#i do not ship bucket x stanley btw. this was just a silly little thing

[doomgendr]

thinking about a marriage/divorce ending .... stanley and the bucket get married, have "kids" (just tiny buckets), and then get divorced

JUST!!! HEAR ME OUT ! PLEASE LISTEN THIS IS THE MOST ELABORATE SHITPOST I HAVE EVER MADE

so you start the game like normal, then you go pick up the bucket in the office and the narrator says

"Stanley picked up the bucket and looked into its eyes. The bucket smiled warmly back at Stanley."

now if you just go and do whatever normally, and the marriage ending doesn't start and whatever bucket ending you wanna do will happen. but if you go back into the other office and try to open room 427, the door is unlocked. if you step in, it triggers this dialogue:

"Stanley thought, 'I could just marry this bucket, it's so beautiful and shiny.' Then the bucket had a thought. Maybe they could get married. the bucket had a ring, after all."

the office door closes on stanley, trapping him in the room so he can't leave. a ring in a ring container thingy (ive got no clue what its called lmao) is on the desk, like it had been there the entire time.

"What on Earth? The bucket .... is actually asking to marry you?! Don't do it Stanley, marriage is a scam! About 50% of all marriages end in divorce! So, you'll be thanking me later. By NOT marrying it."

then stanley can have the choice to decline the proposal or marry the bucket . if he accepts, the office door opens to a dark room. if you walk in, it fades to black and you are at the beginning of a wedding isle. the wedding takes place in a museum-like place, everything made of marble, except for the red carpet running down the wedding isle. the bucket is at the end of the isle, on its pedestal. in almost every seat of the room there are buckets sitting, and if you look around you'll find the broom closet, the adventure line, and the baby from the baby game.

you walk down the isle, over to the bucket. the curator begrudgingly officiates their wedding . (because the narrator refuses to even GO to the wedding. out of jealousy, probably.)

right before the wedding is over and after you say your "i do"'s the curator goes

"...You may kiss the bucket."

and you kiss the bucket idk (i don't know how weddings work)

it fades to white and theres this weird montage with sentimental music playing and it's just stanley's face and the bucket photoshopped on a married couple ?? but stanley is photoshopped onto the wife (LMFAO) and the bucket is on the husband. it goes on to them buying baby clothes and toys. stanley is in the hospital with their baby. they have twins. they send the kids to school for the first time, the bucket plays baseball with its son and stanley reclines on a sun chair.

basically random domestic shit goes on for a minute or two then the tone shifts, the bucket and stanley having arguements, them going to a marriage counselor. it failing, the bucket giving stanley divorce papers. them going to court, the bucket getting the kids. then you start to hear the narrator's voice fade in,

"Stanley? ...Stanley? Stanley! STANLEY!!!"

it cuts to you being back in office 427. the door is closed. the bucket is with you in your hand.

"You haven't moved at all for four whole hours! What have you been doing??? … Were you sleeping with your eyes open again? You took the bucket in here and haven't moved since. Are you okay? Do i need to call someone?"

the game resets.

now, if stanley REFUSES the proposal, the bucket just starts crying (tears roll down the sides of the bucket)

"Stanley... is that... tears? Look what you did, Stanley! You made the bucket cry! You could have been a little... nicer, at least, in your refusal. It's just going to be awkward carrying it around, now. With it getting its tears everywhere.....

Actually. Would it have been better if you did marry it? Hmm... I just feel sort of guilty, now. This was all my fault. I did tell you to refuse. Oh, no. am I a homewrecker now, Stanley?! You can tell me if I'm a homewrecker, you know. I can take it."

a big wall of text appears infront of Stanley (like in the out-of-bounds ending) and the text reads;

Is The Narrator a Homewrecker?

Yes No

if stanley clicks "Yes", the narrator freaks out and the game resets because he can't grapple with the fact he's a homewrecker and he "hates this ending"

if stanley clicks "No" the narrator tells stanley how relieved he is that he is not, in fact, a homewrecker. then he considers the fact stanley might be lying just to save face. he asks if he's lying.

Are You Lying?

No

"no" is your only option. if you press it, the narrator wonders why he even asked if stanley was lying, and only put "no" as an option. he comments on the uselessness of adding the question if there was only one answer. he tells stanley "thank you for the reassurance anyway" or something. the game resets on its own.