scmeonehurt - Tumblr blog

[scmeonehurt]

regina was thankful that janis was open to coming home with her . regina hadn't planned on the honest truth coming out the way that it did , but least it went down well . oh how she could listen to that chuckle every single second , of every single day . the queen bee wanted it on a recording to be every text and call notification , to play as white noise to help her sleep . how could one go from hating someone one second to never wanting to leave that same persons side the next ?

with janis' fingers on her cheek , regina relaxed into her hand . feeling even more comfortable with her statements and her feelings . her heart was already intertwined with janis' not wanting to be pulled apart again . the nervousness that sat at the bottom of her stomach boiled with each anticipated word . would her feelings forever be reciprocated or would she fall flat on her face ?

the questions continued to dance in her mind , listening and learning how to fall smoothly into the community . " i don't know if i want to tell the girls , i mean both of them wouldn't be able to keep it to themselves . they are great friends , i never treated them right , but i also know that they're not good at keeping secrets like this . " the shaking of her head thinking about karen and gretchen only made regina laugh out loud gently . " come , " bending down and pecking janis' lips with a wide smile , regina grabbed her hand and started pulling her out of the school , the confirmation that janis wanted regina to take her home was all she needed . " my mom is out of town , and you have all the time to teach me . "

Her eyebrows shoot up at Regina’s first request. She’s not sure why she’s surprised. Regina doesn’t beat around the bush and she’s not afraid to say what she wants. Maybe the shock is from how much they’re on the same page right now, how absolutely desperate they seem to be for one another. Several years of pent up desire will do that to you. It’s exciting.

She chuckles as Regina attempts to retract her statement. There’s no need to and yet… The queen bee is clearly new to this level of nerves when it comes to these sort of situations. Aaron, Shane, boys like that? Probably very easy to handle. But putting yourself out on the line like this with someone you have genuine interest in? The fear of rejection is certainly a heavy one to carry. Janis traces and caresses her jaw to ease her worry.

“You tell whoever you want to tell or you can let them figure it out or both. It’s really up to you, case by case. I told my family and Damian and you and then I just let the rest of the world figure me out. I’m a walking lesbian flag anyway,” she answers. She’s found over the years that she doesn’t believe in coming out for herself, but she knows everyone is different. “Yes, we can leave here. And Regina? I want you to take me home. Maybe I can teach a few other things.” She leans in, her lips a breath away from Regina’s, and smirks.

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her jaw hurt from smiling as wide as she was , it was a rare feeling , something she hadn't felt in such a long time . was she smiling because she was coming into herself or was it janis being in her arms that she was smiling at ? only time would truly tell what the real reason was . she wanted to get out of the school , to take janis home with her , show her the hidden spots in her room where her true self lived. but that was for later . right now she just wanted to revel in this feeling , of janis in her arms , safe . content .

how could someone want someone else so badly ? regina had kept her feelings hidden under anger and despair , trying to hurt people so they would feel the pain she felt about not being her authentic self . now , getting to be that authentic self , she could allow herself to just want . to just want janis , want her all around her , in her room , in her car , just everywhere . she had never felt this feeling before . it was so foreign . was this how the guys felt about her ? finding herself was a big moment , but getting to kiss janis was bigger .

" i want to take you home , " she let the whisper out before she realized what janis meant by that . " scratch that , i don't know why i said that . " watch regina george begin to back track already out of fear . the ice queen was fearful for the future , a strange feeling for her to experience . " how do i do the whole coming out thing ? do i tell people or just let them find out on their own ? also , can we so get out of here ? my jeep is round back . "

Her smile. If it’s not those blue eyes, it’s always that smile. It’s been so long since Janis has seen it. The way all of her teeth are on display, the way her lightly freckled nose scrunches up. When that happens, Janis recognizes that Regina is truly happy. The sun shines through that smile and she loves seeing it, being one of the rare few that bears witness to that joy. When was the last time Regina smiled like this, Janis wonders.

They’re so close together and yet she wants to be so much closer. She wants to feel every part of her against her skin. How is it that just ten minutes ago, she wanted nothing to do with Regina and now she wants everything to do with her? All of those feelings she’s tried to bury bubble back to the surface. And it’s far more intense than when they were kids. Now she has a sex drive and it certainly is playing its part. Her voice of reason is saying those desires are extremely inappropriate at this moment. It’s supposed to be a wholesome moment of discovery. But every desire she’s had is being validated and she wants to feed into it.

And God, hearing that Regina needs her doesn’t help. Because her tone isn’t the same as when she said it before. There’s more. There's what she wanted earlier and Janis is dying to give that to her. She swallows hard, a heat wave spreading across her skin. Keep this about Regina and her journey, she reminds herself. She’ll see where that takes them later. “Where do you want to go from here?” she asks. “What do you want to do next? And I’ll help you through it.”

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PAIGE EVANS and AJ CAMPOS CRUSH (2022) dir. Sammi Cohen

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how was it that meer seconds of pure joy made regina not only feel relaxed but more comfortable than she had ever felt her entire life ? how was it that only janis imi'ike could make her feel this way ? no boy had ever understood regina , they only saw the appeal of popularity , but back when janis and regina were friends as kids , popularity didn't exist , being the queen of the playground wasn't something sought after . janis knew the old regina , and that was a blessing in this moment .

the taller of the two was prepared for whatever happened next . both women half clawing at each other to get closer , to feel something more than what they were feeling . " this is the most amazing feeling in the world . " sheer joy , no strings attached , plus with graduation looming , if anyone had a problem with it she'd never have to see anyone again if she could help it .

the breath leaving her lips as janis' fingers trailed her collarbone through her shirt was automatic , limited control over what she could and couldn't do as they stood there in the school . " janis , " breathing in deeply , regina tried to slow her heart rate , calm the fight or flight response inside her . " you're the only one i need , " a repeat of an earlier comment that now meant more than needing through this journey and transition , but a need to be close , a need for guidance and for the joy felt joined with her . " where do we go from here ? " was this finally regina george relinquishing some kind of control ?

She’s never been so lost in a person. And she had a girlfriend just a month earlier. Her first girlfriend. And yet it couldn’t compare. In the back of her mind, she always knew it couldn’t, wouldn’t. No one could ever live up to the fantasy Janis has been harboring of Regina for years… except Regina herself, in this moment. Because of course, only Regina George could live up to her own hype.

Janis wants to live in the gasp that leaves Regina’s lips. She could listen to that sound over and over again, replays it in her mind a few times, wants something far more obscene. The groan that comes shortly after is close, but not quite what she’s looking for. However, it does give her a slight ego boost, knowing that Regina still wants more of her. The sight of the pout on her lips almost makes Janis return to the kiss, tempts her more than anything ever has, but she controls herself for the moment.

“Yes,” she breathes her answer, grinning. God, why couldn’t they do this earlier? “Happy. Joyful. Content. Because no matter what happens,” her fingers toy with the neckline of Regina’s top, pulling just slightly as if they can get any closer, “no one can take this from you. This is you and fuck anyone who can’t handle that. You don’t need them anyway.”

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she hadn't given herself the chance to really settle in the fact that she had never referred to herself as gay until that very moment . her body relaxed further into the kiss , deepening it with tongues and soft sighs as their bodies just fit . was this how love felt ? or was it simple passion coupled with years of emotional trauma at the very hands of the queen of beasts ? there was a smile on her lips as the two girls allowed their true feelings to take over , allowing their true nature to be revealed rather than hiding in the shadows .

regina couldn't help but gasp as janis' fingers tangled in her tresses , the curls becoming the rightful home for janis' hands . the grip on the denim jacket became tighter as regina bent slightly over , deepening the kiss with her height . the last time regina had even kissed anyone with any kind of passion was shane after the spring fling dance , but even then she was so doped up on pain medication that it was intoxicating her mind . she had begun refusing physical contact since and because he was a lost puppy , he kept following her around regardless .

pulling apart elicited a groan out of regina , she didn't want it to stop . she finally had started to feel good when janis pulled away and she couldn't help but let her lips pout in disappointment . " never . " she whispered , smiling as her eyes stayed locked on janis . " and it feels fucking incredible to say it out loud . " she stops for a second , truly thinking about their past . " is this how you always feel ? so elated that you are yourself ? " her heart was beating quicker than ever before , anticipation sinking in her chest as she waited on every breathless word that would come from the artist in her arms .

Regina doesn’t explode. And neither does Janis. For once, they are perfectly calm in their vulnerability. Neither of them running or yelling or insulting the other. This is a first for them. She can’t remember a time when they didn’t have a volatile conflict. Even when they were friends, the passion and lack of emotional intelligence led to some crazy blowouts if and when they did fight, though they did always make up soon after until the kiss incident. Regina even tries to make a joke to relieve the tension.

A small smile returns to her face as Regina admits that she’s gay. Janis has to wonder if that’s a first for her, because that’s always an exciting moment. She still remembers the first time she said it aloud, the summer after all the drama, in Hawaii, to her parents and then to her cousins. It was relieving and left her feeling content. She hopes that’s how Regina feels about it.

Before she can comment or even ask anything, Regina’s lips are against hers. And Janis doesn’t even think about it. Her fingers tangle into Regina’s hair, pulling her as close in as she can, tugging just slightly on gold strands. At first opening, her tongue is in Regina’s mouth. She hasn’t kissed someone in a month, since she and Grace broke up. She hasn’t kissed Regina since they were eleven and both are certainly far more talented at it now. A disappointed groan escapes her before she can stop it when they pull apart. She keeps close to the taller girl, one hand moving from her hair down to her cheek, thumb stroking at the edge of her bottom lip. “Have you ever said that out loud before?” she asks breathlessly. “That you’re gay?”

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did she just metaphorically stab janis' heart with her confessions ? possibly . it was a lot to digest , and regina had been the one who lived with this her whole life . their choices had shaped them through their lives , regina had made the choices to get meaner , made the choice to attack and bring everyone down to her own internal low . and purposefully janis had gotten the raw end of the stick , had become a punching bag due to simple teenage jealousy .

there is an animal instinct within her , watching how the tables turned within janis' mind . a feeling of sadness hit her heart as janis moved away from regina , not feeling her body in her hands , she just wanted janis back in her arms . back in her personal space and invading it willingly . " fuck is definitely a word so well . . . i think they are working somewhat . " regina couldn't help but chuckle lightly at her words before shaking off that feeling , shaking away the awkwardness of it all . janis holding her face was just what she wanted , looking down at janis , she could see the tears behind her ears , threatening to spill over with all the emotions that were running wild between the two girls . " scared doesn't even cover half of it . " she sighed , her own hands cupping janis' face , bending her head lower slowly , testing the waters . " you're right , i am so fucking gay . "

what happened next would cause a field day for north shore high . their lips crashed together , regina taking charge of the situation , the tension was high between them and regina had to cut it . the kiss was causing flashbacks of that spin the bottle game when they were kids , soft lips meshing under natural instinct . one hand cupped janis' face , the other wrapped around the shorter girls waist , her hand bunching the denim of her jacket . " and it's time that i like being gay . " she had to no longer be ashamed , and having support in her corner , having janis help her through this transition . regina no longer had fear about being out , kissing janis in the open , in the cafeteria after school hours when anyone could walk past and see them . she didn't care . right now she just wanted to enjoy kissing a beautiful girl .

Words. She’s trying to find the words to say, but she’s not even sure how to approach this. She’s not even sure how she’s feeling. Is she angry? Is she sad? Is she relieved? What does any of this even mean? It doesn’t change how much pain she went through. The expulsion, the therapy sessions, the loss of the friendship, the death of all of the what ifs that could have been them. And while those events helped shape who Janis is now, Regina caused that pain. And at several points of her life, Janis has let go of certain aspects of it that have held her captive, kept her from moving on. But knowing all of this?

She’s not satisfied. That’s the problem. Knowing everything, knowing why, it doesn’t resolve the issue for Janis. She always thought it would make her content. It doesn’t. It’s not black and white, Regina was a terrible person. She was a scared kid, which is no excuse, but Janis understands. It makes her grieve again. Because if Regina hadn’t freaked out, maybe they’d still be friends, maybe they’d be more than friends. Maybe Janis wouldn’t be hit with a burst of self-disgust whenever she finds herself checking out Regina, or staring at her, or fantasizing or dreaming or wishing after her instead of being as over it as she pretends to be for everyone else. Has she been wearing her own mask this whole time, too?

“Fuck,” is all she manages to say at first, stepping back from Regina. Her mouth remains agape as she tries to figure out what words come next. “I– Fuck!” She places her hands on her hips, still processing it all. “Sorry. Words not working. I dunno…” She looks at Regina again and her shoulders fall at her realization. “I thought I would never want to see you again, but that’s not-“ She shakes her head, bites her lip. “That’s not true. I don’t think I’m angry at you. I think I just–“ She stops again. She’s not angry. It would be so much easier to be angry; she knows from experience. She just misses all of the things that could have been. Grieving what’s never been. Her eyes burn as she forces herself to hold back tears. No use crying. “It doesn’t matter.” She returns to right in front of Regina and grabs her face gently. She doesn’t want this to be about her right now, so she does what she’s gotten good at: deflecting. “You weren’t a terrible person when we were kids, okay? You were scared. You are going through something really hard and really important right now. You are smart and a good friend and so beautiful… and so fucking gay. And that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Got it?”

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honestly , to say it all out loud , regina began to realize just how horrible she had been , and honestly it frightened her . she had thought she was only capable of little messy moments , not to entirely destroy someone . but the more she thought about it , the more she realized that it was exactly what she did for the last four years . how she found any connection to her old life , the life where she was real and becoming truthful with herself . and how far she had distanced herself from that life .

it was scary to admit to , to truly see how much pain she had inflicted . counselors were always right , hurt people hurt people , and regina was living proof . " i am a horrible person . " she pulled back herself , the moment fleeting in the past . " i manipulate and i destroy , and i hurt you the most janis , because you were what i wanted , but also who i wanted to be . you were the epitome of truthful authenticity , and i was the poster child for bullying popular girl . " the confessions now rolling off her tongue .

" i planned wanting to kiss you , but in the moment , in front of people i changed my mind , i thought passing it off as a game would be easy . but then i saw what kind of power i got and well , " they didn't need to bring up the sizzy lez memories right now . " i abused it , and it hurt you in the process . i stopped caring because , that made it easier . but you were always in the back of my mind . and if you never want to see me after graduation , i will not blame you at all . " maybe these confessions were meant to mean goodbye . as much as regina didn't want that . " you never saw your own beauty , i always did . just took too long to tell you , and i know its too late . "

Her mind has completely blanked out. She’s supposed to be helping Regina, but now she’s working overtime, trying to recontextualize everything that happened between them. Regina’s seen her Instagram? A gallery that has evolved from an assortment of semi-regular personal photos to the occasional post of mostly her artwork and even more rare photo of her life. Social media isn’t really her thing anymore, so she mostly uses it to curate a potential career now. Regina has seen that? Far back enough to have seen her more frequent photos of trips to Hawaii, surfing, cliff jumping, bonfires, luaus, her family, vivid peeks into her happiest memories. And she fucking knows what a plumeria is? “I guess I just figured you wouldn’t bother remembering the details…”

Janis chuckles as the apex predator defends Aaron Samuels. She’s spent a decent amount of time around the college freshman over the last year, thanks to Cady. They get along well, but she wouldn’t say he’s particularly intelligent. “He’s… nice,” Janis gives. “He’s very good with people, I’ll give him that. He gets them… Sorta. He really didn’t get you.” Janis saw what he clearly didn’t last year: Regina wasn’t with him because she cared about him. And that was far too obvious to miss unless you didn’t want to see it or you weren’t particularly bright… or maybe Janis just had the bar set too high. “And Shane’s a fucking idiot with a stupid haircut.” But Janis has hated Shane since the first day of freshman year.

Confessions spill from enchanting lips, pearls of truth that Janis is unsure what to do with. It’s all too much for her to even understand. Why would she do any of this? Why kiss her and then turn on her? And even more, was it worse that Regina had insured the outcome? It’s calculating, manipulative, but Janis knows that about her already. “Wait, I’m sorry. I’m trying to–“ She pulls back just a slight bit more, her expression giving way every puzzle piece she tries to fit together. “You wanted to kiss me? You planned the whole thing? And then you - what? - got scared? And you’ve been watching my social media? At the very least, my Instagram. You think I'm beautiful? I’m not getting it.”

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" why wouldn't i ? i commit everything to memory . " it was true , she remembered everything better than most which was how she held so much power . she could very easily tell someone a whole story as if it happened minutes ago and they would cave to her intelligence . sure , did she weaponize her brain , absolutely , but it definitely benefitted her when it needed to . " did you know how hard it was to not like your instagram posts . . . " regina had refused to follow janis for peace of mind and status , but she would stalk her page , " especially when you weave those plumeria's through your hair , " janis was in her natural habitat when it came to the ocean , north shore was definitely landlocking the potential she held .

her breath caught in her throat , the animalistic instinct was strong , did she want to lean in closer , close the space between them ? absolutely , but would she ? that was the true question of the matter . regina was so frozen in intensity that she didn't imagine herself running any time soon . " he is smarter than you think , " she would defend aaron , even if he wasn't ultimately the man everyone saw her with , " he was too smart for his own good . " and she was right , the longer she was with aaron , the more he would have caught on . hence why she cheated with shane , because he was dumber than the smallest dwarf .

" shane is who the offence goes for in that respect . " why not , throw him under the bus . at the end of the day , regina was the one in front of the bus . why not take the drivers seat instead of the pavement . and that was exactly what she was doing , taking the wheel and steering it right back into the heart of someone she once trusted . once loved , maybe even still cared for on a deep romantic level . but only time would tell . " of course , you are the most beautiful creature i have ever seen , i knew it then and i know it now . " what was the point in lying anymore ? " so i made the bottle heavier with hot glue , tested how many times it spun and knew exactly where to spin it so it'd land on you . i was just the bitch who decided to turn it into a game to bully you , and i'm sorry . knowing what i know now , i would take it back in a heart beat . "

“You remember that?” she blurts after a few blinks of surprise. Because why would anything about Janis’ life be of note to remember for Regina? She’s still struggling to piece together how any of this makes sense, that her former friend may have actually still cared at least somewhat when everything fell apart for them. That she didn’t just throw away every thought, feeling, and memory they’d once shared. Maybe she even still has a postcard or two that Janis used to send from her trips. “Um, yeah. Yeah, I still go every summer and some Christmases. Once late June hits, I’m back on the islands.” One of her favorite times of the year, if not her favorite.

She feels Regina lean further into her touch. Slowly, her hand leaves golden tresses and traces Regina’s face, caressing her cheek, until she’s holding her chin, her thumb stroking her jaw. She’s not really thinking, but she wants to know. She pushes boundaries after all, so where is that boundary here? Where’s the point when Regina gets close to running? Not past the point of no return, just close to the edge. Maybe now’s not the time, but again, she’s not really thinking.

“I hope your taste in men isn’t real, because what a low bar. No offense to Aaron,” Janis teases. Wait, is she flirting? Is Regina George really flirting with her right now? A chill runs up her spine and arms. It’s not like she’s never been flirted with before, but this is different. Extremely different. The other girls weren’t her. She’s so caught up in that, she almost completely misses the confession about their kiss. “What? You… what? You wanted to?” Well, Regina George truly is full of surprises.

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janis was the person who always assumed the worst because that is what everyone expected out of her . so she just gave everyone back what they gave her . " i didn't realize practice ran this late . i thought it finished a couple hours ago , that's why i got here so early . " while the sun was lower than the horizon and the cold chill of the night air had hit north shore , this was early for janis . " i have always assumed ulterior motives of others . no one is who they seem to be . " a chuckle to her words as janis pushed her hands through her waved hair . " the muse just hits in the dark , it's where i make my best art . " not a total lie , but no one needed to know that her date stood her up . just the day in the life of a modern-day teenage lesbian .

@bitehand

ㅤ   eyes  begin  to  narrow  at  janis,   why  did  she  assume  the  worst  from  bryce?   SHE  WAS  LITERALLY  JUST  A  GIRL.    ❝  i  just  got  out  of  practice,  ❞    she  says  flatly,   holding  her  cleats  that  were  at  her  side  up    ---    and  it  wasn't  a  complete  lie.   practice  was  had,   but  it  ended  about  half  an  hour  ago.   she'd  just  spent  a  little  extra  time  in  the  locker  room    ---    NOT  THE  POINT!   she  then  decides  to  shift  the  attention  off  of  herself  and  onto  janis,   because  she  was  just  as  confused  as  to  why  she  was  here  this  late.    ❝  did  you  just  assume  i  had  ulterior  motives?  ❞    she  cocks  her  head  to  the  side  as  she  adjusts  the  duffle  on  her  shoulder.    ❝  why  are  you  here?   and  what  led  you  to  eating  total  shit?  ❞    there's  a  pause  but  only  because  she's  now  grinning,    ❝  curiosity  will  kill  this  bryce  if  you  don't  spill.  ❞   

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" they definitely are sheep , i mean see how they follow me . it's not like any of them even know who i am at the heart , right ? " regina responds almost too quickly , seeing how janis felt about their classmates she recognizes that maybe she also feels the same way majority of the time . she enjoyed the command of being top of the food chain , but it wasn't like that presented her with academic opportunities . she had worked for those herself . sure she was the top queen , but she also worked hard academically , just no one saw that side because of the popularity that came with her pink heels and blonde curls .

regina had to ask , knowing their history and how much janis enjoyed getting out of illinois , " are you going back to hawaii this summer ? " there had been one summer that janis had come back and the sand was still in the art freak's hair , and her skin smelt like sea salt . regina had dreamed of leaving like that , even if it was just for a couple weeks , but that was never in the cards for her . maybe after high school regina would take herself on a trip . call it soul searching or something . her eyes direct to janis' hands in her hair , her head tilts into the girls hand , nuzzling with the most affection that regina had shown in years to anyone .

" you really think my type in guys is my real type ? " if janis really believed that then maybe her mask was too thick , the facade too real . regina had dated men like that because they were the hottest boy and she was the hottest girl by the student bodies standards . she knew that she had to date those guys in order to maintain her status . it was all a game for regina george , and that was the most important information for anyone to realize . " you fight what what you believe in , i wish i could be that strong . " the whisper of truth as she found her feet attempting to step even closer . " i prefer intelligence , i can actually talk to someone with a brain . someone like you . " the flirting was natural for gina . " you missed that you are a real human , i dated robots . " a chuckle as the final tear hopefully for a while fell down her cheek . " you missed our history , that you were who knew me most of all . that i didn't just kiss you at that party for a laugh , but because i wanted to . "

Tears slide down her skin. It’s not the most comfortable feeling, but she’s not going to complain or disturb this moment. Not when Regina seems to be having a breakthrough. And maybe she won’t fully accept what’s happening, how she’s feeling, but she’s on that road. That’s incredible progress for someone that Janis would assume was on the opposite path probably yesterday. And if Janis has helped that in any way, that’s incredible. It’s not like she often has the opportunity to help someone in the queer community in this way.

Regina goes with the hypothetical. Runs with it even. She doesn’t build on it, though. Simply points out the truth of who they both are. And for once, Janis realizes how similar they are, how similar they’ve always been. It’s why they were friends once upon a time. It’s why they’ve made such great enemies. They can’t be bothered with the thoughts and opinions about them from those they deem unworthy of having them. Because what do any of these people around them actually know? “I definitely don’t give a shit. The sooner I’m away from these sheep, the better,” she admits. University cannot come soon enough. Another summer in Hawaii cannot be here fast enough. Anything to be away from a student body that has mostly made her life less than great over the last four years, to never see them again until she’s bragging about a successful art career at their ten year reunion. 

She feels Regina pull back and does the same, not out of her hold, but enough to look down and see her fully. Fingers gently slide back into blonde hair without thought, complete instinct. She chuckles at the question, disbelieving smile on her face. “Based on your compulsory taste in boys, I’m not your type. Not a jock. I’m an art freak. Not conventional in any way. I’m weird as shit for fun. I push boundaries everywhere just to see what I can bend and break. I’m outspoken, a social justice warrior. I’m not afraid to fight you, unlike your exes. Oh, and my IQ might be a little too high, since all your ex-boyfriends aren’t the brightest.” She smirks. She means every word she’s said, but there is some satisfaction in getting to tease Regina over her taste in men. “Oh, and I tried ruining your life last year. Did I miss anything?”

[scmeonehurt]

her heart was skipping beats constantly , being this close not just to another woman but having that woman be janis was like a kick in the gut , a spanner in the cogs that had never moved until that moment . oh the things regina would do if it felt right , or if it felt okay . regina wouldn't push boundaries in that world , sure she'd push people's buttons at school but she would never cross a line to someone's autonomy . it was a boundary she had always kept to , which is why everyone just took what she dished out . the denim in her hands would have once felt scratchy , but it now felt as smooth as silk .

there were feelings stirring up inside her that regina had never expected to feel . the tears were streaming , building up in janis' neck , rolling down her neck and into her shirt . the salt mixing already with her perfume and she relaxed , she felt at peace . finally allowing herself to feel something for once in her near adult life . regina was actually experiencing a real emotion , and it wasn't just because it was janis , it was because she had begun finding herself and being honest with who she was as a person .

" but would we really care ? " she asked softly , almost testing the waters . seeing if janis would pick up on her words , pick up on what she was saying , what she meant . arms are slowly wrapping themselves tighter around janis , like a noose around the brunette's body . " i mean neither of us have ever really cared about what people think . because you're right janis , i never let anyone tell me what to do , or who to do . " she pulled back with her arms still around janis , feeling that if she let go that she would crumple more , that she would be left on the ground by herself to pick up the pieces . like janis would pay her back for every wrong deed she had done and finally get her revenge . " why would you think i wouldn't want to date you ? " fuck it

She’s reminded immediately why vanilla always brings Regina to mind, even if the memory is faded. She’d forgotten how much she associates the scent to her. It unlocks something. For a moment, Janis is almost lost in it. The smell of Regina’s hair and perfume, the feel of her fingertips along her body, pushing and pulling at loose layers of fabric, the sound of Regina’s whisper in her ear. It’s overwhelming and holds so much more power over her now that they’re older. When was the last time they were even this close to each other?

The whisper is what nearly breaks her. Her brain flips off for a moment, nothing but an error code as she tries to process what Regina’s said. I need you. So simple, so concise. It sends Janis spiraling, a warmth spreading through her, starting at her stomach. When she crawls out of her carnal response, fingers digging into reason with vice-like grip, she reminds herself that Regina doesn’t mean it the way Janis’ entire body wishes her whisper implies. This is innocent, platonic, a sincere cry for help. And she’s quickly focused back on the task at hand. Whatever feeling she just had is shoved into a drawer to be thought over and talked out later.

She so badly wants to wipe away the tears from those deep blue eyes, banish them from that beautiful face forever. Janis doesn’t realize she’s holding her breath until Regina’s face is buried in her neck again. Fuck, she’s so close. “Okay, yes, if we’re being us specific, sure, people would double take.” She can’t help the small laugh in her voice at how fucked it all is. It’s not the fact that they’re both women that would set social media on fire; it’s the fact that they’re sworn enemies. But it’s fucking high school. And that’s almost over anyway. “But fuck it, sticking with the hypothetical us of it all - not that you’d ever want to fucking date me - but why do you give a shit what the rest of this school thinks? You’re Regina George. When has anyone ever told you what you’re allowed to want? And when have you ever not fought back when they told you no?”

[scmeonehurt]

𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒊𝒔 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆 , 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒊𝒔 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇-𝒅𝒆𝒇𝒆𝒏𝒔𝒆 , 𝒊 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒔𝒆 , 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕

ind . mutuals only regina george from the 2017 broadway musical and 2024 remake

promo by @laebyrinths

[scmeonehurt]

this feeling was so familiar , like a wish that had been in the back of her mind for years . for the better part of a decade , regina had only hoped for a feeling like this , being seen and truly understood on a fundamental level , far beyond anything she had experienced before . does she think both gretchen and Karen would eventually accept her truth , yes she does , because they follow her like a pair of lost lambs . neither of them would have ever said a word against janis if regina hadn't said it first . that was just how it went down .

scents of vanilla and the deep sea tangled as the girls got closer together , fingers dancing in hair and across the curves of their bodies . a dream that had been long forgotten until regina had slipped that note into janis' locker . a dream that became a reality this very evening . " i need you . " words that the blonde never had expected herself to say .

how was she supposed to just hope for the best ? north shore was stomping ground , and she knew if this got out that the ground would swallow her whole . and it would be a hole that she could never crawl back out of . " it doesn't matter of society is easier now than it was back then , " when she pulls apart slightly , the tears were finally noticeable in her ocean eyes . they were only inches apart , very quickly was regina burying her face back into janis' neck . " i think people would take a double take if i held your hand , janis . two women , doesn't matter , but us , what would people think ? " but since when did regina care what others thought ? she just liked having the power over people , not caring about their own opinions . " sorry , i know you weren't suggesting us , just the whole lesbians being accepted more thing . "

Nothing about this should feel right, not after all that’s happened, but it does. Nothing has ever felt more natural than this moment. Janis’ mind races to figure out why, but some things can’t be explained or understood. She knows that. Often, the most natural elements of life can only be understood to a certain degree and that’s okay. It doesn’t stop them from working or being beautiful.

She feels Regina relax in her arms, feels her arms wrap around her waist. Even if she wanted to move away, Regina has her rather bound. Janis’ fingers stop their journey through her hair, tangling instead and holding her in place. She remembers this period in her own life and, while not the same, everyone needs the same thing: time. She’s not expecting to hear Regina admit how awful she’s been over the past few years. Janis can feel the tears welling up, but she swallows down the pain that threatens its way back through her system. Now is not the time. She can process that later when Regina isn’t going through an existential crisis in her arms.

Janis bites her lip to hold back even more. So it was never her fault? It was never about who she is. It was always about Regina and who she is. No matter how many times that came up in therapy, Janis could never accept it until now, until she heard it from those glossy pink lips. And suddenly, it all seems easier to forgive. Maybe she’ll feel differently when she’s out of this raw moment, but for now, she’s feeling merciful and ready to move on. “I’m not going anywhere, Regina. Okay? I’ve got you. And I’m gonna be honest, I don’t think anyone’s ever ready. You just jump and pray for the best. But nowadays, it’s sooo much easier. Holding your hand at eleven would have made me so nervous, but holding your hand now? No one would give us a second thought.”

[scmeonehurt]

The fact that I was bored a few weeks ago so I cut bangs like Reneé Rapp is still a highlight of 2024

[scmeonehurt]

the sheer fact is that regina had dreamed of a moment like this her entire life . had dreamed that finally she would find the strength to be truthful about herself , that she would find a community that would accept her and forgive her for her bad deeds . that she would be loved and treated well . but doing it with janis ? having someone who she used to be so close with by her side , helping her heal , this had been a pipe dream that was finally a reality for her .

there is a quick tense in her shoulders as janis wraps her arms around her . the smell of her hair , how is it that years later janis is still using the same shampoo ? it was the smell that she used to fall asleep beside during sleepovers , the smell of comfort . regina relaxed as she wrapped her arms around janis , her arms enveloped janis' waist , the height of regina meant that her face was now beginning to bury itself in the crook of janis' neck . " i've been so horrible to you . " a lot of it has been on purpose , and regina could never take that back .

" i had to force you away , " that was where it all stemmed from . a force to remove someone from her life . trying to protect her very own heart . " the closer to me you were , the more real everything became and i jus- " she was so selfish , how could anyone actually like regina ? no wonder they all fear her . " i was selfish , imi'ike , " the whisper of the girls last name , " i wasn't ready . how do i be ready for all of this ? " her words caught in her throat , any regular person would be in tears by now . " don't leave me alone this time . i won't push you away again . "

Regina cracks. Janis can see it, can feel it under her fingertips. There may not be tears, but Regina is coming apart in front of her. And suddenly, this isn't the girl who's made her life miserable for the last several years. This is a baby gay in desperate need of someone to help her feel safe in herself, this is a member of her community that Janis has taken great pride in over the years, and, more importantly, this is the girl that Janis used to know in sixth grade before everything fell apart. She has to help her. She wouldn't feel right if she didn't. Their history be damned.

Janis pushes Regina's legs open, moving in closer to the blonde. Instinctively, she wraps her arms around the popular girl's neck, hugging her firmly, giving her a safe haven. Her fingers gently run through golden tresses, softly massaging her scalp. Her other hand rubs the top of her back. She remembers this fear. She remembers feeling it before coming out to Damian, to Regina, to her parents, when Regina outed her to their class. It's natural and she doesn't want Regina to feel like it's some strange occurrence or that she's alone.

"I didn't want to let you go," she whispers, lips brushing against hair and Regina's ear. "I only let go, because I thought you wanted me to." She squeezes her to assure that she's there now and she doesn't have to let go if Regina doesn't want her to. "You're not bringing me into anything I don't want to be part of. No one knows how to do this, Regina. We all have to find our way through. But it's easier with help and I want to help."

[scmeonehurt]

so i am so obsessed with r.egina that i am making a whole new blog just for her but to insert her in multiple fandoms . . . yes i know I'm nuts

[scmeonehurt]

who was this ? regina george ? the queen bee ? no , forget the status , this was the eleven year old girl she had packed away in a glittered box in her mind . this was a scared girl who didn't want to accept that her shadow was the only normal thing about her . her mask was shattering into a million tiny pieces that regina wasn't sure she would ever be able to put it back together in front of janis . sure , could she trust that janis wouldn't tell anyone ? probably , but she also didn't know if someone else was hiding behind a corner . they were still in the high school , alone , the rumor mill would have an absolute field day if they knew that janis and regina were talking privately without swinging insults .

maybe a mutual understanding could be had between them ? oh what was she kidding , a mutual understanding was unheard of when it came to regina . she had to be the leader of everything , be in control of the entire situation , and the second janis' hands touched her thighs , she was no longer in control . and she crumpled .

having regina entirely break wasn't something she had planned . there was a heave to her chest , sure there were no actual tears , she had forced them to stop rolling years ago when she hid this part of herself from everyone including herself . but her shoulders slumped , hands stayed hiding her face as she bit her lower lip , keeping everything in . janis' words were something she never thought she'd hear , the acknowledgement and permission to keep this to herself . that this journey was hers and hers alone . not for anyone else . " you didn't have to let go . " she whispered . " you didn't have to let go of me . " she repeated , the most honestly regina had ever been . " you're right , i don't know how to do any of this . and i shouldn't be bringing you into this , i should have never left you that note . " the backtracking was real , but she also didn't want to move from this spot . she was frozen , and for once , regina george was okay with it .

Dark eyebrows shoot up. She knows that they're having what might be considered a heart-to-heart, but never in a million years would Janis expect Regina to admit that she'd actually cared for her at some point. And when the shock wears off, she feels as if a weight is lifted from her, like a balm has finally seeped into a wound that had refused to heal. It doesn't change the past, but that resentment over not being cared for by her former best friend? It's gone.

Suffering in silence is not how Janis would describe what she went through. She burned a backpack after all. And ruining Regina's life last year certainly wasn't silence. Her thoughts drift from herself and move straight to Regina. She had been suffering, though. And no one had ever noticed, because the blonde queen bee hid it so well, put on a mask that the world around them wanted to own so badly.

When's the last time Janis saw Regina hide? When they were children maybe? As if no time has passed, as if they haven't hated each other for years, Janis slides from the table bench and crouches in front of Regina so she can see what of that beautiful face isn't covered. Her hands grab onto Regina's thighs and then she pulls them back in hesitation, realizing what she's done. She shakes it off, decides she doesn't care, not while Regina is hurting, and grabs her again. "It's okay. And I promise, as long as I breathe, I won't tell anyone what you just said." she assures her, keeping her voice to a whisper. "But you don't owe anyone anything. No one determines how long your journey is. No one is entitled to know your identity. You decide that." She pauses a moment, hesitates, worries her lip between her teeth. "And honestly, who is anyone to tell Regina George what she's allowed to want? What she can and can't have?"