#i do hope they give him more character besides simply being a hater | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

the-void-i-scream-into · 4 years ago

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White Tulips - a JunJin fanfic 1/3

Full Story: Part 2, Part 3

Hello everyone! I hope everyone who is reading this is healthy and safe. This is a fanfic about my favorite characters, Kang Sujin and Han Seojun. I really love these two together so I wrote what I had hoped to see in True Beauty. This is my first time writing fanfiction so its not that good. But I hope you still enjoy it. I didn’t change anything from True Beauty, rather continued the events from the ending with a focus on giving Sujin the redemption arc she so rightly deserved.

I really have to thank everyone on the shooters gc, especially @prodmina, for being so amazing and awesome. Never before have I come accross such amazing, wonderful, open and friendly group of people. I’m not that active on the chat, but I am so grateful it exists. Thank you to everyone on there. This is dedicated to you all.

Pairing: Kang Sujin x Han Seojun

Romantic Trope: Haters to friends to lovers

Word Count: 5.9k

Rating: T

PART 1

If you asked Han Seojun why he loved Lim Jukyung, he wouldn’t be able to answer. His feelings for her overwhelmed him to the point of inarticulation. His heart still skipped a beat every time he saw her at dinner with their group. He still found himself staring at her from time to time, unable to look away from her beauty. He even wrote songs about her, his only form of expressing his love for her.

He still thought of her in every free minute he had between practice, performance and recording sessions. When he couldn’t see her, he would watch her make-up tutorials online. He was proud of how far she had come with her career as a make-up artist. Her popularity was a source of delight for him. It was only appropriate that everyone see how amazing she was.

The only problem was, Lim Jukyung didn’t belong to him. She belonged to Lee Suho, his best friend.

Seojun was happy for the two of them. They were the best people he knew and even he had to acknowledge that they belonged together. Which was why, having these feelings were burdensome for Seojun.

It was burdensome, seeing them all lovey-dovey with each other and talking about their lives together. Normally Seojun would have faked a smile, but when they were all together in a group he scowled without reserve. He got away with it because right beside Suho and Jukyung, sat Taehoon and Suah who were the kind of cheesy couple that made anyone barf.

In fact, just the thought of Suah and Taehoon fawning over each other made him cringe. Even now as he walked into the special private room they frequented for their gatherings—private due to Seojun’s and Jukyung’s popularity—Seojun was pushing back his gag reflex at the squealing he could hear outside.

He scolded them as he entered the room. “Guys! I can hear you all the way from the front entrance. Why are you always so—” He stopped in his tracks. There, between a giggling Jukyung and beaming Suah sat the worst person Seojun had ever known.

Her.

He had heard peripherally about how she had changed now, having reformed as a charity worker. She had apparently apologized to Jukyung about the shitty things she had done before. As if an apology could change anything.

Han Seojun knew Jukyung had forgiven Kang Sujin. That woman had even attended Heekyung’s wedding. But Seojun didn’t understand why she had to invade their special gatherings.

The room had fallen silent. Everyone awkwardly stared at Seojun, then Sujin.

“It’s been a while, Han Seojun.” She said with a polite smile. Her voice deeper than most girls’. He always hated her voice and its lack of femininity.

Ya Han Seojun, are you a gangster?!

Seojun pushed the memory away.

“Ah-aah! Han Seojun. You must be surprised.” Jukyung said with forced cheerfulness. “I invited Sujin to join us today.

Seojun merely flicked a cynical brow at Jukyung and took his usual seat besides Suho. Suah and Jukyung nervously returned to their conversation.

The uncomfortable air in the room subsided after a while and everyone chatted cheerfully with each other. Everyone except Han Seojun.

“I saw your performance on TV. You looked good.” Suho told Seojun.

“Why the hell have you invited Kang Soojin?” Seojun asked Suho in a hushed tone.

“She’s a friend, of course she’s invited.”

“Why are you friends with her again?”

“Seojun, its fine.”

Seojun opened his mouth to protest but before he could, Sujin interrupted him.

“Ya, Han Seojun. I saw your performance on TV. I didn’t know you could sing so well.” She said, not sounding too impressed. “You were great.”

It was a peace offering. A way to start off on the right foot.

Seojun gave a sarcastic smile and tilted his head. “You should have known I was that good. I performed in school, didn’t I?”

“Oh right. I guess I didn’t really pay attention before.”

“You were too busy giving all of your attention to Lee Suho. I don’t expect you to have noticed anybody else.”

This time, the silence in the room was palpable. Taehoon audibly gulped. The only person unfazed was Sujin.

“Yeah. I was obsessed with Suho.” She said simply. “But now that I look back,” she made a frame with her forefingers and thumbs, “I think what the hell does Jukyung see in you?”

“Ya!” Suho protested so seriously that Jukyung giggled, breaking the tension.

“Honestly Jukyung. You’d be better off with me as your boyfriend.” Suah and Taehoon joined the laughter.

“Ya Kang Sujin, you stay away from my girlfriend.” Suho protested, pouting.

“You’re too serious, Lee Suho. Jukyung needs someone more fun.”

“At least I don’t go around kicking people in the face.”

“You wouldn’t be able to do it, even if you tried.”

“I know jujitsu, you know.”

“Okay, okay!” Jukyung said. And that was it, the friends were back to normal.

Seojun kept out of the conversations, eating and drinking on his own. No one dared to bother him lest he say something else to ruin the mood.

Han Seojun didn’t care to maintain a good mood. He had no tolerance for people like Kang Sujin; people who were bullies. And especially not when said bully had hurt someone he cared about very deeply. He didn’t buy this act that Sujin was pulling. He knew, that people never changed.

The conversation turned to Sujin and her charity work overseas. She talked animatedly about the children she and her non-profit group worked for. It made Seojun’s blood boil, how she was using a noble cause as a front for her true cold-hearted personality. That angel bullshit may work on others, but it would not work on Seojun.

He kept a close eye on her the entire time, almost glaring to the point where Suho had to poke him with his elbow to get him to look away. But Suho was blind, he should have seen how Sujin’s face gave the barest of glances of pain when he and Jukyung kissed each other and pulled each other’s cheeks and talked about living together.

“Oh, you guys share an apartment?” No one else noticed the high-pitchiness of Sujin’s voice when she asked this. No one, expect Seojun.

And then there was the stolen glances at Suho. That was the final nail in the coffin. Seojun was convinced that Sujin was pretending to be over Suho. She was still in love with him. And that was a problem.

“What’s wrong with you?” Suho confronted Seojun outside, when it was just the two of them waiting for the others to leave.

“What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you? Don’t you know the kind of person Kang Sujin is? How can you let her in again?”

“Calm down, Seojun-ah. That was all years ago.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that she hurt Jukyung.”

“She’s not a bad person. I know her better than you. She made a mistake.”

“She knew what she was doing.”

“Haven’t you ever made a mistake before? Or are you telling me that blaming me for Seyeon’s death was the right thing to do?”

Seojun was quiet.

“Seojun-ah, don’t take this the wrong way. You have a tendency to judge too quickly, and misunderstand. If you really hate her that much then talk to her and ask her about her reasons. Don’t just go on assuming something is the way it is because you think so.”

Seojun grit his teeth.

“Shall we go?” Jukyung came up from behind, taking Suho’s arm. The rest of the group was behind her.

“Yeah. Bye everyone. See you next time.” The couple waved as others waved back. “Seojun, I hope you’ll think about what I said.”

Seojun just nodded and waved too. He watched Jukyung and Suho disappear into the crowd on the street.

The rest of them said their goodbyes and went their way, Seojun leaving after giving Sujin a distrusting side-eye.

ii.

I don’t want to be a fool like you and be just friends, only to like him one sidedly.

It had been such a long time ago when Kang Sujin had said this to Han Seojun, but he remembered it like it was yesterday. That and a couple of other memories that played in his mind, causing whiplash.

Ya Han Seojun, are you a gangster?!

Those words especially felt like a slap on his face. He could actually feel his cheek burning at the image of Kang Sujin standing there in her uniform, telling off him and his boys about bullying Jukyung.

He had respected her back then, for having the guys to stand up for her friend. Even though she had been all haughty like some arrogant princess and thought him a fool, he had still respected her. He had never expected her to turn out to be such a vile person.

Am I handsome?

Yes.

No, no, no. That was one incident he refused to remember. It meant nothing. Only a source of surprise at her bluntness, nothing more.

“Seojun, we’re going to hit the showers now, are you done?”

Seojun didn’t hear Chorong as he ran on the treadmill. His body was in the gym but his mind as fully occupied by Kang Sujin, as it had been for the past week.

“Han Seojun, are you listening?”

She must have had a reason for suddenly showing up out of the blue. She had disappeared completely when the truth about her had been revealed online. Obviously, she ran away like a coward. If she was back now, it must be because she wanted something. Kang Sujin could be very calculating and manipulative.

Was it because of Lee Suho?

“Han Seojun!”

Chorong’s voice snapped Seojun out of his thoughts and he fell backward from his treadmill.

“OOOH! Are you okay?”

“YA! Why would you do that?!” Seojun snapped at Chorong as he got back up. He checked himself for bruises though his dignity caught the worst of it.

“Ah-nee, I called you so many times. You were totally checked out.” Chorong explained.

“Does that make sense? Why would I be checked out?”

“Well… you have been out of it this past week. Has something been bothering you?”

Something had been bothering him; something with silky, black hair and long legs.

“What? You met Kang Sujin?” His entire posse sounded as he told them about her return. Seojun put a finger in his ears as he was bombarded with questions.

“Did she apologize to Jukyung? Are they friends now?”

“Did she tell where she was all that time?”

“Is she still pretty?”

“Is she single?”

“What is she doing these days?”

Seojun ignored all of these useless inquiries.

“Hey! Did you al forget the kind of person she is? How could you ask if she is still pretty?”

“She must be. I bet she’s still the same.”

“She was never pretty.” Seojun declared. “I can never understand what people see in her.”

“That’s because you only have eyes for one.” One of them teased and the rest of them Ooh-ed like school girls.

“Ah, shikkeureo! Shut up!” Chorong said in defense of Seojun. Out of everyone, Chorong understood best how much Seojun still pined for Jukyung. “So, what exactly is bothering you about Kang Sujin?”

“I don’t trust her. Especially around Jukyung.”

“Wae? Do you think she might still be after Lee Suho.”

“Yes. At least I suspect so. I’m not sure what game she’s playing at but I’m not buying this angel persona she has on.”

“So? You can’t exactly stop Jukyung from choosing to be friends with her.”

“I feel I can convince Jukyung if I talk to her.”

“She might just tell you to try to get along with Sujin.”

This was true. Jukyung was too nice and trusting with people. Seojun thought long and hard.

“I’ll have to protect her. I’ll have to keep Kang Sujin away from Jukyung.”

iii.

He had been on his way to the studio, casually riding by on his bike, when he saw her. She was in some blue vest, clearly a uniform of some sort. She was handing out fliers to people who passed by, smiling widely with that fake innocent look she had perfected. What a crock of shit. Seojun swerved around and parked his bike, then sauntered up to her with an amused expression.

She lit up when she saw him approach, waving animatedly at him. Her happiness upon seeing him surprised him so much that he stumbled and almost fell. He played it off as nothing, hoping she hadn’t noticed.

“Ya Han Seojun, gimme your autograph.” She grinned as she pushed forward a petition to help kids in Africa.

Seojun didn’t take it. “What are you doing?” He asked rhetorically, looking at the pictures of children she had set up for people to see along with information as to how to donate. So she’s using these poor kids for her own selfish reasons?

“Huh?” Sujin hadn’t missed his tone. “Just sign it, its for a good cause. And being charitable will help your image too, no?” She tried appealing to his logic.

“Ooooh,” Seojun mocked, “So you keep up the pretense even when you’re not around Jukyung? Isn’t this a too much, Kang Sujin?”

Sujin’s smile dropped into a snarl, “What?”

“I’m on to you, Kang Sujin.” Seojun got up in her face. “Ah-nee, if you’re going to pretend to be all reformed then you shouldn’t make it too obvious. Charity work is a little too on the nose, don’t you think?”

Sujin stared at him in shock and anger. Seojun suddenly recalled how well Sujin had kicked those thugs who had kidnapped Jukyung back in high school and gulped. He hoped she wouldn’t try to kill him in public but it was too late to take back what he said.

“Han Seojun…” Sujin said through clenched teeth and Seojun prepared for the worst.

Ya Han Seojun! Are you a gangster?!

But she said nothing. Instead she calmed herself, exhaling through her mouth.

“I probably deserve that.” She said, not backing away or cowering from him. She pushed the flier in his chest, “But don’t make these kids suffer because of your anger towards me. They could really use the support.”

Seojun looked down at the flier. He couldn’t sign anything without the consent of his agency. So he folded it up and pocketed it. Along with his pride. He could put his ego aside for a good cause.

“These kids deserve a better person representing them than you.” Seojun said. Sujin pressed her lips tightly.

“Aren’t you being a little too harsh? I’m not the same person anymore. And Jukyung has—”

“You may have everyone else fooled, Kang Sujin. But I will always remember what you are.” With that, Seojun walked away, his hand twitching.

iv.

The next time they all met up, Seojun made sure to sit between Sujin and Jukyung. He felt uncomfortable because he had to bump shoulders with her, but he would bear it for Jukyung.

Suho gave Seojun a warning look when they all sat down. Don’t do anything excessive, the look said. Seojun ignored it.

He could feel Sujin’s stiffness beside him. This was uncomfortable for her too. Good. If I’m suffering, she should too. But she kept up her polite façade, smiling like nothing bothered her.

Seojun made sure to keep her isolated from Jukyung. He didn’t let her speak to Jukyung, didn’t let her participate in the competitions. He even didn’t let her eat properly.

“Jukyung-ah, did I show you my pictures from—”

“Jukyung-ah, has your sister told you about the tour we’re planning?” Seojun interrupted.

Jukyung would be at a loss as to who to answer and Seojun would move forward, blocking Sujin.

When Suho or Jukyung tried to ask Sujin what she wanted to eat first, he took the first dish he saw and shoved it in front of her.

“Here, have this Kang Sujin.”

“I don’t want it.” She said with an unamused look.

“Take it.” He ordered in his intimidating baritone.

They glared at each other , Sujin’s face twitching with annoyance. Seojun mentally dared her to snap at him but she swallowed her pride, quite literally, and put on a fake smile.

“Thanks.” She said dryly.

By the end of dinner, Han Seojun had successfully managed to annoy Kang Sujin. Her fake persona was slipping as she clenched her jaw and exhaled excessively to keep her temper in check. Seojun guessed he would have her true personality on display by the end of the night.

“Han Seojun what are you doing?” Suho confronted him outside.

“What did I do?” Seojun feigned ignorance.

“You need to sto—”

“Han Seojun. Let’s talk.” Sujin strode up to them from behind, her face set with determination.

“No.” Seojun said.

“I wasn’t asking. I was telling.” And there she was, the old Sujin. Gone was the politeness and friendly demeanor. She stared boldly at him, almost challenging him to refuse again.

“Seojun-ah, just hear her out.” Jukyung broke through their staring match. Seojun could never say no to her. But he didn’t get a chance to say yes either.

Sujin simply commanded, “Follow me,” and grabbed the collar of his jacket, dragging him away.

“Ya! What are you doing?!” But Kang Sujin was stronger than she looked and Seojun found himself being pulled against his will.

The rest of them could only stare.

“Do you think they’ll be alright?” Suah asked, concerned.

“Nope. I’m certain they’ll kill each other.” Suho replied nonchalantly.

“My money’s on Sujin.” Taehoon and Suah said together.

“You’re on.” Suho replied.

iv.

“Are you crazy? How could you grab me like that?” Seojun smoothened the collar of his coat that Sujin had bunched up in her fist. She had let go when he had said that he would follow enough times. They walked together, Sujin going ahead of him. He quickly put on his mask. “How can a girl be so strong?” He said under his breath. Then spoke aloud, “Is this any way to treat an idol?”

Sujin suddenly turned on her heels, stopping Seojun in his tracks. She was a little too close for comfort and looked intimidated with that unfiltered anger on her face. “Just shut up and follow.”

Seojun put his hands on his hips, tilting his head. He was unimpressed by her tough attitude. He gestured forward with his chin, “Then move.”

He followed her, keeping a small distance between them. She marched forward, taking long strides with her long, long legs. She looked like a general going to war.

“She calls me a thug. She should look at herself.” He mumbled.

Sujin led them to a secluded pocha, street food vendor with small plastic seats housed inside a plastic tent. Seojun adjusted his mask.

“Relax, no one here is going to recognize you.” Sujin said, sensing his discomfort. Indeed, when Seojun looked around, all he saw were hold ahjusshis getting drunk and babbling nonsense. None of them seemed like his fans.

Still, Sujin led them in a corner table and sat where he was hidden by her. She ordered two bottles of soju and side dishes for him. He simply watched with his arms crossed.

The silence between them was awkward and heavy. Neither of them said anything. Han Seojun openly stared at Sujin. Kang Sujin looked everywhere but him. The lady brought them their order. Sujin effortlessly opened a bottle and moved to fill his glass. Seojun put his hand on top of his glass to stop her.

With a sigh, he took the bottle from her and poured for himself. She followed suit. They both took a shot.

Sujin sat up straight, shuffling in her seat. She first looked down at her hands in her lap, then looked up, straight in his eyes.

“Mianhae.” It took him by surprise. More than that, the regret on her face moved him. If only by an inch. “I’m sorry, Han Seojun. What I did back then… I was going through some personal issues, and I took it out on Jukyung. But even that is not a good enough excuse. I shouldn’t have done what I did. And even what I said to you… even after you gave me a chance to delete the video… I’m sorry.” She gulped and Seojun mirrored her. “You were right. I was only destroying myself. I should have seen that. But I have changed now. I’m not the same person. I know you’re important to Jukyung. So I hope we can get along from now on.”

Seojun took another shot. He took a minute, considering her words.

“If its forgiveness you want, then Kang Sujin, there is nothing to forgive between us. Your fight was with Jukyung. Not me.” Sujin appeared relieved till Seojun added, “However, my problem with you isn’t because of old grudges. I just can’t trust you, Kang Sujin. I believe you still will hurt Jukyung, even if you don’t mean to. And I can’t let that happen.”

Sujin’s mouth became small. She jutted her jaw, pouring another shot for herself. She downed it aggressively before responding. “I’m not the same girl anymore. I’m not in love with—”

“I keep hearing that you’ve changed. But have you really? Can you honestly tell me that you’re over him?”

“I am over him.”

“Bull shit. I saw the way you were looking Suho. All throughout dinner—”

“Aren’t you just projecting your own feelings onto me?” Sujin interrupted.

Seojun laughed incredulously, “What?”

“The one who’s not over their unrequited love is you. You’re not over Jukyung.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes. All these years you’ve been pretending to be her friend. Aren’t you the one being two faced?”

“I’ve already confessed to her. We even went on a date.” Seojun crossed his arms with a smirk.

This was news to Sujin, “Aah. Is that so? Then isn’t that more pathetic? Even though she clearly doesn’t want you—”

“Ya, Kang Sujin.”

“—you’re still not over her. I too saw how you looked at her. With that pathetic puppy dog expression on your face. Don’t you think this is awkward for Jukyung? Sitting there with her boyfriend and—”

“Shut your damn mouth.”

“Wae? Don’t like it when the tables are turned on you?” Sujin and Seojun glared at each other with hatred. Seojun poured and downed a shot. Sujin swallowed and looked away. This was not how she imagined this conversation going.

“I’m not in love with her.” Seojun declared.

Sujin snorted, “Hul. Then why is it you who is giving me this lecture and not Lee Suho? If I’m really such a threat to Lim Jukyung, then shouldn’t her boyfriend be the one to confront me? What gives you the right to treat me this way?”

Seojun paused. “I can give you a million reasons; that I’m her friend, that even though I’m not her boyfriend, she stills relies on me, that I’m doing this out of humanity.”

Sujin scoffed.

“That I don’t want to lose another friend because of bullying.”

Sujin’s face fell. She licked her lips as she considered his point of view. Then, wordlessly, she poured him a drink.

“I’m not a bully. I never was. I did a shitty thing that I’ve apologized for and now I’d like to move on with my life.” She poured herself a shot of soju too. “I care about Jukyung. I will always regret what I did to her. But I still have a chance at friendship and I am going to take it whether you like it or not.”

They both took the shot. Sujin poured them another.

“We both care about Jukyung. And she would want us to get along, or at least pretend to for her sake.” Sujin gave Seojun a pointed look. The ball was in his court now.

Seojun remembered how uncomfortable Jukyung had been because of his hostility towards Sujin. True, Sujin wasn’t the kind to be trusted. Seojun was a man of action, he didn’t believe in hollow words. But it was also true that fighting with Sujin all the time would cause problems in their peaceful little group. And although he was sure that when it came to it, everyone would choose him and not her, he still held up the shot glass and said, “For Jukyung’s sake.”

The two drunken enemies staggered on the sidewalk, each supporting the other while trying not to fall; a drunk trying to steady another drunk.

“Ah-nee-ya, I’m not *hic* not in love with Jukyung. I don… I don…”

“Arassssso. And I’mf the Pwincess of England.” Sujin slurred, pushing Seojun upright as she tried to hail a taxi.

“Na ah-nee-ya. I’m not. Nope.” Seojun hiccuped.

“Ah just sstand still!” Sujin pushed his body away but his arm was still draped over her shoulder.

“Ah sshutup! Shut up you stupid Suijin!” Seojun started snickering at his own statement, “Hehehe. Stupid Suji. Sujinnie phabo.” Seojun pushed his weight onto her, still chortling.

“Ah stand still!!” Sujin wrapped an arm around his waist to hold him up. She was suddenly very aware of just how tall he was. Even with her own impressive height, he seemed too big.

A taxi finally stopped and Sujin struggled with pushing Seojun inside. She pushed him in with her legs when he bent over on the seat but refused to move further to give her room.

“Where to?” The driver asked when they both were seated.

“Han Seojun, tell him your address.”

Seojun fell to the other side, passed out. Sujin, who herself felt like passing out, leaned over to tap his face, “Han Seojun? Ya! Wake uuup.” He did not.

“Are we leaving or not?” The driver asked impatiently.

Sujin shook Seojun again. He stirred, only to mumble Jukyung’s name and pass out on her shoulder again. Sujin looked at the driver helplessly.

vi.

The first thing Seojun felt was the pounding headache, it brought him out of a very nice dream he’d been having that he promptly forgot. He could feel his legs sticking out from the side of the bed. In turning over, his elbow punched into something.

“Oof! Ow! What the hell!”

Sujin kicked at him as she pressed her ribs in pain. They both were surprised to find themselves tangled in each other. It took them exactly three seconds to start screaming.

They both flew off the bed, Sujin hitting Seojun repeatedly with her pillow.

“Ow! Ow! Ah! OW!”

“Why. Are. You. In. My. Bed?!”

“Why am I here? Why are you here?”

“This is my room asshole!”

Seojun grabbed Sujin’s wrist to keep her from hitting him. He looked around and indeed it was Sujin’s room.

“What the hell happened?” He asked.

She kicked him in the shin, “How the hell would I know? Explain yourself, Han Seojun!”

“You explain! How can I end up here if you didn’t bring me?”

Sujin’s raised foot, about to kick Seojun, slowly lowered. She was suddenly hit with the memory of last night. Drunkenly trying to enter the code to her door as Seojun whined about missing Jukyung, stumbling into her apartment and dragging Seojun by his collar to the couch, falling on top of him as he fell and then immediately picking herself up and going into her room to pass out.

Seojun put his hands on his hips defiantly, “Kang Sujin. We got drunk last night didn’t we? Aish, chincha. I never thought you’d be the kind of girl to take advantage of a guy like that.”

“Ah-ni-godun! That would never happen! I only brought you here because you wouldn’t tell me your address.”

“Ah, what a nice excuse. And whose idea was it to go drinking any way? Was this your plan all along? Of course, its understandable that you’d want a rebound with the most handsome guy around.”

Sujin scoffed in disbelief. “That’s not the case!” She protested. “And what handsome? I find you laughable.”

“And I find you detestable.”

“Then why did you come into my bedroom when I left you out on the couch?”

A flash of memory sparked in Seojun’s mind; of getting up, using Sujin’s bathroom and going into the bedroom thinking he was at Chorong’s place.

The red spreading on his cheeks was a dead giveaway to Sujin that she had him.

Seojun cleared his throat, “No matter what, this isn’t what it looks like.”

“Of course, it doesn’t.”

They stood there awkwardly for a moment as they wondered what to do next. They both spoke together.

“You should probably go.”

“I should leave.”

A rare agreement. They both nodded in sync.

“But… is there a back door to your apartment? I can risk having my face seen leaving a girl’s apartment.”

Sujin licked her lips as she considered this. “I think I have an idea.”

From the outside, Kang Sujin’s apartment door cracked open, just enough for two heads to poke out to check if the coast was clear. One of those heads was wearing a beanie, a mask and sunglasses. The other was Sujin. They both sneaked out of her apartment and beelined for the emergency stairs.

“Why is your apartment so up high?”

“We can always go in the elevator where my neighbors can see you.”

“I hate you.”

Finally making it out the back exit, the two relaxed.

“How are you going to get home?” She asked him.

“I’ll take the bus. Nobody will recognize me when I’m like this.”

“You shouldn’t underestimate fangirls.”

Seojun chuckled, “Never do. Bye then.”

Seojun turned, then paused, then turned back. “Kang Sujin.” He called out to her just as she was about to go in. “Thanks… for not just abandoning me last night.” It was the most difficult thank-you he had ever said.

Sujin simply nodded. “Get home safely.”

vii.

Sujin didn’t remember going back up to her apartment, just the click of the door shutting behind her that pulled her out of her daze.

She had just spent the night with Han Seojun. Admittedly, it meant nothing, but it still felt weird and she didn’t know what to do about it.

Maybe I should have asked him to eat before he went. He must have been hungry. She thought. And then scolded herself, Ah-nee, why would I care about him? He doesn’t matter to me anyway.

Traces of Han Seojun still lingered in her apartment; the bedsheet that had fallen on the floor, along with the pillow she had assaulted him with, his spicy scent on the bed and a metal ring on her bedside table that he must have taken off during the night.

Sujin held up the ring, looking through it. She would give it to him later, if they met again. She hoped they didn’t. She was already dreading the thought of encountering him again.

Kang Sujin didn’t let herself think too much about last night. She changed her sheets, showered and firmly put all thoughts of a certain idol out of her mind. He was just a silly twerp who had been a thug in high school and was now just an idol. He had nothing to do with her, nor she with him.

She had better things to do, like her work.

If you’re going to pretend to be all reformed then you shouldn’t make it too obvious. Charity work is a little too on the nose, don’t you think?

Nope, she wasn’t going to let that idiot get to her. Who was he to treat her like this? Next time she saw him, she would kick him in the face. Yes, that’s what she would do.

I keep hearing that you’ve changed. But have you really? Can you honestly tell me that you’re over him?

All day long Sujin’s hand twitched with the need to be scrubbed clean. They kept getting clammy and sticky. She wanted to scrub, scurb, scurb them of all the dirt and the grime and the filth of her past self. Sujin had believed that she had kicked this bad habit of unnecessarily cleaning her hands, but apparently she hadn’t.

My problem with you isn’t because of old grudges. I just can’t trust you, Kang Sujin. I believe you still will hurt Jukyung, even if you don’t mean to.

“Well who the hell wants your trust?” Sujin argued with the wind.

“Is everything okay?” One of the girls she worked with asked.

“What? Oh-um-yeah. Everything is fine! Just… talking to myself.” She put on a fake cheery attitude and shook her head.

It was only when Sujin’s day was finally over, and she was back in her empty apartment, leaning against her front door, that let herself feel the misery she had been suppressing.

Of course that Han Seojun hates me. What reason does he have not to?

Even the person who had been obligated to love and protect her, had only ever seen her as worthless. If her own father, couldn’t treat her with decency, then why should she expect a stranger to?

Her small apartment suddenly seemed so much bigger now. Big and empty, with shadows extending from the ground to the roof.

Kang Sujin, were you always such a piece of trash?

She hadn’t answered him back then. But in these quiet moments, she allowed herself to admit, “Yes, Han Seojun. I was always such a worthless piece of trash.”

Back when she had been a kid—running away from her problems in school, from what she had done to Jukyung—she would let this darkness take over. It would eat her inside and out till she was just a shell. However, now that he had grown up, she had learned how to deal with this on her own.

Sujin pushed herself off of the door and walked into her room, turning on all of the lights. Rest, she needed rest. And food, before anything else. Most of the time her depression would just be weakness caused by hunger. She was indeed careless with her health.

Her phone buzzed suddenly. It was a message from Jukyung. She would respond later. First she would spend time on herself. But then, almost immediately, there was a message from Suah. Then Suho. Even Taehoon. Then the phone lit up with a call from Jukyung.

“What’s going o—”

“Kang Sujin, have you seen the articles?”

“What?”

“There’s articles about you and Seojun dating.”

“WHAT?” It took Sujin a full minute to process what Jukyung was saying. She was speaking but Sujin didn’t hear the rest. Jukyung’s voice was muted from the speaker as Sujin searched through Naver for her and Seojun’s name.

“It’s all over the internet.” Jukyung was saying. “Someone’s posted pictures of you and Seojun together. Sujin-ah. Is that really you? Are you and Seojun dating?”

The room began to spin and Sujin had the urge to kick someone in the face.

“Jukyung-ah. I’ll call you back.”

What the hell happened?”

The articles Sujin found showed her and Seojun exiting her building. It was from this morning. Seojun’s face was well hidden but she could be clearly seen. From the way the pictures were taken, it looked as if the two were involved in something together.

Sujin’s phone suddenly lit up with an unknown number. She knew it could only be Han Seojun.

She pressed answer.

Some JunJin images I came up with just for fun

#junjin #Kang Sujin #Han Seojun #True Beauty #True Beauty Kdrama #Kdrama Fanfiction #True Beauty Fanfiction #Seojun x Sujin #Kang Soojin #Kang Sujin Fanfiction #Han Seojun Fanfiction #kdrama #fanfiction #park yoona #hwang inyeop

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tevanbegins · 4 years ago

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The Schmico haters' reasons for calling Nico toxic are that he doesn't talk about his feelings, forced Levi to come out to his mom while he himself lied about being out to his parents, only uses Levi for sex, and is rude and emotionally abusive to Levi.

All these are invalid or exaggerated arguments, and below I have elaborated why:

1. It is not easy for Nico to talk about his feelings especially when he is forced to confront them against his will. He was probably raised to be practical and perfect all the time and he fears that talking about his emotions shall make him vulnerable. But in spite of this he always tries to communicate with Levi whenever he feels ready. He also always listens to whatever Levi has to say and never judges him for being too emotional. No two people are exactly alike and there are bound to be some differences between them that we need to respect, but what's more important here is that Nico is trying to work on his shortcomings and Levi is giving him the space he needs to do that. They are working on their issues through mutual understanding and this is exactly what healthy progress looks like. It is anything but toxic.

2. Nico never 'forced' Levi to come out to his mom. Yes he got a bit mad when he found out that Levi hadn't told her, but that was only because he knew how close Levi was to her and that he still lived under her roof. So he assumed that Levi would have told her about this important new development in his life. But he understood when Levi explained why he hadn't told her about it and they were good again. Levi came out to his mom several episodes later only when he thought he was ready and not because Nico forced him. It came as a surprise to Nico too when Levi did that because he was not at all expecting him to do it, and it brought tears to his eyes.

Another point to be noted, Nico has never lied about being out to his parents. He expressed his desire of wanting Levi to spend Christmas with his family as a joke and I think Levi got that, because it was very early on in their relationship at that point of time and neither of them knew how serious they would get about each other later. Hiding the truth is not the same as lying (and I don't remember anybody calling Derek a liar for keeping his marriage to Addison a secret from Meredith), so Nico is definitely not one. Nico's fears are not unfounded. He comes from a rigidly conservative Asian family and already knows how homophobic his parents are. He doesn't think that it is a safe space for him to come out. It is important to be mindful of the culture difference between Levi and Nico's families so it won't be half as easy for Nico to tell his folks than it was for Levi to tell his mom.

3. A handsome and gorgeous man like Nico would never need to 'use' anybody for sex. Taking comfort in the physical aspect of his relationship with Levi was his way of coping with his fears and to avoid talking about his parents. I agree that it was not a good thing. But if he didn't love Levi and sex was his only motive then he could have easily cheated on him or rebounded with some other guy after their break-up. He didn't do that. He came back to Levi only because he obviously still has feelings for him, it is just that he is struggling to confess them openly.

Nico suggested 'stress relief' because he not only missed being around Levi but also because he was concerned about him being at risk of getting COVID due to his medical history of Broken Heart Syndrome. He asked for Levi's consent that time and specifically told him that he could say "No." Besides, that act in the supply closet was more pleasurable to Levi than it was to him if you know how gay sex works. And Nico was surely bluffing about being incapable of love and affection (most probably to avoid confrontation about his parents or that new dream job he was pursuing) because his actions always prove otherwise – be it paying his full attention to Levi, giving pep talks, cuddling, giving a comforting hug, planting a forehead kiss, holding hands, etc. Him not saying "I love you" out loud a hundred times a day doesn't mean that he is not in love with Levi, he simply expresses his love differently.

4. Nico behaved rudely with Levi for a while after revealing that he wasn't out to his parents, but he was never emotionally abusive in any way. He was clearly going through a phase that frightened him and it made him suppress his emotions as a defense mechanism. So he emotionally shut himself out and was a little mean to Levi, but he was completely honest about what he could and could not offer him at that point of time in their relationship. An emotionally abusive person would make false promises of love to keep the person that they are involved with under their trap, and then continue to violate them. If Nico was like that then he wouldn't have chosen to break it off with Levi when he said that he wanted more from him. He thought it was better to end the relationship then than to give Levi false hopes when he himself couldn't make sense of any of his feelings. This is definitely not toxic behaviour.

It is okay if haters don't like Nico or Schmico because we don't need their validation to stan anything, but they should accept that this hatred is due to their own personal preferences and not wrongfully declare Nico to be toxic because they have been quite easy-going with other characters who have made way worse mistakes in relationships than he ever did. The hypocrisy is out there for everyone to see. But they have no right to spread misconceptions about someone else's comfort ship or characters based on careless observations. Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate. That's all. ✌

#schmico #greys anatomy #levi schmitt #nico kim #levi and nico #nico and levi #levi x nico #nico x levi #levi schmitt x nico kim #nico kim x levi schmitt #levi schmitt and nico kim #nico kim and levi schmitt

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wolfpawn · 5 years ago

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I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 97

Chapter Summary - Tom and Danielle are found out, but how does the world and indeed the pair themselves react?

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long. This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously.

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog @jessibelle-nerdy-mum @nonsensicalobsessions @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller @fairlightswiftly @salempoe @wolfsmom1

If you wish to be tagged, please let me know.

Taylor who? Tom Hiddleston has a new love.

The luck of the Irish, Tom Hiddleston’s new girlfriend is Irish.

St Patrick was not the only Irish person to banish a snake.

Hiding in plain sight, Tom Hiddleston has had a new girlfriend since last October.

Did Tom Hiddleston cheat on Taylor Swift?

Taylor Swift romance proven to be a contract as Tom Hiddleston walks out with his real girlfriend of almost a year.

Was Taylor Swift romance just a ploy to divert from real girlfriend?

Tom Hiddleston’s new girlfriend, his family clearly approves.

Tom Hiddleston’s new lover, chosen by his mother.

It had been a lunch with Emma and Jack that had finally been when Tom and Danielle were found out. They were due to go to Ireland for a few days the next day before they started their next bout of work, but decided to meet his sister and brother-in-law before going. It was a normal restaurant, but in London, it was flooded with people and as a result, they were noticed easily enough. Fans took photos on their phones and posted them online. It took less than three minutes from the first photo being posted and Luke’s call. Tom gave Danielle a look and she knew it was out; she inhaled deeply, but said nothing, only nodding slightly. Emma pulled her friend in against her and spoke a few encouraging words into her ear before they continued with their meal. When they were done and had decided to leave, there was a glut of photographers outside the restaurant shouting for Tom’s attention as they passed. Jack and Emma had gotten out easily enough and went to their car, Tom and Danielle however, were surrounded. Tom had not wanted to fuel them too much, but he feared Danielle getting overwhelmed, having never experienced anything like it before in her life, so he pulled her to his side, his hand on her waist, her body leaning in against his and they made their way to the car. Neither said anything, both looking straight ahead.

Luke released the information as they had requested; the media eating it up in moments, most elated to get everything they wanted without ever having to do anything for it, some irate that Tom and Danielle had effectively taken ‘their’ exclusive from them. The fans divided into their camps immediately. The obsessive ‘Hiddleswift’ and Taylor contingents getting aggressive; Danielle was fat, boring, ugly, untalented, weird, a stalker, a bully, a girl hater, a temptress and all around horrible person, Tom was the devil incarnate for breaking their goddess’ heart. Those who despised Taylor seemed overall happy with a somewhat more ‘acceptable’ other half for their Internet Boyfriend. Though there were some that loathed her as much as they did any other woman Tom had been linked to, if not more because she had dared to go near their obsession and for that unforgivable crime, they effectively tore her character apart without ever having met Danielle. Then there were the fans, the ones that were utterly gushing over Tom and his new love. They scoffed at those who were adamant that Tom was still with Taylor, they pointed out that they knew it was the same girl as went to dinner with him and his mother, who walked the dog in the park, some eagle-eyed fans had actually figured out it was Danielle in the photo with Tom and Emma Watson on New Year’s Eve. To most, their attention to this detail told them that Tom and Danielle were not some farcical rebound or contractual relationship. She knew his family, she was close to his family and she and Tom had not thrown the relationship into the spotlight, to them, it was legitimate, and seeing Tom with someone that they felt was clearly more on his level, was a cause for celebration. They tried to come up with a nickname for the pair, Ben jokingly texted that “TomElle” was the new big thing. Even though Tom severely disliked it, he did not dislike it enough to not jest about it to an even less impressed Danielle.

She did not tell Tom, or anyone else, but Danielle went online to see what people were saying. Overall, she smiled a lot, elated at how people seemed to realise she was nothing like Swift. She was hurt by some of the comments, but she forced herself to remember that these people did not know her, or indeed Tom for that matter. It was clear from some of their comments no one would ever be good enough, they thoughts she was not smart enough for him, or that her career was incompatible with his, that she was using him; but her mind immediately reminded her of how that very morning, she was the one that was in bed with Tom, him begging her to stop teasing him as she toyed with him and his manhood and that was the most important thing to remember, she had Tom and the jealous internet brats could not take that from her. The one thing that had her smiling above all others were those who hoped they would see more of the pair together, that seemed to think she made Tom happier and more alive again. She was being given credit for things she knew she had no right to be, like his demeanour on the Kong tour and even people who seemed to think her and Mac were what Tom needed and were complimenting her; one page even going so far as to start logging her fashion choices, saying she was the role model for the normal girl, to be yourself and comfortable in yourself rather than depressed, overly skinny and wearing clothes only fit for a ridiculous runway, the word ‘wholesome’ was being used again, but this time it did not bother her as much.

There was one picture that was doing more rounds than any other, the one they had chosen to give themselves, Mac was front and centre, having photo bombed the selfie Tom had attempted to take only to cause both to laugh and lead to an incredibly honest and fun photo. Even those were not fans of Tom’s were commenting on how they had dealt with their being found out and the photo being perfect and honest and open.

Luke had also added that the pair asked for people to respect their privacy, that Tom wanted to remind people that Danielle was not a celebrity, she did not wish to be one, she simply fell for one so to give her some modicum of privacy, he knew that it was showing a rag to a bull to some, that there would be those who would hound her more, but most, it was clear, were only going for them when in public, still not ideal, but Danielle was willing to take it.

Tom seemed almost meek when he came into the sitting room with two cups of tea. “Hey.”

She smiled back happily at him, “Hello, what has you all shy?” “How are you with everything?” “Good, well, I mean, it was full-on, the world now knows I exist, which is odd, but fine,” She smiled reassuringly.

“I wish you never had to go through this, I wish I was just some ordinary person.”

“Tom, stop, you don’t mean that, you are you, and I knew that from the start.” She pointed out. “We knew this would happen, we elected to allow it by going in public, it has happened and it can’t un-happen so let’s just get on with things. Are you packed?” Danielle leant forward and took the mug she always used. “I am, the bags are by the door. Are you sure it is a good time to go over?” “Tom, Michael Jackson, Kim and Kanye, Marilyn Manson, Will.I.Am, Beyonce and Jay Z, Elton John and a fuck tonne more people holiday in Ireland all the time and no one ever knows the half of it, it is safe to say, no one cares there. To make a fuss is frowned upon, you get accused of having notions, you don’t want to have notions. Bono has them, terrible things.” “I heard that said before actually,” Tom confessed with a chuckle.

“It may actually be the best time for us to go, no one will expect there. They will see us at the airport and expect us to be going someone hot and foreign, it will send them completely into a tizzy and we will have a few days in cute little B&B’s and not giving a feck.”

Tom sat beside her, “That sounds idyllic.”

“I am going to bring Mac for a walk in a minute, are you coming?” Truthfully, Tom was not in the mood for being harassed a second time in twenty-four hours by cameras, but he knew they would hound Danielle, in a way, he suspected that was her way of asking him to go with her for support, though not voicing her concerns on the matter aloud. “After tea.” “Of course.” On seeing her physically relax, he knew that his assumptions had been correct.

* The walk was awkward. There was a photographer following their every move, and that caused fans to notice Tom as well; meaning there were a couple of them taking photos too. The pair just acted as though they were alone, it was Mac that was less than pleased by those that were following them, though if anything, his eyeing the photographer was what kept the man from getting too close.

“Are you alright?” Tom asked in a low voice as they made their way through the park.

“Fine, I knew this would happen at first, it will be fine, they’ll realise we are just as uninteresting as anyone else going for a walk and get over it soon enough.” Danielle smiled. When they got to a field area, Mac started to jump around, looking back at them. “What?” “That’s my fault,” Tom admitted as he reached into his jacket pocket, producing a tennis ball which caused Mac to focus fully on Tom, sitting in front of him as patiently as possible, his butt barely tipping the ground in his excitement. “We started doing this when you were in Ireland.” “He never chased a ball for me.” Danielle stared between the pair of them.

“Really? He loves it.” “I am not going to lie, I am actually a little hurt.” Tom looked at her worriedly, “Should I not have…?” “Not at you, at him,” She pointed to Mac, who barely glanced at her for a moment before looking back at the ball in Tom’s hand. “Judas.” She unclipped his lead and the dog did a little spin on the spot before sitting waiting for Tom the throw. “Let’s see what we’ve got.” Tom threw the ball as far as he could, resulting in Mac bolting after it, catching it after the second bounce before running back elated with himself. “Why didn’t you do that for me?” Danielle demanded, to which Mac placed the ball at her feet as an answer. “Three weeks I spent trying to get you to fetch, we could have been doing this for ages.” Again, he just looked at the ball. “I am getting one of those sling things that throws it further.”

“I saw them in the pet shop when I got that, are they any good, they are so cheap I didn’t think they would be?” Tom asked as he watched Danielle throw the ball and Mac chased it.

“Yes, they get another twenty or so feet on it sometimes, he’ll love it.” When Mac returned, he dropped the ball for Tom. “Good, we can grab it when we get back then.” He looked to throw the ball again but paused on seeing someone in the distance.

“What?” Danielle looked around, thinking there was an issue, when she spotted someone, she groaned. “Careful of her.” “Yes, we interacted with her before, we walked by and she nearly, as you say, had kittens, that Mac was on the same path as her dog, and it started going insane barking at him and she got rude with me.” “Yes, that happens a lot, small dog owners don’t actually train their dogs or indeed treat them as actual animals and then get all annoyed when some crossbreed or other big supposedly ‘vicious’ breed is calm and their dog goes bananas, and Archibald tends to go batshit crazy.” “Who’s Archibald?”

“That barking rat.”

“She called that thing Archibald?” “Yep.” Tom found himself having to look at the ground as the woman in question came close enough to glare at them, her miniature poodle, beside her, shaved to look like it had been attacked by a lawnmower, the pair merely ignored it as it began to yap incessantly at Mac, whose only concern was why no one had thrown his ball for him. He gave a look of mild disgust at the irritating creature before nudging Tom to get his attention for the ball. “Sorry Buddy.” As soon as the woman and her dog were passed, he threw the ball again.

Danielle noticed the woman taking note of the photographer that had followed them standing nearby, photographing them; she looked between the man and the pair she had seen on a few occasions and held in such contempt, never realising that it was someone of note that she thought herself above. “Well, we have her attention now.” “Who is she?” “She was on the phone one day as she passed me, she is the wife of some Tory idiot that was running for parliament. Dunno if he got in, but she seemed to think that made her someone.” Danielle turned and took the freshly retrieved ball and threw it again. “I don’t know and I don’t care, as long as that rat doesn’t bite me, I don’t want to know.”

“Agreed.” Tom took the ball that time.

After ten minutes, Mac was lying in front of them, giving them both the idea he was done, so they reclipped his lead and walked towards home again, not paying any heed to the photographer. “I’ll get our things, you make sure he goes to the bathroom.” Danielle walked into the back kitchen and retrieved all of Mac's belongings for the kennels as well as the two roller suitcases that were ready inside the door. When she came back out, Mac was in the car, as was Tom. She put his belongings in the back with him, Mac looking at them as she got into the front seat. “He knows he’s going back.” “I think so.” “Am I a bad owner, because I am doing this a lot recently and I feel like I am being pretty shitty.” She looked at Tom sadly.

“You are making sure he is in a place that cares about him and who treat him well, no you are not a bad owner.” Tom kissed her hand. “You are going to be working a bit at home soon, or at least around home, why not see if you can arrange to get a place that will allow you bring him. Ask Branagh if he minds you having him in your trailer. You have his passport, so you can bring him on the ferry to Ireland and France with you if you want and arrange the same there. I have seen actors have their dogs on set before, you can do it too.”

Danielle immediately smiled at that. “That is actually a really good idea.” “Of course it is, I thought of it.” Tom laughed. “Come on, we don’t want to be late.”

#I Hate You I Love You #chapter 97 #tom hiddleston #Tom hiddleston fic #wolfpawn

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chelsieheartstriker · 6 years ago

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It's not Zack, but his fans who are making the situation worse. Since I logged in, like you said Zack's haters have been dissing him everywhere. But Zack's fans too have been flocking under many tweets which don't demonize him n are simply stating their opinion on why the movies didn't work for them. I've also realized most of them never read comics n their only justification for bat/supes killing are golden age comics or injustice. They're comparing mainstream heroes to antiheroes n Watchmen-

I think we need to remember the context here: Zack’s haters have spent years vilifying him, to the point that he doesn’t really post on Twitter anymore. After his daughter’s death, you had people gleefully celebrating that it meant he was off Justice League. Under Tweets expressing fondness for his work, you’ll find his haters being like “lol, Martha” or “Snyder sucks”. His fans are more likely to be pointing out when an opinion involves ignoring what actually happened in the movie or objecting to downright defamation of character. You cannot equate these things. Have there been fans of his that were rude? Yeah, sure. But that is a very small percentage of his fans, the majority of whom are generally polite, but protective, because reviewers, bloggers, random people have been downright cruel for years. There is a distinct line between being, hey, stop being an asshole and Zack Snyder is a terrible person that hates his mom. At this point, if you don’t like his work, move on. It’s been three years since BvS. Let the people that enjoy it enjoy it.

And you want to know what our justification for Superman killing is? That he had a choice between protecting an innocent family that Zod was threatening and Zod, who had made it clear he was never going to stop, didn’t care how many people he killed. And that’s no choice at all. It’s about the fact that Clark spent so much time isolated, trying to be good and do the right thing, but there was no easy way out, no deux ex machina that would let him save everyone. Our justification is that Man of Steel put him in a position where he had no choice. Clark has just as much respect for life as any version of the character. He not only doesn’t kill except in the one instant he was backed into a corner, he doesn’t even raise his hands to fight childhood bullies, the drunk guy that threw stuff at him. He cried over Zod’s body. Our justification is that we don’t need to justify anything because the movie made it perfectly clear why it happened. It’s very similar to our justification for Batman killing. The story made very clear how he got to that point and the movie flat out doesn’t work without him having a moral code to which he’s now failing to live up. It’s literally about him getting back to heroism.

That is most definitely not true - or no more true than that most people don’t actually read comics. How is it fair to only criticize Snyder fans for that? What about people that hated on Titans that know nothing about the comics and only hate it because it’s not like the Teen Titans cartoon or the countless people whose idea of Superman comes from the Donner movies and not the comics? What about MCU fans that don’t know anything about how the comics Avengers are all terrible people that have trodden on mutant rights for years and insist that Captain America is an all around great guy that demonstrates the best of what America should be? What about XMCU fans that think Xavier is a hero and Wolverine is the most important character in the franchise? Hell, we don’t even have to talk about adaptations, here - most comic fans cherrypick what they want to accept from canon, and anything they don’t like, dismiss it as somehow less valid than what they do. This website is full of people whose idea of characters comes from fanon. Think about all those posts about the Batfamily featuring Batdad Bruce, happy go lucky Dick, lit nerd Jason, coffee addict Tim, perfect angel Cass, angry child that likes animals Damian - those have very little to do with who these characters actually are, yet those are the perspectives from which people criticize canon characterization! And besides, what gives you that idea? Have you conducted a survey? Have you polled fans of other superhero adaptations and compared the percentages? Have you compared those numbers to that of comic book readers in the general population, regardless of whether or not they like Snyder movies? Because if you haven’t, then I can say, with just as much validity as your “Snyder fans don’t read comics", that Snyder haters are mostly white fanboys and male feminists that refuse to recognize that it’s an immigrant story that is decidedly not for them.

And it’s not that we’re comparing mainstream heroes to antiheroes - or, at least, not in the modern sense. It’s that we’re embracing the idea of the classical anti-hero in just about all the protagonists. Someone that is constantly trying to do the right thing even when it’s hard to tell what the right thing is. A fallen hero that has to redeem himself. Someone that walked away from it all and is now coming back. DCEU Superman is absolutely not an antihero. He’s a very human, fundamentally good person in a deeply flawed world. That’s not a cynical message, it’s a hopeful one, deeply rooted in comic material.

#Anonymous #replies #Zack Snyder #DC Extended Universe #Clark Kent #DCEU positivity

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lizzleolsen · 5 years ago

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my feelings on tracks of Lover. (assumptions on many for now)

Every single track and how I feel as of today on it, which I will keep updating as times goes on, with dates as to when I do update per song, just for my own personal reference to look back on. I wish I had written down the first 3 songs before today, but it is what it is.

I Forgot That You Existed - (8-16-19) My initial thought is that things song is about her haters maybe? Like she doesn’t even think of them anymore? She’s so happy, she forgot they exist? OR her past loves? Like none of them matter now that’s found her love that she was looking for all along? (8-23-19) This song is literally exactly what I assumed it would be about, but the sound and the exact way she went about it is just perfect. I love it oh so much, and it was strong a strong way to start the album, and the PERFECT transition from Reputation. “It isn’t love, it isn’t hate, it’s just indifference”

Cruel Summer - (8-16-19) Track 2′s have historically been THAT song for me, so I have high hopes for this song. I can’t wait!!! And I deff think it’s about the summer of 2016. A cruel summer for Taylor and all. (8-23-19) - The way she says “He looks up grinning like a devil” just ehurtehguerghre. It’s almost very Halsey like, that one part, but I love it. I love the way it’s said, the emotion behind it, and the entire bridge is what makes me love this song as much as I do. This song is truly bridge city.

Lover - ( 8-16-19) The last line of the verses give me actual chills each time I hear it, and I teared up completely the first time I ever listened. It just shows how happy she is, and truly in love she is as well. This song screams LOVE in the loudest way possible. In a way that is explained in the way it makes you feel when you listen. Her voice is so smooth on it, and I hope I always have the reaction to this song I did upon my first listen. I get emotional even just thinking about it. (8-23-19) - Still such a strong song. So glad it was released early and is a single. It deserves it. It’s truly her most romantic song she’s ever had. It’s perfect.

The Man - (8-16-19) I’m very curious to actually hear this song. We know the basis of it already with her saying that it’s about if she were a man how she’d been treated differently, but the actual song, and how it will unfold, I’m just curious to see. (8-23-19) - It’s sad how true this song is, and how she says so much, in such an upbeat manner, about a topic that is so serious. I enjoy the beat, and the overall song, even if not a complete fave. It’s a bop nonetheless. the part where she calls out Leo is amazing, and I’m so happy it’s there.

The Archer - ( 8-16-19) This is 100% a both earphones in kind of song. The almost haunting sound of it is part of what makes it work so well, and the heartbeat sound behind it just adds so much to it. The lyrics “Who could ever leave me darling, but who could stay” just hit in a way that I did not ask for. (8-23-19) - This song stands out so much on the album, as such a different type of love song. A haunting, beautiful song, that is such a unique part of the album, that I am glad she included within it. The more I just digest the lyrics, the more it breaks my heart.

I Think He Knows - (8-16-19) My mind 100% goes to this being about Joe, and him knowing how much she loves him, without her having to tell him in all these songs or at all? He just knows. That’s what I am assuming. (8-23-19) - Another song that the title did say exactly what it was, but my gosh, the way she sings it, the beat, the quickness of certain parts, and the way she delivers lines. And just. Her saying what pulls her into Joe, and also her “He better lock it down or i won’t stick around” Tehtrghre. Taylor is like “marry me or bye” ALSO He’s so obsessed with me and boy I understand. She loves herself, and I love it.

Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince - (8-16-19) I honestly have no idea at all what this could be about. My thought process has gone from something to do with Taylor and Joe, to somehow just being about a friend of hers or something? I guess it could be like call it what you want 2.0? Just about what people perceive about them? OR is it about like her past relationships, and playing off of what people said about all of them? I’m just excited to see what it is! (8-23-19) - Call it what you want 2.0 seems to be kind of what this is, in a certain way? idk. I enjoy this one so much though. I love her going back to 16, and the picture she paints of life as homecoming, and high school, and it never really changing, and just the way the world is painted so vividly, in such a different way. And god, her voice. It’s just. Amazing. It’s such a cool concept for a song. I just love that about it more than anything else. It’s such a vivid image in my head. You play stupid games, you win stupid prizes are some of my favorite lyrics on the album. ALSO, It's you and me, that's my whole world. She’s literally hiding from the entire world with him, because he’s it. He’s her world. wrhweuhreguhregu.

Paper Rings - (8-16-19) Did they make papers rings in their living room? Because she’s not wearing any formal ring publicly? You know, if the whole “they could be engaged/married” angle is at all right lol. That’s where I’m going with that. Something to do with rings that just made. Clearly, that’s too obvious, and it’s not that, but it’s all I can think atm. (8-23-19) - OMG, this song makes me so happy. It’s so old school, and happy, and makes me feel like I think Shake it Off and Me! do for so many. I just can’t help but smile and love the beat soooooo much. I LIKE SHINY THINGS BUT I’D MARRY YOU WITH PAPER RINGS!!! Just. I love this song so much. It’s the song I did not know I needed this much. I needed it oh so much, and how much it makes me smile. Every single part of this song just hits me in the best way. It makes my heart feel so much, and it’s just hard to explain how much things song already means to me. My reaction the first time hearing the shiny things/paper rings line was just me being ewuhreuhgeurgheur. I was just so in love with it from the first moment, and awwing so much. She’s so cute and in love.

Cornelia Street - (8-16-19) NEW YORK!! I can’t wait to hear this song!! I might be most excited for it? I love New York so much, my favorite city in the world, PLUS it’s name is my fave character from my childhood (From W.I.T.C.H.) And so this song just pulls me in already, and I can’t wait to see what it’s fully about. (8-23-19) - I had no idea what to expect, but what I got was not what I thought, with the beautiful flowers as an easter egg. This song is so heartbreaking. Just the thought of losing someone who means so much, you could never go somewhere again. That honestly hits me hard and is probably why this song means so much to me. I understand that oh so much. ALSO, her voice is so beautiful, and those lyrics. And this song will forever mean a lot to me, from here on out. And now I want to go to Cornelia street, when I visit NYC again someday and just sob. This song really means a lot to me, and I've noticed the more a song means to me, the hardest it is to put into words. The shake of her voice during one of the ending parts, just hits me so hard, and I’m so glad this song was so different from what I imagined in my head. I got emotional on my first listen through. Just thinking of how much it hurts to lose someone who means everything to you, and how much Taylor loves Joe.

Death By A thousand Cuts - (8-16-19) My heart aches just thinking about this being about her being cut from so many different angles, and then she’s saved by the fans and Joe. Like that’s where my mind is with this title. I want to think it’s still like a happy song, but has sad things about it? Like finding the light through all those cuts? I can’t wait to see how wrong I am about 90% of these lol. (8-23-19) - This song sounds like a Christmas song to me! Like in parts, the beat and the way it sounds, it just does. Which is such a good thing tbh lol. Also, the lyrics are amazing, and this is another fave. Tbh it’s 3 faves back to back. 8-10 are some of my faves on the entire album. Such a strong trio within the album. This is such a good heartbreak song. “But if the story's over, why am I still writing pages?“ And ehrtuehtuerhguerher. ALSO the way she sings it is probably one of my fave vocals. I just really enjoy the sound of this one, on top of the lyrics oh so much. And the bridge. Wow. I can’t even pick a favorite part, because the entire song honestly is. Besides Lover, this song is my #1. And I was so nervous when this song started, because of the song before it, and the title, and just, I wasn’t emotionally ready.

London Boy - (8-16-19) If this is not just a song about Joe, then I will be really shocked. Just about her falling in love with her London Boy. (8-23-19) - It’s a cute song. I think it’s sweet she has such an obvious song about Joe, and their life in London, but I also can’t say it’s a fave. It’s cute though, and I do hope to see it live, and get to see what visuals she would put with it. I’m sure it would be adorable. It’s also SUPER catchy, and I just know it’ll get stuck in my head! I also spent quite a few long minutes freaking out, trying to decide if that was Joe at the start, and being way too happy thinking it was, then I saw that it was Idris Elba. Still exciting, but not quite the same lol.

Soon You’ll Be Better - (8-16-19) A song about healing if of course what I think with that title. About getting through something tough, and just knowing that soon it’ll be over, and everything will be better. There’s always a light at the end of a tunnel, and clearly, Taylor has found it, and that is what I think this song is about. (8-23-19) - One of the most heartbreaking songs I’ve ever listened to. The only time I’ve ever had to actually step away from an album before I could finish it. It just broke me. I couldn’t simply sit there and listen to it after that song played. I had to step away, and take a moment to gather my emotions. My mom is everything to me, and it just hits a bit too hard and close to home. And I’d rather not listen again anytime soon. It’s beautiful, but a one time listen for sure. My heart can’t take much more.

False God - (8-16-19) I think of quite a few men when I hear this song. People who think they can say and do whatever they want, and just get away with it. Kanye, Trump, Scooter, etc. They think they are invincible, and that’s 100% where my mind goes with a title like that. (8-23-19) - Honestly, my least fave on the album. Which doesn’t mean it’s horrible, but it’s not anywhere close to what I would say is a Taylor Song I adore. It’s just... the beat is weird, the lyrics are not my favorites. And I just can’t get into it.

You Need To Calm Down - ( 8-16-19) So the first time I heard this song, was a very memorable moment. Sitting in my room, hearing Taylor Swift sing “Shade never made anybody less gay” was such an etyrtewhrrt moment. This song is my fave upbeat of the two released by far. It gets stuck in my head 24/7, and I really love the beat, meaning, and fun nature of something as serious as how cruel people can be to others. And the video! OMG. It’s amazing, and so colorful, and just. WOW. ALSO, the way she sings the bridge is my favorite thing, I can’t even explain why it just is. (8-23-19)

Afterglow - (8-23-19) The only song I did not post about before release, and I don’t know why. I think I just forgot about it? For some reason... But honestly, it’s also that on the album for me. It’s good, but it’s not a complete fave. I think it’s interesting to see this side of Taylor, admitting that side of her, and where she pushes people away, and how she reacts to things. I do enjoy that she included a song like this, about a fight that did not end in goodbye. She paints such a vivid picture so well, and I can just close my eyes and see it all so easily. And I do love that oh so much.

Me! - ( 8-16-19) Is this my favorite Taylor song ever? No. But I deff recall the day, and even the week it came out, how excited I was, and how it made me feel. It makes me smile so much. It’s such a feel-good song. And to see Taylor in such a good place, and accepting that she’s important to everyone as HER and all that is amazing. I think it doesn’t hit hard emotionally, but that doesn’t make it less of a song. Some songs should just be fun to sing along with and fill you with joy, and that’s what this one does for sure. (8-23-19) - I found a newfound love for this song, when I needed it oh so much after soon you’ll get better, and it gave me such a good little dance break with my sister. It was such a happy moment, following not long after that heartache, and I loved having it.

It’s Nice to Have a Friend - (8-16-19) Joe? Her parents? Selena? Fans? There are so many people this song could be about. Those who were there for her through all the tough times, and actually were there for her and didn’t just leave. ORRRRR it could be very sarcastic, like TIWWCHNT, and be about those who leave, and just being like ‘oh it’s so nice to have a friend’ in the worst way? Now I’m curious to see how this song actually goes lol. (8-23-19) - This sounds like a final song on an album if that makes sense. And it’s odd that it’s not. It’s a cute little song, but that’s really what it seems like. Just a short ending song, to round everything together. I enjoy it though, for exactly what it is. And just to see the progression of friendship with love over the years. It’s such a cute transition, from childhood love to marriage. And I love it. It’s adorable.

Daylight - (8-16-19) Step out of the dark and into the daylight. I am picturing a slow, beautiful song, about leaving behind the dark and finding the light in life, and I’m so ready for it!! (8-23-19) - What an amazing song to wrap up the entire album with. It’s so beautiful, and the perfect summary up of the entire album. It’s about happiness, and her love, and not the people who hurt her as the album before was so filled with. And I love that so much. I love the call back to Red, and how much her life has changed since that heartbreak way back then. I love the imagery she paints within this song, and how bright she paints her world, even if it’s just the two of them, and the rest is still the darkness of Reputation. It’s beautiful.

#taylor swift #lover #my ramblings

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gothamiteneko · 6 years ago

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I watched the fifth season's premiere of Gotham some days ago and since then, there have been running some comments about what happened, but i'm not talking about everything about it, i mean, not like general impressions or something like that (it was such a great and exciting episode, btw, i still can't get over with it, omg... But that's another story, lol), but especifically about that scene with Oswald and Tabitha and the whole drama around it... that also has it's own issues for the way the show decided to go with it, but yeah, is not the main discussion here.

My point to walk out of my usual silence, is cuz one dear friend of mine said something like "Robin has tweeted that all of Oswald's humanity will be gone. This hurts me so much" and as much as i love Robin (just like everyone else does, i'm sure), since my friend said that and apparently is not the only one feeling like this, i felt the necessity to share MY POINT OF VIEW of what i think (and told my friend) about this particular topic, so, here we go (this will be long and i'm not that bad with english, but is not my mother language either, so i apologize for the mistakes, hope it can make some sense anyway xD)...

So, about what Robin tweeted... I wouldn't worry that much x) he said the same thing when he realized about Butch's death in the script xD but what happened? nothing, in fact we all celebrated that finally Ozzy had revenge for his mother's death (i mean, c'mon, Tabitha really deserved it, she deeply dug her own grave, literally and figuratively).

If with "Oswald will becomes a monster" Robin means that he will suffer again another lose of a very important person for him (aka Martin) so he will lose his temper and will go berserk seeking revenge against whoever dared to do such a thing (probably will be Barbara... Or maybe Mother?) and when he found them, he will kill each one of them slowly, painfully and without any remorse seen on his face, then will be the same thing like when Butch or Tabitha died, cuz it was something they forced him to do, i mean, even when Butch or Barbara, or Ed or Jim (or in whoever you like to think... Except Tabitha or Theo, of course xD) betrayed him the way they did, Oswald forgave them and tried to pass through it in order to stay at peace with himself and cuz, as he always says -referring here especifically to people with who he is fond of in some way- "for the old times", so if he will "become a monster" then he will REALLY need a HUGE reason to become the cold-hearted and ruthless villain that Robin asures he will become, and even then, i doubt it, because of how the series (forget the comics, let's treat this like the legit AU from the DC world it is) had portrayed -till now- Ozzy's behaviour and development as a character:

Oswald doesn't kill without a reason if it is possible, he almost always needs a motivation to do it (like that time when he killed a man for a tuna sandwich... that could count as self-preservation... In a slightly creepy way but still, lol. Or when after that, he killed that guy in the car that insulted him calling him "penguin", i mean, if the guy would have kept his mouth shut, nothing would had happen to him cuz Oswald was supposed to stay lowkey since that moment), and loves to have the control over any situation, so he usually needs to know that those murders have a purpose (even the most tiny one) in his elaborated plans or to know/be sure that he won't need that person once again (then he will prefer to keep them alive for a while... if they don't cause him any other problem first). But even if he starts killing without feeling nothing while doing it on this season, that wouldn't be new cuz he was already like that too, just right in the first season! i mean, c'mon! he killed a man for a tuna sandwich, he killed one of Maroni's employees just to get his boots, he sat down waiting patiently and smiling while watched how those foolish robbers died for the poisoned cannoli and then he just left with the money as fresh and calm as if nothing would have ever happened, he stabbed a man right in the front door of HIS MOM'S HOUSE... and i could keep going and going with examples just for the S1. So he is not an innocent creature, he can be a very dangerous man despite his short height and general physical appereance, and is very visceral when he is blinded by rage and fear (like when he killed Tarquin using just his hands and a statue that the poor man had on his desk, cuz Oswald thought that he took his father's remains off of his grave to make Os fell in some kind of trap for an unknown reason or just to make him go crazy, ruin his reputation and make him seem weak in front of his enemies), so is not a surprise if he now seems to be absolutely heartless and behaves like an unpredictable and capricious dictator with the people at his service or with anyone in general. In fact, i personally find that change very suitable for him after all the physical and emotional damage he has been receiving all his life, after all those betrayals he had to endure from those who were supposed to be his friends and in who Oswald trusted. So, in contrary, i love how he now says "enough!" and closes his heart to everyone, cuz he is done of being him the one who always gives several opportunities and/or warnings; or the one who always trusts, loves and shares but despite any good intention he could have with anyone, he always continues being underestimated, hurt, humiliated, called names and judged by his acts and thoughts as if they really knew him or like if Oswald was the only one who is being selfish or like if he was the only one to blame for everything cuz he is the only "monster" and psychopath in the room, but not. Also i love how he is absolutely conscious of the enormous power and influence he has now, cuz he earned it all by himself, from the very ashes, from the very beginning all over again, and overall now, in the middle of the worst crisis the city had ever experienced, he is rising and climbing higher than ever before, he is swimming in familiar waters and as everyone very well know, penguins can perfectly fly in the water; so the cold behaviour he has now is not just very well justified but it is also more than necessary for him to embrace it fully, because he is surrounded by a very hostile environment, so then he knows that the desperation and the general knowledge about how he has every resource he could ask (guns, rounds, food, water, territory, minions, "muscle", etc) will make everyone to try to steal anything from him, at least once, and he obviously won't let that happen. He has always been a survivor and he knows with what kind of enemies and obstacles he is dealing with.

Now, if the writers, producers and Robin himself (and i say this with all my love and respect for Robin) want to think and believe that we fans will hate Ozzy because his behaviour "took us all by surprise" and "did a so unexpected 180° turn without any kind of warning", just cuz he is now acting like the villain he has always been, i think they will be the ones that will be surprised when they find out that nothing has really changed about the love of the fandom for our dear angry and murderous birb (is not like if he really suddenly would had went from a tender and sweet boy that we learnt to love from S1 to S4, to a cold-hearted murderer for the sake of "YOLO, haters gonna hate" in S5, pleeeease).

I think that Gotham's version in particular, of Oswald "The Penguin" Cobblepot, has a place very well earned in our hearts thanks to Robin's interpretation (he really embraced the character and brought him to life) and all the other people involved in the character's development,who have give him a complexity, a charisma, a background, etc. so well established and explored until now, that he is more than just another villain (not just in the series but into any kind of media -even written-, including other versions and portrayals of this same character, where his personality and story is not really taken more seriously, or is being exaggerated or being taken out of context or is simply not known enough by the general audience -besides comics' readers or the DC fans, especially if they actually take a moment to try to understand the characters- to make them have sympathy and a deeper and better conection with him, so he would be more loved and popular by who he is, as it happens with other characters/villains, like the Joker's case, for example); now "The Penguin" has become one villain that is also very relatable cuz now we can be first-line witnesses, so we have the opportunity to take a closer and better look into a ONE (1) more tangible POINT OF VIEW (i want to be very clear with this, cuz is Gotham's version, is Gotham's point of view) of his tragic story (his childhood as a bullied kid, his relationship with his mom and his dad including their deaths, all the very few people he once really trusted and/or loved and betrayed him or instead, in some cases, were taken away from him -permanently or temporary- to hurt him), his motivations (he does it cuz he wants recognition because he is ambicious and has always been invisible, outcasted, underestimated; but also cuz he wants a better life for him and his mom, for example; to protect and give her everything they lacked for years, aka, he does a lot of things for LOVE -an irony, considering that this is precisely the main point of his whole tragedy in almost any version of his character, i mean, the lack or absence of it for real in his life-. He is mainly driven by his emotions/his heart, doesn't matter if he is cautious and afraid at first, but after some time he opens his heart and gives it to someone in who he really wants to believe that is a person worth of take care of it... or if he now prefers to hide it to don't get hurt again) his actions and decisions (he is evil, cunning, intelligent, etc. but he is not undefeatable, he is human too, he has his flaws and can do mistakes as everyone else) that now is almost impossible to try to convince us that he is the embodiment of the worst atrocity ever created, doesn't matter how he looks or what he does, even if he never will be redeemed, cuz we all know why he is how he is and why he behaves like that (as i said, he is a very relatable character).

In conclusion, i'm sure Ozzy will always be our fav if they keep his development as solid and well constructed as it has been all this time, i mean, if they keep him in character, if they remain loyal to the story they have been telling us about him along these years (i mean, have been FIVE years, that must mean something for them, some effort and non sleep-time at least) and don't suddenly go 100% OoC just cuz they are forcing the plot to justify his villainy to the point of finally make him "become a monster" (like in "see what he did??? *insert a forced series of absurd and unbelievable nonsense for the sake of it* he is a monster! He is a horrible person who doesn't deserve any kindness or love in his life!") like SERIOUSLY? Are you really throwing to the trash the complex character that Oswald is, just for THIS? *points to the absurd and nonsense plot they throw at us*, are you despising one of the best and well written characters in the show just cuz you are hurry to end the series and you can't go before make your point very clear at all costs, of how you were always right about why we shouldn't like Ozzy so much if he is who he is, and then shove it in our faces? Well, news flash! we already knew it, we know who he is and we still love him and will always do. If we have forgiven (or at least i'm at peace with that) the poor plots involving our dear birb (like the Nygmob cockblock cuz Kristen 2.0, the stupid ending of his friendship with Ivy, the not permanent death of Sofia or the whole absurd drama and betrayal of Ed and Lee or *insert your fav poor birb-related plot's issue here*), i think is safe enough to say that we will be ok with whatever can come to us now and we will remain loving Ozzy to the very end... as long as they don't destroy what they had reached with Oswald as a character after all this time (again, FIVE years), just to try to change our minds and hearts at the last moment, cuz it was already too late for that since years ago.

P.d. Also, there always will exist the fandom to adopt this character (or any other fav you want, depending of the fandom we are talking about) and give him a better treatment cuz that's how should happen, aka, "fix what canon ruined", so the fandom will make our dreams come true xD whichever they are xD and we will be able to happily ignore or change the canon at any point, to give that place to our own versions of the facts instead xD

#sorry for the oh so long post #it was supposed to be just a short comment to cheer up a dear friend and nothing more :`v #but i got such a monsterous thesis about it #sorry i just can`t keep my fingers steady when is about something that interest me #aka fandoms #lol #oh well #i`ll tag just cuz easier self-research xd #oswald cobblepot #the penguin #gotham #king of gotham #season 5 #s5ep1 #neko thoughts #thank you gotham

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hopeishappinessff · 6 years ago

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Holding Onto Hope: Chapter 31

Destani

Wrapping my arms tighter around myself, I snuggled against the cool glass window and balled my fists into the oversized sleeves of my sweater. My body was drained and more than anything I was ready to get to my mama’s house and pass the hell out. Throughout the entire journey home, back to Virginia… I couldn’t bring myself anywhere close to sleep. Even after a long night up with Taylor before arriving at the airport for a seven a.m. flight, sleep still never found me on that flight. The only thing I could focus on was the girl I’d considered a sister since I was nine years old. She sat in the row across from me and though I tried not to stare, I couldn’t stop myself from carefully watching her tired and glossy eyes and her almost permanently reddened nose. She looked as though she hadn’t slept in days and like she’d burst into tears at the drop of a dime. The color had been flushed almost completely from her face and there were dark circles beneath her eyes and my heart ached for her. I knew she was grieving over what’d gone down with Chris and though I didn’t know the full details of what exactly happened from the time she went to confront him about everything I’d spilled to her to now, I knew something major had to have happened and it was physically showing all over her face and demeanor.

We took the trip home together with Mama J and Tawny, and I noticed that throughout most of the journey to and through the airport, Mama made sure to stay near Sy and there were often times that she looked as though she would simply fall apart, but Mama was always there to hold her up and quickly whisper words of encouragement to her. My own eyes would tear up every time I looked at her because this wasn’t the Sy’Diyah I knew… this was nowhere near the shy, but vibrant lil yellow girl I grew up with and claimed to the world was my blood sister.

I wasn’t fully in the loop on what’d happened with Chris either. All I really knew was that some shit popped off between them and now… it was just Mama J, Sy, Tawny, and myself on the way to our neighborhood. I didn’t even bother with my nosy ritual to find out what happened because this one was involving two of my best friends and I wanted to respect them both enough to not just dive right in their business.

Sy’Diyah sat in the middle seat between Tawny and I in the car with Tootie, who’d driven her boyfriend’s truck to pick us up, and Mama J at her side in the passenger seat. As I sat there, consumed with all thoughts of my best friend and all the stress in her life that I knew she didn’t need, I couldn’t help but briefly shut my eyes and smirk softly at the feeling of her snuggling against my back with her head resting against my shoulder. She was tired, I was sure of that, and if I had to remain in this position for hours on end just so she could get some rest I would do just that. Unfortunately there was no way she could snuggle up and sleep for long though… we were already rounding the corner to our street.

“Babe,” I whispered, frowning at the thought of having to disturb her from any sort of peace she’d found, “I’m sorry love, but we’re home.”

Slowly pushing herself up from me, she sat up sluggishly in her seat and kept her weary gaze straight. I cautiously watched her for a moment and frowned at the realization of just how exhausted she looked.

“Come on girls, lets head over and see Maddie.” Mama J said in a voice that sounded just as tired as Sy looked. There were a few times throughout our trip home where I could tell that she too looked as though she wanted to burst into some serious tears, but she always managed to maintain her composure, just so she could be strong for Sy.

Following her lead, we each climbed dreadfully out of the car and faced the bone chilling weather head on. We were smack dab in the middle of winter in Virginia and it was only a matter of time before the streets resembled a winter wonderland. A smile of relief washed over my face though, even as the icy wind whipped against my skin… we were finally home. Though I’d only just seen my mama a month ago, I guess I hadn’t realized just how home sick I was until I stood there breathing in the familiar Virginia air.

Mama J led the way through the grass and up the driveway to Auntie’s door and she barely had time to press her finger against the doorbell before the door went swinging open. Aunt Maddie stood there with her hands clasped together against her chest for a minute and I prayed she would snap out of her trance a little quicker… I didn’t have on nearly enough layers to keep standing in this damn cold!

“Oh my babies, I missed you!” She squealed, finally pushing the screen door open to allow us access. The moment we each crossed the threshold into the house, she swept Mama J into a hug and they whispered to each other for just a minute before she moved onto Tawny and myself. Saving her distraught niece for last, I stood off in the den and watched as she gripped onto her shoulders and stared through the most sympathetic eyes at her. Sy attempted to give her a half whit smile, but the smile never made it to her eyes… that were already filling with tears. It killed me to see this girl this way because in all my years of knowing her, I’d never witnessed her so out of character. I wasn’t used to not seeing her with a constant smile on her face. Wasn’t used to her endless waterworks… and I certainly wasn’t used to seeing her without her other half somewhere close by.

With a hard sniffle, I blinked rapidly in an effort to keep my own tears at bay and swiftly turned to find a seat in the den. As sad as I wanted to feel for the situation at hand and as much as I wanted to cry with each look I took into Sy’s heartbreaking stare, I knew I had to keep myself together for the sake of her. I knew we all needed to be as strong as we could… for her and Mama J.

We shared greetings and hugged and talked for a while in the den, but Auntie eventually loaded Sy up and led her upstairs to lie down. It wasn’t hard to tell that she desperately needed rest and because no one was quite sure how she’d react to being left alone, Aunt Maddie stayed with her until she drifted off to sleep then she slowly and quietly made her way back down to the den with us.

“Oh Tootie, thank you so much for getting them all home from the airport. I wanted to be there to see them off the plane, but I wanted to make sure everything here was set up just perfect for my baby girl.” Aunt Maddie said as she plopped back on the short sofa beside Mama J.

“Auntie you know it was no problem at all. I wasn’t gone leave them stranded up there… for too long.” Tootie laughed which, for once, gave us all something to laugh about.

“Well how are you ladies doing? How were finals?” Aunt Maddie asked, looking from me to Tawny.

“First of all, I think I can speak for both of us when I say I’m so glad finals are over!” I exclaimed, gaining a giggle from Tawny who’d been exceptionally quiet since we left Atlanta, “And I’m just really glad to be back home.”

“And I’m glad to have my babies back home.” We were left with a thick layer of silence then and I couldn’t help but glance quickly at Mama J. Though I knew Auntie’s statement meant absolutely no harm, there was still an underlying sting in what she’d said that I’m sure touched her directly. Sure we were all home, Tawny included, but… there was one missing.

“Well, um… the girls know you all are in town. They should be here any…” As if on cue, Aunt Maddie’s sentence was abruptly cut short by the sound of the doorbell ringing obnoxiously. I’d almost completely forgotten that we were indeed back in Richmond and my heart raced with excitement at the thought of who was just on the other side of the door. A bitch barely had time to turn to face the door as Aunt Maddie opened it, before a furry blur flew my way and sent me nearly toppling off the edge of the couch.

“Ahhhhhhh, my biiiiiiiiiiiiitch!” Tameka shrieked as she catapulted her body on top of me, completely disregarding the fact that she was still on the back side of the couch. She ran so fast and jumped at me so hard, she literally ended up flying over the back of the couch and landing in my lap where she sat halfway while she embraced me in a tight bear hug.

“Ms. Tameka honey, you better watch that language.” Auntie giggled as she shut and locked the door behind… Dontay! My vision was still blurred with Tameka hogging the space in my lap, but there was no way I could ignore the presence of Dontay and Nalay both edging forward into the den with the broadest smiles.

“Meka get your ghetto self up so we can see her too, with your dramatic behind.” Nalay laughed as she crossed over in front of us and waited for an eye rolling Tameka to climb off me.

“Whatever Nay, don’t be a hater all yo life.” With a pronounced smack of her lips, she reluctantly scooted into the empty space between Tawny and I.

“Hey Nay, I missed ya’ll!” I hadn’t had such a big smile on my face until now and after greeting both her and Dontay, it seemed almost permanent. I stood jammed between the two of them now with one arm wrapped snuggly around each of theirs, and Dontay of course towering over me on one side, and finally turned my attention back to the couch. The sight of Tawny sitting there wedged as far into the corner as she could get, with flushed cheeks and apprehension masking her face, left me smirking and shaking my head… I swear the girl was more shy than her sister when I met her ass a decade ago.

“Dontay, Nalay, Tameka…” Aunt Maddie started as she stood off to the side of us grinning like a proud mother, “I would like you all to meet Tawny, Sy’Diyah’s baby sister.”

Shocked was an understatement for each of their reactions and of course before anyone could gather their composure, Meka’s ratchet ass just had to be the first to speak up.

“Baby sister… like by blood? What the fu…”

Shooting a warning glare in her direction, Auntie quickly cleared her throat and shot a reassuring smile in Tawny’s direction “The girls were introduced over the Thanksgiving holiday and we now have the pleasure of having Ms. Tawny join us for Christmas. She was very excited to come up and spend time with all of the people who mean the most to her sister, so… in good Virginia fashion, let’s make her feel right at home.”

“Hi Tawny, I’m Nalay… it’s very nice to meet you.” Nay spoke up with the brightest grin plastered on her face. If no one else in this room was gonna make this girl feel at home with us, it would surely be Nay’s motherly ass.

“And I’m Dontay, but you can call me Don, or Tay… or baby… or baby daddy, if you wa…” Instinctively I nudged an elbow into Dontay’s side and cut my eyes at him. Knowing just how bad Tawny’s nerves were, I didn’t want the boy to freak her the hell out and have her running off back to Georgia before Christmas day! Much to my surprise, Tawny’s cheeks simply blushed… but she failed the hide the grin behind her right hand and I couldn’t help but laugh when she dropped her head and giggled. Maybe Dontay’s dried up game would finally pay off with Tawny.

“Well where Sy and Chris at? I mean I know they prolly tired after the flight, but Auntie I know you ain’t let them just stay upstairs sleep while we down here!” Tameka exclaimed.

Naturally, I tensed up at the mention of Sy’Diyah… and Chris. I could feel Aunt Maddie and Tawny both looking back and forth between each other and myself before Auntie finally cleared her throat and gave a tight-lipped smile.

“Well… Sy wasn’t feeling well when they landed, so she’s upstairs resting.”

“What about Chris? I was looking forward to seeing him and whooping up on him in some 2k for a couple hours.” Dontay asked with humor in his tone.

“He had a couple things to wrap up with finals and his coach before he could leave.” I blurted, sensing Auntie’s reluctance to speak up.

“Ahh man, Imma have to hit him up later then. I swear I miss my dawg Breezy… no homo though.” Dontay chuckled. By the looks of it, it seemed as though they’d fallen for what I’d said and for that I was thankful. I didn’t know when or if there would ever be a right time to explain to them all what’d transpired in Georgia only days before we came home. All I knew was now wasn’t the time or place to share that with them.

Like the old days, everyone quickly came out of a few layers of clothing and made themselves right at home and by the constant smile on Auntie��s face, I knew she was perfectly content. There was something to her eyes though… something that she couldn’t quite mask because it was something that I felt as well. I knew she was carrying the weight of her niece’s troubles right on her shoulders, just as I felt like I was carrying the weight of my two best friends on mine. I was happy to be home and thrilled to be surrounded by my childhood friends, but there was an unmistakable void there and I couldn’t help but wonder just how long it would take to fill it…

Hope

I could hear the commotion downstairs. The voices of several of my childhood friends couldn’t be ignored, especially as I lie there wide awake. I wasn’t tired, as my aunt had assumed… well, my body was, but there was no way I could get my mind to slow down enough to even consider shutting my eyes. My heart raced with anticipation, for what I wasn’t sure. I felt nauseas and even beneath the thick sweater and fluffy socks that should have had me sweating like a pig… I trembled with anxiety. Though I was in no mood to socialize with anyone, I figured perhaps it would help me temporarily get out of my funk if I at least got out of this room. Being alone and stuck in silence for too long hadn’t been ideal for me for a while now, so with a low sigh I pushed myself into an upright position and cringed at the sensation of my hair matted against the side of my face. I didn’t feel up to taming it or even putting it into a bun, so I swiftly swept a hand through it to at least gather it on one side of my head then stood up and sluggishly made my way to the door.

By the time I made it almost halfway down the stairs, I could hear the talking and laughing and jovial commotion growing louder and I shut my eyes briefly to imagine myself that happy again. The slightest smile graced my face as my mind instantly rushed to my one source of happiness and the thought of his perfectly freckled golden face had me gripping the railing of the stairs a little too tight.

“Oh man, Sy… is that you!” I barely had time to get my eyes open before a tall, burly figure rushed forward up the last couple of steps and tugged me into an airtight bear hug. My heart nearly exploded with excitement and I found myself throwing my arms around this aromatic frame and squeezing like my life depended on it. It was him… I just knew it was him! I nearly shed tears from the thought of having him in my arms again and I felt my lips stretching into a smile so wide, I was sure my mouth would simply tear at the corners.

“It’s so good to see you girl. Damn, we missed you around here.” That voice… it snapped me out of my major moment of bliss and I snatched my eyes open and refrained from frowning deeply, because… that voice wasn’t his. Pulling back just slightly, I peered up to see just who I’d latched onto like a lost puppy and I realized then that it was Dontay that I was hugging… not my Charlie.

“Hi Don, how are you?” I giggled, because I was still genuinely happy to see him.

“I’m good… real good, now. Like I swear I can’t explain how much we missed ya’ll ‘round here. Life just ain’t been the same without my kinfolk down here so I finally feel complete!” He exclaimed happily.

“Really bro… you just gone stand over here and hog her like that?” With a playful roll of his eyes, Dontay moved to one side with one arm still comfortably tossed over the back of my shoulders and neither of us had much time to prepare for Tameka and Nalay both rushing up the stairs toward me. Of course Tameka flew past Nalay and embraced me well before she had a chance to and after finally hugging both girls, it seemed all thoughts of my troubles were tucked away… if for only a moment. The three of them led me carefully down the remaining steps as if I was a fragile porcelain doll and I locked eyes with Destani briefly as we rounded the corner into the den. She gazed at me like a proud mother with a tiny smirk on her face and I found myself, genuinely, smiling right back. There was no reason for me to lock myself away in the depressing confines of my room for the duration of this break while I had loved ones I hadn’t seen in months ready and willing to cheer me up. Besides, being surrounded by everyone would only aide me in saving my tears and actually looking forward to Christmas.

“I swear I don’t know if I just haven’t seen you in forever or what, but bih you are glowing… I swear you are.” Tameka said once we all filled up the den and claimed a seat. In that instant I could feel piercing stares coming from exactly where both Tawny and Destani sat, but I’d learned to maintain my composure at this point and I simply smiled and swept a hand through my wild tresses.

“I’m not sure what glow you see over here with my lack of makeup and sleep, but… thanks Meka.” The room burst into jovial laughter and my eyes danced over the span of the room, pausing for only a second on my aunt whose stare had awkwardly landed on my stomach. Unconsciously I tossed an arm up into my lap, wrapping it around my midsection, and continued laughing along with the group, because it felt good to laugh and not think about the issues at hand… for once.

“Where Mama J go?” Destani didn’t miss a beat and jumped right into a new topic, leaving me to breathe a hushed sigh of relief.

“I think she said she was going with Tootie to pick up Desean from his dad’s. That girl has been off and on with his father for I don’t know how long now. But today… I think they’re off, so Joyce has to be a mediator.”

We laughed at her revelation and I sat back and enjoyed my moment of bliss, even if it was only temporary.

I found it hilarious how determined and serious Dontay seemed about attempting to talk to Tawny. Much to my surprise, he managed to get her to open up to him and my heart fluttered for her each time I heard her cackle at one of his corny jokes. Nalay seemed to warm up to her almost instantly, simply because it was in her nature to be friendly to even strangers, but Tameka was a completely different story. She seemed less than enthused to have anything to do with Tawny and she barely even acknowledged that the girl was in the house. Whether because Tawny seemed to have Dontay wrapped around her finger without even trying, or because she was just unnaturally territorial, I wasn’t sure… whatever the reason, Tameka made it clear that her distaste for her was very real.

The four of us managed to weasel out of the den, leaving Dontay alone with his efforts to swoon Tawny and my aunt to take a private phone call she refused to have in our presence. I led the group on into the kitchen and hopped onto a barstool as they each parted ways to find their own snacks as they’d always done since we were kids.

“It don’t even be nobody in this house and your aunt stay stocked up like she feeding a damn tribe!” Destani exclaimed from the overly packed pantry.

“Girl that’s why I been fuckin with Auntie since day one… she know how to take care of the poor!”

We shared a laugh at Tameka’s comical, yet solemn, comment as she maneuvered her way around making a sandwich as if she were in her very own kitchen.

“So what is new ladies? Where has our communication been for the past six months? I feel like I haven’t seen ya’ll in years!” Destani said as she claimed a seat across from me with a bag of puffy Cheetos in tow.

“Not a damn thing for my ass! Ya’ll know with my broke ass mama, I had to take what I could get so I’m holding it down right here in VA at Reynolds!” Tameka said.

“Hey, that school ain’t half bad though. My dad got his associates there and I’ve always thought it was decent” Nalay chimed in, popping skittles individually into her mouth.

“Tuh, bitch please… you at the University with a scholarship. Of course a bitch ass community college would be decent to you.” We laughed as Nalay shook her head and smiled with a roll of her eyes.

“Whatever Meka, If I wouldn’t have gotten that scholarship I would have happily been right there at Reynolds with you.”

After graduation, Tameka and Nalay had both decided to stay back in Virginia for school… Nalay, because of her academic scholarship at the University of Virginia and Tameka, because she wanted to be closer to her mom to help her out at home.

“Well how’s mama doing Meeks?” Destani asked.

“Girl she aiight. Her and her bad ass Rugrats continue to live on my nerves. I’m still helping her around the house, but a bitch had to step out and get her own place ‘cause I could and would not survive in that hell house another day”

“What! You got your own place? When nigga… see this lack of communication we been on is childish!” Destani said.

With the most ratchet giggle, Tameka popped a few chips in her mouth and twirled around to the fridge to grab a bottle of water “It ain’t nothing fancy bitch, but you know… it’s a lil som’n. My new bae got me a lil hosting job at the clubs he be promoting or whatever, so I’m just doing what I do right now.”

“You have a new boyfriend?” I asked.

She rolled her eyes up toward the ceiling then, all dreamy like as if the thought of this guy alone brought her the most romantic feelings “Honey, yes! I met his ass on campus and he… is… fine! Like for real ya’ll, I don’t think I’ve felt a nigga like how I’m feeling this nigga in like… ever!”

I stared at her and smiled broadly. It felt amazing for me to witness my friends this way… happy and dare I say… in love.

“And what about you Dez? Found anybody to tame your wild ass in Georgia?” Nalay asked with a giggle.

With a roll of her eyes, Destani scoffed and flipped her curly tresses to one side of her head dramatically “Yes the hell I have, actually. And baby boy knows exactly how to tame this wild ass too.”

I rolled my eyes almost as hard as her and shook my head as the girls ogled over the man who was finally able to tame the beast. She even went as far as whipping out her phone and pulling up Taylor’s Facebook page to show him off to the girls, who of course ooh’d and aww’d and blew her head up even bigger than it already was over him.

“What about you Nay? Boo thang yet or is your head so far in the books you can’t see past the ink to find a nigga?” Destani snickered, leaning to the side to high five Tameka.

“Um, for your information Ms. Nosy… I am dating someone.” She said with a sly smirk.

“Where you meet him at?” Tameka asked.

“Here in Richmond…” Her sly smirk grew a bit and she raised a brow to match her mischievous expression.

“In Richmond… hol’ up, we know him?”

She nodded slowly and cast her gaze down onto the granite countertop “BJ…”

A layer of silence washed over the room for a split second before both Tameka and Destani burst into a screaming fit of excitement. I giggled at their antics and watched as Nalay slapped her hands up over her reddened face with embarrassment.

“Awww, don’t be embarrassed girl! You got you a good ole country Richmond nigga, ain’t nothing wrong with that… that’s what Sy did and her and Breezy are doing just fine.” Tameka laughed. The girls continued to laugh, but my laughter died down almost instantly as I absorbed her comment.

Before I could think to stop myself, I cleared my throat and crossed my arms over my midsection “Chris and I… we um… we actually broke up.”

Within seconds the entire kitchen was so silent, I had to look around to ensure I wasn’t the only one still sitting there. Nalay and Tameka both stared at me like two deer caught in headlights and Destani softly cleared her throat and dropped her head. For a moment I was overwhelmed by the silence and the sudden layer of awkwardness that seemed to sweep over the room and after a while I started to feel microscopic under the hard stare of the two girls.

“Aw Sy… I’m so sorry.” Nalay finally spoke up, in the softest and most sympathetic tone. Of course with her sitting closest to me, she reached over and pulled me into a side hug that should have had me crying, but after all the tears I’d been shedding lately I was thankful that I was finally learning to get a grip on my emotions.

“Well damn, if ya’ll ain’t make it… it ain’t no hope for the rest of us,” Tameka said with an expression of defeat on her face, prompting Destani to nudge her roughly in the side, “Shit bitch, ow! I’m just saying… I think we all had high ass hopes for Sy and Chris. I mean, no bullshit… they a match made in heaven.”

“That is true. Ya’ll were always the perfect couple… even before you became a couple.” Nalay said, leaving us all laughing awkwardly and sadly.

“But I mean, I thought it would be the end of humanity before ya’ll separated. What happened babe?” Tameka asked. The dreaded question… what happened. The question I’d hoped I could somehow avoid for the duration of this visit, had just come to light and it left my stomach churning. I couldn’t bring myself to reveal the dirty details of the demise of our relationship, so with a deep sigh through my nose I slowly shook my head and nibbled nervously into the inside of my lip.

“We just um… we decided to take a break for a while.” I mumbled. It wasn’t necessarily a lie that I’d told. It just wasn’t the cold and bitter truth that I myself could barely handle. I hadn’t even shared the complete truth with Destani because I simply couldn’t fathom the thought of anyone else harboring that truth.

#chrisbrown #chrisbrownff #chrisbrownfanfic #jasminesanders #chrisbrownfanfiction #jasminesandersff #teambreezy #teambreezyff #fanfiction #fanfic

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shipping-n-handling · 6 years ago

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do you honestly still ship bellarke after that finale? im furious at jroth and the writers for baiting us this season imma bout to leave this fucking show. fuck this

Hey anon. Normally I don’t answer asks like this, but I’m seeing a lot of frustration on here and thought I would put out my two cents.

This show is dark. This show is angsty. And this show makes us ache deep in our chests for the characters we’ve seen go from plucky delinquents to the bloody warriors and anti-heroes they are now. I say anti-hero because almost every single character has done some really fucked up shit on this show. Massacres, betrayal, assassinations, freaking CANNIBALISM. The list goes on and on. In short, this show is not for the faint of heart. That being said, I understand how some people cling to the various ships and friendships in the show, as they can seem like rafts of light in the massive angst-storm that is the plot. However, I always try to urge people not to hold on to the show simply for the ships. It’s okay to really be invested in a relationship or a character on the show, and there have been some shows that I watch that for some arcs, it is the thing I cling to. But no matter what, there needs to be something else about the show that you love, or that you at the very least find interesting. If not, especially if the ship or character that you love has been having a hard time or is going through an angsty arc, you can end up resenting the show for not giving you the content that you’re hoping for. Again, its okay to hope for development in ships and characters! Ship away! Just please compliment that with other things so that you’re not holding onto the show with a thread and dragging down the rest of us, who actually enjoy it, with negativity and hate towards the cast/writers.

On that note, I will freely admit to being a little frustrated about how flip-floppy Jason has been with the bellarke fans. But I have to remember that he is trying to promote the show and that this is all for money, people. It’s not an attack on fans personally. Television is a business and needs to be marketed as such to bring people in, and thus generate revenue. If a particular ship is popular and that is how they get viewers, that’s the people they’re going to try and draw in. Does it feel like betrayal when they make you think one thing is going to happen and then they pull a 180? Of course! But that is the reality of television. If everything was exactly how the fandom thought it was going to be, where is the fun in that? Some of the best fanfics and fan art I’ve ever seen has been the result of a frustrated fan who wanted to express their love for a character/ship and let others share in that joy when the show itself wasn’t giving them that at the time. Disappointments are a part of life.

I know many people wanted bellarke to finally become canon this season. I did to! But this is a slow-burn (150+ years now!), and anyone who had been watching this show since the beginning or close to it knows exactly how long it has been watching those two idiots go from enemies to friends to partners to something a little more. And in reality, we got a lot of stuff this season; Clarke calling Bellamy on the radio, him finding out Clarke is still alive, basically everything with Madi and her trying to get them together or at least talk, their reunion scene, Clarke’s reaction to Bellamy and Echo being together, the whole arc with her betraying him and then severely regretting it, finding out Bellamy was still alive, and trying to make up for it by finally helping her friends, and then of course all the goodies we got in the finale. There’s probably tons of stuff I’m missing, but the point is we may not have gotten a kiss, declarations of love, marriage, babies, or any of that. But we did get little things here and there that are really telling of where these characters are coming from and how they will move forward in the future. We know that they are getting another season and I saw on here yesterday that they are even pretty sure they’re getting a season after that! So there is still plenty of time for Clarke and Bellamy to work out exactly how their relationship is going to evolve and change. Because despite all the crap I’ve been through personally with this angst-filled show, I still have hope. And that, I think, is one of the fundamental tenets of the 100; to be faced with utter hopelessness but keep pushing forward because you have hope of a better tomorrow. It may take forever to get there, but when it happens dear god will it be satisfying. And if the show ends and we never get canon bellarke, I will say right now that I will be upset. But I still will have gotten to watch a very good, gritty, dark, and emotional show that has honestly helped me form a few opinions of mine about human nature and for real some things about humans making AIs (that ALIE arc fucked me up emotionally *sobs forever). I love Octavia, Kane, Abby (maybe a little less this year but I still love her), RAVEN, Shaw now, Murphy’s sarcastic snarky ass, Emori, Diyoza (yeah, ikr??), and I will forever miss Jasper, Lexa, Jaha, LINCOLN, now Monty and Harper, and tons of other characters that still live on in fan fiction.

Basically, I know that this season was rough and I send virtual hugs to everyone who is emotionally aching from the finale and all that has happened to our beloved characters. But if you are waiting for ships to suddenly become all happy and sappy, you have been watching the wrong show. This is dark, gritty, and not too keen on giving happy endings. And you know what? That’s fine. Life isn’t fair and is hardly kind. If you want to watch something that lets you escape from your current reality and feel nice and fluffy and happy, please for the love of god watch another show. But if you want to stick with it and get invested in the characters and the mythology, with the adventure and betrayal, the blood and the sacrifices, if you want to root for ships that may not be textbook boy(or girl) meets girl (or boy) and lives happily ever after but are raw and compelling and angsty, please do. I’m a slut for angst, so I love all the will-they-won’t-they stuff. However, I love at the end of all that angst for there to be a happy ending of sorts. And that is where the hope part comes in. I’m sticking with the show and will see it to its end. If you want to join me, I have a nice comfy chair right beside me and we can sit here and cry together. :’)

All that being said, I fully respect your choice to leave if that is what will make you happy. I will never stand here on my soap box and say that people are quitters for not sticking with the show through all the angst. Some people just aren’t looking for that kind of emotional pain and I get that. I want people to be happy and to enjoy their content. For me, I love a bunch of shows that vary in emotional levels. I love Supergirl and the Flash which are happy and light shows most of the time, but I also love Game of Thrones, which is notoriously dark and bloody and almost never has a happy or predictable ending. To each their own; pop into the ship tags every now and then to see how your favorite pairing is doing. But please don’t harass those people who still love the show and are currently watching it with messages like the ones in my inbox now, about how I’m a shitty and stupid person for supposedly being manipulated by the writers and buying into their bullshit. And please don’t harass the cast, crew, or the writers no matter how much you think it may be their fault. They are just doing their jobs and have enough problems without haters and harassers heckling them every step of the way. Be kind, be courteous, and, please be smart. This got really long, but I just felt that I had to say something. Sorry for the book anon, but you caught me in a mood! ;) I hope you make a decision about the show that makes you happy. All I ask is that you don’t achieve it at the cost of someone else’s.

#the 100 #the 100 spoilers #bellarke #bellamy blake #clarke griffin #the 100 season 5 #the 100 season 5 spoilers

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ifuckinglovestvincent · 7 years ago

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St. Vincent by Immo Klink for Spex Magazin für Popkultur #376 (September/October 2017)

English translation thx to a lovely L chat anon: After the success of her last album, what's next for St. Vincent? Three years, a Grammy, a successful series of concerts complete with weirdo costumes, her own guitar design for people with breasts and a magazine cover with Marc Jacobs. "New York" is her latest haunting single that yearns for older times, and expresses love for her adoptive home. The song's style also refers back to the musical simplicity of Clark's previous work. An uncomfortably hot Summer day in London would have passed as some bizarre fever dream, if before the release of her latest, and as of yet untitled new album, St. Vincent was drinking Berlin beer with our editors and happily giving the inside scoop. Despite meticulous planning prior to the interview in July, its spontaneous nature meant it was hard to know what to ask. Annie had recorded two purposefully blurred guitar songs, one to be discussed before the conversation and one during. A female assistant dressed in a black cape and some extravagant shoe-work acted as door woman to the entrance of a room at Park Studios containing a wooden box, the inside of which was painted neon pink. Inside sat Clark like a high priestess in black light. An appropriate setting to share secrets. However, she is at first rather silent when asked concrete questions about new songs, but in the end the setting works conclusively. The discomfort is part of the concept. Interviewer: Annie, thank you very much for the mysterious reception. Will you now foresee my future? Annie: (laughs) We will see. I: It smells very good in here. Is that incense? A: The scent is coming from a candle. Meetings should be an experience for all the senses. I: You said once that for every album you've had a figure in your head around which all themes have been built. For Strange Mercy it was alcohol dependence, the bored housewife, with St. Vincent a cult leader. What has been in your consciousness regarding these songs? A: Manic Panic meets Poison Ivy from The Cramps. I: We are currently sitting in a pink, florescent box. There seems to be a color concept happening here. A: Yes, the color palette for this album is completely florescent. Florescent colors are very bright and at first seem cheerful, but can soon become too intense and then aggressive. This is exactly like my coming album. I: Would you consider this album to be the logical next chapter following St. Vincent? A: I don’t know whether you can apply logic to music. Before I wrote the new songs I knew only three things. I wanted the songs to be strong and powerful. I wanted to programme beats. And I wanted a steel-pedal guitar. I began with these three anchors. I: Most of social media expressed surprise regarding the fact that New York was not a guitar-based song. A: Really? I put so much guitar in it. I: So was it your plan to not make a rock record? A: I’ve never done it before. I definitely wanted to have big guitar moments on the album. Have I ever really made a rock record? So far very few people have heard the new songs, and there isn’t much known about the album. I’m looking forward to the interpretations and criticisms. But if someone doesn’t feel it’s a guitar record, should we not question both possible realities? I: Possibly. Do you already have an album title? A: Yes, but I still can’t reveal it to you. I: Perhaps then we can speak about something more tangible. You current tour is named after one of your new songs “Fear the Future”. A: This is intended to as an order; be afraid of your future! I: What should we be afraid of? A: Oh boy! We are living in insane times, and it’s only getting worse. I don’t know if you’ve heard: America has chosen Donald Trump, a woman hater and compulsive liar, as its president. America has said to someone like this: “You seem to be the right leader!” I: Do you believe Trump will complete the four years of his term? A: That would shock me. The countless scandals within the first six month of his presidency have sustainably ruined his reputation. Besides, I don’t have the impression that being President suits him very well. The only possibility we have of getting rid of this fear of the future is to name these things. “Fear the Future” means I am trying to regain control and make something constructive out of all the chaos. I: What strategies do you follow in order to cope with these fears? A: I don’t sit around all day worrying about the future. Today more than ever the personal is political, and the political has become personal. A lot of us move around in this world alone, meanwhile for many people it is a political act - for a great many marginalised people it is naturally the latter case. I have long thought about what I can do. Some of my friends are politically active, for example in the Black-Lives-Matter movement, or have previously worked for Obama’s administration. It seems to me most sensible to use the platform I have with my music to, for example, raise money for Planned Parenthood or other charitable organisations. I: At the beginning of this year you celebrated your directorial debut with the premiere of The Birthday Party. You chose to present your film not as horror, but as a black comedy. What role does humour play when it comes to fear? A: The absurd is definitely our zeitgeist. To go further, to drive the whole thing to the extreme, can be incredibly funny. I: Does this exaggeration work for you as catharsis? A: Definitely. The album deals with the themes of power and seduction in such a striking way that one could almost feel it as fraud. Sexuality is no simple matter, but I present it in a very obvious way, wherin there is also a lot of humour. I: I also heard the new songs as asking for a conquest. A: Songs sagen manchmal mehr über denjenigen aus, der sie hört, als über den Künstler. Ich kann also nichts, dafür,, wenn Sie überall Vaginas sehen (laughs). I: With all the careful production before release, does it not bother you if you feel you are misunderstood? A: I put a lot of time and energy into this record. I love this album. However once it is released there is nothing I could possibly say or do to make you love it just as much. That is out of my hands, and that’s the way it should be. It is no longer mine, it belongs to everyone who hears it. I can at most give you a pair of important details: I recorded majority of the album in my studio in Los Angeles. The rest I recorded in New York. I: In New York you give a nostalgic look back at a place that appears to no longer exist. Is New York still the city you… A: ...love the most at heart? Absolutely! You know, every love is complicated. For me it simply stopped being my main place of residence. In the end I started spending a lot of time back in Texas, or I was working in my studio in LA, so just wasn’t in New York anymore. I: Nostalgia can also be another way of reacting to current unpleasantness in the world - a very comfortable one. A: I have a terrible memory, therefore nostalgia doesn’t really work for me. I don’t think the past tense is all that helpful anyway. Of course can learn from their mistakes, this has made the history of mankind. Earlier grief is inflicted again and again, but prevents us from moving forward. I: A common thesis states that certain adverse circumstances can strengthen cohesion and solidarity in disadvantaged communities. A: Yes, but the most important thing for marginalised people now is to not fight one another. A byproduct of patriarchy is women fight other women. That helps no one. I: In Germany there is a lot of hostility among left currents, when their principles really belong together in solidarity. For example in feminist circles. A: Yet feminism is not a fixed idea, it is constantly changing. There is place for diverse stances. Feminist ideas find themselves in an ever wider context, on which they may have stumbled along the way. At home, I also know that women are mutually shamed, because one does not correspond to the ideal. It is unhelpful to argue about whoever embodies feminism. I myself do not engage myself with a group, but prefer to let actions speak. Being a strong, independent woman is for me the strongest sign. (A bell sounds) I: Is our time already up? A: Almost. I have a few answers recorded. Would you like to hear? I: Of course! A: (Plays around with her mobile phone until a distorted voice rings out) “David Byrne’s brain is a national treasure.” (noise) “The name St. Vincent comes from a Nick Cave song called ‘There Goes My Beautiful World’. It refers to the line ‘And Dylan Thomas died drunk in St. Vincent’s Hospital’.” (noise) You knew that, or you would have said so. Thank you for not asking. I: You’re welcome. But since we’re talking about names: Who is this Johnny you keep singing about? A: Johnny is a recurring character who has accompanied me for three albums now. For me he’s like a friend, a family member and a fiance. I: But now he lives on the street. A: There’s always hope.

______________________________ Buy the issue here Original translation post from L Chat

#Is she using the media as concept art ...#mixed media #St. Vincent #Annie Clark #Spex #LP5

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peerless-soshi · 7 years ago

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for the salty ask meme: 1, 2, 4, 9, 13, 16, 20, and 27, all for Danganronpa. I'm really sorry it's so many, I'm just really curious and like hearing people's salt.

Never apologize for sending me many questions. I am a talkative person, I love those rare occasions when I can let the words flow. I put it under read more because it’s long and, you know, contains unpopular opinions. Let the hater killing game begin.

1. What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?*

I was thinking about it and Komaeda/Mikan is probably my most “what?” pair on this list. It doesn’t mean that I completely don’t understand it, I can imagine why some people like them together: he is sick and dying, she is a nurse who loves people depending on her, she was taking care of him and Souda was even ashamed when he realized that Mikan had to undress Komaeda to put him in his hospital gown. Ok, I get it. And cracks are pretty normal for any fandom. But honestly? The disproportion between time they spent together and how popular this ship became turns out to be really huge. Another pair that comes to my mind is Komaeda/Nanami. The reasons are pretty much the same as above. I noticed that DR fandom likes shipping together victims and murders but aside of their final trail, Komaeda and Nanami have no scenes. They hardly ever interact and again, I know that some people simply like cracks, and it is fine. I’m just surprised that both pairings are much more popular than I could expect.

2. Are there any popular fandom OTPs you only BroTP?*

Komaru/Fukawa. I don’t have any problem with them as a pair but I don’t ship them romantically. Romances are cool and shipping is fun, yet sometimes I get sad when I see how people ignore friendships. I believe in power of platonic love and hardly ever touch two characters who state many times that they are friends. Even Kodaka wrote that he wished to show growing friendship between two girls. For Fukawa this relationship is extremely important because she was in love before but she had never a friend. I feel that romance takes something away from them?On the side note, I’m kinda angry at how fans keep calling them lesbians. Seriously, you can ship them and say that Fukawa is bi. It doesn’t kill anybody.

4.Do you have a NoTP in your fandom? Are they a popular OTP?*

Do I have a real, hated and cursed NOTP? I don’t think so. Sure, there are some pairs I dislike but I don’t hate anything with burning passion. Besides, my nope-ships aren’t particularly popular. Like, I hardly ever see romantic Junko/Mukuro or stuff like that so I have no reasons to be salty. I’m too good for this meme.

9. Most disliked character(s)? Why? // 13. Unpopular opinion about XXX character?

I decided to answer both questions together because my opinion about a disliked character is also rather unpopular. Imagine me cleaning my throat, hahaha - Tsumiki Mikan. I’ve never hid that I’m not her biggest fan and I have a bunch of problems with her. Maybe I wouldn’t be so strict and call Mikan my most hated character - Hanamura and Hiyoko’s free time events were testing my patience too - but my other disliked characters are less popular and Mikan usually takes high spots in popularity polls so choosing her seems to be the most controversial for salty asks Whenever I see Mikan I also see wasted opportunities. I didn’t like her attitude; Mikan had an annoying seiyuu, high-pitched and crying voice (you can laugh but after the third trail I had a headache because I was so done with her screaming. I’m not lying. This is something I’ll never forget), I also disliked her tendency to panicking and crying. Later we learn that her behavior comes from difficult past and this is really interesting, and I like it. But I also think that Mikan is an extremely passive character. When I first started Danganronpa, I disliked Fukawa, I was annoyed by Kuzuryuu. And now they both are among my most loved characters. I like them because they have changed a lot and I was missing it with Mikan. It’s a shame since I enjoyed watching her during investigations, when Mikan was more confident and helpful. I hoped to see her like that in the main gameplay. However, at the beginning of new chapters she was a crybaby again. As if writers didn’t want her to be more comfortable around people. My other problem with Mikan is how she became so oversexualized. I admit, it happened especially in anime but the game also used her as a fanservice character and this was something I hated. I know that many people didn’t mind it as much but showing a character who was most likely a victim of sexual violence as a fanservice character was a little off for me. And I was so disappointed by her murder case… Tsumiki would make a perfect killer - she was shy and looked innocent yet her fascination with injuries and free time events were giving that dark vibe. Her motives could be great. And, for me, they weren’t. Now again, I know that many people enjoyed her trail and didn’t mind the fever but personally I found it to be lazy. Why couldn’t she have as complicated and interesting reasoning as Peko, or Tanaka, or Komaeda? Why couldn’t she make decision on her own, have doubts, whatever? It was some deus ex machina, Mikan magically became crazy for the plot twist. It’s a little long but I’m generally salty about Mikan because she could be one of my favourite characters yet there are too many points in her writing that disappointed me.

16. If you could change anything in the show, what would you change?

I would delete the second season. The end. And more seriously, the thing I disliked the most was probably the whole brainwashing part. If I could change it, I would show Junko being that charismatic mastermind that she was supposed to be and manipulating the students, using their love and insecurities, waking up something dark in them.

Another thing I would love to the see is DR2 cast being main antagonists of the Future Arc. Instead of Naegi fighting in a totally pointless battle, I would change that part with Despair coming to the Future Foundation on their own and made Naegi search for them.(I actually still want to write it as a fanfic ;) )

20. What is the purest ship in the fandom?

Hinata/Nanami. I… just love their free time events. I love watching them together and being awkward, playing game, supporting each other. Hinata and Nanami were so innocent, sweet and good that I will never stop mourning this pair.

27. Least shippable character?

Hifumi and Hanamura. But to be fair, it was probably the writers’ intention; they are blunt, keep saying inappropriate comments about girls, have dirty minds and as if to mark that they’re supposed to be gross, are also designed as less attractive than the rest. Honorable mention goes to Togami because seriously? Togami? In love? Taking someone as his equal? Promising love? It’s too hard to imagine, hahaha

#asks #thank you!#I hope you're not disappointed anon ;)

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spindashed · 7 years ago

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Sonic is Sonic.

Regardless of whether we’re talking about Classic Sonic, Modern Sonic, or Boom Sonic, at the end of the day, Sonic is still Sonic...

With the arrival of Sonic Boom, came the 3rd real redesign of Sonic.. (No Dreamcast/Adventure Sonic does not count! He’s just the introduction of Modern. Deal with it.) Nearly right away a good portion of the fandom blew up with the usual negative antics.. It ultimately wasn’t until Big Red Button was forced into rushing development with a last minute notice that the game “Rise of Lyric” was meant for a weaker console than what they had been developing it for.. As a result quite a large portion of the game was cut to meet deadlines, and the game having to be ported, once again greatly further diminished the former quality RoL was meant to be. As a consequence; fuel for the loudmouth complainers in our fandom spiked! The simpleton bandwagon/herd mentality kicked in, and the games (Including “Shattered Crystal” which wasn’t actually a bad game.) received extreme bad reception. Of course with the fate of the games, a negative backlash struck at our blue hero’s new redesign... Haters made comments like: “That’s not Sonic!”, some even as petty as to make a fuss about how his arms were now blue, and so the character was ruined.. But lets break the character down. Core design: Regardless of a few extra quills, the blue arms vs tan, some new gear, Sonic’s overall timeless design is still intact. Purpose of the changes: Sonic’s bandana ultimately was added as a sign of being adventurous. As mentioned in another post; for a world adventurer, a bandana is an extremely valuable tool. Examples: 1.) Head wear or sun block for the neck. 2.) Hanging food, other delicate items off your pack, and or to carry some food on the go in general.. 3.) A slow drip coffee filter. (*Note the colour of Sonic’s bandana? While red would have matched his kicks. For an on-the-go coffee filter, red would not work well, unless you are alright with coffee stains.) 4.) Dish cleaner/sponge. 5.) Hot hand for your cooking pot. 6.) A quick patch for wounds. 7.) A wipe cloth for washing your face. 8.) A mask to filter any harmful substances in the air. As you can see; the usefulness is invaluable! And the list can also probably go on! Sonic’s Sports tape was introduced to to support his athleticism.. More accurately his force output for his super speed.

Sports tape is commonly used by athletes for joint support, thus giving them higher functionality from their bodies without injury. Ultimately: While some haters like to claim Boom Sonic is so much slower than Modern or Classic, due to the mechanics of a game... (Which is completely ignorant af. As game mechanics do not apply in reality.) The sports tape would entail that Boom Sonic has potential to actually go even faster than his Classic and or Modern counterparts. (*Note: In games like “Shattered Crystal” and “Fire & Ice”, Sonic uses Boost, which implies he easily matches his forerunners speeds.) Sonic’s extra quills are simply a sign that he’s more focused on the adventure. Thus his overall look is a bit more rugged than usual. Plus this adds a certain coolness to the overall design. Enough said. Sonic’s Blue arms are simply for colour coordination/aesthetics. Yes, it’s true Classic and Modern Sonic (outside of animation error) have tan arms. But they also aren’t wearing anything more than shoes and gloves. Basically because Sonic is now rocking different gear (mentioned above.), the tan arms would schematically look off. All you have to do is compare fan art with Boom Sonic sporting tan arms vs his blue arms look, and it’s pretty easy to see how much more fitting the blue arms are with his overall get up. (*Note: As we all know, this isn’t the first time something has changed. I.e. Sonic’s eye colour.) Sonic’s New shoes are also simply for aesthetics of the design.. (*Note: Classic Sonic’s shoes are also different from Moderns. Even if it is a slight difference.) Sonic’s Height: It’s true that Boom Sonic is taller than his Modern counterpart, but I simply chalk this up as Boom Sonic is simply a older version of his counterpart selves. Similar to how Modern Sonic is taller than Classic Sonic. The bottomline is: The redesign is a superficial thing. The main importances is that the core character is intact. And ultimately Sonic is still Sonic regardless of what he wears. (*Note when Sonic went to Hyrule dressed as Link in Lost World, he was still Sonic regardless of rocking the elf duds.) Besides: Eye colour, arm colour, height, etc.. Can be simply thought of as a part of growing up. Now onto that! (Growing up.) Game, Cartoon, Anime.. “Fictional” characters live in a funny paradox. 100 years in the real world can pass, and a character can be the same age as the day they debuted. Take Sonic for example. His modern self has fluctuated in age.. From 15 to 17, and back. And Classic Sonic; During his debut in 1991 in Sonic 1, he was around the age of 12 years old. If Sonic’s birthday is “June 23rd” and he was 12 years old during the events of Sonic 1 which took place in 1991, and we kept up with time in reality. Sonic would be 38 years old today (2017). Now, it was said by *Sega during the release of Sonic Generations: “Classic Sonic is between the ages of 12-13 years old, and Modern Sonic as of Generations to mark the anniversary was now officially 20 years old.” Hence the reasons they brought Roger Craig Smith in to voice Sonic, ultimately to give him an older sounding voice. (Signifying his growth in age.) That all said. If Boom Sonic is about a foot taller than Modern, similar to how Modern is a foot taller than Classic. This would entail that Boom is older than Modern. (Obviously.) Ultimately Boom Sonic regardless of whether you want to consider him a spinoff version of Modern. He basically is just an older version of his Modern self. At the end of the day, they all sport the same timeless core design. They all have the same abilities, and or personalities (even if some aspects vary slightly. - You yourself change in personality by day. After all; the you of today is not the same as the you of when you were 5 years old. I’d hope anyways.) Sonic is Sonic. You either love him or you hate him.

#Sonic the Hedgehog #Sonic #Blue Blur #Gotta go fast #Cool Blue #Speed #Sonic Boom #Blue Hedgehog #Sanic #Boom Sonic #Classic Sonic #Modern Sonic #Legacy Sonic

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miraclejin1204 · 8 years ago

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Mandatory bughead post #2: My thoughts on Bughead and why it is important.

I’m aware that the words ‘bughead’ & ‘important’ in the same sentence seem like a misfit but there is a good reason why I’ve chosen to write it so. This thought came to my mind whilst trawling through the morass of ‘ships’ & ‘ship-wrecks’ on tumblr & twitter about Riverdale.

Now, I’m not someone who watches a lot of TV shows ,however, Riverdale was a serendipitous discovery that happened to me two weeks ago.

I have been a fan of Archie comics since I was little & my two favourite characters were Jughead & Betty, in that order. Watching Riverdale was a revelation as it brought me back to the Archie’s world and I saw it in a new light. I went into it without expectations.

What I was not prepared for was how Bughead would gently creep up on me and reign over my entire existence in such a short span of time.

You see, I have had a few ships, some fleeting and some enduring,some canon and some fantasy, however nothing as rabid or as intense that’d induce an “I’m SHOOK” moment. Until bughead happened.

When I used to read the comic books, I had wanted Archie to one day wake up & realize that Betty was the one for her, because I could so relate to her as a kind & sweet girl, being taken for granted every time and with a history of unrequited love. I’m 30 now and life-experiences, especially of the bitter kind has certainly changed my perspective about these things, especially about romantic relationships. No more suffering fairy-tale princesses for me.

In the comics, although Jughead and Betty were my favourites and they always were good to each other, the thought of them as a potential match had never crossed my mind. I was intrigued and amused by Jughead’s woman-hating stance and had imagined that one day an extraordinary woman worthy of him would come and sweep him off his feet.I had no concept of sexuality and its associated complications that we see today, it was only a pure and innocent fantasy in my mind.

I had only been familiar with the ‘classic’ and humorous golden age Archie comic digests and was unaware of the modern reboots and the various universes. Therefore, when I started watching Riverdale, I was immediately hooked to its modern,quirky & dark narrative and had my assumptions broken down bit by bit with each episode. When I started with the show, five episodes were already in so I binge watched them in a single night, which left me with little time to process the minute details and subtleties, which is why I missed noticing the growing chemistry Betty and Jughead.

It was only when I began exploring the show on the internet and understood the whole narrative and tone of the show,re-watched the episodes, saw the interviews, trawled Tumblr & youtube and accidentally saw the leaked bughead kiss is when it hit me like slap on the face and a swift kick in the ovaries. It nearly felt like enlightenment!

Once I had seen and felt it, there was no going back. It was a like a virus firmly implanted in my psyche. I resurrected my dormant and inactive tumblr and twitter accounts only to ship bughead. I’m sure fellow bughead fans know the drill of our coming undone so I won’t go into much detail.

Coming to the next part. Riverdale or rather Bughead has come into my life as a breath of fresh air when I am going through a very dark and stressful phase. I have been going through a very difficult divorce from a man, who caused mental abuse and cheated my family of money & absconded and left me to deal with the consequences and legal battles, triggering my anxiety,fear and depression. A man whom I had trusted with my everything and was completely vulnerable to, used me and left me with a deep fear and mistrust of relationships, trauma and some very hard learnt lessons. I’m an eternal romantic but a part of me has become cynical about it.

Riverdale is a unique show as is evident in its excellent writing,for those who care to notice the nuances and characterisations. The symbolism, fore-shadowing, word-play, subtle body-language cues of the characters, parallelism and of course, a quality mystery is the gold-standard of writing. Can we also talk about the wonderful and talented cast who have given life to the characters? The show is a slow burn and not for those with a shallow mind who are looking for popcorn entertainment with a lot of mindless drama and illogical and unstable romantic pairings based on lust and superficial chemistry,

Bughead is not just a run of the mill ship that people are fangirling over. It is beautiful union which tells you the story of two woefully young and tender yet jaded individuals, thrown together by a tragic fate, who are battling the darkness within and without, fighting for something that’s bigger than them and their personal problems. They are fighting for justice, light and hope. In spite of their struggle with their personal demons. Can you imagine what they are going through? For any child, parents are the safe space when the world around them crumbles, but both Betty and Jughead’s parents let them down with lies, manipulation and broken promises and the possibility that their families could be the perpetrators of murder. Under such horrible circumstances, they find the safe space with each other.

They both are mature beyond their years, insightful, righteous, kind, compassionate, supportive and caring and there for each other without being asked. They communicate with their heart and eyes (sometimes with heart eyes too ;) ) It is not a connection based on lust and hormonal surges. Something very old-fashioned and real in the era of hook-ups. An oasis in a desert.

People who keep harping on about how there is no chemistry at all between Jughead and Betty and that it was rushed and illogical, then I’m sorry that you’re oblivious to everything that is going on in the show. They have been friends since childhood.

I think we do not give the writers enough credit for writing something so profound and refreshing in spite of it being a teen drama. A homeless, abandoned, rudderless boy, an outcast who is bullied, selflessly helps a girl find her sister and uncover the truth, not because he wants to get into her pants. A stifled, lonely yet nurturing and loving girl giving strength, support and courage to a lost and scared boy failed by his father and society. They are each other’s guardian angels.

So I ask this to all the haters..can’t you see this? Are you so blinded by your superficial hate and violent desire to stuff your ship down everyone’s throats because it gives you some sort of false sense of control over others that you have lost the ability to objectively see what the show is striving for through this beautiful narrative within the confines of what is ostensibly a teen drama? Can we not rise above our pettiness of mindless and hostile shipping to learn from it? Everyone is free to ship whomever and whatever they want but it is another thing to be so vitriolic and spiteful towards the others to have your way. Isn’t shipping supposed to be all about love anyway? Bughead is so much above all this petty drama, it is transcendental.

There’s so much that all of us, teens and even adults can learn from this ideal of a super healthy relationship that both television and our lives need. We need to move away from toxicity both in entertainment and our lives. Can we not be inspired to work on ourselves and build supportive, organic and nurturing relationships? This should give so much inspiration to the teens of today. With Betty & Veronica, the show strives to re-build the idea of strong, female friendships which seems to have become an alien concept in the world of ‘frenemy’ culture. Why can’t two girls be healthy best friends without the assumption that there is something sexual between them? People are hating on Bughead also for a fact that they are a heterosexual couple. As I see it, love is love in any shape or form.

Also, I do agree that all sorts of representation must have a place in popular culture and thankfully it is happening. However, those who are unhappy with Bughead saying that it erases Jughead’s asexuality, I disagree. Are you saying that Asexual people can’t fall in love? That they don’t deserve an intimate bond with another?

Now, in the larger Archie comicverse, Jughead was never portrayed as being an asexual, he simply was smarter and wiser and had other priorities compared to his hormone crazed pals. He was always the voice of reason. I’m sure that there are people like that, not everyone who doesn’t choose to be a crazy, horned dog is asexual. Besides, Jughead is shown to be asexual in only one version of the comics. There can be multiple variations of characteristics in the larger universe. Riverdale chooses its own narrative and characters as it sees fit for the context of the show. Therefore, in this version, Jughead isn’t asexual or aromantic. There is no erasure of any kind. Even if he were asexual, I’m sure that Bughead still can have a loving and healthy relationship.

It is my personal opinion and I am not trying to belittle anyone or trivialising the serious issue of representation in anyway. However, I do feel that in today’s world where there is so much hate and strife, showing love and companionship in its true and purest form is the most important issue here, first and foremost. It doesn’t really matter whatever is the sexuality or orientation of the characters in question. So, let us all keep our differences aside and show our love and support to something is for the greater good. Love is universal and not restricted to a specific type or form. Besides, it is fiction,let’s remember that.

I also think that we must avoid pressuring or attacking the creative team, actors and show runners into bullying them to change their vision for the show. That truly doesn’t serve any purpose other than being detrimental to the quality of the show and making the team de-motivated. Let’s all appreciate the hard work and love everyone has put in to present to us something that is so beloved and cherished by all.

Why is showing a healthy, supportive, wholesome and stable relationship necessary? I can tell you why, because I have suffered greatly in an unsupportive, toxic and abusive relationship that was all about selfishness and greed with no regard or love for the feelings of the other person. Where one person only gave and gave and the other only took everything. I was left drained and battered and I’m still bearing the burden of its ruins.

So, when Bughead came along, it was catharsis and relief. It was about having the hope of bright sunshine in the pitch black darkness. It was about selflessness and having high standards and working for the greater good, something that is bigger than us. It was about women not wallowing and pining after some boy who had little value or regard for them and not allowing a man decide the course of their lives .It was about unconditional love and support without labels. It was pure beauty and art, like a perfect symphony.

Bughead isn’t merely escapism. It is the light of goodness that illuminates our hearts and fills us with compassion and hope for something beautiful. It is the delicate flower that grows in the parched desert of hopelessness and deceit.

Let us protect it all costs.

#bughead #riverdale #jughead jones #betty cooper #betty x jughead #archie #archie comics #i ship it #fanfic #fandom #rant

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bitway-arts · 8 years ago

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Title: Be My Robot Rating: T Series: Danganronpa V3 Characters: Kokichi Ouma, Kiibo Pairings: Kiibouma Summary: Valentine's Day is when Ouma plans to confess to Kiibo. What could possibly go wrong? {AU where the nrdv3 kids are in Hope's Peak. No spoilers.}

"Ughhhh! Why is this so hard!" Ouma whines as he looks to his batch of chocolates. This one had not come out perfect in the eyes of the Ultimate Supreme Leader. Rather than looking close to perfection, they were practically burnt to a crisp. Definitely not even worth a second glance from him.

A pout was on his face as he glared at the inedible pieces of chocolate. He picked one up, feeling the piece of chocolate in his hand before trying to toss it into the trash can, which was a few feet away from him. He missed. And that soured his mood even more.

"This holiday is stupid! It's literally the lamest thing ever. It's so gross and mushy. Who even likes eating chocolate made by someone else anyway?" He could spout out more 'insults' at how stupid everything was about the upcoming holiday, but came to a halt as his eyes caught the calendar.

Tomorrow was February fourteenth. Valentine's Day. A day when Ouma would usually be giving out weird tasting chocolates (or these burnt ones) to friends, stealing the good ones from them, or simply telling people he loved them, which was followed by a 'did you seriously believe me?' comment.

Slowly, the boy let his body go from resting against the counter to sliding down and sit on the floor. His arms were crossed and that pout had yet to leave his face. At this point, he could care less if any of his ten thousand members saw him like this. It wouldn't be the first time they saw him throwing a mini tantrum.

For, what seemed like, the hundredth time today, Ouma was beginning to question why he was even bothering to put in effort to making chocolates. It's not like a robot could eat them. He knew this, since he had asked and received an answer. One that had made his heart sink.

"Robots do not need to consume food. We survive off of our battery and other mechanics that work together in order to make us fully functional. There may be some who can eat and digest food, although I am not one of them."

Kiibo just had to be the robot that did not need to eat anything. He could understand not drinking to an extent, but couldn't that professor guy add an eating function? At least that crossed off his question of 'can robots take a shit' from his list.

Seeing as he was unable to make perfect chocolates, he considered why not just buying ones already made? Or have his underlings do it. As long as they looked perfect and were edible, thats all that mattered. He could lie about having made them anyway! Which probably wasn't the best thing, but it wasn't the first time he had lied to make himself look better. Besides, that robot just might end up believing him anyway.

With that thought now stuck in his mind, in just an instant the boy seemed to cheer up. He could buy some of the best tasting and looking chocolates for Kiibo. Even if he couldn't actually consume the chocolatey treat, the robot might just be willing to share some with him.

"Nishishi~! I'll definitely be getting a new robot boyfriend and some sweet desserts all in one day!"

~...~

During the course of school, Ouma had stuck his tongue out to any sign of couples sharing chocolate or giving them out. He'd make snide remarks and try to 'sample' chocolates for poison (which really was just an excuse to get some more chocolate out of people). It was all just to keep his mind off what he was going to do after school.

It should be a piece of cake for someone like him to hand over chocolates that he had made (he was going to argue that he had indeed made them himself to the very end, even if evidence said otherwise) and confess his feelings. Which all sounded great in theory and even more amazing in the scenarios he was playing out in his mind, but in reality, he was far too nervous to admit.

It was driving him crazy to the fact that Kiibo might actually reject him and his offering. Why would he reject the great and almighty Supreme Leader? Because he was a jerk to him, he was all talk and no walk. And his overbearing curiosity may have caused some arguments between the two. Though he did show his sweeter side to him every now and then. Protecting him from derogatory comments and keeping robot haters away with his minions. He had even called Kiibo a friend without adding he was lying.

Ouma was nearly ready to chuck his wrapped chocolates out the window as his thoughts persisted. If he could throw them away, then he wouldn't be sick to his stomach with his insecurities. But if he did, then how else would he ever ask Kiibo out? He could do something extravagant, but he wasn't sure when he would be able to draw the courage to even do something like this again.

While trying to not let his doubts begin to eat at him, the boy looked down into his hands to see the purple bag, neatly wrapped in a silver ribbon, decorated with a red heart sticker at one of the ends. He adjusted one end of the ribbon, wanting it to look just right before taking in his breath. He was going to do this no matter what. Things would go smoothly, they had to. And if they didn't...well, he wasn't going to think about the possible bad outcomes of this day.

~...~

The boy was moments away from giving his chocolates to the robot. He had spotted the robot alone outside one of the buildings, which gave him a perfect opportunity to confess. All Ouma had to do was go up to him and hand over the chocolates. For once, his surprise would be a good one! Though he planned on saying something like they were poisonous to robots just to play around with him.

"Kiibo!" Ouma shouts with a happy tone, about to rush towards the robot. Yet, he finds himself coming to a sudden halt. In the blink of an eye, his happy expression falls. Apparently, his eyes had deceived him, Kiibo was not alone. Another classmate of theirs, Kaede Akamatsu, was standing with him.

Normally, Ouma would not care who Kiibo was speaking to. He'd literally pop out of nowhere and greet him with a question or if he was feeling affectionate, a hug. This time, he had to take a step back and watch due to the wrapped package in the robot's hands.

Kiibo was handing over chocolates, on Valentine's Day, to Kaede. Someone who was not Ouma, the Ultimate Supreme Leader.

Although Ouma couldn't make out what they were saying from his spot, he had an idea of what was going on. A sweet yet naive confession. That idiot robot that was supposed to be his was asking out someone else. Kiibo's face was beet red, that cute flustered look that only he was supposed to see, was being displayed before her instead.

"Stupid robot..." Ouma mumbled. His chest was beginning to hurt to the sight. Everything was going downhill before he could even try to set his plan in motion. What was the point of it now? He could try to see steal the robot away from her, but not at this moment. The pain in his chest seemed to be spreading all across his body, everything was hurting. If this was how heartbreak felt, than he would rather be off dead.

He somehow manages to hear the two call out his name. Ouma could only guess that one of them had noticed his motionless presence, simply standing there while the two were interacting. Whatever they were trying to say, he couldn't make out a single word. Everything was being drowned out, until he had heard Kiibo calling out his name.

"I hate you, Kiibo!" The boy shouted while clutching the small bag in his hands. Both Kiibo and Kaede looked deathly surprised to see him shout something like that. Even he was surprised to hear that come out of his own mouth.

"O-Ouma! What do yo-" Kiibo's question was cut off by a bag of chocolates coming in contact with his face. Ouma had thrown them in a fit of frustration. He didn't want them anymore, he didn't need them. The robot couldn't eat them, so let him give it to his new girlfriend. If they hadn't been destroyed by his metallic face that is.

After tossing the chocolates, he ran. He could hear two calling his name, telling him to come back, but he didn't dare to acknowledge either one. He was certain he was getting odd looks, but he didn't care at all. He just wanted to get far, far away from Kiibo and wish that this day was over.

~...~

Ouma was sulking in his room, he had been the moment he had arrived. After catching his breath, he had dropped his body onto his bed. Before he could even recover from that run, he could feel the tears beginning to well up in his eyes. He had tried to lie to himself, tell himself that he was strong and didn't need to cry, but that didn't help. The tears fell and for a long while, it seemed like they never would have stopped. Luckily for him, his tears had stopped not too long ago, but he was still in a bad and sulky mood.

There was a sudden knock at his door, followed by a voice that reminded him of why he was in such a terrible mood in the first place. "Ouma...? Are you in there?" It was Kiibo.

"No one's here!" Ouma shouted, grabbing a pillow and hugging it tightly.

"But you responded, therefore you are in there."

For once, he was actually sick of the robot's too logical answers. Part of him wanted to make a snappy comeback to it, but just couldn't muster one up.

"Go away, Kiibo!"

"I will not! I have something I wish to speak with you about, Ouma."

The boy groaned to his response. Kiibo was the last person he wanted to see (aside from Kaede now). Couldn't he just leave him to sulk in peace? Or did he really have to rub in the fact he was going to be dating that pianist now?

"If you don't open the door, I'll have to break it open."

Ouma rolled his eyes to that. Even without physically see him, he could still spot out a lie a mile away. "You wouldn't dare. It's not in you to do something so drastic."

"Please, Ouma..." Kiibo sounded distressed and that managed to tug on Ouma's heartstrings. With a sigh, the boy begrudgingly forced himself off his bed, tossing the pillow over to the side, and went over to the door. Before opening it, he tried to compose himself. All he had to do was work that smile of his, which came naturally.

"Ouma!" Kiibo looked happy for a split second before noting the look on the human's face. "Your eyes are red and puffy. Are you alright? Did something bad happen to you?"

Yeah, a hunk of metal broke my goddamn heart.

"I was eating onions and they made me tear up," Ouma stated so casually. That smile of his wasn't lasting long, he could feel it begin to fade as he stared at the robot. "What do you want Kiibo?"

"Please...this needs to be a private conversation," Kiibo said, looking to the boy with pleading eyes. After a moment, Ouma ushered the other in, slamming the door behind him.

The room went silent afterwards. Kiibo was fidgeting as he stood in Ouma's room, eyes wandering around the place while Ouma was trying to keep a neutral and indifferent look. He was just waiting for bad news to spill and make him want to kick the robot (which sounds like a good idea but would hurt the human more).

"Ouma..." Kiibo started, trying to clear his throat (or sound like he was). "Did you mean what you said? About...hating me?"

"What?" Ouma asked, sounding surprised.

"You shouted that you hated me earlier..." A very disheartened look was displayed on Kiibo's face.

"Oh, right, I did." He had nearly forgotten about what he had done. Most of that memory had just been what happened prior to his angry remark. "Hmm...do you think I mean it?" He decided to counter his question with his own.

"Sometimes I think you do, I can't always tell if you're joking around or not. But you sounded really angry that time..."

"So, you think I hate you?"

"No! I mean, I don't want you to hate me."

"I don't hate you," Ouma said in a more serious tone. Did he after all that had happened? His heart was definitely in pain, but he could never come to hate Kiibo. If anything, he figured he should be directing his hate towards Kaede, the one who stole his robot. "Anyway, if thats all you wanted to ask, then you can go. I have important business to get to."

"O-One more thing!" Kiibo shouted, easily catching the other's attention.

With a bit of curiosity peeking through, his eyes remained on the robot. "What is it now?"

"I..." Kiibo began to fidget again, his face now going red. Ouma could only stare at the robot, trying to read what he wanted to say, try to see what was going on in that mechanical brain of his.

"I want to give this to you!" He quickly pulls out a small pink bag, decorated with hearts that contains chocolates from a small comparment (which Kiibo calls a robot version of a pocket) and holds them out to Ouma. "I want you to accept them! A-As well as...my f-feelings!"

Ouma stared at the offered chocolates, definitely confused by what was going on. Kiibo was now offering him chocolates? On Valentine's Day? After he had done the same to Kaede? This definitely had to be a prank.

"Why would I accept that from you?" He asked while crossing his arms. His eyes narrowed as he inspected the bag a little more. They were beginning to look familiar. It looked like the bag he had given to his 'girlfriend'. "Did Kaede turn you down?"

"Why would Kaede turn me down?" Kiibo asked, genuinely confused. "These chocolates were not for her."

"Liar!" Ouma hisses. "I interrupted you giving her these stupid chocolates! I'm just a round two, aren't I? I wasn't your first choice! Or maybe this is just out of pity. Oh, Ouma is sad and hates me, let me make it up to him with this chocolate. I'll bet he'll love it and then love me in return!"

"Ouma, that is not the case-"

"Liar!" Ouma shouted, stomping his foot and looking down. "Liar! Liar! Liar!" As he shouted he could feel the tears returning. God, how could he cry in front of this stupid robot? "You hate me, just admit it..." He muttered under his breath before beginning to rub his eyes.

Kiibo began to panic over seeing him begin to cry. That was a bad sign! And to make matters worse, he couldn't tell if they were real tears or crocodile ones that he was known for. The robot reached out a hand, having read that physical comfort was a good thing, but Ouma slapped his hand away, which just ended up hurting himself.

"Ouma, are you okay?"

"Do I look okay?"

"Well, no..."

"Just leave me alone, Kiibo." While holding his now slightly hurting hand, he moved towards his bed. Maybe if the robot saw him in such a bad mood, he'd decide to leave. Though he had a feeling he wouldn't, that robot was always out to make others feel better. Ouma was no exception.

"I won't go until you hear me out, Ouma," Kiibo said, waiting for a reply from the boy. He waited for a moment expecting a response, but since there was none, he decided to speak.

"I...did not confess to Kaede."

"Liar."

"I was practicing with her in order to confess to you."

"Liar."

"It is true! I was worried that I would not be able to get what I want to say across to you."

"Liar."

"I believe that I...have romantic feelings for you and that I..."

"Liar."

"l-love you, Ouma!"

"..."

"Ouma?"

He knew a lie when he heard one. There was always something, a little tic or the sound of the voice that would tip him off to one. He knew literally every little thing that would be done in order to try and make a lie plausible. All that Kiibo had said had been nothing but the truth, especially that last one. Even if the robot would have tried to lie, he would be nowhere as genuine sounding as that. Kiibo was not the master liar; he was.

Ouma lifted himself off the bed, looking to Kiibo with a curious gaze. His stare bore into the other, making the robot begin to feel uncomfortable.

The human was only registering what had all been said. Kiibo was in love with him. Not Kaede. He had to question if this really was some dream or a big prank. Could it be both? But what if this was real?

"If you love me...then will you show me your dick?"

"O-Ouma!" Kiibo's face easily flushed and Ouma couldn't help but laugh to that reaction. "Please! I am serious!"

"But I'm serious too you know," Ouma huffed as he walked over to Kiibo, looking up at him. A smile formed from his lips, a genuine yet cheeky one. "Can you say it again?"

"Say...what again?"

"That you love me."

"I-I...I love you, Ouma."

"Hmm...again!"

"I l-love you, Ouma..."

"Again!"

"Ouma!" Kiibo whined, feeling so embarrassed to say something over and over in front of him. It didn't help that his face had continued to grow red with each time he had to admit that. "Not until you give me an answer."

"An answer to what?"

"Well, its technically not an answer. I just want to know if you will truly accept my feelings or not. If yes, than you're supposed to take the chocolates, or so I've been told. If no, then...I will understand your feelings and not bring this up ever again. I only wish for you to be happy with someone of your choice."

"If that's how it goes...than okay! I want the free chocolate! Nishishi!" Ouma said with a grin, quickly snatching the chocolates away and eyeing them like a child would. It didn't take him long to begin unwrapping the small bag and popping one of the little chocolates into his mouth.

"Then...you accept?"

"Maybe...maybe not!"

Kiibo sighed to that response. Honestly, he was hoping for a truthful answer from him. Though, Ouma accepting his chocolates meant a definite yes, right? Even if he had said he only wanted them because they were free...that had to be a lie.

"Oh, by the way, I have these." Kiibo began to pull out another wrapped chocolate bag, a purple one, from his compartment and held it out to the boy. "These are yours, right?"

Ouma froze to the sight of that too familiar bag. He had thought Kiibo or Kaede would have simply tossed them away. It's not like they were that special or anything. Or so he was telling himself in this moment.

"Y-Yeah...they are. Why do you still have them?" Ouma asked, stopping his chocolate eating for now.

"Kaede said they might be yours and I should return them to you. I did not wish to break them, but I believe some did when they came in contact with my face. These are...Valentine's chocolates." Kiibo frowned to the realization. "Are they for someone?"

Now it was Ouma's turn to blush and gaze away from Kiibo. It was his turn to give an embarrassing answer to Kiibo.

"Yeah...they're, um, for you."

"For me?" Kiibo asks, his face beginning to light up before looking confused. "But I do not require food...You know that, Ouma."

"I do know that! But I wanted to give them to you anyway!" He huffed, holding back on how his plan was ruined thanks to him jumping to conclusions. "Don't you want to participate in human stuff? Me giving them to you is one way to do it. And now you have to since you love me. You can't say no."

"Than...this means you were planning on confessing to me to!" Kiibo's eyes sparkled to that fact, but it made the Supreme Leader's face flush. Did he really have to say that out loud?

"I-I was not!" Ouma defends, naturally. He wasn't going to deny it, but it was in his nature to do so.

"You were! That is the only suitable reason for giving chocolate to someone today!"

"Okay! So, maybe I was." He shrugged as he was trying to regain his composure. "I don't know what you're going to do with them though...if you can't eat them, they'll just melt or something."

"I will save them until they go bad."

"...What?" Ouma was expecting the other to share it with him. So much for that plan to have delicious chocolates.

"I cannot lose something like this, but I also cannot eat it...so, saving it until they expire is the equivalent of it."

Robot logic was really weird sometimes.

"Fine, they're yours, do whatever you want with them," Ouma replied. If he couldn't have those chocolates, at least he had the ones Kiibo had given to him. "So, now that we're a thing, that means I can touch you all I want, right?"

"Umm..." Kiibo's face returned to it's red state. "I-I suppose. I know that couples do touch in intimate ways, but I am not prepared for that yet. I still need time to read and learn about the human body."

"Uwah! You have such a dirty mind for thinking I meant that..." Ouma smirked, teasing his new robot boyfriend. Of course he was still curious, but he wouldn't push Kiibo to that point yet. "I meant cuddles. Lots and lots of them!"

"Cuddling? But, I am not suited for such a-"

"Sit on my bed."

"Huh?"

"I want cuddles!" Ouma demanded with a pout. "Come on! It's such an innocent thing! As innocent as holding hands!"

Kiibo was going to protest to that, but all he could hear was a whine coming from Ouma. As much as he didn't understand the human need to...cuddle, this might help him understand it a little more. Besides, he'd end up being closer to Ouma to, which made his parts whir with joy.

The moment that Kiibo had sat down, Ouma was found in his lap, arms already wrapping around the robot. It took a moment for Kiibo to put his arms around the human, pulling him a little closer towards him. While he was worried for Ouma's discomfort, when he gazed down, he looked extremely content and comfortable.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Ouma."

"I think you mean, Happy Kiibo and Ouma Day. I'm renaming the holiday, permanently."

#fantext;#ndrv3 #kiibouma #I DIDNT THINK I WOULD FINISH THIS TONIGHT BUT I DID #and by tonight i mean morning #sorry for throwing more into the kiibouma tag-

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shawnjacksonsbs · 5 years ago

Text

You do realize that we don't live forever, right? 9-29-19

"As human beings, our job in life is to help people realize how rare and valuable each one of us really is, that each of us has something that no one else has- or ever will have- something inside that is unique to all time. It's our job to encourage each other to discover that uniqueness and to provide ways of developing its expression.' 'All of us, at some time or other, need help. Whether we're giving or receiving help, each one of us has something valuable to bring to this world. That's one of the things that connects us as neighbors--in our own way, each one of us is a giver and a receiver." - Mr. Fred Rogers We'd all be better off to remember and live by these wise words than not. On my mind this week; I've had conversations with a variety of people over the last several years that have gotten clean and out of the life, in which a lot of them have said the whole "I don't miss being high". Now, although I don't miss everything that comes with getting high, like broken relationships, street living, drama, stress, etc. I'd be remiss and delusional if I said I don't miss the actual being high part. I mean c'mon, I tried to stay high everyday for damn near 20 years. I really, really liked being high and how it felt. No question about it. It's a good thing I'm a place in my life where those thoughts are easily dismissible right? I can continue to say that if I ever relapse it'll be a conscious decision and not because I'm going through withdrawal and/or the being drawn back in without any self-control. I have gained way too much to lose, to include relationships, and the feelings I have about my life now. They completely supersede any old feelings of the "high". Believe that. It's almost like how every now and then, and only sometimes, the smell of someone else smoking a cigarette makes me fantasize about taking that drag myself, thinking it would taste like heaven, probably building it up to taste way better than it would actually turn out, but nowadays, I can just . . not . . do . . it! Just like that, I can turn my thoughts off and in another direction. It's actually so easy to do now that it's hard to believe that it was such a struggle before. It's a pretty great feeling. Something else I think is not very accurate, at least not for all of us recovered or recovering, is that we continued to use because we were chasing that 1st high we had. Not true. Hell, I had way better highs 15 years into my active addiction than I ever did early on. Some highs were better than others and granted, none of the shit that comes with it was ever ok, but the being high part was always good enough to keep me coming back for more. It might sound sick, which is more on point than I give credit, but that's the god damned truth, for me anyway. Some feelings were bad but not all. Most were just normal/average feelings, albeit for me, not-so manageable, but I imagine most people dealt with them just fine. But being high just felt better than those feelings. So to get right, I had to find things that felt better than wanting to be high anymore, or ever again. I didn't know this until after I escaped the life though. It was so hard all of those times before, because of how much I loved being high. I still remember how good it felt. When people say they don't miss it (I envy them if it's true). Well I don't miss the life at all and I've gained so much that I don't want to lose but the being high . . . was a whole other thing I had to overcome. Just saying. Anyway. . . Hoping harder than hard as I watch my two adult boys that recently started getting things straight in their lives, finally, that what they need seriously sticks with them this time. So far so good, and no pressure Mr. Universe, but they need this win. Keep up with us this time. Ok? I'm just so grateful that I had the opportunity to mend most of my relationships. So we are actually in each other's lives again. I can be there for them, like right now, as they do better I can help them save themselves while there is still something left in them to save. And that's right, I said they are to save themselves. That's key. They are responsible for getting and staying out of the life just like they are accountable for when they were in it. One of them took a little nudge from some legal actions hanging over him and some trouble meant to push him in the right direction, but that doesn't mean it won't hit home. Their other brother turned his life around after a legal bout and a prison scare, so . . . We have a plan set up for him to get himself through, and I'll walk beside him, especially with an uncomfortable walk he has to do after the holidays. I might share more on this later, but it is kind of his, so. . . And my other son is straight and finally working too, (they both have jobs!!). Some struggles he has, which are not nearly as severe, are tough nonetheless. And I will do what I can for him as well, as long as they walk the walk, I will walk with them and help them hold their heads up, and hold 'em high through it. Changing gears real quick. I have given a tremendous amount of thought to writing a book, more specifically an autobiography, and have decided that is not going to be possible and why. It's pretty hard to just change the names of some people and places. Way too many key characters and their story arcs which are important to the "how" and "why" I ended up where I am in my own story, would have to be changed to keep identities safe and uncompromised. Little changes might work for the unknowing public, but not those hiding from their role in their real lives now. The changes would need to be pretty extreme. Whether or not they are still currently active in my story, or their addiction, is irrelevant. Too many people would catch on to who I'm talking about with minor changes. So to change them enough to not be recognized would mean too many changes to the story itself and it would no longer be the autobiography of Shawn Jackson, but instead a complete work of fiction. Setting people out will never be my place or my intent. So writing an "autobiography" probably isn't going to work for me. I'm okay with that too, but I imagine that if I could have, the title would be just that. . ."You do realize that we don't live forever, right?" And the last thing for this week is this, I stay so very lost as to why my writings even have haters really. They (my writings) are usually more about self-care, and the benefits I have gained from living in it, so I try to pay that message forward. Oh and . . . that whole being a dick to, or even about, other people says a whole hell of a lot more about your character than it ever will theirs. Remember to always try to be kind to one another when and where you can, and when and where you can't then at least be civil, and forever share the love and the laughter with the world around you. As often as humanly possible just do it! Until next week; "By simply living in gratitude today, we can help others to live in hope for tomorrow. Be the fucking change and try to understand why." - Shawn Jackson

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