#i do the same thing with overwhelming emotions particularly when i'm in a negative situation

[aparticularbandit]

Okay, but like - Ryoko dissociates. A lot.

I didn't realize that's what it is, but whenever she runs into something that's shocking or terrifying or overwhelming, she shuts off and repeats that it has nothing to do with her over and over until it calms her down. Often, it's an intentional sort of numbing herself until she forgets whatever caused the shut off in the first place; once her short term memory loss kicks in and she forgets, she goes back to normal (mostly. ish).

My thing is...if Ryoko is Junko, is this something that Junko also does? Or once did? As Junko separate from Ryoko? As herself? Or is this something unique to Ryoko?

[bolognamayhem117]

Hot Take: Astarion does NOT hate flowers. You just missed a few subtle hints through Act 1 and early Act 3.

Astarion's negativity is directed toward just about anything remotely pleasant as you move through early act three, starting the moment you leave Wyrm's Rock. First thing after Gortash's coronation he marvels near tears at the colors of the city in daylight. If you ask if he's alright, it pisses him off.

There's other instances I can't quite remember but he's a straight crank throughout early Act 3 and it took me several hours of gameplay to have a lightbulb moment about his newly crappier attitude.

He just spent the last two hundred years seeing everything in the overwhelmingly warm dim tones of indoor lighting via sconces, rushlights, and braziers, or the dingy blue gray of moonlight outside. Daylight colors are something he had more than a lifetime to forget and now that he has a chance to remember that vibrancy in his own home town, he knows he's going to have to forget it all over again either by death or by remaining a vampire spawn forever. The worm isn't going to live rent free in his head forever, and killing Cazador to ascend in his place likely feels like an insurmountable and impossible fight against a literal titan who could stomp him flat without a corm of effort.

He doesn't hate flowers, he hates EVERYTHING right now because it's all going away very soon and if he convinces himself he hates everything then he won't miss it when it's all gone again. He was denied this for two hundred years and he's PISSED at what was stolen from him and PISSED it's all going away again.

He behaved similarly in Act 1 about anyone besides him enjoying physical intimacy. Some of this content was cut, to my best knowledge, but the overwhelming majority of his dialog addressing the PC romancing anyone but him are negative or backhanded. This is for two reasons, I think. A: his Simple Plan just dissolved right before his eyes when you chose someone else which in his mind means he has zero safety net, and EVERYONE gets to enjoy sex (key wording being ENJOY, not simply having) except him... And it pisses him off.

He also gleefully interrupts the bug bear and the ogress, I think for the same reason as the above paragraph, being: If he doesn't get to enjoy intimacy neither do they.

He reacts with anger and disgust at anything he's being unfairly denied. Which... That's fair. His feelings are valid, but his reaction to it is pretty shitty and meanspirited.

The other companions I tend to keep in my party, (that is Lae'zel, Halsin, Karlach, and Wyll) however, are actually appearing to behave pretty patiently with him in Act 3 which I find interesting.

In the instance with the flowers Karlach doesn't bother trying to convince him otherwise of his opinion, she just tells him how they make her feel instead and rather than getting snippy or doubling down he more or less agrees to disagree. I also don't recall anyone disagreeing with Astarion during Gale's last quest tasks when he mentioned that he quit praying to gods who wouldn't hear him a long time ago but to be fair, I think the gods did everybody in this crew dirty and they all know it. It seems like they're consciously giving him the space to be mad about things, is what I'm saying.

Everyone I know including myself who crawled out of a long-term hot garbage situation kinda went wild for a bit with freedom, spoke poorly, behaved strangely, had extreme emotional reactions to things, and made some particularly terrible choices. I think that's just a part of recalibrating yourself, healing and learning how to be okay again.

Point is, I wouldn't conflate too many of the turbo-negative things he says with how he actually feels about anything. We certainly know what he says and what he feels are two very different things.

[kailoraurelius]

Great now I gotta re-read your stories cause your hc post made me realize how much I miss and love them 😪 but on that note I am interested to know your favorite tropes or opinions on them other than the iconic “fake-dating AU”!

Enemies to lovers? Forbidden love? Teacher-cop AU? Im certain anything you think of will quite literally turn me into an emotional wreck

Omg I hope they still hold up on a reread! Lol

Oh man, my favorite tropes. I have so many and I have story ideas for every single one. Um. Strap in, this will be a long answer.

Enemies to lovers is a huge one. I really like variations of it too: enemies to lovers, but only one of them knows they're enemies. Enemies to lovers but they don't want to be enemies. Enemies to lovers with a healthy dose of unwilling allies. Just all so good. I love a really good antagonistic relationship that slowly gets pulled apart or turned on its head.

Forbidden love, yes, but usually with that princess and peasant dynamic. Like, we can't be together because of our station.

A very favored trope of mine is the runaway and her pretend reluctant protector. I love a good story where Chloe is on the run from whatever and finds or is sent to Beca, who helps but in a "ugh this is too much work" kinda way. But really Beca is going above and beyond behind the scenes to make sure Chloe is safe. And Chloe is just blasting down emotional walls until she finds that out.

I love a good au of almost any kind, but particularly a Fantasy AU. I've already mentioned it lol but the princess and her knight or the bandit and the miller's daughter. I love, love, LOVE some sword fighting and declarations of love on a battlefield. Pirates and mystical creatures and magic mixed with Beca's awkward, but fiercely protective and loyal nature from the movies. And Chloe’s desperate, overwhelming love for her friends. A perfect recipe. I want it to be just way too many chapters long, possibly never end.

One Has A Kid. I don't often seek out fics with this in it, but I do occasionally find one that is super good and I can't put down. I especially love when the kid's father was either absent or sucked in some way and so the mother is stunned when the new partner is just the opposite of all that. I find it fascinating watching people unlearn negative things. Like a mother who's used to the father of the child scolding the kid for breaking something, getting to see someone react calmly and casually to that. "You didn't mean to, it's okay. No, I'm not mad, it's alright." Obsessed with that dynamic and the way it can both build trust and distrust in the same instant, because it's like "oh that was nice" vs "why are you being so nice". So much fun to write.

Found Family. Find me immediately filling my plate with that at the Fanfic buffet any day.

I like a good hurt/comfort, but usually not if that's the whole fic. I just like it to be a part of it.

We love a "There's only one bed", of course.

And I'll end with a trope I don't think I've seen in a Bechloe work yet, but I would love to, so any recs are appreciated: the arranged marriage trope. Love me some Swan Princess vibes. Maybe they hate each other and grow to realize they actually hate the situation, not each other. Maybe they still hate each other after they're married and begrudgingly grow to respect one another, then like, then love desperately. Delicious. 10/10.

Oh man, this one was very fun to answer lol. My mind is really rolling through all the fics I wanna write 🤣 Thank you so much!!!

[miriossunshine]

Hello! ^^ your blog is so nice!!

May I get a MHA matchup?

I'm female, 19, and asexual. I'm okay with any gender and any character. I'm tall, thin, I have fair/yellowish skin, medium length black hair and I also wear glasses. I'm Gemini and my mtbi is isfp. I'm very caring, understanding and accepting. I'm the "mom" amongst my friends. I'm also very good at giving advice. I don't judge people by their appearance and I'm very good at giving advice and comfort. I'm a very good listener. I don't really talk much. But I can talk a lot when I get really excited. I'm also very shy, and I mean very shy. When meeting people, I can't really talk, I get super nervous and I'm barely able to say hi while looking down. It takes a lot of time to me to get used to new people. For my hobbies, I don't really have any specific, I like to try different things when I get interested but I love listening to all kinds of music and watching anime. I also like sweets.

For my negative traits, I'm sensitive, very emotional and I overthink a lot. I don't really like to talk about my problems. I'm not good at handling crowds and a lot of noise. I get a lot of mood swings. And sometimes keep in my emotions a lot. I also get embarrassed and flustered very easily but sometimes I'd deny it. I'm also bad at approaching people because of my shy nature

I hope that's enough. Thank you for taking your time!

Stay safe and have a nice day/night 💖💘

oh hello!! i’m so glad you made it to our blog!!! ^_^ 💗 i hope you enjoy your matchup!!!

i ship you with:

𝐭𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐢 𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐣𝐢𝐤𝐢!

ur just a couple of shy babes, everyone thinks ur the cutest and most wholesome couple ever tbh 😭

any sort of affection between you two makes the both of you so flustered, especially tamaki. he’s bright red and stuttering any time you compliment him \(//∇//)\ everyone gushes over the way you both blush at any kind of physical contact HSNSKHSSN

tamaki likes extroverts don’t get me wrong, but he much prefers your calm and relatable nature. the fact that you go through the same things he does in social situations helps his self esteem a lot. he feels like he can come to you about anything and you won’t judge him!

your accepting and non judgmental personality relieves him because his quirk embarrasses himself sometimes 😭😭😭 you find his quirk interesting and ask him questions about it, which eases any embarrassment he feels and he’s more than happy to tell you about it!

tamaki gets really overwhelmed and anxious, so he appreciates that you’re so caring and understanding. you both always know what to do when the other is upset! he understands that you don’t like to talk about your problems, and he can pick up on when you’re having a hard time. he approaches it in a way that won’t force you to explain every detail of what’s going on, but will still make you feel better 🥺 (even if that means just keeping you company in peaceful silence!)

when you get excited about something and start to ramble, tamaki stares at you with the most adoring face as he listens to every word you say (*´꒳`*)

tamaki doesn’t particularly enjoy crowds either, he’d much prefer to stay in with you and watch anime or bake some sweets!!! ( ＾∀＾)

^speaking of… after missions, fatgum always sends tamaki home with some desserts for you 💕💕💕💕!!! you and tamaki curl up on the couch and eat them together when he gets home (⌒▽⌒)

[merakiui]

There's an AFTERL!FE blog now! I'm so happy. All of your posts are so good and I love how you write. Would it be possible to get another story about Theo and Nine's rivalry? The way you write them is just so fun and enjoyable to read.

(Thank you so much! I’m very happy that you like my posts. (❁´▽`❁)*✲ﾟ* You may definitely have another story of their rivalry! I had a blast writing it. This can be considered a sequel to Cake, but it can be read as a standalone as well.)

Nerium Oleander (Theo and Nine)

Stalkers are poison ivy. Their victims are innocent trees, who breathe life and fortune into the one who watches them like a hawk. Twining around their limbs like rope and heavy iron and keeping them pinned for all their worth—it’s a display of parasitic infatuation. Love, like any other emotion felt in full, is awfully draining. Day and night, allowing that person to consume your thoughts. Thinking and wondering if they appreciate you just as much as you value them. Wishing that they would notice everything you’ve done for them on the sidelines. Loathing anyone who threatens that nonexistent relationship.

As fate would have it, there are unlucky instances in which love is one-sided.

Theo simply can’t bear the thought of that, so he becomes oleander—a flower blooming in beautiful death. One hint of its aroma can send you to an early grave. Every inch of the inviting flower is bathed in poison, and yet it’s still so gorgeous. Why is it that the ugliest personalities have the prettiest shells? It’s frustrating to know that he has competition. In a setting with nineteen other Reapers, Theo’s got a lot on his plate. Like ivy and oleander, it’s the exterior that fools. A sharp, monstrous idea can be wonderful as long as it’s hidden within layers of honeyed promises. Like a cake that’s stacked with plenty of delicious flavors.

He doesn’t want to waste his time on endeavors that won’t bear any fruit, but befriending every Reaper will have its benefits. He’s already made a list of those who pose the highest threat to his precious manager. Nine is at the very top, his name circled in black pen. As much as he dislikes the polite and oh-so-gracious Reaper, he has to pretend as if the two of them are friendly coworkers. As if he doesn’t wish for Nine to transfer to another Department or to cease existing. But immortality is funny like that. You’re either stuck with the best people in the world or the fiends of your worst nightmares. Theo wonders if this is his punishment. Spending an eternity with Nine is far more hellish than Quincy and his status as a devil.

Which is why he holds so much hatred for those who hurt his manager, specifically the ones who simply don’t know when to quit.

The blue-eyed oleander witnesses it in the early hours of the morning during a particularly unfavorable mission. A vengeful spirit had the gall to hurt his manager, and they had even more of a spine to talk to them as if they were a worthless weed. In his garden of noxious plants, Theo sees the disgusting hemlock attempting to snuff out the beauty that is his beloved rose. His expression switches in an instant, a light flickering behind those expansive eyes. There are so many emotions he feels in that moment, but fear is dominant as it grabs his heart and squeezes. The spirit could kill them. It’s about to kill them, and he’s flipping through his spell book with rapturous intent.

And then Nine is at their side, shielding them from the spirit’s attack. Before him, the specter vents in anger, spewing meaningless insults. Theo feels as though he’s just been kicked in the stomach. Why is it so hard to get to you? he thinks, gripping the leather book. His chest aches as he sees the manager cling to Nine. Why can’t I be the one who saves you for once? Why can’t you just rely on me? Nine is better equipped to deal with the situation as he listens, attempting to reason with the vengeful spirit. Its crocodile tears don’t faze Theo in the slightest. He should be the one crying because he was too late. One spell and his manager would’ve been rescued from the claws of such a beastly spirit. And yet Nine was faster with his reaction time.

Theo makes a mental note of the way Nine purifies the vengeful spirit once it’s calmed down. He’s always gentle when he talks to them, using his relaxing aura to coax them into tranquility. Theo would’ve preferred to crush it beneath his unmerciful heel, but the problem has been solved. There’s no use fretting over it now. Though it will definitely keep him awake tonight.

“Manager!” He jogs over to them, dropping down to inspect their wounds. “Take this to stop the bleeding. I’ll help you.” Unfastening his cape, he passes it to the manager, who holds it against the bloody laceration while he searches for a proper healing spell.

“Thank you, Theo,” (Name) says, wincing at the stinging sensation. “That spirit really put up a fight. Thanks for coming to my aid, Nine.”

“No need to thank me, Manager. I’m relieved you’ll be okay. Mr. Theo will have you healed in no time.”

Theo grits his teeth before facing Nine. He wants this unworthy hemlock out of his special garden. “Could you gather the others? Let them know that we’re finished over here.”

“Very well. Are you sure you don’t need my help?”

“No.” It comes out way too stern, and Theo’s quick to correct himself. “No thank you. We’ll be fine.”

He doesn’t spare Nine another glance as he departs, focusing on the manager’s pained expression with sympathy. They’re in his arms now, grasping at him for salvation. The situation couldn’t be anymore perfect.

“That was crazy, wasn’t it?” they ask, making light of the previous events. “My heart is still racing!”

“I...was so worried, Manager.”

They let out a wheezing chuckle. “Thank goodness Nine was there. If it weren’t for him, I could’ve gotten killed. It’s scary to think about.”

“Yeah. Terrifying,” he echoes while casting the healing spell on them. Surely there’s a curse that brings misfortune. Theo wants to do everything he can to master every negative incantation there is. Just for future reference. There are so many possibilities when it comes to his rivals. He’ll have a field day debating which is the most effective. “You’ve got to be more careful. If you ever find yourself in trouble, just come to me. I’ll always be here to help you.”

They smile, sitting up on their own accord and feeling for any wounds that might’ve escaped the cleansing powers of Theo’s magic. Every cut is sealed and every bruise is gone, leaving the manager with a feeling of rejuvenation. At once, they recognize the plush fabric of Theo’s cape and gasp, noticing just how much blood has stained the white cloth.

“I’m sorry for making such a mess. I’ll wash this as soon as we get back.”

Theo eyes the color with disdain. How utterly cliché. It’s almost sickening. Red on white is too bold—too deep of an implication. Red is a color that means many things, two of that being passion and love. A third is the color of blood. And white is meant to symbolize purity. Theo knows he’ll have to work hard so that the manager’s purity doesn’t bleed out onto the sterile white of this corrupt world. There’s no way he’ll ever let that happen. When he stares at his cape, drenched in splotchy crimson, he sees more than just a soiled piece of fabric. He sees the darkest imprint of (Name). But blood is still messy, even if it is his beloved’s.  

Theo wonders which cleaning agent is best for erasing blood. His thoughts spiral deeper and deeper into a rabbit hole of wickedness. Mortality is fragile, and cake and blood are no different. Both are victims of inescapable chance. On the other hand, immortality is a curse that binds him to the one he’d rather be far away from. Speak of the hemlock, who has completed the command with diligence. Nine approaches with the others in tow, all of whom crowd the manager like insects. Theo wishes to spend a moment longer with them. Just a few more minutes. There’s so much I want to tell you. He’s bound to this silver-lined rivalry, a prisoner of obsession. And Nine has no idea.

He supposes that’s how poison works. It doesn’t take long until it spreads within its victim, who is unaware as it shuts down vital organs and flatlines their functions. If Theo has to cut the strings that tie him to Nine and anyone else who dares get in the way of him and the manager, he’ll do whatever it takes. Like poison, it’s small and deadly. Poison might not kill an immortal Soul Reaper, but that has nothing to do with their mentality. Cake might be the same when it comes to ingredients and presentation, but it’s the baker who’s most important. A cracked baker is easy to exploit. He’s even easier to tear apart when he’s alone and basking in his own corrosive thoughts.

The oleander festers at the manager’s side, a quiet flower waiting for an opportunity to infect everyone with debilitating poison.

------

Nine has begun to notice a pattern. It’s tiny at first—like a minor inconsistency that isn’t worth the trouble. But then it becomes a prominent itch that looms in the back of his mind like a shadow. Since that mission, Theo’s been hanging around the manager as if he expects another near-death experience to happen, which shouldn’t be much of a worry. Although (Name)’s mortality is concerning, Nine knows the Reapers in the 14th Department would never let any fatal harm befall their precious manager. So why is there a strange feeling that overwhelms him whenever he spots Theo trailing after them, holding files or a bento he made specifically for them? Anyone with half of a brain would assume he’s playing favorites, attempting to get on the manager’s good side so that the punishment for skipping out on work is lighter. Though Theo doesn’t seem like the type to slack off, which is why Nine is sinking in a state of perplexion.

What is he trying to achieve? Realistically, what is there to gain other than (Name)’s approval? They like each and every one of the Reapers, so it’s not like anyone’s on their bad side. He has an eternity to figure it out, though Nine can’t exactly be bothered. If it isn’t hurting anyone, why should he fret over Theo’s behavior? It’s not as though he’s acting out of line. Rather, he’s been quite pleasant. He even offered to assist Nine in moving a few boxes. Nine doesn’t want to hold any suspicions about his colleague, nor does he want paranoia gnawing on his ankles like a puppy.

Without realizing it, he’s been aimlessly walking through the campus as he pieces together fragmented thoughts. His eyes land on the manager, who is alone as they stride towards him. For once, Theo isn’t at their beck and call. Nine thinks of Day and his unwavering loyalty. Perhaps Theo is just as enthused about (Name) as Day is with him. Nine shrugs those comparisons away, opting to focus on his manager.

“Hi, Nine! What’re you doing out here?”

“Taking a small stroll,” he answers. “The weather is perfect for this, and it’s always beneficial to get some exercise.”

“I agree. To be honest, I wanted to clear my head for a bit. I’ve got so much work that it’s beginning to stress me out.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, Manager. Would you like any help?”

“I don’t want to bother you.” They wave their hand through the air as if the distress isn’t clear enough. It’s obvious they’ve been pulling all-nighters just to get through paperwork and other tasks. “Would you mind if we walked together?”

Nine considers their offer for a moment. While he would prefer a few more moments to himself, he can’t deny someone as caring as (Name). It’s almost a crime to turn them down, and he has no idea where all of this fondness is suddenly coming from. Regardless, there’s a sneaking sensation that touches his sixth sense. Since when did the flowers have eyes? The wind rustles through the greenery, creating an eerie sound that settles in the courtyard. He’s compelled to retrace his steps and turn down the corridor, but your patient expression chases that idea away.

“I don’t mind.” He falls into step with you, calmly observing the deliberate clicking of your shoes. “Take care not to overwork yourself. The 14th Department depends on your leadership.”

At least a few Reapers are more than dependent, he thinks.

“I’ll be fine as long as I can finish everything on time. You don’t have to worry about me.”

“Make sure you’re getting enough rest and eating your meals—“

“I know,” they say, drawing out the syllables. “I appreciate your concern, Nine. It means a lot.”

He nods, a simple gesture that confirms his gratitude. His manager is always thanking and praising the others. Briefly, he wonders if they’ve ever taken time to care for their own well-being rather than the well-beings of the Soul Reapers.

“When all of this is over, I’d love to spend more time with you,” (Name) goes on, a bounce in their step. Nine doesn’t miss the excitement that flashes through their features at the prospect of getting to bond with him. He’d rather be alone, but Nine has found it to be a challenge whenever they’re involved. “Do you think you could teach me to play an instrument? I’ve been meaning to pick something up, but I never seem to have time.”

Well, Nine happens to be skilled with his hands. And hands are required to play most—if not all—instruments. Perhaps you’d like to learn the violin, or maybe you’re interested in the drums. He’ll have to learn as he goes with those, but it’s worth it if it means (Name) will be happy. How odd. Where did all of this compassion come from? Nine knows what instrument they’ll say, as the two of them have sat in the storage room and played it on plenty of occasions. The atmosphere doesn’t change, but the flowers certainly do. As if wanting to blot out a horrid memory, the eyes close and a mouth creases into a tight line. Nothing short of disappointment.

“I was thinking I could be good at the piano if I tried hard enough. What do you think? We can play together, and we can even form a band.”

A band consisting of two people is hardly a band. Handcuffs can only restrict one person. A pair of unseeing eyes are useless, and Nine knows his words must be chosen carefully lest his tongue sit on a rusted tray.

He puts on a thin smile. “Learning an instrument can be just as stressful as work. I wouldn’t want to jeopardize your health.”

“I’ll be fine, but you do make a good point. It might be overwhelming if I try to balance that and missions. One of these days I’ll try to learn.”

Just not now.

And he couldn’t be any more relieved.

------

Nine finds himself in the common room later that evening, reflecting over the events of the day when he encounters the blooming oleander. He’s preoccupied with the book in his hands, which is a collection of stories written by the famous Edgar Allan Poe. He never intended to pick up something so macabre. It happened to be the first thing he grabbed while perusing the shelves. Perhaps he should’ve looked for a poetry book instead. Before he can get up and complete that task, Theo enters his visage, the corners of his lips upturned. It fails to reach his eyes.

“Good evening, Nine. I didn’t expect to find you here. This is a wonderful surprise nonetheless.” He says a greeting that’s reminiscent of Nine’s, which has been tailored ingeniously. Recycled words are only worthwhile if they’re put to positive use, and Theo bleeds venom. He has no reason to speak to Nine. In fact, he’d rather avoid him at all costs, but that won’t work if he intends to poison his fragile mind with every bit of sly kindness he can muster. Theo has learned to be resourceful. A talented baker knows how to improvise, after all. “Oh, I recognize that cover. It’s an anthology of Edgar Allan Poe’s short stories. Which one are you reading?”

Nine glances at the page, picking out notable phrases. He’s at the part where the old man is smothered by his own bedsheets. “‘The Tell-Tale Heart.’”

“That’s grim, isn’t it? Well, all of his stories are, but that one in particular is really morbid.” Theo sits beside him on the sofa, keeping a gap between him and the weed that is Nine. “Wouldn’t it be scary if you woke up to someone trying to kill you? I know I’d be alarmed. But we’ve already experienced death, so maybe it’s not frightening anymore.”

He tries to understand the motive behind Theo’s incessant chatter. The two of them have never really clicked. Small talk isn’t something they can fall into so easily. Nine wants to ask Theo many things, but it’s wrong to suspect someone without any evidence. So he merely nods as he listens to Theo, hoping he’ll take the hint and leave. It’s not as if Nine doesn’t want to talk; he’s just not accustomed to this facet of the Day Reaper. Lo and behold, the question slips out before he can stop himself.

“What would you do?”

“Excuse me?”

“If you were one of the investigators, what would be your reaction to the man?”

“Oh,” Theo states, pursing his lips as if the inquiry requires deep thought. “We know that the narrator is unreliable. He only wants to kill the old man because of his eyes. He gets paranoid when he hears the man’s heartbeat coming from the floorboards, even after he dismembered his body. I’m sure anyone, investigator or not, would think he’s insane.”

“Do you think that?”

Theo bristles at the question, a sour taste coating his tongue. Why is he suddenly being interrogated by Nine? This isn’t an interview, and it certainly isn’t a questionnaire for a criminal. He laughs to cover up the crack in his mask. “Of course I do. No one of sound mind would murder someone defenseless all because of the way their eyes looked. Just saying it out loud like this is madness.”

Nine nods again. Insanity cannot exist without sanity. A heart cannot function without a beat. A parasite cannot live without a host. He’s not sure where this conversation is going. This is far from a cheery book club meeting. Nine searches every inch of his expression, noting the occasional twitch of his mouth and the constriction of his pupils. Yet he can’t detect an ounce of a practiced lie. Could it be that his instincts are misplaced? Is this what Theo has wanted all along: A moment to talk to Nine as friends rather than coworkers? Perhaps he has been incorrect in his judgement.

The book shuts; Nine doesn’t want to read anymore. There’s an unfinished composition waiting for him in his dorm room. Standing up from the couch, he lowers his head in the form of a farewell. He sets the novel on the coffee table so that Theo can indulge in the fictional world of Poe.

“I’m afraid something has come up, so I’ll be leaving now. Please enjoy the remainder of your evening, Mr. Theo.”

“I will.” Theo beams. “Sleep well.”

Nine doesn’t waste a second turning his back on Theo, exiting the common room with graceful movements. As soon as he’s out of sight, the happy grin melts away and is replaced with that of a dark scowl. He’s not a mindless fool. It was obvious that Nine was uncomfortable. He’s just too polite to say anything, and that’s a weakness Theo’s willing to dissect.

So you were reading Poe, hm? he muses to himself, picking up the book and turning it over in his hands. I took you for a poetry guy. How chilling, Nine. Manager wouldn’t like these grotesque tales.

Who is he to determine what they like and dislike? Theo’s watched (Name) for quite some time now, committing their quirky habits to memory. It’s almost comical how they never seem to notice. Nine does, but he’s always been keen, and yet he can never understand the meaning behind his constant staring. That’ll happen when you spend your days alone, keeping yourself entertained with the voice inside your head. Theo wonders if Nine gets lonely with that depressing lifestyle. The two of them are like night and day. Theo’s bright and blinding like the sun. Nine is quiet and calm like the moon. But there isn’t any oxygen on the moon, and the sun can steal a person’s eyesight without feeling any remorse. Two Reapers of complete opposites, rising and setting all the same. A weed and a flower masquerading in a game of cat and mouse.

Oleander grows to towering heights. A stalker’s presence looms as tall as the very flower Theo embodies. He doesn’t care if he’s a leech or a misleading flower. Anything’s better than hemlock and the imposter cake Nine’s baking. Theo’s the baker and the pianist, not Nine. It will never be Nine. He’ll make sure of that. At his very core, Nine is a jawbreaker of many emotions and memories. Theo will fracture every layer until nothing’s left. Until the ground is a mess of colors and stories that unfold before the entire 14th Department. He’ll dig into Nine’s mind with a knife and fork to pull apart stringy recollections of his past life. It’s guaranteed to be a dessert far tastier than a slice of cake.

Poison ivy is easy to identify. As the saying goes, ‘leaves of three, let it be.’ Theo isn’t as obvious as a sickening rash. That’s the difference between ivy and oleander. One kills and the other spreads with red irritation. While he could sit and wallow in bitter annoyance, he’d rather get to memorizing every hateful hex in his spell book. Maybe he can trick Ell into making him a felt doll of Nine. Oh, the thrill of voodoo. Theo’s never performed such dark magic before, but it wouldn’t hurt to try. He’d like to see Nine lose his mind for a change, because eternity knows Theo’s lost his.

The manager deserves only the prettiest of flowers, and oleander has such a gripping, virulent embrace.

[catsnraincoats-archive]

my favorite thing is telling NTs exactly WHAT the symptoms of my mental illnesses are because otherwise they. really dont get it.

I have ADHD "Well thats not an excuse" No you dont understand. ADHD makes me:

Have consequence blindness, so I don't realize doing or bot doing something will impact me. I cant help this

Need constant sensory input. In a classroom or house where its the same every day I'm bot getting enough input to focus 100% of the time

Have memory lapses and gaps. My brain is wired differently and the way it operates makes it difficult for me to have a full and linear memory

React negatively to criticism. This is called Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). It makes me take everything to heart, no matter how small. I'm not "overreacting", My brain just can't tell the difference between personal preferences/jokes, and genuine insults most of the time.

Experience executive dysfunction. My brain doesn't look at the big picture more so than it looks at the little steps it takes to get there. And I do mean every step. I get overwhelmed by how much it takes and have difficulty starting at all.

Make too many connections. I don't jump around to vastly different subjects, my brain just goes lightning fast through multiple things to get from point A to point B.

Ask the same question multiple times. Again, ADHD causes poor memory so I will either not remember asking it, or not remember answering.

Make it hard to focus on things I dont want to do. The way my brain works is I get attached to one of a few things at once and thats all I can think about at any given time. Its more than an interest, it is an all-consuming thought that does not leave my brain until the next one.

Make everything dull. ADHD results in dopamine receptors being less active. This causes symptoms of depression.

I have autism "how does that matter?" w e l l, it makes me:

Get overloaded when there is too much sensory input. all of my senses- particularly sight and sound- are far more sensitive than a neurotypical's, which means more input goes into my brain. When too much goes in I get overwhelmed and it goes haywire.

Not make "obvious" connections well. You may think something is obvious, but thats because you're allistic. While allistic brains take old information and apply it to new situations, autistic brains will usually get a blank slate for new things. This makes it harder to make the right connections

Not express emotions "correctly". Even if I'm happy I might have a neutral face. Its not that I'm sad, I just don't express things the same as you. My body language and how I talk about things are better indicators.

More tired around people. I do like hanging out with people, but I constantly have to mask my symptoms and that majes it harder. Masking is where I try and act neurotypical. This is tiring because its essentially acting as a different person 24/7.

Ramble about the same thing multiple times. I have these things called Special Interests. Much like the hyperfixations I mentioned before, they're an all-consuming thought. I like talking about them with people I trust.

I have depression "You're just sad" Thats not all it is. Is also makes me:

Extremely fatigued. The chemical receptors in my brain that I should be getting motivation from aren't as active, so all my energy goes down. A lot.

Put less work into things. I always think "Oh, I can always just opt out and kill myself" so I don't really see the point in putting 100% effort in.

Feel overwhelmingly empty. I don't know how else to describe it. Just. numbness.

Get brain fog. The constant of numbness and an inability to function well makes me get trapped in my own head and I can't focus.

Be "lazy". This isn't actually laziness. My brain is constantly telling me that I'm too tired to do it, it that I'm not good enough, or something. Please understand that it isn't just me bot wanting to do work.

Get irrationally angry. I really can't explain this one. It is a symptom I try to maintain but I ask you to be patient.

[internetremix]

Hey. Things suck in my country right now because politics and stuff. My friends are afraid, and I'm worried about them. People are making ME afraid with their beliefs. I feel my depression coming back after finally winning the fight against it, and I'm afraid it might get worse this time. You guys always make my day better with all the things you do, but now I need another kind of help to stop feeling this way and keep living my life normally. How do I overcome all this shit? It hard (sad emoji)

Atwas: Sorry to hear you're goin through that, anon.From experience, being trapped in a situation is very intense and difficult, and the constant nature of living surrounded by not so great stuff can really wear you down. It's hard, and hearing that you've overcome being depressed before is a great achievement, particularly in a challenging environment.There are some things that can help when you're stuck in a situation. Keep in mind I'm no professional (yet) so please take my advice with a grain of salt and realize that it's anecdotal and has just helped for me before: 

- Have a plan or goal to work towards that may better your situation. This could be as big as moving out, or it could be getting a job to save money, or even something as small as having something you enjoy to look forward to. Being surrounded by stuff can feel all-encompassing and overwhelming, so having something on the horizon can be helpful 

 - Acknowledge that the situation is difficult, and be kind yo yourself. Things are hard, and it's an okay and normal reaction to get depressed or anxious. This is how our body reacts to being subjected to a lot of stress. Negative thoughts and emotions happen, and in difficult situations, sometimes it's easier to accept that and be kind to yourself."Things are hard and I'm having a difficult time. It's okay to have a hard time with things, and many others would too in my situation." 

- Be kind to yourself. (Yes I know this is repeated)Sometimes it can be easy to get stuck in loops of thoughts. I've found a good way of trying to break this is to imagine that a close friend or family member is coming to you with the same concerns, and treat yourself with the same compassion that you would treat them.

- Look for support. Normal avenues of therapy are great, but can be expensive. If you have a trusted friend or family member to talk to, that can also be very helpful. There are ways to get therapy online, nowadays, that can be helpful. It's a very admirable thing to be able to ask for and receive help if you really need it. Just like one would go to the doctor if physically ill, the same thing applies for stuff going on in a mental capacity. The brain is an organ like any other.

 - Have a sense of scale.Sometimes things can be...very big and scary. Very big and scary. I've found that it can be helpful to try n break things down into what you can directly affect and what you cannot. Things that you can't change are difficult, and can cause a lot stress. Sometimes it’s helpful to lighten the load and establish what things you can change or try to change and work on those instead of pulling out your focus to large things that are difficult to have a direct effect on. 

 We’re all super happy to hear that we’ve had a positive impact on your life in some way, and that our content can even be a little bit helpful to people goin through rough times like you.

Uprising:Atwas is smart. Listen to atwas