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emilover-1 · 9 months ago

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Mori isn't a pedo

TW: anime and manga spoilers, mentions of pedophilia, beast spoilers, light novel spoilers, official guidebooks spoilers

WARNING: my purpose isn’t to defend/justify/excuse/support pedophiles or lolicons, i have friends who have been victims of pedophilia and trust me the last thing i would do would be to defend/justify/support/excuse pedophiles and or lolicons.

CHARACTER SHEET

Basically, in his character information sheet, it says that he likes young girls, in JP it would have been young misses (幼女) but anyways, it doesn’t necessarily means something romantic, just like in the guidebook it can be platonic, after all theory, sweet red beans also appear on his likes, which- is a like in general but I believe firmly that it isn’t a romantic like, since Mori actually likes taking care of kids since in beast he literally runs an orphanage, so it makes me believe that it is a platonic type of like.

GUIDEBOOK

A lot of people didn’t understand this BUT, when he said about his favorite type is little girls below 12, doesn’t necessarily mean a romantic attraction, it’s a favorite type in GENERAL, we know that Mori likes taking care of children (beast) so it could be a favorite type as in platonic, and honestly, I believe it could be a reference to the irl author.

ELISE

Elise isn’t meant to represent Mori’s sexual desires despite the name, Elise is meant to represent his regrets, needs, and wants, nothing sexual here despite the name of the ability, I won’t talk a lot about the regrets because I already have.

In beast, Elise was a 20-year-old, but why? Because Mori didn’t need her as a child anymore, he already was running an orphanage so what he needed more was a helper, someone who could help him to take care of those kids, having another kid instead of a caretaker who could help him wouldn’t work for him.

A lot of people consider Elise a “victim” when she is an ability, she can’t really feel, she does whatever Mori wants her to, same with how she acts, she could be straight up a doll for him.

OMAKE

Omake 12, Mori says that Elise is his wife, however is that really what it should have said?

Bsd has a LOT of mistranslations, for example with Yosano in the Spanish version it isn’t specified who dragged her into the war, yet the English version says that Mori was the one who dragged her into the war.

In the JP version, it doesn’t say so, in the JP he says tsuma (妻), and while yes, if you put tsuma on the traductor it says wife, is the traductor really reliable? It isn’t. Tsuma goes from “side” and “edge”, indicating someone who is at the side of someone else, tsuma has historically been used for someone/something by the side, it depends on the context of the situation but honestly for this context I believe it makes sense to use the historical version. Mori could have perfectly used Okusan (奥さん) that directly mean wife, again I believe it’s a clear reference to the irl author who give things to interpretation a lot of times.

CONVERSATION WITH KOUYOU

This again, is used a lot for “proving” that Mori is a pedo, but again, this is another of the mistranslations, in the chapter 37 in the EN version he says “I’m touched, but the only girls I protect are aged twelve and under I’m afraid” yet in the ESP version it says “I’m very happy to hear that, but I’m only interested in those under twenty, you know?” In the anime if you put the JP audio and English subtitles it says “I’m grateful, but I deal only with those under twelve” however if you put the English audio it says “I’m quite grateful for that, but I prefer the woman in my life to be under twelve” which- absolutely sounds weird however the JP version and the JP version, from what I understand says “I’m happy but my defense range is under 12 years old” So, the prove that a lot of people use are straight up mistranslation because on every language it is different and it even variates from the manga to the anime.

CHAPTER 65

Basically, in this chapter a lot of people think that Mori was a creep towards Yosano because he liked her, and I honestly agree he was creepy, but not because of that, let’s start talking about some panels. I want to talk about this one a bit "先週まで和菓子屋の店番だった妾をアンタが無理やり徴用したんだろ" it’s translated very weirdly since it basically says on the translator as "You must have forcibly conscripted the mistress who was the keeper of the Japanese sweets shop until last week." but knowing the context I translate it to "You forcibly drag me, I was the keeper of the Japanese sweets shop until last week" however the translations are very weird, and even more because the kanji “妾” means concubine or mistress, but anyways, let’s go to the next panel.

The anime did a very bad job with this panel too, in this panel Mori says, “Such a strong will….” While having tears in his eyes and apparently, a nosebleed, however rather than being a nosebleed because of Yosano per se, its because of the strong will she has, the confidence she has. Mori represses his feelings due to being the pm boss and going always by the logical solution, in a lot of times he has been shown with regret on his face, an example being the fight with Fukuzawa, so I believe that the nosebleed is because of admiration while the tears are because of him deep down wanting to have that will. Also, his expression changed when looking at her before having the tears and nosebleed.

Next panel, basically a lot of people think that mori has an attraction towards Yosano because of this panel, in this panel he says “よ·さ·のくん私の与謝野君がお気に召したかね?” which means “Did you like my Yosano-kun?” which- does sound creepy, and I won’t defend that, but rather; I will explain. Mori wasn’t the only one who acted that way towards Yosano, other soldiers did too, but why would they? Because she was useful, with the soldiers I think that it was rather admiration for such an ability but that doesn’t change that the way they acted is weird. Mori not only admired Yosano due to her strong will, but because of her ability too. She was useful to war, and therefore she should not be attached because they could not only end up having hatred towards her which would cause her mental health to be worse, and or those soldiers could get killed and it would also affect her mental health. Sure, Mori did abuse her however it was never his direct choice to, sure shooting someone in front of her and forcing her to heal them did affect a lot on her mental health, but we also have to understand that going by Mori’s logic it would be better if she was willing to heal them without the necessity of them being at the border of death (it is shown that she COULD heal minor things).

DEAD APPLE AND LOLITA COMPLEX

This topic is very connected to the next one, so let’s start. In the Dead Apple intro, Mori is shown as someone with a Lolita Complex (ロリータ) and also in the Omake 12, let’s see what Lolita Complex mean; The term Lolita originates from the book Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov, we are not going to talk too much about this right now since it will be talked ahead. The English term refers to a man who finds young girls, mostly fictional sexually attractive, yet the Japanese one is different, it comes from positive idealization and romanticization of girl’s culture. I would also say that even though Asagiri said that Dead Apple is canon, I wouldn’t consider EVERYTHING from Dead Apple as canon due that Asagiri didn’t write it.

LOLITA AND LOLICON

To give context, Lolita comes from the book by Vladimir Nabokov, it touches topics about pedophilia, the protagonist being the pedophile towards his stepdaughter that has 12 years in the book and 15 in the movie, the term “Lolita” is used a lot for little girls or teenagers in porn. In Japan, the term Lolicon comes from the book Lolita, Lolicon refers to obsession, liking or attraction towards little girls coming from fiction. Which brings us to question; Can Mori be considered a Lolicon? The answer would actually be no, I used to think that Mori was a Lolicon, but analyzing it he wouldn’t be considered as such. Does he show attraction to Elise? No, taking in account that he isn’t attracted to little girls, and that he didn’t call Elise his “wife” where does the thought of mori being attracted to Elise? It comes mostly from the dark era in the anime version where he is dressing Elise, and honestly the anime did a bad job at this scene. In the light novel, he wasn’t just dressing Elise, in difference he was scolding her for throwing the dresses while running naked, but even if we go with the anime version, there wouldn’t be anything rare since he isn’t blushing or anything else.

CONVERSATION WITH FUKUZAWA

Omake 12

A lot of people, yet again misunderstand some of his conversations with Fukuzawa and use it as “proof” to say that Mori is a pedo, yet misunderstanding is again big. Firstly, the Omake. I believe that Fukuzawa either answered like that because of a misunderstanding, a misunderstanding because; Mori says that Elise is his tsuma, and since it technically does mean wife, Mori saying “Ah, that’s the response that hurts the most!” could mean that he either said it before or he said that on purpose even though it could be misunderstood. I can understand Fukuzawa’s reaction as a misunderstanding, and the next panel makes me think that even more, Fukuzawa says that he will report Mori, yet he didn’t, which makes me think that Mori told him that Elise was his ability afterwards

Chapter 30

In the chapter 30, during Fukuzawa and Mori’s fight, Fukuzawa says “相変わらずの幼女趣味か?” towards Mori, and yet again the mistranslation is very big. The word “趣味” usually means hobby, interest, fondness and even sometimes affection, which is very different to say that it is a fetish, in some translations it even says lust which not necessarily means something sexual but most of the times it is used for sexual things, so I do not understand them using those words.

ABILITY

First, to start about the ability part, we have to state what it has been said in the anime, manga, and even light novels; Abilities are tied to the soul of the user, it reflects the pure form of the user, but what does this has to do with anything? A lot of people use as an argument of mori being a pedo his ability; Elise being a child and the ability name being Vita Sexualis, which honestly at this point I’m not surprised, but as I’ve said before; The book isn’t an erotica despite it being cataloged as such, the book is about the sexual encounters of the protagonist named Shizuka Kanai which is like a autobiography by the author. He quote on quote suspected that unlike the rest of the human race, he might be indifferent to such sexual desires, so why is it named Vita Sexualis? Again, it is about Life and Sex, yet a erotica has to awaken sexual feelings, but the book HARDLY does that, so I do not think it can be considered as an erotica, it surprises me how so many people assume that just by the name.

Thank you for reading my analysis! The first two topics are inspired by some post of plinko mori, and the lolita complex is inspired by this doc!

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reagan-the-saunders · 3 months ago

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Chapter 2: Serpents:

Maevynn and Val start dealing with business in Solitude. They also make a strange new friend.

As the Silver Wing pulls into Solitude's port, Maevynn sits in the captain’s cabin writing in her log. She shoots her eyes up at Val every so often. He’s spent the whole trip fiddling with his hair in the mirror, but at least the beard’s gone. Maevynn looks him up and down, he’s still in his cloth pants and nothing else.

“Do you want me to get you a shirt or something?” Maevynn asks with her eyes fixed on her logbook.

Val turns his head to look at her with a raised eyebrow. “What, are you not enjoying the view?” He says mischievously.

“Well… I didn’t say that.” She groans. “...But fine, stay half naked. It really doesn’t affect me.”

“I’ll try not to take that personally.” Val quips as he finally finishes working on his hair in the mirror.

Maevynn shakes her head with a more or less playful sigh, then bouncing up from her seat. She tucks her log into her drawer and adjusts her hat. “Well, let’s get into the city. I still have some things to do while we’re here.”

“I did promise you answers to whatever questions you may have once we got back to dry land. I suppose now is as good a time as any to ask them.” Val says to her and he follows her out onto the ship’s deck.

“Alright.” She begins. “So, the Dark Rose, eh? I haven’t seen her… although my first mate has, apparently… but I’ve heard of her.”

“Yeah, she’s been mine since I was about, uh, twenty? Give or take.” Val says as the two depart onto the dock. “Not anymore I guess, I’m… still getting used to that.”

“Any good captain would find it disorienting. It would be quite the change were the Wing to be taken from me.” Maevynn sighs. “Have you always been a sailor?”

“I was born at sea, not sure where. My mother always said that’s why I couldn’t wait to get back.” He responds. “I grew up on land in Cyrodiil, though. Imperial City. It was just me and my mother back then when my father was away.”

Maevynn stops to look out at the ships coming and going in the bay, resting herself on one of the fence posts. “What was the city like? I’ve never been there, actually.”

“Oh, well it was nice, I guess. Still, I left home as soon as I was old enough, joined the crew of my father’s ship. Then eventually, I got my own ship. I’ve sailed from Anvil to Blacklight and seen everywhere the waters touch in between… It feels strange being back on dry land for so long.” Val crosses his arms and steps out of the way of someone running cargo along the dock, then looking back to Maevynn once more. “What about you? When did you start sailing?”

Maevynn shuffles a little bit with a contemplative face. “A long time. I got the Silver Wing maybe nine years back, as I told you.” She sighs a little. “I haven’t always been a sailor, I guess, but I don’t remember doing anything but this, it’s been so long.”

“This life must mean a lot to you, then?”

“It’s not for the faint of heart, as you know, but I’m good at making a lot out of little.” Maevynn says with a cocky grin on her face, she gets up to start walking along the dock again, Val close behind her. “Do you miss the sea?”

“Not as much as I thought I would. A ship represented freedom to me when I was a boy, but as I’ve gotten older…” Val sighs. “Well… Illusions shatter.”

Maevynn nods subtly. She almost wants to agree with him, but stops herself. “There, uhm… There was someone I found out by the Solitude arch when I was looking for leads to come find you.” Maevynn says awkwardly, wondering if bringing this up could strike a nerve in some way. “He was a dark elf. On the side of the road, a stab wound through his torso. Seemed as though he knew you…”

“Fathis…” Val grumbles. “That bastard.”

“He’s dead.” Maevynn says bluntly.

“Good.” He growls. “He was alive the last time I saw him, but I hope he rots in Oblivion. He framed me for theft and turned my crew against me.”

“I see.” She grunts.

“I spent over a month in Solitude’s jail before I escaped. And then? The ungrateful bastards left me on that island.” Val glares ahead angrily just thinking about what happened.

“I had heard something about an escaped prisoner. So that was you?” Maevynn asks, walking up the stairs to the stable yard, or at least its general area.

“Yeah, it’s why I looked so rough when you found me. I wasn’t stuck on that island very long, fortunately.” Val sighs.

“I’m glad we found you, then.” Maevynn says, walking up the stone pathway to the city gates. “You sure you don’t need a shirt?”

“I’ll get one inside, don’t you worry. At least you’ll have a feast for your eyes until then.” Val chuckles.

“...At least there’s that.” Maevynn groans.

Val and Maevynn head on inside the city, thankfully the streets aren’t too busy right now. Maevynn stops to scan the surroundings, she notices that Jaree-ra is still standing next to the inn. She begins to wonder if he does anything else. She decides to walk up to the smithy, but is stopped before she can.

“Hold on a minute, I need to talk to you before we go any further.” Val says quickly.

“Is there a problem?” She asks.

“I… haven’t been entirely forthcoming with you.” He sighs.

“I expected as much. Well, what’s this about?” Maevynn groans, crossing her arms and turning to look at him.

“I’m still a wanted man in Solitude. You know that. We’d better talk to Aldis before I get arrested again.” Val’s voice has a slight bit of worry in it.

“So… you did steal something…” She sighs, her facial expression turning to a mix of being annoyed and interested.

“It was in a tomb full of draugr. I didn’t think they’d miss it.” He says wildly. “But, it turns out I was wrong. To be fair, the Blue Palace would never have noticed had Fathis not turned me in.”

“Alright… let’s go fix this mess.” Maevynn grunts. “I feel like I’m being awfully generous today…”

“Thank you. I’ll owe you another one!”

“Well, the barracks are just up here. Shall we?” Maevynn says, walking up to castle dour.

Maevynn spots Captain Aldis out training his men outside the castle dour. She walks up and looks at Val, places her hands on her hips and stands aside. “Well?”

“Greetings, Captain!” Val says cheerfully.

“You have a lot of nerve showing your face here again, Serano” Aldis grunts, seeming more annoyed by his presence than angered. Considering it was a notorious criminal who escaped from jail, Aldis seems oddly unbothered by his men’s incompetence.

Maevynn watches what Val says and does intently, both sizing up how good he is at what he does and taking notes for the future, both for her sake and Val’s.

“I thought you’d be happy to see me, as I was on my way to return the star.” Val says.

“Hand it over, and you might keep your head.” Aldis replies.

Maevynn scoffs a little bit, not noticeably so. Guards. How quick they were to turn to threats.

“Well, I don’t have it with me; it’s in a secure location. I’m going to return it to your hands, you have my word.” Val explains. He’s remarkably good at buttering people up, so far.

“Hah, pull the other one. Just tell me where it is, and I’ll send a detachment of guards to retrieve it. You and your friend can wait here.” Aldis says.

“Pffft, what did I do?” Maevynn groans softly.

“You’re hardly an innocent woman, Maevynn. I’ve got my eye on you.” Aldis snaps at her, then turns back to Val.

“That depends on the way you look at it…” She sighs softly.

“Ah now, it wouldn’t be that secure if I could just describe where it was. If I hadn’t hidden it well, those pirates would be leagues away with your priceless relic by now.” Val says. He peers over to Maevynn for a moment, then back to Aldis.

“Your pirates, you mean.” Aldis grunts, rolling his eyes.

“I would hardly call them ‘mine’. Like I told you before, I thought they were ordinary sailors. They decided I didn’t have enough coin for my expedition, and the bastards framed me for tomb robbing.” Val continues to explain.

Maevynn smiles a little, her eyes fixed on Val. She’s impressed, and that’s not an easy thing to achieve. He does know what he’s doing it seems.

Aldis’ annoyance seems to be growing, however. “You were tomb robbing.” He says.

“A misunderstanding, which I’m working to remedy. Which I could not do from a prison cell.”

“...What do you want to do?” Aldis groans.

“Give me a few days to have a research colleague of mine have a look at the relic. The Star of Solitude hasn’t been seen in generations, and her observations would be a tremendous benefit to historians.” Val says exuberantly. “I’ll make sure you have a footnote in the publication. And then, we’ll have the Star back in the Jarl’s treasury where it belongs.”

“Fine, get your gear and get out of here before I change my mind.” Aldis groans, tossing him the key to his belongings chest and returning to work with a sigh.

“Just give me a moment.” Val says to Maevynn as he digs through the chest.

Maevynn runs what she just witnessed back through her head. She’s very impressed with his skills, that was quite the spot he got himself out of. Maevynn believes she’s figured out what he’s up to, and smiles softly. She walks over to where Aldis is out of earshot, and gestures to Val when he’s done pulling his armour on. “Well well well, you’ve certainly impressed me, captain.” Maevynn says with a small laugh. “Nice show.”

“Why, thank you. If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, confound them with bullshit.” Val laughs.

“No truer words have been spoken.” Maevynn laughs. “So… Where’s the Star and who do we talk to to get a copy made?”

“Now you’re impressing me. You’re a quick study, I like that.” Val says, actually rather surprised she cracked it that easily. Although, being a fellow crime artist, I suppose she’d be the one to do it.

“I’ve been around the block once or twice.” She shuffles around a little bit. “It’s been a while since I’ve performed a scam like this. What’s your plan?”

“First, we need to retrieve the Star. I really do have it hidden nearby. Then, as you guessed, we’ll see a contact of mine about making a copy.” Val reaches into his pocket and pulls out a silver key. “Here’s the key to the chest. Don’t lose it.”

Maevynn takes the key and slips it into her own pocket, which was actually designed for fitting small objects like that. “Well, now your name will be clear and we’ll still get paid. Nicely done.”

“Sometimes I amaze even myself. Watch and learn from the master, my friend.” Val says with a sinful grin.

“I think you’ll find I can be just as resourceful and quick as you are.” Maevynn replies. “You know I’ll want a cut from this, right?”

“I expected you would. You’ll get one, mark my words.”

The sun is beginning to set as they depart the city, walking down from the main gate. The wind gently swags the branches of the trees, and the sky glows a slight orange through the clouds. Maevynn stops to admire it for a moment, but faintly, she hears a grunting sound.

“Did you hear that?” Maevynn asks, her eyes darting around quickly.

“Hear what?” Val begins to look around a bit, too. Another pained grunting sound, followed by what sounds like metal falling to the ground abruptly.

“That!” Maevynn exclaims.

“I do now.” Val says. “I’m checking it out.” He moves towards the sounds quickly, and Maevynn follows him. Further up the road, they begin to see blood splattered on the side of the road, then corpses come into view. Fresh corpses. They turn the corner and notice a woman, standing among everything. She’s bleeding rapidly, bending down in pain and shaking violently. She whips her head up and looks at Val and Maevynn with bright green eyes, glowing brightly, and peering through her pitch black hair. She has peculiar markings in different shades of green on her face, and there are patches of scales on her arms.

“Stay away from me. I don’t want to hurt anyone else.” She says in a shaky voice.

“You won’t be hurting anyone in the condition you’re in.” Maevynn grunts.

“Was that a threat?” The green-eyed woman hisses, staggering backwards and pressing herself against the cold mountain side, shaking and panting, and holding her wound.

“No, not at all. She… didn’t mean it that way.” Val says quickly, trying not to get off to a rash start. Him and Maevynn exchange looks, neither had seen anything like her before.

“Good. The last thing I need right now are more enemies-” She says before yelling in pain.

Val pulls Maevynn closer to him gently, speaking to her. “We can’t leave her like this, Maevynn.”

“What do you want me to do?” Maevynn says.

“Do you have a potion? A spell? Anything?” Val asks.

“Fine.” Maevynn groans, turning back to the strange woman. “I can help you, I know a-”

The woman lets out a loud hiss when Maevynn tries to approach her, her fangs shiny and sharp, and a forked tongue flickering wildly.

Maevynn tries not to look overly disturbed. “I’m not going to hurt you, alright? You just need to trust me on this.”

The woman stops for a moment, and then nods.

Maevynn begins to conjure bright golden and pink hues in her hands, wisps of warm colour flow from her into the woman’s wounds, healing them shut quickly. She looks back up into the woman’s strange eyes, studying her face suspiciously.

The woman sighs with relief. “I don’t know who you are, but thank you. You didn’t need to stop for me.”

“You're welcome, I guess.” Maevynn groans.

She flits her eyes back and forth between Maevynn and Val, reading the confused expressions on their faces. “Before you even ask it, the answer is no. I can’t tell you what I am. Your guess is as good as mine.” She sighs. “My name is Viper. I’m a traveller, and a forester, of sorts.”

“Nice to meet you. So long as I don’t join the corpses adorning the road.” Val says.

“I didn’t want to harm them. They attacked me. This isn’t the first time…” Viper says sadly, dropping her shoulders. “I don’t know what you’re doing out here, but you’re the only two people who’ve treated me with any kind of decency since I arrived in this horrid province.”

“We’re pirates.” Maevynn groans dryly.

“At this point, I’m beyond caring.” Viper laughs. “If you think you have room for one more ally, I’d like to tag along. If that’s alright with you.”

“I’ve taken in enough strays for one day-”

“Maevynn.” Val snaps at her. “Maybe you should give her a chance. She could be useful…”

“...I hate it when you’re right.” Maevynn groans. “Very well. I suppose there’s no harm in it.”

“Thank you.” Viper sighs. “Let’s see where this takes us.”

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alovelyburn · 2 years ago

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The last Twitter Stuff Post (probably)

I’m gonna be honest, I find reading about Miura kind of depressing and reading about his plans for the series quite depressing as well, so I decided to go through the whole twitter (well as much as the site will permit), grab the rest of everything of note to me and put it all in this post.

So yes, More Stuff Miura Said

1. The Lost Chapter - did you know it’s usually posted with the pages out of order? True story. [ link ]

1a. Clarification on the canonicity of the lost chapter - he just revealed too much too soon. He thought something that big should wait until the end. [ link ]

2. People like to say Miura said the ending of Berserk would be happy, but I’ve never found a source for that. The closest I’ve seen is this (I’ve seen it before now but you know the link is here so), which is basically just “I’m trying not to make it a tragedy, idk if it’ll be happy but I want to leave at least some sense of hope.” [ link ]

2a. He also had another quote that was basically the same, where he said he didn’t think such a long story should have a grim ending like Guts suddenly dying. Which like,. lmao, there’s that Go Nagai jumping out again except he pushed it back in the box.

3. If the kojion (the twitter user) ever posted this in the original japanese I missed it, which is a shame because i can’t quite parse the final part, but it seems to be saying that the time when everyone is traveling together is about to end. ...I really really miss Miura. [ link ]

4. The faces that line the world during the Eclipse represent the common will of humanity? [ link ]

5. Oh yeah, here’s the famous (to me anyway lmao) line where he talks about the androgynous characters and says usually (but not always) a beautiful androgynous protagonist’s femininity comes out and they fall in love with men. And that he felt he should provide a character like that with both male and female love interests. He’s talking about the protagonist to Duranki btw, but it’s interesting considering the way he drew Sheephead. [ link ]

6. Here’s some information on extent of Mori’s involvement in Berserk - I’ve seen a lot of people fear that Mori was working on 20 year old memories from the first time Miura sat down and plotted the rest of the series out, but their conversations were ongoing. [ link ]

7. Someone asked Miura if Guts and Griffith will fight in the end and he just kind of launched into a discussion of Berserk’s cosmology and what it would take to hurt an astral body. [ link ]

8. About Casca, it’s well known that he said he designed her physically to match his taste at the time, but less discussed that her personality was designed as a compilation of his own complexes and weaknesses. That’s pretty interesting to me because I always thought she was meant to be a strong badass but he was just bad at writing women back then. But it appears she was perhaps just not intended to be as strong and badass as I’d assumed.. [ link ]

9. This is just kind of funny to me - Miura complaining about all the Huge Swords that came after the Dragonslayer but without the kind of consideration as to what kind of body or stance it would take to actually wield something like that. [ link ]

10. Explanation of the nature of behelits - they are souls that fall from the astral plane, and their messed up face represents their fragmentation. ...but he made that up to explain it after he’d already designed them, which he did on a whim. [ link ]

11. kojion kept talking about a second golden age-esque arc that covered the Skull Knight’s history, and when asked where that came from, they explained that it was mentioned in the video interview that showed at the Berserk exhibition. [ link ]

12. This is pretty fascinating - he said that looking at the Eclipse made him want to hit his younger self in the face and ask what was wrong with him, and that he couldn’t do it now because he isn’t depressed anymore. You know, that’s interesting because there’s been a lot of discussion (mostly elsewhere) about the question of whether Miura ended up regretting some of the extremes in the Eclipse, and most particularly Casca’s rape. Because it.... gets played down a LOT and had absolutely no effect on Griffith’s presentation. And I do think part of that is Cultural Differences, because the West is a lot more angry about rape in fiction than Japan tends to be. But it does kind of sound like maybe he wouldn’t have done it again, if he had it to do over. [ link ]

13. I wish I could find it, but there’s a tweet in there somewhere about how he wouldn’t have women in the manga at all if he just did whatever he wanted, but that would be bad for the story. This is kind of tied into something he talked about a lot that I didn’t link to because I’m not trying to catalogue Miura’s life - he just didn’t know any women aside from relatives and his best friend’s wife, because he didn’t date at all or have many friends due to his being a shut-in who worked on manga 24/7. Anyway, I’ll look for the link again later and add it if I can find it.

14. According to Miura, all the relationships and such in the Golden Age really happened to him and his friends (in a not-fantastical way, of course). Which I think explains some of the tonal difference between the GA and the rest of the series. [ link ]

15. I believe this is his speech from when he won the Tezuka Osamu Award. [ link ]

#ariel talks about berserk #miura quotes

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marshmallowgoop · 2 years ago

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So if DC were that kind of series, how well do you think a HeiShinRan love triangle would work?

A-are you reading my mind? One of the posts I wanted to make is exactly about this!

I... even put together ranji.psd for it... a lot longer ago than I thought, wow.

Thank you for encouraging me to finally actually write this.

So, first off: I'm admittedly not the most familiar with the Detective Conan manga. But I've scanned over some assorted cases in the manga, particularly Heiji cases (of course), and I couldn't help but be immensely intrigued by a few extra interactions between Heiji and Ran that weren't adapted into the anime (Files 93, 151, 152):

The second one isn't too noteworthy—and honestly, it was probably cut from the anime because this plot point of Heiji deducting in an exaggerated accent is, as far as I can tell, never brought up again or resolved—but the protectiveness that Kogoro displays there does catch my interest. He clearly seems to see Heiji as a potential romantic partner for Ran, something that I don't think ever comes up anywhere else.

But it's the first instance that gets to me the most. Something the anime does adapt is that Ran only starts warming up to Heiji because he reminds her of Shinichi (Episode 48):

Further, it's later revealed in the series that both Ran and Kazuha love seeing their detective friends smile upon solving a case (File 319):

So, that moment of Ran pushing Conan out of the way so that she can watch Heiji work is loaded with stuff, for all three characters. For Ran, she misses Shinichi so desperately that someone who merely reminds her of him is enough to make her grin and blush and feel at ease. For Heiji, constantly compared to others—even called "The Kudo of the West" in FUNimation's English dub!—there's something achingly tragic about being admired not for who you are but for the person you resemble. For Shinichi, Heiji represents everything that he has lost. He can't give Ran the victorious smile that she's looking for anymore, and she scolds him and removes him from the picture.

But the third "Ranji" example, from File 152, perhaps points to a shift. When Ran lists what she likes about Shinichi (Episodes 2, 42), thoughtful isn't an adjective that leaves her lips:

(That last one, though... girl....)

Ran appreciating Heiji for his own qualities, rather than seeing him as only an echo of Shinichi, does grab my attention.

Of course, personally speaking, I don't really like love triangles. They tend to be tired, exhausting drama, and in this case, I'm a HeiShinRan (and HeiShinKazuRan) supporter, so ultimately, I'd like them all happily loving each other.

But I do find it unfair, in my probably embarrassingly limited experience with love triangles, that they are often composed of two women longing for the affection of one man. So, I can't lie—I maybe yearn a little bit for the love triangle that was arguably being set up here before getting scrapped?

If nothing else, it would mean more interactions between Ran and Heiji, and I would adore that. Out of the main cast, Heiji's pretty much only allowed meaningful interactions with Conan/Shinichi and Kazuha, and, yeah, I don't love that it'd be a love triangle giving him more meaningful interactions with Ran, but I would love the additional interactions. I'd love to see Ran more involved in the cases that the boys solve. I'd love to have moments where Heiji and Ran bond over being accomplished practitioners of their respective martial arts, or how they both have famous fathers, or literally anything.

Plus, I think a scenario where Ran is genuinely interested in pursuing Heiji romantically would also have a huge impact on Shinichi's actions. He likes Heiji! If he saw that Heiji makes Ran happy, would he really keep breaking her heart and asking her to wait for him?

And, for Heiji, I feel like this setup also allows more opportunities for him to seriously confront his insecurities. "She only likes me because she can't have you" is a conversation I could see between him and Shinichi, and that would absolutely have my interest. I have so many feelings about Episode 479 and will finish that 20-page essay someday maybe because it's probably the biggest example of tackling Heiji's insecurities that I know of.

There's something similar with Ran and Kazuha already (File 280), and gosh, I so wish that we got more exploration into it than just a, "Kazuha... You're so cute! ❤️" from Ran.

All this said... it's way easier and less messy to not go into love triangle business at all, and I'm totally cool with that decision! It's cute that Ran and Shinichi are so supportive of Heiji and Kazuha, and vice versa. Love triangles tend to be pretty obnoxious. But I do think there is some compelling character exploration that could be done with a HeiShinRan triangle that I wouldn't hate—especially if it ended with happy HeiShinRan/HeiShinKazuRan.

#replies #mirrorfalls #detective conan #case closed #ran mori #heiji hattori #shinichi kudo #kazuha toyama #heishinran #ramblings #i'm sorry this took so long to answer! i'm soooo slow and this was one of the things that i thought would take forever to write ^^;#and i also got distracted by digitizing my detco vhs tapes asefasfdadfsdfae #i'm not even sure if this answers the question but... i clearly have Thoughts of some kind here ^^;

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thundertempo · 1 year ago

Text

Basics

Name: Bunny

Favorites

Food(s): Spaghetti, Habanero chicken wings, tacos, curry (Thai or Japanese Golden style)

Drink(s): Iced Coffee, coke, bubly water (most flavors)

Book(s): For The Classics Pride and Prejudice and Dracula. Howl's Moving Castle, Discovery of Witches/All Souls Trilogy. If manga counts: One Piece, Dorohedoro

Author(s): I don't typically follow by author, but I really like anything Tamora Pierce puts out (me not caring its for tweens one bit)

Song(s): This changes on the daily so no :D

Movie(s): Legally Blonde, 10 Things I Hate About You, The House Bunny, Bridesmaids, The Heat, A Knight's Tale, The Hot Chick, The Little Mermaid, But I'm a Cheerleader

TV Show(s): It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, Project Runway, What We Do In The Shadows, Dragula, Archer, Bob's Burgers, Brooklyn 99, The Good Place, Sailor Moon (literally any), Card Captor Sakura, One Piece obviously,

Band/group(s):

Place(s): my house in my bed

School Subject(s): Choir lol

Sport(s): Dance, gymnastics and I occasionally get into Football, but let's be real I'm more interested in the gay commentary and cheerleaders

Male Actor: Fuck that.

Female Actor: Kaitlyn Olsen is literally the only one I can put down without being like "but this person is kinda shit". She's not in much outside of Always Sunny, but she goes 101% on her roles and physical comedy.

Life

Best Friend: Sair, my ride or die, the forever captain to my navigator. She's not on tumblr anymore, but if you wanna enjoy some blasts from the pasts you can find a lot of our old cosplay still up at @dapper-and-duedly (mine links to what used to be my main and is now my rp blog so you can see my dumb ass :D) my spouse's usopp cosplay is on there too but you didn't hear that from me

Significant Other: Tiger they are also not on tumblr anymore, but can occasionally be found logged into my stuff on accident on my main tumblr @thiefcats where they will say hello. Or if we DM if someone ever writes 'poop' or 'pee' randomly that's them just saying hello.

Dream Job: in a perfect world voice actor? If going back to school was something i had the energy to do then therapist or labor and delivery nurse

Tattoos: An owl on my left ankle representing my grandma after she passed. I'm starting to make plans/save up for my Nami tattoo, which is going to be hers surrounded by flowers

Piercings: Ears - double holes and right side tragus, nose (stud), septum and medusa

Languages: English y muy poquito Espanol (I am better at picking up context than speaking it)

Tumblr

Reason Behind URL: One of Nami's attacks. I've had this url forever, I think at one point i considered RPing her back when I first made it and never did. When I came back to tumblr and discovered I still had it I was like "yes, that's going to be for RP if I ever do it"

Reason Behind Icon: Red Nami because I love Red Nami

# of Posts: 1,193

Why You Joined: After getting back into writing and writing several a dirty fanfiction, I realized how much I actually missed RPing Nami.

# of Blogs: 3 including this one main/personal @thundertempo and multi-muses @piratebento

tagging: @miscellany-and-muse @drheartxstealer and YOU (I don't usually do the tagging thing for these things lol)

Tagged by: @maddmuses

#🧡 ooc

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pulchrasilva · 1 year ago

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1, 2, 5, 6, and 50! Feel free to answer any or all of them!

1. What fic of yours would you recommend to someone who had never read any of your work? (In other words, what do you think is the best introduction to your fics?)

Probably i know a place where the pain doesn't reach. I think it's the fic that best captured the exact Essence™️ of what I was going for and a lot of my best fics feature a similar kind of soft reconciliation hurt/comfort i think

2. Go to your AO3 “Works” page, to the sidebar with all the filters, and click the drop-down arrow for “Additional Tags.” What are your top 3-5 most used tags? Do you think they accurately represent your writing habits?

In order: Angst, Fluff, Polyamory, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Compliant

Yep that's extremely accurate. I feel a little called out actually lol. Just realising that all the fics I've written featuring a romantic relationship have been polyships wow

5. What do you wish someone would ask you about [insert fic]? Answer it now!

I think about this is where i leave you, I'd like someone to ask what actually happened to Romulus after his split himself. It's something that Janus wonders about in the first chapter. I'd like to think that his consciousness still exists somewhere in Thomas's mind, he just doesn't have the role of creativity anymore. He's like a kind of ghost, he has no body, floating around and watching over Janus and the twins. Grieving when they fight, grieving when Janus grieves him. He'd be really happy that Janus managed to make up with the twins I think.

6. What’s one fact about the universe of [insert fic] that you didn’t get a chance to mention in the fic itself?

Something Irrevocable never actually says what happened to Rowan (an oc)'s baby cousin. I mentioned that he made a lopsided little teddy bear for his cousin and then after the apocalypse happened we see a purple teddy bear on the side of the road and it's missing an arm. Tbh i don't really have an answer to this but I made myself so sad with that detail so I wanted to do something with it. He's definitely not dead, that would make me too sad. I have an idea for a hypothetical spin-off about Carlton Drake (who was the main villain in the movie but basically irrelevant and kinda pathetic in the fic) which was gonna use his affection for kids as a somewhat-redeeming quality, and I was gonna put Rowan's cousin in there.

50. Answer any question of your choice, or talk about anything you want to talk about!

Gonna choose 49: What are you currently working on? Share a few lines if you’re up for it!

You mayy or may not have heard a little about this fic, but I'm currently working on a fic for roleslaying week with the working title "flaredrum mft ftm solidarity fic". It's from Djembe's pov but it's about Youngblood's time at the Bard College pre-canon, her relationship with Noise and her gender. I wouldn't say it explores Djembe, but it does also explore who I like to imagine Djembe is (tbf we don't know much about him yet!) Oh and it's also about how the Bard College is a fucked up toxic environment in sooo many ways.

Here's an extract from the most recent scene I wrote:

You know," Viola said after a few minutes of silence, pointing a chip in his direction. "Sharpe's not wrong." "About what?" "Connections are just another thing to manipulate. People don't really have friends here." Djembe laughed. "So what are you and I then? "Are you kidding?" Viola said, not a trace of a smile on her face. "You're top of the class, all the teachers love you." His smile dropped. "So?" She shrugged. "I need to keep my grades up if I want to become a captain." Djembe felt something shatter.

Made myself real sad with this whole scene tbh

#ask game #roleslaying with roman #sanders sides #venom movies #fanfiction #ask

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dropxdead · 2 years ago

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you know what fuck that i missed my ocs ill answer all of those questions with no context

(i’ll update from time to time, not doing everything tonight)

1 - Your first OC ever?

either linda or kay can’t remember precisely

2 - Do you have a personal favourite among your OCs?

rn (and for more than a year) it’s been adrian but it’s tight fight between adrian, noah, linda and lucas

3 - Have you ever adopted a character or gotten a character from someone else?

i adopted milia from a (now deceased) artist i really liked on instagram, and bought shiromoon from someone else on twitter but never used HER but made a specie out of her

4 - A character you rarely talk about?

most of my « media » ocs (aka the ones i created as self inserts but evolved after), most of them don’t even have names (or i can’t remember them)

5 - If you could make only one of your OCs popular/known, who would it be?

probably linda i think she’d be the most interesting, and she’s the most stable of my ocs so no risk of changing my mind about how i want to represent her

6 - Two OCs of yours that look alike despite not being related?

linda and kay before i remade kay. same hair (long, black, with a red strand across the face), vampire/werewolf eyes and pointy teeth

7 - Are your OCs part of any story or stories?

they all have their whole fleshed out stories, but no actual story is being written or anything. and half of them were created from medias so they’re part of my version of the story

8 - Do you RP as any of your OCs? If you do, introduce one of your RP OCs here!

used to, in middle school, with one of my best friends. not so much with her anymore, but all the time in my head, it’s like i’m roleplaying 24/7 in there

9 - Would you ever be willing to give any of your OCs to someone else?

no, even if i don’t use them anymore they’re my babies and no one understand them like i do. i let my friend borrow them for her drawings and stories but that’s about how far as it goes

10 - Introduce an OC with a complicated design?

i don’t really do complicated design ? i used to draw but not that much and i was not patient enough. i guess linda because of all of her royal outfits and stuff ?

11 - Is there any OC of yours you could describe as a “sunshine”?

Kay for sure they’re just a little furry ball of sunshine

12 - Name an OC that isn’t yours but who you like a lot

all of my friend’s ocs they’re my babies too, i have a soft spot for anya and linae

13 - Do you have any troublemaker OCs?

so many of them. noah, kay, mizuki and alice. to name just a few

14 - Introduce an OC with a tragic backstory

all of them honestly, but i’ll talk about hannah’s because i miss her. she was the daughter of an english rich family around the 1900’s (i don’t have a date fixed), she was bullied at her school because she was rich in a school of middle/working class families. one day, some kids pushed her in the river « as a joke » not knowing she didn’t know how to swim. she drowned and came back some years later as a ghost (to seek revenge ? maybe, if the occasion present itself, but who knows)

15 - Do you like to talk about your OCs with other people?

not really ? idk i like doing these kind of things but actually talking with someone is weird to me

16 - Which one of your OCs would be the best at biology (school subject)?

is want to believe mizuki would be good if he bothered

17 - Any OC OTPs?

so many.

strictly my ocs : adrian/david, pandora/david (pandora is adrian in one of my aus where he’s a cis girl), noah/harry

with my friend’s ocs : erwan/linae, gerald/montana, niernen/anya

18 - Any OC crackships?

not really

19 - Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why)

rn, i’d say adrian because i project every insecurity and things that are wrong with me and he still get a happy ending and a good family and a lover etc

20 - Do any of your OCs sing? If they sing, care to share more details (headcanon voice, what kind of songs they like etc)?

yuna since she’s a mermaid. i guess she mostly listen to rock, i feel like she’d be really into green day

#oc game #it speaks

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anothersebastianblog · 2 years ago

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I disagree with this take about gf. What’s wrong with expressing your opinion even if negative in a safe space? It’s the same for all public aspects such as roles, films, behavior, interviews etc. I think it’s perfectly normal to not like someone a person you’re a fan of is associated with. What’s not normal is to overstep any kind of human boundaries such as sending hate, death threats, coming after family and friends etc. The whole purpose of a gossip blog is to gossip about mostly personal stuff and I genuinely don’t see how a small group of people expressing their feelings whatever those might be on these “safe spaces” is even affecting a celeb’s life. You can’t expect all people to never have a negative opinion about anything even if it’s about their idol. I know that some people went crazy with Alejandra but at the same time I can understand the overall negativity toward her and Seb’s choice. But not all of the fandom went bonkers and got their pitchforks out. A lot politely expressed their concern. A lot chose to bitch on these kind of blogs and not reach out to her/him at all. I really think a lot of you are fixated on people liking Annabelle when in reality does it really matter? She’s a celeb as well and knows how to handle criticism and has things of her own to be judged by. I’m sure there were people that didn’t like her even before Seb, as there were people that liked her. As for the fandom following her moves closely - it’s what gossip blogs are for. You don’t see Seb fan accounts talking about her 24/7 and these blogs aren’t representative of the whole fandom. It’s so exhausting being on these gossip blogs nowadays bc all you see is anon vs anon like “how dare you don’t like this woman you’re just jealous!@!&!” vs “how much *inserts name here* is paying y’all for you to rent a room up in her ass?@?$!?” Thinking that this type of bs arguments on a fucking tumblr is somehow affecting anything but both anon sides’ blood pressure and thumbs is just laughable. Even raccoon screaming it’s PR and that AW is a gf for hire ain’t affecting anything in Seb’s and for sure not in AW’s life. She’s been called that before 🤷‍♀️ and she’s still fine and still living. I think we should stop looking at any negative thing being said as fans trying to control celeb’s life bc it’s simply not true and everyone (even these fans) knows that and that’s precisely why all these fans can do is talking anons on gossip blogs which is some sort of outlet which isn’t harming anybody but the righteous kind that gets all up in arms about a group of fans not liking a celeb’s gf. That’s my personal take at least. Sorry if it’s long x)

I agree with you of course, but when people (me included) complain about certain stuff as criticising annabelle (in this case) is never about comments like “I don’t like her” or “she is a terrible actress” etc

It’s always about fans who CLEARLY doesn’t like her (and ends up calling her things) because she is his gf. People who try to find excuses for their hate but at the end of the day the truth is obvious.

People who follow every move she makes and do not miss any breath she takes just to then make long ass theory posts bc they once learned the word “beard” or “hired gf”

Of course celebs knows there always will be hate from some people. Doesn’t mean it’s ok. Sebastian quitted instagram, none of his friends posts about him anymore, annabelle, his gf, doesn’t even dare to follow him and Alejandra closed and then limited her comments section. They know, they read, and actually they ARE affected by the hate because they are human beings.

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littleladylecter-a · 4 years ago

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I haven’t been on here in years, and tbh, I don’t really think I’ll ever return as much as I do miss Mischa, sometimes. I’ve been rewatching Hannibal with a friend of mine and it’s bringing all these memories right back. Hoo boy.

I’ve graduated college, am teaching special education full-time, and got on ADHD meds. I’m writing, cosplaying, doing makeup art, and am all-around in a (mostly) better mental space than I was around the time I left this blog. But I miss my Mischa all the same.

If anyone’s still around, *waves*.

#outofthesnow #i do actually...miss her. like a lot. shes not really me anymore. she represents someone i was years ago.#someone i dont like as much.#but sometimes i just. think about her a lot. and all the memories i have here.#ill never delete this blog even though i did consider it once

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susiephone · 4 years ago

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Imagine thinking that wanting straight people to be accepting of gay people is a "trap" and not like, literally THE entire goal of the modern LGBT rights movement since its inception

okay. this is in response to me saying “respectability politics is a trap.” which it absolutely is.

but i’ll give you the benefit of the doubt here. let’s define respectability politics, shall we?

several people who are more well-spoken than me have talked about this. to quote this article on the subject:

Respectability politics is a school of thought that utilizes respectability narratives as the basis for enacting social, political, and legal change.

Respectability narratives are representations of marginalized individuals meant to construct an image of the marginalized group as people sharing similar traits, values, morals with the dominant group.

essentially, respectability politics is when people in a marginalized group (queer people, disabled people, people of color) wish to be accepted by the majority, and thus present themselves in a way and behave in a way that the majority deems acceptable - and pressure others in their marginalized group to do the same. for example:

“Not all bisexual people are sluts, I’m bi and I’ve been in a committed relationship for 20 years!”

“I’m gay, but I’m not one of THOSE gay guys, I hate shopping and I don’t like to flaunt my sexuality at all!”

“Lesbians aren’t really all masculine, I love makeup and having long hair.”

(I’m using examples I’ve seen in the queer community because I’m queer; I know this happens a lot in communities of color, but I am not qualified to speak on that at all.)

this stems from a desire to be accepted by the majority; for the purposes of this discussion, straight people. we hear straight people say things like “i could never date a bi person, they’re all cheaters” or “i don’t mind gay guys, don’t just shove it in my face” and “why don’t lesbians act like women if they love them?” and, in response, some people go, “i don’t act like that!! you can accept me! i fit in! i’m respectable, i’m not like those guys, they embarrass us!”

there’s also a lot of people saying, “don’t reinforce the stereotype.” as if it’s OUR fault straight people stereotype us.

so this leads to shaming within our own community:

“You’re bi and polyamorous? Wow, way to make people think we’re all two-timing whores.”

“Makeup? Jesus, we get it, you’re gay, you don’t have to make it a pride parade every time you go out.”

“You look like a teenage boy, this is why everyone lesbians aren’t real women.”

and that all boils down to:

“THIS is the example you’re setting? This is the face you show to the world? Don’t you know you’re representing us? No wonder they don’t respect us.”

and that’s the real problem: telling other queer people, “it is YOUR fault you’re not accepted, YOU aren’t acceptable, YOU reinforce these stereotypes, YOU should try and be more respectable, more normal.” and the thing is, “normal” is defined by the majority. THEY decide what is acceptable behavior for us. and guess what?

most of the time, that boils down to, “It’s fine if you’re different... as long as you’re as close to what I deem normal as possible. As long as I can’t tell you’re different.”

in the queer community, this sort of thinking has led to the exclusion of butch lesbians, femme gay men, nonbinary people, non-passing trans people, trans people in general, people who use any pronouns besides she/her and he/him, bisexual people, ace people, aro people, pan people, polyamorous bisexual people, people who have an active sex life, sex workers, people who have changed how they identify, and countless others. these people get shoved aside by the Good Respectable Gays, who are eager to say, “We’re not like them, we’re just like you!” in order to be accepted by the mainstream. and it still doesn’t work. even the most macho, would-never-guess-it gay guy is bound to face some level of oppression or otherness at some point in his life. it doesn’t matter how much he fits in, how much he distances himself from the Unacceptable Queers; it won’t work 100% of the time. how’s that for a punchline?

there is no point in trying to file off the “unacceptable” parts of our community just to please straight people.

if a person hates all queer people, no matter how they act or present, they’re a homophobe.

if a person doesn’t hate queer people, just the ones who shove it in your face and sleep around and won’t shut up about it and buck gender norms and use weird pronouns and expect people to learn their new name and change their identity every week... they’re still a fucking homophobe.

and why the fuck are we trying to please homophobes, again?

so when people say lil nas x is bad, actually, because he “reinforces the stereotype” of gay people going to hell and thinking a lot about sex or whatever, they’re playing right into respectability politics. why can’t he just talk about his sexuality in a normal way? why can’t he express himself in a nicer way? why does he have to use that imagery? why does he have to make straight people uncomfortable?

lis nas x is a gay black man who grew up being told he’d burn in hell for being gay. and he made an awesome song with a legendary music video saying, “fine. i’ll go to hell, just like you want, and it’ll be great. i’ll take the damn place over and make satan fall in love with me. and i’ll have a great time doing it, because i’m proud of who i am, and i won’t apologize for it or be ashamed of it anymore.”

to see that and wring your hands, worrying that a straight person will see it and decide to be homophobic about it, and pinning the blame for that on nas is missing the point.

every time we as a community make ourselves lesser or change the way we present just to be accepted by the majority, they move the goalposts, and someone else gets left behind. and the beautiful thing about the queer community is that there is a place for everyone who is left out in the cold by the straight, cis majority.

“We’re here, we’re queer, get used to it” was the rallying cry for a reason. we’re different, you think we’re weird, you think we’re deviant, you don’t get us, and that’s fine, you don’t have to get us. we’re not going anywhere. get used to it.

respectability politics is a game you cannot win. so stop playing.

#respectability politics #queer #queer pride #lgbtq #long post cw #Anonymous

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latte-fairytaekwoon · 4 years ago

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𝑴𝒂𝒇𝒊𝒂! 𝑨𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒛: 𝑯𝒆𝒍𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑻𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝑪𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝑶𝒇 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒓 𝑩𝒂𝒃𝒚

Disclaimer: In no way am I condoning, justifying, encouraging or promoting mafia behavior or lifestyle. This is simply a work of fiction and not meant to represent real life scenarios.

❥𝓚𝓲𝓶 𝓗𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓳𝓸𝓸𝓷𝓰

"Ok ok stop fussing now. I'll get you out now."

Hongjoong walked over to the portable crib and picked up his son who was currently whining and kicking his legs around, hating being cooped up inside the contraption for too long. Hongjoong picked him up and looked at him.

"You know, not even the people we lock up in solitary confinement complain as much as you."

The baby reached his tiny hands out, gently patting at his father's nose and cheeks, making Hongjoong chuckle.

"Then again none of them have ever been half as cute as you are. It's a crime to be this cute. I should punish you."

Hongjoong nuzzled his nose against his son's, causing the baby to let out a happy squeal. A tiny buzz let Hongjoong know Yunho was calling him.

"Hey Hongjoong. Your boss is on the line."

Hongjoong rolled his eyes at Yunho's teasing, always saying how you were the real boss. Putting the baby down so he could crawl as he liked, Hongjoong picked up the phone.

"Hey honey." He greeted you.

"How's the baby doing?" You asked.

Hongjoong got a deadpan expression.

"Well hello to you too Mrs. Kim, I'm fine too thanks for asking."

Hongjoong was so concentrated on your conversation he didn't realize the door was open and the baby inadvertently went out.

"He's fine don't worry. And he's no trouble at all, he's currently crawling around my office-"

Hongjoong abruptly stopped when he realized the baby was gone.

"Hongjoong....? What's going on?"

He could hear you getting ready to scold him if anything happened to your child. He stammered as he began looking around for him. A beep on the other line let you both know someone else joined your call.

"I think an enemy spy has infiltrated our base, but honestly, I don't have the heart to fight back." Yunho's voice was followed an incoherent babble, belonging to none other than your baby.

"Oh my God! Yunho is he with you?" You were relieved to find out the baby was ok.

"Yep, and although I'd usually send out a ransom note, I think I'm keeping him hostage for a while." He chuckled.

Hongjoong fumed as he walked out of his office.

"Heck you will! Give me back my son!"

❥𝓟𝓪𝓻𝓴 𝓢𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓱𝔀𝓪

Seonghwa peeked his head into the room, 7 pairs of eyes staring at him intently. Hongjoong sighed softly.

"You're late." He told him.

"Sorry. Got caught up with something." Seonghwa apologized.

"Whatever. Just get in. You haven't missed much of the meeting." His leader assured him.

Hongjoong was about to resume speaking, but he, like the rest of the members watched as Seonghwa opened the door and went to take his seat, a baby carrier on his left hand with his baby daughter inside.

"Night light!" San exclaimed the nickname they all had for Seonghwa's daughter.

"Night fury got stuck with babysitting duty?" Yeosang raised an eyebrow.

Seonghwa glared at him, about to say something but was stopped by Hongjoong.

"Guys! Meeting! Focus ok?"

Hongjoong began talking once again, detailing about a government cargo ship that was soon to land in the city, containing secret weapons.

"Now, if our information is correct, it'll get here in-"

A soft and subtle sneeze interrupted him, followed by a chorus of 'aaaws' and 'ooohs'.

"She's the deadliest weapon ever!" San clutched his heart.

"Yeah! Who can resist that level of cuteness?" Mingi agreed, crouching down to poke her tiny nose.

"I know! Isn't she adorable?" Seonghwa beamed with pride at his baby.

"Guys, remember? Timeline-" Hongjoong tried to get their attention again.

"Has she started talking yet?" Jongho asked.

"No not yet. But she's babbling a lot more, mostly songs in movies or cartoons though." Seonghwa explained.

"Ooooh! Can she do the banana song?! Night light! Watch uncle Woo."

Wooyoung began singing the minions song, not really getting a reaction out of the baby and further causing Hongjoong's annoyance to spike up.

"One more interruption and I'm shooting you all in your legs!"

They all stayed quiet, not wanting to further anger their leader. Hongjoong let out a sigh of relief.

"Now, as I was saying-"

"Ba ba ba, ba na na." The baby interrupted him as she tried to sing the song Wooyoung was previously singing.

They all stared in shock and adoration at her.

"Ok, that's actually fucking cute." Hongjoong admitted.

Seonghwa only giggled as he picked up his daughter and kissed her cheek.

❥𝓙𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓨𝓾𝓷𝓱𝓸

Yunho tried shushing the whimpering baby underneath his desk.

"Buddy come on. You're going to get me in trouble. Now shush."

Having no alternative, he picked up his baby son, cradling him in his arms as he tried to keep him from making anymore noise. He cooed at him and even made funny faces, but the boy didn't seem to calm down.

"Why are you being like this?" Yunho pouted.

The baby nuzzled his face against his father's chest before opening his mouth against it. Yunho immediately pulled the baby a few inches off him.

"Ok I get it now. You're hungry. Please don't do that again. My body doesn't work like your mom's."

Setting the boy back in the carrier, Yunho reached inside the baby bag and got out the bottle and baby formula. He quickly mixed them together, careful not to spill any of it on his desk. He looked around and realized he had absolutely no idea how he was going to heat it up. When the baby began fussing again, he quickly stooped down, trying to quiet him down.

"Uhhh Yunho?"

Yunho hit his head as he quickly stood up, looking at Yeosang who was right in front of him with a folder. Yeosang noticed the baby bottle in his hand and snorted.

"Is that your new guilty pleasure?" He teased.

"I'm not in the mood Yeosang. In case you haven't noticed, I sneaked him in."

Yunho picked up his child and rocked him in his arms, trying to stop his crying.

"Hi junior." Yeosang waved.

Scanning the baby, Yunho and the bottle, Yeosang ended up deducing what was going on.

"Give me the bottle, I'll heat it up for you." Yeosang offered, taking the bottle away from him.

"You will? Thanks Yeo. I'd really appreciate it." Yunho thanked him.

"No problem..." Yeosang looked at the bottle, studying its structure and model.

"I kinda want to try out the new fire weapon I created and this might just be the perfect test subject..."

When he heard those words, Yunho quickly stopped Yeosang.

"A microwave will do Yeosang! Don't fucking use my son's bottle for one of your weird experiments!"

Yunho gasped when he realized he cussed in front of his kid.

"Don't tell your mom."

❥𝓚𝓪𝓷𝓰 𝓨𝓮𝓸𝓼𝓪𝓷𝓰

Yeosang carefully weighed the powder into the brown paper bags, careful not to go above the amount he needed. His eyes trailed to the tiny hand that tried reaching up for the contents he had.

"No no no sweetheart. Don't touch anything."

He put what he had in his hands down and picked up his daughter, setting her down and making her rest on top of a stack of books he had.

"Ok. Here you go. Play with this. Your mom says you like it." He handed her the rattle that was shaped like a chicken leg before going back to concentrate on his task.

The baby shook the rattle a few times before becoming bored with it. Instead, she was fascinated by all the intricate colors and strange devices inside her father's laboratory. Looking next to her, she saw a display of assorted test tubes that had different liquids in them. Curiously, her hand reached out to grab the red colored one. At that moment, Yeosang had finished weighing the stuff out and placed them in a container. When he looked back, he saw his daughter pulling out the test tube.

"No don't touch-"

Yeosang quickly scooped the baby up and covered her with his body as the tube fell to the floor, not only splattering the contents, but immediately setting off a tiny explosion that spread a horrible smelling gas in the air. Yeosang covered his daughter's face as he quickly got them out of the room. At that moment, Jongho came running down the hall.

"What was that?!" He immediately asked.

"One of the test tubes I was working on." Yeosang explained, as he scanned his daughter to make sure she was all right.

"Seriously Yeosang?! We've told you time and time again to be careful! How did it even happen?"

Yeosang immediately turned to his daughter, who was merely sucking on her thumb, looking at him with the most innocent eyes ever.

"You're lucky it was one of the least deadly ones and I got you out of there in time. Otherwise we'd both be laughing ourselves to death." Yeosang chuckled at her and kissed her forehead.

Jongho shook his head.

"I swear to god, if your daughter becomes another crazy scientist like you, I'm joining another gang."

❥𝓒𝓱𝓸𝓲 𝓢𝓪𝓷

The diminutive man strolled from one corner of the alley to another, sighing as he stared once again at his watch.

"Where the fuck are they?" He shook his head, hating people being late above anything else.

Finally hearing footsteps, he saw the two figures approach him. He smiled contentedly until he saw that one of them had a baby strapped to his chest.

"All right Changbin, we got the money now where's the drugs?" San asked, not yet giving him the bag of money.

Changbin looked at San, then back at the baby boy.

"Don't look at the baby, look at me." San gestured to his eyes.

Changbin raised an eyebrow at him before looking over at Wooyoung, who looked completely unfazed.

"Just don't even question it man." Wooyoung suggested.

Changbin hesitantly got out the package from his coat. He was about to hand it to them, but he stopped when he looked at the baby again.

"Don't look at the baby, look at me." San repeated himself.

"Look man! It's just feels completely unorthodox to make illegal transactions in front of an innocent baby ok?! Did you kidnap it or something?" Changbin scanned him.

San scoffed in offense.

"This is my kid! Can't you see the resemblance? He's as handsome as me."

Changbin raised an eyebrow.

"You're seriously bringing your kid.... you know what? Never mind."

Changbin opted for giving the package to Wooyoung and then taking the bag of money.

"Pleasure doing business with you."

San waved at him when he departed. As him and Wooyoung made their way back to the car, his son started babbling something incoherently. San looked down and patted his head.

"Yes I know he's a mean, grouchy dwarf. Don't worry about him."

❥𝓢𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓜𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓲

Mingi sat down on the stool in front of the bartender, setting down the carrier on the chair next to him.

"I'm here." Mingi told the man who had his back turned.

"Oh Mingi you've come. Tell me what can I get-"

The pink haired man stopped when he saw the baby and pointed at her.

"Just give me my usual and don't worry about her. She's covered."

Mingi opened his trench coat and took out a baby bottle before taking the baby out of the carrier so he could feed her.

"You got the info Hyunjin?" Mingi lowered his voice.

Hyunjin rolled his eyes as he prepared him his drink.

"Mingi you brought a baby inside a bar. Forget trying to avoid unnecessary attention, everyone is already looking at you weird."

Mingi looked around, noticing a couple people staring at him as if he was crazy.

"Oh...right."

Hyunjin set the drink out in front of him before pulling out a folder and sneakily handing it to Mingi.

"Even got a few of the members' names gathered for you. Don't be fooled by their small numbers. These guys are very deadly and are slowly gaining momentum in the criminal world."

Mingi nodded and stuffed the folder in his coat. At that moment, his phone started ringing and he panicked when he saw who it was.

"Do me a favor. Hold her and cover her ears."

Hyunjin obeyed and cringed when Mingi fired a gun at the roof.

"I'm gonna need all of you to be quiet for a minute or else I'll put a bullet in your heads."

Mingi then quickly answered the phone, suddenly changing his tone.

"Hey baby. Oh nothing. I'm with Seonghwa, he wanted to see the baby.....no! I'm most definitely not working at the moment." He laughed awkwardly.

Hyunjin shook his head and looked down at the baby girl in his arms.

"Mind sharing some of your milk with me? I think I need it."

❥𝓙𝓾𝓷𝓰 𝓦𝓸𝓸𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓰

"Wooyoung? Do you see the target?" Yeosang's voice echoed through his ear piece.

Wooyoung casually tilted his head to the side.

"No. There's too many people. " Wooyoung answered casually.

He looked down when he heard his daughter sneeze.

"Bless you." Wooyoung cooed at her.

"I'm literally trying to put a bullet through a man's head and you're giving me your blessings?" Yeosang asked.

"Not you idiot! My princess just sneezed and-"

"Oh my gosh! What a lovely baby you have!"

Wooyoung turned to find a young woman standing in front of him, twirling her hair in her finger as she looked at him and his daughter.

"Thanks..." Wooyoung answered.

"Is she yours?" She asked, stepping closer to him, reaching her hand out.

"Yeah...mine." Wooyoung shifted in his seat, moving the baby so she wouldn't touch her wandering hands.

Wooyoung tried not to cringe as the girl didn't seem to get the hint and continued talking to him.

"Want me to put a bullet in her head?" Yeosang offered.

Wooyoung immediately declined the offer as quietly as possible, not hearing what the girl said until she repeated herself.

"I asked if there was a mom in the picture."

She tucked her hair behind her ear before sitting down next to Wooyoung, her hand brushing on his shoulder.

"Cause if not.....I could help out in more ways than one." She bit her lip.

Before Wooyoung could even respond, he was saved when you suddenly showed up.

"I'm giving you ten seconds to run before I pull the trigger."

The girl froze when she felt a gun pointed at her back. Wooyoung waved.

"Hi honey." He smiled.

"Don't 'honey' me. First you take our daughter out on a mission and then I find some skank trying to take my place?" You scoffed.

"Should have taken my offer when you had the chance." Yeosang poked fun at him.

❥𝓒𝓱𝓸𝓲 𝓙𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓱𝓸

Jongho kept his eyes on the road, occasionally looking at the rearview mirror to check on the little boy in the baby seat.

"Getting sleepy there buddy?" Jongho chuckled when he saw the baby's eyes open and close slowly.

"Don't worry. After we deliver this package, I promise I'll take you to get ice cream......just don't tell your mom I've been feeding you that before you're old enough."

Jongho began to sing softly, hoping it'll help the baby sleep faster. However when he looked at the rearview mirror again, he noticed a strange looking car tailing right behind him.

"Huh....strange..... very strange."

Jongho gripped the steering wheel tightly. Looking back at his son, he noticed he was now fully awake.

"Buckle up buddy cause we're in for a fun ride."

Shifting the gear, Jongho immediately pressed down on the accelerator before rapidly making a u-turn, momentarily confusing the car behind him. Jongho drifted through the different alleys, hoping to loose the car, but it still seemed to catch up to him. His son on the other hand, seemed to enjoy the fun ride.

"Oh shit." Jongho cursed when he saw you were calling.

Pressing the button, he answered your call.

"I just got off work, barely going back. Think you can handle the boy for a little bit longer?" You asked.

"Take all the time. I'm going to be late too."

Jongho made a rather sharp turn that had your son squealing excitedly. You immediately sensed something was off.

"You're on a mission aren't you?"

"Yeah and we kinda ran into some chasers." Jongho chuckled rather amused.

You sighed softly.

"Where are you?"

"Gangnam district. Near the old abandoned factory." He answered as he continued trying to loose the car behind him.

"Give me 5 minutes and I'll be there."

Jongho couldn't help but bite his lip at your words.

"God baby, I love you so much."

He then turned his attention to his son who was still having the time of his life.

"Hear that bud? Mommy is gonna be joining us soon."

Gifs not mine, credit goes to their respective owners.

#ateez #ateez reactions #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #ateez fluff #ateez dad au #dad!ateez #dad!au #ateez mafia au #mafia!ateez #mafia!au #ateez hongjoong #ateez seonghwa #ateez yunho #ateez yeosang #ateez san #ateez mingi #ateez wooyoung #ateez jongho

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zvnphoria · 3 years ago

Text

- how being koko’s best friend would be like

a/n - had too much fun with this. THIS IS VERY LONG UM. this is an apology for being inactive.

contains - fluff, teeny bit of angst, just platonic because YEAH, fem!reader, implied strong reader, reader has mommy issues (definitely not projecting), reader had a friendship with akane and looked up to her like an older sister

you and hajime go way back since you were kids. you two met in an interesting way but not necessarily in a good one.

you were walking to the nearest park to get out of your crazy house because your mom kept screaming at you over the littlest thing again. you forgot to wash the dishes (you didn’t necessarily forget that’s for sure). you stopped once you saw a boy around your age getting beaten up by some older kids. his hand gripped tightly on what looked like a school bag and protected it like his life depended on it.

it didn’t matter anymore because you had just knocked out both of the bullies in no time without a thought— almost as if it was normal to you. when you looked at the boy, he had blood going down from his forehead to his cheek, heavily panting and on the verge of passing out. he’s not the fighting type, huh. luckily you had a towel wrapped around your neck since you had just gotten out of the shower when you walked out your house, you weren’t gonna spend much time at the park anyways

you kneeled down and wiped the dripping blood off his face and noticed a bigger figure running towards you both. it was.. a girl?

“hajime-kun! what happened here?!” she panicked as she checked your surroundings

“akane-san.. it’s no big deal i promise..”

“no big deal?! i knew something was up when you rushed the other way. and my bag also happened to be missing! why didn’t you ask for help? you don’t need to be independent all the time.”

“and you,” she began, making eye contact with you

“are you okay? are you hurt?”

“no no! i’m fine don’t worry.”

“she was actually the one who knocked them out, akane-san,”

the older girl looked at the unconscious bullies, then back at you with shock and amazement in her eyes

“you did this? that’s amazing!” she says as she quickly takes your hands and wraps it around hers

“uh.. yes i promise it’s really not a big deal. i’ve dealt through worse, trust me,” you say as you gaze at the direction of your house

“worse or not this is still definitely something! even i cant beat someone up, and i’m way older than you!” she chuckled

“well it’s not like you have the heart to do something like that, akane-san,” the boy comments

“hahah you’re right, you’re right. anyways we should get going now— the sun is gonna set very soon, and you should get home as well. is your house nearby? we can walk you if you’d like,”

even ‘til this day you still don’t know why you didn’t decline her offer. was it because she was nice? it didn’t matter anymore, because if you had declined, you wouldn’t get to meet such amazing people.

it’s been a few months after meeting hajime and akane, and you had also met akane’s younger brother who was your age— seishu! you four would often hang out, whether it was at the inui home or at hajime’s house. getting to know them was pretty fun, and very interesting because a certain someone had a crush on akane.

it was definitely not seishu because they’re siblings and that’s just weird, definitely not you because akane had reminded you of your older sister who was almost never in your life, so that only left one choice— hajime.

his crush on her was so painfully obvious that you couldn’t stand seeing him try to impress her every now and then. he even ditched his glasses and bought contacts just for her to compliment him! he’s whipped huh..

one day you decided to help him out a little with his crush. it was another day of your usual hang outs except this time it was at your local mall! akane’s birthday was coming up and you three had collectively agreed to take her to the mall and see if she would see anything she’d like. turns out she was eyeing some platforms with red on the bottoms, and you took notice.

seishu dragged her to go to the food court with him because he was “hungry” so you and hajime took the chance to buy the heels. you were both now at the cash register, waiting for the register person

“i don’t understand you,” you began

“i don’t understand why you like her so much. i mean— i get that’s she’s amazing and nice and pretty and all but.. there’s another reason why you like her. something must’ve happened for you to be so attached to her so what is it?” you meant no harm with this question whatsoever. you were simply curious and that’s all.

before he answered, he smiled to himself and looked back at you

“she’s the only one that makes me feel not under pressure all the time. she’s the one who constantly reminds me that i shouldn’t be so independent and that i should always ask for help.” as you took a breath in to reply, he stopped you

“before you say anything, i know. i know she doesn’t like me. i know she’s just being nice. but there’s nothing wrong with a one-sided crush right?” he grins

even though he was beaming with a smile in front of you, you knew. you knew this wasn’t how he truly felt. you knew that deep down he was hurt but it was understandable. after all, he was just a kid wasn’t he? you saw right through him.

it was a shame after what happened the next couple of weeks after that conversation. it all happened so fast and none of you were prepared for it. you weren’t prepared for the incident that had happened to akane. a few days before it occurred, koko proudly told you that he was planning to confess and you were way against it.

“huh?! but i need to get this off my chest, y/n! i don’t care if she rejects me or not!”

“haji, i have a bad feeling about this.. i’m serious. you know how i always get bad feelings and they turn out to be true!”

he groaned and scooted far from where he was originally sitting which was right next to you. you sigh and got up to sit down next to him and laid your head on his shoulder so he wouldn’t escape

“i just don’t want you to get your hopes up, that’s all.” deep down you knew the truth. akane wasn’t interested in boys one bit despite all the confessions she had received almost every week.

“fine. you have a point. but im still going with this,”

all you could do was do nothing but let him. oh how you wished you protested more, because in return all he got was a huge burden on his shoulders.

“please ma’am, just please tell me what room akane inui and seishu inui are in,” you shouted as tears were rolling down on your cheeks. “107, right down the hall and take a left ‘hon”

you bowed and quickly made your way into the room. as you burst the door open, your eyes immediately go on seishu who looked so sad to the point where he didn’t even bother to look up at you. you hug him with a feeling of relief flowing in your body, but soon that feeling was gone when you asked where akane was.

you stood outside the door, not knowing why your feet couldn’t move. what’s wrong, y/n? her voice rang your ears. go on, don’t worry i’ll be right here next to you and if you get scared, just hold my hand! right. that was the time you were at a “haunted” house together and you were scared to go in. why are you being reminded of this right now?

you gulped and slowly opened the doorknob and found a crying boy in front of you, hands grabbing on the sheets with his head on the edge of the bed. you couldn’t do anything. all you could do was sit next to him with your head resting on his shoulder while you were crying.

a few years after that, you both acted as if nothing had happened. not because you wanted to forget akane, but because you knew akane would’ve wanted you both to continue living on without her.

despite not dating, you two would always have couple tendencies like feeding food to eachother or hugging often but you’re just THAT close to the point you can probably kiss without feeling any romantic attraction whatsoever

you couldn’t hang out with him as much anymore because of all the gang related things he’s doing. to make it up to you, he knocks on your window late at night and sleeps over most of the time. you talk to him about the usual— have you been eating? you should get more rest. and so on.

you were the one who got him to start wearing eyeliner! at first he just looked at you with a confused face when you handed him it as his present, but then you explained that if he wants to go fully dedicated to the black dragons, the wings of the eyeliner would represent the wings of the dragon. he didn’t wear it at first, all he did was ruffle your hair and said he’d think about it— and he kept his word! so now he’s the iconic money-making genius that wears eyeliner.

after all that’s happened between you two, there isn’t a single awkward moment you share. you know those friends who bring up an adult related topic out of completely nowhere? you two were those friends.

“i was walking by an alley and i heard a girl getting fucked,” he says while chewing the piece of gum you handed to him

“..and??”

“i’ve never walked away so fast in my life.”

there are days where you’re sad but, of course, you don’t tell him. in fact you don’t need to tell him because he’ll know when you’re upset.

“so are ya gonna tell me what’s wrong?” he says as he rests his head on your thighs

“ugh how do you always know..”

“because we’ve been together for the longest, duh.”

he doesn’t show it much, but he cares for you more than you think he does. overprotective and can’t help but show it at times, but don’t worry! he’s doing it because he loves you. remembers the littlest things you talk about and are interested in. he’s also constantly on the lookout so that you don’t get hurt or even worse.

when he’s the one who’s upset, you immediately know. he’s quieter than usual, zoning out a lot and just not paying attention to what you’re saying to him, almost like he’s in his own little world. before you initiate a conversation, you play with his hair so he’ll feel comfortable as a way for you to convince him to tell you what’s wrong.

even though it happened such a long time ago, he still thinks about her. you cant blame him, you do too! if you were to describe your best friend with one sentence, the first thing that would pop up in your head was weak little boy. not weak as in physically weak, but weak as in mentally weak. he can’t help but get emotional when it comes to her, which is understandable.

“it’s not your fault, hajime. she left you with no proper closure, and now you’re carrying guilt and burden on your shoulders. anyone would feel the same or even worse in your position.”

he didn’t respond but he doesn’t need to. all that matters to him is that you’re next to him, comforting him with your kind words like you always do. you both have some differences which caused a few arguments, but in the end you would still be best friends.

speaking of arguments, you argue either over the dumbest things ever or over serious topics. one time you got mad at him because he was beating you in a video game and his smug expression was not helping at all. you kicked him out of your house because you were just THAT frustrated. you felt guilty so you decided to walk to his house and apologize but stopped once you saw a certain figure trying to climb up to your window.

in the start of the serious argument, it was completely something different than what you were yelling at each other about now.

he showed up at your house with your favorite boba and snacks. you demanded him to put those down.

“hajime. food— no. MONEY cant keep me happy forever, and that also applies to you!”

“then what else am i supposed to do?!” his voice started getting weak. he was never the type to argue because he’d always get emotional.

“what am i other than a money-making genius? other than a wallet?”

“i cant do anything about my situation, y/n. nothing. because that’s all i am. just a stupid wallet for everyone to use.” he says about to walk away until you grab his sleeve to stop him.

“that’s not even true. you’re so much more than that, hajime. i’m sorry.. i’m so sorry.” you were crying into his chest and he couldn’t help but cry with you.

he spoils you 100%, no doubt. there was a point in life where you would always decline but you had just gotten so used to the offer that you got tired of fighting back. i mean, how could you? he was so willing and eager and most importantly HAPPY to do this for you.

hajime cant drive motorcycles and you constantly tease him about it, which he just responds to you by squeezing your cheeks together so you could shut up. the bad thing about this is that you guys always have to walk or go on a bus to the specific place you’re going to which is pretty tiring at times. although that doesn’t matter because what matters is that you both have each other.

back to the overprotective part.. you got called by this boy to meet him at the rooftop by the end of school and you already knew what was about to go down because of your shoujo manga reading sessions. the first thing you did was call hajime and he immediately got there to warn you about what you were gonna get yourself into.

“don’t you already have someone you like??”

“uh.. no?”

“i couldve sworn you liked that ‘tora dude..”

“keep your mouth shut!”

“…so you’re gonna reject him right?”

and you did! nicely, of course. hajime advised you should make come off as mean so he wouldn’t bother you again but you just ignored him and pretended like you didn’t hear anything.

being his best friend contains some ups and downs, but that’s the point of true friendships— it’ll never be perfect.

#tokyo revengers x reader #hajime kokonoi #kokonoi headcanons #kokonoi fluff #kokonoi x reader

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bigskydreaming · 3 years ago

Text

I feel another fanon debunk session coming over me, and this one’s a BIG one.

Let’s talk about the DickKory breakup, and why it happened.

Yup, we’re going there.

Before we get going though, I want to make one thing abundantly clear: this is NOT an invitation to bash on Kory. There will be no bashing of Kory on this post if I have anything to say about it, and its my post, so I do. So nyah nyah. But seriously like, don’t get my reasons for making this post wrong. I LOVE Kory. I SHIP Dick/Kory. And I don’t actually blame Kory for any of this, no matter how the page I’m about to show makes it appear, for reasons that I will get into later in this post, but like. I really truly don’t. I don’t think the Dick/Kory breakup ultimately was either of their fault. I think it was the painful end result of them both hitting rock bottom due to endless external fuckery with their lives and their minds during the tail end of their relationship, making it all but impossible for them to be there for each other the way they truly needed and WANTED to be....ultimately forcing them to break off and BOTH try and reorder their lives on their own. But IMO, this NEVER actually marked a dissolution of their feelings for each other, no matter what either (particularly Dick) eventually claimed in order to rationalize things to themselves.

I do however think some of the other Titans bear some culpability for not seeing things as they truly were here. I can understand given what they all went through during this time period like, how maybe it became easier to just blame Dick especially as he has a tendency to be so willing to accept blame? And so I think a lot of conclusions were jumped to that at other times they WOULD have spent more time thinking through. But here and now they didn’t simply because they were so relieved to HAVE an easy, simple explanation for things going wrong and someone to blame, someone who ACCEPTED blame. And thus more easily allowing them to speed through to the portion of events where they worked on ‘forgiving him’ for what he’d done so they could all move past it.

Okay, so let me stop talking in code for those of you who have only the faintest idea of what I’m talking about.

Traditional fanon states - and most wiki summaries I’ve seen actually CORROBORATE this, which drives me COMPLETELY up the wall because I would like to have WORDS with whomever wrote each of these wiki summaries - that ultimately, Dick and Kory broke up because they rushed into things with the wedding and both realized they weren’t actually ready to get married.

Let me be clear: this is totally and completely 100% true.

Fanon and wikis go ON however, to conclude that the ‘fault’ lies with Dick, because he was the one who jumped the gun in proposing, and that he only DID so, because he thought getting married would ‘help him finally grow up’ and ‘hit one of the milestones he thought he was missing while everyone else his age that he’d known in high school and stuff were graduating college and getting married and having kids right about now.’ And also that he eventually concluded that he didn’t actually love Kory the way he thought he did and needed to let her go for her sake.

Now let me also be clear: this is also MOSTLY true in the sense that he did eventually THINK these thoughts, some ten or fifteen issues after their crashed wedding, when he was off on his own and thinking through everything that was going on in his life and trying to make sense of the decisions he’d been making lately, most of which he was unhappy with.

The one part that ISN’T true is that last bit, which a lot of people extrapolate from and use as their basis for saying Dick ‘fell out of love with Kory’ and ‘realized that he no longer loved her the way he once had,’ with this leading into why they never got back together after Kory returned to Earth in the Titans revival series in the late 90s.

HOWEVER.

There’s a tiiiiiiiiiny little correction I must make to that last part, which might seem insignificant, but becomes ABUNDANTLY important when added to some other much needed - and much ignored overlooked - context:

Dick never ACTUALLY said or thought that he didn’t love Kory anymore, full stop. What he actually said, in its entirety, was that he realized “he never really loved Kory the way she deserved to be loved.”

Why is this distinction so important? Hang on just a sec, we’re almost there.

Now I would like to share with you, for those who have never seen this page or those who perhaps have forgotten it or its significance, the EXACT page where Dick proposes to Kory, from The New Titans #99, one issue before their wedding special in issue #100. (What’s that? You’re surprised that they got married the very issue after the proposal? You thought that they were engaged for a lengthier period of time? Ohhhh don’t worry, fair readers. We’ll get there. Ohhhh we’ll get there).

But first, those of you who have never actually read this page before, I would like you to take a look at it, and see if you can Where’s Waldo what it is about this page that makes my blood reach a boiling point in excess of 2000 degrees Fahrenheit every time someone utters the words “Dick rushed into marriage because he thought it would make him grow up or hit some important life milestone.”

Take a gander, what do you see:

See it? Get what I’m talking about?

Any talk of Dick and Kory breaking up because they weren’t ready to get married, and Dick having been the one to rush them into it before they were ready, COMPLETELY fails at accurately representing the events of that time if it fails to mention the fact that:

DICK ONLY PROPOSED WHEN HE DID BECAUSE HE WAS DESPERATE TO CONVINCE KORY, HIMSELF AND EVERYONE ELSE THAT HE LOVED HER AND ONLY HER AND SLEEPING WITH MIRAGE HAD MEANT NOTHING!

(Since, y’know, he didn’t actually sleep with her so much as he was raped by her).

I mean, your mileage may vary, but me, I happen to think that bit there is pretty CRITICAL FUCKING INTEL when it comes to this whole matter.

Claiming Dick is to blame because he rushed into marriage because he was looking to grow up or hit some milestone utterly FAILS as an analytical conclusion in EVERY POSSIBLE WAY....

When there is both ZERO indication from him BEFORE the proposal, that those are reasons or thoughts he has that has him leaning towards proposing.....

As well as ZERO reflection AFTER the failed wedding, that being desperate to convince everyone who thought he’d cheated on Kory that he really did love her, was at all a key motivating factor in him proposing when and how he did.

Like it or not, Mirage and the storyline surrounding that is utterly CRUCIAL to the DickKory breakup, because EVERY mention of that describes the cause of that breakup being rushing into marriage, and if you take away that storyline - and every character’s reaction to it - there is absolutely NO reason to even THINK Dick would still have proposed when he did.

And thus, leaving the Mirage story ENTIRELY out of all talk of the end of Dick and Kory’s relationship, is just....blatantly not indicative of what the story actually was.

Now, in addition, I know we tend to talk about this story as though DC sucks for never calling the rape what it was, and say that if DC’s not willing to treat these things as what they really are, they shouldn’t be using them as story points. First order of business: Yes DC sucks a lot and their handling of all this sucked.

BUT.

It is also not entirely accurate to say that they never TREATED this story as what it was.

Because while everyone else may have been fixated on it as Dick cheating on Kory....initially, at pretty much every point UNTIL the wedding....Dick at least was STEADFAST in not considering HIMSELF having cheated. I mean, look at his language in just the page above. He talks about being “repulsed” by what Mirage did. The writers might have never actually called what happened to Dick ‘rape,’ but initially they were VERY consistent in nevertheless writing him as someone who at least to some degree felt victimized by what happened, rather than culpable. He was trying to convince everyone ELSE to see it that way - until eventually he kinda gave up, and started to see it THEIR way.

You can literally see him already starting to make the pivot towards rationalizing that POV to himself in the above page....he talks about ‘thinking with his hormones’ and that leading him to make a mistake, even though his hormones had nothing to do with whether what happened was wrong or not.....it was always entirely about: would he have consented to sex with Mirage IF he knew she wasn’t really Kory. Thinking with his hormones in no way addresses the fact that its completely unreasonable to expect anyone to be so on guard 24/7, even in the privacy of their own bedroom with their own girlfriend, that they have their eyes peeled for an impostor even there.

In fact, imagine what the others would have all said if Dick hadn’t slept with Mirage that night, or else had confided in them later that it felt not right, that something was wrong, at some point BEFORE Mirage entered and told Dick in front of everyone that it had actually been her. How likely do you think it would have been that instead of taking Dick at face value, many of them would have instead viewed this as just another time Dick was exercising “Bat-paranoia” rather than allowing himself to be intimate with a loved one the way normal, non-Batfolk do, y’know? Do you think they would have automatically agreed with him that there was something up and he had reason to feel that ‘something wasn’t right about Kory’ when Dick probably still would have had no idea what for sure he felt was off, let alone that it wasn’t ACTUALLY her? Or would they have gotten on his case about how this is just him self-sabotaging again and letting his issues come between him and someone he cared about?

Tbh, one of the things that was greatest about Dick and Kory’s relationship IMO was that she was one of the best at getting him out of his own head. With Kory, when they weren’t both being jerked around by brainwashing plots and the like, Dick was better at just....letting go and just being himself around her. He didn’t feel like he had to constantly be on his guard or waiting for the other shoe to drop. Ironically, IMO, Dick DOES have a tendency to self-sabotage at times and let paranoia or other issues keep him from totally dropping his defenses and letting himself be vulnerable with other people.....meaning he probably would have been MORE likely to cue into something being off, if it had been anyone BUT Kory he’d been dating when Mirage replaced them.

So bottom line is, you can’t actually fully blame the writing for the others’ reactions to this story. Because whether they ever actually acknowledged it or not, for a good ten to fifteen issues up to the wedding, the writers pretty consistently depicted Dick as someone who was and felt victimized, even if he didn’t consciously realize it yet himself, let alone why. There were repeated moments between Kory initially breaking up with him after it happened through this proposal above, where it basically reads like Dick yelling “Ask me how violated I feel! Go on, ask me!” Except he never really got the chance because he was too busy replying to everyone around him that he hadn’t cheated on Kory, he thought he was WITH Kory, and that was the ONLY reason he had sex that night.

Slight tangent - this btw, is why I can never even get worked up enough about Nightwing Annual #2 to be like, defensive about it. That was the flashback issue written YEARS after all these events, where retroactively Andreyko inserted at some point between this proposal and the wedding - without changing anything else or the events he wrote ever being brought up or acknowledged again - a story where Dick went to visit Babs to personally deliver her wedding invitation....but only AFTER they slept together. And then when he gave her the invitation and she got furious about what had just happened, he just blithely said oh Kory won’t mind, and Babs was like yeah well I MIND!

Which was a totally valid reaction for Babs to have to those events as depicted, its just....I can’t remotely take them seriously, not when I’ve actually READ the events that by Andreyko’s own admission are meant to bookend that story. So you’re telling me, that right after Dick proposes to his longtime girlfriend SPECIFICALLY because he’s desperate to convince her he loves only her and would never willingly sleep with anyone else......he would go and sleep with someone else between then and the wedding? And then just without a hint of remorse say oh what’s the problem, Kory would be fine with it - when literally everything else about the wedding even HAPPENING was based on the fact that he knew for a fact that Kory would NOT in fact, be fine with that? Umm, make it make sense, except you can’t, because that story and the point where it makes sense are in two entirely different galactic quadrants. Green Lanterns couldn’t make it from Point A to Point B. So lol, sorry not sorry, I’m gonna stay not taking that story or claims that Dick is ACTUALLY a cheater, like, remotely seriously. I mean, your mileage may vary, but I especially don’t think anyone who can make excuses for Bruce’s many transgressions being OOC like, has any business trying to pass this particular story off as in character, but WHATEVS. Like, you CAN do it if you really want to, but I mean, I’m just gonna think that’s silly. I’ll be like OMG you’re so silly. Why are you so silly, can we just stop with all the silliness. And then like, I’ll go do something else or whatever.

(Oh and for the record, the wedding was the issue after Dick proposed, but it wasn’t meant to be like, the day after or anything. BUT we do know it was still pretty damn soon after, like at most a week or two....because the concurrent storyline was Roy being upset because the government was trying to shut down the Titans and said they would unless Roy took leadership from Dick and ousted him, which Roy understandably was NOT keen to do, even and especially with everything going on as the Titans were a family first and foremost and he was stuck between trying to preserve them and keep them going and betraying everything they stood for by basically instigating a vote of no confidence in Dick’s leadership.....but point being, Roy kept stalling the government agent asking for his answer......when said agent was very impatient, and asked repeatedly both in issue #99 AND issue #100. So you’re never going to convince me Roy managed to stall said agent for months or whatever, or any longer than a couple weeks at most, to allow for Dick and everyone else to put together a shotgun wedding for him and Kory. Which just further adds to the make it make sense aspect of the above mentioned Annual, but I absofuckinglutely digress).

Anyway.

NOW, let’s bring it back around to when I said like, don’t do the thing, don’t actually blame Kory for any of this, don’t you do it? /paraphrase

Yeah. So we’re there at that point now, and I reiterate once more for the court, like, hey, what if you just don’t? Y’know? Even if you’re looking at her dialogue in the above page I posted and are like, I’m feeling the urge, the urge to.....idk something that rhymes with urge but is bad I guess? Whatever. Just like. Don’t do it. Say nasty things about Kory because of this story three times in front of your computer and I will totally like, be conjured by that and crawl out of your screen all creepy girl from The Ring style. It will NOT be pretty. I am NOT meant to fit through there. I can NOT make it look good. You have been warned.

Okay so like, the reason I say none of this is on Kory even though I don’t make the same distinctions for the other Titans is threefold. No, lbr, its probably more on account of I can’t count and I’m always wrong about this shit. But let’s start with three.

1) The first thing we need to address is the fact that Dick WAS acting erratically and out of character through all of this time, even before what happened with Mirage. This was still in the near aftermath of Titans Hunt, and he was still reeling from that, and holding himself totally accountable. People who’ve followed me for awhile have probably seen me fixate on Titans Hunt before, but I honestly don’t think anyone who hasn’t read the full extent of comics from that storyline all the way through like....The New Titans #115 or so, like.....truly grasps the extent of just HOW much that single storyline affected Dick. He was at rock bottom because of it in a way that is probably only truly comparable with the Blockbuster storyline, but for even LONGER. Like the span of comics I referenced just now covers probably like....almost fifty issues.

That’s fifty issues where Dick consistently brings up his failure to stop that and how much Joey and Charlie and Arella and everyone else’s deaths during that like, just weighs on him, and fucks with his confidence and just.....his overall sense of purpose and self. He WAS lost and aimless for a lot of that time. And he DID absolutely even recognize HIMSELF that it was affecting him. Like ten issues or so after the crashed wedding, when he’s on his own journey of self-discovery while looking for Kory in the Amazon (uh yeah, that’s a thing. I’ll get to that)....like, he acknowledges to himself that ever since the Titans Hunt he’s been getting crazier and more demanding (his words) and he doesn’t even recognize himself anymore...and he attributes all of that to not having come to terms with their deaths and his inability to prevent them.

Now, notably, he DOESN’T ever at this time acknowledge that his behavior took an INCREASINGLY downward spiral ever since Mirage and specifically due to everyone blaming him for what he deep down felt wasn’t actually his fault but was losing conviction in. And quite frankly, even though he SAYS at this point he’s ready to move on from their losses, I don’t think that actually happened, but I’ll get back to both those things. First, the important point here, in terms of Kory, is that from her perspective, Dick had been increasingly unpredictable and not himself ever since the losses during Titans Hunt. Actually, given that she was the one who went with him to the Manor after Jason’s death and the only one who saw him come in and out and who thus knows the full extent of what transpired there - with this all happening not long before Titans Hunt - you could additionally say her awareness of that also has her almost prepared to expect the totally unexpected from Dick at this point.

Does that mean its right? No. But it does mean that its there.

2) Next. Kory was not actually offered the chance by the storyline to internalize what happened between Mirage and Dick from a stable, grounded headspace. Mirage KIDNAPPED Kory and replaced her before she slept with Dick. In the grand scheme of things, what happened to Kory specifically here is probably far from the worst thing that’s ever happened to her, but it couldn’t have been pleasant and I’m the first to yell NO TRAUMA OLYMPICS so in that spirit, fuck whether it was as bad as it COULD have been, and again, just acknowledge that it happened, and its reasonable and expected that it would have a negative effect on Kory. She was targeted and victimized by Mirage too. Not in the same way as Dick, but add that to the fact that unlike the other Titans, she was the one IN the relationship with Dick and thus the only one besides him that had a stake in what Mirage’s actions served as a catalyst for in that regard, like....she was not an impartial bystander to all this, and that needs to be considered. She was PART of it. It was her life that was hijacked by all this too.

3) Third.....it is extremely extremely EXTREMELY important here to acknowledge that Kory is herself a rape survivor. She has extensive trauma from her childhood in the Citadel, and that is bound to color her perceptions of what happened here, at least initially. I am 174% soooooo not here for vilifying another rape survivor in defense of a different rape survivor. Like, I’m just saying.....do not throw Kory under the bus for not acknowledging Dick’s trauma and trauma responses as a rape survivor in this story if you’re not also YOURSELF acknowledging Kory’s OWN trauma as a rape survivor.

This is key not because it says any opinions she had at this time don’t count, but rather that they simply don’t come from the same place as the VICTIM-BLAMING that is the central issue with others holding Dick accountable for his own rape. In Kory’s case, we have to consider the issue of projection. The ways in which her own experiences and how they’ve informed her DEFAULT perception of something that deeply affected her, might skew her initial reaction to experiences which share a LABEL, but not specific ELEMENTS.

What I mean here is both Kory and Dick, as of this point in time, are rape survivors. But they survived very very VERY different kinds of rape. Both were abundantly clear that they DID NOT WANT what happened to them, that they were not willing parties to what actually transpired....but what springs to Kory’s mind when someone says “I didn’t want the sex that happened” is understandably going to look VERY different from what Dick was describing when he said “I didn’t want the sex that happened.” So its not really all that unreasonable for Kory to hold those two things up in her head and say these are not the same, and from there jump to the unfortunate conclusion that Dick HAD wanted it on some level, else it would have looked more like her own experiences...especially because others around them were already voicing and affirming this opinion in various ways.

Again, is this fair, or deserved? No. But I talk all the time with other characters and with Dick himself about how its just not reasonable to expect characters - especially ones with highly CHARGED emotions related to their own parallel experiences - to act from an unbiased state or POV and thus leap to the most ideal conclusion without at least first stumbling through some other ones. So with Kory, her own context with rape simply CAN NOT be divorced from the fact that recognizing the central issue of this later moment in time was that it was a rape. Her own experiences and the likely projection of them onto the moment at hand add a degree of context to conclusions she arrived at that other characters simply do not have....and thus, again, its not okay to paint her with the same brush as all those characters. And unless you’re already somehow making a distinction as to why her reaction is different from others despite superficially appearing the same......then like. You need to be. LOL.

4) The other factor that’s important to consider here is that just like Kory was never offered the chance to RECEIVE information of what happened from a relatively grounded place and headspace....the stories never gave her any real time to think things through, process over time, and arrive at different conclusions from her earlier ones. Again, I talk all the time about how Dick’s experiences with the Titans pre-his time in Bludhaven were colored by multiple instances of brainwashing and his head being fucked with and being personally targeted and jerked around in a ton of ways? The same is true of Kory, and it needs to be given equal weight.

Their wedding was crashed by ‘the dark soul self’ of Raven - who they thought was dead - as she infected Kory with what she called a demon seed that was going to grow a new demon inside of her. Due to her possession, Kory spent weeks in a mental institutition, trying to overcome the entity inside her (with Dick sitting by her side and holding her hand through all of it, just FYI). When she finally did purge the entity from her, Kory took off and ended up in a village in the Amazon, with the ordeal having given her amnesia. Dick went after her, but he’d only just tracked her down when she took off again to foil an alien invasion using radio waves that she was uniquely suited to recognize due to being familiar with their tactics, but which pitted her against most of the rest of the world in like, the Ultimate Gaslighting Showdown as everyone kept telling her she was crazy (she was wearing a tinfoil hat to protect herself from the transmissions, the writers were deliberately not doing her any favors).

Only after that was foiled did she regain her memories, and while off the page she agreed to meet with Dick to talk about their failed wedding and everything that happened afterward, as he’d returned from the Amazon by now, where he’d ultimately come to his own self-realizations about everything (or what we were told to accept were his realizations)....in the end she took off for Tamaran without meeting him, leaving him waiting where they’d agreed to rendezvous. Again, I say this not to vilify Kory, because I absolutely think she made the best choice for herself at the time, and should have, and I don’t think Dick has ever blamed her for that and tbh they both separately came to the same decisions about needing to be apart to recollect themselves and figure out who they were and where to go from here, like, without having to actually talk it out to arrive at the same point. I DO raise this point simply to put out there that in contrast to many other things I’ve seen said about the break up......they....never technically broke up?

Like I mean, don’t get me wrong. They DID. They both considered themselves broken up and eventually moved on with other people, Dick with Babs, and Kory with a general who she married back on New Tamaran before it was destroyed by the Sun Eater (again, Kory went through some SHIT after their break up. Dick wasn’t the only one.) But I just mean like.....it was LITERALLY the most mutual break-up that is possible for a break-up to be, because neither one of them ever actually communicated their intent to the other in order for them to both CLEARLY be on the same page. There was no “Dick called off the wedding” - that never actually happened, it was just....never revisited. There was no “Dick told her he no longer had feelings for her” - that was something that happened later, and yes, I’ll get to that too. OMG shut up me. But also shh I’m talking.

But yeah like.....their break-up, despite being almost universally claimed as Dick’s choice and responsibility, with zero mention of Mirage’s role in it in any official accounting of it I’VE ever seen, and with Kory painted as being the victim of Dick’s wandering ways and not knowing what he wanted in the distant aftermath of their break-up, as it was said that due to being Tamaranean, she loved for life and thus would always be in love with Dick even though he after her return claimed he no longer loved her (like, I don’t blame Kory but I also don’t like takes that act like Dick DID all this to Kory somehow. Like that’s literally the entire point here, neither of them needs to be to blame or each other’s victim according to how the story ACTUALLY went).....

But yeah, despite all that.....it really was the most mutually arrived at decision ever, because neither one of them actually EVER EVEN SAID ‘WE NEED TO BREAK UP’ to the other. They both just....ended up there on their own.

(And also because DC wanted them there in order to secure the rest of their push to put Nightwing solely back in the Batbooks for the next several years. With, don’t forget, this all coinciding with the government forcing him out of the Titans and putting Roy in charge and with this all culminating in Dick having his initial adventure in Bludhaven at Bruce’s ask, and then deciding to make that his new base of operations and kinda reinvent himself there, at the start of his solo title. Again, shout out to the myth of “Dick Grayson always runs from things because commitment issues” - not only did he NOT flee to Bludhaven because he just changed his mind about the wedding and said whoops sorry Kory, it wasn’t even his CHOICE to leave the Titans, even if eventually he agreed it was for the best right now. His ex went back to her home planet and he was asked to leave his team. Why the fuck WOULDN’T he go somewhere else?)

NEXT. (jfc he mumbled to himself under his breath. what the fuck did I start here).

Circling back around AGAIN, this time back to Dick’s STATED reasons for deciding things were over.

Two...umm, fuck it, ‘a number that is more than one’ things that need to be kept in mind HERE:

1) The most crucial bit of context when examining Dick’s journey of self-exploration in the Amazon while searching for Kory and what he comes to say and think about everything that’s happened and his own behavior....

Is that he is an EXTREMELY unreliable narrator at this point in time. Y’know how we talk about Dick having that tendency to take on more accountability than is actually earned and is way quicker to view himself as in need of apologizing than he is to view others needing to do that for him?

Yeah I mean, that’s a thing, I definitely have like a billion citations ready to go on a moment’s notice, but point is, being aware of that tendency means absolutely nothing if you don’t actively APPLY that awareness to Dick’s periods of self-reflection and like....compare and contrast what he THINKS about things he’s said or done with like....what he’s ACTUALLY said or done.

For instance, on the way to his so-called epiphanies about all this, he makes the claim that the entire time Kory was dealing with the demon entity inside of her, he was being so selfish because all he was doing was wishing she would wake up or be free of it so that she could help him with his problems instead. (And just for the record, I can provide actual panels for everything I reference in this post, I’m just limiting myself to a couple because I’m just trying to NOT beat War and Peace’s pagecount as it is. Will I succeed? No. Did I try? Yes.)

Now, Dick spending his time at his possessed fianceé’s side doing nothing but wishing she would snap out of it and focus on his problems instead.....is that selfish of him?

Well, yeah.

But is it TRUE?

I mean, you tell me:

This is right smack dab in the middle of that whole storyline, set only a few issues after the crashed wedding, and before Kory successfully evicts the demon entity and loses her memories. This is literally what Dick was ACTUALLY like the entire time. At the TIME, every single thing he said and did was focused on her.....the CLOSEST he came even in his internal monologue, to making it all about him, was him thinking about how this has shown him just how much he needs her.

Do people helping a loved one through something traumatic occasionally have selfish thoughts where their awareness of their own troubles momentarily supersedes their focus on their loved one? Yeah. Does this actually make them selfish if their ACTUAL focus and actions and words are aimed entirely at their loved ones the whole time, with no single actual detour to “hey, while you’re up, can we talk about me for a sec”?

Mmmmm....I feel like no, but I am open to you drawing other conclusions as long as you are aware that they are wrong and mine is right, kay. I mean okay, fine. You can disagree with me here but I’m still gonna disagree about your disagreement there and its just gonna be this whole big thing and its like, ugh, whatever, y’know?

But hey, you do you.

ANYWAY, point is, unless you draw the wrong conclusion here in which case PTTTHB!, like, I think its safe to say Dick thinking in the midst of his self-awareness deep dive that he was being nothing but selfish during that whole story and thus didn’t deserve Kory, like....whether or not the writers are actually AWARE of it or not, I mean......that’s still a pretty good context clue that his internal monologues at this point in time are maybe a little bit skewed towards being more about accepting blame than reflecting reality, right? Yes, no, maybe so?

Well then again, if you agree with me, then add to that awareness the added bit of trivia that every single other one of Dick’s ‘ultimate realizations’ (he just wanted to get married because he thought it would bring stability to his life, it would help him grow up, hit one of those aforementioned milestones, etc)....like every single one of them.....was an opinion that was FIRST offered by one of the other Titans.

Every. Single. One.

(Wanted to get married for the stability was something Donna said she thought was his reasoning, to the other original Titans. The bit about thinking it would help him grow up was unfortunately ALSO Donna, but said to Kory before the wedding when Kory asked if she thought this was a mistake and if she thought Dick had proposed for the right reasons. The milestones thing was said by either Roy, Garth or Wally, I honestly forget which, but it was when the three of them went out to discuss the pending government takeover of the team and how to break this to Dick with everything else going on).

And with not a SINGLE one of these opinions present in ANY of Dick’s internal monologues BEFORE the proposal, hinting that they were anywhere near being on his radar at THAT point.

So....which makes more narrative sense? That Dick ultimately just realized that everything he THOUGHT was motivating him when he proposed was NOT true and that it was only his friends that clued into his actual reasons, which he must have overheard at some point and internalized in order to have replicated said opinions in his thoughts so exactly? Again with ZERO mention alongside any of this, that peoples’ views of what happened with Mirage was at ALL a factor in his thinking?

Or.....does it maybe better track, that over the course of Dick repeatedly expressing that he didn’t know it wasn’t Kory, that he never wanted to cheat on her, that he loved her and only her and would never knowingly do that....with NO ONE budging and everyone from Kory to all of his best friends acting like his adulterous guilt was an over and done with conclusion and they’d already long since moved on to the point of how willing or not they were to forgive him, based on everything else he’d been going through.....and with Dick thinking that how remorseful he appeared to be and how willing to ACCEPT accountability was likely to play a part in how much people were willing to look past all his recent fuck-ups here.......

Does it maaaaaaaybe actually make a little bit more sense that Dick’s total 180 into taking full responsibility and coming up with all these rationalizations for his actions that essentially just mimic theories everyone else had for his behavior has more to do with his deeply internalized acceptance that nobody was listening to his side of the story or what he was actually trying to say (without even real SELF awareness at the time that what he was feeling wasn’t just ‘I’m innocent of what you’re accusing me of’ but ‘I was violated and used’)?

That it was more about him finding ways to justify to himself getting on the same page everyone else ALREADY seemed to be on in regards to him and his recent behavior, as that seemed to be the only way to move forward, that he was tired of fighting everybody and feeling like he was in the wrong for it so honestly, maybe they were right?

Because from there.....

Its only a veeeeeery short hop, skip and a jump from “well I guess I DID do what they say and I SHOULD have known it wasn’t Kory”.....to.....”since the only thing I kept clinging to for how I couldn’t know was my insistence that I truly loved Kory, and it turns out that I still SHOULD have known anyway......doesn’t that mean that I didn’t really love Kory the way I thought I did? Or as much as I thought I did?”

“Did I never really love Kory as much as she deserved?”

Cuz uh, remember earlier when I talked about it being significant that Dick never ACTUALLY claimed during this time that he didn’t love Kory anymore or fell out of love with her or anything like that, but rather that his precise claim was “I didn’t love her AS MUCH AS SHE DESERVED”?

Aka.....”enough that I would have known it wasn’t actually Kory that I was with?”

Yeah. Uh, that. That’s the significance there. Yeah. So....

2) Now as to something else to keep in mind in regards to Dick’s eventual ‘self-realizations’ - this calls back to when I said earlier that Dick WAS acting erratically during this time, stemming all the way back to the Titans Hunt aftermath. He was overly aggressive, he was ready to fight anyone at a moment’s notice, he was tunnel-visioned.....in short, he was actually quite a lot how the fanon interpretations of his temper I rage about usually depict him. But the key thing here, and the reason why I wouldn’t have a problem with people drawing references from THIS time when talking about him behaving this way.....

Is that much like when Dick was behaving erratically during the Brother Blood storyline, it was with NARRATIVE INTENT.

There, Dick’s behavior led to the reveal that he was lashing out because he was fighting the Church of Blood’s mental conditioning. Here, Dick’s behavior is directly tied to his downward spiral resulting from the trauma of Titans Hunt and his guilt from that.

In both cases, I’d have zero issue with people referencing specific instances of this behavior....

As long as they ALSO reference and acknowledge the specific narrative context that was directly CONNECTED to that behavior. Its not about whether or not it excuses any specific thing he does, its about the fact that while these behaviors did happen, they shouldn’t be depicted as indicative of his OVERALL characterization, because they were specifically and deliberately written into his actions WITH INTENT by the writers, who were trying to use his DELIBERATELY out of the ordinary behavior to arrive at some narrative point or conclusion.

And here, for Dick, that was the eventual realization that he’d never fully dealt with his feelings about the losses during the Titans Hunt.

I don’t like how he acts in a lot of the issues around this time. Its ugly. But its MEANT to be ugly. I don’t like Dick’s fight with Roy when he tells him about taking over leadership because of the government’s interference. I don’t like it AT ALL.

But what I DO like is how the very next page after the fight, after Donna follows Dick out of the room, Dick turns around and acknowledges how out of control he’d just been and said he felt it proved that everyone was right, things HAD gotten to him more than he’d realized or admitted to himself, and it probably was a sign he needed to take a step back, and besides, Kory needed him more than the team did right now anyway.

THAT’S one of the core things I like about Dick Grayson, that almost without exception, his worst actions or behaviors are almost immediately followed by his realization of this and a tangible action or change in his actions to address it. That’s not something every character can claim - in fact, its unfortunately pretty damn rare.

But here’s the problem with that, in this specific scenario:

Dick WAS spiraling, he DID act out in ways he was right to be called out on and to feel guilt about, and there WAS basis for him acknowledging that there was stuff he needed to address in his life and his head, and to take responsibility for.

Thing is though, nobody else at any point ever stood up to point to where in his willingness to hold himself accountable for his mistakes and try and do better in regards to his friends and teammates and overall relationships....

He additionally took on guilt that WASN’T deserved. Because the other Titans were the ones who in their overall rush to judgment about his behavior and the reasons why.....still erroneously lumped in with the rest, their conclusion as to how the situation with Mirage should be viewed.

And frankly, though this doesn’t make them look good, there’s plenty of places you can go with that which don’t make them heartless monsters either. They were wrong, not to listen to him about Mirage, and I maintain that this tangibly WORSENED his already existing downward spiral from Titans Hunt, because that was already stuff he really could have benefited from support for the others from....and then this other thing happened that he additionally really needed support about, rather than blame.

Problem is, the overall impression given off by the other Titans was that they thought they already WERE doing their best to be supportive, by being so willing to look PAST ‘what Dick had done with Mirage’ and FORGIVE Dick for that, make allowances for why it and other decisions they didn’t agree with, like his rush to marriage, might make sense based on what they were attributing as the reason for his out of character behavior....the fallout from Titans Hunt...but ONLY that.

Like to be clear, I’m aware that there is a flip side of things in fanon, where some stans overcorrect on Dick’s behalf and act like the Titans all universally slut-shamed Dick and were terrible to him. No. That’s not what happened either. There was ONE slut-shaming Titan and ONLY one....and that was Pantha, who to be frank, like.....she was literally written to be the button pusher in regards to everyone. She likely would have said the same thing no matter who was in that situation, because she honestly didn’t care, she was just interested in making the cheap jokes at their expense.

The other Titans though did not adopt a slut-shaming stance against Dick...just a victim-blaming one. Which makes some things better, but some things worse IMO.

Its easier to understand how they could have all fallen into this trap despite all being seasoned heroes who should have known better than to view these specific events the way they did....if you consider that their fatal flaw here was ironically that they were SO quick to try and find a reason that Dick might have done this that they felt they could forgive....that they never actually thought things through long enough to recognize how quick on the draw they’d been in their reactions. And then they failed to listen to Dick’s side of things because they’d kinda convinced themselves that they were ALREADY doing him a favor and hearing him out by having decided to look past what he’d done and make allowances for it....and so they kinda filtered everything he was saying through a lens of like...waiting for him to catch up to what they’d already decided had happened and onto the part where he did the Dick Grayson thing and apologized and accepted responsibility for it....at which point they, as his friends, would be honestly able to say “already forgiven, dude.”

You could additionally factor in the idea that their very respect for his capabilities and high opinion of his overall ‘on the ball-ness’ made what had happened easy to view as something that’d just slipped past his radar, a rare oversight that again, he could be forgiven for, rather than what it was....again, something that he should never have been expected to ‘catch’ in the first place, any more than they would have been.

Either way, the real problem was always just that they failed to support him in the ways he actually needed, because they were already busy forgiving him for things he didn’t actually need forgiveness for because they were never his to accept blame for in the first place. But then BECAUSE Dick was already primed to accept the blame for what he WAS right to accept responsibility for, he overextended and took on everything that was held against him, rather than first differentiating between where a mea culpa both was and WAS NOT due.

No matter how you slice it, the Titans WERE wrong on this front, and Dick absolutely DOES have canon grounds to nurse some bitterness and resentment about, towards them. Again, with a lot of ways that can be approached. Personally, when I think about fics tackling this subject, my big want is always gonna be like.....confrontation fics? Like that’s what I’ve always really wanted to see here....like there’s a lot of obviously valid catharsis to be had in fics that have someone walk Dick through what a more objective view of what happened back then and let him finally unburden himself of all that unearned guilt there...BUT all the focus there is typically on that realization of the truth for DICK, that like....there’s almost never any follow-up where that realization is further pursued and extended to the relevant Titans? And tbh, I’ve always viewed that as the far greater ‘crime’ this story executed in regards to Dick’s character....not an overall obliviousness to his own victimization, period, but the fact that he was basically pushed into ACCEPTING a culpable view of events when actually, he’d always KNOWN on some level that it wasn’t really his fault and he had every reason to feel repulsed and angry and violated.

Like, I do obviously view Dick as someone with a large degree of self-awareness, in no small part due to how often he DOES do these introspective deep dives and reflect on events and actions and behaviors, and even though I understand the viewpoint that things look different when applied to yourself than to others, I do think its perfectly likely that Dick would at some point come to his own realization about what had actually happened with Mirage and why he’d initially felt the way he did about it. Maybe not before the events with Tarantula, but in the aftermath? I think he absolutely would connect certain things then, even if just because of how FAMILIAR everything felt to that earlier time post-Titans Hunt. The Blockbuster arc was like, the most rock bottom Dick had ever been SINCE that point, and various similarities could have definitely been pinging all over for him....the losses he suffered reminding him of his guilt for the fallen Titans, the end of Dick and Babs’ relationship, while based on more reasons than just Tarantula kissing Dick, like, still including that as a reason and so thus bearing an uncomfortable similarity to the last time he was held accountable for his rapist and now eventual rapist’s actions, etc.

And I do think that Dick having some realizations of his own post-Blockbuster could explain a LOT about his later interactions with the Titans, who I honestly don’t think he was ever quite as close to again?

Which makes a ton of sense if you view the 1999 series, and how difficult it was for them to get Dick to join up, and how he was plenty ready to leave at any point...like, that makes a TON of sense if you consider that Dick might have at this point been quietly nursing hurt of his own that everyone was so eager and willing to let bygones be bygones and ‘forgive’ his mistakes of the past, that nobody still had ever realized what he’d had to realize all on his own....that THEY all had a perception of events and like, their friendships, that included forgiving Dick for a betrayal that Dick NEVER ACTUALLY ENACTED. Where its like, thanks, but I didn’t actually need that, what I needed was someone to listen to me. But at the same time its totally understandable why he wouldn’t ever want to bring that up himself....because he’d already TRIED expressing himself on this matter years before, and been shot down, and its totally reasonable that he worried history would just repeat there rather than bring him the closure he WANTED on that front. But again....the distance he keeps a lot of the Titans at after his return to the team pairs pretty damn well with him being both quietly resentful of forgiveness he never needed and wondering when it was everyone else’s turn to accept the accountability for wrongs done that everyone was always so quick to demand from him....as well as why the last thing in the world he’d want to do is bring this all up again himself.

Similarly, this is why I think he always expressed to Kory, ever since her return to Earth, that he wasn’t in love with her anymore.....I don’t think its necessarily true that his feelings ever fully went away, and I also don’t think he’d bear the same resentments towards her that he did the others, even though Kory too ‘forgave’ him for something he never needed absolution for. Because I think at the same time, he’s more aware than most of Kory’s own history, and he has too much empathy for what all that likely stirred up for her at the time as well as his awareness that she really did love him and always had and that she’d mourned their relationship just as much as he had.

So I truly don’t think Dick blames her, in ways that can’t be said of the others, and I don’t think it was truly that he didn’t love her anymore, or that there was no longer anything there....I think he always just said that in order to protect himself, because he was still hurting from everything that had happened back then and how everyone had always painted it as his fault ever since, and his own traumas had only compounded those very specific feelings with later events like Tarantula and her impact on his life, and its just like......I think if it ever came out via someone else re-raising the issue, Dick would be like okay, yes, absolutely let’s finally talk about this....but I totally understand why Dick would never want to re-raise it himself because....he definitely did TRY to express his violation way back when. Why should he be the one to have to essentially.....retry his own case with his friends in order to finally get the verdict he should have had all along, y’know?

Its one thing to get that its probably never going to happen without initiating it himself, but its another thing for that to get you past the hump of just not wanting to relive some of your worst moments when your best friends not believing in you or being so willing to believe something about you in some ways did just as much damage to you as the actual initial violation.

But again, all that said, I would absolutely like, rob the Louvre (Okay I’d also rob the Louvre just for money but like. You get it) for stories where one of the Titans has an ‘oh shit’ realization about everything with Mirage years later. And they tentatively try and bring it up with Dick in the hopes of ‘fixing things’ by correcting the damage they’d done when making him feel it was his to accept blame on.....and for Dick to just be like. “Yeah, uh, I was there. I figured all that out a long time ago, I just didn’t see the point in trying to convince everybody twice.” And them like....being like oh crap we have to figure out a way to make things right, like all this time we’ve thought things were kinda broken between us because of what Dick did but actually it was the other way around and about Dick’s feelings about what WE did.

Okay now like....don’t laugh but I’m literally still not done, because I had this whole other thing about how now we needed to finally talk about the Zitka in the room, which is that IMO its always been kinda backwards to view Tarantula as the focal point of Dick’s traumas here and what happened with Mirage as some kind of footnote kinda....personally I think it should be the other way around. That its Mirage that weighs on Dick the most because what she did was premeditated where with Catalina it was a crime of opportunity. With Miriam though, it was always going to happen no matter what, because it only happened because she MADE it happen. She like....stalked Dick pretty much from the time of her arrival in this timeline (or at least how that initially was viewed - the timeline thing, not the stalking thing. Forget it. Weird story is weird. Doesn’t matter). But like....Mirage went after Dick with intent. She knew exactly what she was doing, and she was willing to do whatever to make it happen, up to and including kidnapping Dick’s actual girlfriend and taking her place.

With Tarantula, like, she was more than quick to seize on the first opportunity to make it happen, but like...that’s still a different thing IMO from like...KNOWING that someone literally plotted out and premeditated one of the most disruptive traumas of your life without any care for what it would DO to your life, and you later carrying all the blame for that in everyone else’s eyes without anyone ever acknowledging what it did to YOU....even though MULTIPLE people know and its even affected your overall reputation. With Tarantula....I think that trauma absolutely compounded everything else that happened with Blockbuster but it was hardly limited to just that, but again with Mirage....that one specific act pretty much derailed the entire course of Dick’s life at the time. Because again....while you could absolutely claim that there are other issues Dick and Kory might have broken up because of later, even without Mirage’s actions, like....you have to MAKE the case for those reasons. You can’t just attribute their breakup to rushing into marriage, when again....Mirage was the literal catalyst for Dick proposing when he did.

Which again, to bring it all back to the start.....that’s why it will forever make me channel Gar Logan and turn into a green-hued screeching howler monkey every time people are like I absolutely agree that its not okay to blame Dick for his own rape at Mirage’s hands....but then turn around and be like okay, but Dick and Kory did break up because Dick rushed them into marriage before they were ready.

Cuz.

Like.

THEY’RE THE EXACT SAME THING!

The one is just the other but described from a different vantage point.

faslkfhaklfhaklfhkalfha

I get if people didn’t know that before now, but please please please can we like....push back against the misinformation on this particular topic because omggggg is it unpleasant to repeatedly hear people contradict themselves in the same paragraphs half the time because they literally don’t know that they’re talking about the same events in both cases.

Believe it or not, I actually had a lot more about Mirage and about other ways things could have gone differently for Dick and Kory if he’d had even just a little more support from someone else at the time, whether from Bruce or even just one of the Titans, like all it would have taken was just ONE person to try and view things from Dick’s perspective and be like okay everyone hold up, some bad fucking conclusions have been arrived at here.

BUT I am tired and this is long and literally just...whatever. I’ll do that some other time. LOL. And I bounce.

#first person to try and tell me the wordcount of this is getting blocked I swear to fucking god

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