#i do get to make more art of her when im done so thats one motivator. i also wanna share more about her relationship with Reg and HRM

[berensteinsmonster]

ok I have to be insane about her for a little bit but I'm thinking about Terrence Sweetheart again and how she's characterized as the perfect cowwoy posse leader. I may have false advertised her persona to you all because ......... yall ........underneath her smiles Sweetheart is just STRESSED OUT OF HER MARBLES trying to manage the posse's operations by herself

And thing is that she CAN ask for help, the Cowwoy's rangers are so loyal to her position as sheriff and will absolutely do anything to help the posse's causes. But she is so lazer focussed on her ideal of what it means to be a perfect (To always be present during operations, to always be helpful, to always be giving) to the point of complete exhaustion. She's honestly a huge people pleaser (EVEN THOUGH SHE DOESNT NEED TO 😭😭😭😭)

If she ever finds out she made one (1) mistake today, she faints.

[zatna]

zatna voice claims except it's not just one. they're also all correct.

[poppy-metal]

MARRIAGE COUNSELING W ART PLEASEEEEEEEE GOD THE DEVASTATION THAT TAKES PLACE ON THAT COUCH

i think about it alot. tashi staying with patrick, her injury never happening. your arts college girlfriend and now you're married and it feels fucking stagnant, your relationship. but neither of you wants to give up. neither of you wants to reveal to the other true feelings.

under the cut because this got long and i have a whole au in my hear around this concept

you're only in counseling because of tashi. because shes still in your lives, her and patrick. and she recommended it to art when they were having one of their 'friend' lunches. and now here you are, because of course art took her advice.

he hasn't said anything, though. despite pleading for this. saying he wanted to save your marriage, that he wanted to love you how you should be loved but he didn't know how.

so here you are, on opposite ends of the couch, with the counselor staring at the empty space between you like that in itself is very telling. you suppose it is, in a way. couples who want to stay together should be unified, shouldn't they? you imagine how it would feel, if art had sat next to you. put an arm around you. squeezed you to his side. would you even be able to relax into him? its been so long since you touched eachother that way.

"so im picking up on some distance here," your therapist says. shes a small woman. almost swallowed by her chair. her glasses are perched on her nose as she gazes imperiously at empty space separating you and art. "not just physical either, though thats rather obviously there. but emotional distance. do either of you wanna comment on that?"

you cut a glance at art, expecting him to speak up since this was his idea - well. tashi's. but he just looks down at his lap, quiet. spins his wedding band around his finger.

you feel an anger so intense it pricks your eyes with tears.

"well, i guess you could start with the fact that coming here wasn't even either of our idea. it was his friends."

and now. here art speaks. his head jerks up and she shoots you an annoyed look. "you don't have to say it like that. you always say it like that. her name is tashi and she is my friend. and it was her suggestion, yeah, but it was a good one."

you look at the therapist - janet. raise your eyebrows in arts direction like, get a load of this guy. your legs cross and you start picking at a stray string from the couch.

"first words of the session and its to talk about another woman."

arts inhale is sharp and you can feel his eyes on you but you dont look at him. you can't. you wont. you're right, anyway. he can try to deny it all he wants but you know - you know what you are to him. you know where all your problems stem. you dont need to be here to make any grand discoveries over a fact you've resigned yourself too.

"i see." janet says. "and art having a relationship with this other woman upsets you."

"everything upsets her." art cuts in, sounding tired. his elbow is braced on the arm of the couch and hes chewing on his thumb in one of his nervous gestures. he always did that, as long as you've known him. he was a nail biter, he'd chew his lips raw, he'd nibble on straws, the ends of his pens. he was either lost in thought or agitated. your guess was the latter. "nothing i do makes her happy."

"is this true? are you unhappy with art?"

your skin feels hot. you shift around in your seat. the attention is all on you, and it feels like you've done something wrong, even though you know its literally janets job to ask questions.

"more like i know I'm not what he wants and that makes me...... really fucking sad."

art knees almost knock against yours as he turns his body to face you, giving you his full attention the first time today. you cant meet his eyes still, so you look at the faded spot on his jeans. light blue, like his eyes. you wonder how hes looking at you. cant make yourself look up to see.

"what." he stops. seems to gather some thoughts. tries again, with a steadier tone. "what are you talking about."

you try not to roll your eyes. your arm flings out limply.

"just that this whole thing is a joke, art." and you let out an exasperated laugh, even though nothing is funny. nothing has been funny or light between you two in a long time. "we're only here because the girl you really wanted to marry, told you to get your fucking shit together. you didn't ask us to come here because you wanted to mend something, you're here to please tashi. because if playing a good husband is a role she wants for you - well, you want to play it right, dont you?"

its quiet after that. in the silence you cant help but think about those early days. when you'd been full of love and light and art seemed to be really happy with you. you'd go on dates to the movies, walk through the park together with your hands swinging between you. laugh together and steal kisses whenever you could. you felt high back then.

it didn't even matter that art had a crush on tashi, because hell, you had one too, at the time. but she'd started dating patrick, and they seemed to mesh well together. they were both so intense and passionate. back then, you'd been alot closer to tashi yourself. patrick too. you remember the way she'd rant about how much she fucking hated him, pacing around your room and calling him every name under the sun. and you'd sit there with eager curiosity, and ask her why she didn't end it then. if he makes you so angry, why stay?

and she'd get this faraway look in her eyes. kind of wistful. kind of sad. kind of happy.

"because he makes me feel fucking alive. hes like a - like a drug or something. i cant quit. its addictive, you know?"

that stuck with you. it still sticks with you. you remember being envious of that kind of passion. youe relationship with art had always been so easy. you dont think you'd ever fought by that point. you loved art. you felt safe with art. but were you addicted to him? if you broke up - would you feel withdrawal symptoms?

sometimes you layed awake at night and thought about starting a fight - breaking up for no reason. just to see if he'd fight for you back, if the missing of eachother would be so intense one of you would cave.

but somehow you knew that wouldn't be the case. thats just not how you and art operated. if you got angry, he wouldn't rise to meet you, he'd back down. if you ended things, he wouldn't chase you, he'd let you go.

patrick and tashi were fire and brimstone and you and art was ice and you were....... dirt. solid. walked upon. dependable and not at all exciting.

when art had proposed to you after college graduation it wasn't spur of the moment as it had been with patrick when he'd swept tashi up with a ring and a elopement to vegas. it was talked about and agreed upon and you knew it was coming.

you still said yes.

"you think," and arts voice has a barely concealed tremble to it that makes you look up, finally. you're shocked to see he looks wounded. so many of his expressions you can count on one hand - and this - this wasn't one of them. his eyes are dark, stormy. "you think i dont care about our marriage beyond what someone else has to say about it? you really think that?"

you hate the sliver of guilt you feel, because its not a crazy thing to feel.

"yeah, i really do."

because well, that's the truth of the matter isn't it? you and your husband stare at eachother. and it feels like you're looking at a stranger. not the man who's freckles you used to kiss. who's fears you knew. who's hands you know every callous of, every divot and fingerprint.

"it seems you two have very different views of how the other views this marriage." janet cuts in, sounding curious. she taps her pen against the open notepad on her lap. "art, would you like to chime in on why you wanted to come here? even at the suggestion of someone else?"

art stares at you for a long moment. his face is unreadable to you. his jaw works before his chest expands on an exhale and he looks away.

"i guess i - i just didn't realize how..... stagnant things had gotten until it was pointed out to me. harshly." he winces, and you wonder exactly what tashi had to say to him. you haven't talked to the other woman for some time. contact fizzling out after your marriage to art. he flicks a glance to you, then away again. "im not the best at being aware of shit going on around me." his hand comes up to rub nervously at his neck. "i guess you could say im good at brushing things under the rug. going through the motions. that sort of thing."

janet nods like this makes sense to her. well, great, you think. you know my husband more than i do.

"you're not a fan of confrontation, are you?"

art actually laughs. a genuine one. one that brings a dimple to his cheek and flashes his teeth. you stare at it, like its an exotic animal, and you wont see it again. quickly you catalog the expression in your memory, so you dont forget what he looks like when hes happy.

"yeah, no." he shakes his head. "but I think thats part of the problem. I've obviously let too much shit get put under the rug and now its so full other people are noticing."

you look down at your hands, lips pressed together. your face burns at the knowledge that tashi and by extension - patrick - know your marriage is in shambles. how embarrassing, to be caught lacking in such a momentous way. to come up short and have your husbands friends know about it. you wonder - does he talk about all the ways you make him miserable with them? does patrick shake his head, say, "she's sucking the life out of you, man." does tashi look at him with pity? like hes some poor abused cat that needs to be let in from the rain?

the rain of your marriage.

the rain of you.

you're the storm. you're the problem. you're not enough. art needs fire. you're not even dirt, you're glass. and you can feel yourself breaking.

"that clearly hit a nerve, my dear." janets voice is soft. soothing. she hands you a tissue and you realize you'd begun to cry. "do you want to explain what you're feeling about what art said?"

"i...."

you dab dab dab at your eyes. sniffle. look around the room, trying to collect your thoughts. they feel like flyaway dandelions. you dont know which of them to grasp.

a warm hand settles over yours in your lap and you startle. its arts hand. warm and calloused and tan, covering yours. the gold glint of his wedding ring winks at you, the engraved words etched into them, "my soft epilogue". a shortened version of your favorite qoute i think we deserve a soft epilogue, my love.

at the time, that's what art was to you. your life before him hadn't been easy. being with art had felt like coming home from a long day and falling into a soft bed. it had felt like being able to land after weeks of being made to fly.

you turned your palm up, so he could slide his fingers between yours. he squeezed your hand.

"i think, i. i think i just think - I'm a failure." your bottom lip wobbles. you look at your enterwoven fingers and it makes you so sad that you haven't done the simple gesture of holding your husbands hand in months. "the two most important people in your life are. are so passionate and loud. and i see. i see how happy they make you - and i cant - i cant b-be that for you. we aren't - im not - you dont need me. im not a limb for you how they are. you could extract yourself from me and be. be happier."

your breath shudders out of you.

"you don't need me." you echo.

you wait for him to pull his hand away. this is more than you thought you'd share. some of it you weren't even aware of till the words were spilling from your lips. but they ring true.

without patrick and tashi art would drown. without you..... he'd float just fine.

"and that's important to you." janet says. a statement not a question. "you want to feel needed by art, and you feel as though you aren't. that his needs are met better with his friends than with you."

you nod slowly.

"baby." the word sends a shock through you. not the word itself but how its said. art calls you baby all the time, in a monotonous kind of way. routine. now he says it softly. with feeling. he lets go of your hand in favor of cupping your cheek, still damp with tears, turning your face to his. he looks pained. "of course i need you. i know i haven't been good at showing it. i just - you shut down - after we got married. you've been like a fucking ghost. like you dont want me to touch you. like i could dissappear for all you care and you'd just carry on. i don't know. but i need you, okay? i. need. you."

both hands cup your face, he makes you stare right into him. the conviction in his voice takes your breath away. theres a fire burning there you've thought long put out.

"obviously we have shit to sort out, and we will. but you've got to. you've got to know that. tashi only pushed me to do this because she how - how desperate i was. that's all."

you inhale deeply. exhale. swallow hard. tears cling to your lashes. you reach a hand up to clutch at one of arts wrists. eyes fluttering automatically when you do. you feel grounded again. less like you might float away.

"okay."

"yeah?"

"yeah...." and you smile. it trembles across your lips. but its there. "we'll sort our shit."

art lets out a relieved breath. kisses your forehead, lingering there. the gesture so tender you get emotional again. you want to crawl into his lap, have him wrap you in his arms. you want to feel held by him, like you used to.

"our time is up." janet sets her pen down. smiles. "but i think that was a wonderful first session. i can see the love between you hasn't faded, and that's more i can say for alot of couples who come to see me. keep your chin up."

[artdcnaldson]

ok ok ok so i have a thought for pats sister au, i mentioned it a while ago cuz someone was talking about something similar

this isnt like that smutty and slutty, but i need them to also just be a little bit happy. and as much as i love love love mean art, i do need him to be a little bit sweet to her now

but im thinking now that he's like fucking her at every chance he gets, that means hes spending a lot of time with her in general. including parties!!!! they start going together instead of just leaving together. not officially or anything because it would undoubtedly get back to pat, so they're just going with a few mutual friends and pretend its a group thing. its also easier for art to pretend like he doesnt just want to be with you and only you. maybe this party is at a sorority instead of a frat, so art lets his guard down a little. there arent as many guys who art knows, meaning even less guys who might happen to know patrick. and hes not too concerned with all the girls considering girl code or whatever.

so he lets himself party more than he usually would, lets himself drink that extra drink (truthfully a few extra) and stand just that bit closer to her (very much closer, practically leaning against her), he even dances with her, something he's never done with a girl. they lean in close when theyre talking, anyone who didnt know them would assume they were a couple, or at least well on their way to becoming one. TIHI!!!

its a pretty rowdy party, art is shocked he thought the frat parties got out of hand but this was wild. before either of them realize it, theyre both wasted, having the time of their lives, but definitely drunk. their friends have started heading home, but they decide to stick around and keep the party going. his arm is around her, hand on her waist slowly but surely wandering down to rest on her ass, accompanied by the occasional squeeze just to make her fidget. hes letting her get close to him. its nothing too suspicious though, no kissing or outright sexual touch, with the right words it could be explained away as friendly, in case patrick should hear about it.

BUT art is drunk, and drunk stanford art is a party boy, i believe this in my heart and core. he is getting reckless, forgetting about patricj and that he's supposed to keep discreet. he is doing shots, hes making her do shots, hes making any- and everyone do shots with him. and im thinking its one of, or both of, 2 things.

hes taking a shot and then spitting into pats sisters mouth

i see this happening like spontaneously, maybe there's only one shot left in the bottle and art has the genius idea that you'll just share it. she doesnt get what he means but he'll just show her. takes the shot, leaves it in this mouth, grabs her jaw and brings her real close to him. she thinks hes going to kiss her, but he pries her mouth open instead, tilts her head back, and spits the shitty liquor right into her mouth. hand tight around her jaw to keep her in place, eyes on hers, just like when he spits in her mouth fr

OR/and later in the evening

2. tequila body shots

this i see happening as just a sudden idea art has. and hes insisting its a great idea, and he'll even let her start so it doesnt seem like hes just trying to get her naked. so he lays on like a sticky, honestly downright nasty, bartop. he takes off his shirt and ugh he just looks so fucking good. pats sister is getting so possessive with all these girls around ogling at her man lol, shes all too eager to mark her territory. so the way weve always done it where i live is tequila poured in the belly button, salt in a line up the chest and lime in their mouth so you have to kiss them to get it. ive learnt from going to international school that thats apparently not universal? let me know about that cuz confusing? how else?

anyway. she takes the shot off of him, taking her time lick up his chest and even longer to get the lime from between his lips. its not like people are really looking at them, but even if they were those two are too drunk to notice or care. when its her turn hes really making a show of it, gets her to take her shirt off, but lets her keep the bra (its practically see-through with all the lace anyway), but he insists that she has to unbutton her jeans because he also wants salt before the shot or whatever. hes making something up, he just wants to see what panties shes wearing and see if he can smell her sweet pussy. he knows she wet, he can tell. hes just as bad as her, if not worse.

then when the party is ending they're definitely going back together, theyre probably too drunk to even try to have sex. just sloppy and stumbling everywhere. they end up passing out in arts bed together, he only just managed to get them both into some of his clothes and decent for bed, boxers for him and just a shirt and panties for her. in the morning they wake up cuddled close. its the first time theyve slept in the same bed, the first time theyve cuddled, its the first time theyve slept in the same room since art first took her virginity. and now they'd spent the night together without having sex at all. it kind of changes things for them... but not too much :)

-🐞

GODDDDD THIS HAS LIVED SOOO RENT FREE. I'm fucking dead it's too beautiful, too perfect. Also body shots are The Same for me as well so ur so valid <3

You're surprised when the invite comes through your phone— when Art asks for you to come with him to a house party hosted by some sorority girl in one of his classes. He heard about it, heard that they can be fun, wants to see you there.

And, god, you pretty yourself up so much for it— a skimpy little tank top that he can see your bra through, a tiny little denim skirt, sweet, sparkly makeup that catches in the fucking strobe lights set up around the living room. You’re nursing a cocktail of pink lemonade and vodka, leaning against his side as he downs another fucking glass of jungle juice. He’s definitely on the wrong side of drunk, or else he wouldn’t be all over you the way he is.

And you’re fucking living for it, the way he keeps one hand slung around your waist, tugs you closer against him so you’re practically one fucking entity. He puts a fucking glowing test tube shot to your lips, eyes lighting up as you eagerly swallow it down. He could spit directly onto your tongue, in front of everyone and you’d fucking let him.

So he does. He downs a tequila shot, grabs your chin and you’re all wide eyed and eager as you look up at him. He spits it into your open mouth and you swallow it down, nose wrinkling at the taste. You like sweet things— fancy champagne, mixed drinks that are mostly juice. But you smile at him once you’ve swallowed down the tequila, giggling and buzzy.

But auuhghghgh body shots :((( he’s such a lecherous little perv, he gets off on the attention from you so bad. Wants everyone to see how bad you want him, how possessive and needy. Sucking the liquor from his naval, tongue flat as you lick up the line of salt you’d carefully tapped up his torso. He watches how your lashes flutter as you lick along his skin, the salt course on your tongue complimenting the sweaty taste of his skin. Maybe you linger there a little longer than what’s comfortable for anyone else watching. You take the lime from his mouth biting down so you can suck the juices from it.

It’s a little clumsy— you’ve never done one before, but you’d practically bouncing on your feet when you ask him to do one from you. He practically drops you on the table, fumbles his way to pulling off your shirt, tosses it somewhere neither of you will ever fucking see again.

He lines up the salt between your tits, in the pretty valley between the pink lace. You squirm when he pours the tequila into your belly button, he watches it slosh and spill as the muscles of your abdomen tremble. You bite your lip as he unbuttons your skirt, tugs it down just until he sees the pretty lacy pink of your panties, a perfect match to your bra.

God, you wanted him to fuck you so bad— you were practically wearing a sign around your neck that said it. He taps out a line of salt, licks from the waistband of your panties up to your naval, and sucks the liquor from it. His tongue laves at you— a long line between your belly button up to the hollow of your throat.

The rest of the party falls away— it’s just you and Art and you’re honestly pretty convinced he’s going to just fuck you on the table— stake his claim, lick into your mouth until all you know is salt and tequila and citrus and spit.

He bites into the lime and you taste the juice as it sprays into his mouth and drips back onto yours.

You hear people, absently, far in the back of your mind. You’re so fucking gone— you’re embarrassing yourselves, both of you. Art tugs his shirt over your head after the mindless, three-second search for your tank top comes back fruitless.

“Wanna go home?” He asks, his breath hot and his words clumsy against the shell of your ear. Home. Yeah, his dorm pretty much is home to you at this point. His hand’s in your back pocket and you’re waving a tipsy goodbye to your friends, clinging onto Art as you start the trek back to the dorms.

He presses you against a tree halfway back, kisses you hot and urgent and needy. Then again in the stairway up to his room— pins you against a set of windows, smiling and laughing against your mouth as some unfortunate soul catches him with his fingers between your thighs.

By the time you get back to his dorm, you’re basically buzzing with need, want, giddiness, affection. Art can’t get hard because he’s so fucked up, ends up giggling about it against your shoulder, mouthing against your salty, sweaty skin with wet, open-mouthed kisses. He collapses into the bed, tugs you against his side and falls asleep with his face buried in your hair and warm, possessive hands on your body.

You’re both asleep in minutes.

[louisoffline]

FINALLY FINISHED THE REF SHEET PLUS OTHER DRAWINGS YAAYYY okay so i had the ref sheet done basically two days ago BUT i wanted to draw some more because my ref sheets look so......just stand there kinda scary so MORE ART !!! also skip if you are seeing this when i say our mcs twin bro......we are so mind connected with the skeleton sweaters my lord when i logged on and saw that both step 2 designs had them..........my goodness..i think we might just be the same person....

I want to try and flesh out relationships and dynamics more i think thats something i kind of struggle with with ocs so..that is what the rest of this post will be backstory, character traits, etc etc if you chose to read i will love you forever

Step 1: Gosh...I love making characters really reeaaallllyyy awkward and that's exactly what Lenae is. Her awkwardness is really just stemming from anxiety or nervousness. Qiu and her's dynamic is so sweet to me I love characters being to nervous to say things and then another saysit for them omg im weak yeah thats so them. Lenae and Tam on the other hand....it's not like Lenae doesn't liker her she knows she means well and is extremely sweet but Lenae just can't understand why she is so loud and energetic all the time, she finds it hard to keep up. She IS the sweetest kid you would ever come across though, she will do anything to see you smile. Her earmuffs are a constant, everyone else may think it's just a comfort thing but it is in fact a noise thing we just don't know that yet guys(undiagnosed autism is craayyy)

Step 2: Still being that same shy, sweet kid while looking emo AND TRANSGENDER?? not for the weak. Still shy and reserved maybe even more so but no one really expects anything else. I think meek is a very good descriptor, they get freaked so so easily like has never had a peaceful day in their life. However, Halloween IS their favorite time of the year, it's an aesthetics thing i guess. If you pass by Lenae in the halls you would probably think that they were on their last few threads of patience by the sour look on their face but no, they could be having the best day of their life with that face on. They found it tiring to keep that placid smile on their face all the time when it wasn't always real. In this stage Lenae has definitely started expierimenting with different art mediums like dabbling in painting, poetry, music, you name it. Qiu and Lenae are still the bestest friends ever(bestest crushes ever???) and it's actually kind of nice to have someone by your side who knows what you're going through with your gender identity struggle and everything. Lenae for sure feels bad for how they treated Tam just because they thought she was a little much, I mean it was kind of hypocritical, so they've been trying to make it up to her by being kind of everyly nice?? oh boy oh boy

Step 3: I really don't know a lot of what I could write for step 3 since like nothing of it is out in the actual game SO were just gonna go like personality kind of wise y'know? I think they've definitely mellowed out AT LEAST A LITTLE...like omg guys they can sometimes order for themselves at restaurants!! They're very opinionated and has a strong stance on what they believe but like not in a mean way they just don't understand why others would think differently. Building on their creative abilities, they probably have plans to go to a college for art or fashion. Or maybe they'll start their own business who knows! It's okay to not have everything planned out anymore, some spontaneity is welcome in their life. Now that they've finally been able to be more open, mainly around friends, they'll say something a little too...unsettling or freaky??? to be normal, it's a little weird to get used to oopsies

AND THATS ALL if you read all of this i appreciate you becasue this has been drafted up on my computer screen for multiple days I just did not know what to say siigghhh yeah i love this kid and I hope you guys do too teehee

[enamation]

hello, niigo x shy best friend? reader is often misunderstood because of her emotionless face and 'aloof' personality, which people often sees her as arrogant or cold, but in reality, she's just a shy and awkward little bean who's social skills are the size of a peanut. —similar to a hikikomori but not to extend.

thank you !! —sorry for my english...

character (s) ♡ nightcord at 25:00 x gn!reader

type ♡ headcannons , fluff , very minor angst .

warnings ♡ people gossip slightly about reader , intended lowercase

a/n ♡ hi anon !! dont worry , you worded this perfectly fine !! im doing headcannons since there was no specification , i hope thats alright ❢ this is mostly focused on kanade , unintentional i swear ! !

nightcord at 25 : 00 . . . 25時、ナイトコードで

when kanade was out looking for new cds , she heard a few strangers gossipping to eachother .

she didnt pay it much mind until she heard one of them go " that person over there ! i heard theyre incredibly arrogant . . but honestly , with that expression on their face . . i cant even tell ! " as they pointed at you .

she couldnt explain it , but she wanted to see if those words were true .

so when she noticed you grab a certain cd , she started a conversation !

" is that the cd youre planning on getting ? ive heard alot about that artist . " " oh . . uh - "

she did her best to navigate through small talk with you before asking if you had nightcord , and adding you as she waved a goodbye .

she chatted with you for a little more online before asking if you wanted to meet her friends , and you panicked a little .

after kanade introduced you to everyone online , you had panicked again and eventually stopped chatting in that conversation .

but it wasnt long before you met them in person .

it was hard for you to start a conversation , so kanade had helped , and luckily the group was patient with you .

with kanade , she enjoys hearing your feedback to her music . after shes done , she has you listen to the song first before she sends it to the other members for lyrics and art .

" alright . done . what do you think , [name] ? " (k sent a file.)

" well . . uh . . this melody is really nice , but instead of the beats right here , you could add . . "

with mafuyu , it tends to be quiet silence . you cant tell whether is peaceful silence or not , but neither of you really talk .

with ena , she tries to get you to talk more by having you choose the photos she uploads !

" [name] , what do you think about these ? which ones do you think look best and which should i post ? oh , oh ! whats a caption i can add as well ? " " hmm . . lets see . . "

you were honestly really grateful .

with mizuki , similar to ena , they try to push you to talk , but this time with outfits .

" oh ! we should get matching outfits ! lets go look for some ! how about these ? " " these are cute . . but . . "

they take their time, making sure youre comfortable with everything .

in conclusion , niigo makes sure you are always comfortable , and wont ever push you to do anything ♡

[variationsonacloud]

mcpriceley yuri jumpscare!!! ahhh!!!!

more doodles & whatnot below the cut ^_<

closeups of them since my camera doesnt do price justice whenever i take a photo of them together

ignore that price is bald in the left photo but i really like how i drew connie here

on the contrary i dont really like how i drew her in the second photo but i didnt have correction tape when i drew it so oh well

i love how price looks whenever she has her hair up i need to draw her like this more (this was inspired by frogsindenim's mcpriceley yuri design on insta you need to scroll a bit to find it but their art of them is super pretty!!)

also for the drawing on the left i think i was originally gonna draw price as a guy but i gave up so i decided to just make her a girl

price is super mean (stop sticking your tongue out!!! such a meanie!!! [i just remembered the 2011 tonys while typing this at least price sticking her tongue out is true to her character] ) while connie is a sonny angel

im pretty sure i drew this after my confession during my recollection last month so technically this is a super holy mcpriceladies doodle (ignore how price is basically disintegrating my camera doesnt like her)

heres most of these in their true unedited form sorry if this make this post longer but even though editing these makes the photos look nice i feel like it also gets rid of some of the details

amazing waowie!!! super fun fact for the drawings on the bottom row of this is that whenever i close my sketchbook on this page price & mckinley kiss wowza!!

i know this post is long enough but heres one last doodle of them (if you squint you can tell its mpriceley)

okay!!! thats it!!! im done!! finished!!! sorry for the super long post!!

thankyou so super much if you read &/or looked at all of this until the end of this post! ^_^ it might sound like exaggeration but theyre honestly all i draw 90% of the time

[happypot0001]

⚠️Most characters belong to @just-a-carrot!⚠️

Hello! I’m bored, I wanted to draw, and I like you!

*Gives you Hunar x Bucks (Belongs to @just-a-carrot) fan art doodle*

Go support @just-a-carrot, the creator who made the amazing game “Our Wonderland”!

Lots of love to anyone reading! 💕

Rambling -

Hello! So, I included a cut in this post because I realize that I kind of talk A LOT about my process with art, so to make my blog more…scroll-able(???)…I decided to add a cut to make my posts look shorter! Also, if there are people who don’t really care about the process, this is for them as well! Under the cut, you’ll most likely see me talking about the art, how it came to be, and extra doodles (If there are any) !

If you have been following along with my Tumblr, you’ll see that I previously mentioned before that I had been busy from July 16. Well, not anymore!!! IM FREE!! Honestly the thing I was busy with was SUPER fun but I’m extremely exhausted after it. I’m glad I can finally focus a bit more on making some art! It has made me so happy making art for people and seeing them happy with the art I make them! 💖 I love posting my art on Tumblr really like almost everyone I’ve interacted with online has showed me nothing but kindness! I cant name these people because 1. I don’t want to bother them by tagging them in my post and 2. There would be WAY too many names pfft. Just know that I appreciate everyone and I’ll be trying to post! 🥹

I want to talk about why I did Hunar and Bucks! Im just going to say, Hunar and Bucks are probably one of the only straight ships that I actually kind of like. When I first played “Our Wonderland”, I hadn’t known that it would be a queer game! So when I got introduced to one of the first canon couple that was (kind of) straight, I was like “huh, oh well” and I kept on playing. THATS HOW GOOD THE GAME WAS!!! 🥕 GAVE ME A (AGAIN, KIND OF) STRAIGHT COUPLE AND I STILL PLAYED!!!! Nothing wrong with straight couples in general, I want to establish that pfffft. I just anyway like Hunar, he’s a cute lil’ guy! Don’t look at the feet, I had struggled with those pffft 🤣 Also, officially my first time drawing Hunar!!! I guess this is also officially my first time drawing Bucks in doodle form???!!! If you hadn’t noticed, I had put Hunar in the clothes that he had at the very end of the game because I REALLY liked how he looked there <3 I put Bucks in her normal clothes because I thought they looked better than the softball ones only because I’m imagining that they’re just at home cuddling. And then when you expand on that, you would think “Well, why is Bucks wearing her softball clothes if they’re just chilling at home?” You know? Pfffft

I knew that after I was done with the thing I was so busy with, I wanted to have a drawing/doodle to post. So, I was thinking of who to draw and I was getting into like couple stuff. It was like Cecil x Orlam and Genzy, but those ones are really special ones. So, I decided to leave them for another day! Like, I have a TON of “Our Wonderland’ ideas that I want to do! But, I’m REALLY REALLY slow so if you want to see my ideas, you sadly have to be patient 😭 Like Orlam is honestly invading my mind why is he in there???? I also had another doodle idea that I DID create but decided not to make it the main post because I thought it was stupid and you’ll see why:

“Uhhhh….Pot? What is this?” You may ask. Well, since I was so tired after my thing, I had been wanting to draw myself tired! Does anyone else do that? Like, if you’re crying or you’re happy, you want to draw you or someone else happy or crying? That’s literally me pfft! I’m not going to call this my sona, I’m just going to refer to this character as “me” because I don’t have a definite sona yet. This is temporary so don’t get too attached pffft. I just thought that I’d include her because I drew her anyway so….enjoy????

Uhhh anyway this is just a collection of silly doodles upon my arrival so I hope you really like them! Just one thing I wanted to point out since I can make the topic about Hunar, did anyone notice the hair clips in the Art Fight attack I did for 🥕 were based off of Hunar’s hair clip?? The story is that Bucks invited Gidget over for a sleepover because Hunar had been out for something, maybe something to do with his books, and so Bucks came up with the idea to have a no boys night! Gidget had brought some hair clips because they’re prepared for anything but Bucks was probably like “No, we should take this opportunity to steal Hunar’s hair clips while he’s away” because she’s a mischievous little thing and I guess somehow Gidget obliged pfffffft! I’d love for anyone to leave a comment if you did notice the clip thing! I thought the little detail would have been noticeable but if it wasn’t I wanted to point it out now! I appreciate anyone to took the time to read all of my ranting heh!!!! Again, go support @just-a-carrot, the creator who made the amazing game “Our Wonderland”!

Have a wonderful day/night! Again, lots of love to anyone reading💗💕

[localapparently]

i love kimcom so much.. i love them so much..

theyre so..!! honestly if i think about them too much i'll cry.. and I'm rereading a few bits of dark castle to compare the novel and the webtoon and gosh, sleepyc and team's art really allows kimcoms interactions to feel more alive and goofy, silly even,,

epilogue spoilers ahead near the end

and novel's narration are like the gaps to fill in, both sides elevate the story,, i sound like a food critic but like. oh my goodness you read the part where kdj reunites with sys in dark castle after his revival and youre so taken by how sweet and cute it is. and then you read novel and..!!

I wouldn't have been able to run straight here if it wasn't for this feeling. I saw Shin Yoosung crying and thought that parents probably felt like this.

GOODBYEEEE I AM SO DEADDDD LIKE OH MY GOD YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME???

and webtoon chooses to let kdj maintain the same composure he had when he talked to jihye after saving her just moments prior,, and it works because now i read his inner thoughts in novel and I FEEL SO INSANE?!?!?! YOU BITCHHH SAY IT SAY YOU MISS HER?? no wait .. im getting off topic. this is becoming a kdj sys ramble

Honestly even though i call them found family I don't really classify them as a family either, they feel more like a home? at least at the first half of the story.. In an apocalypse where everything feels uncertain and you've lost all your close friends, you'd end up wandering aimlessly, so sticking to a group is moreso a temporary means of survival than friendship of any sort. It's also why kdj is so essential to kimcom as their glue, as the person who gathered them together, he provided them with that temporary party. and having that 'constant' you can return and realign to in that setting is so.. augh...

not to mention that three of the kimcom members are kids and kdj is their form of stability. lgy and sys hug him whenever they see him because he's the first adult that had ever shown them care. jihye is probably shaken from the first scenario but while she clings to yjh and admires him as her master, he probably doesnt do enough to reciprocate her respect or communicate as enthusiastically. now that i think about it, jihye feels kind of lonely, not young enough to get along with the kids particularly closely and not old enough to be buddies with the adults. does she make up for it by being talkative?)

And at this point in the story its evident that theyre not even that close !! singshong's writing style isnt one that elaborates on emotions and descriptive fluff to begin with, but sys is stated to not be so fond of jihye in ch162 because jihye was rude to kdj, they still feel like theyre in their own cliques. sys and lgy stick together as kids of similar ages, jhw and lhs get along normally, hsy is. hsy. lhs for one narrates kimcom as his 'companions' quite early on, but i'm unsure whether that choice is becuase thats just a suitable word for people closer than 'allies' but not close enough to be 'friends'. ultimately its just a buncha people who are trying to survive, and care about the guy that brought them tgt. it doesnt really feel like anything more than that.

and then as you're caught up in kdj's shenanigans, small snippets pass by and they feel a bit warmer yk. like sys and lgy having a coin flip whenever they're uneasy. (sys states that lgy has "done this before", like he's the one that has suggested the past coin flip(s). it feels like its implying that hes initiated this game system just to cheer up sys because shes a lot more transparent about feeling sad that kdj isnt there.) sooyoung of all people, willing to get an outer god contract to save sangah. jihye, hyunsung and seolhwa chilling in the room during proof of stars, and hyunsung was picking his nose like are you fr they are so unserious,.

in jttw arc ch 433, yoosung growing close enough to joonghyuk to not get intimidated by him and (forcefully (forcefully is a strong word but she straight up just puts it on his cheek unprompted and that is so funny of her)) apply seolhwa's ointment, even giggling when he allows her to do it after she brings up doctors orders.

after proof of stars, theres a portion that goes

The party members supported each other. (...) I saw the white lines connecting the empty universe. The stars, that seemed like they would never meet each other, were facing each other.

please know this: i wanted to cry and scream so bad. ive started to spell out kimcoms names rather than address them in their shortforms, that writing inconsistency is how emotional i am right now.

I can't do the justice of listing down every instance where they've grown a little closer, but i'm hoping to remember more on my second reread.

because orv is such a long novel, the way they gradually grow closer also feels realistic.. and by the time you're in the ch400s, its so clear that they wouldn't go anywhere else without each other.. if i start talking about vacation arc i'll just start sitting and staring at a wall again.

"you're explaining how an average found family trope is realised" Youre right!!! youre right!!,, me when the found family is actually found family.. don't shame me like this.. i'm just an emotional person..

Ah and then you get moments where their unity really shines, and they become god pummeling probability festering forces of nature... and its when one guy's life is in jeopardy. even when they weren't all that close yet, its when they save kdj where they feel most strong. and its a bit obvious because its like, common goal makes people group together yknow, but god the adrenaline and relief when they appeared in demon king selection.. the way their names pop up one after another when they vote for jung heewon's skill..

and 1865 !! 1865 was really the epitome of it all!! oh my god they were all so reluctant to return to the hell of the scenarios but they dragged themselves back because of one fucking guy that they loved too much. and i'm rereading 1865 a bit as i write this but the way they all yelled at their sponsors to pick them is so so funny and the whole speedrunning thing really shows their desperation to quickly find him but also feels a bit fun and even exhilirating with how theyd already beaten the game once, and they were going to storm through the whole thing again to reach kim dokja. like a fuckin earthquake. the lines in ch 536

They had to be insane. (...) These people who lost their minds were clearing the scenarios with insane methods.

YEAHHH THATS MY FUCKING KIMCOM WOOOH OH MY GODD THEYRE SO INSANE!!!!

kimcom's bond was strengthened because of their love for kim dokja, kimcom drifted so close because of how much they wanted to save kim dokja. whenever i think about the 'found family' trope between kimcom, it exists because they love kim dokja, and once again i'm reminded of how much that bastard is loved and how he denies that he is anything else but a reader outside the covers of the story.

It's not to say that all of kimcom's bonds were because of him, but it's clear that had it not been for him, they would have dissipated so much quicker.

agh. what was i talking about again..

genuinely i dont know if ive proven anything through this. i just had to talk about it. i havent even talked about the relationship between kdj and each kimcom member but then the post wouldnt end. sys's section would be thousands of words and i would even have a portion for gong pildu and jang hayoung..

i love kimcom. thats it thats the post.

[the-s1lly-corner]

Hii!! Can u do tadc x reader who's mute?? (If ur too tired to do the whole cast u could just do jax and pomni) tyy!! :33

Pomni, Jax and Ragatha x mute!reader !

except ragatha has already been done before and im just linking her post in since its the same prompt eheheheh! think im going to answer just a few requests today; feeling a lil blugh since i didnt sleep well last night and i still got art stuff to do ... might continue my metalocalypse rewatch binge too

POMNI:

i think it would take her a moment to grow accustomed to your muteness. sometimes, at least in the beginning, she waits for you to speak before giving a soft "oh".. she doesnt mean to be malicious or mean, its all a matter of her getting used to things! add in that she has other things going on in regards to being thrusted into this new environment..! i think she would carry around a notepad and pen in her jesters hat for you to use when speaking to her, though i do think she is trying to learn sign language so you guys can more easily communicate... me thinks she might be a slower learner, though, mostly because as mentioned before theres just so much going on for her..! definitely very sweet about it though and tries to speak up if people are ignoring you in a conversation; though its a little meek and awkward she doesnt really give up on making sure you're heard

RAGATHA:

you can find her part here! funny enough this is my first TADC post (the random thing doesnt count)

JAX:

definitely a faster learner of sign language if thats your main means of communicating with other people. you guys have probably gotten into at least one argument before and yes hes the type to turn the lights off so he cant see your signing or your writing. is it petty? yes, but i can definitely see jax doing that. kind of reminds me of that one post/meme where op talks about how a deaf kid took their ice cream and when they signed to the kid. the kid just. closed their eyes. probably closes his eyes when youre trying to scold him for his trickster behavior LMAO. despite that, i think similar to pomni hes going to make sure no one talks over you, but unlike pomni hes not awkward about it. actually hes going to be obnoxious about it and may or may not unintentionally put you on the spot and embarrass you... or maybe he did that on purpose, knowing jax.. doesnt use your muteness against you though, in regards to pranks and his general assholery. like outside of him being kind of an ass when you guys are arguing, hes not going to do anything that could harm you. jax is an asshole but hes not a monster

[lemongogo]

what's your process for coloring like? the look of that elendira is so textured and interesting, i can't figure out how you do it

AA THANK YOUU ^__^ !! textures & brushwork are my favorite things abt my art, so im happy you find it interesting hehe . its SOO cool to look at & so much fun to draw imo

i prefer to color by building in layers , if that makes sense 🤔!! hundreds of them !! such that i'm always drawing on Top of previous layers, working from big & messy blocks of color to, eventually, small and refined blocks of color until it feels processed enough. as a result, i rarely ever erase (!!) and i rarely ever draw lineart aside from the initial sketch

a rough, patchy textured brush is key here, as it'll give you dimension and variability w/ your colors. i recommend "Brush and various sets of fountain pen style (万年筆風ブラシと色々セット)" on Clip Studio (ID: 1679706) !! :3

im terrible with explanations though, so i'm going to show a step by step of that elendira drawing if you dont mind :3

sketch layer !! because i mostly render through color alone, i try to make this as close to the finished thing as possible . ^__^ i hateee drawing the same thing over and over and like the expressivity and movement of my sketches anyways , so the more i can preserve at this step, the better. if u were to look at a side by side of my sketches and finished pieces, youd notice a lot of those og lines are present in the final drawing :3

2. flats !! pretty self explanatory, but the solid background gives me an idea of where the figure begins & ends while the colors themselves help distinguish whats what . i stick to ambient lighting @ this point because im usually not sure what i want to do with the overall palette or lighting yet . having two tones (ex, dark and light in her hair or dark and light on her skin) can also help in identifying key features early on that u wanna preserve. as you build layer by layer, sometimes these areas will remain untouched and i think it makes for a rly lovely feel at the end

3. start blocking !!! to be totally honest with you, i dont really know what i do here HAHAHA. like i just scribble the shit out of it, usually focusing on what i might want to do with lighting (ex: grey areas to accentuate folds in her costume). i think i like to start "erasing" the sketch where possible by coloring on top of it .. like if you look at her hat or her arm , you can tell i'm starting to get a sense of the shapes i like vs the ones i dont. it's at this point that the final image starts to emerge in my mind , like im gradually pulling her from a tarpit of scribbles until shes recognizable lol. chipping away at the marble until i can free her. tbh.

4. keep blockingg...when u think u are done , block some more . as you can probably see, the brushwork becomes more intentional as i add more shape, with specific focus on line weight. this is also where the patchiness of that textured brush comes in - notice how none of the colors seem totally uniform (ex: the red cross or the original sketchlines for her waist). you can see bits and pieces of the layers underneath pushing through and i really like that !! ^__^ its very fun and sketchy to me, so i try to keep them around. those areas are also great to colorpick from, because it'll give you "new" colors to work w/ that are already part of your palette.

5. GRADIENTS & GRADIENT MAPS !! TONE CURVE !! COLOR PICKER !! this is the best stage tbh. flatten your image so its all on one layer and just go crazy with all the color settings in ur program. add gradient layers and set them to darken, or overlay, or subtract, orrr. lighten or dodge glow or divide or soft/hard light.! OR!! edit the hue, saturation, luminosity and contrast.and then color pick from these edits, block even more on top of ur image, flatten, color edit again, etc. etc. until u feel satisfied.

ANYWAYSS . i hope that makes sense @__@ sry i wrote this out and deleted it like 23 times trying to make it make More sense but thats what ive got HAHA i hope its useful though :3 !

[lunalikesalotofstuff]

so the mutant mayhem series...

look im happy to get another show and im open to watching it and i will give it a chance.

but some stuff in the trailers really rubs me the wrong way.

april saying "isnt your whole thing a costume" in reference to ...just their bodies is icky and im dissapointed her kinda being mean to them is gonna continue. like- its not an initial shock thing like with 2003 and 2012 april its just "sure we're friends but im gonna call out how different you are even though your WHOLE goal is to fit in and be accepted.". i like her design and her story seems interesting and i hope she gets a real arc unlike a lot of aprils but like- the comments are un-necessary and it feels like shes making fun of them instead of being a supportive friend. [if theres an episode where the guys get fed up and talk to her, possibly having a lesson about expressing to your friends when youre uncomfortable with what they do then ill be overjoyed because that message NEEDS to be in kids shows and it would clarify april just didnt know it bothered them and would tone it down because she doesnt wanna hurt her friends]

in a trailer the others got praise and when it was mikeys turn someone was like "oh what do you do?" and mikey doesnt have a real answer. as a mikey fan i just cannot stand the constant dismissal he gets. if the series is gonna expand on that and take it seriously im totally in though.

i didnt mind the movie artstyle. its not something i enjoy and it kinda gave me a headache in theaters but objectivly there is nothing weong with it and a lot of work and talent was put into it. the show style is...ehhh? i dont like it. i dont hate it. i dont really enjoy the color palette. its not appealing to me and an art style can really change how much i enjoy a show.

and why does leo sound so much older. i cant be the only one hearing that right? like i know thats fairly standard for the shows but the movie had all this hype about the guys sounding and acting their age so???

and structure wise i feel like this is going to feel more like kim possible and spiderman instead of tmnt? cause like ...a HUGE part has always been theyre a secret and they work in the shadows cause theyre ninjas and now theyre just in the open. im ok with change- all franchizes NEED to change and adapt but im not gonna get hopeful till i see it done well int he actual show

speaking of that this is a reminder i by no means think the show will be bad. i want it to be awesome and fun and make its mark like other tmnt shows and films have! i just had to get this off my chest cause it was bothering me. im sure the show WILL be good cause i havent watched a tmnt show i outright disliked yet. the trailers just rubbed me the wrong way.

[strawberryseeded]

i wish we had gotten more of kugisaki nobara. i just watched dis vid and all my contained RAGE abt dis topic suddenly HIT ME LIKE A TRAIN GOD IM UPSET

ive talked like 32893882 times already (and its still NOT ENOUGH) abt how upset i was abt nobara's death cos she was such a good character, with so much potential!! i really REALLY liked her. she was funny, strong, confident and kind!!!! i loved her char design!! her cursed technique and weapon were cool as hell!!!!!!

and her (recently SOMEWHAT(?) confirmed(?)) death sucked so fucking much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

she was just. fucking fridged. as much as it pains me to admit it. from a narrative standpoint, she died so yuuji would get upset and further develop his character & then move the plot along. even mahito admits that he wants her to die to make yuuji suffer. like yeah he also recognizes her a strong opponent (ofc. cos she is) but at the end of the day he wanted to kill her just to wreck yuuji. and he succeded.

nobara has no say on the way she dies. she's just.. slapped, kinda. its so sudden. its so... weird. not that she's accepting of it (we already know that she knows she can die at any moment and she's ready for it (cos she's a freak like the rest of the sorcerers lol)), but its weird bc its like its not a personal moment for her. yeah we get a flashback & her speech about how, even tho she always was a person who refused to let other people affect the way she is and decides to live, there still are people who, by being accepting of her, managed to gain a place in her heart... and she's happy for that. its rly beautiful.

but its the impact her death has on yuuji what the story really cares about here.

and like. thats fine! im not even saying killing nobara is a bad choice or that its bad if her death also developed yuuji's character. but the way it was done, its like her death only had that purpose. its a way too transparent device, that's what i dislike abt it. i dont mind being upset bc a character i love dies? i like feeling strong emotions when i engage emotionally with art/stories.

but i think she was killed off too soon. we didn't get to properly say goodbye to her. both her character arc and her death were rushed.

she could have been developed so much more! it feels like she was taken away way too soon in the story. i wanted her to fight sukuna along the others. i wanted her to use her cool technique to help yuuji nail sukuna's soul. i wanted to see just how much stronger she could get. i wanted her to finally meet saori. I WANTED HER TO HAVE A COOL EYE PATCH!!!!!!!!!!!

why is she barely mentioned after she dies??? she was one of the 3 main, dude, are u kidding me? yuuji's the only one who mentions her but he's almost afraid of talking about her. its like the whole world forgot about her!!!!! and what about maki?????? werent they girlfriends?

what is nobara's LEGACY? why did gege not make her death matter in the narrative? even if she (for whatever reason) came back(??) at the end, id still be rly mad & sad abt it cos i wanted to see her DO STUFF!! i wanted to see her kick some ass!!!! i wanted to see her grow!!!!! to open up with others!!!!! I WANTED TO SEE MORE OF HER. IM SO UPSET I WANT OUT

[moodr1ng]

i dont rly think every instance of genderbending a character is bad but i do think we could stand to think about the implications behind the choices we make in art more and that thats certainly an area where we refuse to. like, one reason a lotta people find genderbending distasteful is the cissexism and binarism, right - for instance, taking a female character with long hair and breasts and wide hips and genderbending her into a taller man with short hair and wide shoulders and a flat chest etc. bc technically you could just say "this characters a man now", and change nothing else, and have accurately depicted the character as a man, so for many people the changes you do make imply "this is what man and woman mean" (and the fact genderbending is done basically entirely within the gender binary plays into that).

so i could say "just keep the character design identical and simply say the character identifies as a different gender", which i know would be missing the point because obviously the point is to experiment with the traits associated with the two binary genders in designing, its not actually about the characters identity, its fundamentally about how someone "looks like their gender", right. but even putting that aside, i dont think "just say the character identifies differently" works either, because not every character would look the same if they identified as the opposite binary gender. if a character is designed to fit very very squarely within the expectations of their gender, that implies something about both the character and the ideas that went into creating them. eg, some of my characters put a lot of stock in their performance of gender, define a lot of their identity by it, and if they identified as the other binary gender that would deeply impact how they present for the same reasons, and for other reasons. (and thats just an example where a character being gender conforming is motivated consciously by my choices as the creator - in most cases a character is gender conforming because thats the default in peoples minds, because being gender non-conforming would be something to note but conforming to gender is not, and thats also difficult to address when considering a characters design: should we view the characters gender conformity as a trait of the character or as a bias of the author? etc.)

which is where it kinda branches off again, because its like.. if im redesigning or rethinking a character with their gender as the one factor im modifying, its difficult to pretend like that would impact their appearance but nothing else, that i would end up with an identical character except for that gender factor, as if it exists in a vacuum separate from the characters identity. like, if i take my very stereotypical mean girl queen bee hyperfeminine character and try to think "what if she had always been a guy, or transitioned to be a guy", i cant just cut her hair and give her a suit, because her entire character would be deeply impacted - because being a woman is relevant to her character to begin with.

and i reckon the more a characters identity is rooted in their gender the more it impacts their presentation, with the opposite being true - which is to say, if theres a character whose gender is basically irrelevant to their identity and who could just switch it around and not be affected to any deep degree, then it also makes sense to say "well then theres no reason to alter their design whatsoever". and if there is reason to alter the design then there is reason to alter more than that and to dig deeper into "who would this character be if they were another gender".

so anyway, ik nobody actually thinks this much about all this and for most artists its pretty much just an exercise in designing based on gendered expectations and thats not gonna change anytime soon. i just keep coming back to it and thinking like.. yes i do get how "its just for fun" i do see it. and in most cases i also do think its binarist and cissexist fun. like that cant really be avoided ig. i dont think its evil or whatever, i think its just like.. not pretending that we dont all operate on a binarist and cissexist view of gender? like its kind of just honest about it. its basically just "listen, heres my drawing of this character as the other binary gender, and in order to convey this ive drawn the character according to binary ideas of gender presentation and cissexist ideas of bodies, much like the original characters gender was probably conveyed", and i guess itll always make me halfway uncomfortable and i definitely get why some people dont like it ever but i also get why for some people its not a big deal and i see why they dont think its that deep.

[star-on-a-beach]

Okay um. I really don't like doing this, like, ever

But

Tw for vent post, Bc idk, maybe it'll help if I talk about this where it'll be seen and not on a vent blog where I know no one sees it

So it's pretty obvious that pretty much everything right now is in kind of a shit state and I'm really at the end of my line trying to be optimistic about it. Presidential election, rp, guard, college, art, writing, all of this shit, even stuff I'm supposed to enjoy, makes me want to fucking shatter a rock because I don't want to do anything anymore other than scroll through social media on my phone which, I've probably developed an addiction, and of course that makes me feel even fucking worse bc I told myself I'd never get addicted and look at where I am now

So many things I'm unhappy with are really kind of tying back to me and I'm so angry at everything but especially myself now, but theres nothing I feel like I can do about it but try and break it all down I guess?

There's shit going on with color guard and, other than the friends I've made within it and the actual performances, I don't fucking enjoy it anymore because our coach is apparently super fucking shitty and a liar and unfair and argumentative and never sticks with the drill she writes and doesn't give us the resources to put it together correctly, WHEHN SHES LITERALLY OUR COACH AND THATS HER JOB, IVE TRIED SO HARD TO STAY KIND TO HER BUT WITH EVERYONE AROUND ME TALKING SHIT AND TALKING ABOUT WHAT A BAD PERSON SHE IS IM STARTING TO DO IT TOO AND I HATE IT

And then obviously there's the actual schoolwork that needs to get done, I thought I had not one, not two, but 3 FUCKING ESSAYS DUE ON THE 11TH, WHICH WERE ASSIGNED TO US ON WEDNESDAY, AND EACH HAD TO BE 700 WORDS LONG. Granted it doesn't actually have to be like that but teachers are talking about finals now and I'm going to have SO many essays for that and I have a whole debate too. I'm tired and sick of waking up at ridiculously different times for classes and not being able to have a goddamn nap bc I'm either working, procrastinating with the screens addiction again, or I don't have enough time because god knows I can't take power naps for SHIT, and I'm not fucking paying for coffee in this economy

I can't even relax how I normally want to because I'm so tired from everything, too. Writing big things for TAOCC or drawing feels like a chore, and then I feel obligated to draw others characters or I want to actually do so but I have no energy for it, and I can't get my art to look how I want it to perspective-wise, no matter how many tutorials I look at, and it never ends up the way I want and I haven't even finished TAOCCTOBER or Memoryquest, both of which I feel shitty for, because then they're both more things that I'm giving up on, and I give up on so much shit so easily unless I'm being pushed over and over and over and over, although rn I really wanna just say to hell with it and kill both of them entirely

And with taocc as a whole, I don't even know where to begin. I mentioned in my earlier post that I'm struggling to be assertive and actually say what I want with RP, which results in me feeling really unsatisfied with it a lot. I feel like people aren't interested in my characters and I need to be the one trying to build the characters' connections by asking questions, which. I love when other characters ask mine questions, because so much would be revealed if PEOPLE JUST ASKED. I know you guys don't mean it in this way but I feel like I'm trying to push all of this out, but I barely get anything back except for maybe one question or comment or smth, but it feels like the characters aren't interested in my characters' pasts, and that means the mods aren't either. Which, is really no fault of yours, whether you are or not, it's my fault because I can't bring myself to get off my high horse and actually say "hey, are you willing to have your characters ask about mine?" because I have the firm mentality of "if they wanted to, they would", and I'm trying to make other characters feel important while also craving mine to feel important, but the moment they do, I wonder if I'm taking the main-character roles too much and I need to even it out so I immediately divert the attention back to yours and feel shitty about it. Once again, this is no one's fault but mine, and this is partially why my relationship with my last rp partner, aka my ex bsf, ended, because I wasn't assertive enough and kept wondering if I was hogging the spotlight any time focus did switch to my characters which just isn't enjoyable for anyone. So I'm angry and terrified that these patterns which are repeating are going to lead to a similar outcome.

It isn't even just that though, I just really hate how I write as a whole rn. I used to be so poetic and good with words but now they read difficult unless I'm writing a great wall of text, and my characters aren't acting the way I want to, partially because I'm trying to morph them to get along more with other characters and diminish their flaws so they're liked by others, but it just takes away from who they were originally and I hate that as well. It's easy to get caught up in the heat of the rp but for fucks sake I expect myself to be a better writer than this.... and I haven't even gotten around to fixing the fucked-up-with-a-side-of-cheddar timelines, which have been NAGGING at my mind for FUCK KNOWS HOW LONG, but once again, I don't even want to do anything anymore and I get mad bc the only things I wanna do are just self indulgent shit and like hell I'm asking for that from anyone (see, that's part of the problem, right there.)

I think the only thing I hate more than not being assertive with rp is the fact that I'm an adult among you all. Yes, being 18 now while the majority of you are minors is a massive fucking deal to me, and I'm realizing why exactly adults generally avoid friendships like this, because I'm constantly worried about being a good example to you all. I have to have the good advice, I have to be available, I have to be good with assertiveness and boundaries, hell part of the reason I try and avoid venting so much is because you all do not fucking need to have that burden. Every time I do something like this post I immediately think "these are kids and I'm an adult, it's kids trying to help an adult who should not be saying this stuff or laying this burden on them", as if I'm some kind of weirdo. I really try my damndest to not be one of those adults who dumps all their problems on adolescents in order to feel better about their own shitty life, I don't want to be the adult who their younger friends are comforting all the time and have that burden on them (yes, I am completely aware this post contradicts that, and yes, I am very ashamed but I feel Im at rock bottom and you guys deserve to know (but don't deserve the burden of it)). I don't feel like the example I want to be to you guys, I'm incredibly dense, and half the time, I feel like an oblivious idiot for the simplest fucking things in rp even when no one says anything that implies any of you guys think that. I get so annoyed as well, and that's another part I especially hate, it's that I get annoyed with the smallest things so damn easily, whether it's someone saying something random in call and breaking silence, or someone talking about a subject after we've moved on, or a rant that's gone on for a really long time. All of those are ridiculous things to be annoyed by, and I'm completely aware of that. I'm not proud of it whatsoever. It might also be the weather, but I'm so, so, so annoyed by so many tiny, insignificant things nowadays that it's ridiculous, and I've snapped on call a few times which I feel horrible about. I'm trying so hard to be a good, strong role model for all of you, because that's what you deserve and I want to be like that for you. But, both here and in real life, my own idiocy and density and emotions make me feel like I'm never going to escape being a dense, emotional, spacy child who keeps trying to catch up. And as an adult, I'm really, really, really upset that I feel like this because once again, you guys are the minors, not me. I'm not saying you guys should feel like that (I really hope not, no one should feel like that), but it feels even worse since I'm trying to be the adult for you guys to look up to, but I'm looking up to all of you instead. And then, even worse, I get jealous. Not of the bad shit you guys go through, but like. Insignificant things. Art styles, friends, activities, actually having your family around. I really hate myself for being jealous of that and always comparing and trying to match it since it's completely hypocritical of me otherwise.

I'm closing up this vent, but tw for some darker themes in the next paragraph

I'm really just kind of sick of life as a whole. I'm done being an adult, to hell with this, just let me be the younger friend again so I don't have to see myself as an old baby. I'm tired of all of this and the dark jokes I make, they're horrible, but they're becoming more common and I think about the content of them a lot. I'm so tired of this shit and feeling like this and I'm mad and ashamed that I'm making this post because of everything I said above. I'm so done with everything. To hell with this country, to hell with my future, to hell with drawing and writing and trying to put stuff out. At the time of writing this I'm crying, because I'm really really missing my dad. I want to hug him and be with him. I want my family overall to be okay. I want to feel happy and content with myself and my life like back in summer. I'm so sorry for having to say all this but it's the truth and, again, this is my last resort for trying to feel better because hell knows I don't have the initiative to make an appointment and talk to a therapist on campus. Ik this will go away later but ffs i don't know if I can wait until later.

Ok, heavy vent part is over

I've said a lot so I'm ending it here. If you choose to ignore this, that's fine. I'd appreciate some kind of acknowlegement, tbh, whether it's a like or a comment or something, or just a kind word (whatever you do, please don't just put *hug* and leave it at that, hugs dont really feel like they have much more meaning at this point). It feels ridiculous to ask you for comfort especially after kinda dumping all of this here for you guys to see but I might as well try ig. Idk, I'm gonna just try and not delete this out of shame.

I hope you all know that I love you guys so, so, so, so much. This community has brought me so much joy and leaving is the last thing I'd ever dream of unless I had to. I hope you guys don't mind me doing this too much. Logically Ik you probably don't but, really, none of what I just vented about is based in logic regardless.

Thank you for reading, whether it was skimming or fully reading it. Kind words are appreciated but obviously not forced and I love you guys so much. Goodnight ❤️

[expendables-ropg]

THE EXPENDABLES: R O P G

So who we are? we are a group of expendables sended down here to get the cristal

''so you all are trying your hardest to get the cristal and not die, right?''

....weeeeell, no, we just are messing around the facility :p

But here's the

Redy

Sup its me, redy!

Im a 19 years old idiot, i was accused of second degree murder and kidnapping 4 innocents, other people say i shouldnt be here and that my crimes are faked, which the worse part is that its true

i like strawberries and Poyo, but i dont like Diving (EVEN THOUGH IM OBLIGATED TO DO SO)

i like talking with others and looking at everything, others call me curious (and stupid), but who knows if theres a little drawer with research somewhere?

Also i have a gun (:

And here's the

Orany

Hello everyone my name is Orany, im the 22 year old kind of girl that if you stop watching for a second is gonna fucking stab you in the back

why? it would be fun

I like grewy (because hes my boyfriend ) and baked potatoes, and im terrified of heights, have you never felt scared of being so high that you feel how your body could at any moment fall to the floor and die?

So here's the

(she asked for a more formal Divider)

Piky

yeaaa...so im Piky, the smartest one of these guys-

''thats a lie one of the many deaths you had you literally died to Searchlights because you-''

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT I UNDERSTAND

Im just trying to do my job here, tho being silly like these idiots isnt that bad, sometimes is fun, makes me forget my crimes lmao

I dont like nothing or no one at the moment

i fucking hate @asksearchlights, and her stupid wife

Anyways, here we founded the

Grewy

howdy, im Grewy!

i have been sentenced to death penalty because of Murdering 6 people because of an explosion i caused and arson

yea no balls, im telling my crimes

I like Orany (Orany my beloved❤️) and pizza, i dont like darkness....

I like being silly even thought other people looks at me scared, im sure they will eventually get used to it, but i can also be S E R I U S when i need to be

QUICK REMINDER!:

This is a vague description of the characters, theres a lot more about them that you will figure out in rps

How to apply to the new blog

Rules:

-I dont want politics in this askblog

-NO NSFW

-im okay with suggestive things but remember theres a limit

-Im fine with gore, and i love rping

-Anyone can ask, and better if its asked by a askblog

RP guide:

''Redy talks in a red color''

''Orany talks in a orange color''

''Piky talks in a pink color''

''Grewy talks in a green color''

[This means ooc/mod talking]

*This is how to say an action*

If you want to do a rp, start your ask with ''{RP}'' or ''{RolePlay}''

Tags:

#Expendables ropg responds - (answers to your asks)

#Expendables ropg art - (share art, theres no drawings of them yet so go wild!)

#OC to ROPG interactions - (any interaction of your OC to any ROPG member)

Inspiration:

This whole blog is inspired by @asksearchlights blog, which was also inspired by @ask-eyefestation blog

Also the game from this blog is Pressure from Roblox

Quick mod notes/edits:

-Mod native language isnt english, so i will probably do grammar mistakes, sorry ):

[ mod is He/Him]

This blog was supposed to be done to rp with @asksearchlights blog, but at this point i dont understand whats going on so i stopped rping there, so i guess this is now its own thing?

I have indeed reached the final part of the game, but died unfortunately

this blog is probably not related to the original game, so expect silly stuff/theories / any headcanon / and funny momments to happend here, after all the point is to have fun :)

@Aeott is the mod of this blog

Thanks for seeing all of this, i hope you enjoy this askblog as much as i enjoyed making it ^ ^