#i do love a good underworld fieldtrip

[attina-the-responsible]

Mother, Make Me (a bird of prey) ~*~ [Siren]

In which Panic and Attina are reunited in the Underworld and must escape...[takes place: March 10-11, idk time is funky in the Underworld]

[tw: underworld shenanigans, so creepy/spooky, pretty mild tho it’s mostly emotional distress, but if you want a summary, hmu!]

PANIC: Thrown into a world Panic had tried to escape left him frantic on where to go. Sure the Underworld hadn’t changed too much there were demon’s faces that he didn’t recognize. There were alleys and hidden entrances he didn’t know about. And not having Percy’s voice in his head left him lonely. He didn’t have anyone to rely on but himself.

He ignored the laughter of others knowing that the happiness here wasn’t normally a good thing. He was especially avoiding anyone that potentially could remember him. 

It had been twenty years and Panic would have all the time in the world to catch up with them once Attina was safe.

He just needed to follow the magic signature.And he followed until he stood in front of his own empty home.

Stepping inside Panic walked through the room until a small creek echoed through the house from the sound of his room. Rushing in Panic wasn’t surprised to see the room void of any items. Solely Attina in the room. Shifting back into Percy’s form Panic rushed forward wrapping Attina up in his arms.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry but let’s move. Let’s get you out.”

ATTINA: Attina woke up in the dark. At first, it was so dark that she couldn’t see anything at all. It was as if she was sitting in black, black water. No matter how many times she blinked, her vision didn’t clear, though there was nothing covering her eyes.

And then, slowly, the room around her was revealed, the darkness peeling back. 

Her head was still spinning, the panic stuck in her chest. Where was she? Who was it that had taken her? She had no idea. And her only thought was: poachers. They’d finally come for her. And Attina wasn’t brave. Even though she had her daughter to protect, she wasn’t brave. There wasn’t a bone in her body that wanted to fight. Maybe, if it came to it, she would. If someone put her hands on her and tried to actually, physically kill her, maybe she’d snap out of it, but as it stood, she did nothing. Nothing at all. She was too terrified to even look too deeply into the shadows that surrounded her. Like she was a little kid, imagining monsters in the corners of her bedroom.

How had they found her? Did they have the rest of her family? Who were they? 

Am I going to die? She wanted to ask, but she couldn’t find her voice. It had been stolen from her.

She didn’t know how long she stood there, trembling in the cold, for it was very cold. A kind of cold that seeped into your bones, penetrating deep down, until it felt like you’d break if you took a single step. It felt like eons. As if entire lifetimes had passed, stretching before her. And yet, by the time Panic burst in from the door (there was a door? Where was the door?) It had felt like seconds, minutes.

She jumped as he got his arms around her, but she managed a shaky breath and collapsed against him, her hand clutching at his shirt. God, she was so relieved to see him. It splashed over her, warming her from the cold, his hug like bathwater. 

“Panic, I-I--” she tried to say, but she didn’t have the words. 

A chuckle emerged from the dark.

“Well, well, well--you did come after all.” 

PANIC: Panic held Attina as close to him as possible. If this was the last time he got to do this please just let her know how sorry he was. How much he loved her. Please just know those things.

Kissing her on the top of her head even though the voice shook him to the core Panic twisted around keeping Attina behind him one hand on her hip to make sure she stayed right there.

Taking a deep breath Panic glared in his human form though he didn’t want to make this any harder on Tina by throwing that out there. “I did, you wanted me back you got that, no need to keep Attina here. Humans aren’t supposed to be brought down until they are killed.”

ATTINA: Attina had no idea what was going on. How had Panic found her? She was so glad to see him, but she was also terrified. She didn’t want anything to happen to him. Attina may not be brave, but she’d rather be the one to die than the people she loved. If she could do that and keep them safe, she would. But, he was here now and there was no changing that--nor changing the fact that Attina felt so, so grateful it made her heart start beating again in her chest.

She was still clinging to him when the voice hissed out and she stumbled slightly as Panic pushed her behind him. From around his shoulder, she could just make out a figure on the edge of the darkness, flickering like a blown out candle. She couldn’t make out any of the features, its formlessness more terrifying than anything.

Maybe this was just a nightmare. Attina squeezed her eyes shut. 

“Seems you’ve forgotten how things work around here,” the shadow figure said and suddenly the room lit up. A fireball clutched in the demon’s hand. For it was a demon--Attina registered that as soon as she opened her eyes again and saw the figure in full. 

The demon tossed the fireball up and down, playing with it idly. “We haven’t had a new plaything in so long. We’re all starving.” 

PANIC: “You’re right I forgot how things went down here because guess what I’ve been the one enjoying top life for two decades unlike you lot who are stuck down here playing and starving.” Don’t get Panic wrong he was scared shitless. This was where he would have curled into himself. Let them do what they wanted to do.

It was easier to be a play thing then to fight back and be nearly killed.

“Like I said you can have me back. I offer a challenge. A little fight. A little fun. Catch me if you can and the whole thing.” He would be caught he knew that. But Panic had to play into that fact he was going to be a game. A fun little thing for them. Attina. Sweet Attina wouldn’t be a challenge and that was a good thing.

ATTINA: “Panic,” Attina managed to squeak as she grabbed onto his arm, but she was quite sure he couldn’t hear her over the sound of the other demon’s cackling. She knew that he couldn’t leave her all alone in here--wherever...here was. (She was starting to put it together, but was thankful for the threat before them if only because she didn’t want to think about the rest, about the chill up her spine…) 

“Oh, you’ve gotten more fun since you’ve been gone, haven’t you?” the monster said, tilting its head to the side. The fireball in its hand got bigger and its eyes flashed. “But that doesn’t sound as much fun as torturing the both of you!”

With that, the demon cocked his arm back and threw the fireball right at them. 

PANIC: Fun. Fun was something Panic could work with. Demons like this enjoyed the chase. Enjoyed the power. He just somehow needed to play his cards right.

The fireball was thrown and honestly Panic didnt have the time to think. Turning his back to the demon Panic let go of Percy's form shifting back into the shadows of his growing large enough the fireball hit him square in his back.

Cursing and crying out Panic stumbled his weight pressed against Attina.

"Next chance we get we have to run." Panic whimpered out. "I'm sorry I need to look like this I can't manage holding a human form as well." He added cause oh God she would hate him now but she had to stay close for a little longer.

ATTINA: The fire flashed bright but it was only a backlight for the demon in front of her. Attina made a sound in her throat--not realizing at first that that was--Panic. Her Panic. For a moment, she thought it was just another demon or some trick. Her brain was too fatigued with fear to really catch up and even Panic’s voice sounded different, rasping and deeper. But still, she did her best to catch him when he stumbled forward, more on instinct than anything. 

All Attina could do was nod--she didn’t have time to think about Panic’s new form (and really, was it so different from Attina turning into a mermaid? How different she looked then.)

They turned and Attina tripped, fear and pregnancy making her feet heavy, but they scrambled towards the door of what Attina could vaguely recognize as a building--a house? 

“Aw, where are you going?” called the demon and tossed another fireball. It smacked against the doorway as they ran through. Attina let out a yelp.

Then, they were in the dark again.

Not for long.

Suddenly, the demon was at the end of the hallway they’d turned down, another fireball lighting up its shadowy features.

PANIC: Panic wrapped an arm around Attina. His body wanted to curl into himself. He wanted to stop loving and curl into a ball. But if being in the human world for two decades had shown him anything it was resilience to keep fighting.

His fiancee and his daughter were counting on him. After all, he had gotten them into this.

Panic ignored the demon as they ran. He knew these walls. He knew this ground. He knew how to get out of here. 

Envy blocked his path.

Yanking Tina into another room Panic spun around. He had locked themselves in. No. They were in Pain's room and Pain always loved to sneak out. 

Running to the window he yanked it opened hearing the footsteps echo closer. If he was alone he could turn into a bird and never be seen again. 

"There's a ledge and small drop. Look to see if you can make it?" Panic stated stepping between her and the door.

ATTINA: Did Panic have a plan? Attina didn’t know, it seemed like he might? 

Apparently, that plan involved jumping out of a window?!

Attina knew that she didn’t really have a choice in the matter and, maybe if she wasn’t pregnant, it wouldn’t be that hard. She had snuck out of her own second story window once or twice in her youth. She wasn’t in her youth anymore. She also had no idea what was going on. She was also pregnant.

“I--” she started to protest, but the floorboards creaked and she knew whatever was hunting them was getting closer. Her legs felt like jelly as she lifted a knee onto the window sill and ducked out of it best she could. She smacked her head on the pane hard enough to see stars but she just grit her teeth as she swung her leg down and tried to find the ledge he was talking about. When she did, she put her weight on it and started swinging her other leg over the sill. 

The door shattered open, surprising Attina who gave a yelp and almost lost hold of the window sill, her foot slipping on the ledge. It wasn’t that far down--she should probably just let go. Closing her eyes, she pushed off, doing her best to jump instead of fall. 

She landed on her feet--at first. She felt a pain shoot up her leg and she fell backwards, smacking into the ground and getting the breath knocked out of her. She felt like a turtle on its back, uncertain how to get up. If they weren’t in some sort of mortal peril, it might even be funny.

“Panic!” she called--blinking her eyes once or twice and squinting up towards the window into the dark.

PANIC: The door had cracked up splintering and burning the wood as Attina jumped out and Panic was sorry that he had forced her to this. She was right when she didn’t want to date a demon. It was too complicated and too dangerous. 

Panic couldn’t miss the next fire ball all he could do was hold up his hand and when Tina was clear jump out the window himself. Turning into a bird the moment he jumping not even aiming for the ledge. Just jumping. 

And when he landed he changed back and wrapped an arm around Attina’s shoulder pulling her up and running keeping her weight on her trying to avoid her touching any of the burns on his body. They just needed to get to the back alleys. They just needed to run.

“We’ll hide out. Okay. We’re going to run and we’re going to hide. There was a place me and my brother hid all the time.” Panic stated as he twisted around his burning house without a look back.

ATTINA: At first, Attina didn’t recognize the demon in front of her. For a moment, she couldn’t distinguish between the one hunting her and the one she loved. The fear twisted in her gut as Panic reached down, but she let out a sigh of relief when he only did so to help pull her to her feet. She felt so heavy. So heavy and exhausted. As if they had been running for years. Had they been running for years? She had no idea. It was as if time had ceased to exist.

And then--Panic said his brother. A place they used to always go.

This was his home.

This was his real home.

Holy shit, she was in the Underworld. Could she even say “holy shit”?!

There was no time to think about it further than that, because Panic had grabbed her and tugged her around the side of the house. 

“Come out, come out wherever you are!” she heard the voice of the other demon boom. 

“Panic, where--where are we going? What’s going on?” she finally managed to find her voice, almost wanting to tug him to a stop, though she didn’t dare to.

PANIC: Panic spun around, as much as he remember this place it was when he was small. There were places they could hide that weren’t big enough for them now. There was this over hang, just past some trees. This hole in the wall basically. But it would be big enough for Attina at the very least and he could shift if need be. Attina needed to rest too.

So many things needed to happen.

And his voice was still trailing around them. Everywhere. Closing them all in.

“I don’t know what’s going on. But you’re in the underworld and I’m so sorry.” Panic apologized turning into the trees. “Okay hide in here, can you crawl in, it’s probably very small but its what I have right now. He’ll get bored they always do.”

ATTINA: That answer was not satisfying.

If they were not being chased by a bloodthirsty demon or whatever, it would not satisfy! She’d want a proper answer. She needed a proper answer. Looked like she wasn’t going to get one. Not right now anyway. Maybe if they lived--maybe then. 

Attina didn’t bloody know if they were going to live, though! She had moved past fear into anger? Sure, maybe. Whatever the feeling in her gut, she didn’t like it. Her whole body ached. 

So, she didn’t argue--she did her best to squeeze, stopping about halfway and turning to look at Panic as if suddenly remembering something. “What about you?”

PANIC: Tina was looking like she would be able to fit in and Panic sighed leaning his head onto hers. “I’ll try to draw him away. I’ll try him to get him away from you. I’ll come back. They never kill me, it’s just the game. Stay still for me please. And then we’ll get you out.”

Panic didn’t have long. He was already wasting time here but he needed to make sure she was okay too. At least in the given situation. 

“Can you fit?”

ATTINA: For the record: Attina didn’t want to leave Panic--or have him leave her. She couldn’t even untangle this from a selfish want not to be alone or her worry about him. Her brain wasn’t exactly functioning on “rationality” (as if it ever did.) She just knew that nothing about this situation was good or right or what she wanted.

Which meant that she was frozen into immobility. 

It was a wonder she was even able to nod her head, but she did so. Her words all caught in her throat but she reached out and grabbed at his arm, holding it and squeezing his bicep for a moment before she let  go and began to squeeze into the tight space he had shown her.

PANIC: Panic tried to offer Attina a smile. Anything to show her she would be okay. He would be back, maybe not in one piece but he would be back. He wouldn’t kill Panic, that was a certainty. “I love you.” Panic offered before he ran.

He flew and he shifted and he kept going until he lead the demon into the town, even with rumbles of laughter. He taunted Panic as Panic hid under boxes and behind walls.

He spoke about how they couldn’t hide forever. They couldn’t get out of here either so they would be stuck and he was in for the long game. His voice rang through the streets and some of the lesser demons were already taking shelter. Doubling back Panic’s hands shook as he ran toward Attina, hours having passed but he collapsed in front of her.

“Are you okay?”

ATTINA: Time stopped.

Once Panic disappeared into the dark--time stopped.

Attina had never lived in such a strange limbo before. Everything was still. Everything was quiet. Even Amelia in her womb didn’t move.  It reminded her of that classical piece. 4’33--four minutes and thirty three seconds of holds. 

Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. 

“Are you okay?”

Attina jumped and turned her head, looking at Panic--her gaze, at first, vacant. 

Then, she reached out for him, touching the corner of his arm. He was hot to the touch when everything else had been cold, cold, cold.

“I’m--fine,” she told him, her voice hollow. “Are you?” Her voice managed to color with some concern, even if no color existed in a place like this.

PANIC: Leaning on one knee Panic leaned his head into the little hidey hole. He didn’t want to collapse but he was. His world was closing in, darkening if he let himself close his eyes for a moment too long. He could just curl up and sleep. He could just curl up and stop.

Wake up in an hour and do it again.

“I’m fine, this is nothing.” Panic joked focusing as he slipped back into Percy’s form sweat covering his forehead.

“We need to get you out of her. Back up before- just we need to get you back up.”

ATTINA: Attina was relieved when Panic turned back into the form that Attina was most familiar with. She hated the fact and maybe she’d be able to deal with her Giant Shadow Demon fiance better if she wasn’t also in the Underworld and being chased by other equally as terrifying demons. In this form she could frown and reach up to brush at his sweat-slicked hair. 

She wanted to tell him to rest, but she knew that they couldn’t. That they couldn’t stop now. And she wanted to get home. She didn’t want to be there for another second longer than necessary. It already felt like she’d lived a lifetime in this darkness.

“Okay,” she agreed, her eyes teary, but she gave him a smile and then crawled out of her hiding spot--covered in a kind of grime she didn’t want to look too closely at. 

“Where--where do we go?” She looked around. Everything looked dark and that was all.

PANIC: “One of the entrances to the underworld is at Swynlake, If I can get you to that one, There is no demon in you or Amelia.” Panic hoped there wasn’t enough Demon in Amelia, “They have to let you out. You were never meant to be here.” Panic whispered taking her hand and starting that walk. His back hunched over a touch.

“It’s hard to describe this world but we have to walk through, There are cracks. If we can find one. Just one. You can get out. You might even find the gift shop.” He added sarcastically.

ATTINA: Panic might as well be speaking gibberish to her. Well, she knew about the entrance to the Underworld in Swynlake. It was how they’d met, after all, wasn’t it? It was all the rest that didn’t make sense--cracks? A gift shop? Maybe this was really a dream. Maybe this was just a nightmare--some sort of FMT, which she’d read about. A transference of weird demon energy. 

She would wake up from all of this and Panic would laugh and say that isn’t what it was like at all.

Until then, Attina had to walk, had to trust Panic. 

“O-okay,” she said again, much more softly and she took his hand. “Lead the way. I trust you.” 

PANIC: Panic in that moment hated that she trusted him, her trusting him is what got her into this. If she never dated him they wouldn’t have grabbed her. If she wasn’t carrying Amelia, they wouldn’t be interested in her.

But Panic had to try to not focus on that. This was his last few moments with her. He couldn’t spend too much time on that. Not as a towering loomed ahead of them. He opened his mouth to speak multiple times before he shook his head and didn’t.

“Don’t talk to anyone. Don’t look at anyone.” Panic mumbled out as they walked past bars and alley ways. It was walking past someone who leered and Panice force them to take another back street. He may not have been here in a long time but he remembered the walk.

ATTINA: She didn’t need telling twice. It wasn’t hard for Attina to keep her eyes to the ground. The last thing she wanted to do was draw attention to them. Even if this was a dream (it wasn’t, she knew it wasn’t), she wanted to do her best to keep her head down. She was always one who preferred to keep her head down. She wasn’t Andrina, Adella, Aquata, Alana, Ariel--any of them, really. It was Attina who stood up for others. She wished she was. She wished she could be the girl who saved the world.

But, she wasn’t. She was barely strong enough to handle dating a demon. What kind of love was so flimsy as to crumble when terrified?

Still, she loved him as she took step after step, no matter how daunting and she didn’t look up, not once. She watched as the ground beneath their feet changed over and over, the ground different, as if daring her to glance upwards, at the rest of her surroundings. But, she didn’t. She trusted where Panic led and let him guide her through the zig-zagging alleyways that felt as if they would never end and--through a door in a wall, until they were standing at the shore of a lake.

Attina knew it was water and then, she couldn’t help but look up--the water called to her, it always had.

Everything was still and peaceful and quiet, except for the lapping of the water on the shore and the creaking of boats in the distance that she could see through the fog.

“What is this place?” she asked, her voice no louder than a whisper.

PANIC: Panic let out a sigh when they got out of the city, stretching out his shoulders feeling the cracks and tears at his skin. He looked back at the city only for a moment. Only one moment before Attina brought his attention back and he offered her a small smile.

“The Stygian Marshes. It’s not something you want to swim through.” Panic murmured walking them to a waiting boat. There always was one. Ready to drag someone to their death for coming in or leaving.  Holding onto the edge Panic helped Attina in.

“I’m going to slip out of this, back to my true form. It might keep some of the creatures in the water away from us as we cross.” But he needed Attina to be okay with that too. 

ATTINA: Yeah, Attina didn’t want to go swimming through that black, murky nothingness.

Except...she kind of did. Gosh, nothing would feel better than slipping into her true form. Maybe the water would make her feel weightless, instead of so, so heavy. Maybe she’d be faster and stronger than all those...things in the water--souls or demons or monsters or all three. Maybe if Attina was braver she could become her true self and then be able to save herself too, so that Panic wouldn’t have to. 

And maybe, that thinking made her more comfortable with the idea of Panic in his own true form. Or maybe, she just wanted to get the hell out of here.

Ha, get the hell out of here.

She snorted once and then started giggling. 

“Sorry, sorry, yeah that’s--that’s fine.” It wasn’t fine, not really. None of this was fine. She swallowed her laughter down. Neptune, maybe she’d officially lost it. In the boat, she got her sea legs easily and barely jerked when the boat started moving. Instead, she watched the waters, wanting to reach down into them and feel the coolness on her fingers. It was tempting--more so than the gold and jewels that sparkled down below, the water itself enticed…

Attina pulled her sweater around her shoulders tighter and tucked her hands into her elbows, peeling her eyes away from the water. She glanced at Panic, though she couldn’t see him well in the dark. 

PANIC: Panic slipped back into his skin and immediately he felt better, using his power to make him look like Percy put a strain on his already tired body. He could curl up right now in this boat and fall asleep. He didn’t care about the treasure in the depth. His treasure was right in front of him.

Reaching out Panic rested a hand on Attina’s knee. Leaning down to press his head against her leg. “I love you. I love you more than anything.” Panic murmured. Words he wanted to say now before he lost his chance. Who knew when their silence would be interrupted. 

ATTINA: Attina jumped a bit when something touched her knee before she realized it was just Panic’s hand. In the darkness, it didn’t look like much at all, just more darkness. She pressed her lips together and stroked her hand over his head once.

“I know,” she said back quietly, her voice nothing but a breath beneath her terror of being heard by anyone else on this vast, endless swamp. 

Not a moment too soon, they bumped against the land on the other side and Attina let out a breath, climbing quickly and easily out of the boat. Glad to be rid of it and the temptation to dive into the water and let the souls of the damned or whatever drag her down and down and down. When she turned towards the land, she expected--

Well, she didn’t know what she expected but--

There was just a door. 

A door and some strange contraption that she couldn’t place in her tired, addled brain, but it looked rather harmless. She wandered closer before turning to look over her shoulder at Panic. 

“It--it can’t be that easy, can it?” she asked, hopefully, as if the rest had been easy. Though if it was just a door that was left, she was grateful.

PANIC: Panic couldn’t stop touching Attina, his hand was on her knee, then her hand to help her out, to the small of her back.

He wouldn’t get to hold Amelia either.

“The door of judgement.” Panic whispered looking up at it. “If you aren’t meant to be here it should know. Gold coins for good and well not gold coins for bad.” Panic’s would fill up very quickly on one side. “You’re not supposed to be here. Step forward and let it do it’s thing and then the door should I hope open.” Panic whispered pushing gently on her back, letting go.

ATTINA: “Well, what about you?” Attina said, turning to look back at him. She heard the way he said it--the you, not the we. 

All of it sounded silly to her anyway. How was a stupid door supposed to know anything about the good and bad that Attina had done in her life? She had done plenty of bad, but just because she wasn’t supposed to be here, it was going to let her back out? Well, she hoped it was that easy, but still, she did not trust it. She didn’t trust anything in this world.

Except Panic. 

PANIC: Panic stepped back creating distance between them. He wanted  to break through those doors, to fight his way back to the surface. The thing was Panic didn’t have that strength. He didn’t have it anymore. Desperate as he was, he wasn’t strong enough to pull himself out.

Panic sighed as he tried to form words, anything. “I’m a demon, Attina. I wasn’t ever meant to leave, this world will not let me leave another time. I’m not going to be able to go with you.” Panic whispered and even though he stepped back he was reaching out too.

“I can’t come with you.”

ATTINA: “That’s bullshit,” Attina said at once and then blinked at herself, slightly startled by the ferocity in her own voice. She didn’t think she’d had the energy to get mad, but oh, she was mad. 

“You can’t just--give up like that!” she snapped at him, forgetting that they were in the underworld and that at the moment he was more shadow than anything else. She stomped her foot stubbornly on the ground, like she was going to plant her own roots right there on the spot. 

PANIC: Panic blinked at Attina, he looked at her shocked but he didn’t move back. Her strength was brilliant and it was a light in a world of darkness. Over his very own darkness and shadows.

“If I thought there was any chance I could, I promise I would. I’m barely standing Attina.” Panic reached out setting his hands on her shoulder, streams of black smoke dripping off his cheeks. “I want nothing more than to leave with you. To see the world and live in that world with you.” But Panic took a step toward the door and Clang. A rock fall, one then two. A few and then a waterfall of them.

And with each Panic curled in on himself the weight pressing him down, basically crushing him into the ground.

“You and Amelia are more important than anything right now.”

ATTINA: Clang! went the stones and Attina jumped, her head turning to watch. 

Stupid fucking door! That door didn’t know shit. She wanted to rush forward and pull the rocks off--one after another, she could be quicker than fate and take just enough so it’d slip open and let them both through. Attina wondered if she could. If it would make any difference at all…

Maybe, her sisters had been right.

Maybe, she had always been destined for something like this.

At the mention of their daughter, Attina’s hand went to her stomach, stroking over the swell of her belly, where their daughter had been quiet and calm throughout this whole ordeal. In that, Panic was right: Amelia was the most important thing. 

Attina dropped to her knees too, eyes filling with tears, so Panic was just part of the darkness in front of her. She reached for him anyway: found his shoulder and then his cheek. He was the only thing warm in this cold, cruel world.

“I can’t leave,” she told him, “I won’t. I--I can’t do it without you. Amelia needs you. I need you.” 

PANIC: Panic fell into Attina, his shadows, wisps of them surrounding them as he went to his knees and rested his head against hers. He touched her stomach and then wrapped his arm around her kissing the top of her head.

“I love you more than anything and I love Amelia more than anything.” Panic choked out. “But you can’t stay you deserve more than just living here, in darkness and I don’t even know what would happen to a mermaid down here and I thought about it. I thought about asking you to stay. But it’s dangerous and you deserve so much more than me. You’ve always deserved the world and I’m so sorry I can’t give that to you. Amelia deserves the world.” Panic was fully crying now. “Please Attina, raise Amelia in your world. With your family, with happiness and love and tell her every day that I love her. Please, I love you and her so much.” He would do anything for them.

Clang went the gold coin.

ATTINA: This had never been part of the plan. Raising Amelia without a father had never been part of the plan. She was supposed to have a father, two of them in fact. Now she had--none? 

How was Attina supposed to explain that? How was she supposed to live, knowing that was a decision that she made? 

Because, like Panic said, Amelia deserved sunshine and warmth and life. Things that she could never have here. This wasn’t about Panic or Attina, or Panic and Attina, it was about Amelia. It had to be about Amelia. She was the only reason that Attina would leave Panic now. Even if it meant leaving her heart behind. Those were the choices you had to make, as a parent. As a mother. She wondered, when her mother had gone to the sea, if she had thought about what would happen to her girls--if she never came back. Had she weighed the risks and decided it was worth it? Had her hubris dragged her down, in the end? Had she thought her family worth the risk? 

It wasn’t a fair question, nor was it a fair decision--either of them. But Attina knew that she had to make it. She closed her eyes and the tears fell down her cheeks, burning hot over her cold, cold skin. 

“I will, I will,” Attina told him as she squeezed her eyes shut and threw her arms around his neck. He felt different, like this--half there, as if he was already gone. As if she were just hugging a shadow. “I’ll tell her everything.” She leaned back so she could find his eyes in the darkness. She kissed him once, soft and gentle. It wasn’t hard to find his lips, they were easy and familiar, no matter his form. Perhaps, that was why you kissed with your eyes closed in the first place. 

“I’m sorry, Panic, I’m sorry.”

Another coin fell, and another--their chimes almost pleasant sounding, beckoning Attina forward. She stood on unsteady feet, with the help of Panic and together they stood, watching the gold fall one, then another, then another, until the scale tilted and the door unlatched and swung open silently. On the other side, Attina could hear the ocean. 

She didn’t know what it meant--except that she had to go through. 

“I love you, Panic. I love you. No matter your form but for your heart,” she told him softly. “And when--when I look at Amelia I won’t see Percy, I’ll see you.” 

She took a deep breath and tried to swallow down her tears. “Y-you have to tell me to go, I-I don’t think I can do it…” 

PANIC: Panic kissed her like it was the last time he ever would, because it was. Panic shook and he cried and it was painful. The chiming of coins if only just made him smile because that was all about Attina. That was all her. That was Amelia staking her claim on the world that was hers.

She could apologize all she wanted but Panic wouldn’t hear it. Panic was a Father and his heart could break over and over. But they were making the right decision.

His daughter would be safe, she would grow up happy. She would have her whole family and Panic loved it. He loved everything about it. He hated that he couldn’t be there for her. He couldn’t.

“Percy will help. Belle and Sally too. Find them if you need them.” It was all that Panic could do, offer his friends. Stepping back Panic let go of his fiance and his daughter.

“I love you.” Panic whispered. “Go and live your life. Both of you. Be everything you ever wanted.” The moment Attina walked through the door it slammed shut, the silence echoing around him and then the screams started but Panic still smiled.

This was for you Amelia.

[pawprintsmoon]

You and me, Part III

https://archiveofourown.org/works/30337365/chapters/74893146#workskin

The proposal

After a shower and clean pajamas, Alex finished packing his suitcase, tucking the ring safely inside. The next morning, he was so focused on not losing it again that he ended up misplacing his coffee filled travel mug. He had put it down for one second, and suddenly it was nowhere to be seen. Henry found it in minutes and they left for the airport. Distracted beyond reason, Alex had to hop out of the car to race back inside to grab his wallet. Then he had to hop out of the car again to run inside and get his phone.

After speeding to the JFK airport, they crossed the Atlantic and spent one night in Kensington recovering from jet lag. They spent their first full day at a trans* equity conference. The English press greeted their visiting prince with union jacks and rainbows. Naturally, they responded with charming comments and smiling photos. Alex took the opportunity to livestream a message to his followers: ‘of course transgender high schoolers should be allowed on the sports team that aligns with their gender, and here’s why…’

Privately, in the car back to the palace, Henry expressed the opinion that public schools ought to have polo teams, because it’s a coed sport and ideal for nonbinary teens who don’t like to rock the boat. Alex responded with similar sentiments about quidditch. The rest of the drive they shared a familiar rant about how Harry Potter belongs to the fans (including the trans* fans) and not only to JKR.

That night, just past 2am, Alex turned over in bed to ask, “You awake?”

“Always.”

“Good. We’re going on a fieldtrip. Come on.” Alex pulled them both out of bed, and they got dressed, Alex swinging on his Gucci jacket. He would have worn a hoodie, the incognito uniform of the internationally recognizable, but tonight he didn’t want to hide himself. It was worth the risk. Besides, they didn’t really need to sneak around anymore, did they? Old habits.

He led them out of the palace, down Prince Consort Road. He stopped for a selfie with the sign, because he really had wanted to last time. A second selfie included them both, looking goofy and not caring. When they reached the back entrance of the Victoria and Albert Museum, they kissed lazily against the wall. Once Henry’s lips melted Alex’s nerves, he drew back to take the next step.

“Thing about dating the prince,” he said, holding up keys, “is that you can borrow pretty much anything he owns. And he can get the keys to anywhere if he asks nicely.”

“You’re a thief,” snarked Henry, walking through the door that Alex held open for him. “And a knave, and a scoundrel.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Alex gave the security guard a wad of cash. “Thanks, Gavin. It’ll be Renaissance City.”

They walked past sculptures, artifacts, and paintings, surrounded by the history that they were a part of. They got to the piazza, Henry’s sacred place. Just like last time, the first statue, Samson Slaying a Philistine took away what little breath Alex had, and he had to lean on Henry for support. Like windswept magnets, their lips met, for no reason at all.

Most of the time, Alex had a strong sense of Henry and himself being part of the current moment of history, changing the world in the here and now. But right then, time seemed to melt, and they were surrounded by historical sculptures telling timeless stories. Zephyr the Greek god of the west wind, Proserpina in the underworld, and Jason and his golden fleece. Archetypical and expansive.

And then there was Henry: the national gay landmark, prince charming, an obtuse fucking asshole. Hopefully his future husband. Sticking with his plan, he pulled away from Henry and got out his phone to open Spotify. Taking a deep breath, he pressed play. “Your Song” came from the tinny speakers.

“It’s a little bit funny, these feelings inside. I’m not one of those who can easily hide.”

“Why am I getting deja vu?” Henry asked, as Alex wrapped his arms around Henry’s waist.

“No clue.”

They began to sway, slow and intimate, cheek to cheek. He recognized the swelling in his chest as the same ache he’d felt when Henry first played this song for him years ago in the music parlor. Back then, he’d been trying so hard to repress his love for Henry, gripping the settee and wondering how long they would fly across the world to touch each other without talking about it. Now they let love dance around them, unbridled and openly declared in front of the world.

Other memories stirred up unbidden. Henry ghosting him after their first kiss, leaving him out in the snow and questioning everything. And then again when Alex hinted at love, leaving him in the lake with his heart carved out. Twice is not a pattern though, is it. Ever since the last time they were in this museum together, Henry had given his entire self to Alex. He had decided to be with Alex for real that night. That had been when they decided to love each other on purpose.

“I hope you don’t mind that I put down in words. How wonderful life is, now you’re in the world.”

For several beats of silence, he just looked at Henry. And Henry looked at him, and the museum disappeared. The whole world faded away except Henry and himself. It was now. He knelt down to one knee slowly, never losing eye contact. Henry’s loving smile showed no surprise as Alex spoke.

“Henry George Edward James Fox-Mounchristen-Windsor,” he said, making Henry roll his eyes. “I have a question to ask you. You see, my mom asked me, back in our early days, if I felt forever about you. I knew it then, and I know it now. I want to spend my life with you. So... ”

He paused, reached into his jacket, and pulled out the bedazzled box, rhinestones spelling out ‘love.’ Henry had probably guessed that it was never intended for June’s earrings, because he laughed like the box was an inside joke. Despite knowing what was coming, he inhaled audibly when Alex opened the box to reveal a simple silver ring.

“Will you marry me?”

Henry laughed again, a laugh like the birds of sunrise. “Yes, Alex. I will marry you.”

The prince reached into his pocket and pulled out a small leather box, the same size as the one Alex held. Then, he knelt down on one knee as well, mirroring his fiancé. He opened it to reveal a thick antique gold ring inlaid with a gem that Alex couldn’t identify. Beautiful. “Alex Claremont-Diaz, will you spend forever with me as your partner, confidant, and best friend?”

“I,” Alex choked, “yeah, fuck, of course-”

Henry cut him off with a swift and passionate kiss, both of them on their knees, fumbling the engagement rings onto their fingers. Alex felt like the deceased king that had probably worn his engagement ring. They kissed until their knees grew sore, and they collapsed on the tile.

“How did you think to bring a ring and everything?”

“Believe it or not, I somehow predicted that you might do this,” Henry teased.

Their buzzing bodies urged them to get back to the palace, to Henry’s room, to the bed. So they pulled each other to their feet, both dizzy and desperate. Before leaving the piazza they held each other for just a little longer.

“I love you,” whispered Henry.

“Fuck, I know you do.” It’s an amazing thing, to know completely and utterly that somebody loves you. “I love you too.”

“I know.” Henry held him around the waist and their foreheads pressed together. “Hey, so, I know we’re going to have to have a big, gay, traditional, royal wedding and all that -”

“Which we’ll make fun!” Alex said, with the positivity of a camp counselor. The world could really benefit from a big, gay, royal wedding. “There will be so many rainbows, even only if the crowd brings them.”

“And we’ll definitely have an adequate number of champagne fountains.” Henry winked at him. “But you interrupted-”

“Sorry!”

“-me. I was saying that I know we’re doing the public wedding for the audience, and the press, but...” Suddenly Henry looked nervous. “Well, would you maybe want to…”

“Spit it out babe,” Alex kissed Henry lightly on the lips before pulling back to show that Henry had his entire attention. “I’m listening, for real.”

“Would you, would you maybe want to elope first?”

“I… um. Would we, you know, still do the royal wedding afterwards?” Alex asked. “Keep it a secret?”

“Well, yes.” The words tumbled out. “But it would be a secret that we’re keeping for ourselves. We wouldn’t be keeping a secret for an election, or family expectations, or our god damned publicists. It would be ours, and we would keep it because we want to.

“Because I want to keep you to myself, just a little bit.” Henry shrugged, sheepish. “You give so much of yourself to your country, to the world, and I love that about you, but I want this to be just us. I’d be open to inviting Bea, Pez, June, and Nora, and our parents too, if you want.”

“And honestly, I don’t really want there to be a minister or priest… maybe Pez could do it?” Henry continued. “It doesn’t even have to be legal, so people don’t find out. I don’t know, I just thought, it could be just us, making a promise. Not with the crown, not with the church, not with all your adoring fans. Just the people that really matter.”

“I…” A grin spread slowly across Alex’s face. “I love it. Yes. Hell yes. Where? Not Vegas. Paris?”

“Paris.” Relief sweetened Henry’s smile. “And I could play my vows for you on the piano, if you’d like.”

“Yes I’d like! We could do it on a sailboat with a captain! Can you bring a piano on a sailboat?” Henry shook his head and kissed Alex’s grin, nuzzling their noses together. Alex whispered, “Okay, I’ll slow down and we can figure it out together. You and me.”

“You and me.” They fell into each other, a blissful act of entropy, all lips and hands.

“Besides,” Alex said as they stopped to catch their breath. “Secrets can be kind of hot if I remember correctly.”

AN: So, I thought I'd end with the proposal, but I feel like there's maybe more here? Like, this scene was kinda building up to some 'just got engaged' smut, or it could go on to show their elopement. I'm feeling a tinsy bit uninspired for their vows though, so if any of y'all feel like writing those, I could insert to the rest of the marriage scene that could be fun. If anyone feels like doing the post-proposal smut (or the wedding night smut lol) lemme know! Otherwise, thank you for reading! Check out my other rwrb fics, if you feel like it :)