#i do ... i do kinda get it darce

[enkibutnice]

one part of me knows a Marriage is stronger than alone

another part things theyre very cute as their own people and wants to keep my cute lil pixel friends

[aravas-writing]

(Secret Star AU)

"Naughty School girl gets punished"

Emerald wasn't one for taking jobs like these, but she had to admit, it was kinda nice being "scouted" by a producer on the street. She never saw herself as pretty or even hot, but she had been assured she was perfect for the scrip she was currently reading through.

Playing naughty wasn't difficult, but taking the blonde Teacher's punishment, was both hard and hot as hell.

To say that Emerald was nervous as hell would be...correct. There was no joke here; this was reality.

After signing up for the pornstar gig, she had actually hoped for a lesbian piece with Cinder. The girl's adoration for her saviour was almost concerning. It was unfortunate that the greenette was not allowed to star with her crush.

What she got was a different scene and a rather...excited Cinder. Of course she would not openly show it, but the way the seductress fidgeted from time to time gave it away. The final piece of evidence for that was when the guy Emerald was supposed to star with came onto the set.

"Jamie, there you are," Cinder cooed at him, nearly jumping out of her chair to greet him properly. It was a jarring sight for a girl who saw her mistress as someone always in control.

He laughed. "Hi, Cin! How are you? And its still Jau-" Pleasantries were exchanged as the thief struggled to reconcile the image of her mistress with the young woman before her now. Sure, Blondie boy was not too shabby to look at, if a bit scraggly. Still, him?

"Upupupup." Cinder shushed him. "We are still on the set. It's Jamie for you and Cinnamon for me. Speaking of spices..." Cinder brushed off invisible dust here and there, pulling the fabric around. "This jacket is the exact opposite of 'spicy'. What was the costume department thinking?"

Jamie laughed about it. "I'm thinking you're too much of a perfectionist. They fit my role as 'hardass teacher who ends up snapping'."

Teacher? Emerald looked down at her own clothing, suddenly reminded that she was to fill the role of an unruly schoolgirl getting punished. She had to clean herself thoroughly for that role and wear clothes she would never ever wear outdoors. That skirt was too skimpy!

"There is such a thing as too much." She gave him one last critical look before nodding. "I suppose that will have to do. Oh, and Jamie?"

Cinder leaned towards his ear, standing on her toes to reach it and whispered something. What exactly, Emerald couldn't tell, but it got him blushing like a cherry boy.

Seriously, he was the star of this show?! Sure, the thief never saw anything of his, but she didn't need to to get a picture of him as a virgin.

Well, not one anymore. Lucky dick.

Chocolate skin, deep cleavage and a real badonkadonk were crammed into a schoolgirl uniform one size too small, emphasizing the curves and conjuring fantasies. With barely audible claps, those cheeks moved to the office of her teacher. A real sweetheart, but way too uptight for some tastes. His morals were actually the reason she was there in the first place.

Well, that and-

"Come in."

His strict visage just barely managed to not make Emerald laugh. Yeah, blondie- Mr Darc wasn't suited for doling out discipline.

"You wanted to see me?" She played coy, pretending not to know that she was here because of-

"That outfit of yours." Right to the meat, huh? "Its way too small!"

She tittered like a brainless bimbo. "Aww, scared you will see things you shouldn't?"

"Do you want to catch a cold?"

What.

Emerald blinked, just barely catching the director making a throwing motion. "Huh? A cold?"

Blondie stood up harshly, his eyes narrow. "Do you have any idea how easy it is to get sick because you barely dress?"

"I have aura."

"Not an excuse!" His palm slammed onto the table as his voice turned into one more authoritative. "It will stifle your growth, your health and your grades as well! Or do you think that a lack of oxygen can help your failing classes?"

The student stood up, fury marring her face. "What the fuck do my grades have to do with this?! Are you just looking for some excuse to not have me dressed up like that so you don't feel guilty jerking it to schoolgirls?" She raised a finger and tapped it against his chest. "Fucking virgin."

That seemed to make his blood boil, judging by Blondie's expression. "You little..." he snarled. Then he rounded the table and Emerald's view turned very suddenly towards the floor. When her brain caught up to what happened, the unruly student realized that she was currently lying on his lap.

"That does it!"

SLAP

Emerald gasped at the stinging sensation against her ass. She knew that it was part of her role, but actually doing it was different.

SLAP

Her butt jiggled after each hit, something she knew the perverts watching this would love to see.

"Every time with you!"

SLAP

She was not going to moan.

"Do you know how many problems you're causing?!"

SLAP

She was not getting wet...

"Do you have any idea what some of less scrupulous would do to you?!"

SLAP

She was not actually getting off to this, no way-

SLAP

"Tell me!" He demanded. "What do you think would happen?!"

SLAP

Fuck it.

"I'd get fucked like the bitch I am!" She confessed, her legs clenching as she held herself back from climax. She was moaning, was getting off to being spanked by her betters...it just felt too good!

"Exactly," he said, rubbing her sore butt. "Now you know why I was angry, right?"

She had no idea what to say next. The slutty schoolgirl looked for help, blanking on her lines. She was supposed to say something here...

That was when her crimson eyes met Cinder's golden ones. She showed her subordinate an approving smirk and made a gesture at her. It was clear as day.

Go on.

"N-no," she lied. "I need more discipline."

SLAP

"Guess you need an intense crash course, then," Mr Darc grumbled in faked dissatisfaction before pulling down her thong.

That was when the real fun began. Emerald was getting spanked hard, then fingered even harder until she came, shrieking in joy. But he wasn't done with his slutty student. He made her strip in front of him, opening her jacket and losing everything beyond that. The only thing allowed to stay below the belt were her stockings.

He pinched her nipples and led her to his chair by pulling them. Already, Emerald was was acting like a dog- no, a bitch. A real bitch, loyal to master and mistress. She got to suck on master's fingers, cleaning them of her slutty juices.

Every look Emerald could steal towards Cinder, she saw her approval. Every command she followed from Mr Darc was met with approval. She happily looked at two dildos he showed her - both of them confiscated. She lubed them up for him before feeling one of them getting shoved in her ass.

The bitch couldn't help herself and came, screaming her sorry over and over as more of her juices stained the floor. She had no idea her asshole was such a good spot!

Finally, one last time, she was allowed to present herself. It was a treat for master; she could see it from the way his cock bulged out from inside his pants and how she showed her teeth. Sweaty from the exertion and exhilaration, her pussy leaking like a broken faucet, the bitch crouched and spread her legs, making sure her arms were behind her head so he could see it all. She should be allowed to behold this slut, his slut...

"I'm a bitch," she slurred. "I'm your bitch."

Her gaze wandered up to his blue eyes - weren't master's eyes yellow? And she saw approval.

His hand gently rested around her neck, squeezing it slightly. "Do you want to be a good girl?" He asked, earning a puzzled look from her. She didn't understand; was she not his slut, her plaything? Why would she be Cinder's good girl if she could be Mr Darc's slut?

"Good girls get rewards," he murmured, letting his hand travel from her neck to her breast and squeezing it.

The stupid bitch understood and shivered in delight. Her head was empty, there was only pleasure.

"Make me a good girl," she purred.

"Holy hell!" Jaune exclaimed. He was breathing a bit heavier after the shoot had ended, peering over to the near comatose Emerald. She had been wrapped in a bathrobe and the set people were fanning her flushed face. "I am not used to that."

He heard Cinder tittering. "For someone not used to being a dom, you conducted yourself very well." Her hand traced his shoulder as she came up behind Jaune, looking at a well fucked Emerald. "You really killed it."

Emerald would agree, were she still conscious. When she came to, she admitted it only to herself as she was allowed a copy of the newest short film of Jamie Darc.

It was the first time she ever watched porn, and the first time she masturbated so furiously.

[teethmouth]

I fw boobs legarde

Also it's such a funny concept to me does darce write those x reader tumblr fanfics of popular streamers that were everywhere four years ago? What kinda content would the other 3 stream and what kinda fan base do you think they'd rack up? How many controversies do you think cahara would've gotten himself into realistically

Sorry for question barrage this is just the best funger concept I've ran into

YES she does. that’s kind of exactly what i was thinking of. i don’t think she would have been making any of the really fucked up ones (iykyk) but it definitely would have been creepy enough to warrant mass reporting (i think le’garde has a large fanbase for no good reason).

ragnvaldr actually has talent and charisma, i think he would put a ton of effort into editing his vods and making things entertaining for everyone. i would imagine he just does gaming streams. he would have a disproportionately small following compared to le’garde, who refuses to pick up a controller and has been filming with an iphone 3 for like 8 years. it’s just raw footage. i think his streams are near silent and ominous, sometimes in unknown locations, but i think he has sunken thousands of dollars into expensive pet snakes so its mostly just him feeding them. he does not care about how good his content is as long as it makes him a shit ton of money. which it does.

^ important note: he has seen the fanfiction but refuses to directly acknowledge it if it is specifically written by d’arce. he has probably read something similar as a joke on stream

enki also does not care about quality of content necessarily, but i think hes absolutely cracked at video games. he has a fucking terrible microphone and a considerably large viewer base even though all he does is berate anyone who donates to him. has definitely broken a controller or monitor through untethered rage. this of course also results in a broken finger or metatarsal because he has the physical fortitude of a hostess cupcake. he also hasn’t seen the sun in like 6 months

cahara is like a reincarnated version of the u was at the club guy to me. he’s trying so hard. he goes to the gym just to take a video next to one of the machines. he has 6 different vapes. he cuts the sleeves off his shirts. at the end of the day i think his thirst traps never get any attention and it emotionally guts him. he has to rely on doing vape tricks to stay afloat. i think he would be pretty clean of controversy, actually, he would just kind of be insufferable

[theodoraflowerday]

heartstopper s2e3 live episode reaction

I'm so on edge after last episode ngl

Isaac that's YOUR dream date not elle's jakfjslfjdlfjskfjdkf

I KNOW YOU AND CHARLIE ARE REALLY GOOD MATES

🩷GOOD MATES🩷

the LOOK sai and otis gave christian oh my fucking GOD that was SCATHING

WHY'D YOU SAY THAT FOR!!!!!!

oh my god I'm so fucking tickled at the fact that literally everyone knows and they're just waiting for nick to tell him fjgkfjgkgjgkgjfkgkfk

otis is a king oh my god

okay oh my god that is literally the sweetest thing I've ever seen

NOT MISS SINGHJFJFHFJFJFKFJFKD HER /FACE/

zahra vibes ngl

lots of lesbians in women's rugby 🥹

oh that was so nice I'm so obsessed I love you miss singh

[whispers] ionic compounds

charlie is frustrating me so much and not bc i don't get it, it's because I DO!!! I once almost failed a class bc i had done my homework but I got so anxious about handing it in bc it didn't have a case that I just...... didn't hand it in

but my god charlie

TAO LFJFKGJDKFJDKFJDK

oh. okay. james.

these idiots are hugging at school and they genuinely think no one knows oh my god

I mean that as a casual I love you JSLFJSKFJ TARA

darcy's "yeah...... yeah" me too darce

"it'll be a laugh won't it" when has mr farouk ever laughed about anything

nick and charlie's faces ajfjskfjdlfj darcy's "oh dear! oh no!"

oh

oh no

oh no

oh my god tao no

oh I'm going to fucking die of second hand embarrassment

"OH, DUH!!!" "DARCY"

oh my god thank god

man, more than the great teenage romance, heartstopper just makes me long for that teenage friend group

ISAAC AND TORI INTERACTING LET'S GOOOOOOOOOO ACES LETS GO

look after him or you die

you know what. if I don't get a solitaire adaptation I will be passing away.

nick looks so cute in that outfit I know it's not the point but he looks so cute

oh my fucking god that bucket is gigantic

I don't like what's going on w darcy idk

"it's my duty as a boyfriend" okay you giant golden retriever

oh my god tao and elle are killing me I can't deal with this much second hand embarrassment

my only experience w bonfires are from how to get away with murder which I think means heartstopper is about to become very different very quickly

"I'm fundamentally unlikeable" oh tao honey no

my god naomi just lights up that screen doesn't she

tori I love you so much

"you don't look well" same

well

that was definitely not fun and slightly triggering ngl

I get it nick I also feel kinda ill lmao

CHARLIE AND SARAH YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

LET'S GOOOOOOOOOO CHARLIE AND SARAH TRUTHERS LETS GOOOOOOOO

"nick's so lucky to have you, charlie" honestly y'all

"char? you told harry to piss off. I enjoyed that"

he's so cuddly I want to rip my tits off look at that precious baby boy look at BOTH precious baby boys

okay that was the cuddliest thing I've ever seen I'll die

oh my god I love them so much lmao

[constellations-gift172]

Feathers & Fur, pt.2

Zee closed his eyes and held his breath slightly as he went through the portal, opening his eyes slowly and blinking away the dark spots. He found himself in a nicely furnished bedroom with posters lining the walls and a girl sitting on the bed.

she was super short. maybe 4'11. crimson eyes, black hair, that was super long. fell onto the bed, and down, reaching the floor, with... at least a few feet more of hair. she had long, scaly dragon wings more than twice her height. She also had this- inky substance covering the right half of her body and face. she had an arm-length glove on the right side, and a thigh-high boot on that same side.

despite the girl, Zee completely glazed over her, mesmerized in the room itself. "your room is- woah- I- I've never-"

Chi smiles as she steps through the portal behind him, nodding a little. "not bad, isn't it? we're hoping we get to keep the same dorm all 4 years-"

Zee's eyes were sparkling, still trying to take it all in, as Chi tilted her head, one ear slightly flopping to the side.

"I'm sorry, I just- this- I've never seen a room this cool!"

"no? I honestly think It could be better with time, but it is kinda nice?"

Zee looked at her with a look of complete confusion "Better? 'kinda' nice?? how could you do any better than this-?? I don't- even remember the last time I saw a bedframe-"

"oh- er- I suppose. we have to share the bed, swapping out for the couch. we're hoping to get a bunk bed..." when Chi said this, it made his eyes light up even more

"you have a couch? like- all to yourself? and- you can be on it after sleeping hours?"

she smiles "Yeah- and a lot of other stuff..."

Zee finally finds himself calming down, if only slightly, his wings shifting slightly. "wow... things really are a lot different here, huh?"

"so- then what are things like there..?"

"not like this, that's for sure... you saw my bedroom- I've had that same mattress since I got there. and I was 3 then."

Chi's ears droop ever so slightly "Aw- that's no good."

"a-and- I mean- what did you call these things again-?" he gestures to his wings "I've only ever heard them be called 'genetic mutations'..."

"oh- dars! I'm honestly not sure if all the legends are true- cause- I mean, I have the ability of Darce- but I mean, what other explanation is there for where they came from?"

he shifts slightly to look out a window. "so... there's.... others?"

Chi nods. "not one person who doesn't have one these days. about 50 years ago the last few who were thought to have no dar at all were confirmed to have minor ones. we're learning about it in history right now, actually."

he looks back at her, hope in his eyes, and a slight flutter in his heart. "everyone? that- you can't be serious, right?"

she grins happily at him "Why would I lie?"

he shrugs "People lie for a lot of reasons, I guess. most of the time just to make me look stupid."

"Well, I'm not like those people."

"promise?"

"promise."

he relaxes slightly. "so you aren't being- trained?"

she hums "Well I chose the hero course, so I am, kinda. but Eji didn't. she's doing culinary."

he looks down. "all of us are being trained. to kill in war. they call us 'super weapons'... if you aren't strong enough, aren't able to kill with your power, or can't heal with your power, you're killed. well- I guess Kai is an exception. she's more of a tracker."

Chi hums and thinks "You've not been to school?" Zee responds by shaking his head, his wings drooping a little, looking down, slightly embarrassed. Chi smiles "Well- you wanna enroll here? I could tutor you, and help you catch up... technically you would need a boy's dorm, but it's only like- a 5-minute walk."

he looks at her "Oh... yeah, I think I'd like that.."

she grins and nods a bit.

[the-iceni-bitch]

He Gives Me Everything and Tenderly…

Pairing: detective!bottom Bucky Barnes x younger!top male reader (Sarge and Officer Beefcake, NLLYL AU)

Words: ~5k

Summary; Bucky is just fine on his own. He really is. He’s used to it. Even after meeting you and thinking about you a whole bunch, he’s still fine. And he does not appreciate his friends’ meddling.

Warnings: explicit language, explicit sexual content (mentions of male masturbation, salad tossing, protected anal sex, spit as lube and lube as lube, kinda public sex), meet cute, reverse age gap, tall/beefy male reader, bottom!Bucky Barnes, Bucky is grumpy, hints of angst, love at first sight? lots of friendly teasing, m/m relationship, SMUT!! 18+ ONLY!!

A/N: Welp, this was something I wrote entirely in one sitting and I can’t say I’m mad about it at all. This is my first ever male reader fic and I am both incredibly nervous and very excited to share it with all of you! Big ass thanks to the absolutely amazing @howdoyousleep3 for hyping me up and providing some much appreciated perspectives (remember lube, people!)

I am no longer doing taglists so if you want to stay up to date on all the latest filth, follow my sideblog @the-iceni-library and turn on notifications!

Bucky was exhausted. A long ass shift at the end of a long ass week and he was done, looking forward to going home and drinking a cold beer on his couch while he didn’t talk to anyone for a whole 48 hours. God, he hated people.

Except Darcy, and the cute little peach. Even though he wanted to get the fuck out of there he still stopped by the dispatch desk to chat with his girls and let them cheer him up a little.

“Hey Sarge!” He shook his head when Darcy called him that, her stubborn insistence to call him by his military rank after however many years just one of the many things that endeared her to him. “You look like shit, you finally getting out of here? Maybe gonna see someone special tomorrow?”

“The only people he’ll be seeing are Sam Adams and Johnnie Walker, maybe James Bond… hey!” The peach gave him an adorable scowl when he threw a paper clip at her, rubbing her cheek where it had hit her and sticking her tongue out at him before turning her attention back to her screen. “Don’t act like I’m not right, I’m there every time you drunk dial Nat while you’re binge watching old movies and lamenting your lack of a love life.”

“Tell your girlfriend to quit putting me on speaker or I’m gonna call her ex to chat from now on.” Bucky grinned when she rolled her eyes at him, bringing his attention back to Darcy and sighing when she was giving him a sympathetic pout. “Don’t look at me like that, I’m fine. I like being alone.”

“You’re lying, but fine.” Darcy shrugged at him, grinning when there was a sudden commotion at the doors and a mess of recruits came charging through into the hallway after Sam. “Hi Sammy, boys! Ooh, hey there beefcake, you run laps around all those slugs on the course again?”

“Maybe.”

Bucky choked when you were standing next to him, trying not to ogle you swathed in those gray sweats and feeling like the world’s dirtiest old man all of a sudden. “They’re getting better, starting to catch up. You shouldn’t call them slugs, Darce.”

“Please, like Wilson hasn’t called them worse, you’re too nice.” Peachy girl grinned when she turned in her chair again and saw Bucky looking like his jaw was about to hit the floor. “Have you met Detective Barnes, beefy?”

“Haven’t had the pleasure.” Bucky took in your name with an almost hysterical laugh when you reached out and shook his hand, not entirely sure what had come over him as he felt his neck getting unbearably hot and struggled to come up with something to say. “Well, I’ve gotta hit the showers, always lovely talking to you ladies.”

“Bye!” Both of them were grinning wickedly at Bucky once you were gone, chuckling when he just spluttered nonsense and looked at the floor. “What the fuck was that, Bucky?”

“Shut up.” He was flabbergasted, he’d never felt such an unbelievable attraction to someone right off the bat, except, once. But he never thought about that. “It wasn’t anything.”

“Oh, nothing at all?” Darcy was still grinning when Bucky growled at her, shaking her head and leaning back in her chair while the peach kept laughing. “So you weren’t staring at his ass when he walked away?”

“Of course not.” It had only been a little bit, you were so fucking tall your ass was impossible to miss, and so high and tight and… no, nope. “What the hell kind of nickname is beefcake, anyway?”

“You saw him.” Peach was practically cackling at this point, the redness on Bucky’s face so entertaining she was considering taking a photo to send to Nat. “The man is grade A USDA prime meat, what would you like us to call him?”

“You’re a couple of pervs.” Bucky just scoffed and ignored them when they told him it takes one to know one, flipping them off over his shoulder and almost forgetting his bag when he stormed out of the precinct to start his much needed alone time. “Inappropriate, gonna talk to HR about you two!”

If it had just been the one interaction, Bucky probably could’ve handled it. Yeah, he had jerked himself off thinking about your broad shoulders and tiny waist and that masterpiece of an ass, but only once, okay three times. But it was just over the weekend, he’d forget about you eventually.

Except for the fact that suddenly he was seeing you everywhere. Every damn time he was in the precinct, there you were, smiling that slightly crooked smile and laughing and making every person light up when you walked through the room. And in the fucking sweats every time, it was like torture. Torture that was made worse by the fact that Darcy and peach were always grinning at him like they knew something he didn’t, and they had apparently told Sam whatever they supposedly knew, so now that man was basically parading you in front of Bucky’s desk every chance he got and making him talk to you and get to see how fucking charming you were. He hated it.

“I do, I love cats!” Sam was chatting with you right in front of Bucky’s desk again and he was plotting how he could get away with murdering the man. “Have a little ginger idiot at home who has maybe two braincells, but he’s my baby.”

“Wow, that’s adorable.” Bucky almost growled at Sam when he grinned at him. “Bucky has a kitty of his own, don’t you, Buck?”

“Yes.” Sometimes he even hated his friends, this was ridiculous.

“I love that, knew you were a cat person.” Bucky almost groaned when you placed your hand on the desk so close to his, looking up at you through his lashes and trying so hard not to melt into his chair when he saw you smiling at him. “What’s her name?”

“Alpine.” You smelled so unbelievably good, Bucky had an incredible urge to lean up and bury his face in your neck, but managed to just turn the photo of his cat around to show you instead. “She’s three.”

“She’s gorgeous.” You winked and Bucky almost swooned, there was something wrong with him. “Shit, I’ve gotta get out of here, got a birthday party to get to. It’s always real nice talking to you, Detective.”

“You too.” Bucky swallowed thickly and shook his head when you walked away, his scowl coming back immediately when he saw Sam looking like he just ate a damn canary as he smirked at him. “Shut up.”

“Didn’t say anything.” Sam chuckled when Bucky just hunched over his paperwork and tried to ignore him. “Buuuuut… hoo boy, you like him.”

“I do not.” Murder was the only answer to these affronts. “He’s too young.”

“Bullshit, is peach too young for Nat?” Sam snorted when Bucky just grumbled under his breath, rolling his eyes at the man’s stubbornness. “You like like him, you need to get over that massive hang up, Barnes, it’s holding you back!”

“Man, fuck you!” Bucky jumped when he realized that Sam wasn’t there anymore, so he was just yelling at the bullpen, every member of the team giving him looks of varying amusement before they bent back to their work. “Sorry.”

It was a legitimate hang up, especially when it came to you. Because you reminded Bucky of him.

Specifically of when he was young, when Bucky first realized he was in love and overlooked all of his flaws and just wanted to be wrapped up in him all the time in spite of the fact the man would only look at Bucky like his old friend who he could tell about every single disgusting conquest he made. And that meant you were dangerous. Bucky refused to do that to himself again, it had taken him too long to get over that malicious bastard, and nothing had hurt him more than the realization that he had wasted so much time loving someone who barely gave a fuck about him. He didn’t care how sincere and charming you seemed, he wasn’t going to fall for that same shit all over again.

But it didn’t stop any of his friends from dragging you in front of him at every opportunity, and even though he was polite and listened to you and answered all your questions, it didn’t stop him from snarling at them as soon as you were gone. He didn’t care what they thought he needed, he was fine.

He wasn’t lonely. He didn’t wake up grinding his hips into his mattress after dreaming of sharing his bed with you. He didn’t wonder what you would look like with soft morning light falling across your face while both of your cats jumped on you and Bucky made you breakfast. They all needed to worry about their own lives and quit fucking with his.

Which is why he should have been suspicious as hell when Nat and her little peach and Darcy insisted on taking him out for drinks on a Friday night. All of them together. At a dive bar that was typically just cops. Like they didn’t usually go uptown and dress up.

“Well, look at that, is that Sam?” Darcy bounced on her toes and waved when she spotted Sam with all of his recruits, her and peach squealing while Bucky shot Nat an exhausted look. “Gosh, I completely forgot they’re celebrating the academy graduation, what are the chances?”

“Shocking.” Bucky couldn’t stop growling when Nat just shrugged at him. “I can’t believe they dragged you into their scheming, Romanoff.”

“They’re young and excited, it’s cute.” Nat wrapped her arm around Bucky’s shoulders and started pulling him towards the group. “Besides, you deserve someone nice, and to spend the night with someone besides Alpine.”

“Alpine doesn’t take up that much room on the bed, and I like to spread out.” Bucky just resigned himself to having a miserable night, even when you gave him an easy smile once you laid eyes on him and waved eagerly. “And he might not be nice.”

“Buck, you won’t know unless you give him a chance.” Nat sighed as she rested her chin on her best friend’s shoulder, pinching his cheek and trying to get him to at least give her a grudging smile. “And you know how good my asshole radar is, I’m getting no pings from the beefcake.”

“Yeah, alright.” Bucky steeled himself when you started walking his way, feeling a little tight in his chest and watery in his eyes as he did his best to give you a smile. “Hi.”

“Hi Detective.” Your smile got even wider when Nat introduced herself, shaking her hand warmly then turning back to Bucky and crossing your arms over your massive chest. “Can I get you a beer?”

“I don’t…” Bucky caught himself when Nat looked at him expectantly and blew out a deep breath. “Yeah, a beer would be great.”

“Fantastic, for you too?” You winked at Nat when she nodded before hurrying off to get their drinks with an undeniable bounce in your step that Bucky found he enjoyed very much.

“Listen, Buck.” Nat gave you a very thorough look while you waited at the bar, wrapping her arms around her girl when she came to sit on her lap and Darcy sat across from them. “Even if it doesn’t last, you’re a special kind of idiot if you don’t at least have sex with that man.”

“Jesus Christ.” Bucky felt himself blush up to his ears when all of the women just nodded enthusiastically and started detailing what the two of you should do to each other. “You three are worse than frat boys, oh my god.”

“C��mon, sarge…” Darcy snapped her mouth shut when you came back with Bucky’s and Nat’s drinks, giving Bucky a meaningful look and making a little circle with her thumb and forefinger then pushing her opposite finger through it while your back was turned until Bucky felt like he was in fucking high school. “Hi beefcake!”

“Hi Darce!” You were sitting so close to Bucky he could smell you again, he had to start chugging his beer so he didn’t reach out to bury his fingers in your hair. “I’ve always wanted to ask, why does she call you ‘sarge’?”

“Oh, it was my rank when I was discharged.” Bucky couldn’t handle the way you were looking at him, like he was the most interesting thing in the room, he wanted to fall into your eyes and get lost. “From the army. Darcy’s sister served with me, so she knew me then and the nickname stuck.”

“I didn’t know you served, my dad was in the marines.” You could see Bucky starting to tense up and bless you, you backed off, keeping that easy smile on your face while you nudged his foot with yours. “It’s okay, that’s not something we have to talk about right now, tell me about Alpine, how’s the little lady doing?”

“She’s- she’s good.” Something about the way you instantly pivoted the conversation and didn’t make Bucky feel like an ass for almost clamming up had him relaxing pretty much instantly, grinning back at you and rolling his eyes a little playfully when he thought about his little furry troublemaker. “She’s a brat, but good. Almost gave me a heart attack last week when she somehow managed to climb up to the ceiling beams in my apartment.”

“Oh shit! Really?” You chuckled warmly when Bucky just nodded and took another sip of his beer, plucking at the edge of the label on your bottle and leaning forward a little so you could hear him better. “She get down on her own or did you have to get a ladder?”

“Well, after six hours of pleading and begging, I did finally manage to entice her with some tuna.” Bucky kept watching your face closely, the earnestness he was so wary of constant and never wavering while you listened to everything he said intently. “She’s too smart for her own good, I swear.”

“Fuck, I can’t decide if my situation is better or worse.” You laughed when Bucky scoffed, pushing at his shoulder and shaking your head when he looked at you with mock offense. “No, I love my boy, but he’s a dumbass of epic proportions. The most worrisome thing he’s ever done is get his whole head stuck in a mason jar. Theodore is an idiot.”

“Theodore?” Bucky was vaguely aware of movement next to him after he emptied his beer and set down the bottle, but he couldn’t stop watching your lips move. “That’s adorable.”

“Aw, yeah, my niece named him.” Your smile got even wider somehow and it was making Bucky melt, another bottle of beer appearing seemingly out of nowhere on the table and immediately finding its way to his lips. “It’s her favorite chipmunk.”

Cats. Talking about your fucking cats was apparently the kick in the ass Bucky needed to let almost all his concerns about having anything with you go, letting himself relax and be easy while you told him all these sweet, endearing little things about yourself. How much you loved your niece and how much of a star she was at figure skating. How good you were at baking and you didn’t care what he said, you were baking him a loaf of sourdough to prove it. How you played three different instruments and spoke two languages. You were too goddamn interesting.

And you managed to get him to talk about himself too. How close he was with his sister and mother and how much he loved seeing them as often as possible. How he secretly enjoyed knitting and always made sweaters for the family at Hanukkah but would kill you if you told anyone about his hobby. How he collected old records and could spend whole days just listening to music and drinking good whiskey.

Bucky was more than a little thrilled that you seemed to be hanging on his every word and scooting closer to him until you were right next to him and your shoulders were practically touching.

He had lost track of how many beers he’d consumed by the time people started dancing, but he knew it wasn’t too many as he was just very pleasantly buzzed and staring at your plump, kissable, pillowy lips and wondering what it would be like to suck on them.

“Hey, James.” Bucky had just told you his first name and for some reason the fact that was what you were choosing to call him was making him dizzy. “You wanna dance with me?”

“Oh, um…” Bucky chewed on his lip while he thought it over, he had two left feet when he was sober, and he also wasn’t sure he would be able to control himself if you put your hands on him. “I don’t know…”

“Hey, no pressure.” You winked like you did every time you said something disarming and Bucky decided that he loved that about you. “Just wanted to ask, but if all you want is to talk, that’s a-okay.”

Bucky was struggling with himself. You barely seemed disappointed, it had maybe flashed across your face for a second, but he believed you when you said it was okay. You even leaned back against your chair to give him space, zero hints of malice in your expression and just that perfect, easygoing look that made Bucky feel like you were fine taking no for an answer and you would never hold it against anybody.

And for some reason, that finally sealed it for Bucky that you weren’t him.

“I wanna dance.” Bucky winced when he almost knocked over his bottle when he set it down, grabbing your hand and pulling you to your feet so he could drag you towards the makeshift dance floor. “Let’s go.”

Your laugh made Bucky beam at you over his shoulder, humming along to the music and turning to face you once you were in the middle of it. His breath caught when you were right there, letting you frame his waist with your hands and pull him even closer while you started rolling your hips to the music. Bucky very quickly decided that he liked having your hands on him, shaking his head and gripping your wrists to keep you in place when you tried to lean back before he slid his palms up your arms and over your chest.

Somehow, even though he knew you were big, your massive size hadn’t fully registered in Bucky’s brain until he was in such close proximity to you. It’s not like Bucky was small by any means, he hit the weights, he never skipped arm day, he’d even been called beefy himself a few times. But you… goddamn. You were like nothing Bucky had ever seen before. He was starting to get woozy from it.

Then you ducked even closer and pressed your cheek against Bucky’s temple and he couldn’t help it, he gasped. He could feel your lips moving against his skin but he couldn’t hear anything you were saying, a low buzzing filling his ears while his fingers dug into your firm chest and he rolled his hips against yours. This was dangerous, he was not going to have sex with you without even a proper date, he wasn’t that easy.

He kept repeating it in his head over and over. When you slipped your arms around his waist and squeezed as you kept guiding his movements. When he buried his face in your neck and groaned when he finally got to breathe in your scent fully. When you nipped at the shell of his ear and made some kind of noise that sent a vibration through Bucky’s whole body. And especially when you grabbed his ass and gave such a dirty grind of your hips that made him feel how fucking hard and massive you really were.

It didn’t matter how much he repeated it though, it only took three songs before Bucky found himself with his back against a stall door in the bathroom with his pants around just one of his ankles and his toes barely brushing the floor while he practically sat on your face.

One of his knees was flung over your shoulder while you licked at his hole, his whole body shivering when you hummed against his skin and dug your fingers into his thighs and he didn’t even care that he was getting eaten out in a public bathroom and enjoying it quite loudly.

“God, I knew you’d be fucking sweet.” You growled but barely pulled back, gripping the thigh that was on your shoulder and pushing it up until it was pressed to Bucky’s side so you could see his face. “You taste so goddamn good, James, once I get you in bed I’m gonna make a full meal out of this ass, shit.”

“Oh… Jesus Christ.” Bucky could barely breathe when your mouth was on his hole again, he could feel your jaw working while you moved your lips and tongue like you were making out with him, all while you kept your intense eye contact and let his cock rest on your face like you didn’t even care. “Oh my fucking god.”

Bucky could feel your chuckle when a whine escaped from his throat without his permission, his eyes rolling when your tongue fluttered all around his twitching skin before you were dragging it over his hole again and sucking until Bucky almost squealed. But then your tongue punched into him and the squeal was ripped out of his chest, his breath heaving almost painfully while you fucked him with the thick muscle until his dick started leaking and twitching against your forehead. It was insane that you were so good at this, you were so young, but your mouth worked like you were a fucking pornstar and it had Bucky feeling some kind of way.

“You’re gonna let me fuck you, James.” It didn’t sound like a question, you were telling him, your face serious while you licked your way up his taint until you could nip at his balls while you slid a finger inside him. “I need it, need to feel you come on my cock, god, you’d better fucking hold it until I’m inside you or I’m gonna spank you, I swear to fucking god.”

“Yeah… yeah, oh my god, please.” Bucky felt like he was losing his mind when you sucked on his balls and pushed a second finger inside him, his legs shaking and his eyes rolling back in his head while he grabbed your hair and held on for dear life. “Oh shit… fuck me, I can hold it, I’ll be good, just fuck me.”

You leaned your cheek against his hip and kept grinning at him while you reached your free hand into your wallet to grab a packet of lube, chuckling when Bucky huffed at you when you ripped it open with your teeth and squirted it all over the fingers you were plunging into his ass.

“You brought lube with you?” Bucky was trying to remain huffy but it was difficult when you were scissoring his hole open so slowly and shit, it felt amazing. “What exactly did you think was going to happen tonight?”

“God, I dunno, James.” You looked meaningfully at the fingers that were currently knuckle deep inside him, wiggling them a little when you looked back up at him with a cocked eyebrow and snorting when he whined. “Would you prefer I didn’t have lube right now? Because I can stop…”

“No, don’t do that.” So much for not trying to seem desperate, Bucky was panting he needed you so bad. “I’m just… talking, I’ll shut up. I can be good.”

“Yeah? You’re gonna be a good boy for me James?” What were you doing to him? Bucky couldn’t help but whimper when you spat on your fingers to slick them up even more and added a third, nodding and rolling his hips into your hand when you just barely teased his sweet spot as you kissed the inside of his thigh. “Yeah you will, my good boy, opening right up for me.”

“Mmhm, yours, oh holy shit.” The addition of your fourth finger turned Bucky’s whole body into jelly, your hold on his thigh the only thing keeping him from crumpling to the floor when you licked a wide, flat stripe up the underside of his cock. “Holy fucking shit, pleasepleaseplease…”

“Shhh, don’t you worry, James, I’ve got you.” You groaned when he let go of your hair to shove his fist in his mouth when he gave you a tortured cry, slowly pulling your fingers out of him and setting his feet on the floor so you could stand. “Turn around for me, sweet thing.”

“Yes… yes sir.” Bucky let his eyes flutter closed when you kissed his temple and turned him around, pressing his cheek against the cool metal and arching his back when you placed one hand on his hip and used the other to pull out a condom. “I need it.”

“I know, handsome.” Your voice was muffled while you used your teeth to rip the wrapper open, nuzzling into the tendrils of hair that were resting against the back of Bucky’s neck so you could kiss him there while you rolled the condom over your length and emptied another packet of lube all over your dick. “You gonna call me sir while I fuck this sweet little ass?”

“Ye-yes… oh fuck!” Bucky practically screamed when your tip just barely slipped inside him, arching his back and whining when you wrapped your arm across his throat and growled in his ear. “Fuck… ‘s big, so big, fuck me.”

“You can take it, big guy, keep being good for me.” You grinned against Bucky’s cheek when he rose on his toes as you kept going, smacking his ass and chuckling when it made him clench as you increased the pressure on his neck. “You feel fucking incredible, Jesus. Been thinking about getting you like this since the first time I saw you, you know that? Did you think about me too, James?”

“N-no.” Bucky already felt extremely vulnerable while he was split open on only half of your cock, he didn’t need to admit to you that he had been dreaming about wrapping his legs around your tiny little waist while you fucked him slow and deep. “I didn’t.”

“Pretty sure you’re a liar.” You grinned and yanked his head back at the same time you gave a final snap of your pelvis and Bucky sobbed, his body shaking violently while you rested your hips against the plush curve of his ass and dragged your tongue along his jaw while you let him adjust. “That’s okay though, big guy, you can think about this. Now, I’m gonna apologize, because this is gonna be a lot faster than I would like, but we are in public.”

Bucky didn’t have any response except a yelp when you started driving your cock into him almost viciously, his breath punched out of his lungs each time your hips bounced off his ass while you sucked on his ear. He felt like he was about to explode, your cock driving into his swollen prostate each time you bottomed out until his balls started pulling tight to his body and his cock twitched. You must have felt the change since you dropped the hand that wasn’t attached to the thick arm that was currently choking him to grab his cock and start stroking him in time with your thrusts.

“Fuckfuckfuck…” Bucky felt like such a whore but he didn’t care, turning his head as much as possible so he could rub his nose against your cheek while he whined. “I’m so close, don’t stop.”

“I’ll give you whatever you want, James.” You groaned when his hole clenched around you, squeezing his cock and his throat at the same time and kissing the corner of his lips tenderly while you gazed into his eyes. “Gonna take care of you. Can’t wait to be able to take my time, enjoy you, god, could spend a whole fucking night in this ass, you’re so goddamn warm and tight. But I need you to come for me right now, James, make a mess on my hand, lemme make you feel good, c’mon.”

The thought of you in his bed and fucking him raw and open had Bucky tumbling over the edge of his climax with a shout, his desperate noises muffled by your lips when you smashed them to his as he quaked in your arms and shot his cum all over your fingers. He sobbed when you didn’t stop stroking him even once he was milked dry, his eyes rolling back when you throbbed inside him and almost lamenting the fact that you were filling the condom instead of pumping your cum deep in his guts and determined to get to the point when he would finally get to feel all of you. As soon as you were done you were bringing your cum soaked fingers to your mouth, keeping eye contact with Bucky as you sucked his cum off them slowly and groaning at his taste then pressing your lips to his again so you could share with him.

“Jesus fuck.” Bucky couldn’t think of anything else to say, smiling almost sheepishly at you after you had pulled out of him and tossed the condom, letting you turn him around and nuzzle at his cheek before you were bending to help him step back into his jeans.

“My sentiments exactly.” You gave him another one of those winks and he wasn’t even mad when he blushed violently. “You gonna be as big of an ass about me taking you on a real date?”

“I wasn’t an ass.” Bucky huffed when you stood back up and wrapped your arms around him, nipping at your bottom lip and grinning when you growled playfully at him. “I was wary.”

“Sure.” You kissed him slow and deep and smiled against his lips when he melted into you before pulling back so he could breathe. “Pretty sure the girls and Sergeant Wilson would agree with my assessment, but we can use your word.”

“Oh shit, they’re still out there.” Bucky screwed his eyes shut and moaned at the thought of the commentary he was going to have to endure, shaking his head when you chuckled and opened the stall door to start pulling him back to the bar. “Can’t we just climb out the window or something?”

“Yeah, I don’t think either of us could fit through that window, James.” You nodded at the tiny one by one glass square and kissed his temple when he sighed defeatedly, holding his hand and letting him follow you when you opened the door. “Besides, if you think I’m not going to enjoy showing you affection in public, I’ve got some bad news.”

Bucky’s retort was cut off by an absurd amount of hollering when you opened the door, his face getting unbearably red and the desire to either tell all of your friends to shut the fuck up or just book it out of the bar overwhelming. But then your arm was around his shoulders and your lips were pressed against his temple, and maybe he could put up with his friends being smug rowdy assholes for the rest of the night if you kept smiling at him like that.

[bowlofmeat]

I mean there’s nothing in canon that disproves that the Core is super goofy. so why not

...

In Amphibia episode "the Beginning of the End" Darcy captures Anne and others and intends to "do what [Andrias] could not: kill Anne." This is easily the scariest Darcymoment to me, because of the ease of which Darcy does that and because Darcy makes this face:

This is not a Marcy expression. This is about as far from Marcy as you could possibly get. Marcy would never make this expression in this context. Why?

Well, know that Darcy has all of Marcy's memories. Marcy has known Anne since they were toddlers, and they hung out after school every day. She probably knew Anne's favorite foods and Anne's favorite color. They probably watched movies together, huddled under a blanket with moonlight streaming in from the window. Do you know what it takes to know all of that and still wear this expression? You'd have to be a special kind of fucked up to do that, and I don't believe that Marcy is that fucked up.

So. This image would singlehandedly convince me that Darcy really, really, isn't Marcy, and isn't influenced by Marcy in this way at least. Because if Marcy had any amount of say in this - the Core wouldn't be able to kill Anne. At least not with this expression.

Sidenote I actually kinda like that Marcy is completely powerless in controlling Darcy's actions. It makes her slapping away Aldrich's hand all the more meaningful because Aldrich takes away everything afterwards, leaves her in a dark room with nothing, just herself, some lonely little girl in her school uniform and not Marcy the chief ranger of the Newtopian Knight Guard. And she still rejects him.

Anyway. Where does Darcy's quirkyness come from? Well, Darcy says it might've "inherited some of [Marcy's] quirks" but it clearly doesn't get influenced that much from Marcy (see the above). From what I can identify "inherited some of her quirks" might mean that ol' Darce here enjoys Marcy's favorite foods more and falls over a bunch. I can't say anything conclusive on like, personality changes because the Core doesn't have a canon personality that isn't Darcy to compare and contrast to, which is honestly such a shame.

But. There is one thing the Core does when it has yet to become Aldrich-as-the-Core or Darcy-as-the-Core. And that is this:

It gets really close to people just to mess with their heads. This is a consistent character trait displayed both as the Core and as Darcy. This does imply that it has a consistent personality.

Besides, the Core literally named itself “Dark Marcy” because “the name appeals to us,” implying that that thing is canon goofy I refuse to believe otherwise!!

EDIT: Also the Core's first reaction to meeting Marcy is to demand Andrias kill her. Immediately. It's first reactions as Darcy to meeting Anne is to 1. mock her, 2. declare the rebellion over, 3. fecking kill her!? That's a very short path to killing, displayed both as the Core and as Darcy. Darcy is extremely hardcore and has no chill dot png.

Again, the Core doesn't have much of a personality, so I'm afraid the analysis has to end here. Sorry guys.

also this consistent character trait

[leporinelou]

dude i really want to know how much darce was lifting during that scene where he’s like doing curls like they’re nothing - like dude is ripped

when billy’s working out ? literally one of the best scenes stop. the way he’s doing that, drinking beer and smoking ?? truly an iconic and relatable king

(i mean surely they can’t use actual weights for filming reasons.. how does that actually work in films & stuff? i’m kinda curious now)

but yeah dacre’s actually so ripped and for what like that interview with the really tight shirt ?? don’t even get me started

[adorkwithaplan]

Turn Ons and Movie Marathons

Request: “hey! can i request a darcy x reader where their having a movie marathon date night. and like their watching a horror movie and darcy gets scared, and like r protects her or something. and maybe things get kinda “hot and heavy” so to speak (obviously no smut cause u said ur not cool with that). oh and preferably a fem reader? thanks so much!!!”

Pairing: Darcy Lewis x fem!reader

Summary: Y/N and Darcy are watching a movie and things get a little heated

This fic includes: Fluff, bit steamy things, implied smut, and uh the steamy things are pretty vanilla cuz i’m still getting used to it

Hey anon thanks for being my first request and everyone else i am still working on your requests as we speak! (Baker is the dog from a deleted Thor scene btw)✌︎︎

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

It was around 8 when you and Darcy started the ‘Movie Marathon Spectacular” as you like to call it. Darcy and you had been planning this date since last week, no interruptions just, you, her, and Baker.

By 2:30 you’d watched a few movies A rom-com, comedy, and Four Christmases,

“Yeah it’s like the beginning of March but it’s that good of a movie, my love” you had said to your girlfriend as you sat back down, a fresh bowl of popcorn in your hands along with Twizzlers and snickers to share. “Thaannk yoouu” She smiled, a fistful already in her mouth, “Ok so what’s next on the list?” Darcy asked, grabbing the movie list you’d made together. Skimming the list for the last movie you crossed off the doctor saw that you had entered horror movie territory.

“Ah yes, starting the horror movies at 3 am, how much more clique could we get?” You giggled, placing your chin on her shoulder ”so what do you wanna start off with?” as you were placing a kiss on her neck

you remembered every movie you put on the list but you just want the excuse to wrap your arms around Darcy so you slipped them around her and grabbed the list out of her hands, “Hey! You could easily read it while I was holding it.” the doctor pouted crossing her arms. You took the opportunity to pull her onto your lap “Oh shush.” you responded placing another kiss on her shoulder

“Ok well I'm down to watch whatever,” she said leaning into you. You had started drawing little shapes on her thighs, moving your hands up and down

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

You’d picked some random movie from the list and about 20 minutes in Darcy had moved from your lap to snuggling up with you on your side. She was all for a good horror movie but no matter how many times Darcy saw a movie the jumpscares always got her somehow. You placed a hand on her thigh as you vaguely remember that someone was about to die, a few thoughts running through your mind as to how you could get to the scenario you wanted

“Darc’ what if we kissed during the scary parts?” you teased moving closer to whisper in her ear

“y/n this is a horror movie, literally every other scene is a scary part so it would just be us- ohhhhh” the realization hitting your girlfriends face was something that made your heart flutter. Staring at each other your eyes flickered from her blue eyes to her red-stained lips, (boy did you wanna kiss those lips). Still yet to make any big moves just taking in the sight of each other, it had been a long week for both of you, Darcy with S.W.O.R.D and Wanda, you with helping your sister move, It was nice to have these intimate moments together after long weeks like that.

You were both back to starting at each other. It was something you two did often, taking in the sight of the woman in front of you. Her hair was in a messy bun and her blue S.W.O.R.D shirt was starting to scrunch up, showing her stomach. You moved your hands to touch the showing skin of her back, the sudden movement causing the doctor to shiver.

‘There we go’ you thought to yourself, a smirk appearing on your lips, you glided your hands up and down her sides and back, while u did that she cupped your face and the kisses started again. Not just a kiss on the lips, there were kisses peppered all over. From your chin to her neck and it was wonderful.

You’d moved on to your bedroom a bit after that.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Hours later and you'd make your way to the rooftop of your shared home. It was still a bit cold so you were both in sweatpants and matching sweaters you’d gotten as a gift that year.

It was silent. A sweet and comfortable silence that you were ok with staying in but you always loved the sound of your girlfriends voice. Placing a hand on Darcy’s thigh you spoke, “Doctor Lewis, you sure do know how to make a girl feel nice that’s for sure.”

Darcy chuckled and took the hand you’d placed on her thigh and held it in her own, the doctor spoke,“Well Ms. l/n, I sure do take pride in the fact I could make you feel such things.”

Kissing your knuckles and leaning on your shoulder the two of you looked at the stars and found as many constellations you could see until the sun rose and you’d start your day again.

Maybe even finish that movie.

[ynscrazylife]

Hii is it okay for me to request a Darcy Lewis x Female reader where they have known each other for a while now and are roommates but Darcy didn't know that the reader was a agent and the reader didn't know what type of job Darcy worked at so they both get to work together at SWORD and they both have crushes on one another but surprise surprise they are too shy to confess their feelings but Monica and Jimmy decides to set them up? Because they are tired of seeing Darcy of hopeless in love lmao Like put them alone together and Darcy gets jealous when literally anyone tries to flirt with the reader so she finally admits that she loves the reader and the reader kisses her when Darcy thinks she made a mistake and ruined the friendship but Reader is just happy she finally told her? 😊 if that's okay!

Sure!

It’s A Small World

Summary: Roomates Darcy and Y/N find out that they’re both working on the Westview case. Jimmy and Monica, seeing that Darcy obviously likes Y/N, set them up on a date.

Permanent Taglist: @stephanieromanoff

MCU Taglist: @procrastinatingsapphictrash @okkulta

Request to be on a taglist (or multiple) HERE!

(IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Kat Dennings smiling)

Darcy sat in her chair at the makeshift S.W.O.R.D. base outside of Westview, New Jersey, watching WandaVision while resting her chin in the palm of her hand, as she leaned her elbow on the table the television was sitting on. She used to find WandaVision intriguing and was fascinated by it, but since Monica came back from Westview and informed them that Wanda was the cause and was hurting people by mind-controlling them, she started to have a different opinion. Watching this show . . . it started to make Darcy feel sick, seeing all of these different people unaware and clueless, being toyed with by Wanda.

“Anything happen?” Jimmy asked as he came back with two cups of coffee in a tray, peering over Darcy’s shoulder momentarily to look at the television screen. He usually would have three coffees, but Monica was running a little late. 

Darcy shook her head. “Nope,” she answered, bored, and spared a glance at her friend who slid into his own seat and got his computer started up, putting the coffee tray on the empty space on the table between them. 

The brunette picked up her usual coffee and put it to her lips, deciding to take a brief break from WandaVision and swivel around in her chair to observe the base. Someone had to be doing something interesting, right? She began sipping - well, slurping until Jimmy gave her a look - and glanced around the room, her eyes not landing on anything in particular until . . .

She almost lurched forward and spit out her coffee on her lap, and then ignored Jimmy’s startled expression, doing a double take. 

Nope. She had definitely seen it right. 

There was Y/N, Darcy’s longtime friend, secret crush, and roommate heading her way, but not spotting Darcy just yet. She had known her roommate was an agent of some sorts but S.W.O.R.D? Wow. 

Jimmy looked over his shoulder and followed the woman’s gaze. “What’s the reaction for, Darce? That’s Agent Y/L/N,” he said. 

Darcy had to refrain from rolling her eyes, putting her coffee back on the table. “I know, she’s my roommate,” she said, nervously giggling, but the two were interrupted as Y/N notched Darcy’s presence. 

“Darcy?!”

Darcy nearly fell out of her chair and scrambled to her feet, meeting her friend’s eyes who was smiling but had a confused glint in her eyes. “I didn’t know you were the astrophysicist they picked for this case!” Y/N said, and closed the distance between them, not hesitating to wrap said astrophysicist in a tight hug. 

Jimmy noticed how Darcy tensed up at first but then practically melted into Y/N’s arms. “Well, I didn’t know you were a S.W.O.R.D Agent,” Darcy said and again, Jimmy noticed how she hesitated to pull back and end the hug. 

The two women talked for a couple moments until Y/N greeted Jimmy and she and Darcy began to work. Shortly after, Monica arrived, and Y/N introduced herself to her. Jimmy smirked when he saw that throughout the exchange, Darcy was staring almost dreamily at Y/N, only taking her eyes off of her when she had to. This - Darcy giving off tells that she was crushing on Y/N - only continued as the day went on. Jimmy also began to notice signs that Y/N also had a crush on Darcy (Even if he didn’t know her that well, he was a former S.H.I.E.LD. and current FBI agent, after-all). 

It got to the point where Jimmy pulled Monica into the other room (the lovebirds hardly noticed) and threw his hands up after closing the door. 

The Captain couldn’t contain her chuckle as she watched him. “What?” She asked. 

“Darcy and Agent Y/L/N! They clearly like each other,” he said as if it were obvious (which it kinda was).

Monica thought about it for a moment and decided yeah, she could see it, but looked from her friend to the door, confused. “Okay?” She said. 

Jimmy huffed. “We have to set them up on a date!” He said.

---------------------------------------------

After some convincing, Monica agreed, and they began planning the date. When they finished, they returned Darcy and Y/N and set their plan in motion. 

“So, we were thinking that we’d all go out for dinner this week?” Monica said, and it took a couple moments for the lovebirds to stop heart-eying each other. 

A smile instantly formed on Y/N’s face, lighting up her features. “I’d love that!” She said, and Darcy enthusiastically agreed.

“Great! Does Friday work? I’ll text you both the restaurant location and time and be sure to dress up - the restaurant is quite fancy,” Monica said. 

Both women nodded and Monica smirked. The first part of the plan had succeeded and now it was time to move onto the second part.

---------------------------------------------

Sure enough, Y/N dressed up and arrived to the restaurant on Friday. The hostess led her to their table and Y/N would have said that this must not be the right table, because it was only for two people, had she not seen Darcy sitting at the table, wearing the most gorgeous gown ever, and looking at a note, a bright red blush on her face. Y/N almost blushed herself because Darcy was stunning, and she almost tripped over her own two feet as she thanked the hostess and sat across from Darcy. 

Darcy looked up and her eyes widened. “Oh-oh my god,” she spluttered, seeing how amazing Y/N looked.

Y/N blushed at her reaction and focussed on the note in Darcy’s hands. “What’s that?” She asked. 

Darcy quickly looked back at the note and stumbled for a moment before composing herself. “Oh, well, this is a note for Monica. She and Jimmy, uh, they set us up on a date,,” she said. 

Y/N’s eyes widened. “Oh-” She said, and before they could react, the waiter came over to greet them. 

Oh, damn. He was cute. 

“How are you two ladies doing?” He asked, voice absolutely charming, as he gave them glasses of water. 

Darcy glanced from the waiter to Y/N and could immediately see the way he was looking at her. Before she could intervene, the waiter focussed on Y/N and continued. 

“You’re looking lovely today, gorgeous,” he said. 

Y/N blushed from the compliment, unsure how to respond, but Darcy handled it for her. “We’re fine and we’re still looking at the menu. Thanks,” she said shortly.

The waiter glanced over at Darcy and the smile slowly fell off his face before he excused himself. 

Y/N, confused, turned back to the brunette. “Darcy, what was that?” She asked. 

Darcy sighed, looking at the tablecloth. “Sorry. It’s just that - I couldn’t watch him flirting with you. They didn’t set us up for nothing - I’m in love with you, Y/N,” she mumbled. 

She finally forced herself to look up, took in Y/N’s stunned expression, and immediately began panicking. “Oh my god, I must’ve ruined this friendship, I’m so sorry I don’t know where that came from just ignore me-” she rambled. 

Y/N smiled and leaned over the table, practically bursting with happiness, before kissing Darcy. Darcy stilled for a moment in shock before kissing back. 

When Y/N finally forced herself to pull away, she had a goofy grin on her face. “I’m so happy you said that,” she said.

[janeykath318]

The Beard Effect (Shieldshock)

Getting invited to the super secret Avengers lair was a pretty big deal to a former “science minion.” The Accords had split the Avengers in half and those who had joined Steve Rogers in refusing to sign it were basically fugitives. It angered Darcy that the people who’d saved earth multiple times were being treated like criminals, just so the government had convenient scapegoats. 

Jane and Darcy were both vocal opponents of the Accords because of the gross human rights violations and as a result, a lot of opportunities suddenly disappeared. 

Jane went about muttering how she planned to portal Ross’s ass into outer space and Darcy was fully on board with that plan. 

Unfortunately, before any portalling could happen, they ended up getting kidnapped again. This wasn’t their first rodeo and they managed to overcome the thugs and hijack their van, but it broke down in the middle of nowhere and the two of them were left stranded, with no way to call for help. 

“What’ll we do now?” Jane asked

“Start walking,” Darcy suggested. “There’s bound to be some kind of civilization around here.”

Jane looked skeptical, but she shrugged and started walking. After an hour or so, they found a small lane that wound up and disappeared into the forest.

“That looks promising,” Jane said hopefully. “A Driveway!”

“Or the lane to a lair of villains or serial killers,” Darcy said, earning herself a glare. 

“It’s starting to get dark, Darce. I think we have to take our chances. I don’t see any other signs of habitation.” 

“True, but don’t come crying to me when an axe murderer is chasing you.” Darcy griped, but she started following the path, which turned out to be much longer than it looked.

“Don’t move!” A voice suddenly hissed from the shadows, stopping both women in their tracks.

“See? I told you!” Darcy crowed triumphantly. 

A figure emerged from the shadows, brandishing a gun, which he quickly holstered after he saw who they were.

“Darcy?”

“Clint?” Darcy exclaimed, recognizing her favorite archer and partner in crime. 

“How in the world did you get here?” Clint asked warily. “No one knows about this place.”

“Honestly, it was a complete accident,” Darcy told him. “We got kidnapped and escaped, but got stranded in the middle of nowhere and started walking, hoping to find other non-shady humans. This driveway looked promising, so here we are.” 

Clint looked very concerned and quizzed them on their captors and where they’d left the van before speaking into his comm. 

“I’ve explained the situation to Cap. He says to bring you up.”

“Steve’s here?” Darcy asked, heart doing a flutter of anticipation.

“Yep,” Clint grinned knowingly. He was well aware of the crush Darcy had on said Captain and used to tease her about it frequently. 

“Shall I tell him you send your love?”

“No!” Darcy nearly shouted, face turning pink. “Just get us safely inside.”

“Whatever you say,” Clint said with a smirk, chuckling to himself as he led them to the plain looking ranch house at the end of the lane. There was another brief discussion over the comms and then they were being ushered inside.

It was the typical plainly furnished basic safe house, but it was cluttered in a well-lived in way. Darcy recognized Wanda, Scott and Sam right away and greeted them all enthusiastically. Then Steve Rogers walked in and put a halt to all coherent thoughts. 

The man was gorgeous to begin with, but he’d let his hair get rather shaggy and—glory of glories—he’d grown a beard. He looked a bit world weary and tired, but he smiled right at her.

“Hi, Darcy, Jane.”

“Hi.” Darcy squeaked out, now doubly overcome from the smile AND the beard. She’d always had a weakness for bearded men, but Steve’s glorious specimen took that to a whole new level.

Jane took pity on her and took charge of the conversation, explaining what had happened to them and asking if they could be so kind as to tell them where they were and provide them a lift back to civilization.

“Sure we can,” Steve agreed, “but we should probably wait until morning. Natasha and Sharon are out scoping things out and we’ll soon find out more about your kidnappers. Were either of you hurt at all?”

“Only a few bruises and rope marks. Darcy and I kicked ass. They won’t mistake us for helpless scientists ever again.”

Jane spoke proudly and Darcy nodded enthusiastically. She’d wished Natasha could have seen it. 

Steve outright beamed at this, which caused Darcy to trip and go down in an embarrassed heap. She stayed on the floor, wishing a portal would appear and whisk her away. 

“Why are you like this?” Jane sighed in exasperation as she and Steve helped Darcy up.

“Are you okay?” Steve asked, concern in his voice.

Mortified, Darcy couldn’t look at him and mumbled “Yeah. Just tired. Being kidnapped wears one out.”

She wanted to die. Why did she always have to make herself look like an idiot in front of him? 

Steve, being the gentleman he was, volunteered to sleep in the living room so Jane and Darcy could have a bed. Darcy tried not to think about what sleepy Steve would look like as she counted sheep that night. 

She awoke the next morning and wandered out to the kitchen to find Natasha making coffee.

“Sleep well?” The spy greeted her, green eyes appraising her.

“Yes,” Darcy managed. “Though if you have extra coffee, I could definitely use some.” 

They caught up over their caffeinated beverages and Darcy heard more of the story of how Natasha had ended up changing her mind about the Accords and joining Team Cap. 

Right in the middle of a very funny anecdote involving Clint, Sam, and Scott, the door opened and Steve entered the house, sweaty and disheveled after a morning run.

Darcy’s laughter died in her throat as she observed Steve’s damp white shirt and glistening skin, muscles very much on display. 

“Morning, Nat. Darcy,” he acknowledged, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge and gulping it down.

Darcy let out a “morning!” and got the heck out of there, face burning again. She needed a cold shower and fast. She heard Natasha laughing at her, but decided she’d deal with that later. Steve was going to be the death of her. 

“Nat, do you know why Darcy hates me? She practically runs away whenever I enter a room and I don’t know what I did.”

A bewildered Steve was asking his friend this question two months later when they were settled in a new, larger, secret compound, joined by Darcy and Jane. He’d liked Darcy a lot and used to enjoy her company, but now, she could barely stand to look at him and he was rather confused and a little hurt. 

“I can’t speak for Darcy, but I don’t think it’s anything you did,” Nat assured him. “Have you tried talking to her?”

“Yes, but she always is too busy or finds a reason to escape before I can get more than one sentence out. I figured she really doesn’t want to be around me, so I let it go.”

Steve ran a hand through his hair in frustration, wondering how in the world he was going to fix this. He missed Darcy and this situation was  becoming very upsetting to him. 

“I’ll see if I can find out what’s what,” Natasha promised. “It is very unlike Darcy to leave someone in the dark if they’ve offended her.”

That very afternoon, Darcy found herself locked in a closet with none other than Steve. All the banging and yelling and swearing and angry texting at Jane and Natasha availed nothing. 

Natasha’s blunt text took the wind out of Darcy’s sails and she looked over at Steve remorsefully. They were right. She’d let her stupid crush get in the way of her friendship. 

“I could break this door down, you know,” Steve offered. 

“No need,” Darcy sighed, smiling weakly. “It’s about time I put my big girl pants on and told you what’s going on. It’s not your fault. I just am a complete disaster around guys I have a crush on and I may have a thing for the beard,” she finished, blushing like a tomato. “Which is why I could hardly say a word to you without squeaking.”

“So I didn’t hurt you?” Steve asked cautiously. 

“No. It was mostly me trying to control my wild urges to say or do totally inappropriate things to you. Face it, Steve. You’re irresistible.”

Steve gave a bashful grin. 

“I don’t know about that. But what if I told you I would be totally okay with you being “inappropriate?” Because I too must confess to having had some inappropriate thoughts.” 

“Really? About me?” Darcy asked, starting to feel very smug. 

“Definitely you,” Steve said, looking at her very intently. She blushed again and moved over close to him so she was right up in his space. 

“So Watcha gonna do about it, soldier?” She asked flirtatiously.

Steve grinned.

“Let’s start here,” he murmured right before he kissed her. 

It was better than her wildest dreams. Holy crap, the man could kiss! Knees already weak, she clutched him for dear life as the kiss deepened. 

“If I’d have known this would be the result, I’d have grown a beard a long time ago,” Steve admitted when they came up for air. “I’m crazy about you, Darcy. Have been for awhile.”

Darcy giggled against his chest. 

“You’re still plenty hot without it, but it kinda was the icing on the cake,” she told him.

Neither of them noticed when Natasha unlocked the doors. She listened for a moment, then smiled triumphantly and texted Jane that the mission was a success. Nothing was seen of either Steve or Darcy for the rest of that day. 

[madamebaggio]

I just saw your requests post!! May I humbly offer you Darcy Lewis/Brock Rumlow, with the prompt of “i let you mooch off of my netflix and this is how you repay me?” 😘😍💗

Notes: Hope you like it! ;)

***

Brock, as an adult man, could very well admit when he fucked something up.

Which he clearly had.

“I let you mooch off of my Netflix and that’s how you repay me?” Darcy threw her toast pillow at him.

Fuck.

“Darce, I’m sorry.” He insisted. 

“Sorry doesn’t cover it!”

Clearly, it didn’t.

Darcy had given him her Netflix password so he could watch Peaky Blinders. And it was just fine, but then…

Well, Anderson from his team said he wanted to watch it as well, and Brock ended up giving him Darcy’s password and then… Well, Anderson passed it ahead.

And Darcy decided to watch Miss Fisher, only to find out there were too many people using the account, so she couldn’t. And now… She was fucking pissed at him.

Obviously, an angry Darcy was kinda like an angry hamster -more cute than actually threatening -but Brock didn’t like when she was angry at him specifically. 

“I’ll talk to them, sweetheart.” He promised.

“Yes, you will.” She threw a turtle pillow at him. “And I’m kicking all of you out of my account; I’m changing the passwrod.”

“But… I’ve just finished the third season! I need to know what’s going to happen!” He protested.

“Tough luck, big guy. Get your own account.”

“Darcy, come on!” He complained -he kinda whined, but he’d never admit to it. “How can I make it up to you?”

“You can’t.” She insisted, arms crossed and pouting. “That’s what I get for letting your abs and fluff hair deceive me.”

Brock grinned wolfishly. Darcy often talked about his fluff hair, but now she was admitting she liked the abs as well.

“How about dinner?” He pushed.

“You’re only saying that because you want to watch Peaky Blinders.” She grumbled.

He came closer and took her hand. “How about dinner, making out on the couch, then we can watch it together?”

Darcy was taken aback. “All of that because you want the password?”

“Oh babe, I want something else too.” He drawled, his meaning impossible to be mistaken.

“You’re flirting with me?” She asked in shock.

He chuckled. “Tell you what… We leave Peaky Blinders for the second date and keep the makeout session on the couch. It’s a great offer.”

Darcy scoffed. “You’re the worst.”

“Come on, babe. One date. You know you want to.”

She groaned. “Yeah… I do.”

[thestanceyg]

Darcyland Drabble Race the Second

So here’s my contribution to another drabble race. Again under the cut because there’s a LOT.

Quantum 1 “Oh my god,” Jane said, flopping down on to the couch next to her. “I had forgotten this show was even a thing.”

“It’s my stay home from school sick comfort show,” Darcy said as she pulled her blanket tighter around her. The chills she was experiencing were no joke.

“Man, I wonder how the creators of Quantum Leap feel now? Like…that tech kinda actually exists, even if it’s classified.”

“I don’t think they know about it Jane,” Darcy said with a fond roll of her eyes. “You know, on account of it being classified and all.”

2 “The fuck does this word mean?” her dumbass lab partner asked.

“Which word?” she asked with a put upon sigh.

“Quantum,” he said, pointing to literally the first question.

“Thor wept,” she muttered under her breath before turning to him more fully. “Here,” she said, pointing back to the textbook. “Definition’s right here. I’ll even read it to you. A discrete quantity of energy proportional in magnitude to the frequency of the radiation it represents.”

“No need to be a bitch about it.”

She idly wondered if killing him was a possibility. “Sure sure,” she said, sugary sweet. “Since I’m such a bitch, don’t worry about me helping again.”

3 “I don’t think the quantum physics work that way,” Fitz said with a tilt of his head as he looked at the projection.

“I mean, I didn’t either,” Darcy agreed, joining him, “but I also don’t doubt our modeling software. Something’s happening here that’s unexpected, and that means either we have something wrong, or there’s something we have yet to figure out that’s acting on everything.”

“You know what that means?” he said with a smile.

“More research dates,” she said before kissing the tip of his nose.

“Can’t wait,” he said before claiming her lips.

4 “Quantum Laser Tag is the best!” she yelled, highly offended. “I can’t believe you just besmirched it’s good name!”

“Err, all I said was that laser tag was kinda lame.”

“It is not!” she practically whined. “Okay, dude, maybe you’ve not had good laser tag experiences, but I have to say that does not mean you get to shit on literally the greatest arena in at least the tristate area.”

“You’re…really passionate about this,” he said giving her a look she couldn’t decipher.

“So is this your way of bowing out of our first date?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Hell no,” he said, smiling.

5 “I’m just saying, that the names at this bar are not scientifically accurate,” she complained. 

“Jane. Literally none of us give a shit. We are here to get shitfaced and giggle over our jobs being somehow alcohol themed,” Darcy reprimanded her. 

“I’m definitely having a Quantum Blast,” Helen said, sidling up to the bar.

“Really?” Darcy said giving her a disgusted look. “I mean…there’s something about adding the word ‘blast’ to it that turns me off from it.”

“Fair,” Helen agreed. “But it has triple sec in it and I’m in the mood.”

Darcy tilted her head in acknowledgment of the wisdom.

6 “I promise to never play with the quantum field again if we can just get out of this alive,” Darcy said more to herself than anyone else.

“What?” Scott asked.

“Just promising myself to try and stick to my field in the future should I survive whatever this is.” She gestured to the everything around them that really defied understanding.

Scott nodded. “I wish I could make a similar vow, but it’s kinda my field now. Though this,” he looked around a bit, “is indeed disconcerting. I could, err, try to make it up to you when we get out of here.”

“Are you asking me on a date?”

“Yes?”

7 “Nope. Not happening. I will not be teaching quantum physics as my teaching assignment next semester. It’s not my field. I would have to do my own research just to feel like I was giving the students an adequate course,” she said as soon as the department head had offered her the schedule.

“Well you don’t have a lot of options here. You’re still a candidate and not a post doc so you don’t get to argue with me really.”

“This is some serious bullshit,” Darcy groaned. “But seriously, Johnson would be way better at this. He even has done research in this field.”

“Yes well…”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Darcy groaned. “You’re doing him a favor and I’m the one that has to deal with the consequences?”

Nebula 1 “And if you look here,” the professor droned on as he used his laser pointer, “you can see a nebula that is starting to die.”

“Kinda like me in this class,” she muttered under her breath. The guy next to her laughed, but covered it with a cough. She looked at him and winked, and he honest to Thor blushed. Well damn if that wasn’t the cutest thing that she’d ever seen.

She grabbed a scrap of paper and wrote her name on it and slid it over to him.

He read it and smiled a bit and wrote back.

Fitz. Nice name. She couldn’t wait to be screaming it later.

2 Nebula was very murderous and Darcy kinda loved her for it. It seemed like there was a lot of deep seated anger that the woman was ready and willing to take out on anyone and everyone. You had to love her unapologetic rage. Darcy couldn’t help but admire how she didn’t give a shit if someone thought it made her less attractive because anyone dumb enough to voice that sentiment would probably end up with a knife in them. Was it wrong that she was a little turned on?

That thought made her come up short.

Shit. She didn’t have time for a crush.

3 The fabric technically had nebulas all over it, though the fabric name had the word galaxy. In the grand scheme of things it really didn’t matter, but it annoyed her for some reason. It seemed that all sorts of little things were bothering her lately, and she couldn’t find the reason. Why should she care that she had “galaxy fabric” that was actually nebula fabric? She would make the damn pillow covers and then she could tell her friends it was nebula print. Giving up caffeine had been a bad idea. It made her crabby. She should probably reconsider her idea to stop drinking coffee.

4 Nebula Swirl was possibly the best flavor of ice cream she had ever eaten, and it was looking like she would only be able to eat it for one more month if something drastic didn’t happen. She took her cone and snapped a picture and posted it to Instagram with the tag SaveGalacticCones. Maybe someone would see it and drop some cash their way. It wasn’t their fault that the freak storm had damaged the property and left them paying off heavy repair bills. They deserved to thrive, if for no other reason than it was the ice cream of her youth and she had so little to remember her childhood by.

5 “I don’t research in the Horseshoe Nebula,” she said with a frustrated sigh. “In fact, I don’t even look within a million light years of there. So please explain to me in very small words why you think your project should get any of my grant money.”

“Because I need to fund my research Dr. Witherow said. “It’s as simple as that. I need more funding and you just won a lot of money. There’s no way you’ll need all of it, so umbrella my study under your project and we’ll both win.”

“No, dude, we won’t ‘both win.’ That grant is actually just one of three for my project because it doesn’t cover everything.” Thor save her from entitled scientists.

6 “It looks kind a like a nebula” Jane said as she looked at the giant bruise on Darcy’s hip.

“I guess that’s fitting because the pain is out of this world,” Darcy tried to joke. It didn’t quite come off as carefree as she had hoped, but that was possibly because she was an hour out from her next pain pill and the current one seemed to have mostly worn off.

“Darce,” Jane said with a bit of warning in her voice. “You’re going to let me coddle you because that’s what I need. I think you do too.”

Darcy sighed. “I know.”

7 A burst of nebula like light flashed before her eyes as the hit landed.

She didn’t pass out, but it was a near thing.

“You will do what we want, Dr. Lewis!” the man spit at her.

“No. I won’t,” she argued. “And you hit like a little kid.”

The man’s face turned a red she didn’t realize was possible before he backhanded her, hitting the already blooming bruise from the earlier punch. “I think you will change your mind.”

“I’d rather die.”

“That can be arranged,” he sneered.

“I doubt it,” she countered. “You need me too much. And if you keep hitting my head, it’ll be that much longer before I’m even capable of doing what you ask.”

Vortex 1 Of course it was a solar vortex. Or, at least that’s what she was calling this abomination in her mind. She wasn’t sure what else to call what appeared to be a tornado of sunlight that was leaving a path of fire and destruction behind it. Why couldn’t normal things happen to her?

She would have to blame Jane. Shit like this never happened to her before New Mexico.

Of course, it could also be that this kind of madness would still happen to her even if she had never been an intern, but blaming Jane felt familiar. That woman definitely owed her ice cream for changing her life like this.

2 “It’s not a vortex” Dr. Strange said, the pinched look on his face clearly telling him what he thought of Darcy and her inability to call it whatever name he had given his portal thingy. She knew it wasn’t a vortex. It was just fun to razz him and see him get annoyed.

He was kinda cute when he was annoyed.

Well, he was kinda cute regardless, but his cuteness was focused on her whenever he was annoyed because 99% of the time it was her fault.

It wasn’t healthy, but it was working so she’d deal with the mental health implications later.

3 “I promise you that’s not a tornado,” she said to her storm chasing boyfriend. “I know it looks like one, but, very unfortunately for the entire town of Lawton, it’s actually an anomaly called a temporal vortex.”

“What does that mean, Darcy?” he yelled over the roar of the storm.

“It means that if we don’t get out of the path of that thing we’ll end up in an alternate reality that may or may not include a breathable atmosphere.”

“Right,” he said, his hands tightening on the steering wheel. “I’d like to live to have another date so one storm evasion coming up.”

4 “It’s called The Vortex,” Helen said reverently as she placed what Darcy thought was a fishbowl on the table. It had six straws sticking out of it.

“Why?” Pepper asked, looking at the drink cautiously.

Helen shrugged. “Does it matter? What matters is it tastes like sunshine and amaretto and goes down easy and will get you shitfaced if that’s what you want.”

Jane grabbed a straw and took a long slurp. “I need to get shitfaced and Helen isn’t wrong. I don’t care what’s in the Vortex. It can be made of baby souls and I will keep drinking it. It’s a fucking delight in my mouth.”

5 “I am sick of the Polar Vortex and it’s technically only been here for three hours,” Darcy said as she cuddled more into the blankets and tried to burrow even further into the warmth of her boyfriend.

“I’m not exactly excited about it either,” he agreed, “but at least it means we have guaranteed time together. That’s been a rare occurrence lately.”

Darcy nodded and debated it it was worth getting her arm out of the blanket to grab her hot chocolate.

“Darce?” he asked.

She turned to look at him. His eyes were soft. “I love you.”

Her breath stopped. He hadn’t said that before. Maybe the Polar Vortex wasn’t that bad.

6 “Sedona is weird,” Spencer said with a frown.

“Are you talking about the vortices?” she asked.

“I am,” he said, studying the map they had been given at the little tourism station. “I just. I can’t believe people believe in this stuff.”

“Ehh,” she said. “There’s a lot of shit I wouldn’t have believed in before it happened to me. You know, like Asgardians and such.”

“Maybe,” he agreed with pursed lips.

She pointed to a spot on the map. “Look, that one’s on a trail. We said we were going to do some hiking, so we’ll go there and treat it scientifically.”

He perked up just like she knew he would. “Sounds like a plan,” he said with a kiss to her cheek.

7 “I am a vortex of emotion,” she said before throwing herself on the couch.

Pepper handed her a glass of white wine. “What happened today?”

“He’s just so cute,” she practically whined. “And he has no idea that literally every time I’m talking to him I’m trying to flirt. I swear I used to be good at it.”

“Perhaps Bruce is ignoring it?”

Darcy shook her head. “I don’t think so, but I also hate that idea. Please don’t ever say that again. How can I live if he doesn’t like me back?”

“Do I just attract drama queens, or is there something special about you and Tony?”

Darcy gasped. “How dare you think I’m not special. You take that back!”

Supernova 1 “Why are you listening to Oasis on repeat?” Jane asked as she walked into Darcy’s apartment.

“Not Oasis,” Helen corrected, “Champagne Supernova.”

“Oh, Darcy. No hon.” Jane threw her purse on a chair and went to the kitchen and started going through the freezer. “Okay, here’s the plan,” she said as she came back into the living room. “I am going to make us some very alcoholic fruit slushies, you are going to move on from Oasis to some 90s Alanis, and then you are going to tell us what happened.”

Jane disappeared back into the kitchen and Helen looked at Darcy.

“And then we plot revenge,” she added.

2 “I promise you there was never a Gusher flavor called Supernova Blast. That wasn’t a thing. You need to stop trying to convince me it was. I might be dumb, but I am not that gullible.”

“Aww, babe! Who said you were dumb! I’ll be happy to knock some sense into them.

“Darce, that’s not the point,” Peter said with a whine. “The point is you cannot make me believe it.”

Darcy turned her laptop to show him the Google Image search with Supernova Blast gushers.

“Your reality is so flippin’ weird,” he said as he stared at the screen.

3 “It’s, like, more than a nova. It’s a SUPER nova.”

Darcy just stared at the man in front of her. This was the last time she allowed Clint to set her up on a blind date.

“Riiight,” she said. “Ummm, I’m sorry, but I need to go to the bathroom. Be right back,” she said as she grabbed her purse and praised the heavens that she hadn’t brought a coat too.

She grabbed a waitress as soon as she was out of his line of sight. “Hi, I need to escape a bad date and I will pay you $40 to let me out a back door.”

The waitress grabbed the money. “Done.”

4 “And next up is Supernova!” the announcer roared. Darce waved to the crowd as her name was called. She hadn’t expected to love roller derby as much as she did, but it truly was a life saver. The team was amazing, it allowed for stress relief, and it was something that was just hers. No being in Jane’s academic shadow. No being in her brother’s professional musician shadow. No shadows. Just Darcy.

As they set up for the first jam she looked up to the crowd and saw some signs with her name on them. She had never felt more alive.

5 “Excuse me?” the man at the counter said, “Are you really telling me that you’ve never heard of the Supernovas?”

Darcy gritted her teeth. “Honestly, dude, it doesn’t matter if I have or not. What I asked was whether or not you had any Aquabats.”

“But I can’t let you listen to that when you could be listening to the Supernovas.”

“I think you are missing what exactly your role is here. I came here looking specifically for a present for my brother, and I came to you to help me with it. In exchange, you should be telling me whether or not you have it, not making me want to leave because you won’t stop forcing your terrible bands on me.”

He stared at her in annoyance.

6 She imagined that this was what it must feel like at the center of a supernova. She had never felt so warm and alive and bursting. His simple confession wasn’t something she had ever expected, but it knocked the ice off her heart and had made her realize that she loved him too. She loved him in a consuming way that she hoped would eventually burn down to warm contentment and not eat them alive, but she couldn’t deny that his love had changed her and she could never go back to not knowing how this felt.

7 “You can’t use the supernova attack in this setting!” Steve said.

“I don't’ see why,” Darcy argued. “What’s stopping me?”

“Because that’s not how it’s supposed to be used.”

Darcy made a tsking noise at him. “Stevey, you can’t say that you want to follow the spirit of things here. You knew I was the type of person to always argue I was technically inside of the rules to do crazy shit when you asked me to join your game. So you either let me cast this or you kill me so I can go play with people that enjoy my unorthodox approach.”

“Fine,” he sighed. “Roll please.”

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression Ep 8 - About Sawajiri Erika's early comeback. (*Treatment of drug addicts*)

K: Hi, This is Dir en grey's Kaoru. Joe san, Tasai san, once again.

J, T: Please. Thank you very much.

Kami: Me too.

J: Oh, kami too, right?

K: Unlike on the radio show, he's always around now, isnt he? There were times when he wasn't around before.

J: I think he descended to us about once a month on the radio show.

T: *laughs*

K: In that show, he just flitted in sometimes, and that was it.

J: Yes, yes, yes.

K: Now he's everywhere.

J: He's a regular commentator now.

K: *laughs*

T: This time we have some news from Tokyo Sports.

J: Ah! From the celebrity world

T: Lets start.... Do you know the Japanese comedy duo 'Nihon Elekitel Rengo', famous for the 'Dameyo, damedame' sketch?

J: I didn't, but I learned about them from Tokyo Sports.

T: What about you, Kaoru?

K: I know them.

T: They are a female duo, but one of them, Nakano san, got married to an older man working at the same agency, but it was a marriage with zero prior social interaction.

J: What does that mean? They got married on the same day they met?

T: Well, she was approched by the man, Matsuo Atom san, but she continuously turned him down. Then she suddenly decided last year to marry him. So, its kinda being debated online whether it is or it isn't *1. I really want to ask them.

J: Ahh, surely it is.

K: You can't say it isn't.

J: You can't.. But if you think its isn't...what isn't?!

T: People who think that it isn't, say that because they've never dated, they don't know each other well, and they might divorce quickly.

K: Oh, thats about afterwards.

T: Some concern was raised about that.

J: But I dated my wife for twenty years before marriage, and ended up getting divorced after two years. So just because you've been together for a while, it doesn't mean you won't get divorced.

T: Ahh, I see.

J: This type of thing can't be helped.

K: But thats normal, dating for a long time, getting married, and then ending up separating. It happens to a lot of people, right?

J: Yes.

T: But this Nakano san says, they've never held hands, they don't know each other's address, they don't live together..

J: But they got married?

T: Yes

K: The possibility of them separating seems high, but...

J: Right?

T: Yeah

K:..but, they can do what they want.

J: Yes, i think so. It sounds weird, but this also works as publicity.

T: Yeah

J: Almost like a risky stunt. Personally, I think its possible. But if one of them had the idea, and the other agreed to it, isnt it something to be thankful for?

T: Yeah, but apparently thier boss was really worried about it, he said they should have told him first. He booked a hotel suit room and shoved the two of them in there, but apparently nothing ended up happening.

J: Nothing happened?! People hearing this will want to know if they love each other.

Kami: I want to meet thier boss.

J: Oh, that? *laughs* A suite room is expensive right?

Kami: Yeh, I want to stay in a suite room.

*everyone laughs*

K: What would you do if you did stay in one?

Kami: If I did? Hmm, use the internet.

*laughing*

J: You can do that anyway! What about something more extravagant?

K: Like ordering room service or something.

Kami: I would order room service.

K: What would you order?

J: What would you eat, Kami?

Kami: Ramen

*laughing*

J: I don't think there are many people who would order ramen in a suite room.

K: It might actually be good though. Eating that kind of common food in that kind of place.

J: Eating something...

K: and just looking at the internet.

J: Just looking at the internet *laughs*

K: Its luxurious, right?

J: Exactly. Isn't it wasting the suite though?

T: Okay, lets look at another story. Its this story, it caused quite a stir. Sawajiri Erika...she was found to be in possession of drugs and had her first court appearance at the end of January. The entertainment world is in uproar concerning her early comeback, should she, shouldn't she?

Kami: She should.

J: I think so too.

T: Why? I'll ask you first, Joe.

J: Well, this is her first crime, so she probably won't get a prison sentence. I think it will be a suspended sentence. So, the idea behind a suspended sentence is to give you preparation time to get back to your normal life. Its important get back to your original life as much as possible.

T: I see

J: So, with a suspended sentence she will lose all of her tv sponsers and stuff, but its important for her to gain a platform back, for example, online or such. Now, if we talk about the situation in America, drug addicts are seen as ill people, not criminals, so they embark on a process of revovery, in order to quickly return to regular life. There's a feeling of, 'you're ill, so lets get you better'. Its felt that the worst thing to do, is to be alone with it. Leaving people in these situations is seen as bad. Getting people re-immersed in the community, and returned to normality as much as possible through social interaction, is how America deals with this. As to why America does this, its mainly cost, it costs money to treat people. They want to get people back out into the world quickly. Unlike the idea of severe punishments in Japan, America generally thinks in that way. My own view is very similar to that... We'll have to wait for the verdict. If she gets prison, theres nothing to be done, but if she gets a suspended sentence, she should try to return to her normal life as much as possible. On the other hand, once you've used drugs, you must be able to continue in a clean state, so you must also have the support around you to be able to stay clean.

T: I see, I see.

J: I think thats important.

T: Kami, what are your thoughts?

Kami: The same as Joe. There were no victims.

J: Yes, thats right. No one else was hurt by this.

T: An opposing opinion might be that, as a tv star, she might have a bad influence on young people. What would you say to that?

J: In that case,..well, i don't watch tv much, so I don't really know, but there are loads of scenes of people injecting stuff on talk shows or such, aren't there? Thats got to be more of a bad influence. I think people need to consider that more. Just because she appears on tv, it doesn't mean people are gonna start doing drugs.

K: Yeh, she isn't gonna do drugs on screen.

J: Yeah, rather, those scenes of syringes and stuff..

K: Yeh, the stuff on talk shows is more of a bad influence.

J: I think so.

T: So, in connection with this, what do you think about stopping the screening of movies etc which the person has starred in, which tends to happen at lot in the entertainment world..Joe san?

J: I can only describe it as nonsense. In the music world, it would be the withdrawal of records..., there is no meaning to it. Its totally separate from what they are expressing. As for music, no one ever talks about The Beatles' or The Rolling Stones' drug use. Thats a totally different issue...In relation to drugs, I think eradicating them is important, so for example, we could have a portion of that artist's sales being donated to organisations like DARC  (Drug Addiction Rehabilitation Center) in Japan, for example, which would be a good way to use them. I can't see any merit in just withdrawing thier works. If an artist returns to thier life, but is unable to be musically active, well, Tashio san is a good example of this *2, the places they can exist disappear gradually, and they become isolated. This is really sad. There's a possibility that leaving people in that isolated state can have a further negative influence, so there is no point in limiting the places people can work, or withdrawing thier works. I think Japan's management of this issue is problematic. In America, they don't arrest people for using drugs, they arrest the buyers and such, and thats what makes the news. But in Japan, you can see who's using drugs just by checking your phone. In particluar, famous people who use drugs are made into targets, to scare people, and to show how much your life will be ruined if you use drugs. It seems like its a kind of boosting of the zero tolerance policy which the Ministry of Health and Welfare introduced in the 1990s. It seems like that to me anyway.

Kami: Couldn't they make some kind of isolated place available, where its ok to do drugs?

T: Thats new.

J: Another novel idea from Kami.

K: Well, but yeah.

Kami: Because people who like drugs, will just like them.

J: I think so.

Kami: Yeh, so if you do that...because there are people who feel happier after taking medicine right?

J, T: Yeh.

Kami: Couldn't those type of people go to some place and be allowed to do it?

K: Without any crime occurring, right?

J: Right

T: Yeh, thats it.

Kami: No crime.

J: Well, i don't know if this is the appropriate way to express this, but in the case of drug dependence, its clear that the number one drug which causes mental and physical dependence is alcohol, rather than 'drugs'. You won't get arrested for alchol dependence, and the reason for that is because alcohol is legal. But incidents or fatal accidents cause by alcohol are ceaseless. There are a few incidents annually where someone murders after using drugs but, for example, as for people at the station falling onto to train lines, sixty percent of those are drunk, and many more people are killed by drunk drivers than drug addicts.

K: Well, its because there are many more people who drink alcohol.

J: Yes, the proportion is bigger. So if you consider these incidents in this way, they are certainly happening. In relation to drugs, there isn't really any logical explanation for them being illegal, but they are still strictly controled. Its a bit strange, but in America...well, it might be strange to always talk only about America, but the ban on cannabis, or medical cannabis has been lifted in America. In Japan, we have a situation where we can't even discuss such a thing, so I feel like it may be a bit of Galapagos syndrome....What do you think, Tasai san, about (Sawajiri's return)?

T: Well, she won't be able to eat, if she can't do tv work. From the viewers perspective, as long as its done appropriately..

K: Don't you need sponsers for tv though? So its not something she can really decide herself. But..on the stage or theater, if there are people who want to see her, I don't think it should be a problem.

T: Yeah

K: If there are people who say they don't want to see her on the airwaves, well, they are going to say that.

J: What do you think about her comeback, Kaoru?

K: Its completey fine to do it. Well, I mean she was doing a bad thing, but she has to carry on living. She could also find a different job, thats fine too.  As for returning to the entertainment world, well, i dont really know, but she should return to some kind of work as soon as she can.

J: Yes, thats it...It might be difficult in the entertainment world.

T: Right..Especially with sponsers.

Kami: Isn't that ok though?

K: Yeah, they'll use who they want.

Kami: Its only whether the sponser will use her or not, right? On tv?

J: On tv, yes.

Kami: If they have a reason to use her, they will.

J: But as Kaoru said, she might have more freedom on the stage or something. There must be something that only she can do, so it seems at waste to just kill off her talent.

Kami: If she herself decides to lay low for a while and self reflect on what she did, thats ok too. No one needs to tell her to. Now, i mention it, its the same with alcohol. If you drink too much and end up being late, you can self reflect and show remorse. If it was me i would deduct it from thier salary though.

J: *laughs* How fresh.

Kami: Its just a problem of whether or not they self reflect on it.

T: I see

K: Well, it depends on the circumstances of the person.

Kami: Yeh, in the end. Of course, drugs, but alcohol and cigarettes etc are all bad too, right? I really want to emphasise that. But at the same time, there are people who like them, who will use them anyway. As a result they will be punished by the law, and that will be enough. I think that should be a salary deduction, and then be finished with it. But your boss or someone might be mad at you *3

T: I see

J: Its like, I've had a deduction, so forget about it already.

T: So, that was Tokyo Sports' news.

J: Ahh, Oh! I wanted to ask you, who is it? Celebrity 'X', who is about to be arrested?

K: *laughs*

T: We'll put the news out to the whole world, so..

J: You'll find this if you search for Tokyo sports news, 'X'.

T: Oh, i can't tell you.

J: You can't? Damn

K: Kami might know.

J: He might.

K: But he's only a god for us three.

J:Yeh

K: Maybe he doesn't know.

J: He's not a worldly god.

Kami: I know who it is.

J: Oh, you know?

Kami: I know.

J: Kami, who is it?

T: Joe, don't ask that!

J, K: *laugh*

T: It'll be announced to the world...my account will be banned.

K: We need people to subscribe, right.

J: Yes yes yes yes.

K: Thank you very much, see you next time. Thank you.

J, T: Thank you

*1 It is or it isn't/they are or they aren't, or that type of thing.

*2 No idea who this is.

*3 Not 100% about what he means here.

[that-wimpy-cowboy-doll]

How about 11 for ShieldShock. :D

Darcy/Steve + “You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how.” 1940s AU with Pre-Serum Steve, because I love him.

“What was it this time?” Darcy huffs, pressing the steak from her icebox to Steve’s slowly blackening eye before setting it back in its place.  It might be the fifth or sixth time so far that she’s found him bruised up in an alley with an asshole or two kicking him while he’s down.  And as powerful as it makes her feel to land the blows Bucky’s taught her - that he’s taught both of them - that knock a guy out who least expects it, all that satisfaction melts away by the time she tucks herself into Steve’s shoulder and leads him back to her apartment.

“Muggin’,” Steve grumbles, only wincing a little when she dabs at his split lip.  “On the bright side, I got the gal’s purse back.”

“Steve.”  She leans back against her bed, letting her head bounce on the mattress.  “Is it really so hard to call for help?  Or...I don’t know, throw something from a distance where you’re not likely to get your ass kicked?”

“You know if I see a bad spot I gotta do somethin’.”  He pushes himself across the floor to sit cross-legged beside her, looking into his lap with a thin blush across his cheeks.  “Just sorry you gotta pick up my pieces all the time.”

Like she’s done so many times before, Darcy laces her fingers between Steve’s and rests her head on his shoulder.  It’s hard not to soften at his honesty - for as long as she’s known him, all he’s ever wanted is to do what’s right, damn the rest.  If it didn’t cost him a constant beating and her, her sanity over his constant beatings, she’d be totally behind that cause.

“Well, Bucky’s not here to finish the fights you start, so…”

He smiles and gently nudges her knee with his.  “I kinda like seeing you finish ‘em.  You’re like my...guardian angel with flyin’ fists.”

She snorts.  “He must’ve really rung your bell on that one, Stevie.”

“No, really.”  His thumb strokes a small circle over the side of her hand, a small movement that shouldn’t send a wave of butterflies to her stomach.  Darcy swallows, and leans into his side.  “I see ya standin’ over me, sometimes I...think I could kiss you.”

Her heart jumps into her throat.  “And why don’t you?”

He sits straighter, pulling himself away from her, everything except his hand in hers.  “‘Cause you deserve somebody who knows how to kiss.  Somebody who’d kiss you off your feet, till you couldn’t see straight, day and night.  Not somebody who...couldn’t kiss you for more than a second without passin’ out.”

“That ain’t true,” she mumbles, and pulls his hand back into her lap.  “I bet you could kiss for...ten seconds without passin’ out.”

A forlorn little laugh escapes his lips.  “C’mon, Darce.”

She adjusts her body to face him, sitting cross-legged like a couple of teenagers hiding from their parents.  “Dare you to try.”

His nose bumps softly against hers, but when Steve kisses his best friend for the first time, it’s like she’s been waiting her whole life to kiss him back.

For the record, their first kiss lasts for all of fifteen seconds or so.  Every kiss after that kind of blends together, until he’s got her off her feet, until she can’t see straight, until night falls over Brooklyn.

When they finally break apart, because it’s Darcy who’s forgotten how to breathe right, her back to her bed and her blouse forgotten on the floor, she smiles and presses her lips to the tip of his nose as she catches her breath.  “Told you.”

[freudensteins-monster]

Avengers Assemble

I finished this fic I started around June 2017 after seeing THIS POST for the first time.

Also posted over on AO3.

Tony was the first to notice that something was up with Darcy, though he didn’t understand what it meant at the time. He’d wandered out of his lab at a little after three in the morning and registered a humanoid shape curled up on the couch in Lab 7. A closer inspection revealed a mess of brown hair spilling out from under a purple coat, and he just figured Darcy had decided to crash at the tower after a long night sciencing with Jane and wanted to avoid a commute cutting into time better spent asleep. Not something she’d ever done before (she usually crashed on the couch in Jane and Thor’s apartment a few floors down) but he wasn’t exactly in a position to comment on other people's life choices, so just left her to it. Though he did place a wake up call with JARVIS on her behalf so she had a chance to get cleaned up before the first scientists showed up in a few hours. Never let it be said that he wasn’t a benevolent overlord.

Clint was the first to notice that something was terribly amiss, though it took him until he finished his first pot of coffee to figure it out. To be fair to the archer, he had only just stumbled out of bed following a solid twelve hour post-mission nap; people in comas slept lighter. Regardless, Natasha was going to kick his ass for being so off his game if she found out. ...when she found out.

He stared into the empty glass carafe pondering the futility of existence and why his coffee tasted off. True, he was no connoisseur and would drink anything as long as it was hot and black, or even lukewarm and black, but there was something off about this particular pot of coffee, a nagging feeling in the back of his mind that insisted that some key flavour profile was missing…

“Donuts,” he mumbled groggily, wandering around the kitchen island in sweats and a grubby t-shirt, scouring the countertops as if a large white box of cinnamon-covered goodness could somehow be hiding in plain sight. “JARVIS,” he called out when his thorough search failed to yield any donuts. 

“Yes, Agent Barton?”

“It’s Friday, right?”

“Friday the 12th to be precise.”

“Huh…”

“Is everything alright, Agent Barton? Have you lost time? Should I call for medical assistance?”

“No, nothing like that JARVIS. But, um, did Darcy call out sick today?”

“Miss Lewis arrived at the tower at 12:16am this morning, and has been working at her desk since 7:53am.”

“What? Why?” Clint demanded.

“She did not tell me, and I had no grounds on which to ask. Her security clearance allows her access to Doctor Foster’s laboratory 24hrs a day.”

“Right…” Clint mused. It wasn’t implausible that Darcy was working weird hours, and yet… “Was Foster in the labs with Darcy all night?”

“Doctor Foster returned to her suite at a very reasonable 9:26pm and returned to the laboratory floor at 8:04am.”

Clint’s brow crinkled in thought as he waited for the carafe to refill, considering all possible reasons for the change in Darcy’s routine but, call him a pessimist, none of them were good. He worked through his second pot of coffee while he showered and dressed, returning the empty carafe to the kitchen before seeking Darcy out.

When he reached the lab floor and saw Darcy sitting in front of her computer, her heavy-handed makeup reminding him uncomfortably of his mother. He tried to ignore the coil of anxiety in his belly, smiling as he rapped his knuckles on the doorframe.

“Morning Darcy-Lou.”

Darcy flinched at his overly cheerful greeting and the coil in his gut snapped from the tension.

“Hey Clint,” she replied shakily, keeping her eyes glued to her screen. “What brings you up here?”

“Well, it’s Friday and I couldn’t help but notice a distinct lack of baked goods in the kitchen,” he teased, studying her every move.

“I didn’t have time,” Darcy snapped.

“Whoa, it’s cool,” Clint put his hands up in surrender. “You don’t owe us donuts, it’s just that it’s a break in your routine and it makes my spy senses go all tingly. Everything alright?” he asked kindly, noting the way she refused to meet his gaze.

“I’m fine,” Darcy replied with an edge of forced cheerfulness. Clint fake-smiled back.

“Alright, well, I can’t stop thinking about donuts so I’m going to head down to the bakery on the corner and grab a box. You want me to bring you back anything?”

“No, thanks. I’m fine,” she repeated absently, fixing her gaze back on her screen.

“See you ‘round, Darcy-Lou,” Clint waved as he headed to the bank of elevators. His smile faded away as the doors closed and he asked JARVIS to take him to the nearest Security office.

Jane was the first to get the truth from Darcy, if you didn’t count Clint reading their lips off the security feed.

“Shit!” Darcy muttered and threw her phone down in disgust.

The sound broke Jane’s train of thought. She blinked for the first time in twenty minutes and registered the complete and utter absence of background noise.

“Darcy…” 

“Yeah?” 

“You’re not playing music,” Jane, she of three degrees, finally noticed at 11am.

“Um, no. I’ve got a bit of a headache.”

“Then why aren’t you playing your ‘Super Chill’ playlist? You always play music.”

“I guess I didn't feel like it.”

“Are you sick?”

Jane rushed over and placed a hand on Darcy's forehead so forcibly it gave her assistant whiplash. Darcy tried to squirm out of Jane’s grasp and when the astrophysicist’s hand brushed against her cheek she winced.

“Darcy!”

“I’m fine, Jane,” Darcy swore, turning her bruised face away.

“You’re not fine,” Jane replied, twisting Darcy’s office chair around until she had to face her. “What happened?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Darcy grumbled stubbornly.

Jane knelt down in front of her best friend, clasping her hands tightly. 

“Please tell me what happened, Darcy. Let me help you.”

“You can’t help…” Darcy started, tearing up. 

“Are you sure? What about Thor? Or me, Thor, and a puppy?”

That got a watery chuckle. “I wouldn’t say no to a puppy.” Jane stayed where she was, eyes growing cartoonishly large as she implored her friend to open up. Darcy relented with a sigh. “You know how my roommate practically moved her boyfriend in without running it past me first?”

“I vaguely recall you complaining about him for three days straight last month.”

“Yeah, well, it hadn’t been too bad. I’m hardly ever there and when I am they pretty much stay holed up in her bedroom, so it’s been whatever. But my roommate has been away for most of the week for some work conference and has left her boyfriend behind unsupervised.”

“What did he do?” Jane asked, trying to keep her tone even and not let her imagination wander into dark corners. 

“First he was just obnoxious, taking over the living room, playing Call of Duty until four in the morning, leaving empty takeout containers everywhere. And then…” she sniffled.

“And then…”

“He started hitting on me. Just straight up eggplant emoji level of subtlety, you know. I said no, obviously. Told him to back off or I’d tell his girlfriend. That seemed to work; he went back to inconsiderate roommate mode. But I didn’t want to be alone with him any more than I had to be so I called up some girlfriends from college and we went out for drinks last night. It was Ladies Night at my favourite bar; half price margaritas. And maybe I had too many drinks for a work night...”

“Darcy,” Jane interjected. “What happened when you got home?”

“He was still up playing Call of Duty. The second he saw me stumbling towards the kitchen for a glass of water he started circling me like a vulture. He got handsy, tried to herd me towards the couch.”

“Please tell me you tased him,” Jane begged.

To her relief Darcy nodded. “And then I just ran. The next thing I knew I was on the train headed for Manhattan so I came back here. I crashed on the couch and JARVIS woke me up when it was time to start work.”

Jane processed Darcy’s story, but there was a detail missing. “How did you get that bruise on your face, Darce?”

“He... kinda slapped me.”

“Kinda?”

“Well, he was trying to grab me, and then he was flailing about from 50,000 volts to the chest, and I was still within arms reach so I caught a fist to the face. It wasn’t like he punched me on purpose or anything.”

“No, of course not. He only tried to force himself on you while you were drunk.” 

“Yeah, that,” Darcy sniffled miserably.

“Did you tell your roommate what happened? Is she going to kick him out?”

Darcy laughed, short and cold. “I hadn’t had a chance to tell her, but he must have called her last night as soon as he stopped twitching. I had a text waiting for me when I woke up saying she wanted me gone by the time she got back tomorrow. Apparently in his version of events my drunk ass hit on him and got violent when he, honest and faithful boyfriend that he is, turned me down.” Darcy to swipe irritably at her wet cheeks and blow her nose. “So I’ve spent all morning trying to find a new place, and the last hour texting this asshole, trying to get him the fuck out of the apartment so I can go get my stuff, but he’s demanding a face to face. Says he’s sorry and wants to apologise, but more likely he just wants to make sure I’m not going to correct his story. … I can’t be alone with him, Jane,” she cried anew.

“And you won’t have to be,” Jane swore handing her another tissue. Whatever she was going to say next was interrupted by her name flashing in large, bright blue letters on a holographic whiteboard on the other side of the lab.

JANE

TAKE DARCY TO LUNCH

WE’LL HANDLE IT

- CLINT

Jane quickly sent a grateful smile to the nearest security camera before turning her attention back to Darcy. 

“Hey, how about we forget about that asshole for a couple of hours. We’ll grab something to eat then come back here and figure out a plan of attack, okay? I’m not going to let you do this alone,” she promised, standing up and offering up a rare hug that Darcy was all too happy to accept.

“Thanks, Janie.” 

They grabbed their bags and headed for the elevator bank arm in arm. “So, where do you want to go for lunch?” Darcy asked.

“How about Sadelles? I think today calls for matzo ball soup like bubbe used to make.”

“And bagels.”

“And Bloody Marys.”

“And a double cheeseburger,” Darcy sighed hungrily. 

“Whatever you want,” Jane laughed as the doors to Elevator 1 closed behind them.

A few floors away the doors to Elevator 2 opened onto the communal Avengers floor and Clint stepped out into a room full of antsy superheroes. Tony was seated at the nearest table sucking down on some radioactive looking smoothie while Steve, Bucky, Sam, and Thor were standing at half-assed attention awaiting orders.

“Since when are you calling Assembles?” Steve queried casually, not at all paranoid that he was being kept out of the loop on something important.

“Yeah, and since when do we do mission briefings in the breakfast nook?” Tony asked.

“Darcy needs our help,” Clint announced, pausing long enough for everyone to get the wrong idea.

“Where is she?” Thor boomed. “Is Jane with her?”

“Who’s got her?” Bucky demanded, already unsheathing one of the innumerable knives on his person.

“Whoa! Everyone, stand down. Jane and Darcy are fine. They’ve gone to lunch.”

The silence was deafening.

“So… they need help paying the tab? Because I’m pretty sure I already do that.” Tony snarked. 

“No, listen,” Clint tried to explain over five riled up superjerks. “Long story short: Darcy’s roommate’s out of town, her boyfriend stayed behind and he’s been making Darcy uncomfortable, to say the least. Last night Darcy came home drunk and he tried to take advantage of the situation. She tasered him and came here.”

“Shit,” Tony mumbled. “I was wondering why I found her crashed out on the lab couch at 3am. I just thought she had Jane had pulled an all nighter or something.”

“Is she okay?” Steve asked.

“She’s mostly rattled, a little bruised, and by the time she gets back from lunch I think she’s going to move onto being plain furious. She wants to get the hell out of that apartment but the guy’s refusing to leave, practically holding her stuff hostage until she agrees to talk to him.”

“Like hell she’s going back there,” Sam swore. “What’s the address?”

Clint smiled as the rest of the assembled Avengers quickly got on the same page. Tony rose from his seat, tapping away on his phone.

“JARVIS has called up a couple of cars for you and plugged Darcy’s address into the GPS. One of the maintenance guys should meet you down there with some moving boxes.”

“You’re not coming?”

“I’m going to attack this from a different angle,” he replied cryptically, leading the way to the elevators.

Half an hour later two large black SUVs pulled up out the front of an apartment building in Brooklyn and 60% of the Avengers current lineup got out. They ignored the curious stares and frantic fumbling for phones going on around them and headed up to Darcy’s apartment, arguing amongst themselves about the best approach. In the end Sam, declaring himself the most normal human and least well-known of the group took the lead, insisting the others stay out of sight while he tried the two rational adults approach, where one of the adults totally doesn’t want to kick the other adult’s ass. It was not his most believable performance.

“Hey man, I’m Sam,” he greeted gruffly when the door finally opened, his intimidating-outside-of-the-Avengers arms crossed over his impressive-outside-of-the-Avengers chest. “Darcy sent me to pick up her stuff.”

The door was slammed in his face and Clint shoved his way to the front of the line.

“C’mon asshole,” he called, banging on the door. “Let us grab Darcy’s things and we’ll get out of your hair.”

The asshole in question yanked the door open and, not that he knew it at that moment, cursed out a couple of Avengers. “If the bitch wants her stuff back she can damn well come and get it herself and stop sending wannabe gym rats to do her dirty work.”

“Gym rats?” Clint’s much-broken nose tried to wrinkle in confusion.

“Enough of these games,” Thor growled, pushing Sam, Clint, and the door out of the way.

“What the hell!” the asshole squealed as broken shards of the door and a 7ft tall Norse god came at him with avengence..

“You dare to tarnish Lady Darcy’s honour? To lay your unworthy hands upon her?!” he roared, stopping just short of grabbing him by the throat and pinning him against the wall. Humans were rather fragile, or so he was often reminded. 

“What… what… who?” the asshole stuttered, his mind on the fasttrack to a psychotic break as the rest of the Avengers followed Thor into the apartment.

“You hurt Darcy, we hurt you,” Bucky translated, taking up sentry duty by the broken door in case the asshole tried to make a run for it. 

Sam and Steve glared at the asshole on their way to Darcy’s bedroom (Clint had pointed it out, having been there once before when he’d been bribed into help Darcy move in almost a year ago) while Clint headed for the kitchen. Thor thought the best use of his time was to remain looming over the guy until he wet himself. 

“Ooh! Cranberry Kitchenaid. Definitely Darcy’s. She wouldn’t shut up about this thing,” Clint mused to himself as he boxed it, and all novelty baking and cookware items he could find, up.

Thor soon got bored and wandered around the small living area. “Does this belong to Lady Darcy?” he enquired, lifting up a three seater couch like it weighed nothing. 

“Don’t think so.”

Thor dropped it from three feet up and took no small amount of pleasure in the way the asshole flinched.

“What the hell…” he muttered to himself several times before finding his voice. “What the hell are you doing in my apartment?!”

“1. Not your apartment. 2. We told you: we’re here to get Darcy’s stuff, since you were being an asshole about it.”

“But… you’re the Avengers.”

“Yeah, and we’re here to grab Darcy’s stuff and put the fear of Norse gods into you. Keep up,” Clint replied, turning his attention to the contents of the refrigerator now that he had collected everything from the kitchen cupboards that seemed like it belonged to Darcy (shot glasses from a bar in New Mexico, a Culver U coffee mug, a collection rainbow-handled utensils…).

“But you’re the Avengers.”

“…did you seriously not know that Lewis was besties with Thor? Lewis. Darcy Lewis,” Clint clarified when he received only a blank, stunned stare in reply. “Jesus H Christ… You’ve seriously never even had a conversation with her, have you?” Clint spat, abandoning his hastily assembled sandwich in disgust only to pick it back and continue eating; it wasn’t the sandwich’s fault.

“What about this television?” Thor asked, ripping the thing right out of the wall.

After a pointed moment Bucky voted, “Leave it. Stark’ll buy her a better one.”

“Everything okay out here?” Sam asked, regarding Thor’s attempt to remount the TV into the recently made hole in the wall with feigned disinterest.

“All good.”

“You gonna make yourself useful, Barnes?” Sam griped, dragging a suitcase crammed full of Darcy’s wardrobe contents towards the door.

“I am being useful,” Bucky countered, pulling a whetstone from his tac suit and glaring at the asshole as he slowly dragged his favourite knife across it.

“Real helpful,” Sam muttered, heading back to the bedroom.

Clint finished off his sandwich and had a quick look around the shared bathroom. He nabbed a few of the products that looked expensive and/or smelled like Darcy, but everything else looked easily replaceable. He added the bottles to his kitchen box and called out to the rest of the team, “We done yet?”

“Almost,” Steve called back, tossing another huge suitcase from the depths of the bedroom to Thor who caught it easily. He followed Sam out, carrying two boxes to Sam’s three, who was struggling under the weight of Darcy’s innumerable books and assorted knickknacks but refused to admit within earshot of Bucky that he needed help. Steve passed off his boxes to Bucky and indicated that the rest of the team should head out. Bucky grabbed the second suitcase and tucked it under his metal arm, beaming obnoxiously at Sam as he passed him in the hallway.

Steve meanwhile made his way over to where the asshole was still cowering against the wall. “I know it goes without saying, but I’m going to say it anyway: you contact Darcy again, you so much as breathe in her direction, I will have my friend Carol take you into outer space, except she doesn’t use a spaceship, and we see how long it takes for your head to explode. ...Got it?”

“Captain America is threatening me?”

Steve gave the asshole his patented USO smile, “Yeah, but no one would ever believe you.”

The asshole could only nod mutely as Steve Rogers, Captain fucking America, exited the apartment and closed what was left of the door behind him. Two seconds later his cell phone rang. He was still in shock and couldn’t remember answering it, but the next thing he knew his phone was on speaker and someone was addressing him.

“Is this the asshole currently trembling in Apartment 4C.” 

“Uhhh…” the asshole’s brain flatlined as the man on the other end of the phone rattled off information that could only have been obtained through a very thorough background check.

“... the asshole whose Social Security Number is 498619842? The asshole who got busted for pot possession in 2015 and 2017? The guy who spent the night of his 15th birthday buying several porn subscriptions on his mother's credit card then let her think that some stranger had stolen it and racked up the charges?”

A very, very thorough background check.

“How…”

“This is Tony Stark. Just a courtesy call to let you know that I now own the apartment you’re currently squatting in. Actually, I own the whole building. And my people have already been in contact with your girlfriend and advised her of a little clause that I’ve added to the lease: if she wants to resign next month, you are not allowed to live with her - and I will know if she violates the terms of her lease. So that’ll be a fun conversation for you. But I’m sure you’ll be fine. I mean, what woman in her right mind would choose a cheap, rent controlled, fully renovated apartment in New York City over a cheating boyfriend slash burgeoning rapist?”

The call disconnected around the same time the asshole’s legs gave out and he became a puddle of terrified goo on the floor.

Darcy returned to the tower after an epic two hour lunch date with Jane feeling much better about the last twelve and a bit hours, and was ready to hand the asshole his ass. But with Jane coming back to the apartment with her after work, distracting him with the kind of vitriol she usually reserved for old white men who were tightfisted with university grant money, Darcy was confident she should be able to get in and out without too many hassles (or assault charges).

“82nd floor, if you please JARVIS,” Darcy instructed as they stepped into the elevator. 

“If you’ll indulge me, Miss Lewis, I’ve been instructed to take you to the 54th floor.”

“That’s one of the residential floors,” Jane realised. “Isn’t that floor still under construction?”

Before JARVIS could answer the elevator doors opened to an impatient Tony Stark.

“Minions, follow me.”

“What’s going on, Tony?” Darcy demanded as her boss’s boss led them through a bare  hallway painted base coat white.

“Heard you were in need of a place to crash, so I thought I’d give you an apartment.”

Before either of them could determine how much Tony knew, and how he knew it, he stopped in front of a seemingly random door and threw it open.

“Surprise!!”

“What the fuck!” Darcy shouted, not that she could hear herself over the carousing of half the Avengers line up. “What the fuck?” she repeated when the noise died down. 

“Well, Clint here gave us a quick rundown of what happened - we’re glad you’re alright, by the way.”

“But how did you know?”

“Donuts,” Clint teased, earning confusing glances from everyone not in on the joke. “Well, donuts and security cameras.”

“Clint sent me a message on one of Tony’s hi tech whiteboards while I was talking to you,” Jane admitted. “He told me to take you to lunch but I had no idea they were going to do this.” 

“But what is all this?”

“This is your stuff,” Clint grinned doing his best Vanna White at the small collection of boxes and suitcases.”

“We paid the scoundrel a visit he won’t soon forget and liberated your belongings so you needn’t see him again.”

“We pretty much cleaned out your bedroom, but left the furniture. Sam said it was all just IKEA stuff so it probably didn’t hold much sentimental value,” Steve explained.

“It didn’t,” Darcy assured him, almost moved to tears by their actions.

“So, I know this place looks pretty bleak right now, but I promise it’s liveable - water and power have been hooked up, and I’ve got a basic bed being delivered in the next hour or so you don’t have to sleep on the floor. And Pepper will be in touch sometime this afternoon to set up a meeting with her interior designer so you can Darcy it up however you like on my dime. Aaaand you look like you’re going to hug me so I’m going to leave now.”

Darcy laughed at Tony’s retreating back before redirecting her attention and affection on the rest of her personal heroes. “Thank you guys so much. I can’t even tell you how much this means to me.”

“You’re more than welcome, Darcy-Lou,” Clint replied, going in for a hug. He squeezed her tightly, pressing a kiss to her forehead before making way for the next guy in line.

“I’m glad you’re alright, Darcy. If we left anything important behind just let me know. I’d be happy to pay him another visit.”

“I’m sure you would, Cap. Thank you.”

Bucky shuffled forward. “Darcy.”

“Bucky.”

“We didn’t much like the idea of living you down here by yourself, so to make you feel a bit safer at night, or maybe not,” he mumbled, hiding behind his hair. “I’m gonna move down into the room across the hall. At least until they finish up on this floor and start getting other people in here.”

Darcy’s arms were thrown around his neck before he could finish.

“Thank you.”

Hug her back, you idiot, Sam mouthed, choking on his laughter when Bucky awkwardly patted her on the back. He pushed Bucky out of the way and showed him what a hug was supposed to look like. “And if you want to hit the clubs and you want some added security…” he proposed with a little shimmy that pulled a laugh from Darcy and Steve (Bucky just rolled his eyes). 

“I know who to call.”

“We’ll leave you to it - and see you at dinner, right?” Sam called back as the three musketeers headed for the elevators.  

“Absolutely!”

And then it was just Thor and Jane, both of them regarding her with kind smiles and sad eyes.

“I am sorry he harmed you, Darcy. One word from you and I will throw him in the deepest, darkest cell on Asgard until he rots.”

“Thanks big guy. But you’ve done more than enough.”

“So… what now?” Jane asked, reaching for Thor’s hand. “Did you want to come back down to the labs until your bed gets here?”

“I think I’ll check out my new digs for a bit. Maybe rummage through the boxes and see what the guys managed to grab for me and make a list of what I need to replace....”

“Are you sure you’re going to be alright?”

“I’m going to be fine, Janey,” Darcy replied, smiling to herself when it occurred to her just how true those words were. She was going to be fine.

[Post Credit Scene]

As it turned out, Tony’s idea of a “basic” bed was a king sized mattress and base - which none of Darcy’s current bedding fit. 

Pepper and her favourite interior designer had been and gone, dinner was another hour away, and Darcy was doing her best to make up her new bed regardless of her ill fitting sheets, figuring if worse came to worst she’d just roll herself up like a burrito, when there was a knock at her new front door.

“Nat! When did you get in?” 

“About two hours ago,” she replied, pushing past Darcy with a moving box balanced on her hip. “Clint told me what happened.”

“Oh no,” Darcy sighed, eying the box warily. “What did you do? Is he…you know...”

“Still breathing? Still in possession of all his limbs and both his testicles?” 

“Yeah, those things.”

“Reluctantly. You could have called me,” she added quietly. 

“You were on a mission,” Darcy shrugged. “And I kind of wanted to pretend it didn’t happen.”

“Well, thank goodness Clint knows when to leave well alone and when to go at a problem like a dog with a bone.”

“You taught him well,” Darcy teased, which earned a small snort of amusement from the Black Widow. “Now, not to sound like Brad Pitt but what’s in the box?”

Natasha did a little drumroll on the lid of the box before pulling back the flaps. “I have… every roll of toilet paper in the apartment and half a dozen shoelaces - one from every pair of shoes he owns.”

“Is that all? Not that it’s not amazing,” she giggled. “But it seems kinda… small potatoes for a talented spysassin like yourself.”

“I may have also added a minced ghost pepper to his aftershave. And infected all of his devices with this special little virus that will crash his games just before he reaches a save point.”

“Oh my god, that’s devious! I love it!”

“You’re welcome,” she smirked. “And since that only took me like fifteen minutes after the world's shortest debriefing I had time to stop off on the way back for some of your favourite rotgut in case you were interested in a nightcap,” she announced, pulling a bottle of tequila from the box.

“Jose Cuervo isn’t not rotgut… But I’m kinda off the tequila at the moment,” Darcy admitted quietly.

“Well, luckily for you, I also picked up a bottle of my favourite rotgut,” she smiled, presenting Darcy with a bottle of unpronounceable, high proof vodka.

Darcy laughed and reached for the tacky shot glasses Clint had rescued from her old apartment and let Natasha do the honors. 

“Hey, do you have any missions on the horizon?” Darcy spluttered after the first shot.

“Nothing planned, why?”

“Pepper’s interior designer reckons she can have my apartment fully painted and furnished by this time next week. I was thinking I might host a little family dinner. Sort of a housewarming slash thanks for having my back party? I’ll bake that coffee chocolate cake Clint loves and put in orders with like, four of the team's favourite takeout places...”

“I’m in. As long as I get to be on cocktails,” Nat said as she poured another round.

Darcy clinked their glasses together with a smile. “Deal.”