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ganondoodle · 3 days ago

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actively fighting a full blown panic attack born out of sadness and anger after having to drive by yet another victim on the side of the road

it makes me livid how accepted it is to just let cats suffer and die disgustingly horrid deaths and live awful short lives just so what, for what?? so you dont have to play with them for an hour a day??? when i was little it was just kinda normal that they disappeared at some point, i didnt understand what it actually meant until our outdoor cat i loved dearly was found in the bushes near our house in a condition so horrible my dad has never told me and i have never dared to ask, she only made it to 6 and had horrible scars and infections before that i allowed my family to convince me to let my first own cat outside, we only had her for a year, she died at only 2 years old, i am still suffering from the guilt, it has never let me go, she went missing for a week and i walked the entire vilage up and down every day, yelling her name, wandering into the forest alone, talking to every stranger i met until one morning my mom told me that our neighbour who works for the city asked if we had a white cat with a very specific collar she had- he found her on a busy road crossing in the next bigger city, i never even got to bury her, its haunting me, the thought of her wandering lost and scared in the city for a week until meeting an awful end gives me headaches, the fact that i was the last one to see her alive, that i put her outside bc we were late for school and had to leave quickly, that she had come home with oil in her fur from crawling through maschines and cars before, that i was worried but still didnt act, that it is my fault, any time i am up to late its coming back, it will never let me go, if i had stood my ground and not allow her outside unless on a leash or similar shed still be alive today, any time i read a description at our local shelter it comes back, they still advocate for outside cats, all of them, even if they have only been an indoor one before, its madness my older sister had a cat, i dont even know how old he got but it wasnt long either, he got hit by a car in front of their house, she has two now again and the only reason she hasnt let them outside is because they havent shown much interest in it, i tried to warn her before and she didnt listen and shes still resistent, even after losing one too

i have seen so many on the side of the road, anywhere i drive i see them, i cannot forget a single one, we are surrounded by farm land and all its giant maschinery, its still common to poison rodents, why do people value them so little, you wouldnt let your dog just live outside in the woods and streets for half the day or more, you wouldnt just throw your guniea pigs on the road and tell them have fun, you wouldnt just let your bird roam outside, there probably assholes that do that too but you cannot tell me its as common as outside cats

i dont understand it, i dont, i wont, i never will, i will never forgive myself this poor little animal that was my responsibility having to pay the price of my ignorance, or my own weakness letting my family convince me despite the awful way we lost one before, it makes me want to explode it hurts my brain in grief and anger i can barely contain

cats deserve to live a safe and long life, i get only having them inside may feel like you are locking them up, but do you think that not doing so is worth having them die a painful death? being poisonend? on purpose even by disgusting people that hate them? abused and chased by other animals and dogs? hurt and lost? cutting their lifespan in half? if they even make it that far? the amount of wildlife that they kill unnecessarily so when all of that is already in a steep decline everywhere? and if they eat what they hunt get infected with diseases or again, poison? die somewhere in agony? if cared for they dont care about going outside, plenty can be leash trained or given a secure way to roam like those cat proof aviary like things, if you dont want to put effort into caring for a cat DONT GET ONE, ALL pets require adequate care, and if you think cats are the easiest bc you only have to feed them every now and then IF they come home? you suck, you are an asshole, i hate you and you do not care about them, if you just want to occasionalyl feed and pet an animal go to the petting zoo

(this is about pet cats of people who can absolutely afford to keep them healthily inside, i know feral cats and those in poor neighbourhoods are a thing, even if not here where i live, and thats a whole other but still similar problem and not the point of this post)

#ganondoodles talks #personal #tw pet death #tw cat death #i hate everything so much and my day is ruined #sorry to come at you with this but its just #the grief and anger i feel for these poor things is more than their owners ever will feel im sure #just getting another one like its a consumable piece of candy #its so common here i hate it #why are people so insistent on it #the fact that the shelter here too advocates for outdoor cats in every cats description makes me twice as mad #do you actually care for them or do you hope they die quickly so people get one more frquently or what #i thought about writing them but i have had both of my cats from there and i am afraid they would not take it well #i dont know how to approach trying to make a change in this case #(my current cat is indoor only obviously and shes about 10 now- which is the oldest of any cats i have known has gotten)#this is germany specific btw ... if theres anyone that knows an organization trying to change this pls let me know

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itsdefinitely · 1 year ago

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this is how richie's death went in my head

#i cant tell you how many times i had to go back and tweak wiggly because he has such a complicated design #like i was ready to post and then i realized i forgot his little arm stripes #but i persist #i do not persist enough to do lineart #but its fiiiiiiiiinnneeee its fiiiiiiiinnnneeeeeee #also yes this completely self-indulgent but in my defense none of my friends stopped me #i didnt tell them i was making this but its still their fault #nerdy prudes must die #npmd spoilers #wiggog y'rath #nibblenephim #pokotho #richard lipschitz #definitely art #id in alt text #if its out of character nnnnnnooooooooooo nnnnooooo its not shhhhhhhhhh

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todayisafridaynight · 7 months ago

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I’m fairly new to the fandom, but I do have a question if you can answer it! Why do people ship Daigo with Aoki / Masato? I tried looking to see if they’ve interacted before, but couldn’t find anything! Sorry for asking I’m just </3 dumb AND I LOVE YOUR ART OF THEM!!! Nerd looking ahhhhhh

hi ! welcome to the community i hope you're having a lovely time so far and ty for enjoyin my stuff :) no need for apologies it's a very fair question to have :]

i cant speak for everyone (all. ten people into masadai anyway) but Personally To Me i just think the idea of them together is very funny. thats quite literally it im afraid..

#snap chats #//twenty page google doc in the background// ignore that. it's mostly for comedic purposes #might also be my fault idk sorry about that. allegedly. idk ive had like three people tell me they started to ship them cause of me 🧍‍♂️#@mementoasts is another person who's drawn masadai and whose stuff i love and am inspod by .. i love their disneyland fic sm ...#there was another artist on twitter who posted a neat drawing of them but i cant remember who they were and i didnt bookmark it //screams//#recently there's been ANOTHER masadai artist ive started following on twitter - @wifekiryu. his account's n/s/f/w fyi before you go looking #he has a tumblr too @foxdies. i say cause i realized as much recently vjeaKLGJALKGJ #oh but I GUESS ill get deeper into why. /i/ personally ship masadai or whatever #first off they're opposing factions yet their character alignments Do Not Match their roles. stereotypically anyway #aoki who leads the 'surface' of society and is meant to be an admirable figure and someone 'just' when really. he sucks LMAO #though that's not atypical of politicians but just from a stereotypical This Is A Respectable Individual perspective of his role #daigo on the other hand leads the 'underbelly' of society- yk comprised of dangerous criminals and outcasts and whatnot #yet as we know him daigo's compassionate and considerate of his men- he doesnt treat them like tools like aoki does #if put in a room with the two daigo would be most people's choice of person to hang out with. probably open a trapdoor on aoki tbh #and i think thats really cool and epic i always love that kinda Subverting Expectations thing #theres also the fact they both started off like. edgy/angsty in the franchise and then brush up down the line #masato does a stronger 180. publicly. obviously but its still really funny they both have to get their act together #if you wanna talk about in-text reasons. there really is none LMAO I TELLS YOU masadai is pure crack #but if i wanted to pull a muscle reaching then there's daigo being on aoki's side while everyone else is on arakawa's during the funeral #im lying of course. mitsu was behind him. rgg tryna make me forget mitsu exist .... put him back in y8 ....#and ofc ichi joins that side to even out the seating but moving on another Goofy Reason is arakawa being like #'the chairman and my son are like p much the same age Surely he knows how he thinks :)'#and then i just think daigo being all smarmy about outsmarting aoki is really goofy and im choosing to interpret that as personal #they both also have issues with their dad. s. dad/s/. anyway.#tbh the google doc tag was a joke but i really could sit here and list every dumb reason why i think theyre funny together #like i started going over the tag limit so uhhhh yeah needless to say i have a lot of. dumb reasons 💀💀💀💀#one day ill use the main text for long rambles like this but todays not that day Point Is my imagination is rampant im afraid #so the short and sweet of it is I Think It's Funny. And They'd Be Terrible Together. Which Is Why It's Funny.#and the unfortunate part is anything i find funny i obsess over for a year so. //gestures to the mountain of bullshit thats my masadai tag/

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phagodyke · 4 months ago

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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍

#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around #pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable #my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters #no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time #gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt #but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years #and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again #but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and #others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard #it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl #bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either #and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for #but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own #bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me #but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form #and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind #and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will #and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing #and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense #its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out #and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up #and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain #its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit #and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after #or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life #i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever #and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it #and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel #thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable

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upsidedowngrass · 2 years ago

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look, i know cheesy mostly answered that liam would listen to metal 1) because he was put on the spot and 2) likely because its funny to imagine liam ‘literally just some Standard Guy’ plecak as listening to music far more intense than he is, but tbh?? it is so fitting. like yeah, thats abt right for him. i cant even figure out how to explain how/if it coincides w what we see of him but like. its just the truth

#hfjone #hes literally so silly #bryce drives him to see a band he likes post one #and bryce is like. i thought you were gonna listen to fucking beatles covers. what #amelia ? also wouldnt have heard much music like this pre one but i think shed be SO interested #liam and amelia just chill on the floor listening to the loudest music possible #and bryce doesnt seem like someone who would care for like. more intense and noisy music #so hes like. wtf #(charlotte would join amelia and liam obv. bryce is on his own)#all four of them end up seeing a band together and bryce feels like hes herding cats #bc liam and charlotte both try to join the mosh pit and bryce is. hell no #and he has to force amelia to wear ear plugs (she is simply very invested in the music) and shes so sad #she doesnt take them out bc yeah ok that makes sense. but shes sad that the music is no longer as loud #(amelia and liam have a headache for two days after bc liam never put any in and amelia was sdidnt have any for at LEAST an hr)#(bryce tells them yeah. thats your own fault)#(he still gets them some ibuprofen tho lol)#also if this seems rambly its bc i went to a metal concert recently and it was fun and i acquired new knowledge #(idk if its the type of metal liam listens to esp since i am a bit new to the genre. but i still know things i didnt know b4 #and now i can write these highly specific interactions better now)

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mrfoox · 2 years ago

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The fact I refuse to confront/inform the people who have basically ruined my mental state and my ability to function bc that would make them feel bad is honestly bonkers

#miranda talking shit #I cant say id be having a good and normal life if i wasnt abused as a young child but im 90% sure I'd not have this must trouble #Id still have my autistic and add problems but my anxiety and depression would definitely be a lot better #Its... Insane. That my older brothers probably have no idea how much they have actually ruined my life/mental state from such an earlh age #As 4 yrs old... Hell they might not even remember it or even think it was a 'big deal'. I know my second oldest brother probably falls into #The latter. I know now that they both most likely have undiagnosed adhd/autism and they used me as a way to act out/feel better #But being told youre stupid. Fat. Ugly. Useless from the age of 4 like... I cant stress how much it have ruined my self image #Ive tried to build confidence in myself and love myself since my teens and i can barely say im 'avarge' without doubting it #Like they also hit me but that's nothing compared to the mental torture i had to go through on an almost daily basis #Funniest thing is that bc it happened/started when i was so young i didnt think it was... Bad or weird or abnormal.#I started crying when my parents told me to go tell my brothers it was dinner time. I was terrified of knocking on their doors #I still to this day 20 years later am still incredibly uncomfortable and anxious talking with them and i havent been able to make much of #An relationship with them bc of it. Im scared to say anything to them even if its simple shit. And men/boys in general ive thus been #Terrified of since i was young. Once again i thought it was normal to mistrust and be scared of men until i was in my teens #I wish i could hate them i wish i could be angry i wish i had someone to blame #But no my brain is too nice and give excuses to them. Their actions are excused. They have ruined me mentally but thats not their fault #Fuck that might be true but they were still 6 and 11 years older than me. I didnt have a chance to protect myself in any way #I wish someone saw i wasnt okay. I wish someone understood that i wasnt well. I wish someone saw me.#Negative #Abuse

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katiefratie · 11 months ago

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Ruminating about my internship experience and how I'm on one hand very grateful for my time there and liked my supervisor on the other hand Im glad to leave cause my supervision itself was almost nonexistent. We barely spent time talking about my case load and only a little bit of that is due to how a few people were connected to their people (which i always thought was strange but whatever) but not everyone! I'm just I'm excited to be graduating and also feel a bit like a fraud cause I don't know that I actually learned anything/enough in my internship and I'm currently not planning on Using my degree maybe I will later but right now I can't I have not cared about my people for to long to be okay. My supervisor and the director are both really nice people though and I am glad to have met them both 🥺 (I do harbor a sneaking suspicion that if the director was my supervisor it might have gone better but I can't say for certain)

#personal #school rambling #if you read all this i cant promise it makes sense #and im not saying my experience was bad either #it was good! i just dont think it was helpful #and didnt teach me anything that just working at that place wouldn't have taught me #and i do think some fault lies with me for not Saying anything #snd telling them “hey this is what i need out of this”#but they are the Adult of the relationship they had the power #and when its hard to get a word in or anything i bring they bring back to their experiences #its hard to focus on my stuff #all this to say graduation friday :]#i still will be doing stuff all week #today was just final supervision #i did say I'd let them know where i land which 😬#that may be nowhere!

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gibbearish · 1 year ago

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u ever have to back out of a drama explained video bc ur like. i agree that that person was in the wrong but the way youre presenting them is just unsettling

#like theres a difference between 'hey heres a breakdown of who waid what and what happened' and #'look at this zoo animal and what a freak they are for this freak thing they did‚ everyone point and laugh at them wherever they go forever #specifically if you put quirky music and a dramatic voiceover over a clip of someone having a screaming #breakdown in their car telling people to leave them alone i think thats uhhhhhh fucked up no matter what they did #and ppl will always be like 'well they could just log off so its fine' and its like a) didnt we learn in like elementary school that #cyberbullying is still real bullying #like to me that gives the same vibe as 'why didnt they just leave' irt abusive relationship if that makes sense?#like yeah physically they are capable of just logging off. physically they can choose to leave. but theres a lot more #that goes into it than just 'can i physically leave'#like. ppl who do abuse over the internet know how the internet works and know how to use #means other than ohysical strength to keep targets under their control #'if you dont respond to my messages whenever i send them ill kill myself. no i didnt directly say that but #i repeatedly messaged you at times i knew you had just gone to sleep faking suicide attempts making you feel #like its your fault for not being available to respond 24/7'#its 'youre the only person i can talk to about these things no one understands me like you. you are my whole support system and therefore #wholly responsible for my mental health #if you leave me ill have no one so you will be dooming me to fall apart on my own when i need support the most so you can never leave me'#its 'how can you break up with me right now knowing im feeling suicidal‚ its like you want me to kill myself‚ you did this deliberately bc #youre a bad person. my life depends on you staying with me and i will never not be suicidal #and even if i was you saying that would make me feel that way so you can never break up with me or youre responsible for me kmsing #im not saying thats at all the same as ppl taking drama too far and freaking out abiut stuff however i feel like a good portion of it #carries over specifically the fact that. they probably feel like they /have/ to stay logged in‚ to keep their drama public #they have to keep defending themselves and keep reading responses and keep going and going #plus like. of course its the big freakouts that get lots of attention and therefore get even worse #good or bad people like spectacle‚ you never see people calmly resovling disagreements because they.#get calmly resolved then everyone moves on and forgets it. so you only remember the wild ones #like esp for like. kids on tiktok #we all had meltdowns about petty shit at one point or another we just were lucky enough to grow up just before #social medias jumped over to video content so it doesnt have our faces tied to it #idk. i just think ppl should ask themselves 'how would i feel if an audience of thousands was watching my lowest moment like this'

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mrfutureboy · 2 years ago

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:c

#original entry #im going to vent about art stuff #so feel free to skip this #so im frustrated bc drawing has been so hard for me this past year and if yall couldnt tell im not really making any art definitely not post #ing it. im aware its one of those things thatll only get worse the less i do it bc PRACTICE IS IMPORTANT #but my life this past year has been all over the place and so i havent had time and really no motivation #however i have a few commissions from december i still havent finished #and i feel HORRIBLE that its taken me so long #but some of these pieces. one in particular i have to pretty much redraw every time i come back to it bc its just giving me so many problems #(this isnt the fault of the commissioner lemme just go ahead and say that now)#i WANT to work on it and i work on it for hours but theres no progress bc ive just erased and redrawn things that whole time but something #STILL always looks off and it makes me so frustrated and i want to cry #and so im frustrated but i feel so guilty bc its been such a long time and so often when i do come back to it i just wanna give up and refun #d them. bc it isnt enjoyable anymore #it isnt enjoyable and given how much time ive already spent struggling its really not worth the money. especially bc my comms were half pric #e when i got all these comms (which is WHY i got all these comms)#so i feel like i devalued my self a little and i definitely spread myself way too thin bc i got like 6 commissions in one night or smth like #that. but i feel so guilty giving up!! this persons been WAITING for this!!!#idk yall i didnt want to cry so i stopped working on it but im SO frustrated and dont know what to do

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trippygalaxy · 1 month ago

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Mm

#love it when you fear of being alone but its in your nature to push others away and isolate yourself #and then at one point its like…why try? they obviously have others they are more happy to interact with and you already lost that spark #and you were always just gonna be a stone they past by and your not mad at them for it cause its ur meant to be a pretty rock to keep them-#- and have them want to keep you #i care a lot about you and i wanna know whats going on #but i suck at talking and its no one’s fault but my own. i know this #but it doesn’t make it hurt any less…ya know?#like. was there a reason u didnt tell me? did you think i wouldnt care? even though i begged you for hours not to leave and to keep yourlife #is that like…not worth a little acknowledgement when you leave and come back again? maybe thats a selfish thought #andidk maybe that mutual (diff) hates me but they are still my mutual but when i try to interact i just get ignored? its okay to hate me #i wouldnt judge them if they did. if i did something to upset or hurt them and thats why or just cause they find me annoying. thats fine/gen #but like…idk if you did why do you keep me?#am i irrelevant now? did i build everything up and now im just forgotten? but thats no ones fault but my own but also i cant help but want #to be remembered. to still be worth remembering. ya know?#vent #will delete later #just ugh #need to get shit off me and i dont wanna talk to people about it cause then it seems like i don’t appreciate the people i do have

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nomairuins · 2 months ago

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read asoue to weeman as a bedtime story he liked it YAYYYY

#i set up a oneblock mc workd 4 him bc hes been obsessed w them #took me a while bc im an idiot FJFBFNN but i got it. nd he was having fun but itsba school night #but he was in my room playing so eventually i convinced him to turn off mc (meryl my computer came in with an assist (battery low warning so #i could say I think meryl is getting tired....)) so then he helped me turn it off but was still so sad #so i offered for him to stay cozy in my room 4 awhile and we sat together and then i said we could read a story together #so he read his favorite book 2 me (not a box if anybody is curious) and then i relized my copies of asoue r in storage at current moment #Which was the bummer. but i checked out the ebook from my library in wa YAYY I LOVE LIBRARIES #so i was reading that to him :] and he was super into it asking me abt words i didnt know he even asked me Why is his last name snicket...#as if the name lemony isnt weirder NRNTJFNhes funny #but ya. and he was asking me questions abt the story (How did that fire start.... Maybe they left the oven on too long 😥😥😥) but he was #rly into it... i was a bit worried itd be a bit too sad 4 him But i underestimated him . he was very sad when their parents died but very #invested. we got abt midway through chapter 4 (klaus had just said the thing abt olaf only giving them one bed) and then he started #fake snoring. so i carried him to his room and then unfortunately he noticed that his phone was charged so he decided to play on that a bit #before bed . sigh . I did my best #nd then i told my mom and she had the gall to be like Sigh when i said he grabbed his ohone and its like. Well thatis bc you gave him a #phone to play on and whenever you dont feel like listening to him when he wants to tell you things you distract him with any screen in reach #like. yk. itis entirely your alls fault. and i feel bad #hes such a sweet kid and yes he does have a tendency to talk a lot bc hes . an autistic 6 year old who loves a lot of things and is excited #to share. yk. but most everyone just ignores him and i feel bad...#i try my best to listen sometimes i have trouble following but like. yk.#and a lot of the stuff is abt whatever youtubers hes watching which. sigh. but whtevr #idk. i worry abt him having a phone with internet access like. hes only got kids youtube and stuff but. well i dont love kids having access #to the internet so young <- guy who was doing erp with strangers online at age 7.#but. waghhhhhhfhfhrbfufbfjr. wtvr #anyways. im glad he liked the story at least im hoping i can get him into reading more #he likes reading but im gonna ask my mom if i can get all my books out of storage #theyre like. hes still quite young for most of them but ive got some old junie b jones #and i think tag would like a lot of them as well ... neither of them read a lot it makes me sad but its. understandable. my parents didnt #teach tag to read like at all and they still struggle with it #so i cannot blame them. but i think the books i liked at their age r things theyd like so ! yk.

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contagious-watermelon · 5 months ago

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sorry to the person whose blog i just scrolled thru like its my dashboard

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digitaldiseas3 · 5 months ago

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can't tell if i'm like... starting to dislike these girls because im pmsing and that's pretty typical for me to suddenly not like certain people, or if it's genuinely because they've been giving me weird fucking vibes and did smth i think was shitty :/

#they left one dude in the club blackout drunk bc he said he didnt want to leave yet #and his phone died and he slept in the street. woke up with no memory of what happened #and a bachelorette party at the club had ripped his shirt off in shreds apparently #and its like. yeah ik those girls that left him aren't responsible for him that's not their job but like. he couldnt b responsible for hims #--himself in that state #we're in a foreign country and he was visibly fucking blackout wasted #and they left him there by himself #and then in the morning when it was like oh fuck we dont know where jake is? they were insistent that we didnt tell the profs and would #instead wait FOUR HOURS for him to contact us (WTF) before going to the spanish police Ourselves #like what the fuck do you think WE can accomplish??#whatever it turned out okay (or as ok as it could be) bc he managed to buy a charger and picked up when i tried calling again within that 1 #hour that we discovered he never made it to his hotel that night #so like. it was fine we didnt need to get the professors or cops involved and nobody had to get sent back home to the US #but like. the fact that they STILL are treating it like no big deal is really giving me rancid vibes #he could have been robbed or assaulted or kidnapped or killed. and what would we have done #like. idk. it seems like theyre just trying to sweep it under the rug bc it was THEM who saw him last #it was THEM who abandoned him while he was in no state to be on his own #and it's especially jarring bc some of those girls i'd considered to be really great people that i really liked!!#and then for one of them especially to be LAUGHING when jake was telling her in person what had happened #like zero concern whatsoever #and its so offputting like... genuinely was this no issue in your eyes.#and it's scary bc it really is a double standard bc if this was a girl then everyone would have been flipping the fuck out #the profs and cops would be called ASAP even if it meant that people got sent home early from the study abroad. bc safety is more important #but bc 'hes a grown man he can handle himself' nobody was in any sort of rush to try and make sure he was okay #its just. i dont feel like i can trust half of them anymore when that was how they reacted to the situation #and when one girl today got lowkey pissed at me for being like yeah that was scary how jake was left all alone and slept in the streets #she was like 'well its not our problem. hes the one who didnt want to leave so its his own fault. he should be able to handle himself'#WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU. WHAT THE FUCK.

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yelloworangesoda · 7 months ago

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maxwell and sammy are all mine and i love them like my children but its pretty hard to divorce them from fnaf enough to make them straight up ocs. sammy especially bc hes technically not my oc, even if i made up every aspect about him except his name and dead twin sister

#my point being i keep seeing oc post and going ‘omg me about sammy’ but sammy isnt an oc. technically #i literally wont even change his name if i do ever just make him all mine. i love him sammy is my bff forevers.#sammy smiles real wide and has sharp canines. he cant stand silence and talks to himself CONSTANTLY and its worse around other people #he interrupts people a lot by accident. and is really bad about holding friendships and doesnt reach out to people. after he took max in it #was impossible to shut him up bc someone was actually there now. he has serious trust issues and thinks ppl dont like him bc he thinks #everyone to have some big secret theyre all collectively keeping from him to keep him ‘’safe’’ which stems from. his mom doing this to him #about his sister and dad she just straight up refused to tell him until he found out on his own. so for 11 years he knew that. they for sure #you cant just split up your family in half in a divorce. something seems incredibly wrong about that but he didnt know what actually #happened there. also they were young when she died but he still felt like a part of him went missing and without the knowledge she died he #assumed. hed see her again and fill that hole. and of course that wasnt true. so anyway he struggles to make and keep friends #hes had like 8 different partners who lasted more than a month (most of them didnt want to deal with max) and he cant keep any of them bc a #a lot of people meet this cute charming guy with a lot to say and realize hes literally like this all the time and it stops being cute and #starts being annoying. he wanted to have kids bc he really likes kids but nobody wants him unfortunately and also he had. max for 8 years #and max is for sure his kid (from his perspective max is weird about it bc max thinks of his dad. as his Parent and sammy as more of #brother) but like max was not really what he was thinking when he thought he wanted kids right. and he feels bad about thinking that but #he does. think that. he wants a kid of his own. sammy is a therapist for kids with trauma specifically so that also impacts his ability to #have a kid. he worries that. bc of his personal experience of what Can happen that he may in turn be a helicopter parent or way #overprotective. yknow. he #ive got to go to bed omg. i got enough thoughts down!!!!#simons spouting #a lot of this is just awfully written but you cant read back or edit tags on mobile. not my fault

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be-good-to-bugs · 1 year ago

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blehg i dont wanna work ever again :(

#the bin #i wish i didnt need so much money for rent #rent is such a evil concept it makes me so upset. ur telling me that i pay all this with no payoff and they can also decide to charge me #more for stuff that doesnt cost them more AND even after paying all this every month and giving a security deposit they can still charge me #for damages??? and for stuff like if the drain is clogged and they rule it as my fault i have to pay to fix that and stuff like it #like i gotta fucking pay for repairs too??? and for all my utilities. like. what is it even costing you at this point??????#i dream of getting a remote job and moving back to ohio and buying my own house even if its super shitty #but alas that will probably never happen. unless capitalism collapses and houses become buyable again #i hate my parents but part of me thinks id rather still live with them then pay so much rent. cause then i wouldnt have to work as much #and id have way more free time to do stuff. 40 hours a week is horrendous. i need to get smth that pays better so i can go back to 32 hours #if i could get 2 more an hour then id be totally fine to only work 4 days a week #well. one of these days itll happen. theres quite a bit hiting for that arpund me anyway

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avpdgirlfriend · 2 years ago

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my friends let something im talking about just be abt me and my topic and not abt themselves for once challenge!

#i love u soooo much but can i please. just be listened to #diary #it's hard for me to not make things abt myself when other people are talking and yet i still manage !!!! because i wouldn't want them to #feel like this #and like im talking over them #because its awful #i just wish anyone could provide me the same courtesy #idk i guess this is just a consistent problem with everything. that no one is considerate of me at all #& ik i havent stated this specific boundary to him i don't think . so im not upset with that thats my responsibility & i dont want to tell #him #so thats literally on me. which is fine #wait this is confusing . whatever #friend responded to me w something that makes me uncomfortable. but Also makes it abt them . the former of which i have not expressed #so its not their fault. But. while i i guess havent expressed the latter either its just #rude? right?#whatever idk social shit anyways #and its not really truly about this incident at all. i dont mind this particular one as much he responded to what i said differently too #which would make it ok for me if he didnt say former thing #and i love him & appreciate him responding #however. it just Reminds me of the pattern even tho its technically not in it.#aand. why am i justifying everything the point is #im a baby. thats it.#no but it bothers me when thistle disregards me and it reminds me of him doing that to me #and THAT makes me upset. he does it so often #i just. mmmm #wish i Mattered!

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