not feel comfortable scolding her son’s boyfriend.

She may have decided to let the guilt eat Kurt away for her.

“Sebastian says you have quite a fondness for this old swing,” she says. “But before you came along, he’d never come out here. Ever. You would think he was afraid of heights or something the way he avoided it, and my son is definitely not afraid of heights. In fact, if someone were to ask me what Sebastian is afraid of, I’d have to say there isn’t a thing … except losing you. And your good opinion of him.”

Kurt goes temporarily speechless. He wants to say he knew that, but he can’t. Because he didn’t. “Really?”

“A-ha. So imagine my surprise when I found out that the two of you weren’t actually an item.”

Kurt’s eyes pop open. He hopes he looks stunned, hurt, maybe even a little too scandalized for words. But he knows he’s not that good an actor. Not yet. Give him a couple of semesters, maybe a year abroad …

But right now, he probably looks exactly the way he feels.

Busted.

“That’s … that’s not …” Kurt tries, but he can’t get the rest of the words out. They physically refuse to leave his tongue.

“It’s not what?” Charlotte asks in that stern way mothers do when weeding out the truth.

When they know for a fact that they’re being duped.

“You’re … you’re right.” Those words are a bit harder to say but at least they come out. “We weren’t a couple. B-but we are now,” he adds, praying that makes everything right, that he didn’t inadvertently toss Sebastian under the bus and lose him everything.

“As of …?” she presses.

Oh God, Kurt thinks, losing the feeling in his entire body. Even his tongue goes numb. Nope. He didn’t lose Sebastian everything before. But he may right now. God, he wishes he’d thought to talk to Sebastian about this! Gotten some sort of story straight. “A…after the gala?” More like after they got to North Carolina, but Kurt is not about to split hairs.

Charlotte, who had been sitting with her legs crossed, an elbow resting comfortably on one knee and her chin cradled in the palm of her hand, straightens in surprise.

Oh no! Kurt panics, knowing by the look in her eyes that she’s putting two and two together, time lines readjusting, figuring out just how long they haven’t been a couple.

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry for lying to you! It’s … it’s all my fault!” he says, hoping that if he keeps her attention locked on himself, that if he can somehow spin it so he’s the perpetrator here and not Sebastian, she’ll forget that they were going to empty out his bank account and take back his tuition money. They can’t do that! Not after what Sebastian told him today! Not after everything he might be afraid of! “Are you angry? Disappointed? I’ll make it up to you somehow! I swear!”

“Calm down, dear.” She has an exquisite poker face. Kurt has to give her that. He doesn’t have a clue what she’s thinking. But the parts of her expression that aren’t blank are slightly sad. “I’m not disappointed. Or angry.”

“If you don’t mind my asking,” Kurt says, feeling like he’s walking on eggshells made of plate glass and battery acid, “how did you figure us out?”

Charlotte smirks. “Well, whether they like it or not, I know my children. And to be honest, because he’s my youngest, I probably know Sebastian best of all. Which is how I know this arrangement the two of you had …” She wiggles her forefinger between Kurt and an invisible placeholder that represents Sebastian “… whatever it entailed, wasn’t your idea. But I can appreciate you throwing yourself on that grenade, and don’t think I don’t know why.” Kurt is about to launch into a new line of disagreeing, but Charlotte sighs uncomfortably, and that makes him hold back. “Kurt, I’ve walked in on my son mid-coitus more times than any mother should, and what I saw when I walked in on the two of you … that wasn’t Sebastian. Not the one I’ve seen torturing himself with different sexual partners for years. The giggling, the smiling - that was different. It was honest. It’s what I’ve wanted for him for longer than I can tell you. And I was so happy to see it. But in a way, because of that, I knew it wasn’t real.”

“But … why didn’t you say something earlier?”

“Because of all the boys my son knows, he chose you. So he had to have a reason. And aside from that, I like you, Kurt. My husband husband likes you. We think that you’re good for our son. So I thought that, given enough time, what you two were pretending to be might become real.” Charlotte smiles. “As it turns out, it did.”

“Yes, it did,” Kurt agrees shyly.

“And I don’t want you to worry. Sebastian is safe. And that’s not contingent on you or on anything the two of you do. Gregory and I, we both bear some responsibility for Sebastian hatching this little scheme. Ultimatums don’t always work the way you intend them to.” That should sound like she’s admitting defeat, but the wink she gives Kurt admits anything but. “Just make sure you get what he promised you.”

“I did,” Kurt assures her. “It and a lot more.”

“Good,” she says. “Very good. You know, being a parent, you raise your kids the best way you know how, in the hopes that they grow into adults that can make good decisions on their own. I may not agree with all of the decisions my children have made, but they are their decisions to make. I can’t micromanage their lives. I have to trust them.”

“I think my dad would agree with you,” Kurt says, thinking back on all the times his father stressed that Kurt was an adult, that he’d be out of the house soon, and that his decisions were his own. And as much as Kurt appreciated the sentiment, the look in his father’s eye when he said it, one he probably thought he was covering so well, gutted him.

“Your father is a good man,” Charlotte says, giving Kurt’s hand a pat. “And from what I can see, he did a wonderful job raising you.”

“Thank you,” Kurt says, feeling way more at ease now than he did when this conversation started. “For what it’s worth, I think you guys did an amazing job as parents, too.”

Charlotte’s smile dips, wobbles at the corners, and Kurt wonders if he said something wrong. She sits back in the swing, turns her head slightly away. She gazes down the beach, the same way Sebastian does when he thinks about something sad, watching the water rush in to meet the shore, then out to join the waves. “Thank you, Kurt,” she says finally. “That does mean a lot.”

***

Julian’s demeanor has been changing in increments.

Kurt thinks he may be the only one who notices since he’s spent time alone with every member of the Smythe family and no one else has mentioned it. But Julian has become sullen.

Downright sulky.

He hasn’t gotten on Sebastian’s case recently half as much as when he got there, hasn’t flirted with Kurt in the past few days other than to tell him he looks good wearing his clothes (a black Henley Kurt thought was Sebastian’s, which had found itself in Sebastian’s room due to an unfortunate dry cleaning mishap).

The change started about the same time Kurt began to notice that the long phone conversations Julian had been having with Cooper - the ones that started in the family room or in the kitchen after dinner but eventually sent Julian outside searching for privacy - seemed to happen less and less, and with no estimated time of Cooper’s arrival in sight. Kurt reminds himself that Julian and Cooper’s relationship has always been a volatile one, so maybe this is just the way things go between them.

But it’s still heartbreaking.

Julian seemed so happy when he first arrived, first told them about Cooper spending the summer with him, and now ...

Kurt hopes that their flame hasn’t burned out so quickly, the way he feared his with Sebastian would, the thrill of the chase gone, the shine of the taboo beginning to take on a matte finish.

“Hey, gorgeous,” Julian says, catching Kurt off guard and staring as he makes his way up to their towels spread out on the beach. Kurt wasn’t staring at Julian, even though he’d been looking in the man’s direction. He was just staring, lost in his own thoughts. But he’ll never convince Julian of that. “Why don’t you take a picture? It lasts longer. In fact, I have a few I can text you, save you the trouble. They’re organized by various states of undress …”

“That’s a surefire way to end up with a broken screen,” Olivia says while Sebastian scoots his towel over, scoops up his boyfriend.

“Happen to have any of you in a Franciscan robe?” Kurt counters. “Maybe even a kaftan?”

Julian smirks, and even though it makes him look as handsome as ever, it doesn’t brighten his face, doesn’t reach his eyes. “You know, I might.”

“I wouldn’t put it past him,” Olivia snickers, “so be careful what you ask for. Even if he does, nothing says it’ll be PG.”

“Speaking of, what are you two gentlemen doing tomorrow night?” he asks. “I mean, between the sex, sex, and more sex.”

“Have they been having a lot of sex?” Olivia asks offhandedly while she scrolls through her phone.

“As far as I can tell. I don’t know one hundred percent. They haven’t invited me to join in.”

“We don’t have any hard and fast plans,” Sebastian says, diverting the topic of conversation away from his and Kurt’s sex life. “Why do you ask? And before you say anything, threesomes are out.”

“Airiel Down is playing at Red Hat,” Julian says, reaching into the pocket of his shorts for his phone. “I got two tickets. I was going to take Cooper, but he hasn’t …” Julian’s voice waffles, goes minutely hoarse.

Olivia’s eyes dart his way.

No. That didn’t go unnoticed, Kurt thinks when her gaze shifts to Sebastian, and then Sebastian looks at Kurt. All three of them had heard the same thing.

“Anyway, anyway,” Julian says, pushing past it, “no reason for them to go to waste.”

“Are you sure? I mean, you could still go. Scalp the other ticket,” Sebastian suggests, but from the tone of his voice, it sounds like he’s asking another question entirely.

“I’m sure, little bro. No worries.” Julian chuckles, but it’s as dry as the sand they’re sitting on. They watch in silence as Julian types out a text and attaches the electronic tickets. A second later, Sebastian’s phone in his pocket beeps. “Your boyfriend here needs a night out, and exposure to some of our fine North Carolina culture.” Julian grins. For a moment, he’s closer to normal than he’s been in days. “Besides, you two need to give that beautiful ass of his a break.”

[ariaadagio]

Aria’s Long List of Lucifer & Deckerstar Fic Recs (Part 6)

Hello, all!  It seems like it’s about that time again to continue my fic rec series!  I haven’t had a ton of time to read since the S4 finale because I had a pretty hellacious summer, after which I’ve been so focused on writing.  Hence why this has taken so long.  

DISCLAIMER: These recs are organized by author, and the order is not meant to imply an order of preference.  All recommendations are completed fics unless otherwise noted.  If anyone knows the @ tumblr names for any of the authors I missed tagging, or if I got anything wrong, please let me know.  Lastly, this is just a list of things I’ve read that I really enjoyed, and I want to spread the love.  That’s it.  Period.  It’s not politics, and I have no ulterior motives, okay?  

NOTE: You can find my previous five rec posts here (part 1), here (part 2), here (part 3), here (part 4), and here (part 5).

And, so, without further ado!

The Devil Goes to Shul by @arlome.  Deckerstar.  7k words.  Post-S4.  In which Lucifer meets a Rabbi.  This is such an interesting commentary on the differences between the various Abramahamic religions’ perceptions of the Devil.  Rabbi Schulman is a well-drawn, fascinating, fantastic character.  A fic that’s great food for thought, with a dash of good humor, and a little smut thrown in for good measure.

Of Honey, Sulphur, & Bone by @aryanightshade.  Deckerstar.  35k words.  Post-S3.  In which the end of 3x24 goes a little differently.  Cain captures both Lucifer & Chloe and takes them prisoner, absconding with them to his bunker in the desert.  This fic has some graphic blood and gore scenes, so be wary if that’s a trigger for you, but the revelation; Chloe’s dueling panic, doubt, and empathy; the beautiful hurt/comfort; and the emotional pulse of this story makes for a riveting read.  

The Ghosts of Picnic Table #29 by @elleflies.  Deckerstar.  Maze & Chloe.  ~50k words when completely posted.  Post-S4.  This story is technically a WIP because it’s still in the process of being posted, but it’s already completely written, and I know it’s good because I betaed it and got to see how it all ends up, so I feel confident recommending it, now.  A year after Lucifer departed, Chloe is still grieving his loss, when an unusual case at a haunted picnic table crops up, and she enlists Maze’s help to investigate.  Lots of female bonding and fun in this story.  And a ton of emotional intimacy and mutual pining for Deckerstar when Lucifer mysteriously starts showing up in Chloe’s dreams.  

Boom by emynii & @obliobla.  Lucifer & Dan.  4k words.  In which Lucifer & Dan get trapped under an exploded building, and the only thing that’s stopping Dan from being crushed are Lucifer’s fanned out wings.  Cue revelation.  Cue platonic Douchifer stuff.  And have some hurt Lucifer and hurt Dan to top it off.  A lovely mix.  

Trouble by Design by @hiromystory.  Deckerstar.  Lucifer & Dan.  76k words.  Originally recommended as a WIP, now it’s done!  A post-S3 Deckerstar scenario told in novel form. My favorite thing about this story is actually the author’s in-depth exploration of how Dan might react to a Devilish revelation.  Hint: not well.  Hiro deftly tackles Dan’s feelings about some of the questionable stuff he’s done through the lens of him now knowing the punishment that awaits him, and it’s both captivating and heart wrenching.

Guilt by liannabob.  Deckerstar.  22k words.  Post-S3.  In which Chloe doesn’t take the revelation of Lucifer’s devil-ness all that well, and dire consequences ensue.  This fic.  Was.  So.  Angsty.  The idea of Lucifer slumming in Hell loops for things he loves about Earth is just ugh.  So good.  And awful at the same time.  But in a good way.  And I promise the payoff for this angst is so touching and very worth it.  

Patrick the Bartender Is Not Paid Enough for This Shit by liannabob.  Patrick.  15k words.  Canon-compliant S1 fic.  I know, I know.  Patrick, you’re saying.  Who the hell is Patrick?  Remember way back in the S1 pilot, when that bartender pops up from behind the bar, after having given Maze some head, and Maze is all cat-caught-the-canary, “You can go, Patrick.”  Yes.  That Patrick.  This fic basically takes that character who never got a single line and gives him a whole personality and backstory and POV.  The premise of this fic is that pretty much every employee at Lux low-key knows (and is fine with the fact) Lucifer is the actual Devil.  And it’s.  AMAZING.  HYSTERICAL.  And PERFECT.  If you never read another OC fic in your life, at least give this one a shot.  You won’t regret it.

Smoke & Mirrors by @theleafpile.  Deckerstar.  80k words.  An all-human mobster AU.  In which Lucifer is the Devil of Los Angeles, and Chloe is still a homicide detective for the LAPD, who gets involved with him against her better judgment.  This fic manages to maintain the integrity and essence of the characters we know and love, while simultaneously transporting them to an entirely new premise, and I loved it.  I love theleafpile’s lyrical writing style.  And I love the little bits of mythology she injects that suggest … this “all human” AU might not be what it seems on the surface.  It takes a special kind of writer to pull off this kind of transformative AU, and theleafpile does it aplomb.

The Free Parking Jackpot Rule by lilith_morgana.  Deckerstar.  3.8k words.  Interstitial, canon-compliant S3 fic.  Offers a little bit more context for the unicorn Trixie painted on Lucifer’s cheek in S3 on monopoly night.  A concentrated shot of angst, with some lovely characterization to boot.  

The Delusional Devil by @maimat2.  Deckerstar.  25k words.  Late S2 era.  A casefic case-study on Chloe’s empathy.  Based on the premise that she naturally assumes Lucifer’s wholly human self has some kind of mental trauma or disorder.  When Lucifer starts acting more … more, she assumes he’s losing his grip on reality.  I loved the touching way this story delved into Chloe & Lucifer’s friendship, and of course I loved all the hints of Lucifer’s otherness, which were tempered by Chloe’s human perceptions.    

I Will Fear No Evil by @miahclone.  Lucifer & Dan.  18k words.  An interstitial S4 piece, arguably canon-compliant until proven otherwise.  In which Lucifer & Dan are taken prisoner by some cultists, and Lucifer is subjected to an exorcism that goes horribly wrong.  WARNING: if you suffer from emetophobia, this fic will be extremely triggering.  I don’t have emetophobia, and I still got a bit queasy.  There is also some pretty graphic blood & gore.  This is quintessential whump.  But this is well worth a read if you’re a sucker for Dan & Lucifer platonic bonding, hurt Lucifer, hurt/comfort in general, endings that make you go, “Whoa! New head canon!” and humor in the face of shit circumstances.  Which I very much am.  So.  There you go :D

De Profundis by @mswyrr.  Amenadiel & Lucifer.  3k words.  Post-S4.  Amenadiel offers Lucifer a solution to the problem of Hell needing to be ruled by an angel.  A beautifully written brother-bonding fic, and, honestly, I think it’s the most straightforward way to fix how S4 ended. 

Time Heals All Wounds by @notonelineff.  Deckerstar.  23k words.  Post-S3.  Fills in the blanks for how things could have gone after S3.  Lucifer is in dire need of medical aid, and Chloe tries to help.  Satisfying hurt/comfort, and a lovely resolution.

Ouroboros by @pandainthestars.  Deckerstar.  3k words.  Events happen slightly differently in 4x09.  Chloe & Lucifer chase after Kinley.  Lucifer goes full-Devil when they’re in pursuit, not when they’re at Lux, which prompts some very interesting/poignant discussion between Chloe & Lucifer.  I loved Chloe’s assertion of the ouroboros metaphor.  A quick, angsty read.  

A question of faith by @pixelbypixelfanfic.  Ella & Lucifer.  2.1k words.  A post-reveal fic for Ella, in which Lucifer & Ella discuss her faith.  A poignant, thoughtful little piece that I really enjoyed.  

Soup Kitchen by @tarysande.  Deckerstar.  1k words.  Speculative scene-replacement, S4.  A heart-wrenching little interstitial scene for 4x03 that looks at how things may have gone if Lucifer hadn’t already been pushed by Father Kinley into doubting Chloe’s intentions.  

my definition of holy (changes with each loss) by @thewollfgang.  Deckerstar.  3k words.  Post-S4.  So … this fic doesn’t end happy.  At all.  Beware if that’s a problem for you.  But if you want some delicious, cutting, heart-wrenching angst to roll around in for a while, this fic is your jam.  The concept of Chloe praying to Lucifer intermittently, giving him updates, sending him her love, as she lives her life on Earth, and he’s stuck in Hell is just … oh, my god, my heart.  

drunk in love by @thewollfgang.  Deckerstar.  4k words.  Post-S4.  This fic isn’t in alphabetical order with wollfy’s other fic on this list, but I’m doing that intentionally, because if you want a happy ending for the previous nuclear angst bomb, I recommend head-canoning this as your ultimate resolution, where Lucifer & Chloe are reunited, and everything is gooey and perfect and the world is puppies and kittens.  I live to see tipsy Lucifer & Chloe at Lux through the perspective of their friends/found-family.  I hope we get something like this in S4.

The Trouble with Brittanies by @theyahwehdance.  500 words.  A hysterical little ficlet in which Lucifer calls Chloe and asks for help with the Brittanies.  I saw this ficlet evolve from a live discussion that made me laugh so hard my belly hurt.  I mean, it’s an honest misunderstanding ….

[fardell24b]

Quinn’s Code - Geekery at the Mega-Mall - Part 6

After five minutes, Daria and Quinn came to an agreement. “Here's the deal; I will do most of Daria's chores for a month, She gets an additional 20 megabytes a month and we will take her, Jane and Jennifer back to Lawndale with us,” Quinn said.

“It'll be a tight squeeze, but we can manage it,” Koichi said. He looked at the equipment. “Even with the equipment.”

 “Has to be better than the bus,” Jane said.

 Jennifer gave a small smile.

  “I certainly won't get sick,” Daria said.

However, there was trouble. “Well, well. If it isn't like, the Geekendorffer!” Sandi said as she approached, with the rest of the Fashion Club behind her.

 “Of course she would be here!” Quinn said. “Murphy's Law and all.”

 “Uh, oh!” Jennifer said, remembering the happenings at the coffee house.

 “I see you skipped school too!” Sandi said.

 “Only for today,” Quinn said with a hard edge to her voice.

 Sandi looked at the trolley filled with equipment. “Only you would like, go to a Mega-Mall for computer equipment,” she said.

 “I'm sure others would!” Quinn said in retaliation.

 Sandi stepped closer to Quinn. “No they wouldn't!” Sandi said.

 “I would,” Jennifer said.

 “What did, like, Burnout Girl, say?” Sandi asked.

Jane stepped back, knowling what would happen next. So did Tori, and Stacy ran off to a nearby table.

“I hate that name!” Jennifer exclaimed.

“She said that she would also go to a Mega-mall for computer equipment,” Jane said.

 “None of your business anyway,” Daria said.

 “Whatever!” Sandi said. She turned her attention back to Quinn “Now, Geekendorffer, tell me why you think that you can be popular!”

 Quinn glared at Sandi “You already know that. My whole side of the debate at the Coffee House!”

 Sandi stared at Quinn.

 Quinn stared back.

 “This is going nowhere,” Tori said with some exhasperation.

 “Oh really, then perhaps you can ask her, as President of the Fashion Club!”

 “No Sandi, I wouldn't replace you, but this confrontation is going nowhere,” Tori said.

 Jennifer timidly moved beside Quinn in a show of support. Wolfgang also moved next to her.

 Sandi glared at Jennifer, who, after a few seconds, ducked behind Quinn.

 Jane quickly replaced her. 'You are not getting away with what you're attempting,' Jane thought as she added to Quinn and Wolfgang's stares upon Sandi.

A few minutes later Sandi and the rest of the Fashion Club left the food court. “Why are weee leaving?” Tiffany asked.

 “After failing to make the Geekendorffer see sense, I like, decided to leave, and try again at a different time,” Sandi said.

 “That's not what I remember,” Stacy said. Sandi glared at her. “Eep!”

 'She's right, Sandi!' Tori thought.

 “But I'm still hungry,” Tiffany said.

 “Tiffany, dear, one good thing about a Mall the size of this one is that there are like, multiple food courts,” Sandi said.

 “O-oh.”

'Thank goodness,' Stacy thought.

 “That was strange,” Jennifer said as she watched the Fashion Club and Guy leave.

 “Don't worry about it,” Daria said.

 Jane turned to Quinn. “Where do we meet before we leave?” she asked.

 “D Lavender Five, it's close to the secondary entrance,” Quinn said.

 “You got that?” Daria asked.

 “There's nothing to it,” Jane said.

 “Easy to remember,” Jennifer said.

 The two groups then got their lunch before going their separate ways.

  Quinn reflected on the situation. 'Why is it that, Sandi has to oppose the notion of a geek like me being popular so stridently?' She had thought about it quite a lot since the opening night of the Coffee House. She hadn't come to any conclusion. One thing was certain, she and Sandi were likely to remain enemies for the rest of their high school years...

 She also thought about the situation with Daria. Their relationship seemed to be getting better, Jane and Jennifer having a positive influence. Their discussion/argument about the terms of her silence of the matter of her having skipped school may have been longer even a couple of weeks before.

 “What's up, Quinn?” Wolfgang asked as he finished his burger.

 “Just thinking about what just happened,” Quinn said as she sipped her diet soda.

 “You mean with Sandi?”

 Quinn nodded.

 “She'll get over it,” Wolfgang said.

 “I'm not sure she will,” Quinn said.

 “Eventually,” Wolfgang said.

  Daria, Jane and Jennifer soon found the Doo Dad shop. “What is this stuff?” Jane asked, looking at the contents of the store in dismay.

 “Who would buy such crappy, useless junk?” Daria asked.

 “It definitely looks that way,” Jennifer said.

 “Then this coupon is useless!” Jane said.

Kevin and Brittany then came out of the store. Kevin was singing Hundred bottles of beer on the wall.

 “Did you see the cute little thingy with the cute thingy?” Brittany asked.

 “I got it for you, babe.”

 “Oh, Kev, this is the first cute thingy that you've bought me since... wait... you didn't steal this, did you?” Brittany asked.

 “It was shrinkage, babe!” Kevin said.

 “Oo-ooh!” Brittany dragged her boyfriend back into the store.

 Jennifer, Jane and Daria then entered the store. As Jane entered a bell went off. The staff rushed up to her. “When your feeling bad or mad or sad, buy a doo dad! You'll feel glad! It's not too sad, to buy a doo dad, today!”

 Jennifer glared at the staff.

 “What are you doing to our friend?” Daria asked.

 One of the staff gave Jane an armfull of merchandise. “You're our lucky ten-thousandth customer. All these doo dads are yours for free!”

 Jane glared at him.

 “Don't you get it? You're our winner!” the staff member said.

 “I get it, but I don't want this stuff. What is it for anyway?” Jane said.

 “You collect it,” the staff member said. The other staff members gathered around them, and a photographer took a photo of the group.

 “Look, I came here because I got a twenty dollar coupon, but since I got accosted by the staff, I'm just going to leave it on the counter and leave!” Jane said.

 “Why didn't you say so?” one of the staff said. She immediately piled additional 'doo dads' on the pile that Jane already held.

 “Look! I'm not leaving with either this stuff or the coupon,” Jane said.

 “Neither am I,” Daria said when the staff turned to her.

 “Nor I,” Jennifer said.

 One of the staff went behind the counter. “Here is a twenty in exchange for the coupon,” she said.

 Jane dumped the pile of 'Doo-Dads' on the counter alongside the coupon, grabbed the twenty and dashed out of the store.

 Daria and Jennifer quickly followed her.

[lilyvandersteen]

Out of the Blue: Chapter 4

Cover art: @redheadgleek​

Beta extraordinaire: @hkvoyage​

Links: AO3, FF.net

Author’s Note:

Snarky Kurt is coming out to play... Ooh, Blaine, you picked the wrong person to anger!

Chapter 4: Called Out

“There is a stubbornness about me that never can bear to be frightened at the will of others. My courage always rises at every attempt to intimidate me.”

(An excerpt from Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen)

Kurt was quick to welcome their guest of honor, who’d apparently brought his BROTHER to the wedding -hmm… Did that mean he was single at the moment?

One quick look confirmed that Mr. Anderson was still the handsomest man in all of North America. And if the rumors were true, he dated men as well as women, so Kurt actually stood a chance with him. Therefore, he made sure to mention he was single and very available while bringing him to the brides and officially introducing them.

Kurt adjusted his cravat and checked his coif while Mr. Anderson was congratulating the brides, and then graciously accepted Mr. Anderson’s praise of the decorations as he steered him up the fire escape and towards the circle of chairs they’d set up for the ceremony.

“It’s going to be pretty informal, as you can tell,” Kurt said, “Santana didn’t want to make a big production of it. Wanted nothing stiff or formulaic. That’s just not them.”

Mr. Anderson grinned. “I’ll like it all the better for that.”

Kurt shot him a quick smile and dashed off to Elliott to tell him to start the ceremony, sent Rachel over to Artie for the procession song, warned Tina to start taking pictures and then told bridesmaids Mercedes and Quinn as well as Britt and San to walk to their assigned spot.

As Rachel sang “The First Time I Saw Your Face”, the brides walked into the circle hand in hand and smiling – Brittany widely and Santana tremulously. Tina’s camera shutter clicked at a fierce pace, and Kurt stood there taking it all in for a moment, his throat thick with emotion.

Then he jumped back into action, taking the ring box out of his inside pocket and tying the rings around the necks of Lord and Lady Tubbington. Carrying their basket, he moved to stand next to Elliott.

Brittany and Santana’s vows made Kurt tear up, and by the many sniffles in the audience, he knew he wasn’t the only one affected.

Thankfully, the cats were as good as gold and stayed put throughout the ceremony, and when the right moment came, he held out Lady Tubbington to San for Brittany’s ring and Lord Tubbington to Britt for Santana’s ring.

After taking the ring off of his neck, Britt pulled Lord Tubbington closer and kissed his head.

“Oh, was that supposed to be the groom?” Elliott quipped. “Then we’ll need to start over!”

The terrace rang with laughter, and Lord Tubbington wriggled out of Kurt’s arms and fled. Lady Tubbington followed suit, but seeing as their task was fulfilled, it didn’t matter much.

As soon as Brittany and Santana had shared their first kiss as wives, to loud applause, Kurt gestured to Rachel to follow him to the kitchen, where they arranged champagne glasses on trays and filled them with an excellent spumante Kurt had found in Little Italy. Kurt got out the first batch of hors d’oeuvres, too, and they went around the terrace with their offerings.

Mr. Billionaire Anderson did not seem snobbish in the least, eating Kurt’s finger food with relish and complimenting him on the spumante, even asking to write down its name and where he got it.

When Kurt brought out his masterpiece, a three-tiered wedding cake decorated with rainbows and unicorns, as per Brittany’s request, Mr. Anderson whooped and hollered the loudest of them all, and his moan when he started eating cake made the tips of Kurt’s ears redden. He left only crumbs on his plate, and clamored for seconds, which Kurt hurried to give him, beaming.

                        Now that everyone was on their second piece of cake, Kurt took a minute to eat something himself. There wasn’t much left of the hors d’oeuvres, but what there was, Kurt decimated in seconds, and he ate one of the marzipan unicorns as dessert.

He took a glass of spumante to wash everything down in style, and surveyed the party with satisfaction. Yes, he had done it once again. The wedding was a resounding success. Now there was only the first dance to go, but that was up to Britt and San themselves.

Kurt made another round to fill up the guests’ glasses again, and then told the brides to get ready for their dance, Mercedes and Artie to sing, and Tina to catch all the magical moments on camera.

“Oh, I LOVE this part!” Rachel whispered loudly in his ear as she wound her arms around his waist.

Kurt kissed her head and hugged her back as they both watched their friends shine in their first dance.

“Look how happy they are,” Rachel sniffled. “Ah, this is amazing!”

“It is,” Kurt agreed. “Worth all the work and then some.”

“True. Though I’m going to dance a bit before I start on clean-up duty.”

“All right, then. Off you go, Miss Berry! But you will help me later!”

Laughing at her grimace, he pushed her towards the dance floor and then picked up the cake tray to wrap up what was left and put it in the fridge.

The party went on, and his friends took turns claiming the microphone for a song, until Santana took it to give a speech, thanking her wife for her promise of forever, thanking the guests for coming to witness their union, and thanking Kurt nicely for all his work organizing the wedding. He sent her an air kiss, and she half-laughed, half-sobbed, overcome with emotion.

He’d just stepped towards San to give her a hug when another voice piped up. Mr. Anderson’s brother. And for some reason, he was LIVID, accusing Britt and San of faking a wedding to swindle his brother out of an expensive gift, seeing as their family wasn’t even there, ranting and raving at the fake brides for taking advantage of his brother that way, and taking advantage of their friend to organize the whole event, too. He dissed all of Kurt’s careful wedding planning and hard work, pronouncing everything too cheap for an actual wedding.

Brittany shrank away from the venom in the guy’s voice, and even Santana seemed tongue-tied for a moment. The rest of Kurt’s friends, who had all been dancing and laughing a minute ago, now stood staring at the younger Mr. Anderson in shocked silence.

Kurt, however, felt his hackles rise. No way was this guy going to ruin everything at the eleventh hour. No way!

He fixed the man with a glare and gritted out, “Way to make snap judgments, Mr. Snob! For your information, Santana’s family is homophobic. As in, they don’t approve of her choice of spouse. They threw her out when she told them she was in love with Brittany, and are still expecting her to come to her senses and marry a man. Santana was crying this morning because her abuela wasn’t going to attend her wedding, so thank you very much for opening that wound again.”

The Andersons’ eyes flitted to Santana, who swallowed with difficulty and looked down. Brittany put her head on Santana’s shoulder and squeezed her hand in sympathy.

“And Brittany’s parents told her only last week that they’re getting a divorce,” Kurt continued. “She was so mad at them that she uninvited them to the wedding. And she’s the only child of two only children, and her grandparents are dead, so no other family. Any more questions?”

Mr. Snob rubbed his hand over his neck, his animosity all but gone. “I guess… I guess I just don’t see why people would tie the knot when they’re only twenty years old. That’s something for when you’re settled, not when you’re barely starting out.”

Kurt chuckled. “Believe me, I told them exactly the same thing when they came to me and asked if I’d plan their wedding. But they said they were sure of each other, and they didn’t want to wait. So I agreed, and made it as fabulous a small, low-budget wedding as I possibly could.”

“You did a wonderful job!” Mr. Anderson boomed, clapping Kurt on the shoulder. “This place looks like a dream, the brides are gorgeous, the ceremony was perfect, the music is lit, and I never had better hors d’oeuvres in my life. And the wedding cake! Beautiful AND scrumptious! If you ever plan a wedding again, do invite me, will you?”

Other guests chimed in with praise for Kurt as well, and soon they were all laughing and chatting and dancing again.

Kurt sent Mr. Anderson a small smile, grateful to him for defusing the tension, and then focused on Mr. Snob again. “Your assessment of me was spot-on, though, bravo. Yes, I’m the pathetic single gay who lives vicariously through his friends. Yes, I’d rather focus on their romance than fail at it myself. So far I’ve planned a wedding for my father and stepmother, for my show choir teacher and the school counselor, and now for Santana and Brittany. Because it made me happy to see them happy. And maybe that makes me a silly romantic, but it’s certainly better than thinking yourself far above anyone and being sarcastic and mean.”

Mr. Snob bit his lip and lowered his eyes for a moment, then looked Kurt straight in the eye and said, “You’re right. I was in a bad mood, but I shouldn’t have taken it out on all of you. I’m sorry.”

Kurt nodded coolly. “Apology accepted.”

Mr. Anderson put his arm around Kurt’s shoulder. “Do you know, I wouldn’t even have cared if this wedding were fake! Blaine can say what he wants, but you throw a damn good party, worth every cent of the gifts we brought! So, I’m serious, any event you’re planning in the future, send me word of it and I’ll be there.”

Kurt smiled wider at him this time. “I promise I will.”

Then he leaned in and whispered into Mr. Anderson’s ear, “And if you want to help things along, encourage Sam to propose to Mercedes. He’s been thinking and talking about it for ages, but he never makes a move. They’re over there, both of them.”

Kurt surreptitiously pointed to Sam and Mercedes so that Mr. Anderson would know whom he was talking about.

Mr. Anderson winked at Kurt and whispered back, “On it!” He sauntered back to the dance floor, bowed for Mercedes and swept her away in a quickstep.

Sam, who’d been dancing with his girlfriend until Mr. Anderson cut in, glared at his perceived rival.

Kurt grinned, and granted Mr. Snob (Blaine, apparently) only the merest glance before turning his back on him and starting to collect empty glasses and plates to take them to the kitchen. The guy was back to looking sullen, but Kurt didn’t give a hoot about that. He could sulk the whole night through, as far as Kurt was concerned.

Only, he didn’t. On his second run to the kitchen, laden with plates and trays, Kurt felt a presence behind him, and suddenly, his load was a lot lighter. Blaine had taken half of the stack and was carrying it to the sink.

“Where’s your dishwasher?” Blaine asked.

Kurt snorted. “None of that here. We wash up by hand. And by that I mean I wash up, nine times out of ten. The girls only help out when I force them to.”

“I’ll help,” Blaine offered.

Kurt quirked an eyebrow at him. “You’re a guest. The snooty kind that finds fault with every detail of the wedding I planned. Why on earth would you help me out now?”

Blaine had the grace to blush. “Hey, I said I was sorry. I was out of line, and I’m trying to make up for it. Throw me a bone, would you?”

Kurt stared at him until he started to squirm, and only then did he say, “All right, then. You wash, I’ll dry.”

They worked together in companionable silence, Blaine softly singing to himself as he scrubbed and rinsed. Meanwhile, the party petered out around them, and one by one, Kurt’s friends said their goodbyes and left.

Once the dishes were done, Kurt thanked his helper and offered him another piece of wedding cake as a reward. They sat down on the sofa and ate their cake.

Kurt felt his eyes droop, and hoped he wouldn’t have to stay up much longer. He wanted to lie down and sleep for a week on end.

He woke abruptly, because he got jostled and his head lost its comfortable pillow all of a sudden.

“Uhm, wha?” said a voice very close to him.

Kurt blinked his eyes open and found that he had fallen asleep against Blaine, who had dozed off too, if his slow reaction and slurring speech were any indication.

“You coming, squirt?”

“Don’t call me squirt,” Blaine snapped, rubbing his eyes like a five-year-old.

“Aw, Blainey, why are you still tetchy? You just got to spend some time alone with a gorgeous guy.”

Blaine rolled his eyes. “Washing the dishes.”

“You know what Nana used to say.”

“Yeah. ‘Share your life with someone you like doing chores with.’”

“And did you like it?”

Blaine blushed and lowered his eyes. Oh, wow, he had beautiful long lashes. In his own way, he was quite as handsome as his brother. While washing the dishes, he’d been singing under his breath, and his voice was lovely. And he’d washed the dishes efficiently and without complaint. Pity he was such a curmudgeon.

Mr. Anderson waggled his eyebrows until Blaine let out a plaintive “Cooooop!!”

“Blaaaaaaaine!!”

“Okay, let’s go before you embarrass me even more. And keep it down, will you. Don’t wake Kurt. He must be exhausted.”

Blaine’s eyes swept from Coop to Kurt, and he visibly started when he saw that Kurt had woken up.

“Too late for that,” Kurt drawled, sitting up. “But I can always go right back to sleep.”

Blaine looked shocked. “You don’t want to move to your bed?”

Kurt shook his head. “Nope. Whenever Britt stays over, she and San get my bed, and I sleep on the sofa. Usually, San sleeps here, but it doesn’t fit two people. When Britt stops touring with Mercedes, San and Britt will look for their own place, but for now, this works.”

Blaine bit his lip. “You know sleeping on a sofa is bad for your back, right?”

“Oh yeah. I don’t know how San has dealt with it for so long. One night here and I’m stiff and aching all over for a week.”

“So why don’t you buy an extra bed? Or at least a decent sofa bed?”

Kurt shrugged. “It’s on the list.”

“What list?”

“The list of things we need to save up for.”

Blaine raised an eyebrow. “Why did you ask for a 25K pet pavilion for your cats as a wedding gift when you can’t even afford decent beds for yourself?”

There he went again, Sir Judgy McJudge-a-Lot! He did have a point, though.

Kurt grimaced. “The cat stuff was all Brittany’s idea. We should never have let her compile the registry. We didn’t notice what kind of silly stuff she’d asked for until after your brother had bought the pet pavilion. It’s a stupid waste of money, I quite agree. If you’d like your money back, you can cancel that gift. Please do. We’ve been feeling awful about it.”

Wasn’t that the truth…

Blaine seemed slightly mollified, but still continued his questioning. “Also, if you have no money for something as basic as a bed, where did you get the dough to plan a wedding?”

Kurt flushed. Rude much? “I did a lot of it myself. I also called in a lot of favors, and borrowed stuff. And we all worked extra shifts.”

Blaine nodded, seemingly accepting this explanation. Insufferable snob!

“Well, you did a wonderful job!” Mr. Anderson boomed. “I had a splendid time, so thank you very much! And Brittany can keep the pavilion for her lovely cats. Don’t you worry your pretty heads about that!”

Kurt got up from the sofa and shook hands with Mr. Anderson. “Mr. Anderson, thank you for coming.”

“Oh, please call me Cooper. Or Coop for short. I hope to see you again soon for another party. And it’s ME who should thank YOU!”

Kurt smiled at Cooper, and then turned to Blaine. “Thank you for helping with the dishes.”

“It was my pleasure,” Blaine assured him. “And sorry again for my rant earlier. I was wrong.”

His earnestly repentant face made Kurt feel a bit guilty.

The brothers left with a smile and a wave. Kurt pulled at the heavy door to close it and then sank down against it, whispering, “You weren’t, though. You were absolutely right. We did it all for the presents.”

[echoes-of-realities]

it takes so much tremble to love

* * *

[Fanfiction] // [ao3]

Summary:  “So where are we going for this date?” Brittany asks.

“It’s a surprise,” Santana says, grinning at the thought of what she has planned.

“Is it a carwash?” Brittany deadpans.

Santana gasps and glares at her in mock insult. “As if I’d take you on a date to a carwash.”

Brittany shrugs. “Why else would you pick me up in a dirty truck?” she teases.

Or: Now that Santana knows that this whole thing they’ve been doing since the summer was dating, she has the perfect plan to take Brittany out on their official first date where they both know that they’re girlfriends.

Notes: Guess who’s finally back :)

I just finished the last semester of my degree (which is So Weird) and wrote this to get me back into the Groove of writing again! I’m planning on finishing off the last seasons fic next before I move onto Longer fics!!

The excerpt and title is possibly my all time favourite quote from Andrea Gibson. (I have half a mind to do a Small Series based on my favourite quotes by her tbh……)

///

call in your royal heart

tell it bravery cannot be measured by a lack of fear

it takes guts to tremble

it takes so much tremble to love

every first date is a fucking earthquake

— Andrea Gibson, “Royal Heart”

///

Santana borrows her cousin’s truck because he owes her for that time she didn’t tell his mom that he went on a bender last Easter instead of coming to dinner with the family; Santana never forgets when people owe her favours.

It’s this dusty old pickup with fading red paint and mud up the sides from a surprise autumn rain a couple days ago. The windshield is cracked in about four places and Santana worries a bit because she’s pretty sure that it will completely shatter if it gets hit another rock. The passenger door sticks more often than not and the backseat behind the driver’s side has a long rip in it that Santana would rather not think about. Teenage boy garbage covers the floor and Santana grumbles as she cleans it all out, wrinkling her nose as she finds a pair of panties that definitely don’t belong to her cousin. She carefully extracts them with her hands wrapped in paper towel and seriously debates burning the fabric off and replacing it for tonight. She eventually decides against it (but only because they don’t have a fire pit in the backyard) and adds using industrial level disinfectant to her mental To Do list. She stares at the plastic dancing Hawaiian girl bobblehead stuck to the dash and immediately decides it has to go. Not just for her intended purposes, but because its possibly the worst thing in the entire truck, including Jane Doe’s panties back there. She’s just tossing the bobblehead in the garbage when she realizes the time and curses, haphazardly finishing up before hurrying inside to get ready.

Her mom is in the process of pulling on her shoes to head to work for the first night shift of her rotation and Santana gives her a cursory greeting as she heads further into the house, having every intention of immediately jumping in the shower so her mom can’t question her.

“Where are you going with Gabriel’s truck?” her mom asks as she’s halfway in the clear.

“Oh,” Santana says blankly, pausing in the living room. She kind of forgot about this part. “Uh, Britt and I are, um—”

Something’s looking out for her because her mom’s phone rings at that exact moment, giving Santana precious few seconds to think up a solid idea.

Her mom sighs as she hangs up on a telemarketer and shoves her phone back in her pocket, turning back to pulling on her running shoes before glancing up at Santana expectantly.

“Britt and I wanna go to the mall and movies. And then to sleepover at her house later,” Santana says easily, lying right through her teeth, “And since you’re working tonight and Brittany’s car is in the shop, Gabriel said I could borrow his truck since he’s out of town with his girlfriend for the weekend.”

“Okay,” Maribel says skeptically, having listened to people lie at triage for most of her adult life. She knows what teenagers are like, but she’s running a little late and doesn’t have time for an argument with the most stubborn teenager she’s ever known right now (and, okay, the stubborn thing is probably Maribel’s own fault, but she ignores that fact). At the very least Brittany will be with her daughter, and Maribel trusts her with Santana’s wellbeing because she has a good head on her shoulders; has every since her and Santana got lost at the mall when they were eight and she went and found an employee to help them while Santana just cried into Brittany’s shoulder.

She sighs and checks her watch. She does really need to get going. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” Maribel finally concedes, stepping forward to give Santana a quick hug and kiss on her forehead.

“Yes, mamí,” Santana says obediently, having no intention of listening.

Maribel shakes her head as she turns to leave, listening to Santana scamper down the stairs with suspicious eagerness.

Teenagers.

//

Santana forgot about the mud until she’s heading out the door to pick Brittany up, cursing under her breath because she definitely doesn’t have time to take it through the carwash. Which means she’s going to have to pick up her girlfriend for their first official date—the first one where they both know it’s a date because now they both know they’re dating—in a dirty old truck.

She debates calling a taxi, but dismisses the idea immediately. This whole date thing hinges on Santana having her own vehicle, even if it’s muddy. She tosses her stuff in the backseat on the passenger side, out of sight of curious blue eyes, before quickly rounding the truck. She’s not going to be late or anything, but she hurries because it’s been three whole hours since she last saw Brittany and that’s far too long.

As she drives to the Pierce’s house, she resigns herself to the fact that this whole first official date thing is going to happen in a muddy truck.

She just hopes Brittany doesn’t notice.

//

Brittany notices.

Santana spots her heading out of the house and quickly bounces out of the driver’s seat, stumbling a little because she’s not used to exiting vehicles so high. She greets Brittany with a shy smile because Brittany is beautiful in her jeans and sweater and beanie and that knowing smirk of hers. Santana makes a small fool of herself as she yanks the door open and gives Brittany a mock bow when the door finally cooperates, delighting in Brittany’s bright giggles.

She only got out to open the door because she knows the trick to getting it unstuck and Brittany doesn’t, and maybe because she wants to check Brittany out a little bit, but not for any other reason at all. Definitely not.

(Okay, fine, maybe the real reason is that she’s trying to be a gentlewoman because that’s what girlfriends do, right? She’s still new to this whole thing and she can’t think of anything worse than all those smarmy teenage boys doing the same thing on the first date and expecting something in return for being polite but this— This is different. Because Brittany is already her girlfriend and Santana’s pretty sure that this is, like, the chivalrous thing to do or whatever and— And, well, the quick kiss Brittany gives her cheek kind of makes Santana want to follow Brittany around and open all her doors for her forever, cause, that part is kind of really, really nice.)

Once Brittany’s settled Santana lets her close the door herself because she knows that Brittany hates it when people close car doors for her, ever since that boy in sophomore year who did just that and caught her foot in the door. Brittany had to miss dance class for almost two weeks because of the bruise and the boy started to skip English class because of how much Santana glared at him.

Santana rounds the truck and climbs into the driver’s seat and smiles softly at Brittany. She really really wants to kiss her senseless right now because she’s so adorable in that beanie, but it’s still light out and Santana can feel the familiar churn of fear in her stomach at the thought of the Pierces seeing her kissing their daughter in their driveway. She forcefully pushes the fear away and pulls out of the Pierce’s driveway, knowing that everything will soon fade away in Brittany’s comforting presence.

“So where are we going?” Brittany asks, and Santana forces herself to not even glance in Brittany’s direction because she just knows she’ll cave and tell her with just one look at Brittany’s killer pout.

“It’s a surprise,” Santana says, grinning at the thought of what she has planned (and ignoring the lingering butterflies because, seriously, Brittany’s already her girlfriend, you’d think they’d calm down just a little).

“Is it a carwash?” Brittany deadpans.

Santana gasps and glares at her in mock insult. “As if I’d take you on a date to a carwash.”

Brittany shrugs, her blue eyes sparkling bright and teasing in the evening light, the sunbeams streaming in through the window behind her turning her hair to spun gold. “Why else would you pick me up in a dirty truck?” she teases.

Santana groans and resolutely doesn’t glance at Brittany, knowing she’s failing to fight her smile as Brittany giggles and continues to tease her from the passenger seat.

Brittany waits until the exact moment they pass the Thank you for visiting Lima sign before casually reaching over to grab Santana’s hands in hers. She brings it up to her lips for a quick kiss before settling their clasped hands in her lap, absently playing with Santana’s fingers as she fiddles with the radio.

Santana’s pretty sure she’s never loved Brittany more than she does in that moment.

//

Brittany grows more curious the further they drive from Lima, and Santana is secretly glad that Brittany has such an awful sense of direction because otherwise she would definitely guess where they’re going. Santana just grins as Brittany turns confused eyes on her once they’ve been driving for almost forty minutes, sealing her lips and stroking the back of Brittany’s hand with her thumb.

It’s not until the lake comes into view that Brittany sits up a little straighter, glancing sidelong at Santana with wide eyes. “You didn’t,” she gasps.

Santana shrugs. “My aunt has a cabin out here,” she explains, biting back a smug grin for planning possibly the best official first date in the history of the world, “She doesn’t care if we use it.”

Brittany shakes her head, eyes glowing softly as Santana turns off the highway and chicken trails across the backroads she still remembers from childhood trips out here. “You,” she says simply, shaking her head. Santana knows that Brittany really wants to kiss her now, but she’s driving on dirt roads now and trying to make sure she takes the right turns. Instead, Brittany just lifts their still clasped hands and presses a long kiss to Santana’s knuckles, never taking her eyes off the girl in the driver’s seat. Santana spares Brittany a glance, smiling widely and knowing that, despite how many mistakes and stumbling steps she’s taken over the last couple years, she definitely got this one right.

//

Santana parks to the side of the driveway, under a tree that still has most of its orange and red leaves clinging to its branches, and out of sight of the main road; she’d rather not advertise that there’s anyone here to random passerbys.

“We’re here,” Santana says unnecessarily. Brittany unbuckles her seatbelt and before Santana can blink she has a lapful of her girlfriend and soft lips pressed against hers. Santana sighs at the welcome feeling, having not been able to kiss her girlfriend since Brittany picked them up for school that morning. Brittany’s hands are cupping her jaw to tilt her face for a better angle and Santana just submits to Brittany’s direction, sliding her own hands up Brittany’s thighs and around to her back until she can scratch softly at Brittany’s skin under her shirt. Brittany shivers and kisses her harder, both of them lost in each other until a horn honking startles them apart.

It takes a moment for them to realize it was Brittany who accidentally scared them, and they both giggle against each other’s mouth as their lips find each other again.

“Hi,” Brittany mumbles against her mouth.

Santana’s laughter vibrates their lips as she slides her hands along Brittany’s back, revelling in the stretch of warm skin under her palms. “Hi,” she manages to mutter in between kisses, “I missed you.”

Brittany laughs against her jaw as she trails kisses across her skin. “You saw me, like, all day.”

“I know,” Santana whines, guiding Brittany back to her mouth, “But—”

“Yeah,” Brittany whispers just before recapturing her lips, “Me too.”

It takes them long moments to finally break away from each other, and even longer moments for them to untangle and get out of the truck. The autumn air is unseasonably warm and the leaves crunch under Santana’s sneakers as she hopes out. She kind of has a feeling that this date will probably be perfect.

She’s already collected the duffle bag of their clothes (they’ve been best friends—and now girlfriends—for so long that they always have necessary stuff at each other houses, so Santana just packed for Brittany and delighted in how domestic it felt) from the backseat by the time she realizes that Brittany is still sitting in the passenger seat, staring down at the door handle in confusion.

Santana chuckles at the look on her face, slinging the duffle bag strap over her shoulder before she comes to Brittany’s rescue. The door finally yanks open on the fourth tug and sends Santana stumbling backwards a little bit.

“Well that was rude,” Brittany says to the door. Santana just grins and slams it shut, locking the truck before grabbing Brittany’s hand and leading her to the cabin. The path winds around to the front door that overlooks the lake, and Brittany stares around in awe at how pretty the place is; Santana just stares in awe at Brittany and tries to fight the butterflies trying to crawl up into her throat.

Santana’s hands are shaking and she doesn’t even realize it until Brittany stops them. She gently guides Santana to face her and takes both of Santana’s hands in hers. They halt on the dirt road; the absence of gravel crunching under their feet makes the peaceful night sound shockingly silent. A small tendril of fear races up the back of Santana’s neck as she realizes how horror-movie-y this could get.

“You’re trembling,” Brittany whispers. She stills Santana’s hands and presses their foreheads together, just letting Santana breathe her in until she’s settled again. “Why are you nervous?” Santana shrugs a little, sighing when Brittany presses a soft kiss to her lips.

“This is like, you know, kind of a big deal,” Santana murmurs when they pull apart.

“We’ve been on hundreds of dates before,” Brittany soothes, releasing Santana’s hands only to slowly trail her warm palms up and down Santana’s arms.

“I know but I never— I mean this time it’s—” Santana struggles to articulate herself before shrugging and dropping Brittany’s gaze. “This time I know that for sure and I don’t want to fuck it up.”

When she finds the courage to meet Brittany’s eyes, they are so warm and soft that Santana melts into them. Brittany lifts one hand to cup Santana’s jaw, tilting her head back until she can kiss Santana long and gentle and deep.

“I love you,” she whispers as soon as she pulls away, “so much.”

Santana swallows thickly and smiles, amazed that this girl is somehow inexplicably and completely hers. “I love you, too.”

Brittany’s smile is small but her eyes shine, bright and adoring, in the evening sunlight. “Tonight will be perfect because we’re both here, so just breathe and relax, okay?”

Santana nods and quickly presses a chaste kiss to Brittany’s lips before drawing back and taking one of Brittany’s hands again.

“You know,” Brittany says conversationally as they continue down the driveway, “you couldn’t fuck it up even if you did take me to the carwash.”

Santana sputters a laugh and elbows Brittany’s side, right where she’s the most ticklish, and grins as Brittany giggles and tries to dance out of the way.

“Careful, you’re going to give me second date ideas,” Santana warns.

Brittany glances up with a grin so hopeful that Santana falls in love all over again. “I can’t wait.”

//

Brittany gasps as they walk in the front door, taking in the living room that’s decorated like it’s the height of the nineties. “It’s so tacky I love it!”

Santana giggles and directs Brittany to the bathroom when she asks. She used to spend summer weekends out here with Gabriel and their other cousins while her mom worked and Gabriel’s parents went on business trips all over the country. Her and Gabriel used to share a room when they stayed out here and they were by far the closest out of all their cousins. Sometimes she misses those days when everything was simple and her greatest wish in the world was that she could bring Brittany out here too because she would have loved the lake.

Now, even after so much has changed, she finally gets to fulfill that greatest wish from when she was a kid, and she’s almost giddy with excitement.

Gabriel already stocked up the fridge for her with food and alcohol. She grins, glad that he was dumb enough to let slip why he wasn’t coming home for Easter last spring and that she was smart enough to save that little tidbit of information until now. He thinks she’s just throwing a party with some of her friends not bringing her girlfriend out for a romantic date night, so there’s probably too much of everything in the fridge, but Santana figures she’ll just leave it for Gabriel when he inevitably brings his girlfriend around next weekend.

The cabin is their cool aunt’s, the one who is always travelling and bringing back wild trinkets and even wilder stories. She’s cool with her nieces and nephews using the place for whatever they want so long as it stays in one piece, and while Santana has never taken advantage of it before—because the Lopezes only have one car and she can’t imagine her mom would be cool with her taking their old Honda Civic all the way out here without adult supervision—she’s glad that her aunt gave all the nieces and nephews keys to this place years ago, and even more glad that her and Gabriel are the only ones still in Lima that are old enough to use this place.

She’s still looking through the fridge when two strong arms wrap around her and a chin finds its rest on her shoulder. Santana grins and sinks back into Brittany’s embrace, tangling their fingers together. “Whatcha doing?” Brittany asks, kissing Santana’s jaw as they look through the fridge together.

“Figuring out supper,” Santana answers. Brittany hums and Santana wonders if she adores how domestic this feels too. “I didn’t tell Gabriel exactly what I was doing out here so he apparently stocked the fridge for a party.”

Brittany giggles into Santana’s ear before nuzzling it with her nose. “I’m good with sandwiches.”

Santana grins and nods. “Good, because we’re having a picnic.”

Brittany gasps and wiggles in excitement behind her, and Santana just grins harder.

//

“I wanna go swimming,” Brittany announces after they’re finished eating.

They’re sprawled on the grass at the end of her aunt’s lawn, the retaining wall just a few feet away to separate the grass from the sand cooling in the setting sun. It’s still surprisingly warm, but her and Brittany are still cuddling close together under the spare blanket Santana found in a closet. It smells of mothballs and dust, but it keeps their body heat trapped between them and makes the evening feel even warmer. The sun has already dipped below the far shore of the lake in the distance, turning the trees miles away completely black in the growing night, the pink of the setting sun on the water already faded into inky darkness.

Santana laughs and shakes her head. “The water’ll be fucking freezing, Britt-Britt. Plus we don’t have swimsuits.”

Brittany throws the blanket off her shoulders and stands up so abruptly that Santana falls over into her now vacated spot. “Who says we need swimsuits?” she teases, and before Santana can respond there’s a shirt covering her head. She sputters as she emerges from beneath Brittany’s growing pile of clothes, her protests getting caught in her throat as she takes in the sight of Brittany in the moonlight, her skin glowing like porcelain and her hair wild and staticky.

Santana’s about to say something else—or swallow her tongue, most likely—when a bra hits her in the face. She groans and hears a splash, scrambling up to stare at the ripples disturbing the otherwise smooth surface of the lake. Brittany comes up laughing and gasping for air a couple feet from the end of the old wooden dock, turning over to float on her back with a satisfied chuckle.

“You’re going to catch hypothermia and die, Britt!” Santana shouts, “And then I’ll have to somehow explain to your parents why you got naked in the middle of nowhere! And then I’ll die of embarrassment!”

“Then you better come and warm me up before that happens,” Brittany calls back, all seduction and suggestion and Santana has no clue how she lost control of this date so quickly.

Santana curses under her breath, but already knows she’s going to join Brittany because she’s not strong enough to ever say no to her. She grumbles to herself even as her face flushes under Brittany’s appreciative wolf whistles. The cool night breeze makes goosebumps rise up all her body over before she’s even touched the water that she knows will be absolutely freezing.

“Only you’re crazy enough to jump into a lake in November,” Santana complains as she hurries down to the dock, half-way hoping that Brittany will climb out and she won’t have to actually jump in the water.

Brittany eyes her appraisingly and smirks knowingly. “And only you’re crazy enough to join me.”

Santana shakes her head and barks out a laugh before bracing herself. Brittany starts cheering her on like the complete goof she is, her voice echoing across the silent lake around them, and then Santana is jumping through the air and cursing herself for actually doing this.

She comes up shrieking and sputtering. “Fuck that’s cold!”

Something brushes her lower back and she panics as she spins around and ends up shoving Brittany underwater in her terror. Brittany emerges unfazed but Santana’s eyes are wide and guilty. “Jeez, Britt, I didn’t mean to—”

Brittany stops her with sure hands at her waist and warmth in her eyes. Santana shivers but it has nothing to do with the freezing water. “I knew that would happen,” Brittany grins easily.

Santana sucks in a sharp breath and gets a little lost in Brittany’s eyes, dark and inky like the twilight sky in the pale light of the moon. “Still,” she says absently, trailing her fingers across Brittany’s collarbone and wanting to cover it in kisses. She realizes with delight that she can, and is thankful Brittany’s such a strong swimmer and treads water for them both as Santana ducks forward to nip gently at Brittany’s skin. Brittany gasps above her, hands sliding to hold Santana more firmly as she keeps their heads above water. “Sorry,” Santana mumbles against Brittany’s soft skin.

Brittany makes a strangled noise in the back of her throat in acknowledgement. Santana smirks into Brittany’s neck as she trails her lips up to Brittany’s ear, finally having regained control of the date.

Or, at least she thinks she has until Brittany’s hands slide up her back to her shoulders and dunks her under the water.

“Brittany Susan Pierce you are so dead!”

Brittany just giggles as she flees.

//

Eventually, they both grow accustomed to the chill but Santana manages to coax Brittany out of the water before they turn into icicles.

Both of their teeth are chattering by the time they get back to the sprawl of food and clothes on their picnic blanket. Brittany grabs the one they were using to cuddle under earlier and wraps it around her shoulders before opening her arms to Santana.

Santana doesn’t hesitate to step into Brittany’s embrace, their cold skin against each other doing nothing in terms of warming them up. “S’cold,” Santana mumbles, burying her face in Brittany’s chest.

Brittany hums and hugs Santana tighter. “We could have a warm bath,” she suggests.

Santana shakes her head and snakes her arms around Brittany’s torso. “No tub. Hot shower and fire?”

Brittany kisses the top of Santana’s head. “That sounds perfect. But we’ll have to actually move for that.”

Santana sighs and shakes her head, nuzzling against Brittany and dropping a soft kiss to the top of her breast. “Don’t wanna,” she whines childishly.

She can feel Brittany smile against the top of her head and it makes her feel warm inside—she’s still fucking freezing on the outside though. “You go get the shower running, I’ll clean up here.”

“But this was my date,” Santana protests half-heartedly, “I should be the one cleaning up and—” Soft lips on hers cut her off as Brittany quickly soothes her worries.

“And you did all this work already,” Brittany whispers as she pulls back, “So it’s my turn.” Santana sighs and concedes, letting Brittany wrap the blanket more fully around her before bending to grab the picnic blanket and wrapping it around herself. “Now go,” Brittany teases as she smacks Santana on the ass, “I expect there to be steam coming out of that bathroom when I get there.”

Santana just giggles as she hurries back to the cabin.

//

The shower ends up taking longer than probably necessary because, once Santana’s fingers aren’t completely frozen, she kind of can’t keep her hands off her girlfriend, which is totally okay because Brittany can’t either.

They dress up in the pjs and Cheerios hoodies Santana packed. Brittany makes them hot chocolate because she makes it the best, and Santana goes out to start the fire. Her aunt has two fire pits, one down in the grass and one on the deck surrounded by smooth wooden benches. She opts for the one on the deck and hunts for cushions in the storage box beside the house. She pulls out the fluffiest cushions and pillows and arranges them in the corner of the benches, still close enough to the fire that they’ll be nice and warm, piling the blankets she brought out on top. There’s roasting sticks hidden in the box too that Santana pulls out and sets on one of the other benches, hoping that Brittany doesn’t notice them. She finds dry wood around the side of the house and grabs a couple logs and stuff for kindling that’s tucked in beside the logs.

The fire is warm and strong by the time Brittany wanders out onto the deck, a steaming mug of hot chocolate in each hand and a bag of marshmallows under the other. Santana pouts as soon as she sees Brittany’s treasure.

“Those were supposed to be a surprise,” she whines.

Brittany chuckles and holds the mugs away from her body as she leans in to place a long, soft kiss against Santana’s lips. “They were,” she promises, “But I figured this would save you a trip inside.”

Santana sighs and concedes to Brittany’s logic and kisses. “I guess that’s fine,” she mumbles. Brittany laughs and pulls away. She sets the mugs down and crawls onto the cushions, pulling one blanket around her shoulders and stretching out so Santana can settle between her legs. The pass the mugs of hot chocolate back and forth as they settle and Santana pulls the second blanket over their legs, both of them deciding to save the marshmallows for after they’ve finished their hot chocolates without having to say a single word.

“This is nice,” Santana says as she sinks into Brittany’s embrace, but what she really means is I wanna do this forever.

Brittany just hums in agreement and tightens her arms around Santana. They sip their hot chocolates and watch the fire dance, gossiping and making fun of their classmates and stealing chocolatey kisses.

“I’ve been thinking about coming out,” Santana says suddenly, and her whole body tenses for a moment in Brittany’s arms until she feels a soft kiss against her temple.

“Yeah?” Brittany murmurs, and there’s so much patience and no pressure in the single word that Santana breathes out in relief.

“Yeah,” she whispers, watching sparks fly high into the sky, a flicker of defiant brightness against the darkness. “Not to— Not to everyone. But to— To my mom,” she says quietly.

Brittany lifts a hand to brush Santana’s dark hair to the side, her lips finding the skin of Santana’s neck, fire-warm and smooth. She presses a long kiss there before nuzzling her nose against the hinge of Santana’s jaw. A tension melts out of Santana that she didn’t even realize was there.

“And maybe, like, Mercedes,” Santana finally continues. “And I think— Gabriel would be— You know.”

Brittany sighs, soft and content, against Santana’s skin. “I’ll be right there with you,” she promises quietly.

“Yeah?” Santana whispers, her voice cracking a little.

“Always,” Brittany promises, “My brave, brave girl.”

Santana sucks in a sharp breath and lets it out slowly. Most of the time she doesn’t feel very brave, but with Brittany’s arms around her she feels a little bit bigger, a little bit stronger, a little bit more like the person she thinks she could be. “I’m glad that you’re insides match your outsides again,” Brittany admits quietly, “That you’re starting to show everyone your awesomeness.”

Santana sighs and snuggles further into Brittany. “Well, with a girlfriend like you I’ve got be pretty damn awesome.”

Brittany snorts and kisses the top of Santana’s head. “Jerk.”

“Your jerk,” Santana says cheekily.

Brittany rolls her eyes fondly and pinches Santana’s side, causing her to spasm and giggle in surprise. “Yeah,” Brittany finally says when Santana tips her head back to grin up at her, “my jerk.”

Santana’s eyes soften and she knows Brittany can see the sincerity and gratitude in them. She’s overcome with love for this girl holding her, with the fact that she’s her best friend in the whole world, with the fact that they can switch from serious to goofy and back again in the span of a few minutes, with the fact that Santana loves her with her entire being.

With the fact that she’s finally able to love her and be loved in return without the fear and the self-hate and the shame of sophomore and junior year; in fact, loving Brittany just might be the one thing that she is the most proud of in her whole life.

Brittany leans forward and kisses Santana firmly, upside down like Spiderman, and Santana can feel Brittany’s smile all the way to her bones.

//

Santana is only half awake as Brittany coaxes her up to stumble to the bedroom. She manages to find the duffle bag and locate her toothbrush, sleepily brushing her teeth as she waits for Brittany to finish putting the fire out. Brittany joins her a couple minutes later, far more awake than Santana is. She tickles at Santana’s elbow and gently shifts her to the side so she can brush her teeth too.

Santana smiles dreamily as she finishes, wrapping herself around Brittany’s from behind and nuzzling against her shoulder blade, making brushing her teeth decidedly more difficult for Brittany. She doesn’t complain, just pats at Santana’s arms as she leans forward to spit and finish up.

She guides Santana back to the bedroom, flicking off lights as they go, her hands warm and firm with intent against Santana’s waist, and Santana yawns and desperately tries to wake herself up more.

“I’m sorry I’m so—” her apology is interrupted by another yawn, making Brittany giggle as she guides them onto the bed, “sleepy.”

Brittany ducks her head down from where she hovers above Santana, pressing a trail of sucking kisses along Santana’s jaw. “I’ll wake you up,” she promises. Santana smiles and lazily runs her hands down Brittany’s back.

She has no doubt about that.

//

Santana wakes up to blonde hair in her mouth. She sleepily swats at her mouth to get it out and immediately curls further into Brittany’s side, yawning against her neck and smiling when Brittany grumbles in her sleep and tugs Santana closer, tangling them up in each other even more.

It takes her a moment, to remember where they are because neither of them have curtains that ugly. Her aunt is awesome and always brings her cool stuff from her travels, but she has godawful taste in patterns.

Brittany seems to sense Santana is awake far too early, because she turns further towards Santana and nuzzles into her hair, sighing out a deep breath and tightening her arms around Santana so she can’t escape.

Santana grins at the move, because as if she’d ever want to leave Brittany’s embrace. The sun is only just creeping up the sky and they don’t have to be back in Lima until the afternoon when her mom will wake up before her next night shift start to worry, so Santana just sighs and closes her eyes, nuzzling into Brittany’s bed-warm skin.

She can’t wait for thousands of mornings, just like this one, where there’s no worried parents to deal with.

Except they’ll have better taste in home decor.

[gotmattitude]

walking on broken glass

WHO: Santana Lopez ( @trickstersantana ) & Matt Rutherford. With a cameo by Daisy!

WHAT: After avoiding the elephant knife in the room, Matt and Santana finally meet up at Undique to talk about things. Spoiler alert: Things get agitated.

WHEN: August 10th, 2019.

WHERE: Undique.

WARNINGS: Discussions of murder, stabbing, death, discrimination, threatening behavior, violence, and genocide. Lots of heavy stuff. 

Matt gets to Undique a little too quickly. Nerves always make him walk way too fast, and fuck, this shit makes him nervous. He books the room and texts Santana the number. As he waits, he considers summoning Sydney to vent before he and Santana actually talk, but decides against it. He wants this talk to be honest, and organic. Not some dumb speech he knows by heart. So he just sits on the floor, and takes a breath.

Santana walks to Undique reminding herself what she has for self defense. Who she has to defend herself against. Everyone who accompanied her to any tortured plane. Quinn, Marley, Kurt, Joe, Brittany, Elliott. And then Matt. The truth was slipping through her fingers and she keep trying to hold it up. But she had to change her strategy. She opens the door to the room. Matt is already there. "Hello Matt. You wanted to talk. Talk."

Matt's head snaps up, but he doesn't stand up yet. "Yeah." He looks back down, and takes a deep breath. "I know I fucked up that day. I thought... I don't know. I thought blind loyalty was what trust felt like. Which is fucked up. And I think I gotta look into that shit. Reevaluate how I see people or something. And, uh... the only reason I backed out of that deal was because I thought I'd get fucked up. I wasn't thinking about you, or why you were so desperate to do it. I--yeah. I'm sorry. I was selfish, and a dick, and I'm sorry." He looks up at her towards the end, and pulls at the hem of jeans, fingers itching for a distraction. "I wasn't sad--I was angry, when you were missing. I was fucking mad that you tried to stab me and I was the one hanging around feeling guilty. And I think that's still in there, or some shit. But I didn't think. Which is bullshit, because I'm always fucking talking about privilege and I--" he shuts his eyes for a second. "That's not the fucking point. Santana, you're--you don't need to be human to... I don't know. To be worthy? I was... wrong. I should have... I'm sorry."

Santana looks unimpressed. "That doesn't sound like blind loyalty to me. You wanted to give it all, but you couldn't." He had to say it. 'Desperate'.  'You don't need to be human when that's not what she wants to hear' .She wants to call him out but she waits for him to finish it all. She waits, getting more and more annoyed. "You're angry. Then don't fucking apologize." She illusions some knife to play with. "What's your fake sorry for? You're 'sorry' this ended up like this. You are sorry you didn't act 'perfectly' just as I wanted. You are sorry so I apologize too. I'm not going to apologize for shit, Matt. I am not sorry." She throws the illusory knife to Matt. "That's still there or some shit, uh? Then fucking get it out. Stop trying to be a good friend and say what you really feel!"

Santana:  1d7 Attack to Matt = (5) = 5

Matt:  1d7 counter santana = (7) = 7

Matt remembers why they're fighting again. Santana can be so frustrating. "No, you're right, it's not blind loyalty to let someone lay you on an illusory magic circle on the floor to achieve a purpose neither of you fucking understand!" He kind of wishes he could just make her understand, but that's not the point of this whole bullshit. It's not. "Oh, yeah, you're right! Because I'm goddamned Tinkerbell and I can't have more than one feeling at a time? And that makes my apology fake!" The knife comes at him, and he throws himself to the side, and his swinging leg hits her as he avoids it. "Fine! You want me to say what I feel? I think you're frustrating as fuck, and I still think you're my friend, and I'm still sorry, and I'm still mad!" He scrambles to his feet, and crosses his arms over his chest. "I'm trying to apologize for being a dick, and you fucking attack me! You tried to fucking stab me, and that doesn't mean I didn't fuck up too! Shit is more complex than me sucking up to you, Santana!"

Santana falls to the floor, but stands up again, stepping down from Matt. "You were the one who didn't understand!"  She corrects him. Santana laughs bitterly, after Matt's rant. "Hell, that's more like it! Thats way more real!"  She illusions the magic circle under Matt again. "Yes. I did that. Well, I tried more than just stab you. I didn't plan for you to die, or get hurt, thought. I trusted you wouldn't die. I trusted you wouldn't get hurt. It is a trust ritual, you know?" She shrugs and smiles. "And well, if it didn't work... you were a risk I was willing to pay." The illusory magic circle painted on the floor under Matt shines and shadows appear to get him. "You're my dear friend too. Just so it happens that we both are really dangerous when we have to get our way."

Santana:  1d7 Santana attack to Matt = (1) = 1

Matt:  1d7 counter = (6) = 6

Matt throws his hands up when Santana tries to correct him. "You fucking told me yourself you don't know what becoming human means! You're just being stubborn because you want to think you were being smart!" Santana has a fixation with brutal honesty, and if she wasn't fucking attacking him, he'd spend more time pondering it. "I was a risk!" Matt laughs, but it hurts, like speaking too loudly when your throat is sore. "My life was a risk you were willing to take! Because, obviously, a knife in my chest doesn't have the goal of hurting me!" He almost doesn't notice the circle and the shadows, but he steps forwards and shoves her, a little harder than he'd meant to. "Why do you keep trying to hurt me?!" Matt's voice breaks just a little in the middle of the sentence. "Was that what you wanted this whole time? A friend to risk?" His breathing comes in quick, sharp bursts through his nose, and he bites his tongue. "Because I know what I wanted! I wanted to be--I just wanted to be important. Isn't that fucked up? If I was important--to you, to anyone, nothing else mattered! What did you want?"

"On a metaphysical sense! I knew the ritual was going to work" Santana lied. She had to trust it was going to work. "I'm always smart and you know that!" She lies again. Santana can see the word reached him, and yet he pushed it more. "Yes. You are correct. Except in the part of a knife on your chest. I wasn't going for your heart." Then Matt shoves her back, and he's pretty strong. He's an athletic dude and she is a fake illusory body. She steps back. Matt keep asking her questions. And she stops the illusions. She stops any fake expression of superiority. Trying to find an answer to the questions. "Being important? Isn't that what most people want?" She asks back. "For me, being important was always the back up plan. If I can't become human I can always become relevant. Doesn't matter how. As a villain, as a monster. Just being remembered" She admits. "Why do I hurt you? Or people, in general? I don't know, maybe that makes me important to them. Hate runs deeper than love." She walks around Matt. What she really wants. Her goal- She sees all her illusions failing. "What I wanted is to be a real person." She says, making illusions of herself while she walks, some running to attack Matt, others staying, walking around him, so she could get lost on the copies.

Santana:  1d7  = (2) = 2

Matt:  1d7 counter = (7) = 7

Matt wants to fucking scream. "Alright, sure! It was gonna work. Work how?" A part of him realizes she's going in circles because she was really that desperate to have things change. But everything is going so fast that he just wants her to get it. "I don't give a fuck which of my vital organs you wanted to fucking stab! You're telling me you thought a knife in my body wasn't going to hurt me. Just fucking admit--admit my entire-ass life was disposable for you!" He can see the drop in her expression, and his breath catches for a second. Maybe he can get to her, maybe there's something to this, maybe. "I don't know if that's what everyone wants. I want to be number fucking one in someone's life, Santana. Everyone I love has someone they give a shit about more than me. And I--I wanted--I want that. And I--I was almost willing to get stabbed for a mysterious shitty ritual for that shit!" Matt's breathing is quicker, a little erratic. A villain, a monster. He remembers he compared her to the monsters making bargains, and even though he never said it out loud, it's like the memory punches him. "Is that what you really want? To become human? Why did you stop that day? Why were you relieved?" Matt asks, a touch more quietly. "It doesn't. And I--I don't hate you. I just don't get it. You don't have to hurt me. We can just talk." Santana drops a bomb (metaphorically, thank fucking Aether), and then she starts multiplying, and it's almost overwhelming, but he takes a second, and spots the real Santana--he thinks. Wincing, he dashes towards her, and grabs her by the shoulders. His first thought is to shake her, but he suppresses that. "You're a real person, damn it! You have thoughts, and feelings, and yeah, you're right; always fucking smart. You've always been a real person. And I'm really fucking sorry that--that I helped you believe otherwise. But I was wrong. I was wrong."

Santana is getting angry with these questions she pretends she has an actual answer for. "Magic, jerk! What else!" She can admit it. That was the whole deal. Of course he was disposable. She doubted. C'mon, just fucking admit it all. Throw all the salt to the wound. All of it. "Of course you were disposable." Geez why do I feel bad about this? This was what she wanted to say. This was what she wanted Matt to know. Why is she even feeling guilty about? The goal is to make Matt angry about it. Whats the problem? That Matt is going to be sad about it?  She is getting angry and impatient. "You should give a fuck! You can live with a kidney less but you can't with a heart! Is not like I planned to kill you. I would rather keep you alive." She knows is super bullshit so she decided to make it all worse. "Number one uh? Well, just so you know, you weren't even my first choice for this. What's even your problem, Matt? That's so fucked up. Is that what our friendship was? Just you wanting to be number one for anyone, no matter who? Then are we so different? We were just using each other to get what we wanted." She smiles, trying to get back on a closed off attitude.  She gets annoyed. Why did she stop? Why was she relieved. "Is what I really wanted. Yes. And I don't know, maybe I just got paranoid it won't work with you because all our fucking conversations of you saying you're not fully 'human'" She remembers with annoyance. "Geez, Matt, what's wrong with you? You don't hate me, and what? You don't hate Yeyun either? Are you going to tell him to talk next time you see him?" She judges him. Matt then picks the real her and grabs her. She steps back again. "Oh, really?" She says, serious. "Am I a real person? Then, let's see. You found the real Santana between illusions. But can you pick up the real Santana now?" She says, turning into her animal form at the same time she summons Daisy and uses illusions to make the whole fucking zoo around Matt.

Santana:  2d7 This is not an attack. This is too see if you can recognize who is the real Santana = (4+2) = 6

Matt:  1d7 Animal recognition = (4) = 4

Matt wants to throw something. “‘Magic,’” he says adding air quotes around the words, “is not a fucking explanation. That’s like saying it was just gonna work because you believed really hard. And that’s some... sad as fuck bullshit but it’s still bullshit!” He knows she’d seen him as something to use, but the confirmation still feels like a blow to the pit of his stomach, and he lets out a sharp breath in response, like maybe it would help it sting less. “People are not paper cups, Santana,” he says, but he can’t fully suppress the wavering in his voice. “You can’t just take what’s inside and dump them where someone else will deal with them! I’m real fucking sorry that you had a shitty family, but you don’t get to do that shit and get away with it! I’m not—I’m not disposable, recycled, a piece of fucking trash!” Or maybe he is. He tries to shake those thoughts away. “Why would you rather keep me alive? To harvest more of my organs?” He doesn’t get it, he doesn’t get it at all. What is she saying? “Shut the fuck up, you know I didn’t do that shit. I fucking liked your company! I think you’re a fucking cool person! How goddamn terrible of me! If you were using me, then don’t project your motives onto me!” Matt remembers the humanity conversation, and now it’s obvious the ritual was what it was aimed for. “That’s bullshit. You could’ve stabbed me and made sure it didn’t work. That’s bullshit. If you didn’t think it was going to work, and I wasn’t even your fucking first choice, then why me?!” Matt asks, and Aether, what he would give to actually fully understand what Santana is thinking, for once. “You didn’t join an organization whose only fucking goal is to murder a group of people, including people I care about! But you know what? I don’t hate him,” he says, and as he says it, realizes he really, really doesn’t hate him. “Maybe that makes me a dumbass. But I don’t hate you, and I don’t hate Yejun,” his voice is thick with emotion towards the end of the sentence, and he kind of hates himself a little bit for it. Santana asks a much harder question, and Matt doesn’t know what to do. He knows Daisy, at least, and in the chaos of the animal illusions around him, he considers picking her because familiars are part of you, and all that shit. But this isn’t the time. “This is a neat trick, Santana, but how do you expect me to know you if I’ve never seen you like this?” AKA: I have no fucking clue. He stands with his arms crossed, looking at the floor and not at any of the animals around. “Hey,” he greets Daisy, tired and sad, and kind of wishing this conversation will either end or resolve itself magically. “I just want to understand you, Santana. That’s what I want right now.”

Santana makes illusions of her voice echoing around Matt, so he doesn't know where it comes from, while the circle of animals keeps circling around.  "Please, like I could explain how I do illusions any different. They just work" She illusions a bitchy laugh. "Hahaha...Am I not getting away with it, Matt? Are you sure? What are you going to do to stop it? Tell people?" She laughs again. "Are you going to tell Elliott? Blaine? The Cardines? Don't you think I have something worse to say about you?" She thinks of how to attack next. Throwing illusory knives out of no where. "I don't need more of your organs! Well, maybe I like your company too, and think you're cool too. But that is not going to stop me." She makes her own voice sound mad. Sounding angrier and angrier. "Why you? Not hating? Yes, Matt, you are a fucking dumbass. Stop this! You are not going to understand shit" Not even she understands it. "What? Why aren't you attacking? I though with this body it would be easier for you to hate me out of survival. Isn't that what happened at Brownstone? Why is this any different?" She says, this time with her own voice, breaking, vanishing the illusion and turning back into her human form. "What the fuck is there to understand, Matt?" She asks, and she can't manage to sound angry anymore.

Matt shakes his head. “Not the same thing. Your illusions might work because of magic but you control them. You’re throwing me illusions that serve your fucking purpose! You don’t just sit there and hope fucking God or some shit sends the right images into people’s heads to help you fight!” The voices echoing around him are kind of  creeping him out, and he shoves his hands in his pockets. “You know what? I’ve been fucking blackmailed by someone a lot more dangerous than you! And you fucking scare me, but not as much as he did.” Matt tries and tries to spot her, but he can’t remember anything she’d ever said about her animal form. “I didn’t mean it like that, anyway. The justice system—it’s—that’s not what... You use people, and eventually they get fucking tired and fuck off! Is that how you want to live? With a never ending cycle of people you use and throw away?” Knives come out of nowhere, and he lifts an arm to cover his face on instinct, but when he lowers it, the illusions are fading before they even hit him. A spark of hope lights his chest. “What does that mean? Stop you from what? Luring me in with friendship and goddamn support just to ditch me if you fucked up and killed me?” He squeezes his eyes shut and lets out a breath. “I don’t mean that. I think you didn’t really want to do it. But fuck. How long would it have taken anyone to fucking notice I was dead? Did you think of that?” Part of him really wants to know; maybe she had a spare healing potion, or maybe she wouldn’t have freaked out if he summoned Finn as he bled out. But part of him just wants to believe she didn’t mean to leave him there, bleeding to death in a room that wasn’t really home. “I guess I am a dumbass then! But when I care about someone, I keep on caring about them even when they abandon me, try to kill me, or decide I’m fucking expendable! So why don’t you fucking try me?” Her questions hit him hard in the pit of the stomach, and when he speaks, his voice is heavy.“I don’t hate you, and I didn’t hate them. I was—I just wanted them away from me. And I-I fucked up. But I won’t fuck up like that again. I don’t think... hurting you will stop you. I know better. I just want to talk. I just want to talk.” His muscles release when the illusion does, and his throat tangles into a knot. He has to swallow to level his voice. “You, Santana. I just want to understand you. Because you’re a fucking person, and we’re complicated as fuck.” Matt wants to say how much she’s meant to him, but the words get stuck in the knot that’s tightening back up in his throat.

Santana scoff because Matt is using logic and facts. "Oh, Puck? I can beat his ass just fine!" She knows that is not what matters. "I know that! Then why aren't you tired already?" She shouts, still a bit angry, but her anger drowning out. "Of course I don't fucking want to live like this, dick! I want to change! But doesn't matter how much I try! I just can't" She complains, walking with secure steps in Matt's direction. But he just keeps talking. She covers her ears for a moment. "Shut up shut up shut up!" She uncovers them and looks at Matt. "Luring? I told you! You weren't my first choice! I didn't saw you and said 'Oh, yeah, it would be that fucker!' You didn't seem that easy at all." Of course she didn't think of that. She would leave those problems for later. Her human her would deal with that. He keep saying he cares. "Shut up! Stop this bullshit! Talk about what? Do you think there is a explanation you would like? Do you want a fucking good excuse to keep hanging around? I'm bad, I hurt everyone and I'm going to keep being like this! Forever! I'm not going to change. I can't change, Matt!" She starts tearing up. "Not even... with...fucking...magic." That was it. That's the limit. Magic can do everything but that isn't it. That's why there is not a single instance of the ritual working out. Not on the book of Hamlet. Not on history. Never but in rumours of delusional tricksters.

Matt sighs, blood rushing in his ears. He is tired. But he's not tired enough yet. "Because you're my friend! Because you've been there for me through fucking everything! Because I hurt you too!" But it can't just be that, right? A person can't be doomed to never be better, can't be doomed to use people to her advantage for the rest of her life, right? Maybe they can be doomed to not be forgiven by one or two people, but... Not to be stuck. "Well, then there's something you're doing wrong! Something you're not seeing!" Aether, he really is tired. He's breathing like he just ran a marathon, his muscles shaky and weak. "Then why me? Why me, Santana? Why not anyone else?" If he's so disposable, he has to wonder who was even more disposable than he had been. But when Santana goes on her last tirade, he stops himself from speaking. He wants to yell, to ask her questions, to fucking get some answers. But something feels different, so he holds his breath. "Santana..." he starts, and stops to swallow, to try to collect his thoughts. "You're not... you're not bad. You just... you fuck up. But you didn't... you didn't stab me. You stopped. And you're... you're you. You're different, and strong, and you're my friend. And fuck--you can't change? What are you, God?" Matt tries for a small smile. "Are you telling me you've been exactly like this from the beginning? You've never changed your mind, or stopped feeling one way about something, or decided you were wrong about a choice you made? You can change. Fuck, you are changing. And it's--I just--yeah. Isn't it part of being friends? Changing together? Growing or some shit?" Matt really doesn't know what he's saying. He should probably shut up. "You're my friend, and I still--I still give a shit about you. I just wanna be sure you won't try to stab me again." Jesus fuck, why doesn't he just shut up?

Santana laughs, bitterly, cleaning some tears on her eyes with her hand. "I'm doing something wrong...clearly...ah...so simple"She frowns. That isn't new. That's not useful. "Just do things right...uh...why you? Well, it had to be a relationship build in trust, and when I tried with my 'ex' I got interrupted and I went to NYADA. Someone got ahead of me and tried to do the ritual with Blaine before I could, Ryder got into fucking werewolf camp, Mike died, Tina ended up being a selfish distrustful bitch, Kurt would never fall for it, and it's not like I can stab Elliott, you know? Who else but you? I trust you, Matt. And you trusted me." She smiles, sadly, touching Matt's face with her hand, giving him a soft, harmless slap like she was reminding something to a kid. She genuinely laughs at the god comment. "Ha...I don't want to be god." She is so tired. "Friends? Why do you keep saying that? Don't you have better friends? That's so sad, Matt...ah...change..."She Ieans on him, like she couldn't stand and let Matt hold her weight."...I just really gotten better at pretending..." She hugs him with one arm. More than that, she's using him as a weight to grasp. "If you keep doing this, I'm going to end up bringing you down with me."

Matt realizes how stupid what he said is when Santana starts laughing, but he still can't let go of the thought. There's something there. Something she's missing. Something he's missing. But he doesn't know what it is, so he just doesn't say anything about it. What really surprises him, and what leaves him blinking wide-eyed, is when she really starts talking about her entire... process. He starts ticking off people in his head, and each name she says sends a fresh jolt through his stomach. Those were mostly people that he didn't even know she was close to at any point. He makes a mental note to ask about Tina later on. Who else but him, in the end? A small, but sharp intake of breath keeps his tight throat at bay. "You trust me?" After everything, she trusts him? After what he did? Is it the blind trust she wanted from him that day? Or is it something else? "I still trust you," he says, and surprises himself. "Maybe not in the same way. Not that blindly. Not that... idealizing bullshit. But I haven't lost that." He flinches a little bit when she hits his face, softly as it is; he hadn't expected her to touch him. At least not without hitting him for real. "I don't want to be God either," he says, a side smile tugging quickly at his lips before fading. "It doesn't stop being true because you don't believe it," Matt says with a shrug, stumbling to one side when she starts leaning on him. "Are you okay?" He doesn't believe her. People change. It just takes a different kind of energy to be able to change for good, and not just in reaction. She grasps him, and his own muscles start shaking with the effort. "Santana?" Matt puts an arm around her, and tries to hold her up.

Matt tossed a coin and got TAILS!

The strain on his muscles is just too much, though. He gets down on one knee, first, and then the next, trying to bring her down carefully, panting for breath. "We'll just... we'll just stand back up in a sec, okay? I just--I just want to catch my breath." He lies flat on his back, and closes his eyes. "I just wanna breathe."

Santana laughs at Matt's response. "Really? That's what you ask? Oh man...still?...you have a huge problem. God... this is so fucking ridiculous." She says, looking at Matt. "What the fuck is wrong with you? Are your abandonment issues THAT strong? Geez." She looks at him smiling at the minimum show of unhostility. Asking if she was okay. And tries to hold her up, and fails. She stands up with no problem. "I told you." She says, not sure what she is feeling right now. Worry, pity, anger. It was beginning to be uncomfortable. She mutters some swears in spanish. "You are fucking ridiculous! I can't believe this!" She says, starting to get away from Matt. "Fine! I'll let you lose this time, if you want it SO bad." She says, looking back at him. She was annoyed."At risk of repeating myself: This is not going to end well for you Matt. You can trust on that. But I hope it doesn't. Now what? Stand up! Do I have to bring you to the fucking hospital even when you dodged every attack?"

Matt stays there on the ground. Everything sounds sort of far away now, and Santana just keeps saying the same thing over and over. He's wrong, and he's got problems, apparently. "I don't have abandonment issues," he mutters, pushing himself up to his elbows. "I just..." he doesn't know how to end that sentence, so he just plops back down to the floor, shaking his head. "And what is, Santana? What is going to end well for me? I'd love to know that shit." He sighs, but now he just feels uncomfortable. Watched. "I'm being fucking dramatic. I'm fine. You can go, if you want. I'm good." He stares at the ceiling. "I'm tired, and a fucking disaster. I'll get going in a sec."

Santana gives Matt a smile with complicity, after hearing the total denial of an obvious reality. "Hey, people are shitty, we act as we can after all the bullshit, I guess." Matt asks what is going to end well for him. But he is just like her of course. She has no idea what's going for him, or what did he wanted. She always thought he'll got it easier. He'll got a chance, he's a doppel, please, that's basically a witch. He got a job. She always thought the lowest Matt could go could be the higher a trickster could go. Man, look who is envious of people who are also fucked up. "Ha...yeah, things are getting worse and worse. I guess we really are in the same sinking torture boat." She stays there. "Ah, I don't want to go now. Figures." She gets a bit of distance, leaning  on a wall next to the door to get out of there, looking at Matt. "Hey, dramatic disaster. I love you too."

Matt shrugs. "Yeah, I guess." He doesn't know what that means, not really. Maybe it means he's not actually that great at knowing people or their intentions. Everything just gets worse and worse. Probably even him, too. He hums in agreement. "Hope there's a lifejacket on this boat, 'cause I don't swim," he says bitterly, less tense. Matt glances back at Santana from his spot on the floor. Why wouldn't she want to go? Oh. There it is. It's kind of bizarre to hear, after everything that just happened, but it draws a small smile on his face as he looks away from her. "Cool."

Santana smiles a bit, still a little...sad? Confused? She isn't sure, and shakes her head. "No no, you have to learn to swim on this bitch of an Earth. Most of it it's fucking water." She still feels weird with everything that happened, for many reasons. And walks to Matt to give him a hand to stand up.

Matt nods, feeling like the energy had been sucked out of him by a necromancer again. "People drown anyway." He stares at Santana when she approaches, taking a moment to take her hand and pull himself up to his feet, and another to look at her, letting the silence stretch. "We should go. I need... a snack and a nap."

Santana looks at him "Then we'll put on a fight before that." She is actually a bit surprised he accepted the help. "Let's go. See you around, Matt."

[wheresmynaya]

Lost in the Lights Ch.14|Brittana

A/N - Apologies for the wait, finding the time to write isn't as easy as it used to be and the struggle was extra real with this chapter 😅

Available on ff.net (x) ao3 (x) wattpad (x) & under the cut!

As exhausting as it has been for her to deal with the student body this past week, Brittany’s feeling more amped up than ever as she wakes early Friday morning. Firstly, it marks the end of such a weird week. Secondly, it’s the first Friday she has had off since school started. Thirdly, she and Santana are going on their first date tonight.

Brittany’s got a lot of things going for her today and there isn’t anything that can bring her down from the incredible mood she’s in! She just hopes that the school day goes by as fast as this entire week has.

Brittany’s all smiles as she puts her car in park and looks over to Santana through her passenger side window. When she catches Santana’s eye, Brittany gives the Co-Captain a little wave before reaching over to grab her book bag and hopping out.

“Hey Britt,” Santana greets happily as she gets out of her car too. She ends up doing a double take when she sees that Brittany’s put in a little more effort than usual with her hair and make up today.

Brittany blushes a little as she watches Santana check her out. Fridays are usually the days she wears her jersey and letterman jacket, but since the Titans don’t have a game today she figured she’d spend a little extra time getting ready. After all, it’s kind of a special day.

“Can you be a little less obvious?” Brittany jokes and Santana’s gaze quickly shoots up to meet hers.

“Sorry,” Santana says bashfully, “I’m just – you look really good. I mean, you always look good but even more so today.”

Brittany gives her a shy smile as she tucks her hair behind her ear, “Thanks, Santana.”

Santana returns the expression with her own little grin before she’s sliding her pinky into Brittany’s as if it’s second nature by now. Brittany tries to keep her cool as Santana gives her finger a little squeeze.

“Ready to head inside?” Santana asks casually, “I have to stop by Ms. Pillsbury’s office before class but I can walk with you to our lockers first.”

Brittany can only nod before letting Santana lead the way.

\\

When they go their separate ways, Brittany so wishes she could just bend down and kiss Santana. She knows she could, but she likes where they are and how they’ve been progressing even if it’s a little slow. Santana’s baby steps are more than Brittany could ask for!

As the quarterback enters her first class of the day, she spots Kurt sitting in his usual seat and quickly makes her way over. Her text yesterday to him had gone unanswered so this is the first time she has gotten to speak to him since she found out about what the hockey team did.

“Hey Kurt,” Brittany greets before taking her seat next to him. She’s unsure if she should ask how he is considering he looks like he hasn’t slept all night judging by the bags under his eyes.

“Hello,” He says quietly, “Sorry I didn’t respond to your text yesterday.”

“Don’t be,” Brittany assures him, “How…are you?”

Kurt shrugs before he lets out a sigh, “It wasn’t the first time I’ve been slushied like that. It’s more annoying than anything. I worked so hard on that blazer and it’s completely ruined now.”

“I’m so sorry, Kurt,” Brittany frowns, “I spoke with Rick and some of his guys yesterday so hopefully that’s the last time he slushies anyone. They’re trying to get a rise out of us on purpose, make us throw the game because they know Figgins suspends people for fighting.”

“If they aren’t winning, I guess no one else can either,” Kurt replies as he shakes his head.

“Exactly.”

“I guess there’s one good thing that came out of this though.”

Brittany looks to him curiously, “What?”

“They didn’t slushy me for being gay,” Kurt gives her a weak smile, “They did it because I’m a Titan.”

Brittany watches Kurt’s smile start to grow and it makes hers do the same.

She has watched the dynamic between Kurt and the team strengthen in her time at McKinley, it’s one of the things that she’s most proud of as Team Captain. Although no one should really be slushied for any reason, she knows how important this is for Kurt. Those guys targeted him because he’s apart of this team – which is something he chose to be apart of – not because of something he has no control over like his sexuality.

For someone like Kurt who has grown up with these people and has lived in Lima all his life, that’s big. In a roundabout way, it makes Brittany feel hopeful for Santana too.

Maybe this school really is changing?

\\\\\

Santana takes her seat before Ms. Pillsbury and tries to keep her nerves in check as best as she can. The guidance counselor is the least intimidating person Santana has ever met, but for some reason she feels a little more on edge than usual as the woman sorts through the paperwork.

“I’m so glad you’ve changed your mind. There are quite a few schools that have their eye on you and I believe you’ll make a great addition to any you chose,” Ms. Pillsbury rambles, “You are an incredible student with perfect grades, nearly perfect attendance and you’re involved in extracurriculars.”

Santana twists her fingers in her lap as she watches Ms. Pillsbury go through the paperwork. She has been working hard on these applications in secret which probably isn’t the best approach considering she has yet to speak to her dad. She just figures that if she gets accepted to some of these schools first that maybe it won’t be so bad when she finally has that conversation with him.

Harvard doesn’t have to be the end all be all? She’ll show him that if these schools accept her.

“Wow, you’ve definitely been busy,” Ms. Pillsbury jokes in attempt to lighten the mood as she flicks through another completed application.

Santana forces a smile and keeps watching. She was the one who asked for this meeting, she was the one who wanted Ms. Pillsbury’s help, so why does she feel so weird now that she’s here? It isn’t until Ms. Pillsbury stops and gives Santana a kind smile that she finally eases up.

“Are you sure you want to do this, Santana?” She asks gently, “You look as though you may have some reservations which is perfectly fine. Harvard is a very prestigious school and – “

“I’m sure,” Santana responds, “I want to do this. I know I’ve been declining looking at any other schools but I’m done with pursuing Harvard.”

“Okay,” Ms. Pillsbury nods albeit a little surprised.

“It’s not what I want anymore,” Santana admits, “I don’t think I’ve ever wanted it really. What I do want are options, ones that I feel are right for me and what I want to do in the future. That’s why I’m doing this.”

“And what is it that you want to do in the future?”

Santana’s shoulders droop, “I just need a little more time figuring that part out.”

Ms. Pillsbury nods, but the silence makes Santana feel as though she needs to explain.

“I have an idea – I think – I just want to be sure first,” Santana explains, “But I am trying to sort it out.”

Ms. Pillsbury smiles, “That’s okay, Santana. You don’t need to have everything figured out all att once.”

“I can still send out these applications without knowing yet, right?” Santana asks, “I don’t want to hang onto them too long and miss deadlines or something.”

“Of course. It’s not uncommon to go undecided or even change majors later on,” Ms. Pillsbury explains, “In the meantime, we’ll send these applications off. If you need any assistance in choosing or if you just want to chat about whatever programs the schools offer my door is always open.”

Santana smiles in return, “Thanks.”

“Not a problem,” Ms. Pillsbury smiles.

Santana bites her lip nervously before adding, “Would you mind keeping this between us?”

Ms. Pillsbury looks to Santana curiously.

“I just – I haven’t spoken to my dad about this yet,” Santana explains, “I know my dad checks in with you to make sure I’m on the right track with Harvard.”

Ms. Pillsbury softens before nodding, “Of course, Santana. This will stay between us.”

\\\\\

By lunchtime, Brittany’s itching for the school day to finally be over. Her hopes for it to breeze by have been dashed by a pop quiz during her first class and getting assigned super boring book work in her second. The last half of her day is her favorite though and she has a little more pep to her step as she walks with Kurt to their usual table with their lunch.

Only this time, Puck and Finn are lingering there with their lunch trays in hand.

“Everything alright?” Brittany asks them.

“Yeah. We’re cool,” Finn nods as he looks between Brittany and Kurt, “You guys want to sit with us today?”

“Both of us?” Kurt looks a little surprised when Finn nods, “But my friends? I usually sit with them.”

Brittany watches as Kurt looks forlornly to Mercedes and Tina who sit and stare at the Titans with wide eyes. All they’re missing is popcorn with the way they’re watching.

“We know. It’s just,” Finn stumbles on finding the right words.

“This is our way of protecting you and showing those jerk-offs,” Puck says the insult a little louder as he notices Rick and a couple of his guys listening in on the conversation, “That if they want to pick on you they’re going to have to pick on all of us.”

Although his heart is in the right place, Brittany shakes her head at Puck’s words, “No one’s picking on anyone. Like I said at practice yesterday, that’s exactly what they want from us.”

“Well there’s strength in numbers or something, right?” Finn suggests, “If you guys sit with us then it shows how united we are or whatever. We’re more of a team than they’ll ever be.”

Brittany softens, “That we are.”

“Okay, then come sit with us.”

“Look, that’s sweet but I don’t want to leave my friends behind,” Kurt says though, “We shouldn’t have to stay with our cliques to keep from being bullied. I haven’t changed who I am since it stared and I’m not going to do it any time soon.”

Finn and Puck exchange a look before glancing to Brittany for back up.

“It’s his decision,” Brittany shrugs.

“Okay,” Finn nods then he and Puck return to their usual table with the rest of the Titans.

“Well that was unexpected,” Mercedes comments as Kurt and Brittany take a seat.

“Tell me about it,” Kurt chuckles lightly, “Since that day I got slushied, Finn’s been taking this whole Big Brother thing super seriously.”

“That’s kind of nice,” Tina smiles.

Brittany’s just about to agree when one of the lunch monitors yells out, “What do you think you’re doing, Hudson?”

When Brittany and the rest of her friends turn towards the commotion, they find Finn and Puck along with the rest of the Titans lifting their table. It’s maybe ten guys all together and Brittany stares with this dumbfounded look on her face as she watches them carry it across the room.

Santana and Quinn are just entering the cafeteria and have to stop and wait as the Titans carry the table through their path. The Co-Captains look back and forth, trying to connect the dots with equally confused looks on their faces. In fact, everyone in the cafeteria stare in awe as this table moves across the way.

It isn’t until the Titans are just a few feet away from Brittany and her friends that they finally set it back down.

“Sorry,” Finn apologizes to the lunch monitor, “We just wanted to be closer to our teammates.”

The man looks baffled by Finn’s explanation but ends up shaking his head, “Just move it back to where it needs to be by the end of lunch.”

“You got it!” Finn replies happily.

“What are you doing, Finn?” Kurt scolds, “You’re going to get the whole team in trouble.”

“Nah, Mr. Philips is alright,” He shrugs, “Besides, if you don’t want to leave your friends then we’ll just come sit with you instead.”

Brittany can’t believe she’s witnessing this and just smiles proudly as Santana comes around behind her. There’s a soft touch to her shoulder before she’s turning to look up at the brunette.

“I can’t wait to hear the story behind this,” Santana smirks as she nods to the Titans carrying on with their lunch as usual.

“I’m still trying to figure it out,” Brittany chuckles but then she notices Santana lingering behind her twirling the tips of Brittany’s hair around her finger.

“You should curl your hair more often,” Santana says before bending down a little so that she can whisper in Brittany’s ear, “It makes you look super hot.”

Brittany starts to smirk as she tilts her head, “You’re on a roll with the compliments today.”

Santana only gives her a wink before she and Quinn head to the front of the lunch line: Co-Captain perks.  

Brittany watches her go, more importantly the tantalizing sway of her hips in that Cheerios skirt. She really does have the hottest girlfriend ever. As she’s turning back around to finish her lunch, she catches Rick’s eye and the way he glares at her and the Titans makes all the alarm bells in her head start to ring.

She stares him down with that same determined look in her eye as the other day where they clashed in the hall and it’s enough to have him brushing her off…for now. It makes Brittany wonder, maybe it was a good idea that the Titans are all so close together; just like Finn said, there’s strength in numbers…or something.

\\

By the end of the school day, Brittany’s as eager as ever to get the hell out of there. She and Santana spent all last class working together on their assignments while also ironing out the details of their date later. Brittany narrowed it down to one movie that she thought they’d might like to see – with the help of Mike, Sam and Quinn – and she was so excited about it that she already bought the tickets online.

“Oh. I can pay you back,” Santana had said, “How much was it?”

“Pay me back?” Brittany giggled, “You don’t have to, I’m not that much of a cheap date.”

“At least let me pay for snacks?”

“Nope! It’s all taken care of.”

After a couple more assuring words from Brittany, Santana finally let it go. Instead, she promised that she’d pay for everything on their next date. Brittany was more than happy to agree to that, loving that Santana was already wanting to go out again.

After class let out for the day and they stowed away the books they won’t be needing for the weekend in their lockers, Santana and Brittany feel oddly displaced knowing they don’t have to rush off to get ready for a game. Brittany knows some of the guys on the team are getting together for a quick practice without Coach Beiste which she knows she probably should attend.

“You going to head home?” Santana asks as they linger by their lockers.

Brittany shifts from side to side, “I want to but my inner Team Captain voice is telling me to practice with the guys.”

“Isn’t it meant to be your day off though?”

“Yeah, but it’s less about having to do the work and more about being apart of the team,” Brittany shrugs, “What are you going to do? Our date isn’t for another few hours.”

Santana smiles, “Maybe I’ll go shopping with Quinn. She was saying she wants to get something cute to wear for bowling. Maybe I’ll get something cute to wear too?”

Brittany starts to grin at the possibilities, “And here I was thinking you were just going to wear your Cheerios uniform.”

“I still can,” Santana jokes.

“No, no,” Brittany laughs, “Wear whatever you want. I’m sure you’ll look great in anything.”

“We’ll see,” Santana smirks, “Well, I’ll let you go to practice then.”

“Okay,” Brittany replies, “I’ll pick you up around 6:30?”

“Sounds good to me.”

“Okay cool,” Brittany says then gives a quick look around to check that they’re alone. When she sees that the coast is clear she leans in, “I’m going to kiss you goodbye now.”

Santana only smiles as she closes the distance for a sweet kiss on the lips. It doesn’t last nearly as long as Brittany would’ve liked, but again – progress.

“See you later,” Brittany waves as she starts to head to the gym.

Santana waves goodbye in return, her smitten little smile still on her lips as she does so.

\\

Turns out, football practice was exactly what Brittany needed to get rid of some of those pent up nerves for tonight. Without Coach Beiste supervising, the Titans were able to have a more casual practice that didn’t leave them feeling completely exhausted. By the end of it, Brittany was running on the adrenaline of a great practice and headed straight home to get ready for her date.

She took her time showering, making sure to scrub off the grass and sweat, before setting off to do her hair. She opted for subtle beach waves again since they seemed to be a hit with Santana at school. While she worked on her make up, she thought about the Co-Captain and wondered what she would be wearing for tonight and if Brittany had anything in her wardrobe that could compare.

She doubted it; the handful of times she has seen Santana in regular clothes, they’ve always been tight skirts and low cut blouses or these cute dresses that seemed to be crafted just to accentuate Santana’s curves. Brittany’s outfits weren’t really like that. Her choices were usually on the more eccentric side but she always seemed to pull off whatever odd combination she threw together as if it were made for the cover of Teen Vogue.

This time wouldn’t be any different. At least, that’s what she hoped for as she raided her closet for an outfit. She tried on this and that and paired that blouse with those trousers or scraped it all and went for overalls until she was satisfied with what she had on.

Then it was off to doing her makeup which she usually wore pretty light but since this was a special occasion, she wanted to do something extra. She spent time on her eyeshadow and lashes and even added a little highlight to the apples of her cheeks. She knew Santana would be looking as great as ever, but she also wanted to make sure that she looked the part too.

“Woah!” Pete gasps from behind Brittany, nearly giving her a heart attack, “Why are you so dressed up?”

“Geez, you scared me!” Brittany chuckles as she does some final touches before spinning to face her brother, “I’m going to the movies with Santana tonight. How do I look?”

Pete squints his eyes and taps at his chin before giving her a thumbs up.

“Awesome! Thanks, Petey.”

“Can I got to the movies too?” Pete wonders as he hops up on her bed.

“Not this time,” Brittany ruffles up his hair, “It’s kind of meant to just be me and Santana.”

“Oh…”

“But we can hang out tomorrow?” Brittany assures him, “I saw a cool documentary I want to show you about sea turtles plus Santana wants to come over and play some Monopoly with us.”

“Really?” Pete asks with wide eyes, “Does she know I’m the world champion of Monopoly?”

Brittany chuckles, “She will after she plays you.”

Pete grins devilishly, “I can’t wait for tomorrow now.”

“Me neither,” Brittany replies before grabbing her bag and heading for the door, “Come on, I have to get going soon. Don’t want to be late, that’s not good date etiquette.”

“Oh, you’re going on a date,” Pete sings the last word playfully before scrunching up his nose, “I definitely don’t wanna go anymore.”

Brittany only laughs as the two of them head downstairs.

\\

When Brittany arrives to Santana’s house, Santana is already making her way down the driveway while Maribel waves at them. Brittany rolls down her window and returns the greeting with a wave and a Hi Maribel before Santana’s hopping in the passenger side.

“Have you been waiting outside for me?” Brittany asks as Santana buckles in, “I would’ve knocked on the door like a proper date?”

Santana chuckles, “No, my mom just came home and I knew you wouldn’t be that far away judging by your text.”

“Oh okay,” Brittany nods and focuses back on driving.

It’s not until they get out onto the main road that Brittany starts to feel some of those nerves from earlier resurface. It kind of confuses her because she’s been nothing but excited since the moment Santana agreed to doing this, but now that they’re here she can’t help but feel extra giddy.

It’s been awhile since she has gone out on a date like this. The last person she dated had such a busy schedule and it was often hard to plan outings, let alone spend time together. That was ultimately their downfall and Brittany sometimes worries if that could be a problem for her and Santana too.

They’re lucky they have the same lunch block and share a class, but it’s also important to her that they spend time together outside of school as well. She knows it’s a little difficult with them both being involved in a sport but at least they’re off to a good start so far.

“What are you thinking so hard about over?” Santana chuckles.

Brittany glances at her from the corner of her eye and grins, “Nothing in particular. Just excited to spend time with you.”

Santana reaches over and gives Brittany’s thigh a squeeze, “Me too. Wish we had Fridays off all the time, could be our date night.”

Brittany’s grin widens before she’s overlapping Santana’s hand with her own, “I’ll have them off once the season’s over.”

“You won’t be taking up a winter or spring sport?”

“I don’t think so,” Brittany answers, “If I’m going to be going away for college, I want to spend the most time I can with my family…and you.”

She didn’t mean for the conversation to take that kind of turn, but it’s the first time she has hinted at the future which she feels a little silly about since their relationship is so new. When she glances at Santana, she can’t quite get a read on her reaction.

“I wasn’t going to play football this year,” Brittany quickly adds to fill the silence, “So that I could help with Pete but my mom talked me into it. She knows how much I love to play and I know my dad would’ve wanted me to spend my Senior doing something I love. But with the season ending soon, there’s not much else I want to do except spend time with you. I can continue training incase I get picked up by a scout but I’ll have way more free time since I won’t be apart of a team.”

“More time with you would be nice,” Santana ends up saying a moment later and a soft smile graces her lips.

Brittany doesn’t know why, but those words calm her nerves and at the same time makes her feel hopeful for what’s to come for them.

\\

“So snacks, gotta have them,” Brittany states as they enter the theater. She looks around for the brightly lit menu board like a shining beacon of deliciousness.

“It’s over here,” Santana says as she gives Brittany’s sleeve a tug in the right direction.

The quarterback lets Santana lead the way to the concession stand and heads to the back of the line. While she eyes the menu, Santana continues to hang onto Brittany’s sleeve as if they were holding hands. Brittany tries to refrain from drawing attention to it, but she can’t help how cute she thinks it is.

“You know,” She whispers, “I won’t mind it if you wanted to hold my hand instead, beats stretching out my sweater.”

Santana sends her a playful glare before she’s dropping Brittany’s sleeve altogether. Brittany pouts at the loss.

“What snacks are you thinking?” Santana asks instead.

Brittany goes back to looking at the menu, “Well, you’ve got to have all the elements for the perfect movie snacking experience: salty, sweet, and sour.”

“I like the way you think,” Santana compliments as they get closer to the front of the line.

“Definitely getting popcorn,” Brittany starts to list, “A box of Dots.”

“Dots? Really?” Santana scrunches her nose cutely, “I didn’t think anyone actually liked those.”

Brittany bumps her shoulder with Santana’s playfully, “They’re not so bad. What else? Oh! Some Sour Patch Kids and Buncha Crunch.”

“I can feel the cavities forming already,” Santana teases, “What do you want to drink?”

Brittany ponders a moment, “Water.”

Santana raises a brow, “Really? After all that sugar?”

Brittany starts to grin, “Kidding. You can’t just drink water at the movies, that’s super weird. What soda do you like? We can share!”

Santana looks over at the fountain drinks, “I don’t mind Dr. Pepper.”

“Girl after my own heart,” Brittany jokes dreamily. She catches Santana start to blush and it makes her swoon even more, “Come on. It’s our turn to order.”

\\

Once securing their snacks, Santana and Brittany head down the dim corridor to find their theater number. Brittany’s got the container of popcorn and theater box candies in one arm while Santana holds their drink which conveniently allows them both to have a free hand.

Brittany’s itching to make a move, her way of redeeming herself for the comment about her sleeve earlier, but she’s got the first date jitters so she’s hesitant. Thankfully, it’s a long walk to the end of the hall where their theater is so it gives her a little time to rustle up the courage.

That is, if she decides to make a move.

She catches Santana glancing at her from the corner of her eye too and it makes Brittany wonder if she’s struggling with the same thing. Surprisingly though, it only takes their hands brushing against each other’s twice before Santana’s timidly linking their pinkies like usual.

\\

The theater isn’t as full as Brittany thought it would be considering it’s a Friday night, but she figures that this particular movie has been out long enough that the initial hype has long since died down. They’re a little early as well so the lights aren’t as dim yet, making it still pretty easy to see that not many people are here. With a variety of good seating options available, Brittany and Santana opt for the top row.

“It’s the best seats in the house,” Brittany jokes as they do the awkward shuffle along the narrow walkway. Santana only giggles as she trails after the blonde.

When they get to the middle of the row, Brittany and Santana push down their seats and get settled with all of their snacks. It’s a lot to juggle, but they make it work and soon they’re sitting comfortably while they await the trailers.

“So how was practice?” Santana asks as Brittany pulls the container of popcorn to her lap.

“It was really laid back,” Brittany answers, “Basically just a pick up game so I wouldn’t even call it practice so it was cool. Did you end up going shopping with Quinn?”

“I did,” Santana starts to smirk, “I wasn’t really planning on buying anything but I saw this dress and figured you probably wouldn’t mind it.”

Brittany noticed the plunging neckline as soon as Santana unzipped her leather jacket in the car shortly after leaving the Lopez Residence. She nearly drove her car into a mailbox it was that distracting.

“I definitely don’t mind,” Brittany gives her a goofy grin, “You’re as pretty as ever.”

“So are you,” Santana grins and once again they start to gravitate to each other as if its second nature.

There are a few more couples seated below them but their backs are turned so Santana and Brittany are basically invisible. Brittany’s gaze falls from Santana’s to her glossy lips before bouncing back up again.

“You think it would be okay if I kissed you?” Brittany mumbles and her heart pounds steadily at the possibility that Santana might let her in such a public setting.

Santana glances to her left and sees that the nearest couple is still about six rows away. Brittany knows that Santana would be conscious of them which is yet another reason why she chose these particular seats.

Seemingly satisfied for the moment, Santana gives Brittany a nod before her eyes flutter closed.

Brittany mimics the gesture and they both lean in for a long awaited kiss. This one isn’t just a quick peck on the lips like Brittany’s used to either. This one feels drawn out, feels like an inhale and exhale all at once, it feels like heaven and when she can feel Santana smile against her lips it’s like no other feeling.

She almost forgets where she is as her hand moves to cup Santana’s cheek. It’s just a gentle touch, but it elicits a quiet little hum from the brunette and before Brittany knows it Santana is deepening the kiss. Brittany can feel the poke of Santana’s tongue running along her bottom lip and she doesn’t hesitate to welcome it, loving this daring side of Santana.

Brittany can feel herself starting to get carried away, but thankfully the lights suddenly dim and the sound of opening trailers pulls them apart. She can just barely see the sly little grin on Santana’s face before she glances to the big screen.

“What are we watching again?” Santana asks as she looks back to Brittany.

Brittany only blinks, still reeling from that kiss.

\\

They’re about forty-five minutes into the movie when Brittany realizes a handful of things:

Number One: Mike and Sam are not very good at recommending movies.

Number Two: Neither is Quinn.

Number Three: Paranormal Activity 3 is not a comedy.

That last one she probably should’ve known but she heard the guys on the team talking about how funny it was so she just assumed it was something like the Scary Movie series where they made fun of actual scary movies. Who knew she was completely wrong? Still, she tries to keep on a brave face because during her conversation with Sam and Mike about picking a movie, Quinn had said that Santana mentioned wanting to see this one.  

Knowing Santana had a secret preference made it super easy for Brittany when it came to finally choosing, but she didn’t know not being able to sleep for the next two weeks would be the price. It’s not that she’s a scaredy cat or anything, she just doesn’t do well with haunted houses and that’s basically all this movie is about!

She fights the urge to bring her knees up to hide behind and shield her eyes from certain scenes because there’s no way she can embarrass herself like that in front of Santana. So she keeps herself busy with snacking and chances a glance every so often in Santana’s direction, hoping that if she doesn’t get too invested in the movie then she won’t be as scared.

\\

That tactic sort of works until there’s a jump scene and she flinches so hard that she nearly drops the bucket of popcorn on the floor. Her heart is racing from the scare and her cheeks are a little flushed when she sees that Santana’s watching her.

She doesn’t say anything at first and that makes Brittany feel even more nervous. It’s not until Santana looks between them and lifts the arm rest that separates their chairs. Brittany watches Santana inch closer until their thighs are flush and soon the jump scare is a distant memory. With her being this close now, Brittany just has to wrap her arm around the brunette.

“You scared?” Santana whispers as she sinks into Brittany’s side.

Brittany shakes her head and Santana smirks up at her.

“You sure?”

“Mhmm.”

“You look scared.”

“Well…I’m not.”

Santana eyes Brittany a little longer before leaning back some, “Okay then.”

Brittany quirks her brow and whispers, “Are you?”

Santana looks back and shakes her head.

Brittany nods and tries to sit a little taller; if Santana isn’t afraid then neither is she!

\\

Obviously, Brittany’s lying because this is the scariest movie she’s ever seen which isn’t saying much because she stays away from that genre but the funny thing is…Santana’s lying too.

“Fuck,” Santana curses beneath her breath. Her hand instinctively juts out and grips Brittany’s thigh and before either of them know it, Santana’s burying her face into Brittany’s shoulder.

Brittany’s equally tense after that scene but seeing Santana visibly scared too has her easing. There’s a little twinkle in her eye when she glances at Santana trying to play off how bad she just flinched as she straightens up.

In fact, it’s such bad acting on Santana’s part that Brittany starts to giggle.

“What are you laughing at?” Santana asks. She tries to keep a straight face but Brittany’s giggling is infectious and soon she starts to smile too.

“You’re scared,” Brittany points out.

“I’m not.”

“You totally are,” Brittany laughs again, “You’re using me to hide.”

“No.”

“Yes,” Brittany teases, “You didn’t move the arm rest up for a cuddle. You wanted protection.”

“I – No,” Santana stammers but she ultimately gives up, “Alright fine, this movie gives me the fucking creeps. This house needs to be burned to the ground.”

Brittany softens as she removes the popcorn bucket from her lap, “I’m not really a fan of these kinds of movies. I only picked it because Quinn told me you loved horror movies, except I didn’t know if this was actually a horror movie or if it was a parody…”

“Oh, did she now?” Santana purses her lips before she lets out a dry chuckle, “That sneaky little…”

Brittany frowns, “What’s wrong?”

“Quinn and I have been best friends for years,” Santana says, “We grew up together and if there’s one thing she knows about me it’s that I don’t do horror movies.”

Brittany’s face heats up, “Really? Shit. I would’ve picked something else if I knew. She was so convincing and the guys, they said it wasn’t that scary.”

“Yeah, they’re probably just saying that to protect their masculinity because this shit?” Santana glances at the screen and cringes before turning back to Brittany, “No me gusta.”

Brittany sends Santana an apologetic smile, “I’m sorry. I should’ve checked with you first so we wouldn’t be stuck watching something we don’t want to.”

“We can always leave,” Santana suggests, “I’m sure there’s another movie playing right now. We can just sneak into a different one.”

Brittany only frowns. It’s their first date and she messes up big time, how embarrassing!

“Hey, don’t beat yourself up about it,” Santana smiles fondly as she squeezes at Brittany’s thigh, “We can stay too? Just gives me an excuse to make out with you instead.”

Brittany’s jaw goes a little slack as Santana drapes her legs over Brittany’s and slides in close. Now, she’s basically in the blonde’s lap and Brittany instinctively wraps her arms around Santana’s waist to keep her there. She already feels ten times better than before!

“You don’t need an excuse for that,” Brittany grins and soon Santana’s lips are back on hers.

\\

They end up staying like that for the rest of the movie and neither one of them can tell you what happened since they were too preoccupied with doing something way better. Brittany didn’t need any reassuring, but kissing Santana is probably the best distraction there is. For once, they felt like any other couple hiding away at the back of the movie theater making out.

In a way, it was freeing and although Brittany felt silly at first for choosing the wrong movie it all managed to work itself out in the end. Maybe an even better ending than she had hoped for!

As they leave the theater, practically floating on Cloud 9, Brittany made a daring move and tangled her fingers with Santana’s. After the past hour they’ve spent hidden in the shadows, she still wanted to feel close now that they were out in the open. Really, she’s been wanting to hold Santana’s hand since they got there but better late than never.

Santana grins happily as she overlaps their joined hands with her free one, surprising Brittany by how welcoming she is too the gesture. Santana brings their hands up to her lips and turns so that she can place a sweet kiss to Brittany’s knuckles. It makes the blonde feel so soft and the smitten smile can’t help but form.

\\

“Great movie,” Santana jokes as they get to Brittany’s car, “I’d definitely see it again.”

“I bet you would,” Brittany smirks as they untangle their hands and get in.

“But seriously, hopefully none of that movie actually stuck because I’m not trying to have nightmares,” Santana says with a chuckle although Brittany can tell she’s being a little serious.

“Same,” Brittany nods, “I might have to steal Pete’s night light if that’s the case.”

“Not sure what that’ll do against the paranormal,” Santana quips.

“Hey,” Brittany gives her a playfully stern look, “Night lights protect against everything.”

“Then you better make some room in your bed for me because I’m coming over. I do not fuck with the ghosts and shit,” Santana replies then pauses when she realizes what she has said.

Brittany watches with adoring look in her eye.

“I mean like, hypothetically speaking,” Santana adds shyly, “We probably won’t have nightmares or anything because we didn’t really watch much of that movie. Right? I doubt anything stuck so we’ll be okay.”

Brittany only grins as she goes to start the car.

\\

“Are you kidding me?” Santana gapes as they pull up to her house ten minutes before her curfew. She sits up rigidly and eyes her seemingly vacant house in confusion.

Brittany looks at the empty driveway and frowns, “Are your parents not home?”

“Apparently not,” Santana replies and reaches for her phone, “I know my dad’s doing an overnight, but my mom should be here? Do you mind if I give her a call?”

Brittany bobs her head, “Yeah, sure. Go ahead.”

Brittany watches Santana quickly scroll through her phone before she’s pressing it to her little ear. She can see how worked up Santana’s starting to get and wonders if it’s because she might have to be all alone in that empty house or if she’s just worried about where her mom might be? Usually an empty house is a dream come true for people their age, but not after the movie they just watched – no matter how distracted they were.

Brittany waits patiently as she overhears some of Santana’s conversation with her mom.

“No, I didn’t get a text from you. When did you send it?” Santana wonders before putting her mom on speaker and flicking through her text messages, “Yeah, I don’t see anything here from you.”

“That’s strange. Well, I was letting you know that I’m here at your Abuela’s house. Papi wants me to keep an eye on her after the doctor’s appointment she had today.”

Brittany watches Santana’s features grow somber, “Is everything okay?”

“Just a little cold.”

The lines in Santana’s forehead deepen, “She’s sick?”

Brittany recognizes that tone and it makes her stomach churn, but she keeps quiet and continues to listen.

“She should be fine. They’re worried it might develop into pneumonia if she’s not looked after. You know how stubborn she can be about this kind of thing, but I’m here.”

“Right,” Santana then inhales deeply and it’s like a mask is being put on, “She probably skipped her vitamins or something silly again.”

“You’re probably right.”

“So you won’t be coming home tonight then?”

“No, but you’ll be okay staying home on your own?”

Brittany watches Santana gulp and she nearly laughs if she didn’t fear being heard by Maribel. Who knew Santana was such a chicken, but then again Brittany wouldn’t want to stay home alone after a movie like that either.

“Yeah, of course,” Santana replies a little too casually, “I’m not a little kid anymore so I’ll be fine.”

“Okay good, I would say come over but…well.”

“I know,” Santana brushes off although Brittany can see a nerve has been struck, “It’s okay. I’ll just – maybe I’ll see if I can sleep over Quinn’s instead?”

“Okay mija, just let me know. I’ll see you in the morning. You can tell me all about your date with Brittany. I hope you had fun?”

Santana starts to grin as she glances to her side at the blonde, “I did. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

When Santana hangs up, the smile she wears is still there but it slowly fades when she looks back at her house.

“Think Quinn’s home from her date by now?” Santana mumbles as she flicks through her phone, “I’m not about to stay home alone just so some paranormal entity can come snatch me up, no thank you. God, she’s such a little shit. She knew exactly what she was doing when she was talking to you. Matter of fact, I’m going to prank the hell out of her now just for this. She won’t see it coming.”

“Or,” Brittany pauses Santana although her scheming is kind of cute, “You can sleepover mine?”

Santana’s brows rise, “What? Like at your house?”

Brittany shrugs, “Well yeah, if you aren’t comfortable staying home alone I’m sure my mom would be okay with you sleeping over. Plus, you were already going to be over tomorrow anyway. It saves so much time if you’re already there.”

“I don’t know, Britt,” Santana chuckles nervously, “I doubt your mom would let your girlfriend stay the night.”

Santana’s got a point, but this is a special case so she doubts her mom wouldn’t allow it.

“Why not? It’s not like I can get you pregnant or anything,” Brittany jokes but Santana’s eyes nearly bug out of her head. It only makes Brittany laugh, “I’m just kidding, geez. How about I just call and ask? Beats bothering Quinn if I’m already here?”

Santana looks at her skeptically.

“Come on,” Brittany gives her a nudge, “Doesn’t hurt to ask.”

“Okay fine,” Santana relents with a smitten smile, “But I’m still texting Quinn just incase.”

Brittany shrugs and gives her mom a call. It’s a short one, but Brittany explains Santana’s situation and Whitney ends up saying, “Yes of course she can stay the night.” It’s also followed by the usual, “Just no funny business, Brittany” which has the blonde blushing as she quickly assures her that there won’t be any.

“My parents would never,” Santana says with a disbelieving laugh.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Brittany winks.

“I’ll just tell my mom I’m sleeping over Quinn’s anyway,” Santana says as she texts, “Just to be safe.”

“Okay,” Brittany says, “So did you want to go inside and grab anything?”

Santana looks skeptically at her house, all dark and menacing, and quickly shakes her head, “Hell no.”

Brittany chuckles, “I’ll go in with you.”

“No, I don’t want to put you through that,” Santana assures her, “I can just borrow some of your stuff, right?”

Brittany’s smile grows, “Totally.”

“Okay,” Santana smiles back looking a little more relieved, “Let’s just go to yours then.”

“You got it!”

\\

When they arrive at the Pierce Residence, they find that the porch light has been left on and Brittany can already see the glow of the hallway light emitting from the living room window.

“Now this is more like it,” Santana chuckles at the brightly lit home.

Brittany only giggles along with her as she parks the car and leads the way inside. Everything’s quiet as Brittany and Santana tip toe upstairs; Pete’s long since gone to bed and Whitney is probably not too far behind.

Santana just wordlessly follows Brittany until they get to Brittany’s bedroom. Once the light comes on, Brittany’s quick to tidy the clothes hanging out of her laundry basket before pushing in her desk chair and kicking her bookbag to the side.

“Sorry it’s a little messy,” Brittany says softly while scratching the back of her neck.

Santana only smiles as she looks around, “Your room is way cleaner than mine.”

Brittany feels a little relieved but she still rearranges some things before turning to close the door. She hesitates though as she gets to the knob, remembering the conversation she had with her mom earlier, and turns to face Santana.

“My mom said I have to leave the door open,” Brittany whispers to Santana, “But if I don’t close it then Pete might wake us up super early.”

Santana looks a little shy as she nods and it makes Brittany falter. She’s not sure what that look means and it makes something flutter in her chest. She would totally risk getting lectured by her mom later if it meant sleeping in a little later than usual, especially if Santana will be there.

But, she also wants to make sure Santana is comfortable as well. Sleeping over after their first date isn’t really how Brittany pictured this night turning out, so she just wants to be extra sure that Santana’s okay and that they’re not moving faster than she liked.  

“I can leave it open if you want though?” Brittany suggests lightly, “Whatever makes you comfortable.”

Santana tugs her bottom lip between her teeth then lets it go as she answers, “I usually sleep with my door closed at home.”

Brittany’s smile grows playful, “To keep the monsters out so they don’t get ya?”

Santana only rolls her eyes at the teasing tone, “No.”

“Sure,” Brittany winks as she goes to close the door.

“I don’t want you to get in trouble though,” Santana says, “If your mom said – “

“It’s okay,” Brittany assures her with a smile, “So long as you stay on your side of the bed.”

Santana smirks, “I’ll try my best but I won’t make any promises.”

Brittany quirks her brow, “You don’t strike me as the cuddling type.”

“I’m just full of surprises.”

Brittany chuckles before going off to find Santana some pajamas to borrow.

\\

Brittany doesn’t know why, but suddenly she wishes her pajama drawer was filled with something better than old shirts from sports teams she used to play for and shorts with random designs on them. She doesn’t know what Santana wears to bed, but she imagines something fancy that actually comes in a set or maybe something silky and expensive?

Brittany doesn’t own anything remotely close to that.

She knows she’s overthinking this now, it’s only pajamas after all, and tries to push away the nerves. Ultimately, she settles for her favorite sleep shirt and shorts because they feel the nicest and she secretly thinks Santana would look super cute in shorts with little rubber ducks on them.

“Sorry they’re not matching,” Brittany finds herself saying as she hands them over.

Santana gives her a confused smile, “That’s okay. It’s very you.”

Brittany tilts her head to the side, unsure of how to take that.

“I mean that in a good way,” Santana explains, “You have a signature style, it’s cute.”

Brittany ducks her head bashfully before turning to find something for herself to wear.

\\

The realization that Santana is going to be sleeping over in her bed with it just being the two of them starts to settle in. She’s had sleepovers with her friends before, but not like this – not with someone she’s dating – and Brittany starts to feel a mix of anxious and giddy.

Does she change into her pajamas right here or should she excuse herself to the bathroom? She remembers how Santana reacted the first time she took her top off in the locker room, but she also remembers how they were barely wearing anything when they showered together.

Brittany’s at a loss and she doesn’t realize she’s just standing there holding a pile of clothes until Santana quietly clears her throat. When Brittany turns, she’s finds that Santana has already changed and is looking as cute and comfy as ever.

“Do you have a spare toothbrush and maybe some make up wipes I could use?” Santana asks and there’s just a slight edge to her voice that lets Brittany know she isn’t the only one that’s a little nervous about this arrangement.

“Oh yeah, sorry. I’m not being a very good host.”

“You’re a great host,” Santana assures her with a smile then gestures to her bottoms, “I think I rock the hell out of these shorts. Don’t you think?”

Brittany chuckles as she nods, “I had a feeling rubber ducks would suit you.”

Santana does a little sway of her hips and it’s enough to ease Brittany’s nerves for the moment.

“I’ll get you a toothbrush and stuff,” Brittany replies and turns towards the bathroom she and Pete share.

Santana follows behind and stops next to Brittany at the bathroom sink while Brittany sorts through the top cabinet for a spare toothbrush and her make up remover.

“This okay?” She asks as she hands them over to Santana.

“Yeah.”

“Okay cool,” Brittany hesitates in the bathroom doorway wondering if she should stay and do her nightly routine too before realizing that she hasn’t even changed clothes yet.

“I’ll just go change,” She tells Santana, “I’ll be back.”

Santana only smiles at her through the mirror before lining the bristles of her toothbrush with toothpaste.

\\

Once they finish up in the bathroom, Brittany and Santana wander back into the bedroom. They do this awkward little dance of putting away their clothes and getting ready for bed. Brittany has her mattress pushed into the corner of her room and quickly rids her bed of the stuffed animals and extra pillows she usually sleeps with in order to make some room for Santana.

“Is there a certain side you prefer?” She asks and Santana shakes her head, “Okay. Well, I’ll take the wall side incase you need to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night or something.”

“Okay,” Santana nods before Brittany’s crawling in under the covers. Santana isn’t that far behind her and they quietly get settled.

There’s a weird tension in the air and Brittany’s not quite sure what to do about it. She only stares up at the ceiling with her hands folded atop her stomach over the blankets. Her mind is moving through thought after thought at a mile a minute and she just hopes that it settles down soon so she can get a little sleep.

But, with Santana lying so close to her it makes it difficult to calm down. When she glances to her side, she finds Santana’s dark brown eyes staring back curiously.

“Do I make you nervous?” Santana asks and there’s this rasp to her tone that Brittany isn’t used to.

Brittany’s words get caught somewhere so that should be enough to answer that. Instead, she just nods as a blush blooms.

“In a good way?” Santana asks.

Brittany nods again, a shy smile gracing her lips.

“You make me nervous in a good way too.”

Brittany feels her heart skip a couple beats and she can’t help but roll onto her side so that she can face Santana fully. Her face is bare of any make up, her eyelids look heavy with sleep and if there was one word Brittany could use to describe how she looks right now it’s content.

It has her reaching up to trace the side of Santana’s cheek, as if to make sure that this is really happening – that Santana’s really here in her bed resting her pretty little head on her pillow. The smile that forms on Santana’s face from the touch melts Brittany and she can’t help but lean in to kiss soft lips.

It’s languid and sweet, the best kind of almost goodnight. When they pull apart a moment later, Brittany moves the hand that was cupping Santana’s cheek down to rest on her waist instead. Santana’s got her hand tucked under her pillow while the other plays with the hem of Brittany’s t-shirt. Brittany feels oddly comfortable now as they lie there despite feeling so wound up earlier.

Now, her eyelids feel heavy and she’s sure a yawn is not too far away. For now though, she’s content with just watching Santana’s lashes flutter and the way dark brown eyes shift back and forth from her gaze to her lips. It makes Brittany want to pull Santana in closer just so she can kiss her again and again.

“I had a lot of fun with you on our date,” Brittany admits instead.

“Me too,” Santana replies before she starts to smirk, “Even if you roped me into watching a scary movie.”

Brittany bites her lip to keep from giggling at the sarcasm, “Well, if I picked something else you wouldn’t be here right now.”

“Funny how that worked out,” Santana grins as she gives a little tug to Brittany’s shirt, “Almost like you planned it.”

Brittany leans into it, letting Santana drag her in so that their chests are nearly flush.

Only their knees knock together and before Brittany knows it, Santana’s slipping her thigh between Brittany’s while her hand curls around the blonde’s waist. They’re completely wrapped up in each other now and Brittany’s never felt so comfortable sleeping with another person before.

“So much for staying on your side,” Brittany jokes.

“I can move?” Santana teases right back.

“No, no. You stay.”

It’s kind of the worst thing ever when she remembers that they probably can’t do this all the time. But still, she soaks it in regardless – memorizing the feel of Santana’s smooth legs against her own, the way Santana’s hands caress the exposed skin just above her sleep shorts, how the tip of Santana’s little nose bumps her own every so often as she inhales.

“I wish we could do this all the time,” Brittany mumbles dreamily without thinking.

Santana gives her a confused grin, “What?”

“This,” Brittany says as she runs her fingers down Santana’s back, “It’s nice. We don’t really get to do it often, we never have the time.”

“Yeah,” Santana sighs before kissing the tip of Brittany’s nose, “Maybe you and I should try to make time.”

Brittany starts to smile. She remembers a conversation similar to this from a past relationship and how the other person wasn’t too willing to try and make changes which ended up being the main reason for the breakup. Brittany couldn’t understand how someone wouldn’t be willing to try, but it’s so satisfying to see that it’s something she doesn’t have to worry about with Santana.

She remembers her other relationships and how much it sucked to go through a breakup, but she moved on eventually because her feelings for them weren’t ever super strong – not compared to how she feels about Santana anyway.

Santana’s like a cold glass of Dr. Pepper on a hot sunny day. No, Santana’s like three scoops of ice cream when you only asked for two. No, Santana’s like taking a bubble bath with extra bubbles after football practice in the pouring rain.

The way Brittany feels about her, it’s nothing she’s ever experienced before. No one she has ever dated – boy or girl – can even compare. Santana’s one of a kind and maybe, just maybe, Brittany thinks she might know why.

She’s never experienced it for herself before, but she knows what real love looks like.

Maybe that might be this?

“What are you smiling for?” Santana asks, but she sounds surprisingly more sleepy than before and it makes Brittany’s heart swell.

“Just thinking about somethin’.”

“Like?”

Brittany only shakes her head as she slides her hand up and down Santana’s back again, almost like she’s lulling the girl to sleep. It seems to work as she watches Santana’s eyes close for longer periods of time, her breathing becoming slow and even. When Santana’s eyes open once more, she looks to Brittany for an answer as if she didn’t just fall into a micro-sleep and it makes the blonde chuckle quietly.

“I’ll tell you when I know for sure,” Brittany replies.

Santana pouts at Brittany’s cryptic words, “Know what?”

Brittany sighs but it’s full of adoration, “Don’t worry. Just go to sleep, baby.”

She almost doesn’t notice how easily the term of endearment falls from her lips, she wouldn’t have noticed at all if Santana’s eyes did slowly open in wonder.

Brittany feels a little shy about the slip up, but she can’t find it in her to say it was an accident because it really wasn’t. She has felt the word bubbling up inside of her, begging to slip out for awhile now, especially when they’re like this – when the rest of this town is fast asleep and it seems like they’re the only ones left awake in Lima.

“Did you just…” Santana stammers.

Brittany is uncertain about her tone, “Is that okay?”

Santana ponders a moment, “I usually hate it when guys call me that. It always made me feel gross.”

Brittany’s face falls. She feels absolutely mortified, “Oh.”

“But it’s different with you,” Santana assures her with a smile, “It doesn’t make me feel gross, it makes me feel… special. I like it.”

“I like you,” Brittany says without missing a beat.

Santana blushes as she adjusts her head against the pillow, “Ditto.”

Brittany can only give Santana her famous mega-watt smile in response.

[skeleton-richard]

hello! just saw your his fair assassin/grave mercy post pop up on my dash, and i wanted to let u know (as a fan of the book/fan of celtic mythology that has researched brittany lots) that lafevers couldn't use actual breton/celtic mythology because there are absolutely no sources on Brittany + few on Celtic gods/lore that are reliable, however, most of the saints/gods (such as Camulos + Brigantia) are actual known Celtic gods/goddesses! have a nice day xx

Hi! Sorry if I sounded insulting toward it! It's just really frustrating me with some things and I want to like it but it's just... Maybe part of my problem is I don't really like fantasy? I'm reading it because it has Anne of Brittany in it and she's one of my favorite historical figures.

I know that there isn't much in the way of reliable sources for a lot of Celtic mythology, what I've seen largely comes from, like, 19th century collections and we all know how those are always 100% accurate and authentic (sarcasm). I'd have to look back at the parts that mention the other gods earlier in the book and see what matches up with Celtic mythology (which I admit I know very little about), I may have missed something. It just feels really weird because the lack of detail makes it feel like it's not actually Brittany, just some generic medieval fantasy world. Like even if it used the folklore that's recorded, even if it doesn't actually date back to the late 15th century or earlier, it would feel more real. It doesn't feel like it has much reason to be Brittany, at least as far as i am (halfway through the first book) for all they bring up the Mad War. Idk. I don't study Brittany exclusively (my period is the earlier part of the century in France, my main research topic turns out to be weirdly adjacent to Anne and that's how I got here) so as I said maybe I'm missing something someone more familiar with Brittany would catch.

Does the series get better as it progresses? Right now it's kind of generic and it's not really holding my attention except I wish the worldbuilding was more fleshed out, it's an interesting concept but I don't like being given just pieces of it at a time. And I wish it didn't have all the tropes of historical fiction in it :/

Do you speak French? If you do, you might like Anne de Bretagne: Intrigues au Château by Cédric Tchao, it's a graphic novel biography of Anne of Brittany and involves a korrigan taking a modern kid back to the 15th century! Sadly it's not been translated into English. But if you like Brittany and fantasy and can read French I'd recommend it!

[vcg73]

Witch!Kurt Ch 39: In Search of Finn

This piece is shorter than intended because I decided to break it in two - the setup and the search.  

~*~*~*~*~

"I think Finn would approve even if he got a little weird about it. And he might not. He'd come a long way by the time we became brothers."

 "What are you two talking about?" Carole asked, ears pricking up at the mention of her son.

 She gave Kurt a smile as he and Adam emerged from their bedroom hand in hand, the privacy spell having been banished with a spell-word from Adam. Kurt's vast collection of hygiene and grooming products had been put to good use, so that outside of the satisfied glow they both carried the two young men did not give any obvious signs of a couple who had just taken a quick roll in the hay. 

 Kurt smiled back at her, his cheeks pinking as he said, "I was just telling Adam that Finn would have approved of the honeymoon requirement for a Joining. He was disappointed when he found out that all gay couples didn't go directly from first kiss to, um, more than kissing. Apparently he had assumed that two guys would always go from zero to sixty without a second thought. Weirdly enough, when I told him that didn’t happen, it seemed to dispel the last of his latent homophobia. In the days before you and Dad made us brothers, I think he was afraid I would be overcome by his virile masculine pheromones one day and just pounce."

 The sarcastic statement drew a laugh, including a rueful one from Burt, who admitted, "I’m sorry to say that a lot of straight guys have that misconception, son. I know I did.”

 “Well a lot of guys do go directly from handshake to handjob without worrying about anything but fun,” Sebastian cut in, nudging Elliott in the ribs with a wicked grin as he added, “Thank God.”

 “Hey!” Kurt objected, glancing over at Mercedes and Sam, who were sitting on a sofa together listening with big grins on their faces. “Watch it. Parents, children, and straights present.”

 Another chorus of laughter and derisive noises met the warning. Adam’s little brother threw a popcorn kernel at Kurt’s head for the ‘children’ comment, and Kurt telekinetically flicked it back without a moment’s hesitation, bringing a startled look and then a beaming thumbs-up from Donnie, who had clearly not expected the quick defense.

 Adam grinned at their playfulness. “I think you and Finn could both be forgiven for your youthful misunderstandings, darling. We all have at least one embarrassing incident in our past that was necessary for growth and development. Dad and Gran certainly helped me over a couple of bumps that aren’t fun to look back on now.”

 Before he could go on, all three of his siblings exchanged a glance and crooned, “Katelynn!”

 “Who?” Kurt said with a laugh, astonished to see Adam’s face turn beet red.

 Bethany jumped in. “A school chum of mine when we were kids. Adam used to lurk in doorways whenever I had her over, mooning like a pathetic little puppy dog.”

 Celeste giggled. “Kate was in the class year between Adam and Bethy and she used to earn a few quid babysitting for Donnie and me after school. Not that I needed a minder by then, but we always had good times and it was a scream watching Adam lurk about with that lovesick expression on his face.”

 “See, he was a bit confused in those days,” Donnie added, giving his brother a condescending pat on the arm, followed by a cheeky grin when Adam made a half-hearted swipe at his curly blond head.

 Adam sighed and admitted, “She was very good about it when I finally declared myself, turned me down gently and whatnot, but it should come as no great shock to learn that my first and only girl-crush grew up to be the butchest woman in Chelmsford.”

 “I ran into her the other week,” Bethany said helpfully. “She has a bright blue crew-cut, sleeve tattoos, and biceps bigger than your head. Still a complete sweetheart, too.  She told me to pass along congratulations on your wedding.”

 Amidst the laughter of their group, and Dani slyly suggesting that they pass the Crawfords’ old friend her phone number, Adam held up his hands in surrender. “Thank her for me, but I think that proves my point. Fortunately for us all we grow up and, if we’re lucky, gain some perspective. And in this case, things happily seem to have turned out exactly the way they were meant to do."

 “I’ll drink to that,” Kurt said, helping himself to a large mug of coffee from the pot some blessed soul had freshly brewed and gulping down a large, slightly too hot sip. Ahhhh, bliss. They hadn’t been allowed to drink anything but water over the preceding 24 hours and he was dying for a good shot of caffeine. Especially since . . . “Speaking of things turning out the way they’re meant to, I’m ready to get started if the rest of you are. I’m just about jumping out of my skin with excess energy. If I don’t focus it soon, I’m afraid I might accidentally blow up the loft.”

 “Then let’s not waste any time,” Adam agreed. This intensity would not last for much longer, he knew. He could already feel the giddy charge of carrying some of Kurt’s shared power beginning to ebb.  The rituals, the surrounding aura of High magic, and the passion of their recent bout of lovemaking made him feel upbeat and wide-awake, but it would act on Kurt’s deeper magical sensitivity like an intense high, and he would feel a driving need to use it.  

 It was the entire reason they had chosen this day to attempt the rescue.  Kurt’s heightened power and sensitivity to magic was what made Kurt a coven leader and the rest of them ordinary witches. He might not even require the boost; Adam’s own rescue from the Void argued to that point, but Adam still wanted him to have every advantage.  

 “As we form the power circles, I’d like Adam to trade places with Sam,” Kurt said, unconsciously making the words an order. He looked at Adam with apologetic eyes. “I know you wanted to anchor me, but neither of us knows how you’ll react to being so near an open Void, and I’d rather not risk it. I want you to be protected no matter what happens, and I hope this doesn’t sound harsh, but I remember how badly it knocked me off stride when I shared your panic attack in Lima. Considering how much concentration it took all of us to search the Void for you, I don’t think I can risk being pulled in two directions if this experience triggers you.”

 His tone was regretful but his reasoning was sound. The coven belonged to them both, just as it belonged to Tubbington, Santana, Dani, Monica, Elliott, Brittany, and Johnny, but Kurt was the captain of this particular ship, as well as the one who would be risking himself.  So Adam simply nodded, kissed him for good luck, and moved to the back of the room, gently pushing Sam towards the center.  

 “Don’t worry, son,” Henry said to Kurt, who was looking at Adam as if he was already being pulled in two directions. The older man put an arm around his boy’s shoulders and gave him a reassuring squeeze. “We’ll look after Adam, the cats will look after Sam, and your mates will look after you. You just go in and concentrate on doing what you need to do.”

 “Thanks, Henry,” Kurt replied gratefully.  One distinct advantage to having such a large group of witches here today, family by both blood and choice, was that it freed up Kurt to do what he needed to do without worry. “I must admit I’m kind of nervous. The first time I did this, I had the advantage of not being afraid because I didn’t actually know what I was doing.”

 The rest of their coven-mates exchanged satisfied glances as Kurt, in spite of his admission, moved to his place in the center of the ward and began quietly conferring with the Familiars. There were glad to see him so confident and strong as he began his preparations. A little fear would keep him grounded, whereas overconfidence in this situation might prove dangerous.

 Whispering a word in his grandmother’s ear, Adam, with his father to one side, and his brother, and sisters next to Dad, deliberately took the empty space next to Carole, while June moved to take her other hand. June and her grandson had agreed at a glance that this experience would, in some respects, be harder on Carole than anyone else in the room. They all wanted Finn back, but she was his mother and she would be on tenterhooks the entire time Kurt was ‘gone’.  

 Because no matter what happened today, there would be an amount of heartbreak at the outcome. Either Kurt would fail to find Finn and Carole would have to face her son’s death once again, possibly even more agonized by the addition of dashed hopes, or she would get him back in spirit but not in body. Regardless of the outcome today, the tall young man with the innocent brown eyes and his father’s crooked grin, the physical form of the little boy Carole had borne and raised, hugged, kissed, and comforted throughout his life, would never return. Finn would be sharing space with Sam Evans now, wearing Sam’s face and form, and that would be hard, no matter how much of a blessing it would be to know that his mind and heart lived on.

 The group rearranged itself for maximum usefulness, the three Familiars resuming their protective triangle and setting themselves a bit farther back to allow Kurt and Sam enough room to sit cross-legged on the floor.  The remainder of the coven, sans Adam, positioned themselves in a pentagon around the cats, leaving the rest to stand in a rough circle on the outside where they could lend power if necessary.

 Burt and Mercedes, the only people here with no magic to contribute, reluctantly moved to the breakfast bar where they could see everything without being in the way. They last thing either of them wanted was to distract, or worse, compromise the safety of those working. Mercedes was not a witch herself, but she came from a magical family and was familiar enough with the principles of a Major Working to allow her to quietly commentate the event for a bemused but grateful Burt.

 As Kurt closed his eyes and centered himself, the three Familiars, once more in their feline form, began a low synchronized yowling that made the hair on every human’s neck stand on end. The sound was picked up in a harmonic hum that spread through each layer of the circle, as though they were chanting without words and the special wards they had set earlier snapped back into place with a surge of energy so powerful that the ward actually became visible for a split-second.

 Burt stared wide-eyed, whispering to the young woman by his side, “Did I just see what I thought I saw? Was that . . .?” 

He had no words, but Mercedes nodded and whispered back, “Magic. They’re shielded like layers of a cocoon, protecting Kurt and Sam, but also protecting us and everyone else in the building in case anything goes wrong.”

 “Do I want to know what would happen if they didn’t do that and something went wrong?”

 She thought for a moment and then patted his hand. “No.”

 Burt grimaced and scrubbed his other hand over his scalp, trying to push away the impossible sensation that his hair was standing on end.

 In the center of the warded shapes, Kurt took a deep breath through his nose and let it go slowly as he lowered his personal shields. He felt strange and uncomfortable without them, as if he was suddenly naked to every eye, but he would have to allow himself this vulnerability to reach the in-between spaces. He would need to hold himself fully open to the magic and trust his family to keep him safe.

 He reached a thread of power out to Sam, needing to re-familiarize himself with Sam’s aura. Every living being, regardless of magical status, carried a unique signature. It was what made them visible to a witch with Sight or allowed those with psychic Sensitivity to identify a particular person in a crowd.

 He steeled himself not to flinch when he touched that poor corroded soul. Sam would never know, but it felt like a betrayal of their friendship to react to any part of him with revulsion. And it was difficult not to. Kurt had not realized it before when he had only glanced briefly at Sam with his Sight, but there was a slimy feeling to the damaged aura that carried with it a distinct signature. Touching it, Kurt could almost smell the peculiar mixed odor of light sweat, spicy cologne, and too-sweet raspberry hair gel that was so uniquely Blaine.

 Kurt wanted to pull away, but if he was lucky enough to find Finn, he would need to open another link to his brother and to hold both men in place, using himself as a go-between until Monica and Johnny completed whatever means they had devised to bind the damaged souls together.  

 Finally, he felt as if he had a lock on Sam and he pulled back the thread with intense relief to no longer be directly touching that spiritual rot.

 Opening his eyes, Kurt looked at Elliott. Tubbington was the leader of the feline trio, but Elliott was his Familiar, his guide and truest friend. “How do I begin? When I went searching for Adam, I had his physical body here in the form of that Apples poster. I need something of Finn to concentrate on.”

 From the outer circle, Carole called out a reply before Elliott could think of anything. “Use your pendant. The one your dad gave you at Christmas. It’s like mine, isn’t it? It has a little piece of Finn’s memory. His soul.”

 Kurt smiled at her. “That’s perfect.”  

 “It’s brilliant,” Adam agreed, giving Carole’s clammy hand a warm squeeze. “I never would have thought of that.”

 Elliott and Tubbington were both nodding in approval, and Sebastian looked as smug at his charge’s wise suggestion as if he had come up with the idea himself. Unable to project words in his feline form, Elliott looked at his mentor who said, “Good idea, Carole. Kurt, you never take that necklace off so it should be deeply imbued with your own magical signature by now, which will also have strengthened the traces of both Finn and Adam that were spell-cast into it.”

 Kurt beamed. His necklace also carried the trace of its giver, and of the witches who had so lovingly woven their own magic into the casting of the charm. Plus Adam wore the matching pendant, infused with the same spells. If Kurt used the jewelry as his focus, he could remain psychically anchored to the people who loved him best.

 “Perfect,” he said again. Wrapping one hand around the little silver knot-work pendant, he pulled the braided chain off overhead and held it out in front of him, concentrating on the tiny green stone in its center.  It took a moment, but as he concentrated on memories of his brother, Kurt found the trace of Finn that had been woven into the metallurgical magic.  

Following that feeling, he closed his eyes, centered himself and let go of the physical world as he gave himself over to the search.

[glasskaleidoscopes]

Chapter 8 - Thursday, November 26th, 2009

Carolyn was shaken awake by Janet, “It’s time to get up honey. The family will be here in a couple hours and I need everyone’s help this morning.” Janet was already showered and wearing dress clothes. Her hair was done up in a twist, and she looked beautiful. Carolyn groaned slightly, then sat up in bed. Janet was having a harder time waking Sam up, but eventually she was able to get the young boy up. Carolyn got up and checked the bathroom. Seeing that it was empty, she grabbed her shower stuff and headed to the bathroom. About a half hour later, Carolyn emerged from the bathroom in a towel, carrying her pajamas. Carolyn stopped in her tracks when she saw Adrian emerge from the boy’s bathroom, also wearing only a towel. He turned, saw Carolyn, then blushed.

“Good morning Carolyn. Ready for Turkey day?” Adrian asked, regaining confidence. Carolyn was unable to speak. Instead, she nodded her head emphatically, then headed to her room. She heard a soft chuckle from Adrian as she walked away.

She got dressed, then went down to the kitchen to help Janet. The rest of the morning was filled with the family following Janet’s orders so that the house could be put together before the rest of the family arrived. Since there would be about 40 people there, there was one extremely long table made of various folding tables. They snaked through the house; starting in the dining room, through the study, and into the living room. Carolyn had been asked to count the chairs, twice, and she counted 42 both times. 

Everyone was dressed in their Sunday best, and they all looked dashing. Brad was even there the entire morning, being very helpful and present. It was about an hour before they expected the family when there was a knock at the front door, then the front door opened. “Hello! Is anyone home?” A deep voice rang through the house.

“John!” Exclaimed Brittany, then she and Trixie both ran to the front door to hug their eldest brother. The rest of the family met John Brudowski in the entrance, with Carolyn and Sam hanging back. Carolyn had met John only once, and very briefly. Even when he did live in the Brudowski home, he was seldom present. Vera had told Carolyn and Sallie that he spent almost every night out with his friends, and had been busted by his parents several times for drinking. John was tall, just like the rest of his brothers, had dark brown hair, and had a coarse beard. Everyone was hugging John, as it was his first time home since he started at U of I. When John eventually got to Carolyn and Sam, he stooped down and hugged Sam, introducing himself, then he hugged Carolyn. “My mom filled me in with what happened, I am so sorry.” John said to Carolyn, then quickly moved onto chatting with the rest of the family. 

Soon enough, the doorbell rang again and the house started filling with relatives. Carolyn and Sam hung around Janet, as she ostensibly had to explain to each of her siblings why these kids were here at their family gathering. Carolyn shook and hugged so many strangers, she definitely couldn’t keep any of them straight. The entryway and sitting room were full of chattering family. Carolyn found herself ping-ponging from relative to relative, each of them giving her their condolences. She was definitely tired of listening to people she barely knew tell them they were sorry her father killed himself. She tried to keep a brave face, and thankfully she was pretty good at plastering on a convincing smile. 

Janet spent most of the early gathering in the kitchen, getting everything ready for the meal. Her sisters, sisters-in-law, and mother were also in the kitchen helping. Although, it really seemed like Janet’s mother was berating Janet for seemingly minor things, while the other women weren’t really coming to her rescue. There were about 15 children that were Sam’s age or younger, and they were mainly in the living room bouncing around. Then there were another 10 or so teens, who were chatting with the rest of the Brudowski kids, minus Sam and Brittany. The men all had beers in hand, and were chatting easily about various topics like the day’s football match or what was going on at work. 

Eventually, Brad let out a perfect dad-whistle to quiet everyone down. He explained that everyone should find their place card and sit at their spot, as dinner would be starting soon. Janet had prepared the kitchen so that the meal could be served buffet style. Countless dishes lined the counter, and the turkey had just been carved, ready to go. Everyone shuffled to their seats, then Brad explained that they should get up table-by-table so everyone isn’t waiting in line for a long time. The teens were placed in the study, between the ‘adult’ table and the table full of the younger kids. Carolyn was sitting in the middle of the table next to Vera, with Jaret on her left, and Adrian sitting directly across from her. They got up and went to the kitchen as soon as most of the adults had sat down, then they piled their plates high with delicious food. They all sat down, and Carolyn remained relatively silent throughout the meal. 

The meal went smoothly, so at this point Carolyn was wondering why everyone had called Janet’s family crazy. After everyone finished eating, they remained at the tables chatting. Carolyn was listening to Vera talk to her cousin about school and how dumb it was, then she would switch and listen to Jaret talk to his cousin about video games. Every so often, she would look across the table and make eye contact with Adrian, but he mainly was chatting with other cousins about various topics. 

A couple minutes later, Carolyn noticed a hush fall over the adult table. She turned her attention and saw most of the adults staring down at their empty plates. The teens soon fell quiet and were paying attention to what was going on with the adults. Then, one of Janet’s sisters spoke, “I don’t know why you’re criticizing me, mom. I’ve spent my whole life trying to please you. I married the man you wanted, had children like you wanted, stayed home like you wanted, but nothing is ever good enough, is it? Why don’t you lay some of your criticism on some of your other children, huh? Or maybe even consider giving them some love.” The woman had stood up and was shouting at the older woman. Janet’s mother’s face remained cold, seemingly unaffected by the outburst.

“Well, Diana, I wouldn’t criticize you so much if you actually followed the word of god. You are a lying whore. Everyone knows that you and your husband haven’t slept together in years because you’re having relations with another man! Mind you, a black man.” The grandmother said, seemingly not caring about airing the couple’s dirty laundry. 

“Is this true, Diana?” A man, who Carolyn assumed was Diana’s husband, said as he stood up from the table as well. Diana was then in tears. 

“How could you say that, mom? Of course that’s not true. Why would you lie like that?” Diana asked hysterically.

“We all know it’s true, Diana. How could you be so naive, Daniel? It is your job to know what goes on in your home.” The grandmother added coldly. The man glared across the table at his wife.

“Tell me the truth Diana.” He said through gritted teeth.

After a few beats, Diana responded, “Yes, it’s true. But you’ve been gone so much lately!” The woman was sobbing and reached out to her husband. 

“You whore!” Daniel roared, then he reached across the table and slapped Diana across the face. The woman gasped, as did the rest of the table. Then Diana ran out of the room. Daniel sat back down at the table, clearly fuming. 

Vera leaned over to Carolyn and whispered, “See?” Carolyn turned to Vera, who looked completely unphased. 

“What the hell just happened?” Carolyn whispered back.

“And this is just two glasses of wine in. You’ll see some real shit happen after 4 glasses. Grandma is a real bitch.” Vera casually explained. Carolyn sat back in her seat, flabbergasted. 

Eventually the chatter started back up again, filtering from the kids, who really never stopped talking, up through the teens, and finally the adults started talking. About 30 minutes later, Brad signalled to the Brudowski kids that they should start clearing the tables. They all got up and helped clear the innumerable dishes. Brittany lead the kid group down into the basement, as most of the adults were happy having them run around away from the rest of them. The twins helped pull down some of the tables in the living room, then brought several of the folding chairs in so there would be enough space for everyone to sit. 

Carolyn was stacking the last couple of plates in the kitchen when she felt a hand grab her wrist. She turned around, but already knew whose familiar hand was grasping her wrist. “Follow me,” Adrian said, pulling Carolyn quickly from the kitchen and upstairs. He sat at the top of the staircase, and Carolyn sat next to him. Her heart pounded as she felt her side against Adrian’s side. 

“What is it?” Carolyn turned and looked at Adrian’s handsome face.

“Oh, nothing. I figured you needed a breather from the lovely Nowak family.” Nowak was Janet’s maiden name. Adrian looked into Carolyn’s eyes, and this made Carolyn melt. 

“Thank you.” Carolyn smiled. She rested her hands on her knees and took a deep breath. Adrian then rested his large hand on top of Carolyn’s hand, and Carolyn leaned to rest her head against Adrian’s shoulder. They sat in silence like that for the next five minutes. 

Eventually Adrian went back downstairs; Carolyn went to the bathroom, then joined the rest of the family in the living room. The rest of the night alternated between people chatting pleasantly, and some drama surfacing with random people of the family screaming at each other. Carolyn sat silently for basically the whole evening, afraid to say anything in case she would offend someone. Finally around 10 p.m., the various parents would go downstairs and bring up small children, then say goodbye to the rest of the family members. The family took about an hour to leave, and the Brudowski family was clearly exhausted by the end of the day.

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