#i don’t have any mirrors in my room anymore bc the last one broke (7 years bad luck fuck) and the one on the wall was lost when i moved

[kimjunnoodle]

the only thing good to come out of 2020 was my love of hastily made shitpost-esque edits i would make of myself to have enrichment

[hongism]

finding beauty in your darkest places - chapter 8

Pairing: TBA (i have no clue at the moment, ot7 for now)

Genre: Psychiatric Clinic!au, Heavy Angst, Fluff

Word Count: 6094

Warnings: strong language; deals with mental and emotional illnesses and disorders as a heavy theme of the story, future graphic depictions of disorders - please do not read if this makes you uncomfortable

Chapter specific warnings: discussions of character death, graphic depictions of anxiety attacks, discussion of suicidal thoughts and actions

Rating: PG-13/Mature

Summary: Everyone has their issues, and everyone deals with them differently. Jungkook thinks that avoiding his problems is the best option out there.

aka

Jeon Jungkook is the newest patient at the Omelas Specialized Psychiatric Clinic, and he just wants to get in and out as quickly as possible so that he can go back to university and be with his friends again. Of course, that doesn't work out according to his plan.

a/n: hello hello this is somewhat of a surprise chapter because i didn’t have this on the schedule or planned in my mind really. However, i find it easiest to write my feelings and since i’ve been feeling down recently, this chapter was easier to write and i felt more inspired to work on it. It’s also been quite some time since i posted, and for that i am hugely and immensely sorry. time slipped away from me and i put this story on the backburners of my mind for too long.

Also, this chapter contains a small surprise for my boo @maptoyoongi​ bc Mari has been so helpful and kind and lovely about helping me with this story and supporting me big time when it comes to this story. I never feel as though it’s enough to just say thank you and i wanted a way to thank you in a special way ;-; even now, i don’t feel as though this is enough to say thank you <3

(it’s been so long that this is the first time i’m actually using the tag list omg)

tag list: @succulentjinkook​ @mxrzan​

7 | 8 | 9

Finding Beauty in Your Darkest Places

Chapter 8: Black Waters

It's cold. The edges of autumn have seeped their way into the clinic, bringing brown and red leaves to the trees around the basketball court, and the season is windier than usual. A gust of wind passes over Jungkook's body. He doesn't brace himself against the breeze despite being in a typical short sleeved white shirt. Rather he remains where he is, sprawled out in the middle of the basketball court and staring up at the clouded sky with an equally clouded mind.

Cold.

Everything is cold. His fingers are never warm anymore, the cold seeping to his palms on occasion. Part of Jungkook knows that he should be worried. It's a concern, maybe a serious health concern in fact, and yet...nothing.

Cold.

Jungkook would rather be cold.

"For the longest time, I only saw that reflection when I looked in the mirror. It took a long time to separate Kim Namjoon from the disorders the doctors labelled me with. What do you see in the mirror, Jungkook? Do you know who you are or do you just take the labels doctors give you? Are you “Jeon Jungkook, Panic Disorder” or someone else?"

Who is he? According to the voices scampering through his head without rest, he's a number of things. Loser, asshole, trash, garbage, piece of shit, dirty, crazy, a disappointment. A liar. Jeon Jungkook is a dirty fucking liar, and he knows that to be the truth.

The worst thing he could do is dwell on the past. Think about all the ways in which he wronged Taehyung, you, Namjoon, Yoongi, Hyewon, maybe every patient in the clinic. His brother...mom...father. Jungkook's head begins to tingle, a faint sensation starting in the back of his skull and quickly travelling to the space between his eyes.

“It’s far better to know people for their heart and not their mind. A person’s mind can be fucked up and distorted. But the kind of person they are, what they do for others, how they treat others — that all tells you much more. We are all souls with a house of flesh and bones, wrestling with a mind that is not our own. For some people it gets to be too much. They just want out of the cage they feel trapped in, and society is the one keeping them there. They don’t see their body as anything good, it’s only a trapped feeling, and sometimes they try to get out. They try to get rid of a certain part of themselves, kill the mind that isn’t completely theirs.”

Namjoon's words stay with Jungkook and cling to the loose bits of his brain only to eat away like a parasite. Kill the mind that isn't completely theirs. In the first few days after that conversation with Namjoon, Jungkook wanted nothing more than to do just that. It would have been so easy, so quick and painless, he could've just done it. Should have. And yet, he lives to see the clouded sky another day, back cold from the pressure of the concrete under him, and surprisingly at peace with being alive.

Nevermind the nagging voices in his mind telling him he's a coward who can't kill himself properly. Jungkook is content.

His birthday came and went without any celebration, which is exactly what he had wanted. None of his family came to visit before or after the day of his birthday, and when each Sunday ended without their presence, Jungkook found that he was not upset in the slightest.

At peace.

Such a strange concept.

When has Jungkook ever felt at peace with anything in his life? Where did this sensation come from? Namjoon's understanding and endless wise words provided relief, yes, but Jungkook wouldn't go so far as to say that they put his fears and anxieties to rest. They haven't gone anywhere. They're just...quiet, but not in a relaxing or easing sense. Jungkook flips between being content and on edge throughout the day constantly. Because it feels like they're waiting. Waiting for something, the drop of a pin, the perfect trigger, the slightest misstep.

On edge may be an understatement.

Dr. Martin requested that Jungkook begin to attend group therapy sessions at his last meeting with the doctor. The idea, in and of itself, sounds like a cruel form of torture for a person like Jungkook -- one still wrestling with the weight of what's wrong with him, the issues swirling through his body and mind.

It will be beneficial, the doctor had said.

Jungkook mentally called bullshit. How could it be? A sit down chat with other patients where he has to talk about himself and his struggles? Fuck that. Jungkook would rather have a fork stuck through the back of his hand. Besides, another huge concern that looms in the back of Jungkook's mind is that Taehyung may be at one of these sessions.

The two are still doing a fantastic job of avoiding each other, and considering they are roommates, Jungkook is impressed they've been able to keep it up this long as it is. But he can't run away when trapped in a room for a group therapy session. He has to sit there and take it, facing the person whose trust he broke, whose relationship he ruined, and whose condition has regressed dramatically in the past few days.

All my fault. My fault. I did that. It was me.

Jungkook's eyes flutter shut, blocking the sky from his view and letting the blackness behind his eyelids sweep over him.

"We need to talk."

Jimin had caught Jungkook by the arm after breakfast two days ago and uttered those four words, eyes narrowed and expression grim. For a moment, Jungkook had thought that he did something wrong or something to upset Jimin. Of course he did, he single-handedly destroyed Taehyung, but Jimin was not angry. His expression softened a moment later, and he had said that he wants to help fix things.

Again, Jungkook mentally called bullshit.

"Fix things". A load of bullshit by itself, but also something that Namjoon said was unnecessary. Fix what? The countless problems Jungkook has caused since arriving in the clinic? Or fix Taehyung himself?

Jimin never approached Jungkook after that, however, which left Jungkook to wonder when the older man is going to approach him, if he does at all. He certainly isn't going to be the one who makes an effort to bring the topic up with Jimin.

Jungkook sits up on the pavement, eyes snapping open again, and he blinks at the intrusion of light through the clouds above. With a quick glance at his watch, Jungkook scrambles to his feet and rushes for the door. His group therapy session starts in two minutes, and the room is on the other side of the clinic. Moving quickly, Jungkook manages to sprint over to where Dr. Martin's office lies, coincidentally across from the room where group therapy sessions are held. The door lies cracked open, and through the small space, Jungkook can see multiple forms already seating inside. No voices arise from the room, however, so Jungkook can at least rest in the knowledge that he isn't late.

That peace of mind dissipates the moment he steps through the door. There Taehyung sits, directly across from the door in a rickety plastic chair. He stares forward and locks eyes with Jungkook as soon as the door moves. Both men freeze, stare at each other with eyes growing wider with each passing second. Panic.

Jungkook's brain is firing warning signals everywhere, the cold in his fingertips grows to a dull ache, and he curls his fingers into his palm under the skin almost breaks. Panic.

Taehyung's face relaxes into a deadpan expression, wide eyes returning to a hooded gaze. Jungkook glances at the people on either side of him, Hyewon on one side with her platinum blonde hair that blends in too much with the white of the clinic around her, and Eunbi on his other side. Both girls wear similar expressions, but when Hyewon makes eye contact with Jungkook, she beams brightly at him. Jungkook offers his own weak smile in response but it doesn't linger. Rather, he steps around the circle of chairs and moves to the seat across from the girl, one beside Seokjin, who seems about as happy to be here as Jungkook is.

"Hi, Seokjin."

Jungkook's greeting is met with a small grunt rather than words, which catches the younger off-guard. Seokjin never fails to be bright and cheerful, chatty even when no one else seems to be in the mood to talk. The Seokjin before Jungkook now is not the one he knows, not in the slightest, and that realization itself sends a chill down the back of his neck.

"Good afternoon everyone!"

A bright and warm voice intrudes on the silence of the room. Jungkook glances up, eyes finding the door again and spotting a young woman dressed in a set of pale blue scrubs. Her smile is too bright, a foreign expression from a nurse at the clinic, and Jungkook almost hazards a guess that she's faking it. However as she steps further into the room, her grin remains. She wastes no time in coming to sit at the last available chair one seat over from Jungkook.

"I'm seeing a few new faces today. First of all, I'm so happy to see that and welcome. I hope that we are able to help you all and this session offers you some peace from the harshness of what's inside your head. Secondly, I'll introduce myself for those of you who may not know me. My name is Dr. Mari, I take care of the group therapy sessions here at the clinic. Would you please each introduce yourselves so that everyone can know each other's names? Oh, also share one interesting fact about yourself! A simple icebreaker to help keep the tension at bay." Dr. Mari motions to the girl sitting on her right, asking her to start wordlessly.

"I'm Hanuel and um, I-I like dogs?" The girl shrugs a bit after her introduction. Seeing her fidget in her seat, eyes wavering and not meeting anyone else's in the room, and the sheer expression of panic across her face as she introduces herself sends Jungkook's mind into a panic of its own. He grips the fabric of his sweatpants tight between his fingers, knuckles white from the force of his grip, and the rapidly accelerating drumming of his heartbeat in his ears begins to resound. His mind shuts down in that moment, blocking out sensory functioning and clouding all his judgement with the constant rhythm of panic in his body.

Before he can stop it, the anxiety attack washes over him like a tsunami. Cold, even colder than before, yet hot at the same time. His throat is burn, skin scalding around his neck, and he's almost certain that his face looks much like a tomato at this point. Jungkook knows what comes next. The distortion, the confusion, pain -- oh so much pain.

Idiot. Dumb fucking idiot. Why did you think it was a good idea to come here? You think you're normal compared to these people? No, look at you. Look at you barely functioning. Dumb fucking idiot. Worthless, I told you you were worthless.

Can't fucking kill yourself properly?

At least do it like you mean it, you worthless disappointment.

Jungkook sinks. The water plunges over him, filling his lungs and throat with black water that freezes his insides. He's thrashing, fighting to get out, but to no avail.

Jungkook has been here before. This is familiar. A hand closes around his throat, and he can no longer breathe. It's familiar.

Something wakes him up from the reverie, well someone to be more specific. A hand comes down on his thigh, and Jungkook jerks his whole body, finding the culprit staring at him with wide eyes. It's Seokjin. The fingers that close around his thigh simultaneously pull him from the depths of the black water in his mind. He nods twice. Jungkook takes the hint and glances around the room, seeing waiting expressions.

"Oh, uh, I'm Jeon Jungkook...the--the newest patient here."

Dr. Mari offers a soft smile, her eyes twinkling as she does. "We're so happy to have you here, Mr. Jeon. Thank you for coming." Jungkook nods a few times in response. He fights to gain control over his breathing again as the girl on his right introduces herself. Seokjin's grip gradually lessens until Jungkook doesn't feel the pressure of his touch any longer, and when he glances down to where the man's hand had just been, he swears the skin tingles with lingering warmth.

"We will open the discussion today as usual. Remember anyone can jump in and talk, there doesn't need to be any specific order, and you don't have to speak if you don't feel comfortable doing so. Hopefully it's helpful to some extent and encouraging to hear others open up in front of you. Now, how are each of feeling today?"

Silence meets Dr. Mari's question. A moment passes when each patient glances around the circle as though pleading another to speak up and make some sort of conversation, but no one does. Dr. Mari remains quiet and patient though, eyes soft as she glances over the patients before her.

"W-Well..." It's Eunbi who starts up the discussion, her voice quiet and hesitant. She doesn't continue her train of thought, at which point, Dr. Mari nods at her.

"Go ahead, dear."

"Well, I've been feeling down and distracted recently. Um, Miyeon might be leaving soon. I-I'm really happy that she is getting better and could leave shortly, but...and I know it's a selfish thought, but I don't want to see her leave. She's my best friend, and she's always been here for me. I don't know what it'll be like to not have her here. She--she helps keep everything in check, keeps all the pieces glued together, so I'm scared. I'm sc-scared about what might happen if she leaves." Dr. Mari hums as Eunbi finishes speaking.

"Does anyone have any advice or words for Eunbi?"

Taehyung doesn't hesitate. He leans forward, quick to offer some sort of reassurance with his words. "Jimin and I will always be here for you. Even if she does leave, we'll still be here." Eunbi smiles at Taehyung, not saying another word and instead shifting her gaze to the floor. Silence creeps into the circle once more. Dr. Mari waits a few moments before cutting the quiet with words of her own.

"Seokjin, you're being awfully quiet today. Is anything in particular on your mind?" Jungkook follows the doctor's gaze to Seokjin.

"No, it's just that I was up late last night talking with my roommate," he explains. "We were having a chat and it ended up being a lot longer than anticipated, so I went to bed very late."

"I understand, that's alright. Why don't you each tell me about one thing that made you happy this week? Seokjin, we'll start with you if you don't mind."

"That's perfectly fine. Um, I spent a lot of time in the library with Namjoon this week. I was able to make it through almost half of a book without getting detached. I remembered most of the content too, so I was happy to finally able to talk through things with Namjoon after reading the book. I haven't been able to do that in a long time."

Eunbi picks up after Seokjin, talking about something related to Miyeon, but Jungkook doesn't pay the words much attention. Dr. Mari's question lingers in his mind. What made you happy? Jungkook doesn't need to think for long because his answer is nothing. If there was anything that made him happy, it's been blocked out and erased by the bad memories. Nothing. It sounds too depressing in Jungkook's mind, and he's sure that if he were to admit that out loud, Dr. Mari would talk to the doctors about his condition. Maybe he'd get new pills, new therapy, more appointments, more and more pointless diagnoses that aren't entirely accurate simply because it's what works best for the system.

"And you, Jungkook?" Dr. Mari cuts through his thoughts.

Maybe it's best that way. Take more and more pills until you're a husk of a human being. Then they won't ask if you're happy.

"Nothing good happened to me this week," Jungkook says without looking up at the doctor. He expects to hear her sigh and click her tongue against the roof of her mouth as a show of disappointment. Neither sound comes.

"Did anything at all make you happy?" She inquires instead.

"No." Jungkook dares to glance up, finding Taehyung's eyes across the room, and the other man wears an expression of sadness for a moment.

"I understand," Dr. Mari says in a quiet voice. Her tone remains level and soft as she consoles him. "It can be tough to have a week like that. But know that things will get better. Whether it happens today, tomorrow, in three weeks or three years -- this will pass, and you will be better and stronger because of it. We're here to help along the way and support you when you don't feel like you can do it by yourself any longer. Now, I would like for you all to share one thing that made you upset this week. Jungkook, would it be alright if you started? You seem to have a lot on your mind, so I'd like to talk through that some if you don't mind." Jungkook's eyes flit over to the doctor. He expects to see the cold and retrained expression that always covers Dr. Martin's face, or the slight look of disdain from some of the nurses, but he sees neither. Rather, Dr. Mari blinks back at him with brows furrowed, gaze soft, and expression reading pure concern. Something about her expression eases Jungkook's mind.

"I'm not sure where to start."

"That's alright, you can just say whatever comes to mind first if you'd rather."

"I...I had a falling out with someone." Jungkook shifts in his seat, daring to look in Taehyung's direction. They meet eyes for a second, then Taehyung ducks his head and refuses to look at him any longer.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?"

Jungkook debates it, considers telling the truth and being honest for once. Just once, he really wants to be honest. He wants to get it off his chest, be open, but to do it in front of these people? People he doesn't know well, some people he doesn't care to know and vice versa, people who could use this against him. Yet Dr. Mari's expression of interest and concern compels him to speak.

"We had a disagreement, and I didn't consider how my actions would affect him mentally or emotionally. I...it's selfish, but I don't want to be responsible for harming him or the relationships he has with others."

"Do you feel bitter at all? Towards that person?" Jungkook jerks his head to find the source of the question. Taehyung's eyes are on him once more, eyes wide, and teeth gnawing his lower lip now that he's put the question out in the air.

"No, not at all," Jungkook admits. Taehyung dips his head. "I just--well, I feel guilty, I guess, for hurting the other person. I wish I could explain that to him but it seems like he's avoiding me. I want a chance to ask for forgiveness, but I don't feel like I deserve it."

"Why would you think you don't deserve a chance for forgiveness?" Dr. Mari asks.

"It feels a bit like I've hurt him too much to be forgiven."

"Maybe...maybe the other person overreacted some because he didn't know how to handle the information," Taehyung speaks up again. "And maybe he isn't upset with you, but he said some hurtful things that shouldn't have been said."

"Taehyung is right. Communication is key, especially when it comes to disagreements. I encourage you to talk with the person again and maybe explaining the situation a bit more will help. That may also help you have better days and find more happiness in things." Jungkook nods along with Dr. Mari's words. "Thank you for sharing, Jungkook. Would anyone else like to share?"

"Um, I-I would," Taehyung pipes up again. He fidgets in his seat before speaking again, a small sniffle accompanying his movements. "I, uh, I called my mom earlier in the week. She said...she said my grandmother passed away. I-I don't know why, but she helped raise me and has always been there for me no matter what. I wish--I wish that I could have been there for her before this happened. It doesn't feel fair."

"I'm so sorry to hear that, Taehyung. I understand how much she meant to you and how it must be very hard for you to handle while being at the clinic. It must be very hard for everyone here. It's hard to feel as though there is no way out, no way to see family and friends, and live your own life. Everything you do is under watch, someone is there with you, you're required to follow all these regulations and rules. While, yes, they are meant to help your betterment and assure safety, it must feel very suffocating at times. However, each of you has come to this place together, all suffering and struggling with similar things, and you are with each other at the same time for a reason. You should be a beacon of hope and a light at the end of the tunnel for each other. When something bad happens, rather than stepping away from each other, you should step towards one another. Be there for each other and treat this place as a new home. While it may be a temporary one, it is an important one. This is a place where you can have a new family, not a replacement per se, but a family full of people who know what you go through each and every day and understand how you feel.

"I understand each of you may have qualms with each other or with the staff here at the clinic. It can be hard to feel surrounded by people who seem not to care about you or want you to get better, but I assure you there are people who want to help here. Whether it be a doctor or a nurse or a patient, people want to see you be better and stronger, to return to your life outside the clinic.

"Everyone is at the clinic for a reason. Obviously you each know that, the patients are here for their specific reasons. The reason I came to the clinic, however, is because I wanted to make a difference and be a person who could help in some way. When I was your age, I didn't have anyone to rely on or go to when I struggled. For many years, I struggled alone, and it was the most terrifying experience of my life. I'm here to make sure that each of you don't have to feel that way, to give you an option, a choice to not be alone. I love seeing progress in each of you, and growth, but I adore seeing you grow and rely on each other to get better. Medication can only do so much. There has to be a change in the heart and in the mind in order to overcome your struggles. That is what I want to see as a doctor here. I want to see patients come together and help each other because we doctors and the nurses lack in many areas. You can do so much more for each other since you understand each other. Now, I will leave you all with that thought for the day. Thank you for coming, thank you to our newcomers, and you're free to leave now."

Jungkook moves to get up, but a hand clamps down on his leg, keeping him planted to the seat. He looks to the man on his left in confusion. Seokjin doesn't say a word, nor does he even spare Jungkook a glance, and he keeps staring forward at the floor in silence. Dr. Mari is the first to stand, followed by a few of the female patients, while Taehyung lingers in his seat as well. A few moments later, the room is empty except for Taehyung, Seokjin, and Jungkook. There doesn't seem to be any reasoning behind why they're lingering, and Jungkook can only blink between the other two in wonder. Taehyung won't take his eyes off Jungkook, lips slightly parted as though he's about to say something. Words never come.

A minute passes, then two, then three in silence. There's an itch under Jungkook's skin now, the anxiety crawling its way back into his system. Then, a creaking noise rises, and Taehyung stands up. He heads for the door without saying or doing anything, leaving Jungkook to wonder what the hell just happened. Once Taehyung is out of sight, Seokjin releases a deep breath.

"Did something happen between you and Taehyung?" He asks.

"No." The answer comes a bit too quickly, perhaps the lie is too transparent, and Seokjin can see straight through him. "Nothing happened. Everything's fine." Jungkook ought to stop talking, he's only digging the hole deeper at this point. He won't be able to drawl out of it once Seokjin catches on that it's a lie, but luckily enough, Seokjin makes a noise of approval.

"Sorry for bothering you. I just--it seemed--I most likely misread things. I make too many assumptions anyways, according to Yoongi at least."

"Ah, no! Don't worry, it's fine." Jungkook rushes to reassure the older man, and Seokjin smiles back in gratitude as he does. "Would it...be alright if I asked you a few questions actually?"

"Oh, me? That's fine. Ask away!" Seokjin grins at Jungkook, the lines around his mouth and nose scrunching up with the gesture.

"How long have you been at the clinic?"

"Hm, I think it's been about a year for me now. Might seem strange, since Namjoon, Yoongi, and Y/N have been here for a lot longer."

"How did you start talking with them then? Or become friends, I mean." Seokjin leans back in his chair, squinting at the ceiling.

"Well, Y/N was the person who showed me around the ward at the time. Back then, she was a lot less bright and happy." Jungkook does at double-take at the words.

"She doesn't seem bright or happy at all now," he scoffs.

"It used to be a lot worse. I have no clue why, but she was absolutely hellish back then. Even so, I found her interesting and I was grateful that she showed me around, so I kinda just pushed myself into her life. After I found out that Yoongi was my roommate, I thought it was sort of meant to be? That sounds odd and cliche, but that's the reason why I spent all my time with the two of them. Namjoon was obviously there as well, though at the time he didn't spend all of his time with us as he does now. Thinking back, it was hard dealing with both Yoongi and Y/N since they were both so hellish then, but Namjoon was good at placating it. Y/N and Yoongi would argue all the time, back and forth with no end whatsoever. Namjoon would just say "stop" and they would shut up. I don't understand it, even now that it's a lot better and way different than it used to be."

"What do you mean?"

"They care about each other -- Y/N and Yoongi that is -- but it's always seemed as though they have a really twisted way of showing it. I don't approve of it, but I'm not the person to tell them otherwise. It's not my place, first of all. Secondly, I can't do anything about it even if I wanted to. The only person who could have an actual impact would be Namjoon, although anytime I mention it to him, he shuts me down and refuses to talk about it." Seokjin's admission triggers something in Jungkook's mind, and he's taken back all the sudden to one of his previous conversations with Namjoon.

“Quit asking, Jungkook.”

“I’m so-sorry, I was just c—”

“I don’t want to talk about them so you shouldn’t bother.”

“Talk about Yoongi and Y/N?”

“Drop it now before I have to say it again.”

Now that he knows it's been a recurring pattern with Seokjin, Jungkook can't help but wonder what the cause is. Did something happen there for him to be so against talking about it?

"Eh, now that I think about it, I guess Y/N wasn't the absolute worst she could've been. When I first arrived, she really tried her best to help me and look after me in a way, even though I'm older than her. Over time though, she started helping me less and less. I think it's partly because I insisted that I was just fine helping myself. Maybe that's why she was cold to me for so long. Part of me feels guilty about having her help me, somewhat due to the fact that I'm older than here, but also because there isn't really anything wrong with me."

Jungkook blinks at Seokjin. ...isn't really anything wrong with him? But if that's true...why would he be here?

"I'm not sick or anything like that, so she didn't need to help me."

...Not sick?

"We argued about that at one point. I don't remember the exact content of the argument, but Namjoon took my side and of course Yoongi took hers. Things were tense for a little while after that but we cleared things up and talked through it. Turned out better in the end because now we're fine, and she knows that she doesn't have to help me anymore."

"Makes sense," Jungkook mumbles, more focused on the fact that Seokjin claimed to not be sick.

"Of course, she still tries from time to time," Seokjin continues as though Jungkook didn't say anything. "But it isn't as frequent as when she tries to help others like she does with Hoseok or Taehyung or even you."

"What?" Jungkook blanches at the mention of him. "She doesn't do that for me. She doesn't do anything like that at all, especially not compared to what she does for Taehyung or Hoseok."

"Oh, you can't see it?" Seokjin's eyebrows raise, and he swipes his tongue across his lower lip. "I know that she's trying her best to help, but it may not be obvious because of the kind of person she can be. She truly does care though, no matter what you might think. It's just--she, well, she has a tendency to believe that she can help others while keeping them at arm's length, even though that's almost impossible. Maybe that's what caused us to fight in the first place: we don't see eye  to eye on a lot of things. At the end of the day, we respect each other. That's the most important thing: mutual respect and care. As Dr. Mari said, being there for each other is valuable and I wouldn't want any sort of petty argument to get in the way of that."

"I suppose so. Well, no, that's right. That's 100% correct. Just...difficult, I guess."

"So can we talk about what's going on between you and Taehyung now?"

"Huh? W-What? Nothing happened, I don't--I don't know what you're talking about."

"Bullshit." Seokjin releases a small laugh. "Whatever happened between the two of you is somehow affecting Taehyung's relationship with Y/N." Jungkook's heart plummets. He noticed? How did he notice? Did other people notice too? "Listen, Jungkook. Taehyung is one of the most important things in Y/N's life, the other thing being Hoseok. She doesn't feel as though she has any purpose or value outside of that."

"I...I know that, but there isn't--there isn't anything I can do." Seokjin grabs hold of his forearm, pinching the skin with his rough grasp.

"I was up late talking with Yoongi last night, and we were talking about Y/N. She came to visit Yoongi while I was gone yesterday. I was helping clean up and take care of dishes after dinner so Yoongi was alone. I--they--" Seokjin cuts himself off before he can say any more. "Maybe I shouldn't be telling you this. No, I'm sure it's fine. It's fine, I don't have to tell him everything." Jungkook leans away from the man, but Seokjin's grip only tightens around his arm. "Anyways, Y/N and Yoongi talked for a bit."

"You see, this is why we are better off not talking when we're together. Things that don't involve conversation always do more good for the two of us."

Jungkook narrows his eyes. "But...Y/N told me herself that they don't tend to talk when they're together." Seokjin's eyes grow wide, then he shakes his head.

"Uh, it's not my business to tell you the details of her relationship with Yoongi or to explain what the two of them do in their private time."

"P-Private time?" Seokjin presses his lips into a thin line. A second passes, then reality sinks in, and Jungkook suddenly understands what you meant when you said that. "Oh." Seokjin offers a weak yet understanding smile.

"Again, it's not my place to talk about that. But anyways, back to the topic at hand. Y/N had mentioned something to Yoongi about needing a distraction because Taehyung was acting strange and different. She apparently went to talk to him, and he flat out ignored her. She's scared that he's mad at her for not finding his bear sooner."

The black water laps at Jungkook's ankles. He's expecting another tsunami.

"Did Taehyung mention what happened between them or if it has something to do with whatever happened between the two of you?"

"No," Jungkook denies quickly. He tugs his arm out of Seokjin's grasp. "It's not my business to talk about that anyways." Seokjin purses his lips then opens his mouth to say something else. "I have to go." Jungkook stands up, excusing himself from the conversation before it goes any further. He doesn't want to know. He doesn't care to know about whatever is going on between you and Yoongi, or how hurt you are by Taehyung's behavior. It doesn't matter. It's not like I'm going to fucking stay at the clinic forever. Jungkook pushes his way out of the room, leaving Seokjin behind him, and doesn't care to look back and see whether the man decided to follow or not.

The black water is at his waist now, he feels the tug of the tide pulling and dragging him further in, and the cold black hand ready to close around his throat.

Your fault. Your fucking fault. Look what you did. You dirty fucking liar. You disappointment. Look at you. Can't do anything right, huh?

Jungkook stumbles on thin air.

Can't even kill yourself properly, can you?

Then all the sudden, he's on the floor, staring at the white ceiling with a dull throbbing in the back of his head.

"Jungkook!" It's not Seokjin's voice -- far too feminine for that -- but his mind is too swamped by black water to put a name to the voice.

"Y/N!" That's Seokjin, Jungkook recognizes it from having just heard it so much minutes ago. But that means, that it must have been you who yelled his name. For some reason, that realization causes the black hand around his throat to retract and sink back into the water, and the water recedes until it's lapping at his ankles again.

Hands find the collar of his white tee, pulling his shoulders up off the floor. Jungkook blinks a few times as your face appears before him. It stands out against the white of the ceiling, a blur to your features until Jungkook focuses his eyes again.

Then -- panic.

Oh god, is she mad at me? Does she know? She knows. Fuck, I'm screwed. She knows about the journal, about Taehyung, about everything. Fuck.

You smile.

Jungkook chokes on air.

"I found it, Jungkookie."

...

a/n: i hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! not a lot happened but at the same time a lot kinda happened?? i missed this story so so much and was so happy to return to writing it. i am excited to share more of this story with you guys, along with other projects that i have :3

consider sending me a ko-fi!!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

[theresa-of-liechtenstein]

3, 7, 19, 20 for the writer ask thing!

sure!! here you go <3

3. What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)

The incredibly cheesy ending scene to the epistolary novel I’ll never write (which I described here), which is the only scene that will be written in anything other than a text message, a handwritten note, or otherwise. i will not provide any context x but yes this is a coming-of-age story. it’s supposed to be a subversion of the usual archetypal american high school story tho

Seeing that her parents and Lucas’ were most likely gearing up to converse for the rest of Time itself, Lou decided to traipse around the field for the last time.

Excusing herself, she stepped away from the group. For a fleeting second, she watched Lucas in animated conversation with Martin. [nothing to do with cabin pressure martin, may i remark; it was just a conveniently two-syllable name] There would be time, at least in the next few months or so, for them to talk about what came next.

Tonight would not be that time.

Adjusting her mortarboard cap, she walked away, heading for the bleachers. She hadn’t spent time here for the last four years. As she climbed the metal steps and chose a seat high above the field, she realized just how far she’d come since then.

The thin yellow robe was no shield for the chill setting in. Gathering it about her as she sat, she sighed and propped her feet up on the metal seat in front of her.

Her thoughts flew over the past four years. Much had remained the same. She still saw herself in the mirror every day. Her integrity had never been compromised; for the most part, she was fundamentally the same.

But in others, she was not and never would be—and those changes would be difficult to quantify.

She sighed again.

“Thinking deep thoughts, Lou?”

Lou whipped her head up and gasped. “Otto Rhee!”

He stood next to her, silhouetted against the setting sun. He looked supremely awkward in an ill-fitting shirt and tie. Lou hadn’t seen him in about a year. To her great relief, her friend, had managed to stay just the same as before, as always. At least in appearance.

“Congratulations, Lou,” he said. “You’ve made it.” As he usually did, he sat next to her without asking. Lou made room for him on the bleacher, adjusting her voluminous outfit as she did so.

They looked out over the field in companionable silence, and somehow Lou knew that Otto—Otto who could have been a brother to her, Otto who was a brother to her in all the ways that mattered—was seeing the same things on that field. Four years of elongated snapshots, a moment stretched almost too long. UN conferences and dinners in fast-food joints, honors history class. Standing in the deserted road, where the weeds grew between the cracks, and screaming at the sky. And in every microcosm [it was literally midnight, i couldn’t be bothered to use that word properly] there they were. Always the three of them. Otto and Martin and Lou, racing down empty hallways, biking to Cassidy’s around the corner, scaring each other when they stayed too late at school, the lights gone out and everyone else gone. Significant looks, texts sent across the room.

The way all three of them—Otto to Lou to Martin and back around—when they had asked what they shared in common.

Lou looked sidelong and Otto, and Otto at her.

The spell broke, and they were sitting together again—just Lou and Otto, Otto and Lou.

They stared at each other once more before simultaneously saying, “Martin!”

And indeed, Martin was running up the bleachers towards them, his black robe billowing in the breeze. Lucas pounded up the steps, not far behind.

Lou and Otto rose to meet them, and they all smiled.

7. What do you think are the characteristics of your personal writing style? Would others agree?

Detail-oriented. I have to describe everything or it just doesn’t work. “Show not tell” was always my least favorite rule (though I have always tried my best to follow it!) because I’m telling you a story, not making a movie! Oral storytelling made up a lot of my childhood, and I should hope it shows in my style.

also my dialogue feels kind of punchy sometimes, I rarely have people talk in drawn out sentences bc im the only person i know who talks that way unless it’s important they do so.

i’m not making it up, people have told me these things in some form or another (mostly in the form of getting penalized for telling rather than showing)

19. Is there something you always find yourself repeating in your writing? (favourite verb, something you describe ‘too often’, trope you can’t get enough of?)

I have a habit of using fragments far too often. And em dashes. i also can never leave out the wind. if i don’t talk about the wind at some point, consider it a forgery /s

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

i wrote a novel about power as a little project earlier this year to distract myself >.< and it was a lot of practice at negative character development; I mean where the character ends up becoming worse at the end of the narrative instead of better, but I don’t know if there’s an actual word for that haha. it didn’t cross my mind until after I’d written it, though!

that novel was about the price of selling off your soul in order to obtain power. it was set in a political setting to push that point. the protag started off with a humble beginning. but spoiler alert, the protag gets the power she desires at the end of the novel. the clincher is that she does so at a steep cost. nobody respects her anymore; they only fear her. her best friend, sister, and younger brother distance themselves from her and she’s basically alone at the end of the novel, except for the people who have the same thirst for power as she does. the methods that she’s used to gain that power are also INCREDIBLY ethically questionable, and the only way she managed to wiggle free of those was her privilege (as my favorite character pointed out while submitting a resignation letter, which is one of the more satisfying scenes I’ve ever written)

it’s also a cautionary tale because the protag and her closest cronies check all the boxes for what people of a certain ideological bent would consider an “inclusivity win.” sure, she ends up in a really high position of power, but it’s not really a win after all because of all the heads she had to step on to get there. again, i really didn’t think hard about it until i had finished and started re-reading (and even now it sounds like the novel is much cooler than it really is: it was written over the course of three months and it shows!) and once i sent it off to some of the people who asked me to read it, it was immensely obvious how echo-chamber-y the discussion of representation and power can get. for example, one person immediately assumed i was holding the protag up as the very inclusivity win she is not (this person literally asked me, “Did you base Aileen’s leadership off of yours?” HELL to the NO! i was literally bout to SCREAM. as a person aileen is pretty decent and i could vibe with her, but as a politican aileen is morally bereft!!) but that could just be the weakness of my writing in retrospect

but i want to close with two extracts from robert bolt’s A Man for All Seasons, which I couldn’t put in the epigraph because it isn’t in the public domain and it also might be too long.

MORE: In matters of conscience, the loyal subject is more bounden to be loyal to his conscience than to any other thing.

CROMWELL: And so provide a noble motive for his frivolous self-conceit!

MORE: It is not so, Master Cromwell—very and pure necessity for respect of my own soul.

CROMWELL: Your own self, you mean!

MORE: Yes, a man’s soul is his self! ...

MORE (Looking into Rich’s face, with pain and amusement): [...] Why Richard, it profits a man nothing to give his soul for the whole world... but for Wales!

[kittywolves]

DO ALL THE ONES FOR GET IN MY BUSINESS!!

The meaning behind my url:

already answered

A picture of me: don’t have anything recent sorry

How many tattoos i have and what they are:

none yet

Last time i cried and why:

just a few minutes ago bc paranoia

Piercings i have:

i have four ear piercings on each ear!

Favorite band:

currently? i really like icon for hire, fall out boy, and my chemical romance

Biggest turn offs:

fear, sadness, tears

Top 5 (insert subject): 

well page? what subject?

Tattoos i want:

oh boy there’s a lot! i’ll just do some of them! 

barcode! broken heart! sword!

Biggest turn ons:

mm i like blood,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Age:

just turned 19 and i hate it!

Ideas of a perfect date:

already answered babes

Life goal:

i really wanna move out and away from my parents and this godforsaken country

Piercings i want:

dolphin bites! & another ear piercing ahah

Relationship status:

taken by @galaxy-ruler-bitch-supreme

Favorite movie:

a goofy movie! i also like the space between us & heathers a lot 

A fact about my life:

it sucks :’)

Phobia:

trypophobia also arachnophobia 

Middle name: 

nyx!

Height:

5′5″ 

Are you a virgin?

yep!

What’s your shoe size?

7+1/2 or 8 depending on the shoe (us womens)

What’s your sexual orientation?

demisexual! it’s so weird using that now omg

Do you smoke, drink, or take any drugs?

only medications :((

Someone you miss:

people i’d rather not miss.

What’s one thing you regret?

highschool

First celebrity you think of when someone says attractive:

chris hemsworth? idk

Favorite ice cream?

chocolate! 

One insecurity:

that i’m not good enough for anyone. that i’m not enough for someone to stay.

What my last text message says:

“oh no!!”

Have you ever taken a picture naked?

technically? yes. was it a nude? no. i just happened to be naked, but you couldn’t see it in the picture.

Have you ever painted your room?

personally? no. but it has been painted. there’s a blue wall uwu

Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex?

no :((

Have you ever slept naked?

aaa no,, sensory issues won’t let me

Have you ever danced in front of your mirror?

about the only place i do dance tbh

Have you ever had a crush?

a few, yea. not very many,,,

Have you ever been dumped?

nope! 

Have you ever stole money from a friend?

no!!!! who does that!!!

Have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met?

stranger danger no thank you

Have you ever been in a fist fight?

nope!

Have you ever snuck out of your house?

yes? i mean i texted i was leaving but didn’t get a response until i was gone ahah.

Have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?

yea,,

Have you ever been arrested?

no! but i have had the police called on me a few times,,

Have you ever made out with a stranger?

never even made out with anyone tbh

Have you ever met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere?

yea! under controlled circumstances, like their house or my house or the mall or smth

Have you ever left your house without telling your parents?

yes. it’s why the police were called on me.

Have you ever had a crush on your neighbor?

i don’t even know my neighbors **shrug**

Have you ever ditched school to do something more fun?

yep! disneyland,,, ;-;

Have you ever slept in a bed with a member of the same sex?

yes. only sleebing tho

Have you ever seen someone die?

no!!!!!!! 

Have you ever been on a plane?

YESYESYESYES I LOVE PLANES

Have you ever kissed a picture?

i don’t think so?

Have you ever slept in until 3?

a couple times.

Have you ever loved someone or miss someone right now?

uh,, yes? 

Have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by?

no ;-;

Have you ever made a snow angel?

also no ;-;

Have you ever played dress up?

yea!!! lots!!! 

Have you ever cheated while playing a game?

yep. Sims bebey 

Have you ever been lonely?

all. the. time.

Have you ever fallen asleep at work/school?

i’ve come close let me tell you-

Have you ever been to a club?

nope

Have you ever felt an earthquake?

i,,, live in southern california,,,, 

Have you ever touched a snake?

YES PRECIOUS BABEY

Have you ever ran a red light?

ahah not me personally but yes i’ve been in the car while the driver ran a red light (my mother)

Have you ever been suspended from school?

no

Have you ever had detention?

only bc i was consistently late to school

Have you ever been in a car accident?

no, but both my parents were when they were young & it took out most of their families oof rip aunties & mí tío

Have you ever hated the way you look?

always.

Have you ever witnessed a crime?

uhm,,, possibly? i can’t remember anything specifically.

Have you ever pole danced?

no ;-;

Have you ever been lost?

yes. physically and mentally/emotionally

Have you ever been to the opposite side of the country?

yea!! used to live in west virginia!! (i was born there) and recently went to new york!!

Have you ever felt like dying?

*looks at past suicide attempts* ahah no not at all

Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?

ahhahahhaha, i have no idea what you’re talking about,,, who does that?

Have you ever sang karaoke?

no,,,

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t?

*looks at self harm scars* yea.

Have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?

nope.

Have you ever slept with someone at least 5 years older or younger?

no

Have you ever kissed in the rain?

nope

Have you ever sang in the shower?

quite a bit

Have you ever made out in a park?

no

Have you ever dream that you married someone?

probably idk anymore

Have you ever glued your hand to something?

no

Have you ever got your tongue stuck to a flag pole?

once again, socal, it doesn't snow here so it wouldn’t get cold enough for that.

Have you ever gone to school partially naked?

no????

Have you ever been a cheerleader?

no, but i’ve been a ballerina AND on drill so fite me cheerleaders

Have you ever sat on a roof top?

yea! i think it was back when i was scared of heights tho :/

Have you ever brushed your teeth?

yes???? what kinda question???

Have you ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone?

i have,,, paranoia,,,, so yes

Have you ever played chicken?

i’m too heavy :((

Have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?

i have 1) been in a pool with my clothes on and 2) been pushed into a pool but not both at once

Have you ever been told you’re hot by a complete stranger?

does “jesus, you’re gorgeous” count?

Have you ever broken a bone?

yep! fell off the bed and broke my arm as a kid, haven’t broken anything since.

Have you ever been easily amused?

i’m literally a child like i laugh at everything.

Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?

yessssss

Have you ever mooned/flashed someone?

only in play

Have you ever cheated on a test?

uh maybe?

Have you ever forgotten someone’s name?

i don’t even know my own name half the time so yea

Have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real?

literally everyone i’ve met online tbh

Give us one thing about you that no one knows.

ah shit man idk i’m an open book people know everything

[cozylesbian]

Rules: Answer the questions and tag 20 blogs to get to know them better

I was tagged by @floralgaysthetic (thank you!)

Nickname: any variation of Janette that isn’t my name (Janet, Janice, Janine)

Gender: Female

Star Sign: Scorpio

Height: 5′2

Time: 9:56 am

Birthday: November 14th

Favorite Bands: Brockhampton, The 1975, Fleetwood Mac, The Wombats, The Internet

Solo Artists: Hozier, Hayley Kiyoko, Banks, Troye Sivan, Solange, David Bowie

Song Stuck In My Head: okay I have two “I Know a Place” by MUNA and “Rental” by Brockhampton

Last Show Watched: Black Mirror

When did I create my blog: November 2015 ??

What do I post: oh boy I post a variety of things. I used to post a lot of nerdy stuff.

Last Thing I Googled: “2 for 1 Broadway tickets” cause I’m a broke college student

Do you have any other blogs: I had an old account that I made in middle school but i didn’t want my friends to see it anymore so I just made a new one

Do you get asks: rarely bc I have no followers but I want to chat with people!!!

Why did you choose your url: I got fed up with the old one and at the time I changed it I was feeling really hopeless and put down or dispirited

Following Blogs: 214

Followers: 90

Favorite Colors: red and burnt sienna

Average hours of sleep: between 4-7 hours maybe

Lucky Number: 14

Instruments: I used to play the drums and I was really good at it but I stopped because the band teacher was the worst

What am I wearing: a sweatshirt and some really ugly pajama pants

How many blankets do I sleep with: my room is so freaking cold in the winter so I sleep with two or three but normally I just sleep with one

Dream Job: I’d like to be a writer at some point. I don’t really want to stay in a stable position for my entire life, but to write for an audience is my dream.

Dream Trip: I have two in mind. One I’ve been to several times and one that I’ve wanted since I was little. The first is Acadia National Park in Maine because it’s my happy place. The latter is Paris.

Nationality: American

Favorite Song now: this is a really hard choice, but it’s probably “New York” by St. Vincent

Tagging: i definitely don’t have 20 people to tag but I’d like to know these people better: @miatoms @spacesapphic @siriusblacc @baby-honeydew @siriuslyblack @absolutely-smitten

[m0rgansux]

200: My crush’s name is: I guess I have a crush on Justin

199: I was born in: North Carolina

198: I am really: Sad

197: My cellphone company is: AT&T

196: My eye color is: Blue

195: My shoe size is: 7 ish

194: My ring size is: I have no idea something between 6 and 8 maybe

193: My height is: 5′ 9 1/2′’

192: I am allergic to: Ants I think and maybe the sun

191: My 1st car was: A 2007 Kia Rondo

190: My 1st job was: Selling Avon

189: Last book you read: Wishful Drinking by Carrie Fisher

188: My bed is: COMFY

187: My pet: s are cool I have a lot

186: My best friend: K8 bc no one else likes me

185: My favorite shampoo is: Organix

184: Xbox or ps3: I haven’t played either 

183: Piggy banks are: CUTE

182: In my pockets: Nothing 

181: On my calendar: Birthdays, cat rabies dates, appointments, work schedule 

180: Marriage is: NEAT

179: Spongebob can: Eat my ass 

178: My mom: is a cool lady 

177: The last three songs I bought were: I use apple music so I don’t buy songs but the last 3 I downloaded were  We Don’t Talk Anymore (feat. Selena Gomez) - Charlie Puth Just a Dream - Nelly Airplanes Pt 2. (Feat. Eminem and Hayley Williams) - BoB ....don’t judge me ok I was havin a time last night 

176: Last YouTube video watched: An analysis of an episode of Black Mirror 

175: How many cousins do you have? 0

174: Do you have any siblings? I have a brother and sister 

173: Are your parents divorced? No

172: Are you taller than your mom? Like 4 or 5 inches 

171: Do you play an instrument? I played the violin up until a couple years ago 

170: What did you do yesterday? Cleaned out cages at petsmart 

[I BELIEVE IN….]

169: Love at first sight: Idk fam

168: Luck: I don’t think so 

167: Fate: No

166: Yourself: No

165: Aliens: Yes

164: Heaven: I don’t know

163: Hell: No

162: God: I don’t know

161: Horoscopes: Maybe

160: Soul mates: No

159: Ghosts: Maybe

158: Gay Marriage: Yes???

157: War: No

156: Orbs: I don’t think so 

155: Magic: No

[THIS OR THAT]

154: Hugs or Kisses: Hugs

153: Drunk or High: High

152: Phone or Online: Phone

151: Red heads or Black haired: Both

150: Blondes or Brunettes: Brunettes

149: Hot or cold: Cold

148: Summer or winter: Winter

147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn

146: Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla

145: Night or Day: Night

144: Oranges or Apples: Apples

143: Curly or Straight hair: Curly

142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: White

140: Mac or PC: PC

139: Flip flops or high heels: Flip flops 

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Do u mean like ugly personality bc obviously I’m going to go for sweet and poor

137: Coke or Pepsi: Pepsi

136: Hillary or Obama: Obama

135: Buried or cremated: I......don’t know

134: Singing or Dancing: Singing

133: Coach or Chanel: I don’t care

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Oh my GOD Chris Daughtry 

131: Small town or Big city: Big city 

130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target 

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: It depends on the movie 

128: Manicure or Pedicure: Pedicure 

127: East Coast or West Coast: Both??

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas 

125: Chocolate or Flowers: Flowers 

124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney

123: Yankees or Red Sox: I don’t care at all 

[HERE’S WHAT I THINK ABOUT]

122: War: UH WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR  ABSOLUTELY NOTHIN

121: George Bush: He’s a fucking monkey 

120: Gay Marriage: I support it

119: The presidential election: Sad and disappointing 

118: Abortion: Pro-choice 

117: MySpace: It died like 500 years ago 

116: Reality TV: I don’t like it except for The Voice sometimes 

115: Parents: They neat

114: Back stabbers: ....they suck???

113: Ebay: It’s kinda dead tbh 

112: Facebook: Moms use it too much 

111: Work: Cute dogs and a cute boy 

110: My Neighbors: I don’t know them but they’ve waved at us before 

109: Gas Prices: I wish they were lower 

108: Designer Clothes: I shop at H&M and Target 

107: College: Waste of my time and money 

106: Sports: I don’t care about sports 

105: My family: They’re nice but I need a break from them sometimes 

104: The future: How dare u ask me about that 

[LAST TIME I….]

103: Hugged someone: It’s been like 50 million years 

102: Last time you ate: A few minutes ago 

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: A couple days ago 

100: Cried in front of someone: DUDE LIKE NEVER 

99: Went to a movie theater: A couple months ago

98: Took a vacation: It’s been like 3 years 

97: Swam in a pool: It’s been like 5 years 

96: Changed a diaper: It’s been like 7 years omg 

95: Got my nails done: About a month ago

94: Went to a wedding: 2011

93: Broke a bone: Never 

92: Got a piercing: Last March

91: Broke the law: Probably within the last week 

90: Texted: A few minutes ago 

89: Who makes you laugh the most: K8

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: My cats bc I can’t take them all 

87: The last movie I saw: I don’t remember 

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Nothing

85: The thing I’m not looking forward to: MY LIFE

84: People call me: Morgan :\\\

83: The most difficult thing to do is: A lot of things

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: Once

81: My zodiac sign is: Leo

80: The first person i talked to today was: Probably my dad

79: First time you had a crush: Kindergarten 

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: No one :)

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: Probably today??

76: Right now I am talking to: No one

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: Lol who knows

74: I have/will get a job: I’m a cashier

73: Tomorrow: I’m going to breakfast with Angelica, then the dentist

72: Today: I did nothing

71: Next Summer: I don’t even know 

70: Next Weekend: Working or doing nothing 

69: I have these pets: 15 cats and a turtle

68: The worst sound in the world: I hate Styrofoam squeaking sounds 

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: MEEEE

66: People that make you happy: NO ONE

65: Last time I cried: Today

64: My friends are: NEAT

63: My computer is: FINE BUT I DON’T USE IT

62: My School: I graduated 

61: My Car: A 2007 Kia Rio

60: I lose all respect for people who: Yell at cashiers 

59: The last movie I cried at was: Who knows 

58: Your hair color is: Red

57: TV shows you watch: Criminal Minds, New Girl, Family Guy, Parks and Rec

56: Favorite web site: Tumblr or Youtube

55: Your dream vacation: A vacation in general 

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: BRUH I DON’T KNOW 

53: How do you like your steak cooked: I don’t know honestly 

52: My room is: A cross between a young adult hipster’s room and an emo teenager’s room

51: My favorite celebrity is: Matthew Gray Gubler sure

50: Where would you like to be: In my bed 

49: Do you want children: No

48: Ever been in love: No

47: Who’s your best friend: k8

46: More guy friends or girl friends: I have 2 friends and they’re both girls 

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: Attention

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: NONE OF UR BUSINESS

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: I don’t even have a 5 month plan

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: Yeah but who knows where it went

41: Have you pre-named your children: NO EW

40: Last person I got mad at: Dominique 

39: I would like to move to: Anywhere else 

38: I wish I was a professional: Cat petter 

[MY FAVORITES….]

37: Candy: Sour patch kids 

36: Vehicle: I don’t have one

35: President: I am not educated enough to answer this 

34: State visited: New York

33: Cellphone provider: Not AT&T

32: Athlete: None

31: Actor: My mind is blanking

30: Actress: ^^^

29: Singer: Brendon Urie maybe 

28: Band: Fall Out Boy

27: Clothing store: H&M

26: Grocery store: Whole Foods 

25: TV show: Criminal Minds 

24: Movie: Scream, 13 Going on 30

23: Website: U have def asked this already 

22: Animal: Cats

21: Theme park: I have only been to Carrowinds and Busch Gardens 

20: Holiday: Christmas 

19: Sport to watch: None

18: Sport to play: NONE

17: Magazine: I haven’t read a magazine in 45 years 

16: Book: I literally just forgot every book I’ve ever read 

15: Day of the week: I don’t have one 

14: Beach: I don’t like the beach 

13: Concert attended: PATD or Monumentour 

12: Thing to cook: Desserts 

11: Food: Sushi

10: Restaurant: Blue Asia 

9: Radio station: Modern rock 98.7

8: Yankee candle scent: Idk fam I like incense-y kinda smells 

7: Perfume: I just got a trio of Nest perfumes and I really like those right now 

6: Flower: Roses???

5: Color: Black

4: Talk show host: None of them

3: Comedian: Bo Burnham

2: Dog breed: Pittbull 

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Who knows there were so many questions I don’t even remember,