doomgendr

[doomgendr]

Before starting T, when I socially transitionned, I was surrounded by radical feminists who saw masculinity as gross and inherently evil, something to avoid, something to make fun of, something to destroy. The other transmascs in my friend group, sometimes, told me that they didn’t knew if they really were non-binary or if they just were scared shitless of saying “I am a man”. Because they saw this as a betrayal to their younger self who had been SAd and abused.

I saw many of my masc friends and trans men around me hate themselves, not outing themselves as men because it would imply so so much, it was like opening the Pandora Box. Even when we were just together, talking about our masculinity was always coated with bits like “I know we’re the privileged ones but…”, “I don’t want to sound like I have it bad but…”, “Women obviously have it worse, but last time…” and we were talking about terrible traumas we experienced while taking all the precautions in the world in the case the walls were a crowd of people in disguise waiting to get us if we didn’t downplay the violence we faced, or like crying and being upset and being traumatized and afraid and scared and to say it out loud would make us throw up the needles we were forced to swallow every second of every day living in our skin.

Most of us weren’t on T yet, some of us were catcalled every day and harassed in the streets or in abusive relationships nobody seemed to care to help them get out of because they were “strong enough” to do it by themselves.

I was using the gender swap face app and cried for ours when I saw my father looking back at me through the screen. The idea of transforming, of shedding into a body that would deprive me of love, tenderness, and safety, was absolutely terrifying. I knew I couldn’t stay in this body any longer because it wasn’t mine, but I also knew that if I was going to look like my dad, my brother, my abusers, it would be so much worse.

5 years later and I’m almost 2 years on T, and almost 2 months post top surgery.

I ditched my previous group of friends. I was bullied out of my local trans community. But let me tell you how free I am.

I was scared that T would break my singing voice: it made it sound more alive than ever.

I was scared that T would make me less attractive: it made me find myself hot for the first time in my life.

I was scared that T would make me gain weight: it did. But the weight I put on is not the weight I used to put on by binging and eating my body until I forgot that it even existed. It’s the weight of my body belonging to me, little by little. The wolf hunger for life.

I won’t tell you the same story I see everywhere, the one that goes “I started going to the gym 8 times a week, I put on some muscles, I started a diet and now I look like an action film actor”, in fact if you took pictures of me from 5 years ago vs now I’d just have more acne, I’d have longer hair and still look like I don’t know what to do with myself when I take selfies.

But the sparkle in my eyes, my smile, tell the whole story way better than this long ass stream of words could ever.

I want to say some things that I wish someone told me before starting medically transitionning.

It’s okay to take your time. It’s your body, it’s your journey, if you don’t feel comfortable taking full doses and want to go slow, the only voice you need to listen to is your own. Do what feels right.

If you feel overwhelmed, it’s okay to take a break, it’s okay to ask for support.

Trans people are holy. Everyone is. You didn’t lose your angel wings when you came out because you want to be masculine. You are not excluded from the joy of existence, from being proud of yourself, from being sad, from being scared, from being angry. The emotions and feelings you allowed yourself to feel while processing what you experienced when you grew up as a girl and was seen as a woman are still as valid as before. Nobody can take that from you. If someone tries to, don’t let them.

It’s perfectly normal to grieve some things you were and had before you started to transition, like your high soprano voice or even your chest. Hatching is painful. You can find comfort in things that don’t feel right, so making the decision to change can be incredibly scary and weird and you deserve to be heard and supported through this. Wanting top surgery doesn’t make the surgery less intense, less terrifying, less painful to recover from. When it becomes too much you have the right to take a break and take some deep breaths before going on.

You don’t have to have a radical, 180° change for your transition to be acceptable or valid or worthy of praise. Look at how far you’ve come already. It doesn’t have to show, you’re not made to be a spectacle, you’re human and it is your journey.

Oh, and last thing, you know when some people say “Oh this trans person has to grow out of the cringy phase where you think that you can write essays about being trans or transitionning or just their experience because it’s weird” ? If you ever hear this or see this online, remember all the people whose writing you read and, even if they were not professional writers, helped you more than any theorists did ? If you want to write, do it. It won’t be a waste. It can help people. Or it won’t, and even then, if it helped you, that’s enough.

Love every of my trans siblings, take care of yourselves. You deserve the world.

[doomgendr]

I have a proposition for a bi-lesbian symbol, and it's the Lilith symbol "⚸". Here's why.

(under the cut)

my first thought when i saw the symbol of Lilith, was that it's a mix between the double venus ( ⚢ ) and the double crescent ( ☽☾ ) symbol. therefore...

☽☾+⚢ = ⚸ !

i've always known about the tale of Lilith and how she was cast away to flee the garden of eden in many a religious myth, and the reasoning behind her being "turned into a demon".

she is a symbol of rugged feminine strength, self-protection, and assertiveness. in many myths, she "disobeyed" adam (fought back against abuse/sexual assault and would not submit) and was banished from the garden of eden to become a "she-demon".

i believe that her story feels somewhat similar to how we as bi-lesbians are treated and percieved in our communities and throughout history, measured in worth by our proximity to men, sexualized, fetishized, cast out to make our own spaces, violently hated, threatened, abused, harrassed, demonized, and seen as harmful just by existing and asserting ourselves, even though we aren't "harmful". we're just people asserting our equality like lilith "was".

this is precisely why i decided that her symbol symbolizes us as bisexual lesbians! i hope people pick up my idea, i put a lot of thought and effort into it :)

⚸⚸⚸

-kaz

[doomgendr]

I cannot be more crystal clear about this: Hatred against Two-Spirit folks isn't just homophobia/transphobia. It is also racism. 2S identities are part of Indigenous cultures. 2S identities are intrinsically linked to Indigenous identities. Refusal to accept the validity of 2S identities is racist. TERFs are racist.

[doomgendr]

i need to start a tag for videos that make me cry with joy

[doomgendr]

reminder that indigenous queer folks do not need to fit your colonial definitions or conceptions of queerness in order to be valid, worthy, and spectacular.

if your concept of what a lesbian looks like requires that all lesbians have shaved or short hair, then you’re excluding ntv lesbians who honour our ancestors by growing our hair long.

i’m no less of a butch for having hair that goes down to my tailbone. i’m no less of a butch for wearing my hair in a braid. i’m also still butch when i wear beaded earrings, a ribbon skirt, and moccasins.

if your idea of queerness is tied to whiteness, that’s just a shame. indigeneity and queerness go together like inhaling and exhaling. one cannot exist without the other.

[doomgendr]

the post: everything has a right to exist in fiction, even if it's fucked up

the comments: i was going to reblog this until i realized op likes fucked up stuff in fiction. this is a common dogwhistle phrase for people who like fucked up stuff in fiction. they have to talk in code to trick people into agreeing with them. stay safe out there!

[doomgendr]

"a sith wanting an acolyte is an abusive power dynamic"

have you considered that it's hot? look at them

[doomgendr]

I've been seeing a disturbing number of "queer safe spaces" describe themselves as things like "femme & them" and even worse "she+," conflating femininity & nonbinaryhood. cease this immediately. say it with me: nonbinary people are NOT women-lite and it is extremely violent and straight up incorrect to imply that all they/thems are fem adjacent. this is erasure and this verbiage does nothing but make gnc and nonbinary spaces unsafe for masc and male nonbinary people. nonbinary, genderqueer and other third gender people can be and are masculine and men, we can be hes as well as shes and theys, stop allowing yourself and your peers to view nonbinary as woman/femme-lite, signed a butch nonbinary person.

[doomgendr]

Do you gen angry when McDonalds pairs Barbie with Hot Wheels?

nah. would you get angry if i tell you i like playing with either? LMAO

[doomgendr]

ppl still liking this; i'm a butch lesboy now. not a man, not a woman, but a boy and a girl anyway. i'm still all that gender stuff but i just got the bigender girlboy update

cis people just don't get it tbh

(edit: i added a watermark bc some of u cheeky fuckers like reposting art w/o credit ....)

[doomgendr]

DEER LESBOY

[PT: deer lesboy]

— deer themed lesboy flag! for lesboys who like deers, deergender lesboys, deerkin lesboys, etc.

[ID: a rectangular flag with six equal-width horizontal stripes; (top-to-bottom) brownish-red, orange-red, orange, light yellow, light purple, and dull purple. END ID]

[doomgendr]

some anatomy tips for drawing cat legs - works for big cats too

[doomgendr]

Happy birthday to revolutionary communist and trans pioneer Leslie Feinberg ♥️ May hir memory be for a blessing.

If anyone is interested in reading hir work, here are free links to all hir writing

Journal of a Transsexual (1980) [transcript]

Transgender Liberation (1992)

Stone Butch Blues (1993) [epub version here]

Transgender Warriors (1996)

Trans Liberation: Beyond Pink or Blue (1999) (you need an account for this one, but it’s still free)

Drag King Dreams (2006)

Lavender & Red (2004 - 2008)

Rainbow Solidarity: in Defense of Cuba (2009)

While a Hostile Relative Rewrites My Life (2011)

Casualty of an Undeclared War (2011)

[doomgendr]

IMAGE ID. 3 rectangular flags with 7 atripes that are, in order: redish dark pink, red, light orange, light pastel yellow, pink, purple, indigo. END OF ID.

୨୧ • transbian

︵︵︵︵︵︵★ ꒱ explanations :

୨୧ • a flag for trans lesbians, this can be used by ANY transbians, men or women, no matter their gender.

transbian 1

transbian 2

︵︵︵︵︵︵★ ꒱ meanings :

୨୧ • 1. Being a lesbian. 2. Unique attraction to women. 3. Pride. 4. Love. 5. Disabled transbians 6. Poc transbians. 7. Being trans.

PT. transbian. explanations. a flag for trans lesbians, this can be used by any transbians, men or women, no matter their gender. meanings. being a lesbian, unique attraction to women, pride, love, disabled transbians, poc transbians, being trans. END OF PT.

[doomgendr]

DONT FORGET TO DO YOUR DAILY CLICKS TO HELP PALESTINE

୨୧ • severic lesbian, severic gaybian, severic veldian

A flag for severic lesbians, gaybians and veldians! Could be because one feels like their attraction to multigender people is lesbian, gaybian or veldian attraction, or simply because they are both lesbian, gaybian or veldian while also being severic.

PT. severic lesbian, severic gaybian, severic veldian. A flag for severic [see link] lesbians, gaybians and veldians! Could be because one feels like their attraction to multigender people is lesbian, gaybian or veldian attraction, or simply because they are both lesbian, gaybian or veldian while also being severic. END OF PT.

[doomgendr]

lesbigay / bigayles flag

for people who use the labels bi, gay, and lesbian to pin down their complex attraction/identity!!

higher quality + more versions on my twitter

[doomgendr]

Honestly, I find it also quite telling that it is always demanded of mspec lesbians to historically prove their right to exist as their identity. I just feel like, with all the stuff about "transgenderism is a modern trend" and "xenogenders & neopronouns are a modern trend", and all of us always needing to prove with history that we exist, it becomes quite obvious what lesbian exclusionism and lesbian separatism is: just another form of denying people their identities.

The moment you demand someone to prove their identity based on whether it is "new" and "modern" or actually historically documented, you are a shithead, because 1) no one has to prove their identity to you 2) no one's identity has to be around for a longer time to be valid 3) a lot of queer history has been erased, so there's that 4) a lot of queer history is very normative and focused on binarist views on queerness

I am radically inclusionist, because I am convinced that it helps no one if we exclude people based on prescriptivist definitions of labels. The "radical" has been assigned to me by people who wanted the good sound of "inclusionist", but didn't feel like committing to actually including everyone. Yet still, I will take that term with pride, because in our anti-queer society as well as a very policing queer community, yes, it seems to be a radical act to not exclude.

And that is also why those going against me hate the idea of "including all good-faith identities", because it is a pure principle that you can either commit to, or not. The moment you start making exceptions is when you betray that principle. Which is also why there are no "inclusionists" who exclude mspec lesbians. Because they are, as result of their exclusionist stance, exclusionists.

Even less surprising then is the entire force that is used against the word "queer". Its usage as liberating term exceeds by far the use it allegedly found as a "slur". Heck, people use "gay" ten times more as a slur, especially nowadays, and I don't see people going against the reclamation of that term. No, the people taking issue with "queer" that I have encountered so far were, by majority... too young to even have experienced the alleged great usage of it as a "slur". They take issue with the word, because unlike acronyms like LGBTQIA+, it also conveys a stance - that we are weird, yes. By which is meant, yes, we go against norms. We go against regulations of a gendered heteronormative patriarchal society. Our identities may fall in line with their views here and there, but we don't adhere to them, because we are who we are without bending ourselves to what others want us to be. This spirit goes against everything exclusionists and separatists try to do. This spirit is much more common here on tumblr, so no wonder Twitter exclusionists don't feel welcome here at all (and they shouldn't!).

The only reason why history is brought into this entire matter in the first place is that they've tried to use history against us. They've tried to use revisionist radfem history to exclude us just like lesbian separatism has done in the past. Only for them to be proven wrong by those who managed to dig deep enough into the history of the lesbian label. And yet, still, we don't need that history to prove our validity. Because we are here, we are queer, and proud of all that we are, not giving up any of our identities to please others.