#i didnt realize so many of them had just vanished rather than just like

[mochees]

"𝗶 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗜𝗜"

-> headcanons, how they tell you they love you for the first time, part two!

characters: sakusa, iwaizumi, x fem!reader

warnings: fem reader, ✨healthy relationships✨, oikawa being oikawa

wc: 3.6K

a/n: WOAH okay uh did NOT expect that last set to be that popular,,,, y'all thirsty for love huh? me too anyway i thought id do a part two since i honestly really enjoyed writing the first set and my brain is vibrating with ✨thoughts✨ and seeing how much love it got really made me feel how i haven't felt in so long, so thank you! maybe ill turn this into a series so lemme know if u wanna see someone specific👀👀😏 also sorry for like posting and then dipping again lmao thats just my social media brand i have the attention span of a fucking worm

read part 1 here!

Sakusa Kiyoomi

okok i know its like common for sakusa to be shown as not interested in PDA (in private or public) unless hes feeling "needy"

BUT i believe that after a few weeks, maybe months if he's still unsure, he would definitely be much more comfortable with PDA

like, if its been a long time and your both serious about it and not just in a relationship to be in a relationship he starts to notice your routine

he notices the changes you make so that he's comfortable and so that you can be close to him without him being worried about icky yicky germy wormys (someone take away my thought privileges)

so now that he knows that you take care of your hygiene and exactly what you do for it, slowly he's wrapping an arm around you in 30° heat while you're both sweating

slowly he's "forgetting" his mask in the car for dates

slowly, but surely, he understands that a little bit of exposure, isn't a bad thing.

"kiyoomi?" your voice brought sakusa's eyes to yours where he could see the concern behind them.

"are you okay y/n?"

you'd decided, after three weeks of intense training and barely seeing your boyfriend, that you wanted just one day and one night with him. just the two of you, you know he'd never admit it, but he needed a break.

after atsumu decided to try out some new plays that didn't start off to well, sakusa had been silently groaning everytime he had to reach for something. he was excellent at making sure he wasn't overworking himself, and he wasn't, its just that the human body is an absolute wonder, and not in a good way. sometimes things that should have mildly injured you, left you with a tiny scrape, or a bruise or a very quick-to-fade red mark, and sometimes you drop a phone on your face and break your fucking jaw.

you offer him a gentle smile that completely washes away the concern in your eyes.

"im fine omi! but you," you reach your hands up to rest on both sides of his face turning his head side to side, studying it intensly.

"you're looking a little pale. and possibly grey."

"how do you mean y/n-chan?"

for such an intelligent man sometimes he really could be a himbo.

"i mean that i think you might be sick, baby."

sakusa stared blankly at you, as if he couldn't fathom the possibility of 'himself, sick?'

"omi? kiyoomi!" you nabbed his attention, "i think you're sick, and we best go home."

"but-" he started, but you were quick to cut him off knowing exactly what he was about to say.

"kiyoomi, it's inevitable. even if you were the worlds most decked out with ppe, and the worlds leading force in hygeine, you'd still end up catching a cold at least once. that's just how the world works baby. and don't worry about the date, all i want is to spend some time with you."

you ended up practically dragging your sad little puppy of a boyfriend back up the complex stairs and into his unit before settling him on the couch and getting to work.

"ill get you some water, you just sit here and relax. i don't want to think about what would happen if those dumbasses didnt have you there next week, bokuto and hinata would probably crack their skulls!" your attempt at a little light hearted humour helped sakusa forget for a moment, but he was quick to go back to not understanding how he was sick.

"thank you." he took the glass from your hand and rested it between his legs, when he noticed the rubber gloves you had clutched at your side. he knew what they were for, those were his cleaning gloves.

"what are you doing? you can't stay you'll..." he paused. "you'll get sick too."

"i'll be fine omi-omi! you just relax and drink lots of water, ill take care of this." you turned towards the wall with a soft smile before muttering, "ill take care of you."

sakusa watched you clean, the bucket full of diluted bleach, the duster, a cloth, and his cleaning gloves. he loved the way that they were too big for you, the way you kept having to pull them up every so often to keep them on. he loved the way that everytime he finished his glass of water, you were right there to fill it back up.

you don't even remember seeing, or hearing him lift himself from his spot on the couch and make his way over to where you were humming and covering the counters in the diluted solution. you felt a pair of big arms wrap around you, a chin on your shoulder and a kiss on your cheek.

"thank you, y/n. i love you."

thank god he caught a cold, or he might never have realized just how lucky he was.

Iwaizumi Hajime

family man

is a family man but not just ANY family man

yes, it's important to him that you like and respect his parents and vice versa

but its just slightly more important to him that you get along with his friends, his found family because im a SUCKER for the classic lilo n stitch trope

he knows that many people say that its his life and he doesn't need anyones approval etc.

but iwaizumi believes different, he believes that he doesn't need approval in the literal sense but rather approval through watching you interact with his friends and his family and how you do your best to learn about them and make time for them, even though you dont have to

and he thinks it's absolutely enthralling

the way your eyes light up when you see that book his mom has been talking about wanting to read and picking it up with no hesitation

how you're able to almost flawlessly keep up with issei and takahiro's antics while also making sure they don't go too far, something even iwaizumi struggles with

and most importantly, how effortlessly you connect with his childhood best friend.

there were many things that Iwaizumi Hajime enjoyed, volleyball, athletics, godzilla of course, spending time with three dumbasses (but he’ll never admit that) and a little while ago, he added you to that list.

you were so effortlessly able to connect with his team, his friends, and his family but most importantly, the way you were able to connect with Oikawa brought a smile to his face.

“oh, iwa-chan~, what are you admiring?” there he went again, Iwa thought, Tohru Oikawa’s dumb smirk and hyper awareness of his team, both on and off court. how he wated to head-butt him in the face. but, he showed restraint. after all, he wouldn’t want loserkawa to use you as a human shield from his head. so, he ignored the urge. but it passed as soon as he saw tohrus arm arond your shoulders, crossed feet and leaning on you ever so slightly while he took a few occasional swigs from his water.

and just like that, the incredible restraint vanished like morning mist.

you could practically see the steam coming off of his hot skin, and the vein popping out of his forehead, when you noticed what had him so heated. “trashykawa get your filthy hands off of my girlfriend!”

“excuse me!” he pouted, “my hands are clean and tailored! just like any responsible setters would be!” he stuck his lip out farther and gave you his irresistable puppy-dog eyes. “y/n-chan, i’m not filthy! am i?” he whined.

and, as the word suggests, his look was truly irresistable and you stumbled over your words. “n-no! of course not tohru!”

“see, iwa-chan! y-n thinks i’m squeaky clean!” his dumb smirk appeared again, and rather than continue with flirtykawas obvious games, Iwa opted for the less violen approach.

“don’t flatter yourself, dirtykawa. she’s just being nice.” he growled. “I’m done for the day, i have a project due. y-n.” he offered his hand to you like the gentleman he is not forcing you to take it, but the look in his eyes told you that he wanted you too.

“see you later, tohru!” you gave him a quick hug and intertwined your fingers with iwa’s.

now, technically, girls aren’t allowed in the boys locker room but since it’s after hours and just you and iwaizumi no one cared. to be fair though, literally no one knew except the team so, whatever you didn’t complain you got to watch yout ultra ripped boyfriend change. quality time. you thought, when you noticed him mid-change with his shirt over his head, resting on his arms. as any good girlfriend would, despite the devil on your shoulder, you came up behind him placing your hands on his seriously broad shoulders. taking notice of the tension, you started to work at the muscles. your care was quickly rewarded with a quiet sigh, and relaxed shoulders.

“hajime?” you continued rubbing at the tight fibers, “are you alright? you’re usually the one telling me im holding too much tension.” you giggled and he turned to face you placing one hand against the side of your face.

“hajime?” it came out shaky and worried.

“i’m okay,” he smiled “it’s just,” hesitation. he was never one to hesitate.

“i know i have no right to be but seeing oikawa so clingy with you it just, i dont know, it really gets to me i guess? he, just, he gets all the girls, all the attention, and i don’t want to-” you stopped him.

“sweetheart, it’s okay to be jealous or upset i’m not going to be angry, you have a right to your feelings. I understand how you feel, i never mean to flirt with him, if i ever have, i mean i don’t know, you know how bad of a flirt i am,” he chuckles at that. “it’s just that i know how important he is to you and you are so, so important to me and i want to be able to understand whats important to you, so you never have to choose between us, because that wouldn’t be fair. i love you, hajime iwaizumi, and everything about you.”

you expected him to be shocked, hell, he thought he would be shocked when or if you said it, but he wasn’t. and that’s exactly how he knew what to say next.

“i love you too, y/n l/n.” pressing a soft kiss against your lips.

“geez, it only took you two a century and forever.” someone snarked.

hajime chucked a towel at him “get out assykawa!” and he did, he bolted through the door laughing like the demon matchmaker he thought he was.

© sacchanwrites, 2021

do not repost, copy, or claim.

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[lefaystrent]

Curiosity

Fandom: Thomas Sanders, Sanders Sides

Pairings: Loceit

Summary: . . . how on earth was Logan actually sleeping? Was he really that unbothered by Deceit remaining in the room, barely a foot away from him? This kind of obliviousness was more anticipated in Patton. Well, no, not obliviousness. It was like— 

Like Logan honestly didn’t mind that Deceit was there.

Notes: I know I said I was going on hiatus, but I don’t think I know how to do it very well. Also, I found this awesome fanart and couldn’t help writing about it.

AO3 Link

Deceit relished his job, relished in the lies he told because there were so many ways to lie to a person. It all came down to what people wanted to believe, or what Deceit wanted them to believe. Which sometimes? Those two went hand in hand.

Call him a dark side all you want, everyone—at some point—wanted to buy what he sold. The naivety that swallowed the lies down at face value, or the deep denial that rejected the truth so thoroughly. Either way, Deceit knew his way around words. How to break or build confidence. How to blind eyes and smother the ugly truth.

And his penchant for pretty lies was what made him a slimy snake, some dirty thing to be hated. Thomas and the other sides could believe whatever they want, but Deceit was just doing his job. He didn’t care either way. In fact, he liked getting under their skin.

Patton, oh so gullible and believing the best of people, had always been the easiest target. Virgil too, with his never-ending paranoia. And Roman? So desperate to be loved, to not be forgotten.

Logan though? What a . . . peculiar specimen.

Deceit lay in bed beside the logical trait. They were in Logan’s room, Deceit having come in uninvited to annoy Logan while he worked late into the night. Finally, Logan had given up and gone to bed. But did that stop Deceit?

Um, sorta?

At first, Deceit crawled into bed with him merely to keep Logan from sleeping. Surprisingly—er, completely not surprisingly, Logan simply grumbled, placed his glasses on his bedside table, and fell asleep.

It was . . . the exact reaction Deceit had expected. It’s not like he had been prepared for Logan to give in to that anger he denied he felt and toss Deceit out of his room.

However, that was the issue with Logan. Unlike the others, he had—without fail—never been bothered by Deceit’s presence. Or shown as much, at least.

Whenever Deceit popped up, Logan remained steadfast. He combated each one of Deceit’s lies with irritating truths complete with well-researched sources (the nerd monkey). He met Deceit’s mismatched gaze head-on, never faltering in the midst of misconceptions, even if some of it did induce a heavy eye roll.

Deceit couldn’t even take pride in the way Logan pushed down his own humanity. That wasn’t even Deceit’s doing! That was just Logan being . . . dumb! He was dumb and not smart at all in any way and his pea-sized brain would never accomplish anything of real merit. And Deceit would ensure that Logan knew that, would know that his ‘infallible’ logic was nothing more than a joke. He would shimmy over into Logan’s personal space right now and croon it in his ear.

Any minute now, Deceit would surely do it.

Any minute really.

. . . how on earth was Logan actually sleeping? Was he really that unbothered by Deceit remaining in the room, barely a foot away from him? This kind of obliviousness was more anticipated in Patton. Well, no, not obliviousness. It was like—

Like Logan honestly didn’t mind that Deceit was there.

And, seeing as Logan was asleep and there was no one around to see Deceit right now, he could be honest with himself when he considered that he didn’t know what to do with this fact.

Logan’s breaths were slow and even, each one coming and going at a precise rate. It was oddly hypnotic and Deceit couldn’t help but stare at his profile, entranced by the way his pajama clad chest rose and fell, little more than a shadow in the darkness.

Deceit nestled into his pillow, trademark bowler hat absent at the moment. With a thought, his gloves vanished as well, leaving behind scale-marked hands. His fingers neared Logan, intending to poke at him to check to see if he had truly fallen asleep. Somehow though, his hand wandered to the top of Logan’s head to carefully skim cool digits through soft hair. Very soft actually. More fluffy than you would expect from such a rigid man.

Not once did Logan’s breaths change pace.

Deceit snatched his hand back, curling it safely against his chest. He closed his eyes tightly for a moment, jaw clenched.

The fool had really gone to sleep in spite of Deceit’s presence. If it had been Virgil or Roman, they would have never let their guard down. Patton would have, only because he didn’t realize Deceit was the type of person he needed a guard up for in the first place.

So what did that make Logan? Because dumb as he may be at times, naïve?

No, he knew exactly what Deceit was.

And yet he . . .

Stubbornly, Deceit opened his eyes once more to try again. His hand returned to gently thread through locks of hair. When that didn’t work, his fingertips traced the skin of his forehead, down his temple and cheek, around the sharp curve of his jaw, and then back up again in light circles. There were no twitches in Logan’s facial muscles, no signs that his arm was about to snap up and slap his hand away.

Deceit marveled at the way his hand cupped Logan’s cheek, the contact warm under his palm. It wouldn’t take much, to take advantage of this vulnerability.

And Logan had allowed him to see it.

Unnerved, Deceit removed his hand once more and hugged himself tightly. Logan hadn’t kicked him out. He didn’t kick him off the bed when Deceit joined him. He had closed his eyes and trusted--uh, ignored Deceit lying beside him.

Not that it matters, Deceit told himself. He burrowed deeper under the covers, hiking the blankets over his shoulder and curving his body in a way that didn’t touch Logan’s but could still feel a comforting heat radiating from him.

His eyes closed to sleep, and he was just beginning to relax when—

“Why did you stop?”

Deceit jolted and leaned up on his hands, staring wide-eyed at Logan’s face. Logan stared right back at him. There was no anger, no disgust. Just blankness.

“Why didn’t you stop me?” Deceit fired back. If Logan had woken up during his little exploration of his face, or if he’d been awake the whole time, why hadn’t he done anything about it?

“You seemed curious.” Logan answered back, as if it were that simple. “I might not know what outcome you expected or why you initiated physical contact with me, but I interpreted your actions to be benign and purposeful. Were your results enlightening?”

“No! Not at all,” Deceit denied, contemplating whether or not he should duck out now and spare himself any more embarrassment.

Without missing a beat, Logan responded, “Perhaps you should try again.”

Deceit didn’t choke on air. His whole throat tightened and he forgot how to breathe for a full minute.

Because Logan was offering to let Deceit touch him again, for science or something.

“I would rather touch burning metal bare-handed,” Deceit declared.

“Very well then,” Logan replied, closing his eyes to settle into sleep again.

Wait, what? Just like that? That was it?

“However,” Logan said, eyes still closed, “if you change your mind, the offer still stands.”

Deceit sank slowly into his pillow again. He stared at Logan’s face, searching for any traces of that which he was most familiar with.

“Why Logan, it’s almost as if you want me to touch you,” Deceit teased, laying it on thick with a chuckle.

“While your touch is not unpleasant, this is not about that.”

Deceit frowned, confusion turning into annoyance, because: “What is it about then?”

“You seemed curious,” Logan repeated. Then in a softer voice tinged with sleep, he said, “Far be it from me to discourage that which urges us to learn.”

Logan didn’t speak any more after that, nor did Deceit have anything to say.

He didn’t resume his earlier touching either.

He laid there and watched the other, waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the truth to reveal itself like a rug being yanked out from under him.

But somewhere between Deceit and Logic, the lines between falsehoods and honesty blurred and he couldn’t tell what was real anymore.

What he did know was that Logan still hadn’t kicked him off the bed, and as Deceit relaxed into sleep, he came to a conclusion.

It was enough.

Tag list:  @spectralheartt @a-pastel-pan @notalwaysthevillian @rose-gold-roman @ijustrealizedhowdumbmynamewas @katie-the-noble-fangirl @yourroyalydramaticanxiousness @aroundofapplesauce @merlybird500 @beach-fan @jemthebookworm  @whats-going-on-kiddos @randomsandersides (let me know if you want to be added or removed from my general tag list)

[piperdelaprim]

Carl as a half-human Headcanons/Backstory

So I kinda wondered why Carl wasn't like the other 3 robots. Obviously, he's not a cyclops, his voice is much more humanly compared to the others, and his actual structure resembles more of a human than a robot in a way. So I came up with the theory that he's half human!

He could just be a more refined robot, but that's boring!

Let's begin!

• Dynamike, the holy creator of all robots, found a way to incorporate real human brains into robotic bodies (I may or may not have been just a little inspired by Alita)

• Carl's brain belonged to a young and arguably nerdy high school student who had a bright future ahead of him, he had an amazing track record with straight As and stellar test scores alongside a passion to learn all above that.

• But one day, he vanished. And nobody knows why. Some say it was the pressure put upon him to succeed, and some say he was kidnapped.

*TW: death/corpse*

• The police investigated the case, with his family hoping he was alive, however before the police could, Dynamike found his lifeless body somewhere in a creek near the woods--a somewhat distance away from Brawl Town.

• He saw this as his golden opportunity to test his newfound science, and already had a robot body prepared for this occasion.

• He extracted the brain from Carl's body and wired it on to the robot mold, the dual light eyes on the construction helmet lit up, while the bot flashed a metallic smile.

• "I'm detecting seismic activity!" were his first words. Dynamike didn't know what to name him, in fact, there was nothing on the body to help identify the brain's owner post-mortem.

• Dynamike decided to name him after what he would have named his first-born son.

• "Carl is my name, geology is my game!" said the newly named humanoid, while preserving the diction he learned from his desired college major in his past life.

• Unfortunately, Dynamike saw Carl as a perfect opportunity for him to make more money, rather than a thing that he can call his own.

• Dynamike sent Carl to mine in the deep rocks of Brawl Town, bringing home gems and riches to follow, but because of his human brain, Carl sought for more.

• He didn't necessarily feel human emotion, like sympathy at this point, the only prominent humanly trait Carl possesses is his geniusness. But at the same time, he was as curious as a cat, and wanted to experience life out of solitude.

• Carl didnt know anybody outside of Dynamike, but one day while Dynamike was asleep, Carl decided to sneak out and try to meet new people, even in the dead of night.

• He didn't know what he would expect, he was hoping for friendly people to come and talk to him, not being aware of the social norms of the universe--he didn't know everybody would be asleep.

• Carl ecountered danger amongst the darkness, that of which being the evil robots (that everyone brawls against). He tried his best to flee, but he realized that fleeing would only prolong his inevitable destruction. He blindly, yet tactfully threw his pickaxe in such an angle that would hit the robot attacking him while it would come back to him like a boomerang would.

• The robot stopped chasing him and fell to the floor. Carl let out a sigh of relief and preceeded to try to find his way back to Dynamike's house.

• After that event, he felt all types of human emotions: bravery, strength, fear, and pride. But he couldn't find his way back home, and at that point, the clock had just struck 3 in the morning and if Carl didn't hide, there would be more bots out there to get him.

• Knowing where he was, Dynamike found Carl and took him back home, where he demanded him clearly not to sneak out during the wee hours of the morning.

• That night, the humanoid couldn't stop thinking about what had happened. He was almost giddy and jumpy for the rest of the day--it was the first time, in both of his lives, that he ever felt that brave or strong.

• One day, he told Dynamike how confident he was--to finally Brawl like the rest of his robots do. Dynamike was very hesitant to agree. He told Carl that he was his prized possession, and that even though it seems like he's just using him for free labor, it's ultimately because he wanted to keep him around.

• Dynamike was aware of how Carl felt with his human brain. He was aware that he felt restricted and isolated from the rest of the world.

• "You know, Mister, I am unfinished. I don't have real arms, I don't have real legs, I don't have real eyes, but most of all I don't have a real heart, but I learned that I can make one myself. It's physically impossible, but I don't mean it literally for that matter. But I can explore the world and make one from scratch, and I can make friends too and be a part of a whole! I-I just need your permission to do that." (He also loved reading fiction in his past life)

• Dynamike then told him to go out and live his life. "Stop usin' big ol' crappy words I ain't understand, you do it err'y day. You got me! You're super diff'nt Carl! You're like the son I ne'er had! I'd be a sad ol' man if you turn out to be one too!"

• Carl knew he's growing his own heart since realizing his full potential. He started to train to Brawl, and at that point he had already mastered the physics behind his pickaxe-boomerang type attack--he just needed to test it out.

• The other brawlers started seeing Carl out, wondering who he was--even the full-robots didn't know of his existence.

• "He's not like us isn't he?" Barley asked Rico. "No. Sawwwwwryyyy." Rico replied. Barley then questioned once again: "He's-he's quite humanly, isn't he?"

• Carl conversed and thought like a human, had humanly mannerisms, and now felt emotions like a human--it's just that he doesn't look like a human.

• He felt very ostracized in many ways because of his differences, even before talking to other brawlers. For some odd reason one day, Carl felt thirsty, and unsure of how to satisfy it, he tried to buy a drink from Barley's bar.

• "I don't think that would be much of help," said Barley, "but I drink this all the time!" He handed the newcomer a glass of oil--and he knew exactly what it was from the get-go.

• "Is this oil, sir?" said Carl. Barley nodded and encouraged him to try it. From the first sip, Carl already accustomed to the taste, and vowed to drink it as a part of his daily fuel.

• From that point on, Barley and him became allies--but Carl wanted to make a human friend.

• One day, he encountered the local red-headed girl, Jessie, outside of a practice area.

• "I see we have a newcomer in town, I'm Jessie, and your name is?" Carl responded with his name, with his very humanly voice.

• Jessie was very confused while hearing his voice, "you don't sound like you should"

• Carl was disappointed hearing this, he felt even more different, and it showed in his expression.

• "But I don't judge! You seem pretty cool! What's your weapon? Maybe we can team later if you want!"

• Jessie became Carl's first ever human friend, and they warmed up to one another, which lead Jessie to introduce him to a large number of human brawlers that made him feel more humanly than he had ever felt.

• "It appears that I have a crisis every day. My superior has a brain but my inferior is just metal. I'm not one or the other, but an ugly mix of both." he told his human friends. And Carl realized he had discovered more human emotions--pity, insecurity and jealousy.

• But his new friends remind him every day about his potential, and that if his mind allowed him to, he can eventually complete his heart.

• Carl eventually gains the skill and confidence to brawl successfully, with his powerful human brain and resilient metal exterior--he even incorporated his minecart into the mix!

• Meanwhile, back at home, his family still doesn't know where Carl (or if that's REALLY his name) is. His body vanished and there was absolutely no trace of him--not even a sign of whether he was alive or not.

• Carl gets weird dreams of his family back at home, not knowing who they are--he gets them so frequently that he even asked Dynamike what they meant--he frantically told him not to worry about it.

• Despite this, Carl still faces the challenges of fitting in, and whether or not he can be considered truly human--or at least human enough. But with his new skills, intelligence, and his developing heart, now he is reminded of what makes him human to other people.

That's all! I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what other headcanons you'd like to see!!

[agentargus]

Merry Christmas, @statesmanillusionist. Your Secret Santa gift is many-parted. Each chapter of the fic will have another part of the gift in it too. For now, here’s the gif set.

Lies and Lessons Ghost Rider-inspired AU chapter 2/6 under the cut. So Nova and Charlie figure heavily into this chapter. TW: for some particularly disturbing body horror involving our bionic bald bro. (Don’t worry, Charlie doesn’t die, despite early appearances.)

—-

2.

Lauren didn’t return to New Mexico for another ten years. There was never a need. Before long, she’d realized her dream and, shortly thereafter, found a home. No longer was she an aimless wanderer, but a performer to be admired. The Roanoke Circus was family now and though she still never remained in one place for very long, she had almost forgotten how it felt to travel alone.

Her routine had become second nature by now: Breakfast and workaday maintenance on her motorbike before a quick practice run around the field. Then, as the marquee lit up with neon, announcing the opening of the circus, she began the change. Pads, leathers, helmet, all her own design and build. By the time she rode into the wings, the transformation was complete and any fear that might have compromised her riding ability had disappeared.

“Keep the rubber side down out there, sport,” Parker Jenson, the previous performer in the lineup, always laughed before elbowing Lauren affectionately and giving Hampton (the “Wonder-Dog”) some well-deserved treats. Then, as the applause for Parker began to die down, the ringmaster’s voice soared over the crowd:

“Presenting, that death-defying daredevil, the modern Houdini, the amazing blazing disappearing Ghost Rider!” Then, in a thunder of applause and a shower of flash pots, she made her grand entrance. The act began with the usual wheelies, stoppies, switchbacks, and other common stunt-bike fare, all to rile up the crowd for the move that had earned her that illustrious list of stage names: a series of Superman backflips along a wall of death, culminating in a landing where she seemed to disappear into thin air before resurfacing at the wall’s other side. Though the rest of her tricks were the product of thankless practice and too many injuries to count, her so-called “vanishing act” was a simple illusion of mirrors and cables. Nevertheless, it was that illusion that always drew the greatest applause. On quiet nights of travel, cloistered in her trailer, Lauren sometimes found herself bothered at the knowledge, but by the time she’d mounted her bike once more, the bitterness melted away on impact.

Her act over, Lauren left the floor, seating herself backstage as the ringmaster announced the next performers, “presenting the high-flying aeronautic aerialists, Nova and Zenith!” Having left her family behind long ago, Lauren had a special affection for these two particular performers, one hat could only be described as familial. Ellie, known to the world by her stage name, “Nova,” was the closest thing Lauren had to a sister. In time, Lauren had come to love Ellie’s husband Charlie—“Zenith“—with equal fervor. Watching their bodies intertwine upon silk ropes and trapezes always filled Lauren with an overwhelming sense of romance—the sort she was convinced she’d never find herself—and the facade of the tough biker who laughed in he face of death slowly began to melt away...

...But today, it seemed, was different. As Charlie twisted the silk rope around himself, a strange sense of dread gurgled in the pit of Lauren’s stomach. The more she tried to push the feeling from her mind, the more powerful it grew, bubbling painfully at her throat and quickening the pace of her heart. Then, when she was sure that she could take the anxiety no longer, Charlie fell, the rope still wrapped around him. Even as Ellie reached a hand out to steady him, the rope was twisting up his body. No sooner had Lauren leaped from her seat than a resounding crack filled her ears. At once Charlie’s body hung slack, the rope is pulled tight around his neck in an accidental noose.

Ellie’s scream was gut-wrenching, filling Lauren’s ears and radiating throughout the fairgrounds. It was as though Ellie’s grief had silenced any other noise save its expression, rendering Lauren unable to make a sound or even move. For what seemed an eternity, Lauren stared up at Ellie, still hanging from the trapeze in a sort of stricken trance.

The vision remained etched upon Lauren’s mind even as she awoke in her trailer bed, drenched in a pool of her own sweat. The silhouette of early sunrise flashed dim light into Lauren’s trailer. Her heart still racing, Lauren jumped from her bed and threw open the trailer door. Paying no mind to the dewy morning air, she sprinted to Ellie’s trailer, peeking in the window. Lauren’s body relaxed and she let out a deep exhale of relief at the sight of Ellie and Charlie—very much alive—asleep in each other’s arms.

“Aren’t they cute? Pity, really...” A high, nasal voice interrupted Lauren’s thoughts. Turning to face the source of the voice, Lauren’s eyes met those of an unfamiliar woman,” poor Charlie boy,” the woman continued, running a finger through her bright red curls, stark amongst the morning shadows, “he’s going die just like your dream unless you’re willing to do a little favor for me.”

At once, Lauren’s relief turned to rage, fists clenching involuntarily, “who the hell are you and how do you know about that?”

The red-haired woman giggled, wiping her hands on her floral apron. Beneath her fingers, deep red blooms bubbled and swirled like oil upon water, “the hell am I. Good one, Lauren, good one. You’ll make an excellent addition to my collection.”

“You’d better explain yourself quick or else I’m calling security on your sorry ass.”

“Fine,” the woman pouted, crossing her arms, “no need to be so snippy about it. Thing is, I’m the Devil. Charlie-boy here was supposed to be mine today, but I looked into your heart and mind and decided I’d much rather have you. So I’m offering you a trade, his soul for yours. Okay?”

Lauren bit her lip with consideration, slowly unclenching her fists. This was still part of the dream, it must have been. Or maybe this woman was just some crazy who had wandered onto the fairgrounds and the rest had been coincidental; that was probably it. And even if, by some miniscule chance out of seemingly infinite odds that this was real, it hardly mattered. This was Charlie, Ellie’s husband, he was family, real family. After decades of being denied one, Lauren wasn’t about to give up so much as a single member of the family she had found. Any price was worth paying. With this in mind, Lauren gave a resolute nod.

“Oh goodie!” the Devil exclaimed, reaching out a hand to Lauren, “shake on it?”

Lauren flinched as she shook the woman’s hand, pulling away almost on impact. Those red, manicured nails hadn’t cut Lauren, but they might as well have. A searing pain shot through Lauren‘s arm even now as she gazed down at the source of the damage. Trough the wound on Lauren’s palm was already beginning to heal, the bloodied remains of it still stood out, deep and dark against her pale skin. Meanwhile, Lauren watched out of the corner of her eye the Devil wiped her hands on her apron once more. This time, Lauren’s blood seeped into the white cotton before becoming indistinguishable from the red floral pattern printed on top. Just as seamlessly, the burgeoning sunrise enveloped firey red tresses until the brightness became unbearable and Lauren had little choice but to cover her eyes. She knew even before she opened them that when they focused once more, the woman who called herself the Devil would be gone.

[decadentrpg-blog]

WELCOME ALLIE, YOU’VE BEEN ACCEPTED FOR THE ROLE OF NATASSIA PRINCE

Admins Note: A tough choice to make but I must say your application embodies so much of the Natassia that I see. From her sense of self identity to her motivations, it’s all so cohesive. The origins of her birth are nicely crafted! Seeing how much money she’s spent and the accumulation of possible debt she’ll owe was another nice touch to Natassia’s character. Seeing her interaction with Cassiel and Maxima really amplified her presence. Your request to use Ni Ni has been approved. Congratulations on your acceptance again, please make sure to head your way to the checklist and submit your account within the next 24 hours!

Out of Character

Name / Alias: Allie Pronouns: She/Her Age: 23 Timezone: CST

In Character Application

Full Name: Natassia Li Prince

NATASSIA (na-tas-sia) – Natassia derives from Greece meaning “born at Christmas”. Sadly the meaning really has nothing to do with the reason behind why she was named Natassia, especially since she was, in fact, not born at Christmas. There is no grand meaning behind the reason her parents chose the name. Really, Natassia was a last minute pick since they couldn’t settle on anything else. It once belonged to a relative on her pure side of the family, thankfully. Someone from the distant past she never made and whose stories aren’t ever told and yet now they were her namesake. She would make this name her own, after all the Princes never had a half-blood in their line before.

LI (lee) – If her mother had her way, Natassia’s name would have been Jia Li, a name meaning “pretty, beautiful” in Chinese. Instead, her parents settled for a completely different name, and kept Li for her middle name. Really, she hasn’t revealed her middle name in such a long time. Few know it, even fewer dare call her by her full name. Her middle name is just something she wouldn’t mind leaving out as it’s just a reminder of her mother’s Muggle-ness.

PRINCE (PRINS) – Her surname is the name that she says with pride. Prince has a meaning of royalty, really meaning “royal son, first, prince”. The origin goes back to Old English and it’s something that she prides herself with. Prince holds the name of a pureblood family that her father belongs to, and even with that being her surname, she still fights to be part of. The Prince family may not turn their backs after her father came crawling back with three year old Natassia in tow but they certainly didn’t hold their disapproval of their half-blood granddaughter.

Sexuality: Bisexual Gender/Pronouns: Cisfemale & she/her Hogwarts House: Slytherin

Head canons:

A FAMILY’S DISGRACE – Pure. That’s all you ever wanted to be. But with your father’s disgrace leading your family down a path you had no choice to be on, pure was just a grasp away. And the woman that was responsible, a muggle of all people, disappeared into the night on your third birthday. Not that you cared. You should have thought yourself lucky when your father’s family, the best side of you, never turned their backs on your father, letting him keep the claim of pure without acknowledging that short term relationship. However, damage was done because you were a product of your father’s horrendous actions leaving you to deal with ugly names and disappointing glances from not only strangers but the very people meant to be family. Your father didn’t put a stop to any of it but rather dotted you with gifts, something you grew to demand as you grew older. Even then, you might look the part of a pureblood doll, you can never forget that you aren’t one. You will pave your path and take everything that belongs to you. That you deserve.

PIGFARTS PIGFARTS HERE I COME – You never felt nervous about what house you belong to in Hogwarts. After all, there was only one that you would even consider being respectable. Gryffindors were full of overzealous fools, Hufflepuffs spend too much time building world peace. Ravenclaw wouldn’t have been the worst choice, possibly the second best, however you weren’t too keen on the idea of being surrounded by people who think they can outwit you. No, no. You had no doubt that you belonged in Slytherin and when the hat confirmed what you already knew, you just felt validated. However, even there you find yourself being forced to prove that you belong. So you did, you continue to do. You go after what you want, even if that means the hard glares or loud whispers. It’s not like you haven’t dealt with those before and you never let that stop you.

A STORY OF LOVE LOST AND LOVE FOUND – That’s what this is; a story. Something that one day you will look back on and smile as you are seated next to the one your heart belongs to. Perhaps things might have been different if you were pure and you are too aware of the obstacles placed in front of you but none of them matters as long as you have Cassiel. The secret glances, the hidden touches were just the beginning of what you would do for him. You will fight for him and you truly believe that it’s the same for him. You tried to keep the relationship secret, on his behalf of course, but eventually she found out. You were never a big fan of Rosier. After all, she had everything handed to her. Never worked an ounce in her life to be given the treatment that you deserve. And now she also has his hand in marriage which adds to the list of reasons why the sound of her name fills your with anger – no, no, not anger – resentment. You didn’t exactly mean for her to find out the love you have for Cassiel but it’s in the open now. Even though the affair was brought to her attention, you aren’t backing away from him. After all, she doesn’t deserve him, and you are the one who loves him. Part of you almost feels bad but then you remember that she has everything that you desire and that moment quickly passes. Things will work out, this is something you truly believe.

BEAUTY LIES IN HER EYES AND IT’S EXPENSIVE – The gifts your father gave you in order to make up for the life you will never have gave you an ounce hope. Hope one day you really will be the pureblood you need to become. The gifts were a way for you to look the part you desire. But they would never be enough. You crave for more than just some plain pair of earrings, no, no. You need more than just that and that consumed you. Sure, some may say that you have a spending problem but really don’t you deserve the very best? What you didn’t think was the amount you spend on a daily would start to eat away at your inheritance. This problem would have appeared much sooner if you didn’t request your father to setup your inheritance after you spoke of traveling, you might have been out of money in two days. As of now, you aren’t too worried about what’s left in your vault. That is, you aren’t even aware of how much you have. If you do encounter a problem, a letter home to father dearest may turn that around. After all, you are his little girl and heruined the life you were destined to have with such a small mishap.

PATRONUS vs. BOGGART – Your deepest fear and your greatest memory. Both send you chills down your back but for very different reasons. Your boggart is clear as day when you become face to face with it. You see yourself with nothing, not even a name to claim – failure written on your face. It is clear to you that the boggart you doesn’t belong anywhere, with nobody. Loneliness consumes the boggart you before you can vanish it away. This fear can manifest itself outside of the boggart with nightmares of the one you care most leaving you behind, spitting out harmful words that you would not have cared if it came from anyone else. In your nightmares, even he hurts you. But you wake up and realize that was a dream. And dreams don’t become reality. Your favorite memory also involves Cassiel, but in a better light, one filled with reality. The first time they met, in secret that is. The shared smiles throughout the night and forbidden hands running down your side sending shivers down your back. This memory was never topped, really it was just repeated.

WELCOME TO AMERICA – Leaving behind Great Britain was something that you considered doing for quite a long time. You don’t feel bad about leaving behind your family, not even your little cousins. After all, you were never truly part of this family were you? Your father tried, sure, but his silence when words of disgrace were being spoken was enough for you to realize that you weren’t going to be enough. Gifts can only go so far. You needed some air, a place where you can truly belong and staying in Great Britain was hindering that. There were too many memories, too many doubts of who you are and you were tired of that. A fresh start somewhere else, anywhere else had to do you some good. Sure, this might not be your father’s favorite idea of you being so far from home but throwing aside family was what your family does best. Instead, he gave you money, an allowance really, to help you get to America, to settle. It almost felt like he was begging you to remember him, remember to write. Something that you haven’t done since your feet landed in new soil. Perhaps one day you’ll return, but not until you have everything that you desire, not until you have the guy.

WORDS HURT – You keep a brave face on even after a dinner with your family as your grandfather goes on and on about how you will be attending Hogwarts soon, how you should keep your blood a secret. After all, a half-blood Prince was not a good look for this family and if you are going to stay, then you must play pretend. You keep a brave face on even when your grandmother mentions that no matter how hard you pretend, you will still be part Muggle. No matter how much magic you learn, no matter how much you act, you won’t be worthy of the Prince name. You keep a brave face on even when your dorm mate discovers a letter written to you from your father, one that reveals the heritage that you promised to keep secret. He wrote to you out of concern but he was the one to put you in flames. You keep a brave face on as whispers are woven throughout the halls, inside the classrooms. Dirty blood is something you just snicker at, they don’t see the word pounding inside your head as your face never falters. You ignore the names, the words, the judgement because you know that everything they have said will never hurt you for you will prove them all wrong. All the while, you keep a brave face on. Until you make it home. Until you make your room soundproof. Until you know you are truly alone. Then you scream. You scream and you scream and you scream until you can’t scream anymore. Then, you put your brave face back on and reapply your lipstick. Not a hair out of place. You won’t let them hear your screams, you won’t let them see their words scribbled on parchment paper over and over again as a way to get it all out of your system. No one will ever see that weakness, no one will see the pain you hide.

In Character Paragraph:

What can she say? She looks damn good in her new dress. The skirt came just an inch below her knees, a little higher than normal but what can she say? She does enjoy the attention she gains when heads turn to look at her, but there is one person’s eyes that she is looking for. Lips in the deepest shade of scarlet she had, eyes layered with eyeliner in order to appear much darker. Her appearance had to be perfect with where she planned on heading that night, with who she planned on seeing. It didn’t matter that he might be there with another woman, that was just a slight setback. If anything, at least she’ll be the one catching his eye.

Natassia took one last look at herself in the mirror, making sure that not a single hair was out of place, a hand smoothing down her dress. Let eyes turn her way, let whispers of want escape the lips of men she will never look at twice. All of that will just reassure her that she’s bound to be the best looking in the club. And with those last looks, Natassia grabbed her fur coat and headed out the door.

The walk towards the club was a short one and if the night was cooler, she might have just apparated there. Thankfully, the club was strictly for witches and wizards, if they allowed unworthy of being around people far greater than themselves in there, she would just have to stop going. Luckily that was not happening anytime soon.

She got to the door, knocked twice before a goblin appeared at the window. With a grunt, he spoke, “ Password. ”

Ah yes, another good thing about this place. She loved the secrecy, the exclusion that this underground club commanded. Password changes every day but if you know the right people, you know the right words.

“ Nebulus. ”

Another grunt and the doors open and music fills her ears. She steps into the foyer as the room grows much larger than it looks on the outside. Magic really does such wonderful things. Natassia finds herself grabbing a glass of champagne as soon as she spotted an elf in handing them out and took a sip as her eyes scour the room looking for one particular person.

He shouldn’t be too hard to find. After all, even in a room of thousands, she will always find him. And as she was moving through the crowd, she spots the only one who matters and her. It was a bit disappointing to see the dutiful wife in his arms. If only little Rosier knew what she knew but no, Natassia will not do that to Cassiel. She’s not going to be the reason his wife discovers what they do when her back is turned. It’s almost a bit sad, after all, the poor thing doesn’t exactly deserve this. Really, Maxima Rosier doesn’t deserve anything that was just given to her but she didn’t come to this club to curse the girl’s name tonight. She came for him and she’ll be damn if she doesn’t catch his attention.

Natassia set the empty glass down. There was no backing down. She moved closer to closer to the lovely couple, accidentally bumping into Maxima causing her drink to spill. Collateral damage, that’s what the drink was. That’s what she is and Natassia has to remember that.

“ Oh! I’m so sorry dear. Forgive me. Here, let me clean you up! ” Sugary sweet, that’s what she had to be, in order to avoid suspicion. As she looks at the younger girl again, Natassia wonders just how much out there that the poor thing doesn’t know.

Natassia quickly pulled out her wand, pointed at the dear’s dress before stating the simple spell, “ Scourgify. ” Once she was satisfied that everything was clear, Natassia glanced over the couple before letting out an exclamation, “ Cassiel Lestrange? It’s so good to see you again! ” She turned to look between the two of them, taking note of Maxima’s confused look. “ We are very old friends back when we were still at Hogwarts. I’m Natassia Prince and you must be his lovely wife, Maxima. ”

She extends her hand with a smile as the other took it, meeting that smile. “ We will have to catch up soon Cassiel, and of course, I would love to get to you know better, Maxima. ” No, no she wouldn’t. But she plastered that smile on like her life depended on it. “I shall leave the two of you alone. I hope you have a wonderful time here! It really was nice meeting you Maxima. ” A wave goodbye and a smile in Cassiel’s direction before she slipped away, heart pounding. Maybe meeting her was too much, hurt more than she thought it would. But she won’t show that. Not today. Not ever.

Natassia wondered if the girl notice the fact that her smile towards Cassiel lingered? Did she see beyond the tumble as a stunt to let Cassiel know she was there? Did she see Natassia glance over her shoulder and her husband do the same? If not, than she didn’t notice their eyes met, the nod given to her as though it was a promise to get away later. There is too much that poor Rosier didn’t see and yet Rosier was still on top. After all, Maxima was the one with her love, the one standing next to them as he orders their drinks. The one who can share more than just stolen glances. The one who has everything she wants. One day, she’ll step into her shoes. One day all of this will be hers. One day their love will prevail.

Extras: PINTEREST.

[rezathevamp-blog]

Honey, I’m Home || Noah&Reza

Was this a good idea? Considering Reza had come up with it all on his own, the answer was probably no. Like a big, fat no. But seeing as he'd went through with ideas far fucking worse than this one, he figured he might as well. After all, turning back now would mean wasting the disgusting food concoction he'd bought on the way here, the here being Noah's home. A lot had changed in the last few months, some people were completely gone or different but one thing had mercifully stayed the same; Noah was still here. For how long Reza could stay optimistic about that was very unclear. After all, the vampire had completely vanished on literally the same night that Noah had bared his soul to him, ugly scars and all. Not exactly a positive stepping stone in their... relationship? Their something. Reza really just hoped that this something wasn't about to turn into a nothing. As bad as four months cooped up with a bunch of slayers and people that sorta seemed to hate his guts had been, the one good thing was that it given him plenty of time to think. There hadn't been room for any distractions, which he'd become oh-so-very good at. So he'd thought about himself, about Noah, reluctantly about Heath and just about shit in general. One conclusion was that he needed to find out whether or not Noah even had the sexual orientation for this to go... from something to something else. As it was right now, Reza's odds looked bleak. He left the bike a short distance down the driveway, trudging up towards the door with his helmet tucked under one arm, the box of fat and empty calories under the other, and a nervous stone in his stomach. And then he knocked.

Lifting his head from his phone Noah scrunched his eyebrows a little, the sounds of the knocking ringing in his ears. It was an odd sound to hear reverberating throughout the kitchen, and even more strange to Noah. Because really A) who would be knocking at this hour? And B) who did he even know that knocked anymore? I mean most of his and Cahill’s friends practically had keys. Placing his phone coffee table Noah figured he’d better at least answer it. If not for his sake, then for the dogs sake, both of their bodies pretty wiggly with the excitement only a new person could bring. Caleb was doing a really good job of not barking though which was surprising because he usually was the first one to go balls to the walls when anything startled him “That’s my good mannered boy” Noah smiled out at the little pup a sense of happiness rushing over him. And he should have known that it wasn’t going to last, that feeling of just, happy contentment that he had whenever he looked at his dogs. The feeling that he had worked so hard to get back after the whole Reza thing. But then again how could he have known? How could Noah have known that the second he opened the door, it would feel as if all the air in his lungs had been forcibly removed? How could he have known that even after all this time he would still feel as deeply for this man standing before him as he did for the scrawny little vampire the boy had obviously left behind. How could he have known that after what seemed like an indeterminate amount of time Reza Burki would just be quietly standing on his porch again? Gaping a little at the sight before him Noah tried to get himself in gear, tried to make himself say something. Anything really. But the only thing he could manage to whisper out in the moment before the dogs came barreling out to slobber all over their old friend was “You’re alive”

Seeing Noah appear in the doorway -- hell, just smelling him and the dogs and everything with the first gust of wind from inside the house, brought memories flooding back with way too much gusto. Reza could almost feel the big, strong frame hanging off his shoulders as he'd dragged Noah inside from the driveway; could feel the sadness that had permeated Noah's very being, sadness that was somehow mingled with relief that Reza had hoped was because of his presence; could remember the way he'd been snatched into a half asleep hug while trying to get Noah into bed safe and sound and most prominently, he remembered just how much he'd wanted to do something more, something that hadn't been appropriate with a drunk and devastated Noah. And speaking of devastated... "You're alive." Resisting the sarcastic urge to correct him with an 'undead, actually', Reza smiled instead - a small and sad smile. And then dogs were barrelling into his feet, threatening to knock him off balance as he tried to pet them both while also attempting to keep eye contact with Noah. "I'm sorry," came the reply, finally, once the dogs were semi-content with the attention they received. Reza straightened out, swallowed thickly. He'd never been that good at apologies. "If you want to listen, I can explain everything," he said softly, dark eyes never leaving the shocked ones staring straight back. What if Noah just slammed the door right now and refused to listen? Reza really was desperately hoping for this to work out. "I brought food?"

Standing there still winded Noah just blinked a couple times, the urge to just knock Reza down and bury himself in the smell (who knew that “mr health conscious” would ever miss the faint hint of cigarettes?) and body of the boy prickling at the top of his skin. But then with everything came flooding back with clarity, the night where he felt just so much better about his progress. He’d shared, with someone he cared about, and they didn’t think him a horrible person. No in fact he felt. He felt like Reza may even have cared about him, in a way Noah could maybe have only dreamed of. But all of that progress was lost the instant Noah figured out the kid wasn’t coming back. And while Noah felt happy that Reza was alive and well, he just. He couldn’t forget what the other had done to him. And they hadn’t even been together. “You know what No.” He started letting his anger at Reza overtaking the joy he had from seeing him again. “Fuck your apology and fuck you for thinking you could show up with fucking food and everything would be alright. Because it’s not.” He shook his head ushering the dogs back inside of the house and shutting the door behind them. I was just them two now standing there in the dimly lit darkness of his porch. Just him and reza and the force of the rage that was swelling over every inch of Noah’s body. Because Noah deserved better, it had taken him 4+ months to get that through his head and Reza just showing up on his doorstep was not going to change that. “I-I fucking looked for you.” He started again to break the silence, knowing that if he didnt just barrel through Reza would say something. Anything. And Noah would be right back where he started. Utterly in love with someone who destroyed his fucking heart with no remorse. “After you stopped replying I looked for you everywhere. I asked everyone I could. I went into that fucking vampire club bar thing.” Noah spat arms shaking. Because yea that had been a night he never wanted to remember ever again. “But that’s not even the point. The point is, you knew. I mean I don’t know to what degree, but you knew. You knew how much this would devastate me, just-just disappearing like that, after I’ve already lost so many people in my life that I care about. But you fucking did it anyway. And while I’m happy you’re not dead or undead or whatever the fuck vampires are when they pass on. What you did to me was not ok. And sorry doesn’t even begin to cover it.”

Aaand there it was. It really did seem like Reza was never getting this apology thing right, whether it was procrastinating it forever, playing the most pathetic victim ever or just showing up at the first possible chance and offering to bare his soul. Fuck. His jaw clenched as he let Noah's anger wash over him, resisting the urge to tell him something - anything to make it better. He knew he could (or hoped he could) if Noah would just let him, but butting in right now seemed like the wrong thing to do. So he waited, the leather of his gloves creaking as his hands clenched. The thought of Noah surrounded by Ashkent's scummiest scum filled Reza with a very protective feeling and yeah, made him feel even shittier for leaving even though he hadn't really left. After Noah's completely heart-shattering rant, Reza realized that he'd actually had much more of an impact on the other man than he'd initially thought. Still undervaluing how much people cared, it seemed. When he was sure that Noah had nothing more to add at this moment, Reza carefully put down the bag of food, helmet still hanging limply from his other hand. "I know it doesn't. But sorry is literally the only place I know where to start because I'm shit at this, but... I don't want you to feel like this, I really don't. This is literally the farthest thing from what I wanted." He was getting jittery, feeling like this was going South real fast, but giving up this easily was worse than vanishing in the first place. "And I really do have an explanation for why I vanished because it wasn't by choice and I really fucking hope you believe me because I would never have hurt you on purpose and-" Reza cut himself off from the rambling, not wanting Noah to feel like he wasn't able to talk more. So he just gripped his helmet tighter. "So if you wanna talk, we can talk. If you don't, then I'll fuck off."

“If you didn’t want me to feel like this you would have just told me” Noah huffed out at Reza anger getting the best of him. Because seriously what had been so bad he couldn’t at least send a small goodbye text. A ‘don’t worry about me’ sort of text. Or just. Something. Anything, other than the deafening radio silence he received. Looking up at Reza though Noah softened a little. Anger dissipating slightly. Because while it was easy to hate on Reza in the moment, he knew deep down that the boy (or rather man now) in front of him had a complicated life if he hadn’t texted him he probably really didn’t have a choice. Or at least in this instance thats what Noah was going to choose to believe. Because the alternative was even more utterly heart destroying. Walking over to the end of the porch though Noah sighed a bit, the weight of all the emotions that had been going on feeling like a ton of bricks “So, I’m sure its apparent that I really don’t want to talk” He said sitting down on the porch swing, his legs going up into their normal criss cross pattern, and his arms involuntarily reaching out for one of the ratty old outdoor pillows that was nestled in the corner. And it was a weird habit, he knew that (especially since he had gotten almost too big for the porch swing now) but it was a comforting habit to Noah, reminiscent of all the times he and Cahill would just sit out on the porch after a hard day. “But I know my therapist would be disappointed in me if i didn’t at least hear you out.’ He continued squeezing the pillow closer to him. As if it were his new armor against whatever weapons Reza was going to hurl at his battered body now. “But this doesn’t change anything.” he started again eyes looking straight at Reza with eyes narrowed. Because even though he felt more vulnerable now than he’d ever had it still didn’t quell the pit of anger inside of him “This doesn’t change the fact that I deserve better. And this doesn’t change the fact that I’d still really like to just punch you in your fucking face right now and erase your entire existence from porch and my phone and my life.”

Noah's anger was still bubbling and yeah, Reza had made some astounding self improvement with his own patience and anger issues but there was still a long ways to go. If things continued on this path where Noah assumed what had happened and Reza continued to feel like shit, then the path would be a very short one. Thankfully, due to whatever fairness the universe might have owed Reza, Noah seemed to deflate all of a sudden. Reza watched warily as the heavy frame trudged from the doorway over to the other side of the porch, still waiting for the next burst of anger. It didn't come right away and it seemed like Reza was actually going to get a chance to explain himself - before Noah's eyes narrowed and he hurtled out what was probably the biggest possible 'fuck you' to Reza's fairly fragile confidence. Jaw clenched, face turned away from Noah as to hide the familiar feeling of his eyes changing hue, Reza forced air into his stupid, useless lungs. When it did literally nothing, he tore off his gloves instead and shaky hands dug out a pack of cigarettes from his jacket. It wasn't until he'd lit one up and taken a seat on the porch's steps, far enough away from Noah as to not suffocate him in the smoke (because he obviously deserved better than a disgusting smoker), that Reza spoke. "I think they snatched me up right about.... there," he pointed with the cigarette to a patch of grass a good few feet from the porch, "and then, y'know, bagged my head and knocked me out cold. A group of heroic slayers, that try not to kill the 'innocent vampires' out there but instead, use them to do their dirty work." Sarcasm dripped from every word and Reza continued without looking over at Noah. "It took them a while to consider whether or not my connection to all the shitty people back in the day made me just another expendable pile of dust but lucky me, they decided it didn't. Since I haven't actually killed anyone, they 'let' me be part of their program. Track down vamps that have killed people or deal drugs or sell slayer blood -- the list of crimes that warrant death goes on." Reza inhaled some smoke, trying to gauge Noah's reaction without looking. "Best part is, I didn't have a fucking say in any of it. They drove me off to some shit place town hours away from here, smashed my phone, cleaned out my 'apartment' apparently, and pretty much made me vanish. Too risky for them to let me contact anyone, just in case I was trying to sic some of those pesky, killer vampires on their HQ. Which meant no contacting you, or my sister, or anyone." He finally couldn't take it anymore, turning his head to look over to the balled up Noah (something that Reza definitely would have poked fun at under different circumstances). "I literally got back last night. You're the first person in this shitty town that I came to see. Even though I'm starting to suspect it was a mistake. And sorry to break it to you but erasing me is going to be a real bitch because I'm stuck here while there are still vampires to hunt down and kill. But I'll try my best to stay out of your way. It's the least you deserve." Fuck. Had his eyes gleamed red again? His own anger was rearing its ugly head so Reza figured now was a good time to shut up. So he sat on the porch steps, taking more shaky drags from his cigarette.

Looking out at the large expanse of lawn before him, Noah started by justing listening to Reza, fully expecting the lamest excuse. You know something that would have justified Noah’s anger. But what he didn’t expect was the worst. The god awful worst for Reza, and the way his heart just melted as the other spoke. Sitting there for a few moment moments with his emotional whiplash Noah chanced a look at the other boy. It was easy to tell that Reza was upset. And it was all Noah’s fault. Noah had made him upset by assuming he was a shitty person. Fuck. Slowly the older boy extricated himself from his position on the swing caught between the overwhelming need to just smother the hurting boy before him with attention and just not wanting to be around him at all. Because he was bound to hurt him again wasn’t he? Thats was just Reza’s life wasn’t it? “So we still need to talk about us.” he said slowly easing himself down towards Reza the urge to just reach out and smother the damn cancer stick he’d lit strong. But that was just it. Even though he hated that damn cigarette Noah would probably never ask him to change. Because it was a part of Reza. Part the good and part of the bad, and at this moment he wanted all of it. “But i just-” Noah paused not even knowing where to go with all of this information his hands caught between pulling Reza closer and pushing him away. “Are they hurting you?” It was less of an actual sentence and more of a whisper between them, as he finally looked in Reza’s direction Noah’s eyes full of worry. Because no matter what happened between them, no matter how this ended, with Reza in his life again or gone for good Noah would always worry for his safety. Because Reza was his… his friend. His pack. He was one of the few people the Hawaiian boy had opened up to and one of the few people that he didn’t want to ever leave him, if his tantrum was any thing to go by. But that was something for another time. Right now Noah’s focus was solely on Reza’s well being.

Reza wanted to be mad at Noah for his choice of words. He wanted to lash out more and lather every syllable with scathing sarcasm but all of that completely faded away when he heard the porch creak under heavy feet. Aside from the very important fact of not having come here to snap at Noah and make him feel bad, Reza also realized that for the millionth time, he was settling into a victim position. The fact was very much reflected in Noah's eyes, looking torn between anger and pity and as much as he would have liked all the comfort in the world from those big arms, he didn't want it like this. Toughen up, Burki. His mind nervously skated past the 'us' part, not quite ready do dive into the deep end just seconds after he'd managed to calm himself down, and instead Reza took notice of Noah's disapproving stare. Right. Smelly cigarette. With one last quick drag, Reza crushed it under his boot. "Not at all, actually. Aside from the initial kidnapping part. I mean, they've been bossy and mean and really sarcastically judgemental over my fashion choices but... I got set up with a half decent apartment and..." he grimaced, "a food supply. To keep me on the side of the angels, ya'know?" Reza smiled wryly, shooting a glance over at Noah. The Noah who still managed to find space in his clearly packed tight mind to care whether or not Reza was in trouble. "I'm sorry about your football sitch," he added after a beat.

Watching as the other quickly stomped out his cigarette Noah practically rolled his eyes at the other. Because it was not his intention to make Reza stomp out his cigarette even though he was happy that he did. “You don’t have to-” He started trying to figure out how he wanted to phrase what he was going to say next. Because on the one hand he did really hate smoking, but on the other hand he didn’t want his needs to always supplant Reza’s own comfort “I think what i mean to say is If you want to smoke, smoke. I’ll get over it. Plus its not like you can get cancer or anything so I really have nothing to worry about with you.” He shrugged out kinda wanting to get off the topic. Though their new topic wasn’t a great trade off either. “Well that’s good they aren’t hurting you. And are treating you well it seems” He nudged Reza with his elbow eyes shining a little. Yea. He’d noticed how Reza was filling out clothes better. But then again who wouldn’t? “How did you know-?” He started eyebrow raised not pegging Reza for someone who knew about sport schedules until it hit him like a ton of bricks “Oh” Reza had been stalking his profiles. Trying not to let the second wave of hurt wash over him at the thought of Reza being in the know about him but in turn Noah knowing nothing the older boy ran a hand through his hair “Its alright. I mean my body is thankful I’m not constantly putting it in danger of being hurt anymore, but my soul is-” Noah paused looking down at his bare feet on the steps. “It’s hard. Football was my thing you know. And to not have it anymore. Lets just say my anger and like pent up werewolf aggression hasn’t really had an outlet for a while. So sorry about, well-” He motioned with a hand hoping Reza would get the hint. Because yes he was angry at Reza but there were better ways to handle your anger and exploding and yelling expletives at someone was not one of them.

Reza huffed out a little laugh, waving off Noah's concern. "Just say thanks. These things are gross and I used to hate it when people smoked them around me so don't even mention it." 'So does you getting over it imply that we're actually going to spend time together..?' The nudge was unexpected but so many types of welcome. "Yeah, I mean, with nothing else to do while they found me... something to do, I kinda got dragged into their ridiculous training for a while. Which is nice, y'know, not looking like a used mop swallowed by clothing." Wait, was that even what Noah had been mentioning? Or had it just been the lack of permanent eyebags? Fuck, well... "It's fine," Reza assured him, cold hands rubbing together in his lap. "I get... pent up aggression. So to literally throw your old offer back at you; if you ever wanna, like, spar or something then I'd be happy to. Get rid off all that angst." Reza's very poor impression of Noah had him chuckling to himself and yeah, maybe it was inappropriate considering how tense the mood had literally been five minutes ago but he didn't care. Hanging around Noah made him want to just have a nice time and not worry about all the harrowing shit all the time. Even if that meant making jokes on Noah's expense.

“Then why do you? Smoke I mean.” Noah asked curious as to what would change in Reza’s mind. He couldn’t think of any situation which would change his mind on the habit so it would be interesting to hear Reza’s take on it. Letting the better atmosphere fill the air between them Noah tried not to blush as the subject of Reza’s new body came up. “Yea well, you did-” He paused trying to gather his thoughts for the upteenth time today. Because really what was he supposed to say to that? Just the fact that they were on this subject was dangerous territory, especially for their ever precarious relationship. “Well. You did well. I mean I think the way you looked before was still good too but” Noah shrugged off eyes averted, wishing and praying they could just like drop this subject now. Or bury him in a whole before his whole body just turned scarlet. That would be nice. Feeling the embarrassment though drop straight out of him as Reza tried to joke though Noah narrowed his expression. “Don’t tempt me right now Nosferatu” He replied rolling his eyes at Reza’s horrible impression of himself “I’ve been oscillating between wanting to kick you down the porch stairs and being happy that you’re not dead in a ditch somewhere since I saw you” The statement still had a slight bite to it, part of Noah still completely serious about the whole kicking him down the porch stairs thing and part of him just playing.

Reza shrugged, not that surprised by the question. "Peer pressure. And now I'm too much of a wimp to quit. Plus, it's this whole aesthetic thing and I'm going to stop that joke there because you might actually believe me." It was always a relief, seeing Noah get mildly flustered just when Reza had convinced himself that he was definitely the more awkward out of the two, and making things more or less tied once again. A decent balance. Not like the very precarious balance Reza had tested by making fun of Noah. "Sorry, sorry, bad timing. Bad everything." At least Noah wasn't too angry for nicknames -- a positive sign. "But you have mentioned physical violence like... a lot so if you actually do want to spar, just for a chance to smack me in the face, then I'm definitely accustomed to a beating." A pause. Reza resisted the urge to flop back onto the porch. "That sounded awful on every level and I take it back, it's just nerves from this whole apology thing and all of this and feel free to just kick me in the face right now to end this." And here he was, once more going for the crown of awkwardness. "I practised some simple defensive fighting a while back, is what I meant to say." Yup, he was definitely regretting that cigarette he smushed, hands feeling much too fiddly and empty. "Also, please do something with the food I brought because I'm obviously not going to eat it. You can have at it and still be mad at me, promise."

"So what you’re saying is I basically just have to peer pressure you to stop and you’ll stop?” Noah replied shaking his head a bit playfully at the other boy. God leave it to Reza Burki to pick up a bad habit simply because it looked cool. Biting his lip slightly Noah tried his best to not butt in while Reza gathered himself. Because it just. It all sounded wrong and it all just made Noah feel even worse about the things he had said and the things he’d threatened. “You know I’d never actually hurt you.” he said quietly as he looked out across the dark expanse of lawn in front of the boys, a somberness ot his demeanor. “I mean on purpose that is.” he went on to clarify, because you know if they did ever spar there could be an outside chance of hurting Reza on accident. And Noah would be loathe to eat his own words, even if it was not taken that way at all. “I mean I’m angry at this whole situation yes, and I talk a lot about physical violence because, well that’s just kind of the angsty werewolf way. But I would never actually hurt you. Just you know for your information.” It wasn’t as relevant to the conversation as Noah would liked but part of him felt that it needed to be said. Because for all his joking about beating Reza up and hurting him (just as much as Noah felt hurt right now), that was really the last thing the older boy ever wanted to do. Because Reza was. Well Reza. and their situation was complicated yes. But if this night proved anything Noah was pretty much ride or die for this boy. “It’s good though that they taught you defensive skills. Those will definitely come in handy here in good old Ashkent.” He nodded slightly trying to figure out how the hell he’d actually probably made the situation worse. Looking over at the food though Noah could feel the awkwardness dissipate a little and their conversation switch back to the jokier side of things. Which was obvisouly where the two felt the most safe. “Depends what did you bring me, Edward? he questioned grabby hands reaching out for the bag.

Rolling his eyes, Reza sniffed in offence (barely). "Try me. Although that would almost be like a nice favor on your part. I'll consider letting you bully me into quitting." All this back and forth was making Reza's head spin, his own mind going from nervous anxiety to relief to embarrassment to whatever the hell else, and Noah right next to him not seeming to fare any better. The constant switching of anger and very soft, cinnamon bun caring was rough on Reza's teetering anxiety. "Some solid information to have," was the only thing he could muster as a response, lame as it was, but thankfully Noah had accepted the very obvious food-related change of subject. "It's really tempting to reply with dog food but... this place close to where I live has these things that I'm pretty sure are bred from some pizza and burger mix, maybe fries, I'm not sure. All I know is that people like it and it's probably going to wrap around your heart and squeeze it to death with like... a noose made out of transfats. Which sounded like something you'd enjoy. The food, not the... death part." The bag was dropped on Noah's lap, seeing as the space between them on the porch had become a bit to sparse. Clearing his throat, Reza shifted around on the porch, wondering how long he had here before he too would start to feel the first prickles of hunger. Probably not that long.

Snorting slightly Noah smiled, the first time he truly felt like doing so since Reza even arrived. “It would be less bullying and me just being so annoying about shit you’d have to quit.” Because it would. Noah practically lived at the hospital for the year or so after his transplant, he could spout of tons and tons of mundane medical facts. Especially for the bad habits. They usually had literature. Clearing his throat a little as the whole conversation was switched back to sad, Noah just nodded. They were going to have to have “the conversation” sooner or later. The one they kept ramping up to and never actually getting to. He knew it. Reza knew it. Hey even Jesus probably knew it. But apparently that was going to be a topic for another time. Which was fine by Noah, the boy pretty exhausted from the emotional whiplash just seeing Reza had given him. “Well Kea and Caleb get a raw diet, so i mean, if you wanted to go there the dog food I have wouldn’t actually be that bad” Noah chided sticking his tongue out at the other as he graciously accepted the bag. See as long as Noah stopped thinking about how just utterly devastated he was when Reza left him everything would be fine. Just fine. Right? Focusing on what Reza was saying though Noah just rolled his eyes. “Kid if you think the way to my heart is food that would kill me, then you would be spot on” He grinned light heartedly taking the box out of the bag, and opening it. Wow, that looked interesting to say the least, but the smell was amazing. “Alright here goes nothing” Noah started picking up the burger thing as best he could and taking the biggest bit he could manage. And it was. Amazing utterly amazing and just, Fucking Reza Burki. Goddamn him. “Holy Fuck.” Noah breathed out still chewing, eyes blown wide in disbelief. “This is almost better than sex. Like. Seriously. And I’ve fucking had some good sex.” Noah practically moaned out taking another bite of the burger/pizza/thing.

So moving onto food had apparently been the worst possible change of subject but really, how the fuck should Reza have been able to predict... that. Was he squirming? No, thank fuck for this being literally the only time he wasn't fidgeting. Although not fidgeting might look suspicious now but with the way Noah was going at it, it was doubtful he'd notice anything. It didn't even seem like he was noticing those... sounds he was making and yeah, no, Reza could not take this for another second - fuck that. "Are we flirting?" he blurted out before his brain caught up to his mouth, and then his mouth simply went ahead and fucking continued. "This... whatever, the whole back and forth and joking and when I got to use your shower and, and... you calling me when you're drunk and talking about sex and doing... that." Reza gestured a bit too wildly in Noah's general direction, realizing that he was on his feet now and there was no stopping this immediate train wreck and after all the work he'd put into the apology, this was how he was going to ruin it? "Am I reading into it or not because not knowing is making me crazy and it's fine if you're not gay, or whatever, or if you are something not straight but not into me at all because I'm cool with... that but it's most of what I thought about for the last four fucking months and I can't not know. So... uhm..." The realization of his monolouge hit him like a slap in the face and Reza wondered whether vampires could pass out from sheer panic. "I... sorry."

Deep down inside Noah knew that this day would come, the one where both he and Reza would finally define their relationship for good or for bad. But what Noah didn’t know was at the exact moment it was going to happen he’d be stuffing his mouth with the most delicious pizza/burger/thing known to man. “What?” Noah mumbled out eyes completely in shock as the boy just kept going words flying out of his mouth. But see while Reza was choking on the weight of his confession Noah was actually choking. Like as in I was so surprised that you are confronting me about if i like you or not that the burger went down the wrong pipe and I can’t breathe I think i might die type choking. Because that was just Noah Kalani’s life apparently. Coughing violently Noah turned to the side, the burger all but abandoned in the box on his lap now. Damn it. Noah could feel this moment going south very quickly, the tears already welling up at the corners of his eyes as he went through his fit. But he tried his hardest to pull himself together and finally after what seemed like forever he took a fresh breath, his whole body shaking now with the effort he just exerted. Leaning back onto the hard wood of the porch porch Noah just well laid there, trying to catch his breath. And trying to make sense of everything that Reza was saying. Because it was true, they had been flirting and Noah was into him and probably bisexual as the day is long he just. Didn’t have the mental or the lung capacity for any of that right now. So he just laid there on the porch, breathing heavy and trying not to look at Reza.

If Reza had possessed even just an ounce of confidence upon coming to Noah's house, the last shreds of it had definitely gone up in flames at the sound of Noah completely and utterly freaking out at the questions. Because who wouldn't when berated with... whatever the hell had spilled out of Reza's mouth, he couldn't even remember what the fuck he'd said and Noah was... choking? Oh, no... Horrified of doing anything to make the situation even worse, the vampire just froze and dumbly listened to Noah's pounding heartbeat, like the stone in his gut was keeping him completely grounded. No, he wasn't actually choking to death - thank fuck. No need for any physical contact that would inevitably fuck things up worse, even though he doubted things could get worse than Noah trying to wheeze some air back into his lungs while doing everything but meeting Reza's pathetically desperate gaze. His mouth opened and immediately closed. There was nothing more to say except another pitiful "sorry." It was surprising that his legs actually held him up as he turned for the cycle, helmet and gloves abandoned for the sheer need to get the hell out of here. This had been a mistake, start to finish and as if to further verify that, Reza's phone was vibrating with a text. If he didn't check in soon and let them know why he was at an unfamiliar address, well... it was a good thing Reza was leaving, anyway.

Laying there Noah almost didn’t realize Reza was leaving until he heard the small sorry from the others lips and jolted back into a sitting position. Fuck. Reza was walking away, they were losing each other again, all because of some ill-timed choking and Noah’s inability to well. Come out essentially. And well, if he had had it another way, something better, he would have taken that. But it was now or never essentially and we wasn’t about to let Reza run away from this. Vaulting off the porch with his supernatural agility Noah closed the gap between them reaching out of any small piece of reza to sop the boy from leaving. “Reza” He called out grabbing the others hand. It was the first time they had touched since Reza came back and Noah could tell his heart was just going off the rails with the content, the wolf side of his brain now screaming good things at him and the human side of his brain screaming that this was a mistake. He should just let him go because all he was going to do was hurt him agin. Standing there though as Reza turned back to face him Noah just. Noah didn’t care about any of it anymore, and he just let the words fall from his lips. “It’s true I’m- I’m and idiot that flirts to much, and just loves too deeply and falls too hard and just doesn’t even know his own sexual orientation anymore because who would have thought he liked dudes now.” Noah paused feeling his heart start to beat even more widely in his chest. He’d never actually said it out loud and even just hearing those words. Internally he wanted to hide and never speak about this ever again, but for Reza’s sake he pressed on. Because to Noah no matter the outcome keeping Reza in his life was worth this risk, worth, someone knowing that their perfect little straight football jock kid may not be as well heterosexual as they thought. ”But I can’t.-“ He stopped again trying not let himself get so worked up that we was crying. Because yea that was sexy wasn’t it “Don’t. Please just don’t leave me” he whispered still holding on to Reza’s arm and unspoken again hanging in the air between them

Was this the way all genuine relationships worked? Or non-relationships or whatever the label was? Like a badly written scene from a B-class movie where neither character knew what in the actual living hell was going on? Reza very limited experience with any sort of relationship hadn't prepared him at all. Trying to deal with someone else's struggling feelings while also juggling his own was hard -- scratch that, devastating; and he'd been genuinely wondering just why the hell people continued to put themselves out there for this stupid, risky relationship thing when there were far more important things to worry about in life, when the answer arrived. In the form of Noah grabbing his hand. Right. Stupid, panic inducing risk equals a slim possibility of reward. Feeling a phantom pounding in his chest, reminiscent of when something had actually beat inside there, Reza clenched his jaw and turned back. His teeth were piercing the inside of his cheek (were there fangs too? Maybe, he didn't trust any of the sensory signals his body was giving off right now) and even thought there was no clear, vocal confirmation that Noah... well, felt the same, the implication was strong enough to make Reza's mouth go dry. Aside from the blood due to his cut cheek. "I won't. It's the last thing I wanna do right now. Or at all." Reza had never experienced someone wanting him around this vehemently. It was overwhelming, but something he wanted to get used to. Something he wanted to live up to, despite all the shitfuckery that was dropped on his life on a regular basis. He wondered whether he'd literally begun to shake before realizing it was his phone again. Shit. "I really... really need to answer this text. To not get a very pissed of Slayer in your driveway," he said softly, eyes locked with Noah's for the first time without the wave of awkwardness and uncertainty.

Standing there feeling more vulnerable than he ever had before Noah focused on Reza and the hand under his. He’d never noticed before just how cold Reza was, and how badly his werewolf blood just wanted to warm him up. holding onto that hand for dear life Noah could practically feel the vibration just as Reza had eyes still locked on the other. “Alright” Noah breathed out heart still pounding away in his chest a little. Squeezing the other’s hand a little the older boy managed to let go of it (it was a heavy mental struggle with that one though), trusting in Reza’s words and wanting to give the kid a little space to text his “bosses” or whatever they were. “I’ll just be over here uh then” Noah said pointing back toward their little area on the porch. The aftermath looking a little awkward. with the abandoned pizza thing just spilled haphazardly on the side of the porch from when Noah jumped up “You know cleaning the porch and trying to figure out how to tell my future kids that their dad initially kinda came out after nearly choking to death on a pizza hamburger hybrid” It was another joke, an awkward one at most considering they hadn’t really defined their well everything. But if their relationship was going to ever go back to the way it was Noah needed to get back to that place. And that place was flirty jokey, awkward and kinda utterly in love with Reza Burki. So thats what he was going to do.

Reza smiled gratefully before rushing to pick up his phone, eyes continuously flicking over towards Noah as if to make sure he wasn't just going to sneak off into the house or get one of his alpha buddies to come make good on that 'beat up the vampire' threat or whatever else paranoid thing Reza's brain could come up with. Instead of all that, the lovable mass of muscles was simply fiddling with the carnage of the calorie fest and awkwardly joking and Reza had no regrets whatsoever. Well, regarding this, at least. "I'm sure they won't be surprised by..." Reza trailed off as soon as he unlocked the phone, the three new texts worse than he'd been expecting. "I... can't believe I'm fucking saying this but I have to... go. Just to take care of a thing. Here, in town. For like a few hours max and..." Reza's hand ran roughly through his hair, frustration seeping from every pore. "Fuck, I'm sorry, just... Can I give you my new cell number? And address of my apartment, just in case and, uh..." he rambled while hastily typing out a reply and making his way closer to Noah again. "Leaving is literally the fucking last thing I want to do and... I'd tell them to fuck off if I could but... I'll call, okay? Soon as I'm done? Promise."

And there is was again. The other shoe dropping right out from under him as Noah was just picking up the pieces. Reza needed to go. Reza was going to leave again. Fuck. But this time was different, this time Noah was able to turn around and see the frustration on the other boy’s face, to see just how much he didn’t want to go. And for that moment it was enough. Meeting Reza in the middle Noah took the phone from his hand programming his own phone number into it. He was going to call him when he was done. And Noah was going to have to be ok with that. He had no other choice after all “Go kick ass for me ok” He said trying to smile at Reza, trying to be ok when he clearly was not. “And you don’t have to actually call or anything jut a quick text. Just so I know you got home alright” Noah nodded trying to quell the still ever present panic. Reza was saying goodbye at least. So even if Noah never saw him again it wasn’t a complete disappearance. “I’m-i’m going to hug you now ok” Noah said with a gulp not knowing why this whole thing was so damn awkward. I mean he and his friends hugged all the time, gave them out like candy to babies. But then again most of his friends also didn’t just confess to possibly liking him,, or whatever the hell the past ten minutes were. So there was that. Putting his arms around the other boy though Noah drew him as close as he could noticing just how much more of Reza there seemed to be now. Not that they had hugged or anything before. But still. Sniffing slightly Noah took in Reza’s scent for reference, mentally cataloging it in case he needed to go on a manhunt again, the possibility of Reza just up and leaving again never far out of his mind. “Stay safe” He finally whispered against the smaller boy’s head as he let him go, hoping that this wouldn’t be the last time.

It seemed like all that chaos earlier, the frustrated yelling and scathing remarks, had been enough of an outlet for both of them as the two very different boys had their first serious and calm conversation. Reza could have imploded with relief; Noah wasn't mad and seemed to actually believe him. It felt pretty damn nice. The feeling of complete implosion only got stronger when Noah wrapped his arms fully around him. The height difference made it so that Reza's head was nestled rather comfortably in Noah's chest; it was almost overwhelming, the raw smell of Noah that Reza had grown accustomed to, the warmth of his skin, the soft yet so damn firm muscles and the steady beating of a heart. Reza would have been content just standing here for an undecided amount of time, his own arms curling back around Noah's shoulder blades. But aside from the fact that hugging forever was just highly unpractical, Reza really did have to leave. And yeah, he most definitely had a very soft, content smile on his face as they broke the hug, his own skin feeling that much cooler without the Noah's warmth. "I will. And I'll call," he added, because Noah deserved more than just a casual text. Reza's phone vibrated again. With a very frustrated huff, he went for his helmet and gloves. "Talk to you soon," he called over his shoulder as he bolted for the cycle, a different kind of jittery feeling taking over as he left one nerve racking situation for another.

[belindasnyder97]

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Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back First Meeting

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Ex Girlfriend Didnt Text Back

[kelandry5]

Sort of just a rant… and me trying to idk.. talk and not bottle and idk… just.. me trying I guess….I don’t really know

I have come to the conclusion, controlling my anxiety without a bunch of medication is not fucking possible. It’s been a little over a month now since I completely stopped taking it and I’m fucking dying. I mean, I was sort of off and on since the beginning of August and sort of scraping by that way, but then I ran out at the end of October and since then has just been an unbearable hell. I’m physically ill nearly all the time from the anxiety, my insomnia is even worse than before because I have panic attacks trying to fall asleep or don’t even bother trying because I know I can’t calm down enough to fall asleep even if I’m literally about to fall over from exhaustion. I can’t even make it 24 hours without at least a mild anxiety attack and the level of anxiety is making me sick. I have some days where it’s basically a constant anxiety attack for hours and hours on end and nothing fully makes it go away. It gets to the point I’m ready to off myself just to make it stop and I get so tired but sleep won’t come. 

I thought maybe it was getting better finally. Like, this past week, I actually had times where I made it more than 24 hours without an attack and I actually did get some decent sleep and was able to actually eat food. And it was weird because family shit has been exploding all week and I’ve been stressed and kind of down and irritable from that, but the anxiety wasn’t all that bad. (Could have gotten more sleep if shit didn’t keep happening but that’s besides the point). Like, it was just weird. Even with stuff going on and my mood not being the best, I managed to get a few days free of anxiety. But I think it was just my hormones being screwy and shit and now it’s back to normal cuz things haven’t been as good today. 

I mean.. even if I did get a few more days of calm, I’ve already realized I can’t do this. Saving money and all the other reasons I had for trying are not worth it. It’s not worth the relapses or the physical illness or losing my fucking mind day after day and barely being able to do anything at all because everything sets it off. Like, it’s just not possible. 

But now the problem is two of the meds have to be done by mail order and I ordered them and they were supposed to be here this week but now it’s saying they won’t be here till next week and even once I get them, it’s going to take a week or two of taking them before things are back to normal and that’s just… that’s a long fucking time and with the holidays… that’s a LONG FUCKING TIME. The one I can fill at the pharmacy well… it’s for anxiety but it’s not like an every day one to take and it will make me really drowsy so even once I do fill it, it will only be useful for when I get to the point I can’t handle anything at all anymore and being drowsy won’t be a problem. And first I have to stop putting it off, but like I said, things have been a bit of mess….and a bit is probably an understatement. 

And it’s not like I can even talk about most of it because doing so just sets me off but just a lot of shit going down with family and I’m still jobless (not that I could actually survive a job interview or job in this condition anyway) and everything is just one giant mess and the fact that it’s December and shit hasn’t improved and I’m pretty much out of time isn’t really helping matters but at the same time, matters aren’t helping anything change either and it’s a viscous circle and as much as I know I climbed out of hell once, I’m fucking scared. I’m scared I can’t do it again. Things are a lot different this time around, and maybe some of it’s for the better, but a lot isn’t and that has me terrified. 

Like, I know this shit isn’t linear and I know I made it out once, I should be able to do it again, and I know…. I know all that stuff. I know it. I know a lot of it because this hole is familiar. I’ve been here before and I found a way out and I survived and things changed and got better. I know I need to believe that can happen again… but things aren’t the same as they were the first time around. I can’t do it the way I did before. I can’t use the same tools or strategies this time… and I don’t know if I can find different ones. Maybe the first time was a fluke. I don’t know. Maybe things will look up once I’m back on meds again but maybe they won’t. It’s not like that alone will get me out of this hell hole. And it’s not like I wasn’t here long before I tried going off them. I mean some things are def worse now, but….

I want to think I’ll look back on this one day and, like so many other things, I’ll decide it was okay because it led me somewhere good. But I know that might not happen. Or rather, I’m confused. I am afraid and I’m confused. I don’t know if I can make it out. I don’t know if this will be okay one day. I don’t know if I can stop myself from drowning and I don’t know if I can let anyone in enough to lend me a hand or if they even will or can. I feel like everything before was so different and this… this isn’t going to work the same.. and maybe there really is no way out. And maybe fighting to get out is pointless. I mean… I got out once and fell back in.. and I know this isn’t a linear process… but I didn’t expect to fall so hard again and become so stuck. I didn’t expect this…and damn am I afraid. I hate to admit it… but I’m weak and I’m afraid and I’m confused and I still have so much to learn but there is so much doubt and so many demons.

I don’t even know if it’s worth it, to pick myself up again, assuming I can. And some days or some moments, I find myself able to be positive and hopeful but then others… I just can’t be any of that… even when I know I need to be. And this mask I’ve worked so hard on and worn for so long… it’s starting to crumble just like the rest of me.. It’s crumbling and if it vanishes.. I can’t even think of that…I don’t know..

This started out a rant about one thing and now it’s on to everything except mostly just metaphors and analogy’s that probably don’t make sense to anyone because my head is such a fucking mess and I can’t flat out say what’s going on right now and honestly, I wouldn’t want to worry anyone anyways. And even if that wasn’t a problem… metaphors and analogy’s that suck are about the only way I can talk about any of it without freaking out and that’s just all I’ve got. idk… I’m just going to shut up now because this is just.. idk. I really don’t know. I just wanted to try to get some things out I guess.. idk

To be honest… I’ve been trying to hide the anxiety and not bother anyone about it all this time and not let people know when I was down or well ……things and just trying to keep my mask on as much as possible in front of everyone and deal with everything myself but lately… the last few times I actually just stopped trying to handle everything myself and said something on here (and not just reblog and post pics and quotes and poems and shit to vent but actually let shit off my chest in my own words without a rhyme) and the one or two times I actually just said hey I’m not okay to someone..and just didnt hide shit as much. idk… it actually seemed to help. idk. I hate doing it. I hate saying anything…and I don’t really know what to do when people are actually nice to me about it or try to support me when I actually say anything but… the few times I have said something lately….. it did…. it did actually help. I guess…. bottling it up inside or trying to hide it from people isn’t really the best method and idk… I just sort of thought…. I guess I just wanted to try to calm down by trying to speak this time instead of just posting vague shit or idk… I don’t really know… 

I just know actually saying shit… the few times I managed in the last couple of weeks… those times worked a lot better than any other methods I’ve tried… and maybe it won’t always work and maybe its bothersome or I suck at it but… I don’t know… I want to try… so this is me trying I guess. This is me trying to be open and to talk and to just…yeah…. and this is really terrible. 

[tumblunni]

“SO WHY DO U WANT 2 HUG THIS TRASH GRANDPA, BUNNI” post

Okay, i figured since, well, that one goddamn wifi event is That One Goddamn Wifi Event, I may as well make a short post about it so people who weren’t able to see it can understand how it fuckin Blew My Mind when I was a teenager and plunged me into the fandom hell for the most obscure unloved jerkass grandpa who may or may not even be the guy this vague tantalizing mystery plot point is even about, and AAAA

So yeah here we go, transcript of the event text (thanks, Bulbapedia!) and some general summary of the context of who da fuk dis Charon is, and hopefully maybe at least one more person shall now understand this tiny fandom for a tiny gremp!

~The Context Of Charon~

(skip all this if you just wanna get to the wifi event transcipt)

If you haven’t played DPPT and don’t plan to: The villain team of Sinnoh is Team Galactic, a bunch of silly guys in space costumes with a rad jazz theme tune and a surprising level of competance in a terrifying plan to erase the universe and replace all emotion with infinate silence. Also, interesting moral ambiguity cos most of them are either oblivious or outright good, just being manipulated by the team’s super scary badass leader Cyrus who’s led them to believe they’re going to ‘fix’ the world to end all sadness for everyone. This weird complexity behind goofy nonsense hair people is what got me hooked on them as my faves!

So who is Charon in particular? Diamond and Pearl got a third version called Platinum that fixed a bunch of glitches and unfinished graphics and expanded upon the rushed endgame, etc. It also (for some reason) added one single extra member to Team Galactic, as seen here on the second furthest from the right. Charon is a grumpy grandpa and he literally does nothing in the plot. Its really confusing why he was actually added, he only gets more than two lines of dialogue if you pursue a secret sidequest waaaaay in the postgame, and he still gets like.. SIX lines of dialogue and not even a boss fight. Poor dude barely exists in this game! So what’s weird is that this wifi event kinda contains more dialogue for him than he ever got in the main game, and it at least gives him a purpose for being here- to introduce the new transformations for Rotom that were added in this wifi event. But it just seems pretty badly handled cos he never even appears in the event and there’s a lot of fan debate that it isnt even meant to be him, blablabla. And he still doesn’t do anything UNLESS you get this wifi event, which is really unfair and probably contributes a lot to his unpopularity, okay sorry I’m starting to ramble...

Basically, all you need to know is that Charon is a grumpy grandpa who does literally nothing in the plot.

The Establishing Of The Grump Gramp This is... kinda necessary to know why this thing hit me so hard in the emotions? This is why I don’t think it would work as well if Mystery Wifi Event Flashback Person actually ISNT Charon. All we see of Charon in his VERY FEW non-optional dialogues is that he is vain, cynical, pompous, greedy and for some reason obsessed with talking like a complete tool. And he’s SO MUCH this that he doesn’t even have any loyalty to his fellow villains, he exists to be like.. The More. Everyone else is some degree of honorable dude doing what they do cos they believe in a good cause, Charon is that one teammate that’s too evil even for the rest of them. Or, like, at least too petty? He’s an eternally incompetant comic relief dumbass who never even has enough imagination to do anything genuinely evil, he’s somehow less dangerous than his morally ambiguous teammates! He’s just sitting here like ‘fuq yeh i luv bein evil cos i can swipe the pocket change outta dis vending machine’, then somehow it falls on him and shatters his old man spine. Meanwhile his boss is being all ‘I want to make a world of smiles!’ *collapses the universe into a black hole and literally summons poke-satan* So ANYWAY the relevant point is that you can see why he’s THE SINGLE MOST UNEXPECTED person to suddenly get a sympathetic backstory!

Some transcript of his tiny non-wifi-event dialogues for comparison of how much of an absolute prick this man be:

” It seems quite obvious to me, Charon, the genius even the boss recognizes.” "Humph. Saturn and even Cyrus fall to a mere child... Perhaps another option needs to be considered. One befitting the genius of Charon!" [This is basically his only dialogue in a normal game run, aside from expositioning a few things that were said by other people in the previous version.]

Postgame optional dungeon text:

“What do they see in Cyrus? Immature, overthinking buffoon. He goes through the trouble of assembling Team Galactic for what? Ultimately, he destroys his own creation for his ludicrous vision. It's no thanks to him that I have to struggle with the pieces." “The young can live with their dreams. I prefer to remain firmly in reality. And for that, money is paramount.” “ With this Magma Stone, I will awaken the legendary Heatran! I will control the volcano's eruptions to extort money by the millions! Fear me! “ [cue him being defeated offscreen in a cutscene by someone else] "...Uh, what are you saying? I know nothing! Extorting with Heatran? Merely the blathering of this harmless old man! All said in jest! Besides, among Team Galactic's Commanders, I was the most junior..." [Seriously, you don’t even get to see what Heatran even is! its just an optional scene to go back after he’s gone and catch the thing.]

So yeah he does literally nothing and all we know is that he’s a jerk and he betrays his evil team only to fail horribly at being his own villain also that he has a Rather Specific Speaking Pattern, which will come up later in linking him to that wifi event BUT ANYWAY literally the rest of the team walks away and leaves him to his fate cos he’s such a jerk literally Jupiter says he’s ‘not fun anymore’ literally a man dressed in a boulder costume bitchslaps him with a giant frog its like the biggest fuckin smackdown and the player didn’t even need to participate, he just self-destructed mid cutscene farewell two paragraphs of dialogue granddad, we will probably never remember you ever

B U T

~ The Transcipt Of The Fabled Wifi Event ~

Extra context: this was probably the worst handled of all the horribly handled wifi events. Makes sense at least, sinnoh was like the beta test for whether such a thing could actually be possible in this series. i’m glad they’re more accessable nowadays, but what sucks is that now we don’t seem to even get as many Actual Events, instead they’re just a plain gift of a pokemon via trade without a fun cutscene :( But yeah it was only accessable for a one month period when the game first released, and the item you got in the vent didnt have enough clues about where and how you were meant to use it in order to find the secret room, unless you already knew it was connected to Charon.

The item for the event is the Secret Key, which is somehow charmingly the least secret secret of all time

You take this to one random spot on a random wall in one of two separate Team Galactic HQs in this game, and the whole damn wall vanishes to reveal Charon’s Secret Lab/The Rotom Room

Here, you can turn Rotom into any of its new transformations. And then, completely optional, is a hidden backstory for this one terrible granddad! The notebook on the bottom desk explains how the transformations work, gameplay-wise, and also ‘hey this secret lab belongs to me specifically, Charon’ The notebook up to the top right on top of the box which you might not have noticed, and might have assumed would just contain more boring tutorials? Hoo boy dude, 99% OF THE EVENT DIALOGUE is in that thing! And you’d think a second hand flashback entirely through longwinded narration would be terrible but man somehow it really just worked for me. RIP my soul, cause of death: this

SO LETS GET GOING TO THE MEAT OF THIS POST, MY FRIEND

If you don’t feel like scrolling thru this textdump, I’d reccommend Chuggaaconroy’s excellent lets play of platinum, where he read out the journal here. (16:25, talks about the various wifi event failures first.) Or if you watch this earlier episode (17:15) you can see the whole mini-dungeon where you can catch Rotom in the first place, which isn’t necessary to understand all this but its still super cool. If you do feel like scrolling, here have the appropriate music, or the appropriate music: anime orchestrated version

+++

"It's an old notebook. There's no telling how old it is."

Our encounter was a sudden one. It was when I found my toy robot, one that I had earlier misplaced. At that instant, a Pokémon startlingly emerged from the lawn mower's motor! Clutching my robot, I stared, transfixed by the peculiar Pokémon.

The Pokémon hovered in the air, held aloft by a power unseen. As if curious and unafraid of my presence, it floated toward me. Crackling sounds accompanied it, as if from static electricity in the air. Remarkably, it seemed the Pokémon was the source of this power! In alarm, I flinched, certain that my face would be subjected to a shock. Much to my surprise, the Pokémon seemed to favor me with a smile.

Finally, I came to realize that the Pokémon only wished to be friends. I have decided to name this most wondrous Pokémon 'Rotom.' Simple though it may be, Rotom emerged to me from the motor of a lawn mower. Motor and Rotom... Surely the link is obvious?

Rotom is a Pokémon that is simply sensational. The fact that it can turn invisible is simply the beginning. What makes Rotom unique is its ability to enter and operate machinery!

Rotom and I became fast friends. We were perpetual companions. The electricity from its body forbade contact, however. We could not touch, let alone hug or hold hands, but we cared not. For we were bonded on a much deeper, incorporeal level.

A feeling of mischief got the better of me one day. Seeing Rotom hovering, I decided to startle it--normally I would not. Perhaps frightened, Rotom discharged power beyond its usual range. I fell, stunned, into the arms of unconsciousness...

When I came to, to my horror I realized that Rotom had disappeared. I searched high and low for my friend in dismay and desperation. 'Don't chastise yourself. The fault is mine. No harm done. Let us play as we always have.' Though my words poured out, my friend could not be found to hear them...

My search for Rotom carried me far from home. It was in the town's rubbish heap that I again found my old toy robot. Curiously, our eyes met, then the robot waved a hand as if in greeting. I knew then that I had found my lost friend. I ran to it and hugged Rotom tight, talking on and on.

The robot's eyes lit up happily as I held it. I'm certain that, within it, Rotom was emitting lots of electricity. Somehow, I felt I could understand Rotom's thoughts better than before. Also, I realized that we would remain friends throughout our lives...

"The notebook ends with this page..."

+++

+++

And this is his one and only trading card, and the biggest canon confirmation that he was indeed intended to be the mysterious author of Eighteen Pages Of How Much I Love To Hug My Friend Don’t tell me he doesn’t become INFINATELY more interesting with this knowledge!

Fuckin hell I would give my left foot to see an expanded plot upon this man’s secret good side seriously HOLY SHIT would you ever have imagined he cared about anyone, let alone THIS MUCH? Just sorry seriously i could talk for hours about this aaa dear god...

Oh and another minor transcript, you can get some dialogue from Rowan the first time you transform Rotom into one of its new forms. Its kinda interesting cos it gives some more Vague Potential Lore that inspires a cool headcanon that him and Charon might have known each other in the past? Cos he seems to know at least some details of that hidden journal...

"A Pokémon that slips into electric appliances, you say... Hmm... That is somewhat off from what I've heard about it. Hmm... This is what I've heard. Long ago, there was a Pokémon that merged with a toy robot. Should that Pokémon be recognized as a new species or not... Debates over the issue were about to start when they were rendered moot. The very topic of discussion--the Pokémon-infused robot--disappeared..."

Also that leads into another possible less-heartwarming interpretation of the whole thing that is actually EQUALLY interesting and ALSO makes Charon way more deep as a character! The idea that maybe this heartwarming thing is completely in the past, and nowadays he actually is 100% a horrible prick. Cos I mean, the one rotom you can find in the game is in that mysterious abandoned fancy old house, which is pretty heavily implied to be the notebook-writer’s childhood home where they met it. You can find a fragmented extra notebook page which seems to be the day before the start of the entries you can read in Charon’s lab. It says "Som...hing so pecu...r shou... make off ...ith the mot..." , which was confirmed to be "Something so peculiar should make off with the motor..."  aaaaaallll these years later in an episode of Pokemon Generations. So there’s the interpretation that maybe this rotom you can catch is the same one described in the journal, which makes you wonder why its all alone here if Charon supposedly cared about his friend so much. Perhaps he really was a decent guy once, but when he grew up to be such an evil prick he abandoned his pokemon? or maybe it saw what he became, and ran away? or maybe some other sort of mysterious thing happened to cause them to become separated? There’s so many potential interpretations of this whole thing, aaaa!! Why was such a tantalizing plot point wasted on a super hidden wifi!!!

But of course I like the version where trash gramp has one shred of redeemability in his soul and then hypothetically you could have a sidequest to reunite him with his tiny tangerine friend and convince him of the error of his ways and then EVERYONE CAN HUGS AGAIN

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

srsly its got the power to make me never stop thinking about this damn wifi event for all these fuckin years giv grandpa justice, dammit

[primadonnatartuffe]

RYAN: *it's time to face the music... she said she'd talk to russet later, so here she is, later, dropping in at russet's place unannounced. maybe because she hopes she'll miss her to avoid doing this just a LITTLE bit longer... but ultimately she does want to, she's just scared. taking in a deep breath, she knocks on her sister's door.*

RUSSET: *No such luck Ryan, she happened to be home in her small little town house on her day off. She had been sipping tea and looking over her outline plan suggestions for the next Odimist fund raiser when she heard the knocking at her door. Mmm, it could be a few people really, but Russet had a bit of a hunch as she gets up from her table and goes to open the door.*

RUSSET: Oh hey =8I *She looks Ryan up and down.*

RYAN: hellooo... *says a little meekly and sheepishly* you busy?

RUSSET: Not really *She hesitates a moment before stepping aside.*

RUSSET: You wanna come in?

RYAN: yeah. *nods before she slowly starts to amble inside, looking around at the interior with interest and awe. russet must be doing well for herself...*

RYAN: i just wanted to... you know.

RYAN: follow up on what i said id do.

RYAN: and talk about... everything?

RUSSET: *Her etsy shop does do well to help fill out her bank account after her usual paychecks. Who knew so many people would want fridge cozies? The main room is rather minimalistic in design style, but just so you know her bathroom is space/galaxy themed.* Mm. Thats cool.

RUSSET: *Shuts the door behind the both of them.* I can reheat tea if you want any.

RYAN: yeah okay i could go for some tea i guess. *despite feeling antsy, she plops herself down on a couch or chair just so she's not standing around.*

RYAN: ... i like your place.

RUSSET: Thanks. *The couch is covered with pink and gray colored thick cableknit blankets, very soft and comfy. Russet briefly vanishes into the next room and a few minutes later she returns with two mugs, one being hers reheated, and another fresh cup for Ryan.*

RUSSET: *She wordlessly sets the mug in front of Ryan and then takes her on seat on the soft swivil chair to the right.*

RYAN: *by the time russet comes back, ryan is completely consumed by this fluffy cozy couch. but she can still reach out to grab her drink.* thaaanks...

RYAN: ...

RYAN: im not... super sure where to... start...

RUSSET: *She sighs over the top of her mug.* I guess I can start. Probably should say sorry for how I was being at the party. Wasn't really the place to hash this out anyways.

RYAN: *shrugs* i mean... its not unwarranted.

RYAN: i know it had to suck seeing me there before anything else.

RYAN: like not to throw a pity party for myself or nothing but i was just really stressed out about coming back.

RYAN: i thought if i just showed up at shindig itd be easier somehow? i guess i didnt expect to see you and finn AND jack all at the same time. the only thing that woulda made it more overwhelming was if dorian was there too. *wilts thinking about dorian... she really made an ass out of herself around him ages ago, and now he's nowhere to be found.*

RUSSET: *She too droops her shoulders at the mentions of Dorian. Why is their whole family troubled with disapearences?* Yeah well. You probably could have thought that through better yeah.

RUSSET: *Sips tea.* ...You said you're staying with dad?

RYAN: *nods slowly* yeah... i dont really know where else to go.

RUSSET: Im sure hes happy to have you around.

RYAN: ... i think hes still pissed at me. *sips also and keeps her mug close to her chest*

RUSSET: Well duh. A lot of people are gonna' be pissed. But even if he's mad hes got to be happy you're back home and safe and not gone with the wind.

RUSSET: Unless you plan to run away again. Not sure how well that might go over. *Sips at her.*

RYAN: *stares down at her mug* no...

RYAN: theres no point in me trying to leave again.

RYAN: there was no point to begin with.

RYAN: it was stupid...

RUSSET: Yeah. It was.

RUSSET: But you still did it.

RYAN: ... im sorry.

RUSSET: *She looks down into her cup, pulling her legs up into the chair with her so she can sit cross legged, and goes silent for several moments.* .............

RUSSET: Why did you do it?

RUSSET: Why did you run away again?

RYAN: i dont know i-- *draws in a sharp breath*

RYAN: it was so long ago now i barely even remember what was going through my head.

RYAN: of course i might remember it better if i hadnt completely fucking fried my brain lmao.

RYAN: *huffs another sigh* i just know i was like... overwhelmed...

RYAN: between jack and me... and with all my bullshit.

RYAN: i just know i wanted to hide from it.

RUSSET: *She listens, and tries to find ways to sympathize with Ryan. Her little sister did have a few problems, and Russet could wrap her mind around feeling overwhelmed by stuff, but running away for years? That was too much.*

RUSSET: You know there are other ways you could have handled it. Without ditching all of us.

RYAN: *eyes start watering. no... she's wearing mascara, she can't have this.* i know that... i know that /now./

RUSSET: *heavens not the mascara. See this is why Russet likes her circle shades, they do well to hide too much emotion.*

RUSSET: I guess at least you learned that much. *Produces a napkin and holds it out to Ryan.*

RYAN: *takes it* ... yeah. *she learned plenty more than that, but she doesn't want to make it seem like she's fishing for sympathy. she doesn't deserve that. she just tries to think of ways to update russet without it coming off that way.*

RYAN: i got into a lot of shit.

RYAN: i made a lot of mistakes.

RYAN: i had to go to rehab. *shrugs*

RYAN: thats why i came back.

RUSSET: Wait... What?? *Sits up more in her chair, frowning pretty harshly.*

RUSSET: Rehab?

RYAN: ... yeah. *dabs at her eyes with the napkin* i got really fucked up and this girl i was seeing made me go.

RYAN: and then she you know broke up with me.

RYAN: but again i dont blame her.

RUSSET: Thats...

RUSSET: Mm. Wow. Sorry I'm trying to like.

RUSSET: Form the right words to respond to that.

RUSSET: ......Thats rough, Ryan.

RUSSET: *Nailed it.*

RYAN: *shrugs* you dont have to say anything its fine. it is what it is.

RUSSET: Yeaaahhh but its still shitty. I mean, I'm mad at you but still thats difficult to go through.

RUSSET: Does your mom know?

RYAN: *nods slowly* yeah... i told her and dad first.

RUSSET: Thats good. I'm glad you told them.

RYAN: kinda have to tell people. you know... to reconcile and all that?? its all part of the program.

RYAN: but i want to anyway.

RUSSET: Oh. Well thats better then just coming back to complete the program.

RUSSET: .......I'm glad youre back. Even if it doesn't seem like it.

RYAN: *hearing that makes her eyes water more and her voice squeaks a little when she speaks* cool. yeah...

RYAN: im glad im back too.

RYAN: and i really...

RYAN: i really am... really sorry.

RUSSET: *Ryan you better not start crying, gdi. Russet is too much of a bleeding heart for this.* Thanks. I believe it.

RUSSET: I um... I dont know how long I'm going to be mad at you about this. I forgive you but also dont at the same time its really confusing. And its hard not to still feel hurt because until now I didn't have any idea why you ran away, and I didn't get to think about it too much because I felt like I had to pick up the pieces of everyone else, so I'm kind of bitter? *Says it like a question, shes figuring it out as she goes and just holds her mug closer to herself to feed off the warmth.*

RUSSET: I want us to be okay again, eventually. Because I thought we were getting to some sort of level of okay with each other until you ran off.

RYAN: yeah... i know i fucked it all up. *she's crying, she can't stop it now. she's bottled it up too long, and if there's one person she really feels guilty about, it's russet, for all the reasons she just mentioned.*

RYAN: i wanted things to get better... i was just--

RYAN: fuck...

RYAN: im just so sorry. i dont wanna be dumb or petty or awkward anymore.

RYAN: i missed you... i missed you nagging at me and i missed your cute little craft things and all your motherly lil habits.

RYAN: i didnt realize how much i needed people like that in my life to keep me grounded.

RUSSET: *Well heck. Shes turning a little orange now, a combination about Ryan saying all these nice things about her meddling, and then there is the whole choking back emotion because if Ryan is crying shes NOT going to cry. Because if they both start bawling it will never stop she knows it.*

RUSSET: Well shit. =B'I

RYAN: *wheezes out a watery laugh at that response.* i know... damn... really unexpected hearing ryan get all sappy.

RUSSET: *Nods and sniffles just a little.* It is. I think someone might have to pinch me to make sure this is real.

RYAN: would... a hug work?

RUSSET: *She thinks about it and then places her mug on the glass coffee table before opening her arms wide.*

RUSSET: Yes. =B''T

RYAN: *HHH she puts her mug down as well, wiggling out of this couch and then shuffling over to fit into her big sister's arms.*

RUSSET: *Wraps her arms around Ryan and gives her a big squeeze. This hug is pouring in the warmth and love of all the hugs she hasnt been able to give Ryan in years. Enjoy Russet's watery, emotional, bug chirps in your ear because its too much!!.*

RYAN: *the chirps are a comfort and she responds with more soft giggles. she sighs, relaxing into the hug and letting the warmth comfort her and convince her that things might finally start to be alright...*

RYAN: is it okay if i hang out here for a lil while...?

RUSSET: *She nods into Ryan's shoulder.* Mhm. I'm not doing anything today.

RYAN: okay cool cuz im gonna impose like hell for as long as i can get away with it. *pulls away, smiling softly as she flops back onto the couch*

RUSSET: *When she and Ryan part Russet breifly sneaks a finger under her glasses to wipe at her misty eyes.* Fine by me. But you shouldnt stay too long past dark unless you are getting a ride somewhere.

RYAN: *she's gotta dab at her eyes some more too...* yeah okay that can be arranged. *AND SO she gets settled in, drinking tea and catching up on some of the more positive things that have happened.*

[theragamuffininitiative]

Got a notification on a post from 2018, aka my tumblr heyday, and was scrolling through my blog from then, and all the deactivated mutuals is making me so sad. 😭 The core Bandstand gang, the Winn apologists, all the good online mateys.

I hope they are well. Healing. Doing better than me about staying off tumble dot dumble.

[tumblunni]

Bunni’s Rune Factory 4 Headcanons Even More So

okay MISC CHARACTER HEADCANONS AND THINGS

* first and most important one: arthur and dylas consider porcoline their adopted father just like margaret does, and they all see each other as siblings. Its never actually stated in canon but IT HAS TO BE TRUE OKAY * I wish Illuminata, Bado and Pico could have been marriages in dlc or something. Thats not really a headcanon but I wanted to mention it. * ALL THE GAY JOKES ARE NOW NOT JOKES BUT CANON. That is my headcanon. Stop teasing me with ‘lol isnt it somehow funny that they seem to be gay but arent’, and give me more actual being the what they are. Pico has a crush on Dolce, Doug and Dylas have a crush, Margaret is totally crushing on Forte, imagine a universe where all of that gets to be canon and not just a ‘joke’! And imagine if these characters that’re implied to be gay or bisexual could get to be gay or bisexual with regards to the protagonist too! If dylas, doug, margaret and forte could be marriageable no matter which gender you picked! Maybe if you could have some options that’re exclusively gay too? Perhaps pico is the lesbian marriage and I dunno.. bado could be gay because he’s kinda bara? XD Tho I think it’d be neat if frey could marry him too, i just wish he had a route in general. * Also i wish we could have been able to help Arthur track down his mother again and reconcile with her. It was mega heartwarming that you could help him discover that his mother loved him all along and only left because of outside cricumstances involving the controversy of arthur being the product of his father’s affair with a commoner, but still we dont know where she is now and whether she’s happy. I like to hope maybe she’s out there still alive somewhere, and maybe she collects newspaper clippings hearing about her son’s adventures as super businessman prince! And thus someday she hears that he moved to selphia and married frey the commoner, and maybe this leads to her deciding to come back and confess why she really left. And also maybe the marriage to the protagonist could help society get over the whole predjudice and stuff and arthur’s mum could regain a better reputation in the eyes of the nobles. or maybe she never does and she just ends up moving into selphia and never being able to return to her home city, but still its all ok cos at least she can hug her son and meet her new grandkid. * My thoughts for the guardians who didnt get much said about their past lives! For Amber the game says she ‘wanted to fly with ventuswill’ and thats at least more than we know for Dylas, but still its very undeveloped. My headcanon is that maybe she was a pilot? or like.. lived in an era before airships were actually invented, and was someone who dreamed of finding a way to make it possible. And her notes were discovered after she vanished, and ended up inspiring the person who ended up inventing the first flying machine! And even though now she can fly on her own wings, it could be heartwarming for her to find out about this and have a bit of conclusion to her life. I also headcanon that Amber’s relationship with Ventuswill was maybe more like an adoptive mother-daughter thing? I think it would fit with how strange and monster-like Amber thinks sometimes, even though she must have been human to begin with. I mean maybe thats just how the magic works and if you’re a weirdo who loves eating raw potatos and climbing trees to steal honey from beehives you become a butterfly?? But I think it could work if maybe she was an orphan who was raised by the native dragon and ended up a little ditzy because she hadn’t interacted with humans much until nowadays. like, maybe this was a period when ventuswill was mourning the first person who became a guardian (what order did it happen, actually...?) and she became more solitary instead of having this personal presence in the town. She flew off to watch over selphia from within the forest cave instead, and found an abandoned child by chance. And then once Amber had grown up she was always trying to drop her off at the town and make her live with her own kind, but amber would always find her way back. And ventuswill was like ‘aww shit no i ended up loving someone again’ and couldnt stop amber from finding out about the guardian ritual and doing it too. And like... the only reason ventuswill went back to the town was because now corrupted-amber is the boss of the forest area and ventuswill cant break through her magic to get back in. So amber’s sacrifice also helped convince venti to open up to other people again. *eternal sobbing* * And my headcanons for Dylas’s past are less developed, but I was considering maybe the idea that he was the last one to be guardianized? And by this point it had become seen as a tradition by the people of selphia, and they would like.. look for a human sacrifice, rather than it being someone who willingly did it. It was a very dark time in the town’s history. It was nearly the end of the town not because it was in danger, but because if they’d gone through with such a horrible plan it just wouldnt be selphia anymore. Those people wouldnt be worth protecting, it probably would have caused ventuswill to leave and never return. So anyway I was thinking maybe Dylas was some sort of weird loner fisherman on the edge of town that everyone hated, so they considered him the one who should be sacrificed. And he was so lonely and suicidal that he wanted to agree to it, just because he wanted to die and didnt care how. But then ventuswill put a stop to the angry mob and rescued him, and he regained his faith in people and found his first and greatest friend as he got to know her. So in the end he performed the ritual out of his own free will, after realizing she was the one who would be saved by his sacrifice. And she was haunted by the guilt that by saving him she’d inadvertantly caused him to go down the same path anyway, just for different reasons. And then Dylas is just way more happy nowadays because whatever reason the town hated him is now gone, and he’s seeing how kind and wonderful its become, and he’s never had so many friends before!! And he can still go fishing and hang out with venti, and even meet three other people who also loved venti enough to die, and bond over their super sadness together. Oh! An idea! Maybe Dylas was part of a different race of nomadic humans who travel in caravans, and the town treated him so shittily because they were racist fucks? I was just thinking how that could maybe be a reason why his monster form was a horse, if maybe horses were a highly respected animal in his home culture, and he’s all estranged from it and stuck living in a foreign land with a bunch of intolerant bastards. And it could be extra heartwarming cos nowadays he’s living in the future version of this town that is even more foreign to him, but nowadays that racial tension is less common and he’s actually been welcomed as one of them. And maybe he could have extra quests added to his rather short romance route, cos he could be trying to learn whether his clan actually survived and still exists nowadays. And then have a heartwarming reunion with the grandchild of one of his siblings maybe? look, everyone else in the batchelors got a big sad questline, why cant perfect tsundere horseman join them?? IT WOULD BE THE SADDEST OF ALL THE SADS * also it would be really cool if when you married the guardian characters your child could inherit monster powers! I’m still gonna forever headcanon that they do, even if they dont get any of the appearance traits. It would be so cute if noel/luna could poof into a tiny baby unicorn and dylas is just sobbing with pride :3 * also headcanon: I wish Leon’s fox statue guardians could move into the city after you marry him, and be like loving uncle babysitters to your child! the excuse would be like ‘we need to protect the next in the proud dragon priest lineage’. And maybe once they leave the temple they could be stuck in de-powered tiny pet forms of cute? * Oh and a possible headcanon that the name Leon is passed down from father to son in Leon’s family. That’d explain why that temple is called Leon Karnak. Unless it was renamed into a memorial to him after he sacrificed himself? But it could be cute if your kid with him was Leon Jr/Leona and had adorkable fox statue pets and was a prodigy champion in the buddy battle festival and made their parents proud. I HAVE MANY HEADCANONS! * Gahhhh I really dont know who I should marry! Arthur was the first one I dated and I really like him though I wish you could have a friend route with him where you still help him with his backstory problems, I dont feel like I like the ship as much. And then Leon’s backstory was so sad I feel guilty not marrying him, but Dylas’s marriage route was so BAD that I feel guilty not marrying him! He didnt get as many scenes as leon, so I wanna marry him instead so i can fly off headcanoning more scenes!! But gahhh leon!! I think I ship leon with female protagonist and dylas with the male one :P I might make two saves to try both. And a third save just to see what arthur’s route is like, though i still like him and female protagonist better as a brotp, yknow? Or maybe amicable exes. Or just people who dated once casually but didnt end up together. Or any way i could get the happy ending to his backstory stuff without having to date him, seriously why does everyone be backstory sad unless I date them?? Except dylas who DOESNT GET ANY SCREENTIME INSTEAD *pout* *....im gonna go back to the game and marry dylas aaaa * and everyone else * aaaaaaa * i just care so much about these characters * i think dylas might win cos marrying him also means my fave character porcoline becomes my father in law * i wonder if he’s at the wedding? that’d kinda confirm my headcanon dylas and arthur are like margaret’s adopted brothers. * I WANT EVERY FAM TO BE HAPPY AAA