#i don’t take any criticism on this take it’s simply the truth

[voxphantasma]

oh um did i see the neverafter minis that are going up for auction? you could say that,,,,, (cauldron woman is sooo– i’m dragged off the stage and shot)

[IMAGE ID: a digital sketch of a woman in a simple, dirty, long, olive green dress and a dirty, white apron. she is leaning on a broom and instead of a head she has a big cauldron full of an orange soup. her outfit is completely covering her body but you can tell she has big breasts and hips. /END ID]

[dailyrothko]

No, the Popularity of Abstract Art is Not the Result of a CIA PsyOp

If you are unlucky enough to move around the internet these days and talk about art, you’ll find that many “First commenters” will hit you with what they see as some hard truth about your taste in art. Comments usually start with how modern art is “money laundering” always comically misunderstanding what that means. What they are saying is that, of course, rich people use investments as tax shelters and things like expensive antiques and art appraised at high prices to increase their net worth. Oh my god, I’ve been red-pilled. The rich getting richer? I have never heard of such a thing.

What is conveniently left out of this type of comment is that the same valuation and financial shenanigans occur with baseball cards, wine, vacation homes, guitars, and dozens of other things. It does indeed happen with art, but even the kind that the most conservative internet curator can appreciate. After all, Rembrandts are worth money too, you just don’t see many because he’s not making any more of them. The only appropriate response to these people who are, almost inevitably themselves, the worst artists you have ever seen, is silence. It would cruel to ask about their own art because there’s a danger they might actually enjoy such a truly novel experience.

When you are done shaking your head that you just subjected yourself to an argument about the venality of poor artists plotting to make their work valuable after they died, you can certainly then enjoy the accompanying felicity of the revelation they have saved to knock you off your feet: “Abstract art is a CIA PsyOp”

Here one must get ready either to type a lot or to simply say “Except factually” and go along your merry, abstract-art-loving way. But what are the facts? Unsurprisingly with things involving US government covert operations, the facts are not so clear.

Like everything on the internet, you are unlikely to find factual roots to the arguments about government conspiracies and modern art. The mere idea of it is enough to bring blossom for the “I’m not a sheep” crowd, some of whom believe that a gold toilet owning former president is a morally good, honest hard-working man of the people.

The roots of this contention come from a 1973 article in Artforum magazine, where art critic Max Kozloff wrote about post-war American painting in the context of the Cold War, centering around Irving Sandler’s book, The Triumph of American Painting (1970). Kozloff takes on more than just abstract expressionism in his article but condemns the “Self-congratulatory mood”of Sandler’s book and goes on to suggest the rise of abstract expressionism was a “Benevolent form of propaganda”. Kozoloff treads a difficult line here, asserting that abstraction was genuinely important to American art but that its luminaries, “have acquired their present blue-chip status partly through elements in their work that affirm our most recognizable norms and mores.”

While there were rumblings of agreements around Kozloff’s article of broad concerns, it did not give birth to an actual conspiracy theory at the time. The real public apprehension of this idea seems to mostly come from articles written by historian Frances Stonor Saunders in support of her book, “The Cultural Cold War: The CIA and the World of Arts and Letters” (New York, New Press, 2000). (I have not read this 525 page book, only excerpts).

The gist of Ms. Saunders argument is a tantalizing, but mostly unsupported, labyrinthine maze of back door funding and novelistic cloak and dagger deals. According to Saunders, the Congress for Cultural Freedom (CCF), an anti-communist cultural organization founded in 1950, was behind the promotion of Abstract art as part of their effort to be opinion makers in the war against communism. In 1966 it was revealed that the CCF was funded by the CIA. Saunders says that the CCF financed a litany of art exhibitions including “The New American Painting” which toured Europe in the late 1950s. Some of this is true, but it’s difficult, if not impossible, to know the specifics.

Noted expert in abstract-expressionism, David Anfam said CIA presence was real. It was “a well-documented fact” that the CIA co-opted Abstract Expressionism in their propaganda war against Russia. “Even The New American Painting [exhibition] had some CIA funding behind it,” he says. But the reasons for this are not quite what the abstract art detractors might be looking for. After all, the CCF also funded the travel expenses for the Boston Symphony Orchestra and promoted Fodor’s travel guides. More than trying to pull the wool over anyone’s eyes, it was meant to showcase the freedom artists in the US. enjoyed. Or as Anfam goes on to say, “It’s a very shrewd and cynical strategy, because it showed that you could do whatever you liked in America.”

For what it’s worth, Saunders’s book was eviscerated in the Summer 2000 issue of Art Forum at the time of its publication. Robert Simon wrote:

“Saunders draws extensively on primary and secondary sources, focusing on the convoluted money trail as it twists through dummy corporations, front men, anonymous donors, and phony fund-raising events aimed at filling the CCF’s coffers. She makes lengthy forays into such topics as McCarthyism, the formation and operation of the CIA, the propaganda work of the Hollywood film industry, and New York cultural politics—from Partisan Review to MoMA to Abstract Expressionism. Yet what seems strangely absent from Saunders’s panoramic history, as if it were a minor detail or something too obvious to require discussion, is the cultural object itself: The complex specifics of the texts, exhibitions, intellectual gatherings, paintings, and performances of the culture war are largely left out of the story.”

Another problem with the book seems to be that Saunders is an historian but not an art historian. For me, I sensed an overtone of superiority in the tale she’s spinning and most assuredly from those that repeat its conclusion. The thinly veiled message of some is that if it were “Real art” it would not have had be part of this government subterfuge. The reality is very different. For one thing, most of us know it is simply not true that you can make people devoted to a type of art for 100 years that they would sensibly hate otherwise. Another issue is that it’s quite obvious none of the artists actually knew about any government interference if there was any. Pollock, Rothko, Gottlieb and Newmann were all either communists or anarchists. Hardly the group one would recruit the help the US government free the world of communism. Additionally, this narrow cold war timeline ignores a huge amount of abstract art that Jackson Pollock haters also revile and consider part of the same hijacking of high (Frankly, Greek, Roman, or Renaissance) culture. If you look at the highly abstract signature work of Piet Mondrian and observe the dates they were painted, you’ll see 1908, 1914, 1916. This is some of the art denigrated as a CIA PsyOP, 35 years before the CIA even thought about it. Modern art didn’t come from nowhere as many would have you believe to discredit its rise. There was Surrealism, Dada, Bauhaus, Russian futurism and a host of other movements that fueled it.

Generally, people like to argue. On the internet, “I don’t like this” is a weak statement that always must be replaced by “This is garbage” or my favorite, “This is fake.”

It’s hardly surprising that the more conservative factions of our society look for any government involvement in our lives to explain why things are not exactly as they wish them to be, given the (highly ironic) conservative government-blaming that blew up after Reagan. In addition, modern fascists have always had a love affair with the classical fantasy of Greece and Rome. Both Mussolini and Hitler used Greece and Rome as “Distant models” to address their uncertain national identity. The Nazis confiscated more than 5,000 works in German museums, presenting 650 of them in the Entartete Kunst (Degenerate Art, 1937) show to demonstrate the perverted nature of modern art. It featured artists including Marc Chagall, Max Ernst, Wassily Kandinsky, and Paul Klee, among others. The fear of art was real. It was the fear of ideas.

To a lot of people on the internet just the mentioning a “CIA program” is enough to get the cogs turning, but as with many things, the reality of CIA programs and government plots is often less than evidence of well planned coup.

The CIA reportedly spent 20 millions dollars on Operation Acoustic Kitty which intended to use cats to spy on the Kremlin and Soviet embassies. Microphones were planted on cats and plans were set in motion to get the cats to surreptitiously record important conversations. However, the CIA soon discovered that they were cats and not agreeable to any kind of regulation of their behavior.

As part of Operation Mongoose the CIA planned to undermine Castro's public image by putting thallium salts in his shoes, which would cause his beard to fall out, while he was on a trip outside Cuba. He was expected to leave his shoes outside his hotel room to be polished, at which point the salts would be administered. The plan was abandoned because Castro canceled the trip.

Regardless of your feelings on this subject or how much you believe abstract art benefited from government dollars, Saunders herself quotes in her book a CIA officer apparently involved in these “Long leash” influence operations. He says, “We wanted to unite all the people who were writers, who were musicians, who were artists, to demonstrate that the West and the United States was devoted to freedom of expression and to intellectual achievement, without any rigid barriers as to what you must write, and what you must say, and what you must do.” Hardly the Illuminati plot we were promised.

In 2016, Irving Sandler, author of the book that started Kozloff tirading in 1973, told Alastair Sooke of The Daily Telegraph, “There was absolutely no involvement of any government agency. I haven’t seen a single fact that indicates there was this kind of collusion. Surely, by now, something – anything – would have emerged. And isn’t it interesting that the federal government at the time considered Abstract Expressionism a Communist plot to undermine American society?”

This blog post contains information and quotes sourced from The Piper Played to Us All: Orchestrating the Cultural Cold War in the USA, Europe, and Latin America, Russell H. Bartley International Journal of Politics, Culture, and Society, Vol. 14, No. 3 (Spring, 2001), pp. 571-619 (49 pages) https://www.bbc.com/culture/article/20161004-was-modern-art-a-weapon-of-the-cia https://brill.com/view/journals/fasc/8/2/article-p127_127.xml?language=en https://www.guggenheim-bilbao.eus/en/learn/schools/teachers-guides/the-dark-side-of-classicism https://www.artforum.com/features/american-painting-during-the-cold-war-212902/ https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/modern-art-was-cia-weapon-1578808.html https://www.artforum.com/columns/frances-stonor-saunders-162391/ https://www.artforum.com/features/abstract-expressionism-weapon-of-the-cold-war-214234/ Mark Rothko and the Development of American Modernism 1938-1948 Jonathan Harris, Oxford Art Journal, Vol. 11, No. 1 (1988), pp. 40-50 (11 pages)

[drdemonprince]

Most of us begin the Autism unmasking process looking for greater self-acceptance, but don’t realize what a messy, uncertain, weakened, traumatized, resentful version of ourselves we’re going to have to accept. Secretly, we hope that the unmasked version of us will be just as capable and comfortable as we always pretended to be — but also much happier, and more authentic. 

The great challenge of unmasking, then, is letting go of all pre-conceived notions of the type of person we must be, so that we can simply exist in the moment, feeling whatever we feel and needing whatever we need. 

It can take many years for a person to reach this point. I’ve also noticed there are common phases that Autistics move through as we go about unmasking — periods of questioning, self-loathing, anger, withdrawal, exploration, relief, and obsessive self-consciousness, just to name a few. 

Not all of these phases appear for everyone, of course and they do not necessarily come in a specific order. Rather than viewing them as stages that progress in a linear fashion, we can see them instead as common psychological defenses that emerge when a person is having a hard time reconciling their disability with their beliefs about who they should be. 

Important internal work is happening when a person seems to be “caught” in any particular phase. Some phases are needed corrections for society’s anti-disability stigma — such as the phase where a person believes that Autism makes them inherently superior to allistics. Others are corrections for those corrections, a hypothesis and antithesis that gradually resolve into a synthesis within the disabled person’s life. 

These phases don’t last forever, and we learn something important each time that we pass through them. Like the phases of the moon, these phases may recur in our lives in an almost cyclical fashion, bringing us closer to accepting the truth of ourselves each time. Remember as you read through this list of phases that arriving at a final state of “recovery” is not the goal. When we unmask, we’re not trying to get rid of our disability, after all — we’re just hoping to understand and accept all that is inside us a bit better. 

And so, to help you prepare for your unmasking journey, here are some of the common phases of unmasking: 

Questioning 

It’s incredibly common for a masked Autistic person to spend months or even years questioning whether they actually are disabled, or have the “right” to openly identify as such. Even after a person has researched Autism at length, sought external input from loved ones and a therapist, and integrated themselves deeply within the neurodivergent community, they may be struck with regular bouts of uncertainty. 

We can blame this on a society that investigates every single claim of disability repeatedly for evidence of fraud, and a culture where disabled people are accused of being delusional, manipulative attention-seekers. 

Obsessing (About Autism)

One way that questioning Autistics try to resolve their uncertainty is by consuming every piece of information and commentary about Autism that they could possibly find. Autism often becomes one of our special interests, early in our unmasking — making us see Autism between the pages of every book, and on the confused face of every stranger. 

When a person is obsessing about Autism, they may reference their disability as an explanation for every single behavior they or anyone else ever exhibits. Tying your shoes in the “bunny-goes-round-the-tree” style is an Autism thing. Liking the small spoon is an Autism thing. That rude comment I just made about your appearance is an Autism thing, and so you cannot criticize me for it, because that’s a core part of my being I can’t change. Every person in the obsessed Autistic person’s life may be assigned disability labels: he’s got ADHD, she’s a PDAer, your dad’s undiagnosed Autism is the reason he stands in the middle of the room watching TV. 

Obsessing (About the Self)

Unmasking requires a high degree of curiosity about the self. A person can’t even notice there’s a disjoint between their authentic feelings and how they present themselves to others unless they look within. Unfortunately, doing so means constantly asking ourselves whether our actions reflect our true selves, and what our “true self” even is — and thinking too much about these questions can make the mind loop back on itself infinitely. 

When I first started unmasking, I could not stop assessing how I carried my own body. I knew that my posture was “bad,” in neurotypical terms, but was that because I had muscle underdevelopment caused by Autism, or because I was always trying to make myself inobtrusive and small? Would it be “unmasking” for me to stand straight and claim more space — or would that be me masking even worse, by imitating neurotypical confidence? 

Autism Supremacy 

Though many unmasking Autistics experience a big drop in self-esteem, it’s equally as common for us to take immense pride in our neurotype, even to an excessive degree. During the Autism supremacy phase of unmasking, Autistic people may feel that their disability actually makes them more moral, logical, emotionally attuned, intelligent, or compassionate than others. 

“Autistic people do have empathy! In fact, we have more empathy than anyone else!” You may hear an Autism supremacist declare proudly, pushing back against the stereotype of us as “anti-social” monsters. But the argument that some of us actually experience hyper-empathy, while true, does nothing to challenge the ableism of equating a person’s emotional sensitivity with their humanity. 

I wrote about the many phases that unmasking Autistics tend to pass through, and the various needs those phases exist to meet. You can read the full piece (or have it narrated to you by the Substack app) for FREE at drdevonprice.substack.com

[merakiui]

So how would red riding hood Vil go about training wolf reader into being a good puppy

Someone totally not into pet play ur crazy

>:) so many thoughts for training!!!

Firstly, he’ll have you wear a collar. It’s a pretty thing, study and well-made, aesthetically pleasing craftsmanship. Perhaps it also functions as a shock collar as well or, if Vil is determined to use methods that are not so painful or risk ruining any part of you in some cosmetic way, then maybe the collar just emits a noise that sounds like a shock. You’ve no idea what to expect and maybe you’re already so tense with the threat of that hunter that you don’t even realize you haven’t been shocked. You still flinch all the same, your hands flying to your neck, but Vil clicks his tongue at you. You’ll be tricked into thinking so the more times you hear that crackle as it fools your brain with nonexistent shocks.

He dresses you in very nice clothes. He’s quite selective when it comes to fashion, and he has a very good eye for choosing based on what suits you best. Therefore, you’ll wear things that flatter your body type, that match your preferences and style (while also incorporating some of his as well), and that show off certain assets. You’ll wear lots of things with a low neckline so that your beautiful collar can be seen.

As for training, I think he starts with the house first. Teaching you proper etiquette and whatnot. You must never eat so sloppily. He’ll teach you what each utensil is for and where to arrange them on your plate once you’ve finished. These lessons are so tedious, but they’re simple enough to follow. If you’re smart enough to simply abide by his teachings, you’ll breeze through any and all of his house training. There’s just two things you loathe: the fact that Vil insists he be the one to dress you and the fact that Rook is always the one to help you bathe. Apparently, Vil has yet to see any indication from you that you’re trustworthy, so until he can trust you you’ll be supervised by either him or Rook. Or both if you’re unlucky.

You’re not sure which is worse: this demanding Red Riding Hood or that creepy hunter. >_<

If you happen to fail or refuse to comply, Vil is very simple with his punishments. You’re cut into with harsh criticisms, and they’re all the truth. Vil does not go out of his way to lie or sugarcoat when he offers his criticism. This is all meant to help you for the better. Also, he’s no fool. He’s tailored his lessons to help work on your weaknesses. He knows you’re very intelligent, perhaps too much for your own good when you try and fail to outwit and charm him or Rook into letting you go. You’re very clever. He’s merely assisting you where his assistance is needed most.

Usually, you’re given x-amount of spankings for however many minutes you refuse to cooperate. So if you remain locked in your room for fifteen minutes, to the point where Rook needs to break in to get you, you’ll be bent over the knee and spanked fifteen times. One for every minute of disobedience.

Sometimes Vil will take you outside his house in the woods and allow you to roam, but not beyond the boundaries he’s set. It’s all a test. You fell for it the first time and took off running, and Rook captured you within minutes. When it’s Rook, he’s not exactly one for punishments like Vil. He recognizes the abstract beauty in that, but he prefers to praise you for your efforts, failed though they were, instead. Scrubbing you clean from the tussle he had with you in the woods, calloused hands running down your soft skin, fingertips pressing into your shoulders to massage you, reaching to pet your ears or admire your tail. All while he rambles about how beautiful the chase you gave him was. It’s not your intention to cry out when he brushes over a bruise, nor do you mean to sound so erotic. What happens in that bath remains an easily uncovered secret, but Rook will come out of it with scratches and bites littering his forearms and throat and you’ll have a hole stuffed full of cum. >_< your every bite is like a addictive, disastrous kiss, he tells you, so it really doesn’t faze him. ;;;;

The only reason you’re not muzzled and treated more like a mutt than a person (wolf) is because Rook insists upon otherwise. And Vil agrees because, troublesome you may be, you are full of potential that he couldn’t dare stifle by demeaning you anymore than he already has.

[coraniaid]

reverse unpopular opinion meme: xander?

[Reverse unpopular opinion meme]

I like to consider my opinion of Xander Harris as being particularly complicated and nuanced, but – engaging in some critical self-reflection for just a moment – I think the objective truth is probably more that I’m just instinctively and aggressively contrarian about it.  I find that I tend to strongly disagree with most of the online takes about Xander I see, almost regardless of whether they’re pro or anti.  

I mean, on the one hand I do think it’s more than a bit silly to pretend, as many people seem to do, that Xander Harris is [somehow?] uniquely and only a Joss Whedon self insert [despite being written by multiple people] in a way that none of the other characters [that Whedon also created and that appear in the show Whedon created] apparently are. Or to ignore the fact that very often the audience is clearly meant to think that Xander is in the wrong and disapprove of his actions.  (You obviously aren’t supposed to be cheering for him when he lies to Buffy about Willow’s message about Angel in Becoming, for an easy example; or to be clapping and applauding him when he cheats on Cordelia or leaves Anya at the altar either.) And I think it would be wrong to dismiss the fact that Xander starts the show as a dumb but (mostly) harmless teenager and that, not only does he gradually mature and improve as a person as he grows up, he also [perhaps uniquely for this show?] manages to do so without killing even one person.    

But equally I would be lying if I didn’t admit that many of my least favorite episodes of the show are either Xander-centric episodes (Teacher’s Pet, The Pack, Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered for example) or episodes in which Xander plays a non-trivial role in exactly the parts of the episodes I most dislike (his treatment of Buffy in Dead Man’s Party, say, or his speech in support of Riley in Into The Woods).  The haters are right to say that Xander does often treat his female friends and partners abysmally, often in ways that the show doesn’t seem to acknowledge or which it briefly acknowledges only to brush them off with no consequences.  There certainly are times when the writers expect the audience to cheer for Xander a lot more than I personally want to, or when he says something gross and sexist which is just meant to be funny and that the writers simply didn’t think critically about at all.  And the flipside of Xander being written by a range of different writers is that his character growth is often slow, halting or inconsistent (which, while arguably realistic, is not particularly fun to experience).  And unlike some of the fandom I don’t really believe anything Xander does can be handwaved away by him being deeply affected by what happened to his “best friend” Jesse in Season 1’s The Harvest: in fact I would put money on a majority of the show’s writers having no idea who Jesse was.

Anyway, none of that preamble is really in the spirit of the ask game, is it?

Um.  Five things I like about Xander, then.  No hedging or clarification except for what I heavily imply above (oh, and also the comics aren’t canon and don’t mean anything and actually don’t even exist … I mean, uh, what comics are we even talking about?).

I think the show resolves the initial Season 1 “love triangle” (in which Xander is really into Buffy and she doesn’t reciprocate his feelings or even seem to notice them, while similarly Willow is really into Xander and he doesn’t reciprocate her feelings or even seem to notice them) in about the best way it possibly could have done.  Buffy and Xander don’t ever get together and there’s never really any suggestion that they might – one or two odd moments in Season 2 aside, I guess? – and Willow musters the self-respect required to firmly reject Xander when he tries to ask her to the dance that Buffy had just turned him down for in Prophecy Girl.  Not only that, but Willow goes on to have a serious relationship with a guy who isn’t Xander and then comes out as a lesbian and continues to have serious relationships with woman who aren’t Xander, right up to the end of the final season.  And this happens all while the three of them stay very close friends; in fact Buffy and Xander at least are clearly better friends in the second half of the season than they were at the beginning of the show [when, after all, Xander had only just met her].  Whether or not that was planned from the beginning – and to be honest, I think the Buffy fandom as a whole wildly overestimates how much of the show was planned from the beginning – I think that’s a pretty unambiguously great way for that particular subplot to have be handled.   (Although the funniest and most geometrically pleasing resolution of the Season 1 love triangle would, of course, have been for Buffy and Willow to end up together.)

Speaking of Buffy and Willow, for all his faults Xander is consistently written as somebody who cares about his friends and wants them to be safe and happy.  As well as the obvious big moments – helping to save Buffy’s life in Prophecy Girl; his speech assuring Buffy that she’s his hero in The Freshman; repeatedly assuring Willow in Grave that he’ll always love her, even if she ends up killing him or destroying the world; that moment in Season 7 where Buffy sends him away to look after Dawn because she “needs somebody [she] can count on” – I think it’s fun when we get to see the three of them just hang out, in those quiet little moments they get to just all be kids together.  I am very firmly in the camp that thinks Buffy should have friends and be allowed to not be treated for an idiot for liking said friends or wanting to spend time with them.  Whatever else you can say about it, I think it’s obvious that this is how the show’s writers expect you to engage with the show.   That’s part of why I’m more forgiving than some people of episodes like I Robot, You Jane or Bad Eggs or Amends: these are all episodes in which I can believe that Xander is fundamentally a good kid who Buffy would want to be friends with, and that he’d grow up to be somebody she’d still want to be friends with as an adult.    

Some people online – mostly not on Tumblr – talk a lot of rot about Xander getting self-defense training or somehow reconnecting with the military persona he had in Halloween or otherwise Learning How To Fight, and I can’t overstate how glad I am that the show didn’t go in this direction.  Xander makes sense as a character precisely because he isn’t a fighter.  Because he doesn’t occupy that more stereotypically masculine role: because he is the one who gets rescued and brings in baked goods and that the other, more powerful but emotionally repressed characters can go to to talk about their feelings.  Because he is the person who, by the end of the show, can best reassure Dawn that she doesn’t need to be a Potential Slayer or have superpowers to be special.  This idea that Xander complains too much during the show about not having special powers and that the “solution” to “fix” this is to have him go out and get some (as opposed to this being a deliberate character arc in which Xander learns to accept that he’s never going to be that sort of person) is not one I have a lot of sympathy for.  The show already has a human male character who is trained as a fighter so he can go on patrol with Buffy: he’s called Riley Finn and he’s insufferable. 

Although the fandom as a whole loves to massively oversell how “abusive” the Scoobies respective parents are, I do think that Xander’s home life is a key part of understanding who Xander specifically is as a person.  And – again, however deliberately planned from the beginning or not it was – there’s something nicely disturbing about how we never get a big dramatic reveal about how awful Xander’s parents are: it’s just something that the writers just slowly build up to – from the idea in Season 1 that Xander doesn’t regularly eat cooked meals at home (“do your parents even own a stove?”), to Xander joking about his dad trying to “send [him] to some Armenians once” early in Season 2, or calling home to say he’s going to be out all night and having his mother clearly not recognize his voice, through to Cordelia revealing in Season 3 that he admitted to her that sleeps outside during Christmas to avoid his parents drunken fights  – until by Restless we can see Xander having nightmares about being trapped in his parents basement and having his father come down the stairs and we don’t need to have anything more than that explained to us.  I think that’s all really effectively done, and while I don’t think it excuses te way Xander behaves I do think it does a lot to make sense of it.

Again, while I think it’s possible to drastically overstate the Mind/Spirit/Heart metaphorical reading – I don’t think this is something the writers were consciously thinking about most of the time and I don’t think the reading of the show in which everyone is reduced to a part of Buffy’s own psyche is even particularly interesting except perhaps as an intellectual exercise – I do think it’s a reading that works pretty well for Xander. (Actually of the three elements, that’s surely the one that’s easiest to see: I’ve never been completely sure why Willow is the Spirit rather than the Mind.)  Yeah, Xander can often be petty and jealous and selfish and hypocritical and refuse to analyze his own feelings: that doesn’t rule him out from being Buffy’s metaphorical heart, it’s evidence that he is.  Buffy can be all of those things too!  (I think I am rather more fond of Buffy herself than you are – she is my favorite character on the show, after all – but I don’t like Buffy because she’s flawless and perfect; I like her because she’s interesting and realistically flawed, and very often flawed in the same ways as her friends.)

[shini--chan]

Hi, hello!! If possible, would it be ok for me to request the first yandere character sheet for america?? I absolutely love the way you characterize him!!

Yandere Character Sheet I

1p America: Alfred F. Jones

Trigger warnings: neglect, starvation, white torture, abandonment, forced assimilation, murder, physical and verbal abuse, mind games

Attributes - What sort of Yandere is he/she?

The problem with Alfred as a yandere would be how his base personality affects his yandere tendencies. Fundamentally, he wants to be a hero, he wants to help people and be selfless, but it is ruined by his self-centred worldview and his egoist ideology. At the end of the day, he is far more concerned about how you can benefit him, rather than how he can ensure and protect your happiness and health. America would only really be willing to change his actions if he faces negative consequences or it ruins his glorious self-image. Though, by putting you in a position where you are powerless in relation to him, he’ll be able to brush off/mitigate many of the negative consequences that could arise. Even if there is something that he wouldn’t be able to simply flick away, he would likely frame somebody else than engage in any soul-searching. To synthesise a few concrete characteristics out of all of this, he would be arrogant, self-righteous and in denial about any wrong doings on his part. 

That being said, Alfred would be perfectly capable of being a gentleman. Should he put some effort in it, then he’ll be the roguish and handsome boy-next-door to you. It would even feel very off or false since it would be partially true and not just an act. America is absolutely capable of being decent. All in all, it would just make everything more difficult, though. Since you wouldn’t be dealing with a pure sociopath, but a complex, layered person, he would be unpredictable in the worst way possible. No pure evil, but no pure good either - if anything, he would nourish any conflicting feelings you have about him. So, he would really take the phrase from Machiavelli, that it is best to be feared as well as loved, very much to heart. America would take you on dates, shower you with gifts, compliment you and take you home with him. He is so desirable, isn’t he? Above everything, he would want you to be smitten with him, since it would stroke his ego. 

He is also delusional, so he wouldn’t take much offence should he have to drag you to his side kicking and screaming. At the end of the day, what Alfred believes in most is his own hype. If he was a religion, then he is his own god, or at very least, the Chosen One. Any criticism would simply be water off a duck’s back and he’ll laugh at you. Here, he would also bring one of the worst of Christian traits to the fore and claim that you know the truth, know that he is good and moral and heroic, and that you’re just trying to lead him astray. So, rather than him having to repent, you should. Alfed would prove to be hard headed in everything, though on minor issues and things he would be more inclined to listen and admit that he’s wrong than on major ones. In total, he wouldn’t be extremely communicative on things he doesn’t like, excluding it is something that is tied to his idiosyncrasies, since he would think that rules of the game are clear to you. So, from a certain point onwards, you’ll find yourself walking on egg-shells around him, unless you figure him out and fast. 

Additionally, he is a very busy man. This is a person that can’t sit still for even an hour and has a mind that would constantly race from one train of thoughts to the next set of ideas. Life with him would never be boring (unless you are bad and don’t obey him), so you yourself might end up being too busy to notice all the red flags in the beginning. The start would also be the get-to-know-you phase, where you would have considerably more freedom, so life with him in it would feel exhilarating. While luring you in his fold, he would also be very indulgent towards you and take you where-ever you wish to go. A holiday to Tuscany? Booked and the luggage packed. Need help with your bills? They are already paid. Advise on some future life choice? His lecture/prep talk is going to be over two hours. 

Though, he is also calculating. Not only in the scheming, villain manner, but also in the most literal sense of the word. His actions regarding you, and even just the choice to engage with you is weighed against a set of internal scales. Like any savvy businessman, he wants the costs to him to be as minimal as possible while making maximum profit. To him, this is how the world works and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. So, you would have to bring something to the table as well. Should he help you, then we’re supposed to help him in return. Get a loan from him, then pay it back full and with interest - should you have troubles with that, then he’ll have no problems in … tweaking you or also parts of your life to achieve the desired end result. 

Alfred is also manipulative, and to a horrifying extent. He’d not shy away from restricting your access to information, and sculpting your views to his liking. Even the information that you would be able to get your hands on would be framed to influence you and play on your emotions. He would know a whole array of psychological tricks and shortcuts that he wouldn’t hesitate to use on you. However, if you would do the same to him, he would scream foul. Rules for thee, but not for me indeed. That is a further problem with him - his own perceived exceptionalism dictates that he is above everybody else, and the other’s are just chess pieces on his game board. 

Cornering - How would they get you?

With the carrot and the stick. Ideally, you should never be aware of the stick, though if you put a toe out of line, the stick will become very noticable. In the case that you cooperate, then it would be a Hollywood romance (and like those protagonists in movies, he’ll be similarly incapable of accepting rejection). The future with you should be white and fluffy, akin to a picture-book perfect fantasy. He would also use promises and allusions to such a fate to get you where he wants you. If you have doubts, or if you are a not-so-willing bride, then some pressure would be applied - he would convince your relatives and friends that he’s the best option for you, and have them press-gang you into marrying him. 

Else, he’ll appeal to your naked self-interest, if you have such inclinations. He’ll present himself as the ideal protector, or a way to grant you financial security, or find some other way to awaken your interest. Perhaps you’ll even be convinced that you want the union more than him, that you’re the one using him to your advantage. 

Of course, if push comes to shove, then he would simply abduct you, break you down and rebuild you to his liking. To make an omelette, you have to break a few eggs - that would be his line of thinking if the. Asides, it would all be your fault for not having the right values. 

Expectations - What do they expect of you?

This is the tricky and controversial part. You see, part of Alfred’s expectations, ones that he isn’t even conscious of since he takes them as given, would be that you fit in his world view. What that would entail would be that you hold capitalism and liberalism to be the most progressive forms of politics, that the world must strive towards more freedom and more democracy to reach the end of history, that people are selfish and vainglorious and every interaction between people is nothing more than a transaction. That your lines of thought run on the exact same structures as his do - a liberal, faustian worldview. The matter here is, if you have a different outlook in that regard, then he wouldn’t accept it as valid. You would be declared evil or stupid, or both, by him and he would strive to “save you” and bring you to the light. 

One trait that he would consciously want of you, would be that you’re entertaining. If there is one thing that he wouldn’t tolerate well, then it would be boredom. Don’t induce that in him, don’t let him become bored with you - if you are already in his grasp and he grows disinterested in you, then you’d have a cruel fate ahead of you. Be unpredictable (but not too much, he wants to keep you under lock and key) and challenging to him. In the show that is his life, be either the villian that he must defeat or the love interest that he must save and conquer. . Hence, you'll always have to find ways to be novel and exciting to him - not an easy feat with such a capricious individual. Challenge him, change the rules of the game, make him suffer to have his pleasure. Not too much though - harm could befall you if you make matters too difficult while not having the upper hand. 

Whatsmore, he would expect you to heed him and look up to him. Let him up your knight in shining armour, your shining city on the hill. The trick would be finding the right balance of relenting and resisting; the tricky part would be that this balance would change over time and not in a very predictable fashion. Still, laud and lionise him, make him feel special and wanted. Should he have the feeling that you understand him like no other, then he would be less inclined to throw you away. This could be an advantage or a disadvantage, depending on how your overall standing to each other is. 

Further, he expects you to be of a cheerful disposition. You don't have to be sweet as sugar and everything nice, you are allowed to have a temper and swear and rage from time to time. Blazes, your niceness and optimism is allowed to be very selective. Though, it would have to be in the range of what he would deem as normal. That being said, if you don't entirely fulfil his expectations there, then he wouldn't see it as a dealbreaker. He can "fix" you after all. The end result should then be a person who is committed to him, who greets him at the door and reciprocates his affection. Him and you against the world. Shake your fist at everybody else; it is alright if he is the only one you give your smiles and heart to. 

Beauty is another characteristic that he would seek in a partner. You wouldn't even have to be conventionally beautiful to fulfil his expectations, or even healthy. That being said, he would want you to be pretty in a sense that sickness wouldn't tarnish your looks, like the Victorian ladies that suffered from tuberculosis. In a way, you should be the sort of person that could be cast in a movie. 

Faded - Would they let go of you in any way?

In the case that he would find somebody more enticing, then you would just be casted aside like a ruined doll. Not that he would necessarily throw you out onto the street; it would be more likely that you would be “stored” somewhere, withering away since that you wouldn’t be the centre of his attention anymore. Chances are that he would forget about you, forget to give you sustenance or maintain your hygiene - most likely he’ll only remember you when the stench of your decomposing body reaches his nostrils. That, or he would just drop you off in the middle of nowhere and leave you to fend for yourself. What happens to you beyond that, won’t be his business, or so he would insist.  

On a less macabre front, you could also just slip away in such a scenario and he wouldn’t really care, unless you divulge state secrets and/or sic the police on him. Aside from that, if something else would take up all his attention and commitment, you could actually have a fair chance of making a break for it and staying free forever. By the time he could spend time and attention on you, the trial would have gone cold. Maybe he would even give up on you then. 

Another possibility would be if he would be forced to let you go. Say, if his actions actually lead to negative consequences for him and his power wanes, third parties could intervene and rip you away from him. It could be that he would even become so powerless that he would be forced to live with the outcome. Other than that, there are some lines that even he (or especially he, depending on how you look at it) wouldn’t be able to cross. Should one his rivals take you under their wing, or a weaker person/nation even just successfully hide you, then there would be little he could do about it. 

Punishment - How would they proceed if you do something they disapprove of?

Oh, he can be very harsh. The tricky part with Alfred would be, that he takes a set of ground rules to be self-evident. So, should you break said rules then it wouldn't be because of a misunderstanding, a lack of knowledge or even just an accident. Instead, he would view it as you being purposefully disobedient. That's why you might find yourself spontaneously hulled away and locked in a closet, or tied to the bed. America wouldn't be above giving you a "time-out" in the corner either. 

Else, he would be a fan of white torture. Repeated violation of the ground rules would land you in the white room. You'd stay there for some time, living a very colourless life. Your meals would be white, just like your clothing and bed and overall surrounding. There wouldn't be anything in the room with which you could entertain yourself, just a bolted down bed and a waterless toilet. Other methods that would fall in the same category would be depriving you of sleep, waking you up at random times, or also exposing you to noises that are of very low frequencies. 

Or he would make you live the same day on repeat. The same food, the same books/movies, the same clothes, the same music - those parameters would be fixed, and none of your actions can change anything about it. It would only stop when he decides you've been punished enough. 

Alfred wouldn't resort to physical or sexual abuse to teach you a lesson. Not because he is such a decent person, or because he respects you so deeply, but to keep up appearances. He wouldn't be able to show you in public if you're black and blue, and you should spread your legs for him without him having to pry them apart. Though, if you ask him to lay you over his knee and spank you, then he'll gladly indulge you. And he'll make you ask him or trick you into signing a "permission slip". It would let him punish you as he would deem fit, without ruining the picture of a picture perfect relationship. That being said, if you gain the upper hand, then it would be a different picture. 

Aside from the aforementioned ground rules, there would be variable rules that he would introduce, implement, or discard at will. America would inform you of some of them. However, he is a busy man, and would forget to tell you about changes at times. You'll still be punished, no matter how much you'd protest, though he would be a bit more lenient here from time to time. So it could be some yelling and insults, or it could be him putting you on random medication so that you can suffer from the side effects, and from the intended effects as well. 

Reaction - How would they react to you escaping?

For a short answer - look at all those Hollywood movies. 

For a long answer - shouldering a rifle with a tranquiliser dart and hunting you down like a deer. He'll be tracking your phone and constantly looking into your bank transactions. A missing person report would be put out with a finder's fee or he would have you declared a wanted criminal on some trumped up charges. 

Various surveillance cameras will be monitored and followed, and he'll have agents stationed at airports and the like to intercept you should you appear there. If that wouldn't work, then he'll call in some favours to have somebody stab you in the back and return you to him. 

Should all that fail, then he'll issue an ultimatum to you in a way he would sure that you'll notice. 

Turnabout - Scenario: You have the upper hand? What would be different from their usual MO?

There is a way you could turn the tables without him realising it, or protesting against it too much. The interests of individuals as well as collectives don't always oppose each other, sometimes they align. So, you could manipulate him into doing your bidding by pulling his heart strings or playing on his fears. Since power isn't a zero sum game, and since he has a very skewed view of reality, chances are that he wouldn't even notice. Furthermore, he might be so engrossed with his own "supremacy", that he'll willingly turn a blind eye. 

Though, should he feel threatened or that you're gaining more power over him, then all hell would break loose. Defamation would ensue, and he would do anything to drag your reputation through the mud, with tactics and assertions that would seem straight up ludicrous the longer this situation would play out. Should matters escalate, then he would resort to even graver tactics right up to killing you. With his status under threat, he would pull guns out on you, break your bones, or even strangle you. 

Vengeance - What would they do in the face of competition?

If the person can be bought, they will be bought. Alfred would just through some meaningless things their way to get them to pipe down, make some empty promises, make them sell their soul to him. He would love the opportunity to pull the rug from under them, and he would surely find a way. The despair that they would display is something that he would live for. 

Naturally, there are other methods he would apply. Such as threats and physical intimidation. In those cases, he might end up acting too much like a Disney villain. Funny how the heroes become the villains, eh? As such, he wouldn't have any guilt in swinging his fists and granting his unfortunate opponent a trip to the hospital. The whole affair would be depicted as him defending your honour. 

And if the person goes missing to never be seen again, then what can he do about it? Any and all clues that would point to him being involved would be purely coincidental. 

[krittikasurya]

Some thoughts on Krittka Nakshatra (originally posted on substack and twitter)

Krittika at its best really understands how to both simultaneously enjoy and appreciate things while also being able to give critical commentary and feedback, and I think a lot of people have a hard time wrapping their heads around this level of multifaceted behavior. In a world where black-and-white, all-or-nothing thinking is common and encouraged, people often forget that two things can be true at once. Krittika natives have the creativity and flexibility to understand and implement this “two truths at once” concept into their everyday lives. People think Krittika natives are being insolent or abrasive when the native is just simply speaking on what they’ve learned, gathered, observed and experienced and being straightforward about it…taking the data they’ve accumulated and turning it into something that’s easy to digest. Absolute truths rarely exist, and Krittika exposes the complexities we experience on both a collective and individual level.

Krittika’s goal isn’t to trash things necessarily. I think the goal Krittika natives have is to help themselves and others see things in a different, profound way. Offering refreshing perspectives on many different aspects of life is something the natives take pride in. The Martian influence of the Aries portion of the nakshatra makes one very analytical and strategic. Observing and learning through action and expeirnce, the Aries side of this nakshatra knows how to take things back to the drawing board. They understand that trial and error are some of the best teachers, and that there is always room for change. The Venusian influence of the Taurus portion gives the native discernment and good taste. The discriminatory nature of Venus leaves little to no room for indifference, especially when it comes to connections, arts, and culture. Venus appreciates excellence, and Krittika will accept nothing less. Krittika serves as the bridge between the sun’s (Identity) and the moon’s (Mind) exaltation points, giving both signs vast intelligence that manifests slightly different, but one thing remains the same: The sharp, quick witted nature of the nakshatra that seeks improvement within themsleves and the world around them. In today’s society, echo chambers are growing increasingly common, creating less nuance and mental flexibility, and more groupthink. From arts to politics, the effects of all-or-nothing thinking seems almost inescapable. Mediocrity is the acceptable normal, and Krittika is on a mission to change that.

When not channeled appropriately, Krittika natives can be high strung individuals, hypercritical of both themselves and others while forgetting to appreciate the beauty of life, and the beauty within themsleves. Some constantly feel the need to “shake the table” or say what they believe others are afraid to say, not fully realizing the implications of making ego driven “critiques.” Some “critiques” can be so ego driven, that they are dowright incorrect, mean or hateful in nature. They can be prone to tunnel vision and extreme anger, especially when they feel like their way is the only way. Krittikas can be demanding, exhibiting dictator-like control over their communities which can lead to a “walking on eggshells” feeling for the people around the native. It is imperative that Krittikas don’t lose sight on what’s important: not crossing the thin line between enlightening analysis, and downright negativity.

Krittika natives experience a lot of pleasure from giving critique as well, because they believe that there’s something really cool about being able to get others to think in ways they may not have before, and introduce various perspectives on any given subject. Krittika’s shakti (power) is to purify or burn away impurities, and sharing thier critical thoughts and assessments is one of the best ways to do it in today’s world. If we as a collective are going to consume things, Krittikas believe we can and should evaluate and question what we consume. Things should be questioned more. “Impurities” should be pointed out. The status quo should be challenged in all aspects of life.

Krittika isn’t scared to point out things that are flawed and it infuriates some individuals that Krittika natives don’t just sit and “go with the flow” all the time. Krittika has a burning lust for awareness of the world we live in. Krittika knows that sometimes there will be conflict, they’ll ruffle a few feathers and invoke certain emotions that make others feel uncomfortable, but when done tactfully that has the power to change the world (however big or small you consider your world to be).

[writingquestionsanswered]

hey, i love your blog, you’re so kind for doing all of this. kudos.

i was wondering if you have advice on how to not be terrified of sharing your work with the world? i write a lot of fanfiction (and someday hopefully some original stories) but i get so so anxious about ANYONE reading them so they usually end up rotting in my google docs, and eventually i stop writing them because i don’t get the motivation that comes from reader responses

but the issue is i’m not sure how to tackle this anxiety. as someone who has published works, do you have advice for this?

Tackling the Anxiety of Sharing Your Work

For my answer, I'm going to cobble together some bits from previous posts and add some new stuff. ♥

Sharing our fiction with others is one of the biggest steps we take as writers, and it can be scary no matter what you write. But, if you want to be published, it’s a necessary step. As with so many things in life, doing something that requires courage is often just a matter of taking a deep breath and doing it. "Ripping off the band-aid," as they say.

However, there are some things that might help ease the associated anxiety a bit:

1 - Try to Pin Down Your Specific Fears - One of the first things you may want to do is try to figure out what you're specifically afraid of or what's making you the most anxious about the prospect of sharing your work. If you can find the root cause, it might be easier to tackle the associated anxiety. Are you worried people:

will think your writing is bad?

won’t like your writing style?

won’t get your story/characters?

will judge you for what you write about?

will think less of you for writing at all or what you write about?

will blab about your writing to others?

will steal your ideas?

will see similarities between your story and others?

will make you feel tied to a project you might not complete?

I tackle some of these in the writing-related-fears portion of my Motivation master list.

2 - Don't Rush It - If you take the time to properly revise and edit your story, you can be confident in knowing you've put in the time and effort to make your story the best it possibly can be.

3 - Start Small - If you can, try sharing your story first with an "alpha reader," or in other words a trusted friend, family member, or community member who can appreciate your story. In this case, you might say you're not looking for specific feedback but just a general impression of what they liked about the story. This way, it's not about getting constructive criticism so much as getting over the hump of sharing it and getting the little boost of what they like about the story.

4 - Gradually Go Bigger - From there, you might try sending to a couple of beta readers and opening up to a bit more feedback. The great thing about this is not only are you conditioning yourself to sharing and getting the opinions of others, you can potentially use the feedback to iron out kinks in the story if there are any.

5 - Use a Pen Name - You might want to consider using a pen name for anonymity. Pen names have many different purposes, but much like wearing a mask at a party, they can decrease your inhibition a bit because it creates a bit of a buffer between the real you and your writing.

6 - Post and Let It Go - Many writers get around the issue by simply not engaging with reader feedback, and if you're someone who cares what other people think or are likely to be daunted by the prospect of criticism, this may be the best route for you to go. Now, I know that with fan-fiction in particular, reader feedback is often used for improvement. But the truth of the matter is, you shouldn't rely on reader feedback for improvement anyway. Alpha readers, beta readers, critique partners, and editors are a much better metric for where to improve. When you get your feedback elsewhere, you can post your story and let it fly on its own without worrying about what others are saying.

I hope that helps!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

♦ Questions that violate my ask policies will be deleted! ♦ Please see my master list of top posts before asking ♦ Learn more about WQA here

[undiscovered-horizon]

Cinderella - Nikolai Lantsov x Reader

SUMMARY: Nikolai is a party person, you're not. But he's also a fool in love, so when you quietly disappear, he wastes no time finding you.

WORDCOUNT: ~ 1.5k

>>Grishaverse-inspired playlist<<

☽ REQUESTS ARE OPEN ☾

Nikolai didn’t notice your sudden disappearance right away. He can’t exactly be blamed for that - he wasn’t given a chance to. With the mob of aristocrats and silk stockings flocking to him without mercy or patience, Nikolai’s attention could only take so much. They all wanted to shake the king’s hand, tell him a witty remark or confess how much they were enjoying the evening. He was, however, disillusioned by their pompous words - throughout years he’s learned to quickly catch on to the kernel of truth covered with layers of exaggerated epithets and sophisticated lexicon.

Only when the nobility and magnates spread out through the castle, taking advantage of the rare goods imported just for the ball, did Nikolai feel like he was forgetting something. He looked around the lavish ballroom in search of you, even just a glimpse of your dress or your hair. Alas, he saw none. Logically, he knew you were not in any kind of danger but lovers rarely are reasonable. There’s this strange itchiness in the back of his head that made his fingertips and feet tingle. In a room full of people, he felt uncomfortably lonely without you next to him; the world felt strangely wrong when you were not around.

He walked through the crowded halls asking about you - Grisha, guests, guards, no one seemed to have seen you recently. Despite the audible uneasiness in his voice, he dismissed any questions regarding your assumed well-being. Truthfully, the inquiries were only slightly misguided. You were probably perfectly fine and it was he who was sick with yearning because of your absence. Not sure what to do or where to continue his search, Nikolai simply marched forward, hoping to miraculously bump into you at some point. After all, what kind of miserable night is it going to be for him if he can’t dance even one time with his beloved queen?

Then, a gust of cold wind tugs at his clothes. His eyes look towards the direction of the night breeze only to discover one of the balcony doors being cracked open. Could it be…?

Nikolai approaches the windowed door with hopeful vigour. His heart stops for a moment, only to resume beating at a feverish pace:

As if unbothered by the grand ball, you’re leaning against the guardrail of the balcony, watching the starry sky. Moonlight washes over your silhouette, painting you more of a creature of dreams rather than reality. Cold wind tugs and waves the hem of your lavender gown but you don’t seem to mind it. To Nikolai, you appear almost inhuman like he just stumbled upon a dryad that got too caught up in looking at the moon and forgot to hide from the human gaze. It must be by the Saints’ mercy that he’s the one to not only admire the nymph but hold her heart as his own.

“You come here often, красивая девица?”

Startled, you turn around to look at the unexpected guest. Upon seeing Nikolai’s face, you sigh and let your shoulders relax - you can discard all of your facades around him without ever hearing a word of criticism. Without thinking about it, your lips curve into a smile.

“Only when I need a moment to breathe,” you answer before turning back to look at the sky again.

Nikolai leans on his arm against the guardrail. His watchful gaze studies the side of your face, his thoughts slipping away to gush about your beauty, while he’s trying to keep his focus on the more important matter that is checking up on you. The longer his eyes trail your features, the more he grows convinced that you are, in fact, a dryad and have put some kind of spell on him that has bound his thoughts to you.

“You worried me, love,” he speaks softly, as though he’s afraid his words might further spoil your mood, “disappearing so suddenly.”

With an apologetic look on your face, you meet his gaze. “I’m sorry. I just…” You look away for a moment, gathering thoughts. “It all became a little too much: the people, the noise. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

Nikolai brings your hand to his lips and places a soft kiss on your wedding ring. “I will always worry for you.” The gold jewellery glistens in the pale, silvery moonlight.

 Part of you still finds it hard to believe that a man of his sort is doting on you. Funnily enough, he’s thinking the same - what unimaginable machinations of the universe blessed him with you taking his name?

A comfortable silence falls between the two of you. The noise of people enjoying the evening is distant and muffled like it’s coming from another reality, somewhere far from the microcosm of the balcony. As mentioned before, lovers tend to belong to another species. Nikolai and you are just staring at each other with complete devotion in your eyes, silently exchanging confessions and oaths even death can’t quite break.

The sound of someone walking past the balcony door pulls you back to reality. Although the awakening is not welcome, you find it necessary. “Shouldn’t you be getting back to your guests, мой царь? They came from far away to meet their king.”

“Oh, please, they didn’t come here for me. Why else attend a ball if not to admire the queen?”

“That’s your reason for attending.” Nikolai doesn’t find it in himself to lie and deny the accusation. “Most people just want to dance, talk and have a bit of caviar.”

Jokingly, he puts a hand on his chest. “Are you calling me special?”

You only shake your head and bite your lower lip but it’s not enough to stop the wide smile from spreading across your face. “I never said that.”

Nikolai frowns at your denial but the playful glint in his blue eyes rids his expression of all seriousness. “No, I’m pretty sure I just heard you say ��Nikolai, you’re the most amazing man I have ever met’. Why, thank you. I must agree.”

His half-serious cockiness makes you laugh out loud. If he didn’t look pathetic before, he surely does now: the king of Ravka, staring at you with a soft smile and a dreamy gloss in his eyes. For a moment, he’s not noble in any way, shape or form. Nikolai is just a man - a man who gladly traded deference for love. Your laughter rings in his ears, his yearning mind hoarding the beautiful sound as though it desperately needs it for survival. Even the efforts of the talented orchestra are drowned out by your happiness as there is no other music he wishes to listen to.

Only when you’ve stopped laughing does he continue the conversation, never daring to interrupt something he adores so much: “Are you feeling better, милая?”

“I will soon.”

The orchestra finished one of the more upbeat pieces and in a true show of their expertise, they smoothly transition to a slow, sombre tune. Because of the distance between the balcony and the grand ballroom, the music is muffled as though the artists are performing their song in a nearly-forgotten dream; as if the soft tune belongs to another realm.

“In the meantime,” he says as he offers you his hand, “may I have this dance?”

You only giggle as you put your palm on top of his. Soon, you’re slowly swaying to the distant melody with his arm protectively wrapped around your waist. It’s not an actual ballroom dance, so you feel no embarrassment in comfortably placing your face against his shoulder. Out there, among lords and magnates, maybe this would be considered too casual but on the balcony, it’s the only way one should dance. The time seems to stop as you and Nikolai rock to the rhythm of the sombre tune. 

After what feels like both seconds and hours, you lift your head off his shoulder. Nikolai’s dreamy stare is following your small movements, never missing as much as a twitch of a muscle. If he could, he’d engrave your face on his eyelids, so he doesn’t have to go more than a few seconds without seeing you.

“As much as I appreciate your concern,” you begin quietly, as though raising your voice might burst this little bubble of careless romance, “you don’t have to run after me anytime I need to get away for a moment.”

Nikolai answers in an equally low voice: “I also don’t have to kiss your beautiful face but I just can’t help myself, you know?”

You’re still giggling when you feel his lips against yours. It’s sweet and tender and absolutely consuming. There’s a certain intensity to this kiss - the passion known only to those obsessed with something, whose intrinsic instincts can’t just casually enjoy the object of their desire. His warm lips feel perfectly moulded for yours as he’s silently pouring the contents of his heart for the world to see.

____

красивая девица [kra-see-va-ya de-vi-tza] -> beautiful girl

мой царь [moy tzar] -> my tsar/king

милая [me-la-ya] -> 1. darling, sweetheart 2. cute

[sugarcubetikki]

Okay. I am annoyed by the everything so I’m gonna go ahead and debunk all the arguments against the Francesca X Michaela storyline.

In case you weren’t aware of all the complaints going around, here they are:

they’ve completely changed the storyline from the books! francesca’s infertility storyline was sooo important and now it won’t happen!

eloise would’ve made more sense as the queer bridgerton, her and cressida or some other female character would’ve been great over francesca.

by immediately making francesca attracted to michaela they downplayed john and her’s relationship that was built up this season, they cheapened the book storyline into a cliche love triangle!

michael was the best book hero ever! I can’t believe they’ve changed him to michaela.

I am taking all these criticisms/complaints at face value and ignoring any lesbophobia undertones (for now) just to prove how flawed they still are on their own.

Firstly, saying that Francesca’s infertility storyline has been ruined is far from the truth. Instead it can be done in a different way. Think about Francesca in a queer relationship and wanting kids in the kind of society she lives in. It basically mirrors the infertility storyline from the books except her struggles would become representative of the struggles that queer people who want kids face. If they went for this storyline in her season, I think it would be really really nice, we’ve seen a straight infertility storyline play out so many times, this would be great.

Secondly, I am so tired of hearing that it should’ve been Eloise over Francesca. I don’t think Eloise would’ve made more or less sense as a queer women. I think any and every character has the potential to be written as queer or straight. Being an outspoken women with little interest on marriage shouldn’t make Eloise more queer. I also really liked the idea of a potential Eloise X Cressida romance but that does not mean Francesca cannot be queer. In fact, I’m excited to see this introverted autistic queer girl rep! Francesca, go prove we exist.

Thirdly, Francesca’s season hasn’t even happened yet! Getting mad over one scene of Michaela, saying that John and Francesca’s relationship has been downplayed and that we’re in for a cheapened love triangle story is so unreasonable. It was a single scene and people are choosing to get mad over something that hasn’t even happened yet? Besides, if this storyline plays out, it wouldn’t mean that Francesca shouldn’t have been made queer but simply that the writers didn’t write the storyline to your liking. The fact that there’s this much outrage over this is so ridiculous to me. Wait till her season. We have no idea how they’re going to play out the storyline just yet so stop hating already (there may be some lesbophobia implications to this claim which I have spoken about below).

Fourthly, I know it’s not a nice feeling to not get the chance to see a beloved book character onscreen due to this gender swap. It may feel unfair but I mean but…give Michaela a chance? We haven’t seen her personality yet and we don’t know how Masali will bring her character to life. If your qualms are that the love interest is no longer a guy you can fetishise and fawn over, then well…log out of the internet, rant to a friend and stick to the books. Let the sapphics have their wlw romance that we rarely get these days because we keep getting cancelled since streaming services hate gay women. And no that is not an exaggeration but our plain reality. So let us have this.

Finally, to end things off, let us address the lesbophobia aspect to this separately because it is 100% worth mentioning.

The treatment towards queer women onscreen is hardly the same as the hype around queer men.

We can see it in the way streaming services and the internet hype up gay romances whilst sapphic romances are largely ignored and cast to the side (just to make it clear I have nothing against people enjoying mlm romance I enjoy mlm romance all I’m saying that it’s a real shame that wlw romance doesn’t get the same amount of appreciation).

The response to Francesca X Michaela has been largely negative and it’s frustrating. Outside of the cosy gay rabbit hole that tumblr is, there’s just outrage over this storyline/pairing for a number of different reasons that well…all feel ridiculous.

Bridgerton has gone off the books many times yet there’s more outrage than before when it comes to Francesca X Michaela?

Fans are getting a lot more defensive of John and Francesca’s relationship despite knowing he was never going to be endgame all because of Michaela? I’m sorry but I’m sure that if Michaela was Michael and we got the exact same scene with Francesca, do you think there would be as much outrage over John and Francesca’s relationship being downplayed? No. Let’s be honest. People wouldn’t be as mad because there’d be an attractive man involved.

I think the sapphics deserve so much more and better treatment from fellow non-sapphics. Instead of a show of appreciation, we keep getting unreasonable amounts of fire onto this storyline that hasn’t even happened.

What’s worse is that I know that Francesca X Michaela’s romance could follow the story beats of previous seasons that were eaten up by fans and still be bad to people because sapphic romances are just judged more harshly as straight audiences refuse to connect with them. If their romance isn’t phenomenal and just good, then it won’t be enough which is just frustrating.

So yeah, the hate towards Francesca and Michaela is unwarranted and unjust. People need to calm down and realise that their claims are contributing to lesbophobia whether they realise it or not.

[sisterdivinium]

It’s tempting to think of Jillian as an atheist given her connexion to science, her confrontation with the church in s1 and simply as a counterpoint to all the religious characters around her. I’ve used the word for her myself in fic before, but I did it fully knowing that Jillian is perhaps the character who most wants to believe.

There’s an implication that she speaks from experience when she tells Kristian one doesn’t ever really leave the church…

… And her firm principle of proving faith and science can coexist shows she has no intention of dismantling faith in itself or the value people find in spirituality.

When Luther supposedly nailed his objections to that fateful church door, he didn't intend to shake the core of what faith actually is—quite the contrary, one could argue.

Neither is Jillian trying to destabilise faith in itself... The difference is that she just decided to build her own door instead.

The church might stand in her way, yes, but one could could make a case about how it is more due to their keeping of divinium than to the criticism she directs at Vincent on the subject of Hell and the subjugation of women. She might well believe it—or any part of her performance during most of season one, really—but her conflict with the institution lies less in the way of ideology than in matters of practical consequences.

Were it not so, wouldn’t she have been a little more resistant to her son’s visions of an angel? Why believe in a child’s prophetic drawings otherwise? Even if she by any chance didn’t consider the giver of those visions an angel, the very fact of taking a vision seriously would suggest some degree of fidelity to the very idea of there being something more, something else than the life we know in this plane of existence.

If she doesn’t admit the existence of a god outright, she at least lends credence to the idea that there is something. We might not be able to take her fully at her word in the scenes where she’s playing her part as a seeker of knowledge maligned by the Vatican, but there is some amount of truth to what she says. She might not have truly found Heaven, she might not be able to prove her portal actually leads there...

… But she most certainly wants to be right. For Michael’s sake, there must be something else, even if not precisely what has been foreseen by scripture.

And, even so, she finds worth in that very scripture she doubts.

Perhaps she’s being honest when she tells Vincent she likes the stories—there’s a lot of knowledge to be found in even the simplest of them to she who knows how to seek it.

Perhaps there’s an underlying attachment of hers to the Bible, a past she cannot really abandon. It’s not all that common for people with absolutely no ties to Catholicism to have something like the image of a saint as decoration hanging in the background.

Sure, there are other religious elements scattered in her workplace including a Buddha, but it’s a man who used to be an archivist at the Vatican she hires, not a defected monk or rabbi.

Yes, she will work with anyone who is equally willing to work with her. It’s not from the goodness of her heart as there is a component of selfishness in such cooperation—one to which she admits herself—but her attitude is also a testament to the openness she has concerning the results she might obtain. Maybe the OCS is right, maybe there’s a God and saints and Heaven and Hell…

It doesn’t really matter as long as there is something, something to work towards, something to seek.

Or it didn’t matter—while Michael was alive.

She has had her proof of there being more... And she has paid a high price for learning of it.

It’s a pity we don’t know what she would have done with this information. How do we react when what we believe is confirmed to be true but not in the way we expected or desired?

Whatever shock the nuns have experienced to their faith in this business with Adriel, the perversion of the power of prayer and all else they've survived during season two, Jillian is likely to have felt the very same blow right alongside them.

[tibby-art]

START telling me about Liam I'll throw up/pos

oh dude dude so liam is kyles younger brother and theyre very close. liam is a pretty nice, easygoing, kinda nerdy but friendly guy who’s had an interest in things like cryptids, aliens, magic, etc from a young age. kyle quickly follows in this interest and they spend a lot of time ‘monster hunting’ in the woods (taking cool photos, practicing bigfoot calls, etc). kyle cares for him a lot and is always looking out for him as an older brother, even if he’s a little reckless and unhinged at times. liam can sometimes be that voice of reason that keeps kyle from doing anything too crazy (and now look at how well kyle is faring without liam to keep him grounded)

liam always did much better in school. kyle is the problem child who skips class and doesn’t pay attention, but liam had great grades and was set to go to college for computer science. kyle doesn’t think very highly of himself, not in a pity-party way but mote of an acceptance? he thinks simply, “im not a great guy, im not good at school and idk what i want a carreer in. my brother is super smart and has a lot of potential, it’s my role to focus on helping him thrive”. looks out for liam, drives him to school, etc.

sidenote kyle’s car is full of marker doodles on the interior and anyone who rides in it can draw on the insides. the passenger seat is full of liam doodles of green ufos and cute aliens and stuff. the car is also named Charizard.

i think kyle is selfless in a stubborn way that ropes back around to selfishness. kyle is so loyal that he would put himself in harms way to protect someone he cared about in an instant. but this isn’t necessarily a Good thing - when you’re an older brother or a role model or any instance of being looked up to, you have a responsibility to take care of yourself too and he is severely lacking in this department. liam is 17 when he goes missing and i don’t think kyle has fully grasped just how mature liam is at this point. liam is worried for kyle and kyle has no idea.

liam goes missing in March of 2009. The campaign begins in September of 2009, 6 months later. this is just enough time that people are beginning to move on from the tragedy, except kyle of course, who refuses to move on/go back to school/get a job until he finds the truth. he puts missing person posters up all over town. he leaves ominous graffiti criticizing the police and reminding the town that people go missing here & no one cares. also another Fun Sidenote is that because liam goes missing in march, he misses his 18th birthday (june 18. hes a cancer i consider these things) and his high school graduation. alexa play wake me up when september ends (i dont think kyle can listen to this song). ever since the disappearance kyle gets nightmares once every week or two i think

hm what else oh yeah so in our discord server for the campaign we have 1-on-1 text channels with the other members where we can roleplay text conversations our characters may have between sessions. i asked jinx for a channel for kyle and liam where kyle can text liam telling him about his adventures and all of his cool new friends who are going to help him find him. liam doesn’t reply of course- wherever he’s gone he clearly doesn’t have access to his cell phone or else the mystery would have been solved a Lot quicker. but i think kyle and liam, despite both having friends in school, were always a little bit of the town weirdos that were way more into fantasy stuff than anyone else. so i think when kyle bonds with the party, he’s happy to have other magic weirdos around him for once, but it also eats him up inside to think about how much liam would like his new friends too. the party visits a cool magical library at some point and kyle has a moment where he just Stares at it all and thinks about how much he would love it. their mother is a librarian and they definitely spent a lot of their childhood running around the library playing & reading while she worked.

something crazy we realized is that every member of the party has a four-letter name (kyle, edie, vera, bill) and also is associated with colors in an order (red, pink, purple, blue). liam’s name also has four letters and his associated color is green. its a spooky coincidence that emphasizes that this person should be here, and their abscence is felt.

so yeah ermmm erm uhh yeah thats how its going!!!!!

liam’s toyhouse page btw

[gotskamstuff]

Oh these people are actually VILE!!

Imagine spending months before the final season announcement saying in interviews how much you hoped to get renewed for season 5 AND SEASON 6 and then when the network cuts it short because the numbers are going down, YOU PUT THE BLAME ON THE CAST AGING… as if they didn’t know it from the start that casting a 28 years old (at the time) for the role of a 16 years old included this inconvenience and what a rude way to phrase it!

This whole situation gets more and more rancid by the minute, both the Pates/Burke and Pankow have shown zero respect towards the rest of the cast and audience with their lies on one side and total silence on the other. All four of them are only protecting themselves and not giving a single shit about the show and people involved.

The producers only keep lying to protect their image, ‘cause let’s get this straight they are not doing any of this for Rudy’s sake but for the sake of their own reputations and to make it seem like there was no problem whatsoever on their set and things are perfectly under control, but in the meantime the ones that keep catching strays and directly keep getting exposed to the people’s criticism are quite literally the only ones who don’t deserve it at all: THE REST OF THE CAST!!

And not only not a single person who’s to blame for how things unfolded is doing anything in their power to correct this…but now they’re also piling on it? Disgusting.

Rudy on the other hand isn’t spending a single word for coming clean and honestly admitting that he simply wanted to move on to different things, which there’s nothing wrong with it and he has all the rights to do so, but instead he just dipped and remains silent while his colleagues and the show that launched his career are catching hell for his decision, taking zero accountability while he left the others in deep shit. I’ve been a fan of Rudy myself for years but at a certain point you gotta be objective and the disappointment is real…the gratitude he speaks in his social media posts doesn’t quite match with his actions.

The producers are also blatantly being dishonest to the audience by contradicting their own past statements and are taking no responsibility whatsoever for the decision that led Netflix to cut the show short, instead they keep coming up with different reasons and excuses in each interview by putting the blame in everyone else…now it’s Chase and the cast getting old, last time it was THE FANS themselves for always theorizing about JJ’s death! They seem to forget that as the writers and producers of this show they are the ones responsible for the unfolding of the story and the response it gets (by both audience and network).

And before this post gets at least ONE reply that I know will say it…I’m sorry, but if you still believe that Rudy didn’t decided to leave the show and there wasn’t drama on that set then I don’t know what to tell you, it couldn’t be more evident than this. The Pates/Burke also had the option of saying nothing at all if they wanted to protect everyone’s image so badly but instead they decided to speak on it and be vocal, so if Rudy truly had NOTHING to do with the unfolding of the events and if it truly was 100% their plan since the beginning for the story to go in this direction then it would be pretty fucking easy for them to EXPLICITLY say “Rudy has nothing to do with this” considering the backlash it gets him…but they’re not saying it and no one is saying anything to shut the speculations down ‘cause it’s gotten painfully obvious to the public how true this all is.

If the truth was far from what we are saying then they would have no problem to quickly shut it down in front of the backlash these “rumors” are costing to multiple people themselves included, but instead they keep lying, being vague and not explicitly denying it for a reason. It’s true and it’s embarrassing for them to have the dirty laundry exposed, costing them their image.

I truly feel sorry for Chase, Madelyn, JD, Carlacia and Drew (and the rest of the cast and crew) for paying the price of all these people lack of integrity and lack of professionalism, they deserved better than seeing the project they dedicated YEARS of their careers going down like this and to be treated like the scapegoats for the consequences the show suffered because of the decisions of others. All of this is out of their control and yet they’re the ones who are seeing their job and contracts cut short and getting exposed to the fans discontent, NO ONE who truly is to blame is speaking up for them or doing anything to correct this for their sake.

Crazy to think that the 2020 “family” became THIS, these producers clearly don’t give a fuck anymore not only about this show but also about the cast, as long as they can save face and move on to cash the next check. Vile.

[female-malice]

I want lesbians to be the parents of their children without the government or anyone else trying to get in their way. But isn't a birth certificate more about biology? It would be important for health reasons to know who the biological relative to the baby is, same with the baby's biological sex. Unless I am completely misunderstanding what a birth certificate is and maybe it's more of a government thing than I thought? Now that I think about it, I don't know what a birth certificate for a baby born to a parent and a step parent would look like either.

You are completely misunderstanding what a birth certificate is. A birth certificate is a LEGAL document designating parental rights.

A paternity DNA test is a medical document that shows someone's genetic history.

A birth certificate is a legal document that a child will need every day of their life. A birth certificate designates who is legally responsible for a child's life.

IF YOU PUT A MAN'S NAME ON A LESBIAN FAMILY'S BIRTH CERTIFICATE, YOU ARE GIVING HIM PARENTAL RIGHTS.

Whoever told you birth certificates are about ~biological reality~ is a lesbophobe.

My brother's friend does not legally have a father. His mother did not give his biological father parental rights. She elected not to put his name on the birth certificate. She did not want her shitty ex-boyfriend to have any legal parental relationship with her son. That is her right as a woman.

"Gender critical feminists" want to take this right away from all women because they are blinded by their own lesbophobia.

Please read Letizia's essay more closely.

Don't just open the tab and leave it unread. Here, I'll give you a short section to read right now:

The facts of biology are suddenly forgotten once the so called "non traditional" family is composed of a man and a woman. No government in any country is removing non-biological fathers from birth certificates, even though the man in the birth certificate has no biological relation to the child. On the contrary, most countries have pretty straightforward laws about the recognition of non-biological fathers as long as the couple in question is heterosexual.

I live in a small Italian village, one of those places where secrets don’t exists and your problems are everyone’s problems. The happy nuclear family a few houses down the road couldn’t conceive a child naturally because the husband is sterile. Not the end of the world these days. The Italian law allows IVF to heterosexual couples. The happy nuclear family simply picked a sperm donor, and a beautiful girl was born, she has her mother’s eyes.

The father on the birth certificate is not the donor, however the happy nuclear family didn’t receive a letter from the Italian government telling the husband that he is not the father of his child. No, it only happened to lesbian families in Italy. 

So where is your truth now? Your biological reality. Aren't we here to protect children and fight for reality? According to you this man shouldn’t have legal rights on the child his wife birthed. Or does it work differently because their family is approved by the church? Oh but this is different, he has a wife, he is heterosexual, he could have been fertile! Well, I could have been born male. To quote every mamma on the peninsula: if my grandmother had wheels she would have been a bike.

[lucygxybaird]

12 days of Christmas - Day Three

You nibble on your lower lip, eyebrows twitching together in concentration as you tug on the red-and-green plaid bow you’ve tied around the banister. There’s a row of them marching up the stairs, each carefully tied one just above the other, so they form a neat diagonal line. You take a step back to take in the full effect, planting your hands on your hips as you sweep a critical eye over your own work. 

“It looks lovely.” The voice, coming from behind you, makes you jump, despite how warm and gentle it is. You whip around to find Mrs. McSween standing in the doorway leading to the kitchen. “Oh, dear, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

She reaches out to touch you on the arm, her genuine concern written clearly on her face. You smile sheepishly and shake your head. “It’s alright, Mrs. McSween. I was just making sure everything looked…” 

You look over your shoulder at the bows tied to the banister, nibbling thoughtfully on your lip. When Mrs. McSween lays her hand on your shoulder, you turn back around and offer another embarrassed little smile. “It looks lovely,” she says again. “And how many times now have I asked you to call me Susan?” 

With no small amount of embarrassment, you find yourself blushing. You’ve worked for the McSweens for a few months now, and both Mrs. McSween — Susan — and Mr. McSween are without a doubt the kindest employers you’ve ever had. Not one woman you’ve worked for before has asked you to call her by her Christian name, which is part of why it’s so difficult to remember to do so. You’ve had employers who have been pleasant enough, but this feels different. Susan and her husband make you feel like you matter. 

Quite frankly, you’re afraid of getting accustomed to this feeling, because in your experience that’s the most certain way to lose it. And you don’t think you could stand it if that were to happen. 

“Susan,” you echo obediently, and she smiles at you. “Is there anything else you need from me today? These are the last of the party decorations.” 

Mrs. Mc — Susan shakes her head, looking around again. “No, dear, there’s nothing else. You did a wonderful job,” she says. “I want everyone to know how talented you are, but I’m afraid they’ll steal you away if I tell them this was all you.” 

You laugh softly. “Oh, it’s not th—!” 

Before you can demure properly, the front door swings open to admit Mr. McSween, stamping the snow from his boots on the woolen mat before the door as he unwinds a scarf from around his neck. “My goodness, look at this place!” he exclaims, a boyish smile warming his face. “It seems as though I’ve stepped into Santa’s workshop.”

“Didn’t someone decorate so beautifully?” Susan says, taking you by the shoulders and giving you a gentle push forward, so Mr. McSween’s attention is drawn to you.

He smiles at you. “I take it this is your handiwork,” he says. “Susan is right. It’s beautiful, indeed.” Pausing in the act of taking off his coat and scarf, he adds, “Are you on your way home? If you’d like, I could take you. I know you don’t live far, but there’s no reason for you to walk in such cold weather.”

Knowing full well there’s no point in demurring, since Mr. McSween will simply insist, you smile and say, “That would be very kind of you, sir, thank you.”

Mrs. McSween hugs you goodbye, turning to make her way into the kitchen. She’s only partway down the hall when Mr. McSween says, as he’s handing you your own coat and scarf, “Do you have any plans for the holiday?”

You know it’s a mistake as soon as you say it — you don’t want to impose — but the truth comes out before you can stop yourself. “Oh, no, I’ll be on my own,” you say. “It’s just me at home.”

Mr. McSween pauses, and you both turn to look as the sound of Mrs. McSween’s retreating footsteps freezes in the middle of the hall. You would swear Mr. McSween throws you a furtive apologetic look, as if to say, I’m sorry, but you’ve sealed your fate.

“Well,” Susan says, turning back around and planting her hands on her hips. “That simply will not do. No one should be alone on Christmas! You’ll simply have to stay with us, at the very least through the 26th, if not New Year’s.”

Despite feeling very sure that it’s useless, you can’t help but try. “Oh, but, Mrs. Mc—”

Her eyes narrow.

“Susan,” you amend hastily. “I don’t want to be a bother—”

You notice Susan’s eyes flick over your shoulder to Mr. McSween, a silent signal between spouses. Mr. McSween clears his throat. “You wouldn’t be a bother,” he insists. “We would love to have you. You work so hard for us, and you’re certainly a pleasure to have around.”

While you’re blushing furiously, he takes you gently by the shoulder. “Please, stay,” he adds. “Truly, it would be our honor.”

Well, there’s not much you can say to that, is there? And you can’t deny, now that the embarrassment has started to fade, that you really like the prospect. You truly do like the McSweens, not just as your employers but as people; and you’ve never been to a big Christmas party before. You’ve helped Susan with the guest list, so you know a lot of important people are coming.

It just never occurred to you that you, yourself, might be one of them.

Your cheeks are still pink, but you clear your throat and smile. “Well, then…I would love to stay,” you say. “Thank you so much.”

Moving faster than you’ve ever seen her go, Susan crosses the space between you and throws her arms around you in an exuberant hug. “Fantastic!” she says. “Now, I insist you come sit with me by the fire. You know how to knit, yes? Maybe you can help me. I only just learned, and…”

She keeps up a stream of excited shatter as she loops her arm through yours and leads you into the living room. You’re sure it’s an attempt to rid you of any lingering nerves, and by the time she’s settled you in a chair by the fire with a skein of yarn and a pair of knitting needles in your lap, you almost feel at home.

You watch as the sun sets beyond the window, and you help Susan light the candles placed in holders and candelabras around the room, placed to create a rosy Christmas glow and catch the baubles and tinsel hanging from the tree. Mr. McSween lights a fire, and you — after insisting on it for a few minutes — set out the food and drink. 

When the first knock comes at the door, instinctively you hop up to answer it, but Mr. McSween waves you aside. You hear the chatter as a few guests come in, and there’s a flurry of introductions between you as Mr. McSween leads them into the living room. A part of you is worried that their guests while wonder what on earth you’re doing here, but they appear perfectly nice.

The living room is becoming a little crowded not even a half hour later, as more people arrive, so you’re more than happy to get the door yourself when someone knocks. Brushing by partygoers as politely as you can, you open the door to find—

“Billy!” you blurt out, a very strange reaction considering you’ve never met the young man before, at least not properly.

You recognize his face from the wanted posters that used to be put up around town, but he’s also a frequent guest at the McSween house. You’ve caught glimpses of him from the kitchen as you prepare dinner, although Mrs. McSween would usually come in to bring the food to the table herself. At first you thought it was because they didn’t want you around a reformed outlaw, but the more you heard Alexander and Susan talk about him, you realized that wasn’t the case. Both McSweens think the world of Billy — he’s brave, kind, noble, even, not to mention clever with a good mind for strategy — and that more than anything has colored your view of him.

Looking up into a pair of dusk-blue eyes, you wonder if perhaps they kept you from meeting Billy because they were trying to keep a grasp on propriety. Just from his gaze alone — direct and so very, very blue — you feel as though you’ve had the air knocked out of you.

“That’s me,” he says, and smiles at you, taking off his hat. “May I come in?”

You nearly trip over your own feet in your haste to let him inside. “Oh, of course! I’m so sorry for just staring like a loon,” you say. “I’m—!”

“I know who you are,” Billy says, another warm smile appearing on his face. “The McSweens always talk real highly of you. And besides—!”

Something in his gaze changes, almost like the way the air shifts before a storm, except it makes you feel oddly…safe. Seen. “You stand out, sweetheart,” he says quietly. “It would take a man with the sense of a tree stump not to notice you when he’s in the same house.”

As badly as you blushed when Mrs. McSween invited you to stay, it’s nothing to the way your cheeks are flaming now. Billy grins at you and offers you his arm to walk you back into the party. “Shall we?” he says.

You tuck your hand into the crook of his arm, and you nod, smiling up at him shyly.

After that, you find yourself spending most of the evening with Billy. Maybe he senses that you aren’t quite comfortable socializing with the type of people you usually wait on, or maybe…well, no, you won’t let yourself think like that. Surely someone as handsome and charming as he is already has a girl. He’s probably just being nice.

The two of you have found a cozy, relatively quiet corner. After he asks you how long you’ve worked for the McSweens — coming up on a year now — how long you’ve lived in town — since you were ten years old — and other little pleasantries that vaguely sketch out a background, he leans forward, his gaze intent.

“Can I ask you something?” he asks.

You nod.

“Promise to tell me the truth?” he says. “You can’t lie on Christmas.”

Surprising yourself with your frank response, you say, “I don’t think you should lie, ever. I won’t.”

He smiles a little. “I agree with you, honey, but sometimes you just can’t help it,” he says. “But I’m as honest as I can be, I promise.”

You look up at him. “I believe you,” you say, and you think you detect a flicker of relief in his eyes. “What did you want to ask me?”

Another faint smile touches his lips. “I was wonderin’ if you’d ever seen me on a wanted poster before.”

You can’t help but wince. “I did,” you admit. “But it doesn’t matter to me.”

Billy raises an eyebrow. “It doesn’t?”

“No,” you say. “Mr. McSween has told me a lot about you, too. I know why you ended up on those posters, and it seems to me it wasn’t really your fault. When you were young, you were scared and alone, just trying to survive.” You nibble on your lower lip. “Of course, it’s not the same, but I do understand that. I’ve been on my own for a long time, too. My parents passed away when I was fifteen.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” he says, and you can tell by his hushed tone, almost the same as one would use within a church, that he means it and it isn’t just a platitude.

You offer him a small smile of your own. “Thank you,” you say. “I was lucky in that I could find work as a maid. But it was still difficult, if not just because of the—”

“The loneliness.”

You nod. “Right,” you murmur. “And even after you grew up, you tried to make a better life for yourself. The only reason you ended up on the wrong side of the law was because the law itself was in the wrong.”

Billy smiles again. This time there’s more warmth in it. “Too true, darlin’,” he says. “And put better than I could have done it.”

A faint blush covers your cheeks once more. “Well, I just…I don’t think it’s very fair. You were only trying to do the right thing, and you were the one who was punished for it. I’m just glad you had people like the McSween’s to help you.”

“Me too,” Billy says. He offers you a soft smile and takes up your hand. “Especially because they’re the reason I got to meet you.”

The fire burning under your skin grows hotter. “Why does that matter?”

“Because you’re sweet,” he says. “And honest. You’re smart, and I can tell you have a good heart. And, well…”

He hesitates for a moment, and you can’t help but smile. “You can’t lie on Christmas,” you remind him. “A lie by omission counts.”

Billy chuckles. “Well,” he says again, “I happen to think you’re very pretty. Might just be the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.”

“Oh—”

Before you have a chance to protest — this simply cannot be true — Billy’s glance is drawn upward by something dangling over your head. “Would’ya look at that,” he says, and lifts his chin to direct your gaze. “Mistletoe.”

You flick your eyes up to catch sigh of the dark green leaves and waxy red berries. As you glance back at Billy, you notice he’s already studying your lips as if trying to commit their shape and color to memory. “Would you mind?” he asks. “It don’t matter about tradition. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but…”

When he hesitates again, you remind him, “No lying on Christmas.”

Billy chuckles. “But I’ve wanted to kiss you since the first time I laid eyes on you,” he says. “Not tonight, either. Months and months ago. Mr. McSween offered to introduce us, but I wanted to be sure the governor’s pardon was gonna come through after all. I thought you deserved better than an outlaw.” 

Months and months ago?

“Kiss me, Billy,” you murmur. 

Who can deny mistletoe, after all?

Billy leans in and presses his lips against yours, a kiss that’s soft and sweet, exceedingly gentle. Your hands find purchase on his shoulders as his hands find your waist, pulling you closer. 

“We could have done that months and months ago?” you ask, once you break apart, which makes Billy grin down at you. “I had no idea that you’d even noticed me.”

“Of course I did,” he says. “I would catch sight of you every now and then when Mrs. McSween would come through with our plates. I actually chose that specific chair in hopes of seein’ you, even if it was just for a second. Seein’ you smile for a moment or two was like catching a glimpse of an angel.”

You’re tired of standing around with a cherry-red face, so you just bury your head into Billy’s shoulder, making him laugh.

“Are you busy on Boxing Day?” he asks against your hair, and now it’s your turn to giggle.

“No.”

“Can I come see you?”

You look up at him. “You better,” you say.

He grins at you. “I’ll be here,” he says. “Now that I’ve got my angel in my arms, I’m not plannin’ on letting you go.”

[crystaldivination]

𝐘𝐎𝐔, 𝐀 𝐅𝐀𝐒𝐂𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐁𝐄𝐈𝐍𝐆 .˚

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭’𝐬 𝐬𝐨 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐰𝐞?

Hello beautiful souls and welcome to another intuitive pick a card reading. Today we will be looking at what’s so special about you that makes you drop-dead gorgeous. I hope to be able to bring you some delight feelings and contentment with this reading. It’s quite long so as always please let me know if this resonates with you in some way. I’d be happy to know if you enjoy my works. Likes, reblogs, comments and follows are highly appreciated. Thank you ♡︎

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© 2023 Crystaldivination | All rights reserved.

how to choose your pile. take a few deep breaths & look at each piles separately. Which pile sparks an interest in you? Which pile do you feel called out to the most or reminds you of something? Take your time and come back later to it again if you can't seem to choose.

The piles

from left -> right

Disclaimer: this is a general reading which may or may not resonate with you. Take what resonates and leave out anything that doesn't. Feel free to choose another pile if you'd like.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐎𝐍𝐄: 𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐗𝐀 𝐃𝐄𝐌𝐈𝐄.

La feminine mystique

Hello pile 1,

you’re so powerful. Let me tell you what I mean by that. You possess an enormous energy in you which seems to have no limit. This can be an extremely powerful force that can benefit you in the long run if you know how to use it wisely and it seems like you do. Other people often feel "intimidated" by you. They feel compelled to respect you and treat you with dignity. You attract attention without meaning to. For some of you this confidence may stem from what you’ve been through in your past. Your experiences shape and form you to be the person you are now and you know it. That’s why you’re proud of yourself, proud of the strength you’ve gained from your pain and always carry yourself with pride. You don’t let others step on your boundaries and your well-established values. Other people can sense and see this attitude coming from you even if you don’t openly express this directly. You make a statement with your presence. You subconsciously challenge other people as well especially men. You radiate an energy that’s just as bright and powerful as the sun or hot and passionate as Mars or dangerous and brooding like Pluto. You don’t sit around waiting for a prince on a white horse to come to your rescue, you dive into the challenges and face them head one. You stand up and get things done and you do it YOUR WAY. You don’t give in to anyone even if it means to hurt someone’s feelings if you truly believe in something firmly. You’re daring and sassy. You’re words might be harsh sometimes but the truth hurts so for you your bluntness just simply means that "It’s better to get hurt by the truth than to hear sugarcoating false lies". That quality of yours makes you admirable in the eyes of many although for people who is more on the traditional side (referring to the fixed gender roles of masculinity and femininity) they could see you as being too intense, overwhelming or over empowering but that’s okay because you’re not here to please or fit anyone. You know your worth and you’re not afraid to face any criticism because that’s part of life. You’re familiar with that but you couldn’t care less for you’re the one who create your own reality.

To conclude what makes you so special is your renowned sense of self and self-confidence. You believe 100% in yourself. You know what you want and know how to get that bag. You’re just a girl boss and most importantly you’re priceless. You don’t give away too much from yourself yet enough to show who you are. You represent real womanhood and stand for feminism. You’re the mysterious femme fatale who’s giving everyone weak knees. It’s giving successful business woman/entrepreneur vibe. You’re such a win overall.

[Astrology placements] Leo, Scorpio, Aries, Capricorn, Virgo, Pluto-mercury, Pluto-ascendant, Mars-asc/mc, Pluto/Mars/Neptune dom or influence

𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠! 𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤, 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟏 ♥︎

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐓𝐖𝐎: 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑

A supernova

Hello pile 2,

you’re well-liked for a reason. You’re charming and always outrank others with your tenderness. Your kind demeanor and attitude just make others mesmerized by you. You put others above you and never seem to really want the "prize" of being the best everyone is looking for. You surpass all superficiality of this world. Jealousy, competition or intentionally stepping on others to get to where we want is not a solution for you. You dislike that. You believe in a peaceful and harmonious world. Hostile, judgmental attitudes create a negative, pessimistic picture of the world we live in so you choose to be kind and fair. You see that relying on one’s ego and be full of greediness won’t do anyone any good. People really notice this difference in you hence most might see you as superior to others. You’re so empathetic that people can’t help but want to protect you. You’re very balanced in your way. You care for others but never forget about your own needs. You’re always so put together and professional when dealing with other yet you can relate and connect with them on a personal or emotional level as well. You just have a knack for being sociable. You’re diplomatic and gentle. Others might view you as a soft or even obedient kind of individual but you know when to stand up. For yourself and for others. This makes you admirable and respected by anyone. You very much stand for justice and righteousness. You believe everyone is the same regardless their race, status or anything society would judge a person by. You’re definitely a pacifist. People love you and most importantly they believe you. They believe in you and your power to change the world FOR THE BETTER. A world where everyone can live in peace with each other, where there is no useless competition or harmful intentions. Your picture of a beautiful place where one live harmoniously together and function together as one is a desirable wish for many who believe in togetherness and the collective.

To conclude what makes you so special is your sense of purpose. You call out for a meaning to live and exist in this world. You impress other people with your vision of a world filled with love. Love for oneself and others by being kind. And indeed people who are truly kind have the ultimate leverage. If you give without expectation of getting anything in return, you've won. The obvious benefit of being kind, honest, and loving to others is to affect positively those around us. If you respond with kindness, all the hate will be defused. You only force yourself to be bigger than the negativity. If given the choice, most of us would prefer to be in the presence of a person with a humble spirit and YOU are one. Your energy and vibe reminds me of Marilyn Monroe’s.

[Astrology placements] pisces, cancer, libra, venus-Pluto, sun-venus, moon-Jupiter, venus/sun/Jupiter dom or influence

𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠! 𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤, 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟐 ♥︎

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄: 𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐂𝐇 𝐒𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐄𝐍.

A rebel

Hello pile 3,

let me start by saying that you’re so innovative. You have the craziest ideas but they are all so forward thinking. People see you as a genius most likely. People might even call you "mad" because of your weird ideas but you probably easily prove to them about it. You’re the definition of an intellectual and knowledgeable individual. What makes you superior to other people is that you know you’re different from them and you embrace this so well. You may be proud in nature but never arrogant. Your easy-going attitude is what attract a lot of suitors. Eyes are being laid on you all the time. You’re the cool and fun sis/bro in the hood. What’s unique about you is that you create or like have a different form of expression and you know how to get your messages across using different amount of mediums or modalities. Your different perspectives makes you incredible interesting in the eyes of other people. Furthermore you’re a very good debater. You have your own visions and you’re all about evoking a revolution, changes and progressiveness. You’re most likely known for being a shock factor. Your purpose might be here to literally disrupt the system that we live in now. It's like actually you don't want to do it the same way it's been done before so you create something completely new. You might see that it’s because our evolution is changing and you feel like you're in a role or a position to bring in new strategies for a good cause. You have your own moral spine. You’re strong enough to rely on yourself and do everything on your own. You don’t need help from anyone yet you’re not scared to ask for help when you need it. It’s very admirable to have this kind of balance in you. You’re not trapped, bound or driven by your own ego. If it serves the intention for a new growth and more developed world you’re ready for everything to make it happen. You’re a warrior. You break the norms and find way to improve society like no one else does and that’s for everyone in it not just a certain percent of people. People see you as a source of inspiration. You walk your own path but never alone.

To conclude what makes you so special is your inventive skills and mind. You stand out from the crowd because you own your uniqueness and new ideas. You don’t shy away if you or your different views aren’t being well-received by others. You stay true to yourself while being understanding of them and accepting their differences and opinions. You just continue to do your own thing. It’s really giving Gen Z vibe.

[Astrology placements] Gemini, Aquarius, Sagittarius, Uranus-nn, Saturn-Pluto, Jupiter/Saturn/Uranus dom or influence

𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠! 𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤, 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟑 ♥︎

© 2023 crystaldivination ── all rights reserved. do not copy, translate, edit, alter, or redistribute my work. Plagiarism in any form is prohibited.