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harrysmimi · 2 years ago

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Still Together, Still Going Strong

Synopsis: One where Harry and YN are getting a divorce but they can't seem stay away from one another

More of my work

YN has never been this mad and upset on Harry.

Why wouldn't she be? When he's ready to throw away a decade they spent together under the bus like that.

It was just five months ago Harry had said he wanted a divorce. Why, you may ask?

Is because he has been feeling he's lost himself. No doubt, that is a valid reason and she respects it. She has been there for him through all his lows she was willing to do so now too. She knows he needs a break, it is not easy to be a parent and have a job which asks so much of your time and energy.

He had his own reasons which by all means are very valid, he's never cheated, he's not cheating now. Nothing made sense to YN.

Every Monday evening when he'd drop off the twins at hers and they're off to bed, he's back to being her Harry. The same soft and living guy she fell in love at eighteen, the same guy who kissed her over and over again thanking her for giving the two most beautiful boys to love and care for.

YN had moved to the flat her parents bought her a year prior she moved in with Harry at his. It wasn't as big as the house which were their home, but it was big enough for her and the little toddlers and the cat Harry and her adopted just when they moved in together. They had been very good at co-parenting considering the twins are just two years old now. She had them for the whole weeks because the boys are just so used to her being around, though Harry came in to see them in between whenever he could.

Living apart felt like a norm, especially to YN as she's so used to her husband (now soon to-be-ex-husband) being on tour so much. She just didn't had her soft space to fall back to now.

He says it isn't her, or the kids. But he can't run away from the kids, unless he verbally says he doesn't want the responsibility of a father anymore— it wasn't him conveying the reasons to her but his legal representatives. He doesn't want to be away from the twins, he's been very firm about it. So it must be her.

YN still can't put a finger on what she has done to probably piss him off so much he wants a divorce now. Though she haven't got the time to think about it either with looking after the twins and working. She had a desk job and her dad's business to look after now thay he's retired, she doesn't get even the weekends to herself.

To make it all worse for her, he still says his I love yous to her, he still kisses like the first time he did, he still calls her by the little weird pet names. Hell, they even made love just last Monday and days he'd visit the twins mid week. This wasn't fair for her. And she didn't know how to process it all.

"Harper." YN ran after the little boy who was running away from eating his dinner whilst his twin was being nice, shirtless in just his little pink shorts. "Come back here."

"No!" Harper squealed but he fell down on his bum laughing.

"Gotcha!" YN announced scooping him up.

"Bum-bum!" He pointed out saying he fell down on his bum.

"Yeah, you did fell on your bum-bum." YN laughed giving him a kiss, she placed him on his highchair next to his brother. "Harlow, do you like it?" The other blond boy was already chomping away at little pieces of chicken and picking carrots from rice in front of him in the bowl.

"Yes!" He announced.

"You're giving your Mummy a hard time, aren't you?" Harry's spoke serving Harper his dinner, he dipped his head down to press a kiss on his boy's head.

"It's okay he's still little." YN spoke walking in kitchen. She knows he's just joking but she didn't like it for what she didn't know, nor she wanted to know. She is just mad. He'd just decided to stay over for dinner like he lives there with them, like they're not getting a divorce in two weeks. Like they're not having their assets divided equally in between. Like the media didn't already knew he's separating from his partner of ten years. It made her so furious just because she haven't gotten the time to sit by herself and process everything. Everything was happening so fast.

"Baby what's wrong?"

"I think you should leave now Harry," YN suggested, as she furious started cleaning around the kitchen, the mess he made in attempt of helping hera. She never mind him making a mess in the kitchen, until now. "I've got work tomorrow."

"I can help put the boys to bed," he offered.

"I don't need it, I just need you to leave my house now." She deadpanned, stopping dead in her actions to glance at him once. Harry was taken back, he glanced at the boys who were busy exchanging their food and eating before he walked back in the kitchen.

YN felt his hands on her hips as he pulled her back from scrubbing the counter like it's got some deadly disease on it, she watched as blood rush back to her finger tips on the release of her death grip on the wash clothe. She didn't liked the way his hands felt on her body for the first time, it felt so wrong.

"Look at me," he requested. For a moment there YN found herself leaning into the warmth of the palm of his hand cradling her face.

"Don't, don't touch me," she reluctantly pulled herself away, "I don't like it no more." He would kiss her there, she'd give in and they'd be huddling their way to the bathroom leaving the twins to eat their dinner.

And she proceeded to clean around. Cleaned up the twins and put them in their PJs and finally off to bed they went. Harry still lingered around, he cleaned up the highchairs and put them away, until YN came back out.

She sighed in defeat seeing him still sitting at the dining table, like he did whenever he managed to piss her off waiting for her to cool off before he could go talk to her. He did more than just piss her off now. She walked back to her bedroom and sbut the door behind her getting ready for bed. She pulled out her laptop to email her boss about wanting to take her yearly paid vacation, her leave was going to be accepted as she's that annoying employee who has to be forced to take days off. She even proceeded to call her parents to ask of she could go over and stay with them for a couple of weeks with the boys. Luckily for her, they lived just four hour drive away from her in Kingston. They didn't knew Harry and YN were getting a divorce until it became a public affair, of course they said she could go live with them for as long as she wish for.

Was she overreacting on this? Hasn't she been so understanding about the reasons Harry gave her for their separation? But was it inevitable not to be heartbroken? She had never grieved for anything or anyone before, is it really this overwhelming? This overwhelming that she has to cry?

She took in a deep breath and wiped off the tears which had managed to trickle down her eyes when she heard the door crack open. The boys liked to sleep in her bed, close to their Mummy. Something Harry isn't a fan of but she cherishes a lot. All it would take for him to give in was three pairs of doe eyes begging him and he'd be scooping up the little humans onto their bed and tucking the under the sheets. The boys are well aware that it is easy to butter their Mummy than it to their Papa, they only request to sleep in with her when with her. Smart little toddlers!

It was Harry, he still hasn't left yet. He just closed the door behind him carefully as the twins are light sleepers like their Mummy, he proceeded to take a seat in front of him on her bed. No words were shared as he just looked at her trying to figure where he should begin. He didn't know how to approach this. She is not going to say a word, he knows. They're both stubborn when it comes to confrontation.

"YN," Harry cooed trying to reach for her hand.

"You're a fucking hypocrite!" She snapped, swatting his hand away with a jerk. "You say one thing and do the complete opposite of it. Just stick to one thing! You want a divorce then set up some boundaries for fucks sake. What part of divorce do you not understand?"

"I'm trying to be there for the boys, what are you talking about?"

"I am not saying you are. I want you to stop being around me, okay? I want you to stop making it harder for me than it already is." She made it clear, "I don't want this. I don't want you touching me, I don't want you kissing me, sleeping with me, I don't want you to say you love me."

"But I do love you," he rushed, "doesn't mean we're getting a divorce that I don't love you anymore. I can never stop loving you, I don't think I can even do that. I gave you my reasons. We're separating mutually, aren't we?"

Answer to his question was, no. It's not mutual. She's agreeing just for his sake. She doesn't want a divorce, she wants to work through it.

He was coming home late after being out with his friends, drunk and high his ass off after long studio sessions now that he's been writing his new album, he never bothered anyone and went straight to bed. Whilst YN didn't liked that, she still let it slide for a month and a half. It started getting on her nerve when he'd be grumpy all day with a major hang over, she snapped when he yelled at the boys who were just wanting to play with him. It was the very next day he told her he wants a divorce and left for the studio.

"Be honest with me, do you not want it?" He asked when she said nothing. "YN?"

"No!" She exclaimed, "I don't want this. Why would I want to break a relationship that we spent a decade to make perfect? It's just not me and you anymore, we have two little ones now."

YN's trying hard not to break down in front him. Whatever it is he does not need to see her cry, and it usually made her feel weak. It usually is easy for her to cry bit deal with everything which comes her way calmly without a breakdown. She felt the sinking feeling in her stomach, physically.

"I am going to go stay with my parents for a couple of weeks." She shared, "you can come over to see the kids and I think you should leave now." She walked over to the door to open it for him. He's got no other option than to leave. It's better he did that and get his shit together for him to talk about this.

......................................................................

"YN, come help me." Her dad said, he carried the gardening tools. Twins were out with their grandma and Aunty for grocery shopping. She was lied on the sofa staring at the ceiling as some episode of Friends played in the background.

It's been a week and half and YN's fallen sick as she expected. It was meant to happen with how overworked she has been, she's had a fever and has been throwing up every morning. She has been sick and more lost especially today since morning.

Her parents haven't bought up the topic of her divorce yet, they can still see how it has been affecting. God, how they didn't liked him for their daughter at first. They had no idea how much she loved him, that for the first time she rebelled against them. It wasn't just her teen phase, they came to realise soon enough.

"Do you want me to take you to doctor again?" Her asked.

"No, I'm fine now." She shrugged and started with cleaning out dried out leaves from her dad's garden.

"How do you like these? Harper picked this." He showed her the new rose plant he'd got just yesterday when he took the boys out so she can rest.

"Good." She nodded. "I, I want to go sleep."

"Okay, did you take you medicines?" Her dad enquired.

"No, I, I'll take it." She assured him before she walked inside, just as she was about to go to her room she saw the mess that was her sister's room. Her kids were sleeping in her sister's room because she was sick. Toys everywhere. Not that her sister was rhe tidiest person she knew, she still picked up after her toddlers.

"Mumma!" Harlow came running to her followed by Harper, both of them tackled her with hugs. "Nani gave chocolate!" He showed a tiny packet of Reeses cups, his brother got one too.

"Yay!" She celebrated, "did you say thank you to Nani?"

"Yes!" Harper nodded, "open, pwease?"

They'd already had their lunch so YN opened the chocolate wrappers for both of them, had them sit down with their toys. There were so much to play with at their Grandparents' place, but the boys hardly fought over the same toy. When her sister got back to her room, YN went back to hers to get in a nap.

"YN?" She heard her mum calling her from the living room. Sighing she got out of bed to check what her mother had to say. "Harry's here to see the kids."

"No, I'm just here to talk to you for now." Harry rushed, "would you please?" He gestured her to go out with him. She walked him to her room. "Baba told me you're sick."

Yeah, he called her father Baba.

"I'm sorry." He started, "never asked you if you wanted this."

"Thank you." She nodded, now sat on her bed.

"I was just being stupid." He admitted crouching in front of her, "but I never lied when I said I feel like I've lost myself. You know we never talked about boys until recently to anyone. It felt like I was living two different lives. It is very hard, I feel so guilty that I can't be there for you and our babies but I also love to tour and be on stage." He voice cracked as his eyes brimmed with tears, "it looked easy to do this. Guess I was being selfish with choosing what I want, I don't know how I feel about it yet. I just needed a break to get my shit together. Can't stay away from you, I realised, or I can't stay away from our boys. It's just that I haven't been able to give the three of you much of my time, but also don't wanna stop touring."

"All this while you've been nothing but so supportive of me, I am so sorry I didn't realise you'd support me through this too. You respected the reasons I gave you which I now call bullshit. You don't want this yet agreed to it. You've been through all the highs with me, guess I didn't wanted you to be through the lows. Just want you to be happy and not worry about anything. I am sorry lovie, I don't want it anymore. Still want to be with you." He grabbed her hands in her lap, "you think you can forgive me, please?"

He looked just like the boys with his doe eyes looking up at her (or you can say the twins are xerox copy of him), he was crying. Tip of his nose turned pink, same shade as his lips.

"You need to take a break, from everything." She spoke, "it's not stupid or bullshit to feel overwhelmed, okay? You don't have to make a choise between what you love, it's not how it works. You're an amazing father to the boys. It hurt me so much that you didn't wanted to be with me anymore, did I do something? Do you not feel attracted to me anymore? Have you fallen out of love with me? Is there som—"

"No, no, no, no!" He rushed cutting her off mid sentence, "It's not that, I don't know why I said I want a divorce. God I love you and only you. It's just you. Please, please, please don't ever think about it!" He brought her hands to his mouth pressing little sloppy kisses on her knuckles as he sobbed quietly, he didn't even imagine it would come out this way to her. God he never even looks at anyone else other than her. It was a stab in his heart that she thought he's in love with someone else. Hell, he's on his knees for her now! "Let's take it back. I don't want to get a divorce. Don't want you to leave, please!"

He broke down sobbing even more when she pulled him in a warm embrace, he just cried with his face buried in her chest like a baby. His arms wrapped around her like he's falling off a cliff.

Harry honestly didn't know why he did that, why he let things go this far with the divorce. God he couldn't imagine his life without her. He loves her too much. He thought maybe he could have one less thing to feel guilty about if they separate. But he was proved very just this morning when he went to her flat to see the kids and also her just to realise she's at her parents, four hours away, he straight away drove to her.

It scared him. Even though she was still close by yet he felt like she's out of reach. He's never felt that way before, cal him overdramatic for acting on this as fast he could and go back to her. Her dad was probably mad at him as he texted him about how sick she's been, turned out he was just telling him how YN is doing. He also missed his little boys.

"We're never going to complain about you not being there for her," she started speaking for the kids as well, "they love you Harry, so do I. We'd nothing but for you to be happy with us. Don't want you to feel guilty, you're a dad now doesn't mean you have to feel pressured to leave what you love to do. I knew what I was signing up for when I said yes to be with you, never once I thought you were a bad partner. I don't know where it all came from, but I love you so much. We're going to work this out, I'm not going anywhere, our boys are not going anywhere, okay? I promised you, didn't I? Through highs and lows."

"We are!" He said, firmly as he pulled away enough to look at her sniffling. "I love you so much!" He peppered her face with more sloppy wet kisses before pulling her in a bear hug. It was her turn to cry her heart out, feeling the assuring weight of his hand on the back of her head, his finger flexing in gentle strokes on her scalp. "Hey, it's okay, we'll be okay." She wrapped her arms around his middle tightly.

YN's been a mess since Monday and it's only Thursday, especially since her last doctors visit with her mum. She has been going through same symptoms she went through when she was pregnant two hears ago, sore breasts, nood swings, nausea, morning sickness. God she was put into such a bad mental space when the doctor suggested she takes a pregnancy test. There were chances she was pregnant, her and Harry were still having sex being careless about using the right protection, she hasn't got her period in a month. But YN's also been a hormonal mess since giving birth, breastfeeding and then stopping to breastfeed, that messed up with her periods too.

On one hand she wanted the test to turn out to be positive so she can just have her husband call off the divorce thinking about another child, the selfish and cruel side of her spoke. On other hand she didn't wanted it to be positive because she just can't bear another pregnancy after such a short time, physically. Especially since her first one has taken such a huge toll of her. The first time she was pregnant, she had twins.

She was glad the test came out negative. She started with her period the very next day, explaining her nausea and sore breasts. That also explains her breakdown in the moment.

"Hey sweetheart, it's alright." He assured her trying to calm her down, "no, no you're gonna get more sick." The last time she cried like this was when she failed one of the most important entrance exam for the course she was wanting to take up and made herself sick. He worried.

Harry noticed it's started to get dark outside, they've been locked in her bedroom for so long talking it all out. He heard the twins screaming and squealing outside, probably playing with YN's brother and sister. "Baby did you fell asleep on me?" He checked on his wife who hasn't moved in a long moment. She was letting letting endorphins settle in her.

"No," she pulled away enough to look at him, "I didn't."

Should she tell him about the test?

"I, I had to take a test on Monday." She started nervously glancing at him before he fixed her gaze on her hands in her lap, "it came out negative."

"You wanted it to be positive?"

"I don't know," she sighed, finally looking up at him he was sat back on his heels now, still close enough to her. She flet bad for even thinking of guilt tripping him into staying there. But did she also had the heart to tell she doesn't want to separate in the first place? When he told her he's been overwhelmed with responsibilities.

"You want to take a nap?" He asked, "we can go out to get dinner, just us, later?"

"I don't want to go out." She shook her head, "don't feel well."

"That's okay, I want you to take a nap now, hmm?" He proceeded to pull back the blanket on the bed and slip off her house slippers off her feet, urging her to lie down. So she did. "They're having fun outside, don't worry about them just get in some rest, sweetheart." He cut her off before she could even utter a sound, he tucked her in softly.

"Harry, I—"

"We'll talk more later, baby, I promise." He interrupted her again, but watched her face turn into more of an angry one, "just want you to rest, look at you, sunken eyes, runny nose. Okay, what is it?" He rested his head on her pillow as he scooted closer to the bed still sitting on the floor.

"I wanted it to be positive, the test at first." YN shared. She just can't keep things which are bothering her to herself.

"I don't think we should have another baby. Did you wanted one?"

"No, I don't think I can do it again. Not this soon. Be pregnant I mean. I thought, this is so very wrong, I thought if it were to turn out to be positive you'd change your mind about this. Be—because I didn't know how to tell you I don't want to get a divorce." She stuttered, as new set of tears pooled in her reddened eyes. "Sorry."

"It's alright. Why didn't you wanted to tell me you don't want that?" He cooed, his hand running soothing strokes on her back.

"Because..." She sighed as she trailed off, "because you said you were overwhelmed by everything. I didn't wanted to hold you back when you wanted one less thing to worry about."

"Well, I was very wrong." He started of with a firm statement, "I felt like I was just a bad husband to you, the worse one to ever exist. I mean, I can see it clearly now. You've been overworking yourself..."

"You're not." She commented.

"Yes, I am. Cancelled my tour, I want to try this and put the boys and you first for now." He shared, "I don't want to hear anything about it, I want this and will not complain about it, I promise."

He knows her way too much, doesn't he? He can really tell what she's about to say just by looking in her eyes.

"You really want that?" She still asked.

"Went regularly to see my therapist last week, talked to her about this. I realised I really want this. She really helped me through when I was confused. Lemme do this for me, for us, yeah?" His voice was nothing but assuring. Now he rarely talks whereabouts of his therapy sessions, to anyone for the matter of fact, but when he does it's when he's made firm decisions which he plans to stick to. Though YN would have supported him if he still wanted to go on tour.

"Okay." She agreed.

"Can I get a kiss? Missed you so much!" Harry was already leaning in but she pulled back.

"Don't want you to get sick!"

"I don't care." He shrugged, dipped his head lower to press a gentle kiss on her mouth. "I love you."

"I love you." She leaned into his touch, little puppy kiss they shared.

"You want to come home?" He asked.

"I want to stay here for the rest of my days off." She shook her head. It was just going to clear her mind and give her some rest now, plus she doesn't feel like driving back to Hampstead when one of her organ is literally bleeding haywire.

"That's alright." He nodded, "are you going to come back home on Monday then?"

"Mhmm." She nodded. He gave her another firm kiss on her mouth.

"Rest now, okay? I'll go see our babies." He gave her yet another kiss, before he reluctantly walked to the bathroom to wash off his face first. He headed out to see Harper and Harlow.

"Yay, Papa!" Both of them went running to him as expected.

Harry was gonna be pulled y YN's dad to a side to give him a bug talk. He could sense it. Her dad is protective of her. Harry wouldn't blame him, he'd do the same if anyone to hurt his kiddos. So he braced himself.

To his surprise, he was forced to stay over for the weekend with the family. They never brought up the topic of divorce which was now being scrapped, though all of them were happy to hear they're planning to stay together.

YN knew people online are gonna hate her, if they didn't already that Harry cancelled his entire tour just because he wants to give his family the time and love they deserve from him. Also the pull back from divorce was gonna divid his fandom into two parts for sure, just like their wedding did.

YN and Harry both got married at just the age of 19 and 20, which was their own decision after dating of year and half and he was still in the band. Very young indeed but it was their decision. It wasn't taken very well by the media. But who cares?

They're still together and going strong!

N O T E :

1) I wrote this in like few sittings. Sorry if there are any typos or words missing. 🥺 I didn't proofread this.

2) Hope you liked this one.

3) Pls lemme know what you think, what Harry should have done in your opinion?

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@vrittivsanghavi @buckymydarlingangel @sweetwritingfanficfriend @theroosterswife24 @sleutherclaw @melllinaa @michellekstyles @sunshinemoonsposts @marialikescherries Lemme know if you want to added to the tag list

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xxisxxisxxis · 2 years ago

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Gateway Drug: Volume II | Part One

Words: 5.2k

Warning(s): explicit language

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3 MONTHS LATER

"I'll be home for Christmas, you can count on me…" It filters through the pocket radio perched on my bathroom vanity as I finish off my lipstick, taking one last look at my curled hair in the mirror, my stomach turning as I let out a breath, clearing my throat and practicing my smile a couple times, dreading leaving the comfort of my bathroom.

"You're such a dork, Viv, why're you so nervous?" I snap at myself in a whisper, trying to catch my breath that runs further and further from me the longer I think about my husband waiting in the living room.

"Viv?" Mandy's voice calls from the other side of the door and I'm trying to snap out of it.

"Yeah?"

"You're ten minutes behind schedule." She politely reminds me like I had asked her to when I started getting ready.

"I'm coming." I tell her, turning off the radio and inhaling deeply, breathing it out and opening the door, meeting the step-mother of my baby boy. "Are you sure you guys will be alright staying so late? I really don't want to be a bother – "

" – Vivian, me and Duff have the baby. You go have some fun and relax." She assures me, and I hear Duff laughing in the living room, no doubt amused by our son.

"Okay." I say, swallowing the lump in my throat before pulling my heels on as she slips out of my room.

I follow once my shoes are on, stepping through the masses of Christmas decorations before walking past the kitchen, getting to the living room.

A Charlie Brown Christmas is on the T.V., and Duff's on the cream colored carpet with the baby in a t-shirt and boxers, blowing against the bottom of his little foot, getting him to kick and squeal as a big toothless smile comes to his face.

I watch the exchange, my heart further tugging at the idea of leaving him, but glancing at Nikki to see his attention has been pulled from his step-son and redirected onto me, his amused laughter halting as hungry eyes lick up from my feet to my hair, causing heat to rise up in my face.

I'm walking over to Duff, Mandy, and Monroe, his green eyes shifting to me, and he's smiling wider.

"Hey, handsome!" I pipe, Duff picking him up and handing me to him. "Ohh, my big man." I add, kissing at his cheek when I forget I'm wearing lipstick. "Oops, sorry," I chuckle, wiping at his cheek, smearing it. "Okay, bottles are in the fridge, they're ready to go just warm them up. Tommy fed him before you guys got here so don't give him his next one for another hour. He's still doing the thing when you lay him down at night where he cries for no reason. Remember how the doctor said just let him cry it out."

"Viv, I know, you've told me this a hundred times." Duff assures me, and I have to remind myself he's been soaking everything I’ve told him about our child like a sponge, and he's aware of the same things I am at this point.

"Right." I breathe out. "We should be back by midnight." I add, looking down at my ex-boyfriend who's got his happy eyes glued to our son.

"You can stay gone all night, we don't care." He says, and I know he means it, enjoying the time he's had to see his kid.

It just happened that Duff would have one day home after the birth of Monroe before he and the rest of Guns ‘N Roses were being swept away on tour with Aerosmith. It was a month-long spree, and then they toured with Alice Cooper, then Iron Maiden followed after that. By the time Duff got home, our newborn sprouted into his twin with a head full of brown hair, and was dressed in Christmas-themed onesies marked 3-6 months.

I think he freaked out when he realized how much he had missed in the few short months. Of course he would call, send letters, and when they returned he’d have a plethora of baby clothes/toys.

It helped me out that his family wanted to be as involved as they could be, two of his sisters coming to stay a couple weeks after he was born, his mother as well. Even Matt, who I had possibly dreaded seeing the most being that he was well aware that we had been fooling around long before anyone else knew — and had even warned Duff of this kinda thing at some point, I’m sure — was ecstatic to be with his nephew.

I expected some petty, catiness from Mandy, but there was none to be found. She was all for practically moving in to my house with me while Duff went on tour with the guys, and we didn't have anymore qualms. Like I stated before, she was really good to my son, and that's all that I cared about by that point.

Tommy also stayed an exuberant amount of time (An entire month straight with no interruptions), and by day 21 I asked, “Does Heather not mind you not being at home even though you’re in the same city?” To which he responded, “she’s working, anyway, she’s cool with it.”

I didn't realize how awesome he was with kids. It made sense since he himself was like a giant child, but he loved every moment of time with the new little man in my life – even when he would get shit on or covered in throwup.

Sharise helped me out, majorly, recommending brands she had used and tried with Skylar that worked the best for her.

It wasn't a hard adjustment for me, I was used to not getting much sleep at night and cleaning up puke, and once Monroe got to be a toddler and went through a phase of not wanting to keep his clothes on, I realized just how much Motley Crue had prepared me for motherhood.

As for Nikki and I, he and the boys had started writing for Dr. Feelgood, and we had decided that once I had gone through the eight weeks of healing – thanks to Monroe, for not wanting to just do what he was supposed to and forcing me to go through the fever dream that is caesarean delivery – every Saturday night was dedicated to a date night between the two of us. I thought it was a good plan and a great way to try to get back to how we were before had gotten married.

Except I completely forgot we were also screwing like rabbits before we got married, so our dates back then would always end happily and satisfied, whereas once we started dating again, he was so nervous he was scared to even touch my hand while I was used to him taking the lead and making all the first moves. So, whatever awkward dates I avoided in my teenage years had caught up with me in my mid-twenties through my own husband.

"Did you have a good day?" He asks me once we get into his car – the blacked out Mercedes I had told him not to get last year and he had gotten it anyway as a reward for sticking it out in rehab for the majority of the time he was supposed to.

"Yeah."

It's been decent, to say the least.

"I was gonna try to go down to my studio and see what all needed to be repaired and then go look at cars but Tommy absolutely forbade me." I add, looking at him. "He said I don't get to leave him since we haven't gotten to hangout much. So I didn't argue or tell him we'd've had more time to hangout over the years if he wouldn't have been so freaking insufferable from being loaded and lying to me all the time."

Nikki doesn't say anything, and I'm not sure if it's because he just doesn't have anything to say, or if he's trying not to get into all that.

I decide it's the latter, and offer up a, "sorry," still working on the skill of letting shit go – which believe it or not has become easier to do since I've had a kid.

As if everything that I saw as monumental before was just background noise compared to motherhood, now.

"So…" I start as we start down the street to get out of the neighborhood. "...Where are we going?"

"It's an early surprise for my birthday." He explains to me and I furrow my brows, looking at him.

"You're surprising me for your birthday that isn't for another, what, almost two weeks?" I ask him, and he licks his lips, nodding.

"Yeah."

"Sixx, if you bought me a car or a house or anything at all, other than dinner, I'm going to kick your ass." I promise, raising my brows.

"I don't have the money to do all of that right now." He chuckles as we head to town. "The only car you're getting from me is in your driveway." He adds, referring to my Corvette.

I've been hard at work looking for a new car that I can legally ride Monroe around in, having to use either Duff's or Mandy's car for the time being, though Nikki offered his Jeep up but I'm not comfortable driving it with Monroe in tow.

It doesn't feel sturdy enough to face a potential car accident.

He starts up again, and I look over at him, his straight hair that's just past his shoulders, now, so vividly black that I know he's dyed it recently, his skin has maintained it's healthy glow since sobriety, no longer a yuckish yellow hue to it or unnecessary claminess to accompany the track marks.

It's a little shocking how vastly different he looks now compared to a year ago, down to the way he offers me a warm smile when he looks at me now instead of a cold snarl followed by a slew of curses and topped off with addressing me as, "crazy bitch."

Though I'm not too prideful to admit I wasn't exactly a ray of sunshine either, at that time.

I'd provoke him for the hell of it sometimes, so those "crazy bitch"s I'd get were deserved…sometimes.

"...But after this album and this new tour, I'm buying you anything you want."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah." He nods, smacking his gum.

"You know I don't care about that stuff, Nikki." I mumble, looking at my lap for a moment before pushing a strand of red hair behind my ear, and he looks at me for a second.

"I know that, Viv, but I do." He shrugs.

"I'm well aware." I scoff, rubbing my lips together. "Just, don't buy me a bunch of shit I don't ask for again and then call me ungrateful anytime we get into a fight."

"I'm not gonna do that, anymore, alright? But that doesn't mean I'm not gonna buy you nice things, either." He counters. "I wanna spoil you." He adds, smirking, "Starting with a nice dinner."

"How nice?" I nearly dread asking it, beginning to feel underdressed suddenly, despite the fact that I know I'm not.

All he does is look at me with a sly grin, one that made me question ripping his head off – and his clothes – simultaneously.

As suspected, his dinner was a trap.

We arrived at the posh restaurant only to be met by Gene Simmons and his girlfriend – Shannon.

I'd never been more tempted to try to impossibly shotgun a bottle of wine in my life than that night.

I take a prolonged drink of water, trying to listen as Mr. Simmons – who I refuse to call "Gene" to his face thanks to him practically undressing me with his eyes upon seeing me, exuberantly extending his hand and offering a cocky, "Call me Gene," before kissing the top of my hand – continues to hammer on about anything and everything me, Nikki, and his beautiful girlfriend will listen to.

Even Shannon, blonde hair falling over her shoulders, straightened, as wisps of a bangs framing her face, can't help but eventually roll her blue eyes and politely interrupt, "Genie, maybe let someone else speak."

She talks to him as if trying to coax a toddler to eat vegetables, though I learned long ago that it's the only way most people can get him to do anything he doesn't want to do.

"Okay, baby, okay," He sighs out in an almost condescending tone that Shannon brushes off before looking at me.

"How's your baby boy?" She asks innocently, despite the fact that the question has me nearly choking on my water for a moment while Nikki awkwardly fumbles with his rings.

"He's great." I answer her.

"How old is he, now?" She asks next.

"Um, he just turned three months last week." I reply, and Gene leans back in his chair before bluntly asking:

"Does he look like the blonde kid?"

I know he's referring to Duff, my nails biting into my palms as I try to remember what I've been telling myself for the last three months.

People are going to ask questions. Talk about it like it's not a weird situation, and it won't be a weird situation.

"He does, actually." I nod, and he looks at Nikki.

"I bet you're thrilled about that." He tries to sound like he's joking, but I know he's not as sarcastically throws it out to my husband, to which Nikki scoffs it off and says, "It is what it is, man."

"At this point, I'm sure everyone's just grateful that he's a healthy baby." Shannon eases the tension before it even really arises.

"Exactly." Nikki agrees, glancing at Gene.

"Well, I commend you for what you're doing. I wouldn't be able to try to make it work if I were you." He adds, raising his thick, black brows.

"You wouldn't be able to pull Vivian in the first place for you to be me." Nikki passive aggressively counters, his jaw clenching and unclenching despite his smile on his face as Shannon and I look at one another for a moment as if we're expecting to dodge from the table and let them duke it out – well, kind of. Gene doesn't seem like the type.

"Haha." Gene laughs it off with the same passiveness.

"I heard you on Howard Stern." Shannon starts next, and I feel the color drain from my face.

"Oh, yeah?"

"You two held it together really good – he was invasive. It would've given me the creeps if I had to be there." She says.

Shortly after I had Monroe and Appetite for Destruction flew off the charts and the band started blowing up big-time, Howard Stern wanted to sit down and talk with me and Duff about our unique predicament and Duff's forthcoming fame. It was just as weird as I had feared it would've been, and because of it I failed to mention even doing it to Tommy, Vince, Mick, and especially…

"Howard Stern? You were on Howard Stern?" Nikki asks as he looks at me with furrowed brows.

"This morning." I nod, licking my lips. "Duff and I went."

"For what?"

"To talk about the stuff that's happened, and Duff talked about Guns 'N Roses, and the album, and the tour, and stuff." I try to emphasize Duff's involvement and brush over the fact that I essentially got an interview with Howard Stern just for screwing my husband's friend and getting knocked up.

My sugar-coating doesn't work, however, Nikki's eyes staying on me while I drink more water to fill the gap of silence as Shannon looks as if she's in trouble for mentioning it while Mr. Simmons leans on his elbow, hand covering his mouth, hiding a smirk while he glances between the two of us.

I know we'll get into it on the way home tonight by the way he clears his throat, patting himself down before stating, "I forgot my wallet in the car, I'll be back in a second."

He offers a fake smile, patting my shoulder as he stands up and Shannon lets out a breath and smiles at me awkwardly.

"I'm gonna powder my nose." It's as if she's clawing to escape the quiet that has now engulfed our table, leaving me and her boyfriend alone so she can go to the bathroom, only for him to stare at me freely now, out from under the supervision of our significant others.

I stir my water with my straw, looking around for Nikki to come back as if he can walk at super-human speed.

I'd rather be arguing with him in the parking lot than sitting across from the man who's slept with over 2,000 women and allegedly has kept photo albums to document each conquest.

"Is that your natural hair color?" He asks me and I look at him.

"Yep…is that yours?" I nod to his jet black hair and he slowly cracks a smile.

"Yeah, it sure is." He states. "All the hair on my body is naturally colored, too." He adds. "And yours?"

"I don't like body hair." I say flatly, feeling I know where he's trying to go with this, his brows shooting up.

"Woah, they didn't say anything about that in Hustler." He retorts.

"It was Playboy." I correct him as he picks up his water glass.

"Porn is porn." He finishes off his drink, the bottom of it hitting the table as he puts it down. "And I personally think you should do more of it."

I get the same unsettled feeling I had in my stomach when Sparkie started to hit on me in a very abrupt and creepy way.

My face must be red because he furrows his brows, next, and says, "What? There's nothing to be embarrassed about. They were beautiful pictures." He adds. "Shannon's done Playboy before…"

"...Yeah." I try to sound as disinterested as I can, looking around for his girlfriend or Nikki.

"Maybe you two can do one together." He says next, smirking at the thought. "Or with me, for my own collection, of course." He offers smoothly, my throat drying up as well as other anatomical body parts, and I'm being snapped from my sudden need to throw up as Shannon comes back with a smile, plopping down in the chair, letting out a breath before kissing Gene's cheek.

Of course he glows under her affection, as if viewing it as worship, before he gives me one last glance while I wait for Nikki to return.

I never considered myself a prude, not really – especially not with flirting. I didn't mind when guys I was friends with laid on the pickup lines and heavy compliments, mostly because I knew that they knew nothing would've ever happened between us so it was more so a show of affection.

There was a distinct line between Robbin, Vince, or Stevie hitting on me, and then guys that were borderline giving the impression that they were entitled to me because they found me attractive.

And Gene had left me with the impression of being one of those guys.

The drive back to my house after dinner is awkwardly quiet, reminiscent of our trip home from Duff's wedding, though this time it's not Nikki's fear of me still being in love with Duff that keeps him so quiet, it's the fact I kept a decently big thing from him, again, and he's trying to bite his tongue to keep from getting into it with me.

I let out a breath and look at him, the silhouette of his toned bicep extending down his forearm to his wrist, connected to the single hand holding at the wheel of the car.

I’m wrestling myself not to reach over and run my hand along the warm skin of his arm and press kisses along his jaw while whispering how sorry I am for not telling him about the Howard Stern thing.

A couple years ago I wouldn’t have thought twice about it, it was an easy way to get out of an argument that we both utilized.

Trying to figure out what to say to him to start the inevitable conversation, I have to put an end to where my touch-starved train of thought is headed, knowing that we can’t solve our problems with sex anymore.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the Howard thing.” I admit softly, hoping the tone of my voice is enough to melt some of his anger, being that a blowjob would be inappropriate right now. “I just didn’t want you to listen to it because I thought he’d be weird and creepy — and he was — but it was already a risk with Duff there, too, but he’s got a decent grip on his temper and takes stuff on the chin more than you do.” I explain.

He lets out a heavy huff of breath, not saying anything, his jaw tensing for a moment before relaxing, his hand adjusting on the wheel.

I have to pull my eyes away from him and look out the window, thinking of Gene to hopefully calm the ache that’s starting to grow the longer I’m sitting in close proximity to my husband.

It helps substantially, but it’s shot to hell when Nikki’s right hand falls to my thigh, his fingers having a stern hold to the flesh under them and my breath nearly hitches in my throat.

I want those fingers digging into my hips or wrapping tightly around my throat as he watches tears fall from my eyes from pleasure while he punishes me the way I know he wants to, despite the fact that we agreed to “wait” until marriage — more so our vow renewal on our anniversary in seven months.

Ever since that agreement, he hasn’t so much as given me a kiss on the cheek Goodnight.

“I’ll get over it.” He finally mumbles, ending the conversation there.

I figure it’s better for him to say that than start tearing into me the way he would’ve a year ago.

Once we get back to my house, he’s getting out of the car and opening the door for me, helping me out, before we head to the front door.

“Let’s never do that again.” I say, not wanting to go for the “that was fun” bullshit because it wasn’t.

“Yeah, Gene’s…” he trails off, trying to find the word to describe him.

“He made me uncomfortable, Nikki.” I say next.

“Same here.” He agrees.

“No, Nikki, he made me uncomfortable.” I repeat, blinking.

"What, he didn't say anything when I left, did he?" He questions, and I rub my lips together, my silence answering for itself. “You know, I wouldn’t have agreed to go out with him had I known you’d already had your fucking fill of creeps to last the rest of the month,Vivian, I’m sorry you got it back to back.” He says next, and I cross my arms.

“What the hell are you doing being friends with him anyway, Nikki? He's a dickhead."

"Because he called and I'm trying to do more than sit in the house and work on an album. I need to be more social – and you do, too – and I figured it couldn't hurt anything for us to be social together." He says as if this is an argument.

"I'm social." I snap back, furrowing my brows, and he acts as if he's trying not to laugh as he shoots back, "That's the biggest load of bullshit."

"Why the hell do you have to turn everything into an argument?!" I ask sharply.

"I'm just saying we needed to go out and be social with other people and you're flipping your shit."

"I am not flipping my shit." I reach for my house key in my purse, unlocking the door.

"Vivi – "

" – I can flip my shit if you want me to since you've clearly forgotten what that looks like." I say it as I open the door, only for him to pull it closed once more, grabbing at my hip to turn me to face him, gently shoving me against the door to trap me, his left hand flat against the door above my head, his right hand pointing in my face as he looks down at me and states, "I know what you're doing, and it's not gonna work," while he's trying to hide a smirk.

"What am I doing?" I ask, looking at his finger for a moment, resisting the urge to pull it into my mouth.

Perhaps on a subconscious level our bickering has been rewarded by the other person so many times in the past – ending in mind blowing orgasms – that it's something we (should I say 'me') fall into easily.

"We agreed not to do anything until June." He tells me.

"You won't even give me a goodnight kiss, though." I say, raising my brows.

"Because that always leads to more stuff."

"No, it doesn't."

"Viv."

I hate to admit that perhaps this is another time that he's better at this whole 'repairing our relationship' thing than I am.

"Just one. A little one." I look up at him, trying to give my best puppy dog eyes, and he licks his lips.

"No tongue." He adds.

"No tongue." I agree, rubbing my lips together as my eyes dart from his eyes to his lips.

"A little one." He repeats, getting a little closer to me.

"Barely noticeable." I reply, my breath hitching as he relents, leaning down fully to catch my lips with his, except the door swings open in full to reveal Mandy, immediately causing the both of us to dart from one another, clearing our throats awkwardly.

"Monroe woke up from the bickering." She tells us.

I can believe her words because the window facing the street, only a few feet from our door, is the same window his crib is beside.

"Sorry." I whisper, but she doesn't make a move to look at me, keeping her eyes on Nikki with a raised brow as if he's solely to blame as the baby whines behind her from the living room.

Duff must be rubbing off on her because she's no longer a fan of my husband, either.

"Sorry." Nikki doesn't bother trying to whisper because the damage is already done, though he does look at Mandy the same way she's looking at him, and I have to clear my throat again and say, "Well…", to get them to cut it out.

"I got it from here." I say to her and she steps aside so I can get into the house. "Goodnight." I look over my shoulder at Nikki.

"Goodnight. See ya later." He grins at me.

Mandy's looking between us and rolling her eyes.

"C'mon," She nudges me inside, shutting the door in Nikki's face.

I don't think Mandy was going out of her way to be a bitch – I think she just didn't like Nikki much. Shortly after I had Monroe, she had tried to set me up with a friend of hers, another musician in the punk scene, but I told her I wasn't interested in being with anyone else other than Nikki, and that wasn't ever going to change.

I'm not sure if she just had more time to really think about it and dwell since Duff had been gone more often after that, but her attitude toward my husband had turned somewhat sour, and I couldn't really blame her. Anyone else in my shoes would've left him, but she should've also been glad I stayed with him, because if not for me staying, I would've ended up with Duff.

I made certain to never remind her of that, though, of course.

Once Monroe is back in his crib asleep and Mandy's in the kitchen washing his bottle, Duff's nudging me with his elbow, nodding to the back door of my house.

We get outside, the two of us sitting on lounge chairs, facing one another as his elbows rest on his knees, and my knees are almost touching his.

He rubs at his forehead, taking a moment to gather his thoughts as if he's hesitant to speak.

"What is it?" I ask him softly, plucking his hand from his forehead, holding it in mine, knowing he's doing it out of nervousness.

He looks at his hand in mine and lets out a heavy breath.

"So, we gotta be in Tokyo tomorrow night to be able to play Sunday." He gets it out, clearing his throat.

"I thought your tour was done?" I furrow my brows. "I thought you said – "

" – I should've told you sooner, Viv, I'm sorry." He says calmly.

"Oh, you lied to me." I look at him pointedly, dropping his hand.

"I didn't lie." He shakes his head.

"So, they just now let you guys know they were adding an extra leg to the tour while me and Nikki were out, or…?" I try to keep the sarcasm from my voice, irritation beginning to seep into my words.

"I didn't know how to tell you." He admits. "I've been gone a lot – "

" – No shit." I don't bite my tongue and he raises his brows.

"Excuse me?"

"You were here one day. One day. And it wasn't even the day he was born."

"How the hell was I supposed to know he was gonna be early, Vivian? That's not my fault!"

"But you did know you weren't gonna be here for his actual due date." I fire back. "And never told me."

"That doesn't even matter now, Vivian, he's here."

"It matters to me!" I raise my voice. "I didn't want Axl to be the one in the room with me during one of the scariest things I've had to go through. I didn't want him to be the first one – aside from myself – to hold our baby. And I tolerated it because I thought to myself, 'he came earlier than we planned, nobody was prepared for it', and then I found out that it wouldn't have mattered if he came when he was supposed to because you wouldn't have been there, anyway." I point at him and he takes in a breath, not saying another word. "You told me you'd be home at the end of September. You didn't get home until Thanksgiving. Then you told me you were done until the next album. Now, you're gonna be gone for how long, again?"

"We will be back December 20th." He replies flatly. "And we'll be done until next year." He adds.

"Okay, Duff, right. We'll see." I scoff, standing up, walking back into the house, slamming the door shut.

Perhaps I overreacted, or maybe he would’ve felt more comfortable telling me the truth sooner had he thought that I would’ve reacted more calmly.

I was proud of the guys and their success, and them being pressed to tour so much was a sign that they had finally made it the way they had dreamed of — it was a wonderful thing to happen to them, and I’m glad it did.

I just hadn’t exactly thought through raising a baby with someone who couldn’t be there 100 percent of the time, and it hurt the both of us for him to miss so much so early on, and had me wondering if I even wanted children with Nikki, because I knew it would be the same damn thing.

#nikki sixx #mötley crüe #nikki sixx fanfiction #nikki sixx x oc #gateway drug

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jatpsometimes · 3 years ago

Text

hello everyone, I return with more angst, this time, Willex!

As The World Caves In

Words: 2,554

Summary: 90s Alive AU where Sunset Curve performed in the Orpheum and are now rising stars. Alex and Willie have met and began dating shortly after the show. Around a year of their relationship, Willie falls seriously ill, and Alex is there to support him.

Disclaimers:

The boys are all around 18, as this is set a year after the orpheum performance where they were all 17.

The boys did not die in this AU, merely just had a bad case of food poisoning.

As this is set in the 90s, Flynn, Julie, Nick and other characters do not exist.

This is based on the assumption that Willie was also alive and 17 in the 90s.

I do not own any of these characters, however both Willie and Alex's parents are my own interpretations.

Ao3 link:

@thedragonemperess

Alex looks at Willie's face, and smiles weakly. Willie looks...weaker, than usual, and was clearly trying to put on a brave face for his much loved boyfriend.

"How do you feel today?" Alex asks, gently.

"...Better, I think." Wille replies, sheepishly.

"Willie, you don't have to pretend you feel okay, you know that, right?" says Alex.

"...You're right...well then, my chest hurts when I breathe, and I feel constantly tired. The other day, Reggie brought me in food that his mom made specifically for me, and it looked great and it smelt divine, but I couldn’t muster the appetite to eat it. He just looked so...disappointed, Alex."

Alex sighed, and took Willie's hand.

"He understands though. It's...it's harder on you, and we both know Reggie would never hold it against you."

"I know just-" Willie begins coughing violently mid sentence, "...Sorry. But it's just, I hate feeling so...useless, y'know? I want to get out and function like a normal person, but even getting out of bed winds me for the next hour, never mind walking out of here."

Willie looks at Alex. His eyes are so...tired looking. Alex's heart breaks a little more at the sight. Willie's eyes, the eyes that were always so bright and full of life looked so dull now. His face which always bore a smile, so...gray looking, skinnier. Even his arms which Alex loved to be held in were weaker. And yet he was still the man Alex loved, and would continue to love.

"Willie...I...look, you just..." Alex stammers over his words.

"Hotdog. It's okay. I know you're worried, but really, I'll be okay. I'm doing better than I look, the doctors say so. And lord knows they're being paid enough to tell the truth."

Alex laughs weakly. Willie still has his sense of humour. That has to be good, right?

Right.

A nurse enters the room to inform Alex that visiting hours end soon. Alex nods, and says he'll be out in a bit.

"You have to go?" Willie says sadly.

"...Yeah. I do."

"...You'll be back tomorrow though, right?"

"Of course. Of course I will."

Alex kisses Willie gently on the forehead.

"Is that it?" Willie says, a smirk on his face.

"Oh- Uh-" Alex stammers as his face turns bright red.

"You don't have to, you know? I was teasing."

"No- I- I just wasn't expecting to hear it. But since you asked," Alex leans in, "sure, that's not all."

Alex kisses Willie passionately, moving one hand to Willie's shoulder, and the other running through his hair. Willie pulls Alex in closer in suit. The two break apart, both smiling wide.

"That certainly wasn't all then." Willie laughs.

"What a 'bye for now', huh?" Alex says, his face still red from his moment of bravery.

"For now," Willie says, pausing for a second "I love you, Alex." he adds.

Alex stares at him for a second, unsure of what he just heard.

"...I love you too, Willie."

A few months later, Alex is visiting Willie again. Willie is still hesitant to admit it, but with his recently shaved head and the numerous more machines beeping and such around his bed, it is clear to Alex that his condition is worsening.

"Stay still, will you? I don't want to nick you." Alex says as he slowly, carefully, shaves the recently appeared stubble on Willie's face.

Willie does not reply but does become more still, merely watching Alex as he shaves his face with such care.

"There. Feel better?" Alex asks as he prepares to shave Willie's head.

"...Yeah." Willie says, hoarsely.

"I'm gonna help you sit up now so I can get your head, okay?"

"Sure." Willie says. As Alex helps him sit up, he starts coughing again. When he moves his hand away from his mouth, there are a few drops of blood. He makes hesitant eye contact with Alex, who, aware that Willie doesn't want to be made a fuss over, merely cleans his hand and sighs softly.

As Alex lathers his head with shaving cream, Willie starts to cry softly. When he notices, Alex stops, cleans off his hands, and sits on the bed beside him.

"Willie...what's happened, dear?"

"They, uh...they told me the results of my scan yesterday. The lung cancer...it's progressed. It's spread to my kidneys now. Alex...they uh, they aren’t giving me long to live."

Alex's shoulders slump in defeat. All the fighting...all the effort and the pain. Willie even lost his hair trying to fight off cancer and...for nothing. Alex stands up, wordlessly, and begins to shave Willie's head.

"So, you're just...saying nothing?" Willie says, a tangible note of hurt in his voice.

Alex bites his lip to stifle a sob. He can't cry in front of Willie right now. Willie is the one who's allowed to cry right now. He keeps shaving.

"Alex. Please. Say something...anything."

Alex lets out a sob, and immediately he feels Willie tense up.

"Alex-" Willie starts as he tries to turn around.

"No, please. Just...just let me finish shaving, please." Alex says, his voice breaking slightly.

Willie turns around again, facing away from Alex, and lets him finish shaving his head.

When visiting hours end that evening, Alex hugs Willie as tight as he can without hurting, and pats Willie's back as he sobs and yells into Alex's shoulder. He says it'll be okay, he tries to comfort him, but they both know this can't possibly ever be okay.

Alex is in a mall with the other three boys. In front of them is a case of rings. A jeweller walks over to them.

"Ah, you're-"

"Sunset Curve! Tell your friends." cuts in Reggie. The boys laugh.

"...Yes. My daughter loves you, she's booked tickets to your next tour."

"Ah! A fan! Or...well, rather a parent of a fan." Says Luke, excitedly.

"Indeed. Well, how may I help you boys today?"

"Well, uh, we're looking for a ring." Alex says.

"I think, if you follow me this way, you'll find more what you're looking for? This is the...engagement ring section."

The boys look at her blankly.

"Oh. Well, someone's a lucky girl-"

"A lucky boy, actually." They correct her, all looking towards Alex, who currently looks rather sheepish. The jeweller makes an "oh" face.

"Well then, Mr. Mercer? I think this ring right here will be perfectly suited."

She points to a silver band.

"We do ring engraving too, if that's your thing."

Alex looks at the boys. They smile at him and nod, already knowing what he's thinking.

Willie and Alex's parents crowd into the small hospital room. All four of them look ecstatic, an odd sight for a room with a dying man in it. Outside, Luke, Reggie and Bobby are fighting to get a good look.

"Alex, love...what on earth are you doing?"

Alex laughs, his hands shaking behind his back. He looks to his parents, who nod, then Willie's, who smile at him. He gets down on one knee beside the hospital bed.

"Willie, I have loved you since the day I met you backstage at the orpheum. I have loved you since you looked after me during the aftermath of that nasty ass hotdog, and I have loved you since you stayed by me when I came out."

Willie looks at him, unsure of how to react to what he's hearing. Alex brings out the ring box from behind his back.

"I know that we can't legally get married. And I know that it will never feel properly real because of that. But Willie...if I could..." Alex trails off.

"...Go on." Willie says, quietly.

"Willie...I- Will you marry me?"

The energy from the couples' parents in the corner of the room is electric.

"Of course, Alex. Of course."

Alex breathes a sigh of relief and stands up to give Willie the ring. The boys cheer and whoop from outside the room, before being shushed, because people are dying here.

"Alex...did you- did you get a hotdog engraved on this?"

Alex smiles slightly.

"I love it. I fucking love it." Willie says, as he lets Alex slide the ring onto his finger.

"And look," Alex says, pulling out his own counterpart ring from his pocket "mines has a skateboard."

Willie laughs, the first genuine laugh he's had in a while, but then in a snap back to reality, begins coughing harshly, and both Alex and his parents rush to hold him, and wipe his face of the blood spatters.

The rest of visiting hours are spent sneaking the boys a toast of champagne - for they know Willie won't live to 21 - as well as sharing baby photos and many, many congratulations.

Days later, Willie signs a deed poll to change his surname to Mercer. Both Alex and Willie reason it's as close as they'll ever get to marriage.

A month later, the nights get colder faster now, and Alex notices it more than he ever has as he speeds to Willie's hospital at 11 at night. As his listed emergency contact, the hospital have contacted him as well as Willie's parents. Alex is trying desperately to calm his breathing to concentrate at the wheel before he causes an accident, to little aid, as his vision is blurred by tears anyway.

He doesn’t even lock his car doors as he bolts to Willie's room. He can hear multiple doctors in the room, all discussing what's and how's and when's. Alex begs them for information but as he's neither the patient, a (legal) spouse, or a next of kin, they can tell him nothing. When Willie's parents arrive shortly after, they are informed that Willie has went into kidney failure, and as his cancer has already metastasised, a transplant would only delay the inevitable, information they immediately relay to Alex. The doctors give Willie a few hours at most.

Alex cries quietly at Willie's bedside, holding his hand as he watches his chest rise and fall slowly. The doctors have put him on morphine, to make his passing easier, more comfortable on him. Willie's parents stand behind Alex, Willie's father placing his hand on Alex's shoulder as comfort.

"Son...do you want us to give you a minute?" Willie's father asks. Alex nods quietly.

When he hears the door click shut, Alex lifts his head to look at Willie.

"Willie..why'd it have to be you?" he says quietly, weakly as he cups Willie's face and his thumb strokes his cheek. This isn't how it should have been. They should have been able to grow up together, get old, maybe even someday, possibly, get married. They should have been able to hopefully adopt a few kids, to watch them grow up and become adults of their own. And yet here Alex sat, being robbed of his first, his only love.

Alex buries his head into Willie's hospital gown. He cries out when all he receives is the horrible, sterile smell rather than what he wanted, Willie's warm, wood-ish smell. He doesn't have Willie's hair to stroke, it was all shaved off when the chemo started making it fall out. He looks at Willie's face again. He looks so...fragile. Alex's heart is shattering and he doesn’t know if he'll ever put the pieces back together again.

Willie's parents enter the room again, hot drinks in hand, and Willie's equally distraught mother hand Alex a coffee with a weak smile. Alex sips it, and grimaces at the bitter, yet watery taste. Nonetheless he is thankful for the caffeine.

A few hours later, while Alex and Willie's parents are engaged in light conversation, Willie's heart monitor starts beeping loudly in an alarm. When the three of them look at the monitor, they can see that Willie is flatlining.

"No. No. No this can't- No!" Alex starts shouting. He grabs Willie by the shoulders and shakes him. "Come on Willie, please, no, not now, please-"

Doctors flood into the room, and Willie's father pulls Alex back out of their way. Alex struggles to get loose but eventually goes limp as he sinks to the floor to wail in grief. The doctors, unable to do anything due to Willie's D.N.R, stand to one side and turn off the alarm.

"Time of Death...1:32AM..." one of them says, flatly.

Days later, at Willie's funeral, Alex seems to have been cried out. Even as one of the pallbearers, Alex's face just remains blank, empty. He sits at the front, with Willie's family. He even comforts Willie's younger siblings with a hug as they cry. But Alex himself sheds not one tear. He just stares into the distance. He barely talks.

Willie's parents ask Alex to say a few words, and rather reluctantly, he agrees. As he walks up to the front of the small church in Willie's hometown, his hands start to shake and he feels a lump form in his throat.

He looks out at the crowd, herded into the very much packed church like sheep. He clears his throat.

"I...I have known- I knew, Willie, for around a year. I knew him before his diagnosis, when he could still do the things he loved," Alex's voice shakes, "like skateboarding...or helping people, helping me. Not many of you know this, but I loved Willie. I still do. His death doesn't feel real to me and I doubt it ever will. I will miss him dearly, as I'm sure you all will. Uh...thanks for listening."

Standing at Willie's grave site, it isn't raining. In fact, the sun is shining and the temperature is almost mild. Alex watches in silence as they lower his partner's body into the ground. As they begin to shovel dirt onto the coffin, Alex's facade that even he wasn't aware existed, begins to crumble, and he buries his head in his mother's shoulder and cries out, his tears soaking her nice black coat. He hears other people begin to sob, and had he felt up to it, he would have consoled them. But right at that moment, at that exact time, nothing mattered to him apart from the fact that his partner, the man he loved enough to want to marry, was dead, was gone forever and was never coming back.

Weeks later, Willie's parents ask Alex to come to Willie's grave with them. Alex, who had barely left his room since the funeral, reluctantly agrees, letting him pick him up in their minivan. They drive to the cemetery in silence, none of them have the words to talk with, until they're walking over to where Willie was buried.

"We know that we didn't ask you...but since it's his legal name, we had to use it for the headstone..." say Willie's parents.

Alex looks at them, unsure of what they mean. And then he sees the name on Willie's headstone. Willie Mercer. In some strange way, he never expected to see it anywhere so official, so permanent. He realises that Willie's parents are awaiting a reaction, but he blanks on what to do. The sadness of seeing his love's grave taints the small joy that is seeing his own surname on it.

"I- I- Thank you." He eventually stammers out, and Willie's parents pull him into a hug.

For the first time in a long time, Alex begins to feel that things might, eventually, be okay.

#julie and the phantoms #jatp #julie and the fat ones #julie and the himbos #netflixwewantjatp2 #netflixwewantjatps2 #willex #alex jatp #willie jatp #tw death #tw illness #tw swearing

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everyhowlmarksthedead · 4 years ago

Text

OPEN WOUNDS.

Ezekiel “EZ” Reyes x Reader

Anon asked: how about an imagine in which you an ez fight because of emily

Chapter index

Chapter three ; part one

Chapter three ; part two

Word count: 1.9k

Thanks to my lovely beta reader @chibsytelford 💘

Author comments: I hope you all enjoy. This is the part two of the third chapter, you can find the first part right over here . Gif credits: @angels-reyes.

Tag list: @starrynite7114 @chibsytelford @dazzledamazon @mara-mpou @sammskellington @gemini0410 @1-800-imagines @briana-mishell24 @sassymox @wrcn9fvlcver 💥 (if you wanna be tagged, send me a message!)

Your forearms are supporting on the door, with the open window, resting your cheek there. Closed eyes covered by the sunglasses feeling somewhat relaxed after pass away the welcome sign. Even so, you're pretty excited about meeting this town and meeting other bikers, part of the Mayans family. At the end, they turned you into family too.

“Teller-Mo—”.

“MAAMAAAAAA”. EZ's voice gets interrupted by another more booming.

Lifting the sunglasses to the roots of your hair, drawing a huge and happy smile on the corner of your lips. As soon as the car stop, you practically jump off from it to walk fast towards Angel, who is coming with open arms till he have you between them. It's been two days, but it's feels like an eternity.

“Ezekiel scared me, going to the ranch at night! I thought something bad happened!” You say making some pouts.

“Nah!” He chuckles before letting you go, walking closer to the crew. But you don't see Taza, guessing his in a meeting when EZ carries the backpack inside the clubhouse.

Hugging your boys and being introduced to the Sons', you sit on Angel's lap at the picnic table.

“How was the travel?” Gilly asks having a smoke of his cigar. You shrug.

“I was sleeping till Lost Hills, and then I drove to Stockton. Everything went... good”. You don't want to give it more importance than it really has, but by Angel's gaze you know that he knows his brother screwed up at some points. “Hey, papi, I'm hungry”.

“Oh, really?” The oldest Reyes raise both eyebrows, playing again. That distract him. The guys at the table breaks in laughters.

“Yea'!” You poke his chest with your forefingers.

“Oka', let's find somethen' fo' mama”. Palming your hips to make you get up, he does the same holding your hand with his full of golden rings. “So, wha' did my brother say, ah? Maybe he's the smart one, bu' I'm not stupid”.

“It was nothen', Angel. We were laughing, and he just called me 'baby'. That's all”. He rolls his eyes with a snort, rubbing his forehead. Very typical. “But he took care of me pretty well, you already know how he is”.

He doesn't say anything else about it, leaving back the workshop to find some place where buy you some good food, to regain strength. Whilst he tells you about the party tonight, one of those legendary SOA do with a lot of meat, alcohol, girls and drugs, even if Mayans aren't into this last one more than to sell it. In the end, it's a party and it's gonna help you to calm yourself a little more.

See Taza again, coming back of eating something, makes you fully happy running towards him to be received by his strong arms, pushing you close to him. You missed him, and he did it too. You can feel it pretty well when the man fills your face with a lot of kisses, walking next to Tranq and Bishop.

“All good, kid?” The president asks, giving you a flash hug and leaving a caress on your chin, you nod, being dearly surround by Hank. “If you need to sleep, the Sons' has prepared you a dorm, okay?”

“Good, but I slept in the car. Maybe fo' late”. You reply palming the big guy's chest with a soft smile.

┅┅ ┅ ┅ ┅┅

The guys break in laugh, so you do mixed between Mayans and Sons', lying on Angel's lap with the fifth beer you have drunk in your hands. They're talking about funny and unbelievable anecdotes happened through the years. Having a good time for the first time in many months, being also a little drunk.

“So, wha'bout my friend Taza and ya', lass? Do ya' have some kink fo' geriatrics or mummies?” Chibs, the SOA president ask, provoking more loud laughs.

“We're more into family stuff”. You shake your head, getting comfy above Angel's leg. “I'm friend of those two shitty guys since ever, they introduce me to the club. And Che and I...” Pursing your lips, you twist a little your neck. “We had a connection. I live with him at the ranch and I take care of the animals”.

“Kinda grandpa, no incest”. The man adds, leaving a caress on your head.

“You're not that old!” You chuckle turning to him for a while.

“And what about your shitty guys?” A young woman walks towards your table, placing her hands on SOA Vice, licking his lips hinting. You raise an eyebrow.

“'Am taken for life”. EZ talks first, without doubting and a firm tone of voice, showing a soft and gently smile.

“But you can take me, bonita”. The tension installed on air for a second disappear when Angel replies, provoking some more laughs, making you getting up so he can have the offered hand by the woman.

“Com'ere”. Taza says palming his lap, but you shake your head.

“I think it's time to sleep, I'm tired and I drunk enough”.

“Okay, I'll tell you where's your dorm”. He says then throwing his cigar to get up too.

“Good night, guys. Amazing party, president”.

“Whenever ya' need'at, here's your house, lady”. Chibs answers raising his whisky in a soft cheer.

Narrowing one of Bishop's shoulders, you smile at him, before being wrapped by Che guiding you towards the clubhouse. Crossing the hallways, he opens the last door, the furthest room, so that you are not disturbed by noise. Your bag is already there and you also have a bathroom in it, in case you want to take a shower.

“If you need something, call me, okay?” He says holding you into his arms, leaving a kiss on your temple. “It was good having you here. Maybe Bish will let you come with us next time”.

“That would be amazing”.

“Rest, baby girl, you deserve it”.

“Taza”. You say before he can close the main door. “Can you... ask EZ to come?”

He doesn't say anything, staring at you.

“Please... I'm gonna be okay, I promise. He's tired too”. Finally he nods.

You take some advantage, changing your clothes and wearing the SAMCRO big shirt they gave you, 'cause Angel said them that you collect shirts or something like. Everything spins around you, going to the window to open it and let in the fresh air of northern Cali. Getting inside the bed and covering your body with the blankets, you wait for the younger Reyes.

You hear his steps, stopping next to the door for some seconds. Maybe he's doubting. Maybe Che threatened again. But when he opens the door, you get up on your palms between the darkness around the dorm only illuminated by some lights outside.

“I thought you would like to sleep”.

“Yea', but I can sleep in the car”.

You click your tongue, palming the empty side of the bed, before getting comfy on it.

“C'mon, prospect”.

Ezekiel closing the door and walking towards the mattress, gets undressed leaving his clothes on a chair. You make him some space, facing each other above the pillow.

“You drunk too much”.

“Yea', I know... The hangover is gonna fuck me up tomorrow, uh”.

“When was the last time you drunk so much, ah?”

“Dunno'. Three months ago?”

“Yea'course. Sorre'bout that”.

“You hurt me”. You mutter shrugging your shoulders. “But I have so much fun getting drunk with Taza”.

“I'm tryin' fuckin' hard to make it up to you. No matter how much I've to do it”. He says then, pulling away some brists of your hair with a gently touch.

“I know”. And you also know that those words have lifted a huge weight off him.

Ezekiel takes the first step, wrapping your body with his arms to push closer. Your pulse goes fast. You know that something like that could happen, but by the other hand, you weren't expecting. Leaving a sigh out of your lips you surround his neck with yours, hugging you tightly for some seconds as if you didn't see each other in years. And even if you don't want to recognize, its makes you feel somewhat happy again.

Putting some inches between both, with your heads on their pillow, he has his gaze on yours. His fingertips touring your back softly from top to bottom, once and again, with a calm breath. You're fucking lost in his eyes, as many nights you did before. You could be like that forever with his smell filling your lungs, sinking your face on his neck. Closing your eyes, you let one of your hands travel on his head back and nape in gently caresses, wishing to not fall asleep so fast as always, just to enjoy the intimate moment you two are having. And you know that EZ is fighting against his tiredness to do the same.

“Do you think... you could forgive me one day?” He soughs then, from nowhere.

Yes, you know you will, but there are open wounds that you don't know how to heal. And maybe he's the one who can take care of them, but, how can you say it? How can you ask him for it? You sigh, resting your dizzy head back to the pillow.

“You don' have to tell me when it will be”. He adds shrugging. “I just wanna know it to think new plans to bother you, 'cause I'm running out of ideas”.

You chuckle closing your eyes for a second, as he does stirring slightly on the bed.

“I was serious, baby, I'll wait for you all my life”. He mutters leaving a dearly and slow kiss on your forehead.

And you're falling for him again, with those voices inside your mind telling you to keep calm and that you're too drunk to have a clear decision. His lips almost dragging your skin doesn't help, leaving another smooth kiss on the bridge of your nose and another on the tip. Till he reach yours. He just presses them against yours, mildly, inchmeal. Your lips catching his lower in a soft move, tasting him and noticing how much you need him, and how much he needs you.

EZ sighs against your mouth, pulling it away so as not to make you feel pressured. Leaving a last one on your cheek, he pushes you closer ready to sleep for long hours as he couldn't do the last months.

Your phone dings with a notification, making you waking up with a horrible headache hitting your whole body. You growl, palming the bed trying to find Ezekiel. But the mattress is cold and empty. For a second, you think that maybe was an illusion because of the alcohol running through your veins, rolling till your blurry gaze is on the ceiling. Stretching your right arm, you grab your phone unlocking it. But there's nothing on it. Frowning you turn to the nightstand, finding Ez's. You don't want to look. You can't. Even if you know his secret code, it's not your phone. But, shit, you have to look it. Turning on the screen, without moving it, you're able to read the message from an unknown number.

💬: “I have left Miguel”.

#mayans mc x reader #mayans mc #mayans mc imagine #mayans x reader #ezekiel reyes #ez reyes x reader #ez reyes #ezekiel reyes x reader

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prettymuchdolansbitch · 5 years ago

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Award Winning | N.M.

A/N: This goes to the Anon that asked for something soft 🥺 It was solely based off this picture, enjoy 💖

Today was a big day for your boyfriend, Nick's, band. They were nominated for an award on their new EP that just came out not too long ago.

Unfortunately, Nick & the rest of the guys were advised not to bring their girlfriends to the award show so that they can be more appealing to fans. You were upset you couldn't be there to celebrate when they won, but you understood.

Nick was out all morning getting cleaned up and what not. You sat at home cleaning up some areas of the house that needed cleaning. Nick got home and didn't start to get ready til an hour before they had to leave for the red carpet.

He was running all over the house and throwing clothes everywhere. The clothes that you had just put away. "Nick, honey. Your outfit was already planned out. It's all in the closet already." You said leaning on the doorway of your shared bedroom.

His head turned so fast to you and he just smiled. "Oops. Sorry babe. I'll put everything back. Thank you thank you thank you" He ran out of the room across the hall to your walk in closet that you guys shared. Nick didn't forget to place a small kiss on your head though as he ran out of the room.

You picked the clothes up from the floor and folded them quickly and put them back in the drawers in front of you. The amount of clothes this kid has is insane. You thought to yourself.

Nick came back into the room dressed with messy hair. He put his shoes on and then ran to the bathroom to fix his hair.

You sat on the couch and waited for him to be done. Nick ran into the living room out of breath. "You ready?" You asked. "Uh yeah I should be. I think I have everything. Hard to know when your girlfriend isn't coming to make sure I have everything."

You laughed at what he said. "You just need me there to hold your shit." You grabbed your keys and walked towards the door. "No, I just need you to be there with me." He pouted and wrapped his arms around you.

"Mm, I'll be right on that couch watching everything. I'll text you if I see anything wrong" You placed a gentle kiss on his lips, but that wasn't enough for him. He pulled you back and started to kiss you hard.

"Okay, you're gonna be late, and I'm sure the boys are just waiting on your ass so they can leave" "Ugh fine." He mumbled walking out the front door.

You were making yourself some dinner in the kitchen while waiting to hear the boys on the TV. As soon as you heard "prettymuch" on the TV, you turned off the stove and brought your mac n cheese to the living room.

You watched the boys walk the red carpet and pose. People were already raving about them. E! had stopped the boys for an interview and you were excited for them.

"Last question, is everyone here single? New fans are dying to know" She turned the mic to them. "Actually just me and this guy are." Brandon said pointing to Zion. They both smiled. "Yeah our girlfriends are at home watching this right now." Nick said smiling at the camera. "Well, now you guys know! Congrats on the nomination and good luck!" They all said thank you and the channel cut to commercial.

An hour & a half later, it was time for the award that the boys are nominated for. You sat on your couch sweating so much. You were nervous but you knew they had this in the bag.

"And the winner is... PRETTYMUCH!" You jumped off the couch screaming to no one. "THATS MY BABYY" you screamed and recorded it on your phone.

You saw the boys all had smiles on their faces and we're hugging each other. They had some people from their team with them and hugged them as well. You watched as they all walked to the stage with big smiles. You couldn't help but tear up a little. This is their first big award ever and you were so incredibly proud of them.

Just knowing how many hours in all you didn't see Nick per day because of this EP made you even more proud. It was all worth it. And they're going on tour in a month? They really made it.

Nick grabbed the award from the presenters and held it up. Brandon was the first to speak. "We just wanna thank everyone who had a part in this EP. The fans, our team, family, everyone. It really means the world. Thank you!" He stepped back to let one of the other boys speak.

Nick came up and began to speak. "Man, this is really special to us. This is our first award ever, and this is really only because of you guys. We love you. And to my love who's at home probably crying, thank you for sticking with me through the whole process. And I think we can all say that to our ladies. Y'all special. Love you baby. Thank you guys, again" He stepped back and it didn't look like anyone else had to say anything so the camera switched to the crowd.

Nick wasn't wrong. You were bawling and didn't even notice. Everyone began tweeting you about it and your heart felt so full. You couldn't wait for him to get home.

You got a text from Izzy and she said that they were all going to the Prettymuch House to celebrate. You quickly changed and drove over. You stopped to buy a champagne bottle for Nick and the boys.

You knew Nick was going to stop at the house anyways because of the rest of the boys. So you just thought you could leave with him from there.

They got to the house and everything was crazy. Confetti and champagne was thrown everywhere. They really won the award and you were beyond ecstatic for them. Nick walked into the house and went straight to you. You hugged him and started crying again.

"I love you so so much" You said into his ear. He pulled back and looked at you. "I love you way more" He kissed your head and saw all the excitement happening behind you.

You grabbed the bottle from next to you and handed it to him. "Try not to waste half of it this time" You said reminiscing about his 21st birthday on tour when he wasted half a bottle of champagne from letting it get everywhere.

"I'll try." He shook the bottle and ripped the top off letting it explode everywhere. Nick held the bottle up to his mouth and drank some. Parker took pictures of you two while he drank.

3 hours later, you were exhausted and Nick was drunk. You didn't care though. You were happy he was bathing in blissful delight. You knew it was time to go home when you found Nick knocked out in Edwin's bed.

"C'mon baby, let's go home." He turned over to go back to sleep. "Niiicckk" You said poking his butt.

"Okay okay. Help me up." He held his hand out to you. You attempted to pull him up but instead he pulled you on top of him.

"You loser" You said as his arms naturally fell on you. "Mm, I'm your loser" He said closing his eyes again. "Indeed you are." You said smiling at him.

"Do you ever think about having kids? I mean you're fucking gorgeous, and I'm not too shabby. Our kids would be the most beautiful creatures on this planet" He rambled to you. This was the first time in the 3 years you've been dating that he talked about kids.

You were shocked because he never brought up a family before. You assumed it was the alcohol talking though. "You're soo drunk. Let's get you home" You tried to get up off of him.

"No, I mean yeah I'm drunk but it's not the alcohol talking. I really do want kids with you." You looked at him and his eyes were still closed. "We can talk tomorrow when you're sober, okay?" You said staring at his gorgeous face.

"Okay, let's go home" You rolled off of him and tried your best to help him up. You guys walked to the living room and saw only a few people left. You said bye to Edwin and Izzy as they were the only ones you really cared to say bye to. You didn't know where the rest of the boys were so.

You got home and helped Nick get out of his clothes. He had enough energy to shower and get into bed. You guys laid in bed and he immediately got on top of you. Nick laid his head on your chest and almost immediately fell asleep. "I love you mamas. Goodnight." He said placing a kiss on your boob. "Love you too sugar" You ran your hand through his hair as you felt his body get heavy with slumber.

#nick mara fanfiction #nick mara #prettymuch

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littleliv1 · 6 years ago

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I Was Born To Love You- Ben Hardy fanfic- Part Three

Hello, loves! Loving the feed back in getting on this series! It’s for sure a long one, but I hope you guys are enjoying it!

Summary: Leah and the crew flew to London to film the Live Aid performance. She opens up to Brian about her life.

Warnings: sadness, death, angst

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Soon enough, Monday rolled around. It was 4 am. I grabbed my packed bags, pretty much filled with half my wardrobe and all of the make up and face/hair products I could take on the plane. I grabbed my passport, keys, purse, and phone and left for the guys' house. They were all staying in one big frat house that they had rented. After picking them up, I also picked up Bryan, Brian, and Roger.

'Austin has barely spoken to me since Tuesdasy.'

I drove to the airport. Everyone was asleep, after all, the flight left at 5 am. It was a long flight to say the least. I sat in between Ben and Gwilym. I connected with the two better anyways. Gwilym slept the whole time, and Ben complained that his back hurt and he was so tired that he couldn't sleep. I felt more like a babysitter at that moment. I comforted him and played with his hair until he fell asleep. I also fell asleep. I felt myself starting to dream.

There he was. My beautiful girl. I carried her with me for 9 months, she was 12 days early. She was so eager to get here. She loves playimg dress up. She was so outgoing. She had my eyes. I loved her so much more than I could imagine. I felt the love of my life behind me, holding me, kissing my neck. "We made that," I said, cradling his arms in mine. "We sure did." That wasn't Austin's voice. Who was this? I turned around to the familiar blonde who was currently next to me. I gasped.

I gasped so hard, I woke up. I woke up to my phone going crazy. Joe had tagged me in a picture on Instagram. It was a picture of the three of us; Gwil with his mouth wide open, dead asleep and mine and Bens heads against each other's sleeping as well. I smiled at the cuteness of the two, until I saw the comments.

'Who the hell is she?'

'Does he know she's married?'

'Her poor husband :('

They all assumed we were an item. I don't understand. "Um, Joe?" I said quietly. "What's up?" He said. "I really adore this picture, but would you mind taking it down? It's he comments," I said. He looked at it, and he looked shocked. "I'm so sorry, yes of course." He said. And with that, the picture was gone. Out of sight out of mind.

Hours later, we arrived in London. I had booked the hotel in advance, making sure the top floor of the nicest hotel in the area was reserved for them. The cast stayed in the rooms upstairs, the crew in the floor below. I figured it'd help with keeping the pap and crazy fans out. I made sure security was at its finest so the cast could from one place to another, safely. Once we arrived at the hotel, I showed everyone to their rooms. The guys requested to share a room, so I made sure they got the biggest room. It had two king sized beds. The guys, Bryan, Brian, Roger, and I had a quick meeting. I explained to all of them the plan, where everything was, and how transportation needed to go.

Rami raised his hand. "You don't have to raise your hand, Ram." I said. "Where are you sleeping?" He asked, the other guys responding with "yeah?" I laughed a bit. "I'm a few doors down. I've got the second biggest room." I said point to the direction of your room and flipping your hair. "Mmmm, no you need to sleep here with us." Gwilym said. "Who else will protect us?" Joe chimed in. "I'm your assistant, not your body guard." I said giggling a bit. I really was their babysitter. "Please, Leah? Pretty pretty please?" Ben whined. "I'll stay in here for as long as you want but I'm sleeping in my room, end of discussion. I'm married, remember?" I said, showing my beautiful ring. Ben looked at me, raising his eye brows. Only he knew what had happened. "I'm starving," Roger said. "Where can we eat?" "You guys can stay in my room and eat. My bags are unpacked and my room is ready, someone else is coming up here with your bags. I would unpack them for you but those are your personal belongings and I wouldn't feel comfortable with touching them. I've ordered some room service, I already know what you all like, so you guys can head over to my room," I said handing Bryan my key. "And chill out there for a bit. Just don't go through my stuff." I said. Everyone got up, Ben was the last out. Before he left, it was just us two in the room.

"How are things?" He said looking at my arm, the bruises had gone away. I nodded my head. "Okay. Could be better. Hasn't really talked to me. He's only come home before 3 am once last week." He could tell I had been holding these feelings in. "It sounds like to me you need to talk to someone about it. Get a second opinion." He said crossing his arms. I shrugged my shoulders. "Not much to talk about, really. He started to get really possessive and jealous when I took the job as assistant to Bryan. He's convinced that you all won't respect me. He didn't even care that I was leaving for a month or more. He only makes love to me when he's drunk, and it's not even passionate anymore. Just drunk, messy, and to be blunt, short. It's like he doesn't love me anymore but I know that's not true, I don't think." I said. I realized I had been rambling on for a while, I rambled myself near to tears.

I looked up at him and he seemed genuinely hurt by that fact that I'm hurting. I opened my mouth to say something, but was interrupted by a knock at the door and it opened slowly. "Bags, ma'am." A man said. "It's okay, come on in, leave them out infront if the beds, the boys can choose where they sleep." I said to him. He obeyed, and left to deliver more bags. "Sorry. I just can't really deal with this right now. It's best that we have this break, maybe this is just what we needed right now, a break. I don't want to focus on it, I want to focus on the movie." I said. I nodded at your comment. "Yeah." I said walking out of the room, into my room.

"Leah, you're a genius. How'd you know what we all liked?" Brian said. I laughed a bit. "It's my job to know." I said. I hadn't finished unpacking my bathroom bag, so I grabbed that and start to unpack it. "Hey, where's Ben?" Rami asked. "Probably still in your all's room. Your bags are in there, he might just be unpacking his. You all need to pick your beds." I said from the bathroom. Joe jumped up, running out the door. "I call next to Ben!" He yelled running to his room. The others followed. As I was unpacking, I saw some feminine hygiene things, which reminded me. I hadn't started yet. What day was it? I forgot when I started, but my period was never regular. I just knew I hadn't had one yet this month, and the month was almost over. 'Oh god please no...' I thought to myself. I couldn't have a baby, not right now at least. Not until he was better. Because he was sick. That's why he hurts me. He's just sick. While I was staring at it, Brian came to the door, knocking quietly. He smiled nicely at me. "Everything alright?" He asked, leaning against the door. "Oh, uh, yeah." I said, throwing them in your bathroom box, it was three drawers on wheels to keep things in when I'm away for long periods of time. "Anything I can do you for, sir?" I asked, making eye contact. The way he looked reminded me of my parents. It was hard to look at him but harder to look away. He shook his head. "No, not at the moment. You don't have to call me sir, love. Just Brian will be okay." He said smiling again. I nodded your head. I didn't mean to seem tense, but I couldn't help it.

"It's just you and me in here right now, but I want to get to know you, if that's alright." He said. "Alright, what would you like to know?" I said leaving the bathroom, sitting at the small table provided in my room. He sat across from me, facing the door. "Tell me about when you first listened to Queen." He said. "Hmm," I hummed, I don't really remember Queen becoming part of my life, they just were. "I can't say I remember, no. My parents," I choked at that word. "My parents, really enjoyed the music. Went to concerts all over the world, followed your A Night At The Opera tour, even. You all were part of our family. When Freddie died, it felt like they lost someone. It was very personal to them." I explained, chewing at my lip, praying he wouldn't ask what he was about to ask. "How did they react when you told them about this movie?" He asked curiously. I couldn't help but to get mad, but I couldn't show it at all, the man didn't know they were gone, it wasn't his fault.

'They were gone,' I thought.

I laughed to myself a bit. Not because it was funny, just ironic. I looked down, trying hard to not shed the tears that were already coming. "They, uh," I started. He grabbed my hand, he could tell this was hard for me. "They're no longer here." I said, wiping away the tears to keep my make up from running. He squeezed my hand, looking shocked and feeling the pain I felt. "They passed away in this crazy train wreck, it'll be two years next week actually. It happened about three hours south of here." I said trying not to lose control. "I haven't tried avoiding you or Roger by any means. It's just so painful still, but getting to know you two, two people who I've considered family my entire life, it's been incredible. Unreal. I'm so honored to assist you both." I said, looking in his eyes, with salty tears in mine. Right now, I just wanted Lola.

I felt a bond with him. Obviously not in a romantic, gross type of way. But I haven't felt a connection, a family connection, with someone in a while and I knew my body ached for it again.

"I'm so sorry, my love." He said. I shook my head. "No it's okay, I'm fine. It's still just so hard. I didn't have siblings, my parents, who were both only child's, are gone. My only family now is my husband and he comes home smelling like alcohol and uses me as a punching bag and a sex toy and-" I stopped myself when that came out. Brian grabbed my hand with his other hand. "You need to leave him, Leah. We're your family now." He said so genuinely. I shook my head. "No I'm just your assistant. That's all I'm good at is doing stuff for others. Not that I don't want to, I love helping you guys do things when you need help!" I said correcting myself, not wanting to sound ungrateful. I couldn't help but to break down. "I'm sorry." I said, I couldn't help but sob.

With that, my phone went off. The touring manager calls. I think it's about the set, there's been a lot of issues with that. "I'm sorry." I repeated. I felt bad because my problems weren't his and I know that, I just couldn't help telling him. And I left the room.

Ahh! So exciting finally getting to share this series! I might post part four later today. Hope you all are enjoying! Xx

#ben hardy x reader #ben hardy #ben hardy fanfic #sadness #brian may is literally a dad

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