#i don’t know what to tag my selfies as anymore

[linuxthegeek]

hey hi hello

[psychohelmet]

Thought to share the mononoke kusuriuri look I did last year on tumblr to celebrate the drop of the latest mononoke movie pv. I’ve always been obsessed with the makeup markings that kusuriuri has. I’m also equally obsessed that they gave the va. role to kamiyan aft the previous fumbled the bag with all his scandals.

[soobnny]

dating him | lee know

❝ come over, the cats miss you ❞

chan | LEE KNOW | changbin | hyunjin | han | felix | seungmin | jeongin

if he wasn’t a menace before (impossible btw), he sure as hell is now

this man is relentless

teasing as his love language

just loves riling you up bc he thinks ur reactions are so cute

and he smirks a lot too

if he wasn’t so damn attractive, u would’ve wiped that smirk off his face !!!!!

“wait min, i got a text”

“nice to know you have friends”

u hate him 😭😭😭😭😭

he’s such a little shit that he’s even rilling u up during ur dates

like

laser tag games where he kisses you to distract you before taking you out

HE’S SO MEAN

he’d push you against the wall with a sly smirk and you think you won’t fall for it again, but you do

every single time

u should’ve known better

this is lee “resident cheater in all possible games” minho

anyways

he is also an ass lover ❤️❤️❤️

i’m sorry but u cannot go into a relationship with him without expecting him to always have his hand on ur ass in some way

so in short

the trope is giving u thought he was out of ur league but he’s actually a weirdo

so now u’re dating the Weird Kid

(u wouldn’t want it any other way)

his other love language is acts of service

i said in my chan one that minho also gives Chief Hong from hometown cha3

like tell me i’m wrong

man wife #2

he is ur personal handyman

he’s just good at everything

will most probably only do it for u tho

seungmin: hyung can u fix my sink

minho: no

seungmin catching strays 😂😂

you: babe—

minho: what do you need me to do now

he says it in fake annoyance too

but he’s got his tools in his hand already ready to do whatever u want

obsessed i tell u

he drives u around too

if you have an event, a party, a project, anywhere you need to be

he’ll drive u there

he always makes time

AND he picks you up too like shut up

it could be a party that finishes at 2am and he’s just waiting for your call to pick you up

sometimes, you tell him he can just sleep early bc your friend will give you a ride home

when you get home, look … he’s still awake

he’s been waiting for you to come home this whole time to make sure you’re safe

BUT he doesn’t say anything

the moment he sees you’re alive and breathing (and doesn’t need taking care of), he’s on his way to the bedroom to sleep

when u look around, he’s done the chores already

he just does things to lessen the load that u might have u know

if u’re so stressed with anything, he’d silently clean up ur room or bring u food

so u don’t have to think about that anymore

also the best chef in town btw

he likes cooking together

and by cooking together i mean like he does all the work and u just stay there and keep him company

he can’t risk ur clumsy ass injuring urself

comforts u thru his cooking too

would baby u and feed u when u’re sad

his favorite dates with u are quiet, homemade dinners

just likes being with u and u only

away from everyone else

as niki would say, i don’t like anyone except sometimes you

it’s in moments like those that he just unwinds and shows u his softer sides

he’s honestly just so gentle and soft

he looks at u with stars in his eyes

ugh such an attentive listener too

sometimes u think he isn’t listening, but he’s got it all memorized

“yeah u mentioned it on our date 3 months ago”

like damn

anyways, moving on

his pet names for u give olden times

honey, darling, jagi

but also loser, idiot, stupid girl (endearingly)

so u two are giving me old married couple

u’d both wake up early and have coffee or tea together and just talk abt anything

also this is far into the future but like

sneak peek at minho as ur husband

i think u two would be the type to have a garden

like gardening would be ur little hobby

he grows fruits and vegetables

u beg to grow flowers

OK BACK TO BOYFRIEND MINHO

randomly sending selfies thru the day

THOSE selfies

u know what i’m talking abt

forces u to send selfies back

(ur photos are all saved and hidden in his phone but he will never tell u that)

oh u’ve also become his cats’ mom btw

one of ur favorite errands to do is going grocery shopping for his cats

u’d always end up buying them a gift

“u’re the reason my cats are spoiled”

SUUUUUUURE minho suuuuuuure

cat fashion shows

like dress to IMPRESS

(btw idk why but i feel like u could force him to play roblox with u)

he also uses his cats to lure u to visit him btw

“soonie misses u, u’re being a bad mother”

it’s just him who misses u let’s be real

and if ur favorite thing to do with him is cat shopping, his is walking by the han river with you

he loves walking

esp when it’s with you

just a peaceful walk tbh like yall don’t even have to say anything

tho sometimes when he’s feeling playful, he’d suddenly play tag with you

ends with both of u just sitting by the river and looking at the lights and the stars and holding hands or maybe ur head on his shoulder

damn wish that were me fr

when u go home, u watch some variant of a trashy reality tv show together

u’ve basically seen it all

but if anyone were to ask u what happened in those shows, yall wouldn’t know

u two were too busy just making out instead of paying attention

or falling asleep

old married couple i’m telling u

expect to also be dragged into his camping

when he has particularly long days off, he’d propose going camping together

ah, the beauty of warm bonfires and quiet conversations

he’d take good care of you the whole time

like yessss do your job as a man and fix up this entire camping site

and he does

tho, aside from camping, he’d also suggest hiking to take in the view of the mountains and the pretty sky

u’d wake up early on both occasions just to watch the sun rise

in contrast to these very productive activities, sometimes minho also just loves lazy sundays where you just cuddle for the entirety of the day

what more could he want

u and his cats with him

that’s honestly just the dream

good luck cat mom

have fun acting like an old married couple with lee know

he is the dream man

nonchalant to anyone else except u

note. credits to user @.luvknow for the layout of this post! let me know what you think! please discuss these with me i’m crazy

[fillinforlater]

Two Selfies and a GIF

Male Reader x Naoi Rei

Length: 2341 words

Tags: lovers on vacation, teasing and tempting, public sex, blowjob, overstimulation, face fuck, gagging, standing sex, anal, sweat, body appreciation, anal creampie, thrill of maybe getting caught

TW: sex in a public space, also barely any editing

Inspiration: an ask from quite some time ago

(A/N: I hope this fic makes you say Holy Moly. @writerpeach because he wanted another Rei piece lol)

“Another sunny day! <3 Hope to see you all soon~”

You jump from your bed. Most of the time, you have no clue where the feeling of deja vu comes from, but this one is still palpable. A year ago, you were on vacation with Rei on some warm, small island nation, blessed with endless sunshine and she sent a similar selfie with a similar caption. Her hair was still brown back then, if your memory serves you right. 

Unlike last time however, you can’t dig straight into her cute pussy. Rei is not on the bed beside you, although that’s where she took the picture. In fact, she’s not even in the hotel room anymore. You check the washroom a final time before looking back down on your phone.

“Where are you?”

“By~ the~ pool~”

The phone has yet to disappear in the pockets of your shorts when you’ve already stormed out of the empty hotel room and towards the elevators. Alright, she said something about going to the pool, you remember, but you didn’t even notice that she took the selfie earlier. Hopefully this won’t end in a chase of never ending teases because you missed the moment she was horny and right next to you. 

You jump out of the elevator and across the lobby, both staff and visitors confused by your hurried, hectic behavior given the calm, vacation atmosphere. Your urgent need to feel your girlfriend's body, to see that face, adorned by beautiful blonde hair, with thick lips and a lewd glint in her eyes, it’s easily overtaking your desire of being perceived as normal. 

“By the pool isn’t accurate enough,” you puff and pant while your eyes go over the many, many pools and parasols and people. It seems Rei isn’t in the water or on one of the loungers, so you once again reach for your phone—just to be greeted by a couple of private messages.

“Still need you to fill these cheeks~ or did you mean my other cheeks?!”

The wink, the tongue bite, the v-pose. She can never post this picture or else all those horny fanboys would blow infinite loads to it (not like they aren’t already doing it; don’t kid yourself). It’s sexy, tempting, only meant for you. You know what she wants, what she needs, what you promised her, yet she continues to play with you.

Until suddenly, another message. A third selfie? Even better.

“I hope you remember where this is~”

The changing booths by the pool. The unmistakable brown walls and baby blue curtains. Rei has complained about their design choice on the day of your arrival, now she’s there doing tik-tok-instagram-dance-challenge-thingys, flaunting what you’ve been craving. Needless to say you sprint there as fast as possible, disregarding all the warning signs about slipper tiles or blissfully ignorant tourists. 

You’re on your way to bliss, and nothing will stop you.

Rei sticks out among the few people in the area. Her tall figure, her blonde hair, not a second later and you get a hold on her shoulders and drag her into the next booth. The Japanese girl doesn’t even seem fazed. 

“There you are,” she sultrily says, eyes on yours through the mirror wall. Good heavens, you forgot about that thing. It’s going to be so much fun. With a single swoop you close the curtain and take a closer look at Rei’s fuckable body through the mirror.

“You look to good not to fuck,” you groan and pinch her cheeks, looking at her duckface, mesmerized by how plump her lips are, how good they will feel. Rei winks again and your hand is already past the waistband of your shorts. “Get on your knees, now.”

Rei’s smile is horny when she pulls down your shorts while getting on eye level with your cock, which jumps free and barely, sadly misses her face with the removal of your briefs. Rei spits in her hand and pumps you, focused on every inch of your hot rod. Suddenly, before any annoyance can urge you to do it yourself, she puts you on her lips. A heavy push that sends you back against the wall later, you're inside her and have to bite a lip to not groan out every profanity known to mankind. 

Feel her tongue swirl around your cockhead while an expression of determination forms on her face. You can see that she is already planning ahead on how to make this the best head she’s ever given you. Rei has an amazing bitch face, but it also fills you with thread. You have to surrender to her mouth, her lips, her tongue—now her hands that grab your hips and then—

“Oh, fuck, ouh fuck!”

Rei slams her head back and forth, your cock going in and out almost fully with every single repetition, while she gags and slobbers on every centimeter she forces into herself. A bizarre thing, face fucking herself on you, for your pleasure, yet you are about to wince for mercy. Rei’s mouth is perfect, but it’s all too fast, without warning she grinds the top, then the back of her tongue on your sensitive slit. You leak, you hiss, you struggle to stand or think.

“Re-Rei, t-too much, fuck.”

Rei pops you free from her lips, but they look eager to go back to it and apply even more pressure on your cock. She firmly holds the base of your dick and glares at you.

“Then do it yourself, pussy. Fill my cheeks already.”

It’s like she’s given you the controller to a video game back; though this is vastly superior than anything you have ever played. You pull at her hair, force her to cry out before flailing backwards against the opposite wall of the booth. This time you lay your cock on her lips on your own merit. 

“I’ll make you take that back.”

Pry her slutty mouth open, hope she is ready for impact and make her entire body convulse when you slam your pelvis into her face. The feeling of her tight, gagging throat is a lot different when you're in control, not better, not worse, though you like that Rei can take your roughness so well.

You close your eyes and begin to thrust, rarely giving her time to breathe, never giving yourself time to rest. The generously wet expedition into Rei's throat both feels like finding something new and being at home. A familiar warm feeling and alien sounds, your girlfriend's deepthroats are one of a kind.

Rei is opportunistic, her tongue now out of her mouth, receiving hits by your balls as you continue to fuck her face. It's one of those days apparently, when she is for some damn reason completely enamored with your sac. Maybe she likes the hisses that escape your lips because of the extra stimulation, maybe she is just impatient and wants what's inside of them.

When her already generously big and round cheeks are the biggest and roundest, you finally pull out and let her cough out the pool of saliva, two smaller pools underneath her eyes are also letting loose. You smack her purple-blue lips with your stiff length.

"I thought you could take it," you laugh at a set of coughs by Rei.

"I, hng, thought you'd fill my cheeks.

"Loser."

"Okay, get up."

Cheeky grin on her lips, Rei pushes herself off the ground and you push up something of your own, her tight crop top. You struggle to get the white fabric over her bountiful tits, but she is quick to help you by stretching out her arms high in the air. After a couple of tugs, you see the two massive melons bounce freely—or not. Two laughably tiny patches of silk, connected to each other and Rei’s neck form a bikini that is definitely too sexy for this pool, for any pool. 

“You really wanted to go out there wearing this?” you question, a finger already hooked in one of the patches.

“No, that’s why I’m still here~”

“Then it’s confiscated.”

A single pull and the bikini top falls off as if spider webs held it together. Now they are free, Rei’s magnificent melons, round like her cheeks, soft like her thighs, the nipples stiff like you. Before you give them a squeeze however, you surprise your girlfriend by roughly yanking up her skirt to above her hips. Rei yelps and loses her balance, but one of her hands finds safety on the mirror, mirror on the wall.

“Very unlike you to not go straight for my chest,” Rei teases, her voice still stable though her stand becomes a lot less stable when you get behind her and plant her firmly in front of the mirror. Now she needs both hands to not fall over with how you manhandle her light yet astoundingly thick frame. 

“They will get enough appreciation later.” Put emphasis on these words by nibbling her ear. She trembles in excitement.”I want to hear you say it again.”

“Say what again?” Rei once more teases, as you hook a finger into the flimsy excuse of a thong she’d call a stylish bikini, ready to reveal both her aroused entrances. “Oh, that. 

“I need you to fill my ass cheeks with your sticky load, pretty please.”

So fake, so lewd, yet so incomparably preposterous. The moment her bikini bottom falls down her long legs, Rei presses her bottom against your cock and it takes barely any effort for you to get it inside her. Talking about bottom, you're close to bottoming out, but Rei’s cute yet also growling cry has you scrambling to find something to gag her. You’re still in public, she can’t be that loud. All you find is the pathetic bikini, which you shove into her pretty little mouth. 

“I’m going to fuck you good, but keep it down,” you groan into her ear and give in to the risky, yet irresistible desire to plow her ass. Rei is trying her best, munching and soaking the green in her mouth rather than screaming out your name. You’ll buy her a new, better bikini after this anyways. If she’d ran around in that thing for more than a minute, then you’d need to fuck her the rest of your vacation and that would be—wait, would you even mind that?

You’d do it like this all day long, her wrists in your grasp, her body slightly tilted towards the mirror while you watch her tits bounce with every thrust into her tight back entrance. Rei is at your mercy, only upright because you want to. Each inch you pull out has her scrambling for footing, but you gladly give them back to her, into her, to the point where exactly this has her knees buckling. 

“Fuck you’re so… suffocating,” you mumble, the heat from your crotch spread up to your head long ago. The same goes for Rei: a hand on her freely jumping tits confirms it. Her eyes roll into the back of her head when you roll a nipple in between two lazy fingers. It’s not much, but you swear it made her even tighter and less stable. 

You lift a leg of hers, feel the sweaty meat of her full thigh make your hand sink deep. It reminds you of a pillow, a comfortable bed—now a waterbed because her orgasm is wet. Rei surrenders her beautiful back onto your chest, eyes closed, mouth ready to voice her pleasure but she has to keep it shut. Outside are people, laughing, gossiping, going about their lives. And in here, you recklessly pound in the still sensitive Rei.

It’s incredible how she still relaxes around you, how easy it is to fill her with a girthy cock. Honest to God, it has you tripping, forward, against the cold mirror. Rei spits out her bikini-gag when her hard nubs touch the reflective surface. You’d stop her ensuing moans from escaping her mouth, but you have to hold onto her thigh and breast. There are just not enough hands to touch every perfect part of her body—and her lips are definitely on that list.

Your orgasm is nigh, hence why you thrust frantically, the claps of a nye pelvis on nye ass now also louder than any background noise if someone is close enough. You can already hear the murmurs from behind the curtains. Someone whispers about hearing weird sounds—you have to bust before you get busted.

Rei’s fishnet-covered foot crawls up a wall. Fucking is now easier, so you put in the final gear and reach for her hips to to smash her back into you. Everything is too loud, too lewd; Rei’s expression, your expression, your combined groans, all the sweaty and love juice trailing down your legs—

The connection of your cock in her ass as if explodes on the final thrust you can muster up. Rei’s anal cavity is stretched and now stuffed to the fullest to the point where pulling out will cause a mess of cataclysmic proportions. You have to stay inside her for longer, plug up the cum filled hole as it sluttily clenches around your sensitive cock. 

“Fuck, that was perfect,” Rei groans, her body limp between you and the mirror. You look at her and smile for a second. That round face, adorable, makes for great selfies and family pictures. Mere moments ago, it was drooling and moaning uncontrollably. The duality of Rei.

“Yeah, but how the fuck do we clean this up?” you ask, hands mindlessly on your girlfriend's chest.

“I don’t know, I haven't planned for this scenario. I thought you’d fuck my face and I could swallow it all and then you could fill my ass in the hotel room.”

“Well, we can still do that, but we now need to get out of here.” You try to think for a second before your eyes fall on the fallen bikini thong on the floor. You stop massaging Rei’s breasts and instead reach for her pussy, wet and flushed. “By the way, what was your goal with that ‘bikini’?”

“O-oh, you really don’t like it?”

“It’s just that I wouldn’t be able to help myself but fuck you if you wore that. It’s way too revealing. I don’t want anyone seeing the pussy I fuck and the ass I fill and the tits I fondle—”

“So you want no one seeing me?” Rei moans softly when you rub her clit.

“Yes, cause I love you so fucking much, Rei.”

“Ts, looooser~”

[my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction]

More Than Flirting

Santiago Pope Garcia x gn!Reader • Rating: 18+ pals Masterlist• ao3• want to be tagged? | request info • Kinktober 2024 Masterlist • Kinktober 2023 Masterlist • Day 11: Seduction

Summary: Santi's got a new haircut.

A/N: This was meant to be for kinktober 2023 (I'm so sorry). Thank you so much @thexsanctuaryx for betaing!

Warnings: this is basically just fluff, swearing, please let me know if I have missed a warning!

Word Count: 549

Santiago preens a little in front of you. 

“You got a haircut?” You smile, knowing full well that he did. 

“It’s good right?” He gives you that practised smile, the ‘oh so casual and charming’. The one you’re sure he’s perfected by looking in the mirror. 

“It’s nice.” You nod. Benny had sent you a grand total of seven million messages, and two photos, about Santi’s new hair. 

B: Pope has a new haircut.

B: He’s literally fixing it in the mirror before he goes to ‘run into you’ by accident. 

B: Please fuckigg tell him you like it. Please.

You: fuckigg?

B: Don’t. 

B: Tell him you like it.

You: Don’t tell him I like it?

B: DON’T DO THIS TO ME. I KNOW USUALLY I’D LOVE THIS SHIT. BUT I CAN’T DEAL WITH HIM BEING ALL SAPPY OVER YOU ANYMORE.

B: FUCKING TELL HIM YOU LIKE HIS HAIR. 

B: PLEASE.

B: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. 

Benny sent you a selfie, he looks so fed up. In the background, Santi is looking at himself in the mirror, adjusting his hair and oblivious to Benny. 

B: He’s still fixing his hair. 

You: You know he doesn’t actually like me right? Maybe he just really likes this cut?

B: Are you fucking stupid? 

B: I didn’t know you were this fucking stupid. 

You: I love you too.

B: Tell him you like his hair. Or hate it. I don’t give a fuck.

B: Please tell him you like it. 

“You wanna touch it?” Santi leans forward, tilting his head towards you and then pauses. You can see the cogs in his brain whirling. “Um… I’m not sure why I…”

“Sure.” You smile, taking pity on him and you lightly touch the side of his head. His hair is soft, thick and a little slick with product. “Your hair's really nice, what do you use in it?” 

“Nothing,” he shrugs like it’s nothing, “All natural.”

“Uh huh.” You smirk.

“I mean,” he fidgets a little. “Family secret.”

You snort. “Okay.” 

He pauses, chewing lightly at his bottom lip. “I, um…” his shoulders sink a little as he visibly deflates. “This isn’t going how I wanted.” He mutters. 

“How you wanted?” 

He shakes his head for a second, and you can see the pattern of thoughts cross his mind. First instinct is to ignore, deny, say nothing. Second is to lie, to brush it off. 

He goes with the third. 

“It never goes how I want with you, you make me lose all my moves.” He sighs.

“Moves?” You can’t help but smile.

“Yeah,” he grins when he sees your expression, his eyes lighting up. “I forget everything about the art of seduction.” He leans closer as he says the last bit, putting on a mock husky voice that makes you giggle. 

“You trying to seduce me?” 

“For months.” 

The honesty in his voice makes you pause. Swallow. “Really?” 

He nods, “Sorry I’ve been so shit at it.” 

“No, it’s… endearing… and also, I’m a bit,” you tap your head for emphasis, “I don’t notice when anyone’s flirting with me, ever.”

“I’ve been trying to do more than flirting,” Santi smirks. “Go out with me? On a date date?”

“A date date?”

“Yeah,” he grins, already knowing your answer.

You nod.

Thank you for reading!

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[loserlvrss]

꒰ 𝐅𝐔𝐌𝐀 𝐀𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐁𝐅 ꒱ 村田風雅

summary : what i believe fuma would be like as your boyfriend

genre : fluff, nsfw, fuma x afab!reader, headcanon, drabble tws : eventual nsfw headcanon in the second half author notes : when i say my man this is who im talking about word count : 0.5k

GREENEST FLAG OF THE GREEN FLAGS.

- physical touch and quality time are his love languages.

- your very own personal puppy boyfriend!!

- when dojaejung sang i wanna kiss your lips he took that personally.

- loves cute little dates; especially cafes, and picnics.

- will send you the boyfriend selfies he takes for luné and expects you to make them your lockscreen.

- is shy, but if you were shyer he’d instantly become the opposite for you. if you were more outgoing/extraverted he’d step down and admire quietly.

- would walk in your shadow to make sure you always got the best light.

— would also make you walk on the inside to the street subconsciously like it’s his second nature to put you first (it is. someone raised this man right).

- would pick you up from work whenever he could.

- would love to cuddle while he plays his stupid little switch games.

— would compare you to his favorite pokémon in a loving way.

- your head on his chest type of guy ngl.

- he’s so in love with you, his eyes light up when he sees you type of guy.

- absolutely adores when you wear his clothes, it doesn’t matter how they look or fit on you he just likes knowing that you’re comfortable enough to do that around him.

- i don’t think he’d have too many nicknames for you; baby, my love or anything with my in front of it tbh.

- is dating to marry you.

— would peel an orange for you. end of discussion.

nsfw 18+ minors do not engage !!

SO SO SAUR INTO THE INTIMACY ASPECT.

- will ask for your consent. every. single. time.

- not a bad thing but i think this man really likes missionary SOLEY so he can look you in the eyes and watch your expressions.

- takes skin of skin very literally.

- he’s all about making sure you’re enjoying it as much as he is.

- I DO BELIEVE THIS MAN NOT A HEAD PUSHER (i cheered), but he does like cumming down your throat if you’ll let him.

- kinda vocal — until you tell him you really like the little sounds he does make.

- would also love any other position where he’s hitting it from the back bc let’s be honest here… sigh ass man.

— honorable mention would be where you’re fully laid down on your stomach bc you can’t hold yourself up anymore.

- is a soft dom, but he does have a strength kink and will manhandle you.

- knows you love his hands. yes, he’ll stick them in your mouth if you want.

— you give him bonus points if he gets you to squirt with them.

- he’s down to try anything you want at least once.

- holds your hand during sex, while eating you out, whenever he has access to it really.

— speaking of eating you out, sit on his face!

- is okay with a little pain, especially if it’s from you pulling his hair or scratching at his back or shoulders.

- will call you a slut if he’s really into it. but would, of course, put my in front of it so you know he still loves you.

- would use words to get you fucked up; ex. talk you through it, bc let’s be honest you have a voice kink.

- not into edging so much, but loves overstimulating you until you’re just a babbling mess.

- and lastly, since his picture comes up when you search the definition of a gentleman, AFTER CARE~~

reblogs, likes and comments are greatly appreciated! thank u!

— perm tag list .ᐟ send an ask to be added c:

[thefallennightmare]

Just Pretend-fourteen

*gif created by me. feel free to use, simply give credit*

Parings: Noah Sebastian x Musician! Reader

Warnings/Tropes: language, angst, fluff, smut, star-crossed lovers, right person/wrong time, cheating, talks of mental abuse.

Summary: “I can wait for years, heaven knows I’m not getting over you.” A story about two star-crossed lovers, that always find their way back because their souls are entwined. The universe desperately attempts to bring them together, no matter what the cost.

Authors Note: Have fun 🪽🍡

Collaborating With: @thescarlettvvitch(better give her all the love as well)

Tags: @thescarlettvvitch @ozwriterchick @waake-meee-up @notingridslurkaccount @niicoleleigh @sammyjoeee @xxrainstorm @dominuslunae @notmaddihealy @malice-ov-mercy @crimson-calligraphyx @iknownothingpeople @writethrough @thebadchic @blackveilomens Claudia on Tumblr @tobe-written @blacksoul-27 @loeytuan98 @loverofagoodbeard @comfortcharactercraze @lma1986 @plutonikchaos1 @spicywhenspeaking @lyschko666 @somewhere-diamond @hi-fancy-seeing-you-here @koskeepsake @bngurngheart

NOAH

My knee bounced with nerves as I sat in the chair in the quiet waiting room, the only noise came from the slow ticking of the clock on the wall opposite of me. I eyed it carefully as the seconds ticked by. My appointment didn’t start for another five minutes. I still had time to walk away from here but the daunting reality of the guys asking how it went today kept me rooted in place. So instead of dwelling on the fear of what’s coming, I typed out a new message on the Hollow Omens group chat.

Me: The new song premieres on Octane tomorrow night. Eight pm!

Malcolm: Oh shiit

Jolly: let’s fucking go! We’re excited for you guys to hear it.

Angel 🪽: excitement is so mother fucking real. I’m sad I’ll still be in Japan so I’ll have to figure out what time that would be here! I want to listen to it live.

My stomach dropped as all the wind got knocked out of me, the realization that Y/N would hear the song. The one I wrote about her in my haste of anger. Would she know it? What would she think?

Y/N had another week in Japan and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss her like fucking crazy. She’d already been gone a week so another seven days without her close to me made my heart stutter. I’d been taking care of Salem for her and the scent of her in her bedroom didn’t help the ache in my heart and stomach. I miss the way she smelled so when I noticed her perfume on her vanity; I spritzed the sweater I wore that day a couple of times, so it felt like she was close.

We kept our 2:30 FaceTime call every day since she left, even if it only lasted a few minutes. Just the occasional check-up on how things were going on each of our ends before she had to go, her dad having something planned for them. I called her every morning at 7:30, except this morning since I overslept. I was furious with myself but kept my cool as I sent her a text, letting her know I’d call her at 2:30 my time.

Angel 🪽: I’ll be in bed so don’t make fun of my bedhead.

Me: You’ll still look beautiful.

The corner of my lip turned up when I remembered the selfie I sent her the other day of Salem and I lounging on the floor of her bedroom.

Angel 🪽: oh, my baby! I miss you so much.

Angel 🪽: Oh, you too mochi!

Me: ouch, I’m hurt, angel.

Angel 🪽: I’ll make it up to you when you take me out for dinner. We can go half and half on an appetizer.

Me: For you? I’ll cover the whole bill while you order whatever you want.

Two days ago, Chase and Malcolm returned home so there was no need for me to check on Salem anymore. We expected Y/N to come back with them but she stayed longer for more one-on-one time with her dad.

“Noah?”

Snapping my eyes up to the petite voice, I nodded towards the older lady who stood at the open doorway of the office.

“I’m ready whenever you are,” she stepped to the side, allowing more space for me to walk inside.

I chewed on the inside of my cheek as my eyes cast towards the other door; the one that led outside where my car was parked.

“I hate to tell you this but even if you leave right now, I’ll still get paid,” the doctor joked with a small smile.

I hummed while slowly rising to my feet and walking past her into the office, the words on the door barely catching my attention. “Might as well get this over with.”

Dr. Poulos. Therapist.

NOAH

“Are you concerned she’ll be upset by what you’ve written?” Dr. Polous wondered while writing something down in the book on her lap.

I shrugged while chipping away the black nail polish on my fingernails. “Maybe.”

“Hm, I’m sensing you are.”

For the last twenty minutes, I told the therapist everything about my life; from the past till now. At first, I was apprehensive but knowing this was something I needed, I gave in.

“It doesn't matter. What happened is in the past. We’ve moved on.”

“Why are you using the past tense, Noah? She’s in your life. You’re starting over again, and trying things from a different approach.” Dr. Poulos steepled her fingers together.

“Yeah, I know,” I nodded

She hummed while sitting there to analyze me with her blue eyes, a slight pull on her thin lips.

“Y/N’S on a vacation, right?”

When I nodded, she continued. “Why don’t you take one as well? It might be good for you.”

I shifted on my spot on the couch, eyes darting over to the plant she had on the left side of her dresser. A bit fuzzy because of the connection between phone lines.

“I don’t need a vacation, that’s not what I do- I work. I have too much to do, so much shit to handle. Everything would fall apart if I didn’t,” I admitted. “It keeps my mind focused on what it needs to be focused on.”

Dr. Poulos raised a brow. “What shouldn’t you be focusing on?”

“I hate how much of my mind gets fucking distracted by her. It’s fuckin pathetic, all I see is a life I doubt we’ll ever have. Everything will be taken from me, I’m used to that by now,” I sighed while running a hand over my face.

“Your need to control everything is leaving you vulnerable to the parts of your life you can’t control. It makes you feel uncomfortable not being able to read her feelings, and control the situation, doesn’t it?”

My eyes snapped up from the floor, shoulders rigid with anger. “What do you think? I’ve never known the feeling of a stable home. There were so many years of my life living out of backpacks and on the road. I have these panic attacks, something she hasn’t seen, she doesn’t know about my darkness. She’ll never come back to me if she sees that.”

Dr. Poulos sighed while closing her notebook to set it on the table in between us. “You don’t know that, Noah. Unless you talk to her, you don’t know what she’ll think. Your issue with communication and feelings is, I think, causing a barrier between the two of you. You would rather live in your fantasies than risk giving up control. You wanted to give up control, even for a moment, and run. Are you upset you didn’t?”

I rubbed at my chin while adjusting my position on the worn leather couch. I didn’t know how to answer that so it took a few long beats of silence for me to find the right words.

“Fantasies don’t include repercussions. We were safe in our expressive, well-appointed studios, locked up with our rages and rebellions. I just want things to go the way they’re supposed to, the way I need them to. There’s no life without my band, my work, without her.”

Dr. Poulos smiled. “You don’t need to run from those feelings Noah, I think you need to start by opening up and letting yourself be truly honest. From the get-go, you’re only making yourself crazy running in circles, pushing your own limits.”

I couldn't help but snicker. “Are you sure you haven’t listened to my band before?”

She simply smirked while pulling out her schedule book.

“I’ll see what I can do,” I said, going back to her previous statement.

“It won’t be easy Noah, but I think we can start from here. What days work best for you?”

I mentally went through my schedule. “Wednesdays are fine. Just not at 2:30. I have another appointment I can't miss.”

NOAH

Music played from the speakers, bass pounding against the walls of the house, as I sat with Jolly and Michael on either side of me on the couch. It was still early in the afternoon so we hung out at the house. Jesse and Orie were cooking something on the grill while the three of us were browsing on our phones. My eyes were glued straight down at mine, my heart hammering throughout my body as my breath was still caught in my throat. My cock twitched lightly in my pants but I was frozen to adjust myself discreetly.

“How sweet does Y/N look in this photo?” Michael said while showing his phone to Jolly, who agreed with a small smile.

“Looks like she’s having fun. Noah, did you see it?”

I’d been staring at it for 5 minutes. Everything about it was beautiful. She was truly just as ethereal, as I said she was.

“I wonder if her caption is for a song,” Michael continued to analyze the picture, a little too long for my liking.

Realizing I didn’t even read the caption, I peered down and read it; my head tilted in confusion.

Fuck this wondering. Fuck this trying and trying. Fuck this belief that two people can become one ideal. Fuck this helplessness. Fuck this waiting for something to happen that probably won’t ever happen.

I knew it wasn’t good enough, no matter what I did, or how much I attempted to show her I was the man she needed. She didn’t want to feel trapped under someone’s gaze. Well, okay then.

Tossing my phone on the couch, I got up in a huff, irritated, walked to the kitchen, and slammed the cabinets as I looked for a glass.

“What’s the matter now?” Jolly asked with a sigh.

“Nothing,” I said while pouring myself some orange juice, slamming the fridge after putting the jug back.

“Who the fuck is slamming shit?” Jesse wondered while walking back inside with a platter of burgers and brats and setting it on the kitchen counter.

“Dude, it’s nothing.” I sucked in a breath, trying to keep my anger in check.

“Your actions beseech you, my friend, why are you mad?” Orie said now standing next to Jesse.

I shrugged while crossing my arms over my chest. “I’m just done,”

“Done with what?”

“Y/N feels trapped, Jolly! I knew she’d never fall back in with me. I knew it. She probably met some Japanese dude who can give her real ramen and is having the time of her fucking life. Maybe that’s why she hasn’t come home yet.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Jesse pinched his eyes in annoyance. “Noah, it’s not that deep. Nowhere in her post does it say that or imply that she’s seeing another man. Y/N is with her dad.”

“All I’m saying is she doesn’t need to be trapped under my gaze anymore, she can do whatever the fuck she wants,” I grumbled while sitting on top of the kitchen counter, legs dangling off the edge.

“You’re so dramatic. You can literally just ask to FaceTime her you know, talk this shit out like rational adults,” Orie said.

“No,” my voice was firm while my heart said something else.

It was almost 2 in the afternoon, which meant our daily FaceTime call would happen soon. Should I bring up the post to Y/N? Or just ignore it like we did every other elephant in the room.

“Good, good hide your feelings. Don't actually share them- see where that gets you.” Jolly shook his head in defeat then rose to his feet.

“We’re writing a record, aren’t we?” I shot back.

“Yeah that don’t mean-”

“Wait, sit down jolly. I just thought of another track. We need to write this down.”

With a reluctant sigh, Jolly pulled out his phone to type as I sang softly the melody that was buzzing in my brain.

“I asked for more than I could take with nothing left to give. So who, who, who, who are you, you? Who, who, who are you? Every day it’s all the same. I don’t wanna play your games. If you wanna know, it depends on who’s asking. Who, who are you?”

“You really are a head case you know,” Michael says before retreating up the stairs to his room.

“Good, don’t care!” I called back before jumping off the counter. “Shit, we need a new amp tuner! I’m going to head to the record store and get a new one.”

“You can use mine,” Jesse said with a mouth full of cheeseburger.

This mother fucker is always munching on something.

“No, it’s fine, I need to clear my head, anyway. I’ll be back soon.”

NOAH

I held my phone in my hand, the constant ringing as I walked towards the record store irritating my already on-edge attitude. It was 2:35 and the second time I tried calling Y/N with no answer. I tried to tell myself that she even said she would miss a few calls, but she hasn’t yet. A week away and we still made our 2:30 FaceTime calls.

Something still didn’t add up.

With an agitated groan, I stuffed my phone back into my pocket while I hummed a new tune to myself, the words rolling off my tongue with ease.

“You’re too good to be true, yeah I gotta go, gotta run You don’t want me the way I want you, no. You walked too close to the rails; I picked you up when you fell.”

As I walked into the record store, a loud bell sounded my presence, and a brunette lifted her head from the front desk to give me a small smile. “Hi, welcome in.”

Her eyes shined as her face twitched, the typical holy shit, I know that person's face that I always recognized when I went out in public.

“Hi,” I waved before walking over to the front desk, her eyes getting larger the closer I got. “How are you?”

“Go-good,” she stood straighter. “I’m sorry, I’m a little star-struck right now.”

I chuckled. “You’re fine. How long have you been a fan?”

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “For the last few months. I saw you guys play with Hollow Souls this last tour.”

My face twitched at the mention of Y/N’s band but kept my composure.

“You know, Y/N’s a huge inspiration for me. Just how she dealt with everything with Trey. It’s amazing how she overcame that relationship.”

I went stiff but slack at the same time. “How do you know about that?”

The girl shrugged. “It’s all over the internet. Reddit has some pretty insane stories about the breakup. Some say Trey was cheating with underage girls while some say she cheated on him but I don’t believe that. She’s not that kind of person.”

“Um,” I rubbed at my chin, desperate to change the subject. “Can you show me where your tuners are?”

She nodded and motioned for me to follow her to the back of the store. We spent the next few minutes talking about the different kinds they had, even though I was familiar with it all, but having a conversation with someone who didn’t judge me or my actions was nice. For the first time in a long time, Y/N was at the back of my mind.

“So,” I peered down at the nametag on her shirt. “Bailey.”

Her cheeks reddened as her lips curled up. “I’d never thought I’d hear Noah Sebastian say my name.”

I chuckled, enjoying how easy it was to talk to her. “What’s your favorite song of ours?”

“It’s not a song but more so a verse off your self-entitled album; My pretty little face with all the right parts. My pretty little face I couldn’t keep from the dark, I learned from the best as my sorrows grew. And then they pulled me out after I introduced them to you.”

“You liked that?,” I asked, almost astonished.

Bailey smiled as she stared up at me, a soft expression on her face.“Yeah, it was deep, like you said you’re perfect on the surface but deep inside you’re flawed, like anyone else. But didn’t notice until the person who hurt you pulled them out.”

When my eyes widened, she quickly stammered over her words.“I’m sorry if that was a wrong assumption, it’s just how I saw it.”

“No, no,” I spoke quickly while running a hand through my hair. “That’s-that’s pretty close. I’m glad it has meaning to you, in that way. That’s special.”

“A lot of your lyrics make me feel that way,” she admitted sheepishly.

“Well, I hope the next record does the same.”

Bailey's brows raised to her hairline. “You’re already working on the next one?”

“Most of it is in the early stages. We’re about to release our first single tomorrow night; octane at eight. Make sure you’re ready.”

“There’s no such thing as ready,” she says. “There’s only willing.”

My jaw went slack for a few seconds until I let out a low cough to make my feelings. Her words had a different meaning than what I was thinking but it still sat deep low in my stomach; the comment kept replaying in my mind.

“What are you doing later?” I blurted before I could stop myself.

“Later?” Bailey raised a brow.

“Yeah, maybe grab some food and talk?”

“I don’t know,” she shifted on her feet to tuck another piece of hair behind her ear.

It was a simple action that reminded me of Y/N. Except it was something that made my heart flutter when she did it. With Bailey, nothing. My heart rate was slow, almost even, and there were none of those butterflies there.

“Are you- are you sure?”

Bailey’s voice brought me away from thoughts of Y/N and how she didn’t answer my call or any of the texts I sent her earlier.

I shrugged. “Well, I asked you, didn’t I?”

NOAH

Walking through the front door, guilt weighed down my heart. Jolly and Jesse were sitting on the couch watching a movie and they raised brows at me.

“You’re back late,” Jolly noted.

“Yeah, I uh- I went out with a girl tonight.” I stopped at the first step, hand gripping the railing.

“I’m sorry?” Jesse nearly dropped the bowl of popcorn. “Who?”

I sighed while turning more towards them while on the stairs. “The cashier at the record shop was nice, and we hung out. We went to Applebee’s and went half and half on an appetizer.”

“Wait- what about Y/N?” Jolly asked.

I snickered, eyes narrowing. “Y/N won’t mind, trust me.”

Anger still pooled low in my stomach because before walking into the house, I sent another text to Y/N to ask how everything was going.

Nothing.

Silence.

Kept me on read.

Message loud and fucking clear, angel.

“Noah, do you not remember what we discussed in the kitchen this morning?” Jolly said, raising his voice a bit, unusual for him. “What the hell, dude?”

Jesse tossed a handful of popcorn in his mouth. “You can’t tell a girl you’ll wait for her then go out with someone else.”

“It’s nothing serious,” I scratched my face. “I hung out with this girl. That’s all.”

“Noah-,” Jolly started.

I motioned upstairs, ready to change the subject. “Hey, Chase and Malcolm want to play Fallout. Are you in?”

“Yeah, I guess,” he sighed.

MALCOLM

“Hey, sweets. How are you feeling?” Chase asked into the phone that lay between us on our bed.

“I’m alright,” Y/N’s tired voice came through the speaker. “I spent the entire day sleeping. My dad had a full day planned for our last day together but I couldn’t get out of bed. I feel like shit.”

I gave a small smile even though she couldn’t see. “He understands, Y/N. Your dad isn’t going to be upset.”

There was a long beat of silence. “Before he dropped me off at the airport, we had a heart-to-heart today. About everything, about Noah.”

I shared a look with Chase. “What about Noah?”

“I’m ready, guys. Noah’s been so patient with waiting for me to go through these feelings and trauma. I thought being with him would deter me from healing but he’s actually what I need to heal.”

“You sure, buttercup? Don’t take this the wrong way, we’re happy that you’re finally at a good place mentally and that you want to jump into this with Noah. But we want to make sure that you’re sure.”

“It’s Noah,” there wasn’t a hint of hesitation in her voice. “I’d never been more sure about anything like this before.”

Chase smiled a little as we linked our hands together. Both of us were so proud of how far Y/N came within the last few months. When she first moved in with us, there was a dark point in all our lives we didn’t know if she would make it past the pain of what she did to Noah; even though it wasn’t completely her fault.

“We’re proud of you, Y/N,” Chase said.

“I love you guys. I feel like I don’t say that enough. Every single bad thing in my life, the two of you have been by my side.”

We could hear the tears in her voice.

“We love you too, sweets.”

We chatted for a few more minutes, making plans for when she returned to the States before her flight home was called. We weren’t able to pick her up when her flight landed so we dropped her car off earlier at the airport so she could drive herself back.

As soon as we hung up, a noise came from my computer, an invitation on Twitch.

“You sure you don’t want to play with us?” I asked Chase while I set up at my desk.

Chase nodded. “I’m fine with watching you play.”

“What’s up, fuckers,” I snorted into my microphone as I loaded up into the game with Noah.

Jolly was there as well but only Noah was listening to me.

“Hey guys.”

I glanced over to Chase when we heard the somber voice of Noah.

“What’s wrong with you, Sebastian?” Chase asked.

“It’s been a long day,” he sighed.

For the next half hour, I played with Noah and Jolly, with Chase watching, and we all joked about random shit but Noah was quiet for most of the time. Something was off with him and as the last match ended, I was ready to get off the game until Noah’s words gave us pause.

“I went out on a date tonight.”

Chase stiffened next to me as I fell back to my chair with my heart-stopping. “I know I’m colorblind but I’m not deaf. What did you just say?”

“No, you’re not,” Chase playfully smacked my chest.

Noah let out a deep breath. “I’m seeing somebody- I can’t, I - she doesn’t want me how I want her.”

Although he never said her name, we knew exactly who he was walking about.

“That’s not true, Noah, you know it’s not. She does. She’s just-.” I said.

“Look, please don’t start this shit right now. I just need to attempt to move on, at least.”

I quickly put my microphone on my mute and then turned my chair towards Chase.

“What the fuck?” I said with an exasperated breath.

“I don’t understand, this isn’t making sense,” He ran a hand over his buzzed head, something he always did when something bothered him. “Should we tell him about her dad and the song?”

“No, 'cause she’ll be pissed.”

“You don’t think she’ll be more mad now? Noah went on a fucking date tonight,” Chase seethed.

I pushed my auburn curls away from my face. “Man, I don’t know. It almost feels like it’s not our place to get involved but it’s-.”

“Y/N,” Chase finished my sentence.

“We need to give her a heads up, just end this tension bullshit. They have to talk,” I sighed.

“She can’t get upset,” Noah’s voice brought us back to the conversation, and I unmuted my microphone.

“Who can’t get upset?” I asked.

“Y/N, she can’t get upset. She ignored me all day after that post on Instagram.”

Chase scoffed. “What the fuck, dude. What does that have to do with you going on a date?”

“I tried to call her, it was 2:30! No answer.”

The way that Noah was speaking clarified that there were underlying feelings behind his actions but of course, wouldn’t tell anyone about it.

“You want to fucking know why she didn’t call you?” Chase sat forward, elbows on his knees and veins in his neck twitching. “News flash, Noah, the world just doesn’t stop when you don’t get attention.”

“Excuse me?”

I could see the darkness take over Chase’s usual bright eyes and knew what he was about to say. I shook my head. “Chase no, it’s not-.”

“No, fuck this soap opera shit. Y/N passed out at 2:30, she has been all fucking day. She was in pain you, idiot.”

A long beat of silence. “What do you mean?”

“Chase-,” I tried again.

This wasn't our business to tell. This should have been something Y/N and Noah talked about privately.

Chase ignored me as his knee bounced with anger. “No, I’m tired of this nonsense. Y/N has endometriosis you ass!”

More silence, only this time you could hear the background noise coming from Noah’s mic clear as day; voices.

“Wait-she told me she deals with something that takes a lot out of her every month. That’s it?”

“Yeah,” I sighed. “Stage Three. It’s a disease in which tissue similar to the lining of the uterus grows outside of the uterus. Every month when she has her period, the pain is worse than normal because of this. Hence today all she did was sleep. She wasn’t ignoring you, Noah. She was just asleep.”

“It's serious. She’s been dealing with this for years and she’ll continue to deal with it for the rest of her life,” Chase said.

“If it wasn’t for the surgery, it could have been worse,” I informed next.

“Wait, what surgery? When?,” Noah asked with pure confusion in his voice.

Chase bit the inside of his cheek. “It was a few years ago before Hollow Souls took off. It’s called a laparoscopy.”

“She had a what? I don’t know what the fuck that is?”

I repeated the word for Noah but his agitation was clear in his next words.

“A lapara-parascopy”

“Bro, sound it out, lapar-o-scopy,” Chase gave a light chuckle, given how tense the conversation got.

“Yeah still don’t know what the fuck that is, is she alright? Is she-.”

Chase and I shared a look, knowing there’s a lot more we can go on about this but also knowing that we’ve said all we could say.

“Like Malcolm said, Endometriosis comes with pain and inflammation, and she can pass out from the pain. Y/N gets sick a lot-you have to do your own research on this, Noah. But you also need to know, it’s not all about you,” Chase said with a shake of his head.

“Why can’t she just tell me that?”

“She wants to, trust us. We know-.”

Noah’s voice cut me off. “I know you know her, but you don’t know what feelings she has. I can’t keep falling for this every time.”

“Noah. come on you’re so stubborn! What happened to waiting?” I shot back with an edge to my voice.

I rarely ever lost my patience but right now with how stubborn Noah was being, I couldn’t help but scoff.

“Never said I wasn’t, but I need to move forward too until she speaks to me herself about this. What else can I do?”

“Noah, she loves you, man. She fucking loves you.”

“If that’s true she would tell me, Malcolm, this shit fucking hurts enough. I’ve got to go, I’ll talk to you guys later.”

Before we could even say goodbye, Noah exited our chat that we used to play video games, leaving just the buzz of dead air playing back on my speakers.

NOAH

Stage 3 of endometriosis is considered moderate.

Endometriosis itself is not a fatal condition. However, experts associate endometriosis with some potentially life-threatening conditions, such as ectopic pregnancy and depression.

There are two types of endometriosis surgery: excision and ablation. Both are laparoscopic, meaning the surgeon makes tiny holes in the patient’s skin and can enter through those holes to perform the surgery, rather than needing to make large incisions. Ablation uses heat to destroy tissue, while excision uses heat to remove it. Ablation can only remove tissue on the surface, while excision can dig deeper to remove all of it.

“Oh Angel baby,” I sighed while dropping my pen on the piece of paper I’d been writing on for the last thirty minutes.

With both hands dragging down my face, I let out another deep sigh before scrolling through another article.

The most common symptom of endometriosis is pelvic and lower back pain, especially during the menstrual period. Rather than the cramping that many women experience during their periods, women with endometriosis often experience severe pain that can be difficult to manage. Other symptoms include pain during intercourse, pain with urination or bowel movements, heavy bleeding during periods, bleeding between periods, fatigue, and infertility.

A small gasp left my lips when I remembered back to that night we shared. The pained expression as I hovered over her until we switched positions then the blood on the condom.

Fuck, infertility. That’s why she freaked when I mentioned a family.

Deciding I had enough research for one night, I called out for Jolly and Jesse.

“Everything alright?” Jesse asked a moment later, followed by Jolly.

The two of them sat on the edge of my bed while I continued to sit on my computer chair, slowly rocking back and forth.

“I-um-I just found out something about Y/N. Might explain why she left that night,” I said while handing them the notepad of paper that I was using for my notes.

Both of them read through it, Jesse sucking in a breath while Jolly let his shoulders fall and took a deep breath.

“Shit,” Jesse said.

Jolly, however, gave me a look. One I knew all too well.

“You fucking knew,” I accused while leaning forward in my chair.

“Not what she was going through. Nick wanted to tell me but-.”

“Wait,” I shook my head in disbelief. “Nick knew?”

I didn’t give Jolly time to explain because I quickly dialed Nick’s number and put the call on speaker while it rang.

“Yellow?” Nick answered on the third ring.

I rolled my eyes. “First of all, don’t answer the phone like that. You know I hate it.”

“Exactly why I do it. What's up?”

“You knew, I fucking know you knew,” I seethed.

There was a very long moment of silence from Nick’s end before a tired breath sounded. “Noah-.”

“No! Why did you fucking help them lie to me? You had me believing I did some shit for months! You all knew what her issue was and you just let me sit here in the dark over it?”

I rose from my chair and paced my room as the anger intensified. For months, they made me think I was the problem; it was my fault that Y/N walked away.

“It wasn’t our place to bring it up, Noah,” Jolly said.

“Y/N should have just been honest upfront about it,” Nick spoke next.

“Clearly she was scared! Read this shit!,” I pointed to the notepad. “She goes through that every month. And not one of you told me. I could have faced her anger later. Fuck, man.”

A shaky breath fell from my lips as I ran a hand over my chin, trying to control the way my heart raced and pulse quickened.

“It’s not too late, Noah,” Jesse reminded me.

“It is because I certainly don’t know how she feels; not now,” I said reminding them about the Instagram post this morning.

Jolly pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. “Not this again. It was a post, Noah!”

“Whatever, I’m not dealing with this right now, just know I fucking know you knew and it’s irritating,” I told Nick on the phone.

“But now that you know, does it change how you feel?”

As I opened my mouth to answer, the phone buzzed in my hand and my heart rate now doubled, thinking it was Y/N.

Unknown: had an awesome time with you! 💕 so glad we’re trying this.

Fuck.

My heart sank to the depths of my insides realizing that the text message wasn’t from Y/N.

“It doesn’t matter now,” I answered Nick’s question with a defeated sigh.

CHASE

Malcolm paced the entire length of our bedroom with his hands on his hips. His auburn hair fell around his shoulders in curly waves and if it was any other situation, I would marvel at how gorgeous he looked.

“Mal, you need to calm down. You’re going to burn a hole in the floor,” I tried to reach for his hand but he sped past me.

His emerald eyes burned. “He’s dating someone. Can you believe that? After all that bullshit about waiting for her. The second she’s ready, he moves on?”

“We don’t know that they’re dating. Noah said they went out on one date, it doesn’t mean anything.”

Malcolm sighed before falling onto the bed next to me. It was nearing eight in the evening. Y/N’s flight would land any minute and we were patiently waiting for her to return home.

“Are we going to listen to their song?” Malcolm asked.

I rubbed his knee. “They’re still our friends, Mal. We need to support them.”

Eventually, he nodded before resting his hand over mine. “We need to warn, Y/N. I don’t want her to be blindsided by this news or find out about it from someone else.”

I agreed and pulled out my phone, quickly typing a message out to Y/N.

Chase: sweets, we need to talk to you. Call us when you can.

Sweets: I have pretty shitty service where I’m at. What’s up?

Malcolm and I shared a look, neither of us wanting to tell her over text but knew that it would be better if she found out from one of us. The words almost burned on my fingers as I typed them.

Chase: Noah went out on a date. He’s seeing someone.

Read 9:30 pm.

Chase: sweets??

Read 9:43 pm.

After almost twenty-five minutes with no response from Y/N, I tried calling her twice which only went straight to voicemail. Malcolm pulled out his phone so he could pull up her location. The three of us always shared our location, in cases of times like this.

“Fuck,” he cursed.

“What?” I asked, heart pounding hard against my chest as I peered over his shoulder to look at his phone.

Immediately, we recognized where Y/N was; her avatar on the map unmoving and staying in the same spot for the last half an hour.

Chase: Y/N, please let me know you’re okay.

“What do you think she’s doing there?” I asked.

Malcolm rested his head in his hands. “I don’t know, babe. But whatever the reason, shit’s changed now. It can’t be good.”

We sat in silence for another long few minutes, my hand rubbing soothing circles on Malcolm’s back in a way to keep him calm. I was about ready to text Jolly when Malcolm’s phone rang.

“Buttercup, where are you?” He rushed out once he saw the caller ID.

There was silence on the other end until a broken, destroyed voice sobbed into the phone.

“I fucked up, guys.”

[eternal-echoes]

Tagged by @austerity-audacity-asceticism thank you!!! I always like getting tagged in these kind of things.

(Starting a new post because the original one is long)

*throws my football at you* PERSONALITY TEST TIME.

1) The last Podcast you listened to? with reasons.

My answer : I usually don’t listen to podcast but when I was on a roadtrip with my sister she suggested we listen to a Catholic podcast and I believe it was The Matt Fradd show interviewing Michael Knowles

2) what was the last fanfic you read? What did you like about it?

My answer : I think it was a My Happy Marriage fanfic months back. I can’t remember which one exactly but I remember liking the domestic fluff aspect of it

3) You favorite discord server?

My answer : I’m not on discord anymore. My friend invited me to one but I was never active in it.

4) open Pinterest and show the first think it recommends you!

My answer :

5) If your comfortable, show me something from your notes app!

My answer :

The to-do list yesterday. I was only able to do 3 of them and continuing some of them today.

6) Show us who you last gave a like on Tumblr! And why?

My answer : https://www.tumblr.com/lovers-romance/762869936051912704?source=share

I’ve always liked this person’s aesthetic taste.

7) Show us a picture that's in your galary that you are proud off/like/are comfortable sharing.

My answer :

selfie picture with my Master thesis.

8) final question, what was the last YouTube video you watched?

My answer :

Not sure if I’ll watch this anime recommendation but this is the last YouTube video I watched.

I usually don’t tag anyone but I will this time:

@colormipretty @noriko04 @coruscanttojerusalem

@elegyofemptiness42 @all-hail-trudos

@thathilomgirl @prarthnaoffthedeepend

I just see some of you guys in my notifications quite often and I thought this is a nice way to get to know you more.

But feel free to ignore this.

[deancasbigbang]

Title: A Hard Place

Author: Deanna

Artist: parhelion_ava

Rating: Explicit

Pairings: Dean Winchester/Castiel Novak; Sam Winchester/Jessica Moore; Dean/Meg (one time); Castiel/Mick (one time); Dean/Robin (one time)

Length: 90000

Warnings: undefined

Tags: Professor Castiel Novak; student/rockstar Dean Winchester; BDSM AU; dom Cas; sub Dean; flogging; rough sex; fluff; dom/sub drop; happy ending

Posting Date: October 19, 2023

Summary: Castiel Novak is a college Professor, who values education beyond all else. That is, until a certain rockstar enrolls in his class. As a Dom at the BDSM club “A Hard Place”, Castiel thinks he’ll never find his perfect, permanent sub. When rockstar Dean Winchester needs to go back to college, he’s reluctant to do so. That is, until he meets his smoking hot Professor. Dean is torn between his Professor and a wing-masked Angel he meets at a BDSM club.

Excerpt: Towards the end of class, Castiel notices that some of the students have lost focus. A few girls have even attempted to take selfies with the rockstar. If there had been more time left in their session, Castiel might have said something. Instead, he decides to assign a prompt for the students to work on over the weekend, asking them what they hope to gain out of this class. To wrap things up, Castiel writes his name on the whiteboard behind his desk, along with his phone number. “All my contact information is on the syllabus, but I like my students to be able to reach me anytime, so feel free to write down this number as well. You may address me as Castiel, Mr. Novak, or any variation of the word ‘professor’.” Castiel uses actual air quotes, eliciting a laugh from the class. Nearly all the students are writing down the information, while Mr. Famous takes out his phone and snaps a picture of the whiteboard. Dean then leans over to the girl next to him, nudges her with his elbow and whispers, “Scored the teacher’s number on day one, huh?” He wiggles his eyebrows at her and she blushes, giggling to her peers. Castiel, however, is not so amused. He dismisses the class, but stops Dean when he reaches the front of the classroom. “Mr. Winchester. Please stay behind for a moment.” “Ugh, man, please stop calling me that…” Dean groans as he leans on Castiel’s desk. Castiel stands from where he was seated, hoping to loom over the man, but finds that he is in fact shorter than Dean. Regardless, Castiel isn’t going to let a height difference interfere with their dynamic. This is Castiel’s classroom and he expects his students to respect that. “Of course, Mr. Winchester. As soon as you stop referring to me as ‘dude’ or ‘man’.” Dean huffs out a laugh. “Ha! Good one, professor. That better?” “Lose the attitude and we’re golden.” “Dude, I don’t -” “Dean.” Castiel drops his voice slightly to grab Dean’s attention and Castiel is very interested to know what the man is thinking when he sees Dean’s jaw tighten. “You may be famous amongst your peers, but to me you are just another student. While in this classroom, you are here to learn. You will show respect to myself and your peers, or else face the consequences.” “Consequences, huh?” Dean smirks. “What kinda consequences we talkin’ here?” “The kind where you fail my class.” Castiel replies shortly. He’s not taking anymore of this man’s crap. Dean’s face falls slightly and Castiel is glad to have put his foot down. “Man, you’re no fun.” Dean whines as he pushes off the desk. “I’m here to teach, Mr. Winchester. Not to have fun.” “Suit yourself, handsome.” Dean punctuates his sentence with a wink, then turns to leave the classroom. Castiel sighs. This is going to be a long semester, he grimaces.

DCBB 2023 Posting Schedule

[linuxthegeek]

I am healthy, I am whole, I have poor impulse control

[chocotonez]

toxic!txt + breakups

a/n: idk man anon wanted angst and I love school/campus aus and then I love writing the toxic men?? idk just take it 😭 this isn’t really my usual content but I found the premise interesting so !! also some of these don’t really have an argument, the prompt is so broad I’m sorry lolol, also!! please don’t romanticize or try to find the appeal in toxic behavior, these hcs are merely speculative and not at all what anyone deserves, if you feel you’re in a dangerous situation text START to 88788 for the domestic violence hotline, and know you have people looking out for you, you deserve to be safe and in a happy, healthy relationship! anyways I’m done bothering you here’s the fic lmao

warnings/genre: txt are kinda dicks, toxic behavior, suggestive content, somewhat campus au, this is just me over-exaggerating speculated toxic traits of txt this doesn’t represent them in any way, angst, arguing, crying, borderline gaslighting, lmk if there’s anything else to be tagged!!

yeonjun

-he’s extremely popular all over campus, for good reason. he’s smart, funny, gets along well with others and is an active member in the student body

-he’s also just in general a very “nice guy” to be around, and you two are considered the it couple the school

-but in truth he’s just kinda a dick, it was nice to date him for the first few months but after a while it was evident you weren’t exactly the priority, and more of his repuation

-honestly you think he stayed with you because you two looked good together, which looked good for him

-he’s not directly mean towards you?? Like he’ll be very casual, “love you” or “good morning” texts but he’ll ghost you for three days and then his social media story is him at a party with other girls. but he’s very possessive over you n it’s genuinely the most infuriating thing in the world to see him wasted and enjoying his best life w everyone who has a crush on him in the same room, but you can’t even go out to see a friend he doesn’t like

-probably says “you can’t do that” if you try to break up with him, gets really frustrated and plays the victim, blames you for not giving him enough attention or space, or messing around w other persons trying to woo you

-shit talks you so much afterwards and he doesn’t even try to hide it anymore, honestly such a dick but he craves your attention so he’ll love-bomb you or show up at your door apologizing and crying

-it’s up to you whether you take him in or not, either way it’ll end in tears

soobin

-hes what I think is called an energy vampire, where your relationship is just him sapping your energy and feelings and it’s not fun at all

-probably ignores you and passive aggressively texts you because you posted a selfie w friends and there was a guy he didn’t like in there

-always makes it seem like you’re the bad person, he just wants you all to himself and it was cute at first but then you find yourself crying because he claims you don’t love him since you’re “always busy with other people”

-he’s not that much of a solitary person either, he has friends and he never even gives you a heads up if he’s out with other people tbh

-unlike yeonjun I think soobin isn’t self aware of his toxic behavior to an extent, he doesn’t really recognize how he’s sapping your energy and getting jealous over small things, but he’s definitely aware when he’s trying to win you over with borderline-manipulative statements, “I’m sorry you feel that way” type of guy

-the type to text you “who was that guy you were with” after you break up, and suddenly he’s giving you the attention you always craved and needed from him. loving texts and romantic gestures, but are you really willing to back to him?

-probably tbh

beomgyu

-moodmaker, but that means if he’s in a bad mood it is just game over for you, because he makes it everyone’s problem

-clingy, wants to be with you 24/7, he’s borderline obsessed with you where he wants your attention to be on him and only him

-it’s cute at first, but suddenly he’s sobbing and arguing over how you “hate him” and you “don’t want to spend time with him”, he’s hyper sensitive to you leaving him behind and it causes so many problems

-but whenever u hang out with him he’s such a sweet and loving boyfriend, if he only gets you all to himself, which is exhausting! so reasonably you break up with him!

-he is very unreasonable! :) spam texts you, spam calls you, asks why you would do this, cries at your front door and suddenly he’s proclaiming how much he loves you and how he needs you

-without you, he’s missing a part of himself, without you he has no one to love, without you, how is anyone gonna validate him with attention? he wants it to be you, that’s all, is it really so bad to want that from someone you love?

-no, of course it’s not, so just let him back into your life so he can use you to fill his need for affection and attention!!

taehyun

-he’s very,,,permissive in a relationship, very absent and it almost feels like your alone half the time when it comes to affection, but when it comes to micro-managing your life??

-“uh ok. sorry you feel that way but-“ he always manages to invalidate your feelings or dumb it down so you sound like a big baby, which is why he’ll make all the choices for you! even if you don’t ask!! or want his overbearing opinion <33

-but everyone finds it so cute, in the hallways he’s always holding your hand and he carries your school bag, he feeds you his snacks, and he acts perfectly fine on the outside. to everyone else, he’s just the more dominant figure in your relationship

-but then he starts getting pissed over you going to a party without telling him what you were gonna wear, who you were gonna be with, etc…

-blames you 4 being inconsiderate of his feelings when you call him out, and he actually breaks up w you and makes you feel like a horrible person by exaggerating every “wrong” you did against him

-he reverse psychology-ed you into actually feeling like you were a bad person for speaking up for yourself, and then he’s like “oh dumb baby it’s ok” and he’s so patronizing

-“thank you for apologizing baby, this is why I make all the choices, remember?”

hyuka

-constant drama w him, there’s always something to blame him for. yes him, because every time you point out a wrong he did he blows it out of proportion and act like you always make him the bad guy

-“oh, I guess it’s bad for me to be insecure about that person you were hanging out with earlier!” and then he acts like a kicked puppy to get you to feel bad for him

-after repetitive arguments of crying, you break up and it’s honestly kinda scary how intent he is on getting you back

-similar to beomgyu, he wants your affection and is practically addicted to it, so you can’t just leave him!! how could you hurt him like this?? because obviously everything is ur fault!!

-he’s the campus angel, he’s so sweet and kind so how can you be so mean? (apparently it’s mean to want personal space and establish boundaries in relationship) he does large romantic gestures to prove to everyone that he was the good boyfriend, and you were the bad person

-pays for ur lunch or walks you to class, makes it seem like you got him wrapped around your finger. and you do! kinda, but your finger is just intertwined with his. but he just loves u so so so much, so how could you let him go?

[artsybelle1015]

Cater x Aware!Reader

You decide to confront Cater….

Reader is genderneutral and Yuu.

warnings(!!!): snapping, clear signs of depression and insecurity, angst w/ no comfort, these are headcanons, also not proof read it’s a drabble

•••

“Heyyy Prefect,” Cater cooed. “How’s Magicam workin’ out?”

Recently, with your new phone, you had just gotten Magicam upon the begging of Cater. He would whine about how much attention you would get as Ramschakle Prefect and how he could tag you in his posts, so you caved in. It was about time you saw how your friends lived when anyways.

With a sigh, you said, “It’s alright, reminds me of my social medias back home.” It did give quite a nostalgic feeling in all fairness.

“Awesomeness~! Let’s take a pic to celebrate this!” he cheered, positioning the camera to take a selfie of you both. “Boom!” Once it was done he began to edit it (mainly himself) his face shifted to a more softer smile, but not one with positive intent.

It almost felt like Cater was smiling because you were right there next to him, as if he would look solemn and apathetic if you ceased from his room. Well, that was how it would go actually, you knew him too well at this point, his real and fake smiles. With all the time you spent together how could you not? But it made you wonder why no one else was seeing what you were seeing…

…an empty shell of a man, blinded by his image and insecurities. Someone who was unsatisfied with his life.

“You’re so quiet, Prefect,” Cater giggled, the dull smile fading since he finished the post.

With hesitation, you finally decided to ask, “Are you okay?”

Cater laughs quickly fell silent, though he still smiled in a forced amusement, like he knew you were onto something. A quick pat to your shoulder was given, like he was brushing it off. “Of course I am! I’m Cay-Cay after all~!”

“You’re lying.” The words just shot out of your mouth, making you feel regretful.

“Oh, you’re so silly,” he teased, going back on his phone, but his shoulders stiffened and body seemed tense, like he wanted this conversation to be done. This only pissed you off due to him ignoring your concern.

Quickly, you rose from his bed that you both had been sitting on. “I don’t appreciate you brushing me off like that! I know there’s something wrong.”

“Prefect…” he awkwardly laughed, hunching over a bit and trying to play it cool(and failing), “what are you talking about..?”

“You know exactly what i’m talking about!” you snapped, all the words you wanted to say coming out in an awful way, but you couldn’t control it anymore. You were so worried about your friend that it came out in enragement. “Those damn fake smiles and pretending to be all cool and hip, you’re not actually that, are you?”

To your surprise, Cater face fell flat, almost dead looking. Standing up as well, he looked to you and in a deep voice said, “Okay, we’re done here, you need to go.” Then, he pointed at the door.

“Cater…”

“Go.”

Quickly you walked out, feeling regretful that your eyes began to water. You pushed it too far, now he probably hated you. There was no helping him anymore. It all hurt, you wish you could turn back time to stop yourself from asking if he was okay. Now, he will continue not to and have no means of distraction other than that damn Magicam.

•••

[twinktosterone]

the name’s kayn/cain pick a spelling i like both =(^.^)=

faggot tboy he/it 20 in korea except that’s not an official thing anymore ｡｡｡ more under the cut cause i ramble and it got long

trans guy… bunny-boy..thing 。gender is a joke to me and i’m not a binary trans guy but i also don’t like being called nonbinary or anything else also i didn’t get top surgery cause T zapped away what was there so like im totally cis unless you’re trying to get in my pants (joke) all my selfies are tagged #me or should be at least

im so much of a faggot that i circled back around to being a girl — i love men i have a huge thing for when they’re bigger than me in some way. any way. this does Not need to be physical i’m 169cm by the way

hype up my own attractiveness a ton because fake it til you make it is real and true but i also genuinely do not know what other people’s opinion on this are due to autism and i will fall in love with you if you agree with me

metallic emo boy if it’s not apparent from the selfies (is it? idk) … some fav bands: motionless in white, scene queen, sleep token, pierce the veil, sleeping with sirens, also idkhow and half-alive are bouncing around in there

exceedingly normal about gore and needles and body mods — the selfie w all the green dots is my planned facial piercing setup and i’d like to be a cosmetic plastic surgeon to perform shit like subdermal implants and tongue splits as a trained professional in an actual doctor’s office with a sterile field not a guy with experience but little medical background in a hotel room (although it’ll probably be someone like that if/when i get mine split) also vore but the metaphor of it more than the eating/being eaten

if u read all the way um my nsft is kayncainkayn

[lovesosweeet]

better left unsaid // cth

chapter thirty six

in which orion has leukemia, and calum doesn’t know.

calum hood x fem!oc

read other chapters

november 5, 2018 san diego, california orion

Spending my 22nd birthday going to visit my new oncologist was not my plan. I hadn’t made much effort to make it happen, but I was hoping to just have a night out in LA with Emelia, her roommates, and some of my classmates. I already had a reservation set up at my favorite rooftop bar for ten people. 

I knew Cal had a show — Amsterdam — so I didn’t expect to get to spend it with him. I figured he’d call me after he got offstage while I was out with my friends and I’d answer, tipsy from a few too many espresso martinis, and it would be sweet and everyone with me would think it was so cute that he was so busy but still so present in our relationship.

Clearly, nothing like that is happening today. The only thing that’s the same is Emelia. She’s coming over tonight. I think my moms are getting us all Thai food and we’ll watch a movie or play a game, and I think we’ll have a bonfire, but the night is looking very differently than what I’d planned months ago. Today is the day I find out how chemo went and whether or not I get to live a little longer.

While Mama drives to the hospital, she and Mom are talking about something I stopped paying attention to a long time ago. I’m grateful both of them are coming with me to learn about my fate. My mind is just spinning and I can’t even pin down a single thought, so I find myself distracting my brain by doomscrolling on social media and reading happy birthday texts. 

From: kaykay (5sos groupies) happy birthday orion! miss ya and love ya! From: crystal (5sos groupies) baby o!!!! we miss you so so much! we’ll all be home soon and want to see your sweet face if you’ll have us. happy birthday ❤️ From: sierra (5sos groupies) sweet orion!! missing you more than ever! happiest of birthdays to the prettiest of girls ❤️

Macy tagged me in an Instagram story of a collage of pictures we have together—random chemo selfies, the night we celebrated her being cancer free, and the tour sendoff party that happened what feels like a lifetime ago. “MOST BEAUTIFUL BIRTHDAY GIRL EVER! LOVE YOU LONG TIME TY FOR BEING THE BEST” she wrote on top of the photo.

Emelia posted a carousel of our pictures from the past three years, including a very cringey one of us on the first day of class freshman year. We’d somehow shown up to class wearing nearly identical outfits and we decided we were destined to be friends, which was a correct assessment. The most recent one was last week at the beach, when we had a sunset picnic. “Strongest, bravest, kindest, most passionate (and stubborn) girl on the planet. Happy birthday to my soul sister. There’s no one who loves like you and I love having your love in my life. 22 is no match for you! ‘Til death, my friend.” 

Ashton has a photo of us getting gelato in Rome two years ago. I think Giuseppe took the picture, but the memory is blurry. All I remember is how divine my pistachio gelato tasted and how jealous Ash was of how much better mine was than his. In the picture, I’m happily taking a lick from mine while Ashton pouts at me, holding his cup of banana gelato that he’d hardly touched. His caption is short and sweet. “Happy birthday to the best girl I know (sorry @kaykay).”

I don’t follow him anymore, but I pull up Cal’s profile to see if he’s posted any stories or anything else today. When his profile picture indicates that he has posted a story I haven’t viewed, out of habit, I check it. Even if he checks who’s viewed it, I’ll only be one of literal thousands, so I doubt he’ll be able to see me as a viewer. He posted a picture of himself on stage last night, and today, he just took a screenshot of listening to 22 by Taylor Swift on Spotify. 

He’s saying happy birthday, even if he isn’t. 

From: paula (lavapies forever) HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY FAV ESTADOUNIDENSE!!! love you miss you!!!  From: giuseppe (lavapies forever) oh!! happy birthday orion!!! how did I end up in this group chat….. ? From: marta (lavapies forever) feliz cumple, orion!! te echo de menos!!!  From: ilse (lavapies forever) HAPPY BDAY ORION! ❤️ From: paula (lavapies forever) giu you’re one of the girlies sorry

I haven’t texted the “5SOS groupies” back yet, and am uncertain of whether or not I will, but I do text back my former flatmates (and Giuseppe). 

To: lavapies forever muchisimas gracias!!!! miss you all!!! also, have some news for you guys From: ilse (lavapies forever) FINALLY From: paula (lavapies forever) when were you gonna tell us you guys broke up!!!!!! what happened?!?!?!? From: marta (lavapies forever) seriously! how could you not tell us?! but yes what happened we are dying to know the details From: giuseppe (lavapies forever) oh yeah fran asked if i knew anything but obviously i do not  To: lavapies forever so… its not so much that i need to tell you about the breakup? i don’t know how else to say it than to just say it so i’m just gonna say it i have leukemia so cal and i broke up i’m actually on my way to the doctor rn to see how my chemotherapy treatments went

When the group chat activity halts, I know they’re now all confused and in shock. My friends aren’t exactly known for not having something to say. I leave the WhatsApp app to give them time to process and go to my regular messages to see who else has reached out.

From: lucas Hey, O. Just popping in to say happy birthday! Sent you a Venmo—have a martini on me. Hope you’re doing okay!

Every other notification is just miscellaneous family members and a few classmates who are just as out of the loop as the general public is on what’s happening in my life. I guess I should probably share something on my social media about what’s going on. I don’t want the fans to know, but I can tell my classmates and people I actually know. I decide I’ll post something later today, once I’ve heard whatever news that the oncologist is about to share with me. 

Right when I’m locking my phone, it starts buzzing with an incoming Facetime from Paula. I tell my moms I’ll be on a call before I answer.

“Hey,” I say as her face fills my screen.

“I wish you’d told me sooner,” is how Paula starts the call. 

I frown. “It’s kinda hard to say over text. I’m sorry.”

“So call! Orion, what the hell! This is huge and I don’t know why you wouldn’t think we’d want to know!” 

I contemplate what to say next. I should be an expert at this after having to break the news Calum. “If it makes you feel better, I didn’t tell Cal until last month.” 

Paula’s mouth drops and I can tell she’s about to dwell on this instead of the actual news. “So he broke up with you?!” 

“What? No!” I sigh. “No, I broke up with him.” 

Her face contorts with confusion and she shakes her head, the idea rattling around in her brain. “You broke up with him?! Because you have cancer?!”

“Please don’t make me talk about this, Pau, it’s all anyone wants to talk about and I’m tired of it.” 

“No! We are going to talk about this! You guys are perfect together and you broke up with him in the middle of a life threatening diagnosis? What the fuck, Orion?��� 

“Can we talk about this tomorrow?” I beg. “It’s my birthday. I promise I’ll call you tomorrow and I’ll let you know how things went today.”

She groans. “Fine, but only because it’s your birthday!” 

“Orion,” Mama says, catching my attention. “We’re here.”

I nod and look back to my phone. “¿Hablaremos mañana?”

Pau nods. “Mañana.”

Paula and I hang up then, and I tuck my phone into the pocket on my black sweatpants. We get out of the car and walk to the door of the cancer center, checking in at the desk and going to the waiting room. I feel like I’ve done all of this a million times now, but I haven’t felt this nervous about it in a long time. 

They call my name to come back, and we trudge slowly after the nurse and we sit in a sterile exam room that looks just like every other sterile exam room in the world. While we wait for the doctor to come in, my moms and I sit in silence. I don’t think anyone wants to say anything. I know I don’t.

Five minutes of waiting later and then there’s a knock on the door. My new doctor, Dr. Gupta, walks in with his clipboard and the nurse in tow. He takes a seat on the wheeled stool and moves it closer to me so that we’re only about a foot or two apart. 

“Good morning,” he says. “And, happy birthday.”

I give him a tense smile. “Thanks.” 

I had to come in last week for another biopsy and a full blood panel again to be able to assess the status of my cancer, so today is literally just to talk about the results. They also have me a full body exam to check my lymphnodes and other symptoms. Given the look on Dr. Gupta’s face from the moment he walked in, whatever he’s going to say isn’t good.

“Orion, there isn’t an easy way to say this, so I’m sorry,” he says, off to a horrible start. “The chemo hasn’t made much of a dent in the leukemia, and I’m afraid it’s progressing.” 

I look over at my moms who are clenching their jaws and squeezing each other’s hands. I’ll cry if I watch, so I look back to Dr. Gupta. 

“You have options, though. We can continue to try to find you a bone marrow donor, and there are a number of trials that are available, we’d just need to transfer you back to LA.” 

I shake my head. “I can’t go back to LA.” 

“Honey, you can go back—-“

I cut Mom off. “I’m not doing trials. I can’t. I’m sorry, but I’m not doing something else that will make me feel miserable and we don’t even know if it’s going to work. Besides, I’ll get what, maybe a year or two out of it if they do work?”

I look at Dr. Gupta to confirm, and he pulls his mouth into a slight frown. 

“There’s no guarantee on timelines or results, but, roughly, given your case, that’s what we’d be looking at.” 

“Right, and I’ll get like… a year, a few months if we just stop doing things?” 

Dr. Gupta sighs. “Again, we can’t say for certain, but roughly, yes, about a year.” 

“Yeah, I’m not doing anything. Can I go now?” I stand up, grabbing my bag. 

“Orion, at least hear about what options—“

I spin around, quickly, to face my moms. “I’m not doing anything.”

They look at me with tears in their eyes, begging me to stay and listen, but I don’t want to. 

“I want to go home. I want to live comfortably and just have time with people I care about. It doesn’t matter. I’m going to die anyway. It doesn’t even matter, and I’m not going to LA again.” 

We have a silent argument with just our eyes before they look to Dr. Gupta.

“Can we have the pamphlets on the trials? We can discuss this at home and let you know.”

Dr. Gupta quickly hands them the stack of brochures he’s had on top of his clipboard. “You don’t have to decide anything today, and please call me if you have any questions.” 

I walk out of the room then. I don’t want to dwell in there and I don’t want to dwell on what I’ve just learned. I can’t think about it. Not today. Maybe tomorrow. I just can’t spend my birthday thinking about it all. Today I’m supposed to celebrate my life, not the impending date of my death. 

—

We’re having a bonfire in the backyard with my family, Emelia, and Macy — complete with gelatin-free marshmallows and a crock pot full of mulled wine — when my phone starts going crazy. I try to ignore it and just enjoy the night with Emelia and Macy, who are listening to and respecting my wishes not to talk about the news of the day. I promise them we’ll talk about it tomorrow. 

My phone has probably buzzed twelve times in the past two minutes, and Emelia ends up taking my phone off the arm of the wooden chair I’m sitting in to look at it, apparently annoyed by all the notifications. She unlocks my phone for herself and her eyes grow wider as she looks at whatever notifications I’ve gotten.

“Jesus,” she whispers, scrolling through whatever it is. 

“What is it?” Macy asks before she takes another sip of her hot wine. 

“Um…” Em says, trailing off, still staring at my phone’s screen.

I hold my hand out for her to give me my phone back, and she pulls it further away from me, her eyes still glued to the bright screen. I can see it’s a text thread with a lot of texts from the other person.

“Give me my phone,” I instruct, holding my hand closer to her.

“It’s not good, are you sure?” 

I roll my eyes. “Em, there’s nothing worse than hearing that your chemotherapy didn’t help your terminal cancer on your birthday. I can handle whatever the hell someone texted me.” 

She sighs and hands my phone to me. “I warned you.” 

I take in what’s on my screen and feel my stomach start to churn. She’s right. It’s not good.

From: mike-o cliff-o yknow what orion, fuck you i don’t give a fuck that it’s your birthday FUCJ YOU my band, my BEST FRIENDS, aren’t speaking because you couldn’t tell the truth thos is your fault calum won’t even LOOK at ash! howrdare you you had no right to come into our lives and fuck up the one thing that matters most to all of us and then just LEAVEW do you know how depressed cxalum is he doesn’t do anything except show up on stage and drink and whineand moanmb he’s a fucking qwreck and that’s on yuo you play this innocnt sweet act that you’re jsut being kind and whatever bllshit you tell yourself but you and i both know you’re actually a shitty person what kind of person doesn’t tell their partner they have CACNDR and then BROAKS UP WITH THEM over it fuck you. i hope it’s terminal. and i hpoe it sucks.

My eyes start to water as I read through everything, but I try to remember that Michael is clearly very drunk. 

“No, he doesn’t get to make you cry on your birthday. Give me that, I’m texting a screenshot of that shit to Crystal.” Emelia holds her hand out for my phone again, but I hug it to my chest. 

“No, it’s fine. He doesn’t mean it, and he deserves to be mad.” 

“What? Who texted you?” Macy asks from my other side. I sigh and hand my phone to her so she can read it all. 

“It’s fine, he’s drunk. If that made him feel better to say that, it’s fine.” 

Emelia is fuming next to me and watching as Macy’s face gets more and more concerned while she reads what Mike sent. I don’t want to let them sway me. I don’t care what he sent. 

“Holy shit, O, that’s not okay,” Macy says while she hands me my phone. 

“It’s fine, I don’t care.”

But I do.

read next chapter

[rainmustfallts4]

DovahSims: A Legacy of Legends ◇ Gen 1, Part 2

⊶⊰Info & Index⊱⊷ ⊶⊰Tag / Chrono⊱⊷ ⊶⊰Part 1⊱⊷ ⊶⊰Gen 1 Tag / Chrono⊱⊷

⊶⊰DovahSims Challenge Part 1 & Part 2⊱⊷

─────────────⊶⊰⊱⊷─────────────

Time to go dumpster diving c: Hopefully we get something good that we can use.

“Um… what are you doing?”

“What’s it look like I’m doing?”

“Digging through the trash?”

“No, you donut! I’m diving for deals.”

“…huh, so you’re one of those crazy guys my mom warned me about. I thought she just made that up to scare me.”

“Hello, ma’am, would you like to talk for like three minutes?”

“Whatever for?”

“My social is low.”

“Your what is low?”

“My social. You know, that bar that goes down when you don’t talk to people for too long?”

“…huh, you’re one of those crazy men my gran warned me about when I was a child. Why, I thought that was just a story!”

“Why does everyone keep calling me crazy? That’s so rude :(“

“I’ll just have to drown my sorrows in this corner. Rain, wash over me! Take away my sorrows!”

He got clean just so he could dumpster dive again lmao

“Mister, whatcha doin’?”

“Seriously, does no one in this town know what diving for deals is?!”

“‘Course, I do. You’re lookin’ for furniture, right?”

“…kid, you may just be the smartest kid in this place.”

“Hehe, thanks. Greg tells me that, too.”

“Who is Greg?”

“My demon bestie! Can’t you see him? He’s right here!”

“…huh, you’re one of them demonic kids I always heard stories about. Creepy.”

“Hello, sir. Shall we converse while stuffing our faces?”

“My kids hate me.”

“That’s why you don’t have kids.”

“Why couldn’t I have met you 16 years ago…”

There are some lemon trees near his plot of land so he harvested them and planted them. Rather than selling them, he’s gonna eat them so we don’t waste money on buying food. The problem is that it takes like 8 lemons to fill his hunger lmao

I have a bit of rant here. I wanted a diagonal house so I placed the shell and started to make the entryway/porch. Only… STAIRS DON’T GO DIAGONALLY. Wtf sims. I was so happy with the shape and then you make me have to redo it all so it’s not diagonal anymore ;_;) Do you know how lazy I am, game? do you

Some cute selfies of the cutie c:

His life thus far has been rough, but he’s happy to have a second chance, as difficult as it may be. He can only hope that it will get easier as time passes.

[nympho-brainiac]

I posted 16,658 times in 2022

That's 5,683 more posts than 2021!

80 posts created (0%)

16,578 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@sorry-no

@north-star-dreamer-69

@ease-out-the-clutch

@zymsworld

I tagged 2,285 of my posts in 2022

#💗💗💗 - 591 posts

#arb 💗💗💗 - 165 posts

#music - 114 posts

#forever playlist - 67 posts

#favorite - 64 posts

#🖤🖤🖤 - 63 posts

#playlist - 56 posts

#pinned post - 33 posts

#jupiter - 23 posts

#most favorite - 22 posts

Longest Tag: 112 characters

#i like them but i hate getting caught off guard when i’m most likely dissociating or trying to or not to 🤷🏻‍♀️

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I was tagged for a selfie by @justastheyplayoursong and now I’m extending a zero pressh, open ended tag to @zymsworld @were-gonna-need-a-bigger-boat @guitosc @lilacs-and-1andmines @sweeeeeeetness and @abrokenespada

86 notes - Posted July 3, 2022

#4

This cartoon filter makes me look like Alvin, Simon and Theodore’s biological mother and I 💗 it. I want cartoon hair now.

138 notes - Posted February 20, 2022

#3

I was tagged for a selfie by @justastheyplayoursong on Thanksgiving and I’m late but I showed up. Actually, I tried posting one that day and then Tumblr was like “that needs a mature label” or whatever they say and it hurt my feelings. I might have a million pics of my tits floating around here but I was absolutely not trying to be mature in that one. There was cleavage but I would love to be able to take these big bitches off from time to time but you know what? Jesus wanted me to have fat titties and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it but when Tumblr decides they’re mature just like everyone else did as soon as I grew them it makes me feel dirty and I know I’m not the only girl that’s ever felt that way. Maybe I am…don’t give a fuck. Do better.

I’ve been dying to get that off my chest. Pun totally intended.

141 notes - Posted December 4, 2022

#2

I’ve been binge watching Anthony Bourdain Parts Unknown since yesterday and I’m still not tired of it.

I am tired of not being able to see everyone from my phone anymore though. I did realize when I logged in on the computer that I think I’m able to follow people again so there’s that. Also, I found a hidden (from me on my phone) stash of asks that I had no idea even existed so if you sent one and I never replied it’s because I had no idea they were there.

Anyway, back to binge watching/scrolling/smoking/snacking/being at home. Have I ever mentioned how much I love being at home?! Just kidding. Of course I have.

214 notes - Posted January 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I did find one 💎 on FB today.

486 notes - Posted June 26, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →