#i do this professionally on multiple levels it's literally my day job lol

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

When Wifey talks about her union organizing work, she talks about prospective contacts on a 1-5 scoring system. On the one end you have Conservative David who is considered a long term cultivation possibility, but someone who must be approached strategically and adaptively. And on the other end you have Leftist Jane who is not only already jazzed about the union, but seems like possible future leadership material because she has a great rapport with her department and solid social skills. How someone falls on the spectrum tells you how to approach, how much time/resources to invest in someone, and what expectations might be reasonable to have of your contact.

I think that it can be hard to let go of the instinct that we don't want to coddle people when they say stuff we know to be anti-labor. Especially when it's rare for more broad spectrum social skill building to focus on conflict resolution (as opposed to conflict avoidance). But conflict resolution isn't just for fights! It's for any time that you and another person are on different sides of an issue and need to reconcile yourselves somehow. Community organizing involves a lot of that, as well as rapport building, learning to hold the people around you in unconditional regard in ways they receive without sliding into their ideological camp, and how to de-escalate a situation where someone is becoming agitated.

And if you feel anxious about those things, don't be! It feels scary and threatening because you weren't taught how to do it. But if you join a program like a union where they WILL, once you start to get the hang of it, that sense of mastery translates into less anxiety doing the thing! It's always easier to do something you have a lot of tips and tricks to manage weirdness for right? Same thing here.

So honesly? If you're someone who wants to get into organizing and doesn't know how, maybe just start by reaching out to local unions, social coaches, peer group facilitators, etc and see if any of them would teach a class if you got a group together! Learn as a community how to talk to each other and share space in ways that make it feel easier, not harder, to do the work that needs doing.

Activism is not cold-calling.

Activism is not cold-calling, and this is critically important to understand.

I'm seeing a lot of posts on here about 'building bridges' and 'finding community,' and then (extremely valid) response posts saying "BUT HOW??" And I'm going to explain something that can be very counter-intuitive: there is strategy involved in community.

As a longtime volunteer labour organizer, I’ve taken and taught many trainings on the strategy of talking. Something that surprises a lot of people is the very first thing you do in a union campaign. You sit down with your organizing committee, take out pen and paper, and literally map it out. You draw a physical map of the workplace: where are the entrances, exits, break rooms, supervisor offices. Essentially, ‘where is it safe to have a union conversation.’ Then you draw another physical chart of your coworkers. You sort out who is union-friendly, openly hostile to unions, or somewhere in the middle, and then you plan out very deliberately and carefully who talks to whom and in what order.

Consider: If Vocally Leftist Jane walks up to Conservative David and says "hey what do you think about unions," David is going to shut down immediately. He's not inclined to listen to Jane. But if Jane talks to Moderate Jason and brings him into the fold, then Jason is a far more effective strategic choice to talk to David, and David may actually hear him out without an instant reaction.

IMPORTANT CAVEAT: If Conservative David turns out to be Alt-Right David, and could be dangerous to follow organizers, we write him off. We are not trying to reach Alt-Right David. We are trying to reach Conservative David, who may actually be persuaded to find solidarity with other employees as fellow workers. Jason is a safe scout to find out which one he is. It does no one any good if Leftist Jane (or even Moderate Jane who is a visible minority) talks to Alt-Right David and puts herself on his radar. Not only has she done nothing to convince Alt-Right David to join a union - she's probably actively turned him against the idea - but now she's also in danger and the entire campaign is at risk. NOBODY WANTS THIS. Jane was NOT a hero for doing this. The organizing committee was foolish and enacted a terrible strategy to everyone's detriment.

Where you can make a difference is with people who will listen to you. You having a conversation with your well-meaning but clueless Centrist Democrat Auntie, and maybe gently helping her understand some things the media has been glossing over, is way more strategically useful than you marching up to MAGA Neighbour You've Met Once and trying to "build community" or "understand" them. They don't care. They're impervious, dangerous, and cruel. But maybe your beloved auntie will think about what you said, and then talk to her friend Anna who IDs as "fiscally conservative" but didn't vote because she can't bring herself to get on board with Trump. Then perhaps Anna talks to her brother Nic who has MAGA leanings but isn't all the way there yet. Proto-MAGA Nic would not have listened to you, nor would he have listened to Centrist Democrat Auntie, but he might absorb some of what his sister is saying.

This is not a cop-out or an echo chamber. This is you spending your time and energy strategically and safely. You are not a useful activist to anyone if you’re dead. Anyone who is telling you to hurl yourself directly at MAGA assholes like cannon fodder has no understanding of the strategy behind community building, and you should feel comfortable writing them off.

Last point: If you are tired, emotionally devastated, and/or in danger: take a break. This post is for people who would feel better jumping into action, not for people who are too overwhelmed to even think about it right now. You are worth so much even if you’re not actively Doing Activism, and your rest is worth more than “a break period so you can recharge and Do More Activism.” We all deserve the individual dignity of being worthy of comfort, rest & safety just on the basis of being human, outside of whatever we're doing for others' benefit. To deny ourselves that dignity is to devalue ourselves, and that’s the absolute last thing any of us should be doing right now.

[whentherewerebicycles]

ok just need to do some head/heart-clearing journaling below the cut.

i’m in my sixth month in this job and nothing has really gotten better. i spent the first couple months crying after work multiple times a week, including perhaps my lowest moment where i was so overcome by existential despair i felt myself starting to cry IN A MEETING and had to make up an excuse to gather myself off camera. the last few months have been a little better (the existential despair is humming along at bearable background levels!) but i still feel out of sorts, disconnected from myself, and just... listless.

here are the biggest issues:

not enough work. this is killing me. i don’t need to be working literally every second from 9-5 and i don’t miss the teacher lifestyle of grading all weekend, but goddd I need projects you know? i need short- and long-term projects. i need things i’m working on or goals i’m working towards. and i need that work to feel purposeful. not every task has to be imbued with Deep Meaning but i need to be doing more than sitting in a teams call watching my lead copy and paste text from an email onto a powerpoint for 45 minutes. i had that one big project that i got to project manage and collaborate with another team on and i REALLY enjoyed that even though i didn’t care at all about the content. i guess what i enjoyed was just like, that feeling of breaking a complex task up into smaller chunks and then make meaningful decisions about how to tackle different parts of it. and i really liked the team i was working with too and felt like i did a really good job building a positive working relationship with them & running some interference for them at a moment where our boss was really stressing them out. all of that was good! but that project is over now and my lead has been blocking me from taking on other projects like that for reasons unclear (i mean i have my theories but).

work is too solitary. i need like a 40% solitary 60% social balance in my work life. instead it’s like 90% solitary 10% social and most of my social contact is with a person who doesn’t listen to my ideas and at times is actively undermining me or taking credit for my work in front of others.

the way this organization thinks about learning is so, so flawed and so ineffective but my lead simply does not want to hear it and shuts down every effort i make to try to incorporate or introduce evidence-based methods into our work. everyone is really set on doing things the way they’ve always done them, largely i think because they have no real conception of how else things could look/feel/function or why that might be more effective. we’re supposed to be learning experts but the person right above me is so committed to managing our boss’s feelings that she never actually provides expertise.

i’m not gonna rehearse my litany of grievances against the person who manages my day to day work here but let’s just say i am at my breaking point!!!! it is so exhausting to be under the thumb of someone who needs total control over everything i do and who seems to be so insecure about their own role/expertise/whatever that they have to actively block me from taking on new projects or pursuing professional development opportunities or communicating with anyone else in the office or speaking in meetings. like literally i can’t speak in meetings because they will tell me to ‘let them handle it’ & won’t let me get a word in edgewise & then if i do speak they’ll interrupt or speak over me to clarify what i ‘really’ meant. also this person wronged me last week lol and i’m going to be a grownup about it but i am certainly not going to forget that it happened.

there are no signs of improvement on the horizon & no route to getting out from under from this person’s supervision. honestly this job would be Fine if this person would get out of my way and let me do my job. but they will not and the more i try to make this job useful/purposeful to myself the more they perceive me as a threat who must be neutralized, even if nothing i am doing is challenging their position at all. i think i have one nuclear option (lol) which is going to my contractor boss and saying that i’d like them to consider assigning me to a completely different office, like essentially creating the same position for me in a place where there currently isn’t an L&D team... and that could work because i think there’s need for that, but the person who currently supervises me would interpret this as a declaration of all-out war and if it didn’t pan out i would really fuck up my own working life there. so i am loath to try that unless things get a lot worse or until i have some other potential job prospects on the horizon.

here’s what’s “good” about the job: the money is stupid, there’s no commute, i can do the work with 95% of my brain tied behind my back, and my schedule is stupidly flexible.

people keep telling me that when i have a tiny shrieking infant living in my house i will wish i had a job that paid stupid money and required absolutely nothing from me. and i am sure that they are right in some ways! having an easy pointless well-compensated job would certainly relieve many financial and mental stressors! but also, as i’ve been thinking about the ways in which my life is likely to change, i also feel like... hmm. how to articulate this. my sense is that becoming a parent for the first time is a pretty intense crisis of the self moment, where the self you were and the life that self lived at least partially dissolve or are exploded or whatever and you find yourself in a new life structured by radically different routines and obligations and emotions. i know you can’t really prepare for that but maybe you can at least sort of start to mentally prepare the groundwork for: i’m not going to feel like my old self for a while, maybe for a very long time, and that’s going to be both exciting and profoundly destabilizing, in the way that huge life transformations or upheavals always are.

the problem is, i’ve already spent the past six months feeling disconnected from my sense of self, listless, unsure of my purpose, cognitively dulled, etc etc. i feel like i’ve tried to fill the void of meaning in my life with small, self-focused, kinda myopic activities that are “nice” and enjoyable but do not make me feel connected to any kind of purpose or meaning that transcends the self and its petty little concerns. i’ve obsessively focused on decorating my house. i’ve focused on food and cooking. i’ve focused on exercise and my weight and on buying a new wardrobe. like, don’t get me wrong, it’s really good for me to get enough exercise and learn how to cook good, nutritious food and create a home space that i love living in. but those activities, for me, are best when they’re kind of at the margins of my “real” life, a life of intellectual and interpersonal and professional purpose. it’s nice to cook a nice meal, but it’s much, much better (to me!) to spend the day absorbed in a big planning project or doing work with students and then come home and make a nice meal. i guess the simple way of putting it is: i’ve been nourishing my senses and that’s good, that’s important, but i gotta be nourishing my spirit too. i believe in the soul, you know? and i believe in the soul-expanding power of really meaningful work, really meaningful relationships. the power of a life that’s well & usefully & purposefully lived. and right now i just feel... idk. i feel cramped, listless, self-absorbed in my soul. and that feels so bad to me. that hurts me. it’s like this dull ache inside of me all the time that i try to soothe by buying more things or painting another wall or whatever.

and i guess like... i don’t want to bring new life into the world when i’m feeling like that. i don’t want to move directly from a period of feeling totally adrift and lost and disconnected from myself into a period of my life where i will maybe feel overwhelmed and terrified by new responsibility and adrift in a new way. i don’t want to have to do the work of rebuilding my sense of self twice over, you know? idk i’m not articulating this well i need to think about it a bit more i think. but i guess too like... i don’t want to raise a kid doing a job that kills my soul. i want to have a part of myself that feels like a writer or a thinker or a teacher, even if i am also a parent and have to find ways to integrate those different facets of myself. i want to be a parent very badly but i want to find a way to parent that feelis aligned with my values and ultimately, in the long run, makes me feel more like myself, even if that self undergoes many transformations in the process. IDK can’t untangle my own feelings here, not sure i am really managing to articulate what’s in my head/heart, but like.. i guess...

i don’t feel like me right now

i may be about to experience a crisis of the self (parenthood) that may make me feel very alien to myself in some ways 

i would like to embark on that journey of self-dissolution / self re-formation from a place of feeling really solid in myself, rather than from a place of feeling extremely adrift, unmoored, at sea. i want to feel like there’s a solid place .. not to return to exactly, but to find again or find in another way on the other side of the sleeplessness and the terror of being responsible for a small person and so on.

i also just want my kid to see me as someone who loves their work. not “work” in the capitalist sense but work in the life’s work sense. i think it is so deeply human, maybe the most deeply human thing of all, to crave purpose and to seek out purposeful work that makes us feel more like ourselves and more connected to the people around us. maybe not everyone feels that way! but i do! that’s an important thing to me! and i think it’s worth starting to take some big life re-evaluation steps now to bring myself closer to that way of living.

[blackgirl-galactica]

IT JUST CAME OUT OF NOWHERE!! 🤯👀⚡️😵‍💫URANUS THROUGH THE HOUSES (PT 1)

NOTE: WHILE I AM NOT A PROFESSIONAL ASTROLOGER, I LOVE ASTROLOGY & ITS ASPECTS. PLEASE DO NOT REPOST OR STEAL MY WORK!!

-Hey yall!

-I know it's been awhile since I did a series, but honestly I have been doing multiple things (doing readings, studying astro, YouTube, life lol). Yet, we are back with another series about Uranus through the houses! 🔥

-Now, as always, you know I give yall a pre-face to everything. So what is the planet Uranus in astrology [western, tropical astrology]?

-Uranus is the planet that talks about where we may have independent thoughts that may be opposite of what society views. It also represents detachment, the unexpected [or where unexpected things may happen], flashes of genius, or where we may have progressive ideas! It also represents separation. This planet is where we want liberation as well. So in this post we will talk about this planet in 1H-6H So I hope you enjoy it! Thanks for always supporting the content!! 🔥✨😁💛

-Announcements: Tarot readings are still open for free until 1/31! They are scheduled on the weekends as I am a busy individual! Yet, still here and still free until 1/31! Code: newbeg! Link to my site is in the pinned post of this blog.

-Uranus in the 1st house:

May be detached from how people may think of them, as the 1st house is about how people may view us or how we even view ourselves. Y'all may be the ones who literally may not care what others think of yall [hence detachment]. The way you move in life shocks others but then again you don't even give a fuck??? 😂😂😂 Because why are you checking for me???

^It is also possible that this native may feel like they are "different" from the rest, and they can either be very happy about that or very uncomfortable with that. Very possible [esp if Mercury is in aspect to this 1H Uranus], that people could have told this native, "you are odd, we can never understand you. What is it about you that we can't figure out?" 🤔🤨

Outlook on life could be based on how much they can liberate themselves. Uranus values freedom alot. This also means they may not align with traditional ideas or values, and your views can be rather genius [much to society's criticism]. This planet [and placement] does not like for others to try to tell them who they are [as you shouldn't]. Uranus is Uranus. Fuck yo projections. 🖕🏾

Since Uranus is about different and "alien" in this placement this native could have very "alien-like" looks. Alien I mean as it you have this very odd, unusual style or physical appearance. It can even be weird to others just for them to copy that same style, as I noted that "trends" are also ruled by Uranus [per the Rulership Book]. Okay Uranus in the 1st with yall trendy selves! 🥰🤩

Unexpected things can happen to you. This doesn't have to be a bad thing [or it could, but just so you can be aware and also depends on how Uranus is aspected in your chart]. 🤷🏾‍♀️💀😵‍💫

Uranus in the 2H:

This native may have an odd way of making money. Very possible yall can make money without even having jobs, especially if Jupiter is well-aspected to this placement. Let me know in the comments if you have this placement. 🤔💸

^It is also be possible that income could be rather unstable. One day yall could be making good money then the next something happens to where you gotta fight to make money. Very frustrating energy, but that is Uranus energy for you. 🤦🏾‍♀️ Luckily you can be more aware of this and make sure you are stable & have all your ducks in a row.

May be a minimalist. I say this because again Uranus is about being independent and free, and yall may not like alot of material things [2nd house] tied to you.

^On the flip side, may like to collect but may be items that others may not even think to collect. Also since Uranus is also related to tech, astrology, physics, or topics that are considered "high-leveled and eccentric" you may like to collect items related to these topics. 🧙🏾‍♀️👩🏾‍💻👩🏾‍🔬

This native may have a detached relationship with money and again, material items. You know how some people in this life beg to be rich and want this and that? Yeah no. That may not be yall [of course this depends on the sign and other aspects to Uranus]. Yall may be the type that like money for what is can do for you, but not really give a damn about finances like that. Unless this money is actually helping your community and the people around you, otherwise nah. 🙅🏾‍♀️

Uranus in the 3H:

This placement is so funny to me! [Maybe since Aquarius in over my 3H as well]. Since the third house is about speaking and communications, you all are the placement that is definitely the independent thinker. You may also shock others with your ideas. 😳 Yet, do you care? Probably not LMAO

Since Uranus also represents "genius" you all are quick, intelligent thinkers and may have some "advanced" ideas that others aren't ready to listen to until later. This can be frustrating for some of yall when people speak an idea you said three weeks ago. 😖😒

Sometimes this placement may think for the greater good rather than themselves. This native could be quite popular [another Uranian trait] in their neighborhood for being able to get along with just about everyone.

Yet, this placement could [unfortunately] feel disconnected with their siblings at times. They could feel disconnected to the environment that they live in. They could even feel disconnected and different from their immediate family members. This makes them wonder sometimes if they were born in the wrong era or wrong family. But you are right where you need to be! You're just meant to be different. 🥺

Uranus in the 4H:

This native may like to move frequently. Or may bounce from home to home, esp if Mercury is in aspect to this placement.

This native may have family members that are rather disconnected with each other [as in not as lovey dovey], or the native could feel disconnected with their family and their roots [their home life, country of origin, etc].

This native could also find their own comfort [4th house:IC] in being alone & knowing they are independent of others around them. Sometimes feeling like they are going along with the pack may feel like they are not being true to their most subconscious selves.

This native may like to do humanitarian work in their own home. They may want to see progression in their own home country, city, town, etc. Not necessarily on a wide-scale.

Family could be involved in the tech field, astrology, physics, or astronomy. Family could have been seen as "weird" to the outside world.

May separate themselves from their home land to find themselves and actually grow into who they want to be.

Uranus in the 5H:

This native may have a detached viewpoint about children. 👶🏾 May not even want to have kids [esp if Saturn is also involved in this placement]. Yet, remember Uranus is the planet of the unexpected, so you know where I am going with this.

This native may enjoy hobbies that are Uranus-related. Ex: Mark Zuckerberg [based on his chart being set at 2:39pm: credit: AstroTheme] has his 5H mostly containing Aquarius even though it starts in 23 degrees [also Aqua degree] in Capricorn. In his bio I read some of his hobbies he enjoyed were software programming when he was in middle school. The native may also study astronomy/ology as a hobby. Or you may enjoy programming video games. 💻🎮

This native may be famous [5H] for their humanitarian or social goals in this world or anything Uranus-related.

This is a personal observation: Since the 5H does represent the entertainment industry, this native may be in a place in this industry that looks like it doesn't quite fit them. 🤩😎🤨

This native may not like being famous at all. They may not like what it requires [people wanting to be so entitled to their time, going to certain venues for publicity, etc]. They may think if they are gonna be famous, then their fame actually needs to make a substantial impact. Also did I mention Uranus likes freedom anyway lol.

Uranus in the 6H:

This placement definitely may jump from job to job. Possible that they may get either fired out of nowhere or they may get promoted out of nowhere. 😬

This native may want to be more diligent about their health thanks to Uranus' unexpected energy. Don't want to incur unexpected medical bills. Also very possible that these health issues can be cured out the blue as well. Why Uranus just why? ��🤦🏾‍♀️😖😒

May want alot of independence and freedom in the workplace. A micromanaging boss may not be yall style lol. Also if a job is not stimulating to yall, then you all may leave the job anyway to look for better. 😂😂😂😂😂

May like to freeflow their organizational skills. The 6H is about how we go about daily life [since it is ruled by Mercury: daily life], and since Uranus is unexpected you may never know what you're gonna get day to day with this kind of placement. So, this native may like to just see what the day is like for them.

This placement may do well with self-employment in my opinion.

That is all for this part of the series! Feel free to tip me at $DellyRelly for all this knowledge! Natal readings are off site right now [we're figuring that out]! Tune in next time for the 2nd half of this series and have a happy holidays to the people who celebrate!!

-Claude

..

[avelera]

Hi! I love going through your ADHD tag. A lot of it is so informative but I like reading your personal experiences and seeing that I'm not the only one feeling the way I am. So, thank you for putting that out there! I had a question for you regarding the diagnosis of ADHD and, please if you feel uncomfortable or don't want to answer, please feel free to just ignore this! For over 5-6 years, I've been quite sure that I have ADHD. However, in the past (and currently, actually) I haven't been in a position to seek out a therapist or get a diagnosis. I've also heard it's really expensive to get a diagnosis. Would you be okay with talking about how you found someone to talk to about a potential diagnosis and what the process of getting a diagnosis looks like? I found some stuff online but it's been pretty vague and generally along the lines of "it differs on a case-by-case basis." Thank you, again, for the tag and for all the stuff you write! <3

Hey there Anon! Happy to share my experience.

Ok, so here's the privileges I had which might mitigate the value of my advice in some situations but 1) I'm in the US (specifically, the northeast) where ADHD is taken pretty seriously and while not spoken of openly in all professional circles, getting a diagnosis in most cases doesn't run up against cultural taboos that would prevent treatment 2) I have health insurance through my job and 3) I was in a position to seek therapy when I got my diagnosis for unrelated life stuff. It was the therapist who referred me to a psychiatrist who got me meds and later I found this AMAZING psychiatrist in my area who helped me work through multiple medications until I found the right fit (however, she had a 4 month waitlist before I could work with her. Worth it! But I had an ongoing prescription during that time, I just wasn't sure it was the right one).

Gonna cut here to go into more specifics:

- I was diagnosed when I mentioned to my therapist (while pretty much shaking with fear that I would look like some kind of amphetamine addict looking for a fix or a kid looking for party drugs) that I kinda sorta maybe had ADHD destroying my life and she basically went, "Oh yeah, that's been obvious since Day 1 when you wouldn't look me in the eye while speaking." So... lol, basically you're probably not nearly as subtle as you think to a trained professional if you have it.

- When I dared to ask if she could help me get medication her response was, "Yeah, sure, here's a number, call them and tell them I sent you as a referral." It was that difficult.

- That person kinda sucked and there's a bunch of annoying bureaucracy BUT when I mentioned this to my general practitioner doctor he was like "If they suck I can hold you over with prescriptions until you find a new person." No, he did not question me. Literally no actual medically trained person I've ever spoken to has shown any concern that I might be lying or faking or whatever, they've all be scrupulously helpful and even apologetic at all the hoops.

- The first time I tried Adderall I had a near out-of-body experience with how easy life suddenly became. Fear of emails just melted away. I got a week's worth of work that had been HAUNTING me done in an afternoon. HOWEVER, that level of euphoria only happened the one time, and that's pretty universal that you'll cry with relief the first time you use it then if you don't get the right medication you will chase that high incorrectly. For me, the correct medication turned out to be extended-release, 25 mg (relatively low) generic adderall and this is after a year of the "fancier" Vyvanse that was supposed to be smoother (and it was, compared to single release adderall which made me want to chew nails I was so stressed).

- The downside with ANY single release for me though, it turned out (even relatively smooth Vyvanse) was that when I crashed at the end of the day I absolutely craved alcohol, or sugar, some kind of pick-me-up. I thought I was an alcoholic. I was legit scared by how bad I needed alcohol at the end of the day, until I switched to slow release and the cravings just melted away. I still like drinking but the craving went away once I was no longer crashing and I've been so much better since.

- My advice to people is: if your circumstances don't preclude you (financially, culturally, etc.) drop a few inquiries to psychiatrists in your area. They will not laugh at you. They will not report you. Just say you think you have ADHD and you'd like professional help seeing if your self-diagnosis is correct and getting medication if so (which is why you need a psychiatrist, not a therapist. Therapists can't necessarily get you a prescription). Every medical professional I've worked with has been enormously helpful and understanding, your brain is lying to you when it says you're going to get arrested or something for just asking. That is dumb. That is desperation-brain, not reality.

Put out a few requests so if someone is overloaded or busy you have backups. You will have to do a couple scary professional emails or calls, maybe speak to your insurance, but I PROMISE you it is worth it. The light at the end of the tunnel is you have to do this one scary thing but the reward is this thing will never be scary again after.

And it is totally, totally worth it.

[lovelylogans]

Can I ask for more Rory salt? Right after finishing the show I didn't realize why everyone was so upset about her but now that I've rewatched I kind of understand. I'd like to hear more about your opinions on her! (Mostly bc I have 2 braincells so stuff like that flies over my head lol)

okay, granted, a Fair amount of my salt comes from the perspective of a journalism student, ie who they’re trying to portray, and also like. someone at a similar Point in their life, so. here we go. rory Salt.

like i will say she isn’t like, bonafide the Worst Character of all time, but like...... okay. like. this tracks back to one of my original and largest gripes with gilmore girls, and also a large reason of why i like the earlier seasons better than the later ones.

this post explains it very well; the early seasons (and first episodes) of gilmore girls seem to promise healing, moving forward, bettering familial relationships. the actuality of gilmore girls is the repetition of mistakes and things continuing in cycles, and often getting worse.

so, like. rory. rory’s character is established as this sweet, innocent, naive kid, with a fairly decent work ethic and big dreams to aspire to journalism and a certain level of fame (like christine amanpour, i think was the journalist she mentioned in the first day at chilton ep?) she’s smart, quiet, beginning to establish a relationship with her parents, but still a bit uncomfortable within the realm of chilton/privilege—i think this is best exemplified within the debutante episode, in which she’s uncomfortable with the premise, but goes through with it for the sake of making emily happy. same with the golfing episode with richard—she has zero interest in golf, but she gets to spend a day with her grandfather, and she wants to establish that relationship with him.

but then there’s that thing kicking in, in which gilmore girls is essentially a cyclical tragedy; rory gradually becomes more confident in herself and her abilities (becoming valedictorian, going up against paris for the speech on cspan) and in her relationship with boys; she goes after jess, and, once he leaves, lets him go and eventually is like “you shouldn’t have left me. but i’m saying goodbye to you, on my terms.” i think that s3 is where her character is strongest; she’s still sweet and shy, but she has a bit of an edge. she’s caring toward her friends, she, sure, makes the occasional mistake, but she eventually rallies from them. that’s when i like rory’s character best.

rory starts her decline in season four. this dates back to the whole cyclical thing; she’s the one who goes to her grandparents for money, echoing the original premise of the show, and a cycle starts anew. she goes to another new, prestigious school (yale) where she’s pushed to new limits. 

but rory makes mistakes. she stands up for herself, yes, namely taylor when he pushes for her to be ice cream queen, but she also has a certain level of... entitlement, i suppose. like. let’s take “die, jerk.”

(i’m gonna go briefly into a journalistic tangent here, which is especially heaped by the fact i’ve been writing a lot of reviews lately. also, it applies.)

so, first of all, she takes her mom to her job. her mom. literally think about every other job in the world and, barring a “family day” at the office, please name a situation in which that’s acceptable. right? there’s basically no other situation in which that’s a thing you do when you’re being professional. (this is a repeated gripe, by the way; she often brings lorelai along. this could have been achieved with some phone calls where she hangs up and then does her job. but i digress. this goes into a whole rant on how women in journalism are portrayed in tv shows and other media, but seriously, i digress.)

then there’s the review itself. it’s mean.

“she has the grace of a drunken dock worker.” compared her to a hippo. “the roll around the bra strap,” the line about regretting how evolution had led man to stand on two feet because it led to this night. the ballerina comes to yell at her, which is wrong, but holy god, that never even should have been published. sure, it’s partially the fault of doyle, who as an editor should have stepped in, said, “rewrite the holy hell out of this,” and given her a talking-to on how reviewing should be about the performance and not body-shaming her, because yes you can give things a bad review but not to that level, but rory is the one who wrote it. and she only begins to seem apologetic when people start to react to it other than doyle; the ballerina, her mom, emily and richard. this happens a few times throughout—rory (and lorelai) never seem to realize how mean they can get until people start reacting to what they’re doing and saying. 

she’s willing to write those things, read them, have other people read them, and put them out into the public, and doesn’t even consider the potential ramifications that it could have had on not only the dancer, but the ballet performance (which gets shut down, in part due to rory’s review) the costumer, the crew, everyone involved. yes, bad reviews exist, and yes, they can be brutal, but they’re almost never so personally vindictive and mean. she says she’s writing her opinion. look at how harsh that opinion is.

that’s part of why my opinion of rory takes a decline; being mean. another part of it is a certain level of entitlement.

because the revival is on my brain lately, let’s talk revival stuff. making it as a freelance journalist is hard. it’s hard work. it isn’t for a lot of people. especially in new york city, where the industry is so competitive that finding a job in journalism is a whole Thing. rory has a piece in the new yorker (not bad!) and is writing a piece for gq (also not bad, not bad at all!) about people waiting in line for a certain event.

now. let’s take, like, season four/season five rory, who compiled like three separate PILES of research for a story that wasn’t even hers, worked hard enough at chilton, a highly academically competitive school, to get valedictorian. rory is portrayed as a hard worker. she does what’s necessary for the job and to improve.

revival? whoosh, out the window!

she falls asleep during an interview for the gq job. she continually jets off to london to go see logan. she’s completely unprepared for a job interview, having absolutely zero ideas for any stories, despite the fact that freelance journalists are almost always working multiple stories and coming up with new ideas so they can, y’know, get paid. chilton offers her a job as a teacher if she gets her masters, but she turns it down, which, on one hand, sure, follow your dreams, on the other, if you’re continually complaining that you’ll take a job, ANY job, and get a very good job handed to you on a silver platter with the potential for more growth post that job with the addition of your masters and DON’T TAKE IT?!?!?!

plus, in the job interview, when she doesn’t get it, UNDERSTANDABLY, she calls the interviewer angrily saying that the interviewer practically promised her the job, despite the fact that it was a PRELIMINARY JOB INTERVIEW and there are OTHER CANDIDATES who DEFINITELY AT LEAST HAD STORY IDEAS. no matter how impressive your resume is, you have to at least show that you’re trying, because the whole thing in journalism (esp for those breaking into a business) is that EVERYONE has an extensive resume. that’s part of why it’s so competitive.

and still complains that she’s broke, in addition to the trust fund that we know she received at 25, plus whatever money richard left her in his will. if she was broke, she’d be living entirely above her means—those continual trips to london, living in a sizeable one-bedroom apartment in NEW YORK CITY, going out to eat very often. 

and then just??? i could ramble more (the whole sleeping with a MARRIED DEAN thing, her partnership with logan, i could go back in and ramble about how the body-shaming is continual despite the fact that they frequently eat fattening foods and make fun of sports and are only so thin bc, well, tv magic, but also because they have Miraculous metabolisms, the way that they treat their friends, to some extent, but. yeah. here is some Rory Salt.)

[scienc5life]

quarantine tag

Tagged by @symphonicspecter, thank you! ^^

When was the last time you left your house?

As for out in public, yesterday I left the house for the first time in about two weeks to go with my mom to pick up medication for her. I leave the confines of my house a few times every day tho to let my dogs out back.

What was the last thing you bought?

I bought some hot cheetos for my sister and chips ahoy cookies for myself. I promise I’m a responsible shopper, I was just grabbing snacks while I was already out at cvs 

Who are you spending your quarantine with?

My parents and my sister and our dogs

Is quarantine driving you insane or are you finally relaxed?

Mixed bag tbh! I still have school work, but I’m now in a home where I can get fresh air instead of a small dark cinder-block room like I was up at school. The people are also a mixed bag lol

Do you have pets to keep you company?

Yes!! Three lil dogs whom I love very dearly. Also a plant that I accidentally left here at the start of the spring semester (I’m so sorry Boris Jr Jr). Now I can properly take care of him (and the dogs)

What are your current responsibilities?

Schoolwork like assignments, projects, and studying for exams. Basic dog care whatnot. Baking a cake or cookies every once and a while. Doing the dishes.

I’m not doing this right now but once I’m wrapped up with the spring semester (which should be soon) I want to look into if the hospitals near me want donations of homemade masks or protective gowns and reach out to other folk who have the supplies and experience to make them in the area. 

Do you have a room to yourself?

Yep! I am very thankful for that lol

Are you exercising

Nope! I’m just chilling

Town, country, or city?

Suburbs i guess? Right next to a town.

How’s your toilet paper supply?

Good. My dad’s an essential worker that with his job visits multiple stores a day. I’m very thankful that we don’t have to worry about running out of anything. We haven’t really stocked up because there’s no need to.

What’s the worst thing you’ve had to cancel?

Hanging out with my friends. Our dnd sessions :(

What’s the best thing you’ve had to cancel?

Being back in the area of the last place I volunteered at without having to pretend I’m not here or lie about why I can’t schedule in anymore. I do wish I could volunteer at Other places but, I’ll be here for when they re-open.

Who do you miss the most?

I miss my friends up at school a lot. I miss crashing on their couch and helping to host parties with other friends and making a dumb amount of pasta and putting food coloring in it to make it purple. 

I’m so glad I get to spend more time with my sister now because I’ve missed her a lot, but now I also miss my friends up at school.

Do you have any new hobbies?

Before stores closed I got a bunch of thick yarn to try out finger knitting! I’m more than halfway through a blanket!! 

Also I accidentally made a scary clown head that now lives in my room and startles me when I walk in it. I don’t know if thats a skill but I guess I can do that now.

What are you watching the most?

I binged Tiger King and I have some Thots on it. Mainly thoughts about Big Cat Rescue being a NON-PROFIT and LITERALLY ON A DIFFERENT LEVEL THAN THE OTHER “ZOOS” coughcough but uh as far as enjoyable things I just finished up the half-life vr  but the ai are sentient series. And that was really good I recommend that.

Are you going to work?

I was gonna this summer but not anymore! Its chill tho they’re gonna take me another time. When schools done I might see about getting something part time in the area.

What are you out of?

I wish I had more yarn so I can make a bigger blanket, but that’s it. I’m very lucky

Have you made any changes to your hair during quarantine?

BOY HAVE I! So I gave myself my regular haircut which is nothing new since I already cut my own hair. But since a job thing got canceled I don’t have to look professional anymore! So I died it purple about a weekish ago. It was too bright purple so I added some blue the next day for a nicer color. That quickly washed back into the purple that was nice but not nice for me. So two days ago I buzzed a lot of it so my hair is Very Very Short. Now my head is purple with some of my bleached hair coming through in the back where the dye never touched. 

I plan on adding blue polkadots sometime soon and touching up the purple. That or I’m gonna make it go back to brown, it depends! 

As tempting as it is I’m not going to tag a bunch of people since I’ve already done that recently sdlfk. But if you see this and you wanna do it then I have tagged you in spirit! Go ahead and fill it out!

[jq37]

i know you posted your thoughts on the big arguing scene in “we need to talk about pete” but i was wondering if you were going to post a full breakdown? that episode was a lot and i love hearing your thoughts on eps. ignore this if you have done a breakdown and i’m dumb and just missed it lol

**spoilers for the war of bugs and rats and we need to talk about pete**

What’s up denizens of Magic NYC? Now, I unfortunately live in normal NYC where I have to pay bills and stuff so I’ve been MIA with recaps for the past few eps but, no sweat. We’re gonna do a double feature of the above two eps and then I’ll group in the last battle episode with the upcoming episode. So lets catch up on what’s been going on in The Unsleeping City There’s a LOT to get through so vámanos y'all.

First up, we have our big bug fight in Queens, which Sophie enters with a camelback full of box wine because Emily is Emily.

“I’ve heard of gentrification but this is crazy!”

Brennan enjoys making those gross, chittering, bug noises way too much.

Have we talked about Pete’s cowboy hat? Because, for real, what is up with Pete’s cowboy hat? It seems absolutely apropos of nothing. Was he just like, “Sick,” and he decided to wear it everywhere? That seems to be how he makes all of his decisions.

“Butthole 2: Electric Boogaloo.”

Emily clocks the cat *immediately*. Like to the point where I’m almost thinking, “Did this cat exist before Emily mentioned looking for one?” And I want to say yes because La Gran Gata seems very fleshed out, specific, and intentional. But folks, we are living in a post-Avanash world so idk what to think. (Edit: The cat does have a mini now that I’ve gotten to that but idk, that insert shot could have been shot post ep so like, who knows?)

Anyway, Emily’s entire mission objective immediately becomes saving this cat she’s vaguely aware of.  

“5E you crazy.”

The Cast, Knowing Emily just rolled a 25 and still has a 1d8 Bless in Her Back Pocket if She Needs It: Brennan, Just Ask.

The horror on Emily’s face when she realizes that she just called an attack on the cat cocoon.

So Emily goes off on a very Emily side quest to rescue a random cat but happens to unlock a very cool NPC–La Gran Gata���who is like the spirit of all the bodega cats out there. Sophie immediately calls upon the entirety of her limited Spanish skills to try and make friends with the cat, and succeeds.

The, “To arms, to arms my brothers!” thing kills me every time. Are all rats just Like That? Is that what they’re like when they’re out and about too?

Kingston rolling a nat 20 to literally walk across the store is wild.

Oh also, Pete failed a wild magic surge roll which just lets him fly. So far, those wild magic surges have really been working out for him.

Anyway, Bug Boss Becky turns Ricky into a “buff-ass” dog.

Zac playing dog-Ricky with almost exactly the same self-awareness (or lack thereof) as normal-Ricky is so funny. He’s an Akita and I was expecting Dalmatian but that makes sense too. Ricky, the very good boy, attacks Becky and–as a Sentinel–stops her in her tracks.

Emily does a ton of damage and Brennan, about to describe her attack, is like, “Are you still drunk?” Emily shuts down the opportunity to look cooler and is like, “I am a messy, drunk bitch. Describe that.” Emily isn’t here to be cool. Emily is here to roleplay.

I had never heard the word brindled before now and Brennan uses it to describe two separate animals in this ep.

Siobhan rolls a nat 20 to dispel magic on Ricky which is objectively good but also I would have loved for him to be a dog a little longer. Also, this moment makes me really, really want to get some backstory on Misty. Like, clearly there are some serious Fae Shenanigans going on with her and I need specifics yesterday.

Also, Ricky comes back with pointier ears and wolfier senses and I’m just picturing Channing Tatum in Jupiter Ascending.

Before I forget, Sophie, Pete, and Misty yoink magical items from the magic bodega within the bodega La Gran Gata opened up. Sophie’s is a magic ring that amps up her punches. Misty took a mirror and Pete took a grill (like for your teeth). Not sure what those do yet.

The fact that this whole fight wasn’t under the Umbral Arcana and there are people out there that remember is a little concerning for me. I can’t quite tell if it’s the sort of thing that will come back or more of a warning of what can happen if the U.A. goes down again.

Post-fight, Sophie asks La Gran Gata for mismatched David Bowie eyes like the cat has. Siobahn goes, “That’s what you’re gonna ask? You drunk bitch.” But Sophie has her wish granted. I’m sure that won’t raise any questions with people who have known her her entire life. 

“She’s gonna fuck that cat.”

So the fight’s over and they realize that the Key to the City is missing which I can’t imagine is a good thing.

This brings us to the RP ep, We Need to Talk About Pete, which picks up directly where the previous ep ended.

Ally and Emily go for the exact same joke of getting Guinness’s post-fight. Kingston–as a medical professional, Vox Populi, and sanest adult of this troupe–loudly objects (smacking the beers out of Pete’s hands multiple times) and wants to know what the hell is going on with the bugs they just fought.

Sidenote: Sophie took a level in Warlock with La Gran Gata as her patron because of *course* she did. I wonder if this was the plan from the beginning or if Emily was watching all her friends spellcasting and started getting the jitters from magic user withdrawal.

Murph’s “What?” face when Emily says, “I’ll be waiting, but not in an impatient, desperate way,” is gold.

They search the bodega and find a thing of 1000 Hour Energy and Kugrash gives it to Ricky over Pete’s objections. They also find Holy Grail Laundry Detergent (Kingston pays for it), The Grill I mentioned earlier (Kingston hates this), and this bagel. 

All the magic users show up. Alejandro wants an explanation pronto and everyone points a finger at Pete who explains everything in his typical, nonchalant, vague, kinda spaced out way which Alejandro is not digging at all. He starts to go off on the enormity of the situation and Pete starts dropping acid.

I’m gonna stop here for a sec to talk about how Ally is playing Pete. There are moments when I feel like Ally is doing something as a comedian for a bit. And there’s kind of a sense of, is this funny? Obviously. But what are the in game implications of this move? Like the running joke of Pete constantly being high on something is funny, out of game. But,  in game, it’s massively concerning. And I’m really curious about where Ally is choosing to draw the line between doing the funny thing and doing the prudent thing. I almost said the in-character thing but Ally made a character so consistently bonkers that whatever he does could plausibly be the in-character thing. Pete is kind of a massive disaster.

Anyway, Alejandro drives home the point that Pete’s actions have consequences and have caused actual deaths at this point. Pete’s magic is internally going wonky as he gets more distressed (I really wanted to see a wild magic surge fail here but alas). But he’s still outwardly like a 4 on the giving a damn scale when the situation is a 13 out of 10. Pete is only half listening to this because he’s halfway out the door, smoking. Alejandro plans with Kingston to discuss Pete later.

Misty, always sowing seeds of chaos, suggests Alejandro stock up on Juul pods before they stop selling them completely. Kingston hates this (this is basically his mood for the episode).  

Outside, Pete gets a text from Priya which ends with them planning a meet up for later after leaving her on read for a while. Pete dips without saying anything to anyone but Kingston who ignores him (and also Sophie who Emily hilariously guilts Ally into including out of character). Dipping on the conversation about how to fix YOUR mess isn’t the wisest move but Pete isn’t the wisest guy.  

In the meantime, Ricky does the Twilight Bark to summon a dalmatian (yes!) to help him find the stolen key to the city. Kugrash turns into a busted ass dalmatian who has trouble keeping up.

Ricky doesn’t have the plate mail armor that usually makes a Paladin so unstealthy but he is so hot as to have the same lack of stealthiness which is one of my favorite adaptations of the game for this setting. Anyway, Ricky does the superhero thing of running through the city, helping everyone with a problem along the way, and loses the key in the Financial District which smells like death (feels about right).

Siobahn playing Misty as, “Oh, I can’t believe I didn’t realize it was Emma Lazarus,” when, in reality, she was the first person who made the connection was great. S/o to ppl who separate player and character knowledge. Misty partied w/ Emma of course because she partied with every historical figure that’s passed through NYC since she showed up.

Post adventure, people need to go to their day jobs. Misty has a +10 to performance but rolling a 3 is rolling a 3. It’s not her best work. Later, her assistant brings her holly, silver, and assorted other stuff which sounds like Fae BS if I’ve ever heard it. Misty cuts her off before she can elaborate more. I know we’re getting a secret spilling episode next time so I’m really hoping we get some Misty lore because she is being frustratingly cagey. She talks so much but says so little that means anything.

Kugrash sneaks into his son David’s house (while Emily learns a rat fact she clearly didn’t want to know) and Murph  and Brennan tag team go for the proverbial emotional jugular.

Murph rolls a nat 20 on his investigate and so he gets a lot of his old files and puts together that Robert is Robert Moses–a famous historical figure in NY who I actually heard about for the first time very recently. Or maybe I should say infamous. He did a lot with NY infrastructure–especially highways–(Emily connects this to the Highway Hex immediately) and he wasn’t exactly the warm and fuzzy type. His bread and butter was working the system. There’s a Pulitzer winning book called The Power Broker about how he was able to amass power and influence. I don’t know enough about NY history to run my mouth off about the guy but the little I do know is in character with his T.U.S. incarnation. Also, just FYI, irl this dude died in the 80s. So, you know. That’s interesting.

Brennan, I guess: Why invent new bad guys when history is full of terrible people I just have to give magic to?

Brennan, continuing his tradition of letting people get emotionally destroyed by nat 20s, has Murph find a crushing letter from David to Kug which was never mailed.

Note: So, as I was writing this, my video timed out right at the line, “I don’t expect this letter to find you before my funeral,” which is kinda good bc idk if this is what I need at 1 AM. Anyway, back to the pain.

The letter reveals that David has devoted his life to stopping crooks like him (Kug) and that he’s mostly upset about how his leaving has affected the younger, more fragile Wally.

“I leave the letter because I’ll remember it.” Yeah I bet you will.

It looks like Kug is gonna confront Wally next ep which I am now even more excited to see.

So let’s move onto the SECOND big gut-punch of the episode. Kingston goes down to the station to give a statement about the Santa Incident. He sees a shit elemental in a lineup which isn’t super relevant to the main events but I can’t not mention something like that.

Anyway, guess what? Kingston’s ex (Liz) isn’t dead! She’s an attorney for the justice system of The Unsleeping City and she’s pissed the hell off. During their interview, he stops the tape recorder to cuss out Kingston for going on a “date” with Misty and for getting her involved in all the magical junk which means she has to do things like fingerprint shit elementals instead of being on track to be D.A. like she originally was. The way she described it made it sound like she was press ganged into it which seems like it shouldn’t be how this works, you know? Is there no blue pill option here? Also, not to be all grass is greener but I actually am a lawyer in NY (closer to Kug’s job, minus the crime) and I would swap with Liz in a heartbeat.

The fact that anything Kingston says as Vox is per se admissible is a cool detail. 

Sophie fights an old man (Jackson) in a CVS and joins a monastery which sounds like a shitpost but it isn’t. With La Gran Gata’s blessing she is now a member of the Order of the Concrete Fist.

I saw the Staten Island joke coming the second Brennan started talking but it was still hysterical when it landed.

At the same time, Pete is getting knuckle tats because, sure. And he also goes to see Priya who I am baffled was with him for any length of time. Maybe it’s the artist thing?

Also, Sophie keeps postponing her meeting with Mario which is concerning to me. The story is still happening when you’re not interacting with it. Brennan specifically said when she texted him that she got no response which doesn’t make me feel good about what’s going on with him.

Ricky has three super jacked, fratty firefighter bros, all named John who are like woke as hell. I wish I could follow the dude around for a day because every single facet of his life is wild.

Well, this episode promised we were gonna talk about Pete so let’s talk about Pete.

The gang, sans Pete, meet up with the magical powers that be to discus the destruction the newest Vox his leaving in his wake.

Sidenote, wild that Sophie has been magic for like 15 minutes and got to go to this meeting.

Alejandro wants to know what the plan is for if Pete’s powers go off the rails again. Kingston, who has clearly seen Old Yeller, offers the most drastic solution immediately: if it comes to it, we take him out. (Cut to Ally’s “Yikes” face). Kug, Sophie, and Ricky push back on that.

Misty, hilariously (and also suspiciously), is mainly concerned about NY because she needs theater to keep happening. This woman is chaotic something and I’m not convinced it’s chaotic good yet.

Anyway, I already did my big write-up on this part of the episode, but I’ll say it again: Kingston is right. He’s harsh but he’s right. This is some Phoenix Force BS that’s happening and do you know how that arc ends (the OG one, not the million other Phoenix Sagas that have happened since)? It ends with Jean Grey killing herself so she doesn’t lose control and eat another planet. Ricky is too dangerous for his own good and he doesn’t seem to have the emotional maturity to care (or at least to care at the correct level). Like, he was a drug dealer when this started which is already not ideal. He caused a huge mess and then just bounced without trying to help fix it. He thought that a week was enough time for human casualties to be water under the bridge. Frankly, not considering the nuclear option and just having to figure out if killing him is something the group is willing to do on the fly would be the more irresponsible option.

And not including Pete in the discussion would bother me more if he hadn’t openly blown off every serious discussion people have tried to have with him so far. If he’s not going to take things seriously, it makes sense they don’t invite him to the serious discussions.

The version of this story where Pete accidentally gets a bunch of people killed, finds out what he did, cries about it for a full day, and then finds out they’re talking about possibly killing him is a story where Pete is more sympathetic imo. But still, finding out that people talked about killing you under any circumstances has got to be rough.

IMO, the order of things that should be done right now are (1) putting magical training wheels on Pete, (2a) getting Pete trained or his powers transferred if it’s possible/he wants out, (2b) either way, getting Pete into therapy (like, he needed therapy before he got magic. now it’s just a matter of life and death–besides just his own), (3) talking to Pete again about the stakes and telling him point blank but not in while heated that there’s the possibility of a scenario where his powers go out of control and you have to understand that at that point it’s a matter of saving as many lives as possible. Like, Kingston can say, with conviction, “If I go rogue, you should do the same to me.” They’re in the same boat. Kingston’s just been rowing longer. Well, similar boats anyway. I imagine the Vox Populi powers are less inherently chaotic. And maybe the knowledge that a nuclear option is on the table would make Pete not want the job or want him to have his powers muted or something. Cool. Then you have that discussion at that point. Just, these are the conversations that need to happen. And maybe his own mortality will be the thing that helps get Pete’s head in the game. 

What jewel did Ale take out of his pocket during this conversation? Taking note of that. (Juul, not jewel. Duh. Thx thethief )

Pete gets in touch w/ Alejandro’s granddaughters who tell him that Alejandro’s still pretty pissed (which is surprising to Pete but like, bro. People died). Then, Robert shows up to sweet talk Pete and show him the video (that he somehow has) of Kingston talking at the Pete Meeting. When I was watching this the first time I was like, “How long before this blows up in their face–oh, almost immediately. Cool.”

He takes Pete to his vampire nightclub and hits him with Pete’s own “I didn’t create the demand” line that you just know Brennan put a pin in to hit Pete with that Uno Reverse card.

Robert tries to get Pete to summon Nod and then just does it forcibly with some kind of blood magic when Pete is hesitant. Pete wild magic surges, kills a bunch of vamps, and Nod (super injured by being in the waking world) teleports them both to the subway.

The group (including Alejandro) meets them there so they can catch the L train to Nod but Epona shows up. And you already know from Fantasy High that Brennan is on the ACAB train (or is that AFCAB?). Epona is now wearing a crooked badge–crooked badge for a crooked cop. She wants Nod. No can do. The gang gets ready to–to quote Mr. Cubby-make some bacon while Alejandro tries to cast a spell to summon a train to Nod (the place not the person).

So I’ll see y’all next time (whenever that is) for some subway fighting and some backstory unlocking! 

[ruinedbygaysstylinson]

hi there! i'm still somewhat new to this fandom but i'm familiar with bg and everything so i'm just wondering why people believe that liam is also stunting with cheryl? is he believed to be gay as well and this relationship with her and his baby is just another cover up? like i understand why people believe louis isn't really a dad but i don't see as much regarding liam? can you try and explain this??

Hi Nonnie!

First of all, welcome to the fandom. It’s a mess, but it’s our mess lol

I’m gonna be honest, when I first got this ask I had no clue where to start explaining just how fake Chiam is, and I wish I had a textbook answer for you. The best way I can put it is that literally everything about it makes no sense logically. None of it. Prepare for a lot of rambling.

Not sure how into the fandom you are, but if you’ve heard of RBB/SBB, they foreshadowed Chiam on Liam’s bday in 2015 at a show, using toothpaste labeled “Colegate” which is a nod to her first marriage, and the original babygate which had been labeled a couple months earlier.

As far as timelines go, Sophiam ended late October 2015. Charcole actually got married for the second time in mid 2014, and while her and her husband seperated in late 2015, they both wore their wedding rings into 2016, despite the fact that later it was hinted that Chiam began at the XF final in 2015. Chiam was announced in the exact same way every other stunt is: via an exclusive to Dick Wattpad from the Sun. Baby rumors started a couple months later, nearly 2 full months before the date Charcole supposedly conceived. During this time, Chiam made a few public appearances, all staged red carpets or pap walks, and they were never spotted together by fans outside of these. Charcole had a baby bump months before she was pregnant, and baited the media by putting her hand over her stomach in multiple events. After she became “pregnant”, Liam basically moved to LA and lived there for her entire pregnancy. He began partying, worked on his album, and acted like a single guy for the duration with no care in the world for Charcole. What a normal thing for a dad-to-be to do. They never officially announced the pregnancy, she just turned up obviously pregnant in December 2016, and then posed for Loreal with a massive bump on a campaign released in February. Her bump changed in sizes and height throughout the pregnancy, but she went into hiding so it was difficult to actual tell what was going on, which was 100% the point. The birth was announced via a single photo of Liam with a baby, despite the fact that usually moms pose with their baby. To this day, we’ve never seen the baby’s face, and Charcole has yet to show off her pride and joy. Privacy is one thing, but this is another thing entirely. If it wasn’t for Liam babbling on, you’d have no clue she had a kid.

So what are my issues with Chiam? First of all, her association with Satan Cowbell. They are besties. Judges together on XF, and recently I found out that she’s also an executive producer. Chiam was used to promote XF in late October with probably the cringiest moment they’ve had yet. If you hate Satan because of what he did to Louis/Harry, you better be concerned that Liam “willingly” shacked up with one of his friends.

Secondly, timing. Liam was planning a solo career. It’s been his dream for over 10 years. Why on earth would he decide to settle down in the middle of trying to launch his solo career, just months after ended a long term relationship? Basically this stunt forced him to “choose” between his career and his kid, which is NOT something that a loving partner would put you through. Charcole was also married until late 2016. If she was so desperate for a baby, wouldn’t it make more sense to have it with your husband rather than a guy 10 years her junior in a completely different stage of life? She’s old but she still has time. Literally everything about this relationship was set up to fail. Also, what exactly do they have in common? They moved so quickly that Liam never had to talk about her/why they are even dating. To me, the only things they have in common are that they were both in a band (with very different experiences..) and they have a kid together. Nice.

Thirdly, Charcole’s presence in his promo. In 2014 she released an album that flopped pretty badly because she really can’t sing at all her. Her fame came from her very public relationship drama and her association with XF when it was at the height of it’s fame. Her career is pretty much over and she’s most likely desperate for anything to reverse this progression. What better way to find new fans than to try and tap into one of the largest fandoms out there? Of course, she didn’t take into account the fact that we aren’t 13 year old girls with no brains, and therefore aren’t going to blindly stan her like people did with Sofa and Elk in the past. She’s ridiculously problematic as a person (she punched a woman in the face for doing her job and got convicted for assault, admitted to attacking her ex husband, dodged taxes via a shady company that closed in 2014 right when she turned up suddenly married to JB. The list goes on and on), and from what I’ve seen her personality stinks, so why would we support her? For the most part, people either dislike her or just don’t care at all. Bummer. Liam’s promo was the only way for her to get positive news out there about herself without her doing all the talking. Unfortunately for her, Liam went overboard and now people hate her just as much, if not more, than they did before this stunt. Just to be clear: normal celebs don’t launch their careers by constantly telling stories about their kid, s/o and hyping up their accomplishments from 8 years ago.

Fourthly, body language. This is a big one. Liam’s eyes in the very first selfie of them scared me to death because he looked so upset and resigned. Literally screaming for help with his facial expression. All along, the lack of intimacy between Chiam is pretty hard to dispute. They are not comfortable together at all, and I know some media sites called them out for faking affection on red carpets when they are distant in private in May 2016. Liam was a lot better at faking it last year as well, because he’s nothing if not professional. At XF this year, it was literally painful to watch them interact, and I made a post about that when it happened. Basically, as a couple they don’t have the familiarity that they should have considering all they’ve squeezed into less than two years. Liam also doesn’t talk about her fondly at all. If you pay attention, a lot of his comments just about her are negative: she scolds him, nags him, rolls her eyes at him, dresses him (in hideous pants, someone burn those), makes all the decisions about the baby, critcizes his music, etc, but at least she was famous back when he was 15 eh? (Them meeting at 14/24 when she was married for years is just another nasty aspect. She was in a mentor role and I’m disgusted she was okay with this stunt. It’s so wrong on so many levels.) Overall she sounds pretty awful to me, and that’s just based off of the picture Liam is painting.

And finally, the saga of Conchobear. The difference between actual celebrities having babies (think Beyoncé), vs Charcole is hilarious. No one ever saw her stomach when pregnant, she hid for months before and after the birth, and low and behold she popped back up with a new face! That’s the second 1D mom to get extensive plastic surgery when she should be caring for an infant. I seriously doubt she actually was pregnant, but that’s not something I’ll go into here. Liam was out working on his career a month after the announcement, and has been travelling pretty consistently since. He’s missed multiple important holidays; for example, on Father’s Day he flew from the US to Italy for a fashion show, and then back to the US. On Conchobear’s 6 month bday, Liam went out and did interviews. Do you really think that if Liam was an actual dad, he wouldn’t make every effort and move mountains to spend as much time as possible with his firstborn son? It just doesn’t make sense with what we know about Liam’s personality. He’s responsible, and he wouldn’t put himself in this situation. What he says, what we are fed, what he does, and what we know about him as a person don’t line up at all. Liam sounds like an amazing involved dad with his tales, but he lacks a basis in basic human development; his stories are cute and so unrealistic. Thus, Liam hasn’t spent any significant time with a baby. The entire stunt has been setting up single mom!Charcole, but Liam’s team has made sure to prevent her from calling him a deadbeat via the stories. It’s hard to say he was never around when he’s gushing about the kid in every interview. He’s also gotten worse at lying recently, and I get the feeling he’s tired.

So yeah, basically every aspect of this relationship is messed up in one way or another, and I’m expecting to see Chiam end sooner rather than later. If they are both out working on material, they won’t be able to hold it together imo. There’s definitely stuff I’ve missed and if any of my mutuals/followers want to add to this feel free. This is just stuff I thought of off the top of my head.

For specific examples of some of what I’ve mentioned you can check out the Twitter thread I linked below. It has some great resources and that account in general is amazing at breaking down stunt events. I’m also gonna reblog a post comparing Chiam to Zigi (another dead fauxmance) and Hiddleswift that is pretty interesting for you to look over.

https://twitter.com/EndBabygates/status/856439540831195137

Enjoy your stay in the fandom Nonnie. If you have any specific questions or need recommendations for who to follow, shoot me a message!

[kitjoy]

This could be fun or extremely sad

1: Name: Jess 2: Age: 17 3: 3 Fears: Wasps, Small spaces and idk 4: 3 things I love: My dogs, My cats and movies 5: 4 turns on: Hair pulling, Dry humping, Kissed against a wall, Moaning lol 6: 4 turns off: Dirty Talk (not a big fan), Feet, Cockiness, Guys who STOP TALKING TO YOU STRAIGHT AFTER YOU GOT OFF WITH THEM  7: My best friend: Meg and Emily  8: Sexual orientation: Um probs like Bi or something but 90% attracted to boys 9: My best first date: Aint had one tbh 10: How tall am I: 5′5 11: What do I miss: Not having responsibilities  12: What time were I born:  3pm 13: Favorite color: Yellow 14: Do I have a crush: Nah 15: Favorite quote:  A lot of movie quotes 16: Favorite place: Home 17: Favorite food: Italian food 18: Do I use sarcasm: No(!) 19: What am I listening to right now: Hold on- SE22 Mix 20: First thing I notice in new person: Usually mouth or eyes 21: Shoe size: 7 22: Eye color: Hazel 23: Hair color: Naturally Blonde/Brown but Grey atm 24: Favorite style of clothing: Oversized jackets are my shit 25: Ever done a prank call?: Yeah when I was like 12 27: Meaning behind my URL: Just liked the sound of it 28: Favorite movie:  Die Hard 29: Favorite song:  Changes all the time 30: Favorite band: ^ 31: How I feel right now:  Eh 32: Someone I love: My Momther 33: My current relationship status:  Singleeee (and have been for abt 4 yrs??) 34: My relationship with my parents:  Ok I guess 35: Favorite holiday:  Either Halloween or Christmas 36: Tattoos and piercing i have: Arrow of my hip, Something to do with my zodiac of my ankle, Ears pierced 37: Tattoos and piercing i want: A drawing my mum did when she was my age (The dragon on a The Clash CD cover) 38: The reason I joined Tumblr: Don’t remember 39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?:  Barely remember him tbh 40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?: Nope 41: Have you ever kissed the last person you texted? Nah 42: When did I last hold hands?  Agesss ago 43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?  Depends if im late or not 44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?  No but I need to goddamn 45: Where am I right now? My bedroom (as always) 46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? Myself I’m pretty responsible when drunk imo 47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? Fuckin loud hell yeah 48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? Yep 49: Am I excited for anything? V festival and a J Cole concert I’m going to :DD 50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? FUCK no 51: How often do I wear a fake smile? Not so much nowadays 52: When was the last time I hugged someone? Last weekend 53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? Wouldn’t care lmao 54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? Yup 55: What is something I disliked about today? Nothing yet but it’s still early 56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Ri Ri or Chance the Rapper I lov them 57: What do I think about most?: Probs my future 58: What’s my strangest talent?:  Can crack almost every joint in my body 59: Do I have any strange phobias?: Nah I think they’re all valid 60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?: Behind 61: What was the last lie I told?: That I didn’t have weed on me lol 62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?: Who even talks on the phone anymore 63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?: Yes to ghosts, idk to aliens 64: Do I believe in magic?: Nah 65: Do I believe in luck?: Not really 66: What’s the weather like right now?: Sunny but windy 67: What was the last book I’ve read?: 1984 (and still haven’t finished it) 68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?: Only when I have a full tank in my car  69: Do I have any nicknames?:  Used to be called Jep 70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?:  Ripped my toenail half off once (: 71: Do I spend money or save it?: Try to save it 72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue?: Yeah 73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me?: Yeah my candle jar 74: Favorite animal?: Hmm dogs and cats are cool but I love leopards 75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?: Playing Sims 4 76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?:  Probably Trump or something 77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?: Freedom By George Michael 78: How can you win my heart?: Be attentive to me and don’t be fake  79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?: Baddest bitch there ever was 80: What is my favorite word?: Goiym 81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr:  Don’t really have a top 5 82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?: Waddup wanna hang? 83: Do I have any relatives in jail?:  Apparently I do I found out recently 84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?: Either invisibility bc I’m a nosy bitch or levitation 85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?: How are you feeling? 86: What is my current desktop picture? Deadpool 87: Had sex?: Nah 88: Bought condoms?: Nope 89: Gotten pregnant?: No 90: Failed a class?: not yet luckily 91: Kissed a boy?: Yah 92: Kissed a girl?: Yah 93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?: Nope 94: Had job?: Yep 95: Left the house without my wallet?: I do it all the time 96: Bullied someone on the internet?: No way 97: Had sex in public?: Nope 98: Played on a sports team?: Does a school team count 99: Smoked weed?: Hell yeah 100: Did drugs?: Only weed 101: Smoked cigarettes?: Yeah 102: Drank alcohol?: Ofc 103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?: No way couldn’t like without bacon 104: Been overweight?: Nope 105: Been underweight?: Yeah but that’s just my body type 106: Been to a wedding?: Yep 107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?: Literally everyday :/ 108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?: Probs when I was younger 109: Been outside my home country?: Yah 110: Gotten my heart broken?: No 111: Been to a professional sports game? Don’t think so 112: Broken a bone?: Luckily no 113: Cut myself?: Yup 114: Been to prom?: Yeah 115: Been in airplane?: Yeah 116: Fly by helicopter?: No I wish 117: What concerts have I been to?: Olly Murs and JLS concert (I’m cool), and V festival 118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?: Nope not yet 119: Learned another language?:  I’m ok at German I guess 120: Wore make up?: Yep 121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?: Not yet but I’m working on it lmao 122: Had oral sex?: Nah 123: Dyed my hair?:  Multiple times 124: Voted in a presidential election?: No 125: Rode in an ambulance?: No 126: Had a surgery?: Yep 127: Met someone famous?: Nah 128: Stalked someone on a social network?:  Who hasn’t 129: Peed outside?: Yah :/ 130: Been fishing?: Yeah 131: Helped with charity?: Yes 132: Been rejected by a crush?: Not directly 133: Broken a mirror?: Nope 134: What do I want for birthday?: Erm probably like money or a sick 18th party when I can then drink (legally)

[realtalk-princeton]

@maybach how did you adjust so well to college? I feel like in a lot of ways I’ve had the opposite experience, I was a really committed student in hs, got a 2400 sat, 15 perfect app test scores, all A’s, I even literally did lab work multiple summers at prestigious universities lol. I never really did much socially in hs, few friends, no SO, not much life experience in general outside academics. But now that I’m here, I’ve found it so hard to adapt. I actually took a gap year before starting,

but I’ve struggled so much here. I’m actually taking a leave because I couldn’t keep up. I guess part of this is not prioritizing academics enough cause I still feel like I need a ton to make up for lost time” from all the stuff I missed (even after taking a gap year). Honestly, it’s hard to even motivate myself to do academics at all, I mean I could always drop to an easier school or even just not go to college. I don’t even really like having “intellectual conversations” and all that, I’d rather just be around ppl who are more “shallow” (but is anything really “shallow” in the first place, I mean it’s really just about how you look at the world) but I digress. I don’t even care that much about honing critical thinking skills, and anyway, you don’t even need college to do that. it seems like the main justifications for the existence of liberal arts education, and really maybe even college in general (except for ppl going to grad school cause they are actually putting (Jesus this is turning into an op-ed) tangible knowledge they are directly using in their career, or ppl not going to grad school who are going into tech/engineering (also chemistry/biology?) and last I checked, not a huge number of students here go to grad school right out of college. I worked my ass off in hs to get here and now I’m really starting to regret it. so to tie it all back together, how did you even get into the mindset you’ve talked about to this place (not trying to be confrontational or anything, just genuinely curious) much less go from your hs experience to doing really well here? Or maybe I really should leave honestly. My parents didn’t even pressure me that much academically, it was a lot of self-motivation. Lol sorry for the screed

Response from Maybach:

No problem anon! I read the whole thing, but just needed sufficient time to build up to my answer. Also, there are a lot of components obviously lol, but I’ll mainly focus on your actual question for brevity sake. Even I’m getting tired of my long responses haha.

Let me first respond to some of your assertions and share my thoughts. I was kind of confused when you wrote, “it seems like the main justifications for the existence of liberal arts education…y are actually putting (Jesus this is turning into an op-ed) tangible knowledge they are directly using in their career, or ppl not going to grad school who are going into tech/engineering (also chemistry/biology?)” What are the main justifications you are referring to? Are you saying that college is to develop knowledge directly for a career? But anyway, I think college is really important at is the core for two things: time for maturing and learning how to learn. Nothing we learn for most of is will be directly related to a job, but it becomes vitally important and sets us apart from the vast majority of people. For the first thing, most kids are just not ready to enter the workforce after HS. They need to actually start growing up, taking responsibility more for their actions, going through life experiences. Can you imagine what it would be like for the average college-aged kid to go through a breakup in the post-graduation world for the first time lol (just an example)? Most people need time to mature so they’re ready for life after. As for learning how to learn. This is very important as well and Princeton EXCELS at this. I don’t care what anyone says, this is pretty much indisputable in my mind. I learned how to speak a language at a near-professional level within 1 year, I learned about centuries of detailed American economic history, etc. and none of this ever came up for a job. What is great about this and important for life is that I can now quickly learn new things in very different topics in a rigorous manner and adapt to situations in an efficient manner. I am constantly exposed to new and diverse ways of thinking and analyzing issues, which allows me to become a more efficient producer of ideas. When I interned in auditing, I was the only sophomore in my intern group and the only non-accounting major with only 1 semester of financial accounting coursework. Of course, they were way ahead of me at the beginning, but after only 2 weeks, I had caught up and mostly surpassed them in the speed and quality of my output. The only other sophomores in my group were a kid of the COO and a kid from U Chicago. My education was a big reason I was able to do this. It didn’t matter that I didn’t know to do accounting that well before because it’s not like the accounting majors even remembered that much stuff from their classes anyway. What I could do is synthesize complex information quickly and creatively innovate new ways of processing that were more original and not based out of a book. Princeton does this in an excellent manner no matter your major. You can’t do well here just by memorizing a couple formulas, reading a book all the time, etc. You are forced to approach complex large new problems all the time by using newly learned information. This is what makes our student so successful in many situations later in life and the earlier one starts to develop these skills, the better due to compounding interest (if you’re familiar with that concept). When you say “I don’t care about critical thinking skills” and “I’d rather be around “shallow” minded people” and “who cares about having intellectual conversations?” All of those points are totally fair and if you feel that way, there’s nothing wrong with that. I think you’re kind of missing the point though. It’s not like I’m proud of Princeton because we have more deep intellectual conversations. Rather, this is evidence that we are able to apply a rigorous analytical mindset to new situations and problems and come up with meaningful solutions on an unparalleled level. I’d rather trust the average Princeton student to construct a public policy that the average Brown student any day. Who’s the person who’s more likely to independently look a the situation and not just one-to-one apply what they read in a book? Who’s more likely to know how to work hard under that pressure? I’ve had to write 50-page essays in 1-2 weeks on highly complex issues. So of course, when I had to do a large client-project with hundreds of thousands of dollars actually on the line, I was more than ready to do it. Guess what student from which university wasn’t able to be organized enough to get their responsibilities done? 

There’s literally nothing wrong with not caring about developing these things or becoming a stronger critical thinker who approaches the world and absorbs information better than 99% of the population. In many ways, just taking it easier and just growing up slowly is better. Honestly, you really seem to me like you might have enjoyed a less stressful college more. You’re super smart, but you were so burned out from HS and didn’t have time to actually be a kid that long, to just enjoy yourself and life in an immature manner. If you were already so burnt out from HS, Princeton is just so hard because you’re already on the verge of not being able to do much more difficult thinking and you don’t have the time to develop the experience and coping mechanisms to deal with high-stress. For Brown, I am glad I didn’t choose it and go down that path for many reasons, but perhaps very important are the two reasons I talked about earlier. 1. maturity and 2. learning how to learn. 1. is debatable on who is better on average, but I’ve literally had a student there tell me they needed to do college first so they had time “to be an immature, reckless, and selfish asshole” before entering the workforce and having real responsibility. It feels like Brown at times is just for severely immature kids to mellow out before they have real responsibility at a slow rate. You can spend hours smoking weed without having to commit to real activities with actual value at stake. What do you think is going to happen in real life? What’s going to happen when they want to go beyond simple casual sex relationships? For me, spending all that money, I would rather go to a place that allows me to grow further and actually take more responsibility. As for 2. all that stuff about “shallowness” and “intellectual conversations” is related to this. If I’m going to college, spending all this time and money, I want to actually become a better thinker and learner not just for a job, but for life in general. People at Brown consistently just take classes to reaffirm their own extreme beliefs, are not exposed to that many new ideas that disagree with their opinions, and they aren’t forced as often to actually have rigorous learning experiences that force them into situations where absorbing difficult material is required. Thus, they aren’t actually learning that much, which is precisely one of the main points of college! I know this sounds harsh, but it doesn’t apply to everyone there. I just would be disappointed if I was one of many people there who didn’t grow up that much after college and was still puerile. I would be disappointed if I spent time in a degree where I’m no better an expert on it than the average Princeton student who read a book on my subject. And I would be disappointed that I didn’t have to challenge my previous beliefs and develop better-thinking skills. And once again, I want to say that I really hope I’m not being too antagonistic towards them. I really respect the university, but it’s clear that in my previous attempt to be extra considerate, that I spurred regret with some people and also did not accentuate the differences well enough.

Finally, as for adapting to college fast. I’ve always been an independent person. My parents sent me to France alone for several months when I was 16. I had to go camping in a forest for 1 month with just a few other people and no electricity.  I think this was helpful for college because, with increased independence, I was able to be even more efficient than in HS where my freedom was limited. I stay organized, I strategically plan classes, and I know when to ask for help when I need it. This is all more important to doing well academically rather than pure intellect. My procrastination is super low due to discipline and good habits. THIS IS ALSO HUGE. Also, let’s face it. There’s luck involved too. I plan my schedules well, but I’ve never had to take 2 midterms on the same day and that helped A LOT. I also prioritized relationships and health to ensure that I am in optimal fighting form. Honestly, I don’t want to play internet psychologist, but your descriptions of lack of motivations and your HS experience are all reminiscent of depression descriptions from some of my friends. If you had little social life in HS and had few life experiences outside of academics, that’s certainly not a formula for optimal mental health. Plus, you stated that you have serious motivations problems now, which is another sign. Let me just say that you could be twice as smart as me and still do worse academically if you had a mental health concern prior to starting college, which is the worst situation you can be in for Princeton, which unfortunately does not acclimate these students well compared to say Brown (there a positive lol!). I know very high functioning depressives, but they have to work 3 times as hard as me to do well. If they were in good condition they could study a topic in 1 hour and have it down, but due to mental health and focus and motivations problems, it now takes them 3 hours to do the same task. Therefore, if you asked me how I adapted well, another big thing is maintaining good health. Finally, I have a good support group composed of friends, family, and faculty that always has my best interest of mine and provide invaluable advice for academics, which helps a lot. If you have an upperclassman friend who took a class before you and will help teach you and give you tips, of course, you’re going to do better. But more importantly, this support group also helps with life issues and general and like I said before if someone gives you advice on how to study more efficiently in general, that’s super helpful to ALL your classes. So, I would say that I adapted “well” because the increased freedom and free time of college did not result in me procrastinating and being irresponsible. On the contrary, I was able to use the extra time to be even more productive and efficient. I also strategically planned my classes well. Secondly, I stay as healthy as possible, which is critically important. Lastly, I have a good support group.

Hope that helps answer as much of your post as possible. Honestly, anon, you seem super burned out and were just not in the best shape to enter college because you didn’t have enough non-academic experiences in HS. I suggest that you work on your health and motivation problems and also don’t be ashamed of transferring based on your statements. Obviously, I’m speculating, but if you don’t care that much about being surrounded by intellectuals and having a rigorous learning experience that maximizes your thinking horsepower, then maybe Princeton isn’t the best for you. People who thrive here are super ambitious and motivated to constantly improve and learn new things, but that may not apply to you. If you just want to get your degree and have a relaxing time, no questions asked, this isn’t an environment that fosters that easily. Obviously, though, consult more resources before making more decisions. Or even feel free to ask us again haha. Hope things look up for you though in the future.

[english-ext-2]

hello! just wondering about your thoughts on art degrees - are they really 'useless'? i can't think of any other way to study literature :( thank you!

I have many thoughts on this so it’s best to start with a disclaimer: I’m only speaking from my own experiences, am in no way representative of all Arts students, and definitely don’t represent employers’ perspectives (who might have very different opinions to mine).

Before I go anywhere, the following point is the most important: if you want to study literature, then study literature. There is nothing worse than picking a degree you think will be ‘employable’ only to realise you hate it (actually, what’s worse is becoming indifferent to it).

I’m clearly biased here, but Literature is good and not at all useless, and I would strongly encourage you to study it. I don’t want to say anymore else I’d go on forever, but that’s my position. The rest of my answer is under the cut because boy did it get long.

Arts in General

Firstly, arts encompasses a huge range of disciplines. In terms of diversity of knowledge, arts is far from useless. I’m at Usyd, where the Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences is the largest by far. It’s divided into schools, then departments. A single school, e.g. School of Social and Political Science (SSPS), has several departments. My majors fall under SSPS, the Department of Government and International Relations and the Department of Sociology and Social Work. But you’ve got education, social work, philosophy, museum and heritage studies, archaeology, media and communications, linguistics, languages, a whole range of departments under other schools too. Are all these subjects ‘useless’? Nope.

In purely humanistic terms, people with arts degrees have contributed so much to society. Where would we be without novelists, film producers, directors, script writers? Monty Python was a troupe of over-educated nerds who put their Oxford and Cambridge educations to dictionary-altering satirical use (soz Terry Gilliam, I know you’re American), and we’re better for it. Our world would be poorer without artists of all stripes and the insights that sociologists, historians, anthropologists, philosophers, linguists, etc. have made. The ultimate strike: your teachers studied Education, i.e. Arts. Without them you wouldn’t be reading this, and I wouldn’t be writing it either. Even if arts degrees are semi-jokingly characterised as useless, they’re not. (Btw I aggressively do not enjoy the STEM v Humanities debate because it reduces both sides to shitty stereotypes and gives rise to godawful Discourse, has anyone heard of polymaths.)    

Types of Arts Degrees

You also have to consider the type of arts degree. Once I finish this semester I’m going to graduate with the pass Bachelors of International and Global Studies (i.e. your standard three year degree). In terms of tertiary education, it’s the most basic. I chose not to do a combined degree with, say, Law; nor did I choose to do Honours, which would’ve added an entire year to my degree doing a thesis. Arguably, arts honours and combined arts degrees are less 'useless’ than your run-of-the-mill three-year arts degrees because you supposedly gain advanced research skills and the, well, non-arts part of your combined degree (lol). (I would recommend Honours only if you’re truly, honestly looking for an intellectual challenge and are fully prepared to commit, not just riding along for the perceived employability advantage. A thesis is hard work! I have a friend in Melbourne who can testify.) Incidentally, your three-year arts degree will be an infuriating obstacle if you’re thinking of applying for grad school in North America since most universities only consider candidates who have at least a four­-year undergraduate degree. On another note, I actually once met a girl who was doing combined law/arts and took a cinema elective unit because she enjoyed cinema but knew it wouldn’t likely help her find a job.

Employability

But given the state of the job market these days, almost all undergraduate degrees by themselves are next to useless. A freshly-graduated 21-year-old with a single Bachelors and nothing else to their name, no matter the discipline, won’t be zipping up the salary ladder any time soon (would probably struggle to get an entry level job, never mind kickstarting their career). We’re a long way from the days when just having a degree was proof of your knowledge and thus qualification for the job. Higher education is more accessible, and employers’ expectations have changed. The substance of the degree matters less than the transferable, or 'soft’ skills you gain at university. I’m talking leadership, adaptability (a big one), teamwork, written and verbal communication skills, cross-cultural awareness, self-management, time management, problem solving. Your grades are no longer the sole determining factor in your hiring, and may even take a back seat to strong extra-curricular or sporting achievements, or your experience in various casual/part-time jobs. In some ways it’s a welcome change for employers to expressly state they value recruits as people with talents in fields other than academia, and it’s certainly more inclusive of socio-economically disadvantaged students who might not have done well in school but are nonetheless hard workers and have displayed merit in the 'real world’.

From certain other perspectives, the job market is still capitalism, and individuals are still in competition with each other. As soon as employers make it known they’re looking for “well-rounded indvidiuals”, the students with the most cultural capital and financial resources rush off to, say, intern at a law firm, a think tank, the state government, or travel overseas to teach English in a South-East Asian country, i.e. they grab opportunities to expand their set of transferable skills. Doesn’t matter if you’re an arts student; the wealthiest are more likely to have the means to seek out and actively pursue the experiences that’ll enrich their CVs and make them more appealing to recruiters. It takes money to travel, and you need to be from a certain social milieu to know of, if not apply for, valuable career-hopping opportunities (I kid you not, one guy applied to the organisation where I volunteer wanting legal experience because his parents were allegedly dentists and not in the Right Lawyer Circles to get him a paralegal position or clerkship). All of this is a long way of saying that doing arts is but one factor amongst many affecting your job prospects. 

To bring the discussion back to more pleasant grounds, big corporations (read: banks, consultancy firms, your Comm Banks and KPMGs) are recognising the skills and talents that arts students can bring to their companies. The critical thinking skills you gain from analysing those long-ass readings and putting them into practice are highly sought after because they show you’re not just someone who follows instructions, but can analyse, evaluate and synthesise information appropriate to audience, which applies to literally anything in any workplace. Usyd even has a program called ArtSS Career Ready that offers summer/winter internships with various organisations to Arts and Humanities students only.    

It’s implied in the above paragraphs but what it comes down to is that you’re very likely going to end up doing something that has only the faintest relation to your degree. A student who majored in sociology might end up in a consultancy firm; a history student at St George or Westpac. If you’re going to worry about what you’re studying, worry on the basis of whether you’ll enjoy it rather than whether it fits your projected career path. 

Arts Degrees in Context

So far I’ve spoken about arts degrees in very general, abstract terms, disconnected from the institutions that offer them. Does it make a difference if you study English Literature at Usyd rather than UNSW? (Usyd’s English department consistently ranks well in the QS rankings, 18th this year and the highest Australian university if you were wondering, with UNSW at equal 49th.) Though whether an English major from Usyd is more employable than an English major from UNSW, well, Usyd is ranked 4th in terms of graduate employability in the QS rankings but that’s not necessarily reflective of Usyd’s English department. Anyhow, the 'usefulness’ of a degree will rely on its quality, and that quality is directly influenced by two things: the degree structure, and the people teaching your degree. Both will of course vary from uni to uni.

Degree Structure

What do I mean by degree structure? I’m talking mandatory units or majors, and even mandatory internships. Take my INGS degree. The features that differentiate it from your generic Usyd arts degree are:

four mandatory INGS units 

three mandatory language units 

a mandatory one-semester exchange 

a mandatory major chosen from a list (double majoring is optional)

It sounds fancy but if you were a discerning arts student you could take multiple language units and go on exchange; the list of compulsory majors we choose from is not exclusive to INGS students. The real appeal lies in the INGS units, which are themselves an interdisciplinary mix but which in my experience don’t build graduate abilities any more effectively than any other arts unit. Exchange was good though, and certainly useful in the sense I picked up a range of transferable skills (if not applicable in professional contexts then at home; baking soda and vinegar are great cleaning agents.)  

My degree structure wasn’t revolutionary and didn’t necessarily equip me with skills that might make me more attractive to recruiters. Enter mandatory internships. Some universities in their arts degrees make practical experience (internships, practicums, research projects, etc.) compulsory. If this opportunity is already built into your degree and/or discipline, e.g. you have practicums if you study education, then it’s a huge advantage as you don’t have to go looking for one yourself. Macquarie University makes PACE units (Professional and Community Engagement) a requirement of graduating with an arts degree. Students get practical experience in the community with a partner organisation and undertake an “experiential learning activity”. I mention this because I’ve met Macquarie (and UNSW) interns at my volunteer workplace who’ve contributed significantly to various projects - experience that makes them competitive when they graduate. And yes, there’s a PACE unit for English! (I’ll admit that to Usyd’s credit they have the above-mentioned ArtSS Career Ready program.)  

tl;dr not all arts degrees are created equal, the better ones include mandatory practical experience.  

The People 

Secondly, the people teaching your degree. I have thoughts (Thoughts, I tell you) on education as a collaborative effort, which I’ll just boil down to this: your teachers matter. The people you learn alongside with matter. You don’t learn in a vacuum, and yes, while you’re responsible for your education and how much effort you put into readings, assignments, asking questions, and so on, your teachers and tutors play an essential role in how you absorb and understand the material. If you’ve got a lecturer who reads slides out at a catatonic audience, that’s… not helpful. If your course coordinator gives you one-sentence replies to lengthy, well-considered questions, that’s… also not helpful. But if a teacher can engage you with what you’re learning no matter the subject, you’re more likely to develop a genuine interest in it and to do well. Good lecturers and tutors crop up in unexpected places and often at random, and the best way to find them is through word of mouth. In employability terms, these teachers make for sterling referees. If you get to know them enough, they’ll happily vouch for you.

This answer has gotten ridiculously long but I hope it addressed and assuaged any doubts you may have had.

[marie-dufresne]

Marie-mun, you've mentioned your husband is a musician and from what I gathered (correct me if I'm wrong), he supports you and your son? I really want to pursue my music for a career but I'm scared to take that leap. You make me feel like I could do it. Any advice?

Yes, Mr. Frenchie is a musician and he is by far the breadwinner. The bacon bringer homer.

I can, and will, give you a full lowdown on how it works for us but let me just tell you right off the bat that there are some ah, extra, things that really helped drive his career along.

1. He’s a musical prodigy. It helps. A lot lol.

2. He’s a people person. Again, this helps a  l o t.

3. He went from living the bachelor life to having a new girlfriend and a babu on the way in a span of 3 months so. There was a very strong fire under his butt that motivated him. That helped a lot.

4. He plays multiple instruments {piano, guitar, bass, vocals, and organ professionally, mandolin and uke he can teach but doesn’t play out}

I also want to say before I begin that everything I’m about to say isn’t a requirement to have a career as a musician, it’s just what he does to support his family and also to give us the lifestyle we want. (we like nice things and we aren’t ashamed to admit it.) You may not have a family to support. You might not live in an area where buying a house is sensible. You might be a minimalist. Who knows, I don’t, but I’ll still do my best to help maybe clear your brains up a bit.

One thing (and most career musicians will tell you the same thing) that you need to know is there is no one-and-done as far as music goes. Unless you’re a sound engineer or schoolteacher or  something, very few “music” jobs pay a livable salary. Performance jobs especially as I imagine this is what you’re referring to.

Because there is no one-and-done, prepare to work odd hours, drive or commute otherwise a lot, and also be asked “what’s your real job”. a  l o t.  So. How to pay your bills on your music career? Here are some options for you, built out of literally everything Mr. Frenchie does. {read more for obscene length lmao}

Gigs:

The first and most obvious answer. For this, you will have to pay your dues. 4 hour gigs @ $50-75 a pop, bringing all of your own sound equipment and possibly playing to 4 drunks passed out on the tables. DO IT. Make friends with the bartenders. Make friends with management. Make friends even with those guys at the tables. You never know who has connections to better paying jobs. You never know.  {Mr. Frenchie has gotten jobs playing private birthday parties @ $700+ for two hours from making friends with people at shitty bars. GET IN WITH THE PEOPLE.}

This will suck at first. It will suck so hard and you will be tired, and you will probably hate the music you’re playing and if you have a s/o at home they will be annoyed and frustrated at times. It’s okay. It’s part of the job.

But here’s the thing. Don’t get stuck in these gigs. Regardless of the music you like, learn everything. Learn one hit wonders for the has-been hotties at the bar. Learn classic rock, learn country, learn the songs everyone is so fucking sick of hearing. Learn top 40 pop tunes, learn jazz standards, learn 40’s and 50’s ballads. Learn holiday music. Learn traditional music (traditional Irish tunes are what’s popular here) LEARN IT ALL.

The more songs you have in your repertoire, the more versatile you’ll be. You don’t want to get offered a gig at an elderly community brunch (sounds snoozy but trust me, those people are some of the most fun and tip well ;) ) and have to turn it down because all you know is Glam Rock and a couple U2 tunes. Trust me.

If you work at it, you will reach a point where you can turn down those $50 gigs. You’ll get to a point where you can say no to anything that doesn’t pay your minimum + bar tab & food. Though gigging is not Mr. Frenchie’s main income, he does love to do it. He rarely plays out at bars and is now doing upscale restaurants and local bay cruises instead. :)

Meeting people at gigs is a good way to get Cocktail Hour jobs at weddings as well. This is something Mr. Frenchie only does here and there as it often interferes with his salary job, but the pay is good. :)

Teaching:

One of the main parts of our household income. Private lessons aren’t exactly “performance” but they pay. Lessons privately (on your own, outside of a studio) will obviously pay more, but if you don’t have a name in the music industry of your area yet, I highly recommend poking around at music schools/studios looking for instructors.

Teaching is a much steadier source of income than gigs (as most bars and restaurants either rotate or “call when they need you”), but unlike gigs, it’s not for everyone. You can be a great musician and a poor teacher. This is the area where “being a people person” helps the most lol. Having a strong grasp of music theory also greatly helps in this area.

Teaching also opens windows to networking. People who put their kids in music lessons tend to be on the upper end of the pay grade (generally, not always), as it is an expensive activity. As you build a relationship with your students and thus their parents, you might find yourself hired for live music at their restaurants, cocktail hours for older children’s weddings, or of course, referrals to you as a music teacher for children of their friends. (currently Mr. Frenchie has a waiting list of parents who will not put their child with any instructor except him, but his teaching schedule is full up right now)

Musically Directing:

This one is probably one of the more difficult things to do, depending on your skill level. Musically directing local musicals is not easy or quick, but the pay is usually pretty good, and if you’re into musicals it’s a lot of fun. Of course, as you’re required to work with the full cast, you’d have to have knowledge of:

a. how musicals work

b. the show you’re musically directing

c. vocals (you’re essentially a voice coach for a large part of it)

d. conducting a pit band.

This though is the area I know the least about in regards to what he does, to be honest. All I know is that during a show I basically never see him because he’s at rehearsal 4x a week on top of everything else on this list lmao. That and his struggles with cast members who simply will not practice.

If directing doesn’t seem like your bag, musicals are always looking for pit musicians! Check in with colleges and universities for these opportunities first, as most community theaters tends to have “their people” and likely won’t hire without prior experience or “knowing a guy”.

Music Ministry:

This is our biggest loaf of bread.

This particular loaf of bread though, is definitely not for everyone. One thing to know though is that you don’t actually need to be a person of faith to acquire a music ministry job, though it um, obviously helps. It not only helps get you hired, but you’ll have a better grasp on what you’re doing as well as the reverence the Mass (or other service depending on which direction you take) deserves.

The thing about music ministry though, is if you can find a place of worship in need of a music director in the right place, you can get…

…

BENEFITS.

B E N E F I T S.

That’s right, my friend. Healthcare, vacation time, 401k, life insurance, the whollleeee kit and caboodle. I, of course, can only speak for the Catholic churches (as this is where Mr. Frenchie works), and even then, as he’s worked for several, only some have the financial stability to offer benefits. (though if the church has a school attached, your children can attend at reduced or 0 tuition! :D Our parish… does not have a school lmao, but he’s been offered jobs at some that do.)

Now this of course is also for the position of a music director. If you don’t qualify for this but wish to contribute in other ways (guitarist, violinist, cantor etc etc), you’ll most likely still receive a stipend, but you probably won’t be considered a “full time” employee as your responsibilities are literally just showing up and playing or singing lol.

One thing that music ministry does open the door for (especially on the off chance you’re an organist! You aren’t? Get yourself some lessons, stat), is funerals. Funerals are a really really good source of income, depending on the location, typically $125-200 per. (Again, speaking solely for Catholic funeral Masses) So if you’ve got a grasp on how a Mass works and can learn yourself some hymns, put your name in.

Music directors, of course, will get first refusal for funerals and weddings but there are a ton of times they either can’t or they’re on vacation or any other number of reasons and churches really like to keep lists of people who can fill in. If you do well, and you make connections in the ministry world, friends will refer you and your network will grow and grow. It’s also a good way to be in people’s ear in the event music director jobs open up (if you’re waiting on one) and to get offered one. :)

There was one point Mr. Frenchie was playing weekly across 3 parishes, plus College Campus Ministry on Sunday nights but we’ve finally managed to get it down to just our home parish where he is the music director, though he will take funerals from any parish that comes calling so long as there’s room in his schedule for it. 

—

Okay I think that’s everything. Through all this he works easily 60-90hrs/week, commuting roughly 3 hours a day on average.

Hopefully I didn’t discourage you hahahaha but I didn’t want to just say “oh yes if you work hard enough you can totally do it!!

If you’re ride or die set on having a career solely on music you’ve written, you’re definitely in for a bad time, but if you open yourself up to literally everything on your journey to promote yourself, you might find some things you really enjoy doing all while supporting yourself and kicking the starving artist trope to the curb. :)

[lilietsblog]

one punch man 10-12: the aliens

huh its episode 10 already man this anime is so short is it flashback time yet?

hi terrible Godzilla oh yeah its the S class introduction time

gotta love that theres actually competent military in this anime why is it such a rare thing jfc

seriously tho Saitama's superpower is NOT superstrength, that's just now how physics works I think he has sped up perception, and I suspect he had that to a degree even before he started his training, judging from how easily he managed to take on the crab guy, if not all of it but what his strength training gave him (awakened in him?) was basically reality warping no wonder he's bored: he ACTUALLY REALLY doesn't have to put any kind of effort into his punches, as it's not his physical strength that's doing any work there, it's literally reality bending to accomodate him that has got to suck reality warping ennui I love my egg son

I love how all of these monsters demand acknowledgement and don't just try and step on pesky human distractions that ignore them

okay yeah this dude did end up just trying to step on her

man Tornado is freakishly powerful and that's amazing

HI OLD MAN DUDE OMG SAITAMA AND GENOS ARE HERE

Genos oh come on you really should learn some self-defense actually

this sounds like an anime reference I'm not getting

I love that Silverfang at least appreciates Saitama's actual power

and Genos is just inviting Saitama to tag along this is adorable

I love how completely fucking extra all the heroes are and how ridiculous Saitama's low key normalcy looks by contrast

poor Tornado she's amazing but since she's only summoned for appropriate level threats it's not even interesting to be amazing

Watchdog Man is amazing

man you are so dramatic maybe start with explanations jfc there is no logic to this order of operations SAITAMA GOT HIS TEA IT'S FROM STARBUCKS IT'S HILARIOUS awww I love this cute lil bad boy who skipped his lil sis's piano recital )=

madame Shibabawa CHOKED ON A COUGHING PILL

poor Saitama not knowing anything I love how casual he is about asking what he doesn't know I wouldn't have managed >_>

you call it right Child Emperor this is very ridiculous granted the meeting holder dude is probably right but he's being very ineffectual about it

Saitama jfc why

IM REALLY GLAD HE GOT INTERRUPTED

oh yeah this is a completely irrelevant bunch of baddies isnt it

OH YEAH THESE ARE THE ACTUAL BAD GUYS GEE 'IN THE NEXT SIX MONTHS' SURE DID TURN OUT TO BE SOON so yeah thats why the meeting holder dude was right

I love how much attention this anime cares to pay to civilians in trouble

man guys you should have hidden in that rut together instead of getting out

the knight guy is awesome

man thats... not all of city A that was destroyed

ahaha Saitama didn't wait for everyone my socially awkward egg acts on his own out of sync with anything <3 i can relate so much

man my favorite thing about this final fight is that it's going to involve collaboration it's not just 'Saitama saves the day' because he's just one person like with the fish king, Saitama was only able to save anyone because other heroes were there first and here there are multiple battles to be fought these dudes are important too

wow his stump sure isn't bleeding out

hey the swords at least slow the monster down that's not nothing

man this samurai dude is hella cool this entire squad is hella cool footsoldiers are important and I love this anime

I love that the kids are in front here it's a terrible idea and yet in context who's going to say no

jfc King you are way too fast to give up

sorry Genos this is a child

I love the peacemaker dude tho

ahaha Saitama is already inside I love him

oh dude you sure are confident in yourself

SAITAMA IS SPREADING DESTRUCTION a thing he's good at

man this guy's design is SO TOTALLY A REFERENCE

...so the flashback stuff is probably side material that I haven't downloaded isn't it

whatever, I'll just continue the liveblog

man this ending is nice it's just pure aesthetic, and it's such a nice grounding one the Earth that Saitama lives on, which is the same one we all do

hi humanization of the enemy to them, Saitama is the kaiju and yeah he kinda is reality warping powers do that

aww Saitama is not very good at finding vital parts of the ship to destroy eh

Saitama makes for an awesome creepypasta really an unstoppable juggernaut

...I really want OPM to become an endless shounen series it's worth it and it has political setup enough for SO MUCH to happen it features a cast FULL of people very ready for exploration and convoluted plots the first season feels like BARELY A PROLOGUE in what could be the grand scheme of thing

GUYS THE FUCK YOU DOING THERE PLEASE EVACUATE

hi Hammerhead!!! I love you!!! omfg is that your actual first name oooomg

omfg THIS GUY I LOVE YOU TOO I REMEMBER AND LOVE YOU

this show's unwillingness to kill anyone off IS AWESOME

hi Sonic <3 I still love your oni face

I love that the knight guy looks middle aged with wrinkles and all

YOO NICE OJI-SAN

GOOD JOB DISRUPTING COMMUNICATIONS BOI

GO SAITAMA WRECK SHIT

I LOVE THE BAD BOY HERO SO MUCH REALLY I LOVE THIS ENTIRE SQUAD AND THE MUSIC IS EPIC AND THE KNIGHT KEEPS WORRYING I LOVE HIM

sorry coordinator dude that's S class heroes for you

welp bye bye dude that's the batter figuring shit out <3

man poor coordinator dude he's trying his best

I love Saitama and his low key shit I love how the navigator TRIES HIS BEST Saitama is ONE SMART COOKIE oh man this dude can actually look hella intimidating

yeah the downside of telekinesis as a combat power is that you still need to have something to telekinesis unless you can just straight up telekinesis your foes i guess

oh hey gravity manipulation nice

sorry due Saitama's power is basically no sell of any other powers its kinda sad

ahaha hes breaking his own ship now

man this supreme telekinetic power sure isn't used to actual direct combat ....yeah he's ridiculously weak kidna

awww cute lil aliens

awww Child Emperor! <3

ah yes! this is what Tornado is for!

and Mumen Rider on the ground you is good job!!! i love that they give him spotlight so fucking much you have no idea this really is an anime exploring the idea of heroes

AW YIS MY GIRL FUCKING WRECK EM THIS IS EFFICIENT COOPERATION

AND TORNADO TRASH TALKS THEM YOU TELL EM GIRL YOU DESERVE THIS GLOAT

guys with indirect powers wait for guys with direct powers to give them a chance

AW YIS SMALL FRY HEROES COMING TO SEARCH&RESCUE THIS IS HOW IT SHOULD BE

I'm still amazed the Knight is still alive guess his power is some sort of invulnerability/healing

dude if you forget the defense and focus on attack they still outnumber you this would have worked better when you still had many heads

AW YEAH BOSS ENCOUNTER (SUCH A REFERENCE)

SAITAMA LOOKING DANGEROUS AS FUCK GOD JOB YOU IS

Saitama is like a white hole infinite energy he just makes his own

I love how Saitama is still not used to the change of his status from hobbyist to professional it's the small details that make it <3

ahh and this is the kind of fight Saitama wanted isn't it?

haha twenty years yeah strength training had fuckall to do with it Saitama had this potential since babyhood

I LOVE SAITAMA'S COMMON SENSE YOU CAN'T JUST GO AROUND ATTACKING SHIT TO ALLEVIATE BOREDOM HE'S FAMILIAR WITH THIS PROBLEM VERY MUCH

I LOVE THE EGG SHOT JFC <33333333

man Saitama's low key-ness looks really badass here best egg

I love that Saitama's movement isn't even running particularly well, it's just walking really really fast

awww Saitama's come to not expect much by now <3

haha sorry dude you're now match for Tornado's firepower hope she's got some way to watch out for civilians would be invaluable for search&rescue if she were free for it rn

oh hey Drive Knight there sure are lots of knights here huh

oh and it was Metal Knight who destroyed the town huh was he the dude who came in to test his weaponry against the meteor?

yup dude sorry outnumbered

so guys you might want to get the fuck out from under the ship now

I love the badass opening music this is Saitama's true potential too bad the plot isn't about it

lol I love how they both have pretty low expectations for each other

this dude is about to bring down his own ship heh

OMG SAITAMA DIDN'T NO SELL THAT THAT'S PRETTY AMAZING sorry dude Saitama has power beyond his own conception too

yeah you can heal yourself but Saitama wasn't hurt

man his pants are baggy and look hilarious

wow holy fuck and Saitama's method of surviving is ragdoll roll with it as much as possible I do that in the car to avoid motion sickness on bumpy roads

AND YEP HERE IT IS SAITAMA IS ON THE MOON HAHAHAHA HE IS NOT BREATHING AND THERE IS NO SOUND SAITAMA ARE YOU GOING TO PUSH MOON OUT OF ITS ORBIT NOPE JUST DESTROY A CHUNK OF SURFACE

aww hey dude vulnerable after all where Saitama just isn't

sorry Tornado you're awesome but that wasn't you

this dude is strong but he isn't Saitama fast he's not even Sonic fast just very strong

CONSECUTIVE NORMAL PUNCHES NICE NOT ENOUGH STILL SAITAMA MUST BE SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW (and yet vaguely dissatisfied still because something in his brain chemistry still isn't making this as awesome as it should have been)

I love Saitama's creative names Serious Punch

I love that Saitama never taunts, never doesn't talk to his foes he doesn't dehumanize them, ever

well yeah okay that was pretty curb stomp sorry dude but you still entertained Saitama more than anyone else ever managed to

I hope poor little alien crew members survive alright ^^;

aww and the master picks up his knight

TORNADO CAN'T YOU HOLD THE SHIP A LITTLE well whatever

oh hey Amai Mask who the fuck even are you dude what the fuck shut up? I love the bad boy he's saying it like it is dude they literally saved the Earth and everything that wasn't wiped out in a single strike???

Amai is an actual supervillain here isn't he

mm he could be S rank I see

oh hey Metal Knight there sure are a lot of supervillains holed up at the top of the Hero Organization huh well I mean it makes as much sense as anything to recruit anyone sane enough to come in

ALIEN SURVIVORS <3

WHAT THE FUCK AMAI WHY LOCAL LIGHT YAGAMI OR WHAT

awww Genos really has found balance with Saitama

so is Saitama already home or what ah nope there he is <3

Tornado you naive muffin

OMFG SAITAMA IS ABSOLUTELY HELPLESS IN SOCIAL SITUATIONS AND CALLS GENOS IN FOR HELP THEY ARE SUCH GREAT PARTNERS

'history-making events, the top stories for days' yeah i guess in this kind of world there's nothing to do but keep reconstructing and ignore the losses )=

OPTION TO LIVE AT HEADQUARTERS YEAH THAT REALLY NEEDED TO BE A THING ALREADY

anyway I love this anime

[kdollmarie23]

Haven't done one of these in awhile

This could be fun or extremely sad 1: Name• keisha 2: Age • twenty freaking six 3: 3 Fears • spiders, car accident, heights 4: 3 things I love• animals, cosmetology, singing 5: 4 turns on• tattoos, androgyny, intelligence, manners, thighs. 6: 4 turns off• drugs, no sense of direction, mean, 7: My best friend• my cat and dog lol…. wow that sounds lame. 8: Sexual orientation• bisexual 9: My best first date• I’ll never tell 😽 10: How tall am I • 5'3" 11: What do I miss• free health insurance 12: What time was I born • midnight 13: Favorite color• green 14: Do I have a crush• yea 15: Favorite quote• idk 16: Favorite place• anywhere near the ocean 17: Favorite food• Thai 18: Do I use sarcasm• pretty much everything I say is sarcastic 19: What am I listening to right now• some weird ass movie on the tv. 20: First thing I notice in new person• their hair, what they’re wearing, and their smile. 21: Shoe size• 7 ½-8 22: Eye color• hazel brown/green lol 23: Hair color• right now it’s cool copper/ brown 24: Favorite style of clothing• feminine polished grunge 25: Ever done a prank call? Not since 8th grade 27: Meaning behind my URL• at one point I was loveable, and I also loved cupcakes 28: Favorite movie• dirty love and beaches 29: Favorite song• you’re not alone by Saosin 30: Favorite band• the used and knuckle puck 31: How I feel right now• mehhh 32: Someone I love• my girlfriend 33: My current relationship status• in a relationship 34: My relationship with my parents• complicated 35: Favorite holiday• Halloween 36: Tattoos and piercing i have• 7 tattoos, ear piercing and Monroe 37: Tattoos and piercing i want• nipples and lighthouse haha 38: The reason I joined Tumblr• to keep in touch Jainna, and find cool pictures for my myspace that no one else had back in middle school 😹 39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? I don’t hate her. 40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? Yea, my gf gets up way earlier than me and texts me “good morning” around the time I wake up. Haha it’s cute. 41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? That would be my boss, and heck no. 42: When did I last hold hands? I few minutes ago ❤ 43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? It feels like it takes for freaking ever, I need a good 2-3 hours or else I look like a monster. 44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? Surprisingly yes! Although I wish I hadn’t because it’s fucking cold out. 45: Where am I right now? In my living room. 46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? I would be home and in bed If that were the case. I don’t trust anyone lol 47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? Loud 48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? Neither since I was 15. 49: Am I excited for anything? I’m excited for the two news jobs I just started. I am now a freaking talent director for a modelingagency lol and back to doing hair! 50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? No 51: How often do I wear a fake smile? Pretty much every day if I’m working hahaha 52: When was the last time I hugged someone? Today 53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? I unfortunately wouldn’t be shocked at this point. 54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? Yes 55: What is something I disliked about today? I had a good day today. 56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Uhmm… I’d like to meet a pleiadian in human form, if they don’t exist, then I’d like to meet Britney Spears lol 57: What do I think about most? Lately my career path, family, and making my relationship work. 58: What’s my strangest talent? I can sing and do the splits! Hahaha is that strange enough? 59: Do I have any strange phobias? Fucking spiders…. ugh…. 60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Both 61: What was the last lie I told? I have no idea, prolly that I wasn’t hungry or some shit lol 62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? Video chatting is becoming a lot more fun, but phone if my hair isn’t done. 63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Ghosts idk, aliens yes 64: Do I believe in magic? What kind? 65: Do I believe in luck? Idk I just broke a mirror so….. 66: What’s the weather like right now? Cold as fuck in march 67: What was the last book I’ve read? #GIRLBOSS 68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? Not really 69: Do I have any nicknames? Kiwi 70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? I have never really been injured by anything…. oh, actually, Dorothy from my 5th class kicked me in the shin while playing soccer in gym class and that felt awful…. like thinking back I can still feel it. Ouch. 71: Do I spend money or save it? I freaking LOVE spending money, but I know I need to save it because I’m an adult and I need to be responsible. 72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue? Just tried, nope. 73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? Oh yea 74: Favorite animal? Cats 75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? Going over notes for my new job 76: What do I think Satan’s last name is? Uhm idk 77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? I believe by nicko vega 78: How can you win my heart? I don’t have one anymore 79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? I don’t know, always laugh or some shit 80: What is my favorite word? Namaste 81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr? There is more to Tumblr than just my page and my newsfeed???!! Lol 82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? Everyone should stop eating like shit because processed foods cause cancer and you need more veggies so go try some! 83: Do I have any relatives in jail? Idk 84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? Wow what timing, I would be able to go invisible 85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? If I was attracted to them lol 86: What is my current desktop picture? My pets 87: Had sex? Well of course 88: Bought condoms? Yea, practicing safe sex is important. 89: Gotten pregnant? No 90: Failed a class? College class 91: Kissed a boy? Yeah 92: Kissed a girl? Yes yes yes, finally 93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? Ya❤❤❤ 94: Had job? Yep 95: Left the house without my wallet? Prolly 96: Bullied someone on the internet? Lol yes 😞 sorry bout that 97: Had sex in public? Haha yea 98: Played on a sports team? Yes I was terrible 99: Smoked weed? Yea 100: Did drugs? No 101: Smoked cigarettes? Yes, I just quit yesterday 102: Drank alcohol? Yes 103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? Multiple times, I love steak and burgers too much 104: Been overweight? I think I am now 105: Been underweight? Nope, I wish 106: Been to a wedding? Yes, I love weddings 107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Today 108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? Yes 109: Been outside my home country?Do the Bahamas count? 110: Gotten my heart broken? Unfortunately so 111: Been to a professional sports game?Like a legit football and hockey game, yes 112: Broken a bone? No 113: Cut myself?Ya 114: Been to prom? I actually went to 4 proms, 3 with the same guy and my senior prom with someone else 😸 I love dressing up. 115: Been in airplane?Yaaaaasssss 116: Fly by helicopter?No, but I've had sex in one .... secret never have I ever question! 117: What concerts have I been to?Omg sooo many! I love concerts 118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? Oh yea 119: Learned another language?In the process 120: Wore make up?Everyday 121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? 16 lol 122: Had oral sex? I mean yea 123: Dyed my hair?Si 124: Voted in a presidential election?I did! I voted for Gary Johnson because there is no way in hell I was voting for Trump or Hillary 125: Rode in an ambulance?When I was six 126: Had a surgery?Tonsils removed 127: Met someone famous?Some band members and Delilah in NYC!!!! 128: Stalked someone on a social network?My secret crush 129: Peed outside?Only when I was camping or wasted 130: Been fishing? Yea, i suck at this, and deep sea fishing almost killed me.... I just like to lay out and tan and enjoy the scenery 131: Helped with charity?Yes, cuts for a cause and habitat for humanity 132: Been rejected by a crush? Yea, maybe I'm a weirdo, but now I have a gf so who cares 133: Broken a mirror? Yea I literally just broke one this week, and my week has been going great since, not gonna lie! 134: What do I want for birthday? A new car

[everyoneneedsalisteningear]

Dear Friend, 

i am currently on leave for 2 days by accident due to medical appointment rescheduling. I am so happy to be well rested, but also so wrecked and chest-hurting by the end of the day once distractions are gone. I won’t see it as a bad thing though.

There are a few things which i would like to address and put out here, just because i think keeping it to myself in a clusterfuck of mess in my head is not useful at all, and counselling is too expensive to let her listen to my rambles and it should ideally be more on the “active” side where she can use her experience and knowledge and guidance to help me. 

Firstly its the guilt and all that i’ve felt over the weekend and today because i have not done any work at all. I really had a strong urge to cry last night, but in the end i realised its not actually worth crying about. My trigger last night was out of self-pity and guilt, that i am a useless human being as i didn’t manage to get any work done over the weekend nor do anything “productive” like work or chores or errands and all. But i do think that there are many other things that i have achieved, such as meeting with a close friend, spending alot of time with family, resting, dabbling in hobbies like skincare, shopping, musuem hopping, dressing up, makeup, games, delicious food and videos etc. Then i realised that i spent the weekend the way it was meant to be spent - for rest and recuperation. 

Sorry my mother is talking in an excessively loud voice and i’m getting riled up just by the sound of it. She pointed a very aggressive finger at me just a few hours ago ordering me to clean up a table we have in the room and i just thought it was so rude, so i just ignored her. No one should ever point a finger in your face. 

Okay i have put on earphones and listening to soothing music. 

I was sharing with my close friend during our meet-up, that everything in my life culminates on me passing my probation at work, because without my job, my 4 years in university would be wasted, and i would have to pay back 50k worth of scholarship bond, find a new job, and start anew in another place (provided i even get hired, because the reason of losing my job would be due to incompetence). And without a salary - i can’t pay insurance, i can’t pay allowance to my parents, i can’t buy clothes or skincare or any of the lifestyle i even have now or in the future. Literally i won’t be able to have a life or a future if i don’t pass probation. I thought of putting down a list of feedback that have been given to me over the last few months as to the main things i need to work on to pass probation - just to give me a sense of direction and that i am doing something wrt this life-or-death moment, instead of simply relying on experience and that “it will be okay” like i used to with day-to-day work. 

because i’ve been dreading work so much and i actually find acting professional very tiring and draining, i’ve been considering many things - whether this job is something i can do for decades or if i’m even cut out for working (which i know, is a weird ass thing to think about but i really feel that way)

my journey with probation has been a rocky one. Seniors have tried understanding, tried shadowing, tried feedbacking+++, stressing me out+++, or just leaving me to it. i tried to stress myself out, i tried to overwork myself saying that as long as i work hard, things will work out (it didn’t, it got worse as i made more careless mistakes), i tried to listen and emulate everybody i saw, i contemplated suicide, i tried meditation, i tried sleeping pills, i took MCs from breakdowns, i tried talking with family and friends (some helpful some not), i tried different mindsets - “its just work” vs “i nEED to do this” vs “let me just survive” vs “i need to do my best for patients!!” vs “i am already doing my best” and all. Recently i think i have to create a better work-life personality barrier as if not, i will die and burnout. 

its just - on one hand, passing my probation to be in this profession for decades to come is the most important thing, but at the same time, i don’t really want it to be the rest of my life. i cannot imagine myself struggling like this day-to-day everyday, forever. Because once i get good at one area, i get moved up to the next level. So i am just forever struggling. i don’t know if i can take this. i used to think i wanted a career that constantly challenges me intellectually and requires a personality that i would respect, and surround myself with people who are mostly kind-hearted and want to do morally correct things. But just to even THINK about going back to work on Wednesday and having to put on the “professional front” and having this hectic lifestyle where people keep expecting you to get everything done in a short amount of time, look unfazed and shit whilst dealing with such high stakes, i just don’t know if i want this to be my life anymore. On paper, in terms of ideals, it did seem like the best idea, but i don’t know now. 

Previously, before my previous counselling session, I did find something that binded me to this profession abit better - setting a long-term goal within the profession. For me, i thought of moving to a different type of work environment though still in the same profession - one that is less stressful and contains more of the type of work i am interested in achieving with patients (at least what i can tell from my ~1 year in this profession). I also thought of doing graduate studies abroad - to specialise, and also to gain some abroad experience. Ideally and if i see things from above, this profession still has alot to offer to my soul. But the day-to-day ground work is so energy-sapping and just..... so draining, that i don’t know if i can tolerate this. I do wonder if its just a matter of resilience, but i just see how long i have tolerated my poor mental health of undiagnosed and untreated anxiety and depression to the point of multiple suicide thoughts for YEARS, and i don’t think my resilience is that bad. At least - i think i managed to see the purpose in life or that it was just too troublesome or effortful to die lol over the few years. But resilience in a high-stress, high-speed environment where you have to make quick decisions of high-stakes.... tbh this is the very reason why i didn’t choose a few other professions. I wanted a more easy going job but also meaningful and within this sector. But in order to get there - to move on to a different work environment... i need to survive this bond.....is it even worth it? I want to think back to when i was in school - how much drive i had to help people achieve their goals and the creativity and personal bond it took to achieve that. I frequently wondered what happened in my current work environment that caused such poor results sometimes - but seeing the conditions for myself, i understand why - many things are out of our control and we can only do what we can. There is a skill i want to perfect and master here as that will be useful down the road (”DP”). I will draw out a mindmap tomorrow. 

Things to do to pass probation:

- Collate feedback

- DP flowchart

- SF6

okay i’m done with the above. 

i feel that i’ve been so harped up about passing fucking probation that i have no life. its just very annoying because my parents are still telling me to be productive - day and night. And what they define as productive is work (they know i need to pass probation and shit coz my stressed out self vents sometimes) and chores. Then they tell me today (where i have literally rested the whole damn day) that they have never seen me smile so much and be so happy. Well wanna guess why? ? It’s annoying when you realise they have been telling you this shit since you were a kid, no wonder i always feel so fucking guilty whenever i take breaks or decide to put my own happiness before “productivity”. 

It’s dumb though, because no matter how much i worry and THINK that “I HAVE TO PASS PROBATION” and all that, there’s no point if i’m not actually doing anything about it. And i think i stressed myself out (also my seniors and my parents stressed me out) so much that i’m so scared that i will breakdown or even entertain the idea that i might fail, that i don’t even dare to do anything about it. So i’m just glad i finally made that list above. 

It would also be good if i firstly, stopped using words like “need” and “should” (i just edited the start of this sentence haha), but also that i solidify my long-term goal abit better. Do i intend to be an educator as well? 

Thing is, the progression in my profession is so hierachical and systematic, that its pretty standard for all new joinees. But i don’t really want to go down this route. I wish i didn’t join my current workplace now. This is not what i intended to do - i wanted to work in other types of environment since the start when i considered doing this for a living. But now i need to go through this system for 4 years and not get fired or burnt out to the point of committing suicide, or i will be in debt and rely on my parents again (and also, making everyone start to worry about me again and treat me like a child again.) sounds sucky as fuck. 

I’ll just take this as “good learning opportunity” and i will leave once my bond is up. Because all these knowledge and skills are still useful for future. The knowledge definitely is able to carryover, and in terms of skills - multitasking, DP like i mentioned above, keeping calm in high-stakes decisions, PR, planning (time, resources) and teamwork, i think these are all carryover material. 

I just need to keep reminding myself of my time during student days (2,3,4) and volunteering days. That’s what got me into the profession, and that will allow me to see further than tomorrow to survive for..

And other personal counselling thingos: Having my own opinions and thoughts, and standing up for them. Is a thing i want to cultivate. Reducing self-doubt and all. Perhaps I can try the whole accepting the cause and all, maybe that will help with mitigating the damages like my counsellor mentioned last session. Anyway that is her strong point. Might as well get value for money. Perhaps even things like what i comment on YT, or here on tumblr, things i like/dislike - these are all aspects of my own opinions and beliefs already. Perhaps this is worth diving into. 

Thanks for sorting things out with me! We will be lifelong friends. 

[averagelizajane-blog]

Counting Blessings

It’s nearly 11pm on Thursday and my eyes hurt I’m so sleepy.  I’m angry because I’ve been up since 5am and going NONSTOP; I passed exhausted on Monday and hit zombie-teacher-mom-tired by Tuesday night. As usual, my two kids were in bed by 9pm, but I’m forced to stay awake until 11pm, again, tonight, as I do every night, night after night, every.single.day.  

I can’t remember the last time I wrote a blog.  Life took over.  I’ve been REALLY wanting to sit down and share an update, but between starting a newish job (8th Grade English) and juggling the typical everyday grind – I haven’t been able to make it happen.  

So why now?  What made me actually sit down in front of my computer … It’s NOVEMEBER!  My favorite month due to Thanksgiving & Prematurity Awareness Month!  AAAANNNNDDDD, even though I am struggling A LOT with my sleep, my weight, my organization, my parenting skills, and my overall wellness, I have much to celebrate.  I was reminded of the extent of my blessings tonight when I pushed Anne-Marie’s two nighttime medications into her feeding tube, and I use the term “pushed” literally! There was a time when we couldn’t actually push the syringe down with any kind of tiny force.  We would need to gently and SLOWLY move the top of the syringe down very carefully because the smallest amount of anything into her stomach would cause her to vomit. Now, I give her medicines as quick as possible so I can get to bed!  So, as I sit here and think of ALL we have overcome in just three and half short years, I cannot help but get a little emotional.  

 A RECAP

My second daughter Anne-Marie is a miracle.  

I used to hesitate using the term miracle (I actually didn’t like it) because I never felt like I “deserved” one.  As ridiculous as it sounds, I felt that God couldn’t possibly perform a miracle in my life.  I was raised going to church, but that didn’t equate to being spiritually mature or confident in my knowledge of God.  I knew the basics, but that’s it.  Therefore, I knew God doesn’t only work miracles for “good” people, he sees everyone as worthy … but I couldn’t help but feel inadequate.  It is extremely difficult to put into words, but the best way I can describe it is I felt God had way more important prayers to answer than mine.  Almost 4 years ago when I had a life-threatening pregnancy complication (preeclampsia with HELLP syndrome) and had a premature baby, I very much felt more “lucky” than the recipient of a miracle.  

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

I did have faith and I did wholeheartedly pray for a miracle, but I was unable to TRULY believe 100% that my prayers would be answered; I was scared my baby would die. Anne-Marie was born at 25 weeks gestation.  She weighed 14.8 ounces.  She was 10 inches long.  In other words she was smaller than TINY – about the size of my iphone 8 plus with my case.  She had an Apgar score of 2 and it took a skilled neonatal team 5 tries at intubation, but she survived the initial birth.  In addition to her traumatic yet miraculous start, there are several other details from “early on” that stand out as being heaven sent…

**My best friend Maggie saved my life.  Besides being intellectually gifted, she’s intuitive.  She knew what was going on with me and my pregnancy.  When my symptoms and bloodwork became alarming, she made sure I got the care I needed.  I am so naïve, I was going to go to my local hospital.  (Not knocking them at all – but I needed a hospital with a level IV NICU) Maggie insisted I go to Duke.  She’s knowledgeable in her field of women’s health and knew I needed to be monitored at a hospital equipped for a micropreemie delivery.  She sat in on a meeting while I was being admitted and helped put all the pieces of the puzzle together.  Plus, she was the calming presence that can only come from a trusting friend, which was exactly what Bradley and I needed during such a scary time.  Without a shadow of a doubt, Maggie was put into my life so many years ago for several reasons, and I choose to believe one of those reasons was to save my life at age 31.

**Prior to delivery, when I was being monitored like crazy for seizures, I vividly remember laying in my hospital room wide awake (very alert to be on Magnesium Sulfate) praying to God that they wouldn’t deliver Anne-Marie on my Leah’s birthday.  My worst nightmare was for Anne-Marie to not make it and then every year, I’d have a birthday (Leah) and the anniversary of a death on the same day.  Well, once again I am thanking God for unanswered prayers because as it turned out, Anne-Marie did need to be delivered on Leah’s birthday.  It’s actually a pretty cool blessing.  I take it as a pretty big sign from God that He is ultimately in control; I am forever reminded to trust him.  

**Anne-Marie spent nearly 7 months in the NICU.  She was very sick during part of that time.  There is one day in particular that is difficult to think about.  She was about 2 weeks old.  The “honeymoon” phase was over and her breathing wasn’t great. Her team wanted to change her breathing tube out to the next size up.  I don’t really know in medical terms what triggered this event, but I believe she just couldn’t handle the stress of being extubated then reintubated.  I walked into the room and the lights were up bright (unusual) and people were all around her isolette.  A respiratory therapist was bagging her, a was nurse were administering medicine, doctors were having a discussion, the social worker was trying to make me feel comfortable, and a separate nurse was logging everything they were doing into a laptop on a cart (very unusual).  Anne-Marie was unstable.  The medical team was anticipating the worst.  A hospital chaplain came to ask me if I wanted Anne-Marie to be baptized.  That was when everything hit me.  I asked one of her doctors if I should call my husband.  He responded that my daughter was very sick and she could die at any moment. My memories from the rest of the day are a little blurry, but I remember Bradley driving straight from work and being there in his dirty, greasy work uniform. We spent the night (without sleep) in a room off the side of the waiting room because Anne-Marie was in critical condition.  I remember texting everyone who I thought would legit get on their knees and say an honest prayer for Anne-Marie and asking them to PLEASE pray for Anne-Marie.  It is weird feeling, needing something SO SO MUCH, yet being so helpless.  In that moment, when I sincerely knew people were praying for Anne-Marie, me and Bradley, and our situation – a sense of peace came over me – one that can only come from God.

FASTFORWARD (to more miracles!):

It hasn’t always been easy, but Anne-Marie is now thriving.  This is the first time I can actually say that.  Before, when people would ask how Anne-Marie was, I would say, “Great!” only because that was the easiest thing to say.  Now, it is the truth.  Now, Anne-Marie tolerates all her tube feeds; no more vomiting.  She still requires a tube feed every 3 hours and it still takes an hour to complete so a lot of her time is still spent feeding – but at least she isn’t suffering anymore.  (Anne-Marie threw-up multiple times a day for the first couple of years of her life. This is not an exaggeration.  It was extremely sad to witness.) And sure, I have an occasional headache dealing with prescriptions/ insurance/ refills/ pump supplies – but overall it is not too bad, not anything like it used to be. Anne-Marie has made strides in all areas of her development:  She is eating more smooth purees by mouth, tolerating new sensory stimulation easier (loud noises, crowds, hand-washing, brushing teeth, etc.), and, most excitedly, she is TALKING!!  It’s been a LONG time coming, but another prayer has been answered.

This is the most recent picture I have of Anne-Marie.  She is at school celebrating Thanksgiving with her teacher and classmates.

Side-Note (necessary to FULLY grasp the magnitude of this answered prayer):

I am impatient, like really impatient, just ask my husband…  

Call it a mother’s instinct, call me pushy or crazy, I don’t care … but I knew it, I knew Anne-Marie wanted to talk.  I could see it in her eyes.  I read online about Augmentative and Alternative Communication, more specifically, Speech Generating Devices (SGDs), and strongly believed that it was going to be Anne-Marie’s pathway to oral speech.  I was optimistic but sadly, not many of Anne-Marie’s “key players” wanted to listen.  I’d continuously pitch the idea of getting a tablet to help Anne-Marie talk to anyone who would listen: my husband, her teachers, insurance people, her doctors, my friends at work, and even her SLPs, but unfortunately they were all reluctant. All of the non-medical/speech/ educational people would reply with the worst response ever, “She’ll talk, then you’ll want her to shut up!”  (I cringe --- it’s like telling a woman who is having trouble getting pregnant, ohh you just need to relax and it will happen.)  I never took it personally, because I know the individuals meant well, and they didn’t know it would hurt my feelings, but it did nonetheless. Responses like that are hurtful because what if she never talked, that happens you know.  And then when I asked all of the professionals who knew Anne-Marie about SGDs and AAC therapy, they were polite enough, but I never felt 100% heard.  I do not think they were opposed to Anne-Marie having an iPad necessarily, I just feel like their primary focus for Anne-Marie was somewhere else at the time. And to their credit, maybe it should have been.  However, I wanted her to have an iPad to help her talk and I wanted it immediately. She needed it.  When I’d talk to her, I could read her eyes… she had so much going on, so many thoughts, so much to say, but she couldn’t – she didn’t have the right tools…  laminating pictures and using PECS and Velcro just wasn’t cutting it (for Anne-Marie & no pun intended – lol).

So, Anne-Marie had a speech evaluation done at Duke on August 2, 2017.  Even though goals to trial AAC devices and begin AAC therapy were recommended at that evaluation, Anne-Marie did not have her first therapy appointment to late July 2018. For an entire year, I waited while feeling helpless.  The insurance people and the entire staff at Duke’s Speech and Audiology department know me by first name.  I called and appealed and emailed and cried and met face-to-face with a supervisor. I’d give up and quit fighting for what Anne-Marie needed.  I’d doubt myself, then try again.  Month after month.  My only mistake was not trusting God’s timing.  

Anne-Marie got her “talker” in June.  My parents bought it for her out of pocket because we (my mom and I) were determined we could watch YouTube videos and at least make a little progress.  Plus we wanted Anne-Marie to have it when school began in August.  We wanted the whole word to know just how smart she was!  As of the past couple of weeks, Anne-Marie does NOT need her talker! She only needs to have it for breakdowns of communication.  SHE IS TALKING!!  Not just saying sounds à she is actually talking! My daughter can tell me with her sweet voice, “I love you!”

I do not want my message to be misinterpreted – I do not believe AT ALL that the “talker” (Speak for Yourself App) alone was the sole reason for such a rapid progression of oral speech.  Anne-Marie has been in Early Childhood Special Education for the past 1.5 years. She gets speech therapy at school, in a clinic in town, and at Duke which are all HUGE factors! In addition, my mom is like an unofficial 1:1 teacher/OT/PT/SLP wizard who works magic with Anne-Marie.  My mom often scrolls Pinterest and TpT for activities.  She spends many quality hours with Anne-Marie each day. My mom has three drawers in my kitchen crammed full of Anne-Marie’s “Nana’s school” materials. I frequently come home to beans, water beads, pom-poms, etc. on my floor and my mom cutting out a new sorting activity that she has printed off for Anne-Marie.  My mom is a saint in every sense of the word.  She along with Anne-Marie entire village are major pieces to her miracle.

Sooo HAPPY THANKSGIVING to me!  

On this World Prematurity Day, I choose praise God Almighty from Him all blessings flow … and the blessings are bountiful. I choose to focus on what is GOOD as opposed to what is stressful.  Anne-Marie still requires a lot of specialized attention and takes a lot of out of us, BUT…

*I have a spouse who loves me unconditionally

*I have parents who love me and my kids and would do anything within reason for us

*I have an extended support system like no other

*I live in America where my special needs child receives medical assistance

*I have a job that fulfills me

*I have faith & comfort knowing God is with me in troubled waters

*I have an almost 4-year-old who is talking!

*I HAVE A MIRACLE!