#i don’t have an essence of a woman. i have like. a poorly functioning intestinal tract
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i’m sure someone on here has said this before, but i think cis tiktok really took “feminine in a masculine way” and ran with it without realizing that the appeal of being feminine in a masculine way to genderqueer people, especially afab genderqueer people, isn’t just looking hot or whatever. it’s specifically the discordance of being perceived as masculine and performing femininity.
Like, you see cis women on tiktok with the caption “trying to be feminine in a masculine way!” and then they’ll wear these super femmey suits with their hair back and like. that’s cool i guess? i’m glad you feel confident. but the angst that genderqueer people feel over wanting to be feminine in a masculine way is derived from how this feeling almost seems like an impossible goal. like, femininity is standard for women, so when people perceive you as a woman and you dress feminine there’s no perceived deviance at all. you’re just dressing and acting like how a woman should, according to the audience of people who see you on the street. The part you feel that you lack when you say ‘in a masculine way’ is the part where your femininity gets to be nonstandard.
there’s almost a kind of grossness to when cis men in particular do femininity. it ranges at times from “haha ironic comedy, isn’t it so WEIRD and WACKY when men wear skirts???” gross to something almost demonic (like how men wearing makeup were treated at the height of the satanic panic). there’s like, falseness. like the femininity is separate from you somehow, as a facade, and that there’s some kind of clash between the femininity and the person underneath. and i’m not saying those are good things- the opposite, it’s really, really bad that we treat gender deviance this way. but the longing for this experience as an afab genderqueer person is the longing to exist in a role that is non-normative without sacrificing the things we love about femininity, and to be able to be feminine without having that related back to some quintessential nature of your gender as determined by broader society. I honestly feel like Natalie Wynn described this really well when she said that for her, as a woman, there’s no “de-dragging” where the womanhood falls away from her and she ceases to be feminine in a way that a drag queen might after a performance is over. I think what genderqueer people want when they want to be feminine in a masculine way is to have that ability, to have their femininity be a costume that they can take off at will.
anyways all this to say that i don’t think cosplaying as modcloth-workwear girlboss is going to help me achieve my gender euphoria goal of old church ladies sneering at me in derision every time i wear a dress. although honestly that is a great idea for a drag queen character
#this is an extremely funny post for me to make as someone who has denied the non-binary accusations for as long as i have#like girl you are not fooling anyone with the she before the they in your pronouns. be real#oc#non-binary#genderqueer#feminine in a masculine way#obviously i don’t speak for all genderqueer people#but like. i’d love for femininity to be something i can take off when i’m not longer in the mood for it#and not something that people view as being ‘inherently attached to my essence as a woman’ or whatever#i don’t have an essence of a woman. i have like. a poorly functioning intestinal tract#the thing that is inside of me is slimy organs. please stop ascribing gender onto my nasty weird little body#there’s honestly something so alluring about giovanni pota he’s spiky pink mullet and stubble and black nail polish#like. the image of a skirt that doesn’t fit quite right on you because your hips and waist are about the same circumference. so it’s like#mismatched???#and then the idea of wearing eyeliner but having like. stubble and acne#UGH. and like. dresses that have built in cups but you don’t have a bust? to fill it out???? auughhhh i wish i didn’t have a massive rack#like my body is SO traditionally feminine in figure i have such an hourglass silhouette and like the long legs and shit#and like. i feel like i look great maybe 40-45% of the time#i love filling out a fit and flare dress when i’m going out to hang out with lesbians and feeling very sexy in that context#but i don’t want that to be permanent yknow. there’s a restriction there that i despise#giovanni potage. idk why that corrected to pota he#considering potage is a word. fuck autocorrect
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