#i don’t take any jakob slander

[toffeelemon]

a little teaser for @prince-simon ’s adorable festive fic not if it’s you

go read it right now it’s everything you need this festive season🥹🫶🏼

(set after chapter 4)

Hot Royal Debut: Meet the Mysterious Man Spotted at Prince Erik’s Memorial Service

Here’s everything we know about Prince Jakob’s handsome new caretaker.

All eyes were on the little Prince Jakob during the annual memorial service for the late Prince Erik yesterday, undoubtedly, but a new member to the royal household has also captured hearts around the nation - Prince Jakob’s nanny who made his first public appearance at the event.

The annual event has always been a somber affair for the Royal Family, but especially after the turbulent year the family had, with Princess Alma’s tragic passing, the entirety of Sweden is anxious to finally see Prince Jakob again at what would be his first official outing since the passing of his mother.

Prince Jakob donned a smart Stefano Ricci suit (get the look here for 19,000SEK) for the event, quietly emotional throughout the service where he sat in the lap of his newest babysitter, Simon Eriksson, right next to his father Crown Prince Wilhelm. Prince Jakob seems to have already formed a trusted bond with Eriksson, who reportedly started his role merely a month ago - he held the little prince’s hand throughout the duration of the service and was able to keep the tears at bay, despite Prince Jakob’s well known tumultuous temper.

Eriksson clearly has quickly become an adored member of the royal family, as seen here sharing smiles with Crown Prince Wilhelm and Prince Jakob during a private moment visiting late Prince Erik’s grave at the Royal Cemetery, and Eriksson soothing the young prince in a heartwarming display of soft affection.

Prince Jakob’s newest nanny has been the hot topic in royal news since yesterday - admiring the young man’s dashing looks aside, many commentators on social media are also charmed by his abilities to cheer up the notoriously moody little prince.

Not much is known about Simon Eriksson so far - here is Eriksson dressed in a smart but understated Burberry coat, a down-to-earth beanie hat, and a scarf of a similar style to Crown Prince Wilhelm’s usual attire to his royal debut yesterday. Being the first male caretaker to a young heir of the Swedish Royal Family, Eriksson is certainly an unusual addition to the household, also standing out with his natural hairstyle, a fresh renewal from the usual military style grooming that royal nannies were historically subjected to.

Crown Prince Wilhelm and the late Princess Alma were hands-on parents with a modern approach, and departing from the tradition to hire expatriate nannies hailing from renowned childcare academies across Europe, Simon Eriksson is a local graduate from Stockholm University, with experience in child psychology and early education. Sources say that Eriksson graduated top of his class and always received praises from all of his work placements, at prestigious institutes or otherwise.

Whilst Eriksson does not have the same elite education as traditional royal nannies do, he is a bilingual native speaker of Spanish and would no doubt be a great asset for Prince Jakob to follow in his father’s footsteps, who speaks five languages. The four-year-old little prince apparently can already count up to 100 in Spanish.

Eriksson’s background seems unorthodox within the royal household’s track record, but impressively he has been able to keep up with the difficult task of supporting the newly widowed Crown Prince Wilhelm and keeping the young Prince Jakob on his best royal behaviour - not a small feat when Prince Jakob has reportedly cycled through multiple caretakers during his mourning period. He must be as charming as his strikingly good looks advertise if Crown Prince Wilhelm’s smiley break from the solemn day is anything to go by.

From the royal laughs we took a glimpse of yesterday, it’s not hard to deduce that we will be seeing much more of the young and attractive nanny at more functions in the future, as quickly formed fans of the new royal gentleman rejoice.

[ramona-ratguider]

Scandinavian Folklore - Charms

1. If you're following after someone who is riding on a road, and you want to have his horse become lame so that he won't overcome you, take a nail and pierce it into the ground where the horse has trod (specifically it’s hoof-print).The nail should be from a coffin.

2. So that you will never lose a court case, take the tongue of an otter and put it in your right shoe under your bare foot, when you go to court.

3. To hit any target with a shotgun. Take the first feather in the wing of a cuckoo and chop up the cuckoo while the heart is warm, then stick the feather into the heart and put it together in a linen cloth. Put Rosmarinus officinalis into the cloth with the heart and hang it on a kettle hook over a stove for 9 24-hour days. Then take it down and tie it on your right arm.

4. To shoot and hit the target take bat's blood and apply it to the bullet or the shotgun.

5. To shoot with accuracy. Take a hoopoe bird and take the heart out of it and the tongue and carry it with you.

6. So that no wolf can do you any harm, say "Cristus est nattus, lapus est capttus intt nina Dnus"

7. Good for hunting. Take the blood out of your right hand and make a powder from it and mix it with the shotgun powder.

8. To shoot whatever you want. Take the heart and the liver of a bat, put it under the lead when you shoot bullets or shot, then you'll hit whatever you see.

9.  He who takes the eyes of a hoopoe bird makes a person agreeable to strangers. If one carries them about the throat over the chest to a trial, then all enemies with become good again.

10. When one boils a raven's egg, which you then put back into the nest, and they then go to lie on it again, then they'll fetch a stone, with which he will touch the egg. Then it will immediately become raw again. If one takes this stone and then puts a laurel leaf under it and then has it set in a ring, and the goldsmith shall make an oath, that he will say nothing about it if he doesn't want to die; and that ring is good if one is bound in iron chains or some other imprisonment: if one touches it with this ring, then he is free again. Whoever has this stone in his mouth, he can understand the language of birds

11. So that everyone will be fond of you. Take a stone that is found in a swallow's nest and carry it with you

12. Take the root of an Artemesia vulgaris plant and carry it on you, then no one is able to slander you.

13. How one obtains a swallow-stone. Take a swallow chick out of the nest and stab out its eye, and tie it in a silk thread around its throat and put him back into the nest. On the third day, go back there again, then you will get three stones, one white and one black and one red. When one has the white stone in one's mouth, then he'll neither hunger nor thirst; if the black stone is in his  mouth, then all women will be crazy about him; and if he has the red stone in his mouth and he kisses a virgin, then she'll fall in love with him over all others. The one who has the red stone with him cannot be harmed by anything.

14. To melt a steel binding between your hands. Take the root of the wolfberry, Atropa Belladonna, and tie it under your right arm.

15. If someone has done you ill, to know who did it. Buy some oregano spice {Origanum vulgare) at the pharmacy, tie it under the right arm and go to bed to sleep, then you'll see the one who has done you wrong.

16. So that the lady folk will lift up their skirts. Take the blood of a young hare and smear it on the candle there where they're inside.

17 To get the strength of 3 men. Take the root of Artemisia vulgaris and saffron and spread it all over your arms. 

18. So that no horse will throw you, then yell these words: "Astulis Astula Cosso forottis." Take a tongue of a young swallow, that hasn't been out of the nest yet, and put it under your tongue when you kiss a virgin so that your tongue goes into her mouth, then she'll not let go of you until she's had her way with you.

19. Another: take an otter's tongue with arsenic and carry it with you, then you will have favor with highborn men and others. 

20. To give to a horse to eat, so that no other horse can outrun him, Eberroot dug up on Bartholomew's day is good. If you eat it yourself, then no other will be able to outrun you. 

22. Tie a raven's tongue on the middle finger, as he lies and sleeps, then he will reveal all his secrets to you. 

23. Artemisia root, carry it around your neck, then no poisonous creature can harm you. 

24. The one who puts the powder of that root over their door, no harm will befall that house. 

25. The one who carries a hoopoe bird's tongue on themselves, will have no harm befall him, and all his enemies will like him.

26. The one who wants to ride out, should hang Verbena officinalis around the horse's neck, then he won't become tired. 

27. To make oneself invisible. Go before Saint Jakob's day to an anthill and pour warm water on it, then they'll all run out, and look into it and go a little bit away, and then return and seek in it, then you'll find a stone that has three colors; you should have that with you. 

28. Take an egg between 11 and 12 o'clock and put it in an anthill, and when you go back again, then you'll find a stone: you should take that with you. To get a virgin to lift her skirts. Take bat's blood and put it into a linen cloth, and when you are sitting with her, then light it on fire, then it'll work. 

29. To get the strength of 9 men. Take a heart of a wolf, 2 of a fox and 3 of a dog and sew them in place on the left side. 

30. To know where money is. Write these words on virgin paper: D. + . + . 8 . X . 3: d d U: W. 6. X. V. Z.

31. Take an old hen and clean it well and boil it together with oxmeat in a new pot. When it is cooked, take a new wooden plate and put it together with the oxmeat on it and bury it all deep in the earth at a fork in the road, and put another plate over it, so it is quite tight, so that no earth will come between, and let it sit for 9 days - it should be arranged so that it will be a Monday when it will be dug up again - then there will have been three spirits with it that ate it up: the first having replaced it with a table cloth, the second with a mirror and the third with a dice-piece. The table cloth when one spreads it on the table, means that one will have food enough; in the mirror one can see what is happening in the whole world; the dice-piece one can throw as much as one wants and never lose. One of these three things you should leave behind. 

32. To make yourself invisible. Shoot a raven on Maundy Thursday and take the tongue and tie it to the right arm. 

33. If one is captured, to get free. If one is in a stock or in irons, then they'll loosen and not harm one. Have these words on you: allb. +. Fellea +. ieyiga +:nex +. FanstiG + gennt + Sebortt + G + S + ff + ScHutAueG. 

34. So that no one will outrun you. Take quickroot and tie it under your right toe.

35. So that a horse can't throw you, then yell these words in his ear: "Alius as aba ara via capel."

36. So that no one can defeat you when you argue your case, and so that they will all escape. So that if one is preparing to go to court, then one won't lose. When the sun goes into the sign of Taurus, then seek a viper, that is a snake, and take the skin off it and burn it to a powder and carry it around your throat. It has virtue. It should be taken during the first 5 days when the sun is in the sign of Taurus: all of this should be done. If one has that powder, then when one argues, then no one can defeat him. And if it lies in a house where no one knows about it other than he, then no one can remain inside it. Third, when one has to go to court, put it into your shoes, so that it lies under your bare feet, then one won't lose. 

37. If you drink Rute water each morning on an empty stomach, then your eyes will become so clear that you will be able to see the stars in heaven during the daytime. 

38. To release a lock. Notice when the frog is out. Grab hold of it and put it in a glass and put a stone on it. Then there'll come a spirit and he will have an herb and hold it before the glass. With this it will burst asunder. If one holds it in front of a lock, then it will release and open.

39. To make a couple become enemies. Take an egg and boil it hard and write both of their names on it and cut the egg right in two and give the one half to a dog and the other to a cat. 

40. Take hare's blood and apply it to a haystraw and put it in a virgin's bed, then she won't give up until you go to bed with her. 

41. Tie a rabbit's foot to your right arm, then no dog will bark at you. 

42. So that you get what you ask for, then carry these words with you: + Los + pastor + avB 1 C. 

43. So that you are liked by everyone, then carry these words with you: pnu Sanilo Pro C Sanctus: Pro. 

44. So that no one is your enemy. Have these words with you: M. G. C. B. y. Jn nomino Pattris: et Fyly. x et. Spiritus amenque eta gramatam. 

45. If a wife runs away from her the husband, then take her right shoe and put it in smoldering coals. As long as the shoe smolders, then she'll have no peace until she comes back to him again.

46. Take a needle with which a corpse was sewn into a burial shroud, and stick into the underside of the table where you are sitting and playing cards, then you'll win. 

47. Carry a 'galdevedh '20 as it is called in German, put it in your right shoe, then you'll win at cards. 

48. If you want the strength of 9 men, then carry on your left side a wolfs heart or a fox's heart or a dog's heart. 

49. Take the heart a thrush, that is a small edible bird, and put it under one's head, then he'll tell you what he knows; or put it underneath you. 

50. Take a pea and put it on a frog. Stick out its left eye, and put the pea in its place. Bury it and then the pea itself will grow, and the peas that grow on that plant, if you take one of them and put it under your tongue, then you're invisible, as long as it remains there. 

In my personal craft I don’t like to hurt any living thing, these are mostly for interests sake and I hope you take it as the same, but to each their own.

[kimyoonmiauthor]

Why Your Books Will Get Banned (Old Nanowrimo Post)

I used to post this game on Nanowrimo. I saved the text before Nanowrimo declared that the N-word spelled out was OK and this wasn’t a democracy (2010, in the archives, at the bottom). I figure it’s OK to post that unless they didn’t change their policy since then, because they want prejudice (though that wasn’t the worst of what they wouldn’t mod). Writing forums need to be run at the top by diverse people, and not just white women. Separate post though. BTW, I have witnesses who still remember this incident, so it isn’t slander. I was working on diversity in the writing forums before WeNeedDiverseBooks was a thing and squandered the opportunity by making it only YA. And I’ll still call them out for that. It got challenged, this thread once, much to the laughter of everyone. (for being anti-Christian lol) If the writer is out there that challenged the thread and somehow got published. Thumbs up, good for you. Maybe you revised since then? The thing I didn’t post with this post every year from 2005-2010 I did this post was I posted it because I wanted people to think hard on Free Speech and what it meant. So I’ll hardball it this time. As you read the list, think hard on who is gate keeping. And who has the right to gate keep. Is gate keeping a tool to oppress and do the power minorities have a right to use the same tool back? How many books don’t even get a chance to be published? I’d also add that chasing after individual authors for the last 10 years has done nothing to change the system. The percentages are the exact same. And how that affects what people in the future will think of us now. Can you write a book that won’t be challenged on these fronts at all? And if you’re going to say, “You’re anti-cancel culture” This was posted before “cancel culture” was a thing. This is more like an examination of the system of censorship itself. (Because look, I like examining systems.) If you want to take this list, BTW, this is years and years of my work reading through ALA who never compiled this list. I’d been following the list since High School when I did a banned book class (which was a fad of the time, I think). So... maybe, give me credit? I feel sad I have to say that. And thanks to Jakob Nielsen and my Typography prof for teaching me the way to format text.

This thread was originally started in honor of ALA Banned Book Week. I've started this several years in a row. Disclaimers for this thread: ('cause I've done this for a few years) 1. We do not support the idea of banning/challenging books. 
2. We are doing this for fun and it should not be taken seriously. 
3. If you are seriously offended by the fact that we would write these scenes into books please consider the following:
a. It is out of context.
b. You probably unwittingly own a banned book without knowing it. Please check the list: <a href="http://www.ala.org/bbooks/frequentlychallengedbooks">http://www.ala.org/bbooks/frequentlychallengedbooks</a>
c. We are not popular enough to get our books banned, and by hoping in a weird way that they will get banned, you are helping our egos. ^.~
d. If you are religious, the Qu'ran, the (I think Ramayana), the Torah, the Bible all have been challenged or banned. (KJV of the Bible if you plan to be snooty, by even more ironically Jews once, and Atheists the second time). (The Art of War, I also believe was challenged/banned.) (And also, the Bible probably contains more than half of the issues that Christians ban other books for. Christians banned Moll Flanders. All the issues the banned Moll Flanders for is in the Old Testament. Particularly Genesis) 
4. This is not a thread for hot debate on the moralities of book banning. It is for listing why you think your book will get banned. If you would like to do so--please start a separate thread. You don't have to stick to Nanowrimo for this thread either.

General Notes: ('cause I like to point out the humor) - This thread was challenged and asked to be banned before. (Because someone was offended by the contents.) The challenge failed, BTW, just in case you'd like to challenge it again. - You probably have to write Young Adult and under to get banned *most* of the time. - Asterisks indicate new ones for the year. (BTW, most of it is about Islam, this year... sex and violence of course)

Want to avoid getting banned/challenged? (Categorized by how the banners see it for maximum head desk based on real book challenges and bannings.)

RELIGION You can't talk about religion. -- No taking the Lord's name in vain. -- You can't have anyone question the will of God or curse them when they lose faith after losing their best friend. (Bridge to Terabithia) -- Anything from Islam --- Cannot include Islam, even as a text book, because it will "indoctrinate the students into the Islamic religion." even if you are only covering it as a chapter. * (World History by Ellis, Elisabeth Gaynor and Anthony Esler.) *

-- Anything (fill in your religion here.) because some people are (fill in your exclusionary term here) -- Atheism (though not a religion, still argued by the theists as one. =P) -- You can't swear, including the word "damn." -- A boy and a girl can't live together if not related, because it's obviously living in sin. -- Can't be detrimental to Christian values.* (The Handmaids Tale, which is BTW, based on a Biblical story...) (The Bible, Torah, Qu'ran and many other religious books have been banned. Yes, if you have a religious book,  it has most likely been banned or challenged.)

SOCIAL INEQUALITY You can't talk about class or classism.

You can't talk about race. -- You can't use racial slurs. -- You can't talk about racism. -- You can't have a black bunny marry a white bunny because that's supporting interracial marriage. (The Rabbit's Wedding, though Once Upon a Time in Wonderland also does this explicitly... must have enraged the challenger.) -- The book can't be deemed racist in any fashion. -- You can't talk about Mexican-American issues or history. (Apparently it's a lie that Mexican Americans get racism. *cough*) (Arizona Governor, though it was overturned later). -- You cannot have a Person of Color explicitly on the cover of the book. (Barnes and Nobles pulled that off with Cindy Pon's Silver Pheonix--not to mention all the other publishers.)

No talking about over eating, bad eating habits. No talking about disabilities including cerebral palsy. Can't be sympathetic to Armenians or for portraying Azerbaijans as "savages" [book burner's words] (because apparently you will get a $12,700 price on your head to *cut your ear off* for being historically accurate.) (Stone dreams by Aylisli) *

QUILTBAG Issues: -- You can't talk about sexuality. (As in the willingness to have sex). -- You can't talk about sexual orientation. (As in Straight LGB) -- You can't talk about gender identity issues unless it is cis and not crime investigation kind either. - Main character cannot have two fathers. (The Popularity Papers by Amy Ignatow)

Magic Issues: You can't have talking animals. (Peter Rabbit.) Oh, no magic, no mention of witches, and no fantasy (That promotes Satanism and teaches them to do evil satanic spells).  (Harry Potter)

VIOLENCE Children can't do violence, especially to adults or to each other. Especially school violence. You can't have kids doing stunts or possibly hurting themselves. No realistic depictions of the Vietnam War. Can't be Graphic.* (The House of the Spirits) - Cannot have violent illustrations.*  (The Librarian of Basra by Jeanette Winter and Nasteen's Secret School by Jeaenette Winter)

No dysfunctional families. -- You can't talk about child abuse.

No characters may ever die. -- No dead parents. -- No dead siblings. -- No dead best friends (Even if you are a Christian author, other Christians will come after you).  (Bridge to Terabithia) -- No dying adults. -- You may not mention anyone dead (already) or dying (currently). -- No young infants dying. -- No talk of euthanasia.

You can't have any mention of cannibalism. (Alive, etc)

DRUGS You can't mention any drugs, including alcohol, especially with teenagers drinking it. (The Perks of Being a Wallflower--though there are many others) --- Children can't carry alcoholic beverages.

GENERAL MORAL OBJECTIONS You can't have it be morally corrupt. -- You can't have monsters of any kind. (Where the Wild Things Are) It can't be a "Downer" (Anne Frank) And by all means it can't be "icky." "gross" or "scary" (Goosebumps) Can't be perceived as Anti-feminist.* You can't be a PoC and write something negative about being a PoC.* (The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian) - Cannot have "inappropriate content" (Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman [Welcome to the banned books club, Mr. Gaiman.])* - You cannot have a single mother. (The popularity papers by Amy Ignatow.)* - Cannot be a "Bad book" that "one shouldn't be associated with."* (Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison) - Cannot have "an underlying socialist-communist agenda."*(Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison--note it was challenged in her own home state for this....) - Cannot have a book that goes on about "developmental preparedness" (i.e about children developing?) and "student readiness."  (The Story of a Childhood by Marjane Satrapi)*

No children defying authority figures. -- No cursing at parents. -- No disobeying parents. -- You can't have kids breaking dishes (especially to avoid washing them). (A Light in the Attic)

No toilet humor. You can't have characters eating worms, because that's unsanitary.  (How to Eat Fried Worms)

SEX Your book can't mention any private parts. You can't mention body parts (this was how it was phrased. --;;) -- Even if you have drawings of lots of people on the beach, not even one of them, even when drawn at 2cm x 2cm can be topless, even as a joke. (Where is Waldo) -- No talk or showing of nudity.  (even when private parts aren't shown) -- You cannot teach sexual issues in your book to middle school students. * (The Middle School Survival Guide)

You can't have masturbation or any mention of sex. -- No beastiality -- No showing of safe sex. (Apparently Teen pregnancy is still A-OK, but safe sex isn't! --;;) -- And you can't use any words with "tit" in them. (Title will now be called tidle just not to offend anyone.)  (Harry Potter)

Rape may be seen by banners as a type of porn. (I see it as violence, but the banner saw it as titilating sex. --;; *gags*) (Speak)

AUTHOR CAN'T BE... -- LGBT (Asexuality, apparently, is still safe.) -- You can't have the same name as anyone connected to "Socialism" or "Marxism." (Texas School board)

Good luck getting it published.

So yes, this was started as satire. If you have any further questions about said history of said thread, you are welcome to PM me. Do not start it in the thread.

And please reply using the "reply" button at the bottom of the page, not this post.

Banned books for this year PDF: http://www.ila.org/BannedBooks/ALA016%20Short%20List%20L3c_low%20%281%29.pdf

[persorene]

Jakob over hears the other servants gossiping about him and Corrin

“Can you believe he gets away with behaving how he does?”

“His attitude or his obsession with the princess?”

Jakob paused before the door to the servants’ quarters, listening to the converstaion that was surely about him.

“Both.” A third voice added “I can’t believe Gunter or the royal family allows any of it! If anyone else acted the way he does they’d be hanged.”

“He’s the butler, we have to respect him, even if we don’t agree with him."  This voice was familiar, it was Flora’s even tone.

"Why should I respect someone who treats everyone else like rubbish? He’s only kind to her, to Lady Corrin.”

Flora spoke up again “None of you have any idea what he’s really like, the side of him he doesn’t show. You don’t know how much hell he’s been through. You’d be no better if it were you in his place.”

“Why do you defend him? He loves her. Not you.”

“He doesn’t love her!” Flora snapped, she wasn’t sure if she was defending him or if she truly wanted to believe what she’d said.

Jakob had had enough, he burst through the door, interrupting their gossip “I suppose I’ve not given you enough work for today, if you’ve time to sit about and gab.”

“How much did you hear?” The smaller kitchen maid asked.

“Oh plenty.” He snapped “I’ve had all I can take of this slander. Have you any idea what could happen if your allegations were taken seriously?”

“They aren’t allegations it they’re true.” The footmen grumbled.

“I’m sorry?”

��You do the work of a cook, a lady’s maid and a butler just so you can spend your entire day with her. You shouldn’t do most of what you do but at all hours of the day you’re at her side. That isn’t slander, it’s a fact.” The young man barked.

“It is true, sir. And you do treat us badly.” The kitchen maid added softly, suddenly seeming more confident now that her friend had spoken up.

“And what’s your opinion, Flora?” Jakob asked.

“I think you spend too much time with Lady Corrin, but it’s only because I worry for you. One day they may no longer be so accepting of your closeness to her.”

Jakob sighed, his mind working to contain the rage that had built within him “I see. Well then, I have to work to do. And so do the rest of you.” He turned to leave the room, his hand on the door as he spoke once again “Tomorrow morning we will all have a meeting about our duties and about refraining from causing trouble. Afterward, you will be assigned more tasks on a daily basis, clearly I have alotted too much free time.”